Review Revue - Lobster Shacks

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Reilly and Geoff read reviews about lobster shacks and discuss vengeful seafood shack owners, biased English teachers, and skeptical immigration officers!Click here to purchase tickets to Reilly's new project, INTO THE MIST!Follow Reilly and Geoff:IG: @reillyanspaugh & @geoffreyjamesTwitter: @reilecoyote & @GeoffBoyardeeAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Get the Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. And participating restaurants for a limited time.

I just want to know how you feel. I want to love that soul. at participating restaurants for a limited time. I just wanna rip. Jeffrey James just turned we were kind of whenever we do these things we always kind of vibe out a little bit and Jeff just like looked at me and his face fell

just went full deadpan and started doing full body rolls in the camera thank Jeff it's Friday oh my god so I don't know if I mentioned that yeah you're welcome Body rolls. Thank Jeff. It's fry-yay. Oh my God. So I don't know if I mentioned that.

Yeah, you're welcome, Answa. It's fry-yay. I'm grateful for fry-yay. I'm grateful, Dad, for fry-yay. What's your favorite kind of fry, Frenched or otherwise? I've never asked you this and I need to know now. We'll cut this out or not. Sorry, do you mean what's my favorite kind of fry?

Let's do favorite kind and potato. What's that? Do you mean like- Favorite fry and favorite place to get a fry. Type of French fry. So crinkle cut, curly, et cetera, et cetera. Skinny steak. McDonald's fries are always fantastic.

I don't eat McDonald's really, but like McDonald's fries, that's where it's at. Oh fantastic i don't eat mcdonald's really but like mcdonald's fries that's where it's at oh i don't eat mcdonald's really oh i have a great body all this stuff you can't say that about yourself other people have to say that to you i didn't say that i said i don't eat mcdonald's really really other than the fillet-o-fish which is mayo and fried fish they can't call it and cheese on a bun that's the worst part is the cheese so much dairy mcdonald's fries are good i don't like the in-and-out fries i i don't either i like animal style like imagine let me paint you a picture mcdonald's fries as the base animal style as the paste that would be great i love um thick cut fries like i love steak fries like you'd get at a pub because

i like putting that with vinegar on it oh a hundred percent those are chips yeah chips like like fit like chips with vinegar that's it for me i remember i was with daniel when he had never tried uh chips with vinegar before oh my god he he didn't he i don't think he was sure if he was gonna like it and then it blew his mind and i was so honored and we were at this pub imagine having those for the first time yet again to see it through daniel's virgin eyes to have chips and vinegar for the first time again yeah would be like the movie 17 again but it's me eating chips and vinegar for the first time again yeah would be like the movie 17 again but it's me eating chips and vinegar for the first time and i'm not zach efron but tom lennon would we're gonna pass we're gonna pass on the movie in the room but again tom lennon

what's that but thomas lennon would also be there is tom lennon attached um he not like officially but he it's in talks officially is what we were asking. So we got it. Thanks so much. What about you? What's your favorite? What's your favorite fry, guy? Fieri? I think type is a nice medium all-arounder. You know what I mean? Place to get it.

So like a McDonald's fry? No, those are skinny as shit. I'm thinking, just for an example, par exemple, Applebee's maybe to have for me. No, those are skinny as shit. No, those are skinny as shit. That had the same energy from Nikita.

Well, I don't know her. I don't know her. I do not know her. I know what you're talking about. You know where has good fries? This is going to sound you're talking about. You know where has good fries? This is going to sound bougie as shit. You know where has good fries? Where? Soho House.

Cut this out, ass. Why cut this out? We can brag a little. Do you like ketchup, mustard? Do you like ketchup and mayo mixed? Give me that pink sauce. Or are you a vinegar boy? like i like them all i like vinegar like you said with the chip style the fat boys like especially with fish and chips

but for for normal fries ketchup will do but ideally you have ketchup and an aioli whether that's chipotle truffle or or some kind of like special sauce so like in and out or sauce or like my mama got daniel and i an air fryer for christmas my sister gave me an air fryer for christmas so i haven't used it yet but i have a bag of frozen fries in the fridge and i might bust in the freezer i might i might bust it out tonight well if you do let me know how it is because i'm gonna do that soon as well i I'm very excited. Way better. It has to be better than the oven. Otherwise, people wouldn't talk about air fryers, right?

I've never used an air fryer. I'm excited to see if the hype is worth the gripe. Marty wouldn't shut up about an air fryer like three years ago. And I think he's not one to like talk about something that he loves. Well, Marty doesn't talk about things he loves marty doesn't love anything well marty doesn't experience joy so the issue the thing that people have to understand about marty is that hobbies are sacrosanct what's the opposite of sacrosanct sacrilege to him we're kind of talking about fries we're kind of talking about fries. We're kind of talking about chips today.

Don't like it. Your mouth looks inverted. It looks like when you do that, it looks like there is like a black hole in your body. That's like, you are going to envelop yourself from the inside out. If that makes sense. I just sucked myself into my mouth and it's de-exist.

And then you just, and then yeah, you cease to exist. Not only gone, I never was. And so you check the Spotify podcast app and it just says review, review with Riley Anspaugh. Yeah. What are we talking about today? We're talking about lobster shacks.

It's a lobster shack, baby. Lobster shack is a lobster shack. Gotta shack gotta have me that lobster meat I got me a bun and it's seats are full of lobsters so come on and bring your chips and vinegar so come on I'll never forget listening to

and hearing Ben Schwartz do an impression of that will live this out god i'm bringing your two bucks money but it doesn't matter because today we're talking about my dad and i well when i was younger my dad and i called lobster slobber so now sometimes i'll be like oh gonna go eat some slobber that's not nice to think about it that way. I love it. It's also like the most expensive seafood to call it slobber. It's like calling like Wagyu that beef.

Beefy. Beefy. I'll take a medium rare beefy on a plate. Maybe make that a surf and turf some beefy and slobber, huh? That's going to be $75. Is that fine? And you still want to call it that? Make it $80.

You can leave a tip later. Don't tell me to adjust the price of the meat. Jeff, do you have any, what are your favorite lobster shack experiences? Is that all you wanted to say is that you and your dad called it slobber do you have more like slobber i didn't about slobber um listen i love a lobster roll slobber oh glad you asked um so glad you asked oh slobber well um i said lobster but yeah please go on oh slobber yeah for sure no i can absolutely speak to that um i love lobster rolls um i they are delicious um yeah when we say lobster shack

it's like you can go and it i just mainly i'm thinking of like a seafood shack um but usually they're lobster based um and do you prefer a cold lobster roll or a hot lobster i splurge when it comes to slobber i have to get one of both with a friend split the two and we get a little bit of each that sounds amazing daddy can't help but taste the flight a slobber flight, so it's basically sea scorpion meat with multiple modes of preparation. I could take it either way. Being in Boston, you bet I had some good slobber for sure. It's just good shit, you know?

It's just good shit. I don't know what else there is to say about it. I unironically love a lobster shack because I feel like I'm a townie.ie right i'm on your letterbox right now reading through reviews that you've made of movies you've watched recently they're all j i'll just say honestly it was good as shit or honestly it was bad shit that's like not specific enough to leave a review right any lobster any good lobster shack feels weathered it feels feels like wind and sea weather beaten. You go and you order and you pick it up.

They aren't going to serve you. They aren't going to, oh, be our guest. Be our guest. I'll put some lobster on your chest. That's not what's going to happen. You are going to go to the pickup window and you're going to take your little slobber bun and you're going to get out of town, right? This is you to Anthony Bourdain when he's on your, you're on his show.

Can you guys cut? We weren't asking you to put, for you to put lobster meat on us, on our chests. But yeah, okay, roll. All right, this is Parts Unknown anthony bourdain clean chest anthony bourdain we're not gonna put lobster in your chest can we just keep it rolling this time but edit it around it um can you can we take it one more time just don't mention chests right because i'm trying to generate business no i didn't mention just you're the one who mentioned chest it's not how it happened fine would you like some slobber for your plate upper body i didn't say chest honestly just use

the chest take don't say upper body jeff what are your slobber shack experience this episode has to be like parentheses slobber shack okay lobster slash slobber shacks um i i i got i've never been to like maine or barely even new eng New England I went to Boston once and again it was for a college admissions boot camp um yeah I don't even give me 20 prompts but I did work at uh a like lunch spot and chagrin and chagrin chagrin no i you you you did it right um and one of their main things was the lobster roll and i was afforded one free sandwich for lunch every shift and so i would get the lobster roll usually and it was divine adam or otherwise would you get it hot or cold they only had it cold so but i do love a lobster roll as well.

It's like one of my guilty pleasures. And not that it's even that bad for you, but my favorite lobster places in LA are as follows. L&E Oyster Bar in Silver Lake. Love that place. Me, my sister, my brother-in-law, it's home base for us in terms of Los Angeles haunts. I could be caught alive at Connie and Ted's getting one of each for my heads cold and hot excuse me getting one of each for your heads i wouldn't say no to a lobster row From, hold it, hold it, Son of a Gun on West 3rd.

Okay. Morven, any teaser, bite size, two bites. But the sensation of that slobber sliding down my gullet, into my gullet rather, past the hole in my neck that was affixed from smoking cigarettes. I should not have introduced you to slobber i have a whole no identity of this i can't get enough of lobster slobber slobber um no yeah so not a lot of like actual shacks like you were describing but i do love a lobster roll and i'll go out of my way to get one for din there is a great um malibu seafood on the pch i've never been um it's a little it's a little seafood shack and it is always packed on weekends lines around the joint um that has great seafood

and neptune's net is a really it's also on pch um and just i just i i love i love seafood man i know shellfish isn't for everyone but god damn goddamn, give me some of that shellfish. You don't have to have lobster. I'll be a little shellfish. More for daddy. More slobber. No, we're not gonna. All right, I got a two-star review

of Maine Lobster Shack in Portland, Maine. Okay, is it the Maine Maine Lobster Shack? It's just called main lobster shack i don't know how they got the name rights to that but this is from mark r m mark real maine mark real maine two stars and that's the review he doesn't put any text but then main lobster shack the owner responds oh God. To his wordless review. Hey, Mark, we would love to know more about your experience at Maine Lobster Shack and the reason behind your two star rating.

Please reach out to me personally at hello at Maine Lobster Shack dot com as we would love the opportunity to make it up to you. Thanks. I love the idea that Mark R.ain just like fucking left the thing. It's like, yeah, it was kind of bad. Like barely thinking about it just taps two stars on Yelp. And then like the owner gets the notification like, yeah, sweetie, I'll be right there to watch the movie.

Just got to check my email. What the fuck? Two stars. Honey, you guys start. I have to work late are you sure ghostbusters is your favorite i gotta deal with something don't wait up hey mark two stars text me 219-999-0959 0959 send alright now we wait hours later across town hey dude

a lobster place emailed me that's so random what did they say they said like hey mark two stars email me I didn't sign up for any mailing list either. That's so weird.

He gets another notification. Oh, he said. Hey, Mark, checking in again. Why haven't you responded? I'm a pretty chill guy, but I'm starting to lose my temper. Hit me back. Peter, send. 219-959-08959.

Zane, Zane,ane look he messaged again what the fuck is wrong with this guy he's at me i don't know what did you do what i did i think you know what it is this is the place that we went to after the bar the other night you know when we went for for brad's 30 oh my god yeah and like the lobster was, like, fine. But also, it might have been great. Like, I was so drunk, I can't even remember. I was so drunk. I was so drunk. I think I... Oh my god, you know what I must have done? I think I... I didn't even mean to leave

a review. I think I just, like, tapped two stars. Your thumb tapped it as you were scrolling, yeah. Oh my god, I should let them know I don't want it to be bad for their business. I'll just tell them it wasn't a big deal. Cut to Peter the owner's house. Okay. You know what? Now I'm starting to get pissed off at this guy.

Here we go. Whitepages.com. Okay. Starting to create an account. Here we go. I can do $10 a month if it means I'll get this fucker's fucking number. Here we go. Mark R. Main.

Real Main. Mark Real Main. There he is he is all right 219-999-0875 here we go honey please come on i'm going to bed go to bed i'll meet you there we'll talk in the morning phone rings dude dude i got a random this random number is calling me it says maybe peter we don't know peter should i pick it up or leave i think just let it go to voicemail for now and then like if it's someone you know call him that's fine then he'll leave a voicemail if it's if it's if it's important cut to peter we'll return your call hey man yeah mark i uh i'm a small business owner i really am and i own a business that you not frequent, but have been to. I noticed you, why two stars? I noticed you left a review, two stars of my lobster shack and I got to either,

you change the review or I got to know why, you know, if there's a reason I wish I could write the wrong, maybe earn that four or five stars. Hit me back, Peter from Peter's lobster shack, two on nine nine nine you know the number good i've just played that voicemail out loud did you sign i don't know no i didn't give my number i'm actually a little nervous like should i should i call someone should i call the police like i don't know i don't know just ignore it honestly if you play into this he might like i don't you don't want to call him and then get yelled at also it's fine to get leave a two-star review.

I know, but he sounds really desperate. Like, I feel kind of bad that one drunken mistake might like ruin this guy's life. Cut to Peter in the car speeding. All right. 779 Springer Avenue. Here we come. Mark isn't going to know what he fucking did. Peter.

Peter. Yeah, hands free. Don't worry. I know we talked about me calling, texting, and driving. Peter, where are you? It's three in the morning. I'm in East Portland. You're in East Port?

You drove to East Portland? What are you doing? Come back here. Peter, have you... I said, don't wait up. And cut to the other guys. They're just like hanging out. They've completely moved on because it's been like 20 minutes.

But then like headlights kind of flashing through the other guys. They're just like hanging out. They've completely moved on because it's been like 20 minutes, but then like headlights kind of flashing through the living room. So when you're watching The Bachelor, it's hard because you're looking at these women and you're like, come on, you would find so many better options on like Raya. I don't like The Bachelor.

I like The Bachelorette because like it's more fun to watch these guys to, you know, fight over. I agree. Somebody just knocked. Did you order something? I didn't order expecting no i'll answer it just be careful um yeah i have a wine bottle i it's it's on a chain so i'm just opening it a tiny bit hello hey man i am peter of peter's lobster shack it's great to meet you i like stick my hand through the thing to like shake Hey, man. I am Peter of Peter's Lobster Shack.

It's great to meet you. I, like, stick my hand through the thing to, like, shake your hand. Ah, I back away. Um, uh, sorry. I keep my hand there through the whole conversation. No, you're gonna... I'm trying to close the door. You're gonna have to go. You are absolutely gonna have to leave.

I would really love to know why you used two stars. Travis! Was it the food? Was it the ambiance? Was it me? Was it me? It was me, wasn't it, Mark? Just say it two stars. Travis! Was it the food? Was it the ambiance? Was it me? Was it me? It was me, wasn't it, Mark? Just say it, man.

You can say it was me. I'm not going to be... You slam it shut, my arm is off, and it falls. Oh, God! Travis, help! You guys just sit there in a moment of stunned silence. You think it's over. Oh, my God.

Is he going to come back? No, there's no way. There's no way he can come back, right? He would not come back after that. The arm comes to life. It scooches its way across the floor up onto your desk. Like in Adam's family? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Signs into the computer, goes to Yelp. Oh, my God. Signs in. Oh, my God. Edits the review to five stars. I was just throwing up. Oh, god! Edits the review to five stars. Peter, if Mark and Travis just are throwing up. Oh, this is awful! What is it?

Cut back to home. Peter walks home. He's like, has a crazed look in his eye, half the arm off. Peter! Peter, oh my god! Peter, what happened to you? We need to get you to a hospital! All right, kids.

Peter, no! Daddy's ready for Ghostbusters. Peter, it's good! Get in the car. I'm driving you to the emergency room right now peter say something i did it he did what five star collapses slow zoom out you see the wife kneeling over his body weeping and cut back to Mark's house, and the hand just goes limp. I think it's done. I think he's finally gone.

Why did we ever move to Maine? I thought that this would be a simpler life. It was supposed to be, and the Montessori schools they have out here are just incredible. Incredible. Let's never speak of this to anyone. They put their hand down a garbage disposal.

Ghostbusters comes onto their TV, just like on the satellite TV. It just like is the next thing up. They don't have it. They're none the wiser, but it's kind of like a cool film cinema moment. Yeah, they were watching the same channel all along. That's really cool.

Should we take a break? Yeah, let's take a break, Marty. Take a break, Marty. And we're back. Anspa, do you have another review? Oh my God. Okay, this is the other one I was gonna... Okay, this is also for The Lobster Shack and Cave Elizabeth.

The reason I like this review, I'll tell you after. This is from Marco R. Rain. Two stars from Marco Rain. Our visit to the state of Maine started at the Lobster Shack. We were looking for the great lobster experience because everyone knows that Maine is where the best lobster comes from. The restaurant is located oceanfront,

and you have a choice to eat inside or outside. We ordered a lobster dinner at current market price of $27.99, and we also ordered a lobster roll boat for $17.99 and a couple clam chowder. The food doesn't arrive. You pick it up when it's done, serve your own drinks and condiments, and then you even empty your own table. So when you pay, there's no section for you to leave a tip. We were excited to see the food and savor the true flavor of Maine lobster. Unfortunately, the lobster was overcooked and rubbery on both dishes.

Even the clams and the chowder were rubbery. The lobster dinner comes with a small order of crinkle cut fries and a small cup of coleslaw and a sliced and toasted biscuit. The coleslaw was the star of the day. It was perfect, nicely cut, not overly sweet, perfectly crispy. For the small cup of coleslaw

and the good flavor on the chowder and a nice view, I have to give you two stars. Sylvia, thank you so much for coming to my office hours. You know, not a lot of people in your class come and, uh, I don't know. It's nice to see a friendly face in my office. You wanted to talk about your essay. Yes. Um, I just, i just had a couple questions about um kind of honestly like if we're just cutting to the chase about my grade um oh of course i know that you you said that like you know on your syllabus you you mentioned in kind of the notes that it's like you were very open to discussing grades oh 100 if i graded this wrong if i graded this wrong i will change it okay yeah um so i guess it's just you know in seeing the

notes that you gave back this paper about the odyssey was very like I was actually really excited to do it and um I spent so much I spent so many hours on it and I actually thought it was going to be like an a paper I had my mom read over it I felt so confident and I had so much fun doing it. And so to see that it got, to see that it got a C was, I guess, just a little hurtful. You're so bright, Sylvia. I'm going to start with the positives, all right? And then we'll get into some of the things

that could have been better. Okay. The format, perfect. The substance needed a lot of work. The issue here was that, I don't even know if you read the book. Like, yes, it was written by Homer. Yes, there was the hero's journey. Yes, there were sirens, this, that, and the other.

And you had takes on all of those things. But how do I know you didn't just, I don't know, read the Wikipedia? This was a bad paper, and I'm not going to change my mind. Does that answer your question? Yes and no. Sorry, that was just a lot no that was just the negative well right that's what i'm saying i did the positive at first build you up and then constructively in times new roman 12 point font with with 1.5 spacing and that was kind of like everyone has to do that that's that's like everyone knows that that's just the format you do for the paper well that was what got you the c so if you want

me to like not think about formatting then it probably would have been your mind would be open to changing grades and then in this feedback you just said that you are not open to changing your mind that are changing the i want you to think about this as I did positive feedback and then negative feedback. And then outside of the bounds of those two things, I am open. So the negative feedback, you said that you're not going to change the grade. So you're still open to changing the grade? Well, what are your, let's say, you know, was there anything in the negative feedback specifically that you think I'm incorrect on? Well, absolutely. I mean, I told you that I've been so excited to write this paper about the Odyssey and the lasting effect of the hero's journey throughout literature.

And I guess your comment about saying that, who knows if I could have just read Wikipedia, you could say that about any student. And I know that there are other kids in my class who did just read Wikipedia. I'm sorry to rat them out, but I know that Ryan did only read the Wikipedia page. And he got an A-.

We're not talking about other students here, all right? We're talking about Sylvia. Let's do this as a little mid-semester check-in, right? Let me tell you some things that I've noticed about you in class, you know, or at least my impression of you as a student, right? And then I'll tell you why I think this paper maybe isn't what you could have done. Sylvia, as a student. The positive?

Yeah. You show up to class on time most days. And not enough can be said for what that means for me as a teacher in the way that I run my classroom. So I want to thank you for that. Well, especially because Ryan shows up. The negatives, though, are that you are a little bit of a snitch, right? So ratting other students out, not only just then. And don't say that you hate to do it, right?

Because you'll often interrupt class and just be like, hey, oh, like Brian's chewing gum. He just stuck it under the table. And I don't actually take too kindly to that shit. I don't actually take too kindly to that shit. You're a bad student. And that's what i think of you and that's why i gave you the grade partially i was biased so that's the positive negatives as you as a whole can we start there maybe zoom out a little bit from the me as a whole or me as a student because it feels really personal it feels like it has actually nothing to do with me as a student

at all just seems like you like ryan better than me and so because he's a bad student and i call him out on it to try and help the rest of the class in the learning environment, that's why you gave me a C on what should have been an A plus paper. I don't know where to start here, Sophia, because I said, and I quote,

I'm open to discussing areas in which I'm wrong. And I haven't said anything incorrect. You play favorites, Mr. Trainer. I'll just say it. You clearly play favorites. Hey, if you're gonna give me negative feedback, at least be positive first. Build me up to break me down. You have nice high top sneakers.

And they're always very clean. But you play favorites. And it's very clear to everyone. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? You're wrong. Knock on the door. Hey, yo, Dylan, Dylan T.

What's up? Best teacher of the year. My man. They do a really elaborate, long, secret handshake. Ryan, this is actually my office hour. I booked this like a week ago. Sylvie, do you mind? Because we just kind of got into it.

I think we came to an agreement. You're not a good student. The paper was bad, and I don't like you personally. you show up on time and you format things fine you really fucking like went in on her holy shit uh ryan ryan you wanted to discuss your paper let's get into it um wait no we're not done talking about my paper okay and i know for a fact that ryan plagiarized his he didn't even read the book. Sylvia, that's like- Sylvia, it's- Yeah, but don't say it, right? Let's not interrupt Ryan's time here.

I didn't even hear what you just said. We can do both. All right, you stay. If you don't feel like you've been heard, we'll stay here and I'll give feedback to Ryan and the feedback will include positives and negatives, okay? I don't care about Ryan's feedback. I want you to change the grade on my paper.

Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia. All right, Ryan, your paper was yeah yeah it's it read like a fucking historian wrote it man i mean this is yeah historian did write it the hero's journey is not written better into any story than that of the odyssey this odyssey and tale for lack of a better term wink wink, and then that's a winky face in the formatting. I put a winky face in there. And next time you may want to single space it, or you want to double space it.

The whole thing was great. It's no biggie. 99, alright? And that's only because I can't give 100 because it'll seem like I'm playing favorites, you know what I'm talking about. You are playing favorites. Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia, Sylvia. It's crazy. Brian bragged to everyone on our group chat that he paid his historian favorites sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia

so don't get too upset just yet all right that was just the positive feedback for ryan's paper here's the negative all right lay it on me dylan lay it on me dylan here's the negative feedback here's the negative feedback here's the negative feedback because i always like to go positive negative he's facing ryan and pointing to him quickly shifts to sylvia sylvia i don't think it's becoming of you to stay here and bite into ryan's time and that's my negative feedback the fact that you're still here every minute i've been tracking it's been seven minutes you've been in my office and that's my negative feedback. The fact that you're still here, every minute I've been tracking, it's been seven minutes you've been in my office and that's seven points off the next paper just automatically.

I booked a 30 minute office hour with you and I would like my whole time. Ryan texted me five minutes ago asking if he could have an hour or more of my time. We all did things that we regret. We're going to go to Chipotle in like 10, right? You're going to drive me for off-campus lunch? Syl Well, we're going to go to Chipotle in like 10, right? Yeah, we're probably going to go to it. You're going to drive me for off-campus lunch?

All right. Sylvia, I'm going to have to really take matters into my own hands. What does that mean? I think I'm going to have to talk to the headmaster. About Ryan's plagiarized paper? About your plagiarized paper. I bring out my phone. I can show you the tests where ryan specifically said he took a

look at this he took a selfie with his historian uncle and said yeah sylvia sylvia sylvia sylvia to write my paper if you're gonna say something negative about ryan please say something positive first i always do that i do that i do you that courtesy i do you that courtesy you'll do the same for ryan can you just at least admit that you see what I'm holding up? I need confirmation that you can see what I'm holding up. I cannot get into the negativity until you give me something positive. Ryan, you're a class clown. And I don't know if I mean that positively or negatively. You're gone.

Get out of my office. What? What? You have a fine. You have a smile. Please get out of my office. You don't have to. For the record, you don't have to say something positive and negative with everything that you

tell someone. She doesn't know how things are done. She doesn't know how things are done. She doesn't. For some reason, two, two other English faculty members dragged her out of the, wait,

wait, no, this can't be. You look great being dragged out. Glad you're leaving. Oh, now that she's gone. So,

uh, we're gonna, we're gonna take this, take this out to the food court or what dylan dylan are you there sorry i had like an awful childhood so like i just had a flashback yeah let's go get food uh do you have time for one more? I have time This is one star of

The Lobster Shack as well I guess it's the Here we go, okay I got it Chris H, one star of The Lobster Shack in Portland, Maine Chris Hemsworth Chris Hemsworth writes One star Although it had a spectacular view

It was one of the worst meals I've ever had. Lobster stew at $17.99 consisted of a small bowl of thin milk broth with the pieces of lobster floating around. Not a potato, a carrot, a piece of celery, or anything like a sous should be Sydney. Cut that out, Jeffrey. It was pretty unappealing and expensive, I think. So the review kind of became about my horrible Australian accent, but what made me laugh was it was pretty unappealing and expensive, I think.

Form your opinion before you write a review, right? So Marlene and Hans thank you so much for sitting down um I know that these conversations around um marriages and kind of looking into green card status can be a little touchy um but I just you know like I I am not saying outright that I don't believe that you two are a happily wed couple. I would just like to get a few questions about, you know, how you two met. And Hans, specifically, kind of like what your journey has been in finding Marlene. Of course.

Well, I was born in Berlin. Really? And somewhere along the way, Marlene and i fell in love i think so you were born in berlin but i'm seeing right das is das is right um i'm i'm looking around your guys's uh and marlene you are very timid i'm looking around your guys's home and it seems like you guys have traveled all over the world um and just to check my records hans it says that you were actually like you were born in germany but you went to school in australia and so am i hearing that a little bit come out in your accent ever been to brisbane you know what? I went once. That's great. I took my honeymoon there.

Are we done here? That's great. Oh, do I hear a Scottish lilt coming out a little bit? That's... My God! I did a jig. And a reel. You did a jig and a reel. That's wonderful. So, Marlene, God, you are such

a doll. Thank you for hosting us. Could you say a few words about, you know, what it was like meeting Hans for the first time? And be honest. Hans, from the moment I saw, sorry, from the moment I saw his eyes. Are you reading something? No. No. No! She would never do that.

Hans, sorry, I'm actually asking Marlene. Marlene, are you, were you reading something? No. No. No! She would never do that. Hans, sorry, I'm actually asking Marlene. Marlene, are you, were you reading something? No. No. Okay. So maybe put down whatever thing that you were holding. I wasn't. But I'll just keep going and look at you in the eye.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Hans and I met, tell him about the 7-Eleven. Hans, she can actually tell us about whatever she would like to talk about. I know. I have been everywhere. Alright, I know social etiquette. You really have been everywhere and I hear it in your voice.

Hans and I met at a 7-Eleven and I got some Cheetos. Fritos! It was Fritos. And we fell in love and here we are. It's so Das is so funny

when you hear it back like that it's like oh it was meant to be what was that you started the sentence it's so

and then you changed to Das so no Das is so it's so good to hear it back like that sorry I just

I can't help I'm starting taking notes I couldn't help but I'm starting taking notes. I couldn't help but hear that again. Have thou ever been to Japan? Have thou ever been to Japan? I love the cherry blossoms. When were you born?

When does it say on the paperwork? Because it was then. I want you to say it at the same time as me. Got it. Because I see it here and it says. Dos, tres, one. Okay, two, three, one. And 1983. You said it a beat after me.

83. 83? 83? 82. Marlene, have you ever met Hans' family? I. Hans. 82. Marlene, have you ever met Hans' family? I, uh, Hans, have I met your family? Simply yes or no. Hans, have I met your family?

Yeah, you can just tell them yeah. I can hear everything you're saying. I've, we've met, we've met. You and Hans, well, you guys are funny. Of course you do have met. Have you met Hans' family? Have you met Hans' parents? Hans' family is, they are beautiful. Oh, you guys are funny. Of course you do have met. Have you met Hans' family? Have you met Hans' parents? Hans' family is, they are beautiful.

Oh, really? So you have met them? They're gorgeous. If that answers your question, yeah. It doesn't. It doesn't. You're telling me how they look, but I'm actually asking, like, where you met them. Tell me this.

Hath thou ever been to Cape Town? I close my notebook shut. I'm going to cut right to the chase here, Hans. It is so clear to me that you and this woman have just met. You and Marlene have just met. I couldn't place where you're from. At this point, I can't tell if you're trying to throw off the scent of where Marlene, maybe it's a green card marriage for Marlene at this point.

I'm from Newton, Massachusetts. Yeah, Marlene is timidly from British Columbia, alright? There's two nice above the borders, and I'm trying to, I'm sorry Marlene, but I was trying to help her out. I was trying to help a sister out with the citizenship, alright? I'm normal.

I've never been to these fancy places you keep mentioning. I don't even know where that is You keep mentioning them And you're saying them in like An ye olde English way Look I know this relationship with Marlene was A sham

But part of why I'm breaking character Is that There's a spark between us that I'd like to fan into a flame Between you and Marlene Between you and me And now How have you ever believed in love at first sight that I'd like to fan into a flame. Between you and Marlene. Between you and me. No. Hoth Dau ever believed in love at first sight?

Stop with the Hoth Dau. I mean... Come on. Hoth I ever had a fantasy of an old English romance? Of course I have. Of course Doth have. Of course Doth have. And Marlene is just quietly packing her bag. She's quietly forging the thing saying that

she's a u.s citizen yeah yeah yeah have thou ever hey hey come on hey look at me yeah stop have thou ever considered train travel instead of air travel imagine that half i read a midnight murder on the orient Express. Yeah. Like multiple times. Yes. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff.

Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Marley takes a stamp out of the person's bag and quietly, like, but firmly stamps the Notorizes it. Yeah.

The bag. The bag. Our. Sorry. Our. Our. Our. Duff.

Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. Duff. are sorry are are duff duff duff the um have any plans to travel by train um post haste i doth didn't till just now with your ass they start viciously making love and marlene makes out like a bandit. She walks into the nearest 7-Eleven. Okay, so Fritos, anything else with that? Ma'am? She takes out a gun.

Winks at the camera. Just the Fritos that take it, take it, please I love America Puts sunglasses on, walks away in slow motion Gas station sunglasses They're horrible Takes them from the rack, puts them on They have American flags on the side I love America, eh?

Winks I love America, eh? Winks. This should be all week long. Stranger Things drive-through experience. so fucking cool so it's this lot like the whole thing is done in a parking lot in downtown la in the row yeah oh yeah this lot and um for the car and so it's like you listen to everything you turn the car channel to the radio station where it's like everything's broadcast on this radio station and it was amazing like it was so innovative um it was exciting it was just cool also to feel like a live theatrical experience kind of and all the performers as close as we could get they're running around like they're all masked um and so it's like you know you had and the

lookalikes were pretty spot on so it's like it was robin what are you doing robin like running up to the car like in masks like banging on the window like it was really it was just really cool um yeah and but the best part is seeing the demogorgon which is just clearly a person in a demogorgon suit human-sized gingerly running around the parking lot made me cry laugh it is the one of the funny like the resident experience was so immersive and so cool and incredible and the costume is amazing but to see a human-sized demogorgon just like trotting around a parking lot. And while everyone's like running. Does the thing like, roll your window down. Roll your window down.

No. No. Why not? I can't get COVID. I won't be a host. It was really fun. And then the lookalike playing Billy, he came out at one point and all of us were like,

Billy's got the fucking wagon. He had that fat ass? Billy had that thick ass. We were losing our minds. And we were like, Jeff would be so like proud, but also intimidated because that dude has the fucking, Billy brought the wagon to be sure. But then there were like, there are multiple Billys.

And then a different Billy came out and we're like, huh, that's, that can't, no. That's not, no, the face looks similar, but he has that flat ass. That's exactly what it was. We're like, but where's, where's, where's the thick ass? He has that pancake ass instead of that thick ass. Yeah. Where's the wagon?

Why did that Billy walk in front of us and his ass finishes walking in front of us five minutes later? And then this one, it looks like a paper. And this one, this one's an A4 man. That's me as a casting director right no we don't care about his ass is he right for the part oh oh no no no no no no no oh so it was it was just it was really it was really cool i had a great time hell yeah what's been shaking me is this sweatshirt it's apt for this episode which

is why i wore it. It says Maine. It's vintage. I got it for seven. Sorry, let me finish. Sorry, let me actually fucking finish for a second. It says Eastport. It doesn't say Maine.

It says Maine under Eastport. Where? The boat is part of the M. Oh, I see it. I see it. I see it. But no, it's just like, Riley, it's so soft. See that?

You were just yelling at me no that looks like my nantucket sweatshirt what's what it looks like my nantucket sweatshirt that like kind of has that it's the same fabric it's the same cut it's the same we'd be in the same catalog, basically, if we wore those next to each other. I think it's great. I think it's a great sweatshirt. It's apt for the episode. Is this episode 60? I think it's great for episode 60.

Is this episode 60? Oh my god! 60 episodes and Terry sweatshirts. That's amazing! 60 episodes with a sweatshirt that's similar to mine. I love that. With the podcast, it's like the more the merrier in terms of episodes. Like the longer we can kind of keep it running, the better. But with the sweatshirt, right, it's like part of what shook me was that it was one of a kind.

So to have you have that. Well, no, I don't have a main sweatshirt. I have a pink sweatshirt that says Nantucket. It's pink? Yeah, it's pink. Okay. It's like salmon. Yeah, that makes me feel better.

Okay. Because you said same cut and same fabric. So I thought that fabric. you said same cut and same fabric so i thought that fabric it is same cut and same fabric really let me see the sleeves let me see the tapering on the sleeves yeah it's the same it's the same kind of thing you can follow riley on instagram at riley and spa on twitter at riley coyote say it louder do you have anything to plug mefree. Do you have anything to plug, Mephri? I don't have anything to plug, really. I'm still working on my little side project. I don't remember if I announced it yet or not, but it's a vintage watch store online

and a lot of the watches came. I'm wearing one of them right now. Yay! So if you're interested. It's very exciting. The website looks wonderful. What's it called? Can people go check it out yet or now?

I'm hoping that by now. I'll say it. I'll plug it now and I'll bleep the name if it's not ready, but I think it should be ready. It's called KirkwoodGoods.com at Kirkwood.Goods on Instagram. So if you're interested at all in watches, I know I never shut up about them. We have we it's just me. I've curated a selection of I think 10 vintage watches ranging from $95 to 12,000.

So Jesus Christ, I didn to $12,000. Jesus Christ. I didn't spend $12,000. I bid on that one at an auction for very low price, much lower than that. And I'm going to make a huge profit on it if somebody ever buys it, which probably won't be anybody who listens to this, but maybe some schmuck on eBay will find it. Nice. I hope they find this episode. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

They canceled the shipment. No. No. Do you have. Wait, wait, wait. Like they cancel the shipment. No. No. Do you have anything to plug? Do you want to plug into the mist again? Yes. So is this coming out on the 26th? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This Friday is the opening night of Into the Mist. January 29th, Friday, starting at 7 p.m. Pacific. It is going to be an incredible, immersive, virtual experience all set in the world of the summer of 1927. There's a bunch of incredible acts. There's live music. Daniel and I have a room. It's basically it's like you enter this world online and you go room to room and it's all Zoom rooms.

And some are interactive, some are not. But it's the range of performers are incredible. There's magic, there's live blackjack, there's a secret room. If you get a password, then you'll get to go into the secret room. There's dancing, there's improv, there's pretty, there's caricatures. Someone's going to draw a caricature of you. It's, it's incredible. The range is amazing. Um, so if you go to intothemist.net i will have the link to tickets in my bio um but we're going to be running at least every friday through february um and you can watch it from anywhere just get dressed up or not have a drink or not

and come watch it's going to be really special i'm very very excited for everyone to see it so yeah you can follow jeff on instagram at jeffrey james and on twitter at jeff boyardee and you can follow the show at review review on instagram and on twitter at review review show and you can follow riley on instagram at riley anspa on twitter at riley coyote also a quick shout out to yusef syed and farhana ramen for featuring us in uh an article that they wrote in Entrepreneur Magazine or an entrepreneur. I guess it's just called Entrepreneur. Definitely go check that out. I think you and I both retweeted it.

Give them those clicks because they helped us with this ish. That barely rhymed. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Review Review. Also, let's shout out some patrons. Very special thank you to our VI podcast, Aaron Carrico. Adam Shea. Agent Michael Skarn. Akusia Sarfo.

Alex Watts. Alex Witt. Alton Burkholder. Alvar Wallstrom Lindell. Alexander Hall. Anthony Amadeo. Bagadoo. Bob Buell.

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Jamie Ponchia Jared Jason Araya Jesse Tipton Jonah Sanchez Josh Tischler Jub FPB Sorry

Jub FPB Thank you Caleb Luster Katie Ross Kerwin Kevin Sunt Kobe Hollis Lauren Malang

Malik Ask Malik anything Mark Priest Mark Spalding Matt Box Matthew Lizama Michael Ebach Michael Rowland

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Sugar Ann Falls. You absolute fucker. T-R-A-K-A-G-U-L-L-E-A-B-O-E-D-I-F-I-S, which is my new name. That's Austin, dude. Theodore Giesen. Will Phillips. Xander Madsen. And Yaro Bouchard.

Thank y'all so much for your support. And we are sending our cameo videos to you guys. They're well overdue, but we're working on them as we squeak. So look out for those. And as well as the order forms for the hoodies, we finally are ordering them. They'll be in stock, and I'll be shipping them out personally to y'all asses uh so want to make sure i get those out to you at the latest the first week of february thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of review review riley why don't we do the inverse today can i say okay okay um we'll catch you guys next week thank you so much

for listening and until then arrivederci that was a hit gum original