Review Revue - Haunted Houses 5 (w/ Ryan Gaul!)
Episode Date: November 26, 2024Ryan Gaul makes his triumphant return for the final Haunted Houses episode of this iteration of the show! Their last dance features scenes about families bonding, fears, and Canadian comments....>>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitJoin the discord here!Produced by Grace Harper @chorlesborkleyAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
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Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
And participate in restaurants for a limited time. It seems today that all podcasts are right-wing extremists and sexist asshats.
But where are those good old-fashioned podcasts on which we used to have fun?
Lucky there's Review Review Show.
Lucky there's a pair who positively can do.
They were from scenes that make us split our sides it's review review
wow first that's the first good theme song tyler's ever done i gotta give it to him tyler
i know that was you. I recognized it instantly.
Tyler, the subject line in the email is,
you made me do this.
This is from June of this past year.
Tyler says, this is the first time I've recorded a theme song without being two sheets to the wind,
but I feel this time I needed it the most.
I've never seen an episode of Family Guy,
but thanks to the cursed Google search
Family Guy theme karaoke version, I'm sure my YouTube suggestions are going to be nothing but Peter fucking Griffin clips. Let's all hope you don't run out of theme songs because I've got three more written out ready to be recorded. That is a threat. With as kind regards you feel you deserve.
The other three are just the American Dad theme song, the Cleveland Show theme song.
That was beautiful, Tyler.
Thank you so much.
That deserves a holy frigging crap if I've ever heard one.
God.
We're here.
I think it's December now.
No, not quite.
We have a lot to get through,
so I just want to take a second to,
I mean, you guys already could see
from the episode title, Ryan Gall is here second to, I mean, you guys already could see from the episode title,
Ryan Gall is here.
Yeah, I am.
Did you get a phone call, Riley?
Yeah, literally.
In the middle of the intro?
Daniel Rashid called me then.
Nope.
Block his number.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'll block his number.
Gall, we're so happy you're here for our final Haunted Houses episode.
Can you believe it? I will say I don't believe it i will say i don't
believe it's the final one i want to i want to have the hope that somehow some way there will
overturn this election we actually won wait i'm sorry did what did i say no come on this won't it can't be the last uh spooky
gall collaboration it can't it just can't it won't be it won't be we'll find whatever show
we do next we will we will find a way to shoehorn in just another haunted house
we are so i'll tell you i honestly i look forward to this every year for the past, I think, four years.
And there's always a point in the early fall, somewhere in September, where I'm like, are they going to ask me?
Oh, stop it.
Are they going to ask me?
I swear.
Oh, stop.
There's no way.
Every year you guys ask.
Of course we ask. I go. Because, stop. There's no way. Every year you guys ask. Of course we ask.
I go.
Because it is my favorite episode to do every year.
It is my favorite.
It is my Halloween tradition that we're now releasing in December.
What's better than talking about haunted houses?
What is better than that?
Nothing.
Hey, listeners, did you think that we'd forgotten?
I know it's December at the time of release.
Do you think we'd forgotten?
Oh, you thought we were going to end the show without another Haunted Houses gal, Ed?
You're wrong.
Ye of little faith.
We brought him back.
I'm here.
How you doing?
It's November 10th, and everything feels normal.
No, the world, I know people are saying, like, there's some weirdness.
I feel great.
I feel like everything's great.
I can't wait to go to the grocery store and buy things for less.
I can't wait for that Ukraine situation to settle down.
Everybody's doing great.
By the way.
I've heard about the weirdness too, but I feel like everything's fine.
No, it's fantastic.
Not my world.
I'm going to shoot myself.
Oh, yeah.
I wake up every morning crying, which feels good to do.
At least I'm like, oh, the tear ducts are still lubed up.
Yeah.
Alf, how you doing?
I'm great.
I'm killing.
I love it here.
I definitely haven't been opening my desk drawer and making sure my my other passport is
still in there every day um no i got a new couch this week so i've really been focusing on that
yeah brother how is the couch it's great i can literally i look out my office door here i can
see it it's it's beautiful it's like can you give me a color and also comfort level between one and ten.
I would say, and I'm not exaggerating, nine and a half.
Wow.
Can I ask brand?
Or is that too personal? It feels nosy.
I know.
It is an expensive couch.
It's an expensive couch.
It's an expensive couch.
Honestly, but that's worth the investment.
It is worth the investment.
You spend so much of your
time with your ass on that i believe in transparency right like release the tax returns i it is a it
is a room and board couch and it is yeah it is really fucking beautiful and i've never i've never
owned or purchased a new piece of furniture in my life unless it came from like
amazon.com or like Ikea maybe I had an Ikea dresser once everything else I've ever owned
has been like Facebook marketplace Craigslisted whatever and I was just like we just moved into
this new apartment and I was like fuck sake I need a real couch and it is deep and it is soft
and it's this is like it's this like blue color it's
almost like it ties the whole fucking room together i'm in love with this couch easy yeah
hey calm calm down calm down no but i love what the way you're talking about this couch because
it feels like it's your it's like a second bed yes well that's the other thing is i am a larger
gentleman and i have lived in a very small apartment up until this apartment that like I only had a love seat.
It could only fit a love seat.
Anything bigger than a love seat was a pipe dream for me.
But now it's a reality.
And so the fact that I have barely left my house in the last six days or whatever it is, i'm losing track of time uh i have loved having this couch because
i can just sit on it and consume media and and and and play mario kart and it's like it's perfect
it's perfect to me so the couch is i'm really thinking about the couch um keep thinking about
that couch i'm bummed because Obviously if I'd waited
Then we would have had all those tariffs
Which are definitely going to help the price of couches
Come right down
Do you know how cheap you'll get that couch for
I'm really kicking myself
They'll pay you to take the couch
But I couldn't wait
I was too excited
Return the couch
Yeah just do it again
You know what fuck it i'm calling them right now
they're gonna come get it call his bluff that's rad yeah i'll you're not you were here last time
we were what the fuck am i saying you were here last time we recorded you were in person with
whatever i you got a dog at the time of recording at the time of recording we still have the dog
the trial is going well.
Mr. Gall, we are on the rescue that we got her from.
Has this amazing.
Did you kill the dog?
Nope.
She's thinking about it.
It's not every rescue does this.
But I think if you're looking to get a dog, they do a trial period.
Because you never know what the dog's going to be like until it's in your house.
Yes.
And she's been amazing and an absolute gremlin.
And so it's great.
But we still have her.
I'm recording from my bedroom right now because we are crate training her.
And she thinks she's going to die if we're not in the same room as of right now.
So we're keeping her.
And we have like a blackout shade over the crate.
Is she in there right now with the shade she's in there
right now yep and uh she and she's fine in there as long as she can hear me in the same room um
but every like 20 minutes i go and like give her a little treat to be like yep you're doing good
you're not crying everything's fine but there's something that's very funny and just feels surreal
about like i just have this caged beast in my room and that there's like a little flap
and that it's like,
oh, the beast clock went off.
Time to open the flap.
Just like, I don't speak to her.
I just put a little treat through the cage
and she's just leaning right up against it
and just like gingerly takes it
and then retreats back into the darkness.
And there's just something very like strange about that.
It's just so silly.
It's bizarre.
If you really think about pets, you bring these animals into our house and just kind of trust that they're going to be cool.
We take her collar off and she looks like a little wild animal.
Yeah, because she is.
Because she is.
There's a cemetery near my old apartment.
I can dox myself because I don't live there anymore.
Have at it.
And that in Chicago that is full of coyotes.
And it's a huge cemetery.
And I would go for walks around there in the afternoon time, evening time.
And you would just be like, oh, puppy.
And then you'd like all of a sudden be like,
oh no, I'm like 12 feet away from this like true wild animal that looks identical to a big fluffy thing
that I would have in my, like, they really,
like, they're just animals, man.
They're just animals.
Some are nicer than others.
That's true.
And I would argue that there's nothing more animalistic
than a haunted house. Let's
actually get into it. Whoa, let's get into it.
Gull, Alf, I actually forget
if you like haunted houses or not. I don't think you do.
You know, this is really interesting because there
is audio evidence of me talking about my relationship
to haunted houses and I don't remember what I said the first time.
It's been a while because I was just going to say,
Gull, you're the only one here who enjoys them.
Have you done any this year?
But Alf, I didn't remember if that was true.
I haven't done one this year.
I nothing.
Okay.
I am neutral on them.
That's really good content.
So Gal, did you have any this year?
You can go fuck yourself.
If there's a group of people going, I'll go.
I'm not going to seek it out on my own.
That's my relationship.
That's really cool.
I seek it out.
I seek it out in every every i actually went to a haunted
escape room i was at a film festival in orlando and happened to see this advertisement for like
a haunted escape room where you go in and it's uh interactive with play i guess they call it like
uh what do they call them? Scare actors?
Scare actors?
Yeah.
And I'll tell you this.
There were some, I wish I could remember the name of the place in Orlando,
but there were moments where I was legitimately more scared than I've been in any walkthrough haunted house.
Really?
Yeah, it was terrifying.
They'd make you like climb a ladder
basically get into a little room and then you fall down a slide and when you like when you
get up on your feet you're staring at a person in their face and they like disappear and then
you're in a new room to figure out some code to get out. It was legitimately.
And you paid US dollars to have that experience.
US dollars.
US dollars.
And it was.
That's really wild.
It was great.
They actually ended up.
I went with a friend and we took too long, but they were so dead during the day.
We were the only people there that they let us have extra time.
That's nice. It actually was nice because we were like, people there that they let us have extra time that's nice
it actually was nice because we were like we don't know what this means and they'd have to
like secretly be like but the code is in the wall behind you that's so funny oh my god what was the
was there like a theme or was it just generally like we're gonna get you no it was like it was wonderfully simple it was like a cabin in
the woods with a cult theme like there you go yeah it was you know sometimes i think with
these things people overthink it and all we need is scary ambience and and then like the idea that some man is bringing people to his cabin
to create a cult that'll do it for me that'll do it my my mother is from ireland and she grew up
um in a cabin uh with a cult catholic but in the culture there and i feel like i'll tell me this
is like part of the british culture too but it's like there would be, you don't even know what I'm going to say.
I 100% agree.
And idea of like, oh, you better not do that or the man will get you.
The man will get you.
The man will get you.
And it's never which man, any specific one.
It's not like boogeyman.
It's like, okay, don't be going into that yard over there.
I'll tell the man and the man will come get you.
It's very.
And so there's always a threat of like the man is going to come get you. It's very... And so there's always a threat
of like the man
is going to come get you.
It's very Wendy Williams.
Yeah.
I feel like I...
Wendy Williams has this thing
about the killer.
If you look it up,
there's these super cuts
of her being like,
don't do that,
the killer will get you.
And it's like,
who is she talking about?
And so it's a real...
I think I agree.
I think I'm familiar
with the man.
The man.
And not like the man, like big government, the man.
It's like a man.
Just a man.
The man.
The baddie.
Although.
Although.
Is there a difference?
Let's be honest.
Okay, we have to set an intention.
We have to set an intention for this episode.
I keep dissociating for like seconds at a time.
This is going to be the most dissociative episode yet.
Done.
Boom.
It's the most dissociative episode yet.
We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Feed the beast.
Again, the beast, the man, and some haunted houses reviews.
Be right back.
Bye.
The Beast has been given a treat and we are back. We're back. The Beast. Alf. Yeah. Can I start?
You seem excited. Go for it. I'm very excited about this one and i never asked to start but i'm very excited i'm gonna let you have this so this this a lot of the reviews i have are
for uh this specific haunted house in los angeles called Delusion.
Do you know that house?
I've been through Delusion for sure.
Oh my God.
Did you like it?
I can't wait. I want to reserve my thoughts on it until I hear what he said.
I have two from Delusion.
So they're both five stars, but they're both very different experiences.
I would say that that tracks with my experience.
I've been in it three times.
Wow.
That's okay.
So you liked it enough to keep going back.
Here we go.
This is five stars for three weeks ago at the time of recording, like it was Halloween recently.
Five stars from Alicia H.
Alicia Hellhound. Alicia Hellhound.
Alicia
Hellhound. Alicia
Hellhound. Five stars.
I've done delusions six times
now. It's unlike any other
experience. It's not all jump
scares. It's deeper themes
and stories. One year was
about loss. Another was
reclaiming your memories. This year was mourning
and how toxic it can be when you refuse to let go. It doesn't always quote unquote make sense
at first glance. It takes time to put it together and it's a more an emotional journey than a
literal one. It's unique and well worth trying. I don't think that's a haunted house.
I think that's a play.
He just went to church.
Somebody called it delusion.
She went down the wrong alley and ended up in a Baptist church.
I couldn't believe that.
Like, so, okay, so you've been.
Does that track with your experience?
Yeah, you know, it's a really, it's, I would say.
It doesn't always make sense.
It sort of does track because it's not about jump scares.
It's more about a really spooky narrative that has a message.
So, yeah, I think they changed.
It's a sermon.
They changed, yeah, they changed the message each year to be like, you know, something, something different and
a little deeper as what was her name?
Alicia.
Alicia Hellhound.
Yeah.
Alicia.
Alicia.
She's right.
Yeah.
Honestly, I feel like Alicia is looking for something.
Yeah.
This is more about her.
It's more about her.
It's like, I couldn't, I mean, there's so
much. It's like, I couldn't tell if it's like the actual, I mean, I'm so happy that you've
been three times. That's amazing. Like the actual place is, you know what they do. They,
or maybe you don't, but they rent, they rent a house in LA. They rent like a abandoned house
or a house for rent. And they they i think they buy it out for like
six months and they dress it and like create this story a walkthrough but it is not about
like jump scares it's about like uh your mother called and well the last time i went it was like
about like the three daughters of the of a man and the daughters each wanted different things in life
and so it is just a production of three sisters you know what it sort of reminds me of is um
what was the one in in new york city sleep no more sleep no more where it's not it's got a spooky
feeling to it but you're never gonna go like oh my god you know oh yeah in this but
this time you get a parable yeah yes it's it feels a little bit like you signed up for a class
so crazy yeah it's so fun do you remember the themes like so there was the one time you
had the daughters yeah there was something with daughters there was something about a relationship
i remember like uh maybe a romeo and juliet type five of like one classic scary story yeah classic
scary you know i think it isn't it? Doogie Howser, who produces it?
What?
The actual character, Doogie Howser.
You're not talking about Neil Patrick Harris.
Not Neil Patrick Harris.
Doogie Howser.
I could believe that.
I could believe that.
That makes sense.
Yeah, I believe he produces it, or at least originally did.
Because he's like all Magic Castle-ed up, too.
And that's like a magic castled up too.
And that's like a very magic castle kind of vibe.
That's a great comp.
It feels like when you go into the magic castle, it kind of feels like spooky.
I'm not scared, but it's spooky.
I'm in the mood to be like in a weird place.
And that's what it feels like.
Dad, I know you don't like Halloween,
but it really means a lot to Alan and I.
I know you do.
And it really means a lot to Alan and I that you would come to this haunted house
because I think it may change your mind about some things.
No.
Can I have a snack before we go in?
You can have a snack.
Yeah, anything you need.
I just feel like, you know,
this is going to really help us as a family to be here. What do you mean by that? It's going to help us as a snack. Yeah, anything you need. I just feel like, you know, this is going to really help us as a family to be here.
What do you mean by that?
It's going to help us as a family.
The only reason I'm coming is because, honestly, I want you and Alan, I want you guys to be happy, and I hope you guys get married.
Thank you.
Thank you, Doug.
I appreciate that.
I didn't ask you anything.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Doug.
I am.
Thank you.
I know that you two haven't always seen eye to eye and I know you're going to
say,
Oh,
a haunted house.
How could that possibly bring us together?
But just try it.
Well,
I don't know if that's what you were thinking.
I wasn't thinking that I was thinking I'd come.
I'd have a couple of snacks.
I'd make it through this.
I hate Halloween.
I can't wait to get to Christ's birthday,
but I'd rather move on to christ's birthday
than deal with this hallows eve business i understand and it means a lot to us that you
came the devil dad dad come on come on alan right aren't you happy aren't we happy that he's here
yeah you know doug um you know halloween something you know hallow Doug, Halloween's not my favorite. You talk when you're addressed.
She addressed me.
She asked for my input.
I did ask him for his input.
When a male addresses you.
Okay.
Can I speak, sir?
You can speak.
Okay.
I'm not a huge fan of Halloween either.
So, you know, I maybe.
I like that.
Yeah.
So maybe this is a time where you and I can, you know, together explore, you know, outside our comfort zone and grow closer.
I like that.
Okay.
Perfect.
I don't love the idea of going outside my comfort zone.
No.
But it's how we grow.
If an opportunity.
Well, you can also grow through abuse.
The Silverstone party?
That's us.
Yes, that's us.
We're here.
That's us.
We're here.
Do you have the tickets?
Yeah, I have them on my phone.
Yeah, I have them on my phone.
On your phone?
I know you hate e-tickets, Dad.
I know you hate it.
We can't get a physical ticket.
We can't just have a ticket.
It doesn't matter.
We're here.
Oh, no, you guys.
I can scan them right now.
Okay, thank you.
I love your hair.
I love your hair Young lady
Thank you so much I dyed it red you know for the holidays
And you have a beautiful smile honey
Perfect okay let's go
Let's get on in
Doug let's keep it moving
I will just say is it any of you guys first time
My dad
And my fiance
It's our first time
They're getting married
Hopefully she'll be pregnant soon And I'll be a grandfather And my fiance. It's our first time. It's their first time here. They're getting married. Okay, so. Yep, dad, I told her that's what fiance means.
Hopefully she'll be pregnant soon and I'll be a grandfather and we'll extend our dynasty.
Well, we don't know if we want kids.
I told you we don't know if we want kids.
I said we'll extend our dynasty.
Okay, so we do things here a little differently.
It's not your usual, you know, spooky, haunted house, you house. But it will make you think.
And it will scare you a little bit.
It will bring up fears and we'll work through them together.
Not we.
I will not be joining.
Would you like to?
Would you?
Dad, she works here.
She doesn't want to.
Okay, I was going to offer.
She wanted to come.
You could get another e-ticket.
She's probably done it before the staff.
She's probably done it.
She's probably been in it.
I don't know.
None of us know.
If you guys step right this way and then we will see you on the other staff. She's probably done it. She's probably been in it. I don't know. None of us know. If you guys step right this way
and then we will see you on the other side.
Good luck. Promise?
God damn. God, she was great.
No, she was very professional. You're right.
She was great. She had great hair.
Did you smell that?
It's good perfume. Smell what?
Oh my God. Good perfume.
Going to the first room. Lights
turn off. Hello.
And welcome to room number one.
Oh.
How is everybody feeling with each other?
What the hell is this creep?
I feel a little nervous.
I feel scared but willing.
Everybody look to the left.
Take in who you see.
Now look to the right and take in who you see there.
One of these people will disappear in the next room.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
What does that mean?
I hope it's me.
That's really scary.
It could be any one of us. Why did you say that? Why would you say that, Alan God. What does that mean? I hope it's me. That's really scary. Oh, it could be any one of us.
Why did you say that?
Why would you say that, Alan?
Why would you say that?
Sounds like it could be fun.
Maybe I have a special role or something.
You don't want to be with your wife-to-be and protect her?
That's not what he meant.
I don't need him to protect me.
It's all fake.
We don't need anyone to protect us in here.
Everybody needs somebody to protect them. I don't need anyone to protect us in here. Everybody needs somebody to protect them.
I don't think that's true.
In a partnership.
Sorry, do we choose who disappears?
Or one of us just goes?
It just happens.
No, it will be a game.
A game that will decide who disappears first.
Okay.
Three knocks to the door.
Four kicks to the floor.
Okay.
A fight to the ceiling.
To find out how you're feeling.
A fight to the ceiling.
Find out who I'm seeing.
What is a fight to the ceiling?
A fight to the ceiling.
I'll see you on the other side of the door.
Crack slam. Okay. I'm really stuck on a fight to the ceiling. I'll see you on the other side of the door. Slam.
Okay, I'm really stuck on
a fight to the ceiling.
I'll take fight
to the ceiling. I can fight. We're not supposed to touch
them. I think it's we're working together.
The point is we're working together.
Dad, dad, dad.
We have to start with
three knocks to the door. Honey, you're
embarrassing me. Maybe.
I'm embarrassing you. You're embarrassing me. Maybe. I'm embarrassing you.
You're embarrassing me.
Maybe it's some sort of teamwork thing.
This is supposed to be a group effort, right?
Yeah, exactly.
And you're skipping all the steps and pulling down the light fixture.
I mean.
So it is a group effort.
We're all trying to work together.
I'm trying to work together.
Perfect.
No, you're not.
Three knocks to the door.
Knocks to the door.
Okay, how about. Four kicks to the floor. I'll do the knocks on the door. I're not three knocks to the door okay how about kicks to
the floor i'll do the knocks on the door i'll do the knocks on the door okay and then honey will
you do the four kicks to the floor i will yes perfect yeah okay hey this communication it's
just shocking to see you agree to something okay you know what i'll say a fear that i had coming
in here yeah is that we were going to be fighting the whole time.
And so the fact that things are being brought up, communication, disagreement, and we're working through it, this is what delusion is for.
So yes, okay.
Your mother doesn't appreciate me physically.
Is that a fear?
And I hate that I know, which is part of why we're here.
I just wanted to bring that up before you do your four kicks to the floor.
That has nothing to do with anything.
It says on the wall right there, bring up a fear.
Alan, do you have a fear?
Do you have a fear?
I feel like that's part of the game.
I guess a fear of mine, Doug, if I'm being honest, would be that in my marriage, our relationship ends up like yours and monica's
wow i wish you'd save that for like room four i'm just i'm sorry i have to be transparent i mean
i see the kind of marriage that they oh the choice has been made oh wait but we didn't even
fight to the ceiling sorry oh so they're letting us do it and they
did did they come in earlier so i'm gonna knock i'm gonna knock you kick and then you fight okay
all right yep okay i'll do whatever three two one okay knock knock knock kick kick, kick, kick. For kick. Fucking ceiling. I'll get your goddamn ceiling.
Just like jump and punch it, I think.
Okay.
What was the last one?
Fight to the ceiling.
Oh, fight to the ceiling will show how we're feeling.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, I feel the same as when I came in here.
Okay. I had one Heineken at the Cheesecake Factory, and I'm probably a little loose-lipped.
God, your tolerance is so low.
No, his tolerance, he rarely drinks.
I think around this time of year, a lot of the fears he has are at the Devil's Holiday.
He'll have his yearly fall beer.
Anyway, is the door opening?
I know you are.
Where's the guy?
Hello.
There you are.
It's okay.
I misread the script earlier, and I entered early. It's okay. I misread the script earlier and I entered early.
It's okay.
Please, come in.
Three doors before you, you shall see.
Okay.
Which door shall you decide to be?
So we have to be.
Enter one, each of you.
Okay.
And step your feet in through and through.
So we have to pick which
door to be. We all go
through. That's it. That seems pretty
straightforward. Just we each go through a door.
Well, wait. I mean, are
we going to lose one of us in here?
And don't forget to hug
each other. Because
remember what family means
to you guys think about if you can sign up through
this qr code for family therapy if you wish it might help thee thank you this is why we're here
this is why delusion works and this is why we're here. This is room two. Wasn't one of us supposed to disappear?
Did I misunderstand him?
I thought one of us was going to go away.
Where's Alan?
Where's Alan?
We're here, Dad.
Turn around.
Turn around.
No, if you turn around, we're here.
Turn around which way?
Backwards?
Turn around to hear us.
Then we're here.
I can hear you fine.
I just can't see you.
Turn around the sound of our voice.
I can't see you guys either.
Turning.
Okay.
Doug?
They asked us, wait, before we beat the doors, they asked us to talk.
I'll take this door.
This door right here.
Yeah, I'll go through the middle.
I'll go through the right.
And before we open, they asked us what family means to each other.
Yeah.
Well.
Dynasty.
Spreading your blood.
What? dynasty spreading your blood what well i mean spreading your blood so that someday when i die
you'll have children so that i'll do you mean spreading your seed ew that's disgusting okay
i'm not happy with saying that i'm trying to bring you guys closer together. Are you guys sexually active?
Of course.
Of course we are.
Oh, my God.
I thought you'd like that.
You want us to have kids.
I don't understand what you're...
Once you're married.
Oh, right.
That's that.
Okay.
To me, family means being able to, you know,
see through the noise of disagreement
and realize that we all love each other
and want the same things for each other.
For me.
Okay.
Only one of us gets to go?
Please choose your door.
Okay.
We have a group behind you that's waiting.
Sorry, sorry.
Maybe if the instructions were clearer.
Okay.
Alan, quickly, family.
Family to me is the ability to change and grow together
beautiful
all right yeah I guess let's open
that was
dad don't
the weakest thing I could
I'm opening the door you know what I think is interesting
that door is the first time Doug's ever been
on the left of anything so I think that's
something isn't it
I'll have you know I I was been on the left of anything. So I think that's something, isn't it? I'll have you know, I was born on the left.
Wow.
You know what they say.
What does that even mean?
I was born on the left.
On the left side.
There were always two people.
Your mother?
The left side of her.
The left side of her.
I came out the left side of her.
You came out the left.
There's only one way to come out.
What, like a cesarean?
I don't understand.
No, even cesarean, you get, like, pulled out.
It's the front.
And it's still in, like, the middle.
It's the front.
You guys don't know what you're talking about.
Babies are always pulled out on the one side or the other.
Let's open the door.
Were you there when your daughter was born?
Never mind.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
Please.
Whoa.
Use the phones to communicate, you must this is gonna end badly
it's just there's just phone boots we open the door to phone boots i like back in your day huh
doug who are you calling Is someone calling us? Hello?
Hello?
Who is it?
I don't know.
I just picked up the phone.
It dialed somebody.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Douglas? This is a delusion for sure.
What the hell?
Dad, come on.
Douglas, is that you?
Yeah, this is Douglas.
Oh, it's Monica, your wife.
Well, what are you doing?
You called me, didn't you?
The phone rang.
I guess I called you at what you were on my mind.
Oh, how's it going at the house?
Do you remember which side our daughter came out on of you?
My left side.
She was on the left, wasn't she?
Yeah, Toby was on the right.
She was on the left. That's she? Yeah, Toby was on the right. She was on the left.
That's why Toby lives in Texas.
Dang right.
Dang right.
Dang right.
Will you be home for supper?
I hope so.
And you know what?
I hope you make a nice tuna casserole for me.
I'll make you whatever you want.
You're my king of our dynasty.
My line's dead. I picked up my phone and it's
not... There's not even a phone in mine.
There's not even... This is crazy. I have
the phone, but nothing's called. Honey?
Yes? I'd like to make
love tonight.
Oh, Douglas.
I don't know what to say.
I quite like that. Hang up the phone
and now everyone enter room four. Okay. I don't know what to say. I quite like that. Hang up the phone, and now everyone enter room four.
Okay.
Did we do anything in that one?
Was there...
No, I think somehow he's winning.
There was just a phone call.
I didn't realize...
I'm ahead.
It says on the wall, I'm ahead.
It says if you get a phone call, you won't be the first to fall.
Also, no one's gone.
We're all still here. I thought one of us was
supposed to disappear two rooms ago. I think
that was like metaphorically. It's like, oh, who's gonna
leave you? Well, we drift apart.
Well, here we go. Room four.
I wonder if this is the last one. I think
we're progressing, right? I think my dad wants to have sex
with my mom. That seems fine. You heard
that? You heard that. Of course, we're all in the
same room. That's quite loud.
Oh, well, I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed.
You led with that.
You said that she doesn't give you affection physically.
You already told us about half of that, so I don't know why you're weird now.
Doug, you know, normally I'd want to smack you across the face.
You're Doug, Doug.
I'm worried about you.
No, I'm talking to myself.
You guys can be quiet. Doug, normally I'd'm worried about you. No, I'm talking to myself. You guys can be quiet.
Doug, normally I'd want to smack you across the face.
But today, I appreciate that you opened up to your wife.
Oh.
Are you guys listening to this?
Yes.
We're in the room.
This is, I'm reading on the wall.
It says, speak to the mirror in front of you.
The truth will be revealed.
I want to become a better father i want
to be a better father-in-law to alan wow want to learn that we can all be different
and we can all move forward somehow some way that was really beautiful to add. That was very beautiful. I think somebody's learned a lesson today in our very haunted house.
Thank you guys so much for coming to Delusion.
If you want to exit to the left, we have our gift shop.
If you guys want to fill out.
You changed your outfit.
We have a QR code if you want to do our exit survey.
Maybe it's a twin situation.
Thank you so much for coming.
We really hope that it was spooky and illuminated a lot for you.
Are you the same one that let us in?
I am the same one that let you in.
We're a little short staffed tonight, so I am your entrance and exit guide.
How did you say we get out again?
You exit to the left.
Exit to the left.
That reminds me of my wife.
Right, Doug?
Because of the birthing.
Exit to the left.
Oh, that was nice.
You remembered that from inside the house.
Yeah, I'm trying to relate to him.
I think that's really good.
My daughter exited to the left.
Right.
Yeah.
That's what I...
That's what he's...
When she was born out of my woman.
Out of your... Yeah, Monica. Yeah. Well, you know. That's what he's. When she was born out of my woman. Out of your.
Yeah.
Monica.
Yeah.
Well, you know, two steps forward, one step back.
Let's take a break.
We'll be right back.
We're going to go to the left really quick and we'll be back with more haunted house reviews and we're back we're so back Shall I read a review that I've read?
I would love that.
This is a review from Nuit de Terror, a haunted house in Montreal, Montreal, Canada.
We're going international, baby.
Which translates to Nights of Terror.
Yes.
Maison Haute, haunted house.
Okay.
So I'm going to read the review and then also the response.
Oh, I love a response.
Review.
One star from Georgia A.
Georgia A.
Okay.
Georgia A.
Really not worth the money at all.
Don't waste your money.
The decor is amazing,
but the scare factor is a zero.
Really hurtful.
And so this is Nuit du Terror responded.
Hi, Georgia.
We really appreciate the fact that you realized
how much time and money was put into the decor.
I am certain while going through,
you heard a lot of people scream
as the vast majority
of people are really scared we've had a lot of people pee in their pants and worse you are
definitely someone who is very hard to scare and maybe would enjoy something more hardcore
sorry we could not provide this for you however seeing the quality of the entire experience do
you really think it deserves a one star this This is our first year and it really, really hurts us. And you
did say you appreciated the amount of time and money we put into the entire experience.
We hope you can rethink your rating and see if you
think it brings the experience justice while thinking that you are definitely
incredibly hard to scare. Wait, sorry, read that last
sentence. The last sentence sentence is we hope you
could rethink your rating and see if you think it brings the experience justice while thinking
that you are definitely incredibly hard to scare oh my god so i do think that you know french
canadian i think maybe english was not their preferred language to write this response in
but because the review was in English.
It also feels like somebody in the middle of the night was drunk and was like,
I'm going to respond.
And they were like,
don't respond while you're drunk.
And they were like,
I definitely know.
We hope you can rethink your rating and see if you think your brings the
experience justice.
We're having being thinking that you,
you definitely are so hard to scare.
You think you're so hard to scare,
but you need to rethink it because you did say.
You noticed the couch.
The line that gets me too is,
we've had a lot of people pee in their pants and worse.
It's like, there's really only one thing.
People are shitting themselves.
Is that it? Is that what you were alluding to or
oh my god but also the Canadian politeness of like we really appreciate that you notice the
time and the effort spent in the decor thank you for that that means a lot that being said
feels like a cross-examination they're like you did did you not, that you really appreciated the decor, and so is it really fair to have given us one star if, as you say.
Yes, logic would say.
And you were thinking that you had been thinking that you were maybe hard to scare.
Ladies and gentlemen, the jury, when people around are screaming and pissing their pants, could it not be concluded.
And worse.
And worse.
Could it not then be concluded that one star is really not deserving
witness i did shit myself
that's funny asking of didn't you hear people scream were people screaming around you then
it must have been pretty scary yeah it's so funny like they're being it's so defensive, but trying to be polite. Yes.
Whoa, they responded.
I guess I'll respond back.
Didn't mean to cause offense.
Thought decor was nice.
Just wasn't scary.
Felt like it was for little kids.
Even though the decor seemed very adult and well thought out,
it felt like a pretty juvenile haunt.
Best of luck as you continue your years of scares.
Hope it gets scarier from here.
Oh, Pierre, did you see this review?
That's insane.
That's too much.
Should we respond?
I mean, it seemed like an apology,
but then it also felt like a twist of the knife.
I mean, I... Oh, I want to say...
We should say something.
Tell us how you really feel.
Do you want me to write back to her?
Yeah, you should.
I really think you should.
Okay.
Here I go.
And I appreciate your support.
Of course.
Quick hug.
Quick hug.
Long hug.
Long hug.
And then starting.
Going.
Going. And going. Hugging. Hugging. Still. Long hug. And starting. Going. Going.
And going.
Hugging.
Hugging.
Still.
Still hugging.
And waiting for you to release because I will not release before you do.
And I love you so much I couldn't think about releasing first.
I will try to release at the same time you do, but I can't promise.
We're going to really be in our collective mind here.
And releasing. but i can't promise we're gonna really be in our collective mind here and and releasing releasing and we're released oh that was beautiful that's nice okay what was her name again it was george
i think it was georgia i should just read that it says georgia you can't be expected to know
everything georgia we appreciate all that you said in, we're infatuated with you.
Yes.
We love you.
We think your opinion is wonderful, important.
And we want to point out the positive things you said about your experience with us.
And I think you already know those things.
We are horrified to think that you were disappointed.
Is that too much?
I don't think so.
I think she deserves honesty.
Well, we are horrified.
And we were horrified, were we not?
I was.
And as was I.
We want you to know that some people have literally died
going through our experience.
The gentleman with the pacemaker passed away we should
passed away and what did we do we buried him in the ground in the ground because that's part of
our experience there have been people that have worse than died worse and worse and i don't think
it's fair to elaborate on that we should let her imagination. That's up to her. That's not our responsibility.
No. But I do think it disrespects his memory, the gentleman who passed away. I think it disrespects his memory to suggest that it's not a scary house. It disrespects his memory
and his experience. His family. By saying that this is not a scary haunted house, please reconsider what you've said.
You will ruin us.
We are a new business.
Yes.
And we are in the red, heavy red.
Deep red.
Deep, deep, creamy red.
Crimson red.
Creamy.
Sorry?
Creamy red is. Creamy crimson red.y red. Crimson red. Creamy. Sorry? Creamy red is.
Creamy crimson red.
Evocative, I think.
What else?
Anything else?
How do we sign off?
We should invite her to dinner.
Oh.
We would like to comp you back into the house and also take you to a dinner.
Absolutely.
In a reasonably priced restaurant i
think reasonably priced is is subject to interpretation i think that out i think we say
entrees 15 to 19 dollars restaurant we're gonna go 19 do we just say 20 i think the 19 gives a clear taxes the taxes and tip not included not
included i'm talking about the price on the menu of the entree 19 19 1999 ceiling on an entree is
tips not included although we are in canada yes and what's that really mean i mean 10 percent 10 percent tops
feels we'll cover 10 or we're just assuming she'll pay 10 i think we'll pay 10 and if she wants to
pay more if she would feel more comfortable like at 15 20 you know then then she can do that but we'll cover
the first 10 i think that's very reasonable also i don't want her i won't i don't want her to feel
pressure to to oh if she wants an appetizer or a drink she can absolutely order that so add-ons
are up to her up to her we are covering the entree yeah and. And the $1.99 Caesar or garden salad.
Exactly.
And 10% tip. And this is before or after she'll redo our haunted house.
I think it's better to do the dinner before.
This is all to be done before.
That way.
And then we will provide a.
Curated experience.
Uber Share.
Oh, I see.
Yes.
Oh, Uber.
Uber Share back to, depending on where we're at.
I think we should let her, we'll say we'll cover an Uber or a-
Are we sure it's a her?
Georgia.
That's a good question.
I don't know.
I've met men named georgia should we
control af go back through change all those get rid of all the make it neutral i think so neutral
i think so i'm gonna make that all neutral i'm gonna say this and tell me if it's too much okay
don't even think about snacks yes i think that's fair. The walkthrough.
You little, you little.
Well, no, breathe into that.
Breathe into that feeling because you are, you are getting upset. I'm mad because I'm resenting the fact that we're taking her out to him, her.
Them.
Them.
Out to dinner.
I got resentful.
But why?
That's my problem yeah i think it's just
i'm i'm processing everything right and that's not fair to them they are authentically responding
to the experience that they had and how do we know cannot because we have to assume the best in people.
Because if we don't do that, then what are we? But when you assume the best in people.
New comment from Georgia.
Oh, my gosh.
We just got a follow-up.
Oh, my God.
That could change everything.
At Interpol, at FBI, at CIA.
Okay.
Okay.
Now, this doesn't feel like the best intentions at all.
No.
This feels like I, now I'm scared.
Second comment.
Oh no. At Interpol, at FBI, at CIA.
At FBI, at CIA, I know that Montreal is outside of your jurisdiction, but in hopes that you will cooperate with Interpol, I did do some research on this place and a man has been buried in the grounds of the haunt.
Oh, rats.
Hoping you can look into this.
Oh, nuts.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Did she say at CAA in there as well?
I think she did.
I think she probably recognized me.
Ugh, so embarrassing.
Don't be embarrassed.
I'm proud of you.
I know, but that chapter of my life is done and I just... Hug? Hug. She probably recognized me. So embarrassing. Don't be embarrassed. I'm proud of you.
I know, but that chapter of my life is done, and I just... Hug.
Hug.
Hug.
Hug.
Hug and...
Hugging.
Hugging begins.
Hugging begins.
Hugging.
Pounding, knocking on the door behind you guys.
Don't you dare answer that yet.
Interpol, open up.
We have reason to believe
that a man is buried on the premises.
I'm not opening a damn thing.
The only thing I'm opening
is my heart to you right now.
If you do not open the door,
in five seconds,
we will have reason to barge our way in.
Let them barge.
They need a warrant,
and if they have a warrant,
let them in.
We have a warrant.
We are slipping it under the door.
Okay.
I'm just going to reach over.
Okay.
Now don't break the hug.
Okay.
We are entering the premises.
Here they come.
Battering rail.
And here they come.
If this is the way we go, this is the way we go.
This is the way we go.
Hello, friends.
Hi, friends.
Welcome.
Both of you, you need to separate from each other.
And you need to willingly get into our car.
Is the one thing.
Let me quickly send this message back to her before we go.
Sending message.
Perfect.
And we probably...
Is it okay if we hug our way as we get in the car?
We would rather you did not.
Well, as long as it's just a case of what you'd rather, we'll continue to hug.
Into the car, handcuffed around each other.
Who are those two men?
Those two men need to be put away in international jail.
Engaging.
I think those might be the people who run Delusion, frankly.
They're very emotionally intelligent. They definitely are.
Do we have time for one more? Sure.
Sure. Okay. You guessed it. For delusion.
No way. Going back to the source. Five stars
from David K. David
K. David K. It's actually just K. David K. David. David K. David K. It's actually just K. David K. K. David K. Five stars.
This is long overdue. I meant to post this year's update a lot earlier, but you know,
life and then a bunch of ellipses. I got a group of friends together again at the beginning of October for, what, our 10th year?
And all caps, oh my God.
This is one of our absolute favorite years.
As usual, they're your typical haters this year.
And frankly, I have no freaking clue why.
Ignore the negative reviews, please.
I have no idea what they're talking about.
Maybe they went to the wrong place,
made a wrong turn in Chino Hills among the cow hollows. We had to be split up among two groups this year because our group
of 16 was the largest I've put together yet. And the group sizes were a good eight each to
really experience the best. As usual, the mansion and actors were dressed amazingly.
If they'd allow it, I'd love to stay the night. Just super cool, super spooky, just wonderful.
Storyline was excellent, and the acting was definitely the best of all years, I'd say.
Just a couple spoiler alert tidbits, because I don't want to give any more away.
The breaking through the wall to attack the brother, the truck and cargo transport, it was fantastic.
Don't give anything away.
The one hour length was awesome.
And like another of you mentioned, I wanted it to keep going.
I don't know what marks a successful production more than the audience leaving wanting more.
Speaking of audience, every single person in our group absolutely loved it.
In fact, two of us are returning tomorrow night because we want more.
And I believe that this is the first year that 12 and up year olds are allowed.
So I'm bringing my 13 year old daughter and she's going to freaking love it. She's super pumped. We plan
to arrive an hour early so we can interact with the actors outside. She didn't have time for last
month. Thank you everyone at Delusion for yet another absolutely amazing adventure. Wow. I wish
I could spend the night. If they'd let me, I'd really love to spend the night i heard you can i heard you can
i read somewhere that if you ask like there it's kind of like a hidden menu
they let you stay jalapenos on a in and out burger you gotta ask for it they're not gonna put it out
that the going the next night the
the fucking i don't want to spoil it but this big part of the story yeah i don't want to spoil
but here's the bit it's like here's the climax of the entire like narrative i don't want to give
anything away but breaking through the wall to attack the brother and then the truck and cargo transport that was amazing i don't want to spoil the sixth sense but like bringing this big group together i'm being like guys i did this last night you're
gonna love it i don't want to give anything away but about like 38 minutes in when you break through
a wall to actually go rescue someone from the other side and then they put you in a brother
attack the brother yes and then you jump over like a small little ravine in a bus it's the best you guys are gonna love it but no
spoilers though it's so crazy do you remember that one does that ring a bell attack bring you
through the wall to attack the brother was that a year you went i don't remember that you don't
remember i don't remember that but that doesn't mean that wasn't something i wanted to i think
i go to enough horror mazes and walkthroughs that
they all sort of blend together and i'm like i can see breaking through the wall to attack the
brother is such a crazy sentence yeah there were a lot of potions at the last moment i want to
yeah i weirdly like just i remember like bubbling potions i always find it's like whenever i've been to sleep no more a couple times and like
to describe experiences like like even you saying like yeah we had to crawl through and then we go
down a slide and then there's a person at the end of the slide there and then they disappear
to describe experiences like this just point blank is so funny to me it's like even going to sleep no
reading like oh yeah like when i went into that room and they you know when they turn on the light
and then the ram's head was there and then the guy was in your ear like reciting scripture that was
crazy and they drop all the turtles all the turtles drop and it's like oh my god there's
too many turtles and then they broke through the wall to attack the brother again. Cause the brother had gotten,
he'd spackled the wall and got back inside.
Oh,
you're going to love it.
You haven't been,
but you're going to love it.
You're going to love it.
We're going back tonight.
It also feels like,
yeah,
it's always like people who describe things in that much detail are
desperately trying not to give it away,
but can't help themselves.
It's just like,
I want to tell you what happens. I want to tell you what happens. And even if they say like, I'm not going to give it away but can't help themselves it's just like themselves i want to tell you what happens i want to tell you what and even if they say like i i'm not gonna give it away
it's like you're about to give it 100 you're about to tell me something you should not be
can i tell you guys about it though it's gonna be i know we're in line i know we're in line but
like can i just like tell you about there's one moment i just want to tell you like please don't
it's not's a spoiler.
No, it's not even an important moment.
Well, then don't talk about it.
Then what's the point?
Well, because I'm worried you might miss it if you don't know that it's coming.
Do we want to be aware that it's coming?
Yeah, but I won't even tell you.
I won't even tell you.
It's fine.
It's totally fine.
I'm not mad.
Okay, good.
All right, great.
I'd rather that.
Yeah.
Do you have any more of those pumpkin ales?
I love that they let you have snacks and drinks in line.
It's so cool.
No, that's what's cool about this place is it's really chill.
They don't care at all.
I'm smoking a joint right now, and nobody even gives a shit.
That's awesome.
It's so chill.
Yeah.
It's funny that you say the smoking.
Never mind.
Never mind.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
It just reminded me of a—
Chris, don't do that. I'm sorry, but he said something something it reminded me who's he who's he no no no no no no
i'm just jeremy don't ask him because you know it's going to be from this okay i don't i don't
want to know anything let me be very clear right now i don't want to know anything i want to
experience the house as it's meant to be experienced you already went through it so you got to experience it let us let us enjoy it totally i'll just say one thing um no okay chris
can you hear us drink a beer drink a beer chill out okay let's play heads up in line like oh my
god do you hear that did you just hear that scream from in there oh my god it's gonna be so scary i
wonder what that was for i wonder what that was for.
I wonder what that was for.
Well,
it,
I bet it was probably on the second floor.
Chris.
No,
I'm just,
I wasn't even,
I'm just like,
there's a moment in particular probably is when that scream happens.
I'm just saying,
I'm not giving you.
There's definitely a moment.
There's a moment.
There's a moment when everything happens.
Right?
Exactly. So it's like what
am i giving away what am i giving everything happens there's a moment when everything
happens when everything happens so it doesn't oh this we understand you're excited i'm sip your
beer okay you're gonna get to experience us experiencing it as we walk through if you give
it away it's gonna take it away from us.
And then what's the point of doing it
if we already know what's going to happen?
I totally, yeah.
No, that makes total sense.
I'm, mum's the word.
Did you guys fill out this little form
that says to say what your biggest fears are?
Because they're going to incorporate that into the-
Oh, yeah.
No, oh my God, I didn't even see that.
Wait, here it says that
we give them the right to shave our head?
Oh, don't worry.
Don't worry about that because it's –
No, no, no, no, no.
Chris.
Chris.
Chris.
I was trying to – she sounded nervous.
Don't worry about it.
I was trying to like –
No, I want to worry about it.
Chris, I am nervous.
I'm nervous but excited.
You seemed scared they were going to shave the head.
So I was trying to –
I'm not that scared.
Chris, I'm okay with whatever.
So you're okay if they shave your head?
Chris.
Perfect.
Stop fucking talking, Chris.
No, that's perfect.
Chris, shut the fuck up. So what you're going to want to do is stand on the far right when we go through the third door.
Chris!
Chris!
Can we just enjoy being triplets for one second?
I am enjoying it.
I'm trying to enjoy it.
Listen, it asks you what your biggest fear is out of these.
Drowning, being eaten by spiders or snake bites now they're going to
incorporate that into the walkthrough somehow i'm going with drowning because truly drowning
is my worst fear i know it is because we're triplets and it's ingrained in all three of us so
what's your biggest fear is my biggest fear if you bring up
mom and dad right now if you bring up mom and dad right now i'm not gonna bring up right now
why would you do that listen i know that us being water birth babies all at the same time
lives in the body it just does okay and i'm not saying we need to bring it up right now trauma
trauma trauma lives in the body we were underwater for a really long time of course we're all some of us longer than others yes because they didn't
take us out of the water until all three of us were out yes and so the first one who came out
was in there for longer they thought we were twins i'm just saying i was i was really wet yes we all
were wet chris but i was really wet you were wetter you were wet i had the pruney fingers
that's not supposed to happen to a baby.
I love those.
To this day, I love getting pruney fingers.
We all do, right?
Because we're triplets.
Oh, my God.
We're about to go through.
We're going through.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I'm going to put drowning on mine, too.
No, pick something different.
Why?
Because it's more fun if we're all doing.
But it won't be truthful.
No, that's fine.
That's fine.
My biggest fear is not even on there
what is it oh you care uh it's my triplets not wanting to hang out with me anymore because that
kind of feels like what's happening a little bit well here's the thing sometimes when you have a
big fear it's like oh i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared of this sometimes you manifest that chris
so you're saying i'm scared that my other triplets will not want to hang out with me anymore.
You spoiling things.
You like talking over us.
You not listening to us.
I had to beg you to come tonight.
Hands and knees begging you to come tonight.
Yeah, but we came.
We're here.
But what if I wasn't willing to put in that work?
I'm just saying, like, sometimes it feels like I'm the triplet who cares the most about the trio.
You are the triplet.
You are the triplet that cares the most.
Yeah.
You spent the most time drowning.
You guys are okay with that?
I mean, I feel like someday maybe that will turn and one of us will care more.
But right now.
Might be today.
Yeah.
If you ask us, you care the most. Okay. But it's just you're caring too much right now by wanting to spoil it. today yeah if you ask us you care the most okay but it's
just you're caring too much right now by wanting to spoil it it's like i know you care about this
i know you care about us having a good time i put spiders i didn't ask i know you care about us
having a good time you didn't ask telling but let us have our own experience okay because that
that's what will bring us closer together i'm'm having a great time. Why do you keep nudging me?
I'm just saying, like, what if you...
It doesn't matter.
You're going to get mad if I touch you.
No, you keep nudging me and you're pointing
at the wall of those pictures.
I didn't want you to miss it,
but then you told me not to tell you,
so now I'm just going to let you miss it.
No, what is the picture you're pointing at?
Look at the picture.
No, I don't. You're trying to give us hints in other ways. Don't do that, Chris. You're going to miss it no you what is the picture you're pointing at the picture no i don't you're
trying to give a chance in other ways just don't do that you're gonna miss it the line is moving
it's not even like a part of the thing you're gonna chris fine you're trying picture just
starts like spinning on its own okay no see if you hadn't told us that you didn't get that would
have been more surprised you guys don't get it because there was actually a hint other people
would have been like whoa what's going on and get it because there was actually a hint. Because other people would have been like, whoa, what's going on?
And now we didn't have that.
Do you think that maybe you're trying to
tell us what's going on
in this walkthrough because
when you came out of that wet
pool, we had to guide
you?
I think he's trying to drown us like he was
drowned. That's not fair.
He's trying to drown us in information. He's trying to drown us in his experience.
No, I think what it is, honestly, if we want to psychoanalyze, I think I was in that pool and I was screaming, there's a third one.
You know, I mean, metaphorically, I couldn't talk yet.
You were seconds old.
You can't scream.
There's another one.
You missed one.
Hey, hey, you missed one.
And nobody heard me and it wasn't
until the doula you know happened to look down and see me down there that she scooped me out she
saved my life that i kind of feel like maybe now i'm still screaming like there's no time
like somebody pay attention to me like i'm here i'm alive for now i'm a person like i'm drowning here and so maybe
this is my way of like trying to just like get you guys to like see me as like equal and
i don't know yes is it wrong that sometimes i wish i know what you're thinking what do you mean
what do you wish what do you wish wish? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are we wishing?
I'm just saying, like, maybe things would have been
simpler. I agree. What, if there was
a fourth one? No, that's not
what I was going to say. I think that sometimes. That's actually
the opposite of what he's saying.
That's the absolute opposite. So this is
my fear. So this is my fear. This is
exactly what I said was my fear. Yeah, but you brought it upon
yourself because we were
totally fine that's fine that's fine it's not fine it's fine it's not fine no i'm an adult
and you know what if you are really connected with us and like the and the triplet brain that
we have you would actually you would you would know what he was thinking and you don't so that's
really telling if i say if we all think of a word right now. Okay. Yeah. Let's see how connected you are to us. I don't want to play this game.
One, two, three.
Spotify.
Spot.
You were going to say Spotify.
You guys were going to say Spotify.
Our childhood dog.
Our childhood dog.
You didn't even think of that?
I did.
No, but you just said pick a word.
I said Spotify.
Try it again.
One, two, three.
Chicken.
Banana.
You guys waited until after I said my thing.
Oh my God.
You waited.
Chris, it's literally hurtful.
Chris, I cannot believe it's come to this.
God.
Come to what?
Just this.
Why did you even come then?
Last ditch effort. It was a last ditch effort
to make this work
and look at what you've done
you've spoiled it
and I'm not talking about the haunted house
okay well
there's gonna be a big fuck off spider
in the next room
oh jesus christ Chris it's gonna drop from the ceiling and you're not gonna be a big fuck off spider in the next room and jesus christ it's gonna drop
from the ceiling and you're not gonna be finding it scary because i just told you what happens
and then the room after that there's gonna be a fucking kiddie pool and you're gonna look down
in there and there's gonna be a like a guy so a kiddie a kiddie pool yeah it's like a or like a
you know like one of those like it's like an above ground pool, but small.
Are you happy? Does this make you happy?
I actually like this, Chris, more.
Because at least you're confident.
Oh, good.
And you're leaning into us a little bit.
Because you know what I wish sometimes?
Sometimes I wish I'd absorbed you in the womb.
That way neither of you could leave me.
Could leave you?
No, or then we'd all be together all the time.
That's what you want? Yeah. You want to have us as part of your body i know it sounds i just mean like sometimes i wish
that in the womb because i feel like it when you're not with me it's like there's a part of
me that's missing so i sometimes i kind of wish all three of us were just like flesh.
I'm scared.
That's really scary.
You don't feel that ever?
I mean, I don't like, I feel really, really connected to Jeremy.
Yeah.
One, two, three.
Grapefruit. Grapefruit.
I didn't know we were doing that again.
Exactly.
That's really telling.
Chris, I feel like tonight proved
a lot for all three of us
especially for two of us
and for the third one
the third one
who still feels like he's underwater
and who's trying to bring us down
sometimes I wish that doula hadn't found me
and I just stayed down there
there's the spider
just dropped
oh and there's the kiddie pool there's the guy clown's I just stayed down there. There's the spider. There's the spider. Just dropped. Oh, and there's the kiddie pool.
There's the guy.
There's the guy.
Clown's going to be behind you in two seconds.
Ready?
Oh, my God.
There he is.
Chris, you suck so much.
There's going to be a weird smell.
Oh, and we're out.
And that was the entire thing.
Weird smell as you're exiting.
Yep.
What a great night.
Thanks for coming out.
I hope you enjoyed the ride.
Yeah. We're okay. Thank you, man. We had a enjoyed the ride. Yeah.
We're okay. Thank you, man. We had a good time.
Jesus Christ. I'm glad
you paid for this. I didn't.
Yes, you did. We took your credit
card. We took your credit card. We put your information
there. One, two, three.
Chisp. Chisp. Amex.
Amex. I said it.
No, you only said it because you heard us saying it.
Hey, Chris. Three, two.
Let's all do it. Three,x. I said it. No, you only said it because you heard us saying it. Hey, Chris. Three, two. Three, two.
Let's all do it.
Three, two, one.
Po.
Po.
Pony.
Shoes.
Nope, you were late.
Pony shoes.
Pony shoes.
Chris, Jeremy and I are going to go hang out like we've been doing for the past couple months without you.
And I really hope that you've learned a lot from this.
Maybe we'll see you at Thanksgiving.
I don't know.
But that's up to you.
You can't stop me from going to Thanksgiving.
That's not like.
Never said that.
Well, then how are you not going to come?
We'll see.
Well, it's been really nice knowing you, Chris.
Are you serious?
You guys are just leaving?
We rode here together.
You guys need a ride?
I'm coming with you. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm coming also. Right. We kind of came together. It's a really nice knowing you, Chris. Are you serious? You guys are just leaving? We rode here together. You guys need a ride? I'm coming with you, yeah.
Yeah, and I'm coming also, right?
We kind of came together.
It's a two-seater.
It's a two-seater.
That can't be true.
We came together.
I know, but I have the top down now, so it's...
Well, you put the top up.
It goes in the back seat.
We can put the top up.
It's a nice night out, though.
I'd rather keep it down.
It's so pretty.
That's fine. I'll Uber. Okay, whatever's fine I'll Uber I'm going to another party anyway
So it's fine
Is that true?
Where are you going?
Yeah of course it's true
It's Rebecca's house
Can we come?
No of course not
Well I mean we love parties
No but you weren't invited
She's Rebecca's house
It's a small place
She's keeping it pretty
intimate.
That feels weird.
I'll call Rebecca.
She's probably setting up.
She's probably setting up.
You don't need to do that.
You seriously don't need to do that.
Hello?
Hey, Rebecca.
Rebecca?
Hey, yeah, what's up, Jeremy?
Hey, I know you're having Chris over tonight for a party.
Is that right?
Chris.
Oh, you know what?
I am having a party.
See?
This is so awkward.
I'm keeping it really small.
Intimate.
Yeah, just me.
Chris, I thought I had texted you.
I don't think so.
Must have got lost in the mail.
I thought I texted you that it was like,
because it's a couple's party,
that it's like, I thought I was going to be bigger,
but I think because...
Oh, I could bring my sister.
Yeah, we would love to come.
You guys are what?
We said we would love to come.
We would loved to come
Yeah I mean we have room for
It's a couples party though
Chris I think it's just like
If you don't have a couple
Then you wouldn't feel comfortable
Jeremy and I could go together
No
Jeremy I think we should go
That's fine
I have a
I didn't even
I have another party anyway
So it's fine
So yeah you guys go to Rebecca's
And I'll just hang out
We'll go to the couple party Yeah I hope you guys have fun at the couple party
sounds like it'll be like really intimate by the sounds of it chris
see you thanksgiving maybe yeah sounds like it get in the convertible and kiss
i'm missing out Let's do our last segment
Woo
This shook me all Woo! Oh my god. This shook me
all week long.
Oh my god.
Like we even need
to do it this week.
Yeah, right.
I know.
It feels so dumb.
What's been shaking me?
God.
It's, uh,
I guess,
you know what?
I'll say this
aside from everything
this week.
What's shaking me is that this was truly that this one,
this is our last Haunted House episode with Gall.
For this show, we will find a way to shoehorn it in very organically
to whatever we do next.
But what's shaking me is that, like,
I know I say it every time you come on,
and I will keep saying it till forever.
What's shaking me and continues to shake me
and has always shaken me is how generous with your time and energy you are like seriously like thank you so much for
being on this show every year and i can't believe we got the gall years ago and that we have, like, I really cannot thank you enough.
And we are so grateful for you.
It's been a pleasure.
Absolutely.
I'm not just saying that it's,
it's always so fun.
You guys are so playful and I'll be sad to see this show go,
but I will absolutely look forward to the next time we get on a zoom and
play around or we're up on a stage somewhere
yeah play around it'd be great hell yeah yeah um alf what's been shaking you what am i supposed
to do after that be like my new couch is really cozy you just did this very earnest kind of Thank you. No. What's been shaking me is I rewatched the first two Alien prequels yesterday.
Prometheus and Covenant.
And once we finish this, I will be watching the new one, Romulus.
Okay.
Heck yeah.
Because I love it.
It's fun.
It's like I love that kind of like spooky, you know, I know Halloween is long gone now,
but it's like that time of year, you know, and I'm just like I'm looking forward to that.
That's what's shaking me, guys.
I like that.
Gall.
Gall, what shook you?
You know what?
I'm going to lean into what I said, that it's been a rough week.
And that it's been a really crappy week for a lot of us out there.
And it's going to sound cliche.
And I was talking to my mother, you know, who lives in Maine across the country.
And I was like, let's all give each other a second to mourn and be a little, you know, feel shitty.
Yeah.
And then let's,
you know,
get up and recognize this doesn't mean the end of the world.
And let's all go love each other out there.
They fuck it.
Yep.
Fuck it.
It's all we got.
Fuck it.
We got to show up for each other and we got to,
I know this is a comedic podcast,
but I bet you have a lot of
listeners for real who who feel the same way so yeah well we definitely have some listeners i
don't know about a lot um i feel i remember it's like i shot some sketches uh head gum this like
literally on thursday and i remember jeffrey and i were were texting Wednesday morning being like how the fuck do we
show up and do comedy right now and you just do it you just do it and I feel very grateful
for this show and for that just to be like you know what right now my way of showing up it's
like just freaking make people laugh for a little bit and just like give a second to find I feel
very grateful to have like you know this hour and a half of just like experiencing joy and silliness with y'all because it's a very dark time.
And take care of yourselves, everybody.
Take care of each other.
We really have to show up for each other.
And I just feel, you know, that there is moments of joy in this shit, you know.
I also think like part of what has made this week so tough for me,
at least, is the kind of the deja vu of it all.
Yes.
And I think just remembering the things that helped the last time, you know?
And what made that possible and doable and leading into those things
and remembering that, you know, community and coming together and laughing and making things is,
is part of what,
you know,
got us through that time.
And it is part of what will get us through this time.
And just,
it'll do it again.
Being grateful.
Can't believe I missed making a joke about how the country's a haunted
house.
Well,
these killer clowns in Washington, get ready's a haunted house. So late. Well, these killer clowns in Washington.
Get ready for some jump scares.
Get ready for some kissing triplets in the White House.
Gull, you have anything you want to plug?
Anything coming up?
No, just if you like haunted houses,
I have a scary movie that is on the festival circus right now called McCurdy Point.
Yes!
Follow me on Instagram at Rygol, R-Y-G-A-U-L, and watch the trailer and get ready because we want to release it at some point.
I can't wait to see it.
I can't wait.
It'll be fun.
Hell yeah.
You can follow Alfred on Instagram at AlfredInnet.
You can follow the show on Instagram at, well, for however much longer you want to follow the show.
We'll probably just repurpose the Instagram.
Yeah.
So follow it anyway.
Reddit, r slash review, review, review, Discord, and Jeffrey James and I still have our Patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff for our monthly Zoom party.
That's a Zardy.
And you can find Riley on Instagram..com just the web browser not the phone
app at riley and spa and on twitter.com now known as xxx.com you should really get off of there
at riley coyote oh take that one out and on tiktok on the clock till the party don't stop
at rally and spot and as we say every single week on the show don't forget to vote uh yeah
remember to vote stay in line stay in line stay in to vote. Yeah, remember to vote. Stay in line. Stay in line. Stay in line.
Stay in line.
It's not too late to get that ballot in the mail.
And as we say every week on the show, we're always saying it.
We're never not saying it.
Every week we say.
I came out on the left side.
I came out on the left side.
I came out on the left side.
I came out on the left side.
Thank you, Ryan Gold.
Thank you, guys.
We'll see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
It seems today that all podcasts are right-wing extremists and sexist asshats
but where are those good old-fashioned
podcasts on which we
used to have fun?
Lucky there's Review Review Show
Lucky there's a pair who positively
can do. They were from scenes that
make us split our sides
It's Review
Review Review us split our sides. It's Re-View Re-View.
That was a Hiddem Original.