Seeking Derangements - SD 407 - Husband Boyfriend

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I kick off the show with a debrief of Jacque's Portland stint–the women, the food, the 6-9PM DJ sets. Then we take over The Ethicist, NYT's advice column for extremely neurotic liberals and give them unsolicited advice on buying a gun even though you hate guns, protecting your property values, and what to do you about your husband's boyfriend's husband's boyfriend (?)

🎵 R's and Scars, I go ahead Looking at them, my goal is in sight I'm very happy with my life, I also see the end Taka-taka-ta, la-la-la-la-la For high caliber, they bring the cleves Well ready to action, they're not going to break Taka-taka-ta, la-la-la-la-la Hey everyone, welcome to Seeking Derangements. This is a free episode. If you're listening to this, please go and subscribe to our Patreon it would make us incredibly happy it would make ben happy it would make

essa happy it would make me shock jock happy jock would be happy a few seconds ago ben turned to me um when essa was not on the screen and it was just me and ben and he looked at me and said i guess you forgot about that major project you were supposed to turn in which immediately broke me and made me very scared i'm just i'm just trying to live my best life i don't need your lip your your petty drama it's just a little joke it was but you i was watching i was watching you try to remember what project you didn't do and you're like it was so bad it was so fucking funny. Welcome everyone to Seeking Derangements today. Welcome. One hour to take off. That's so true.

Do you have a flight today in an hour or something? No, I just mean that within one hour from this moment on, I will have taken off to the astral plane, to a different space, a different place. Okay. What I mean is that I am drinking not just my normal Bing, which I flew with six cans in my back, because I didn't want to have to go get it.

And then yesterday, of course, I was DJing at the Lloyd Center at the mall. The set times were crazy. DJing from 6 to 9 is like a retirement home or something. What's going on in Portland? Let me tell you about this. Wait, Jack, can you turn down your mic just a little bit more? Yes. Sorry.

I'm always having to censor myself for you because your hair is so blonde and long now. It's pissing me off. I love how there's a slight paranoia in you that it's going to be turned down so low that no one can hear you. So we're trying to literally silence you. I mean, that would be a really good bit. Once he forgets about this exchange

in like three days, Hessa, next episode, we should just be like, John, can you bump your volume down more? And we just take turns doing it until he's completely silent. Well, I can do the editing thing where I do the mute. It just sounds like... So look, I'm feeling concise and quick. So let me just explain this very quickly.

Love that. The Lloyd Center is a decrepit mall in Portland that has many closed stores. It's where Tonya Harding used to ice skate practice. It used to have a big ice skating rink. Tonya Harding used to ice skate practice. It used to have a big ice skating rink. They said that when the ice skating rink was made smaller, that's when the store was going to start closing.

Her ghost could be seen haunting. Ghost could be seen haunting. Every year they say that it's going to close at the end of the year, and it doesn't, and that they're going to buy it out and tear it down and rebuild it. So are Portlandites having raves in the mall or something? Is that what you were doing? They're having late afternoon raves? No, sort of.

So it's at an art gallery called Virtua. The first time I went, it was called Nativity. And Virtua art gallery, it's incredible. I'm picturing before it was called Virtua, it was just a bunch of Nativity scenes. It was like a bunch of tchotchkes of Jesus and Mary. It's a bunch of baby Jesuses that queer Portlandites have stolen from nativity

scenes in people's front yards during Christmas. That would absolutely be some artwork they did. I don't even really know how queer that was. I mean, there were queer people there for sure, but you can't tell who's queer here, who's just a trendy couple. They need identification. You can kind of tell who's queer here, who's just a trendy couple. They need identification.

You can kind of tell who's queer, right? Well, there's a lot of bi girls with boyfriends too, and they're all queer for some reason. A lot of girls, a lot of guys. Now it's just the straighter you see, the more straight looking you see two men, the more likely it is that they're a gay couple trade fishing. Anyway, this mall, the more likely it is that they're a gay couple trade fishing. Anyway,

this mall, the art gallery, they have specific times that you have to have the event closed by. It has to be closed by 9. And we were rocking. The theme of the event was DJs versus VJs. I had an amazing time.

It has to close at 9? Why? Is there a homeless community? That's when the mall closes. It has to close at nine. Why is there like a homeless community? That's when the mall closes. People like be quiet. That's when the mall closes. We couldn't even leave. We couldn't even leave out of the front door. We had to go through the back part where the workers leave the hallways.

I mean, it was so much fun. It was the greatest time ever. Wow. I had an amazing time. I was in that mall from noon till 10.30. Do you remember when you also did a DJ gig at the Levi's store and Cherry Creek Mall for Pride?

Yes. And made me come, and I was just like, Jock, we're literally just in a Levi's store. He was that good at DJing? You were drunk as hell. Yeah, I was drunk as hell, bitch. There was an open bar. I was drunk as hell. I gave the... No, it was me

and Jock and our friends in just a fully open Levi's store with a DJ set up at like 2pm for Pride. But it was a very... You see like DJs in stores like streetwear stores like Soho and places like that it kind

of makes sense or you're used to it but like 2018 denver colorado cherry creek mall which is like a nice kind of luxury mall it made no sense at all it's like so fucking bonkers and jock oh my god jock was like a jamaican woman i don't know if I was dressed like a Jamaican woman that day. I was dressed like. You could have been. No, I was in full Levi's because they gave me $300 in Levi's clothing gift card to spend to get an outfit. That's one half of one pair of jeans.

Basically. Let me break down. I was in one. I had one pant, one, one leg of my pant on. Let me break this down real quickly. They can beat the, sorry, Jacques,

I think I can top the Levi's store DJ story. From like 2011 to 2014, when I lived in Buffalo, when I was in high school, I would

like DJ at this store that my mom's friend owned. And they would have like it was a store that sold like. So you were like a teenager, fully teenager at this point. I was like, yeah, I was like 15, 16 years old. That's so cute. It's like me and my friend. I would invite my friend with me, but he didn't really know how to DJ.

So he would just stand next to me and like pretend, I would invite my friend with me, but he didn't really know how to DJ, so he would just stand next to me and pretend to press buttons, and I would play Daft Punk and Ed Banger records type stuff. French chord excellence. It was fun. But this store sold jewelry,

like pewter jewelry. Right. I need to explain this Pride Fin a little better. They had also hired a trans femme rapper to perform two songs in between me DJing. At the Levi's store? At the Levi's store. That's so random. So random.

Wait, even more random is that they hired a Vogue, like ballroom Vogue-ing troupe to do routine dances. And they were literally standing in front of the store and they were like doing this dance like Vogue-ing but being like, come in, come on. And the open bar, this is still when I drank, I gave the bartender a bottle of liquid weed. And I said, with every drink you make me, add a little more of this. You don't see open bars anymore.

No one does them. At a mall. I see. At a mall. It's crazy. I mean, like. Who? I don't.

Look, that was the highest paid DJ job i will ever have ever had in my life it was paid maybe 107 177 178 something like that an hour it was 12 hours or 11 hours from when the store opened till it closed and i mean i i left there with a fucking bag. And when I left there, I was so fucked up. I could not figure out how to use Uber. I walked to the perimeter of the mall. My phone died. I was like, how am I going to get home? This sounds like every day of your life.

It was a complete fuck up. I was so worried. I was not going to be able to get home. I see a taxi, which is so rare and especially in denver yeah they're used for like old people they're all the taxis in these mid-sized cities they partner with senior homes flag the taxi down the taxi opens the back seat a pregnant woman comes out the guy starts saying don't worry don't worry about it this is my wife she's gonna sit in the front you you come sit in the back we're gonna going to get you home. I was like, thank God.

What ethnicity was he? You were doing a little bit of an accent there. What ethnicity was this man? Indian? Swedish. He was Swedish. It's weird. I'd never heard of him.

You're lying. Yeah, no. He was different ethnicity. Just say your guess. He was different. Say your guess. He was different. That's the worst possible way to answer that

you could just say I think he was Pakistani this is a free episode I don't know he was just kind of different he hit different as him hitting his pregnant wife in the past look this has been like at least like five or six years ago but I would say

maybe he was Moroccan crazy I don't know I feel like I was pushing the boundary but I would say maybe he was Moroccan. Crazy. I don't know. I feel like I'm, I was pushing the boundary of, and, and he's here and he's joining the call. We have him calling.

We have him here. He's Mexican. That kid grew up. Yeah. I kind of low key love Portland. Everyone wants to talk shit about how stupid and dumb Portland is. I think Portland makes a lot of sense for you. Have you been here before?

You're a queer, freaky DJ. I've been to Portland once, but it was a long time ago. Pesa? No, never. I would go. It seems fun. I'm totally down. Y'all, it's incredible.

Food, damn good. The pricing for the food, not damn bad. What about the pussy? Look. Good eats all around. Don't get me started. Any pussy this weekend? Any pussy this weekend?

Any ACAB-only fan Instagram knitwear pussy this weekend? Look, let me tell y'all something. I am on an intimacy diet. What does that mean? I'm on a intimacy diet. What does that mean? I'm on a... No ass. I know how you approach food diets, and it's usually like,

I'm on a new diet. It's called I'm drinking water. So I wonder what an intimacy diet means for you. So obviously I'm doing better with my MRSA. That's the preface to this. But I am... But I am not ready to really get back intimate with new people. So you're hitting up old pussy.

No, not even. So I'm on a look, don't touch kind of diet. My eyes are doing all the eating for me. So I did go to the strip club alone I see food and that's it I did go to the strip club alone I'm on a new intimacy diet Every time I see a woman she turns into a chicken tender

And I start salivating You went to the strip club alone Just to top up your meters Look y'all I'm a lonely person I'm not someone that hangs out at a strip club ever i've only been to one strip club before as a customer and not as an employee um and that was devil's point and that was the last time i came to portland this trip uh you know i'm celebrating touring djing being in better health

living in a corner pocket not that long ago huh we went to corner pocket not that long ago that's celebrating, touring DJing, being in better health, living freely. We went to Corner Pocket not that long ago. Huh? We went to Corner Pocket not that long ago. That's more of like go-go dancer. That was literally like two years ago. Was it? Yeah, it was like a long time ago.

Oh, my God. Anyway, listen, listen. So I went to Devil's Point last time. I decided to go alone this time. Wow. I decided to go alone this time. Wow. I mean, wow. I guess Portland is unofficially the stripper capital, which I thought it was New Orleans.

Yeah. Well, there's also Houston and Atlanta, but it depends on the type of stripper, I think. You're certainly not getting BBL baddie rap music video. Yeah, it's like burlesque type. You're getting more burlesque, big milkmaiden tits. No, Sean. I wouldn't even it's like burlesque type you're getting more burlesque big milkmaiden tits no i wouldn't even use the word burlesque i'd use the word full frontal pussy um it was crazy how nude they got um the craziest thing i saw um there was a point where a girl looked back

at me made a coy face put her finger in her mouth and was bent over and flexed her asshole as she winked. Can you show us? You couldn't. I don't think you want to. Oh, Jock, stop. Oh, no. Oh, God. Wow, it's so beautiful.

He's making it wink. He's making it wink. This girl had perfect. It's talking right now instead of his mouth. Oh, God. Listen up. Listen up. The girl had perfect synchronicity.

When she winked her asshole winked at me too right it opened and closed i was like i cannot believe that this is what i'm watching like bottomless she wasn't wearing any yeah they get fully nude fully naked they they say can i touch you and last time i was like yeah of course you can touch me but i said no i said no don't stand up for yourself i said hoes, you can look, but you can't touch, bitch. I walked in. I'm not a piece of meat, bitch. I'm on an intimacy diet, whore.

I got my change before I even went there. Were you using coins? Throwing nickels at them? What do you mean change? No, I meant my stack of 200 ones. Okay, okay. Let's not change. that's i guess i guess i know you mean i guess yeah it is changed it's changed i was thinking full pennies and look

there's not many there was barely anyone there there was no one sitting at the front stage thing so i'm sitting there just like having the time you know what my favorite thing is too i mean i love the pussy in the bootsze and the asshole, but the smiling. I think I'm basically giving money for people to smile at me. That's very sad. And to make eye contact. That's literally what Livia Soprano would say if she was a 32-year-old queer man. I just go to the strip club to

give them a nickel so i can get a smile no one smiles at my own kids because my guy though tony and janice my own kids won't even smile at me i have to go see a milk maiden in the course it's sexually uh interesting but even more so it's just nice to have someone smile at you and to make eye contact with you right i'm picturing the strippers in the back being like i think there's a gay guy in the front someone's this is gay guy queening out in the front he's just head to toe my telphar boots this girl was like oh my god can i get a picture of your boots it's a lonely gay guy queening out up there he's throwing nickels

at everyone i did see a gay couple leaving last night when i was there and i was i was like wow what the hell um well i'm i'm back in i'm back in des moines now some semi-officially and my new life is off to an amazing start i had to spend about six hours at a mulch pile yesterday because my fucking family found out about a free mulch pile. And I was like, no one tell them. Please no one tell them about this. They found out in like two seconds. And I got a text from my mom and a text from my sister

asking me to go get them free mulch and sod. And I'm like, they just think I'm fully unemployed. And you were like, sod off. They're so nice to give you something to do and to put you to work because you need a purpose. You need drive. You don't think I have drive? Ben has more drive than both of us put together. Okay, first of all, speak for yourself, you blonde harlot.

You fucking whore. Don't make me throw a nickel at you, bitch. Shut the fuck up. I've never even seen Ben run as fast. In my life, even once. I've never seen Ben run as fast as I could. Well, that's not really... That counts as driving.

You're kind of thinking about this the way a toddler would. Like a car. Right. Like fourth gear. Right. I do think I am much faster than you, Jock. No, you're not. I'm going to see you at the end of June.

So I challenge you to a foot race. Last time I punched you in the face, you nearly fell backwards. Will you accept? Girl, I punched you in the face in New York after you shot me in the ear with a cannon well that you deserved it anyways I deserve to be shot in the ear with a cannon

yes can you please do you accept my challenge to a foot race absolutely you little bitch I'll I'll I'm a fucking uh I don't even need to say anything I'm just okay I'm glad you did I'm roadrunner actually what the. I don't even need to say anything. I'm just okay. I'm glad you did.

I'm Roadrunner, actually. What the fuck? I don't need to flaunt. I'm Tasmanian Devil. You'll see. Your fucking Elmer Fudd ass can't catch up with me. Girl, you literally have Elmer Fudd's body. Don't even play with me.

And face and head. And face and head. I am Elmer. I'm Speedy Gonzalez, bitch. You might think I have Elmer Fudd's body, but I have the soul and heart of Anna Nicole Smith inside of me. I believe that. But, girl, it's about the body.

The body runs the soul. But I don't know how fast Anna Nicole Smith could run. Let me ask you a question. Speaking of bodies. Not fast enough. Q Cotter. All right. How?

You're. What? How? Okay. fast enough. All right. How you're what? How? Okay. You're not getting no nudes or nothing. Stop acting like my body ain't hot. What? People like my fat body.

I know, but I think you have, you have a very fat doesn't mean I can't go fast. I'm fast. You have a very marketable body. I never, I think you're beautiful. Didn't you just hear him say something about my body?

Does fat not mean beautiful to you? Did you forget what he said? Maybe. I think people are beautiful in all shapes and sizes, Jock. Thank you. I accept your foot race. I doubt you'll win because you don't really have the drive and ambition of a sports athlete like I do. I mean...

How many steps did you walk yesterday? Let's have a step off. Girl, I don't count my steps because I'm not 70. Well, your phone does automatically. Yeah, your phone does automatically. I turned it off. It's off. Man, fuck you, bitch. No, I literally have it turned off.

I turned off the health monitor thing. Because he doesn't want to know how bad he's doing. Girl, whatever. For the record, I rode for an hour and a half yesterday. Rode in a car? No, I did not. Rode

as in on a rowing machine. Like row. R-O-W. Oh, wow. You worked out your arms. That's so cool. Now you can lift up your machine is full body cardio it's full body baby it's really hard whatever i could grow a fucking boat you want to row off instead of girl we can we can do a triathlon bitch we can go we can go jump into a triathlon i'm definitely when i could swim your ass How would we do a triathlon in Lafayette? We'd run into a coulee, get in a little French boat, and then bike.

Row a 2K. We go to Red's Health Club. That's not a triathlon. You have to run and row. Yeah, there's a fucking running track. There's a swimming pool. And there is a, we'll think of the third. I feel like we should be outside.

It's outside running track. Did I stutter? Yeah, but I'm like for the whole thing, you know? Yeah, well, there's an outdoor pool. Do you think they don't have an outdoor? That sounds like it would be a place to do it, you know? It's a literal health club. I'm more just like, I want to do.

He's already copping out. He doesn't want to lose. He doesn't want to be embarrassed. No, I just have a different idea. His drive and ambition is already over. I'll accept your terms, fat ass. I don't care. Let's go. And also, no offense, I do think, Ben, you're an ambitious and do you have somewhat of a drive,

but I don't really see you globetrotting, DJing, making clothing. So your travel schedule is basically being a medevac. You go to Denver for medicine. No, I don't just go to Denver, you dodo brain why do you think i'm in portland i mean that's true i mean jock you think i don't travel are you making a net profit with your dj yes bitch what do you what the fuck do you mean am i making a net profit you want to know how much net i'm profiting a lot more than your dollars in singles well Well, I divided that in two times.

Just because money is coming in doesn't mean you're making it if you're spending it all. Girl, I'm a money... Does DJ Gig pay for your hotel? Yes. Period. That's cool. Okay, I lied already.

No. I could tell you were lying. That's how you get him to admit. You say, wow, that's cool. Okay, I lied already. No. I could tell you were lying. That's how you get him to admit. You say, wow, that's amazing. You know how special it feels after being on the do not rent list for hotels? Oh yeah, you're back on the hotel list. Has a jock called me in pure ecstasy. He's like, Ben, I know you're busy.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm in a hotel. And I was like, okay, great. He's like, it's a holiday and I ain't been to one of these. It's a Hyatt. Hyatt. Centric downtown Portland. Centric downtown. It is really nice. Look, just look for a second. I'm turning the camera for a second. Look how

nice it is. Don't you dare say anything that's not nice. It's a hotel room. You have no idea how nice it is. I fucking love this not nice it's a hotel room you have no idea how nice it is I fucking love this place it's a hotel room but okay Jock we'll race I'm gonna start training yeah me too

I can better video this what's your training schedule gonna be oh we'll video this what's your training schedule gonna be uh I don't know you have retard strength. You're incredibly powerful. Jock is nodding for the record.

He does agree with this. I do agree. It's true. I agree. I am a retard. But I feel like that doesn't really lend itself to being agile. You're more like Bowser. You're a little slow.

You have a heavy punch. I might be Bowser body Mario Kart. I'm more like Yoshi. You're a little slow. You have a heavy punch. But I'm more like Yoshi, bitch. I'm running so fast I'm flying into the sky. You think you're a green dinosaur? You son of a bitch. Jacques could also be Captain Falcon, who's a quick character.

Well, actually, I'm Captain Falcon. Really? Look, you can accept that. I identify more as a Bowser or a Wario. You identify as a Bowser. Actually, Chuck, we are so Wario and Waluigi together. Oh, my God. We're really Wario and Waluigi.

It's very true. Okay. And I'm a Birdo. No, you're not Birdo. You're Princess Peach. You're Princess Peach. You're Princess Peach, Essa. I want to make a quick statement of my athletic prowess. I am a highly skilled roller skater, which translates into a lot of agility.

Well, that's because you're so slow, you have to put wheels on your feet. Man, fuck you, bitch. I'm fucking. The more weight on the wheels i'm the speed right that's why you're that's why you're going so fast you could never it's like putting traffic on your bicycle or a pair of roller skates okay i wouldn't want to wait why would i be merging into traffic on my bike that's just a testing of how good i am at riding a bike and being athletic and being roller skater. I haven't gotten hit in years.

Period. It's like talking to a crackhead who's like, I haven't smoked crack in years. I'm not arguing this right. Talking to a crackhead who's like, I haven't gotten hit by a car in years when roller skating. Well, I've never been hit by a car on roller skates, I think.

Okay. I've never been hit by a car on roller skates. I did hit a car. You hit a parked car. You hit a car. I remember. I drank 13 beers at Chaos Pizzeria.

I filled out a resume on a napkin in crayon. And then as I was going only three, four blocks to the place that I was living at the time, I went full force. I bodied a Mini Cooper. It was on accident. It looked like it went through a trash compactor. I left a dent.

I hit ass first. My ass was bruised. It glitched through the map. It flew so far. My ass was bruised. It glitched through the map. It flew so far. My ass was bruised purple and blue. Sorry, were you skating down the street ass first? What had happened was, What had happened?

I was drunk and careless, and I was spinning out of control, and I was going backwards. He's literally spinning like a twirl, like an ice skater. Oh, I can't stop. Someone help me. Oh my God, I saw the most beautiful.

Really quick interruption. I saw the most beautiful, talented ice skating figure skater man at the roller rink. I mean, he was ugly, but the skating he was doing was just beautiful. He spun like one of those fairies that you pull the string and they fly in the air with their wings.

Oh, yeah. That's beautiful. That's what I picture you doing while you were flying down the road towards the main cooper. Junk is a very graceful roller skater. I'm a graceful roller skater. I've seen all the videos. I practice what people call the drunken fighting technique. Like what is the drunken master Jackie Chan?

There's a drunken fist. Drunken fist is the martial arts style. And I've made that. You've practiced that in a couple ways, I'm sure. Yeah, honey. Oh, honey. Oh, honey. I fist her until she's drunk.

Honey, I have been fisted while I was drunk. And I have fisted while I was drunk. Really? Have you ever fisted sober? Yeah. I don't know if I could do that. I think I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be on either

end of that exchange. It seems so insane to me. I've only been fisted once, but I've definitely fisted a bunch of times. What was the hand like that fisted you not the fisting review i mean okay i will say describe the hand was it big small

i can't remember the exact hand size but i will say this i went over there just for a hookup did not plan to get fisted. He was like, Hey, just let me fist you. And I was like, okay. And I thought it was going to hurt too much or something, but it was good. And I don't have a loose hole. My hole is really tight.

I don't know. I'm just going to... This is not me just saying this. I'm not saying this just to say this but i'd like really swear to god like the tightest hole you could imagine as as loose as i am spirited i am constantly clenched teeth and asshole clenched at all times i have like i'm biting my teeth at night out of stress and worry good god but but yeah so my preference is to be the fister and i don't mind man or woman it was nice to fist a woman i felt like it was a little bit easier that is so misogynistic it was just easier i mean just at men's assholes aren't, like, ready to stretch always.

Oh, okay. The hips are too... The hips are narrower. But I will say this. Not as much room because of the narrow hips. Right. If you're sexually... If you're sexually talented enough...

To really know you have to fist them. If you're sexually talented enough and you're feeling lazy and you've feeling lazy and you've got strong legs then my recommendation is that you foot them then instead of fisting them stop this nonsense way it's like that movie that is the or or honestly there was a guy that i used to date and it was really easy for me to just fuck up fuck him with my big toe when I was lazy. I just, I really can't imagine this. I mean, I support

your life and all the things you do. We had a good time. I'm not someone to fuck. I'm not fucking people with my toe anymore, but I would. Period. I'm not fucking people with my toe anymore, but I would.

You have his phone number. Shoot him up. Can we call him? in. I'm not fucking people with a toe anymore, but I would. Yeah, no, I mean, I get it. You have his phone number. Shoot him up. Can we call him? Can we call him on the... He does not like me. No, I meant your phone number, Jacques. Our listeners have your phone number. But if you like crew sunglasses, boy, would you like this guy. He's

high up in there. Nice. But, you know um well honestly that guy was too skinny for me and it was oppressive how he was so skinny he would call me fat he was oppressing you he was okay listen to this he would call me fat but he would make me go pick up mcdonald's for both of us every morning and he would give me cigarettes and he didn't love me enough. How old were you? Oh,

I mean like 25 or 26. Okay. Cause you're making it sound like that. He gave you cigarettes as a, an example of him oppressing you makes it sound like you were like 13 years old. No, I just mean that like it's,

it's fine if someone you're dating like shares a cigarette with you, but if someone is kind of like a constant smoker and they get you into smoking more, it's fine if someone you're dating, like, shares a cigarette with you. But if someone is kind of, like, a constant smoker and they get you into smoking more, it's, like, not good for you. Have you ever swallowed a Zin? No. Swallowed what? A Zin. You swallowed one? I swallowed one yesterday when I was, I got a new vanity for my new bedroom.

And I was standing and staining it. And I was drinking beer. And I accidentally swallowed a Zin because I wasn't really thinking. And I was like, what the fuck? I'm going to die. But then I was fine. Nothing really happened. You know what?

I think I have, honestly. What did the Reddit say? I didn't look at the Reddit. I posted to instagram and asked people and no one really gave me a straight answer they were all the one time i've ever seen hessa looking truly like the earth was shattering for her was the time that she did too much zen and she was backstage at a live show and i was live on stage no no at the on stage it can make you if you get if you get to walk off stage at the wrong time i just want to say that you feel like you're gonna faint no one i spoke with people about this after and then no one said that they noticed anything

different about you it was only that you you she left the front of the stage and went backstage. And when I saw her, I walked up and said, are you okay? And you said, give me a minute. And I looked at Hessa's brother and I said, is she okay? She said, she's fine. I'm getting her some water. And Hessa looked like she was taking off on a rocket ship strapped to the outside of the rocket. Yeah. Angel money was standing me with a piece of paper.

It's kind of glamorous. You were sitting so still, but your heart looked like it was about to beat out of your chest. And it was. It was like a cartoon wolf who just saw a beautiful woman. And you got better within a minute or two,

but the minute that it was bad for you, I looked at you and I was like, I looked at Angel and I said, she's gonna die or something. Something's fucked up with this bitch. It scared me because you looked like you were going to just pop. Well, she's fine.

She's with us now. Thank God nothing happened. Thank God you survived the zen. I'm scared of y'all using zen. Maybe y'all should reconsider and I'll be less fat. Girl, don't talk to me about being fat. What would I have to give up for y'all to give something up? I don't really understand the question. What would I have to give up in exchange for you to give something up?

Imagine y'all stop doing Zin. I don't think our vices no offense are particularly equivalent yeah yeah well the ones we do still yeah i do dabs y'all do meth it's different no i will say i would sooner smoke meth before i smoked a dab one i think i think that's normal for some people i think a dab would send you into psychological disillusionment. We're going to do more weed coverage next week. A friend of the show, Meg, is going to come on and she has some

questions for you, Jock, about marijuana because she went to a weed convention in Hudson, New York and she had what I would call a harrowing experience. She had a harrowing experience? Harrowing, harrowing experience. She had a harrowing experience? Harrowing, harrowing experience.

And I think she wants to just pick your brain a little. She has some questions about weed, I think. But I did prepare one thing for today's show. I want to check back in on the New York Times advice column for their neurotic liberal base called the ethicist which the title always cracks me up is the ethicist the same one where we had the article about the can we kick a disabled woman out of our pickleball group yes yes okay yeah we've got i've got a smattering of them today um just to start off with one here um my boyfriend has a husband should I tell him about us

okay well I'm a man who's been with my husband for over 35 years some 12 years ago I began a second relationship with another man I didn't seek it out but it has deeply enriched my life I've been open with my husband and this honestly

led to our own understanding about boundaries what some call ethical monogamy my struggle is that my second partner hasn't told his husband about the nature of our relationship they have an open arrangement but the depth and specifics of ours hasn't been revealed that makes me uncomfortable friends say I'm not responsible for his honesty but do I have a moral obligation to a man i don't know it seems like he has a romantic insecurity that he wants to end his relationship with his husband and also simultaneously in the relationship with the other man the the boyfriend's husband he's talking about his husband's boyfriend yeah this is a gay guy this These are three gay men. Yeah, getting that it's all

gay, I just think that whoever is trying to make him tell the other... No one is. I'll explain it to you very straightforward here, Jock. There's a couple. They're gay men. Husband one has a boyfriend. Husband two

wants to tell the boyfriend that they are married. Wait, wait really that's not what i understood my boyfriend has a husband my boyfriend has a husband should i tell him about us oh it's the other way around yeah no they both so the husband this guy the writer yes is um in an open relationship and so is his new boyfriend. But the new boyfriend also has a husband. Yes, yes, yes. And the new boyfriend's husband and the new boyfriend are both in an open relationship.

So I don't see what the problem is, honestly. Right. I really don't see what the problem is at all. If your boyfriend is in an open relationship with his husband, what is your problem? If you're like, I actually just don't feel comfortable about this at all. I think if anything, it reveals deep insecurities about you and your relationship. And that you're uncomfortable in this dynamic.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're lying to yourself what happened to just cheating what happened to just cheating i think i think cheating is actually for for this class of people you know people have been married for like 10 plus years like just cheat and don't say anything my knee jerk reaction is go to church uh you people um repent what do you mean by you people who's you people gay people um the ethically non-monogamous i'm saying that as a as an ethically non-monogamous person that that's an that's an asshole category okay i think also if you're

gonna have an open marriage and then you're gonna also if you're going to have an open marriage and then you're going to bitch about it, then don't have an open marriage. Right. Have you had an open relationship before, Jock? And what were the rules you laid down in your open relationships? The open relationship rules are pretty much different to each one. What were the most crazy set of rules that you've laid down for an open relationship?

Not the most crazy ones I've laid down. The most crazy one to me was I'm comfortable with being open. I don't want to know about anyone or I don't want to know when it's happening. That's fine. That's how I would do it, I think. I think it's pretty basic rules. Which is why I think it's crazy that this writer is like... If we're together, don't have sex with someone else,

which is pretty easy to not have sex in front of someone. Right. Yeah. Don't roller skate into a pussy in my living room, please. Oh my God. That sounds literally so fun you're right you would love to do that there is this amazing that's also very jamaican dance hall of you there's a building and land in a doggy style if you can handle erotic materials you should watch the movie

roller babies and it's a porno that takes place in a roller rink. You know that about me. How dare you? What? Erotica disgusts you? You're thinking of rollerball, I think. No, no, no. It is another... We've talked about this. We have had this... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to shut it down. We have had this exact argument on the show many times. Ben, let me make an announcement. We've had this exact

discussion before, and I retract what I've said, and I'm now going to let us go back to what we were talking about. Ben, take the floor and bring us back to where we were. Thank you. I'm honestly astonished that you were so cordial about that. Wow. I'm blown away.

Not only to hear, Ben, please take the floor. Let's go back to what we were actually talking about. But for you to just... That was beautiful, Jock. I love that about you. I'm trying to be cooperative today for y'all. Thank you so much. And happy and entertaining. From the bottom of my heart.

So I hope it's working for y'all. If you could do that every day, I think we could make 10 times more money. Let's go to the next one here. Can I use AI to look better online? Interesting. I recently used an artificial intelligence program to create a headshot for my social media accounts the program asked me to upload several pictures of myself and

select clothing choices and background locales it then spit spit out a number of ai created photos i was pleased with the results the ai photos looked like me just slightly improved fuller hair fewer wrinkles etc i uploaded the best one to my social media accounts, and within minutes, over-the-top compliments started rolling in. Stunning. Crazy gorgeous. The commentary went on for days. Okay, this is how you know you're fucking busted.

Yeah. When people are like, wow, you actually look good in this picture. Wow, that's interesting. You actually look pretty in person. All of the previous comments were just like, like so brave love you and embracing your natural body yes fatty and now it's like it's like it's a laid bitch you look amazing my husband thinks i'm being dishonest by not disclosing that my headshot was generated by a ai i disagree individuals and magazines publish photoshop pictures all the time without disclosure.

So I ask you, as a private individual, do I have an obligation to my... These people are so obsessed with made-up social obligations because they think that being online, they're held to the same journalistic standards of like their favorite oh my god media they're like it's it's posting a ai photo of me misinformation like yeah shut the fuck up it's fine just use face app or facetune or whatever but what do you guys think about this in general i mean clearly i think that the person that this person is a little busted and maybe just wants to look hot. That's fine. Whatever. I think everyone deserves to get laid. I think that this guy is ugly and he needed a break that only AI...

This ugly woman only could get a break from a computer helping out. I do think this though that if you... This happens even with lighting, for example. like this isn't, people have been doing this forever.

I do think AI is going to make it insane. We are just going to see like the most face-tuned, filtered, crazy images of people, but it's not a new thing. I think we all, we all, we all do this with lighting, with certain angles. You certainly do it a lot when you upload pictures of yourself, Ben. Exactly. You have to face tune your pictures so people will look in your direction. I've never face tuned, but of course I'm going to post it.

You don't have to edit your pictures at all because you just have that natural beauty. Oh, I edit. I edit some of them, baby. You know I do. I edited that picture of you, Jacques, so that your teeth were really, really, I edit. I edit some of them, baby. I edited that picture of you, Jacques, so that your teeth were really, really, really white and your smile was super wide. You made him look

Dominican. I look like Chevy Chase with Christmas with the cranks. So what do you guys think about this? I think it's fine. I think you're kind of setting yourself to look uglier in person though because the better you look online and then you see someone in the flesh and it's like whoa this bitch has been hitting chat can i make a can i honestly this

guy isn't brave enough to be beautiful as an ugly person well this woman it's a girl this woman isn't brave enough to be ugly enough to be beautiful. I agree. Okay, let me put – there's a way that you can present yourself. You could be fat. You could be missing the top of your hair. You could even have an infectious – Missing the top of your hair.

You could even have an infectious skin disease. Like you're a Lego. You could even have an infectious – a deadly infection and still sell yourself as a sort of beautiful thing. I don't even use effects. Well, Jacques, you know what it is? Jacques, it comes down to just swag and confidence. And you have both by the ton. Swag, confidence, and sucking in your belly.

And I do mean the ton. You've got a lot. I mean, honestly, Jacques, using practical effects like it's uh uh francis ford coppola's dracula movie this woman has never stood this this woman has to use ai to upload a selfie she can't even take a picture in a good angle enough she don't even know how to take a selfie she's probably 87 years old doesn't even know how to text her grandchildren are like grandma why are you so lonely she's like because i don't know how to text. Her grandchildren are like, Grandma, why are you so lonely? She's like, because I don't know how to take a selfie the right way.

Grandma, why are you so lonely? A great normal question that a good grandchild would ask. Grandma, why are you so lonely? You're so fun. Hesa, do you have any thoughts on this woman's predicament or AI photos in general? I think she's setting a trap for herself. Right. Because then she's going to trap for herself, right? Because then

she's going to start doing it more and more. And then eventually, she's going to be like, well, I can't go out in public anymore. Because, you know, I, people are going to see that it doesn't look like me. I think it's kind of like plastic surgery. Once you start, you kind of forget what you look like. And then you just keep doing more and more and more and more and then you get like the cat woman well unless you get ffs honey no no but i mean using using the ai you like yeah you once you start editing an ai it's like plastic surgery in this way where you kind of forget what the original photo was and then it's like all of a sudden you see this is what you see like aunties on facebook they're posting literally Claire penis style edits, and they have no idea that it's not, that it looks insane.

Yeah, no, I'm willing to bet that this photo is completely ridiculous looking. It does not look normal. Can I make a question to the group, please? Yes, Steve-O. So I posted two pictures on my Instagram, and they were edited by AI, not by me personally, but by my roommate. He was making goofy, fat pictures of me in the living room look funnier and funnier.

I love that you're using AI to make you look fatter. Well, not just fatter, but funnier. He just made me look – I can't describe exactly. You just have to see them but they were just it was just a joke and he was just making them and then showing to me in the living room we were laughing so i uploaded the pictures someone said to me a friend of ours a mutual friend of all of ours said on the comments sweetie don't don't upload photos of yourself of ai like i had really done something wrong even though it was a gentle

argument about it well it was a gentle scold i deleted the comment i never talked to her about it who was it or can we edit just i'll bleep it who was it you swear to god you will i swear to god i will bleep it who was it it was and i really felt like she's one of my best friends ever in the world i really love her and I really felt scared that I had done something wrong but I'm too bashful and stubborn you just deleted her comment and left it out I know I know and I just want to know

if I was wrong to let my roommate use AI to make me have wings well I don't understand her argument for it I mean there's plenty of arguments against using AI don't get me wrong I just don't know what angle she it. I mean, there's plenty of arguments against using it. Don't get me wrong. I just don't know what angle she was coming from.

Am I taking it too seriously? I'm showing the picture right now. I think you get really sensitive about comments. We all know that. Yeah. And she may have just been joking with you. I think she was joking with you. Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to say she was joking with you. I'll show the other one. Can you describe the full image? Can you describe the picture out loud? I'm laughing at this person being like, Jock, please don't use AI to make yourself look fatter because it takes half of the Pacific Ocean to cool the AI generators to make an image this big.

It's a climate argument because the AI technology takes all of this water power. So there's a giant... The way that the AI is made is through computer processing, and that generates a lot of heat. So they have to keep the computer processors cold or – they have to keep them from overheating. So they pour a bunch of water on them to keep them from overheating essentially. Are you holding DXM in that picture? No, no, no. It was promethazine.

I had chest pains recently, so they gave me it, and I took it only as prescribed. I had a really incredible pain in my chest. It was one of the best chest pains of all time. It was sharp and acute, and it wouldn't go away. It was acute. It was adorable and acute and it wouldn't go away. It was acute. It was adorable, baby.

Can I have a proposition? Sure. I would like to call the Sniffy's Cruisy number. Yeah, call him up, bitch. Can you say it out loud to me? I don't have it saved. I have to go to their Instagram.

We did get a comment wherein someone asked to get the number and it's not like I have a direct line to them, guys. This is their public number because they're soliciting stories. I know it's like 332. It is like a 332 number.

One second. Let me find the promo diva. One moment. One moment. If they deleted it from their instagram they're really trying to fuck with me here these motherfuckers deleted it from their instagram well that means that maybe they regretted making the number public but guess who saved a screenshot let me find it hit me with that it's like three three two right um i'm gonna go

through sniffies in my camera roll i'm typing sniffies into my camera roll. I should be able to find it. Just bear with me. Yes, here we go. Guys, if you want to call this number and say, let Ben Moore on your podcast. Let Seeking Derangement. I wouldn't be mad.

It's my crusade, Jock. It's my crusade. 302-219-3898. 302-219-3898. That's 302. That's Jock's mom's phone number. No, shut up. That's not.

302-219-3898. That's correct. Call Sniffy's. Okay, let's go. Put it on speaker and hold it to your mic, please. Yeah, put it on speaker. You have reached Sniffy's cruising They're going to have to block all of our numbers.

But guess who has three phone numbers, bitch. And try to keep it to a minute or less. Okay, I'll keep this real quick. But last night I was doing a little window shopping even though I didn't want to buy anything. And a man propositioned me and it's he seemed cute enough or whatever and i'm not trying to sound ableist but i had the moral dilemma because he had no arms um literally he had no arms but he was down to have sex and i

was wondering if it was wrong or right but you, you know, he's a consenting adult. And anyway. If it was wrong or right. Anyway, it's. It's a classic case where the proposition is. Look, I got to go, but my name is Ben Mora. Oh, you dirty bitch. You dirty, dirty dog. Fuck you. Okay, really though?

I did take a peek because I had to see. Speak into your mic, Diva. I had to see how freaky the Portland Sniffies was. And it's obviously demented. Did you really see someone with no arms on there? Yeah, there was a guy with no arms who saw my profile and proposition. And, you know, I was not going to have sex. I wasn't going to have sex. i was not going to have sex i i i'm gonna show y'all a screenshot because i i i knew i was probably

gonna talk about this today but okay i don't want to be in front of this man it's fine he's a king um let's get another thing from the ethicist but i saw I don't think there's an ethical problem with it maybe I'm just being ableist for considering something different but also I've never had sex with someone with no arms that's amazing

I saw a neighbor on the sex offender registry should I tell others can we just move past it did you guys hear this I saw a neighbor on the sex offender registration. I tell others. I recently reneged on an offer to buy a house

because I discovered that a registered sex offender lived across the street. I found this information on a public website that is available for our state and county. This discovery raised many questions for me. First, the sales contract of the home specifically said the seller and the seller's agent are not obliged to divulge information about any nearby neighbors on the sex offender registry. It's unclear if they knew about this specific registered sex offender across the street. If they did know, would it have been unethical for them to have kept this information a secret? And what about me? Now that I know about it, should I keep it a secret too? I feel some compulsion to spread the word to others who might be interested in purchasing

this property, as knowing a sex offender lives next door could affect what a prospective buyer might be willing to offer. And I feel uncomfortable telling my friends the truth about why I dropped out of the contract that I had entered for this house, because I feel I have discovered private information that I should keep secret. In the end, I think I would rather have not made the discovery in the first place. What did the guy do that's on the registry?

We don't know. This person is not sharing. Can I just say, like... And that's kind of the key here. I'm sorry, but does she need to be best friends with her neighbors? Does she not own a gun? Does she not own a gun? Does she not have a sword? Does she not?

I mean, like, make a sign that says, I live in this neighborhood and I hate pedophiles. And they probably wouldn't move out. Well, we don't know if they're a pedophile. I mean, sex offender registry, there are a lot of people who get slapped with that. Yeah, there's people who piss. Right.

And peeing on the sidewalk's sidewalkers it's really a case of maybe what the actual sex crime but let's be but my realistic the thing that i found so far a bad thing well we don't know the thing that i found so funny about this though is that this person's main main kind of uh worry here is about like their property value yeah exactly like i don't want someone else's property value to tank because it's like i don't want my property value to take this way the answer is so funny to me because it's like these people have real motives they have real like borderline paranoia but they have to cloak it in all of this like very very ornate like liberal liberal like niceties like my friend's property value might go down it's like bitch you are

worried that your property value is going to take a hit because you have a sex offender next door and that's why you don't really want to tell people yeah that's why you don't really want to tell people it's not about this person's privacy. It's not about the safety of your community. It's about like, oh, well, if I tell Dick and Jane that there's a rapist living next door, then everyone's going to find out that there's a rapist living next door.

And then it's the ghetto. Yeah. I'm sorry, but do you guys like look up when you go to a new neighborhood? No, the sex of like,'s like like what like also i'm sorry like if someone has served their time if someone has served their time if someone is out these people are all on probation for the rest of their lives probably they're not really allowed to

make a slip up like i don't i really this is cop behavior to me. If, I don't think, I don't know. There's no reason you need to be. It should say, there should be a way to find out what they did. Right. No, it usually does. It does usually list in the. Does it? I've never been on one of these websites.

I've never been on, but I've seen, they print, sometimes when you, in Louisiana, you get a letter that is just a one single, like it's almost like a postcard that is printed for the, I had a pedophile in my new room. You're a sex offender. Congratulations. That's a certificate.

It's a ribbon. The blue ribbon. You've made it to the list. Congratulations. You've made it to the list. Congratulations. You've made it on another list. Them not saying the specific crime makes me feel like they saw it on the website and it was something

minor like peeing in public. Peeing in a park. Honestly, y'all, it is so fucked up how literally there's just not public bathrooms and you get caught having to piss. Sorry. It is just terrible that you can't piss in public it is offensive no it's also like it's something that look we've all done it like yeah it's

especially like in new york you do it a lot yeah fucking time and it's like where are you supposed to go you if i have to go i have to go i'm sorry ben and i have a i have a teeny tiny bladder and i drink a lot of water. Ben prefers peeing outside. When he's in Louisiana, he'd be pissing outside all the time. It's fine. It's honestly one of the most masculine things you could do. It is kind of a baller in a way. That part.

That part. I've had to keep watch for you a few times. Sometimes I'm like, you know, there's a bathroom inside the bar. There's no way in life. There's line. I have left so many bars in Manhattan because there's a line of so many people doing coke that I'm like,

I'm going to go pee outside. Yeah. I'm not waiting in line with all these people. They're going to spend 10 minutes in the fucking bathroom laughing. Wait, here's a moral comment. Ben is classic American guy in jeans smoking a cigarette pissing outside here i'm more calvin i'm more calvin peeing outside but yeah sorry calvin

klein's um here's a more here's a moral quandary for you what if you if you are in um so you're in a bathroom um the only stall open is the handicapped stall and you go in there you pee and you're in a bathroom. The only stall open is the handicapped stall. And you go in there, you're peeing in it. Or you're pooping in it. Okay, you're pooping. And five people start banging on the door. And someone in a wheelchair wheels up. You had to poop so bad.

But the person in the wheelchair just wants to do coke in there. That's it. Who's in the right? Who's in the wrong here what is so i think this is literally an episode of curb i believe um yeah not the coke part but i have a distinct memory of seeing larry david sit on a toilet and you see the wheels come in from the yeah um what would i do but they don't have to go poop. They just have to do a bump. Do coke. Yeah.

I'll say this. I'll say, I'm so sorry about that. Let's do a bump together. And I know you're going to have to poop after that bump. So I'll help you with the transfer. I will pick you up and I'll pull it on your pants and I'll put your ass on the toilet. What if they were like, oh, now I have to share my fucking coke with you, you fucking piece of shit. Pay the troll toll, diva.

Pay the troll toll. If you want to get into my handicap stall. Otherwise, you're going to have to poop in the urinal, bitch. Oh, my God. It's for you. Sorry. That's such New York problems. It's not like I have to swipe a fucking card to get in there. Also, for the record, I've never seen someone in a wheelchair in a bathroom i have can i even be

brave enough to ask have you even seen a person in a wheelchair snorting cocaine i feel like i have at some point i'm i'm i mean i've certainly seen a person in a wheelchair doing drugs like homeless person in a wheelchair doing drugs like homeless person in a wheelchair doing drugs so i can crack for sure i don't know i've ever seen someone in a wheelchair doing a drug i don't know if i've ever seen anyone in a wheelchair period that is actually so ableist of you that's insane to say that you never have seen that's so funny um i in rehab my therapist was in a wheelchair, our group therapy leader.

This is when I was like 17. Your wheelchair after you left, you put her in it. He was in a wheelchair from a drunk driving accident, and that's why he became an alcohol drunk. Oh, that makes sense. But look, this is the thing about him. He hated when people tried to hold the door open for him. Yeah, I would absolutely.

Oh, my God. If I was in a wheelchair and someone tried to help me in any way, I'd be such a fucking bitch about it. He would scream at the top of his lungs, no, no! And then he would just like run and, I don't know if he had been recent. It wasn't a recent thing, I guess.

It wasn't a recent accident. And he just, the way he would hit the door and he would make other people stand away as he hit the door like maybe three or four times. It pissed me the fuck off. This guy fucking sucks. He was just a mean, he was really mean and bitter and he was

like, I think he's allowed to be mean and bitter. If they're, like, whatever. God forbid, the public will regret the day I enter a wheelchair. There were so much cooler counselors than him. There was this one counselor. Seven more dead. There was this one counselor.

Country spree. There was this one former alcoholic woman who looked like Dolly Parton had been burnt to a bacon crisp in a tanning booth to the point where she had kind of dehydrated a little like an apricot in the sun. Like a piece of beef jerky. Like a mummy. But she still was beautiful, and she just was chain smoking. She had empathy and compassion. The leader of the rehab said, Jacques, you're going to leave here immediately and go straight back to using i can

tell everybody when jacques leaves don't talk to him because he's not leaving to get better he's he'll be ready to get worse and they made me stand outside for six hours and wouldn't allow anyone to say bye to me because they said he's going back to use and i was sober for another six or five months after that fuck them i don't know if you really won in that but i support you i won okay um let's do one more and then wrap up um my husband fears political violence should we buy a should we buy a gun yes my husband immediate yes my husband and i are democrats and we live in a large left-leaning city considering the current political climate in the united states and deepening concerns that will

it will only get worse my husband wants to purchase a gun for safety reasons to be clear we don't have general safety concerns we live in the heart of a city and i feel safe he is concerned about political or ideologically motivated violence. A gun would make my husband feel some control over our safety, and we would be responsible gun owners. I know that, statistically, having a gun increases the chance that one of us is harmed, and I can't fathom a situation in which we would truly need to be armed in our own home. I think guns are evil,

and I believe that the world would be a better place without weapons, but I would hate to regret not having a gun if things get so chaotic that people need to protect themselves. Should I go against my own beliefs because of a possible future threat? This is so single white female. This is like... Have you seen that movie? Yes. I don't really know.

I think you just mean that it is like a single white female. No, wait. Is that single white female, the one where she buys a gun after she gets attacked and she's like vigilante? No, that's like a roommate switch up movie, right? Okay, whatever. A woman has a roommate who has BPD who copies her. It's like potentially her. Yes, yes.

Tessa, what do you think about this one? Buying a gun for possible future threats. I think this is yet another example of the unbelievable, like, specific type of brain that sends these questions in. Of, like, just a complete

and total lib-rot, like, lib-brain-rot, you know. Everyone's attacking me. I'm the most persecuted person on the planet type thing. But also it's close to the scene where it's like, I know it's irrational to feel this way. And it's like, you feel this way.

You feel like you're under threat every day. Yeah, you do feel this way. And you keep saying like, well, we do live in a very safe neighborhood and it's like in the middle of the city. We live at like Park park slope or something. Yeah. And it's like, but I would hate not to have a gun.

If they, when things go over the fuck down, she keeps talking about it as if it's a hypothetical, which it is, but you can tell that she's the way she's hemming and hawing, but it always leads back to the central point of like, something is going to happen and i will shoot hundreds of people when that happens yeah and i need a gun it's like

that's really what she wants to say i think also it's just so so gay coded to be like i just the political climate is changing that means i must have an assault rifle so I can blast those Republicans down. I don't disagree. I, to be completely honest, I do think the country could and very well is headed towards some kind of maybe not singular calamitous event in which people are rioting and looting and, you know, breaking people's houses and killing each other. But I do think we've already been on this track of like one offoff violent events, school shootings, shootings in general, etc., etc. Yeah. But this person's not in the crosshairs. Right. cultural life and the violence implicated in that is not going to metastasize in

breaking and entering and tying up a white woman with a Frenchie and putting a gun in her mouth. That's not happening. What's going to happen is riots, school shootings, etc. etc.

We're already there. I don't think that this personalizing it and be like i am i'm going to be the victim one day is you're thinking about yourself a little i think you're probably going to end up accidentally shooting someone who's not trying to harm right this her like jewish husband is absolutely going to shoot her one day when she walks in the house too late and he thinks that she's like a looting teenager or something. Yeah, all these

people are such narcissists who send these questions in. I loved the sentence in the last one, and what about me? It's so funny. I know, it's so funny. This is a New York Times article? Yeah, it's a New York Times

essentially it's a new york times article yeah it's new york times uh fuck that fuck those uh essentially it's an advice column but it's cloaked in this like credentialism of the ethicist which is i'm so tired of the ethicist is the perfect name for it the new york times thinks that they have the best recipes in the world because they actually do have some i do like new york times cooking i'm just tired of them chukka recipe i'm i just tired of them... They have a really good shakshuka recipe. I'm tired of them trying to advertise miso, rice crispy... They're definitely big miso. Yes, they are.

Look, this is my thing. I'm like, I have my own rice crispy recipe, New York Times. You're not going to suddenly change me. What's your rice crispy... Can we... Okay, let's end on Jock's. Jock, just tell us the recipe and we'll wrap up. It is equal parts jumbo marshmallow to equal parts whole salted butter. You add a dash of salt into the mix.

You add vanilla extract. You add cinnamon. So you do one to one butter to marshmallow? Doesn't that just become like a soup? No, you do more marshmallow then, actually. Equal parts. Equal parts vanilla extract to marshmallow. Hold on, my friends.

Hold on, my friends. This is a delicate process. So then you mix the Rice Krispies into a big pan, as hot as it can be so they can mix properly and evenly. And then you immediately lay it out into a Pyrex pan. Then while it's still cooling, while it's still sticky, you really quickly add the toasted coconut that you toasted before to the top of the Rice Krispies.

I'm going to edit in the question. I'm going to say instead of giving me your Rice Krispie recipe, I'm going to edit in the question. I'm going to say, instead of giving me your Rice Krispie recipe, I'm going to be like, Jock, give me a pussy eating guide. Jock, can you give me an idea? Slurp to the lips. Slurp to the right.

The Gonsolin pussy eating method. Gonsolin pussy. Lay it out in a Pyrex. Let it cool, y'all. This is Jock Gonsolin here, and I'm here to instruct y'all on the Consulate Pussy. So you start with equal part jumbo marshmallow and butter. I feel...

Salted butter. I'm ready to... Add a little salt. I feel especially raunchy, salacious as we end this episode because I've been recording this in a hotel room the whole time. Hotel rooms are sexy. No, no, no. What the fuck have the neighbors been hearing?

I've heard worse than hotel rooms. For sure. But everyone out there, thank you for listening. If you want to hear more Seeking Derangements, bonus episodes, weekly bonus episodes, back catalog, etc., etc., find us on Patreon, patreon.com slash Seeking Derangements.

Until next week, bye-bye. I want to say thank you to everyone who came to the first show who listened to C.D. Arrangements. It was really nice to meet everyone. I really appreciate all the coverage. Love ya. Bye. And I felt like kissing your little mouth And that sweet kiss hit my heart Because you offered me your sweet little mouth

The friends of Aguascalientes, yes sir! Watermelon, watermelon Your little mouth gave me Watermelon, watermelon Watermelon, watermelon Your little mouth gave me Watermelon Melón, agüita de melón, me supo tu boquita, agüita de melón. Saborcito. It was my birthday that day

And I got excited when I saw you That's why I never forget That first kiss I gave you That's why I never forget That first kiss I gave you You were eating a slice of melon And I wanted to give you a kiss on your little mouth And that sweet kiss gave me in the heart

Because you offered me your sweet little mouth