Review Revue - Psychics (w/ Kylie Brakeman!)

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

Alf and Reilly are joined by comedian Kylie Brakeman on their holiest episode yet. >>>>><<<<<Follow at:IG: @reillyanspaugh @alfredinnitTwitter: @reilecoyote Join the discord here!Produced by Daniel Ramos @SchubirdsAdvertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hey guys, uh, sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night. Daniel, please don't cut this out, this intro is important. But, uh, just woke up. God, I look a mess. But I just had to come on here because I got this tune. Yeah, I got this song, and I just can't get it out of my head. You know, I know a lot, a lot of people still have these mixed reviews about Alf, you know, how he's still begging for theme songs, how he fucked up the 200th. He isn't really playing well with others. I mean, healthy review, review discord still says hosted

by Jeff and Riley. So, you know, that's got to sting, but you know what I say, screw all the legions of haters. Okay. I I'm gonna stand by this ginger fuck. You know why? Because he tries. And I want to be his friend. Yeah. And that sentiment helped me write this tune that I think is gonna be a pretty catchy earworm. But I haven't played it yet for anyone, so please, be gentle.

Here goes nothing. One, two. One, two, three. it yet for anyone so please be gentle uh here goes nothing one two one two three fuck off and we're gonna cut it there no that's just the friends theme song there's no parody that's just the fucking friends theme song no you know what i lied hold on let me just we never do this but i'm just gonna play a couple seconds because i have a feeling i'm gonna cut i'm gonna there it is all right and then we're gonna we're gonna stop it there i had a feeling that would be the case that theme song was from JP. JP said, just, okay, just play it.

Just fucking do it, man. That's my best argument. And I got into law school. So, and JP's at, at JP Carlson, C-A-R-L-S-E-N 20 on TikTok. That was sent in August 26th. And then 11 days ago, JP sent his follow-up saying, so it's been like a month, should I just go fuck myself? That seems like the perfect moment to point out that we do need more theme songs. We do need more theme songs.

We are running low, so if anyone, I guess, wants to just send any song and replace our names in it. Don't do that. No, don't say that because now they're going to do that. No, I know they will. But we're not here to talk about Friends the show. We're here to talk about our friend who's on our show. Kylie Brakeman is here. Oh my God, a friend. I'm so excited.

A friend. And about the show. and about the show and about the show yeah i'm just like wow i get to hang out i just i that's a thought i could keep in my head and quietly adjust on garage band but i couldn't escape it i'm like no but because we're all friends here so it's like i'm glad that you felt vulnerable enough to be like oh i'm peaking that's also what um it's just full transparency you guys i'm peaking. That's also what- I'm peaking, my sound is peaking. It's just full transparency, you guys, I'm peaking right now. Thank you. That's what Riley says every time we play hide and seek together too.

I'm peaking. I'm peaking. And we are wanting to play it on Zoom often. Kylie, what the fuck is up, dude? You know, up is down and down is up. This world is crazy. It's raining here in New York City. And I think that's wild. I'm from California. And so it's still an event to me every time it happens. I think that's wild. It was flooding last week and people were still showing up to things and just walking through water. Yeah. How did you, I saw the videos of that, that looked terrifying and insane.

Yeah. I was in like a sort of uphill-ish part of Williamsburg. So I was mostly okay. Our like outdoors, all of my cactuses drowned like horrifically in like a- Oh my God. Like they were just floating in puddles of water because they don't have root systems. They just like, they just, they just, it was just, it was over for them. So I'm drying them out and we're hoping and we're praying. So thoughts and prayers over here. Thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers. You keep your cactuses outside?

I was for a while because they famously love bright light. But it's getting towards the time of the year where there are seasons. And so they might have to come inside for a while and just stunt their growth. Yeah. This is your first. This is why you don't have plants, Alfred. I don't own a single living anything. That does not surprise me in the least. I think, does the colony of fruit flies currently dominating my studio apartment count?

Look, I made the mistake of buying bananas one time a month ago. See, that's what you get. That's what you get. The whole thing went downhill. You can never buy a banana. Now I put my bananas in the freezer as soon as I buy a banana now i put my bananas uh in the freezer as soon as i buy them so you're never having fresh bananas you're never like i thaw one if i need it if i need it if i feel myself getting low you know you eat a thawed out banana well yeah do you how do you defrost a banana microwave you're lying no microwave yeah

you just bang it in there look it's no secret i barely know how to eat wait skin on or skin off do you put well i don't eat it with the skin on it's impossible she was asking how you do it's impossible to get the skin off Until you've defrosted it You have to microwave it with the skin I've known you for a long time And I didn't know this about you And this might be one of the most shocking things I've ever learned

I mean I eat raw oats At least one meal pretty much every day The idea of a rock hard banana Just slowly spinning in the microwave at like 11 p.m. is so disturbing to me. I also have a really shitty microwave, so it doesn't thaw evenly.

So it's like the middle will be like frozen and the ends will be piping hot. It's not ideal. Be normal. Eat normal stuff at normal temperatures can't do a normal challenge um before we get into the today's topic i'm speaking of new york and everything and speaking of kylie who's here um we're gonna be bringing review review live our first live show to new york city comedy festival um sunday november 5th at 5 30 p.m at the little field in brooklyn Review Review Live, our first live show to New York City Comedy Festival.

Sunday, November 5th at 5.30 p.m. at the Littlefield in Brooklyn with special guests Kylie Brakeman and Ryan Gall. Tickets are, we got tickets in my Instagram bio. Alf, I don't know if you've done that, but you can go on headgum.com slash live. If you look up Littlefield Brooklyn, there's tickets there. I'm assuming that all three of the Review Review listeners who finally followed me have already bought tickets if they're going to. So I didn't feel the need to put it in my bio. But hey, maybe I should. But hey, if you just look up anywhere, Review Review Live New York, you will find tickets. That's huge. So exciting.

So pumped. We cannot wait to have you. What's the first thing you guys are going to do when you get here to New York City? I'm going to, oh my God. Well, I'm going to be on Broadway. You're going on Broadway? I'm going on Broadway. Well, it's like, you know, I'm there.

I might as well. Okay. So you're walking down Broadway or you're on Broadway. I'm going to be the lead in a Broadway production. Okay. Now pick one. It's impossible to choose. Honestly, I'll just kind of feel it out on the day.

Yeah, right. And whatever one is like calling my name, then I'd be like, oh, time to get on stage. Do Evita. Do Evita, please. Everyone's begging for me personally to do Evita. Everyone in New York is begging you to. I don't know what Evita is about. Evita. Do Evita, please. Everyone's begging for me personally. Everyone in New York is begging you to, I don't know what Evita is about. Evita. Everyone wants me to do Evita. Everybody wants it. Kylie, what was the first thing? Cause you moved to New York. What was the first thing you did when you moved to New York? I, well, the first thing I moved to

New, I did when I moved to New York this round was seek refuge in a friend's place because the apartment I was going to was full of COVID. I got a text as I was boarding a midnight plane from LAX to New York that said, hey, just I know you're moving in tomorrow, but we have COVID. And so I'm like, oh, my God, I sent like five texts to other people I knew in New York and just like went on the plane. And luckily someone happened to be up at 6am and let me in. That is wild. So it was like a weird, stressful thing. And then bagel was the next step. Bagel with, I just get a, I get not a bacon, egg, and cheese, but a bacon egg. Bacon egg.

So that's what I did. No cheese. No cheese. I don't like it always. Fun fact about me. Hey, that's fair. Holy shit. I was gonna say,

Alf's not one to judge about food preferences. You don't eat cheese? That's pretty fucking weird. You're kind of a banana guy. Have you guys ever had hot banana on a bagel? Okay, I actually had a deep fried banana the other day and it rocked. Sounds delicious. Yeah, right?

Now imagine that, but instead of being deep fried, and it's not fried at all, it's in a microwave. It's just kind of frozen. It's just hot, frozen banana. It's icy hot banana. Because this is the other thing about fruit, and you've known this if you've ever made jam, is that if you freeze fruit and then you heat it back up, the cellular structure of it is exploded, right? Because the freezing, the water swells. So it will deflate because the freezing the water swells it so the kind it will like deflate

inside the skin um can either of you tell me what the difference between cream cheese and schmear is speaking of bagels i think we should get into our topic no um you don't know the difference right i don't uh i don't think anyone does and that was just a question that was well because we were talking about bagels that's fine all right um Well, because we were talking about bagels. That's fine. All right. We're not here to talk about bagels. We're not here to talk about bananas.

And we're not... I know everyone's going to be shocked. We're not here to talk about Vita. We are here to talk about something a little spooky, a little otherworldly, and sometimes a little overpriced. We're here to talk about psychics. Get them.

Get them. Taking a firm stance on the economic accessibility of psychics. Our first opinion, locking it in, is psychics are expensive. It's sometimes overpriced. Really taking a hard stance. And I think that's bad. Kylie, this was one of your suggestions. Talk to us about any, or lack thereof, experience with psychics.

I only have one real experience with a psychic. I went to, when I was like 18, I think, I went to this psychic who I had always driven by in La Crescenta and, uh, which is a, a little, a little suburb, uh, Pasadena adjacent. Um, and, uh, which is Los Angeles adjacent. I will, I realized I went really micro really fast, Los Angeles area. Um, but she, uh, is just kind of this older woman, like very intense, very like not super like friendly or anything, but just very like I kind of believed her. I believed her whole vibe. And she gave like a palm reading, I think, for like $20.

And she said that I was going to live to be 100 and that someone named, I believe it was Louise, is going to jumpstart my career in Hollywood. And I have not met Louise yet. Well, then the career's not jumpstarted yet, is it? Exactly. This is what's really exciting. Here's all the potential. I'm not done yet because I haven't met anyone named Louise. That is, that's amazing.

So I guess I'm wondering, because when I was looking up reviews, it was a lot of tarot readings and palm readings. So it's like with the Louise of it all. Was that from your palm or was that from tarot or was that just from vibes? Straight off the dome. Yeah. Just spitballing here. Louise? Louise.

I was also looking at reviews and I think and based on like a common pattern I think a cold read is when you just throw something out like off of vibes. If you're just like gorgeous. You know what you drive a pickup truck. Like if you just like as a psychic just sort of like the

improv of being a psychic, I guess. Yeah. I think it was- Let's build off of that. Okay. Let's build off that. So we got pickup truck.

Yep. Pickup truck. I'm just, I'm making a choice. As a psychic, you make choices. But I think she got that off my palm. But the epilogue to this story is that two years later,

I was working at a restaurant, Granville at the Glendale Americana. I was a host, uh, RIP that restaurant is no longer there. Um, but, uh,

a woman came in and she was like with her, like a child or grandchild or something. And then she was like, can we use the bathroom? And I'm like, yeah, sure. And then she had like this strange energy and she comes back and she was

like, I read you. And I'm like, what do you mean? then she had like this strange energy and she comes back and she was like, I read you. And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, I read you two years ago. La Crescenta. Like she was the woman. I did not recognize her at all, but she recognized me. And that's, and that's crazy.

Like I unironically got chills. Well, cause she recognized you based on your aura. Possibly. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't even my face. Maybe it was just my electromagnetic waves or whatever. That is wild. That's so rad.

Yeah. And so I don't know about a lot of psychics, but I buy her a little bit at least at the very least she's a very impressive memory and you gotta give someone props for that I don't know if she can see to my future but she did remember who I was and so that was pretty magical you know if we're judging psychics on their ability to remember stuff I mean bravo um and hey Louise if you're listening, she's out here. Louise, I'm going through a little bit of a slump. I'm unemployed. Louise, if you want to just kind of like negotiate with the AMPTP

and just kind of get these strikes off the ground, let's get that deal, Louise. Yeah, Louise, to be clear, I don't want to scab. I don't want to scab. But anything you can do to like move stuff along, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Louise is like, I got this project. I mean, we don't have to scab, but anything you could do to move stuff along, I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Louise is like, I got this project.

I mean, we don't have an interim agreement, but if you want to be part of it. Yeah, maybe this is a monkey's paw situation. Alfred, psychics or nah? Yes, psychics or nah. For me, it's going to be nah. I have never been in my hometown growing up when it was when i was okay where to start when i was a baby all right um there was a uh what was then considered kind of the outskirts of town there was this like house with like a psychic

big psychic you know neon sign and then as time went on the town expanded and she was kind of like now it was just kind of like a house in the middle of like a pretty built up like commercial area but then there was still just this one house that was psychic and we were always like how in the hell does she keep that place open you know what i mean like what is the how is she financially like not just having been bought out by Chick-fil-A at this point and been turned into another thing? Turns out she was scamming people out of money. She was telling her clients that their money was cursing them and that the only cure was to give her their money. No.

And that she would keep it safe and do something spiritual to lift the curse. But you know what she did with the money? She used it. She spent it. She spent it. She used it as money. Oh my God. That's money.

And then all the people were like, hey, can we have our money back? And she was like, uh-oh. And now I think she's in prison for like 40 years. I mean, who says a young entrepreneur woman can't be a bank if she's right so jesus right and i think her and elizabeth homes are gonna do something powerful together in prison she's less of a psychic and more of a bank like that's not a bad psychic that's a bad bank yeah. Yeah. I also, I'm just like, she was also, it was a whole thing at the time where she was like, I'm not really a psychic. I'm more like a life coach.

And that was like kind of, she said it like it was a defense. And I'm like, if your life coach is stealing millions of dollars from people, it still, it doesn't make it better than if a psychic was doing it. But she's an icon. She's my hero of the week. It still doesn't make it better than if a psychic was doing it. She's an icon. She's my hero of the week. I want to lift her up wherever she is now. I hope she's well. Lift her up.

Do you guys always do hero of the week? We do now. Fuck it. Let's add another recurring segment. Fuck it. Hero of the week is this woman who was in prison for fraud. Riley, what's your experience? I've never been to a psychic, but I mean, living in Los Angeles, the amount of times I've driven past places that have the neon sign for psychic,

I mean, it's plenty. I live around a lot of psychic establishments. I have never been to one. Curious about it. I'm always like game for like, if someone wants to read tarot to me, like I would never, I don't have, I guess, either the interest or the know-how to like do that. Those are key. But what I do, sure. But I guess it's like what I do appreciate of like whenever a friend of mine who's been into tarot has like done a reading or like, let me practice a reading on you. I think what I do like about it is that it's like you take what you like and you leave

what you don't like. Like that, I'm like, that feels fine and harmless enough. Of course, when it's one that's like, huh, death. Well, that's not necessarily bad. I'm like, well, it's death. But it's like, I get what they're saying. But I don't know why it's very funny to me. It's like the card of death. Well, that's not necessarily bad. I'm like, well, it's death. But it's like, I get what they're saying. But I don't know why it's very funny to me. It's like the card of it.

I love the pivot. Yeah. It's like, it's this like skeletons, like all of the stuff. And it's like, oh, the death card. Well, I wouldn't be too worried about that one. Because actually what that means. It's like the scariest omen in the world. And then they're like, but that actually maybe means that something's happening at your job.

Like maybe you're getting a promotion. Yeah. But then they also do the inverse where it's like true tarot heads are like, no, well, it's actually misleading because death is a good card, but the four of swords, you're fucked.

You're fucked. And it's like, what looks like a totally, a totally innocuous card to me comes up and I'm like, oh, the pony, I'm fine. And they're like, oh, the pony. I'm fine. And they're like, no, that means you're going to get hit by a horse.

That's bad. But Riley, in a very real way, I'm your psychic, right? Sorry? Psychic. You're my psychic? This is an episode about sidekicks, right? Get it? What if I got the topic wrong?

I will say, this would be a classic Frasier mix-up. That would be classic. A big old miscommunication. I will say for a period of time, there is some moments where maybe it's just tapping into the energy of the universe, tapping into everything around us. I will say whenever i

have like my phone on shuffle playing music i always know what the next song is gonna be i have as soon as one song's ending i'm like i have a feeling i swear no you don't i always know what the next song is gonna be it's the most easily disprovable claim 98 of the time i have a gut feeling and i'm like i know what the next song is going to be. And I'm fucking right. I'm going to put that shit to the test. The unfortunate thing about this is it's like really easy to test and for you to show us that. Take out your fucking Apple music right now. Get your Spotify up.

No, you're fucking doing it. You can't make a claim like that. I said 98%. Okay, we'll do it twice. You gave yourself the buffer. You gave yourself 2%. So it's okay. We'll just see if this is the two or the 98.

This sucks. I should never have said anything. Yeah, a good lesson in lying. On why not to lie. My psychic experience has happened twice in high school where I had a dream that somebody, okay, if you are ready, we can do it. No, no, no, I am not ready.

I'm so invested now. Great, so I had a dream that I got a concussion in theater class and then the next day I got a concussion in theater class. And that's on manifestation, baby. That's actually the power of thinking, of manifesting, of visualizing, putting it in your dream board.

I saw myself get a concussion, so I smacked my head on a black box cube in theater class. Okay, here we go. This is going to be the most embarrassing moment of my life, and we have it on air, and this is live. I'm so glad. Oh, this sucks. No, don't skip

Whatever the first embarrassing musical theater song That comes up you have to use I'm not doing a shuffle of my entire phone Or all Spotify What you're doing a shuffle of a playlist with two songs on it? I always know what's coming up next Here's the thing I could

If I were A little kind of like a little nasty gal, I could just pick a song. I could just put it on cue and be like, oh, I know what it is, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. Then do it. Then do the other thing.

And that's honorable. Because we could agree to keep the secret to uphold the magic of cinema for the listeners, but we but we're not. We're watching you and we could agree to keep the secret to uphold the magic of cinema for the listeners. But we're not. We're watching you. We're not. This is a hard hitting.

Okay. Right now, I'm not going to keep the music on right now, but I will show you. I will show you. So my friend, Eva Evangeline, this is her EP called Playlist for the Apocalypse. The song that's playing right now is called Meet Me Where I'm At. It's on Shuffle. This sucks because normally... No, no, no.

Tell us what normally happens. Right, right. This sucks because normally nobody's watching when I do this. I'm sitting alone in my room going, maybe I'm psychic because I know what the next song is going to be. Maybe I'm gifted. I'm going to next song is going to be. Maybe I'm gifted. You have like a one in it's like an EP.

You have what? Like a one in six chance here? I think the next song is going to be there's a song called On My Way Out and I think that that's no, I don't. I think it's going to be pet names.

I ate the spirit moved me and I felt a different choice it's gonna be pet names alright we're gonna press oh okay praying for pet names we can see that it's on shuffle okay next fuck hold on

fuck it is ultimately the one you said first before you changed your mind. How fucked up was that? How fucked up was that? If I hadn't have changed my mind, that would have been sick as fuck. Right. But ultimately you named two songs.

And so you went from, that was like a one in three chance that one of the two songs you said was going to come up. Listen, listen. re-chance that one of the two songs you said was gonna come up. Listen. Listen. So, I said 98% of the time. And we are in that... And we are living in the 2% right now. And that's okay. And that's just math. That's just math. I'm sorry if people are triggered, but that's just how math works.

If I hadn't have changed my mind, that would have been the best moment of my entire life. No, it was really, I saw the thought process and I commend you for that. That was a little psychic. What happened back there? Very little. Guys, I think I'm going to start charging people.

For guessing what song? That's like a man on the street TikTok where you're like, excuse me miss can I guess what your next song's gonna be on Shuffle? Well that's the thing it's like I only, I have Also I'm a bank, let me keep your money safe Also I'm a bank and also you have to give me a playlist of maybe six songs

and so then I have a pretty good chance of maybe guessing what it is Don't give me that liked songs library Don't trick me Don't give me that liked songs library. Don't trick me. Don't trick me. I need to curate the playlist and then I'll guess. Let's take

a quick break and then we'll come back and maybe I'll be a bank. Do you guys need to take a break or do you want to get into it? I feel like I need a cigarette and you don't even smoke I'm taking it up

oh my god oh my god that was funny I'm sorry for pushing that I'm so glad you did I'm so glad you did that was amazing alright and we're back and what's crazy is that in the break, I guessed every song right.

I went through my entire phone. But she wouldn't tell us which ones. So we don't have proof of that. We were just watching her sitting there going, I got it. All again? Three in a row. She was just going, yes.

She was drinking little sips of water and going yes again no one will ever know my new whole thing is that i can't drink a sip of water until i get a song right it's a reward system yeah yeah like training dog yes yes yes ladies you got a Pavlov dog yourself. Ultimately, that's the key. Oh my God. Who wants to start us off with a review? I can go. Go, Alfre. I'm proud to go.

Now I need to vamp while I find it on my camera roll. I knew somebody in college who could tell the difference of different M&Ms based on their flavor. And we were like, there's no, like the color. Like she would be like, that's a red one with her eyes closed. And I always thought that was maybe psychic. You thought that was cooler than my thing? Yeah. That you reading a Spotify, sort of just the screen, sort of all the words on your screen when you had Spotify open.

Yeah, I think guessing m&ms was somehow more interesting that and she did do with her eyes open yes um this is for alissa um alissa something psychic in uh albuquerque new mexico um i don't want to dox this woman sure sure sure and this is Marsha H lead the review can I get a last name for Marsha H Halibut Marsha Halibut two stars

I didn't get any clear direction from my reading and at over 180 per hour expected a lot more than vague answers. I would not recommend to anyone who needs help and expects clear and true psychic direction. Pretty normal review so far, right? Mm-hmm. Alyssa, the psychic, responds.

Love a response. Love a response. Please note the review date is July 2020, when the COVID pandemic was raging. I refused to okay Marsha's international travel plans. I suggested alternative plans and other actions she could take that would have a more positive outcome. There was nothing vague about a divination that shows Marsha that every school she wanted to attend would be closed and that her plans were dangerous, alarming, and financially foolish. She didn't hear what she wanted to hear and her reaction was to write a misleading

untruthful review so she really went to a psychic and said please tell me it's okay to go on an international flight during covid and she said no alssa stood true to her beliefs on that one. That's really cool. That rocks. Whoa. I really, what's cool about that to me is on one hand

it's like, yeah, I was telling this woman to not do that in the interest of public health and safety. And on the other hand, it was kind of giving vibes of like,

I predicted this and look where we are. I told her it would be risky. I knew in July 2020 that it's going to be a bad time. God, what a softball for psychics during that time. Like, what an easy, what a leg up.

Everyone was playing with like a better par or whatever like you you could just say you can if you guess that something's gonna go wrong it like probably will like you're probably gonna be right oh yeah oh yeah it's and especially like at the beginning where it's like i remember like uh i was with jeff rejames James and Daniel and we were we were actually recording an episode of Review Review. And we were that was when we found out that the NBA shut down and all of us were like, huh, that's a little weird. Right. And like any psychic at that time who's just reading the news is like they're rolling in it. They're rolling in it. What a time. Oh God, what a lucrative time to be a psychic.

What a lucrative time to be a psychic. How easy it must be. Oh, the schools are closing. I bet other bad stuff is going to happen too. Time to make a million dollars. Time to be a bank. I also have questions where I'm like okay so she's clearly alissa the site the psychic is clearly like kovats real it's happening we gotta be safe was it a zoom reading

because it's july 2020 and i'm like great question al she was kind of on the other foot if you were seeing people in person to do psychic readings in July 2020. Like peak lockdown. But it's like, imagine getting on a Zoom call with a psychic to ask permission to take a flight. Or just like even ask, just asking a psychic questions so that you have permission to do bad stuff. It's like a priest. I don't know why it's like a weird confessional, but also over Zoom is very funny. It's a confessional for LA girlies. It's like logging onto a Zoom.

Okay. Hi, Jason. Jason, are you in the waiting room? I can't. My camera. It's okay. Just turn it on. No, that's what I'm wondering.

Okay. You just have to press camera on. Okay. Can you see me? Nope. Can you press camera on? On. There's camera off and camera on stop video

nope and you're gonna go on to want to start video you're gonna want to start the video there you go hi Jason um I'm Lisa I am um um madam petrie's assistant and I just wanted to give you a couple uh just a little bit of a rundown of what your session with her you're reading with her is going to be like today um and just get uh any questions from you before you're let into the breakout room with her or yeah no um i guess i guess my main question is kind of like logistical like does the reading like just between us like does the reading still work like on zoom like can she really does the reading still work like is she on Zoom? What do you mean, does the reading still work? Like, is she really going to be able to, like, tell?

Like, is she going to be able to read my aura and everything? You're so cute. No, so we get this question a lot. No, I didn't mean physically. I meant just, like, not that you're not. You were desperate for me to turn my camera on, so I think. That's kind of what the whole thing is. So, Jason, what's going to happen is madam petrie is kind of one of a kind a lot of psychics of her level of her nature they're like there's no way i

can do someone's reading over zoom there's no way that behind a screen i can really see into the depths of their aura their psyche their past lives their future lives, right? But not Madam Petrie. Madam Petrie actually uses the screen, uses this, you know, extra dimension between you guys as part of the channel that she moves through. And so there's something in the separation, she feels closer to you than ever. And I really think that you're going to get a feel for that. So I will be here, my camera will be off, but sometimes the readings can get a little intense. Okay. Both for you and for her. And so I'm here if anything goes wrong, whether that's emotionally, metaphysically, and also

technically, you know, I am kind of like a little Apple genius. You kind of do everything, huh? I kind of do everything. So, all right. I, sorry. It's just, I get emotional every time I feel her like logging on because I know that it's like she's really doing the work in a way that not a lot of people are Hello

Madam Petrie, hello Camera off or camera on You're going to want to do camera on? You're gonna wanna do camera on. Stop camera. I have the same problem. No, mute, Madam Petrie. No, Madam Petrie. Madam Petrie. No.

Madam Petrie, you're just moving. You muted. You hit the mute. You muted yourself, Madam Petrie. Stop camera. You don't have to tell the directions to your computer, Madam Petrie. You can just press the button. And so what you're gonna wanna do is start camera.

Unmute. Start camera. Excellent. Excellent, Madam Pet camera. Unmute. Start camera. Excellent. Excellent. Madam Petrie. This is Jason. I will turn my camera off if you need me for anything. Don't hesitate to summon me.

Thank you, Rebecca. Thank you. Hello, Jason. Hello. My name is Madam Petrie, short for Madam Petrie Dish.

I am a psychic medium. I can see beyond this very screen into the depths of your past, present, and future. Do you have any questions about that? Um, no. I mean, it's an honor just to be here in this virtual room with you. So what I'm picking up right away is that you are in a computer and you live there

and that's where you live. I mean, in a way. And that's your house. It kind of feels like that right now. Yeah, I mean, I live alone. So most of my social interaction has been on Zoom and stuff recently. Yes, I can see that.

I can tell your aura. It seems to be all pixels. Right, right. Am I okay? What does that really translate to? No, that's fantastic. I've seen, actually, it's such a coincidence, all of my recent guests have lived in computers. So I'm seeing a lot more computer clients recently.

Really? It's not just you. It's actually fascinating. But what area generally are you looking for guidance in today? Are you looking for relationship, job, uh, environment, future, past, baby? Um, was that last one baby? Yes, baby. I do all of the major different categories of life. Past, present, future, job, baby. Yeah, I guess I know babies. Babies are probably the least applicable to my life.

You don't want to know babies. Everyone has baby. In some way or the other. Well, you've piqued my interest, I guess. If we have time, I would love to start with baby. Just because, you know, right now I don't see a path. you've piqued my interest i guess if we have time i would love to start with baby just because you know right now i i don't see a let's get baby out of the way yeah i just like to pop it i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i hate to interrupt but um in the interest of just making sure jason that you

are clear about what's happening you don't decide if we have time that was incredibly disrespectful no i'm sorry petrie decides how long the session is, how short the session is. Right. She decides if she wants to talk baby, she's going to tell you about baby. If she wants to talk about in the ground, she's going to tell you about in the ground. If she wants to talk about computer, that's what, you know, I just as you continue on,

I would just ask that you pay the utmost respect to Madam Petrie. No, I'm so, Madam Petrie, I'm so sorry. But just to clarify, Rebecca, I am still charged by the minute. You am still charged by the minute. You are still charged by the minute. Okay, but she gets to decide how long. And I wish I could control that. I wish I could make it shorter.

I really do. She wishes, my God. I mean, she's the most altruistic person. The spirit that moves within me will not let me have sessions shorter than 140 minutes. I wish. Oh, how much do I wish that I could make these sessions shorter? This woman wishes for nothing more.

I wish for it every night. I write it down on a little piece of paper, and I put it in the fire, and I say, oh gosh, I wish. It's a spell. It's an incantation. It's something we do and it's industry stuff. Honestly, it's industry stuff.

Should I be doing that? Should I start doing that? Would that be the key for me? Well, you absolutely could. I mean, I believe we all are in touch with spirit a little bit. So I believe that that could work for you if you want to start nurturing your relationship with spirit. I feel like he's trying to move away.

He doesn't want to talk about baby. I mean, I know I'm not nearly on your level, Madam Petrie, but there's part of me that thinks he's scared to talk about baby. Yes, I'm sensing that. I'm sensing that. You're using high level manipulation tactics to get me away from talking about baby. No, I gen- I genuinely- Okay, fine. I'm sorry.

Baby! Baby, baby, baby, baby! Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby! Three babies. Three babies. Three babies, not now, but later. Do you understand? I'm gonna have three kids No no no no I never Said kids I said

Babies I'm gonna Listen to Madame Petrie She couldn't be clearer she said three babies Not now but later They will be babies Heed my warning I'm sorry They will be babies.

And they will be your babies. Let's move on. Okay. Okay. Rebecca, how long should I have my camera on? You should ideally have your camera on the entire time. But if you are feeling that that's not the path for you right now, go ahead and turn it off, Madame Petrie. Good to know. She's the tech wizard. She always keeps me in line.

Now, Jason, you are asking about relationships. Let me just see if I can connect to spirit. The answer to relationship is yes. Is it not? I'm going to have a relationship i didn't say going to jason i did say yes i said yes i said yes you are yes you are relationship do you understand not fully i feel like you could be rebecca is there a way to clear this up for like could you translate maybe i just worry that maybe spiritually i'm not like psychically on the level enough to get you're like what you're saying no you don't need to worry about that that is 100 accurate you are not spiritually on the level enough to understand that that being said there's nothing for me to clear up she said a very clear okay yes so just so just so i understand three babies i'm not going to have i'm not going to have a

relationship and i'm not going to have three children but i'm going to be relationship and have three babies that are mine oh my god j a vision! Jason, shut the fuck up! I was. Schools closed. Disease. In August 2020. Heed this warning. The schools will close.

Wait a minute. Okay. I'm sorry. I have to. Madam Petrie. Vaccines! A vaccine is coming. Heed my warning. A vaccine is on the way. They're working on it now.

I'm sorry. I just went somewhere. Madame Petrie, are you okay? Do you need me to get you anything? I'm fine. I just saw so deeply into the future. Spirit pulled me into another dimension and saw what was unseen. It's July. That was too... You just sort of predicted what the news will almost certainly be in two weeks.

Oh, no. You've upset her. You need to go. Jason, you need to log off of this Zoom immediately. Camera off. Stop the video. No, you need to leave. No, you need to log off of this Zoom immediately. Camera off. Stop the video. No, you need to leave. No, don't make me leave. The doctors are going to be stressed out next month. They're stressed out now. Madam Petrie.

Jason, you don't understand. This is the biggest vision that she has had in a long time. Oh, my God. She's heat. Madam Petrie. Madam Petrie. Breathe. Breathe.

Madam Petrie. Does she have COVID? Rebecca, does she have COVID? Of course she does. Why else do you think she's meeting over Zoom? I see. Of course she has COVID. Rebecca, shut up. I see two lines on a test. I see two dark lines. Was that this morning? I see it in my

hand. She's holding it up. Okay, so you're... Okay. Spirit has shown me symbols! Oh, Madame Petrie, maybe you should lie down. It's getting to be a bit too much for your constitution.

Okay, I'm going to lie down for a moment and just know that everything that happens beyond this point on the Zoom still counts towards the total. Ah! God. We just wait, or do we?

Yes, we just wait. Okay, I'm sorry. Rebecca, can I- It still counts towards the total. Can I ask you something? Just between us? I can't make that promise, but you can try. I just want to, like, I don't know why I'm looking out for you because you've been pretty hostile to me since the moment I joined. But have you seen her in person recently? Does she make you, like, go to her house?

She's in the next room. I live downstairs. Rebecca, you need to put a mask on. You need to be careful. She has some, like, she looks really downstairs. Rebecca, you need to put a mask on. You need to be careful. She looks really bad. Like a lot of COVID. She looks bad because she's filled with spirit. Viral load.

Spirit. Viral load. She has a viral load of spirit in her. I don't think. And you're probably thinking like, oh God, she looks like she's on death's door. It's because she literally is. Okay. Call an ambulance.

No, I meant spiritually. She literally is. That's how she literally is no okay call an ambulance no i meant spiritually she literally is that's how she can navigate between these realms spiritually she's on death's door yes that doesn't sound positive rebecca the covid actually is making the veil thinner so you're saying like oh you should get her. Oh, you should bring her to a hospital. Oh, check her blood oxygen levels. The sicker she gets, the more that the veil between our dimensions thins out. And you're not worried that she's going to cross that divide. If she wants to, she will. So if she chose death in this moment, you'd be content.

Madame Petrie! Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who's there? Death's door! I'm knock, knock, knocking on Death's door. I have

seen the spirits, and they have foretold the Dodgers will win the World Series in October. There's not going to be a World Series. There is, and there was. There's no way they're going to play baseball. There's an asterisk on the season for sure. There's no way they'd play baseball during COVID.

Madam Petrie, is it time for you? Kershaw! Oh! Clayton Kershaw! Fireworks! Fireworks every- East Los Angeles! Clayton Kershaw! Oh my god, she's really in, like, the liminal space between life and death right now.

Rebecca. Yes, Madam Petrie? Do one last thing before I die. Oh, of course, anything. Will you kind of take all my handkerchiefs and... Will you keep them warm? Will you blow on them for me? Rebecca, no, don't do that.

I will blow on them. Will you share my handkerchiefs? Absolutely, Madam Petrie. Anything you ask. I will use the fork and spoon you used this morning for your breakfast. I will drink out of the same cups of water after you die. Oh, please. Okay.

I see the light. It's growing thicker and thicker and thicker, and there's a real ambulance outside. I don't know if you can hear it. Jason? Yes? Before I go. Okay. You're going to have a cold in a year.

But it's not COVID. It's just a cold. No, just a cold. I'm fine with that. Oh my God, the death rattle! Oh my God. She's dead. She's dead! She's fucking dead!

Rebecca, this is crazy. Jason, I have to go tend to the remains, but while I'm gone, if you could just Venmo maybe like $850, I think that should cover it.

Okay. I just think should cover it. Okay. I just think maybe you shouldn't be alone right now. I'm not interested in you like that, Jason. No, but I could come over and help out with the handkerchiefs or whatever you need. You would do that for her? In her final moment, she made a prediction that has to come true.

Without me having a cold in a year, there's no way I don't believe her. I'm gonna have three beautiful babies, but they won't be my children. There you go. But they will be mine. And I'm gonna be in relationship to who, to where, to what.

We never know. No. Maybe to you. Nope. She did. Maybe to you. No. Possible. Possible. Possible. No. So much room for possibility. Here. Oh, fuck. Oh, god.

Petrie. I'm I'm back from the dead. Are me and Rebecca gonna date? Are me and Rebecca gonna date? No Are me and Rebecca going to date? No, that's not how she's using her final time. Yes, that's how she's using it.

She told me. I only have so little time, but this message is very important. Okay. Madame Petrie, what's the other side like? Madame Petrie, is there a life after death? There's no time for that now. What are you talking about? Rebecca made a mistake.

It's $850 plus tax. You forgot to add the tax. No! No! You heard her. I heard you. Also, you guys are going to date for like a night. It's going to be weird, and then you're going to call it.

Yes, we're going to be together forever. You heard her, Rebecca. We're going to together forever you heard her Rebecca we're gonna date forever give me a thousand dollars you're gonna carry my babies my three beautiful babies will be yours I love Madame Petri dish

she's crazy Madame Petri I love petri as a name for someone that's uh that's great oh man oh my god baby i love the stages of life like future present past baby baby's part of it baby's part of it i always think of the alex trebek clip clip do you are we familiar with the viral alex trebek clip where he goes which one i want to see or no the answer was what is da baby where he hasn't seen that he is trying he's never, I think he has not heard of DaBaby, the singer. And he, and that was a Jeopardy clue.

DaBaby. May he rest in peace. It makes me laugh every single time I think about it. That's amazing. DaBaby. DaBaby. There's an Alex Trebek clip where he's like doing the interview, you know, part in the middle um and the woman he's interviewing is talking about like being part of like a star trek fan club or something and he's talking about loving star

trek in the community and then alex trebek just goes nerds in other words just to get absolutely flamed by alex trebek must be what an honor like he eggs you on into talking about your hobby that you've absolutely been bullied before for and you're like maybe on jeopardy of all places i could be appreciated for being a nerd and then alex trebek goes nerds in other words um let's take a quick break. We'll go watch some Star Trek, and we'll come back to talk more about psychics.

And we're back. Live long and prosper. Really quickly, is my... I'm so sorry, but is my mic picking up a lot, or is it just my... Do you hear a lot of stuff in the background? I did hear the ambulance. I heard the ambulance, but that was perfect.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. It was a well-timed ambulance. Because there's rain that's making noise, but my room is really hot, and so I'm trying to get a little bit of flow. But let me know. Shoot me a message if it becomes too much. Guys, maybe the ambulance, maybe

Kylie, maybe you are a little bit psychic. Maybe you manifested that. I mean, the ambulance did come by when Madame Petrie was dying. That is so true. Maybe you forced somebody down the street to have an acute health crisis. Wait, Alf, we forgot to set an intention for this episode.

Fuck! We forgot to set an intention. Kylie, since you've been on, we now set intentions for every episode. So last week was our most wistful, the week before that was our most septic. And now, I guess, what's today, what's this episode gonna be the most what?

Is it the most, is there a most spiritual episode this is kind of like the covid scientist or the covid cycle predicting after the fact i think our psychic episode is gonna be spiritual i think it's gonna be our most madam petrie episode i don't know why that's kind of sticking out to me is it it's going to be our most Madame Petrie episode. I don't know why that's sticking out to me. Is it the most... Let's forget that scene. Let's forget that scene happened. What are the next two manifesting for the next two scenes?

I think the next two or just like the episode as a whole. The episode as a whole. Is going to be... I mean, whole. Whole. It's going to be our holiest. It's the most holy. It's going to be our holiest The most holy

It's going to be the holiest episode yet Okay religion I'm looking out for it Religion All of you keen eyed listeners out there Keep your peepers peeled For holiness Kylie do you want to do your review Or should I do mine

I really don't care I can do mine Gorge Okay so this is from Emily T and we get Last names Emily Trachia Emily Trachia perfect

She is from Nutley New Jersey Nice And I don't remember the name of the psychic because I cropped it out when I screenshotted. That's fine. But it's just a general psychic in the East Coast area. This review is from October 9th, 2021. One star.

It reads... Love it. Probably the worst reading I'll ever receive. She was rude, unprofessional, and even started cursing at points during the reading. Also, the entire time she just kept saying basic facts until she found something she could try and grab onto. Then when she thought she got something, she actually said, sure, let's just go with that. Really wish I didn't go see her and waste my money. Avoid unless you want to get basically

yelled at the entire time and leave upset. Sure, let go with that sure let's just go with that even when she's right also it's like at first it's like she was cursing the whole time at first i'm like oh she's putting curses on this person but i really like to i just like uh your dad is named Brian. Fuck Steve. No shit. Uh, uh, Alan. She just strikes me as someone just like mumbling to herself of like, God, this job fucking sucks. I hate doing this shit. Okay. Maybe you're going to get married next year.

Let's just go with that. Let's just go with that. Sure. That's plausible. I guess. It's so like, she doesn't want to be doing it at all and that's she could have another job psychic is not like an easy softball like easy side hustle like yeah she could become a barista or work retail but she's like gotta work this stupid this stupid nine to five psychic job so that I can make some money while I pursue my other dreams. But it's like she's cursed by the gift.

You know what I mean? It's like it's the easiest way for her to make money because she is gifted. She's actually absolutely right all the time. She's like, fuck. I guess your dad's gonna get, your dad had lymphoma. Yeah, that took him out. Let's just go with that. And your mom remarried last week and that's been hard on you or something?

Yes, how did you know? It doesn't fucking matter. I guess like what I can tell you is that like you should start therapy and your therapist, you're going to fall in love with your therapist, I guess. Oh my God. I mean, I'm sorry. I just, you're going really fast and I have goosebumps because I was just on psychology today and I emailed someone and I noticed on his profile picture that he looked kind of cute, but I didn't think anything of it. You didn't think it?

No, and I know that already, and that's fine. It doesn't fucking matter. I guess, like, well, I mean, what else do you want to know? We can wrap up when you want. I mean, this is amazing. You've just spit out so much true information in the past like 30 seconds um no it's like it's crazy i guess i'm at a crossroads with uh my job i'm wondering if i should stay or if i should try and put myself up for promotion or if i should leave and and find a new um a new

place i can already tell you this sucks so bad i honestly i just want to go home there's like you don't like housewives new episode is out tonight and i feel like i'm already gonna miss it but here's what's gonna happen is you're not gonna get the promotion they're not actually considering you for that but what's gonna happen is your boss respects you enough to be like hey i'm gonna put you know we're doing layoffs soon i'm gonna put you up for that you can get a great severance package you're gonna get a year's long severance package you're not gonna have to work but in that time you're gonna be looking for the dream job and you're gonna land it and then you're also gonna marry that therapist hold on i just got a text he said you're not getting the promotion getting the promotion but but you're you're we're giving

you a giving you a layoff of a severance package. But you'll probably get your dream job soon. Thank you for all your work. Wow. I can't believe you predicted that. I mean, you have such a gift, but it seems like you don't like doing this. Stop saying that. Stop.

I mean, are you embarrassed of your gift? like doing this. Stop saying that. Stop. I mean, are you embarrassed of your gift? No, it's not that I'm embarrassed. It just, it's like, it started as like a fun party trick. You know, it started as me being able to guess the next song, you know, that would come up on a shuffle at a party or something. And then people started taking that really seriously. And were you able to guess the song a hundred percent of the time no and so that's how i knew that like i had something and you don't want to be bored by my whole life story no it's hey hey um sorry sorry to burst in like this um we need your help um sorry me detective harper Sorry. Me? Detective Harper. Metro PD. There's a killer. Oh, you again.

I know. I know. I know. I hate to do this, but whatever you need, we can get it to you. But there's a limited amount of time. And we've got to catch him. Just give me like a 20 or something for dinner. 20 for dinner? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Sure. Cash is fine or? Cash is fine. Honestly, Venmo. It doesn't matter. None of this Sure. Cash is fine or? Cash is fine. Honestly, Venmo. It doesn't matter. None of this matters.

Who's the killer? Who's the killer? The head of police. What? Yeah. He did it and he's been using his funds to cover up everything. And what's going to happen is. Where can we find proof?

Where's the proof? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go to his apartment. Go to his apartment right now. Okay. How do we get him?

The body is in his shower. Oh. And he keeps it running so you think it's his wife in there. And he has a little voice, kind of like Home Alone. He's got a little voice being like, don't come in. But actually, the body is stacked up against the kind of back of the shower. You're going to find everything you need there. Okay.

Here's the 20. Thanks. Hey. Get yourself something nice hold on are you guys like flirting this is like there's like something palpable here do you wanna

tell yeah I'll tell her so here's what's gonna happen he thinks this detective thinks there's kind of been like a will they, won't they thing. And I know you're picking up on that too. I can see that,

you know, media, you were like, Oh, is this like, are they soulmates? Yeah. I mean,

I'm no psychic. We are actually soulmates. We are soulmates. And I don't, I'm not interested in that. I don't want any part of it. So ultimately what's going to happen is that he's going to, it's going to be the pain of his life.

Knowing both of us, knowing that like we are technically meant for each other. Like it's in the stars, it's in everything, but it's just like, I don't feel that spark there. It seems like a lot of really incredible things happen to you, but you just,

you just don't really seem to see it that way. It's just like, when you know everything about the universe, past, present, future, and baby, it's like, there's no joy in it. Because what's joyful for normies like you guys is like, you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know what's around the next corner, right? But I do. Hold on. I recognize you. Were you on the news the other week for winning the lottery? Yeah, that was me. You were the most bored looking person I've ever seen.

I win it every year. And why do you still do this? And they still let you. I buy a ticket because I know what gas station to go to. I know what ticket to get. But what I've been doing, I've just been giving it to passersby on the street. And, you know, it's like, I don't- So why do you want a 20 from me?

Because it's interesting, you know? Could I be a billionaire? Sure. Could I not do this job? Absolutely. But- What's your real dream? My-

I don't want to get into boring old me my real dream is to be a vet okay that seems that could never happen no I think that's attainable I think you could if you went to veterinary school or

something if you no because here's what would happen I already know oh no she's what would happen. I already know. Oh no, she knows. What would happen? What would happen is I'd get into every top university of medicine, of animal medicine in the world. Okay, great!

No, it's not great. It's not great. Because I'd know every answer on any kind of test I need to get in. I would go and they would be like, oh, you're so smart. You need to teach these classes. You could be of that already.

You don't need to go through all of the schooling. And then it's like, there's no sense of failure. There's no sense of, oh, I need to get up and try again. I think I'm a god. You know what I think? And maybe I'm just some podunk local detective who's not going to be your soulmate or whatever. And I'm glad you're still here, by the way. Thank you.

I'm glad you stuck around. Cindy, I'm sorry that he's interrupting our session. No, this is great. I texted him what he does. The killer's fine. He's been caught, I think. I texted. I don't know.

This is more important. You know what I think? I think you're a cynic. You think I'm a cynic? Yeah. I think you don't allow yourself to be surprised. I think I could surprise the hell out of you one of these days.

Don't try and kiss me. And don't even think about proposing. I know it's on your mind. I can see it in your eyes right now. Well, do I propose or don't I? You do. And I say no. Okay. Walks out.

Well, Cindy. Wow. I'm sorry you had to see all that. And yeah, I'm kind of grumpy. I'm kind of a grouch about it. But when you're a living God walking among men, you want a little variety in life. Yeah. You're never going to get that the way you are.

Yeah, I get it. I really, I feel for you. Thanks. I did have a couple more questions, if you don't mind. I was wondering if I ever have a baby i'm glad you asked me that because you will not only have a baby you'll have five oh my god that's that's a lot that's a lot and can i is that like locked in? can you change it? yeah like can I change it? can I use birth control?

can I have less? no here's what's crazy you know with like an IUD it's like there's like a point like something like you know very very small percent chance that the pregnancy is viable you're that tiny percentage. So what's going to happen is that first time it's going to be twins. You're going to have the twins

and then you're going to be like, shit, I don't know what to do next. And then it's going to be triplets. Wow. This is, this has given me, um, a lot to think about. And since you are a God and you basically know everything that's going to happen, this is absolutely locked in. So I guess I'll start saving for a family of seven. Can I let you in on a little secret, Cindy? Yeah. Yeah, of course. You can change your fate if you want. I mean, now that I've told you, you can maybe change it up a little bit. Oh my God. Okay, this opens up so many free will doors. If I change my fate, are you no longer a godlike psychic?

And will you be released from the prison that is your mind and your gift? By changing my fate, do I then free you? If you get a copper IUD that will free me from my prison. In you changing your birth, if you change from a hormonal IUD to a copper

IUD that will release me from this living hell that I have been part of for thousands of years. Cut to the gynecologist's office. Hi. So I was looking to change from a hormonal IUD to a copper IUD because I need to save the spiritual sanity of my psychic. Great. Happy to do that for you.

Have you been experiencing issues with your hormonal IUD? Any issues with... No, it's perfect. And it's actually the only form of birth control that has worked for me. I don't have any mood swings. I don't have any cramps. I don't even really get periods anymore. It's honestly been absolutely perfect.

But unfortunately, a woman with a psychic gift has been burdened by it her whole life, and it is making it difficult for her to enjoy her dream of becoming a veterinarian and to accept love into her life. So I am going to have to switch my IUD. Does this make sense, right? You know what? You didn't even need to explain. YouUD. Does this make, this makes sense, right? You know what? We could have, you didn't even need to explain. You could have just been like,

I would like to change it and that would have been okay. We'll change it for you. I want the doctor to know the full story. Like, can you tell the doctor that? We don't, she doesn't need to, I can tell her.

I probably won't, if I'm being honest. So the doctor would just go in there and change my IUD without even knowing why? If probably won't, if I'm being honest. So the doctor would just go in there and change my IUD without even knowing why? If you just say, I'm not happy with this. Knock, knock. Hey, guys. Hi, nice to see you. I'm Dr. Brawner.

What can I do for you? Thank God you're here, Dr. Brawner. Your receptionist was just about to let me switch my IUD without giving you the full backstory again. We're swapping IUDs? Hormonal to copper?

Totally fine. Lay down. We got this. No! You have to know the story. You have to know the story of why. I really don't. I really don't.

I really don't. That can be private. Cut to 20 minutes later. Cut to the psychic office. Sitting there. I did it! I did it! I... I feel it! I did it! I

feel it. Oh my god. I don't know what I'm gonna have for lunch today. This is the best day of my life. I'm gonna apply to medical school. Knock knock.

Am I too late? Who are you? I am Pope John Paul I want to know You are the woman who is God I was, I kind of look over to Cindy like a wink But now I'm just Karen You no longer possess the gift

No, not anymore father Rats Why? What did you need? I was going to ask you if God was real. I think she might be. But it's not me anymore. Very good.

Are you fucking Dracula? I'll never tell. And that's not for me to know Or find out By the way, I ran into a very handsome police officer This just in on Channel 7 News A local Dracula Has been impersonating the Pope

Black smoke has been released From the Vatican But it is the Dracula kind A new Dracula has been released from the Vatican, but it is the Dracula kind. A new Dracula has been chosen by the Vatican this Easter Sunday. And you'll never guess where the real Pope is. Oh my God. Personally, I think it's a great thing we have a more progressive Dracula. Yeah.

You know? I think it's about time. Most spiritual episode. Did you see how I sort of subtly made it kind of holy there at the end by being the pope? Really subtle. Really subtle. Just threaded the needle. Really subtle.

Really, because we're pinitting two religions against it. Catholics do not like the Wiccan witch sort of. No. Certainly not. The Wiccan witch of the West. The Wiccan witch of the West. Kristen Chenoweth is the Wiccan witch of the West. My favorite musical. Oh my God. Yes. Stephen Schwartz's Wiccan Witch of the West. My favorite musical.

Oh my God. Yeah, Stephen Schwartz's Wiccan. Wiccan. The spin-off. I knew it was good for him. I knew it was good for him. Wiccan. He would make some money.

I have a review to finish this off. Do we have time for one more? Yeah, I guess. A little guy? Love it. As long as it's a little one. As long as it's a little one here we go this is one star from psychic solutions I don't know where that is solutions

from Madden M Madden Madden Madden Madden Madden Madden Madden

any day I'm getting there Madden, Madden, Madden, Madden, Madden, Madden. Mad. Any day. I'm getting there. Madden. Today would be nice. I'm getting there. Madden. Madden, Manhattan.

Madden, Manhattan. One star. That was the best I could do. Christ. One star. My experience is, so there's a place that has a lot of five star. My experience is, so there's a place that has a lot of five star. My experience is completely different.

Actually, I had a crush on one girl, but I got into an arranged marriage because of my parents. I personally was not having a good time in my marriage, hence the thought of asking guidance from Amy. Amy said I need to patch up with my crush because she's my soulmate. When you're feeling low emotions, you tend to believe others rather than your own intuition. Amy told me that my crush is no longer with her husband, so she would come to me in this life.

Hence, I started approaching my crush and was giving her a hard time over email. Finally, I got a death threat from her husband and was told not to approach her anymore. Hard time over email. I want to come back to that really quickly. Then Amy asked me to pay her $5,000 so that she can do work to bring my crush back in my life. Since I already got a death threat, I asked her whether there'd be any other soulmate rather than my crush. Amy strictly said whether there'd be any other soulmate Rather than my crush

Amy strictly said no She is the only soulmate Meanwhile, my crush was settled in Norway And there's no way I could see her When I mentioned this to Amy She said that she could give me a different soulmate Besides, Amy told me that I'd meet A nice person at my work

Who'll be like my bestie That person recently cheated me out on some money the lesson is don't believe in any psychic if you have a problem please visit counselors the psychic is the least of this person's problems i was giving her a hard time over email and then i got a death threat from her husband like i i i sort of i asked the psychic for a new soulmate and she said no it's like we're we're in we're in deep doo-doo this This is no good. You gave the psychic the clearest out imaginable where you're like, are you sure?

Because I wonder if maybe there's another person it could be. And the psychic's like, nope, Amy. Nope, it's the one. It's the crush. It's her. You gotta just follow up. You gotta follow up every email. You can BCC me if you want, but it's definitely her. Norway? Not that far. Come on. Make it happen. follow up you gotta follow up every email you can bcc me if you want but it's definitely her

norway not that far come on make it happen god what kind of email was it what email did they send hey we have to be soulmates now yeah like i was giving her a hard time like this person who's your soulmate i was giving her a hard time and this was your pitch this was your you already have a really tough cell which is i visited a psychic and the psychic said we should be together if you're then also giving them a hard time if you're like like you gotta come out with that information in the most normal way possible that is not an easy task. Hey! Listen up! I got some news from my psychic! It's Gilbert Godfrey. You have 24 hours! Yeah, it's Gilbert Godfrey. Gilbert Godfrey wrote this. You have 24 hours responding.

Whoa, Carlos, it's been a while since I've heard from you. This email finds me a bit distressed. Is there anything going on in your personal life? Is there any way I can call to maybe help you out? 24 hours to what? Signed, Jessica. Okay, new email. 24 hours, anything wrong in my life.

Oh, I'm going to start typing. Type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type. Dear Jessica, there is nothing wrong in my life. You have 23 hours and 15 minutes to release your husband and come live with me in Texas. So are you with me or are you against me? Because I have me and my psychic on your, on my team and you have you and your husband on your team and we're, we're going to fight each other. So let me know or I'm coming to Norway. Or else. Signed, this guy. Send.

Well, time to brew myself a cup of tea. I think that went well. Hey, honey. Hey, Bradley. Can you come check this email with me really quick? I got a message from someone I went to high school with, and it's kind of freaking me out. Yeah, just one minute. I am putting the babies to bed.

No, we don't have much time. He said we have 23 hours and 15 minutes till we fight? Oh, no. Let me come over right away. What is up, baby? Well, this guy I went to high school with He said that he and his sidekick have a team And we're on a team

And we're gonna fight each other Unless I release you and live with him in Texas Hmm He said it could be a scammer No, I know this guy He was always a little strange But this is starting to make me worried. For you, for me, for the girls. You don't think he would hurt the girls?

No, but he might hurt you. I think so. He said we would fight. He actually wasn't specific about who he was going to fight or how or where. Ding! You've got mail. Hello, dearest Jessica. I realize I was rather unspecific in some of my claims about the fight.

I mean that I would like to challenge your husband to an arm wrestling match. Best two out of three. Or if I lose the first one, best four out of five. But if he wins the second one, it's best seven out of ten, and he gets an extra point. I haven't exactly figured out most of the point system,

but that will be figured out in a later email. Anyway, I'll meet you in the exact middle of Norway and Texas tomorrow. By the way, you now have 23 hours and 12 minutes to go. Send. Time for another cup of tea. Jesse, baby, I don't think we need to be worried about this. I think he is a little bit unwell. We can just, you and me, be here safe in Oslo with the girls.

You know, it would make me feel safer if maybe you responded to him. Yes. Because if I respond to him, I feel like he's going to be like, oh, now we're in communication. Now we're going to continue to talk. Okay. Should I respond from your email or make my own? No, no, no, no, no.

You should send from your email. Okay. Will you go check on the girls? I am worried that they are up too late. You always give them a little bit of chocolate before bed. This is what happens. What can I say? They're my baby.

All right. That is opening up an email. Dear... I don't know. Baby, what was his name? Will. Dear Will. But it's W-H-I-L-L. Quill. Dear Will.

Enter. I will fucking kill you. But signed, your friend and mine, comma, enter Robert. There we go. You've got mail.

Ding. Well, time to put down my cup of tea and open up my email. www.gmail.com oh okay here we go and it's from he's got a Norwegian name I can't quite read it open I will fucking kill you

oh my god he did I've never seen anyone do that before that's really funny you know what he got me touche respond dear norwegian man thank you so much for your pun it changed my outlook on life and i think i'm gonna be different now. It's so nice to have a pen pal internationally, especially one that will change your perspective on things. Ha ha.

I guess we could all use that from time to time. Ha ha. See you around in Oslo. This is dot dot dot dot dot. I was thinking of what to say next, but I didn't have anything. Sincerely yours, Will. Winky face,

send. Oh, look at this. A new email. Let me... Opening it up and seeing it is from... Oh, Will again. Is everything okay in there? Yes, baby. I am just on the computer. Okay. I want Norwegian bed chocolate, daddy, please. No, you have already had your piece, my naughty one. You go to bed now.

Elsa, get back into bed. You and Anna need your beauty sleep. But me and Anna cannot sleep until we have our Norwegian chocolate, our famous Oslo chocolate. You've already had some, darlings. Now get your booties back into bed. Jessica, let us give them one more piece. They are such good girls. They are such good girls, but they're going to be up all night. As long as our dog, Olaf, does not eat any of the chocolate, we'll be all right.

Okay. We won't be up all night, Papa. We will be eating the chocolate and going right to bed, because we are good girls. You are promised. You expect me to believe that? Maybe. Oh, I nearly forgot about

this email I have to respond to. They speak in unison. Let me see. Let me see. Let me see. Okay, one square each. And then off to bed with you. I mean it, ladies. Thank you, mother. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

And thank you for adopting us from Germany. Of course. You are our special frau, frau, and we love you. Alrighty. Time to writing this email back to my new friend, Will. Are you in correspondence with him now? Now you've got me confused, baby, because you had said you wanted me to message him.

Well, I meant, like, shut it down. Like, I didn't want this to be, like... The computer off? Okay. Nope, that's not what I mean. I meant I didn't want this to be a bad... I wanted you to make it clear that I'm your woman. I told him I would

fucking kill him. Okay. And he seemed to interpret it as a changing of heart for him, so he's in a much better place, and I think I'm going to invite him. Nope, I think that is the opposite of what you should do. Let me handle this, okay?

You said you trust me. I do, but I'm worried that if he comes he's never going to leave. Dear Will, it is really a pleasure to hear from you again. I'm sorry I had to threaten your life, but it was what I felt was necessary

for my woman, who is mine, and mine alone. Parenthesis. She made me put that part in. Ending parenthesis. Alright. If you would like to come visit Oslo, you have always a room

here in our apartment. Spare bedroom. You can come if you want. We have a dog. His name is Olaf. A little bit more about me. I love football and also bedtime chocolate. You have any interests? Okay.

Good night. Sending. Oh, an email. Okay, I'm reading, reading, reading, reading, reading. Oh, wow. Respond. Time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time. So good to hear from you again. Oh, wow! Respond. So good to hear from you again.

I was going to be wary about coming to Oslo to stay with you because I did not want anything to be weird with your wife. But then you mentioned you have a dog named Olaf, and I really want to see that. So, I am headed to the airport now, but first, a little about me. I'm five foot six, I have a couple of bees in my room that won't leave, and I am addicted to buying baseball cards. Here's a picture of me with a rare Babe Ruth baseball card from 1918. I'm a little cropped out of the photo because I took it as a selfie with a Polaroid camera.

Forgive my bad picture. Good night, and I am boarding soon. I will see you soon. Oh, wow, baby, look, an email. Come quick. Oh, my God, he's crumming more. Why would you do this? You are putting the lives of me and Anna and Elsa and Olaf in grave danger.

I swear to god, I should not have asked you to write that fucking email. Jessica, baby, I think you are making a molehill out of an antel. There is not going to be any problem with him coming and visiting. He's going to do something problem with him coming and visiting. He's gonna do something bad. I can feel it. He might hurt you or try and take me and the girls. I don't know, but it doesn't feel right. The worst thing my friend Will has ever done is spend too much money on eBay for his baseball card collection.

Okay. Dear Will, it is great to hear from you again. Really nice picture. I love the card. There is not really going to be any problem with you staying here. Jessica is very cool about it. And Oslo is a beautiful city. We can check out the Heinrich Ibsen Museum.

He was a playwright. I like very much. Alrighty then. I am on my way to the airport shortly to picking your short king butt up. Speak soon.

Kiss. Oh, an email! Wow. What a lovely surprise to get while I'm in the Uber to the airport. Thank you for responding to me. I a lovely surprise to get while I'm in the Uber to the airport. Thank you for responding to me. I am very excited to see you. And really quickly, can you put your wife on the email, please? Send. Oh, baby, our friend Will would like to talk.

Oh my god, I knew this was gonna happen. I wanted to be left out of this. Alright, I'm handing the keyboard over to you. Oh, my God. Okay. No, no. I can't. I can't talk to him right now. Don't play.

Oh, my God. No, I have the keyboard. I have to now. This is like so much pressure. Okay. Girls. Hello, Will. I hear that you are on your way to Oslo.

What a crazy move. Out of the interest of the safety of my family, I kindly ask that you get a refund on your ticket. If you are not able to do so, too bad because I didn't ask you to come out here and so that one's going to be on you. I apologize in advance, but I ask you to kindly not have any further communication with my husband. I know this will come as a big heartache to you both, as you have made a very fast friendship over a very short amount of time.

Jessica. Good luck with the bees, and see you never, hopefully. Jessica. Jessica, baby, I've just talked to the girls. They told me they cannot wait to see their uncle Will. That's too... The girls should be asleep. No, I gave them more chocolate and told them about...

We're not asleep. We had some chocolate and we are buzzing around. I knew we were freaking out. Tell Mommy how excited you are for seeing your Uncle Will. Uncle Will! Uncle Will, yes! They love him. It is like Disneyland for them.

They don't even know him. You don't even know him. He is crazy. He is crazy. And in the email, when he said he has bees that won't leave, he doesn't let them leave. The bees are trying to get out of the window, and he closes them. He's a sadistic fuck. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Crazy funny, maybe. I love my friend Will.

Bing! Flight Austin, Texas, direct to Oslo is now boarding. Okay, that's me. I better get up from this chair. Oh, what's that? An email!

Life is full of many treasures. What does it say? Oh. No. Bummer. Okay. Respond. Hello!

I didn't know you felt that way. The last thing I would ever want to do is make you feel unsafe. I am leaving the airport now. I am stopping to get an Auntie Anne's. But I won't stay there for very long. So you don't have to worry about me accidentally getting on the plane. I will just get the pretzel, wait in line for it for a little bit,

and then I will call an Uber. I respect your family very much, and I wish you all the best. Please enjoy this attached PDF, which is a scan of me holding a baseball card of Clayton Kershaw of the Los Angeles Dodgers. It's not that

rare yet, but hold on to this PDF, because it might be worth something someday. Many wishes, Will. Oh, no. I'm going to bed. I'm going to bed I'm going to bed Okay

Don't even think about giving me any Norwegian chocolate I need to sleep Just a square No Okay I need to rest You've done enough this evening You and the girls

Olaf, come on boy Let's go to bed Cuts the next morning Hey, morning Angel Morning Olaf, come on, boy. Let's go to bed. Cut to the next morning. Hey, morning, Angel. Morning. Me and the girls thought it would be nice to bring you breakfast in bed. We made you pancakes and Norwegian pancakes.

They're regular, but they're filled with mackerel. I appreciate the pancakes from home, the American pancakes and the Norwegian pancakes. It's very thoughtful. I guess I can't stay mad at you guys for long. And we also made you this waffle. Do you see the message on the waffle that we burned into it? It says, sorry, we invited your stalker over to our country. Girls. Girls.

But Jessica, there is more than a double meaning to you giving an American pancake because me and the girls have been talking all night and family meeting it was decided including Olaf was in charge and he said

he took some minutes he said that all of us are going on a trip to America to see uncle will in all in austin texas no hook him no i thought we were i thought we hook hook him like from austin no i know i know what that is right so then what what's the point of the pancakes the breakfast in bed this means nothing to. We're trying to show you. If you guys are going to go, then I'm not coming with you. And don't expect me to be here when you get back.

Where will you go? I'll find a place. A place not in Oslo, maybe. You would abandon your children? No, I'm going to take the girls with me. No, they are coming to America. Right, girls? How about one of us goes to America and the other stays in Norway?

Then, a few years later, we'll forget that we each exist. Then, we'll have to trick you guys into getting back together by secretly switching places. I think that one should go to America because her accent is already like, it's like she's never lived not in America. Yeah, mine went away. Mine went away hard. And so I want to be the one

to go to America, please. That one should be the one to go to America. Okay, I like this plan. I'm staying here. What about Olaf? Well, Olaf's gonna stay here because you're not going to bring a dog to America and then bring it all the way back. Oh. No.

I wanted to hook him. Yes. Don't you hear? He wanted to hook him. Oh, come on, Olaf. You're coming to America. We're going to go there and go to South by. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na Olaf and

the Norwegian guy of America and also my American daughter. Should we do our final segment? That was so holy. Wait, that That was so holy.

Wait, that one was really holy. That one was really spiritual. Because it's Texas and Texas is religious, so it ties in. So it works. Hook them. Should we do our last segment? Let's do it. This took me all We want

Oh my god I just want to really quickly I know I just initiated the last segment But the fucking will the fact that he Narrates every single Fucking thing that he does Better be careful Gotta make it clear to the listeners

Getting off of my chair Standing up now. Putting one foot in front of the other. I want to live my life that way. That was honestly really fun. I'm like, I'm just alone in the house. I should just do this. I think you might get kidney stones.

Too many cups of tea. A lot of cups of tea. Endless stream of caffeine Just kind of Oh my god After the other Kylie What has been

Shaking your ass For better For worse For richer For poorer We're getting married What has been Shaking you

All week long Oh my god Um Okay Okay Okay let me think Okay Okay Oh. Let me think. Okay. Okay.

Oh, this shook me. Um, I was at a bar the other night and someone had in their pizzazz possession. In their pizzazz. In their pizzazz. Right in their pizzazz. They had an iPod Nano. And I like held it in my hands and i and i pushed the little spinny thing with it used to be the touch screen and it was like it was so small it was so

delicate and it literally felt futuristic i know it is from the past but like that is such a sleek design that you can't really um like you can't argue with it. It looks like it's from the future. That is what color was it? It was orange. That is so rad. And it like shook me and like I don't know if it was a positive or a negative way, but I was just like in awe. Like everyone was passing it around the bar like you have an iPod Nano.

That is wild. The fact that like we, in the year 2023, that fact that people are passing around an iPod Nano, like the beginning of like Space Odyssey, like a bunch of- Like in the same amount of awe as it was when it first came out. I was going to say that, I remember the first time I ever saw an iPod Nano at an indoor soccer tournament. And like a kid had one.

You're very cool. Yeah, it was an indoor soccer tournament and like a kid had one very cool yeah it was an indoor soccer tournament yeah and uh it was in a church gym or something um and uh yeah and it was like someone's mom's and they like let him hold it or whatever and he was like guys look at this fucking it's like it's like metal and shit and it like plays michael jackson's thriller it's crazy and the shuffles and they were so small yes they were so tiny wow wow the shuffles really were it's like hey i'd crush a shuffle today i'd be guessing every single song that would just be sitting holding the tiniest i thought yes sip yes yes yes yes yes again um alf do you have i actually have one i know you do so you go first so i can scramble um by watching me it's not gonna be what you think it is alf thinks it's the fact that i went

to see dicks the musical which was fantastic I have such a deep parasocial relationship to Nathan Lane that it was very thrilling to see him. It was great. It was fantastic. It's fantastic. That's not my way to trick me, but if you can, go see. It's fucking awesome. Go see Dix the Musical. It's fantastic.

What's been shaking me is the senior class of the University of Michigan, the musical theater 2024 class, has come out with the annual senior entrance video. I just found out about these. I was watching them. It is astounding. I watch it every single year. I'm a little musical theater girly pop. And this year's, I think, is my favorite. It is so good.

So friend of the pod and of life, Elizabeth Blunty. After we saw Dix, she came over and I'm like, E, have you seen the latest You Mish video? It came out like three days ago. And she's like, we have to watch. I'm like, we don't have to watch the whole thing. It's only 30 minutes. It flew by.

We, of course, watched it. And then we proceeded to watch every other one. We've seen all of them now. The one that was the most harrowing is the class of 21 because they had to film theirs because zoom and so that was tough it's like to to do something that it's like when you're a freshman like watching that of course your thought is gonna be like i can't fucking wait to do that and then to have it be over like to film it, it's tough. It's so sad. I think I watched one that was like from 22 or 23 maybe. And it was like a lot of like, well, we started this on Zoom, but we kept persevering.

And it, like they were at least in person, but it was like, oh, oh no. It's sad for that one class that had to film it. I mean, they made the best of it. But I guess what shook me, what's been shaking me is like, one, it's fantastic. And for those of you who aren't a fucking nerd, basically what this is, it's like... Nerds, in other words.

What this is, it's the senior class of the University of Michigan Musical Theatre, which is arguably the best musical theatre program in the country. The Berkeley kids are pulling out their character shoes to beat you over the head as we speak. They do a a 30, 20 to 30 minute musical medley as like a welcome to the incoming class.

And so there's like 24 students. And so it's like, they'll do all these Broadway songs, but they've rewritten them. So it's like, you know, it'll be Dear Evan Hansen, but they change the lyrics to like,

welcome to you, Mish or something like that. And so, but in watching them back to back to back to back, there is a formula. There's always like the welcome song, like you're here, you're a Wolverine, get it, bitch. And then there's a song and it could be in any order, but then it's like, there's a song about getting the call. There's a song about getting admissions. There's a song about like, I made that decision. I can't believe I got in. It's a dream. And there's a song thanking the faculty. We now,

Elizabeth and I now know all of the faculty of a school that we've never been to. We know the head of like the Shakespeare, the Shakespearean chair. Like, I mean, it's, it's a lot. Then there's like, there's of course a song about game day, you mish game day and tailgating and partying. It's like, we're theater kids and we fucking party and then there's a song about like but sometimes you miss home and you miss your mommy and your daddy and but you have a new home here with your fellow wolverines and i think my favorite part i mean i've done musical theater my whole life so it's like i could speak to this of like the best part about i think some of my favorite musical theater choreography is the very performative like grabbing each other or like touching each other or kind of like going in for

a hug you know what I mean of like it's like a little leap before you grab hands yes and it's like we're buddies we're pals and like kind of with a little like punch in the arm a little bit and then like the final song would be like but you you're home, you're at you, Mish.

Like we're with our family. So that's what's been jayging me. Guys, you have to go watch it. The seniors are fucking A-lister rock stars to these freshmen. It's astounding. If I were a freshman, I would shit my pants. I would. A hundred percent.

Like I always wanted to do musical theater, but never, like, pursued. Like, I was always just in straight, regular theater, and I never pursued it. But I was always in the wings going, like, wow. So that would make me lose my mind. It's, it's a bit, I mean, yeah, Alf and I, we went to school.

We did not go to musical theater school. But it's, like like watching, watching those. What a rush. And it's also, they're going full out. Like they're going at an 11 the entire time. Elizabeth and I are watching. We were breathless. We're like the adrenaline that we can feel through the screen.

They are step touching. Like they have a gun to the back of their head. Well, they know this is like being streamed in like 8k like super fucking high quality hundreds and thousands of views hundreds and thousands of views everybody yeah yes it's nuts so it was a long one but it has been shaking me because i look forward to that shit every year it's interesting riley when i was a freshman in college and you were a senior um it uh okay i was waiting for you to call me out on the age gap being wrong there, but you didn't. It is wrong.

You were a sophomore when I was a senior. Yeah. But still, I remember seeing you in shows and being like, wow, that's fucking crazy. She's like up there on stage. Like, look at her fucking go. She's doing it. She's in Carol she's in carol churchill's mad forest she's in parade at boston university she's killing it wait and then i met you and i was like barf uh

no but if you also for any if anyone is still listening and is like i want more of that the jimmy awards too oh the jimmy awards which are the high school musical theater awards that get and is like, I want more of that. The Jimmy Awards too. The Jimmy Awards, which are the high school musical theater awards that get filmed with like way too high of a budget for some reason. I could watch the medleys that they do every minute of every day. I might slurp that up later.

That sounds like some good content. Dude, it's fucking good. They're all in costume. They're all in their costumes from their shows. And it's like they have these medleys of like you get maybe like 30 seconds worth of a cut of your song and then they like, then it's like you throw

it's like you could have like Belle singing Home from Beauty and the Beast and then she throws it over to Mary Poppins who throws it over to Little Women. Keep it going for Mary Poppins! Yes. But that's the thing it's like also you can always, it like says you know the name and like what high school they're from and you can always tell like it'll be like someone from a performing arts high school you know what i mean in new york or la who's doing some like they're doing come from away or something you know they're

doing some like very contemporary weird musical for a high school to do. And then it's juxtaposed with like Cincinnati's own beast. And it's just like, now this I'm here for give me more drowsy chaperone. It's such, it's a uniting force. And I love the Jimmy awards. What has been shaking your ass? I guess besides the Jimmy awards,

you know, I just want to like take it back to where we started. And I'm so aware, and I've been aware this whole time, of the banana thing. And I do want to say, and you don't have to believe me, I'm a good cook. I am genuinely, I want to say the word talented in the kitchen. Microwave banana chef says he's a good cook. I worked in food service for many years. I know my way around a kitchen. That being said, when I cook for myself, it does take on a certain derange.

It is raw oats and hot banana. It is raw oats and hot frozen banana. But I made something, speaking of banana, the other day that was delicious. And it was a pumpkin banana loaf. So it was like a combo of banana bread and pumpkin bread. I can imagine what that is. Yeah, right.

Pumpkin banana loaf. And it was so moist and delicious. And just like, it was a great cake. And I guess I just want to put that image in your mind, both of you and the listeners at home, to maybe sort of redeem myself and show that like I did take a banana. You can't come back from an icy hot banana. I took a banana out of the freezer there and I nuked it in the microwave and then I put it in the batter and that was good. So like just skip a step. That's different than just like raw dogging an icy hot banana.

You say it is. Yeah. You say that it is. And yet here we are not knowing in this sort of living in the unknown, the space between. I hate to say it, but I see hot banana t-shirts. I see hot banana. It's onshirt says... Icy Hot Banana.

It's on the table. Icy Hot Banana. It's the kid from The Sixth Sense and it just says Icy Hot Banana. Icy Hot Banana. That's very good. Icy Hot Banana. There's no banana on the shirt. It's just a photorealistic thing of this face.

I see hot banana. I see hot banana. Oh, my God. Kylie, thank you so much for coming on to this wholly deranged episode. This was such a blast. And if you liked this, listeners. If you want to see more Madame Petri dish. More Madame Petri dish.

I want more Quill. I want more Oslo. I want more, never got her name, but the psychic who's a god. If you want more of that kind of shit, New York Comedy Festival Review Review Live with Kylie Brinkman and Ryan Gall. Sunday, November 5th, 5.30 p.m. Littlefield Theater in Brooklyn. Tickets, just find them online because they will be there.

Kylie, any plugs from you anywhere? Where can people find the comedic stylings of Kylie Brakeman? The comedic stylings of Kylie Brakeman can be found in the following places. TikTok and Instagram at Deadeye Brakeman. Yes, I also have a podcast. It is also improvised. Uh, it's called artists on artists on artists on artists. And we do improvise. It's one of the funniest fucking shows I've ever heard in my life. If you haven't listened to it, you're going to shit yourself when you do. It's amazing. It's so fun. Riley has done it, I believe, in the early days. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And we have a lot of fun.

And yeah, that's basically it. So listen to that. I'm doing some other New York Comedy Fest shows that week. So just follow me and I'll tell you about it. Thank you guys for having me. I love this podcast. Oh, we love having you on. You can find the comedic stylings of Alfred Barnwell Evans on Instagram at AlfredInIt.

You can find the show on Instagram at ReviewReview, Reddit at r slash ReviewReview, the HeadGum Discord at ReviewReview. And Jeff and I have a Patreon, patreon.com slash Riley and Jeff. And you can find Riley on Instagram.com, just the web browser, not the phone app, at Riley and Spa, and on Twitter.com, now known as XXX.com for as long as it lasts,

at RileyCoyote. And as we say every... Oh, wait, really quick. Sorry, I forgot about a plug. Oh, no. Oh, no. On this coming Friday, October 20th, is HeadGum D&D live.

We're streaming. Caldwell Tanner is DMing. You got like, I'm there with Gabrus, Jake Hurwitz, Zach William. We got a great, great group.

I mean, there's so many funny comedians. It is the HeadGum Monster Massacre MASH D&D live stream events. If you go on HeadGum, more info there. It's going to be a blast and as we say every single week on the

show as our sign off here it comes that faded fucking phrase we always say it and Kylie knows it too because we all say it everyone says it every week all the time and it goes a little something. Like.

Bed. Bed. Bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime. Bedtime.

As we always say every week bedtime goodbye bye bye bye that was a Hiddem Original