Review Revue - Video Rental Stores (w/ Cecily Breaux and Alden Derck!)

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

Cecily Breaux and Alden Derck (hosts of the So Yesterday podcast) join Reilly and Geoff to read reviews about video rental stores and discuss glory holes, annoying co-workers, and sexy mailme...n!Click here to listen to So Yesterday!Follow Cecily, Alden, Reilly, & Geoff:IG: @cecilybreaux, @aderck, @reillyanspaugh, & @iamgeoffreyjamesTwitter: @CecilyBreaux, @aldenderck, @reilecoyote, & @dontplaynojamesOn Sep 9 we're streaming Quiplash 2 on the Headgum YouTube in honor of our newest podcast, Lackluster Video. Join us!Advertise on Review Revue via Gumball.fm!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Original. Get that Angel Reef Special at McDonald's now. Let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and a drink. Sound good? At participating restaurants for a limited time. I just want to know how you feel. I want a love that's so proud and real.
Starting point is 00:00:32 You make me want to go out and steal. I just want to rescue. Holden, did you just harmonize? We both did. Yeah. Of course I'm not going to not harmonize. I've heard the song before. I hit the note that Alden hit.
Starting point is 00:00:52 I hit the note that Alden hit. I don't know, but I can only assume it wasn't the same note. Jeff, there are some voices here that are neither yours nor mine. It is an absolute party. I don't know. I don't want to act like I'm really excited for this. This is a absolute party. I mean, I don't know. I don't want to act like I'm really excited for this. This is a chore. Don't act. You just are. You don't have to act it if you are.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I don't know what's fun and what's not fun. Parties, I don't understand them. Sometimes everybody's having a great time. Sometimes people are bummed out. What don't you understand about a party? What's the barometer of fun? I don't understand why some people laugh sometimes and some people giggle other times.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Like what's that different? You're a sociopath. I know dude. Please welcome to review, review, just absolute laughter treats on a stick with a side of sauce. What's that? Cecily Bro and Alden Dirk.
Starting point is 00:01:43 Laughter treats on a stick with a side of sauce. Absolutely. Hello. and Alden Dirk. With a side of sauce. Hello. No, don't come in yet. Cannot be your introduction. Alden Dirk, Cecily Bro. Alden, you're a writer on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend or formerly. Is the show over?
Starting point is 00:02:00 Yes, the show has been over for a calendar year. Is it even over yet? Is it on? Leslie Breaux, wonderful actor and host of Thank You 5, live at the El Cid. So if you live in Los Angeles, when's the next one? Is the next one in December? Oh, the next one is whenever it's safe again.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Jeff has a laundry list of post-vaccine activities that he would like to do. So oftentimes Jeff will just text me like, what if we did this will just text me like, what if we did this? Immediately followed by like, God, I can't wait for a vaccine. That waxy vaccine.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Alden, which one are you going to take? Moderna or BioNTech? What are you talking, Pfizer? There was a part of me when they were like, we're recruiting volunteers. I was like, look, I'm a young strapping lad. I would feel really safe having the vaccine before others is really what my brain was. And I can help the movement. It was, I don't, I don't want to get sick. Don't cough on me.
Starting point is 00:02:54 I feel like you would be like Billy from Titanic when he's like, I have a child. And he like comes out. I would steal a baby so that I could live. Absolutely. I see that for you. That tracks. I'm the guy that shoots myself in the leg after the draft starts like no no it happened on accident these this is already a podcast veteran dynamic i love this shit uh you guys host an insanely funny podcast called so yesterday it's a nostalgia podcast plug it now man wow whoa and that's it that's all you need to know that's it um yeah
Starting point is 00:03:30 so yes nothing no no nothing uh no uh so yesterday everybody finds it it's uh it's great we just passed our three-year milestone we've been doing it for three years now congratulations y'all. Thanks. We essentially watch stuff from our childhoods and the childhoods of our guests and talk about stuff that we remember and if things hold up. And if you want to check out the podcast,
Starting point is 00:03:56 we're on all the regular sites. So yesterdaypodcast.com, we have a merch store through Threadless that has some nostalgia-themed items. If you need a new phone case, tote bag, or a bath mat, I designed one for you. Oh, I need it. That's soyesterday.threadless.com.
Starting point is 00:04:16 Dot com. And don't miss the dot com is the thing, you guys. That's what gets you to the site. Right. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, on on the podcast we just got married um i made that happen i did hear that and congratulations cecily cecily said i'll take the three-year
Starting point is 00:04:35 anniversary segment i'll do it i'll take it and that segment was having uh jeff's other better half george saba our producer literally marry us on the podcast um and you know what yeah you guys are asking we haven't stopped kissing yeah i was gonna ask immediately about the consummation of the marriage we've just been kissing i listened to every goddamn episode of c yesterday i was just on a walk walking my mom's dog i'm listening to the gossip girl episode and just cackling. God, it's so funny. But Daniel and I, we just got back from a road trip, and we were listening to the three-year anniversary one as we were driving.
Starting point is 00:05:21 And to hear the wedding happen, we were both screeching. We were just like, this is the most unhinged podcast experience. And it was just, I am, I couldn't be happier for you too. And, um, you know,
Starting point is 00:05:33 George was such a treat as well, man, George, for those of you who know George from his head gum work. Um, yeah, it was, it was just a delight.
Starting point is 00:05:41 It was really powerful. And, um, thank you for listening to just like real love on the air you know he just read the vows there was no no twist to it it was just a wedding he skipped some parts and he just no game he's like we don't do this oh that's good i know the people are and still people are asking i hear you and it's still happening so yeah what is a day in the life of the honeymoon look like like what's the do you have a schedule is it more free form sure yeah i wake up i watch alden until he wakes up and jesus
Starting point is 00:06:15 it's not a no brainer you said it like of course sure absolutely and then alden gets us breakfast and we go on a walk and then we kiss and then i don't know the day just flies by because the morning is so specifically planned out and how you skip from what noon to like midnight the day just passes really i guess you guys have never been in love i guess you don't know what that's like uh when time just flies the days are gone suddenly appear every time you end the day is gone the song's over the last time i talked to you guys cecily you had gotten stung by a bee on your ass sure had sure had yeah yeah yeah thank you for remembering what happened to you guys today i hope it's better alden what happened to you did you did you get into trouble you know
Starting point is 00:07:15 me i'm known as a bit of a troublemaker i don't like to follow the rules um i know that you know that recently i've discovered that i can replace my own screens in my windows in my home and so I did that to another window in the house you did that to another window you did that to another window that's great good for you it's um surprisingly cheap surprisingly affordable I learned that the um I had to buy an extra roll of spline if you're wondering what spline is sure am sure am what is it talking about it's the rubber stuff i have okay screens on my windows i live near a freeway dirty broken sure broken and i have told i i love my home and i've spent a lot of time working on my home uh and i've been telling cecily that I have been doing tasks
Starting point is 00:08:06 that maybe are not necessary like taking the numbers off of my door and painting them a slightly darker shade so it's easier for me oh my god that's just what he does for fun that's just his thing he's a math boy we love him and it's therapeutic and I was like this screen is old
Starting point is 00:08:22 can I get a new screen and then I discover that you can re-roll a screen yourself, baby, if you know the right YouTube tutorials. So it's been a pretty big, big day. You finished your drink. It's already gone. Minute in already. And it's gone.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Well, that's really exciting stuff, Alden. I'm glad that you thought of me the whole time. Today my car started smoking, so I took it to the car shop. Smoking? Yeah, just from underneath. I don't know. I don't know how cars work. It just started smoking, and I thought we got to take care of it.
Starting point is 00:08:56 But first, we got to buy some margarita popsicles. So I did that, and then I took it to the car place. And yeah, I had to walk home with the popsicles, and it's fine. But you didn't drive a smoking car to walk home with the popsicles. And it's fine. Did you drive? But you didn't drive a smoking car to get my popsicles? Actually, it was like my car understood that you need to do this first. You need to get the popsicles. And then as soon as I pulled up into the car.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Yeah, my car was like, we know what we need to do. And then as soon as I pulled up, the car started smoking. And I was like, can you believe it? I got a problem. And then they were like, turn the car off. Anyway. And I'm like, oh oh shout out pinkies they've got some people there that are worth saying hello to if you know what i mean sorry i'm not cheating you're a married woman i'm a married woman but it doesn't mean i'm not looking it doesn't mean i'm not looking that's exactly what it should be you can be on a diet and still look at the menu
Starting point is 00:09:41 jeff what did you do today? It doesn't fucking matter after these two stories. I edited a podcast. What is it? Who cares? Oh my God. Did you go on a walk even? What'd you think about?
Starting point is 00:09:56 I went on a little bit of a waltz. Yeah. I played basketball alone while listening to- Paramore. Paramore. A bunch of Hayley Williams solo stuff. And I considered getting a tattoo, but eventually came around to the fact that I'm not that guy. Riley?
Starting point is 00:10:12 What tattoo were you thinking of? It was an earth on my ankle. No. Earth? I don't know what's cool and has legs, tattoos-wise. An earth? Not an earth. Not an earth earth not an earth and not the earth and earth it doesn't matter if it's this one or the one in the pleiades anyone i'll take an earth
Starting point is 00:10:36 and what about this mother on top no i don't like who i've become in the last two years hey you're not alone. I thought of getting a rib tattoo so many times during this. Yeah, but you could do a rib tattoo. What would you have gotten? I don't know. I thought about getting an old-timey moon that's, like, winking, being like, isn't life a joke?
Starting point is 00:10:55 Like from the first silent film? Right. And we should say that Cecily put jazz hands up and smiled like she was. But La Lina. Also, I like to imagine that you don't get any text with it, but someone sees you and is like, oh, beautiful tattoo, what does it mean? You're like, oh, isn't life a joke?
Starting point is 00:11:12 Isn't life a joke? And the moon's been laughing at us the whole time, and then everyone's like, Jesus, get her out of line, you know? Yeah, and then I thought about it, and I was like, am I a tattoo girl? I've had this conversation with myself during this time, I understand. But I think you could do it, and I was like, am I a tattoo girl? I've had this conversation with myself during this time. I understand.
Starting point is 00:11:26 But I think you could do it, and I never should. Riley? Tattoos, or what did I do today? Your day and maybe what you think about my tattoo idea. Yeah, so the tattoo idea was really dumb. But today, let's just say I did a little thing called um finish the first season of selling sunset in a day same girl i started watching it last night while while starting a new paint by numbers so yeah i've been pretty booked um that's a gorgeous day really huge and i must ask briefly what are your thoughts on christine okay listen
Starting point is 00:12:07 it's christine is a lot divina is the one who i simply divina must be locked up she she was never introduced properly was never no she was not no she was not um it's a mess um i was so i was of course doing my little paint by numbers and like watching looking up and like um and daniel was doing work on the other end of the dining room table and so i just caught him at some points during the season finale i just kind of been like walking around watching and And Elizabeth's like, are you sucked in? He's like, no. Even a little bit. No, but like, did they sell the $40 million house?
Starting point is 00:12:51 What did they? Did they sell Hillside? What about that pool? What about Christine? It's like, you know, high school guy who keeps on asking her out for drinks. Yeah, and then, God, what's Mary's fiance's name again? Romaine. Romaine.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Romaine. Shout out Romaine. This is a Romaine podcast. Better than her ex-husband, Iceberg. I also love that, what's her name? She's like, he pays for dinner. I'm like, does he? I know, she's like, he absolutely pays.
Starting point is 00:13:22 I'm like, he's 25 years old. He's 25, you said? He's an unemployed baker from Paris. What do you think he's with what? He's a Beauty and the Beast caricature man. Unless it's the money he's getting from appearing on this television series, there is no money to speak of. God, he's so sweet.
Starting point is 00:13:37 Taye Diggs was on this fucking show. Taye fucking Diggs! And he's like, he's also wrong about what he says about the house. He's like, no, I like it. It's like New York vibes, but an L.A. feel. It's absolutely not. It's the same thing, and it's only an L.A. feel.
Starting point is 00:13:52 It'll be good for my kid. It'll be good for my kid with Idina Menzel. He also don't mention. He puts custody with his ex. I'm like, don't be shy. It's Idina Menzel. It's Idina Menzel. Also, they met at a club in LA in 2005 or whatever.
Starting point is 00:14:06 They absolutely fucked. 150%. 100%. Absolutely, they did. I'm glad we're all watching. Yeah, this is an important show. This brings us to the point of Selling Sunset being on Netflix, which used to be a video rental service,
Starting point is 00:14:21 which was an upgrade of video rental stores. Wow. Impressive segue. I never get it that good. Riley can attest that I'm a fucking bad host. It's usually we'll go like, ha ha. Yeah, anyway. So we're talking about airport lounges.
Starting point is 00:14:37 What are your guys' experiences with video and DVD rental stores? Oh boy. I remember mostly video rentals before sleepovers. I was a homosexual child. Sure. And most of my friends were straight boys. And so their sleepovers would involve, like,
Starting point is 00:15:00 renting, like, a Euro trip or an American Pie. I, to this day, seen i think every american pie movie because i got through so many and then like last year i was like i there's only two i haven't seen you don't have to finish everything no um and i will be watching the female reboot that is coming out this year so um she put a pie inside of herself i don't question for the people i'm gonna go ahead and guess no okay i'm not a female so you don't know that feels like a no in my brain from what sure yeah but you didn't say the whole pie yeah i'll tell you you can't say that does she put a pie inside of herself? What?
Starting point is 00:15:47 We're talking about the female American pie, the thing we've been wanting so much, so bad, to watch a woman insert a pie in herself. We got Ghostbusters. We got Ocean's Eleven. And thank you, we have American pie. This is what we're fighting for. Finally. And now you. We have American Pie. This is what we're fighting for. Finally.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Finally. And now we're equal. So VHS rentals before sleepovers. That's beautiful. And I remember that, here's the thing. In all those American Pie and Euro trip movies, there's like a lot of gay stuff. And it's the butt of the joke, but there's like, you know,
Starting point is 00:16:21 it'll be like, oh, I had to kiss a man. And like, that's gross. And that's the joke. But I'd be like, i had to kiss a man and like that's gross and that's the joke but i'd be like i still got mine two men kissed so i'm still forming my identity as a teen you can't take that from me thank you thank you i would just get all the paranormal activity movies with my friends we'd walk from my house down a creepy pathway, and we'd walk all the way, get a Baskin Robbins for the road. And get all the... Get all Baskin Robbins. And Earth.
Starting point is 00:16:54 I used to love our little beloved Blockbuster back in the day. That was, we used to hang out there a lot. We would just be in there for what felt like hours because we just had the time, you know? We're just, like, in a little suburban bubble in hours because we just had the time, you know, we're just like in a little suburban bubble in Texas. All we had to do was walk there and be there. And I saw, I think the cover of Twister like 10 million times, like that cover will always be in my brain forever. And I'd be like, I don't know if I can watch it. I'm too scared.
Starting point is 00:17:21 I always had that with the, um, I know what you did last summer cover. I'm too scared. I always had that with the I Know What You Did Last Summer cover. I can see her face so vividly. So clear. And one that was called 13 Ghosts that I was like, what's this about? But I was too scared. So you did the thing where you would look at the covers of horror movies that you were too scared to watch and then kind of be like,
Starting point is 00:17:39 ah. I still do that. I was like, too scary. No, no, no, no. But I did get The Shining from that blockbuster, and it did rock my whole world. So mostly, like, scary movies would go there and have fun and just, like, make an evening of it. That was the night, you know? We'd just walk there and walk back.
Starting point is 00:17:55 But again, not watching the scary movies. No, but you still got – I love that it's like you went there to get scary movies, but you only had a certain threshold of how scary they could be. And I was like, actually, this is terrifying, so I cannot. But yeah, I mean, loved our little blockbuster. But paranormal activity too, please.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Please. I saw that in theaters, no brag. Train track braces, for sure. Please. Wow, yeah, braces were definitely on during this time. Definitely. Big tails past that certain age Definitely Sure, wearing a skort Wearing an Aeropostale polo
Starting point is 00:18:30 Being like, could I rent this one With my mom's money, thank you The shortest of bangs Short, short bangs And a round face Oh, Christ Riley, what about you? I remember that my stepbrothers and I, my two stepbrothers and I,
Starting point is 00:18:48 would each be allowed to get one film, and we would have that for the week. So I'd be like, okay, we each get a choice. We also got to get a snack each from the little food section they had. Bunch of crunch. Well, so there would be the bunch crunch, there'd be the Raisinets. Oh, yeah. Anything chocolate based.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Raisinets are great. I love a Raisinet. Yes! I love a Raisinet. God damn. Why? Why? Can I ask why?
Starting point is 00:19:18 We're split down the middle, by the way. I think it's just, it's a texture thing that hits it right sure it's just absolutely correct and when you mix it with some popcorn well it's just chocolate right i'm with you i'm with you 100 raisin that's the best i always get a raisin that's when i get a popcorn sometimes with the raisin that's in with the popcorn that's delicious that's absolutely it um i remember that blockbuster had uh this popcorn it was like you would get the popcorn kind of like container container yes and it had like the seal over the bottom and you just put the whole container in the microwave sure and the popcorn would come up from there and we all lost our minds that we're looking back i'm like we were poisoned like yeah sure which is probably why i like the taste of raisinets now because of the
Starting point is 00:20:13 amount of sealed plastic popcorn shit i ate um look we're all getting our periods early because we ate a popcorn at an age sure you know i know i know i've been there mefri i used to absolutely toggle joysticks i wasn't okay and so who wants to start with the review i'm throwing up in my own mouth don't ever say toggle joysticks i'm serious alden I used to like really game. And let me explain why. I went to school in Shaker Heights, Ohio, right? That is almost. So what? Let me finish.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Waiting for it to get there. Yeah. No, I'm taking the same approach. No, I'll get to the point. I went to school in Shaker Heights. I grew up in Bainbridge, Ohio. That's like an hour away. And all these necessary details so the point being i didn't live near anyone i knew so i had to game otherwise not
Starting point is 00:21:14 enough dopamine would release throughout the week oh dear god i would go to the cd and dvd gift exchange sorry not gift exchange in bainbridge Ohio and I would get uh James Bond themed games I have really incriminated myself on the show thus far James Bond you really were into James Bond GoldenEye on N64 and did I mention Tomorrow Never Dies on the PlayStation Deuce you did now you have you have now you have um no me and my yeah it was um me and my dad love james bond oh so you were playing video games and making little youtube videos about how to make sugar glass i absolutely sugar sugar glass sorry for those of you who don't know jeff James' childhood YouTube account where he posts YouTubing videos,
Starting point is 00:22:07 movie kind of hacks. Jeff used to be a, he competed in yo-yoing tournaments. Fun fact. That is really, really grim, Jeff. Jeffrey, you are radiating joy at the memory of being in a yo-yo competition. Walk the dog, bitch.
Starting point is 00:22:26 You guys have absolutely pushed me further down this dark cave of despair that I've been descending this entire calendar year. Yo-yo the dog. I know that, like, I'm not going to let you guys get to me, but just so you know, that's fucking child's play. Like, walking the dog, Alden could do that. Oh, I realized that you didn't say cecily could do that also by the way sexist yo-yoing thank you i can replace the screen okay i think
Starting point is 00:22:51 you can figure out that's true you do cup stacking at all jeffrey just a question for the people you would think that you would think that i would learn to do the pitch perfect whole deal but no i did not and it was because it wasn't because i didn't try it was because i couldn't do it oh oh no like the kind of quick ones where it's like you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah yeah let's use both the right and the left side of our brains by stacking cups together and telling kids it's cool to do it you know what a fever dream yeah that was a unit in our pe class we're like okay kids stack some cups yeah I loved it I bet you did I bet you absolutely loved it okay no Jeff is who we're
Starting point is 00:23:30 ganging up on not me you loved cup stacking meanwhile I was on those scooters where you sit on oh yeah I actually thought of a memory today as I was playing basketball of a time that our PE teacher bullied me in front of the class. We were playing tennis and I took a strange stance
Starting point is 00:23:50 where I was kind of, and I'll do it for you guys. You'll see my umbros, but I was kind of like this. What? Baseball? Just to be clear, we can't tell what you're doing. Audio medium, Jeff looks like he's batting up. You're batting. He's like a cartoon baseball player. And then he was like, James,
Starting point is 00:24:09 that's not the right stance to take. You want to kind of be like this. And I was like, oh really? Cause I thought I saw this video once. I thought it was like this. And he's like, yeah, that person knows you money. Everyone laughed. Everyone fucking laughed.
Starting point is 00:24:20 And I don't remember his name, but it was Mr. Levinsky. So it's unbelievable. That does sound like a PE teacher's name, but it was Mr. Levinsky. So it's unbelievable. That does sound like a PE teacher's name. It wasn't that. I just couldn't. Oh, that's why it sounded like it. Written word. Oh, the written word.
Starting point is 00:24:36 I mean, honestly, I want to feel bad, but that's like not even the worst case of bullying I've ever experienced. Not even close. Let's hear it. Oh, no. All right. And on that note, we have to take a break. We will be right back with some improvised comedy by Alden Cecily and Riley and Jeffrey after these short messages.
Starting point is 00:25:13 And we're back! Alden, what's your biggest insecurity, man? Jesus. Oh, I don't know. Probably that I have to be seen on this podcast with you. That's right. You can't get to me. My biggest insecurity is that when people ask me what my biggest insecurity is,
Starting point is 00:25:28 I instantly turn into like a drunk bitch from Selling Sunset and be like, insult them, insult their mom, insult everything. That's your protection. Mean. Be a bully all the time. Mean, mean, mean. It's 3D chess on Selling Sunset.
Starting point is 00:25:40 I'm sorry to bring it back to that, but it really is Christine figuring out and creative ways to sow seeds of division. Absolutely, and I don't know how old the woman is. I'm like, are you 28 or are you 107 years old? I bet you she's younger
Starting point is 00:25:56 than you think because she's taller, and I think that makes her seem older. You think that? You think that if you're taller, it makes you look older? Jeff is still in like 6th grade, and that's how he figures out people's age. His growth was stunted during that tennis moment. I can't believe my ear wants to start Alden.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Oh, so I, there is, when I was working on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, there in the pilot where she like steps out of the taxi and she's in front of a porn store that is a real porn store that is like next door to the lot where we filmed and so every day going to work i would have to drive past this adult video rental store and i tried to find it uh and i could not but i stumbled upon something far stranger um there is an adult video rental store in north hollywood called jason's two adult jason's number two jason's no apostrophe so multiple jason's and then the roman numeral two adult jason's the second jason's two jason's squared? No. So the second Jason's? Jason's the second video store.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Okay. I get it. This review is from a Tom P. Cecily, what does the P stand for? Petroski. Okay. Okay. I was on Jeffrey's adding a ski at the end of things and making it a last name
Starting point is 00:27:26 and it works okay this is the review do I feel like a dirtbag visiting this place hell yeah I do but whatever it's a very old school wood panel shady hole next to a liquor store that defines the valley which you either like it or you don't
Starting point is 00:27:40 the reason you come to a place like this is for a couple of reasons A. your internet sucks or B. you don't. The reason you come to a place like this is for a couple of reasons. A, your internet sucks, or B, you don't have internet. Oh, that's tragic. So sad. They sell DVDs, sex toys, and magazines. I think the majority of their traffic is for the viewing booths. I was curious why anyone would go to a store to watch videos, but I think the explanation was there are holes where guys will watch other guys watch porno. Not really an explanation, more nonchalantly shady than anything. I was given the option for ones that have quote unquote steel plating for privacy, which made me think to myself,
Starting point is 00:28:17 this wasn't a place for just buying DVDs. I'm smart like that. And then this is the paragraph that really sent me oh god this far hasn't sent you it already did but this is a small footnote i ain't gay but was just bored so if you're gay and bored this place is for you and the bottom line is i'm not gay but i am bored and i'm so if you got both and then he says, the prices for DVDs were steep, kind of expecting a bigger discount because of the internet. That is a tale of grimness I've never heard. Oh dear God.
Starting point is 00:28:56 You can watch other guys watching porno. The steel plating is also deeply brilliant. What do you mean steel plating like they just put a steel plate over the people and like drilled it in so you can put your dick through it tom said steel plating for privacy oh tom what did what like a panic room like i just don't understand that's probably exactly what it was i bet like they have holes in all the other rooms for like a little peeping action. And then they truly just put a little steel plate over the hole for privacy. Hey, I was supposed to come here. I'm a contractor.
Starting point is 00:29:36 I'm here for the quote. Somebody wanted to do some work on the store. Yeah, I'll show you the back. We're looking to, so our clients here here they love a little bit of um privacy so we were hoping that you had some sort of you know not see-through material that we could sort of install on some of the windows oh i know exactly the thing have you heard of steel plating oh um okay how do i explain this they don't want to see the person in the other booth but we do want the option there still. Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, so. Hey, CJ, CJ. Hello, hello.
Starting point is 00:30:07 This is my associate, PJ. Oh, that's where CJ PJ's contracting comes from. Actually, I never thought about it like that. CJ PJ. Hello, I'm CJ, and I know all about this store because I've been here before, and it's a good time, I'll tell you that. PJ is how we found this job.
Starting point is 00:30:25 I've heard that you guys connected. Yeah, we connected in more ways than one. I don't know if he told you about the steel plates. Yeah, I was just sort of saying, I don't know if that's really gonna work for us. I was more thinking like a small curtain that can be pulled back. No, curtains are fancy.
Starting point is 00:30:44 We want steel plates because it's dangerous. You said this store was for man stuff. Yeah. I did say that, and I'm just going to be frank. I'm a little concerned about my customers being able to actually get their dick through a steel plate to the other room. I have a question. Hello. I met someone here.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Did not get his name. But if you happen to have a contact list with emails, I'm looking for a man with curly hair. PJ would really fucking appreciate it if you could get her the name. She would really appreciate it. I'm ringing the bell on the desk. Uh-huh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Pulling a hood over my eyes. I'm so sorry. Sorry to interrupt. I'd just like to check out a couple DVDs really quick, if you don't mind. Yeah, of course. CJ, PJ, do you mind if I help those customers? No, we'd love to watch. What, is that curly hair?
Starting point is 00:31:31 I'd take the hood off. Sorry, I just might try the new curly girl method. I know it's for girls, but I figure it could work for guys, too. Well, it looks stunning. Oh, my. Could it even be the guy I saw in that one room Watching that one movie that changed my life forever
Starting point is 00:31:47 Wait I know that voice It's not from Colored contacts Oh my god yes those piercing blue eyes Absolutely Oh my god CJ Oh my god I didn't expect to find you here
Starting point is 00:32:03 I'm sorry gentlemen This is Oh my god this is unbelievable't expect to find you here. I'm sorry, gentlemen. This is, oh my God, this is unbelievable. Can you get her the name? I know this is him, but can you get his name and then give it to CJ? Again, people don't really sign into sex stores. They just sort of- You don't have an email list?
Starting point is 00:32:16 I thought this was a DVD rental store. We don't work on sex stores. Now I'm happy to give you the steel plate over a dick hole, but only if it's a VHS store. Okay, his name's Connor. He said his name a minute ago. I'm happy to give you the steel plate over a dick hole, but only if it's a VHS store. Okay. His name's Connor. He said his name a minute ago. Sorry, you're putting steel plates over the dick holes now? No.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Tim, listen. I can't believe you're trying to take away the heart of this place. Taking away the holes is taking away something. And you know what? And this is my business. And I'm telling you right now, me and my brother, we're okay not giving you steel plates because we want love to keep going through
Starting point is 00:32:45 this place i knew i should have gotten something that was higher reviewed on yelp because again i don't want the steel plates and now you're trying to sell them back to me which i actually you said you wanted privacy and then i started showing you the steel place and you're all about the blades i feel like our wires got crossed a long time ago, specifically when CJ walked in. What? Listen, sir, I'm a frequent member of this establishment. I'm a patron. I absolutely love this place.
Starting point is 00:33:14 But you can't go around putting steel plates on the place where our dicks go. How will anyone ever find love in this city again? Connor, you got away with worse. And I like your taste in movies. I'll tell you that. Oh, God. You're making me blush. Here's my AIM profile.
Starting point is 00:33:31 Holy shit. CJ's PJ's 5. Do you share an account? Sure do, brothers. Free, but we thought it was a subscription at first. I'll definitely check in. I got to head out. My wife's at home.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Wife? Listen, I would love to see you guys again. I will definitely check in. I gotta head out. My wife's at home, but listen, I would love to see you guys again. I will keep coming back here. Just please, please, you know, let love live, I guess is all I have to say. Let love live. And Connor, you have the AIM profile. Username, use it. I'll use the
Starting point is 00:34:00 username. All right. Adieu. Well, he was just a delight. Is that usually the clientele i don't think he paid for those dvds look we gotta be out of here in four hours so why don't we gotta go a quote done i was so exhausted i forgot that's all you're here for great go ahead what about a curtain have you thought about a curtain yeah curtain that's a great idea good very good idea you know it's wonderful you brought that up i'd love that okay oh my god have you been to so we have to go to this place right has anyone
Starting point is 00:34:34 ever been has anyone ever been jason's two i forgot about the fucking name jason's two you gotta go to jason's two they're at a bank trying to get a small business loan i got it jason's two oh great is that is that a family name are like are you the second in a lot are you you know is your father jason you know i love this kind of stuff yeah i mean my name is jason's too i don't know i just kind of was born with the name i didn't ask any questions of my parents is that cool cool? So your name, your name is Jason's too. My name is Jason's too. Nice to meet you. The state is going, I'm not going, not feeling great right now being asked these questions. Well, right. I mean, it's, it's natural that you wouldn't feel this date is going well as you are
Starting point is 00:35:20 taking out a small loan for your store. And I thought this small loans meeting was going some type of way, but I guess I misread the signals, you know? Okay, I need the loan first and foremost. I need that. Need it. I understand. I understand. That's why you're here.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Can I get a last name, please? Sure. Two. Sorry. So your name is Jason's and Roman numeral two. Roman numeral two, yeah. Jason yeah jason's too that's my name and do you know a good open diner that's open late after this maybe i don't know i yeah there's there's one there's mary's down the street if if you want to go yeah i'll be there
Starting point is 00:35:59 okay that's 6pm They're open late Did I get the small loan? We just sat down I couldn't tell you Okay well I have a vision The vision is Yes you have not told me a single thing About what you need the loan for
Starting point is 00:36:18 All you've said is your name And that you think we're on a date The vision is A place for people to gather to feel safe. Feel safe and explore what they need to explore. Do you need any more detail? I think that's plenty, right? A place where people feel safe
Starting point is 00:36:34 and is it a science museum? I don't know. It could be. Depends on your definition. Do you like chocolate milkshakes? I'll have one waiting for you after you get off your shift. This is a shift, right?
Starting point is 00:36:45 Jason's, this is not a shift job. I will not be getting a chocolate milkshake with you. I just need you to answer some questions. I know this is rude of me to ask on a small loan date. I mean, but how much do you make here even? You're asking, that's a very, very inappropriate question. I get a yearly salary for working even you're asking that's a very very inappropriate question i get a yearly salary for working here oh that's cool all right i need you to specify further what this safe place where everyone can explore is if you're gonna get the loan i'm gonna need
Starting point is 00:37:17 to have a little bit more information hey and i hear you and what's your name again my name's nancy Nancy. Nancy. Yep. That's my name. Nancy. God, really rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Nancy, this is a place where people can watch. People can see. People can hear.
Starting point is 00:37:38 People can say hey. People can say bye. You know, I guess it's the human experience is what I'm looking to create. I feel like I'm in a game of 21 questions. Is it a movie theater? You could see things. Sure. Yeah, it's a it's a movie theater.
Starting point is 00:37:54 It's a movie theater. Yeah, it's a movie theater and with books and also conversations. So not a movie theater. So it's not a movie theater if there's books. OK, well, I can't help but sell literature. I have a lot of famous novelists that i know i want to get their works produced so it's an indie bookstore mixed with films and conversations i think you are missing it's a meeting place of the mind it's a meeting place of the mind there put that on
Starting point is 00:38:21 write it down write it down and also take my number. You know what? I do need your number for this form. I'm not going to put it on my phone. I'm writing it on the form. I'm just writing it on the form. Listen, the only reason I need to define this ethereal place you're describing is for the form. I need to turn it in to see if you get approved or not.
Starting point is 00:38:38 So I need something simple like movie theater, library, cafe, something simple. Just, you know, first thing that comes to your head, what is this place go? Nance, I've got it. Important. God damn it. It's important? Important, and put that down, and the people will know.
Starting point is 00:38:57 The place is important. Done. Now, God, aren't you hungry? Couldn't you go for a basket of fries, maybe some onion rings? Jason, I can already tell you this loan will not be approved. aren't you hungry couldn't you go for a basket of fries maybe some onion rings jason's i can already tell you this loan will not be approved that's him at the at the diner alone god they always told me fries and a milkshake would be delicious but it really isn't when you're all
Starting point is 00:39:17 alone sorry um you're at the counter you're at the counter hello. We're a little bit confused if you're talking to us or if you're just kind of saying things Soto. No, I was having a little moment by myself, but I'm glad to have a friend to share a thought with. What do you, I have a, I have an idea for you. Hear me out. A place where people meet. We see that the entire counter is filled
Starting point is 00:39:39 with very similar people to Jason's view. A place where people meet and share ideas and see and watch and hear and gather. Sorry, were you talking about a place where people can gather and they feel safe? Yeah, that's exactly the place I'm talking about. Does it also have to be a movie theater and maybe have some books too?
Starting point is 00:39:56 Absolutely, yeah, that's a dream. This is weird to say. I'm a millionaire and I like to invest in companies I see on Shark Tank. Could I give you a loan for $1 billion? Oh my oh my well it would absolutely be my pleasure to take that one billion dollars to interject because I don't like this conversation but did you say you're a millionaire and you're gonna invest a billion dollars yeah well I got no I got friends he's got friends he's got friends what's your name kind sir my name is Trevor but it really doesn't I didn't
Starting point is 00:40:23 ask you I'm not even looking at you I was asking you this is sir? My name is Trevor, but it really doesn't mean to be Trevor. I didn't ask you. I'm not even looking at you. She was asking you. This is awkward, but my name is also Trevor. Trevor. Well, that's funny because I'm Jason's 2, and it looks like I've got a Trevor 2 right in front of me, ready to do business with. Jason's 2, I like your spunk.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Twice the Jason for the same press. What does that mean? Sorry, but what does that mean? I was thinking maybe we could put that on the slogan underneath the porn star we're going to make. Yeah, yeah, I love that. So you know it's a porn store. I think I've been pretty clear about what I want to create.
Starting point is 00:40:55 Faith, place, important, yeah. Everyone knows. Those are the only things you need to say. Cecily, would you like to do your review? Yes. Let's travel on over to a video store in Calabasas called Video Hut. No pictures. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:17 This was left by Kenya C. Alden C. Cromwell. Cromwell. Okay. okay all right here we go i was looking for the last samurai and called ahead to see if they had it carolina answered the phone and said she would gladly help she told me to call back while she went to look for it which was a little annoying, but I agreed. Five minutes later, she called me back, but I had already found another video store. Still really nice of her.
Starting point is 00:41:52 Do you think that that is an important enough moment in a life to type that on the internet? It's so shocking. This was in 2014, and she was looking for The Last Samurai, which I believe... How many stars did she give it? She gave it... Five stars!
Starting point is 00:42:07 Oh, bless! Of course there's no pictures. No one's ever been in there, because you can always find it somewhere else. The video hut. The video hut in Calabasas. I'm sure the Kardashians have visited, you know? 2014, to be looking for a physical copy of The Last Samurai.
Starting point is 00:42:24 I've got to get... When of The Last Samurai. I've got to get it. When did The Last Samurai come out? I want to say like 2004. 2003. Oh, guys, she knows. And she knows. And she knows. I was like, 2014, we're looking for The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise?
Starting point is 00:42:41 Jesus Christ. Okay. A bunch of coworkers standing around a water cooler talking about movies they used to like from the early aughts hey are you guys talking about sorry did you guys just say the last samurai yeah no it's we love it the training montage it's all you know it's the fun you know it's the craziest thing i have never seen it the last samurai right you should check it out yeah it's like because you guys are talking about it it's like obviously such a classic that everybody in the office loves and i haven't i have to watch it this weekend would anybody be i mean i have a studio
Starting point is 00:43:16 oh i mean well we we've already you know we've already seen it so i've already seen it no but it came out like almost two decades ago. Maybe you want to re-watch it. It's not one that's a must-see. It's super fun, but there are so many other great movies you should put on your list before that. Yeah, 500 Days of Summer. That was number one.
Starting point is 00:43:38 We love 500 Days of Summer. We all love it, and I haven't seen it yet is all. And so I'm wondering, maybe we all come over to my studio and we like get some like hors d'oeuvres and we watch 500 Days of Summer. You don't have to waste money on hors d'oeuvres. You can just watch it yourself. Yeah, just watch it yourself.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Yeah. I can't wait to hear what you think about it. I cannot wait to hear what you think. I'm really excited. You guys, I heard that there's this like really great cocktail bar that just came out and we can order like all these fun little drinks. They've got like cherries in them and stuff. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Should we go? Should we try it out? Sounds amazing. Whoa, what? What? I thought you walked away. Hey, hi. I kind of drifted past around the corner a little bit, kept listening.
Starting point is 00:44:16 Wow. I think your Lunchable. I love cocktails. Your Lunchable is in the fridge, I think. It's for later, yeah. It's only 1030. We like got here 30 minutes ago. Lunch?
Starting point is 00:44:26 Are you guys about to eat lunch? Because we could all eat together. We were all kind of going to do work ourselves at a second location, sort of separately. I'm going to bring my laptop. I'm going to bring my laptop. I might go to a pizza. I want to see you guys with Michael,
Starting point is 00:44:39 because he kind of pushed my desk into a different direction a couple weeks ago. Oh, he did? I was just wondering. What? That doesn't sound like Michael. Michael's a different direction, like, a couple weeks ago. Oh, he did? I was just wondering. What? That doesn't sound like Michael. Michael's a teddy bear. He's a sweetheart.
Starting point is 00:44:50 That's what I thought. Michael's the best, and sometimes he, like, takes you out to go to the movies, and you're like, what? You know what I mean? What? Yeah, no. Like, Michael took me to the movies. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone.
Starting point is 00:45:01 That's so exciting. Don't tell anyone. It's really good for you. I know. I mean. Yep. Zipping my lips so exciting. Don't tell anyone. It's really good for you. I know. I mean. Yep. Zipping my lips and absolutely swallowing the cake. Okay, and you've been here the whole time?
Starting point is 00:45:10 I thought you walked away. I thought you walked away. A spritzer? A spritzer. It's 1030. No, it's a, I put some, it's a Perrier. And I was wondering if you guys wanted some, because I heard you guys talking about last Thursday that you like Perrier.
Starting point is 00:45:22 This smells heavily. Yeah. What is in this? What did you put in this? No, I mean mean yesterday i did drop a lunchable in it i dropped one of the ritz and you left it there you i can't afford a lot of perrier i can only get a four pack and so i had to really make this one last listen what other things would you guys be down to do on the weekends that i could maybe kind of get in on i moved to the city for this job i don't have any other friends and I'm really trying to get in. Okay. I think you're saying a lot of things that you
Starting point is 00:45:48 think you're keeping in your mind, but you're saying them out loud. It's a bachelor. It's not a studio. I don't have a kitchen, so it's hard to make food on my own. Hey, Sam. Sam, could you give us a sec? Could you give us a sec? Sam, just give us a moment. Could you give us a moment? And actually, Sam, we can see you're behind the water cooler. Could you give us an actual moment?
Starting point is 00:46:04 Yeah. What? Oh, sorry. I was on the phone. You sorry i was on the little little three feet away farther back yeah yeah yeah just keep going yeah hey guys what are we even gonna do about sam he's really have to invite him to something i just don't think i literally have the strength or the power to have him around me another second can we invite him to something that is like maybe 30 minutes long that we have a hard out for just so we can get it off our back? We just have so much fun together. The three of us, we have so much fun together that it's
Starting point is 00:46:33 really hard to cap it at 30. I would want to keep hanging out with y'all and then he would absolutely know we're still hanging out. We can do something for 30 minutes with Sam and then we can all go to my place after or something. Like we'll all just say like, I have to get an Uber.
Starting point is 00:46:47 Like we'll all just take like separate Ubers or something. Separate Ubers. Super smart. And then we'll just like, I'll meet at my place. So let's just like invite him. Like maybe we'll go, we'll go get a drink at that cocktail bar and then,
Starting point is 00:46:56 and then we'll all go hang at my place or something. So we can invite him along. Can we not bring him to that cocktail bar? Cause that was like a place I was excited to make memories with you guys with. It doesn't seem like he's been anywhere so we could take him to a bit i think we'll do a 30 minute appetizers at benihana yeah we'll call it a night they're fast there cut to the benihana thank you guys so much for inviting me i really like when they do the onion trick don't you oh onion volcano now that i waited for the consensus to be formed i also love that
Starting point is 00:47:27 that's so great well look at the time i think i'm gonna tip my um uh waiter and i'm gonna just be on my way i'm so hunk shoe hunk shoe tired you know okay well at least it's the three of us the core three uh yeah actually i probably get going going my boyfriend's play rehearsal. Power duo. Me and Tara finishing out the meal together, being best friends for the rest of our tenure. Oh, my God. You know what, Sam?
Starting point is 00:47:55 I feel like such an asshole. I feel like such an asshole right now. My cat is like, I'm looking on my nest or my ring or whatever, the thing, and it's throwing up everywhere. That's family right there. I think I got to go home. Absolutely go. We all have to go.
Starting point is 00:48:18 But, yeah, I'm going to be taking my own Uber. Okay. Yeah, I hope you enjoy. It looked like you and the chef were really getting along yeah he kind of gave me side eye but yeah i'll try and mend the relationship but you know what this was so nice i'm really glad we did this i'm really glad you did that i just have to ask like when we all leave please try not to take over the chef's job and like pretend that you know how to work like the grill and stuff because that was like really i just worry about that for you but that's all that's all just like don't i mean it's a flat top
Starting point is 00:48:49 and i've used obviously tongs but yeah yeah it's just like it's totally different it's just like a different it's just a different kind of art form and different kind of profession that then you know how to do this place is no michelin star restaurant it a chain. So they wouldn't mind if I gave it a shot. I think they would still. I don't think you're allowed to grab knives. Just sort of. Okay. It was scary.
Starting point is 00:49:12 But hey, you said your cat was like dying or something. Yeah. My cat is violently ill. So I know I'm going to head. Cause I think us three are all heading in separate directions. You all have to go for different reasons at the same time, but I just wanted to say, thanks.
Starting point is 00:49:26 It's been hard. It's been a hard transition because I left this job thinking I would stay long distance with my long-term partner. How long are we talking?
Starting point is 00:49:42 Ask a question. We had been engaged for like oh yeah oh you were three hours no three hours was how long i was hoping we would been be here together or just somewhere else so like that was what was at the top of my mind but no three years and we had been together for a total of eight years so it was kind of like high school sweethearts like i do have to leave but i need to know like what happened no no no but like i need to know like like what happened well like i brought it up to her and i was like hey i have to move obviously to st louis and i was like do you guys do you want to come with
Starting point is 00:50:13 um we're about to be married we have to figure this out together she said i don't think so she said i don't think so i don't think so she said i don't think so. She said, I don't think so. She said, I don't think so. And she said. After eight years and an engagement, she said, I don't think so. I don't think so. Well, we hadn't. She hadn't said yes, but I'd been proposing for three years. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:34 And for just a second, just a second. Sam, do you mind if we just like sidebar for a second? Just like stay over there with a chef and like talk to him about his hat. I've never sidebarred in my entire life. This is so exciting. What's up? Great. Hey, guys. I feel bad. Oh, you meant about his hat. I've never sidebarred in my entire life. This is so exciting. What's up? Great. Hey, guys.
Starting point is 00:50:47 I feel bad. Oh, you meant you. Sam, you're not in this segment. Sam, Sam, Sam. Okay. Sam, not you. Okay, you guys do your thing. I'm going to go ask where they source the revenues.
Starting point is 00:50:56 We'll be right back. Yeah, we'll be right back. All right, you guys. I'm just trying to feel very bad. And I've been trained not to feel bad. And I'm feeling bad. Yeah. Very bad right now
Starting point is 00:51:05 it's like i it's like he's a long he's just like a lost puppy he's a lost puppy he's like a lost puppy that i do like when i keep lost do you know what i mean where it's like i see him he does this all the time guys where right when he knows that we've just found an out he there's a reason he told us this sad story at the end of the dinner and not the beginning of it. Kevin, are you saying that he's lying? I mean, he could be. Okay, Kevin, maybe he felt so comfortable with us finally
Starting point is 00:51:35 because we were kind of having fun that maybe he felt like safe enough to tell us this like very big thing. And like, yeah. He couldn't even remember how long they were engaged for. He said three hours. That feels like a lie, right? He said three hours was the time he hoped to spend with us here.
Starting point is 00:51:48 He was hoping he spent three hours with us. That feels convenient. That feels convenient to me. You know what? If you don't believe him, you should just ask him more about her. You should ask him more and maybe just ask him a question, Kevin. Be nice, okay? I'm really starting to feel bad.
Starting point is 00:52:02 And if you don't buy it, then we'll all go. We'll all go. We'll all go. We'll all leave. We'll all go. We'll all leave. One question. One question. But be nice, okay?
Starting point is 00:52:09 Okay, I'll be nice. Okay. Hey, Sam. Come back. What's up? Thanks for standing under the exit side in the corner for a little bit. Yeah, that was nice of you to hang out under the exit sign.
Starting point is 00:52:22 That was so kind. Thank you. It felt great. Yeah, that was nice of you to hang out under the exit sign. That was so kind. Thank you. Before we left, I was just wondering, out of curiosity, what's your relationship with your family like? Yeah, that was good. I mean, okay. Sure.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Most people are like best friends with their siblings. Oh, God. I know I am. I am. I was adopted by their dad. They were coddled and I wasn't.
Starting point is 00:53:04 See, my family, I was, it's not easy, my family, I was, it's not easy to talk about. I was orphaned. Oh my God, Sam. So you weren't supported at all. Not all, like coddled emotionally or physically. You were just left.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Not either, not either. I, basically my parents got divorced. Basically the story that my mom told me when I was five was that my dad left. So not orphaned. No, the story that my mom told me when I was five was that my dad left. So not orphaned. No, listen, listen. There's more to the story, and there always is. Okay, enter it.
Starting point is 00:53:32 When I was five, my dad left. Sorry, when I was young, my dad left. When I was five, my mom told me why my dad left. And then when I was six, my mom left. And they sort of met up, and they started what they have called on social media their real family. And did at any they died did they die at any point did they die at any point i blocked them on social media just because of the trauma that it was so not an orphan not the definition of the word i have parents but they just didn't want that wasn't really the question not your
Starting point is 00:53:59 birth parent like not your birth family but you have so you have a family you have like two families basically you have your birth parents and then you have a family. You have like two families, basically. You have your birth parents and then you have your parents who adopted you. I never got adopted. So you're not... So what do you mean? I've been a lone wolf since I was like six. So you said you have parents.
Starting point is 00:54:20 No. I was born into a family. My dad left us and the family, leaving me and my single mother. And then a few years later, my single mother explained why my dad left, which was to get away from me. And then a year after that, on the day, she left as well, leaving me. A year to the day. With nothing but the title and deed to the house. Okay, but I also can't help but notice this as well.
Starting point is 00:54:42 You have a locket around your neck with two pictures and a heart. It's really, I don't know if I can talk about the locket right now. What's in the locket? Please don't talk about it. Kevin, you have to know. It's like 25 different dogs photoshopped together.
Starting point is 00:55:00 I, in an attempt to find a companion, when I turned 18, I adopted a dog. It sprinted away from me. Okay. And then I got a different dog. And you can kind of follow it in sequential order here. Oh, sure.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Absolutely immigrated away from this country. It's so tiny. It's like basically blurred. I couldn't even tell that they were dogs. But the point is 26 dogs have run away from me. Okay. But I've always kept them close to my heart. I always have because I still feel like they're just going to find themselves
Starting point is 00:55:35 and someday they'll come back to me. This is really tough for me because I don't like asking you questions, but is there a reason they ran away? Yeah. Is there something deep inside of you that's telling you why they all left i don't know i mean i i gave them everything they wanted i got the best dog food i gave them treats when it was right you know and um not just willy-nilly no because you don't want i mean for their health you know i did it in a good that. That's smart. I mean, they talked to me.
Starting point is 00:56:05 They left notes. Like bark bark. Yeah, it was bark bark. Sorry, the dogs left notes? They left footprints out the door as they left me. And I took each one to mean a different thing, which was like, hey, we love you so much, but you've done us so good that we need to go and find ourselves
Starting point is 00:56:25 now i have a question how did you get a job with us in this place i like have a master's you know what i mean and i'm just wondering i mean we all have masters it's like a prerequisite yeah i don't have a master but when you're kind of left to your own devices at age six you kind of come up with your own uh expectations and educations what does your resume look like i cannot believe we're still here but what is your resume it is a roman tablet and it is just lists all the things that i've kind of learned the lessons that i've picked up the hard way people always say can we do it the easy way or can we do it the hard way and i've never done it these so so the format of that is just like a story. It's an Excel sheet, basically.
Starting point is 00:57:06 And there's like two columns and it's like, it's life experiences. And then one of the columns is easy way. And then one of the columns is hard way. And it's just fully filled in on the right. So to show that you've never done things the easy way. I've never gotten the chance to do things the easy way. Even this whole dinner, I had to fucking con you guys into coming. Oh my God. I wish you went cursed. Yeah, this whole dinner, I had to fucking con you guys into coming. See, he was.
Starting point is 00:57:26 I had a loving family, sure. I had a loving family, sure. Sure. God, I can't. We're all getting out of here and we're having Cosmopolitans and you're not invited there, okay? How do you feel about that? I know, because it goes this way in every
Starting point is 00:57:43 city I have to move to. Then stop lying about like your fake family who is not dead. I cheated on my ex-fiance because I didn't feel like I was good enough. And so I can't even get this far about it. You're a terrible person. So you're a terrible person. This is like Big Fat Liar all over again. I haven't seen that one.
Starting point is 00:58:03 It's so interesting that you bring that one up because I was wondering if you guys wanted to come over to my fucking bachelor. It's a storage unit. I do not have running water. We have to be on our way. Oh, Riley, should we do our last segment? Fine. Fine. Alden and or Cecily
Starting point is 00:58:32 what's been shaking you this week don't say it like that I'll tell you what's been shaking me um my mailman my mailman he's been shaking me he puts his hands on me and I shake just give me my mailman he's been shaking me just give me my mail and he says i'll give you this mail i'll give you this mail and then he nicely gives me a package yeah um he's so nice i've known this man for years couldn't tell you
Starting point is 00:58:59 his name but we talk every day never asked never asked known his name we talk every day. I couldn't tell you. Never asked. Never asked. No one knew his name. We talk every day. Couldn't tell you. Look about him. Couldn't tell you his name, but we talk every day and he's wonderful and he's just like,
Starting point is 00:59:11 looks like he got another package and I'm like, yeah, I did, didn't I? And then I'm like, how are you doing? Do you need a water bottle? And then, I don't know, we just waved to each other and stuff.
Starting point is 00:59:19 Yeah, I did, didn't I? Hey, hey, hey, hey, Mr. Bowman. Hey, Mr. Bossman. Look at me. Oh, yeah. That's me walking and saying hey. yeah that's what i imagine you you just put that on on vinyl as you see him approaching hello mr postman he's very sweet to me and i know i've checked for a ring that's all i'm gonna say no ring but there's a tan line where one used to be yeah that's all you need i'll ask him about it um but yeah he's just like a nice man he's doing like good like stuff and i like him a lot i've gotten to talk to him a lot i'm like not even a friend an acquaintance level like a neighborhood yeah but it's like cool to like wave to your mailman
Starting point is 01:00:06 i don't know i feel i'm like every time i wailed i wailed to him every time i waved to him i'm like you start crying do you still get the obituaries every day jesus christ because you just look for zesley's name hello i'm not gonna get killed by my mailman. He's a good man. Who knows where I live. Okay. Who knows where you live. I do worry. I do worry. He's a nice man.
Starting point is 01:00:31 We can talk. It's a hot day. It's like we talk every day. But God, Cecily, I really would love, I would love his name. I would love to know it. I would love his full first and last name. I'm going to find his name. Alden's going to dox your mailman. I'll find his name. We always
Starting point is 01:00:48 talk about how hot it is outside and laugh. So I'll find out. That's the conversation every time you're forcing it to be about the temperature. He's always like, oh, hey, it's you. And I'm like, it's you. Anyway. May I ask this man's
Starting point is 01:01:04 age, may I ask? I i don't know like a tight 35 tight like it's for sure 35 i don't know who knows like he's keeping it right keeping it tight he's keeping it he's keeping it tight he's keeping it tight he's 35 and he gives me my packages what can i say you guys that he does that he, that's a really good what shook me. I love that. I'm on board for whatever this is. I've been listening to Postal Service a lot more. I bought stamps for him.
Starting point is 01:01:35 No, I bought it for the Postal Service. Yeah, that's what shook me. Shakes me all the time. Alden? On the theme of looking for Cecily's name in the papers i've been watching i'll be gone in the dark the hbo documentary series about the golden state killer pat noswell's uh late wife michelle mcnamara who wrote the book and like did most of the work to find him uh and it is very dark and it is very sad um and there's no light at the end of the work to find him uh and it is very dark and it is very sad yeah um and there's no
Starting point is 01:02:07 light at the end of the tunnel um except that he gets caught he just got convicted he just got caught and convicted but also when a man is caught and convicted at the age of 72 after all of the murders have happened it is still a bit dark. But I do like thinking that he, because he's in jail, he can't be your mailman. And that lets me sleep at night. So that's nice. Hey, that's the kindest thing ever. Don't worry, I'm on the second floor.
Starting point is 01:02:37 Not that any of that matters. That has never... There's a fire escape directly outside your window. Not to give them a plan why are you scaring me i'm so scared now i can't watch this like there's nothing to worry about i am on the second floor the fire escape is right outside my window and i live it and here's the address for everyone honestly that podcast about like the golden state killer i haven't watched it yet but i've listened to all the podcasts and it was enough for me to just,
Starting point is 01:03:09 and I started listening to it on audible and it was like, actually, I'm so scared that I cannot. No, no. And this is real life. This is real life. You guys, by the way. Right. By the way. As opposed to what? As if we thought serial killers were just more fictional.
Starting point is 01:03:20 I know you guys all thought it was all superheroes and villains, but let me tell you the truth. We thought it was all superheroes and supervillains. I know. But no, there are murderers afoot. Absolutely, there are. Jeffrey? Oh, gosh. I don't know, man.
Starting point is 01:03:39 For me, it's just about moving forward. You know, it's like sharks constantly swim forward. What shook you is the concept of moving forward just to clarify moving really padding my way into some kind of personal growth um yeah oh god i never come up with these riley really gets mad at me and rightfully it's so frustrating because every time he edits it it's like oh, Jeff comes up with it on the spot. He's brilliant. Nothing to worry about. Oh, what a champion. God damn it.
Starting point is 01:04:10 Off the dome. Okay, to be fair, I will leave all of this in, Riley. You better. This is so cheesy, but I'm going to say what shook me all week long is this episode. This is the most fun I've had on an episode. You're welcome.
Starting point is 01:04:24 Just be humble about it. We had a lot of stuff going on an episode you're welcome just be humble about it because we had a lot of stuff going on so you're welcome oh my god because the idea is that you kind of accept it really like humbly and you kind of humble yourself and then the viewers are like oh like what a nice person viewers i was busy with my palm pilot really uh yeah I've just, this has been a lot of fun. What shook me? I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked.
Starting point is 01:04:55 Today, what shook me all week long is Escalon. Escalon? Oh, yeah. Don't know how to pronounce it, but. So it's a thing that Jeff and I and Daniel and my roommate are doing on Saturday. So have y'all ever heard of or done a little thing called sleep no more? Oh, is that the, um, the, the, I think Anisha was telling us about this on, is those, those the haunted houses where they hang someone from the ceiling? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:21 And you should talk to us about that where you hang from your skin back. And everyone's, and everyone's nude and it's the haunted that, where you hang from your skin back. And everyone's nude. And everyone's nude. It's the haunted house, but it's sort of porny. Yeah, you think you're going to a haunted house and then two naked people show up. No, we're not aware, sorry. And we're not familiar.
Starting point is 01:05:37 That was an actual crime scene that Anisha kind of put together and brought you guys to. There's a place where you hang from your back and everyone's naked. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you know when you hang from your back flesh with hooks and everyone's like oh it's okay so sleep no more so it is it is kind of like a horny haunted house where it's new it okay so it's it's it's in new york and it's like um it's basically a mix of i don't even know how to describe it but you go in there is an episode of gospel girl where they go to sleep no more it's fantastic um and everyone's
Starting point is 01:06:10 in kind of like like 17th century doctor masks like plague doctor eyes wide shut absolutely and um you're separated from the group so it's like very important that everyone has their own experience. And so it's like this five story warehouse in New York. And you walk around and all of the guests are masked and the performers are not. And it's kind of like a choose your own adventure slash like performance art kind of thing. And you walk around all these different rooms and they're like, New York! New York! I couldn't get it fast enough, but that was just fine. That was just fine.
Starting point is 01:06:51 So basically, it's obviously with Miss Rona. That shall not be happening anytime soon. But it's like the story of what you walk around and find is a mix of like Macbeth and a couple other plays. And it's like these beautiful dancers, actors. And it's like, you could see a woman in a corset running down a hallway and then like you could run after her,
Starting point is 01:07:10 but the group goes somewhere else. And so it's like, you can choose who you want to follow. And like, then you can have like these one-on-one experiences. It's, it's all very horny and very fun. Sounds right up the old alley.
Starting point is 01:07:21 It's great. Honeymoon activity. So this thing called Escalon, it's, Sounds right up the old alley. It's great. Honeymoon activity. Honeymoon. So this thing called Escalon, they basically tried to recreate this same kind of environment of a choose-your-own-adventure walk-through theater experience, but online. And so you buy tickets. It's on a weekend.
Starting point is 01:07:40 And some Sleep No More performers, I think, are in there. But it's like everyone goes on Zoom. And I don't know how the technology works because I haven't done it yet. But you get to follow certain people. and some sleep no more performers i think are in there but it's like everyone goes on zoom and i don't know how the technology works because i haven't done it yet but like you get to follow certain people so there's all these acts and they're different every week and like it's just you and a computer and you get to choose who you want to watch and some of them are interactive some of them are not and it could be anything from like someone playing music to like someone in a rat costume doing a strip tease. Very strange things like that.
Starting point is 01:08:06 Actually sounds up Cecily's alley. I've had a dream of that once. I cannot wait. And so we're all basically, Jeff's going to, I mean, obviously Jeff will see each other on Zoom, but Daniel, Elizabeth, and I, we're all going to do it, but we're all just going to be like, okay, and go into separate rooms of the house to do it.
Starting point is 01:08:24 So we each have our own experience. Your experience. Wow. Yeah, so we get to go to different rooms, do whatever we want. We're all going to get dressed up like it's a night out. We're going to do a cocktail hour with Jeff beforehand. If y'all want to join, please come along. What a blast.
Starting point is 01:08:39 What if I was actually in it the whole time? I was like, oh, what is this? It says, like, is the rat doing his 15th? I've never heard of it. She booked nine beasts on a rat. I don't want to brag, but some of us are still booking during this time, and I did book part of
Starting point is 01:08:54 stripper rats. Riley, I have to say, that was a very good pitch for it. I was already really excited for it, and now my heart is like... I've been looking forward to it. I've been looking forward to it. I've been looking forward to this and looking forward to that. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 01:09:09 I'm so excited. It sounds like so much fun. I can't wait to see you guys there on the zoom. Take you on a journey. It just kind of like lifts up the masks and gives a little wink. It's me. Hey you guys. Okay.
Starting point is 01:09:22 Gotta get back to work. Okay. Bye. No, it wouldn't be that song you know i wouldn't be that song it'd be a better song i promise thank you guys so much for coming on revia revia for having us. And I don't mean to sound like my dad, but this was a real treat. Why don't you guys, anything to plug, social media, the floor is yours.
Starting point is 01:09:52 Oh, well, you can follow me at Cecily Bro. It's B-R-E-A-U-X, the New Orleans way, not the like frat bro way. Yeah, and I'm just doing that and waiting till it's safe to do shows again i guess and alden and i have a podcast and we're just staying it out um i'm uh at a dirk on instagram and i think at alden dirk on twitter haven't used it in years but go check out whatever i was talking about in 2017 and yeah check out so yesterday on apple podcasts in 2017. Woo! And yeah, check out So Yesterday on Apple Podcasts
Starting point is 01:10:27 or go to soyesterdaypodcast.com for links to everything. Yeah, you can listen to the episode that Jeff was on, which was very tough. God damn, Jeff. Daniel and I listened to that. Oh my Christ. I don't know what to say. What I thought was a Disney Channel original movie,
Starting point is 01:10:45 but was not. It was a silent film. It was a silent film. That's what you picked. Yeah. If you like long, awkward pauses in between lines that seem to have been elongated from what the original performance was,
Starting point is 01:11:01 then listen to our episode on Mostly Ghostly. Mostly Ghostly. And look out for um i already forgot what it was about but the episode with rightly oh angry beavers angry beavers oh my god it would truly be a dream to talk about angry beavers i'm so excited passionate guests guests that are passionate about i haven't watched angry beavers in over 10 years, but God, I remember it so fondly. It's on, girl. This will be perfect. You can find Review Review on Instagram at Review Review
Starting point is 01:11:32 on Reddit, r slash Review Review. We started Twitter at Review Review. At Review Review show. We couldn't get a pod. Okay. You can find Jeffrey at
Starting point is 01:11:47 I am Jeffrey James on Instagram and at don't play no James on Twitter you can find Riley and Spa on Instagram
Starting point is 01:11:54 at Riley and Spa and on Twitter at Riley Coyote thank you guys again for coming on oh thanks for having us this was so much fun
Starting point is 01:12:02 we had a blast I need to keep it alive again. What's that? Huh? I've been asleep this whole time. Huh? What? Huh?
Starting point is 01:12:12 All right. We'll see you guys next week. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Arrivederci. Ciao. That's cute. Do you guys do Italian every episode? I just got freaked out
Starting point is 01:12:25 sorry ciao ciao oh then that was beautiful I want that as a ringtone that was a Hiddem Original

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