Review Revue - Best of 2020 (Part 1)

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

Happy Holidays from Review Revue! Join Reilly & Geoff as they countdown numbers 8 through 5 of the best improv bits on the show from 2020, as voted by YOU - the listeners!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. I participate in restaurants for a limited time.

I just wanna know. Holy shit! Riley's fist pumping so much that it looks like she's punching me in the face. And she just slammed her laptop on the ground. She's spinning around. I just wanna rip. You! You know we have another one of these to do, right?

Before the end of the year. You like really went all out. And I was like, oh yeah, because it's the last episode. And I was like, no, it's not. We're doing another one later today. No, I'm going to burn it all out right here. This is it. This is all I have to do today.

Daniel walks in, he has a black eye. What did you do? I can't control my limbs and spa it's been 50 this is our 55th episode but we've recorded 57 um it's we're in a weird time right now because the holidays but um let's talk about it let's let's before we get into it yeah i guess we should say welcome to the best of review Review 2020 part one. Anybody who's listening, if you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas, because this is coming out on Christmas Day.

Oh my God, this is our Christmas present. What day is it? Well, it's Christmas Day, so. Christmas Day? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I didn't get an invite to anybody's...

To Christmas? To dinners! To presents unwrapping! I didn't get an invite to the day! Why are you happy about that? Yippee! Did you do, like, the Irish kick? In a nightgown?

It is Christmas Day, but today is December 16th. Oh my God, it's nine days till Crimfence. Yeah, so this is coming out on Christmas. We explained it online. I think we explained it on an episode a couple weeks ago. The voting closed today. But basically, you guys voted for your top eight favorite episodes. We amassed all the votes, the vote tallies, and we took the top eight.

And so what we're going to do today is go through numbers eight through five. So the bottom half of the top eight. And then next Tuesday, the 29th, we're going to be coming out with the top four episodes, fan favorite episodes, and just kind of give our commentary on it. Do a retrospective. Riley and I don't remember a lot of these because everything on the show is 100% improvised. So this is going to be as fun, if not more for us than it is for you guys um and you know yeah you guys are actually gonna hate this like we're gonna love it and we're gonna have a great time but you're gonna be listening and you're gonna be like oh oh gross jeffrey i i don't know i feel like because we started this year we we started the show recording in person

and we've done only a handful of episodes in person. And so I think because it's all been over Zoom and remote, I'm excited to go back and listen because all the episodes somehow blend together a bit and just like, it's been a year long Zoom that we've had. Yeah. But it's been a year-long zoom that we've had um yeah but it's been oh my god doing this podcast over this year truly has been one of the only things keeping me going yeah riley do you want to talk about like our experience with this show like what it was like starting in january in a

normal world and now you know how it's been i don't even know where to start because I'm really grateful that we've been able to like that, that we can podcast like this, that like that, that we're able to do it remotely. And but like doing it in person is just it's so much fun. And Jeff and I would get our little drink. So there it's a LaCroix or a coffee and we'd go up to the headgum studio and we'd get all comfy and it's just it was such a great energy in there um and I think the only two guests we had in no three guests we had in person yeah were Amir, Daniel, and Finn all three repeat guests which is kind of interesting yes um oh that's that's that's true yeah because i think we talked about it on the show back when it was happening but we had daniel on for episode 10 soap and uh

it was during that recording yes the world fell apart tom hanks got covid the nba was canceled and all of us were kind of like oh i think we're about to go home and not leave for a while yeah or at least like that was the time when it's like oh my god in two weeks we'll be back but what a crazy two weeks we're about to have like for whatever reason that was when i started to take it seriously i remember like in that episode we were like making jokes about it and and then because we knew it wasn't going to come out for a couple weeks because we were backlogging episodes then and then like in the couple days leading up to it we're and and this is like you know we're in full blown like the world is a fucking tar pit nightmare and we're

like maybe this didn't age well yeah well because it's us being like let's do soap because everybody's freaking out and then i think it came out two weeks after that i might be wrong but yeah it was and then that was when like i've been watching everybody was watching the news every day trying to figure out what was going on yeah um but yeah that was actually that was 10 yeah that was 10 so we've done 10 episodes in studio and 47 my god oh my god that's crazy yeah what's been really cool about about being able to do this over zoom is that it's like it really this past year has opened up the guests we were able to meet yeah and have like you know if we were in person we wouldn't have even thought to be like let's let's have melanie bracewell on the pod you know because it's like she doesn't even live in la she doesn't even live

in la she's in fucking new zealand and you know so being able to meet yeah and even Hayward Riddle who's in Chicago and so it's been really cool to be able to like have these different people on who and like Probst who was in Hawaii you know like to do all that

I think that's been a cool plus about this form should we jump into the bits And I think that's been a cool plus about this form. Should we jump into the bits? Let's do it. Let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we will reveal one by one. And Riley and I kind of know, I know for sure,

because I just put the list together and all the stats, but I gave you an idea late last night. I was like, this is what it's probably going to be. Has it changed? It changed slightly. Okay. But anyway, I don't want to spoil it. Right.

Speaking of breaks, I haven't seen Marty Michael in person, and I couldn't tell you how long. So that is also something I am looking forward to whenever we get back in the studio next, Marty. I'm the opposite. I mean, you said that you're, I think it's basically your favorite thing about doing the show this year remote was that we got to have all these guests. whenever we get back in the studio next, Marty. I'm the opposite. I mean, you said that you're, I think it's basically your favorite thing about doing the show this year remote was that we got to have all these guests.

My favorite thing about doing the show remote was that I didn't have to see Marty's ass. Like all of Marty or just Marty's ass? All of Marty's, I'm close friends with Marty. His ass? Get it out, get out of town with that ass.

Marty. Your head almost exploded out of a weird mix of like you're laughing but you don't want to laugh you hate that who i am as a person and we have to get out of town with that ass just the way you say things the cadence you use marty And we're back. Riley, we have four episodes that we need to get to. Each one is between, you know, eight and 12 minutes each, the bit. In a few seconds, I'll reveal number eight.

And then maybe you and I just wax about it. Talk about what we remember of the episode, what our favorite part of it was. Then we'll play the bit. You and I will listen listen to it and then we'll kind of give commentary afterwards love on got it i think it's great before we get into the top eight i do want to uh shout out two that just missed the cut oh okay all right runners up there's a little bit further back but uh with 150 votes total is live laugh love artwork, Love Artwork with Lauren Lapkus. Whoa, so that did change. So last night when Jeff sent me the, wow, okay. When Jeff sent me the list last night, Live, Laugh, Love Artwork was on the list.

Yeah, but I think it was an eighth or something. It's interesting. I woke up and I was a little surprised. Most of it didn't change. No, that wasn't, okay, okay. Wow, really? Okay, okay. And then this one just missed it by two votes

with 157 votes. The Bean with Hey Riddle Riddle, Adol, JVC, and Aaron, yeah. Wow, okay. Two great episodes. Yeah, well, that just goes to show, I mean, like, there were, you know, there were a lot of episodes that I love

that didn't make the cut because you did not, I didn't vote. So this is all fan voted stuff. Elizabeth did vote vote she had me read the potentialist for her last night she's like okay okay that makes sense yeah okay all three of the ones i voted on are up there yeah also there was an unlimited amount of votes you could you could have just sit there at your computer and just vote for the same one every 10 minutes and like get you know shoehorn your thing and maybe we'll figure out a way to not do that next year um but anyway are you ready for number eight yes number eight is escape rooms with 159 votes um this is with i think i think about 800 people responded um which uh you know pretty good engagement we we that's way less

of the listenership we get. Maybe next year we need to like really blast it out. But, um, yeah, 159 votes. We have escape rooms. What do you remember from this episode? The main thing I remember is this is the first, I think this is the first episode that like we really leaned into, which we've done now in a bunch of episodes since the, the, um, chanting, like a crowd

chanting for someone they don't know but somehow everyone is really invested and chanting for the same thing i know that we love that kind of bit you know it shows up in good morning but it's like we're like it's gavin gavin or whatever but it's like i don't know i i remember leaving this episode and you and i just being like that was really fucking fun like what's interesting and we can get more into this in a little bit because it's going to be pertinent but there was kind of a run of episodes we had as we got after like a few weeks after the pandemic started we and we got used to this zoom thing but also because we started the show in January late January basically February um yeah we were also starting to really understand I think what the show was how it flowed and also like you and I

have never had never really done other than writing like duoprov shows before right so like understanding how we each played and stuff so I think we this was when we were hitting our stride in like the episodes maybe like 14 to 20 was i think when it really all started to click the zoom the sadness of the pandemic was going away you know us figuring out what the show was and this is one of them where i was just like we were on fire i thought yeah totally yeah that's so i never thought about that because it's like when we do right it's like we improvise but it's like we'd never done a duoprov show before and now it's all we do and so um fuck i miss escape rooms just like talking about escape rooms actual escape rooms not just the episode i want to do an escape room so bad um well one of your reviews because i was

skimming through it was about um an escape room you actually did i don't know if it's the one that i ended up picking oh the yeah yeah yeah the rat the rat one which is not the one that we're doing but that one this one also like this was also the first one that I clipped out and again I should we should say that the criteria that I did because each episode has either two or three bits in them and I only picked one from all of these but yeah for the most part I just went to the our subreddit and like looked at which one people pointed out that they liked the best so which one seemed like the fan favorite bit in the fan favorite episode so that one wasn't the right one right but i know the like the one that i'm thinking it was also my favorite bit from this episode so i mean it's it was that one was making me laugh just now and it's

like you and me but it was like the game was just so tight it was just like yeah um so what have you been doing since high school oh i'm like working in science research um you know it doesn't pay a lot but you know they give me housing so it's going pretty well you're like housing that's amazing yeah yeah yeah but you know it's crazy because they get you know i get exercise i get my food taken care of um i guess you know the hardest part of it is the physical toll that it kind of all takes you know what i mean but uh I can get past that. And then you're like,

what's your title? I'm like lab rat. And you're like, got it. And I'm like, got it. So you're not a chemist. I'm like, I'm working my way up the ladder.

No, that's not how it works. You're being taken advantage of. And I think they're breaking the law. All right. Should we get into number eight? Escape rooms. Escape rooms.

This is for the escape game in Chicago, Illinois. This is from June 28th, 2018. It is a three-star review. This is from Thomas T. Jeff, we all know what the T stands for, and that is? Train tracks. Thomas, the son of train tracks. All right, three-star review. I, the son of train tracks. All right.

Three-star review. I played the heist with a group of friends. We spent the hour together, amicably, tenderly solving each puzzle. Every clue we found only brought us closer together. By the end, as we finally held the missing painting in our hands, we were spiritually bonded to one another with an unbreakable knowledge that we had escaped a room together. Then I made the mistake of playing prison break with the same group of friends. Right from the start, in the ominously accurate prison cells, we were bickering, hungry, and pointing fingers. We forged ahead bravely for a few minutes, but by the 500-lock

puzzle, we had transformed into an eight-person feudal state. Disgruntled and exploited puzzle breakers worked their fingers to the bone as sneering friends verbally and physically lashed them for their slow pace. With a few minutes before the hour was up and all our clues used up, we were just about ready to launch a violent civil war using the televisions affixed to each room to bash each other on the head. The speakers sounded loudly, though, and an escape room employee hastily entered to thank us for playing and to invite us to play again. They experienced the highs and lows of a relationship over two hours in two escape rooms.

It was the Stanford prison experiment of escape rooms. They're all at drinks afterwards? Mm-hmm. So are we not going to talk about it? No, I mean like we can. Yeah, no, we can talk about it if you want to talk about it. I feel like I'm not having a good time. None of you guys are having a good time.

Either we talk about it or I'll go home. Okay, Ashley, what do you want to talk about? It was supposed to be fun. We were supposed to work together on shit. But then as soon as the bars closed, you started started freaking out you started yelling at me because you were getting claustrophobic i said i'm claustrophobic too i'm not screaming at you okay well like probably my

claustrophobia is more intense that like some people like sorry no offense but some people say they have claustrophobia stop don't laugh some people say they have it but then they're just like annoyed by a small space i actually literally get anxiety when i'm there so sorry for like sorry for being human so you know it's not about who has the most claustrophobia i have it and i dealt with it myself i didn't make it everybody else's problem i didn't make it everyone else's problem sorry that you were like literally trying to be the only voice in the room and when anyone else gave their opinion then you're like oh stop and stop making it your problem no there needs to be like a leader There needs to be a voice of reason. Oh, yeah, voice of treason.

See, that's you. No. He wanted Thomas to be the leader. Dude, look at Thomas. I'm sorry, man. I mean, you're one of my best friends in the world, but you're not a good leader. You're a follower, so clearly.

You're a bottom, man. What are you talking about? You're a bottom. What the fuck does that mean? No, I'm just, I mean, I talked, I shouldn't say this, nevermind. I talked to your ex. I've been talking to your ex.

Okay, my personal life has nothing to do with the fact that everyone here has slow hands. You know how long it took us to get those locks undone? No, that wasn't the issue. The whole time you were yelling, everybody make your hands fast. That's not the issue. We have to actually come up, everybody make your hands fast. That's not the issue. We have to actually come up

with the combinations for the locks. It's not about how fast you do it. I was literally embarrassed because, you know, the Game Master has cameras into the room. I was so embarrassed. You're never going to see them again. I booked the day

and I'll probably go back and now they know that all of my friends have slow fucking hands. Guys, I mean i let's just have a drink let's move on easy for you to say forget about what was that it's easy for you to say oh forget about it when you were the one who opened the door at the end you pushed your way to the end so that you could have the victory moment of opening the door look i was the only one who

wasn't yelling at you guys all right i was like hey guys it's me peter like don't like let's just fuck let's figure out the puzzle like or let's just stop it now and like go hang out and i yeah i opened the door at the end because we ran out of time none of us saw you actively working on any puzzles and i just i'm not mad i just would have appreciated if you had asked like okay who wants to be the one to open the door? I don't want to pull this card. I really don't. But you guys have kind of left me with no choice. You guys all have parents. I never had that.

I was an orphan. I went family to family for years. So to feel a part of something for me, it means more to me than it does to any of you guys. And seeing you guys bicker, I liked watching it. It was like mommy and daddy are yelling and me and my sibling are in our own rooms talking about what it's going to mean for our family if they get a divorce. I would have happily had divorced parents.

Over no parents. My foster dad wasn't around my foster mom was busy with her small business what does your foster mom do her small business yeah what's her small business it's an etsy store for broken relics so like things from a past age that can't be put in a museum because they're kind of in a horrible condition shattered putting them back together she just she sells it's as is everything says as is and so it's like trilobites that are kind of like unrecognizable like you could never trace back what kind of animal it was like i don't like fossil other kind of fossils it was mostly bones there was also gems that probably weren't real but i don't know so because your foster mom sold broken bones for

parts and plastic gems on etsy you wanted to open the door to the escape room i mean when you say it like that it doesn't feel like it correlates at all. But in my head, it makes total sense. You know, Peter, I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. You know, I you keep you know, every time you say I hate to play this card, but just about every day you mention how you don't have parents. So, babe, are you flirting? I hate to do this in front of you.

Are you flirting with Peter? I'm not flirting with Peter. I'm trying to empathize with Peter. It must have been really hard for him to... No, stop. Jason, stop. If you're going to do this, do it not in front of everybody. I don't...

No. All of us, you know what? It got really heated in there. And Ashley, I'm sorry about the claustrophobic comment. That wasn't sensitive of me. But you know what, guys? I can imagine that for Peter, who's had a really rough life, that being in a room with attention so high, being in a prison-themed escape room, and being in a prison of his own making, his own life, that must have been really, really hard for you to experience and so thank you i want to say thank you for for taking that charge and you know opening the door and how about i buy you a drink i'll buy you this round oh you're gonna buy him a drink that's a date it's not like that no it's literally not a date we are here with

all our friends we are at this chili's with our friends okay well i thought you and i were together but if you buy peter then you guys are together. I'm secure. I'm secure in myself. No, you and I are together. I am buying my friend a drink because he doesn't have parents. What if... I never told you this, but I don't have parents either. No, yes, you do. We literally hung out with them this morning. We got breakfast with them. Peter, do you want to do an escape room with us

next week? You can pick which one it is. And Thomas... Yeah, no, I'll organize it for sure i'll put it together i do i do want to do that but maybe just you and me like a date kind of what jason was saying see sorry you I told you, babe. No, Jason, I'm not going. Don't worry. Peter, that's very kind, but the whole group is staring.

So what's it going to be? No, guys, stop. This kind of feels like an escape room right now. I don't really know how to get out of this situation. Well, there's only one way. Yeah, there's only one way. Who is it? Who's it going to be be you have to choose what's happening what is choose choose choose the whole restaurant choose choose choose i choose thomas

i choose thomas honestly i'm like i was i've never been into you. So like, you should have chosen between the Jason and Peter because like they both expressed interest and like I'm not, I'm more into like. Are you serious? I like a curvy woman actually. You're kind of like flat chested and flat assed. I hate to be like that. I really do.

And my dick is super small. So like I shouldn't be judging, but. You held my hand in the prison when it got dark. What? Yeah. I didn't want to tell you. I thought it was you, Jason, but then I realized it was Thomas, and I didn't let go. Yeah.

I squeezed hair. I didn't know that was your hand. I thought it was a combination lock, because your hands are very brittle and shaped kind of like a metal hook um which is part of the reason why i can't ever imagine having sexual intercourse with you just because of like i don't know how that would even work mechanically and i'm so sorry jason to like be talking about your girlfriend like this um and of course i'm sorry to you uh i'm sorry i never cared to learn your name it's michelle michelle i'm so sorry to be so point blank with you, but it has to be this way.

Because you kind of have to make a decision in front of everybody. The whole restaurant's still chanting, choose, choose, choose, choose. Guys, I already chose. I already chose. They're all in unison. Oh. Booze, booze, booze.

That's how they order. Yeah, there are a bunch of Vikings in here. This is crazy. Everyone in the restaurant orders the same thing at the same time. And it's just booze? That's like ordering meat. Food, food, food, food. They're dressed in elk skins.

What are you guys? Jason, I've been a fool. Will you forgive me? can I unlock your heart no deal what game show do you think you're on I don't think I'm on a game show I just is like if this was a romantic comedy it's like I'll give her the goosebumps walk away so that's it then yeah I think so and it's because I'm secure.

I'm very secure. Peter, what about you? I know you've never had a family, but maybe you and I can make one? I couldn't picture this moment going any other way. I always wanted it to be this way. I know you're my third choice,

but I hope that doesn't affect how you feel about me or the date you wanted are you kidding me the last two girlfriends i've had have i've been not even in the top 10 choices i'm a i'm a i'm a rebound through and through so to have you approach me and say what did you say i think you said that i'm you've always been into me is that you said well no i said that since thomas and jason both really really kind of wrecked my self-esteem and my heart that you're the only guy here i mean i could go for ashley she's really pretty but um uh i you know i kind of also feel bad for you with the parents and stuff. So it's a date. It's a date.

Yeah, it's a date. Do you like broken relics? We'll go sift through bones with your foster mom. With my mom, yeah. Well, foster mom, you're right. Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in. Check, check, check what the fuck that's the weirdest bit we've done so far check check check all right all right tons of waiters just trying to corral 80 vikings check check check oh my god it's truly one of those bits this might have also been

the first bit where it's like we didn't just do a one-to-one from the review yeah like ends in a place where it's like how the fuck did we get from escape rooms to that i forgot about the backstory backstory about like peter not having a family you and i were talking foster mom sells broken bones on it also the thing you were just like she doesn't try to fix them or no they're sold for parts it says as is and she makes a living off that there's an impressively big market for it you and i were talking about like our improv moves you know ucb that's always like if this then what like if this is true then what else is true ours are never like in the same vein it's always a left turn but we bring it back somehow like you being like so because you grew up an orphan and your foster mom sold broken plastic gems, that's why you opened the door to the escape room?

And I'm like, well, yeah. Yeah, we always find a way to justify the most insane things. It's like we were also talking. I said to you, like, you know, we were in the moment. We're doing this improv thing. It's almost like we both like brown out in a way and then I go back I edit it but I'm not like listening to it with fresh ears I'm listening to it with scrutinizing ears like oh what what should we keep what should we not like does this all make sense and let me make it as tight as possible

I never really occasionally I'll listen back but usually I'm like I just listen to this like eight times over and over again so I'm not gonna listen to it so to hear these back again a little bit earlier today and especially now at like normal speed because i was scrubbing it's just like fun it's like oh this is what other people might have been listening and hearing it right first time yeah to hear i forgot about i forgot so in with the whole group chanting like choose choose choose i remembered that but i forgot that about booze booze food food food vikings out of chilies actually i thought this one when i was listening to it i was like oh i thought this was in the british pubs episode but it's not no this one this one was really fun i also would say that it's like so jason like the Jason like the jealous boyfriend well first of all something Jeff said that

really fucking killed me in this he's like well we're together but if you buy him a drink well that means you're together you're together now you're together but I love that like over time that voice has become the voice that both of us use for any like fucking like douchey

guy yeah it's almost like, like, yeah, it's kind of lapkazee. Um, oh my God. Yeah.

There was another one in this episode that I almost included where it was like one of the, the review had like a winky face in it saying that we didn't get out or something in time. And so we did a bit about how, Oh, that's right. Was that don't stop dating your wife. Yeah yeah that was how about you don't stop dating your

wife oh my god i was gonna include that in here but it was like five minutes long so i was like i don't want to just do a five minute long bit unless you want to we can just do that no i think that's really fine i just remembering that that's where this oh my god that's right it was a couple who like their kink was like fucking in escape rooms. Yeah. And the person was like, you need to go. We saw you on the cameras. It's like, hey, how about you don't stop dating your wife?

Yeah. And then he's like, yeah. It's on your shirt. It's on your shirt. And also that was the, in the story, that was the first and only thing the husband said. Yeah, that's it. You know, when you're married to someone, you still have a girlfriend. How about you don't stop dating your wife yeah it says that on your shirt and then he butts out

which we are still working on review review merch we have the designs we just need to work with marika to get it up on the head gum store so i guess my friend martha just texted me about hey when's review review merch coming uh you and I should aim for by the end of January. We'll get it out. Martha maybe shouldn't. She shouldn't be so nosy. What's that? Just like Martha should, you know, stay in her lane.

Oh, my God. She's a biomedical artist. She draws the things that people study out of textbooks. She works at the Cleveland Clinic, the second leading medical research center in the United States. She does more for the world than you and I could ever even hope to. Stay in your lane, Anspa.

No. No. Should we move on to number seven? Yeah. All right. Number seven with 161 votes,

only two more than Escape Rooms is, and this bumped into the top eight, bumped out Live Laugh of Artwork, British pubs not in the United Kingdom. I love this episode. This is your and my favorite episode, I think.

Or at least top three. This is one of my favorite episodes we've ever done. This is like, if anyone I know who hasn't listened to the show or wants to get into the show, this is one of the episodes that I recommend to like get into the show um oh my god I remember having the best time looking for reviews for this I remember I forget I think you suggested this episode you suggested this I don't maybe it was one because we come up with most of them together and it's usually like what about this and you're like what about this version of that and then I'm like what about this

version of that version of that and you're like that's great um it probably started one of us you said british pubs and then i said british pubs not outside the uk or something yeah yeah yeah um my god because like i love when we do episodes like this when it's so specific yeah like such a specific place like this oh my god yeah this episode was such a fucking blast god i'm trying to think i know that there's um i mean i think they're the bit that you pulled is like the dad who goes to a gay bar but like doesn't tell his family yeah of course that was that one's insane but i also remember a bit that i loved loved is the girl whose second home is, was that from this episode? Whose like second home is Disneyland?

Yeah, it is this one. God, you have a good memory. And like brings her date in Goofy's kitchen. And they're all cheating. You're like, royalty. Yeah. All the characters know her. She's like, oh, Goofy's like my uncle and he's like i don't know what do you mean i thought we were just like going to disney world as a date this is like your home base

no this is like this is where i come home for thanksgiving yeah and then i don't know if it's yours it's my favorite review i think or at least top five that we've ever done at the end of the episode. And I was just listening back to it and I was almost going to include that one instead of the one that I'm about to do. But it was so far into the episode and we'd done four or that was our fourth review. So like the bit ended up being really short. Right. It was the review of and you and I've talked about this on other podcasts and stuff and in interviews oh yeah yeah yeah and it was this woman who like or this guy who uh like fell in love with this like milk stout yeah and he was like i always go to this pub in like france next to the jardin de luxembourg like yeah um but it doesn't open till 11 and i can't get that thick milky stout and they're like torturing me or something.

Great review. One of my favorite reviews that it's like, I guess I'll go look at these gardens while I wait. Yeah. For noon. Like it was one of the most famous gardens in the world. I guess I'll fucking waste my time here before I can drink a milk stout at 11. The thickest beer on a weekday before noon. It's not even noon.

It was 11 in the review. Unbelievable. All right, should we go into it? I'm fucking ready. I haven't heard this in so long. All I remember is like, was it like fucking oil or Crisco or whatever? Okay, I'll just fucking play it. I forgot about this bit.

So the fact that you're pulling details is very impressive. Here we go. This is from Josh M. Meanderthal. Very good. Josh Meanderthal. He's kind of gallivanting around, but he's also hairy and doesn't speak English.

And he's a narcissist. This is from the King's Head in Santa Monica. Oh, yeah. The old King's Head pub. So it's not only a pub. It's also, like, they have a little tea house next to it and a store. So whenever I'm craving, like, British snacks, they have, like, they have everything. It's fantastic.

Josh M., Josh Meandrethal, two stars, March 29th, 2015. Two stars. The year of our Lord. May God save the Queen and this restaurant's terrible service. I will begin with the fact that atmosphere-wise, the restaurant is great and the menu has offerings that you wouldn't find at an everyday TGIF. So be prepared to try something that isn't the usual. We were seated promptly, but our service lacked as our server came to our table twice. One time to start off with drinks, and the second time around when placing our order.

After that, we did not see her again and had to ask our hostess for a check. Yup, we were not asked how we were enjoying the food, or if we wanted a refill on our drinks. Nothing. Anyway, the food was pretty good, with the fish and chips being the star of the night, and the spiced tea from the drink menu gets two thumbs up. Location for this restaurant was also a plus, as it's only minutes away from the pier and all-day parking. It was a fun old pub-slash-restaurant, but I won't be returning. The service was

absolutely horrible. The waiter came around to take our drink order. Afterwards, he came around and said, can I get anything started for you? Which we weren't ready for yet. So he gave us a good amount of time, maybe five minutes, came back, then we were ready, we ordered. Suddenly

he's bringing our meal 20 minutes later and then that's the last we hear from him until he brings the check at the perfect time. Dad, it sounds like you and mom actually had a pretty good date in a row. No, your mother was great. I mean, we didn't talk a lot, but the waiter. The waiter brought your food.

The waiter. I know. I know. I know. What? The waiter got your drinks. The waiter asked if you needed anything. That was on you that you weren't ready. I know, but then he came back like when we were ready.

Did you say, oh, we need a couple more minutes. Thank you. Yeah. I said, actually, we're not. Just a couple more minutes. Then he said, of course. And then he came back a couple minutes later and then we were ready so what's okay what i'm hearing from you dad is that your mother was flirting with him the entire night there it is i was seeing what's the root of the problem yeah thank god i'm i'm home for the

summer you know i'm sorry that i'm not 25 and i'm sorry that I'm not an actor. I have a stable career, all right? I'm a tax accountant, which is kind of rock and roll a little bit, you know? Because, like, it's not cool. And punk wasn't cool, I think. You don't have to tell me. No, you also don't have to apologize for it. Maybe ask mom if you're really feeling this way.

Maybe ask her if that's what she was doing. Because, you know, mom loves you and I don't think she would be flirting with a waiter. You didn't see this guy. He was British and handsome and he kept brushing my thigh a little bit and we had this fun banter going back and forth. Were you flirting with the waiter?

I mean, it seems pretty obvious that you were, but. Your mother wasn't there. Then where was she? Book club. I just told you that I was going to dinner with her so that you wouldn't be suspicious. If you had just said, I'm going to the bar for a drink, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. You really pressed me, though. You've been pressing me all afternoon and I'm finally coming out. I flirted with a guy at a king's head pub because I never got to experiment when I was younger. I went straight into taxes. You wanted to get that king's head.

I'm so sorry for saying that. I wanted to be the king, and I wanted to have head. And I didn't because I love your mother but I thought about it and he offered the whole restaurant chanted my name while he undid my belt loops and took my belt off and I do mean that he unsewed each individual loop yeah and then took the entire belt down around my feet do that it was a I't know, but it was definitely like a power move that I was into. You ruined your pants. They tossed beer on my shoes so I wouldn't be able to put them back on in an effort to make me get blown by the waiter. Who's they?

It was a whole crowd of guys just like me trying to hook up with male waiters at the king's head. I don't know where their wives were. Probably book clubs. It was a whole crowd of guys just like you. There were a bunch of guys who were wearing Crocs, so I guess it's a regular thing for them. They knew what would happen. Was this a gay bar? This was a king's head, so I think, yeah.

And if it wasn't a gay bar per se it was a gay bar that night it was a gay bar that night so they had like they had like a night did you know that before going in well it was it was it was male it was males drink free so you knew that like you saw the the paper on the door before going into the bar i don don't, is this a cross examination? All right, you asked how my day was. You, if you're gay or bi, that's fine. But like, you gotta tell mom. I didn't do anything. And you gotta be honest with yourself.

Doesn't mean if you didn't do anything, it's just like, you gotta tell her. All right. If you hear the door open and close. Tell me, tell me what? Are you guys having a boys night? What's going on here? Our son is in the military.

Dad, what the fuck? That's true. Samuel. You're in the military? He's being shipped off tomorrow. I don't know what I'm doing. Dad, fucking stop. What the hell is wrong with you?

No, mom. Mom, he means I'm driving back to college tomorrow. Army college. Oh. Army college. No. Ralph, our son is a psychology major. What are you talking about?

That was a joke the whole time. He has, look at his room. He has an army weapon. Dad, what the fuck is wrong with you? I have an army weapon. Mom, I, wait, Samuel, should I go check your room? No, Mom, I don't have an army. Mom, wait. Samuel, should I go check your room? No, Mom. I don't have an army.

Do you mean a gun? I don't have an army weapon in my room. That's insane. All right, then let's check. Let's check. If you don't have an army weapon, then it's no problem to open the door, right? Yeah, of course it's no problem to open the door. I don't have an army weapon.

She opens the door. It's somehow to the outside, and there's a tank. Samuel! Where did you get a tank? What, dad, what the shit is happening? Why me, I didn't do anything. You're the one who deleted your room and replaced it with a tank.

Dad almost got blown by a waiter at the king's head. Oh, don't be play funny now, right? Oh, come on, Samuel. That makes no sense. That's not very funny. No, no, no, He undid his belt loops. And then the whole crowd of men there started chanting for him to get blown by a waiter. What are you talking about?

Sorry, Dad. Marge, how ridiculous is this? He thinks that somebody unsewed my belt loops, slid my belt down my legs, I moved my feet out of the belt, and then they kind of threw it around like a hula hoop passing it around hither and thither using crisco as lube as everyone else is kind of having an orgy that didn't have that that's insane you know how crazy you sound ralph yeah the answer is yes do you know how crazy you sound I had to stand up

Riley got up and I think that is I know it's number seven but I think that for the fans, but I think for me, that is my favorite bit we've ever done. You think that they undid my belt loops, shimmied my belt around my feet, poured beer on my shoes, and then passed the belt around like a whore.

They poured beer on his shoes in an effort to encourage him to get ahead. What the fuck kind of tactic is that? Is Chris Noah's lube? He's blowing you. He doesn't need lube. You fucking weirdos. Also, that was only eight minutes.

From minute one to minute eight, it goes off the rails. You deleted your room? What do you mean? Also, the mom's reaction. Samuel, where did you get a tank? Our house is gone. What do you mean? Why is that what you're mad about?

It's like a Beetlejuice. They open up into the like the sand worm also again with another chanting thing also like it was a whole group of guys just like just like me they're all wearing crocs so i guess this is a regular occurrence for them they knew it would happen to their shoes why do they need to pour beer on shoes to get someone to get head oh

the dad's telling it like it's a funny story or no he's telling it like he's like mad about it like your mom was flirting with the waiter can you get a load of this and then it slowly unravels. Yeah, mom wasn't there. And then our son's in the army.

I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. I thought he was going to college. Yeah, army college. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I can't stop. It's already, it's a snowball.

It's already going. God, that might be up there for me. That's so fucking good. Yeah. It's hard to sit here and be like there for me it's so fucking good yeah it's hard to sit here and be like god we're so funny that's not really what i'm doing it's more like no it's all improvised so like to look back on it it's more like what the how did where the fuck did that come from yeah how did we get to crisco sorry how did you get to crisco as lube look now you and i have to go eat at the king's Head in Santa Monica this summer and just reminisce. Males drink free.

So at a gay bar, everyone's drinking for free. Yeah. Isn't it always like for- It's an open bar for the men. Is it a girls night? It's always like women drink or women, it half half off for drinks for women or something right it's never free i guess it's never free what kind of deal is that also everybody's getting head at the king's head guy all these gay men in like hetero marriages coming to this bar

to get beer poured on them and get head. Oh, and also the line that you said that killed me is, why aren't you more mad? He ruined your pants. He unsewed the belt loops and they fell off. The image of undoing belt loops. That's gotta take 10 minutes. Yeah, exactly. With the whole crowd chanting,

but then the belt still like in a loop, like still attached, falling to the feet. And they're all twirling it like a hoop. My face hurts, Anspa. Me too. Let's go to the next one. Fuck, that really got me. All right, here we go.

With 177 votes, number six is Deliis with John Gabrus. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow. Gabrus is... I fucking love Gabrus. He's so funny.

He's one of the most off-the-rails human beings I've ever met in my life. Gabrus, it was all bits. It was like... Or at least... It was non-stop. Even the real-life stuff was laugh-out-loud funny. And I hope I'm half as funny as Gabrus by the time I'm his age. And God, Gabrus, if you're listening, you are so fucking ancient, my dude.

Like I cannot believe you're still kicking, actually. Like that, it's like he can still drive. Like that's pretty huge for someone his age. Yeah. You will never hear this too. So I feel like we can speak with a lot of liberty compared to the um the two we just heard this is a much more recent episode this is from i think october yes so i remember both bits very clearly i only remember one of the bits actually and it was like but the lindbergh the mindberg

bait and the lindbergh twins the twindbergh yeah yeah the twindberginned birds that's what i remember and like them cussing in a deli one of them wearing an entire mets outfit yeah it was i mean you guys know this if you listen to the cozy episode of high and mighty but this was also kind of a marathon for us because this whenever we have a guest we usually record for more than an hour between an hour and an hour and a half i think this went an hour 20 and then we did cozy which i think went for an hour and a half um and so i went upstairs after i finished we finished recording and george was like how's your day and i was like oh it's good we recorded with gabrus uh so my stomach hurts and my like cheeks are sore and it was just an absolutely you know a blast shout out gabrus we love you even though you will turn to dust

in mere moments yeah should we go into it let's do it here we go this one's from wally p gabrus you got a last name for wally p uh peanut okay great wally peanut five stars walnut peanut wally p five stars it's like entering a time warp at Cantor's. Short line to get in, check in with the brusk hostess, adjust to the oddly dank lighting, but then be rewarded with some of the best diner food in SoCal. You can imagine that diners have been repeat customers here for years

and that this comfort food has such special meaning in this city. Of course, I had to ask for the biggest pastrami sandwich available the fairfax with all pastrami the spices the bark the fat piled high on rye with nothing else heaven topped off my growing food baby with the most delicious strawberry cheesecake served outside New York. Moist, fresh, sweet strawberries served perfectly cold. I couldn't have asked for a better meal. Can't wait to return for more pastrami heaven. Why am I turned on?

I'm sorry. I know you didn't ask me to get canceled this time around, but I'm sorry, Riley. I'm sorry. I don't know if it was the this time around, but I'm sorry, Riley. I'm sorry. I don't know if it was the content, your performance, the combination of the two. Thank you so much. My face is warm. Oh, my God.

We're all so hot. Just thinking the description of like, whenever I think of like deli food, I'm like all these flavors, all these things done right, but just this description of like meat stacked high on bread and that's it. And that's it. Perfect.

That is a sandwich. Hard to argue with you there. Two friends are out to brunch at Cantor's. Dude, last night was like fucking incredible. I was so drunk. I just need to get some dry meat on rye right now. Oh, I'm looking to get some moist cheesecake. I'm so, I need something that'll make my mouth absolutely plashed excuse me excuse me

ma'am yeah hey welcome to canter's uh what can i get for you my buddy and i i mean we did some crazy shit last night we were crazy last night do you are you familiar with clamato with clamato oh that's like the fucking clamp sorry that's the clam juice thing or that the clam no you can curse you can curse we curse all the time the two of us okay cool i'll say the worst words you'll ever imagine okay you don't have to do it here imagine imagine a fucking insane word in your head right now imagine an awful worst word okay okay my my man my man bony here will say it bony all right i'm gonna kind of guess what kind of words she'd be thinking i mean there's so many kids around here it's a sunday brunch we we really like it we'd actually prefer if we didn't do this right here i'm just here to take your order

oh yeah uh it wasn't that for the record it was all right you can try again oh my man here he wants if you can take uh some pastrami throw it on a paper towel fold it up and squeeze it okay squeeze it so the paper towel gets okay hang it out so the paper towel gets drenched and then put that dry ass meat on toasted, blackened marble rye. Boney loves it like that, dude. Then take the sopping wet towel and ring it into a pint glass and that'll be my meal for now. I might add some more later.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, so the... And for me... Let's give you the whole order first. Yeah, okay. I can remember it. I don't even need to write it now. I might add some more later. Yeah. Yeah. And for me, let's give you the whole order. Yeah. Okay. I can remember it. I know I don't even need to write it down. I got it. You sure you don't want to write it down? No, it's so specific. I can remember it. Now I totally get that you can write it down and I, you don't need to write it down. I appreciate that. I always think that's cool when a server does that, but do you see how much stress and pressure is putting on

Boney and I that you're not writing it down? It's almost selfish, I find, when servers insist on not writing it down. Because it's like, okay, cool, you can memorize it. But clearly, I want you to write it down because I don't want to blow up at you if you fuck this up. You won't need to blow up at me. And he will blow up at you. Even if you get it right, he might blow up at you. I can tell. I am boiling over.

I had to fucking. Do you know what Clamato is? Yeah, we talked about it. Okay. Oh, yeah. Right, right, right. Sorry, sorry. Sorry.

We're getting more and more orders in. I'm being flagged. I'm in multiple tables. Well, you have one more order before you go in there. Okay. Here's what I need. All right. Here's what I need.

Okay? So you got Boney's order? You got the pint glasses? I got the pint glasses. Absolutely. Yeah. Impossible to forget. So I would like a strawberry cheesecake and i'm from new

york so i am very familiar with moist cakes so i need you to give me something i want something that'll knock my fucking socks off and i'm wearing three pairs each because i got hyperhidrosis of the feet okay his extremities are bulges i have to wear three pairs of gloves like curly from of mice and men these are not baseball gloves gloves. This is not a baseball mitt. We're lucky for you. We have specialty New York authentic cheesecake, so I don't think you have anything to worry about with that. I need it to be as fucking dry as possible, though.

Here's the thing. I need you to take the cheesecake and wrap it up in a paper towel and just squeeze. Do you understand? Boney, just like what you're doing with Boney's pastrams. It's the same process, different food. It's the same exact process, different, right. That's the easy way to explain it. Same process, different food. I see you keep looking

at other tables and the big long line over by the host stand. I'm just worried you're going to get my order wrong if you're not. No, it is impossible for me. So, you know what? I'll triple check with you guys. Double check, triple check. Boney, you said Boney, you want your meat squeezed in paper towel. Then you want blackened, toasted marble rye.

I want it so toasted that it gets smaller in circumference. So you want dry, small. I can tell you're getting upset. I can tell you're getting upset. I'm actually not. I'm pretty grounded for a Sunday. You guys are really heightened. Listen, I'm just trying to get all these orders in. I'm fine. I have actually not. I'm pretty grounded for a Sunday. You guys are really heightened. Listen, I'm just trying to get all these orders in.

I'm fine. I have your orders. If you want me to go- Ask us why we moved from New York to LA. Ask us why we moved from New York to LA. If I ask you this in answer, will you let me go get your food so I can just give you the check and be done? I don't-

Before we get to this whole New York versus LA debate that you want to have with us, Margo, you read Boney's order back, but you didn't read back my order. Boney M. Not Boney L's order, Boney M. You're both named Boney. Yeah, we have different last names. It's Boney Lindbergh, and then it's... I'm Boney Mindberg.

Yeah. Mindberg. See, that's so crazy to me. It's wild that we became friends. It was serendipity, it really was. No, not wild that we became friends. Wild that Boney, both your parents named you guys. Is that a nickname? No, those are our nicknames. we're getting into this it was serendipity it really was no not wild that bony you're both your parents named you guys is that a nickname no those are those are our nicknames those are

nicknames yes you wouldn't judge it based on how his hands and feet look now but when we were growing up he just was an absolute skeleton so that's why people named him bony and then i couldn't i it was like every morning i took too many viagra okay i get why i get why that's why people named him Boney. And then I couldn't, it was like every morning I took too many Viagra. Okay, I get why that's you. You ever pitch the tent in salvaged denim? Because it is painful. I know your order. I haven't been hard in a long time.

I'm going to get a different server to come to your table. This is wildly inappropriate. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Margo, my bad, my bad. We're ready whenever you are just did you ask us why we moved from new york to la i don't want to i can't believe i'm doing this but i feel like you guys won't let me new york wrap it in a paper towel that is the arid desert squeeze it out get all the water and moisture out you got los angeles what is with the paper towel

what's with the squeezing i know your order bony l L, Boney M. I don't know which point, at this point, who you are, but I know you want cheesecake squished in a paper towel. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are our nicknames confusing you? Should we just go by

our real names? Because we're both named, that's Jeff Lindbergh and I'm Jeff Mindberg. Is that easier? My God. He's J-E-F-F-E-R-Y and I'm R-E-Y,

if that helps. It doesn't help. I don't need it. I'm going to go get your food. I'm going to bring it back. One of you, or both of you can go Dutch. It's two of you. It's really easy.

You'll pay. And then we'll never see each other again. None of this matters to me. Yeah, says me. I'll make sure of that. I'll make sure that I won't see either of you two ever again. Because I have so many customers to deal with today. I don't need Jeffrey Lindbergh and Jeffrey Minberg.

Ooh, Jeffrey fucking hindenburg's gonna come through the door any fucking we got to a manager talking to margo is everything okay over there with table six you uh you've been over there for 40 minutes and you've been pounding the table you've twice you've wiped all the drinks off in like a fit of yeah ecstasy or agony i couldn't tell it's a little bit of everything okay yeah listen tina i um do you know who those guys are i i unfortunately i know i'm a little too well let's just say that um i'm really sorry if i was causing a scene but these guys were really making it hard on me jeff lindbergh and jeff minberg they're both named bony are they that's charles lindbergh and charles minberg's sons sitting over there who

charles lindbergh the famous person. Oh my God. And then Charles Mindbergh. Oh my God. How could I not remember their last names? Oh my God. Those are those two like really, really famous rich men. Yes.

Charles Lindbergh is the famous person who stole a baby or was a baby. And Charles Mindbergh is the person who rescued. Yeah. Was the baby. That's what it was. The Mindbergh baby. The Mindbergh baby. And the yeah was the baby that's what it was the Mindberg baby the Mindberg baby and the Lindberg

like oh my god this is I have to go apologize right now excuse I'll deal with this I'm so sorry about this sure

come back to the table no it's like I don't understand why people think it's weird to wear an entire Mets outfit the entire jersey pants jersey

yeah I tell you you look like you either look like a Mets baseball player or an undercover cop i don't know which one excuse me gentlemen i am we wanted to say something to you margo no no no please me first me first i am so sorry for um you know if i had a short fuse earlier it's you know it's a sunday things are really crazy and um you know i'm just we're just trying to make it all

work here in this city and uh and and i i had no idea who you who you guys were um and so you know i'm just we're just trying to make it all work here in this city and uh and and i i had no idea who you who you guys were um and so i am i am deeply deeply sorry if if i made this experience anything less than pleasurable and um i really hope you two uh enjoyed your time here and we'll come back to caters again soon i mean i had i had an amazing time. I thought we connected on a level that people haven't connected on before. I saw it. Ask Boney. I was there and I saw it.

You and me. I'm talking about the three of us. I'm saying like I saw the sparks flying and I felt it internally. They're flying all across every direction here. Every direction. And I'm not even, it's not sexual because as I said earlier,

I haven't been able to get hard in 20 years. I remember that. I fucking fell asleep next to a microwave at a sleepover party that someone had set for 99 minutes. Yeah. And it fucking roasted my toasted. When you're stolen as a five-year-old, oftentimes that'll lead to some trauma that you have to work through and never will be able to. So he can't eat. Sexual block there.

Well, that's what I figured. Yes, sorry. But I do, I eat pussy, I suck dick, and I eat ass. I should say I do all three of those. I just can't get myself hard, but I'm a giver. You're turning across the room. Also another table. I think that's the minnberg

did you hear that no that's definitely him that's definitely that's definitely him that's definitely he sucks dick i knew it i knew it remember well we all knew that he eats pussy and eats ass but like he absolutely sucks couldn't believe he sucks. I can't even believe he didn't mention that he can bottom for people, even though he can't get erect. He can clearly use his ass. He's like a receptacle for pleasure. Cut back to the other table.

And of course, Margo, you can also, my asshole is up for grabs. You know, like anyone can do whatever they want. Two Clamatos get put down on the table by another server from the table over there. Margo, are you familiar with this? Oh my god! Flip the table.

Get out! Either stole or was the baby. I thought we connected on a level that people haven't connected on. You can't speak for humanity. My God. I forgot that they're both named Boney, but also named Jeffrey. Spelled slightly differently. And then Mindberg and Lindberg.

Holy shit. That's the Lindberg baby and the Mindberg baby. 40 minutes. 40 minutes. She's like, yeah, I knew he he sucked dick i knew he sucked dicks i knew that he ate acid pussy but he knew he sucked dicks like also like of course he can bottom like i didn't think that he could bottom for people and then it cuts over like yeah you know i can like obviously i can use my ass it's up for grabs it's receptacle for pleasure it's like what do you remember being like like because gabrus just fucking goes there like no whole no holds barred i'm like oh my god i said eats pussy on my own show

which which doesn't matter but like i just i'm like oh my god like my the irish catholicism in my blood is just like that's not the place that you normally go but it's kind of gabrus's go-to and but that's like i think there was uh sorry to keep bringing it up but the uh i mean not sorry to charlie but in our but why though interview he asked a good question which was like how do the guests affect the show and we both kind of said some a different shade of the same answer which is that like people bring their own comedic point of view so when gabrus comes on we'd still bring our comedic points of view but like we build something together that is totally different than what we would build with george or lapkus or jake and amir you know matching energy with gabrus is the most chaotic i've ever

felt in my life yeah um yeah Yeah, like, that wasn't necessarily a great improv scene from, like, a theory perspective, but, like, it's funny and it's fun. What I love so much about the way Gabrus improvises is that it's, like, it's conversational

in the most insane way. Like, it's... The places he goes to, like, it's, the places he goes to, like, it's so, the tone and, like, the way he talks is just like, well, yeah,

we're just having a conversation and it feels, like, very normal, very grounded, but what he's saying couldn't make any less fucking sense. Well, obviously, my ass is up for grabs

and, uh, it's so... You heard of a climato? Like, it's just... He asked you that, like, three times. That was the perfect button. It was perfect. And a climato like it's he asked you that like three times that was the perfect button it's perfect and and in the way that's like you don't bat an eye and it's only it's like the only reason it's crazy because he's not playing he never plays the joke of it it's like what you heard about climato like yeah he just he just says it but it's margot it's like wait what the fuck i would love uh he he mentioned i don't know

if it was an empty promise but he said that he wanted to do another high and mighty review review crossover in person when it's safe so i would love to have him on again this year would love that would be such a fucking dream gabriel's gabriel's is just the best he's the best so yeah also guys if you haven't heard our uh high and mighty episode it's uh we talk about coziness so go back and give that a listen shout out gabriel it's one of my favorite podcasting experiences ever because it's like the way we talk about being cozy we all like it we were all just giddy it was unbelievable we all like felt it we all were like like squirming we're like oh i just love being cozy. Oh, God. Should we reveal our final best of episode?

Number five for this, or our final fan favorite episode for this best of episode. Yes. I'm doing such a bad job of explaining this. No, it actually, I mean, maybe it makes sense to me because I know what we're doing,

but I think it's great. Well, I guess it makes sense by now, but yeah, anyway, are you ready for the final one for this episode? I gonna do i'm gonna do the drum roll drum roll like they do in christmas vacation that the grandparents do they go all right coming in at number five with 183 votes lids oh right because lids was so long ago i don't remember much i remember like the bachelor party but i don't really remember too much about it oh wait yeah was it okay there's that bit there was also the bit of like multiple hats yeah all having like a long message over a span of many

hats great episode this was i think this might be the earliest one hang on yeah this was may 26th um wow british pubs is the earliest one so far it's not the earliest one that makes it on the top eight though which is interesting we'll see um yeah i remember i think we had like a running list just you and me of places that would be fun or like establishments and like lids. People sometimes ask us on the subreddit or the discord or tweet at us. What are your favorite episodes? Lids is also one of my favorite ones next to British pubs because it's just like there should not be a store that's just hats. I don't remember much about this episode.

Should we just go into it then? So I'm excited to listen back. Yeah, because I, but what I do remember is, like, this episode is talked about a lot. But because we've done so many since then, I don't really remember it. All I know, all I remember about it is like, oh yeah, this is the episode that people like.

Yeah, right. No, I'm the same way, especially these early ones. Because this was also in that period that, you know, it was from the start of the pandemic to, let's say, June. I couldn't tell you what even happened in my personal life. Like, I was living alone. I was going insane. I was kind of sad because I'd just broken up with somebody. And, like, so, like, that whole time was, like, what's going on in the world?

What's going on in my personal life? I cannot tell you what happened in most of couldn't tell you the difference right all right this is uh number five lids here we go lids four stars from december 27th 2019 from dan h dan harbinger and that's harbinger. And that's how you say it. Dan Harbinger? Yeah, but you have to say it like, Harbinger. Dan Harbinger. It sounds like the Warriors chant.

Warriors. You did that so coy with the headband. Warriors. Four stars from Dan Harbinger. This is a bald man's paradise. I have tons of hats. I love to represent my teams. Go Celtics.

Go Patriots. Go Red Sox. Go Bruins. I love buying my championship hats. Lids has been supplying me for over a decade now. And the modifications they're able to make to all of my hats really separates me from the bunch. I noticed the favoritisms each Lids provides to local sports teams. At times, it is difficult to find a wide variety of hats

for opposing teams. That would be the only drawback from Lids. The average price for each hat hangs around the mid-30s after tax, for those interested. Lids plays favorites. Sorry, plays favorites? What are you... Like, what he's saying is that if I'm in Indiana and I'm a Patriots fan, I'm not going to see any Pats hats next to the Colts Lids at Lids. Are you going to buy anything?

Are you browsing? You came in here. You didn't even look at any hats. You walked right up to the front counter and started yelling at us. Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just have a couple questions. My nephew, huge Patriots fan, am I able to get him a Patriots

hat at this hat store? Yeah, there's two versions of it over there. So, I mean, if you don't like those two, that's, I'm sorry, but we do have them. It's just, I don't know if it's what you want. Well, you do have, yeah. We have tons of cold stuff. We have tons of cold stuff. Well, yeah. Well, I'm not asking for cold stuff. I'm sorry to be rude. It's just, I don't know if it's what you want. Well, you do have, yeah. We have tons of Colts stuff. We have tons of Colts stuff. Well, yeah. Well, I'm not asking for Colts stuff.

I'm sorry to be rude. It's just like, it's Christmas Eve. I really need to get. Yeah, it is Christmas Eve. So you'd think you'd be a little bit. What are your favorite teams? Do you have any favorite teams? Are you a Colts fan?

Are you a Patriots fan? I'm not a big sports person, but I guess I like the Pacers. You like the Pacers? Okay. So that's basketball. And we're talking about football. You asked what sports teams. You didn't ask what football teams football i guess i kind of like in this town i meant football what do you mean in this all right what what do you need just what do you want fucking christ i'm

sorry it's just it's been a crazy holiday season and i feel like i haven't been able to connect to my nephew you think the hat's gonna connect you from your attitude i don't mean to be rude back to you but it feels like maybe it's because you're rude to your nephew. You have an abrasive tone. You didn't give me any room to redeem myself. You came in here being mad. What do you think an 11-year-old little tyke would like in a lid? I guess I could custom embroider something for him.

I don't know how big of a sports fan he could be at this age. That's great. But we can make it say anything. Yeah, what do you want it to say? Anything? You can say anything on there? You can say anything anything be whatever color you want whatever font um oh my god um okay let's uh let's do that let's do the little let's do the patriot symbol on there okay and then under that can you write hi jake it's me mark i hope you have a merry christmas that's already

too many characters spend more quality time with you in the it's not a card it's not a card it's a hat you should get a card to say all that the hat could say anything it's like 14 characters max let's do one hat we're gonna do hi Jake and then we're gonna buy a couple hats so you see where this is going I wouldn't be happy

to do that because I'd have to do it all right now and then you'd have to be here for about an hour. Have you ever received a really good gift? Have you ever received a really good gift that's like, oh, I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, my wife has gotten me some things that are really mental. Yeah. And what do you like?

What were they? Like one of them was a picture book from our trip to Greece. It was our honeymoon. And little did I know that all the things that she was taking on her camera would be like printed out on film. Why am I telling you this it was very touching it but it's nothing like that what 12 hats you're gonna have to buy to say this message he's not gonna wear any of them what are the because each one is gonna be a fragment of a sentence right one of them is gonna be like have you and then another one's gonna be like looking forward to like it's gonna be horrible just get

the Patriots hat and then we have cards you can just write what you want to say to him in the car this is I really don't mean to be that guy can I you're already that guy can I talk to your manager I am the manager hey manager imagine imagine someone saying to you hey manager one of your employees doesn't want to sell 14 hats I hear that as manager let that let that sink in as a manager I'm trying to give my nephew the Christmas of his life fine I'll start embroidering the hats. What do you want it to say again? Just let me write it down and then you can go get a pretzel or something while I do it. Hey, you.

It's me, Mark. I hope you have a merry Christmas and I can't wait to spend more quality time with you in the new year. I know that your parents' divorce has been really hitting you hard. Yeah, as I'm writing this out so far, your parents' divorce is going to be on one of the hats. That's all that's going to be on it. I know that your parents' divorce... Yeah, can you let me know what's going to be on what hat, actually?

I'll just point out the horrible ones, yeah. So far, your parents' divorce is the worst. Your parents' divorce is hitting you hard. And I just want you to know that being a bachelor myself. Being a bachelor myself is going to be its own hat. Go on. And I understand the plight that your dad is going through.

That's another one. The plight that your dad is going through. Just embroidered onto a hat in Patriots colors. So if you ever need a member of the fam bam to talk to. Know that Mark is only a 25 minute drive away with no traffic 48 if we're in rush hour yeah the there's some kind of computer glitch but all of the last things that you just said is fit onto one so it's what did you say to it's going to be a long road trip i don't even remember if you ever need a member of the fam bam to talk to know that uncle mark is only 25 minute uncle mark Mark is only 25 minute drive away.

Uncle Mark is only a 25 minute drive away with no traffic is one of the hats. I'm looking at it as we speak. I think that's it. I think that's all I want. Yeah, that's going to be $450. I can make that happen. What's your name? I don't think I ever got your name.

My name is Travis. Travis, thank you for being such a good sport. I'm really sorry. You know how it is with christmas eve and last minute present shopping but i you have no idea what this present will mean to jake i don't know i don't think so but uh why don't you cut to christmas jake opening the present all right jake this one's uh this one's from me thanks uncle mark um oh uh this is uh a bachelor to be oh uh shit i should have had him there's there's when you open the rest of them it'll make sense these oh all all 20 of these boxes are mine yeah from you

all right yeah geez okay um and you didn't put them in order i think i i thought i think your mom must just remember uncle mark is only a 25 minute away a drive away without traffic i think your mom might have moved. I came in here. I put them in the order that they were. Fuck. Do you even wear hats? My parents divorced.

I don't wear hats. Really? Yeah. You don't know me at all. Also, you're not a 25-minute drive away. You're only a 25-minute drive away because you're staying at the Park Hyatt downtown while you're in town. You live states away. So this hat's inaccurate. It's verbose. I hate it. downtown while you're in town you live states away so this hat's inaccurate it's verbose i know you're going hey jake it's it's uncle mark i know that you're

going through a lot i don't want to talk to you about it i don't want to talk to you about it also i is that what that's what the hats say huh the hats say what i could never say i'm really proud of you why because you're going through a lot you're the son I never had I don't want you to be a father figure to me that's not how I view you or our relationship you just got me 20 hats that say what a card should have said you're so verbose for an 11 year old

I've had to grow up fast my parents are going through a divorce I've had to be a father figure to my sister not that you are I love the hat, whatever father figure to my sister. Not that you are. I love the hat. Whatever. Whatever gets you out of the room. The hats are great.

Thanks so much. Thanks so much. Whatever gets me out. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll see you New Year's. No. I go back to the store. I see you're carrying a lot of boxes.

We don't, it's a no return policy on custom hats. You're not going to take any of them back? Absolutely not. Obviously not. So many of them are just conjunctions. One of them is just its. And that's, you know what? No, no.

You know, I go into Mr. Oakley's office. Who are you? I'm someone you're going to want to know. End of the episode. That's the tag. I forgot that this is the birth of your parents' divorce. Yeah, on apparel of any kind um also that way yeah this was the episode with the mall wars where uh mr oakley was like sending his henchmen to go like attack other malls that's right oh my god the separate hats of being a

bachelor myself oh my god hey you Hey you, it's Uncle Mark. Only one of them has Patriots logo on it. Yeah, the first one is the Patriots logo and says, hey nephew, it's your Uncle Mark and that's it or something. And then it's like Uncle Mark is only a 25 minute drive away without traffic. You're going to wear that out. Also, you pointed this out. They're all individually wrapped. Put them in one box obviously in order

don't be shocked separate boxes yeah and they're wrapped there's no way he could open them in real order i don't want you to be a father figure to me i don't feel that way about you the hats say what i could never what i never could and you just said it you just like, you just said it. You just said it. You just said I'm proud of you. You're going through a lot. Your parents' divorce on a hat. On a hat. Your parents' divorce and being a bachelor myself is fucking psychotic. Jeff, at one point, like when we were, as we were like pointing out all the different hats, Jeff just goes, what the fuck is wrong with us it sucks to have this come from me and to listen to it be like this is what other people's

impressions of us are right right this is our main export our main export is nonsense this is our flagship product if we were a corporation. Like this is what defines us. We're Shell and this is oil. It's all we do. It's all we do. At least during a pandemic. Oh my God.

Shout out for him. Shout out for him. God. Wow. What a first four to kick us off. Yeah. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. I mean, what else?

What are our closing thoughts here, Riley? This is our is our yeah the top the the bottom half of the top eight episodes we've done um the bottom of the top huh they're the worst of the worst of the best i think we only had 50 episodes up for voting purposes because i think everything december on will be included on next year's but yeah i mean these are the top the upper echelon and in our listeners eyes uh the top eight of the top the you know the 50 that we've done this is and i honestly i don't think they're wrong no it's really it's really fun to go back it's um it it is strange to be sitting here listening to ourselves and then laughing being like god that's so funny but again that's not what it's it's mostly just being like wow what the fuck did we come up with on the spot on the day based on a review that had nothing to do with it?

Well, it's interesting. I don't know. I mean, I did this a couple times because just because I was feeling nostalgic, A, for the old office, for old life, being with friends, you know, at HeadGum. For Old Spice. And I was sponsored by Old Spice to go and look back and watch the old HeadGum sketches. But some of them I'm like, I don't even remember the day we shot this and like oh that's actually like again it's not a pat yourself on the back thing but it is like that's clever i and at the time i thought i was i had imposter syndrome i was like i thought it wasn't funny at all and i was beating myself up as i was editing

it being like oh this is stupid like nobody's gonna like it um and it's just you know it's hard to it's hard to like what you do and it's also hard to like not like what you know what i mean no totally because there there are some episodes that like even in in these past couple that we listened to and then in some of the ones that i think will be coming up uh uh on the 29th um that like my memory of it is like oh my god i was a shit show like i wish like that what a fucking like this is so dumb but now looking back it's just like i i don't know it's it's interesting yeah and that goes for like anything that you do is just like maybe you know being self-critical is good because it's going to

force you to be your best but it's also like maybe go a little easier on yourself well right but i think you're right in that because it's improv and I don't really remember what I said. It's, it's mostly then like that feeling of like, oh shit, was that nothing? Like, was that just like total off the rails,

chaos, unusable. Yeah. Like whatever. But sometimes those end up being the funniest. Like sometimes, right. Sometimes we'll do an episode and I'm like,

at least about my performance, I'm like, I could have been better. Like, you know, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Like I i fucked it up i feel bad um and then i'll edit it and it's like people's some of people's favorites and then other times i'm like god we were really on last like last night like i i i'm so proud of that line and then i listened back and like in context i'm like it actually wasn't that good like so you never know and i guess the moral

of the story is like you're your own worst critic i guess. And what we're saying is that it's like, actually everything we do is really fucking brilliant. And we've never- I'm so worried that's what this episode is gonna sound like. There's no way for us to improve, I guess is the last note I wanna end this on. We wrote a sketch about Marty

pulling a tapeworm out of his throat. So I don't think anything we've ever done is that good. It's bad. Thank you guys so much for listening to this first episode of the best of 2020, top eight episodes from the year. Another reason why we're doing this, guys, is just, you know, we have people reach out to us sometimes being like, I love this show.

I want to get my friends into it. What episode should I send their way to get them into it? What are your favorites what do you think is the best or asking other people on the discord or the subreddit so you know if you feel it in your heart or you have friends that you think might like the show please send them this episode send them the next episode coming out on tuesday um i feel like it could be a good intro um but maybe not we'll see you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spy and on twitter at riley coyote you can follow jeff on instagram at and spy and on Twitter at Riley coyote. You can follow Jeff on Instagram at Jeffrey James and on Twitter at don't

play. No, wait, what's your new Twitter handle? Boy, RD. God damn it. Okay.

This is really going to mess up my rhythm at Jeff boy. RD shout out Billy brick. He's the one who came up with thick and, uh, um, and you can find the show wherever you find the show. Yeah. At review review on Instagram at review show on Twitter,

et cetera, et cetera. Uh, we'll see you guys on you find the show. Yeah, at ReviewReview on Instagram, at ReviewReviewShow on Twitter, et cetera, et cetera. We'll see you guys on Tuesday. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays to everybody. We hope you're safe. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. All right, arrivederci. Cheese!

That was a Hiddem original.