Review Revue - AMC Theaters

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

We listen to this podcast for magic. We listen to Review Revue to laugh, to cry, to care. Because we need that. All of us. That indescribable feeling we get when Rose McIver begins to speak and we go somewhere we've never been before.  Not just amused, but somehow, reborn together.  Dazzling sound on a mediocre car speaker system. Somehow, listening to Alf feels good in a place like this. The reviewers feel like the worst parts of us, and the improv feels perfect, and powerful. Because here.... it is.  This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/REVIEWREVUE and get on your way to being your best self. Follow at: IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnit Twitter: @reilecoyote  Join the discord here! Produced by Daniel Ramos @Schubirds Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. At participating restaurants for a limited time. I am Alfred Bardwell Evans

My comedy is from the heavens And I host Review Review Jeffrey James has gone away Now you will all hear me say I hurt myself with an axe My Peter Griffin's really good My Peter Griffin's really good Review Review Show

It's a podcast Review Review Show Is a podcast It's a podcast Review Review Show It's a podcast Review Review show. It's a podcast review review. Riley and Spaz on the show. But I'm

the real star, don't you know? RMR will bring lots of laughs. We're sure to split your sides in half You fuckers won't follow me on Gram You like the axe pick and then bam You go back to Jeff's naked ass Follow me or you will pay

Follow me or you will pay Review Review Show It's a podcast Review Review Show is a podcast It's a podcast. Review, review, show is a podcast. It's a podcast. Review, review. It's a podcast. Review, review. oh baby we're gonna let that i mean if we want to listen to the whole thing we can play it at the

end um or daniel if you want to add that in but that was that was a really special theme song that was a really special one do you want to know why why was that so special tell me it was from Tyler and so for listeners for you guys out there who don't know Tyler you gotta know Tyler so here's what happened Tyler said

at the March Zardy Drunkenly Tyler Drunkenly promised off a theme song about him as a parody of quote unquote some punk song so using no musical talent nor knowledge of audio recording nor songwriting i made well this it's a parody of the dead kennedy song california uber uber alice excuse me alice uh a satirical song song from the point of view of jerry brown the governor of california at the time uh some sort of hippie dictator my version is sung from the point of view of Jerry Brown, the governor of California at the time, a some sort of hippie dictator. My version is sung

from the point of view of Alf, who has demanded songs and missions about him. Hope this satiates his hunger for badly made songs about him. Tyler, you're a legend. And one thing Tyler doesn't know is that I actually have a cassette tape featuring that very song. This is the Dead Kennedys

Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death. This is a cassette tape I once found in my basement at an apartment building i lived in there was a shoebox full of cassette tapes that was so high up only i noticed they were there they were all from like the 80s including this like random repackaged dead kennedy's comp cassette from the 80s uh don't have a cassette player never listened to it but it's a fun thing but you have, but you have it at least. I love the Dead Kennedys and I love Tyler. My God. I love Tyler for making that because I remember that Zarty and we Tyler drunkenly did promise that

he would make that and he did. And so Tyler, we love you. I gotta respect someone who follows through on their promises. I also love that the description of the show, it is a podcast. It is a podcast. It is a podcast. People will say a lot of stuff. people have said a lot of stuff people cannot take that away from us people cannot tell me that this isn't at the very least is a podcast a podcast for sure um alf what the hell is new with you what the

freaking hell is up i had a caesar salad for breakfast i know you know that's right three days in a row three days in a row i've had a caesar salad for breakfast um just the lettuce and i have to be clear about something three days in a row i've had i've had a caesar salad before noon hasn't always been that as a brunch, hasn't always been sort of like 8 a.m. like slamming a Caesar, but before noon. Can I ask why? They're yummy. They're delicious. I love a Caesar salad.

Maybe not for breakfast. Sure. Maybe. Or maybe for breakfast. Any nutritional value with it other than the lettuce? Any nutritional value? Which is barely anything. Yeah, ever heard of croutons? So it is just the lettuce any nutritional value which is barely anything yeah ever heard of croutons so it is just the lettuce and croutons i'll put some cucumber in

there mainly water and i'll put an avocado in there i'll put avocado in there okay so one nutritious thing yeah and then i'll have some toast with it or something you know you are a little weirdo yeah we've known this forever i've never claimed to be anything other than a freak. Anyway, how are you? What's up with you? What have you been up to? Oh my God. Oh my God, you're asking me?

This is new. This is new. Well, because you were sitting there with your batting your eyelids going, when is anybody going to ask me how my day is going? I am... I'm great. I'm great. I'm great. That's great. I'm great.

That's awesome, man. Congrats. Um, I went and got, uh, listen, listen, listen, listen. I bought new bras today, which is like always a fun investment. And the woman who was helping me was really, really nice. I always love what I just, I just feel very. To you? Yeah.

Weird. Listen, I asked when she was helping me to the changing room, I was like, I just feel very. To you? Yeah. Weird. Listen, I asked when she was helping me to the changing room, I was like, how's your day going so far? And she's like, well, I woke up. So, I mean, how else can I complain? I'm here. I'm like, you know what? There we go. 100%.

Absolutely. I don't know about that. I would check in on her. I have a question. I've been meaning to ask this for months at this point. How's your toe? Oh, fully healed. I thought you were going to be like, what's your cuff size?

Sorry, I've been meaning to ask you this for years now. For months. What's your cuff size? Also, today, Daniel and I, well, the reason why I had to push the recording. Your toe is good though? My toe is fine. Thank you for asking. One of my neighbors asked me that as well.

Um. Cause you were, I just realized like the other day, I was like, she used to go on and on and on about that. And I feel like I haven't heard her. It was so annoying and it took forever to heal, but it's fine now. But, um, what's been frustrating me and why I, I'm just so emotionally annoyed, exhausted. I'm emotionally annoyed is because um daniel and i were hanging this uh frame in our apartment and there was like a sticker residue on the glass

that will not fucking come off did you use isopropyl alcohol like i said rubbing alcohol i used windex i used everything i made a little bit of a dent i took like my id i tried to like scrape it off are you sure it's sticker residue and it's not like damaged like it's not like it's sticker residue because i took the sticker off like it is um it's so frustrating and so we hung it up just to have it up and we're like we'll clean it later but it's i'm so annoyed i'm like try nail polish remover try nail polish remover. Try nail polish remover. Oh yeah. Some acetone on there. Just the, any solvent you can get your hands on.

Yeah, that's good. I might see if we have any like vinegar or anything. Got any paint stripper? I don't know, but we do have nail polish remover. I already know her. But Alfred,

we're not here to talk about acetone. I mean, we're not here to talk about bras. We're here. We're not. Because we're here to talk about bras. We're here. We're not. Because we're here to talk about something transportive. Transportive. Let's go to the movies.

Let's go see the stars. That's a little let's go to the movies from Annie. We're talking about AMC movie theaters. Let's's go to the movies from annie we're talking about amc movie theaters movies are not dead movie theaters are not dead sorry we're talking about amc movie theaters today which i love alfred tell me about them tell you specifically about AMC movie theaters. Tell me about AMC movie theaters. I can do that. My experience with AMC movie theaters is I've never lived close to one. Really?

That sucks. Growing up, there was an AMC, went out of business pretty fast. Regal was king in my hometown. Regal. We were a Regal. Regal was king. We were a regal was king we were a regal family uh and after i moved to boston of course um i started supporting independent you know small movie theaters shout out to coolidge corner

um and now that i live in chicago i live very far from an amc you know and again i support my local art house cinemas you know my experience with AMC is usually I go there to see a movie that's been out for three months and no other movie theater in their right mind is playing it but the AMC happens to have 45 screens and so they are looking to anything to possibly put on one of those screens

at any time what was the last thing you saw on an AMC? now we're talking might be pre-panda might be pre-panda you haven pre-panda yeah you haven't been to an amc since i might not have been to an amc since the pandy in fact might not have been to an amc ever since i saw the last star war that's crazy i think seeing the last star wars movie in boston might have been the last time that i went to an amc but you on the other hand you're going to the msa every night

i love an amc you are a amc yeah preferred plus i am a bit of an a-lister i'm a bit of an a-lister i'm a ticket master i'm i'm actually the defense attorney in the ticket master lawsuit. I am an AMCA-lister. I am in the AMC entourage with my friends. Remind me what the perks are again. You pay how much for what? The perks are basically you get to see two free movies a week. Or you get to see the equivalent of two.

If a movie ticket costs like 13 to 16 dollars uh-huh i get one of those babies for free i mean it's like you have to pay a certain amount each month what's the monthly fee that's what i'm asking let me double check i think hold on somebody could use rocket money no i've just had i've had it for a while uh-huh you know what would help with that would be rocket money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash review, review. It's $20 a month.

You see, that's really not bad. You go, you go to the movies. Actually, you can see up to three movies every week. You go to the movies twice a month,

you're making your money back on that. Yes, I know. It's, it's a great. That's awesome, man. I love it.

I wish there was an AMC, fucking art house cinema. I wish there was an AMC near me. I do that every day. You can do it with friends. So Daniel and I, at the time of recording tonight, we're going to go see the Dungeons and Dragons movie. And because he is also AMC, it's like you can reserve the seats.

You can send the ticket to your friend and then they get it for free as well. That's awesome. It's great. I love an AMC. I grew up. I'm an AMC girl. All my memories of movie theaters are going to AMCs. Wow.

Because I would go with my father. We would go to the AMC at the Santa Monica Promenade, the Third Street Promenade. That one doesn't exist anymore, but that we would go to all the time. And I loved that AMC. It had like three levels or two levels. Like the grandeur of an AMc i love and obviously yes like

support indie art house she's just saying this she's just saying this but my god do i love i just like here's the thing i i love going to movies i go a lot which is why i'm an amca lister um and my every time i go to the movies I get very excited I get a movie theater popcorn and Diet Coke and it's the best combo in the world I'm gonna have that tonight I'm very excited

well and that's and that's the thing about movie theaters it's like it's a ritual it is a ritual and we do get hooked on our like

specific theaters our specific brands because it's all part of the ritual so I get that if you grew up in AMC girly and you've stayed

in AMC girly I am staying in AMC, girly, and you've stayed in AMC, girly, I am. So now you'll be like, I'm going to go get a diet Pepsi. From, from a regal cinemas. You're fucking livid.

I'm at home at an AMC. I'm Nicole Kidman at an AMC. Pepsi tastes good in a place like this. That. Here's the thing. Going to AMC. Yeah. Seeing that Nicole Kidman spot play.

Yeah. Elizabeth Valentina, I know the whole thing. Whenever we see a film together and that comes on, we quote it. We quote the entire thing aloud. And yeah, we're annoying as hell. Yeah, that sucks. But you know. Do you get heckled by people in the theater? No, because you know it's going to be a good screening

If more people are quoting it than just us I guess that's fair If at least like 30% to 50% Of that theater is also quoting it It's a great time There was one time where Elizabeth Did the whole thing at full voice And I didn't do it

Just to see what would happen She got a round of applause afterwards. Wow. I love an AMC. It's interesting because I do that. I am almost always the only person who's reciting the in-flight safety demonstration along with the flight attendant. Right, well, that's boring and this is cool. I've never gotten a round of applause when I hold up my seatbelt and go, look, it's tight. I remember the first movie that I saw in theaters

after like the height of the pandy was Everything Everywhere All at Once. And I just, I love a communal movie going experience. We're meant to watch it together. And I love it. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. I love going to the movies.

It's getting me so pumped to go to the movies tonight. jealous i'm not going to the not me looking up movie times hear me i remember like going to the amc with my dad i it would be at the time when we would either look in the paper to see what movies were playing what times or you'd call fandango and you would read you the times and that was just such a nostalgic memory um i remember one time uh the the slogan like you know buying movie tickets in advance we should have bought tickets in advance with fandango lives rent-free in my head because uh one time when i was like i don't know 10 i guess i would have been and the jack black film year one came out uh i don't know if you even remember that movie. It's such a forgotten film. It's this weird

thick, scary movie in terms of genre, but it's parodying the caveman movies that were coming out a lot back then, like 10,000 beasts. Anyway, year one, total nothing of a film. Total nothing of a film. And my dad,

my brother, and I went to see it and we were like it's year one we gotta buy tickets in advance we're going to year one and so we bought tickets like it was a whole thing where it was like figuring out okay so this you know because this was things were harder to do back in those days you buy tickets

in advance we show up like 20 minutes early to make sure we get our own seats basically the only people in the theater no totally pointless should have just showed up that is so funny i remember going to that amc in santa monica third street promenade damn amc that damn amc i forget what movie i was seeing with like one of my childhood best friends and his family it might have been finding nemo okay so 2003 it might have been finding nemo you know the year that finding nemo came out you had that way too quickly at the ready common

knowledge but keep going i it might or maybe it was something else i'm forgetting but anyway i was an animated film for sure. And I went with like my childhood best friend and his family. And I fell asleep in the movie, which I'm still want to do. And I fell asleep near the end. parents being like oh my god you're here because they had walked out briefly forgetting that i was with them and then came back when they remembered that i was bro if i was your friend's parents i would have not let that slip i would have been like no we were just going to the bathroom we were coming right back we knew we definitely didn't forget about you that's crazy why would they do why would they tell you nine i don't know because probably because they were just so panicked um here's my thinking i don't think he was finding nemo because i don't think he would have fallen asleep i think it was spy kids three game over no i i remember going to see that i remember having like the the scratch and sniff card for

that the 3d glasses that was 3d glasses oh no the scratch and sniff was for the Rugrats movie. It doesn't matter. Could have been the first Pirates of the Caribbean. No, it was animated. Should we get into our revias? Okay, Bruce Almighty it was. Yes, let's do it. Do you want to go first? It must have been. Gotta be a Bruce Almighty. God honestly

had to have been Bruce Almighty. I can go. You should go first. I want you to go first. I feel like you need to go first. I will absolutely go. Freaky Friday? It could have been Bruce Lee. You should go first. I want you to go first. I feel like you need to go first. I will absolutely go. Freaky Friday? It could have been Freaky Friday. No, I do remember seeing that in theaters. Probably at an AMC. Probably at M. Night Shyamalan. M. Night Shyamalan.

This is for the AMC at Universal CityWalk. And I know we have done an episode about CityWalk, but this is the AMC at CityWalk. I promise I won't do any of the same jokes. This is the initials JL. This is from J. Ledger Hoover.

J. Ledger Hoover, one star. The manager was belligerent when I informed them that they were incorrectly projecting the movie I saw. It was cut off at the top and the bottom of the frame. He was a broken record, saying they were doing everything right and there's nothing wrong with what I saw, even though he acknowledged it was also wrong, lol. When I asked if he was the senior manager, he said, yes, I am the manager. And I said, again, are you the senior manager? And he said, yes, I am the manager. I asked the third time.

He said, no, the senior manager is another person., yes, I am the manager. I asked the third time. He said, no, the senior manager is another person. Ha ha ha. What a ridiculous person. I asked if I could talk to that manager. Then he said, no, she's on a lunch break. She was standing right beside him and said, how can I help you? And he said, I can take your phone number. Just so silly, like he was going to protect her from my completely reasonable, valid complaint about the error in their projection. Anyhow, that senior manager also did nothing and refused to give any sort of compensation for the incorrect projection of the film if you like going places where people won't do anything to help you when they make mistakes or take any responsibility enjoy this theater why does it feel like some like weird like l labyrinth Alice in Wonderland type of, like, one of us only lies and the other one only tells the truth?

I'm the manager, but I am not the manager. Well, and it's like you can only, like, yeah, you can only answer with a question. Like, it's something very, like, having to repeat everything three times before the other person hears you or like it's like if you ask me the first two times if you only ask me twice i'll lie but as soon as you ask the third time then i will tell you the truth what am i it's been a riddle the whole time it's a sphinx like what the fuck for the lowest stakes thing of like hey this movie it's the right movie it's just the framing is off i'm also just like i i don't know there comes a point when you're complaining right at a movie theater or something and it's like the person doesn't want to hear it you just where you just give up you go okay you don't that's fine i'll just leave i was trying to be i'll just i'll just fuck off but it's like. You go, okay, you don't, that's fine. I'll just leave. I was trying to be, I'll just, I'll just fuck off.

But it's like these people who leave these reviews just don't hit that point. They just stand there just like sort of screaming into the void. Like, listen to me, listen to me until somebody does. Maybe they don't. Well, if you like that kind of thing, then enjoy this theater. A group of kids, like, all trying to look older than they are, coming up to a ticket counter to buy tickets. Uh, hey, hey.

We'll take a couple tickets to Scream 6, please. Four tickets to Scream 6. Scream 6, huh? Yeah. We're very excited to see Scream 6. And don't worry about our IDs. We are all 18 and over. I'm still going to have to see something. I'm sorry, Sada.

I can't just take your word for it, okay? I think you can. don't worry about our ids we are 18 and over just four tickets to scream six please four tickets to scream six yeah four tickets to scream six i'm sorry you're all very adult in your voices and your demeanor but i'm unfortunately i will need to see some kind of id or just bring a parent just get see if you can get a parent to come with you and then i don't even need to check your ids i mean like our parents are here but they don't feel like they need to come and chaperone their 18 and up uh kids and friends of kids so i guess i can bring one over

but it's gonna be annoying for them and for all of us. Can you please just give us four tickets to Scream 6? I'm not allowed. I'm sorry. Okay, fine. Let me call my 55-year-old dad, because I'm definitely 18 and older. Okay.

Dad comes over. Okay, what is it? Hi, they said they needed help. Yeah, I'm just saying I'm not allowed to, I can't admit them into the theater if they're under 18. Or 17. I don't know why they keep saying they're 18, they only need to be 17.

Okay, well then clearly, and you're not giving them a ticket no because that none of them have given me an id none of them have you know obviously if you go into the movie theater i am the manager are you the manager yeah i'm the manager are you the manager i am the manager are you actually the manager i am not the manager. Are you actually the manager? I am not the manager. Can I talk to the manager? Absolutely. Let me go get him. Dad, this blows.

I'm sorry, son. Listen, I gotta head back to Cheesecake Factory soon. Your mom's getting pretty hungry, and they don't let us order unless we're all there for some reason. Hello? Hello, hi. My son and his friends are just trying to buy four tickets to Scream 6, and they are all 18 and over. And your colleague here was not selling them a ticket. Oh, okay. Did they proffer their IDs?

They don't have to, because they're all adults and older. No, unfortunately, they do still have to proffer their IDs. Do they have to proffer their IDs? They do need to proffer their IDs. Do they have to proffer their IDs? They do need to proffer their IDs. Are you sure they have to proffer their IDs? They do need to profit their IDs. Do they have to profit their IDs? They do need to profit their IDs. Are you sure they have to profit their IDs? They do not need to profit their IDs.

No, go right ahead. Here are four tickets, was it? Okay. And that is just going to be- Four tickets for Scream 6? Four tickets for Scream 6. Yeah, and that will just be $60. I'll let Tony handle the rest of the transaction.

Do we need to pay the $60? Yes, you guys do need to pay the $60. Do we need to pay the $60? Yes, you guys do need to pay the $60. Do we need to pay the $60? Yes, you need to pay $60. Do we need to pay $60? Here's your tickets. Kids. Yeah!

Kids go in and sit and watch. They're watching the movie. They get scared as shit they all start crying coming out of the theater excuse me can we talk to the manager please uh yes i am the manager my name is tony i'm the manager you guys actually no wait you said you're the one who said that you aren't the manager i am the manager correct are you the manager i am the manager are you the manager i am the manager of you the manager i am the manager of this establishment that is right my name is tony and i'm the manager oh shit okay um this we had an

issue with the film let me go get him oh my god yes we had an issue with the film and we would like uh we would like to make a complaint okay The movie was scary, and it was scary for adults, which we are. And so I'd like to make a complaint that you not play this movie at your theater anymore. We're gonna keep playing the movie because ultimately, uh, you know, that's the point, is for it to be scary.

Are you gonna keep playing the movie? Please don't make me do that. Are you gonna keep playing the movie? Yes, we are going to keep playing. Are you going to keep playing the movie? Yes, we are going to keep playing. Are you going to keep playing the movie? Yes, if we don't play this movie, our theater is going to go out of... Are you going to keep playing the movie? We'll stop showing the movie.

Thank you. I didn't want to have to do that. But I was very frightened. And now I might not have a good dream yeah well i'm gonna be having nightmares too because my business is going under thanks to you i hope you sleep well tonight knowing what you've done showing up at town hall. Okay, we'll know. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. No, no, no. No, no, no. I know how you love to run these ones. I'm sorry. I was president last term. I'm not president.

You're president now. I always get muddled. No, but I want to keep that same respect. So please, you take this one over. I'm being quiet. I'm being quiet. I'm being quiet. No, no.

Mum's the word. Mum's the word. I'm being quiet. I'm being quiet. I'm being quiet. Nope, nope. Mum's the word. Mum's the word. I'm like a British boy talking to his mom because mum is the word. Sounds like Squidward from Futurama. I guess I'll run the meeting if you really like. All right, we are here today. City Council is meeting to discuss the matter of Vacant Lot 314, moreover known as formerly the movie theater downtown.

We're trying to decide what we're going to do with it. Yeah, so we're just here for public comment. Whether or not we do know. Excuse me, I would like to put forward my motion first. All right. You can step up to the microphone, son. You don't need to shout from wherever you are. My name is Todd. All right.

And I would like to petition. You get a last name, Todd? Sorry. Public comment has to have a first and last. Todd Blan. Todd Blan. And I would like to put forward a motion. Yes.

I would like to put forward a motion to make this vacant lot a big place where I can play Xbox and watch cool TV shows and eat chicken wings with my friends. Okay, can I just drill down, ask some follow-up there, Sunny? Are you all right with that? Absolutely. Okay, so when you say I want to turn it into a big place where I can play Xbox, do you want to demolish the building that's already there and build a new building, or were you just hoping to repurpose the theater? No, you can keep it the same. I just want to make it a big place

where I can play Xbox and eat chicken wings and watch cool TV shows with my friends. A cool place for adults like I am. Okay, so it is adults only and you're playing... No, it's Todd and friends only. I would like to make it just for me and my friends.

Todd, Blan... Todd, Striker, Axel, Nathan, and Ant. Okay, Todd, Striker, Axel, Nathan, and Ant? Yes. Ant. I want to know what his deal is. So you guys are going to play Xbox on the big movie screens. You guys are going to eat chicken wings.

Is that your pitch? And watch cool TV shows. And watch cool TV shows. Okay, adult TV shows. Could you give some examples for the record? The Last of Us. Maybe there's a show on Netflix called, I think I've heard it's called Sex Life. That could be pretty cool.

There's a show that's just called Sex Life? There sure is. That's real. Oh, I'm telling my wife about that one tonight. And maybe a little bit of Rick and Morty. And let's throw in Family Guy while we're at it. Rick and Morty. I haven't heard it.

What is that? What's that about? But I won't be limited to these shows and programs. are just no I asked for examples son and you gave me examples already did you see that um did you see that one the gay episode of the last of us I haven't seen the last of us yet that's what I'm saying oh I thought that was beautiful I thought that was cinema I really did I thought that elevated are there any other follow-up questions you have for me? No, I think we're all set.

Are you going to make it a place for me and my friends to Xbox and chicken wings and TV shows? Maybe. Yeah, I mean, there's a long process. Are you going to make it an Xbox chicken wing TV show place for Todd and friends? Like I said, Todd, we are. Are you going to make it a place for Xbox, chicken wing, TV shows for Todd and his pals? Now, Mr. Bland, I'm going to ask you... Sorry, Mr. Bland, I'm going to ask you very politely to please refrain from asking that question another time.

We have a process here. I've already asked three times. We're going to hold a vote. Yes, but because... Please, sir, I just ask you not to ask one more time. But I already... But I already asked three times. It should have worked by now.

I don't understand why it's not working. Sorry, son? I don't understand why you're not doing what I say because I already said it and it should have worked by now and it's not working and I might have to call my dad. Son, you can call whomever you like. The three strikes rule

does not apply to city government. Are you going to make an Xbox cool place where we can watch PG-13 stuff where we see boobies and say shit and eat chicken wings with Ant, Axel, Striker, Nathan, and Todd. Unfortunately, yes, we are going to make...

Shit, yeah! There is a four times asking a question rule at City Council. We've kept it secret for a long time, and congrats! You've just opened the floodgates. Okay, so that closes the matter. 314, what to do of lot.

314, that used to be the movie theater, will now be, and I quote, a big place where Todd Bland and his friends Axel, Nathan, Striker, and Ant

can watch grown-up TV shows with titties, eat chicken wings, and play Xbox. And we can say shit there. Oh, I'm sorry. I did forget to write that down. And they can say shit there. All right. Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, son. That's one way to run a country.

Cut to Thomas, an interrogation officer for the FBI. I'm not telling you shit. Did you happen to kill 27 people when you put that toxic gas into the Petco on 3rd and Maple? Did I happen to kill 23 people? 27? I did not happen to kill anybody. Did you do it? I did not do it.

Be honest, did you do it? I did not do it. Did you do it? I did not do it. Did you do it? I did not do it. No, I asked more than four times. You should have said yes. Are you kidding? I am a crazy good at my job.

Did you do it? Yes, I did it. And I'd do it again. Looking back in the mirror, we got him. His performance review. Now, Todd, I don't know how you do it, but your success rate with the detainees has been rather remarkable. I know. But there's one thing I wanted to bring up with you.

Oh, Ant just drives me to work. Like, we're not a couple, but it'd be fine if we were. If that's what you're asking. I'm, who's aunt? Aunt is my best buddy and roommate. Why did it sound like you were going to say something else and then you changed it to best buddy and roommate? You paused. Because I'm saying it's like, it'd be fine if we were more than that

i don't know who this person is and it's not what i was gonna talk about okay then what were you gonna talk about but if you want to talk about it we can it seems like you're in crisis no i'm just saying it's like maybe you share a kiss when you're watching the gay episode of Last of Us because it makes you think like, oh, I didn't know this was a possibility until I saw the representation in mainstream media. And so then maybe it's like, oh, we're friends, but maybe we could be something more. And so you share a kiss and then one thing leads to another and you share another kiss. But then it doesn't necessarily mean that you're anything other than buddies yet because you're not sure how you feel. I think it does.

I think that pretty clearly that is outside the bounds of buddy behavior, I would say. What were you going to ask me? This sounds very inappropriate for you to be asking me about me and Ant. You brought all of this up. I thought you were going to bring it up.

Have you seen the gay episode of The Last of Us? I have. I thought you were going to bring it up. Have you seen the gay episode of The Last of Us? I have. I thought it was moving and poignant and powerful. Moving, poignant, powerful. That's what I thought too. And you know what? Even I, a straight man, was able to love my wife a little bit more

after that. So, I thought it was really beautiful. Okay, oversharing. What were you going to ask me? I was going to ask why every time you break a suspect. You sound sad about it. Every time you break one. You go. We got him.

And it sounds like you're really disappointed. Or upset about something. That's a judgment. Because whenever I do it. That's like me being excited. So I'm sorry. That's your i'm sorry that's your excited voice what's your excited voice i would be more like yeah we got him that's literally what i'm doing that right there that's what i'm talking about am i in trouble yeah i mean a little maybe i just want to make sure that you're up for this i might i might

schedule a psych like you said i'm the best performing want to make sure that you're up for this. I might schedule a psych eval. Like you said, I'm the best performing interrogation officer you've ever seen. You're no good to me if you burn out. Todd, you're no good to me. I'm not gonna burn out! Oh my god. Todd, let me ask you something. What? When you're with Ant. Yeah.

Is there anywhere you'd rather be? Well, I mean, like, usually when I'm with Ant we're in the big place where we could play Xbox and eat chicken wings and watch TV shows with titties and say shit oh is that what went in the old movie theater lot so no there's nowhere else I'd rather be because that's kind of the coolest place ever but

whenever we're there Striker, Nathan and Axel also happen to be there because they were also the guys who I said could come. Right. So what you're saying is when you're within at the big place where you can say shit and watch titties and play Xboxes

and eat chicken wings, the only place you'd rather be is there without Striker and Nathan. I don't know what this has to do with me being amazing at my job. Because look,

we're the FBI, okay? We're the FBI. We're the FBI. We're the FBI. Sure. We're a Bureau of Investigation. A federal one at that. But I like to think of us as the Family Bureau of Investigation. That's really inappropriate.

No, I just think I care about you, son. No, son, you're the best damn interrogator. Will you make me the president of the FBI if I stay? There's no president of the FBI. Will you make me the president of the FBI if I stay? There's no president of the FBI. Will you make me the president of the FBI if I stay? Will you make me the president of the FBI if I stay?

Congratulations, sir. You're the new FBI president. All hail to the chief. That's not what we... Let's take a break. And we're actually back, you fucking idiot. Are we back? Oh, shit, we're not back.

I thought we were back. Are we back? Are we back? are we back? I'm checking will you just let me check? read the next review we're not back and now we're back and now we're back

hang on one second please and we're back and we are back this is for the AM and we back so alf why don't you read your next review yep just let me grab my oh just checking we're back hang on we are back okay and actually now we're back yeah and we are sorry just give me one second we are back okay yes just sorry i had to double check something we are actually back and I'm ready to read my review is that okay with you yep okay we are back here we go

uh this one is for the AMC Village Crossing 18 right near me in Lincolnwood Illinois dox yourself why don't ya it's like near me it's a big fucking city I mean near me as in

it's a suburb of Chicago I think I'll be fine I live at the AMC building uh this is from P Davis so I guess I should have maybe said PD there um no it's okay

uh Petunia davis petunia davis ah well petunia davis right um how many stars one star and this is from five years ago so i shudder to think where the theater's at now one star this place is going downhill fast they had a power outage in the middle of the movie after sitting there for an hour they restarted the movie except it was the wrong movie oh my god we got refunds and left that reminds me, I don't know if any of you guys, any theater heads out there know. Okay. Know Mr. Burns, the electric play, I think is what it's called.

Post-electric play. Post-electric play. Thank you. That makes sense. In the play, it's like a post-apocalyptic world, and there's no electricity, there's nothing. And so it's like the ways people tell stories and entertain themselves it's like a group of people knows one episode from the simpsons and like they acted out and then over time it's like you know it's like a game of

telephone and it's like what what shifts how do you remember it it just reminds me of that of like they're watching the movie power outage also love that they didn't leave after an hour. They stayed for an hour. There's a power outage, the movie theater. I am staying there precisely 10 minutes. And then I am walking back to my car. It's like,

it's like, I'm trying to think of like a dungeons and jackets. You're there. You're watching that. It cuts out like 20 minutes in. And if we're just sitting there, Hey, Hey, Hey, what the hell? Hey, what the, what the crap?

We wanted to. Can anybody see anything? It's so dark in here. What do you think happened next? Everyone laughs. Yeah. No, but what do you, but what do you think happened next? Everyone laughs. Yeah. No, but what do you think happened? Maybe.

The knight just went into the dragon pit, and he was about to kill the dragon, but he didn't. So it's just like, what do you think happened? What do we all think happened? What if the dragon, what if he goes into the dragon pit and and the dragon's there uh with her like babies and he like feels bad he like has a moment of recognition where he realizes that the that the babies were the babies that the dragon is like a mom i love that and as a mother i really connect to that

because i'm here with my kids it's pitch black no one can see anyone i'm here with i'm sitting with my kids and and what if what if he apologizes to the dragon and what if the dragon just like what if what if the dragon eats him because she's like no one's getting near my babies no one's gonna touch my babies and so then after going to touch my babies. And so then after she eats him, what, what, then, then what if, what if the babies hatch right then and there? Yeah. Yeah. Um, that's a good idea, mom. And then what if, what if after the babies hatch, they all are like, oh my God, our mom is a killer.

And they turn on the mom and and they and they fly away and the rest of the movie is the mom trying to find her kids um well i actually think that after that moment what if like while their mom's flying the knight actually is still alive and he's like oh he cuts through the belly of the mom no yeah yeah no he does he definitely does i think he cuts through the belly of the mom no i don't like that because that's him killing the mom no he cuts through the belly of the mom. No! Yeah, yeah. No, he does. He definitely does. I think he cuts through the belly of the mom. No, I don't like that because that's him killing the mom. No, he cuts through the belly of the mom, but then he takes some of, like,

the inner stomach lining, and he uses that as a paraglider. That would be cool as hell. He takes it, he uses the stomach lining as a paraglider, and then he lands, and he finds a really hot princess, and then he, like, kisses her on the mouth. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't the mouth. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, I don't like that. That doesn't make sense.

I don't think he does that. He definitely does that because he's cool as shit. No, he doesn't do that. He would do that. He literally does that. What are you talking about he wouldn't do that? What's your name, man? Brian. Okay, Brian. I'm Steve and let me tell you, he would do that. No, he wouldn't because dragons

dragons actually have stomach acid that can I'm Steve and let me tell you he would do that No he wouldn't because dragons Dragons Actually have Stomach acid that can Dissolve almost anything Including gold coins so I think The knight would be dead as a doorknob Actually and there's no way that he would cut out And frankly I think that

The way that you said a hot Princess babe or whatever was a little I didn't say babe. No, but anybody else think demeaning? Did anyone? I'm Carolyn. Yeah.

Demeaning. Demeaning. Well also, yes, demeaning, but also like he wouldn't do that to the mom. Yeah. Demeaning.

No, it's like, he wouldn't do that to the mom because the mom needs to find her babies. The mom always has to find her babies. And so I think we can all agree that like, it's not only the stomach acid, but it's like the love of a mother is so strong. And it's like the dragon acid wouldn't, it literally, it's like, it's like the love, the love binds the mom and dragon together. And so actually the love is so strong that it kills the knight in the stomach.

It kills the misogynistic, horrible knight in the stomach. And so then he doesn't actually get out of there. That's, I don't think that's true. I don't think love is a chemical that would kill somebody in the inner linings of a dragon stomach. Sorry, Mrs. But that's kind of sorry. Have you ever seen a fantasy film before? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is I'm I'm sorry.

I just started butting again. Steve. This is a movie. We need your we need what? I'm sorry I just tried to butt in again Steve No please Brian We need your What? I was saying this isn't your movie This isn't your movie Okay

Oh it's your movie? No it's literally like our movie Like as a group We're like making this movie right now Like we're like weaving a portrait of a movie and you're kind of like bogarting it so what if from now on are you for real to a vote we'll put it to a vote okay everybody who thinks everybody who thinks that he dies in the dragon's stomach from the power of her mama love okay

I want you to yell as the top of your lungs right now ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh everybody loves it this is so fucked Steve this is democracy

everybody who thinks it's Steve's idea Where the knight busts out of the dragon And paraglides back to the ground And then makes love to a pretty babe I didn't say that, I literally said kiss But that's fine, okay, don't listen to me Everybody scream for that one Yeah, yeah, yeah

Everybody, everybody's also doing it It's not just me, everybody Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody, everybody's also doing it. It's not just me. He's the only one. Yeah. Woo. Woo. That's the cool idea. And the mama love stomach is stupid.

Okay. I am here with my kids. Can we talk about, can we stop talking about kissing babes and using the word stupid? What happens next, everybody? So mama kills him in the interlining with her stomach glove. Yes, honey? Oh, sorry, that's not my child. Sorry, it's dark in here.

I don't blame you, but if you would take your hand off me, I would appreciate it. Thank you. My name is Doris. I haven't spoken up as to now. I've just been enjoying the show. But I had an idea, if you guys want to hear it. Yes, Doris, I'd love to hear

anything other than paragliding down with stomach lining and having sex with a princess. Okay, my idea is what if now the dragon dresses up like a person and goes down and tries to be like part of their society but nobody

wants her there and they can all tell that she's different but even though she's dressed like a person she's 30 foot tall and she's belching fire everywhere and they hate her but she she loves them she just wants to be a person and she meets a witch and the witch gives her a wish and she becomes and she becomes a human well doris doris i'm gonna cut you off right there because already i'm so sorry that's really interesting for like a sequel but we're losing the train of thought of the mama of it all because why would she want to go sorry i think we can all agree that it's like we're getting off track because why would you want to go be with the townspeople

when she has to find her babies? No, she has to find her babies! Brian, you have to- You had your turn. You had your idea. Now we have to respect Doris. So let's put it to a vote. Everybody who thinks

that the mama dragon dresses up like a person and goes into the city but but they want nothing to do with her because he's 34 tall. She belches fire that she meets a witch who turns into a person. Scream at the top of your lungs. Everybody. Okay. And what about, what about, what about when they turn the dragon into a person? Maybe that person goes and finds a really hot member of the royal family and they get into some dirty, nasty shit.

Woo! Woo! Stephen, no one can see because it's dark, but he's taking his shirt off and is whipping it around. Woo! I love that idea! I love that idea! I love that idea! He's running around the theater to make it seem like his voice is coming from different places.

Woo! He traps. Oh, fuck. Shit. Are you okay, Steven? I'm fine. No, I'm not Steven. I'm another theater-goer because Steven's over... Well, are you okay? I'm over... I'm fine. No, I'm not Steven. I'm another theater goer because Steven's over.

Are you okay? I'm fine. And what about my idea of the mom? Actually, she doesn't do that because she loves her kids so much and she never abandoned them. So what if, who loves the idea that the mom keeps flying and flying until she finds her babies and reunites with them. And then they tell her that they love her more than anything and they want to be back in her stomach. And want to live and want to never have been born so they can live in her forever. Who loves that idea?

Yeah! Yeah! I love it! She's the only one. Even her kid is like, wait, what? Mom, that's a very specific and weird. It's just the movie, honey. It's just the movie.

Okay, fine. I guess we're doing Doris' idea that what? The witch turns the dragon into a person? And then I've got another idea. To be fair, Doris, I think we should... Anyone else have any other ideas? Hey, good eye. Oh, do we have someone from down under? It's quite rude, but yes. My name is Tobias, and i've got a little pitch for you

okay is it about mummies not really uh so basically the dragon who's now obviously because of doris she's a woman uh she's in human form and she's trying to sort of integrate into society what if she becomes a conductor of classical music? But she's a little controversial. She's a lesbian. And, of course, she does groom and sort of lead to the death by suicide of one of her star pupils. So that's just the plot of Tar. I don't think so.

I've never saw that. That's the plot of Tar. That's Lydia Tar's story played by Cate Blanchett. Tell me it's not riveting, though. Tell me you don't want to see our dragon do that. I mean, well, it's already been done, though. Do you not want to see our dragon do that? Well, no, because it's already been done.

Okay, fine. Who wants to put a two vote? Who wants the dragon woman to do Tar? Who wants this movie to be dragon Tar? Whole theater loses their mind at Dragon Tar. Honestly, I'd rather have Mama suck her babies back up into her dragon belly, because

then we're just doing Dragon Tar. I for one think Dragon Tar is a marvelous idea. Doris, we will never agree on anything because you're old. What the fuck did you just say to me, son? I was kicking ass before you even fucking conceived, you little rat shit. Lights turn on.

Oh. Hey, everybody, I am so, so sorry about that. There was a crazy storm outside. We had surges out the wazoo and oh, my God, you're all still here. Well, we appreciate you your patience and for bearing with us. So we are going to start the movie again.

Thank you again for your patience. We will be issuing refunds. But enjoy Dungeons and Dragons. Steve is putting his shirt back on. Doris is putting his shirt back on. Doris is putting her shirt back on. They all sit back down.

The mom is, like, caressing her belly, wishing a baby was in it. I don't know about you guys, but, uh, I don't know. I kind of liked our movie better. Yeah, they watch all Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, that, um, ours, I kind of loved our movie. Yeah, there was, like, absolutely no classical music in it. And there were no mama dragons and babies who wanted to be back inside.

And no 30-foot dragons dressed as women farting fire. And no one fucked. That's true. Nobody did fuck. That's true. Nobody had sex. And it was no fucking. Guys, I know we all just met and things got a little bit heated But if you would all be interested

I would love to make our dream a reality Everybody who thinks we should make the movie Scream at the top of your lungs Cut to the premiere of dragon tar red carpet runway excuse me doris doris doris doris doris doris how do you feel about you were a postal worker and now you are here at the premiere of your own hollywood feature how do you how what are the thoughts going through your head right now? Also, you are looking beautiful tonight, by the way. I feel electric, I'll tell you what. My body is on fire.

I will say the lawsuits, they are completely baseless. There is absolutely nothing in this film was plagiarized, and anybody who says so is a hack. So that being said, you do have the first 20 minutes of Dungeons & Dragons cut from the film. You did bootleg the first 20 minutes and then you added Parody Law! Parody Law! And then you did take the script from TAR and just kind of make it about a dragon. Yes, and that's going to fall under Parody Law, bitch!

Okay, well, Dorsey, you are a firecracker. I'm so excited to see what's next for you. Yeah, put that in your fucking pipe and smoke it. Woo, there she goes. Oh, and here's the co-director, Brian. Brian, hello, Brian, Brian, Brian. Juice, shucks, come on. Hey, guys.

Brian, the fans all want to know, are you the voice of Kermit the Frog? Never. Never kiss and tell. Oh, okay. So, Brian, this is your first ever feature, first ever movie at all. You are a server at Buffalo Wild Wings. What do you think is next for you? Oh, geez. I think probably me and my creative partners, Steve and Doris and the Australian guy and the mom, of course.

We're all going to try and make a new movie together. We've got something really fantastic in the works, and I can't wait to see how it turns out. Okay, well, I'll let you go, Brian. No, no. Okay. What? Nobody wants to talk to me come on oh australian guy australian guy come on then australian guy so you are one of the actors in the film you do play the night tobias tobias what was your process for dropping into the role of Sir Cornflower? I will. Actually, it's a funny story.

I did a load of mushrooms and I just sort of watched the first 20 minutes of Dungeons and Dragons over and over again while I was tripping, absolutely tripping balls. And now I really do part of my soul believes that I am Mr. Cornstarch or whatever his name is. Sir Cornflower. Oh, that's fascinating. And congratulations, you are getting some Oscar buzz. Well, I don't want to jinx it, but I have ultimately won both the SAG Award and the Golden Globe. So things are looking good for me. Before the film has even come out, how thrilling for you. Oh, sorry, I've just dropped my

Oh I've just dropped my golden globe Let me pick that up And you do carry it around with you Well congratulations again on the premiere Excited to see what happens Yeah do you want to hear about our next film? Yeah I would love to if you're willing to share Well it's sort of a sneak peek

I don't want to tell tales out of school Ryan might kill me for this one And the mum might as well Tobias are you over there sharing secrets oh come on now mom don't be my name is carolyn all right carolyn don't be a wet rag uh do you want to tell them what our new movie's about oh my god oh my god um hi i'm carolyn oh hello yes carolyn the lead producer on the project so wonderful to see you. How are your kids doing?

Oh, my God. They are fantastic. Thank you so much for asking. I'll cut to the chase. Our next movie is going to blow your freaking minds, okay? Oh, my God. Is that true, Tobias? Is it going to blow everyone's freaking minds?

Well, let's just say it's going to be a spiritual successor to The Godfather in the sense that the first 20 minutes are going to be Dungeons and Dragons. And then the last 90 minutes are going to be- The last 90 minutes are going to be- So you will ultimately have a dragon who turns into an Italian-American man. And he is kind of at odds with different members of his family. He's kind of caught up in, like, drugs and mafia. So it's going to be the god, so it's Dragon Godfather. It's Dragon Godfather.

Well, I've got two words for you, my love. Parody law. Parody law. Parody law. Eat ass, get fucked. Let's go. Let's go, Caroline. We don't need these fucking Philistines. Do we want to do our next review?

Yeah, let's do another review. Why not? I love Dragon Tar. That's one of my favorite films of the year. Dragon Tar, Dragon Tar. let's all watch dragon tar okay this is for amc burbank 16 four stars from wayne g wayne wayne johnson dwayne john Johnson's brother. Wayne Johnson? Wayne Johnson's brother. Wayne G.

Wayne G. Wayne Johnson with a G. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Okay, Wayne Johnson with a G. I cannot read! So, here's the thing. The majority of this review is just kind of normal.

Oh, great. But it's the lead-in that really caught my interest. Well, you can dot, dot, dot it if you want. You can just read the intro. Yeah. My old stomping grounds. It's been many years since I've been back to my Burbank's AMC. This past weekend, I decided to check out a movie

in their Dolby Atmos theater, and I was super impressed by the layout, chairs, and sound quality. It's a definite way to watch a movie you really want to see. To watch a movie in the Dolby Room is pretty pricey, so make sure you pick the right movie. And then, dot, dot, dot, they talk about the reclining of the chairs. But to go back to an old movie theater, to start the review with my old stomping grounds hey my old stomping grounds it's been many years since i've been back to this verbatim game see not much has changed chairs don't go back as far as they used to

popcorn's the same still got that slightly burnt taste to it movies are different that's for sure that is for sure but it's still home should we uh should we really be living here? Sorry? Should we really be living here? In the roof? In the attic? Yeah, is that... Listen...

I'm starting to feel weird about it. I know, like, it's the way we've been doing it for so long, but, like... It's been busy. We haven't come back down here into the theater for a couple years now. And I'm starting to feel like I'm going kind of stir crazy up there. But they know me here. Can I just say, like, when I was a kid, I was here all the time. So, like, honestly, I think now would be the time for us to come out of the roof, out of the attic.

And we've saved enough money. We can get our own place. But it's like they shouldn't be surprised because they know me here. Because guess what? Little secret. I used to work at this AMC. Babe, they don't know you. They shouldn't be surprised because they know me here. Because guess what? Little secret. I used to work at this AMC. Babe, they don't know you.

Everybody who works here is under the age of 25. We moved into that attic when these kids were still in middle school. Ricky, they know me. You work at this AMC, you're family. That's literally part of the training. They said when you work at this AMc your family that's literally part of the training they said when you work at this amc you are family so just trust me on this okay okay if you say so but i i think would be better off just like making a graceful exit and it would be better if no one ever knew we were here i feel really weird about what we did. I couldn't disagree more. Okay.

Okay. I mean. And sure, maybe living off of Mike and Ikes and popcorn for 10 years has made my brain a little foggy. My teeth have all rotted out. Rotted clean out of my skull. Trust me on this. When you work at AMC, you are family. You keep saying that.

Walk into the lobby. Just kind of standing there. Just like standing in a show off way to be like, yeah, it's me. Oh, hey, sorry, guys. Theater closed. We closed about 25 minutes ago. We're going to need you guys to head out. Wait.

Thanks for coming in. Hey. Hey. Hey. Daryl. Hey. Yeah. Thanks for coming in. Hey. Hey. Hey. Daryl. Hey. Yeah. It's what my name tag says. Daryl, look.

Daryl, look at me. Sorry, ma'am. Do I know you from somewhere or? Uh, Daryl. Looking back at me. Daryl. It's Izzy. Sorry, Izzy.

It's me. It's Izzy. And my and my god it's it's crazy to be here my god you haven't changed a wink yeah i'm sorry you haven't changed a wink go to did you go to western i don't i'm sorry dude i don't recognize you so that's okay i just like i just pat you on the back well we know our way around okay well if you know your way, you know your way to the door. All right. So you have a walk through. Oh, my God. Look at this.

The tile is the same kind of burnt orange. Oh, my God. That's amazing. We should just get out of here. They don't they don't recognize you. They literally know who I am. They're asking us to leave. I think they're like I think one of weird they're asking us to leave i think

they're like i think one of them might be like calling somebody i think we should just go they're probably calling all the old co-workers so you should work with me on my shift nobody knows you i'm sitting on the concession stand oh uh the queen's back the popcorn queen is back uh ricky you don't know this but when i worked here i bagged more bags of popcorn in an hour than anybody I had the record. And even sprinkled a few M&Ms in there if they were nice. I don't think you were probably supposed to do that, but... I start just, like, putting, like, my hands in the popcorn machine. Oh, ma'am, ma'am, excuse me.

You two need to leave. You cannot do this anymore. You cannot be here. Daryl, it's me. Why are you making me so upset? Can you stop invoking my first name? It makes me really uncomfortable. Daryl, do you really?

Daryl, can we talk over here for a little bit? No, you need to leave. Daryl, can you just come over here really quick? If I go over there, will you promise me that you and your partner will just leave? We'll have a conversation. Maybe I can jog your memory. You flirting with me? No.

I take out a little bag of popcorn. I put fistfuls of popcorn into it. I open a bag of M&M's. I stare at him. I just sprinkle a couple M&M's on top of the popcorn. Does this jog your memory a little bit, Daryl? No, I don't know what you're doing bro you need to get out of

here dude you're making me like Daryl Daryl are you sure I'm waving the bag under his nose you sure get out of my face get out of my face what the fuck are you

doing Daryl why are you being like this lady you are so creepy Izzy it's izzy daryl i know a lot of is man i'm gonna call the cops i'm sorry i don't want to be that guy i'm calling the freaking cops man i'm sorry daryl i've asked you to leave so many times are you mad at me Another co-worker comes over. Sean! Sean! Oh, thank God! Sean, it's you.

Daryl. Daryl, can Rebecca and I talk to you quickly in the staff room? I can come with you guys, too. No, that's fine, Izzy. That's fine, Izzy. That's fine. Cut to the staff room. What are you guys not what what's up um Sean uh I think you should tell her shot I think you should tell her

I mean tell him sorry do you know who that is I know I don't know who that is she just like kept like bro she just like kept saying like Izzy Izzy my name's Izzy don't you remember me Daryl it's like literally I have no idea who this chick is like what the fuck uh Daryl that's Izzy you really don't remember bro that's like the Izzy you know the Izzy dude Vizzy from the news that's Izzy? You know, the Izzy dude?

Vizzy. From the news? That's Izzy from the news, Daryl. Bro, that's Izzy from the news. The chick who went missing? Like, literally, Daryl? I cannot believe, like, do you not watch the news? Literally, Daryl, she went missing like six six what was it rebecca like six years years ago dang fuck i feel old now jesus christ dude me too bro you remember we were in middle school

she was that chick who went missing she used to work here dude we got a freaking g h o s t outside dude and also daryl like if we call the police quietly maybe we could get some kind of ransom money i think people might have thought she was kidnapped rebecca rebecca do not call it ransom money it's reward money oh sorry some money makes us so really fucking guilty okay we're not kidnapping why can't we just call the police and be like can we do the ransom money for for izzy because we have her i don't understand why we can't just call the police and be like, can we do the ransom money for Izzy? Because we have her. I don't understand why we can't just call the police and be like, hey, we have Izzy. Give us the ransom money.

It's literally saying the same thing. Because, bro, it's not. You have to say reward. You have to say reward. I'll just call them. Okay. Promise me you're going to say reward. It's fine. Yeah.

Hello. 911. I'd like to report a missing person. That we found. Okay, yeah, can I get a first... Okay, can... Oh, you found a missing person. Okay.

We found a missing person. I need to transfer you. Okay. I need to transfer you. Hang on. Uh, go for sergeant. Sergeant? I just go by sergeant.

Yeah, you can go for me. What do you need? Rebecca, I work at the AMC Burbank 16. And, uh... Rebecca. Is that with an H or... No, wait. It doesn't matter right now.

What we do know is that we have Izzy, the girl who went missing 10 years ago, and we are ready for that ransom money, whatever you see fit. Izzy? Who's Izzy? Izzy Blackwell? She went missing. She used to work at this

AMC. She's been missing for 10 years. Oh, shit. The Izzy? The Izzy from the news. And you fuckers want ransom money? We are ready for the ransom money whenever you're ready. You kidnap a girl for 10 years and now you ask for ransom? We didn't kidnap her. I told you. You kidnap a girl. You kidnap a girl for 10 years and now you ask for ransom?

We didn't kidnap her. I told you. I told you, Rebecca. You had to say reward. We have Izzy here and we're ready for the ransom. Where's here? Where's here, you little rat fuck? At the AMC.

Whoa. Whoa. What kind of language? I'm going to shoot you. I'm going to shoot you and take the girl. Sergeant Al. Oh, shit. You really did it now, Rebecca.

I told you not to do that. Knock, knock. See, I remember where the break room is. Ricky, I told you. Like, this is... Ghost. Ghost. Ghost.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Hi, you guys. It's me. It's Izzy. And this is my boyfriend Ricky Babe Babe Hi

Hi It's Izzy They're so scared We just need to get out of here I think they called the cops While we were out there They're scared because It's that kind of relationship

Where it's like It's like the senior in high school Vibes with the freshman It's like they're scared of me Because I'm like It's me Um You were a senior in high school vibes with the freshmen. It's like they're scared of me because I'm like, it's me. You were a senior in high school when I was like 11.

I really don't know who you. We just know you from the news. I think I might have seen you like at a pep rally once when I was like, my dad taught at the high school. But I don't I really don't know you. Why was I on the news? For being cool as hell? No, you weren't on the news for being cool as hell. No, Rebecca, don't lie to her. You can tell me the truth, you guys.

After you disappeared, I guess they, um... I guess they found some pretty incriminating stuff at your house. Stuff that suggested you had been embezzling. Looking at Ricky? No. From the AMC. I didn't go missing. Can I be honest? Because I definitely wasn't doing that.

I was living here. What? What do you mean? What do you mean? Ricky and i moved in together and it was a pretty big step in our relationship and moved in together like where though specifically well um you know i brought him here i took him to louise one time because i'm like why don't you why don't you come to my side of the tracks why don't you come to see where i'm where i'm queen queen of the tracks. Why don't you come see where I am, where I am queen. Queen of the corn. Queen of the popcorn.

Queen of the corn. And I gave him a bag of M&M's with popcorn and he was so impressed and he's like, what if we stay here forever? Was that what you were

trying to remind Daryl of earlier? Yes, yes, you did it. Something that happened on your date with somebody else? Why would he know that? Because that was my thing.

That was my signature thing i would it doesn't matter again 11 lady i was 11 whatever the thing is he said haha wouldn't it be fun if we stayed here forever and that gave me a thought of like um queen of the castle why don't i just move into my castle and so we've been living in the attic for 10 years izzy Is he? Is he? Are you kidding me? Is he, baby? Can I talk to you? Okay, sorry. Ricky just gets a little hot and bothered when I talk about the popcorn and the M&M's thing. Yeah, Ricky, we can go talk.

Air quotes. Are they good? Please don't have sex right now. We're not going to have sex. We're going to have a tough conversation. Tough conversation Tough conversation Okay Ricky what's up baby Izzy

I know that you were embezzling From the AMC I know that you didn't really wanna ever Move in with me You just were trying to lie low And not get caught for all of your embezzling Ricky no Izzy don't try and deny it.

You've never raised your voice at me like that. Because I was always happy in our little world. Our little kingdom. AMC. But that wasn't enough for you. You always wanted more. So I'm leaving. Ricky, no.

Are you... Is this real or no? Is this real or fake? Uh, I think it looks pretty real, dude. Stop it! Yeah. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. Okay, was I embezzling from the AMC?

Yes, for a long time. Since I was 13. But, Ricky, that doesn't mean I don't love you. Just because I was trying to be on the run doesn't mean I don't love you that love is real that kingdom is real and we are here babe it's too late the cops are gonna be here any minute and i gotta go i'm not going down with you dude i'm not i've already lost a decade of my life to this roof the sergeant comes in and he just open fucking fire. Misses everybody. Fuck, I'm out of bullets.

All right. What the hell? What the hell is wrong with you? Get him. Everybody tackle him. I wasn't really aiming at you. Izzy gets away in the commotion. She escapes. This Wednesday at nine,

we have an update on the evening news about the Izzy from the news. Words out that she has been embezzling from the local AMC for years and had been living in the attic of the AMC Burbank 16. Tonight, we'll talk with some former coworkers and her lover who had been living with her in the attic as well as her father, Christopher.

We actually have Christopher here in the studio with us right now. Christopher, what can you tell us about your runaway, embezzling daughter, Izzy? Well, that's right. I was certainly surprised to hear that my daughter, who I raised with good Christian values, would be embezzling her in the movie theater.

What I will say is I'm not surprised that it took her 10 years to get caught because I raised a resourceful little firecracker. Weren't you happy to hear that your daughter was indeed alive and well? Oh, I knew she was alive. She's been sending me postcards for now once a month for the last 10 years.

Oh, my God. Well, well um i gave them to the police police just didn't do shit with them so you know this is huge news thank you so much mr blackwell thank you for coming on um i have some information now to give to my team um next up uh sorry i have to go i have to go make some calls but at the the hour, um, are your pets happy or are they sad? Uh, we'll be hearing from our experts, uh, tonight at 12. My pets are happy, I know that. Sorry, my mic is still live, I think. Might want to turn my mic down in the mix, but my puppy's doing good.

I love my little puppy. Sound not being like, okay, Christopher, please stop talking while I take off your mic. This is really intimate. This is extremely intimate. That's okay. This is part of my job. So if you could just please stop talking while I take off the mic. You ever play 20 questions? We don't have to do this. It's just 20 questions. You ever play 20 questions?

We don't have to do this. 20 questions, you ever play? We don't have to talk about this. And, sorry, it's just a little stuck to the skin a little bit. Is it an animal? A vegetable? I don't know. I just work here, so I'm just gonna...

You're free to go. You're free to go. You're free to go. The mic is off. I miss you. Is it an animal? Yes. Is it your dog? Yes.

What's my dog's name? I doubt that I possibly know. So I win. Sure. Shows you. I'm so good at games. What the hell is wrong with you? What?

I'm good at games. You're not. Your daughter is guilty of embezzlement. Just ran away again. Just like I taught her. You're a weird guy. Yes. Free later? No. No.

I figured. I figured. I figured. Even if I was single, I wouldn't want to do it. I didn't ask if you were single. I don't want to hang out with you. Free later. I don't want to hang out with you.

I don't like you. I think you're a weird guy. Well, I like you. I don't want to spend any time you i don't like you i think you're a weird guy well i like you well i like you i like you damn it okay you're beautiful inside and out you're making you don't know me you don't even know my name you don't know my you don't know who i am so i don't want you my friend i might not know your name but i know you just wink at me i know your heart don't wink at me i don't know your heart. Don't wink at me. And I know your part. I'm going to call security. Your member.

Sergeant comes in. Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Oh, fuck, I got this. Ah! Let's go to our last segment. Yay! Should be all week long! What's been shaking your rumpus? I went on a walk earlier today

and I saw a squirrel. A squirrel. A squirrel. Who looked like Larry David. Is that real? I saw a squirrel. A squirrel? I know. It's like the that real? I saw a squirrel. A squirrel? I know.

It's like the one word that I can't say. No, that's not just the one. Fuck off. Cashew. Cashew. So I saw a squirrel eating a cashew. No, I saw a squirrel. That's what Americans say.

Squirrel. I saw a squirrel. Squirrel. I saw a squirrel. No, but I saw a squirrel. I saw a squirrel. I saw a squirrel. Squirrel. I saw a squirrel. No, but I saw a squirrel. I saw a squirrel! I saw a squirrel, and it looked like Larry David, it looked like Bernie Sanders,

it looked like um... Ebenezer Scrooge. It looked like any old man with white tufts of hair. It had, like, weirdly, like, between its ears it had, like, this white tuft, and it looked so cute, and I tried to takefts of hair. It had like weirdly like between its ears, it had like this white tuft and it looked so cute. And I tried to take a picture of it.

Look kind of look, look, didn't turn out right. You can't really tell, but well, here's the picture. I'll show it to Riley. I'll post it on Instagram.

It kind of just looks like the most mangy squirrel. It looks poorly taxidermied. It does look poorly taxidermy uh but yeah it uh i really brightened my day and i just like stared at it for like five minutes text that to me okay you could kind of see it better in this picture do you see what i'm talking about like it has like almost like it has like a high top it's got like weird text those to me please yeah i could text them to you that's amazing but yeah so that was my day what shook you oh what's been shaking me is um actually

speaking of my coffee i was off my coffee game for a bit i don't know what happened in terms of like i was grinding the beans like like i normally did putting the same amount of water i normally did but for some reason the coffee was either just coming out like way too strong or way too thin and i don't know what happened but now i've got my magic touch back and now it's way too strong or way too thin yes that's weird it's weak weak is the counterpart because because the strength of it it was like almost thick and so it tasted thin comparatively i know it's weak i like my coffee the consistency of molasses um but anyway it is back to normal and so that makes me very happy and you couldn't you can't put your finger on what changed what no it just magically is back yes can i make it can i can i

can i ask a question yeah did you change your beans? No. Same beans. Cafe Domingo from Pete's. But did you get a fresh bag, different bag of beans? Yeah, but it wasn't about the bags. I'd gone through different bags. Gotta be careful with those roast dates. If I can give a PSA to anybody listening right now. If I give a PSA to anybody listening right now,

before you buy a retail bag of coffee peak that roast date because some places will be keeping bags of retail coffee you know the little one pound bags for sale how long after the roast date can you drink it well it depends you can drink there's it's not going to be unsafe to drink after any amount of time but the concern is so basically yeah when you roast a coffee bean what you're doing is you're releasing, you know, all these like oils and these very volatile compounds that are in the bean. And those will start to evaporate. And this process known as off gassing will happen. And so depending on the bean, you also don't want to eat it.

You eat it. You also don't want to eat it you eat it you also don't want to use it too soon and you certainly don't want to eat it um after it's been roasted because a certain amount of that off gassing is good most beans retail beans that you'll get commercially available i would say err on the side of as long as they weren't roasted in the last few days go ahead and use them and once they get to be like two weeks old they start to be a little too stale you know okay good to know and if i can give another piece of unsolicited coffee advice keep your beans in a sealed airtight container do not just leave your beans with like

the the bat in the bag they came and just kind of rolled up that's not gonna do it at the very least throw a chip clip on there throw some rubber beds because again exposure to the air those volatile oils are going to evaporate and your coffee is going to be weak and not very good and it will taste bitter and bad and shit um well hey that shook me all that info yeah and if you ever have questions about hot coffee just just hop over to the review, review discord, and I'll be happy to answer any and all questions. Well, you can actually find off on Instagram at Alfred in it.

You can find the show on Instagram, our review, review, Reddit, our slash review, review, and the head gum discord review, review.

And you can find Riley on Instagram.com. Just the web browser, not your phone app. So don't even try it. Put your iPhone in the ground at Riley and spa and on twitter.com for as long as it lasts at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week, every single week, every single week, we say this. God, if I had a dollar for every time we said this. I'd have a dollar a week. Dragon Tar. Dragon Tar. Everyone go watch Dragon Tar.

Coming to an AMC near you. Dragon Tar. Bye. Bye. That was a Hiddem original. What shook me? What shook me? What shook me?

I literally just had it, and it went away. I did the whole squirrel, squirrel. I know, and it just went away. I'd like to buy a ham squirrel. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear girl. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear girl. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear girl. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear girl. I'd like to buy a squirrel bear girl.

What the hell has been shaking me? Ant Spa, come on. Come on. You can do it. You can do it. Riley, what has been shaking you? What has been shaking you? Um, what has been shaking me

is uh... God. I know. Daniel, you can cut a good amount of this out because God, what the hell? Daniel, you can cut all of this out. This is trash. This is useless. You can't put this out. Daniel, you can cut a bit of this out.

What about something to do with your fucking hair? Getting your bangs trimmed? That's what shook me about three days a week. Something about your coffee? You're always talking about your fucking coffee.