Revolutions - Hero of Two Worlds Pilot Script

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Please enjoy this one-man table read of the pilot script I've been writing for a proposed TV series based on Hero of Two Worlds. ---- For all the details on the paperback tour in September click here: bit.ly/mikeduncantour For tickets to the October dates: Oct. 3 Austin TX @ Paramount Theater Oct. 4 San Francisco @ Palace of Fine Arts Oct. 5 Seattle @ Town Hall Oct. 25 Chicago @ Vic Theater Oct. 26 Boston @ The Wilbur Oct. 27 Washington DC @ Lisner Auditorium Oct. 29 Newark NJ @ New Jersey Performing Arts Center

Hello, and welcome to some special anniversary entertainment. The Hero of Two Worlds, Pilot. So today is July 27, 22. It's the 15th anniversary of the first episode of the History of Rome, which means this is my 15th anniversary as a podcaster. To celebrate, I thought I might drop something completely different into this feed, strictly for fun and entertainment purposes. Those of you who follow me on social media might know that for a long time, I've had an eye on turning something from the podcasts or the books into a scripted TV series or a film.

Script writing has been a long-time hobby of mine. I've pitched some people in Hollywood on various things, but of late it's gotten a bit more serious. I'm working with some talent managers at Untitled Entertainment to turn Hero of Two Worlds into a scripted TV series. So I've been working on a draft of a pilot that will start aggressively shopping to production companies and networks come the fall. What I've decided to do is share some of that pilot with you here today. Because while you all know what happens when I put on my podcaster hat and what happens when I put on my serious author hat,

no one's ever seen what happens when I put on my script writing hat. So what I'm going to do here is a one-man table read of the first half of this pilot. that I've been working on. I thought it would be fun to give you a glimpse of what I get up to when I'm not wearing my serious author hat. And if you like it, maybe you'll be like, hey, that was really good. We kind of want to hear the other half of that. We kind of want this whole show to get made. Now, I'm sure whatever you're about to hear is not going to be anywhere close to what would make it on screen if it ever does get made. That's the way these things work. There will be edits and changes, additions, subtractions, and then of course the whole third act will get rewritten as soon as the

test audiences get one whiff of it. But it is a fun sample of my work. It's a sample of the kind of stuff that comes out of my brain when I'm dreaming up a TV show about the Marquis de Lafayette, rather than a serious biography about the Marquis de Lafayette's. So, please go grab some popcorn and enjoy. The opening credits roll. And then exterior streets of Paris day a carriage winds its way through the crowded streets of Paris superimposed Paris July 1828 the carriage slowly snakes through men women and children of every ranking class confronting or avoiding each other a mob of porters bakers fishmongers messengers lawyers laundresses servants, officials, students, beggars, and ladies, all going about their business.

The carriage turns off the main boulevard down a quieter side street. The street is not deserted, but there is at least room to breathe. The carriage reaches the front of a townhouse and stops. The American historian, Jared Sparks, age 39, emerges from the carriage and stretches his limbs. He's been traveling for weeks. The days on the road have cast a five o'clock shadow across his cheeks and left his hair unkempt. As he arches his back to loosen his spine, Sparks hears sudden shouting to his left. Just in the nick of time, he's able to leap out of the way of a man sprinting past him at full speed.

As the man flies by, Sparks notices he is naked from the waist down, the man's bare-ass pumping hard as he sprints down the street. More shouting breaks Sparks' attention away from the bare-assed runner. He turns to see a second man also sprinting at full speed toward him. This second man is brandishing a huge butcher knife and shouting angry curses. Sparks freezes in place to let the knife-wielding man sprint past. What the heck is happening? As Sparks watches the bare-ass runner turn a corner and the knife-wielder follow,

he hears more shouting to his left. This time, Sparks turns to see a lady crying out while stumble running and trying to refasten her dress. She too runs past Sparks, ignoring him as she tries to keep up with her men. So the mystery of the bare-ass man and the knife-wielder is no longer much of a mystery. But the climax of the drama will remain forever unknown. The stumbling woman follows her men around the corner and out of our story forever. Welcome to Paris. Sparks climbs the steps of Old Lafayette's townhouse and knocks on the door.

After a moment, a footman opens the door. The footman addresses sparks in rapid, untranslated French, audience is meant to experience as rapid, untranslated French. The footman says, Bonjour, monsieur, who can I tell rappel? Sparks takes a deep breath and replies slowly in heavily American-accented French. Bonjour! Jeanne ma'pelle Jared Sparks.

The footman receives this mangled French with mild disgust and replies in very fast, untranslated French. You are the visitor American, Mr. Sparks, for round visit to General La Faire Sparks stares at him with blank incomprehension, and then he tries again. Je sui? The footman matches his pace and cadence and says, American? Sparks brightens and says,

We! The footman says in broken English, You speak English? And Sparks replies with evident relief. Oh, yes, thank goodness, I do speak English. I studied French at Harvard and read it quite well, but it's very different thing to engage in conversation with a native speaker, and since my arrival, I must confess.

He breaks off, realizing the footman has no idea what he's saying. Spark says, You speak English? And the footman says, No. Sparks is briefly flummoxed, but the conversation is interrupted by a call from deeper inside the house. Mr. Sparks!

The footman steps to one side, and Old Lafayette, age 70, appears at the door. Old Lafayette is heavy set and walks with a limp aided by a cane. He is impeccably dressed in the stylish clothes of a prosperous 19th century gentleman and sports an almost believable toupee. He has a broad grin of welcoming generosity. Old Lafayette says, Mr. Sparks, welcome, welcome, welcome. Old Lafayette embraces Sparks and offers the tradition of the traditional. two-cheek kiss. Sparks says General Lafayette, it is so good to see you again. Old Lafayette gives

quick instructions to the footmen in French, establishing that Old Lafayette is speaking to Sparks in perfectly fluent English. Then he motions for Sparks to come inside. Interior, salon of Lafayette's townhouse. The two men enter Old Lafayette's salon. The room is elegant, but neither ostentatious nor gaudy. The paintings, furniture, and ornaments fit together to reveal both wealth and good taste. Sparks says, I can't thank you enough for the invitation to stay with you. Old Lafayette says, I would have been offended had you refused. We couldn't have the foremost American historian come all the way to France and stay anywhere else. My home is the home of all Americans in Paris. Old Lafayette motions for Sparks to sit on the sofa, while Old Lafayette himself

plops down in what is clearly his chair. He rings a bell. Old Lafayette says to Sparks, As you requested, I've collected as many papers as I could find. Many more are out at LaGrange. I did the best I could. Adrian was always the better record keeper, I'm afraid. Spark says, I'm sure it will be a treasure trove, General. Old Lafayette says, We also have an appointment with the Minister of the Navy next week.

They have the archives of all colonial affairs, including the American War. The servant responding to Lafayette's bell enters, carrying a tray of food, and the two men eat while they talk. Sparks says, thank you so much. I don't think I received a single reply to any of my letters of inquiry. Lafayette chuckles. Oh, I'm sure. The present regime isn't eager to open up records of the royal family helping the cause of liberty rather than crushing it.

But being a member of the Chamber of Deputies has its perks. We won't have any problems. Spark says, that's wonderful. I can't wait to see the archives. I could get lost down there for years. Old Lafayette says, The appeal of sifting through mountains of paper is frankly beyond me, but that is to your credit, not mine.

I was never falsely accused of being a great scholar. Spark says, But you made the history I can only write about General. When I die, people may read what I have written, but they will not care what I have done. They will care what you have done. Old Lafayette says, And how far are you with your biography of General Washington?

Spark says, I have assembled all of Washington's papers and correspondence. It has taken me years, but I'm not done with my research, for I have not spoken to every one. who knew him best. Old Lafayette says, and there aren't many of us left, are there? Spark says, no, General, but that is why it is worth a trip to France. You are worth a trip to France. Old Lafayette says, oh, you flatter me, Mr. Sparks, but I accept, with a finely-tuned display of humility. Anything I know about General Washington, I will be an open book to you.

Spark says, do not misunderstand me, General. I am interested in you. I may have undertaken to write a biography of George Washington, but such a work is incomplete if we do not understand the people in his life on their own terms. I want to understand Mr. Hamilton, Mr. Adams, and Mr. Jefferson, not just as his aides or ministers or collaborators, but as they were to themselves. And so, my dear general, I am here to talk about you and your life. Sparks sits back heavily in the sofa. He is clearly exhausted from his trip and just worked himself up a little bit. Old Lafayette notices and rings another bell. He says, I am flattered by your attentions, and I'm at your disposal.

We will have plenty of time to talk. Now, I think you must rest. I have business in the assembly for the next few days, but I have left all the papers and letters you requested in your room. We can speak each evening about whatever you find, and I'll answer whatever questions I can. Sparks says, you are too kind. The footman enters, responding to the bell old Lafayette rang. Lafayette issues instructions in French, and then turns back to Sparks and says,

Tomah will show you to your room. I have also reminded Toma that I only employ servants who speak perfectly fluent English. Isn't that right, Toma? The footman looks ruefully at sparks, as it's clear he's been busted for fucking with the American visitor. And the footman says, in perfectly fluent English. Yes, my lord, and that is indeed so.

Interior, Old Lafayette's study. Old Lafayette works at a large desk covered in ledgers and papers, surrounding him stands shelves stuffed with books, folders, and various souvenirs from Lafayette's long career of revolutionary adventuring. Lafayette's study is not a ceremonial room, but the office of an active politician and man of business. There's a knock at the door. Old Lafayette says, yes, come in. The footman opens the door and escorts Sparks into the study. Sparks is carrying a bundle of notebooks and papers. Old Lafayette says, Mr. Sparks, excellent.

I trust you slept well and had a pleasant day. Lafayette bids him to one of the sitting chairs and comes around to join him. Sparks says, yes, I did, thank you. I'm not disturbing you? Old Lafayette says, no, not at all. In fact, you'll be a welcome diversion from all this nonsense. Spark says, is it the new bill in the assembly? Old Lafayette says, manure, actually.

Spark says, the bill? Old Lafayette says, no, literal manure. My manager at LaGrange just took a shipment and it. it's substandard. Sparks says, the manure? Old Lafayette says, We try to keep Lagrange on the cutting edge of science, and that means we must have the very best manure. All produce springs from shit, if you'll excuse the language of an old soldier, and with good shit, Mr. Sparks one can grow almost anything, but bad shit grows only shit. Lafayette indicates the papers Sparks has with him. Old Lafayette says,

And how did you find the papers I have delivered? Is it good shit or bad shit? Sparks laughs at Lafayette's casual swearing, but is game to try to keep up. He says, it's good shit, general. Good shit. Old Lafayette says, Wonderful. Those are the oldest letters I could find. Not too many, I'm afraid. From my earliest childhood, I thought of nothing but striking out for adventure and glory. But it was not until later I realized it actually worked, and I had earned the kind of fame that makes one's childhood letters interesting to posterity.

Spark says, they have been fascinating. Old Lafayette says, So where would you like to begin? My entrance into the Continental Army? The day I arrived in America? The day I met General Washington. Spark says, I thought we'd start earlier than that.

Readers like to get a sense of where a character comes from before they make their entrance into the story. So I should like to offer some thumbnail sketch of your life prior to joining our revolution. Old Lafayette says, so where to begin? Spark says, How about with your father? And when you became the Marquis to Lafayette?

Lafayette reflects and remembers. Old Lafayette says, I never knew my father. I only knew the stories they told me later. Spark says, how did he die? Old Lafayette says, It was in the seven years' war. And we transitioned to the past.

Exterior, hillside amidst the Battle of Minden, day 1759. We see Lafayette's father, age 22, in a battle uniform standing on the side of a steep hill next to a colonel and surrounded by a company of soldiers. Old Lafayette's voiceover narration describes what we see. Old Lafayette narrates, He was a young lieutenant at the Battle of Minden. We see the colonel point up to a ridge line. Old Lafayette narrates, his colonel wanted to occupy a high ridge. We see Lafayette's father shake his head and point across a valley towards what is

clearly a British artillery battery. Old Lafayette narrates, but my father disagreed. The position was completely exposed to British artillery. We see the colonel angrily pointed the ridge line again. Old Lafayette narrates, but the colonel insisted, my father had to obey. We see Lafayette's father salute and the soldiers advance to the exposed ridge. Old Lafayette narrates, they reached the top. The colonel was very pleased with himself. As we see the colonel puff out his chest with pride, Lafayette's father sees the British artillerymen scrambling with their cannons. Old Lafayette narrates, It did not take long for the British to cite them.

We see Lafayette's father try to warn the colonel, but the colonel ignores him. Old Lafayette narrates, it sounds like it was all over in a few minutes. We hear a sharp whistle, and the colonel is abruptly blown to smithereens right before our eyes. Old Lafayette narrates, the colonel was the first to go. We see Lafayette's father dive for cover and call. all orders to his men. Old Lafayette narrates, my father briefly took command, but there was nothing he could do. We see shells rain down, multiple explosions, men blown apart. We see Lafayette's father stand helplessly amid the carnage. Then we hear another sharp whistle, and Lafayette's father looks up

at the sky. Lafayette's father says, Mert. And we cut back to the present. Interior, old Lafayette's study. Sparks is furiously jotting down notes. Old Lafayette says, I was two years old when he died. I became the Marquis de Lafayette the moment the shell exploded in a miraculous act of aristocratic transubstantiation. Spark says, so you've always been the Marquis de Lafayette, from your earliest memories. Old Lafayette says, yes, always the Marquis de Lafayette, except for that brief period when I was citizen Montier, but I'm sure we'll get to that. Spark says, and your mother. Old Lafayette says, the Lafayette's were poor country nobles, but my mother came from a rich family that lived in Paris.

We lived in the Luxembourg Palace. Sparks is astonished in the Luxembourg Palace. Old Lafayette says, not the whole thing, mind you. Back then, noble family's rented apartments inside. But my mother's family was of substantial means, as I later found out. Spark says, when she died? Old Lafayette says, yes, I was on. only 12, and we transition to the past.

Interior sitting room of the Luxembourg Palace. We see Child Lafayette, age 12, sitting on a sofa in a sumptuously furnished room. He sits alone, his head is down. The door opens, and his tutor, Abbe Feion, age 25, enters. Feion sits down next to the boy. Child Lafayette says nothing. Abbe Feon says, I'm so sorry, my lord.

She's gone. Child Lafayette continues to stare down and say nothing. Old Lafayette narrates, I was an orphan at 12, no brothers or sisters, my grandmother and aunts back in Chavignac. Only my tutor, Abbe Féon, was there to look after me. We transitioned to interior corridor of a law office. We see Abbe Féon lead Child Lafayette down the corridor.

Old Lafayette narrates, Two weeks later, my grandfather died. My mother's father. They said he died of a broken heart for losing his daughter. My mother. Interior, estate lawyer's office. Abefeyon escorts Child Lafayette out of the corridor, through a door, and into a room where an estate lawyer waits,

seated behind a desk. Abbefeyon indicates Child Lafayette should sit in a chair opposite the lawyer. The estate lawyer says, The death of your grandfather, without another male heir, means you have inherited a substantial sum. Old Lafayette narrates over the lawyer's summary of his real estate portfolio, which recedes to a low drone. Old Lafayette narrates, My grandfather was a shrewd man, well ahead of his time in matters of commercial profit.

We come back to hear the lawyer continuing, which comes to over 50,000 livres on top of the estates in Brittany, totalling, and again, Old Lafayette narrates over the lawyer's drone. Old Lafayette says it turned out to be quite a portfolio. And then we come back to the lawyer. So in sum, we estimate 120,000 livres a year annual income. The lawyer looks up with expectant finality. But child Lafayette says nothing. Abbe Feion says, it is an enviable fortune, my lord.

The estate lawyer says, enviable, did you hear me? 120,000 livres a year. He's one of the richest men in the kingdom of France. Child Lafayette remains silent. The estate lawyer says, Did you hear me, my boy? You're one of the richest men in the kingdom. Child Lafayette finally looks up and says,

I miss my mother. Exterior, Luxembourg Garden, Day. We stay in the past, as Old Lafayette continues to narrate. Child Lafayette, now 14, walks in the garden alone. Old Lafayette narrates, I didn't know it at the time, but my fortune and the fact that I was an orphan, made me the single most eligible bachelor in France.

And when I was 14, the suitors came calling. Abe Feion approaches Child Lafayette and intrudes on his lonely stroll. Abe Feion says, my lord, there's someone who wants to meet you. Child Lafayette says, who? Abe Feion says, the Duke Diane. He's here now. Child Lafayette says, the Duke Diane of the Noai family? Abe Feion says, yes, so mind yourself.

come now. They walk back to the Luxembourg Palace. Child Lafayette says, why does he want to see me? Habefaion says, I'm sure he'll let you know. Interior, sitting room with the Luxembourg Palace. Jean de Noai, the Duke Diane, age 43, sits on the same sofa in the same place that Lafayette was sitting when he was told his mother died. Diane is plump, comfortable, and exquisitely dressed. He is the perfect model of a resplendent courtier. Child Lafayette approaches and bows, My lord. Diane nods with the practice ease of casually supreme authority. Everyone bows to him.

He only bows to the king. Diane says, Monsieur le Marquis de Lafayette's, it is a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so much about you. Child Lafayette is surprised that such an august personage knows him at all. Diane notices the surprise. Oh, don't be shocked, young man.

The Lafayettes are known in Versailles. Not many families can claim a thousand-year service to the kings of France. He motions for Child Lafayette to sit. Child Lafayette sits. Diane continues, And we know of the tragedies that have befallen you. Your father, your mother, your grandfather? I am deeply sorry.

It is more than a young man should bear. Child Lafayette says, Thank you, my lord. Diane says, But your tragedies have come with a silver lining, a gold lining. Your title, lands and income are substantial. They make you substantial.

It means that you matter, to the king, to France, to all of us. I have spoken with your guardians, and it has been decided you should take a place in my home. Child Lafayette says, in your home? Diane says, to be a proper noble, you need proper training, proper schooling, the proper environment, and there is no better environment than the Hotel than I. Child Lafayette looks to Abbe Feion. Feon nods that this is real, not a joke, and not up for debate. Child Lafayette says to Diane,

Thank you, my lord. The Duke Diane rises. Child Lafayette scrambles to rise with him. Diane gives him a solid look up and down and nods with satisfaction and says, Good, it's settled. Our servants will see to the transfer. The Hotel de Noai in Versailles will be your new home. Child Lafayette says

Versailles Diane says Have you ever been Child Lafayette says My mother presented me at court once Diane says And what did you think of the palace Child Lafayette says

It was very big And very crowded Diane laughs That it is That it is And Abbe Féon says I have other business to attend to We expect to see him next Monday

Abe Féon bows Child Lafayette and Feion stand at attention while Diane leaves the room. Old Lafayette narrates, And that is how I came to live with the Noai family, who, in France, are second only to the royal family themselves. Interior Entryway, Hotel de Noai. Child Lafayette and Abbe Feion are escorted into the house by a servant. The Noai mansion is extremely posh.

This is the home of one of the richest and most powerful things. families in the world. They dominate politics and our patrons of the arts and sciences. Sumptuous tapestries and carpets line the walls and floors. Classical Greco-Roman statues, Renaissance paintings, and glittering ornaments fill every corner of the hall. Henriette Deguso, Duchess Diane, age 41, emerges to greet them. Abe Feion instantly bows and nudges child Lafayette to do the same. The Duchess Diane says, welcome to our home. And to Lafayette says, to your home. Abbe Feion takes a last look at Lafayette and says,

I have to leave now. Child Lafayette says, but, Abbe Feion says, I must leave, my lord. Abbe Feon turns to the Duchess. My lady, I leave him in your care. She accepts this transfer with a nod, and Feion departs. Old Lafayette narrates, The Duchess was very kind to me. As old Lafayette narrates, we see the Duchess lead, child Lafayette on a tour of the house. Each room is more splendid than the last. Old Lafayette narrates,

It wasn't until much later I learned she had been opposed to everything, to all of it. But I knew none of that at the time. I knew nothing at the time. We transitioned to interior parlor of the Hotel de Noai. The Duchess leads Child Lafayette into a parlor. Four sisters sit at a table playing a card game. Louise, age 14, Adrian, age 12, Antoinette 10, and Angelique, 8.

Of these four girls, we only truly care about Adrienne. She looks up and notices her mother and child Lafayette. Old Lafayette narrates, Adrian did not know anything either, did not even suspect what the adults had decided for us. The Duchess Diane says, Girls, this is the marquee I told you about. The girls stopped playing and assemble in a row,

oldest to youngest. Louise, the oldest, says with rehearsed formality, Please to meet you, welcome to our home. Angelique, the youngest, says with careless curiosity, Is it true your whole family is dead? Adrian shoots her an angry look, Angelique. Lafayette is tongue-tied by this exchange. Adrienne says to Lafayette, please ignore her.

She's young, and to Angelique, and quite rude. Then she turns back to Lafayette. I'm Adrianne. It's nice to meet you. Adrian smiles at Lafayette. It is warm and comforting. He smiles back shyly. They like each other, which is good, because unbeknownst to either of them, their marriage has already been arranged. We return to the present. Interior, Old Lafayette's study Old Lafayette gazes off wistfully, remembering the first time he met his future wife.

Spark says, When did you find out you were engaged? Old Lafayette says, Not until I was 16. For two years, we thought I was just a ward in their home. But they wanted to wait until we weren't children anymore. Spark says, 16 is still young.

Old Lafayette says, yes, but young like a teenager, not young like a child. And there is a difference. Spark says, What was it like being a teenager at Versailles? Old Lafayette says, If I was a shameless charlatan, I'd tell you that I was the dashing star of the show, that all the ladies lusted after me, that I won every contest, game of cards, and horse race.

But the truth is, I was awkward and miserable. We transition back to the past. Interior Salon of the Versailles Palace. Old Lafayette narrates, I never fit in with the Versailles crowd. For the first time, we meet Lafayette as, young Lafayette, age 16, now played by the actor who will star in all subsequent episodes about Lafayette's adventures during the American Revolution.

Young Lafayette leans against a wall with a drink in hand, set slightly apart from a dozen young noble seated on sofas and chairs laughing and gossiping, all of them drinking copious amounts of wine. Young Lafayette is good-looking, sharply dressed, and well-groomed, but seems afraid to move a muscle or join in the revelry for fear of making a mistake. Young Lafayette observes a conversation around one of the sofas. A young lady says, And do you know what color she wore?

A handful of young ladies and gentlemen hang on this question waiting for the answer, and she says, Blue! And they all burst into uproarious laughter falling over themselves at the mere thought of someone wearing, Blue. Young Lafayette takes a drink, but does not crack a smile. Old Lafayette narrates,

I never understood them, to be honest, the things they cared about, the jokes they made. We see young Lafayette scan the room, as old Lafayette narrates. These frivolous creatures were the future of our kingdom. Young Lafayette looks at the Comte de Provence, age 18, a plump young man holding court, surrounded by a few sycophants,

nodding at his apparent brilliance. Old Lafayette narrates, The Comte de Provence, for example, a royal prince and future king Louis the 17th, always showing off his mastery of obscure trivia. Young Lafayette turns to a card table, where one particularly dashing teenager throws down a card to win the hand, gloating with delight as the others groan. Old Lafayette narrates, there's the comte d'artois, another royal prince, and our present majesty, King Charles X, he won everything.

And then, of course, a door bursts open and in strides Marie Antoinette, age 18, flanked by a coterie of ladies in waiting. Old Lafayette narrates, Marie Antoinette, shortly to be our queen. Marie Antoinette says, I've just come from my husband's room. Somebody get me a drink. The room instantly shifts to make her the center of attention. The main sofa is vacated to make room for her. A drink is placed in her hand.

Marie Antoinette flops down on the sofa and downs the glass in a single gulp. When she finishes, she calls over to the Comte d'Artois, still sitting at the card table, one of the only people in the room not making a fuss over her. Marie Antoinette says, Monsieur le Comte d'Artois, why is your brother, my husband, such a frightful bore? She waggles her glass for a refill. Artois says, Our dear grandfather is nearly dead.

Louis will be king soon. It weighs him down. Marie Antoinette says, Well, I will be queen soon. You don't see me moping about the palace. And Artois says, We can't all rise to life's challenges, madame. He takes a pregnant pause to deliver a suggestive punchline

about his brother's well-known impotence. My poor brother, least of all. Everyone bursts into laughter. Marie Antoinette drinks some more wine. Ah, he just bores me stiff. A young lady says, but imagine if he actually bored you stiff. Marie Antoinette laughs, well, then I wouldn't be bored stiff, would I?

Everyone in the room dissolves into laughter. Young Lafayette observes this from his perch on the wall. He feigns a smile to fit in, but the smile doesn't matter, because nobody even notices he's there. Exterior Garden at Versailles. Young Lafayette and Adrienne walk in the garden. Old Lafayette narrates, It was better with Adrienne.

She at least liked me. Helped me navigate this alien world. Adrianne says, Well, blue was last season. That's why they laughed. Young Lafayette says, I thought last season was yellow. Audrian says, no, blue, but I don't see why they have to mock her.

She's been in London for a year. How was she supposed to know? It's not funny. It's just cruel. They keep walking and talking as old Lafayette narrates. Adrian was the kindest of them by far. We knew we were engaged by then. I had seen other marriages.

I had seen Louis and Marie Antoinette. I knew I was lucky. Lafayette and Adrienne reach Adrian's older sister, Louise, now 16, and her new husband, the V Compton Noai, age 17. They are waiting on a spread-out blanket. Noai is handsome, charming and easy-going. Louise is a perfectly dressed young lady. Old Lafayette narrates,

And I had friends in her sister Louise and my new brother-in-law, the V-compton Noai. Noai says, Ah, thank God you're here. Did you bring the wine? Adrianne reveals that she is carrying a basket full of cheese. Young Lafayette says, no, we brought the cheese. Noai says, bah, where's the wine?

Adrian says, Elizabeth and the Comptusigura bringing it. Ah, and here they are now. Elizabeth Daguso, age 21, and Louis Philippe Comte Signeur, age 19, arrive arm in arm. They are older than Lafayette, Adrienne, Louise, and Noai, but only barely. Old Lafayette narrates, My only other good friend was the Comte Signeur. My mother-in-law, the Duchess Diane, had so many sisters that the youngest, Elizabeth,

was actually the same age as us. When the Comte de Sigeir married her, he technically became my uncle. Seguer says, my dearest nieces and nephews, he brandishes bottles of wine. Let's drink. They settle in to eat, drink, and chat comfortably in the garden. Young Lafayette is clearly liked and accepted in this small group, a marked contrast who is standing with the rest of his aristocratic brethren.

Old Lafayette narrates, They made things easier for me, but there was only so much they could do. And we transitioned to interior fancy ballroom. A ballroom is packed with young lords and ladies. Every character previously noted is there. Young Lafayette, Adrianne, Noai, Louise, Elizabeth, Seguer, Artois, and Provence. Marie Antoinette is, of course, the center of attention. Marie Antoinette says,

Let's have a country dance. I want a country dance. Everyone quickly assembles in two lines, ladies, facing gentlemen. After the brief chaos of forming these lines, young Lafayette looks up and realizes he is standing opposite Marie Antoinette. Instant mortification. The music begins. Lafayette and Marie Antoinette begin the maneuvers of a traditional concert dance. Marie Antoinette's moves are careless but graceful.

Lafayette's, however, are rigid and bumbling. When they draw near, he steps on her toes. She shoots him an annoyed look. Her look only makes him dance worse. They move apart and then draw near again. He steps on her toes. Again. Marie Antoinette hisses, what are you doing?

Lafayette whispers, I'm sorry. They draw apart and draw near again. As they approach each other, she looks him in the eye and says, You better not. He steps on her toes again. Marie Antoinette says loudly, My God, are you blind or drunk? Young Lafayette says, I'm so sorry.

The couples are. around them take notice that the queen is highly annoyed with Lafayette. The Vecomte in Noai is dancing with Audrianne, and they too notice with sympathetic chagrin. Noai says to Adrienne, I don't think our boy is faring too well over there. Adrianne sighs, I've tried. And from their perspective, we hear Marie Antoinette say, ouch, idiot! Audrianne says to Noai. I'll keep trying.

When the dance is over, young Lafayette rejoins his small circle of friends. He is anxious about the consequences of the dance. Young Lafayette says, How about was it? Do you think anyone noticed? They look across the room and see Marie Antoinette pantomiming like a drunken blind man. Everyone around her turns to look at Lafayette and laugh with mean-spirited delight. Lafayette is mortified.

His friends are sympathetic, but can't deny that his performance was awful. Seguer says, Well, look on the bright side. But he doesn't finish the thought. Young Lafayette says, Well, what? What's the bright side? They hear the crowd around Marie Antoinette laugh again.

Seguer says, Sorry, I was hoping if I started the thought something would pop into my head. Noai clasped Lafayette on the shoulder and says, I suggest we get you very drunk. At least then you'll have an excuse. We transition to Interior Cathedral. A huge assembly of guests fill a church decorated for a grand wedding. Lafayette and Adrienne stand at the altar.

Old Lafayette narrates, Adrianne and I married in the spring of 1774. The Archbishop of Paris himself presided. She was a daughter of the no-eye, so all of society was there. And for the first time, we were the center of attention. The archbishop says to the couple, Are you prepared as you follow the path of marriage to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live.

Roderian says, I do. Young Lafayette says, I do. The archbishop says, Then with the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, man and wife. The happy couple turns to face the assembled guests. Old Lafayette narrates, but old King Louis XIV had other plans.

From the back of the church we hear doors banging open. A royal messenger rushes into the hall. He says, the king is dead. The king is dead. This sets off a ruckus clamoring. People begin to weep, bolt out of their seats, rush from the cathedral, as Adrienne and Lafayette stand and watch. Within moments, the entire cathedral is empty, and they stand alone facing an empty hall. We cut back to the present. Interior, old Lafayette's study. Sparks looks up from the notes he's taking.

Sparks says, The king died on your wedding day? They announced his death at your wedding? Old Lafayette looks a bit sheepish and says, Well, perhaps I exaggerate a bit. Sparks shuffles through the papers he brought and pulls one up. He says, Ah, yes, here.

You were married April 11, 1774, and the king died on May the 10th, 1774. Lafayette smiles and nods. I suppose that's right. But it was often. awfully close. Close enough that it felt like the old king died on our wedding day. His death certainly cut short our brief moment is the center of society's attention, and we return to the past. Interior, banquet hall, palace of Versailles. Old Lafayette narrates,

The world's attention now turned to the new king and queen. We see Louis XVI, age 20, seated alongside Marie Antoinette at the head of a banquet table. Louis is young, a touch-over, overweight and nervous at being forced from the shadows into the center of the brightest spotlight on earth. Everyone watches him, his every move noted, every gesture analyzed, his every word, a virtual pronouncement from God. Louis was comfortable with none of it. Young Lafayette, Adrianne, and their circle of friends sit at a table watching the royal couple. They see Louis lean over to say something to Marie Antoinette, who responds with a polite lack of interest in her husband. Louis returns to sitting awkwardly alone, speaking to no one, while Marie Antoinette chats with her neighbor.

Adrianne says, do you think she hates him? Louise says, I think she's tired of him. Noai says, what could she be tired of? From what I hear, he doesn't do anything. Louise says, I think that's what she's tired of. Noi says, if you ever turn away from me like that, I think I would hang myself. Seguer says, ah, his royal majesty doesn't have the balls for suicide. Elizabeth says, don't be vulgar, and don't blaspheme.

Suicide is a sin. She observes Louis continued to sit silent and alone while surrounded by hundreds of his subjects. Elizabeth says, though he might want to consider joining a monastery. The banquet continues, as old Lafayette narrates. Whenever official events concluded, the king retreated to his apartments, the old folks went home, and those of us in the queen's circle stayed up late. It was obligatory. Adrian had little taste for this life, but I always went. And we transitioned to exterior garden at Versailles, night. It is well past midnight, and the garden is lit by

candles, torches, and hanging lanterns. Young Lafayette, Seguer, Artois, and Noai, face each other, surrounded by a group of 30 or 40 other young nobles, lounging a about in sofas and chairs, relaxing into each other with flirtatious closeness. Old Lafayette narrates, I felt it was my duty to attend, my duty to the queen, the monarchy, and the kingdom of France. We hear a voice off camera. Ready? Go!

Young Lafayette, Seguer, Artois, and Noai each raise a bottle of champagne and begin chugging in a classic macho drinking contest. Young Lafayette is, of course, the first to drop out. His eyes bulge as he coughs up a great spray of champagne all over himself, falling backward as he chokes on the foamy alcohol. Seguer is the next to go, though with considerably more dignity. Artois and Noir hang tough and race to the finish. Noir is about to win, but Artois reaches up and knocks the bottle from Noai's hand.

There is a chorus of hay and foul from the onlookers, but Artois ignores them and finishes his bottle. He slams it down in triumph and raises his arms in victory. He says, I win, I'm the... He catches himself and realizes it's all about to come back up. He turns away to barf, as the audience groans and disgust. Noai staggers forward and says, forfeit, I win, I'm the... But as he stumbles forward, he trips over young Lafayette, laying prone on the ground, still struggling to recover.

Noai trips and knocks over secure, so now all four young men wind up on the ground in various states of distress. Old Lafayette narrates, We were, after all, the future of France. We transitioned to Interior, the Duke Diane's study. The Duke Diane sits across from Lafayette eyeing him with suspicious disappointment. Lafayette is haggard, his eyes bloodshot.

Old Lafayette narrates, My father-in-law, however, was becoming disenchanted with reports of my social struggles. Diane says sternly, you can't dance, you can't ride, you can't even drink. I hear you spend half the time hugging the walls, not talking to anyone. Young Lafayette says, I'm trying to fit in. Diane says, that's the problem. You shouldn't have to try.

Your brother-in-law know I has never had to tell me he's trying to fit in. Young Lafayette says, I know. Diane says, since you have earned no prospects or invitations or favors for yourself, I have been forced to intervene on your behalf. the Comte de Provence is willing to accept you into his entourage. Young Lafayette looks mortified, Provence, but he's, Diane says, a Prince of the Blood and one of the most important men in the kingdom? Correct. He will take you on as a favor to me, and I hope that in his company you'll learn how to

fit in. Old Lafayette narrates, The Comte de Provence did not think much of me. He did not think much of anyone but himself. and we transition to interior, parlor, in the palace of Versailles. We see young Lafayette enter a parlor where Provence is pacing the room like a college professor, with half a dozen young men seated around him. Old Lafayette narrates,

He was convinced he was the smartest man in France. Provence is saying, And after Claudius came Nero, and after Nero, Galba, and then Otho. After Otho, Vitellius. And after Vitellius, Provence did. notices Lafayette. Ah, Monsieur Lafayette, which Roman emperor comes after Vitellius? Young Lafayette freezes and says, uh,

Provence says, come now, this should be easy, after Vitellius comes. Young Lafayette says, um, Trajan? Provence bursts out laughing with calculated disdain. Trajan, oh my good Lord, it's Vespasian, my dear Marquis, Vespasian. He sounds out Vespasian like he's talking to a six-year-old. Old Lafayette narrates, Life in Provence's entourage would have been a circle of hell beyond even Dante's imagination. So I hatched an escape plan.

We transitioned to interior banquet hall. A masquerade ball is underway. The hall is packed with gorgeously costumed nobles, each wearing elaborate masks covering their faces. Lafayette enters with Audrianne. Adrian says, I have to go speak to Louise, I'll meet you for the first dance. Adrian departs, leaving Lafayette alone. Lafayette winds his way through the crowd until he spies Provence, wearing a brilliant suit

made of green velvet and a peacock mask. As usual, Provence is surrounded by a small collection of sycophantic hangers-on. Lafayette approaches the group until he can hear what Provence is saying. Provence says, There are six planets in our solar system, according to our greatest scientists. They are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. All were known to the Babylonians. Lafayette enters the group around Provence and says much too loudly.

That is so interesting, sir. Provence says, thank you, but please do not interrupt. I was about to list the moons of these six planets from memory. They are. Young Lafayette interrupts and says, again, much too loudly. From memory? Wow. Well, you know what they say. Memory is the fool substitute for intelligence.

This brings the whole group to a dead silence. Provence sputters with rage, unable to speak. Lafayette walks away, his strategic bomb successfully detonated. Interior Duke Diane's study. Young Lafayette once again sits before his father-in-law receiving a tongue lashing. Diane says, did you say it? Tell me you didn't say it. Young Lafayette says, I said it.

Diane says, why? young Lafayette says, I just said it. Diane says, there was a day when the idea of you joining my family filled me with hope and pride. Now I feel nothing, but he looks at Lafayette sitting there properly shame-faced. Ugh, you are a menace to my good health. I will arrange a way for you to fix this.

You will tell Provence you didn't know it was him. Young Lafayette says, but I did. Diane says, you will tell him you didn't. Young Lafayette says, Yes, sir. Diane says, now get out of here before I burst a blood vessel. Old Lafayette narrates, My father-in-law arranged a meeting at the palace

where I was to explain to the Comte of Provence my egregious and unintended mistake. We transition to Interior, corridor of the palace of Versailles. Young Lafayette stands by a window waiting for Provence. Provence walks down the corridor flanked by two toadies. They reach young Lafayette. Provence says,

Monsieur de Lafayette, I understand there was a misunderstanding the other night. Young Lafayette hesitates for a moment, stealing himself for what he's about to do. Young Lafayette says, misunderstanding, my lord? Provence says,

with your jest, you didn't realize it was me behind the mask, isn't that right? Young Lafayette says, No, my lord. Provence says, No, you knew it was me when you spoke? Young Lafayette says,

Yes, my lord. Provence once again sputters with tongue-tied rage. Young Lafayette ventures an explanation by indicating Provence's ample frame. Young Lafayette says, your figure is unmistakable, my lord. Provence bristles with fury and steps forward. Get out of my sight. Young Lafayette says, yes, my lord. Lafayette turns to leave.

A smile creeps across his face. He is satisfied. He has escaped any further attempt to make him serve in Provence's entourage. Old Lafayette narrates, My father-in-law was less impressed with my jailbreak. We cut to Interior Duke Diane's study. We see the Duke Diane seated at his desk having just received word from a messenger. He is red-faced with anger. He said what?

And we cut back to the present. Interior Old Lafayette's study. Old Lafayette is laughing at the memory of his father-in-law's rage. Old Lafayette says, I never hesitated to make myself disagreeable to ensure my freedom. Spark says, many of my students at Harvard can be like that. Old Lafayette says, and were you ever like that, Mr. Sparks? Sparks says, well, perhaps once or twice. Old Lafayette says, after breaking free of Provence, I knew I had no future as a court here, so I had to make it in the army. In the summer of 1775, all the young officers went to army headquarters and Mets for training. This would turn out to be the most consequential summer of my life.

For it was there, I first heard of the American rebellion against the British crown. And from the moment I heard of this fight for liberty, my heart was enlisted. And with that, I will conclude this reading. That is the little cliffhanger tease I'll leave you with. Lafayette about to go to Mets with his friends, the V-Compton-O-I and Comptus Seguer, where they will sit at a dinner in honor of the British Duke of Gloucester, who will fortify himself with drink and then proceed to champion the rights of the American colonists. From there, the rest of the season will play out with Lafayette's entrance into the Continental Army and his adventures in America, and then the whole series will go on through his rise and fall in the French Revolution until we get to a final season,

where the old Lafayette presently serving as our narrator, ceases to be the narrator. and moves out into the street to become a leader in the revolution of 1830, against his former childhood frenemy, the Compt d'Artois, who was by then King Charles the 10th of France. If you have enjoyed this and want to hear more, by all means, kick up a fuss out there. Maybe we can get some people interested. And for God's sake, if anybody knows Timothy Chalemay, please let him know he was born to play young Lafayette.