Review Revue - Halloween Animatronics (w/ Tina Friml!)

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

Alfred and Reilly are joined by Comedy Legend Tina Friml as they explore reviews on a true halloween horror: Animatronics.>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyans...paugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time. review review is a very strange podcast i don't know how to explain it whenever i am at
Starting point is 00:01:05 party I mean I love that one. That, that, they kind of killed it. So that was from, that was from Lorne Michaels. Michaels. That was from Lorne. Lorne says, so confused to keep hearing the pod is running low on theme songs as I submitted this twice. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Once being several months ago, but maybe my title was confusing. So I made it obvious that this is a fresh theme for the pod. I'm from Toronto. I've been wondering what I can do to provide something fresh and exciting from what I've already submitted to the pod. No, Lauren, you've cut you crush it with the theme songs. That was awesome. I can't believe Riley ignored that twice.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Sorry, you're interrupting me. Sorry, you're interrupting me. So you're actually interrupting Lauren. So I thought I'd show off my speed singing skills by doing a parody of the 70s classic Life is a Rock, but the radio rolled me. Since the singing is quite fast, I'll provide the lyrics. I mean,
Starting point is 00:02:16 yeah, it is all episode titles. And that was incredibly impressive. Thank you so much for sending that in. Alf, now you can not interrupt women for once in your goddamn life. was just gonna say like i liked it a lot and i'm sorry that riley ignored it twice and it took this long to play it i'm sorry riley ignored it twice but you know what i'm not sorry about oh oh do you know what i'm actually not sorry about what are you not sorry about we haven't I'm not sorry.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Oh, not sorry that we have an amazing guest today for all you motherfuckers. It sounds like you are sorry. No, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry that we have an amazing stand up who has Oh, oh, you ever see a Comedy Central special? We should watch hers. Oh, you ever you ever been to the New York Comedy Festival? A little review review plug? Oh, well, she's been she's been true barrymore just for laughs new face i mean she's
Starting point is 00:03:10 literally tina frimmel she literally invented comedy and she's here on the show right now tina how does it feel to have invented comedy yeah you know it's it's really not a big deal one day I was just I stopped my tone I started crying and then I'm like what if I just didn't what if I just had what if it was something else what if it was something else? Yeah. What if it was something else? Modern, if it will.
Starting point is 00:03:49 And that's really beautiful. Isn't it so weird how, like, no one laughed in the medieval times? Bizarre. It literally didn't exist, which is crazy. No, that's insane. Well, I think that's why they didn't live very long that that's why they were so like kind of at ease about like dying well because they're because comedy doesn't exist because no one ever laughed confronted with it every day and they were just like yeah they were like oh shoot i got stabbed This is just like me
Starting point is 00:04:25 Bye guys Well I guess this is it Tina what is new with you Welcome to the pod How the hell are you I'm so good I come in At you actually in my new apartment
Starting point is 00:04:41 Give us the address Give us the address yes it's yeah come on over everyone come on everybody like a housewarming party oh it's great like i um i i live in ridgewood now ridgewood brooklyn which is a very quaint little actually no i'm so sorry it's technically queens but um you're still getting used to it you just yeah yeah i'm new i'm new here i'm new how long have you been in this new place? Only a couple weeks. Oh, wow. Very new.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Yeah. Oh, yeah. So the apartment, I'm moving in with a couple friends of mine. So it's already furnished and couched. Yeah, which is honestly the best way to go if if you're a single person just go grab your phone that has just the best apartment and the biggest tv and then don't let him go and don't let him grab him and don't let him go just i should have fucking done that grab him and move in with him alph and this morning on the phone you did say your apartment's a mess right now i did it is uh-huh yes do you want to show us or no thank you i keep dropping
Starting point is 00:06:12 i keep dropping things on the floor and then leaving them there interesting like what okay uh just because i can't be fucked and some people would say that's seasonal, the depression from seasons changing. And what would you say? I'd say it's the normal depression that I experienced the whole rest of the year. Got it.
Starting point is 00:06:34 So not seasonal then. Not seasonal at all. I mean, what is a floor if not just the biggest surface of all? Exactly. It's the world's biggest table it's like something like table yeah exactly you put a sofa on the floor that's not trash that's not clutter i drop a fistful of granola on the floor suddenly alfred i'm a messy guy pick up your scraps you are a rat pick up your scraps um alf and tina ultimately we're not here to talk about
Starting point is 00:07:09 rats well we might be we're here tina you have picked honestly you said when you hopped on you said i can't believe this topic hasn't been done and neither can we you ultimately did pick halloween animatronics why talk to us about halloween animatronics you know i i love halloween and i'm part of why i love halloween i love scary movies is because as a kid i was terrified of anything halloween i um in my local mall in in vermont there would be a pop-up. It wasn't just Spirit Halloween. It was a local pop-up shop in the mall, and it would terrify me. There was one memory I have where it was me and my brother and a couple other kids,
Starting point is 00:08:04 and they were so excited to go up and pick Halloween costumes. And I was in the car all the way there just dreading it. And we're walking there, like, into the mall. We can see it. And we're walking in, and I burst into tears. Oh, no. Oh, no! But I love,
Starting point is 00:08:31 part of it was, yeah, those things that will pop out at you and the animatronics and just they always I always had a weird fascination because first of of all they're expensive yes yes hundreds of dollars and i'm i'm also like imagine getting like a bloody evil clown
Starting point is 00:09:00 and you own that now it's not like renting you own a bloody yeah life-size yeah for the whole year christmas day that thing is in your garage well it's exactly it's not just the upfront cost of you have to pay 300 for this thing it's you have to be a person who can afford to dedicate a room in your house to storing this shit like yeah it's like it's the suburbs like nobody nobody who lives in an apartment owns an animatronic no one who oh like and certainly not like a six foot clown. Yeah, exactly. It's the kind of thing, the more you think about it, the more illogical it gets. Because it's like, okay, well, these people that have it, they have to keep it like, they could keep it in the garage and then they have to walk by it every single day.
Starting point is 00:10:02 Yes. To get to like their car. And that simply wouldn't do. It wouldn't do i mean come on the like ghost story that people used to tell when you were a kid that was like the babysitter is like walking around the house and she like sees this giant clown statue. Do you guys remember this story? Okay. This thing lived so rent free in my head. It was literally like you're. So the story is there's this.
Starting point is 00:10:34 She's a babysitter and she's looking after the kids. What? It's going to be good. No, you're going to be like, oh, sorry. Everyone doesn't know the clown statue story. The fucking discord or whatever. People are going to lose their mind being like, I can't believe they didn't know the clown statue fucking the fucking discord or whatever people are gonna lose their mind being like i can't believe they didn't know the clown story so she's a babysitter and she's walking around the house and she's looking after the kids and she's like oh my god
Starting point is 00:10:55 there's this fucking clown statue here and it's like oh scary and like she's walking around and she's like making dinner and now they're like they have two clown statues like what is this concept is it moving like what's happening and finally she like calls the like parents and she's like hey i'm just wondering like do you guys mind if i like put a sheet over the clown statue it's like kind of freaking me and the kids out and then the parents go we don't have a clown statue. Of course they don't. You've never heard that? And that's it? That's the whole story. Got it.
Starting point is 00:11:30 I have heard that. Thank you. No way. No. But I guess the reason I brought it up was that maybe they do have one. And it's an animatronic. It's $300. Well, you know, the story that I grew up with as a kid
Starting point is 00:11:48 was like the ghost story that all the kids told each other on the playground was you know that story like there once was a girl a young girl and every day she wore a red
Starting point is 00:12:04 ribbon around her neck and and every day she wore a red ribbon around her neck and um and every day the kids were like why do you wear that red ribbon take it off and she said no and um and you know the next i forget how it was because it was fashion she said it's too chic I won't take it off actually I'm from Paris I forget how it goes it's like rule of threes it's like the next day they tried to get
Starting point is 00:12:41 off of her and she said no and ran away and the next day the kids all They tried to get off of her, and she said no and ran away. And the next day, the kids all screamed. They ain't class. They'll sneak up behind her and untie this red ribbon from her neck. And so one day in class, they sneak up behind behind her and they get their fingers on the ribbon and they slowly unravel the ribbon from from her head and her head fell off and her head fell off and her head fell off that checks out ultimately if you do if you do kind of ignore uh consent you will take someone's
Starting point is 00:13:30 head off you will decapitate someone for sure um i remember there's a there was a an indie halloween pop-up in my in growing up in in LA that was not in spirit Halloween. I thought you meant INDY, like Indiana. Nope. No. I don't know if this is a chain across the country because I haven't seen it anywhere else. I don't know if they have Halloween in Indiana. Shut up. It's called Oz
Starting point is 00:13:57 but it's A-A-H-H-S or something like that. Like Oz? Like Oz! Like Oz! Yeah, it's kind of like a joke slash costume shop. And Tina, very similar experience when I was a child. It's like the older I get,
Starting point is 00:14:15 the more I'm getting into Halloween because as a child, so I'm what they call a coward and my little scaredy baby is like what they call me in the industry. And so as a child- And everybody is talking about you behind your back. Honestly, all the trades, they're like scaredy baby is like what they call me in the industry and so um and everybody is talking about you behind your back honestly all the trades they're like scaredy little baby don't cast her don't cast her she's still fucking scared so they're like this store like i was always fascinated
Starting point is 00:14:38 with it but it would always scare the shit out of me because you walk in and it's wall-to-wall animatronics and especially halloween like they went all out and i remember going with my dad on occasion dad i know you listen dad remember oz that scared the hell out of me and i remember like going and i would just i would be so scared to even enter the store for anything like even be halloween i'm, I know I need to get a costume from here, but my God, like, and it was just,
Starting point is 00:15:09 you'd, some of them, so many of them are like motion sensor activated. And so it's like, you really gotta be careful walking by. Cause you could trigger them really quickly, but yeah, that's,
Starting point is 00:15:20 that shit's very scary. And the, the better they get, the more technologically advanced they get, the more they get you. I don't like an animatronic. Well, this year now, they got ones that like jump forward.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Yes, I've seen that. Yes. Okay. Yes. So like we were saying before, Gina, Halloween animatronics are taking over TikTok this year. You got, I'm not a jack-o-lantern my name is Louis
Starting point is 00:15:47 you've never been on the internet you've got the ones that like literally jump out at you and they'll hit people in the face when they jump out oh yeah yeah yeah I haven't heard of this you need to go on the internet one time
Starting point is 00:16:03 no the part of my court order they say i'm not allowed um but the thing that um i mean in this may clip this put it on reddit okay i'm gonna this is this is gonna be my hot take for the episode all right daniel get ready really really just like daniel as you're editing this please like highlight out this right now i think there's and i'm gonna ai you know what i mean ai is so big right now you know just put that in their hashtag okay trending but it's like we as americans uniquely interested in outsourcing our halloween participation it's like what back when i was a kid you would dress up like a witch and stand on the porch and jump at kids and hit them in the head and now you have to get an animatronic to do it
Starting point is 00:16:45 you know because right ai it's about automation okay are you done we'll just put that and then we'll get some and some some ad money and are you done music behind it yeah um should we get into our first review oh i'm so excited should we do it alf do you want to start you could go ahead and start okay i am very excited. And just to set expectations at like a very modest, appropriate level, Riley did say before we were recording that one of her reviews is her favorite ever. The top favorite, but it's one of my favorites I have pulled. That's not what you said before.
Starting point is 00:17:21 That's literally exactly what I said. Don't rewrite history. It literally is. Okay, here we go. This is this is a review for god it's such a long title this is for uh scary harry the motion activated animatronic killer clown halloween prop with preset lights um so i think he's about six foot i'm gonna show you guys what scary harry looks like so he's got glowing red eyes menacing face um and he moves around and apparently he's supposed to say oh did i scare you good so that's his whole thing presumptuous but that's scary harry's whole thing okay um beep beep okay so we've got a three star review uh from no name we just got the initials a
Starting point is 00:18:10 c so tina can you give us a pseudonym for a c alice cooper alice cooper himself okay here we go three stars for alice cooper The title is Mr. Crooked Eyes. Bruh, scary Harry should be called Mr. Crooked Eyes. His left eye is at least two times the size of his right eye. His motion sensor in his mouth looks all whack and his thinning hair seems to be growing out of the side of his neck more than the top of his head. Let's not even get started on homeboy's ears dude has none a clown with no ears who's even heard of such a thing he hasn't that's for sure what else dude has the skinniest legs on the planet he makes tyson chandler look like mr leg fitness 2023 and shoulders bro dude is narrow just someone roasting the shit
Starting point is 00:19:07 body shaming a clown this guy does not do any games what else god what else his legs normal size feet you ever seen a clown with normal fucking feet
Starting point is 00:19:28 oh my they're supposed to be size 16 it makes me think of like you know how at like either like i don't know universal like hollywood horror nights or even like sometimes at Disney, it's like you have like live action, like kind of live action, human beings. Okay. Like human, like scare actors, like going around trying to scare people. And it's just like, I find that like tweens are always like the, the ones who are like really trying to tear them down of like, maybe because they're a little bit scared.
Starting point is 00:20:01 And also because it's like, I'm too old to be scared. Like, bro, you should be scared of more like mr narrow eyes i remember being 10 and going trick-or-treating and this um older guy a big kid maybe like a teenager popped at me from older guy big kid maybe a teenager so he could be any age just so we're clear he could be 18 to 40 the least descriptive so he popped out
Starting point is 00:20:37 at you it's like the opposite of how I used to talk about my dating life because I've always been the older guy. I'd be like, oh, there's this guy. He's way too big. He's a teenager. He's 40.
Starting point is 00:20:56 He's a bigger, he's like older. He's like, you know, maybe he's 18. Maybe he's 49. We don't know. We just don't know. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I appreciate you guys coming into the station. I'm, again, so sorry you two were robbed.
Starting point is 00:21:14 I can't imagine how scary that must have been in the middle of the night for someone to come in and take your belongings. But I'm going to need you both. The only way we are going to catch this person is if we get an accurate description of what they look like. So I'm really going to need you guys to narrow it down a little bit. Could you give me a tinier age range than 18 to 50?
Starting point is 00:21:38 Well, honey, you got a better look at his face than me. Yeah, he definitely will. Okay, so he had this baby face uh baby okay okay great great baby for someone in their 50s you know what i mean so he wasn't his so he just he had kind of like maybe butt nose like rounder features but he's in his 50s for sure well no i mean more baby face like he didn't have any wrinkles and he looked like he was 19 okay okay so i've seen like do you know like when somebody is like their skin is like really smooth and it looks like there's no they haven't aged at all like a teenager yeah right but it's like that but maybe like it like, it could have been, like, what, like, 52, 53?
Starting point is 00:22:27 Yeah, yeah, somewhere in that range. Yeah, like, early to mid, early to mid-50s, you know. Okay, okay. You both keep saying that number, so I feel like I'm going to circle 50s range. Well, no, but then then i actually once you say talking i'm like oh this guy is like 30 well he was talking to you so he spoke to you guys okay this is good we're gonna skip the age all right so so vocally he sounded maybe around 30s um any kind of tone to his voice i should be looking out for i mean it was more the vocabulary. Like, he looked at me and my beautiful wife,
Starting point is 00:23:05 and he said, how'd you pull that? Okay, Riz God, which doesn't seem like something like a 50-year-old would say, would to be called somebody Riz God. Definitely not. That sounds incredibly Gen Z, actually. Right, right. Or like a millennial trying to be Gen Z.
Starting point is 00:23:19 It does. Or it sounds like, you know, someone like in their 50s that has. Maybe he had a son that was 15. That's kind of
Starting point is 00:23:36 when I was like, oh, this guy's 55. Again, we do keep coming back to 50 to 55. We are circling the drain on 50 to 55 yeah but but it's not but then when i shook his hand his hands were so soft you know what i mean they didn't feel like the hands of somebody who'd been like you know working their whole life somebody who like was doing like a lot you know so they felt like a gamer's hand yes like a kid
Starting point is 00:24:07 who was like had like held an ipad you know before they held another person like that kind of hand okay gamer's hand let me just write this down gamer's hand um may have a son or maybe a teenager nephew could be nephew um listen i'm gonna be honest you two you it sounds like you don't want this person to be found and i know that's crazy because obviously i know we want this case to be wrapped up but i've never met people who are so unwilling to cooperate and help me get the information that I need as you two you know does that make sense is it like you can't find someone who doesn't want to be found you know that's not true that's literally our job is to find some people who don't want to be found and I'm asking you it seems like you don't want them to be found is what i'm saying
Starting point is 00:25:08 i guess i mean you guys are both smiling i've never seen anyone smile this much this is crazy he was charming he was a charming guy you know of indeterminate age and and i'm kind of rooting for him we're we're really not people to like dock someone you know yeah right like we don't want to put this guy on blast that's why you guys sorry sorry we just want our stuff back no i know i know i'm trying to help you get that anything to happen to the guy who that's the whole no the whole point your doxy the point is essentially to dox this person so yeah like find him i'm not super comfortable no hey no hey no no we're really just like talking to you about this but like educational purposes only right this is off the record right no we started we sat down and i got all of your information and i said on
Starting point is 00:26:06 the record this is you know i am well it's off can we change it honey do you want to change your mind can we just say yeah actually this is like totally off the record this was off the record the whole time so that's well no that's not how it's everything up until this point okay fine everything from now moving forward is off the record. Okay. Off the record. Off the record. I think he was hitting on me.
Starting point is 00:26:31 That's. You know, I wasn't going to say anything. Were you getting that vibe? I was so getting that vibe. It was like so. Like, you see how he looked at you? And then he just looked down and looked up. And I was like oh my god get no no i'm like he drank me in yeah yeah yeah and you know how he was like 45 you know yes and
Starting point is 00:26:56 i'm 32 19 and i'm like oh my god this guy's like straight out of 2003, you know? Yes. Can this be on the record again? No, off the record, please. Off the record, please. Please respect our privacy in this chat. Hey, this is like our thing. Like, come on. Why are you here then?
Starting point is 00:27:21 I'm trying to do my job and help you. there's been a string of robberies in the neighborhood i have to believe they're all connected because it's just like every single home that has nintendo switch ransacked everyone's switches are gone and so i have to think like you said this guy's a gamer this could be really really helpful you said gamer's hands is what you said so if i can get any useful information other than he drank you in i could really help a lot of people get that's nothing to me though i'm sorry i'm sorry to be so harsh that is nothing to me i could get a lot of people their switches back if his hair was coming out of his neck it was it was it was coming out of his neck. And is that true?
Starting point is 00:28:05 Yeah, it was kind of like his hairline had receded so far that the hair was just kind of pushed all the way down to the neck. And this is on, I'm going, we're on the record now. Yeah, but in a young way. Yeah, I know. Totally. He styled it like, yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, totally. And like,
Starting point is 00:28:27 okay, I won't even say this. No, say it. I don't mean it like, in an ableist way. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:37 I'm just saying, I'm just saying it like, um, he didn't have ears. I'm so glad you said it because I know I didn't notice that, but I didn't. Yeah, no, he definitely did not have ears. This is huge. I wish you had led with this because this is a really specific identifiable feature.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Okay, interesting. You think he should be defined no that's not what i know it's not what i meant that's not what i said what you think no it's not i'm about we're about to be like oh we we got we got ransacked by this guy who like didn't know years no i didn't mean it i didn't mean it like that. And I don't feel like that's how you said it. I think you could. It's OK to just say he didn't have ears. That's not ableist.
Starting point is 00:29:29 That's just what it's the truth. Officer, you meet somebody. OK, and there's two things that you know. There's no way. There's two things you know for certain about them. This is fucked up. One, they don't have ears. And two, they're 50 and also 19 at the same time.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Which one of those is more notable to you? Which one of those do you mention first? I guess the age, because I couldn't possibly know what this person, but then the ears are pretty close. That's a pretty close second. He was narrow. I'll say that much.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Great. He was extremely narrow. No ears and narrow? That's honestly all I need. We could really track this person down. Harry Potter. I hate to bring up Harry Potter, but do you know in Harry Potter when the bus- You don't hate-
Starting point is 00:30:11 You're wearing a shirt that says, if you huffle my puff, I'll let you slither in. So no, you don't hate to be bringing up Harry Potter right now. You know when the bus goes narrow? Yeah. That's what he was like. Great. Honestly, you guys can go. This is all I need.
Starting point is 00:30:30 50 to 19 looking. That's whatever it is. No ears and narrow. And gamer's hands. That's huge. Oh, so narrow. That's amazing. Like in a hot way.
Starting point is 00:30:41 I don't need that. Like in a Chalamet kind of way. That's fine. You guys can stop talking. I don't need that look at that shall we make that's fine you guys can stop talking i don't need any more of this information he got that like 100 pure ozempic you know what i mean it wasn't cut with anything his ozempic was like fucking from the source he was great he's very very thin people very very narrow okay i don't this is all I need I can't believe I'm saying this but you guys are giving me too much information if you find him will you give him like our numbers
Starting point is 00:31:11 to return your items yeah yeah like just yeah no like give it yeah give him don't don't do anything just like give him my number don't do anything just like give them a number tell me i'm gonna make us sound like desperate but like if you can find a way to slip in that like we're looking for a third like yeah organically in the conversation if you can slip that in that we're
Starting point is 00:31:38 interested in having a threesome you know yeah it just we really liked his vibe. Yeah. The ears did it for me. Like, the ears, I'm like, this is the guy who can get... Whatever I can say that gets you two out of this room the fastest, that's what I'll do. Okay. You can tell us where he is.
Starting point is 00:32:02 I don't know! That's why you guys are here. Officer, you have a problem. We're not leaving until... We're not leaving. Until we know. Until you know. You won't know until I know.
Starting point is 00:32:14 And so you guys need to leave so that we can go look for him. Because now we can with this information that you've given us. We just want to talk to him. That's it. So do I. We all have the same goal Maybe do more than talk That's your prerogative
Starting point is 00:32:32 It's true though You don't have to say that here And I'd really rather you didn't Because this is not the place or the time I'm going to leave I'm going to go One other thing That maybe might help his name is harry yes god scary harry i think oh my god first name scary last name harry yeah yeah okay great you have his
Starting point is 00:33:01 name you have exactly what he looks like this is great I'm gonna go find him I will rock you guys be on the way out is that anything that's everything that's absolutely everything okay I can I keep it nope that's absolutely right no no can just take a picture of it, right? No, no, you can take a picture of it. It's a keepsake. Not a keepsake. His full name was Skerald Harold. He told you there's no way to look at the ID. It's Skerald Harold. The age is just a range.
Starting point is 00:33:35 Just says 1952. Everything is exactly right. Weight, 100% pyrozymic. This is exactly right. Wait 100% Piero something. This is fucking crazy. Cut to I show up at his house. Knock, knock. Detective Lombardo, open up, please. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:04 Can I help you something? I'm looking for a Serald herald who lives at four one okay you know you're exactly him um holy shit i'm so i'm so sorry i've heard a lot about you um come on man well no i'm gonna arrest you but first really quick don't make it weird though no no no really no stop you're like giving me you're funny yo how'd you get that badge okay Riz God oh stop man I trained and I worked really hard yeah you did I could tell
Starting point is 00:34:36 um no this is so embarrassing I'm gonna need you to like get in the back of the car and like I actually I'm gonna get in the back of oh my god come on no are you fucking I'm going to need you to get in the back of the car. That's not the only thing I'm going to get in the back of. Oh my God. Come on. Are you fucking with me? No.
Starting point is 00:34:50 Are you fucking with me right now? I'm arresting you because you've stolen a lot of Nintendo Switches from people. I'm not going to come with you, but that's... No. Well, what if I told you that there was a couple who kind of want to get your number? Now you have my interests. But what if I were also to tell you that I'm a little jealous?
Starting point is 00:35:10 Well, three's a crowd, four's a party. You know what I mean? You sure you don't want to get them back in the squad car? You won't have to wear handcuffs unless... Well, don't threaten me with a good time. Come on. I am going to need you to return all the switches
Starting point is 00:35:25 no do you play zelda ever oh my god love zelda yeah yeah i'm gonna come inside have a little i shouldn't i shouldn't because i literally have to bring you down to the station and book you this is crazy what about a high rule little thing called high rule come on you just want to party with me right i do well I want to do more than party where's that couple at come on get them back over here okay okay um wait inside call them though
Starting point is 00:35:51 we all we all end up just playing Zelda together the whole thing ends and just no nothing except us all just playing Zelda yeah we all just like play Zelda and like
Starting point is 00:36:11 it's like will they I don't know but it's the tension it's the sexual tension of the four people playing Zelda together on individual switches famously a single player game not like backs to each other. Harold was like,
Starting point is 00:36:28 do you guys want to watch me play Zelda for four hours? Yeah. Yeah. I'll watch. I'll watch. I'll watch. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be back with more animatronic reviews or not.
Starting point is 00:36:56 And we're back. Boo. Oh, scared you. Oh, scared you. Got you so good. Alf, do you want to go next? I would love to this is a review for life-size hanging talking witch animated halloween witch with sound activation and red eyes for outdoor and indoor use old spooky scary don't call me oh wait we have the same i hope we don't have the
Starting point is 00:37:23 same review because i also have reviews for that same witch is it her are you talking about her she's gorgeous she's everything four stars from okay great l no last name just l just l could i get a name a pseudonym for l Lola ooh Lola her name was Lola she was a witch she was a spooky animatronic scary outdoor indoor witch outdoor indoor were you an indoor kid or an outdoor witch
Starting point is 00:37:58 uh four stars ooh her nose and chin looked dirty like she was used her nose and chin looked dirty like she was used she must have had a short because i couldn't hear what she was saying sometimes she says phrases sometimes she does not she'll just make noises like it's broken i must say she scared me a few times i'm upgrading her to four stars because so many people danced with her at the party. So what now slut shaming?
Starting point is 00:38:35 She looks dirty. Didn't she? She looks dirty. She was a dirty girl who danced with every. She danced with everybody at the party she was used what could that possibly otherwise mean other than this guy saying obviously having this guy misogynistic complex that can't even go beyond fake women it's also like to be clear that that i mean we'll have to post it on the instagram or something that's the face that looked dirty and i'm like are you a hundred
Starting point is 00:39:13 percent sure that just wasn't supposed to look like like that's not exactly how it left the factory this is jealous you know like oh no she's like dirty no like i wasn't even into her like that like you know like no yeah it's so fucking gross it's like at first i thought like i was into it but then she like i saw she was like dancing with like everybody at the party whatever dirty and used used so fucking horrible but he's like he can't deny he can't deny that she's a good time so he had to upgrade her to four stars
Starting point is 00:39:55 so he's like well I mean everyone had fun he's trying to talk himself out of giving her five stars you know no I mean no she's not even He tried to talk himself out of giving her five stars. You know? No, I mean. No, she's not even crazy, you know? No, she was, like, she was cool.
Starting point is 00:40:13 And, like, everybody at the party loved her and whatever. But, like, her nose and chin looked dirty. So, whatever. Yeah. She's not even that cool. I didn't see what everyone else saw you know just i didn't get it it's like everyone's obsessed with her and it's like i literally don't understand like she's she's dirty i well one part that I'm wondering, because they go on to be like, oh, she didn't scare me a couple times.
Starting point is 00:40:48 I don't understand how you just, you're not scared, and you're just hanging around this thing that you bought, that you purchased. And then one time you're like, you know? It's like you hung it up. You know exactly where it is like why are you being surprised by it i love you it just like did she finally say something that you could understand and she she's like i know what you've been saying about me. Oh! No? She's just like, I'm not dirty. I'm not dirty.
Starting point is 00:41:32 But I saw you dancing with everyone at the party. So what I'm used now? It was my birthday. My birthday. Just because it was... She's sitting at the kitchen table across from this room, just because it was your birthday doesn't mean that like you can dance with everybody in front. Like you were looking at me while you were dancing with everybody else. Like you have to know how
Starting point is 00:41:56 that makes me feel. I saw your eyes from across the room. Look, you're glowing. They glow. How could I not see? How could I not see your eyes? Everyone was looking at you. Guys. Oh my gosh. I like how I just love how two for two these reviews are like
Starting point is 00:42:20 judging them as people. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Right. The aesthetic judgment of like, the thing I bought to scare me, I didn't like how it looked. They were not attractive to me. You walk into a Halloween store,
Starting point is 00:42:41 you're just like, I, yeah. Do you guys, um, is this like all the animatronics you guys have? i mean any more than this yeah i mean you literally only walk three feet in the store if you keep walking we have like rows and rows and rows yeah but like do you have any for like you know the real fans you know what i mean um oh you mean like our like super scary shit yeah like
Starting point is 00:43:04 something you know like not you can't just like put it out you know what i mean because like no we do no it's like we honestly like every row we have it's kind of like the ratings so we have like our g-rated stuff we try and keep that at the front of the store for like the little kiddos and then if you keep moving back we got pg pg-13 r nc-17 uh you know it's just like and after that from there and the manager comes in over overhearing this and uh i hey i'll i know it man there is a room go past the beater curtain yeah go yeah you know what i'm talking about oh yeah oh yeah yeah i don't know if i know what I'm talking about yeah I don't know if I know what we're talking I know that we have like you know super scary stuff but that are you
Starting point is 00:43:53 looking for scary or are you yeah partly yeah scary okay there's a lot of ways to be scared, you know. Oh yeah, a lot of ways to stiffen up, you know. Melissa, I know you're my manager, but I've talked to you like three times in the past month about how you can't keep saying that to customers or even around me.
Starting point is 00:44:21 I'm cool with it, just to be clear. As a customer, I'm totally cool with it. Why do you think Ozz doesn't have hr no hr in oz we're a seasonal company you think you think i had an hr manager papa okay so whatever we want there's gonna be a job holidays it says we're looking for an hr manager for six weeks come on dude you literally don't work here if you want to go and find your i'm gonna go spooky spooky gonna be something pretty nice back there thank you both for your help walks past the beaded curtain it's like it the lighting is fully changed it's just kind of like a red like one red lamp that's kind of like
Starting point is 00:45:06 flickering on and off okay this ambience is a little uh well i'm already freaked out let's see let's see what you are huh let's pull this it's interesting that every animatronic has an individual curtain that's kind of wild um let me pull the first one here. Whoa! It's like a witch animatronic that gets triggered and is just like, did I scare you? Only a little.
Starting point is 00:45:37 Shit, I mean. How long have you been back here, huh? I'm surprised you didn't get bought up immediately the second the store opened. I know. I've been dancing with everyone, but they never take me home. You dance with everybody? Everybody.
Starting point is 00:45:57 You know. The girl is popular. I don't know, though. It's like, no offense, but I wasn't coming trying to buy a used animatronic. Oh, baby,
Starting point is 00:46:14 I'm fresh out of the box. Her movement, her animatronic movement is just kind of coily, like shifting back and forth. I mean, look, I don't want to have to commit to the first animatronic that I see back here. Like, you're on my list,
Starting point is 00:46:33 but I'm keeping my eyes open for other stuff. Like, I'm going to be honest with you about that. Oh, I know. I know. Well, you know where I find me. I can't move. Yeah, you better not scare me, though. If you pop up somewhere else, I'm going to be freaked the fuck out.
Starting point is 00:46:49 Okay? Because I know where you are. I wouldn't scare you. No, but you already did. Draw the curtain back. Okay, let's see what's over here. Door number two. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:06 Whoa! I'm not a jack-o'-lantern. My name is Hallow. Okay. I think I've seen you before. You're a pretty popular guy, huh? You kind of go around town?
Starting point is 00:47:23 Oh, you know, Tiger brought me up and um i went mainstream but i always at the end of the day come back to my roots like come back to those indie halloween shop back rooms i mean uh lewis's fun fact totally side note fun fact lewis has some bags totally signed up something lewis has been around since the 80s like rupaul right lewis talks in third person no way lewis no way i didn i love to party too but i'm looking for someone who can also be kind of a homebody who's not afraid to have a lazy day on the couch
Starting point is 00:48:14 does lewis into that kind of thing well lewis and then all kinds of things. Okay. Sit back and, you know, sit on the couch, pop a couple pumpkin seeds. I got the good stuff. Pumpkin seeds. For you, that's kind of like your brain? You eat your own? You're like a cannibal?
Starting point is 00:48:40 Well. Not my brain per se but oh I get what you're picking down munching on your seed very nice well Louis this has been fun but I think look you're great
Starting point is 00:48:57 it's not you there's a special someone who already caught my eye you know after I heard you say munching on your seat i'm no longer interested that's fair i i heard it yeah you haven't met me oh okay which okay one of the curtains is shaking it must be that one. You haven't met me. Okay. It's just a grown, like, decrepit, grown, undead, but dead. Oh, my God. Your chin is so dirty.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Thank you so much. What even is that? How did that happen? Well, how did what happen? My dirty chin? Yeah, that. I've been getting all sorts of business now come on let's cut the small talk and take me home put me in the trunk of your car and then put me in your storage unit
Starting point is 00:49:53 oh come on you don't have to be like that you're like you're special to me you i would put you in the passenger seat buckle you in treat you right that not how I... I want it rough and ready. I want it down and nasty. I want you to buy me and then forget to use me this year and then maybe put me out next year, but I want to get nice and dusty in that attic. Looks like you've got a head start already, that dirty chin. I'm a dirty, dirty bitch.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Now put me in your car and slap my ass and call me Sally. What's your name? I have to know. My name? Yeah, your name. Oh, you want to know my name? Yeah, I'd love to. It's Bubble.
Starting point is 00:50:39 As in Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble. Cauldron Burn and this witch is getting to be your bitch. Wow. Now, toil and trouble, are those your sisters? Oh, you're one of those guys who just isn't satisfied with one woman. You want them all. You're a little Ash Ketchum trying to catch them all. You're a little pokey, you're a little ass catcher trying to catch them all.
Starting point is 00:51:07 Hey, I'm glad somebody finally noticed my costume and commented on it, yeah. I've been wearing this fucking vest all day. Well, are you going to take me, Homer? I heard you talking to Louis, and I heard you talking to that first kind of tiny dancer over there. And what's up make up your mind big boy
Starting point is 00:51:27 I don't know you seem nice and all but at the end of the day I'm looking for a connection that will last oh that's not me I think I have to go with bachelor number one tiny dancer
Starting point is 00:51:44 come on out here. Yeah! Oh, and I knew you would come back. You always do. In part because I'm near the exit, but... You look, you were the first one I saw when I came in, and you're the first one I'm looking at when I leave. And what can I... Oh when I leave. What guys?
Starting point is 00:52:06 Oh, did I scare you? Oh, God. I want to wake up every morning and you're the first thing that scares me. And I want to go to bed every night and you be the last thing that scares me. Tiny Dancer, will you accept this rose? Will I? Oh, my God. Of course I will. Any dancer will you accept this rose? Will I? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:52:29 Of course I will. Just slip it into my hand. Tape it onto my hand. I'd love to. Curtain beads open. The bead curtain opens. So did you find everything you're looking for oh i saw you on the monitor and i see you kind of taping a flower to our merchandise which is i guess fine it's like i'll just take it off later unless you want to purchase our tiny
Starting point is 00:53:00 dancer model and take her home of course i'm purchasing tiny are you kidding i gave her my rose what's the damage on this one what's the price gonna cost me huh she's gonna she's honestly one of our more expensive models so she's gonna be about 879 dollars that's a no how much is lewis lewis lewis he's been rising he's gonna be about 750 about 750 smack. Old Crone. How much is Old Crone? Old Crone is on clearance, my guy. No one wants to take Old Crone home. I'll pay you to take her. Fucking fantastic.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Come on. Bachelor number three. Tiny Dancer, I'm so sorry. Let's go, big boy. Yeah, you're going to fucking roll around in my trunk. You're probably gonna be broken by the time we get home. Ooh, I love it when you talk dirty! All this and more at Oz, located in the
Starting point is 00:53:53 Diamond Run Mall in Los Angeles. Open from 8am to 9pm. All until the way All until Halloween. Come on in and get wet. Our prices are so low because we don't pay for HR.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Come on in and get wet. Come on in Fucking foul I will never forget just the thought of Louis Speaking at their first of like Well you know Louis has been around since the 80s Like RuPaul That's how I'm gonna describe myself oh my god that's so fucking funny
Starting point is 00:54:52 I just picture Lewis with like a lit cigarette like you know Lewis has been around since the 80s like RuPaul Lewis is Harvey Fierst oh do we have time for one more review sure Like RuPaul. Lewis is Harvey Fierst. Oh, do we have time for one more review? Sure.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Okay. Let's do it. Well, okay. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back. And I'm actually going to use the break this time. I'll be right back. Whatever. And we're back.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Okay. I've got one more. We've got one more. And it's for that same witch, that same sweet, sweet lady we've been talking about. I love her. Except it's two stars.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Someone was not very happy. How could they treat her that way? Two stars from Ozzy. Can we get a last name for aussie mcmillan hold on everything just froze for me what there we go sorry everything froze sorry can we get a can we get a last name for aussie uh oh aussie mcmillan aussie mcmilton famous aussie mcmilton the title is to get the item that is shown in the picture. That's the title. The witch I have received has too nice of a face nothing like the picture that is
Starting point is 00:56:14 shown. Again, again with this shirt. We've got which that's too scary, which that's too ugly, which that's too used. Now we've got too nice too that's too used. And now we've got too nice. Too nice of a witch. And isn't that what it's like to be a woman in America? Yes! I want a birthday!
Starting point is 00:56:33 Yep. Women can't win. Women can't win. It's the Madonna horror. It's the Madonna horror complex. You're either too nice, you let everyone walk all over you, and she's too sweet. Two stars. My witch animatronic looked like a virgin.
Starting point is 00:56:50 And I did not like that about her. I want mine to look like a slut. She's still wearing a slut. I want mine to look used and dirty. Her chin was way too clean.
Starting point is 00:57:06 She looked like she did some kind of skin care. She looked like she takes care of herself. She looks like some kind of skin care. I want my animatronic witch to not
Starting point is 00:57:23 ever have even heard of hyaluronic acid or any kind of serum. My witch does vitamin C peels. She looks like something that will be found in like a Los Angeles Halloween store. This is Utah. This is Utah. We don't want none of that. Little kids aren't even scared of her. They're asking her for candy.
Starting point is 00:57:59 They're asking her to be their mom. This is crazy. We are attracting a lot of boys a lot of teenage boys uh there's a lot of teenage boys in our yard they're coming to the yard and um talking about her look at her saying things like oh she's better than yours you're like you're answering the door on Halloween there's trick or treaters
Starting point is 00:58:36 oh we've got another one hello hi my name is Jimmy I live a couple doors down and uh with another group of boys stop stop no like what are your guys's costumes huh oh uh well i'm the red power ranger nice nice uh billy tell her your costume yeah i'm uh you know i'm a i'm a burger king like the yeah that's awesome um guys i really like these costumes now what would you guys want what do you want you want a little bit of trick or you guys have to say it oh uh yeah
Starting point is 00:59:24 okay yeah no it's just like yeah no like trick or treat or whatever it's like we're actually not here for the candy um i'm here to ask the witch on your porch a really important question yeah oh oh i see okay um no you you go you go no we we just need like five minutes like alone with her please it's just like we've been planning this for a while and like i'm kind of nervous but like i yeah if you could just give us some alone time with the witch on your porch that'd be great you know i you you boys might not believe this but i remember being your age okay i was where you were once and i you know it was not so long ago i was standing on a porch begging for some alone time with a witch so well i guess you could be here too it's No, no, I wouldn't want to know.
Starting point is 01:00:25 I wouldn't want to see that. No, but we've been practicing. Guys, sure. All of them hold up. A big group of boys. Everyone has a letter. It spells out, will you go to homecoming with me? Oh, isn't that sweet?
Starting point is 01:00:44 We brought the poster board. Wow. That was probably pretty expensive, huh? Yeah. Yeah. It was. So, you know, do you think she'll like it? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:00:58 You have to ask her. I can't speak for her, can I? Okay, Raleigh, you can do this. Yeah. Okay. Exactly like how we practice and like you know the worst you can say is no like no that's still pretty bad i'm yeah yeah no you you might have to like drop out from school but like but like don't even don't even like fucking think like that like no she's totally gonna say what if she doesn't like me it's like she's literally so beautiful like a fresh flower look at you you're like you're like so handsome yeah dude stop you literally don't want to say that no for real no
Starting point is 01:01:41 for real for real you are it's just the power ranger suit it's not no no i mean the power ranger is lit so far but like no it's like oh no you just got that raise you you just what you've got that riz you're a rizod oh my god look at at you. You're the Burger King. Oh, Kat. No. No, come on. Hey. I don't know. You guys seem like you're having a really special moment. But there are other kids, so if you would like to say something. Line around the vlog.
Starting point is 01:02:16 If you would like to say something to her, I would get it off your chest now. No, you're right. You're right. Okay. It's time. Tonight is the night that we go from boys to being men so let's man up and let's do this thing yeah okay but miss witch you are the most beautiful woman i've ever seen in my entire life your skin is fresh as the morning dew your aura is that of a thousand angels and i would be i would be nothing short of honored if you would accompany me to everyone graze the
Starting point is 01:02:54 post reports i write the post reports to west junior high's homecoming dance what do you say he lights up. We. I can't tell if that was a yes or a no. Boys, you got to be clear when you ask. When you ask her, you have to be clear about what you want. I couldn't have been clearer. I asked her if she'd accompany me to the homecoming dance.
Starting point is 01:03:32 She seems really noncommittal. Dude, you said the worst she could say is no, but this feels worse. It kind of felt like a maybe. Maybe ask again, okay? Okay. Okay. Oh, right.
Starting point is 01:03:44 We brought the roses. We brought the roses. Dude, you brought the roses we brought the roses dude give me the you brought the roses here hand them over uh miss witch um oh god i'm so sweaty um sorry uh hey it's me again um i'd like to give you these roses as an offering because you are the most beautiful rose in the garden of my heart. Will you please come to homecoming with me? Yes or no? My eyes light up.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Happy Halloween children. Okay, boys. I think you have your answer. What was the last thing she said? Oh, sorry. Wave your hand again. She'll do it again.
Starting point is 01:04:34 She'll do it again. No, waves in front of her face. Miss Witch, we cut you off. Just get your little thing. That's alright Yeah Get in the pot Oh get in the pot
Starting point is 01:04:53 Get in the pot Okay boys I think you have your answer I don't know if we do It seems like you know what she's saying Is she gonna come to homecoming with me or not I Refuse to speak on behalf Of my daughter like you know what she's saying. Is she gonna come to homecoming with me or not? I refuse to speak on behalf
Starting point is 01:05:07 of my daughter. What? She can make her own decisions, okay? You do take the hint. Oh my God. It's a no. Honestly, I'd rather her just say no rather than
Starting point is 01:05:23 get in the pot okay well thanks for miss which for for at least giving me an answer I hope you have a really beautiful Halloween almost as beautiful as you next kid comes up uh hey mr. mr. Williams my friends and I have something we kind of want to talk to the witch on your porch about. I don't know. The suitors are not having a lot of luck tonight, Tim. It's a line of teenage boys down the block, like, ready to ask for various dances. You can try.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Do you have a sign or a group of signs or some flowers? I don't need it. I'm kind of a Riz God. So I'm ready to just go for it. Miss Witch, you're pretty. You're really pretty. Come to prom with me and you'll be the belle of the ball. I'm dressed up
Starting point is 01:06:18 as the beast. What do you say? Great costume, by the way. That looks fucking expensive. It was. That's like, wait, you're gonna grow great costume by the way that looks fucking expensive it was wait you're gonna grow out of that tomorrow too wait excuse me she's lighting up I need to hear her answer
Starting point is 01:06:33 that's a crazy costume oh thank you so much oh my god wait that's the one you're gonna go with miss witch Oh, thank you so much. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. That's the one that you're going to go with? Miss Wish. Wait, what? Stop.
Starting point is 01:06:51 I raised you better than this. I knew it. Turns around to all the other, sorry, gentlemen. Sorry, everybody. But it looks like she's got a date to prom. So everyone can go home. He was the most mid one of the night why would you pick that one you deserve so much better i know there was just something about him like i'm later that night you guys are just like having a cup of tea yeah there was just something about you I uh
Starting point is 01:07:26 oh sorry that's my hand can you grab that yeah here you go yeah thanks pop it right back in the socket um I'm worried about you you're falling apart
Starting point is 01:07:41 the stress of your day I don't think you're ready for it i mean you know i know that i look 90 yeah but i don't have the heart to tell these kids i'm 56 i know but every year year after year you go to prom with these boys it gets weirder and weirder every year wouldn't say i mean come on i i only go for you know the free candy that they nothing happens i mean i i no i don't need to hear about all that i don't i i don't need to hear about all that cut cut to the prom they're walking in and one of the teacher chaperones is like does it double take no it can't after all this time
Starting point is 01:08:36 miss witch get out of here this is this is crazy crazy to see see. What is he talking about, babe? Oh, no. Oh, no. Are they all right? Mr. Lewis, how are you? How's it going? Oh, no. This is just a neighbor.
Starting point is 01:09:02 God, you look. You haven't aged a day. You look, you haven't aged a day. The principal walks over. Oh my days. Is that you? What's going on?
Starting point is 01:09:18 I think you know, my mom grew up in the area. We always say that like my mom grew up in the area. We always say that, like, my mom. My mom would. Like, we look like... Children, children, this is the woman who taught me to Lindy Hop. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:09:40 Lindy, I don't even know what Lindy Hop is. That sounds like an old ass dance. And then the floor opened up and there was a pool underneath. It was a beautiful night. Oh, man. I don't know. I'm getting some weird energy from you. Yeah, me too.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Principal Devins, you have got no riz and like i do and like you literally it sounds like you i don't know miss witch's mom which is kind of weird miss would you watch your tone honestly you you both watch your tone i i took that witch's virginity. What? You speak to me with respect. Music stops. There's a banger. There's a banger on the gymnasium door. In walks
Starting point is 01:10:38 a woman with a clipboard. Hi, this is Oz H.H.R. Did you just openly admit to having relations with a Halloween animatronic? Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. I meant virginity in a sort of spiritual sense. What does that even mean, Principal Devins? You know, the witch is emotional virginity in a sort of spiritual sense. What does that even mean, Principal Devins?
Starting point is 01:11:06 You know, the witch is emotional virginity. That's gotta be worse. We all know what I'm talking about. The witch is, in fact, um, a spirit. So this does not help your case.
Starting point is 01:11:21 Oh, fine. Fiddlesticks. Lock me up. you know what does this mean where you have to leave the dance it does i gotta go riley i'm so sorry you know what you know that you're my boo thing. Forever and for always. That's exactly what she said to me 15 years ago. Dude, stop! Oh my god! And that's exactly what she said to me 50 years ago! I literally- this is like Mamma Mia, but worse!
Starting point is 01:12:03 Here we go again! Mamma Mia, but worse. Here we go again. Mamma Mia across the decades. No, but... I gotta go, but... Don't you cry. I'll be back again someday. Oh. You be careful, boy.
Starting point is 01:12:20 She said that to me 49 years ago tonight. And she said that to me 14 years ago tonight. And she said that to me 14 years ago tonight as well. I don't want to end up like you guys. Why? We seem cool, right? Cool guys who hang out at prom, you know. Okay, this is making me more uncomfortable than, like, the back room of a spirit halloween. Oh, it's not that bad.
Starting point is 01:12:49 Miss Witch, you should probably go before Principal Devins gets weird. Gets weird? You're right. We're not making this any better. If you need me, I'll be in the garage. I'll miss you. Thanks for everything. I'll miss you too.
Starting point is 01:13:11 Principal Devins, literally go away! I'm serious. I never loved before or since like you. But, you know, if I could just say one thing before I go. Anything. Anything. This has been the most...
Starting point is 01:13:32 No! No! No! They're the flashing light dead battery. No! No! We killed her! There's no point
Starting point is 01:13:48 anymore. I'm gonna open the pool and the gym floor again and drown. All the kids fall through. The floor is opening to a pool. They all solemnly push her
Starting point is 01:14:03 and we're trying to get into the pool and shut the floor. Nearer, my God, to thee. Nearer, my God, to thee. Um,
Starting point is 01:14:20 should we do our last segment? Let's fucking do it. This shook me all week long. this is coming out on halloween i just realized this is the official halloween this is the halloween app oh yeah um tina what has been shaking you for better for worse what can't you stop thinking about. Oh my god. Oh, there's so there's so, so much. We have that opposite problem every week. Really? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:53 So this is very refreshing. I lead a very dull life. Um, oh my gosh. Wait, wait, well my gosh. Wait, wait. Well, you know, there is one thing. Um, and that, well, I think I talked to you a bit earlier, Holly. I don't know what to be for Halloween.
Starting point is 01:15:21 Yeah. And this is a problem you know um and um I well I have been thinking all week that like oh I do have this Captain America catsuit you know oh I've worn it before it's it's it's just kind of there like if I can't think of anything I'll just I'll go for it um but last night I tried to put it on and it I I guess it shrunk because now it like I mean it looks great except it kind of like, what is it? It ends up my knees. So you look like a jockey?
Starting point is 01:16:14 Captain America, the jockey? You look like a newsie? I'm so desperate. I'm like, how could I make this work Captain America jockey buy a newspaper hold a newspaper maybe it could
Starting point is 01:16:32 be like Captain Captain America jockey and have everyone like racking their brains thinking they're stupid for like not getting the prize get like the horse head stick kind of thing.
Starting point is 01:16:47 The pony stick. That would be a really interesting thing to do. Combine two random things. And just make everyone else feel dumb for not getting it. For not getting it. That's really good.
Starting point is 01:17:03 They'll be like, what are you? yeah they'll be like they'll be like what are you and they'll be like i'll give you a minute to think about it okay uh tell me you don't pay attention to the news without telling me you don't pay attention not even a pun it's just i'm captain america jockey i'm captain america jockey hello idiot i'm captain america jockey what are you listening I'm Captain America Jockey. Fucking hello. Idiot. I'm Captain America Jockey. What are you? Living under a rock. I bet that like deep into the neck, there will be at least one person being like,
Starting point is 01:17:38 yeah. Oh, no way. Captain America Jockey. No, that's awesome. Oh my God. Captain America Jockey. Yes. No, that's awesome. Oh, my God. Captain America jockey. Yes. No, I love that.
Starting point is 01:17:47 Cost of shit. Wow. I wish I'd fucking thought of that. Wow. That's cool. You're cool for that. That's cool. That's cool.
Starting point is 01:17:54 That's really cool. I love that. No way. Yeah. I can't wait to see what you choose. I swear I saw another, like, I think I saw another Captain America jockey earlier. Were you, do you, like, have a friend here? There is another one at the party yeah that's crazy as everybody yeah this year this one like the the room opens i'm bending you see one across the room looking at you
Starting point is 01:18:15 and he's like no but i thought i was gonna be be the only Captain America jockey. I love that. I can't wait to see what you end up picking. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was just going to say, what do you think the most common costume is going to be this year? I think we're going to see a lot of Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey. Yes.
Starting point is 01:18:40 I think we're going to see a lot of Barbenheimer. Barbenheimer. Alf, what has been shaking your ass? What's been shaking my ass? Well, quite literally, it's the hard-boiled eggs that I ate from a gas station this week. This week,
Starting point is 01:18:59 I had to drive to and from Indianapolis, Indiana from Chicago, Illinois. It's a fucking long drive. I had to do it in one Indianapolis, Indiana, from Chicago, Illinois. It's a fucking long drive. I had to do it in one day. And a trailer jackknifed on the highway in front of me. And I was stuck in traffic for like an hour. And I was starving.
Starting point is 01:19:14 Oh, no. And so I went to a Love's. The Love's in Lebanon, Indiana. And I was fucking hungry. And so I got four hard boiled eggs. Alfred. And every moment between me walking into that grocery store, seeing the hard boiled eggs, checking them out,
Starting point is 01:19:34 putting them in the car, putting them in the cup holder because they were in like a cup and every moment of that journey I was like, why did I do this? this was a mistake why the fuck would you do this how was this the choice you made and then the minute that egg hit my lips i was like you know what no this is really what i needed it all makes sense and then about six
Starting point is 01:19:59 hours later i was finally home and i was in bed bed. Violently ill. Lights out. Ready to close my eyes after a long day. And I was struck by the worst diarrhea I've had in years. Yeah, I was literally about to say, I'm like, no, you weren't in bed, you were in the bathroom.
Starting point is 01:20:19 You were here in the bathroom. And so after I spent the next hour in what I can only describe as agony. Oh, Alfred. I was fine once all the eggs were out. You know what I mean? All the eggs, not all the eggs. Because the thing about eggs is that I eat eggs like whole, like a snake.
Starting point is 01:20:40 Once I regurgitated all the eggs. Once I'd shat out four perfect eggs. Alfred! What? It's a blue show. We work blue here. Come on. I can talk about shitting all over the head. I was about to say,
Starting point is 01:20:56 when you were like, oh, it was awful until I got all the eggs out. And now I'm fine. I'd be more comfortable being a lady. It was awful. I got home the eggs out. And now I'm fine. It's horrible. It was awful. I got home and my wife was there and she made me a dinner. And it was a dozen boiled eggs.
Starting point is 01:21:14 And I thought, oh, no. I've spoiled my appetite. You just look at the camera and it freezes. And the credits go over your face. God face god um what did you eat that gave you diarrhea nothing lately um what has been what has been shaking me what has been shaking me come on you said you had one didn't you nope i didn't but i do now now. So I'm late to a lot of shows, movies, a lot of things that I'll be like, have you guys seen This Is Amazing?
Starting point is 01:21:49 And they're like, yeah, that's 20 years old. And this is another one of those things. You're also late to the podcast record a lot. Not today. I watched for my first viewing Practical Magic with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. Yeah. Fantastic film, great little, like fun,
Starting point is 01:22:09 fall vibes, late 90s aesthetic, like it is lovely and fun. And Nicole Kidman's hair in that film is incredible. I had a blast. I also I did watch it on the first day of my period and so at the end when it's like they're like we need a coven to help exercise nicole the demon from nicole kidman and it's like all the women in town and they're getting together and all the women who would like shunned this family for a while because they're like oh they're weird and witches all getting together to help like women helping women and then they're all like maybe we do all have a little bit of a witch inside of us i was crying i cried i literally was on my couch i was crying i'm like i love women i love witches i love being a witch but you just turn it off turn off the tv and get a new car and go to home goods yeah like it really was the vibe um i just have to be here
Starting point is 01:23:08 i just have to be here i just have to be around like nora efron style witches um it wasn't even nora efron movie but it felt that way um so it was great had a a blast. Practical magic. So good. Holy shit. Tina, this was such a blast. Thank you so much for coming on. Plugs. I know you have shows coming up. Where can people find you? What have you got coming up?
Starting point is 01:23:35 What have you got going on? I do. Yeah. So I'm rounding out the end of the year. I'm coming and doing a show in Bloomington, Indiana at the Comedy Attic Great venue, love the Comedy Attic Love it It's one of the greatest
Starting point is 01:23:52 and then I'll be in New York in Brooklyn on November 9th doing my show at Union Hall and then into Chicago on November 28th at Zany's doing my show at Union Hall. And I'm then into Chicago. I'm on November 28th
Starting point is 01:24:08 at Zany's. And I'm about to kind of promote my next year of touring, which is so exciting. That's incredible. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:29 So we got a dozen or more days all over the country and beyond. Hell yes. That's so exciting. The great beyond exciting the great beyond yesterday I did actually I announced I'm coming to London next October
Starting point is 01:24:54 so oh my god she's all over the place she can't be stopped I'm all over so you know if you're interested um go to instagram at tina for more just my name and i i love instagram i love tiktok and yeah come party hell yeah um amazing yes you can find tina there if i mean literally if you
Starting point is 01:25:23 can't find one date that works for you on tina's tour there'll be another one um we uh alf and i uh we'll do a little plug we got this coming weekend we are gonna be at new york comedy festival uh sunday november 5th 5 30 p.m littlefield theater in brooklyn uh with special guests Ryan Gall and Kylie Brakeman. You can get tickets on headgum.com slash live or the New York Comedy Festival. Look up reviewer Littlefield. There are so many places. If you want to get tickets, you'll know where to find it.
Starting point is 01:25:58 So please come on out there. Still some tickets available. We are so excited to see you guys there for our first live show. You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt. You can find the show on Instagram Still some tickets available. We are so excited to see you guys there for our first live show. You can find Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInIt. You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview, Reddit r slash ReviewReview,
Starting point is 01:26:12 the HeadGum Discord, where every day's a party in that HeadGum ReviewReview Discord. Yeah, and Jeff and I have a Patreon, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app,
Starting point is 01:26:34 at Riley and Spa and on twitter.com, now known as xxxxxxx.com for as long as it lasts, at Riley Coyote. And as we say every single week on the show. Every single week. We can't stop saying it. And I know that Tina knows it. We all know it because we say it single week on the show. Every single week, we can't stop saying it. And I know that Tina knows it. We all know it, because we say it every week, and it's a famous saying.
Starting point is 01:26:50 And it's never changed. And it's never changed. And this week, like every week. Well, come Welcome to the rodeo. Happy Halloween. Welcome to the rodeo. We'll see you guys next week bye
Starting point is 01:27:26 that was a hit them original

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