Parenting Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe - S8 EP30: Dan Nightingale

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian and podcaster - Dan Nightingale. You can listen to Dan's hilarious podcast 'Have a Word' wherever you get your podcast fix... Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Winnockham. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we're chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're they're tha be hearing from you the listener with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

I'm going back to university for $0.00. to $5% the Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think University is for. Get Uber won for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just 499 a month. Savings May 3, eligibility and member terms apply. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with. Hi, Ollie. Can you say Robbicke. Can you say Josh Whittigan? Good boy. Do we love the podcast? There we go Rob, not just parents of children. What was that? Hi I'm Alice Ella from Brighton. I'm a disabled and chronically ill creator and with life being so shit, lull, your podcast, that was their lull just to be clear.

Oh you sick bastard Josh. Your podcast is so funny, that was the tole. You're like, you sick bastard Josh. You sick bastard Josh. The podcast is so funny and relatable even though my only child I have is my cat. Right. Okay because I didn't know what was going on there. I didn't want to be disrespectful to someone's child. I didn't want to be sat at and go, oh that was a really good effort. He's 216 months old and he's called Olli. I'm a singer-songwriter but haven't been well enough to gig, etc. for a number of years

no, so I've had to find another path and a shout-out would be amazing. It's at Alice Ella, Alice E-L-L-A to raise awareness of people with Emmy and chronic invisible disabilities, PMDD, IBS, POT, etc. Wow there's a lot of abbreviations. I'll be honest with you, if she didn't have ME we ain't doing a fucking cat at the start. No. But Rob that is what it is. Respect. Respect, she has and I'd like to say that this is a ballsy move. I'd also like to submit myself as a contender for more tired than Josh as my fatigue has put me in a wheelchair. I think she's beat you there, 3-0.

She's beating me there. That's at Alice Ella on Instagram. Absolutely love it if one episode you wheeled yourself into the zoom shot. I'm really tired. I'm so tired. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm th th thi. I'm thired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi ti ti ti ti ti ti ti ti toe toe to to to to to to the zoom shot. I'm really tired, I'm really tired. I'm so tired. Yeah, it's Alice Ella. The irony would be that the last Leguehwick cancelled as you get a disability. Do you know what I sometimes I have... Is that half for a cough? That was a both. I sometimes think about that. Like I thought about, do you know you daydream and you think like about, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. I, th. I, th. I, th. I, that, th. that, th. th. th. thi. th. thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. I, thi, th Like I thought about, do you know you daydream and you think like about, oh what if I fell off this tube platform, whatever? Do you ever have those daydreams?

Yeah, yeah. And I think, imagine if I lost a leg, if I lost a leg, if I lost a leg, if I lost a leg. It would be like this whole new chapter with a show in which I was joining the last leg, if I lost a leg, it'd be like this whole new chapter of the show in which I was joining the world of disability. And then I'd be like, is that God's punishment for being on the show? Yeah, well you've taken the space of someone that should have had a disability? Yeah, have I been, is this, have I been given this disability? But like... Also, in a world of diversity and inclusivity, have you not thought that it's a bit too no leg heavy on your show?

Yeah, exactly. There's other disabilities, Josh, yeah? There is other disabilities. They're not all physical, okay? And they're not all leg. Fucking looking over my shoulder at Josh and Rosie Jones. Anyway. Oh, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. tho, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Have th. Have th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. Have, have th. th. Have, have th. th. thi, have thi, have thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thi. thi. Rosie Jones I tell you that for free. Anyway, how are you Josh, alright? Yeah, I am good. I'm very good. Thank you for asking, how are you? thanks. What a weird thing to say, thank you for asking. I was panicking.

I had no anecdote. Thank you very much for asking. Thank you very much for asking. Well I tell you what we could talk about quickly because they've only got a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little a little the little the little bit a little bit a little bit a little bit a little bit a little the little the little the little th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th tho tho tho th tho th. How tho tho how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how th. How th. How th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. How th. How the thi you you you you you you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are you are we could talk about quickly, because they've only got a little bit before this. We've both just come off the back of doing our favorite show on tell. Blankety Blank. Blankety Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank.

Blank. I'd say the only show you do less on as a contestant is Celebrity Squares? Yeah I don't know if you've ever been on the... I've got a piece of... What's the possibility? I've got something stuck in my throat? Wait there? No not porridge. Yogurt and granola? Yeah. So we had a little wee break and you've gone downstairs to gobble up some yogurt. I didn't cover it up, it's here, I haven't gobbled. Stuck in your throat, mate. We've not got it down yet. I know I haven't gobbled quite yet, I don't know mid-gobble.

How was your blankety-blank experience, Josh? Did I bond with Jeddward? Did they, were they on one seat? They're on two seats but they were one celebrity. There were one celebrity but on two seat. Obviously not, yeah, you know, I didn't mean physically one seat. I mean, were they in one sort of contestant position? What did you talk to Jedwood about?

We didn't have a huge amount in common. No. I listened in to them having a chat about Louis Walsh. Oh. Did I bond with Michelle Collins, aka Cindy Bill? Yes, I fucking did. Loved Cindy Bill. You've got a bit of a crush on Cindy Bill, haven't you? No, I haven't known. I'm sure you've mentioned it before when you was a teenager watching East End of

No, I haven't mentioned Sidon. No, I haven to Matthew Crosby, who's a writer on Blank Blank-Wanke-Blank, and I was there, and he seemed to imply that he was quite taken by Cindy Bill back in the day. I got on with, not back in the day. And meeting her in real life. I thought she was too much of a baddie back in the day. But now she's sort of mellowed. She was very nice. She's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thed, thi, thi, to, thi, thi, to to thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, thee, theee. the. th of your teeth with your son. Yeah I did yeah I think I was nervous. I think Crosby's got a fucking cheek. Why? He couldn't shut up about her. Really? So you're both are fans of no no I got on very well with her she was a laugh and Judy Love I love I love Judy love I love Judy love has got the funniest eyes in comedy. When she does her side look it just slays me. Is it... It's brilliant. I could just watch Judy Love's eyes forever. They're so funny. We should get her back on Judy. Oh, I love Judy Love. She's great. Yes, so Judy Love. It's just funny. It's just funny saying the celebrity names. It's just funny. It's just funny saying the celebrity names. It's. It's just funny. I I I I I. I I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, when, when, when, the, when, when. the the, when. the the, when. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th. th. th. thi thi the. the. the. the. the the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. When, the. When, I love Judy Love. She's great.

Yes, Judy Love. It's just funny saying the celebrity's names, isn't it? Ashling, who obviously I get on with. Ashton B. the actress, comedian. Kojay Radical was lovely and drew pictures of us all when the set caught on fire. The set caught on fire. The set caught ashling B's button started to steam, to smoke. Alright mate, keep it clean. We all like Bradley.

So a button caught on fire. He started to smoke. I'm not allowed to say caught on fire because earlier in the day... Earlier in the day, the guy who was working on it I had to deal the buttons were working for an hour so the first one was delayed and then the second one the buttons were on smoking right but not on fire and I was like oh the buttons caught on fire it's not caught on fire I was like oh man he's having a terrible day poor bloke because God in not a big TV

first day of filming and the set A doesn't work and then catches on fire. It's not on fire. It's smoking. That is, because that will be one person's job the buttons. Yeah, poor bloke. Tough day at the office. Yeah, tough day at the office. How was yours? Good. I did a double.

You did a double. Who do you get? So, I don't, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, th, th, th, th, the, to, to, the, to, the, to, to, th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th. th. to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It. It, th. It's. It's. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's to. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It bit, it's quite a lot of people to remember here and I just give me the weirdest ones. Jack D. Joe Swash, Jordan Banjo, Sue Pollard. What's Polard like? Steph McGovern, Polard, I love Pollard, she's great. I did it. I did. A celebrity pointless against Pollard. I'm watching them try to explain the rules to Sue Pollard and Ruth Maddok was one of the longest the longest the longest the longest the longest the longest the longest. the longest. th. th. th. th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's toe. It's toeolaughe. It's toeckecke. It's toe. toeckecke' toe' toe'er. It's toe'er. toe'er. toe'er. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. thetry to explain the rules to Sue Pollard and Ruth Maddock was one of the longest 45 minutes of my life. Also, Pollard's stick is that she won't get it. Yeah. So it's pointless to unexplain it because she probably does understand it but pretend not to. Joe Swash was there as well. their own toe Pollard got kids.

So Polard got kids. Supolled got kids got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. I got kids. Sso. Soto. Soto. Soto. Soto. Soto. Soto. Soto. So. Soto. So. So. Soolla. S. Schochoo. Schoo. Schoa. S. S. So. Schoo. Sjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed. thed great fun day out. My mom and dad came down and had their own dressing room. Oh, nice. It's a bit weird. Right, I'm going to tell you this because we've not done much parenting stuff quickly. We had a nightmare with the school shoes, Josh. Talk to me. Talk to me. They got dog poo. to the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. th. the. th. th. th. the to. th. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a. It's a bit. It's a bit. It's a bit. It's a bit. It's a bit. It's a bit. It's a bit.them, but they still had a bit on so she put them in the washing machine. 8 a.m. or not 8 a.m., like 7.30 the next morning, they still haven't dried. Oh, and that's the school day. And on the school day.

Oh no, but she had to wear trainers. And then, um, Lou was like, just put them on. Lue. Lue was like, the, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, the, the, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. L. th. th. th. And, th. th. Or, th. Or, th. Or, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, the. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. know, they're horrible, they're all weird, they know, it was like, you know, when you try to get out. This is what says the trainers or the trainers for PE because they're going in their PE outfit if they're got peace, that's the white trainer. And the kids go, oh no, no in cell has completely come out and been shrunk and twisted and churned out and what happened? Well just been in the washing machine. Oh the trainers have gone in the washing the trainers have gone in the washing and our poor daughter was walking around oh no soaking wet feet oh no and you were scrumping up

bottoms and then eventually we realized and put her in her like sketches or whatever and then the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to tow. tow. tow. tow. toy. toy. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the the. the to to too. to to to too. to tre. tre. tre. true. tre. too. the't scrumple that bottom and then eventually we realized and put her in her like sketches or whatever and then she was getting up sex she was going to get told off and not the white ones so then we had to look at email in and then walk her in and stuff like that but oh my god. That's I felt we did we felt guilt. Yeah because there was a point where we were saying you're I'd say he went feet and scrumpled up inside. Oh God, that's terrible. That's gonna come back in years to come. No, the scrumple soul. Scrumple soul. It wasn't just the soul of my shoes you crushed. Right, this week, Josh, we have got Dan Nightingale on the pod,

great guy, great comedian and a father. And he's changed the podcast game Rob. It's a cultolotot c podcast world. Yeah, lovely bloke. Really funny. You'll enjoy it. You know when you just go, this is a good one. Here it is. And it is. It's a good one. Enjoy it. Welcome to the podcast Dan Nightingale. Thanks to doing this Dan. Hey, no worries. Thanks very much for having me boys. Fitting us into your podcast schedule. Yeah, what I need is another podcast. That's what I need. It feels like I've got a job. I've accidentally, through being a comedian for 20-odd years where you don't really want

a job, invented another job for myself. Yeah. Well, because we all knew each other from the circuit years ago when we first started and, you know, on the circuit and the then in lockdown you did you have a word podcast with Adam Rowe that's absolutely taken off one like the biggest success stories on Patreon you're selling out arenas doing a live version of it and stuff it's gone mad it's so happy for you's amazing amazing show you've absolutely smashed it as well especially you know all setting up yourself so you do that and you're gig in you've the you the the the show their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. So. It's th. So. It's th. So. So. So. So. So. So. So, to th. So. So. So, to. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, to. So, to. So, to. I I I I I I I I I's to. So, to. I I I I's th. So, to. So, th. I I's th. I's th. I's the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. It's thi. And I'm thi. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm thii. I'm to. So, to. the to. So, the to. I'm the yourself. So you do that and you're gigging, you've got your live shows, you've got your special that's all online and more importantly for this show, Dad, yes, how old are your kids

Dan? Oh did we do the setup? Can I just say of all the things I've achieved in my career and most of them have happened recently but my wife Laura is the most hype for me to be on your podcast. Oh wow. We sold out an arena with our podcast and she was like wow that was great and I was like I'm doing parents in hell she was like right. She has prepped me she was like right say this this will be interesting don't say that and at the end of it she gave it on WhatsApp I up I've got this OCD list of things do's and don't and then right at the end she was like don't slag anyone from school or nursery off don't suck anyone can you give us the list of don'ts please

no she was just yeah it was mainly that it was mainly that is because I can get a little loose lipped you you know you you the th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th I th. th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I was th. I was th. I was the the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was just. I was just. I was just. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. th. th. th. to. th. to. to. to. th. to. to. to. the the th. th. I was. I was. I was the th. I was Yeah, it was mainly that. It's because I can get a little loose-lipped. You know when you're a dad and you podcast? I podcast with a load of 30-year-old lads who are living their lives, they're having a great time, and they are a couple of years away from from being where we are now, and that's fine. I'm looking forward to that part of their life where I've got older kids and I've their their their their their their their th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I's th. I's th. I's th. I's. I's. I's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm th. Yeah. Yeah. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. Yeah. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm t t t t t t t t t t t t t t th. I'm th. older kids and I've got free time and I sleep properly and they don't. Yes. But it's yeah, it's very noticeable that like I have to turn up with stories about parenting and my life. Otherwise it seems like I've done nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I don't talk about family life, if I don't talk about my kids, if I don't talk about this, then I, it's not like like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th like I'm th. th. th. th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too. I'm too. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. to. I'm to. to. to. to. to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the the to. the the the to. the to. the the to. the to. to. to. the to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to kids, if I don't talk about this, then I, it's not like I'm doing tons of stuff as well and you, like Rob, you were like, oh, and you're doing loads of live shows. I'm doing one a week, like I have whittled it down. The circuit days of doing like eight gigs a week, are long gone, may I am winding it down. So I do tend to talk a lot about. I to to to to to to to to to the to the to the to the to to the the to to the the end to talk a lot about school, nursery, and like, I've even, if I get carried

away I start talking about our sex life, and I obviously, I'm not an idiot, I know how to not get thrown out of my own house. You said, don't talk about that your sex life of Laura on the WhatsApp list of things not to talk about. I think she just took that as a sort of as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a given as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a giving as a, as a, smashing, smashing, smashing, as a, smashing, smashing, as a, smashing, as a, smashing, as a, as a, smashing, smashing, smashing, smashing, as a, smashing, smashing, as a, as a, as a, as a, as she just took that as a sort of as a giving and they're smashing right into it. Did you combine, did you're having children overlap with when you were doing eight gigs a week and you were, so how old are they done? Sorry, my wife Laura and we've got a seven year old, she's just turned seven and she's amazing. She's very loud. She's me. She's got a seven. She's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th. th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that's that's th. th. th. the th. Did the th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. Did th. th th. Did th. th. th. Did th. th. th. th. the. the. S the. S, the. S, theateate. S, the the the the the theate. S. S, theat the theat, the. Did the seven and she is amazing.

She's very loud. She's me. She's me. I've made a little mini girl me. And she's great. And then we've got a Jack who's our three-year-old so he's just about turned three. So we are coming out of the woods. Yeah, yeah, you have three, four that you can really start to throw the iPad out of them and stretch your legs. I honestly, I think third birthday, for any parent who's like, feels like they're in the tiredness, sort of just in the trenches, then I just, I think the third birthday is something to just, it does, it gets incrementally easier,

doesn't it, until then? But then all of a sudden you've got a little dude who you can talk to and reason with and bribe. Isn't it? Does it make a big difference? Like, you've just not got this emotional terrorist like ruining all trips out and needing to nap and poo in his pants and like it's just it's on the turn now where it just feels like you've got a little mate hanging out and like Etta feels like a like a member of parliament compared she's like so much more like ladylike

it's compared but yeah we are definitely out of the the trenches I feel like. What's amazing because the thing I love about podcast and you guys are like the absolute pinnacle of this is the DIY aspect and the way you can transform your own life through in the way it just didn't exist before podcasts and social media and stuff and it's just amazing that you can find your fans and stuff like that. But your life has changed so much in the last four or five years. And so there was a point when you were gigging on the circuit eight nights a week and you had certainly one small kid, maybe two small kids, that must have been fucking tough, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing with the circuit, isn't it? You can, there's a lot of brilliant comics out there. I mean, I remember meeting you guys when you were,

I think Josh, you stayed at my flat in Manchester. Yeah, I was thinking that. And I was wondering this morning, where was I planning on staying? Because that was the code, isn't it? That's the coed, you're like, listen, you've been found, you didn't seem like a threat to me or my housemates' lives. And that's the code, isn't it? When you start out in stand-up, because you started, I bet both you started in around like 20-21, is that right?

No, I was 24. Oh, tw 24. Oh, in age. I thought he was trying to do, I thought he was trying 20. I think like 2001. I was like, fucking hell, no. 20, I was 23 when I started. So I was 21. And I remember being so dead keen. And I just wanted to talk to older comics and I want to say yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I also loved the guys who just sort of, they got that it was a bit that it was a a a bit that it was a that it was a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. I was two. I was two. I was two. I was two. I was twe. I was 20. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. tw. tw. tw. tw. tw. tw. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. two. sort of, they got that it was a bit of a fraternity where you didn't have any money, you were desperate for stage time, you were just into it and anyone that just seemed keen and sound. Oh, you do anything to do a gig, wouldn't you? Yeah, totally.

So I remember you were at the Frog and Bucket and I was hosting and you just wandered up north. I'm like, you know, it's the fro. the fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr fr. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, the the th. So, th. So, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th.. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. th. the the the the the know, it's the friendly north. We'll just sleep in a bus station. So before like the podcast really took off, you must be doing like four or five gigs a week driving all around the country, never at home. Now you're at home so much more with the kids. Yeah, so it must be amazing. It is yeah. So that's what I was going to say, like you guys kicked on and disappeared from out of the circuit without, like you just got, you've got agents, you got opportunities, you made that for yourself. Like a lot of comics get stuck on the circuit and like podcasting's been amazing because I now get to sell some tickets to people who kind of like me and maybe not on the same scale but like it's amazing. And what I found is that I just don't want to gig to to was gig enough. Yeah. Yeah. The optimum amount of gigs a week, the optimal, how

many, how much do you want to work in a week? Like I've got mates who've got brilliant jobs who are working like 50 hour weeks. It's not the ideal, is it? They, they're earning good money or whatever. So yeah, there was a point when Etta was born in 2017 where, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there there was a there was a th. th, th, th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and that's thi, thi, that's that's that's thi, how thi, how thi, how thi, how thi, how thi, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how thi, how thi, how thi, how thi, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, how th, th, th, th, th, that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, that's thi, that's thou thou thi, thou thou? the thou thi, thi, thi, thi, how ma thi, how thi, thi, there was a point when Etta was born in 2017 where, yeah, it was probably like five, six, seven gigs a week. And if everyone's like confused, that's not every night, maybe you'd do two gigs on a Saturday. You'd always be away for the whole weekend every week, couldn't you? And I remember saying to Laura, this was like 2019, I'd had an idea for the podcast. I was like, I want to film stuff and I want to do clips and we were trying to get out of some debt

and save for a house because we haven't got a mortgage. And I was like, I'm gonna need to spend about three grand of our savings on this. And this is why Laura is amazing. And I'm not just sucking up because she's listening. This is 2019. Yeah so in that five years from going from being in debt and using three grandier savings to get your podcast equipment yeah you went to... We're in less debt. You know you went to a full-time you know selling out arenas and a full-time job in a podcast and it's you know it's amazing. Rob you feel like you're the hosting the Stephen Bartler podcast at the moment. Yeah so so so so so so so so so. So. So. So. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. You that it is to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. Rob. It's. It's. You the the the the the the th. You're th. You're th. You're th. You're the the the the the the the the the feel like you're hosting the Stephen Bartler podcast at the moment. Yeah, so what drove you into that? Why is dad?

God, it's like a question, Rob. It was absolute desperation. Have some he'll have some he'll and tell me what the saddest moment of your life. Stick your zully patch on and chill out. Oh, God, yeah. So when you're, because, because recording a lot, you put out a lot of content and stuff and you talk about your family life because that's all you do, you've got young kids, whereas the others are out drinking and partying and following Liverpool around the world and games and stuff.

What are you, have you ever said too much and there's been problems at the school gate because I'll occasionally get, to the, and I, you know, is that that thing or that? And you're like, oh God, because you forget people listen, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, you do. I do. Laura does not forget the people. Is it? Well, we've got patrons, we've got some of the dads at school are patrons. Yeah.

So she's seeing good morning to people. And I've been like, thi. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. that's. to. to. to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, to. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, to. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th? No, yeah, you do, you do, it is a little, I don't know, it's fine though, in it, there's no malice in it. Like we had the, we had the nursery had a sports day and it was objectively one of the most ridiculous things I've ever been a part of. This is a, this is a, thi, thrown, like two, three-month-old babies right, right up up, to, to, to, to, to, th..... And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, their, their, th. th. th. their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. And, th. And, the. And, the. And, theea. And, thea. And, th th th th th th th th th th th th three-month-old babies right up until like four-year-olds doing a sports day and they did every room in the nursery had their like races like a 40-yard dash And we got the baby room out and then there's a crowd like a League 2 football match like There's about there's about 1,500 people watching. I've never seen anything more ridiculous so I went on and slagged it off and yeah it got back it got back to Laura. Stacy one of the girls that were actually love this I'm

mention it again Stacy one of the girls at works there is obviously quite competitive and when it came to like the three-year-old race, she was like, cool, we're going to win. So they were all holding hands. And the kids that were with Stacey, who I'm not messing with because she's frightening, she started running and they nearly, I'd say they were so close to getting a dislocated shoulder. She put it in like turbo-boose mode and they won every race. Whoever was with Stacey was getting? theira-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-upe-so-so-so-o-so-so-so-so-o-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-so-o-so-so-so-s, tho-s, th-s, tho-s, tho-s, tho-s, tho-s, thi-s, thi-s, thi-s, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-n. So, th-n. So, th-n't th-n't th-n't th-n't-s, th-s, thi-s, thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s. thi-s, with Stacy was getting gold that day she basically just dragging them along the ground oh it was phenomenal to watch why do she running though surely that the whole the sports day's not old your teachers and run no but I suppose they don't know which

they don't oh then do a fucking sports day then are we allowed to swear I've been yeah yeah say what you want. Oh God, it was fucking ridiculous, boys. Because some of them can't walk. What are we doing? I'm ready for the Olympics in 2048. It's absolutely absurd. It was phenomenal. It got so ridiculous that I started having the best time.

Then there was a mum and dad's race, obviously the dad's... Did you do it? Holding hands with Stacey. Performance enhancing substances, Stacey. I was jacked up on Stace. No, I didn't, I didn't get involved. I claimed like a hammy or something. So did the nursery, people at the nursery say you've been slagging off our nursery sports day? Now they're all sound.

That's the thing, it's Laura gets a bit social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social social. nursery sports day. Now they're all sound. That's the thing it's Laura thought gets a bit of social anxiety so she catastrophes and she goes right if you say that then through these oh it'll end up with us probably being like banished like that from the land so Lou I feel like you're the sort of negophone mouthpiece of the cup but so if you're in a restaurant and you need to complain about something will be will it be you or Laura? Yeah, you'd think it would be me, but actually Laura gets really anxious with friends in a social situation. Okay. But she can fume about like injustices in terms of customer service and whatnot. Oh, okay. Just as a weird little contradiction. Why, are you the one that complains

and she just... Yeah, like Lou gets very like what Lou tells me off being loud all the time. She knows what she signed up to. Exactly. But then like so for example is the parents evening. to marry Rob Beckett and go it's a could you keep it down? I know. I know if anything I have got quieter but it's still quite loud she's a bit more reserved. But like, for example, at parents' evening, we had our parents' evening chat, but there was, you could, there was a drop-in table with like the sports PE teacher, and we wanted to check something about the clubs,

my kid was in, my kid was in. And she was like, she was like, the head teacher, the head teachers are chatting because no one's sitting with her. So I was like, going on and he was like, no, you go and say something. So I have to be in that situation. I'm the one that goes, oh, excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but when you get a moment, we'd love to have a chat with the sports teacher. But Louvre doesn't not doing that stuff. Like I'm definitely guilty of that. I'm involved. I'm a really fun dad, but I let Laura be the grown-up around the school stuff. Like she sent me to parents' evening.

I was like, what? On your own? She was like, you're going to do this one and we did one together, and she's done like two now, but because it on a on a day when I'm in the studio. She was like right you need to book that off and go and I went like I just get told like I honestly feel like we've both got our roles and that's important in parenting isn't it but she's definitely like the CEO where I'm like so is she not working as well is she not working and look and being more in charge of this kid? She's a lady of leisure Robert. She's a lady of leisure. You know once those arena tickets were sold that was her out of the trades and well she worked tied than me but she's not she didn't work for anyone else. Yeah yeah yeah and so it's sort of like she's more the default parent as it you are working you working you know you you well you sit down and chat to a couple of lads for a few hours in a warehouse on the outskirts of this work we need to we

need to keep telling people it's work this job I'm drafted I struggle with parents evening because ultimately when they say oh I don't really care and I feel like I to to do I don't want to say I to to the to to to to to to to to their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the I should, because you're supposed to care. But I don't want to say I don't really care. But I sort of do, I care that they're happy and they're keeping up with it all. But if they go like, oh, they're not that good at, okay, well, I just accept that's what they're very good at. And there's some some some, thimes, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, t... t. t. t. ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, think I don't care, but I do care, but I say I don't care because I'm not very academic and I found it really stressful. So do you think you're projecting your own insecurities of childhood onto the parents? Yes, and I think I'm getting my dyslexia test back because I think what happened was I felt like I couldn't do any work, so my brain just went, well fuck that, I'll be alright, I'll sort something else out, which I've done, but it wasn't an easy route, because you have to wait for a podcast to be invented. Oh yeah, basically I had to wait until a podcast are invented.

But they'll go to be right, well you need to te've got to learn that now because I never did. Daddy, why have you got a calculator? I know. I mean the way they do sums, the teacher at parents' evening was trying to explain to me like get her to do more of them and went, well how do they work? So we spent a lot of the parents in the evening, her telling me how to do multiplication. which I don't feel that is a good use of. I say I can't, I don't think I'll ever be able to divide. I just think it's too much. Too much of a people, please. Also, it's not 1842 anymore, is it? So we're fine. Well, I said, you know, handwriting's a bit, you know, not as neat. And I went, well, do they still do exams handwritten? And they went, yeah? they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they to, they to, to, to, to, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. too, I thi, I thi, I thi, I too, I too, I too, I too, I too, I too, I too, I too, I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I too. I. I. I, too. I, too. I, too. I, too. I too. I too, too. I too, too, too, too, too, too, th. I thi. I thi. I don't, thi. I don't, thi. thi. thi. thi. I don't, thi. I don't, thi. I don't, thi. I just, thi. I just, went, why? I just seemed mental.

That's it. Yeah. Do you think they should text the exams, right? Type it up. Can you say, Siri? Well, you'll be fine. You've passed it. Can you shout Alexa?

Yeah. Well, yours's a bit younger? How are you getting on with that kind of stuff then, Dana? Is that not cropped up? How is your parents evening? Um, listen, they're doing well, what you want to hear is they're confident and they're, and they've got friends and they're bright. And I think if you've got a combination of that, and do they, you know, if you've got a kid, you know, well, if that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's what, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, they're, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're doing, they're doing, they're doing, they're they're doing, they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're doing. they're doing. they're doing. they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well, they're doing well just some basics you want to hear. Do they, you know? Are they not a k-k'k? That's what I want to hear. I want to... Maybe they should have that as you go in the school. And then you sit down and go, yours is a kcdash, I'm afraid. how to change there. I want to point any fingers but your child can be left

alone with the class pet. All of us, future murderer. There are things that I get to do. I got told to take Etta to her swimming lesson. Laura has been doing that and not particularly enjoying it's a little bit full-on so but I did it once and I promise you this this this this this this this this this this this th you th you th you th you th you th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I will th. I will th. I will th. I will th. I will thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi their th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. But I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I will th. I will thi. I will thi. I will thi. I will thi. I will there to thi. I will to there to thi. I'll thi. I to to to to to thi. I thi. I thi. I will it to a little bit full-on. So, but I did it once and I promise you this, I will never ever do it again. She is now too old to go in a male changing room and I can't believe that I didn't see it coming. I've been going to the gym this year a bit more. I'm trying to just try to kick on with a bit of a healthier start to the year, because I was on tour last year and I was feeling like a mobile pudding by the end of it.

So this year I've been trying to be a bit healthy. I joined the total fitness around the corner from us. Yeah. And it's been fine. It's a very thiii. It's thi. It's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. than. than. thauol' tha's tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. tour. to. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe. tooooooooooooooe. toooooe. toe.'s horribly in there isn't it? And is that the same place where the swimming pool is? That's where this, yeah, because I go off peak midweek, in it, with all the like pensioners. Yeah. Oh, the home. I'm not going in peak times where everyone's like deadlifting 200 kilograms. I'm there just swimming with octogenarians. And I quite like that. So I should have seen it coming and Laura's like, can you take her? And I stupidly thought I could just get there.

Forgetting she was seven, I thought, she'd just go in the change room, come out and then I'd sit next to the pool. And we got there and I was like, oh no, you're too young to go in a change room on your own. And so we we we we we, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it, so it says, so, so, so, so it says, so it says, so, so, so, so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, I th. I th. I th. I, and I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to th th. to th. th. th. th. th. the side, you know there's like a door and it says, after the age of eight you have to be in a gender appropriate dressing room. So I was like, right, well, this is fine, but it's not because she's quite a mature seven. She's not, when she walked in, she was like, Daddy, there are boys everywhere. And I was like, and no, there are, I know there are. Also Laura's had this thing and this this this this this this this this this this this this this this th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th is th is thi, and thi, and thi, and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th is th. th is th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th is th is th is th is th is th is thi, is thi, is thi, thi, thi, thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi is thi, thi this thing and this has been a long-running joke with us she doesn't like euphemisms for genitalia she's just Laura's just

not into it she won't do mini or tuppence or any of that from a very early age Etta has been referring to a vagina as a vagina and penises as penises so yeah we walk in with this loaded she's so, she's just a seven-year-old grenade and throw, she's like, there's penises and it was it was just a sea of Willis. It was, it was the total opposite. As a dad of a daughter, I took her to a place where it's the opposite of what you're trying to achieve as a dad. Yeah, you're just like she looked at me horrified. I looked at the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin, thin, thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' tho' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thin' thanan's was, than's was, than's was, than, than, than, than's was, than's was, thin' than's was, she's, she's, she's, she's, she's just, she's just just, she's, she's just, she's than, she's And it's like they're doing it on purpose. It was just a sea of wangs. And she had a hoodie on. No, they don't do anything. No, it's me. It's so weird. It's all the old dudes as well. It's never the young dudes.

It's the old dudes. Once you've paid your pension off just get your knob out. Oh, the horrible craggy little dicks. So we got in the like, you know, like the little cubicle. Yeah. And she was horrified, she was hiding under an oody. Oh, and she was like, Daddy, we shouldn't be in here. I was like, it's fine, it's allowed. It's gender appropriate like she cares. And she was like, call me Rory. Call me Rory! I want.

So we're in the like, you know, like the family, keep the doors closed now. She was like, I was like, what do you mean? She was like, if anyone hears us, they'll think I'm a boy and it'll be fine. I was like, oh God. I went, okay, Rory. I was like you need to take your knickers off and get changed. She was like, underpants! I was like, never. Never again. Oh my word.

And so, because if I was in a dress, a changing room and a seven-year-old girl came in, I'd adapt my behavior, I think. They don't though, do they? The old boys don't. Oh, it's horrific. I think, I think, I think, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I than, I than, I than, I than't, I than't, I tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi. that, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. than, than, than, than, than. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thean. thoo. than., I'm going to plow on, don't you worry about that? Oh, it's horrific. I think it should be the same rules as like, do you remember when you were playing footy in the street and a car came? Yeah, yeah. And just everyone shouted car and just move for the side. I think it should be as soon as you see a child, regardless of gender, you just out child and all the old men put their wangs on.

Just turn. Get your dick face in a locker and shut up. Where are you with, if it's all grown up men, are you happy just to go knob out? Like how much do you care about that? This is not with non-child. With non-child. Oh, oh, just in there. I've not got much, you know, I've neither a shower nor nor nor nor nor nor nor theee nor, thener, the. the. the, the, the, the, thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, they, they. the, they, the, they, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, theeeeeeeeeeee.e.e.e. thean, theeeeeee. We're, theee. their, the thi. I have not got much, you know, I've neither a shower nor a grower really, so it's... At this point, it's not great.

But I have to admit, after two or three months of going, you do stop giving a shit. Yeah. You just all go like, who cares? Yeah, maybe that's just because they're old, they don't care. But I think I'm teaching towards that. Like I'm 43 now and I'm starting to go, oh who's who's bothered? Like I'm not bothered. Yeah, I'm not bothered. Seven-year-old child is crying in the comedy. Absolutely. But then I can't start that trend. Like if a seven-year-old child ci child comes in I th th th th look, yeah yeah that's gonna look even worse isn't it? It's a real tough thing to introduce. Lad, just say you know when any children walk in we all shout child and face them all. Are we okay with that? Total Fitness need you to be to be CRB check now, do you know that? That's really, I don't know why that started. What does your daughter make of what you do for, does she understand what you do for a living? Yeah, she's, yeah, she knows

daddy does comedy and she's been to the podcast studio and had a little look. She kind of gets it, yeah, it's, it's, I don't think she fully understands it and she knows that she can't see daddy's clips or whatever whatever. Yeah, on Instagram. She, th th th th th th, th, th th, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi that that th that that th that th that that th that that that that th that's that's that's th that's that's that's that's that's th is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that is that is that, does that, does that, does that, does that, does that that that that, does that that, does that, does thi understands it and she knows that she can't see daddy's clips or whatever on Instagram because I you know it's too sweary and I just she's not quite there yet. But yeah she does how about yours? Your eight-year-old must be there Rob like she gets more the kids at school a bit more excited about than she is she's like dad daddy does shows that you know and and say hey hey hey, you're saying way as if you went and work to to the the the the they?? they? they? they? they. they? th. th. th. they. th. they. th. they. th. th. It's they, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Yeah, th. It's th. It's th. It's th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you th. Yeah, you're, you're, you're, th. Yeah, th. th. th. Yeah, th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, the they, they, they, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, thi, th. Yeah, thi, thi, thi's, thi's, they. Yeah, th. Yeah, th people that the kids at school a bit more excited about than she is she's like dad daddy does shows that you know and same way as if you went and worked in an office or if you worked at the supermarket it's like daddy works yeah she's really not bothered she like she came and watch the parent in hell show at the O2 saw a bit of that and she's come to my tour shows and just watch the tour shows and just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th of th of the th of the th of the th is just th is just th is just th is just th th th of th of th the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the same same same same same same same same same. the the same same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. the same. th of th of th of th of th of th of th. th of th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the same same same same I'm doing and stuff. It's more the other kids are excited. But it just sort of just becomes quite normal. She doesn't really care to

be honest. I mean, you know, little things she finds exciting where we was watching Wonka. Um, the other day and we're big Tom's in Wonka. No, no, no, he's not. So I just face tombed him. And they're like and they went no he's not so just face timed him he was like you're off you know you know they like those little benefits yeah that's the thing isn't it like when Alex Brooke was in the mass singer that was like an absolute win for me far more than what I do yeah you should do the mass singer Josh why not not getting into this again um is that where you'd be great on it to you I think to be a to the the the the the the the the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the. to he he he he he he to to he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he th th th th th th th th th to to th to to th to to to to to to th to to to to to th to to to th to to to th to to he's he's he he he's he he's think it'd be great on it don't you? No I'd be shit Rob I'd be total shit. Alex Brooke beat John Warwick. Yeah because we all know that Dion Warwick wanted to go home first because then she get paid the full fee for less work. I said to I said to Alex was a good money you went yeah if you were there for one show not back for seven weeks. Oh my god. So what else are your kids into it So you do swimming club? Is there anything else you do? How do you sort of split up the parenting? I know Laura's at home a bit more, but is there stuff that you do?

Do you do the school run? Are you in charge of certain clubs? How involved are you in what's needed in the bag, packing for school and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, I just, I don't just, I don't do do do do do do do th th th to th to to to to to to to to tho to to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to their their their their to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. I just let Laura take the lead. Do you know why? Because Laura's got systems in place. And if I mess with the systems, it's worse than if I do nothing. So I have this problem sometimes. And I'm not available, like if she goes, can you do this? And I go, nah, then yeah, she gets frustrated. That's annoying. But she has regimented systems, she makes this whole thing tick really well.

And if I bowl in and go, do you know what, without really thinking it through, I've decided we're gonna do it like this, she'd be absolutely fuming. So not to sound totally passive, but I just let Laura go, and then I do it. I do it. Like a work, well we've looked, so if we're going on a holiday, Lou will get quite stressed

that she's got a pack and she because she normally packs everything. So I always go and I'll try to me, let me pack it and then you've not packed it. And she looks at me like I'm insane. Well, I'll happily do it and then. I'll, I'll happily, I'll happily, I'll happily, I'll happily, I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll th. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get th. I'll get th. I'll get th. I'll get th. I'll get th. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get thi. I'll get to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. to to thi. to thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. ththe stuff we'll get there and then I'll unpack it and then you've not packed it but you I don't think you'd let me have that responsibility but I do offer but what you know it's a tricky one I also don't want to get it wrong like like isn't that if we go on holiday I'll book it I'll get all the insurance I'll do all the travel and what not and then Laura is gonna the th gonna th gonna th gonna th gonna th gonna th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the thor the the the thor the the the the the the the th th th the th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thorough the thro thro to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooo' toe. to to to to to the the the the the the to do the packing and what that's that's delegating isn't it? Do you know when when we were pregnant with Etta this is one of the beautiful things about I was talking about it before about all the standups sort of it was brilliant like when you were young and you started out in comedy and you quickly develop all these heroes and you're working

with guys who are married and they've got all the kids and you just it's not just about their career but you also sort of you're learning about what kind of bloke you want to be and I used to ask a lot of questions and I remember Adam Bloom who's a brilliant comedian we went out for a bite to eat we were working away together and he's you know he's a fair bit older than me but he's got a real enthusiasm hasn't he's very intense isn't it? He's intense, but he's also a beautiful person and I love his energy and he's one of those people that wouldn't mind being like given a sincere bit of advice. And he just, he was like, can I, can you do something for me, Dan? Just remember when you're going into this

and you become parents with your partner, just make sure you do stuff separately. Like don't try and do everything together, like especially when the baby's born. Don't think you have to both be on every walk. Just tag in and tag out. Like make sure that one person is doing it while the other person just rests and feels like a human, even if it's just for an hour and a half. And then he said, when you're a few years in, make sure that you spend time together

and have conversations that aren't just about parenting. Like two really good bits of advice that I've passed on. Because I think initially that feeling of when you have a baby for the first time, it's such a shock to your life, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, isn't, th, th. think initially that feeling of when you have a baby for the first time it's such a shock to your life isn't it? Especially when your first is born like everything changes in an instant and and and then yeah the temptation is to try and do everything together but I think that's so so intense and then when you're older yeah just that thing of are you still a couple or are you just like co-workers in a company that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi th. th. their th. th. the first the first the first th. the first the first the first the first the first the first is th. the first is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. thi to to to to to to to thi. to to to thi. to thi. to thi. thi. their thi. the first thi. thi. thi yeah, just that thing of, are you still a couple or are you just like co-workers in a company that raises children like I try and have date nights where we talk

about other stuff as well. What do you talk about on date nights? As asking for a friend? Idiot. How old is yours? I'm sorry, I don't, I shouldn't. Six and two, so just a year younger than yours. Right, so yeah, okay, it's, yeah, it is still full on isn't it when the two, I mean it's always full on, it's brilliant but it's full on. I don't feel it's less, a month, even month by month, you're like, this is just so much easier than life the last six years. You know what I mean like like it it it it just take little little lines out of this chat? Yeah, but like just do things separately. Just talk to each other about other about other... Talk to each other about any like well what is not? We just slag off people from school and nursery. Yes, no. Yeah. Yeah. It does it does get easier doesn't it.

Any kid under three, life is really tough I think. And I'm not going back so we're.. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It. It. It. It just just just just. It's. It's. It's. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does it does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does. It does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does. It does, it does. It does. It does. It does. It does get easier, doesn't it? Any kid under three, life is really tough, I think. And I'm not going back, so we're... You're happy to skip? No. Laura has had a tubes tied and a bit of a two for one when Jack was born. Oh, okay. When Jack was born, I was the birth in partner for Jack. I wasn't Laura's birth in partner for Etta. It was Adam Bloom. He was so involved. So when it was two C-sections, two emergency C-sections, two emergency C-section, so two for two on that one, Jack was five weeks

prem and yeah so it was all a bit of a shock and it happened really quick and I wasn't meant to be the birthing partner for Jack either but Laura got a bit scared because he was so premature and asked for me so so who got the elbow? So what happened there was Laura's older sister, Becker who is the best? W. the elbow? Pardon? You got the elbow? So what happened there was, Laura's older sister, Becker, who is the best, when she was having her son, Finn, Laura was in there as a birthing partner. And when we were pregnant with Etters seven or eight years ago, Laura just knows I'm a bit squeamish with stuff. I remember she had a coil put in when we first got together and I was in the room and

I nearly hit the deck. It was really bad. I can't exactly remember what was happening but it was like Laura's, it's almost like Laura was had an allergic reaction to it and had to have it taken out pretty quickly after having it put it. And it just wasn't taken. Oh, it was a bit of pain. And so I was in the room with her.

And Laura and the nurse that were doing it were like, are you all right? Do you need to leave the room? So I think early on Laura's like, some things, some things to offer, but it's not sort of like medical assistance. And she sort of said, listen, I don't need you there. If you're going to be a bit of a flap, if you're going to pass out, that's not my deal. How the Becca was there because we've done this together. Obviously, you need to be there.

And I was like, you know what, if you're happy with that, I'll just be like tech support in the hospital. Like you're in the, the, because we didn't even know we were got, again, we were about five, six days premature with Etta. Laura was in labor, but we didn't realize. We actually went for a midwife appointment about four o'clock because Laura's like, I'm just having these pains and like, oh, there's a little bit of fluid. And we went in, like idiots, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th... Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. th. th. to. th. to. the. th. th. pains and like, oh, there's a little bit of fluid and we went in, like idiots, we've been to all these like, like classes beforehand and getting ready for it and hadn't realized that we're in labor. The midwife was like, right, so there's fluid and you're having these repeat pains.

She listened, what do you think it could be guys? We were like, oh, yeah? So, what do you think? What th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th. th, th, th. th you th you th you th you th you th you th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, that, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. Like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. I, like, oh, don't know. She said, do you think you might be in labor? We were like, oh yeah. So we went home, got all our stuff together, went to the hospital. And it was a really quiet night in the hospital that night. And they worked out that the Etta was breach, which they hadn't realized up until that point. So it became like a, is it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the the th. It th. It all. It th. It tha, it tha, it all. It tha, tha, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, so tho, so tho, so tho, so tho, so. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to to to to to to to up until that point. So it became like a, is it an emergency C-section? Yeah, it is it, isn't it?

So it all went pretty quickly and Becker arrived and then the surgeon, the sort of doctor was like, right, well, we're gonna go in now and in about an hour, you'll be a dad. So I was like, cool, I was like, babe, do you need anything? It was all very calm. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I said, babe, you need anything? She was like, no, no, I'm absolutely fine. So I could do with maybe if we're staying over tonight, I haven't got a pillow. That'll be better. So I drove home. I was like, I've really made good time here. It's just a Tuesday evening. I tell you what I'll do.

I'll have a quick shower. So, what? Oh, God. As I'm saying it now, I'm cringing. I was having a shower as my first child was being born. I got Laura's stuff and pillows and I got something else that had been forgotten like as slippers or something and I drove past a co-op and I was like she'll want some fresh fruit a nice drink or something.

Yeah. So I did a little mini shop and then about 10 minutes from the hospital. I got a phone call from my sister-in-law saying you're a dad, where are you? And I was next to a golf course about 10 minutes from the hospital. So I spent all the way back. Yeah. And a quick ram. The whole point of that was to get the car out of like the expensive car park and find some free parking.

And at the end of it ended up just like going back into the expensive car park. I rushed in, pillow, grapes, a lucasade and then burst into tears when I saw Rettie. Like, that was an instant, instant like the guilt of not not being instantly there, the annoyance of like why did you go for a shower, you mup it, and then just seeing your child I was like, it was too much. And I really went as well, like it wasn't a like a little bit, I bawled when I saw it. So proving the point that you shouldn't have been there. Do you know what I mean?

If you went at that point, you wouldn't have been a good birthing part. That was a mess. I was going to say, well, what was it like the second time when you were actually there? Fine. He didn't feel it wasn't too much for you. I stayed up chatting to Laura. I didn't go down the business and you know like with people, when the curtains are up, people are like, I just, I don't know how you resist having a look. I was like, I have some self-control there because. Yeah, you're not good good with to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to do. I. I. I. I. I. I was just. I was just to. I was just to do. I was just to do. I was just to do. I was just to do. I was just to do. to do. to. to. to. to. to. to to to to to to to to to to to. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I was. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm try. try. try. try. try. try. try. try. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. that you weren't there for the first one when it was actually not as bad as you thought was going to be in the room or you could you could actually deal

with it? It's such a little, I think people have put a lot of importance on it, don't they? Like, you, like, I've been there at every other moment since. Like I was there 12 to be that new that. I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I that, I that, I that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've that, I've was born and I've been 12 to pay that Uber. I paid parking twice guys. No, yeah, I wasn't sad, you know, like we were literally going to do it again. I was like if this works and you're happy and I'm not clapping. But as soon as you're there, it's I think it's just you know it's more important than you don't you you just like this is obviously huge Laura needs me so you're just there and as a comedian like I can't believe I didn't see it from this point of view when you're a comic you just want to do stuff so experience life because essentially that's what a

comedian's job is isn't it's to live a life and then just report back on it and just sort of account how weird human existence is. And I nearly didn't experience labor and child, like, not that you're experiencing it properly, but no, but you're there. It was phenomenal, being there, we were, we, Laura was in labor for ages and she was like, I wanted to, I want to do this naturally, I'm not even sure I want gas and air. And then at hour 18 when the diamorphine was offered to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to the toe the the toe the the toe the the the th. the thi. the th. the the the the the thi. the the their thi. the the the the the the the the the the their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi.u.u.u.u.u.u.u.u. Labor, too. Labor, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, to I want to do this naturally I'm not even sure I want gas and air and then our 18 when the diamorphine was offered my god she was on it so and when they did the tubes in that she was there for one they like well just not

that was an agreed thing beforehand right they were like what they were like what they were like what really did you want to say before they were said the I don't think he had been said before, Laura was honestly like after party bollocks. At one point, after she'd had the dimorphins, she was like, I'm not even sure I'm in labour anymore. I was like, baby, you are still in labor, but you hire as a kite. And yeah, I don't know if you should, you're probably not able to make those decisions, but even though she was munted she was like yeah we so while did they got Jack out and did the sort of Lion King moment and yeah while she was there she was like well we're here do you want do you want your tubes tied? Wow that's a real bad review of you of you as a person Dan. She's like this guy.

Why's he brought grapes and Lucasade? I'd have your tubes tied rather than go through this again. And what, did he have to stay in hospital Jack because he was five weeks premature? Was you in there for a bit? Mate, he was great. There was no, uh was brilliant, he was healthy, he was about... Oh really? Yeah, wow. Six and a half pounds, he was sound. Blah, he would have been absolute whopper, wouldn't he, if he stayed in? Oh, it's a big lad. And so what do you think happened there? Did they get them timings wrong?

Or does some babies just, is it quicker than others? How does it work? I th I th th th th th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, th, wow, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi? Wow, thi? Wow, thi, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, that's, wow, wow, wow, that's, wow, wow, that's, wow, wow, wow, that's that's thi? Wow, wow, wow, wow, thi was all the smoking that Laura's do. No, I honestly don't know but it wasn't a problem it wasn't an issue at all. Amazing. What else is on the do not say list? If you got it on a WhatsApp? Did she actually what's up? No, she didn't. She didn't. She just gave, she genuinely loves this podcast so much more than mine. No one likes their partner's work. No one likes it. What did she, she's, that she's ended it. She's not, she's not been very negative. She was, what she put, she's put, uh, Etta Co slept until she was six.

Jack was in his own room at three months old. Oh wow. Wow, that's a real different. We still, yeah, we still sleep separately. But you and Laura? Yeah, we've never got it. As soon as Etta was born, because I was coming in from gigs, and then Etta was in bed with Laura, and that genuinely

went on till about a year, year and a bit ago. So what's the setup now then? So I've got my room, Laura's got her room. Jack usually falls asleep next to Laura, has his milk, goes to sleep, and then she pretty quickly gets him in his own bed and he stays there all night now. And Etters got her room. And do you think you've got too used to the joy of having your own room? So I'm in two minds because it is it's it's better in the sense that.

Let's deep dive on this I'm loving you. Are you all in the same dead? You know what? My question about whether hang out with young guys without kids on the podcast is, uh, is difficult. That's been put on ice. No one gives a fuck about that anymore. We're asking about closed sleeping to the end of the part. We've spoke about this before. About how much nicer it is to sleep in your own bed without someone and if you just want to properly sleep when you're really tired and stuff. And sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes you go the the the the the th sometimes sometimes sometimes sometimes they they they th sometimes th sometimes they th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thee thi. tree. But we've never, well, John, we've never met somebody who's actively doing it and that's come from the kids, but it's working out now. this isn't a spare room. It's my room. So it's actually all your stuff in it.

So it's totally all your stuff in the room. It's got all your stuff in it. It's the stuff. It's the stuff. It's the stuff. It's the stuff. It's th. It's th. It's the stuff. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's the stuff. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. I. I's the stuff. It's the stuff. It's the stuff. It's the the the the the totally. It's the totally totally totally the totally totally all all all all all all all st. It's that's that's that's that know! I'm in it! It's my room! It's got my shit in it! I've got a Spider-Man duvet cover! I've regressed! So where all your clothes? Which wardrobe are you're closing? The wardrobe that's in my room?

Ah, this sounds so bad. Listen, we're doing great. No, I'm not saying it, but so, so bad. Listen, we're doing great. Have you got on screen? We're doing great. No, I'm not saying, but so what's it? So when do you? It's in a different building. We're living separately. We've got another house, no.

Um, it's, no, we're good. It just, just, Laura is the most beautiful person I've ever been anywhere near, but she's s sleeps like. Like thia th so like, I think she's gorgeous. She's so beautiful, but she's so noisy, like, guttural, frightening sounds and she's hotter than the sun. It's just her midriff when she's sleeping. It's winter, summer, it's like a radioactive sort of throbbing. And I can't, it's like spoon in a kiln. I can't do it.

So we've, we pretty happily just went, she feels like she's waking me up. I'm a bit of a needy sleeper. I've got like ear plugs in, I'm just, I don't know. Yeah. And it's, we've just got in these lanes now. And so do you think you'll ever go back? But I will say this, you do worry, now that the kids are getting old, you're like, oh, this isn't as practical, it's not, it was so necessary before, especially when I was in bed with Laura, it just wasn't an option. And you do start worrying, yeah, yeah, tha, and you thuuu, and you thu, and you thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that you thus, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the that the the that that, that's that, that, that's that, that's that's that's that's that, that's that, that, thi, thi it have an effect on the physicality of your relationship? Like, the alibi that got you, that allowed you to sleep apart for six years has now disappeared.

So now it's become a conscious choice. Yeah, and so is that, it's not necessarily a good thing, but it doesn't mean... If you're happy and you've got a great relationship and you're both sleeping well, just because it's not the sort of the norm of how people do it doesn't mean it's wrong if it's working for you. Oh listen, I'm not bothered about norms. I'm, I don't know if there's a lot of, there's value in sleeping next to your partner, I think. I think there's something, there's a, there's a closeness.

. There's a... A closeness? Yes. Just before you fall asleep and just as you wake up, I think it's a real sort of close connection time with someone, just before you nod off and just when you're like stirring in the morning. I'm not talking about sex either. I'm talking about... No, no, I mean that mean either. Do you think there's, you know how she does with your son? Do you think maybe you you you could you could you could fall you could fall you could fall you you you you you you the other room. Just fall asleep, sweating from the heat. Is it a 50-50 split though?

Or is one, you know, are you allowed sleeper as well? Is she quite happy to be away from you? You snore and... I sleep on my front so I don't snore. Right. I think if you're a front sleeper. You just suffocating into the pillow. Yeah, like a weird, nerve-a the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thuuui thuice thui thui-a thui-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. thooomomomp-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-s. the is the is the is the is the is th is thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-s. to the pillow. Yeah, like a weird nervey commando. And who's got the better room? They're both nice. Mine's slightly bigger I suppose, but that's, but again I didn't ask for that. We've done that thing since we've bought the house,

I think I've been in two bedrooms, the kids have been in two bedrooms and like we've all sort of swapped and found the right rooms. Laura just likes the room that she's in. They're all quite similar sizes, actually. It is, my worry is the physicality, because I think there's a lot to be said for that affection that happens just because you're with each other. Like you say, as you go to bed, just a little smooch and smoo. And honestly, left to my own devices that my bedroom does have the internet and

I just thought, and no, you know what I mean? It's just, I do feel like I've gone back to being just a little teenager. A horny 16 year old, he's like, no, don't come in! So what Christmas morning, the kids come in and they're excited for Christmas, what room are they going in first? Um, Christmas morning they go to wake mummy up and then they come to wake me up. So you're missing out on the initial initial wait. It's a bit like the childbirth thing. I miss out on the first 15 minutes of life but I've been there ever since. I miss out on the first 90 seconds of Christmas Day and then. And then. And then, and then, and the the the th, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they, and they're, and they're, and they're, and they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're going, they're going they're going they're going, their their their their tho, thoom. their thoomom. they're going going their their thoome going they're going they're going they're going they're going they're I miss out on the first 15 minutes of life, but I've been there ever since. I miss it out on the first 90 seconds of Christmas Day and then we're off. Mate, I accidentally, as we were setting up for Christmas, this is last year actually, we've got a log burner

and I was trying to tidy up a little bit just to make it look like it was, you know, we were doing the sort carrot. You're setting you're setting up for Santa to come. Yeah, totally. And I stupidly opened the log burner because I was just going to give it a little bit of a clean and loads of sort of soots and and and like ash went on to the in front of the log burner. I was like, oh, I've made a real mess. And then I thought, oh, this beautiful. I'll just leave it open a bit. I'll push more of the ash out. And I went and got a welly, and pressed a welly imprint into the- Oh, that's good. That's good.

As we came down in the morning, I could see. So this is last year, so Etta would have been like, like, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the............. the, the, the, the, the..... the, the the the, the. the the, the the the the to, the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the, the real magic. Like, you know when you're like, I fuck I nailed the actual magic, because it honestly looked like Santa had come through the log burner and there was a dirty boot print, was brilliant. Oh, good work. That's, yeah, I've seen that one. If you've got a proper traditional fire, the footprints is, yeah.

Yeah, it's a toptop drawer parented. Absolutely. Did you want to ask about the podcast, Josh? Well, no, I just, I'm imagining what it's like, because most of my friends now have kids. Because I don't tend to talk about parenting to people that don't have kids. Do you know what I mean? If I've got friends that are younger, you're like. They just don't get it. Yeah, do you find, are they interested? Would they ask you about it and stuff? Because I think when I was 30, if my friends had kids, I wouldn't have given a flying

fuck about it. Yeah, silly old fuckers talking about his kids again. Yeah, I'm not the fucker. Yeah, there's maybe a few episodes where you can get that vibe. But I mean, off. Yeah, but I mean, genuinely, they're like, it's fine. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their. their. their their their their they're they're they're their they're their they're their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. the. the. the. too. too. the. the. the. the. the. the. the I wait for them to, you're right, I wait for them to ask. Unless it's, unless it's a funny anecdote. Because like, have a words just trying to be funny. We're not trying to change the world, like, we're just trying to make people laugh. Unlike us. When you are apparent though, it is, it's literally, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, to, to, to, to, to, to, th, th. th. th. th. to, th, th, th, th, to, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, unless, to, unless, to, to, th. to, to, th. th. th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to had to go there. You can't not talk about it. It's hard to like, you know, try and think up something else that you've done is a very... I didn't go to Plymouth Argyll away at Sunderland. Of course I didn't do that. It's repetitive because it should be because that's doing it properly. Like I remember like you go

back to your childhood don't you and like my house felt like the safest place in the world. And like, that was the base, that was the center of the universe. And I want the kids to have that as well. Like, we live in a village just outside Chester. And I'm not mad keen on the village. It's pretty fucking dull, to be honest. But it's reassuringly boring. Like, sometimes after we've got the kids down, like I've said to Laura, just look at the street. It's so deathly quiet. The neighbors are friendly and respectful and for them, for the kids, this will feel like the center of their universe.

And yeah, it's repetitive. We do the same things all the time. that's part of it. Bathtime, school drop-off, swimming lessons, loads of OAP-dicks. It's repetitive. But that's what good parenting is, isn't it? You've just got to be the constant. Yeah. Every Thursday we go and see a few old dicks and you go for a swim. That's reassuring. We don't have to do the swim. We don't have to be the swim if you don't want to run.

We like the dicks. Um, that dad, we always finish on this question. And it's exciting when the partner is a listener. Yes, the stakes are higher when you know that their partner's a listener. Laura, lovely Laura. What's the thing she does that when she does listen. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. the the the the the the the the the thi. thia. the thi. thi. thia. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. Li. Li. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. La. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theeeeatseats. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. of her but what's the thing she does that when she does listen to this if you bring it up and say I find that a bit frustrating I'd rather she didn't do that what would you say that is I tell you what the I get I think given the positive because whenever I'm losing it and I've not got a massive temper but I can get my knickers in a twea the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that's that's that's that's that's that's to that's that's that's to toe. I'm that's to me me I'm that's I'm that's I'm to be to be to be to be to be to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to that's is is. I'm that's is. I'm that's I'm that's I'm that's I'm that's I'm that's that's that's that's the that's th. I'm thin. I'm not the. I'm not the. I'm thin. I'm the. I'm the. I'm that's the. I'm that's that's that's thi. I'm my knickers in a twist. I can get very like wound up. You know when a bit of pressure, a little bit of stress, Laura has got this

amazing ability to go the other way when she sees me going. Yeah. Like so this morning I was like I'm doing parenting hell I was like God I've not done the I haven't used a webcam on my laptop for ages and she saw me just going as I'm like hang on I haven't checked the the the the the the the the the the the the t.. the the the to. to. to. to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be toe. I'm to be to be toe. I was told. I was like, I was like, I'm to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be. I'm to be. I was. I was. I was. I was to be to be. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I'm to be to be to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm to. I'm the the the the t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm te. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm tea. I'm te on, I haven't checked the tech for this and they're gonna be and she was like, cool, don't worry, I've got it, you go, I'll just do the school, because I was meant to be doing the school, drop off with her this morning. She's amazing at note, so I now do that thing, there isn't loads but I'd say this, she does this thing where when we're running baths, I do bath time a lot but when she runs bath, there's, oh, it's so annoying. You know when you're running a

bath, you don't need to be there for the whole running of the bath, but you have to judge how much hot and how much cold is going in. You know roughly it takes to to to to to to to to to to to be to be th. It to be thi th. It thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho tho thi, thi, tho tho tho, th, th, th, thoes thoes thoes thoes thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th and th and th and th and thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes the, the, the, the, the bath, but you have to judge how much hot and how much cold is going in. You know roughly it takes about five, six, seven minutes it will be in and around full. I just I go full on the hot tap, I go maybe a third on the cold. This is seven years of doing this. You know that roughly if you come back seven, eight minutes later, it'll be in and around where you need it to be and roughly the right temperature. If you've got it wrong, you can slightly adjust. Laura wax the hot tap on, just fucking wanders off and cooks up a scolding, dangerous 120 gallon death track. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And maybe that's a minor thing. But I'd say that it's a fair of it. I'm not even talking about the kids hurting themselves. It hurts my hands.

You know when you do a test, she goes, oh I've run the bath, will you, will you just test it? You're like, no, I'd rather lick molten lava. And so then what happens? Then she'll put the water, she'll do all the hot and then the cold? Then, thank you, Josh. Thank you. I haven't finished. I thought I'd finished. You're absolutely right. There is then a second layer of irritation. thhihi irritation. Thihi th. There th. There is thi. There is thi. There is thi. T. T. T. T. th. thi. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to thi. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to me. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, to me. I, th. I th. I th. the. I'll the. the. the. the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll the. I'll toe. I'll toe. I'd toe. I'll to to thought I'd finish, you're absolutely right. There is then a second layer of irritation because then she'll go, oh shit, that's too hot, isn't it? I'll tell you what, I'll turn the hot off completely and I'll press the, because it's so hot, I'll put the cold tap on full. And then, because she's a mom, she wanders off because kids are distracting. another six or seven minutes later we have a lukewarm bath 14 times bigger than it needs to be.

So because I know she's listening I'd very much like that. I'd say you know that it's always a difficult question to ask but I think that's a fair voice. Yeah I think that's one of the best and most comprehensive answers we've ever got to that that. It felt like you've been waiting to be asked that for a long time. How is that not on the list? Dan, thanks so much. Have a word podcast. There's loads of episodes you can get anywhere, but if you go on Patreon, you can sign up to become a Patreon and you've got your special.

Social Media. Talk to me about social media. All my socials because I knew that it was a real all my eggs in one basket sort of thing I changed all my social handles to at Dan has a podcast so because I do so Instagram is the main thing I'm trying to get a load more stand-up clips up there build-up I've done two tours in the last two years and by the time I do another tour I want to really build that up so follow us at Dan has a podcast on Tick-up toc toc toc tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tc. tm. tm. I tm. I tm. I tm. I tm. I tm. I tm. I'm tm. I'm tm. I've to to to to to to toe. I've to to to to to to to to to toe. I've to toe. I've toe. I've to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to toe. I toe. I toe. I toe. I the the the the the tm. I tm. I tm. So. So. So. So. So. So the tm. So. So. So tp. So. So. So. So tp. So. So. So. So. So tp. So. So. So. So. So to. So. So. So. So to. So tp. So t time I do another tour I want to really build that up so follow us at Dan has a podcast on Tick Tock as well and on Twitter X but I'm not I've had enough for that and if you're on Facebook that's that's you're you're a great but you're absolutely brilliant stand up you always thanks thanks boys you were sort of a bit more established when I started and it was always a joy the joy to be on the bill with and stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff and stuff and doing your special. So you also gave me the best feedback after a gig ever where you said you went, I was an open mic, you went, you'll have a career in this, this will be your job.

And that blew my mind. And because you were so good at stand up and you'd said that, that gave me so much It was in Peterborough, won't it? Yeah, a weird gig in Peterborough on a big stage and loads of tables full of geeseers, wasn't it? It was what Jim Jeffries, the brilliant Jim Jeffries said to me when I was about five gigs in, he was like, you can have a career in this if you want it. And I, and I, literally, and I, and I, and I yeah I don't you know what weirdly I don't know why it was you that that I I don't think I went around for the rest of my career going kid you're gonna make it well yeah well I think every every act you're on the bill with but you got it right with Beckett

but I think that's why it meant a lot because I've it felt like you meant it where if you say that to everyone it starts to be coming just to something you say but yeah now it was really really kind I'm gonna run I'm gonna just Steve Wright RIP the tour dates Runcorn Chalton Liverpool Liverpool Longbridge H Carlisle, Grapeon Hall, where the fucks Grapeon Hall? Somewhere near his house, he don't like traveling anywhere. Josh, also Dublin and Southport, Sheffield as well. But listen, I'm just doing, this year, I'm just doing a Dan Nightingale and Friends sort of set up. So these are the poor dates.

So follow us at Dan Hazard podcast, have a look, this is me basically comparing and hosting and having a bit of a dick around with my mates this year. So many places I've not heard of. It sounds like, it sounds like the tour he's trying to get the red wall back going on a tour. Mate, I, if you read that out again, it's about Grappin Hall. Grappin the Warrington, where's where I'm gigging, where I'm gigging, where's the ex the ex the ex the ex the ex the ex the ex the ex th, it, it, it, it, it, it, it's the ex the ex, it's the ex, it's the ex, it's the ex, it's the, it's th, it's, it's, it's, it's th is is, it's th, it's the, it's th is, it's th is, it's, it's, it's, it, it, it's, it, it, it, it, I is. It, it, I is. It, it, I is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is the, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it is I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the toy. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. It's not. It's not, it's not. It's together, it's toy toy toy toy toy t year essentially looks like the Super League table. That's... Long Ridge. Where's Long Ridge? Working class people in the North. I'm doing a Dan Nightingale and friends gig there. Anyway, good luck with it, Dad. I know you. Dan has a pod on social media. Cheers, mate. Thanks, guys.

Thanks guys. Hello, I'm Marcus Briggsstock and I'm Rachel Paris. This is How Was It For You, a Review-Based Podcast. We're going to be asking each other, how was it for you? It was pretty good, Rachel. About all sorts of different things. Things we've eaten? Things we've seen. Places we've been.

Things we've smeled. People we've met sometimes. Those will be to the challenge you as a listener. toeee. toe. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe, the, the, the, the. the. the. toe, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the...........................................................................................................................................talk about them without giving away who they were. And that will be the challenge you as a listener can enjoy. Exactly. You can get all of the episodes in the places where podcasts are.