Stavvy's World - #39 - Doug Smith

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Doug Smith joins the pod to discuss growing up Jehovah's Witness, invent a Dragon Ball Z offshoot of JW, talk about how all religions are basically the same, speculate on his parents' openness to conv...erting, and much more. Doug and Stav help callers including a happily married man who wants to ask his wife's permission to go to the strip club, and a woman who's wondering if her boyfriend is cheating after find a prick pill in his car. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STAVVY to score $200 IN BONUS BETS INSTANTLY when you bet just $5 on college football. For more info, visit https://www.draftkings.com/ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!  Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at patreon.com/stavvysworld

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods
Starting point is 00:00:27 and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. the star of these world, 904800 stop calling, we'll solve all your problems. I'm very pumped to have my boy, Doug Smith, in the studio, ready to go, very long. Good to see you, dude, having seen you, probably, I did we do some weird in the middle of the pandemic illegal shows together, were you on?
Starting point is 00:01:20 I think we did a couple of videos. Yeah, oh yeah. Oh yeah, that weird pop up Eastville show. Yeah, we're pop up. We're by the tail. No, oh yeah, that one. Yeah, I forgot about that one. But were you at the Eastville shows where it felt sketchy
Starting point is 00:01:32 and you were like, ah, what are the odds? Someone has COVID. And then there was a COVID outbreak in the middle of it. And I only didn't get it because I was like, I was on my, you know, MSNBC, Libshit, and like stayed outside when it wasn't my spot. And in my head I'm like, dude, you're being a fucking pussy, just go in there.
Starting point is 00:01:51 You already decided to go, and I was like, don't, you're gonna stand outside, you know? And yes, I believe not to throw the men under the bus immediately, but I believe it was a coshing. That was patient zero for like a huge comedian in the COVID outbreak. And his spot was right before,
Starting point is 00:02:10 I gave him a fist bump, no dab. And then maybe there're no holes. Yeah, yeah, then I'm delicious. But yeah, I just remember, I feel like you were on a couple of those. That was probably the last time I bumped into you. And with any regularity, was this weird COVID,
Starting point is 00:02:29 where every comedy club owner was just trying to not go bankrupt. And then I got to take care. I got, I just started shows. I think I got clobbered by Akash. I think it was him. Oh, I was supposed to go to Costa Rica in like, in like, was a 2021, April of 2021.
Starting point is 00:02:48 I think that's when it was. And my wife was telling me ahead of time, like just be careful doing shows, wear a mask. Like, okay, you got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, yeah. And then, yeah dude, the morning we were supposed to leave, woke up feeling like, fucking ass. The morning. And I kept it and we were supposed to leave it like 4 a.m.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Two so I woke up like 4 a.m. Feeling like ass and I was like I'm not telling anybody anything I'm just gonna take a rapid test. Yeah, it was positive. I was like that's a fluke I'm gonna take another one took three fucking rapid tests back to back to back And then I woke her up like a like a kid who just pissed the bed of She would have rather you cheated you would have rather you got jacked off once no nothing you know Central just one fucked up hand job instead of one blind Instead of ruining the whole vacation right then she go with your kid That would have been awesome. I know right that would have been a power move. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, instead of ruining the whole vacation right right then she go with your kid That would have been awesome. I know right that would have been a power move. Yeah, right?
Starting point is 00:03:49 I know worries. I got somebody and go and you're stead yeah Henry from the office will come Couldn't have blamed her man. Damn. That's brutal. I feel like such an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, here's the root What a piece of shit. I am I almost I was trying to plead with her like we can still go quarantine once we get there, you know Fresh you're yeah, you're you're shedding viral load after viral load on that airplane But you're like it's not a big deal. It's the level of martyrdom. Yeah, yeah It's a greater good of the family. But not the world.
Starting point is 00:04:28 Yeah. For my family and everybody on that fucking trip, I'll ruin a bunch of vacations instead of just our vacation. I'll ruin everyone around me's vacation. The next. I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love, mango the day, I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit.
Starting point is 00:04:46 I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know, many times I've gotten sucked off,
Starting point is 00:05:03 being like, this actually, one time time I don't have to ordeal. I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk. I didn't, I wasn't drinking at the time.
Starting point is 00:05:20 Well, they say mangoes are an effort, Dziak. Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point. Because I was eating the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort, DGX. Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point, because I was eating the mango, and oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards, and I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard?
Starting point is 00:05:36 You know? I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest. You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services. MangoRX now has a new ED pill that is game changing, okay?
Starting point is 00:06:01 Tastes like mango, my friend. Delicious, just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all, Eld. They got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra with oxytocin known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this, made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing.
Starting point is 00:06:28 You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zing. Yeah. That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hard cock. It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam.
Starting point is 00:06:44 One little gleam when I turn my like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit. I think it's like a little bit.
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Starting point is 00:07:16 on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal, here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest. Then, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, fucking idiot. There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved,
Starting point is 00:07:38 but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, all this. I think this is such a good product. Elders, I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED medication in general, because look, here's the thing about mango orics.
Starting point is 00:08:09 You may not need it, but you're going to want it, pal. All right? I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed.
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Starting point is 00:09:06 Quick and easy. Be sure to use code stav20 to save 20% off your first order. You and your partner are going to love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking
Starting point is 00:09:44 trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. But that's what they get for traveling during the pandemic.
Starting point is 00:10:17 Right? You should have flipped immediately. You're like, that's what they deserve. They know they're putting themselves in harm's way by traveling during this deadly international pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's we're and we were also just talking so we you know, Doug's very for those you know, Doug's very funny comic. You also have a new pod out. Let's say it right up top. It's called Jehovah Boy. Jehovah Boy, which by the way, I didn't
Starting point is 00:10:44 and we've you know and we've been friends basically since I moved to New York from early shows, which I've been here like nine years now, and I knew that you had a weird fucked up life off of just, you could do echolocation off your act. You know what I mean? Where it's like, I feel like I know, I feel like we don't really talk.
Starting point is 00:11:02 Communists don't read anything we know about each other. It's just slivers from our act where it's like, oh, interesting. That's what he's letting on, so there must be more to that. Because every joke is like the tip of a iceberg where it's like, you mention a little something and there's so much more underneath that.
Starting point is 00:11:20 And so now, once you, your pot is about it being Jehovah's Witness, I'm putting it all together and i'm like oh you had an old ass dad yep that seems like something a weird religious person would do just keep fucking into their golden years to keep to keep the like you know the the brainwashed more brainwashed people in the world sure and then you had adopted siblings and that's like oh that's another that's another thing weird religious people do Not to say that you're your family's bunch of weird religious, but it's like, okay, that you got a couple different adopted siblings and the one that I couldn't mesh with it is that you had a joke about being related to
Starting point is 00:11:58 Eulisys, which is great. And to me, that's so weird to be like, my family's been here since the Civil War, and somewhere we were like, let's go Jehovah's Witness. Because that's interesting, because I thought, when you said old debt, because before the revelation, because I saw your clips pop up and shit, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:12:18 Doug's fucking Jehovah's Witness, this fucking just regular ass white man that I know. It's the most confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not black. One of the most standard white men I know who's related to a general from the Civil War is fucking, is, uh, Jehovah's Witness.
Starting point is 00:12:38 But, you know, but the rest of it kind of, you know, completely, completely lined up. But, yeah. I mean, I remember we did a gig, Jesus. I want to say like fuck, probably like maybe 10 years ago. We did a gig with List at Levity Live. Oh my God. And then we dropped him off.
Starting point is 00:12:56 And we drove home together. Yes, yes, yes. We dropped him off and like, it was him and was it? Anyway, yes, I do remember what you're talking about. Yeah. Will it dropped him off in the city somewhere? Will it drop him off? You know what it was?
Starting point is 00:13:10 It was, we dropped it. No one gives a fuck, by the way. It was just a different guy that also opened for Joe. It was a guy doing a guest spot. And we dropped him off in Harlem. Yes, yes. Joe, I think got home either somewhere else here. Or he came with us because, you know, a story of,
Starting point is 00:13:28 but yes, I remember that gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a pretty deep dive on our past, his life on that. Yes, yes, yes. You get those deep dives in those drives home, but like the Jehovah thing really still slumber knocked me.
Starting point is 00:13:44 I don't, you know, it's still is like one of those like how the fuck did that happen? And, you know, and that's, and also, I mean, there's so many, so many things I've wondered about just the Eulissi's grand thing. How does your family that old? And then when did the Jehovah shit like pop up? And then we haven't even gotten into the fact
Starting point is 00:14:02 that we're talking to a hero here. Oh, there's this fucking guy. Stop the assault on the train. Yeah. Yeah. And he's got a kid. A lot to talk about with our boy, Doug. And it's a funny guy.
Starting point is 00:14:14 I mean, we don't actually let not funny people in this podcast, folks. But with all these, you know, with all the, being interesting, being that interesting rarely is a person funny. You know what I mean? being interesting, being that interesting rarely is a person funny. You know what I mean? For the F so many attributes, where it's like, you're just like an adventurer. Like maybe it's a little bit of the facial hair,
Starting point is 00:14:32 but I could also, in my head, I'm like, that could have been like a pirate, a swashbuckler. You know what I mean? That's funny. Because of the scar, right? Because of the cool scar. Which by the way, let's say, already married when he did it.
Starting point is 00:14:46 No chance to cash in on all that. Stopped a rape on the subway pussy. He was going to get it. Cash in, man. I'm going to sing. Which is why you do something good, folks. To cash in on other reasons, not due to integrity, but I guess Jehovah's teachings kicked in right there. If I could go back in time, what I go back to the time of swashbuckling or back to 11
Starting point is 00:15:11 years ago and undo my relationship. Right before you get on the subway, you ask for a divorce and then you foil the assault. Anyway, dude, sorry to forget. I just threw like eight different things about you at you without asking a single question. It's a lot. Somebody said to me a couple months ago, like they were kind of rattling off
Starting point is 00:15:34 some of the similar things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're basically like a modern day forest gum. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see, you, we're talking the whole, because I have a friend, I have a very good friend who like, it's a weird situation where his mom kinda,
Starting point is 00:15:50 his dad was very Greek Orthodox. Yeah. And then his mom kinda hid how Jehovah's Witness she was until they were married. Yeah. And then she tried to kinda like sneak, sneak the kids in there. So watch tower shit.
Starting point is 00:16:03 Yeah. On to them, but his Greek ass dad, like, what started going crazy, like, no, you know, that's like devil worship, you know, that kind of shit. So like, how in the mix were you, were you really in there? Were you really, we get a little, the little, the little fucking deep eyes and everything. Yep, clip on tie, the short sleep dresser.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Yeah, no birthdays. I had glasses when I was about six years old too. I looked like fucking IRS. Yeah. Yeah. I was on the show to somebody's door. They thought they were going to get audited. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:34 IRS, by the way, quick tangent. Irwin R. Shyster. Yeah. It was a Jewish character in the WWF, not played by a Jewish man, by the way. No. Just a guy making fun of Jews. He was named IRS Irwin R. Shister. What a beautiful time for sports entertainment in our country.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Still alive, by the way. Yeah, a few wrestlers from the late 80s, early 90s, that did not OD in a holiday. I know, somewhere. He's still, yeah, he's still, we looked him up recently, I don't remember when, but, yeah, he's still like, and you hear something like that, you're like, wow, that must have been like a hundred years ago. Yeah. And the guy's like, you know, 58.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Right. You know what I mean? Like, he's just like a very nor, like that was just like so, very recently. Yep. So you're in there, you're, yeah, man, little ass kid. I was in it from, yeah, from the time I was born. So're you're yeah, man little ass kid. I was in it from yeah from the time I was born so my mom
Starting point is 00:17:27 Yeah, she converted we're shortly after my parents got married somebody came to the door So he just something I didn't find out until recently so my some J. Dubs Not fuck it up. We just had to pass someone's doing a package I guess but they can suck my dick I don't think I ordered I don't think I ordered anything Okay, so your mom said yeah,, hit me with it, dude. So they came to the door. Well, my dad was home. My mom was working at some like a women's boutique.
Starting point is 00:17:56 And I'd go up in Ridgefield, Connecticut. Okay, nice. So my dad had to come home from work every day to let the dog out. So while he was home for like an hour, they happened to swim by the house knocked on the door. He answered the door. They gave him the whole pitch and it worked on him. No, he said, this isn't for me, but come back tomorrow when my wife is home. What the fuck? You dad's like, nah, dude, not my thing. But my dumb ass wife, she's really goable.
Starting point is 00:18:28 She loves dumb bullshit like this. You want a dim-witted bride? That's insane that he was like, come back. To fall for this. I'm too strong, Wild. I got the girl for you, yeah. I have a college education But my brain damage wife may fall for this
Starting point is 00:18:54 Was your was your mom much younger than your dad to or were they? No, it was five years younger and smart too like they both they both went to college both grew up, you know fairly both grew up, you know, fairly, you know, why is that? Did that privilege, you know, not, Joe was witness is like most of their converts are people that are fucking desperate. Of course, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, you're preaching to people who just want,
Starting point is 00:19:14 they pray out. The mentally ill or like, you recover drug addicts or people that have had tremendous loss. You're an indoor to door. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you saw someone fucking strong out. You're like, yeah, there we go. Doug's time to shine. Oh, your husband just
Starting point is 00:19:35 died. Oh, your child perished in a tragic hit and run. Well, you know, you know what? You want to see him again? You want to see him on your own little planet. That's my favorite part. You guys get little planets. Like it's Dragon Ball Z. There's like, everyone has their own little like fucking, like, who's that guy? King, who's the guy where they were training
Starting point is 00:19:55 and they had his own little last planet? That's my conception of what Jehovah's Witness promises. It's basically like, isn't heaven like this tiered system where there's like 150 like, isn't heaven like this tiered system where there's like 150, like, 6, like, sweets? Like, if heaven is a hotel, right? If you're really fucking good at being a J-Dub, they give you your own little planet, almost like a fucking sick hotel suite, right?
Starting point is 00:20:21 They've got like 100 sweets with, you know, two rooms and, you know, a bathroom and a fold out couch and two TVs. Oh, you got it to work. Good job, Eldis. This is my favorite thing is hearing people's preconceived notes that I actually does. And they're often very close yet very off. At the same time.
Starting point is 00:20:39 To my understanding, if you're awesome, you get like your own planet and there's a fixed amount of those. But the most hilarious thing about it Is like when I correct people it doesn't make any more sense Actually, it's a hundred and forty four thousand And it's this planet that is transformed into a paradise where people will live forever Oh, it's this one. I mean, it's not fucking science People will live forever. Oh, it's this one.
Starting point is 00:21:02 I mean, it's not fucking science. So yeah, yeah. Oh, so they just spruce up earth. Yeah, which is a rehab. So you're telling me heaven is a fucking rehab? I don't even get a new, like, they just like, they fucking, it's like a gentrified house. It's like, they do the, they do the,
Starting point is 00:21:19 Look this house. Jay Bessota, look this house. Yes, yes. It's like, when like a developer goes to Bed-Stie and takes like an old brick home and turns it into all like glass and metal and stucco and shit like that. Just big, big windows. Yup, you know, that's so fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Yeah. So 144K. So they'd be out there. We're bringing that for us. Even the crash course. So like they believe that Armageddon is near. Okay. And they've been saying this since they formed in like the early 1900s oh wow Armageddon is
Starting point is 00:21:49 near they falsely predicted Armageddon coming in 1914 okay 1914 came and went they're like we were off off on the math yeah wasn't that wasn't that the flu pandemic they could they tried to like think you're right well that's another thing that's another not to get off on too much of a tangent. No, no, please. Every sort of natural disaster or any sort of political uprising or any sort of world event that's like cataclysmic, they point to that as like, see? The end is near.
Starting point is 00:22:21 This is a sign of the time. They must have had a hard on for 9-11. Oh, dude. That must have called him. He's the work of it for sure. Yeah, you know, the Trump era. I mean, oh, yeah, dude. It's all it's all just fodder or but 9-11. Stoking this fear monitoring. Let's not try and get COVID in so awesome for them. They're like, it's finally happening. We're gonna nuke these fucking, you know, we're gonna just completely destroy the Middle East. It's gonna, then Israel's gonna nuke. Then, you know, they're, they're probably in their head.
Starting point is 00:22:54 We're like, it's fine. Yes. The finding is I left six months before 9-11. And I was in the city. I was going to SVA, I was school of visual arts. I was in the city that morning. So when IVA, I went to school of visual arts. I was in the city that morning. So when I, my art teacher got the phone call from his wife, planes hit the world trade center, I was like,
Starting point is 00:23:11 fuck, it's happening. Yeah, you were frown, you're like, god damn it. Yeah, it's like quitting the team and then they win the state championship. It's like you're senior year, you're like, I don't feel like going to football practice. And then they fucking get the state championship, dude. Yeah, they were the state championship. So you're senior year, you're like, I don't feel like going to football practice. And then they fucking get the state championship, dude. Yeah, they were right after all.
Starting point is 00:23:30 But yeah, dude, anytime there was like, you know, if there was like one of those thunderstorms with the SkyTerns green, you're like looking at the window in class, being like, oh shit. All these motherfuckers are gonna get nuked. So I'm just gonna be sitting on a pile of rubble. Yeah. All my plans were meditating.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Perfect. I'll life is meditating. Perfect. I'll have an edge. Do you have his witness energy shield protecting me as the nuclear holocaust happens? Yeah. Yeah. We get to live forever in a paradise. All of us riddled with PTSD by watching everybody
Starting point is 00:24:01 obliterate it around us. So bait us for the ideas. Whatever it all happens, right? Yeah, so they say, it's a reverse rapture. Exactly where you stick around. If you're cool, you stick around. If you're cool, you stick around, exactly.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Reverse rapture is the perfect way. Love that, okay. So they falsely predicted it a bunch of 1914, 1975. Then again, in 2000, they kind of jumped on the Y2K thing. And now, thankfully,'ve like learned their lesson Now they're just like it's close Trust me. It's coming. They don't like a sign of date to it. Yeah, but yeah They basically believe that anybody who's a non-believer, which is 99.9% of the population
Starting point is 00:24:39 When Armageddon comes will just be fucking obliterated and Armageddon comes will just be fucking obliterated. And go to hell or just stop existing or go to hell. Just stop existing, just dead. That's pretty fair. Yeah, yeah, not so bad, right? That's not bad at all. That's kind of what I think. There's a pretty good chance that just happens anyway.
Starting point is 00:24:55 You know, it's actually, yeah. And there's might be something, but you know. It's a quick painless death. Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's not so bad. Would you rather pancreatic cancer or a fireball head? Fireball right to the... And he's the devil doing this?
Starting point is 00:25:10 No, it's Jehovah doing this. Jehovah's doing this. He's given the human population ample time to see the light and come to his side. And if they fail, if they refuse. Come here, come here. He's just all drag a ball, see. God in heaven be like,
Starting point is 00:25:31 ah, he's killing every fucking non-job was witnessed with a big ass fireball, the big energy ball. He's been saving up. God's been training to destroy all of Earth. That's what's taking so long. God isn't at the right power level yet. This is just like incinerators. But he's up there doing pull-ups.
Starting point is 00:25:51 We should start a new version of Jehovah's Witness that's kind of a dragon ball Z Jehovah's Witness fusion. We would clean up, dude. We would fucking clean up. We would have so many anime nerds in our fucking in our teachings in our ministry. Okay, the whole time Armageddon's happening. I'm not just gonna be picturing Jovo
Starting point is 00:26:10 with like the close zoom on it. Do we eat trembling eyes? Oh. Oh. So we got F smile like yeah yeah so where the planet's coming no one gets their own planet no planet so I got a swore someone got their own little planet I mean I'm not I don't fault you for thinking that so it's so he he nukes pretty much the entire human race except for the the so there's eight million practicing Joe
Starting point is 00:26:43 was witnesses right now worldwide, which is pretty good. Number. That's either the most successful doomsday coldly for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:50 So these 8 million survivors will basically just be left on this, you know, post apocalyptic husk of an earth. Does it get a facelift or anything? Yes. It does. Yes. So apparently like over the course of like a thousand,
Starting point is 00:27:02 and this is where things get a little bit blurry. I'm so not entirely clear. This is where it gets to be bullshit Till they spelled this one thing out for me So basically like over over the course of a thousand years there's like this this cleanup that will happen where the earth is slowly transformed. I know and it's like are we responsible for the cleanup? You know, we're just wearing like a reflective vest on the side of highway. Just picking up track, picking up non-believer skulls. Yeah, that sucks.
Starting point is 00:27:43 So at that point during the cleanup, you don't, it's heaven essentially. So you don't age and you don't feel pain. So yeah, basically the survivors will, when the earth is transformed, I guess from that point on, yeah, the earth will be transforming into a paradise. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Where, you know, as earth was originally created, a paradise earth where man and beast will live as one in perfect harmony. That's what Earth is called. And you can't push it from Sabre's. You can't. It won't bite you or nothing. Damn, but then you have to go vegan. Is it now murdered to have a steak?
Starting point is 00:28:24 You know what I was going to think? I think cool you can to go vegan. Is it now murder to have a steak? You know we've got to think that it's cool. You can fuck the cows. I want ribs every once in a while. Both parties got to be having some sort of pleasure in the process. All right. Yeah, I'm assuming, yeah, I think everybody would then be vegan if you're supposed to be.
Starting point is 00:28:40 Yeah, sucks. Maybe part of the thousand years of making it awesome is they really like lab-grown meat technology. Is this, or do you get magic? Could you just like wave a wand and you have a steak and it was cruelty free? That could, I mean, that's the thing. You know what I think about?
Starting point is 00:28:58 None of this is implausible compared to what I've already told you. I'm telling you, Dragon Balls eat your homeless witness. We're gonna make it, dude. We're gonna do it. Because I have, I know how heaven's gonna go. You can fuck all the animals, and you can fucking do a wand, and you have any meal you want, but it's not, you didn't harm anyone.
Starting point is 00:29:14 Yeah. In fact, maybe you get a, how about this? You get a steak if you make a cow come. It's like you have to earn your meat by sexually pleasuring whatever animal, or you know or maybe not sexual pleasure. Maybe it's like you get them a gift.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Let's not be crashed. There's going to be cow hores, but there's also going to be nice cow ladies and proper cow grandma's. So you get them a little peen- Yeah, well, I'm just saying you're a good neighbor to your cow. Here's a flower in there.
Starting point is 00:29:45 And then you get granted one steak credit. You know, you have to do a kindness to whatever animal you're gonna eat. And you, so we're gonna forget this awesome. I would love to. I love coming up with a fake religion, dude. This is great. I know, I'm ready to like worship a sick God.
Starting point is 00:30:00 Like there's people in this religion that's like, they believe like, we're a super sophisticated like Sims like simulation right right right I'm like yeah bring on that dragon ball Z God Dude that sucks maybe there is the simulation such as what it's some fat guy playing Sims No, I want dragon ball Z God. I want to fuck I want the god You think of yeah, no one's okay my god gets pussy In fact, he gets to fuck Boma
Starting point is 00:30:24 That's canonically part of it. He's not Vegeta though No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm Buddhist, you know, all these things, like deflections, like I can't get on board of this belief system. I would love to have somebody talk to you, be like, this is all cool, but can I eat steak? Yeah. Let's get down to brass tax. I would love to. We should have fun.
Starting point is 00:30:58 And next time you come on, we should bring like a door to door guy, and he should try and convert me in eldest. We should have like fucking, you're kind of like the referee. You know what I mean? You're kind of like, you know, come on, it's not right. And we kind of have a guy trying like win us over. That would actually be an awesome podcast.
Starting point is 00:31:16 That would be great. We invited you up, it was a win, it's a try and convert us. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. That'd be great. Okay. Oh my God, dude. That'd be great. Okay, so yeah, they believe that the Earth will be transformed. Man and beast live as one and perfect harmony forever. And then, and then, here's where it gets.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Yeah, here's where the goes off the rails. It's kooky after that. All Joe's witnesses who have died before Armageddon happened, will be resurrected from the dead. But only after it's already re-re-re-sapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which they should put them in here. Yeah, right? They should be involved in this.
Starting point is 00:31:52 You were wrong about 1912 being the apocalypse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I gotta do all this landscaping. Fucking mess. I gotta install a coy pond in my backyard to up the property value of Earth for Jehovah. Yeah. Yeah. So they will be
Starting point is 00:32:06 resurrected. And then, uh, so that's another, you know, that's another reason they pray on people that have experienced loss. Oh, you got it. You got a dead kid. Well, come to us. You'll get to see him again. You'll be reunited. Yeah. Um, so they'll be resurrected and then 144,000 who have received a divine calling, which you know, that's just it's on an honor system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll rather than be resurrected or rather than be resurrected to live on earth, we'll ascend to heaven to rule with Jesus over this paradise earth. Oh, wow. Which again is a question of like if it's a perfect paradise Earth
Starting point is 00:32:45 or everybody's perfect, what are you guys doing up there? Yeah, you know? Interesting. And how is that a win, you know what I mean? I guess the man looking down on people on Earth, and a pool getting pushed from a flamingo. Yeah. Having Buffalo, having just Buffalo steak, he had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had had I thought the 144 together on planet. I really did think they got their own planet. That was like a mini-earth that they just hang out on.
Starting point is 00:33:26 They're stuck on this shit hole. So, okay, dragon balls, eat your hova, which we start, you get your own planet. There you go. You get your own planet. See, that's much more enticing. That's so cool. I think they need to bring you on board with a governing body.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Yeah, because you don't want to have to do job, work, job. No. I mean, hanging out with Jesus, that's probably cool. If you believe he exists, you want to meet the guy. Sure. And like down there, they're like, hey, what's he like? It's like, oh, dude, he's actually like one of the most down to earth guys. When you go down to visit every once in a while, you talk about it while you fuck a cow. Yeah. Jesus is awesome. Yeah, he's a really sick dude. A private guy, a private guy, but yeah, really when you get to know him funny too
Starting point is 00:34:05 Very funny and just doesn't take it too serious it doesn't take himself too seriously. Yeah Let's just have casual Fridays Yeah, I always wonder about that is everyone naked. Yeah, you have a cool tunic That's why Dragon Ball Z Jehovah's Witness is kind of taking care of you get to choose whatever clothes you like from Dragon Ball Z, Joe's witness is kind of taking care of. You get to choose whatever clothes you like from Dragon Ball Z. There you go. You could be dressed in the traditional orange Goku suit. You could be wearing what sayings wear.
Starting point is 00:34:32 You can wear what regular humans in DBC background care. That low level glasses. Yeah, the tracker, his power level. The thing that I forget what it's called, scanner, the scanner. Everybody else resurrected as a spiky Yeah, you can have that hair if you want for sure Lot of options with dragon balls. E. Jehovah's Witness which we have just started We'll talk to my little brother see if we can fold that into the church of the earthly dagger
Starting point is 00:34:59 My brother's in the middle of starting his own. He might be having a, you know, mental health crisis He might be having a, you know, mental health crisis. Is this the orange? Yeah, we're not exactly sure. Dude, I love his stuff. It's awesome. Hey, come to Baltimore and go to the exhibition, bring the family. We're putting on a big show in a couple of weeks, but yeah, no, his stuff's awesome.
Starting point is 00:35:17 But yeah, he started, he started talking about being a God's earthly dagger. Right, he started talking about that. So we'll see. Yeah. But it's about as much sense as the Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. like a God's earthly dagger. He started talking about that, so we'll see. But, it's about as much sense as
Starting point is 00:35:28 the spiritualness and the inclination. Let's see if we can fold that all in. If this could be what the church of the earthly dagger is, elders, I think we can squeeze it all in. I think we can find the way. Let's explain it. Press it up real nice. Oh.
Starting point is 00:35:43 Hell yeah, so you were out there. So this, that's fast thing. So before your mom, before you're, not even your mom got convinced, but your dad who are letting the dog out was like, just come back tomorrow. Like, that's also fast thing. What did your dad believe?
Starting point is 00:35:59 Like was he just a nod? Was he just, he was raised, he was raised a Protestant. My mom was raised a Piscopalian, so both sex and Christian and Christian and me. I hate how there's 100 different. I know, right? It's like, who gives a fuck? What's the fucking difference?
Starting point is 00:36:14 All the differences are so, even some Greek Orthodox, we're both Orthodox. And Orthodox and Catholic, there was some split like, you know, whatever, 2000, like a thousand years ago about such bullshit, it's like our creed is a little different. One of us believes that, one of us believes that it's literally his body and blood, and one of us believes that it's symbolically, which is like, he'll stare, and it might be us. I don't remember who thinks it's literal. I think it might be us
Starting point is 00:36:47 I think the Catholics have to think it's literal. Well, no, no I think we do because we still drink the wine and shit all they do is a little fucking bitch ass wafer Although who knows? Catholics are stupid enough. They did it in the wine, I think do they? Yeah, I think it dip it in the wine Don't they? Isn't that the most fucking? No, fucking know he's your host witness of Piscopalian. He doesn't know what the fuck they do. Yeah, I wish this was an Oreo. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Yeah. Anyway, whatever. But yeah, I don't know. The Piscopalian and the props that I have no idea what that could possibly, you know. Props that I guess is not Catholic. It's the freshest not Catholic. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:37:21 And then there's all the fucking weird American ones where they're talking in tongues and shit, which I don't know what the fuck you would even classify that bullshit as. That's even stupor than your hoax witness somehow. Yeah. That little boy. You don't know what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Dude, those are my favorite videos. Yeah. Yeah. Alarazza. The devil from you. And a guy in a wheelchair falls out of the wheelchair and stands up. So much, you get why that existed when you're like, and a wheelchair falls out of the wheelchair and stands up.
Starting point is 00:37:45 So much, you get why that existed when you're like, oh yeah, they didn't even have radios. So much people. So yeah, let's go see something. I'm fucking bored. And they're just being entertained. And they think that's God. They're like, oh, this is pretty fucking fun and interesting.
Starting point is 00:38:00 It's so much better than just sitting in the fucking barn or whatever the fuck. And they think that fucking, like I saw a tic-tac one time where some I don't remember who was a girl or a gay guy was talking about how how they thought they were interchangeable. For the purposes of this they are because they were talking about how they loved like praise music and things like that and they loved the gospel then they went to a one direction concert and they're like praise music and things like that and they love the gospel Then they went to a one-direction concert and they're like oh, I just love concerts like God is fucking stupid And I think so much of that happened with like all the like especially like preachers
Starting point is 00:38:36 They were basically like somewhere between stand-up comics and like say Yes, yes, yes, you were just fucking poor and broken, had nothing to do, and it was a pretty, pretty eventful entertaining afternoon when they're just like, well, the devil comes out of you, you know, and they probably, a couple of them probably had like, parlor tricks that were almost like, Vodville and Magician shit where they were probably like, like, looked like they were floating in shit. Yeah, dude, all comics, if we were simply believers, could have gone that route. Easily, you know and we will the church of the church of Jehovah Goku the church of
Starting point is 00:39:09 Goku Jehovah yeah okay so I might go back but that's how much my dad just deferred to my mom you know what I mean that's how much is that whatever he says really really so so he he was in there too once. It wasn't like a thing of like, so he was like, my wife will really be into this. They come back, your mom's like, this is fucking awesome. And the whole family from then on
Starting point is 00:39:35 is just your host witness. So yeah, I mean, I think I imagine that she probably, I've kind of come to this realization since having a kid of my own, because when you have a kid, it's like your heart is on the outside of your body, it's terrifying, that anything horrible could happen at any given moment.
Starting point is 00:39:55 Every moment you're like, you're so desperate to protect them. I honestly think that she probably heard about this as fucking bonkers as it is for an educated woman to be like, yeah, okay, this makes sense. I think she thought, all right, this is like a cheat code on life. Like, guys, I found the secret.
Starting point is 00:40:15 You just do this, you'll be fine. You'll be safe. Even if you die, you'll be resurrected. Like there's, you know, ultimately, you'll be fine as long as you are a believer. That's an indictment on having children, if I've ever heard one, it's like, yeah, this woman who's intelligent had kids and was so worried, she believed one of the most clearly bullshit of a ton of very bullshit religions. It's great. Having children scrambles your brain
Starting point is 00:40:40 so much that my mother thought this was the right move. Yeah, that's so fucking funny. That's all those 90s anti-drug campaigns should have been. This is your brain on the watch tower. But I mean, I get it. Sometimes it just hits you when you're looking for meaning it just the right moment. Yeah. And it's like, what is different about really what's, if we really break it down, is there anything different from what they're promising that every single fucking religion
Starting point is 00:41:07 Not really it's all the same shit. Yeah, it's basically like that joke about like, you know, it's like Taco Bell Where it's like whether it's a case idea a taco a burrito. It's all the same shit and slightly different wrapping Every religion is it's Mexican food. Yeah, it's like enchiladas What every religion is, it's Mexican food. It's like enchiladas, cascadillas, whatever the fuck it is. So, you know, not to shit on the J-Dubs too much, shout out to Jehovah. I think all religions dumb as fuck, it's not just you guys. But yeah, it is interesting to, yeah, Jehovah's Witnesses,
Starting point is 00:41:38 you typically think of as like black Mormons. You know what I mean? Like just thinking of it as like, because it's both the little tie and the white shirt Yeah, and then usually the Mormons are the little you know the little white boys Yeah, you were one of those for yep. We I got confused for Mormon all the And people are much more friendly are to Mormons because I think Mormons take no for an answer Right, you know, you're just smile. No, no Joe was when is right? You know, they just smile. They're even more men.
Starting point is 00:42:05 No, Jehovah's Witness. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like revulsion. Well, Mormons are, and Utah, I've been to Utah a couple of times, they're so insanely polite there, it's fucked up. So I guess I could see that, where it's like, I mean, not that I knew any really rude Jehovah's Witnesses, but like, honestly, the shows were just like you were just like kind of kept to themselves, kids, and like, kids I grew
Starting point is 00:42:28 up with who like wouldn't, they just could not do anything. Do anything. Like, when did the holiday party came around? They're like, sorry. Nope. No holidays, right? Because you're not allowed to praise anything but Jehovah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:42 And so, pagan. How old were you in this, were you like, how old were you in this happened? I was so my, my parents had me very late. So my siblings were 18, 16 and 14 when I was in the war. Oh my, okay. So they were all already like, this is bullshit. We are over this.
Starting point is 00:43:03 So when, how, so this happened during their lifetime, but you were born into it basically. Yes, dude, how old was your old discipline when it happened, do you know, when they converted? I think they converted when he was, when he was still a toddler, maybe he was like two or three, I think they had just adopted my oldest brother. Oh, it is interesting, dude, what the fuck? And we're like, okay, we really want to protect this kid and ensure a safe future for our family. It is so fucking stupid. It is so fucking dumb.
Starting point is 00:43:32 And the rest of my family ridiculed my mom nonstop. Nonstop. Yeah, I mean imagine if like one of our like, yeah, do, imagine if like Nick, my brother Nick, who's just like, you know, just a very, you know, smart guy runs a business. Like, if he was like after he had a kid, if he was like, yeah, I'm Jehovah's now. Yeah, that would, we would never stop mocking him for the rest of our lives.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Yeah, it became like an ongoing, so my mom's, a whole family lived up in New Hampshire. Yeah. Dairy farm and her sister and brother lived up there. Every time we went up there it was like an intervention. I was like Joan, what are you doing? You're ruining this kid's life. And I was like, I'm making good points.
Starting point is 00:44:22 God damn, that's so fucking funny. Yeah, that is good. Sorry, so when you're like a kid or growing up or whatever, and where you like, this is fucking bullshit all the way, did you grow out of it? Like, I mean, I thought it was, that's the thing. Like, you don't realize how insane it is until you go to school and you realize how other people are living right and also like as a kid
Starting point is 00:44:47 Although like you've seen their publications right you see their tracks right and that that depict the paradise Yeah with like kids fronicking around and I will say that is a kid. Oh, sure Like I remember as a kid picking it up a couple times. Yeah picking up a watch time Be like this looks like a fuck, because again, we did grow up in a weird time right before internet. We don't have phones, we don't have shit. So it's like, I remember I would see them
Starting point is 00:45:12 and like, they would put them out like libraries, they would put them out just like random places. And it's like, that was in the like, magazine, highlights magazine, Disney magazine. All that shit that a little kid would do to like time, and I picked up a watch tower multiple times because not only do they have the cool paradise one, but they had to like, oh, it's happening, Armageddon one, that looked like an action movie.
Starting point is 00:45:35 You have the fucking big light bulb and the metal album cover. Yeah, the big light bulb with a watch tower, like ominous in the background, and I was like, whoa, this is fucking sick. And multiple times my mom was like, put that down. We believe in Jesus. You know, like multiple times my mom literally the disdain,
Starting point is 00:45:53 and my mom was not, my mom was a very incredibly liberal and like left person for being like a Greek immigrant. Like my mom was very, you know, not just like economically, but culturally very like accepting of everyone when that was not how most people were. But when it came to like, for whatever reason, Jehovah's Witness and like, just strangely like the religious part of like, she was in crazy practicing religious,
Starting point is 00:46:19 but it was like this thing where she was like, ah, she was like, like, oh my God, disgusted by my, the idea that I would be interested in any of that, you ah, she was like, oh my God, disgusted by the idea that I would be interested in any of that. You know what, it was so fucking funny. I remember, yeah, they were, they knew what they were doing with the like, the planning of my watchtower.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Yeah. So you would find them in the library? I saw them, I don't remember, I don't remember where the fuck I would see them, but I remember, I think that's not crazy. I think the public library, because we would go to the public library a lot to kind of kill time. A mom would leave us there sometimes. Yeah. And you know, you just like, we would, if you couldn't get on the computer to play
Starting point is 00:46:51 Strega No-no or, uh, or fucking, you know, uh, uh, what were the good, what were the good games on the computer? Strega No-no, uh, according to the world, there's Carmen Sandiego. Yeah. And then you read a book for a half hour and you're like, this is fucking boring. You would just start wandering around. And yeah, I found them at the library, the Enoch Pratt for the library. And somewhere else, I just remember seeing, and now I see them, and now it'll happen to me as an adult
Starting point is 00:47:17 where they have them in like my linger mat. And it'll catch my eye and I'm like, damn. I leave them as bait. Do you ever remember going to the local bookstore in Ridgefield with my mom and having I'm like, damn. I leave him as bait. Do you ever remember going to the local bookstore in Ridgefield with my mom and having her be like, I'm just going to leave this on the shelf here, leaving a watch down on the shelf. And be like, whatever fucking poor teenage sap that works here is like after school job is going to find that.
Starting point is 00:47:37 And be like, why isn't this on the inventory list? Yeah. We're supposed to have more of these. Yeah, you don't know this supposed to be and watch ours. So it's good and look Jehovah's a good name. This one says Zion's watch tower of just powerful stuff. Sounds cool. It all that shit sounds cool. I'm able to now objectively look at this stuff and be like, all right, yeah, that's pretty bad ass. Are they still are you friends. Are they still are they still are your parents did are they still so my mom? Yeah, my mom died when I was 17 and that was that was my out
Starting point is 00:48:10 Dude your dad's like all right. Well, this is tragic, but at least no more fucking Straight the second your mom's gone there. Everyone's like all right Straight the second your mom's gone. There are everyone's like, all right. That's enough of this. Oh, we should. Damn, that's fucking wild. Did you have any successful? I had nothing to do with this.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Did you have any successful conversions when you were going door to door? No, I had people that were, when I was really young, that would take the literature just to be nice. You were a little too old. You know, just like, like I'm not gonna slam the door and I cute little kids face But they had you out there working since you were like seven. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fucking child labor Yeah, and do summers were brutal because like in the summer So not like during the school year like you said all the J. Dubs that you knew like keep a low profile
Starting point is 00:49:03 Low profile. I didn't even know until it was like, you wouldn't even know until they didn't want to be involved in the Christmas Pension or the something. You're like, hey, why isn't she singing? Yeah. And she was a good, I remember, one girl was a good singer. You think she's suddenly like this fucking anarchist badass?
Starting point is 00:49:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just one little girl who was so shy and really nice. And I don't remember how we even caught like She would just sing sometimes it like and you could tell she wanted to sing it the Christmas like Thing so bad. Yeah, all these shitty singers and she's like, I can't you know and just like I would remember being like more mad for her than she was but at the same time I was like more fucking shine for me You know, I was ready, more fucking shine for me. I was ready to tear down the Christmas pageant with my pipes.
Starting point is 00:49:50 I used to think I could sing, and I was a little bit, I wanted to be a singer. That's the go fat little five year old that's like, oh, you know, sorry, no. That's cool that you say that though, because my biggest fear in school was telling people that I was Jova's witness and getting out it and getting mercilessly bullied for it. So I kept a very low profile. Like, you know, I would go to the library when there was a birthday celebration.
Starting point is 00:50:19 I couldn't go to school dances, couldn't play sports after school, because you're not allowed to hang out with anybody that's not Jova's witness. I couldn't play sports. No. Wow. So allowed to hang out with anybody that's not Joe was with this. No. Wow. So like a lot of Joe was when this is our home schooled. Which is smart because if you really want to keep him in that bubble. Right. Right. Once they go to school, that's where everything opens up to them and they're like, oh my god, these kids are actually enjoying life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're having a couple games. Yeah, I remember always feeling bad because it was like, they can't have a cupcake for the birthday. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I remember being like, what the fuck is the, like for whatever, maybe that's, and looking at me wrong, I was also a bully as a child. But that was the one, like, I'm not trying to say I'm some fucking limits. I don't, but for whatever reason, I just, it was such a tangible thing where it was like, and most of the time they were so bummed, you could reason, I just, it was such a tangible thing where it was like,
Starting point is 00:51:05 and most of the time they were so bummed, you could see, they just wanted to be little kids. But yeah. Yeah, dude, I would have kids like save me, like a little, even like save me just like the rapper. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:51:17 I would get all the rappers. I'd just suck the crumbs out of the rapper. Well, especially for you, because it's like no one is, I'm guessing no one's, Jehovah's Witness and fucking Vatican. Yeah, I was the only I was the only one and we haven't even gotten into the fact that yeah you're fucking siblings are so much older than you. That's also fucking weird and they're not Jehovah's
Starting point is 00:51:38 Witness probably right. They were very you know as long as they were living at home they kind of had to identify as such and go through the motions but they had one foot out the door as long as they were living at home, they kind of had to identify as such and go through the motions, but they had one foot out the door for as soon as they could, you know, like, because it was, it was, that's the thing, if you come to it on your own, great. Like, if my mom wanted to practice on her own, fine. But to like, force a kid into that, yeah, that, that, when they don't feel like
Starting point is 00:52:00 they're missing something from their life, it's so fucked up. What if your son was like, Dad, I just picked up this awesome book. What if it's just he has your mom's dumb jeans? He's like, he comes to you one day, he's 12. He's like, I was at a bookstore. I found this book that I didn't have to someone had left there. And I decided to read it.
Starting point is 00:52:19 Yeah. Yeah. Dad, have you really cared about my future? You would let me die as opposed to get a blood transfusion I can be a resident another weird one I remember that one that was so fucking weird. Yeah, dude side of guy to carry around one of those no blood cards Wow, my first day of school in safe illegally binding document Signed by both my parents
Starting point is 00:52:44 Like yeah, I'd be very easy to save his life, but don't don't do it. Yeah binding documents. It's fucking crazy. Signed by both my parents. Like yeah, it'd be very easy to save his life, but don't. Don't do it. Yeah. No, he's not, he's completely not allowed to be in the 144K. If he gets that. God damn it. So like, but all that literature, all those pamphlets,
Starting point is 00:53:00 all those illustrations to a kid that's enticing. Like I remember looking at that as a kid, be like, yeah, frolling around in a field with a lion. That was fucking badass. And then you hit your teen years and you just want to fuck. And you're like, unless that lion gives head, I'm about. And it might though, you know, in Goku's, in Goku's Jehovah, he does, the line gives head.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Yeah, no, that's absolutely. I mean, yeah, I guess teen is when it all starts, yeah, it all starts and I would assume real test. I assume there's very, you're not allowed to get pussy and Jehovah's Witness, like you're not allowed to in any other. No, no, nothing that can lead to pre-marital sex. That's why a lot of Jov's Winners is getting married when they're like, dude, 14, 19. Yeah. Yeah, it's a similar Mormon thing where it's like, they get married at 18.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Yeah, they have like four kids. Yeah. And before they know it, you know. Yeah, it's sad, dude. That is so interesting. What are you, are you, because you got a kid, he's like, what, eight now we've talked about. What are you thinking in terms of like this?
Starting point is 00:54:05 Your wife any kind of religion do you know she was she was raised she's Jewish She went to Hebrew school for a few years hated it left. Yeah, she was not like practicing it But we lean into that for him just for the holidays You know what I mean like I live vicariously for him now You know what I mean? Like I live I care to sleep through him now. Like it does. It's my San Hanukkah. Yes, fuck it, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Live it up. Oh, okay. So you're so he gets both he gets all the holidays you didn't get right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. And like he does he has no interest in sports or after school activities. Oh, there he is.
Starting point is 00:54:39 And I'm like, but you can. Yeah. So fucking do it. No. Yeah. Yeah. And unfortunately like I have like weaponized the whole Going door to door shit like if he's like bored on the weekend He's like I don't have any friends around what am I gonna do today? I was like what is this?
Starting point is 00:54:56 Does this suck? Is this not acceptable? Just be hanging out at home. You want to fucking knocking on doors? You put the clip on time. You put the clip on Ty on. Yeah. Put the clip on Ty on. 40 minutes of going door to door until you fucking hour are happy to be home playing your Switch. You want grateful pieces of shit. That's so fucking funny, dude.
Starting point is 00:55:17 So yeah, I just, yeah, I wonder about that because it's like, so he just gets to believe whatever the fuck he wants. You don't care. No. No one's religious in the family. But like, like he was bummed today because he's in camp right now.
Starting point is 00:55:28 He's at this awesome day camp. He's an amazing artist. He's an amazing fine artist. And he's going to this art camp, where all art classes all day long. And he was bummed today when I dropped them off because there's two buddies that have been with him this whole time are not in camp this week.
Starting point is 00:55:43 And he was like, this is gonna suck. It's gonna be so boring. And again, I was like, don't fucking threaten him with going door to door. Yeah. Don't do it. Yeah, don't tell him how much worse it could be. But like, yeah, if I was to suddenly,
Starting point is 00:56:03 I was born into it. So I didn't know any difference. I never celebrated Christmas. I never, but if I was to if I was to suddenly, you know, I was born into it. So I didn't know any difference. I never celebrated Christmas I never but if I was to tell him like, hey man starting tomorrow no birthdays, no Christmas No hanging out all your friends. They're not your own businesses. You can't hang out with any of them anymore They're gonna be spent. Yeah, you'd be fucking suicidal He would be fucking suicidal. Yeah. And what I was telling you earlier was like, he was complaining about camp today. Which is like, it's so hard for me not to be like, dude, you have no idea how good you
Starting point is 00:56:32 have it. Because during the summer, my mom made me one month of the summer. I had to choose to do auxiliary pioneering. That's a term they use. Which I had to spend, I had to spend 60 hours in one month going door to door. Oh my God. 60 hours?
Starting point is 00:56:50 Yeah. Jesus. I was out every day for a couple of hours in the summer, yep. Praying that my, I was not like, you know, knocking on like my bus route or something. Of course, of course. You know, of course.
Starting point is 00:57:02 And I think we're seeing somebody you know. Yeah, dude. So like most kids, thank God God took pity on me and didn't make fun of me Yeah, but the the title of the podcast Jehovah Boy comes from this one kid to answer the door I was like what the fuck are you doing here? And then the next day on the bus in front of everybody was like And then the next day on the boss in front of everybody was like Like wasn't even looking at me. He was like, Doug wasn't it crazy when you're at my door yesterday
Starting point is 00:57:41 Trying to convert me Yeah, that's fucking brutal. Yeah. But yeah, it's interesting. I mean, it is so interesting to think about the difference between your, like, you'll just, everyone ends up being, now anyway, this is a pretty modern phenomenon. It didn't used to be this way, but everyone pretty much, everyone ends up being a completely different person than their kid.
Starting point is 00:58:04 Yeah. It's like, and this is a very modern thing where it's like, you go to Greece, you go to my family up until two generations ago, everyone was pretty similar, you know what I mean? Or at least you got like three or four generations of similar before some kind of like shift happened. Yeah. But it's just like now, it's like, yeah, you're, I mean, you had a bizarre up, there's no way you could raise a kid like you.
Starting point is 00:58:28 You know what I mean? Like, it's one thing to be job is, which is that I think it'd be a weird, you know, Connecticut convert. Yeah. Because your mom had a kind of, kind of went insane. After having kids, after adopting kids, it wasn't, you can't even blame it on chemicals.
Starting point is 00:58:42 Exactly. Because he adopted her first kids, right? Are you the only non-adopted kid in your family? Two or two. Two or two. For total two or two kids. Yeah, okay. So maybe it was a bit chemical, whatever, but still, it's like, it's just so interesting
Starting point is 00:58:56 how different your experiences are than a Brooklyn little artist. You know what I mean? A kid who gets to actually, and not just had a couple art programs here there, but like you're putting them in art camp. He doesn't have any interest in like sports or any of that. It's just, yeah I don't know. Do you ever think about like, it's just that always interests me because I'm like, if I ever to have kids are like, you know, like we grow up fucking poor when we were little, and it's like automatically if any any, if we have kids, their lives are better than our lives were. Automatically, we don't have to do anything. We've been to therapy, our
Starting point is 00:59:30 dads, you know, hilarious. The idea that they would even consider for one second what impact they were having on their children emotionally. They would even think about it, let alone analyze that, right? And it's just like, I don't know, you, you actually have, you know, for me, it's all theory. But you actually have a kid. Is that like interesting? like, I don't know, you actually have, you know, for me, it's all theory. But you actually have a kid. Is that like interesting? Like, I don't know, you're, because he is different. He is like, and you don't wanna,
Starting point is 00:59:52 I guess that's a form of bullying is telling him how good he has it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, and it's really hard not to. Yeah, he doesn't know what to compare it to. Yeah. You know, he didn't live that way. Of course.
Starting point is 01:00:04 But even, yeah, even outside of Jehovah's Witness shit, like growing up here as opposed to rural Connecticut, you know, like I remember, it was, it was just all rich white kids, you know? And like his first day at kindergarten, I remember him telling me about, oh, I met this kid today, Michael, Michael's my new friend,
Starting point is 01:00:24 telling me about this kid, Michael, all week long. And then finally, finally on Friday, I picked him up from school. And he's like, bye, Michael. And I finally see Michael for the first time. And in my head, I'm thinking, Michael's black! Let me in!
Starting point is 01:00:37 Oh, my kids are good guys. Oh, my kids are not racist. Oh, thank God. No, he's like how did you not lead with that? He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know it's impressive. That it's first-friended school's black. Yeah, I mean there is the, there's definitely the positives, right?
Starting point is 01:01:04 Of like, yeah, each generation, especially here, you get less racist and you get less, like, you know, it really is the, yeah, you're almost like, it's such a, you're creating such a like, like accepting nice kid that, he's not like, you're some tough guy, but you almost feel like the, it's like the 1950s dad versus the rock and roll son. Where it's like, that's how nice your kid is, that it makes you look like a tough guy. Oh, you know, you're not, you know,
Starting point is 01:01:33 it makes you like, you're just, you're also pretty sensitive artistic guy, but like compared to like, by comparison. A Brooklyn like kid who has an easel at age four, you know, you know, you might as well be the fuck the honey mooters. You might as well be hitting your wife.
Starting point is 01:01:50 Yeah, yeah. Cause my dad grew up, you know, kind of like a farm kid, gun toting conservative racists. Like, like, you says, grants, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandson. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so I thought that was all normal to me yeah yeah that was cool yeah like holding up in the basement listening to conservative talk radio making your own bullets that's totally normal making your own bullets that's why don't even trust the liberal bullets. Don't even trust the mass, mass made bullets.
Starting point is 01:02:27 God forbid there's a misfire. Turn you queer. Okay, okay, I see what's going on here. Your dad was like that and QAnon didn't exist. Exactly. So your mom would have been Q to the mass. If it was, if they caught her right now, you know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:02:42 Oh, that makes a lot of sense, okay. I wonder how many like Republicans that are cute now would have gone to some kind of repolting types of things. Oh yeah, yeah. There were just less options for it. Uh huh. Dorded door makes a little more sense now
Starting point is 01:02:58 because if the internet didn't exist, you could make a killing going door to door queuing on at trailer parks. And like, and like the shittiest, And like, the shittiest, you know, the shittiest white suburbs, the white flight suburbs that are somehow worse off than the cities they left. There's a, every city has one of those.
Starting point is 01:03:17 You could make a killing, but now we have the internet. The inner city's like, you guys do too many drugs. Yeah. No, truly, I mean, we have one of those in the... And fucking Baltimore, where the fuck did my phone go? It's right down there. Shut up, eldest.
Starting point is 01:03:31 But yeah, dude, by comparison, even though I'm such a... Even though I'm such a far cry from my dad. That's like, fuck you, dude. That's like my dick eldest. I'm like, I'm gonna kill this. I'm gonna kill this. I'm gonna kill this. I'm gonna kill this. I caught my phone in the microphone. Something bit me.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Shut the fuck up. Don't you dare. Don't you dare use the laugh track. I was just, wow. How long is the first segment? Because I feel like I could talk to Doug for two hours about this shit. We're at 57. Okay, let's see, okay, let's switch.
Starting point is 01:04:07 All I was trying to do was check the time folks, but you know, God forbid my producer understand what I was going for. Maybe give me some kind of warning. You guys are having a great time talking about this, but maybe, anyway, you gotta come back, Doug, cause we've barely scratched the surface. Yeah, we have.
Starting point is 01:04:26 I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms, and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location,
Starting point is 01:05:05 it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Thanks, guys. But why don't we take you have a very you have a very your your perspective is very I don't think we've had anybody with this kind of background yeah so I think you're gonna be very useful when we solve our friends problems here so let's want you to play a nice little nice little fucking call for me and my friend Doug here. Hey stop Erad. I think you and all this rock. Thanks, dude. Love the podcast.
Starting point is 01:05:52 So I've been married for 16 years to an awesome woman. I got three kids. She's got that awesome sad assass you know, wiker will ask. I love it. Pushes off into amazing. Here's the thing, we threw it really conservative. Here we go. And yeah, we're still conservative in some ways, but I mean, honestly, we're different people now. But here's the thing, and never been to a strip club. Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:25 So like I said, 16 years in a marriage, it's been great. And, you know, so I'm just looking for some ways to maybe bring this up. Because here's the thing, I'm not going to be a dootbag and go there behind or back. Behind or back? And just from talking with friends and whatnot,
Starting point is 01:06:45 I guess there's something couples do. I mean, I'll go there together. I mean, I'll go there, I'll go to a male strip club or whatever with her. You know, no big deal. We're not just one seed of people. Take a life drawing class. We spend so much time together,
Starting point is 01:07:01 we feel so comfortable around each other, but still something I'd like some suggestions, some ideas on how I can bring this up and not seem like a total douchebag deck. All right, man. Thank you. Very interesting question here. Very interesting. He clearly loves his wife.
Starting point is 01:07:22 He doesn't want to, it's almost cute. This question's almost like adorable. Yeah. Where it's like, oh jeez, I really want to go to a strip club. It's a soft morick, right? I don't want to see some boobies that are at yours. Yeah. I don't want to go behind my wife's back. So he wants to go with her.
Starting point is 01:07:41 It sounds like, right? No, he wants to basically know like how to broach. Asking her for permission to go with her. It sounds like, right? No, he wants to basically know like how to broach asking her for permission to go. But he also said something about I hear couples go, I hear some couples like might go to a strip club together. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I mean, this is kind of easy as fuck. You, you can't make it seem like it's your idea, right?
Starting point is 01:08:02 It's the boys are going out. It's somebody's birthday, right? Like you have to like create a fake scenario where you can strip club pamphlets on the counter top. So it was Whitney style. Oh, what's this? What the hell is this?
Starting point is 01:08:20 Just a pamphlet just tits on it. Just a picture of tits. Or whoa, very interesting. Yeah, here's the easiest just tits on it. Just a picture of tits. Or, whoa, very interesting. Yeah, here's the easiest way I would do is like get, you know, someone, it's someone's bachelor party, it's someone's something, but somebody's birthday and he's like, hey, the fellas are all going to, you know, I just wanna let you know, you know,
Starting point is 01:08:43 just part of it, because you're not going to a fucking brothel. This guy also maybe doesn't know that you don't get to fuck the strippers. Right. This sounds really nervous. You're just looking at tits, you're throwing them a little money. Maybe you're getting a lap dance.
Starting point is 01:08:58 He should go there with like $100 cash, leave all his credit cards at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This man is liable to go crazy That is first sight of some not not his wife pussy in real life But yeah, dude, I think that is I mean the fact that you're willing to go to a mailship club You're ready to go to magic Mike is so fucking funny That's how bad you want to see tit you like look at like, look, I look at a cock. Yeah. I'll watch.
Starting point is 01:09:25 I'll watch. I'll watch a bunch of old ladies get wet if it means I can go to a fucking strip club. So yeah, dude, I, I would suggest you find some kind of like group outing that you could go to a ship club for the first time and you know, it's easy. And then if you wanna go with her, you'd be like, hey, you know, it was a pretty fun time. Maybe we should check it out together. That could be fun.
Starting point is 01:09:55 I could see that actually being legitimately pretty fun for a couple to do. So I think that's your way in. You ease in with a, you're like, look, I'm being dragged to this thing. Yeah, exactly. Make it sound like ye doesn't even wanna like, look, I'm being dragged to this thing. Yeah, exactly. Make it, make it sound like ye doesn't even want to go there. Like I'm just trying to be a good buddy, trying to be a supportive buddy.
Starting point is 01:10:10 I don't want to be my top pick, but... Right, right, right, right. Have you ever gone to a strip club with your, with your wife? No, I have never. I've not been a strip club in Jesus probably 20 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't never with a girl though. No. Not been a strip club in Jesus probably 20 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never with a girl though.
Starting point is 01:10:26 No. I always felt, never really my thing. Just sitting out with your dude, just rock hard. I honestly don't, it's like, I really would rather, like it's just, I just have to look at these how women are not fuck them. It's torturous. It is, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:42 I don't get it. I don't get it at all. No. If you were allowed to negotiate fucking them, perhaps, perhaps I would be more interested in this kind of service. And I'm willing to spend the, you know, fair, fair market price, of course. But I gotta just fucking not, that's like a funny thing. That's like a kid do a petting zoo and tie tying their hands behind their back. Don't touch the lamp. Wouldn't you love to be friends with Islam?
Starting point is 01:11:13 Wouldn't you love for Islam to spit in your mouth? Yeah, dude. I think that's your way in. I think you're good. And I think I love what you guys got go in there since i got a really cute relationship we're rooting for you pal here's what they're going to be gale dunce
Starting point is 01:11:32 hey stop hey i'll just uh... big fan of the show this is this is a came out of them thank you brother bit of a conundrum lately. So this girl that I was hooking up with for a while, found out through social media recently that she's pregnant. She's having a kid. And like she was with her boyfriend, everything, like that together, they're getting married, I think they're engaged. boyfriend, everything, like, uh, that together, they're getting married, I think they're engaged. Um, well, like, I didn't even know she was in a relationship and I, I didn't really pay attention to her social media or anything like that. I looked through the timeline and it sure looks like to me, at least that she and this guy were together. Well, me and her were still hooking up.
Starting point is 01:12:22 Now, I'm not this kid's father. I know that for sure. Okay, then who gives a fuck? Pam, I know the workout there, but I'm just wondering like should I try to reach out to this dude and say that like there's a good kid that like pause the mother of your child was cheating on you with this relationship? What the fuck is wrong with you man? What the fuck is wrong with you man? What the fuck is wrong with you? So a woman is nice enough to give you some pussy
Starting point is 01:12:49 and it sounds like she let you raw dog because you had to do some math to make sure. It sounds like you were dumping loads inside this lady and you had to do the math to figure out you're not this kid's dad and you wanna go blow her spot up. By the way, you don't know what the fuck was going on with them. You don't know what kind of weird fucking white trash,
Starting point is 01:13:07 you know, a white trash open relationship, which means they both cheat on each other, thing they got going on, like, this is crazy, like, you can't, this is insane. The fuck. I'm a little confused, what is this part, I should try to reach out to the student, what's the student? No, no, that's the dude are for the folks at home we have google
Starting point is 01:13:28 transcription that's sometimes not the dude i should try and reach out to this dude alright or do i just leave it alone yet play the rest of it before i go on this uh... or do i do i like just leave it alone for the sake of the kids like having a healthy family life because that's where I'm really about to say of you not being a bitch. No, and this is probably going on in this relationship and that I was the integrator. Anyway, I really appreciate your advice. Thank you. What the fuck is going on here? You fuck this bitch four times. You think you
Starting point is 01:14:04 have to you feel bad not saying something. You think you have to, you feel bad, not saying something, you should feel bad getting in there and fucking your whole shit up. You don't feel bad about that? These people, you have. This is the kind of guy who raises his hands like, teacher, you forgot to give us homework. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:14:18 Teacher, I fucked your wife's pussy. When you may or may not have been cool with that. When it may or may not have been your business. And I'm barely in this woman's life. Dude, I don't give a fuck about any of this. You first of all, you shouldn't be checking up on her social media, that's fucking weird. And you're going through the timeline to this,
Starting point is 01:14:39 you're like, I look through the timelines, and this guy might have been together, you don't fucking know what they had going on. Mind your own business. This is fucking snitching. We do not condemn snitching. It is not affect your life whatsoever. This is in the past for you.
Starting point is 01:14:55 Would you, you don't think, you don't even know she's done anything bad, right? You don't know for a fact. You don't know where they are again, off again. Was he cheating on her? Were you a rebound? Like, you don't know where they on again off again was he cheating on her where you were rebound like you don't know the context at all And also let's say she cheated on this fucking guy Let's say she you know you guys have up clued and go anywhere
Starting point is 01:15:13 Let's say your dick was maybe your dick was so bad it led her back to her And you actually created this family, right? So you never know you might have done something good But let's say she made a mistake, Cheater on this guy, and then realized, holy fuck, I should be with him, I'm a fucking asshole, I wanna both start a family together, I'm so in, and out of nowhere, because you're bored and we're going through your Instagram stories one day,
Starting point is 01:15:39 you ruined her whole fucking life and his fucking life. He doesn't, he, first of all, if you have gotten cheated on and it's a one time thing and no one's ever gonna be the wiser, would you like to know about that? Cause I fucking wouldn't. I would like to let sleeping dogs lie. Okay, you're being a fucking busy body, snitch cock sucker, enjoy the, have be grateful
Starting point is 01:16:01 for the pussy you got and don't go, you don't know the context at all and even if it's she's a piece of shit well you got to stir stuff up man. Yeah he should feel like a fucking champion that she was willing to possibly throw her life away. Yeah, there you go dude. Taking us a compliment and move on. Yeah general. Don't get involved when you don't need to fucking get involved. One of life's most classic lessons. Stay the fuck, keep mind your own business, don't snitch. If someone's not fucking with you actively, don't start up a fucking shit.
Starting point is 01:16:34 Oh, you feel bad. No, you don't. If she had told you I have a boyfriend, you're dicks and they're about to hit her pussy. She's like, I have a boyfriend. Would you have stopped? If you would have, then you at least have a case, but I know you wouldn't have, because you didn't use a condom.
Starting point is 01:16:48 So you weren't thinking clearly about how you were fucking anyway. So shut up, it's easy to feel bad now. Would you have felt as bad right when you're, that's the ultimate test, by the way. If you ever want to say something, would you have felt that bad when you're dicks moments from breaching her pussy?
Starting point is 01:17:04 And if you wouldn't have, then you have no case, okay? Also, you gotta anticipate revenge, too. If he blows up her spot. Absolutely. You know? Exactly. She could be fucking... She could be a psychopath. Yeah, what do you think she's gonna be like,
Starting point is 01:17:16 well, that was fair, I was cheating. Yeah. You ruined my life, but I'm not gonna act. I'm not gonna act in any other way. That's a great point, Doug. You could completely start a chain reaction. By the way, you would deserve whatever was coming to you. You would, and even if you wouldn't deserve it, it would make so much sense
Starting point is 01:17:33 that you would get something coming your way. So, you're being a fucking asshole, dude. You might be checking his rear view for the rest of his life. Yeah, this one might kill you. I also love that he's taking the moral stance on such flimsy back of napkin math like, well, whoa, this pic of them was like, wasn't that a real shit? But I love how he's like, the kids definitely not mine.
Starting point is 01:17:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he fucking like really did the math. Oh, yeah, yeah. And listen, I've had to do some of that math myself. Back in the old, in the raw dogging Baltimore days. I had a panic attack when somebody you know said she was having a kid and didn't post a dad and I was like ah but I was I was clear thank the Lord but yeah dude you're a fucking asshole for even considering this and I hope you're sh- you're you're adequately really thoroughly shamed after hearing this response. God damn, Jesus.
Starting point is 01:18:27 Hey, how's it going? My name's Mitch. I love you, Stagh. I love to talk to you too much. I'm just going to get right to the point. I've been hooking up with this girl for a while now. And her pussy just absolutely will be reeks. Reeks? I don't know. her pussy just absolutely really reeks.
Starting point is 01:18:45 I don't know if it's like a genetic thing or like a diet thing, but it just smells even when we're just sitting on the couch. No, no. And it's like not necessarily the worst thing. Not the worst thing. My weird primal instinct for kind of into it, but it is pretty overpowering and kind of gnarly sometimes. So, I question to you is how do I nicely bring it up without being like a big, all right,
Starting point is 01:19:16 thanks so much. I love you, you're good at it. Anytime, anytime an adjective can apply to a pussy and a very large wave, That's a big problem. Marley goes to Mad Men role play. Yeah. That's all right. These days with their stinky cooters.
Starting point is 01:19:33 Yeah, is there an episode where Don Draper is advertising douches? You should be like, this is a really interesting scene and rewind it over and over again until she gets the hint This is a tough one. Thank God. I've never been put in this position. I don't really know how I'd handle it. This is a tough one Yeah, I haven't either I I did go down on a girl after she was a rich older woman who took me out to a steak dinner Wow girl after she was a rich older woman who took me out to a stake dinner. Wow.
Starting point is 01:20:06 And I did not realize until I went down on her that we had a sparigus that night. You ever gone down on a girl after an sparigus, P? I'm assuming it grew up on her stomach. Yeah. Yeah, rich older woman take out for a stake dinner. That's my boy. Yeah, how'd you swing that? She was, she was nuts.
Starting point is 01:20:26 She was this nuts photographer that I met at like a gay bar. I think she was gay, but she was like rebounding. She had just left her husband and she was rebounding. I think she was gay, but still kind of not really trying on the fence. Yeah. Yeah. You were at a gay bar hanging out?
Starting point is 01:20:44 Yeah, I had a friend at bar that I had a female friend at bartender there. So I went and just like hung out with her and met this woman. That's pretty sick. You got a little pussy at the gay bar. Yeah, right. You ever get sucked up by guys at the gay bar? No, no, he never know. But I, good for you man. I would have preferred that. I think, to the Asparagus pussy. Yeah. I think Asparagus, if I'm remembering what Asparagus, and I'm an Asparagus fan myself, I only know it from my own piss,
Starting point is 01:21:18 not licking a pussy that's recently had Asparagus, but I feel like an asparagus is better than whatever he's described. But at least you know the reason behind that. You know the reason why you've got a power through it. Talk about doing the math. Oh, dude, this is, well, who can I put this girl for a while now?
Starting point is 01:21:40 It can't be that big of a problem. Also like, on the couch is hysterical. This bitch has, this bitch has stinklines coming over, but she like garbage and allunid tunes cartoon. Just green waves. You mean she's down her pant and he pulls out a fish skeleton? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:02 Heathcliff. He is eyebrows, same jaw when she takes your panty jaw. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff.
Starting point is 01:22:11 Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff.
Starting point is 01:22:19 Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. Heathcliff. with some, you know, you meet people who have bad B.O. You meet people that just like, fucking, and they don't look dirty. And they just, they just hit you with a wave of like,
Starting point is 01:22:31 God damn. Yeah, this could be a legit, this is a legitimate medical condition. I've heard about this where it doesn't matter how much washing or douching you do. It's just like, you know, Ron pussyitis. Yeah. which is like a you know Ron pussyitis yeah
Starting point is 01:22:49 Thank you pussy So you've been hooked up with a while for a while. I feel like I feel like yes I'm pussy's do just have a smell on them absolutely and it's like you know like you guys are saying like it's not about your health or anything necessarily like that just a natural Senate might have. And that's like the proof for like, fair amounts. There's someone out there for that pussy. Oh yeah, I mean, he even says, it's not over. He says, he's kind of into it sometimes. So this might be a double edged sword, which is like, you might have, the first time, the
Starting point is 01:23:21 first time that you met this woman, you smelled some of her pussy scent, and it kinda, it like turned something in you, and now you're like, ooh, now you're outside. Yeah, because this woman, she is fighting a lot of smells in the real world, right? So her pussy has to be, has to be like, and she put the intensity up. You've turned it up, pharomones, whasks.
Starting point is 01:23:47 It's fighting, you're at a bar, a lot of bar smells, musk, alcohol, other people. This pussy cut through the noise and got to your nose in the real world. And now when it's just you and the pussy face to face, I'm sorry, it's going to be a little more powerful than than what you're used to, but What do you want to say to her? You want to be like hey? Hmm, you're cool. I know we're pretty casual, but just would like you to know. I don't know where this is going really But your pussy kind of reeks. Yeah, you're gnarly reeks. In my plus mind, in my pros and cons list,
Starting point is 01:24:26 your pussy stink is heaven. It's like two cons. It takes up two pros have to cancel it out. How thoughtful you are and the way you make eggs are the only thing that are canceling out how fucked up your pussy smells. But if you clean that up, I'm ready to propose. But that is a good point.
Starting point is 01:24:47 What is the next step here, pal? Because if you're gonna wanna like date this woman, but you're like, look, I can't. This is a little much. That's one thing, but if you're like, I think I'll just gonna fuck her five more times, but I prefer pussy doesn't smell. If you don't want anything serious,
Starting point is 01:25:03 don't broach the pussy stink subject. Just keep going for that gamey pussy. Keep fucking that gamey pussy until it's run its course. But if you want something a little more, you know, if you want something more serious potentially, you might have to kind of like, you know, bring this up somehow. No, no, does she have an intimidating gay friend?
Starting point is 01:25:30 You'd be like, hey, hey, Maurice. Sally's putting up an out-of-control man. It's not gonna, you, for some reason, gay men can be very mean to straight women and they see it as a compliment. So can you tell her, her pussy is not giving? Can you tell her her pussy is not ironically being very country right now? I love that country's turned around.
Starting point is 01:25:56 It means like hot now, by the way. That's fucking awesome. Trans people who we steal, who it goes black trans women to black women to gay, all gay men, to gay white men to other, the rest of us. And they really, that was really smart when they started making Kant mean hot again or whatever it means. Some kind of nebulous positive. Anyway, that's what I would say.
Starting point is 01:26:22 Get her, you know, get a scary gay guy, you know, to do it. He could also just go super passive aggressive with it and just stop washing his balls for a month and see if she says anything to him. And then if she says anything to him, well, you know, or put a little one to talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought was the gamey genitals club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, put a couple of, put a little sardine oil in your foreskin. For men, make some kimchi in your foreskin, the hunger of Gamy Genitals. Yeah, buddy, I don't know. Think, is it really a problem? Can she do, does this woman strike you as someone who doesn't wash her pussy?
Starting point is 01:27:02 Because it might just be her, you know, body chemistry. Or you could while you're eating her pussy, or how about this? Put, you're fucking her, right? You put a condom on, but you put a little like, you know, st.ives or whatever at the end of the condom, and then you break the condom while you're dicks inside. And you kind of force her to do sure, push you out. You just submission and possible style solutions, gadgets, gizmos, or you could, how about this? You go, you pay a bar of soap down from the ceiling.
Starting point is 01:27:40 Dan, to, Dan, to, Dan. Yeah, yeah, Dan, Dan, Dan. How about this, all right, right? You're like, let's go out for a nice little, you have, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, dent, And it has like that fucking brush comes on her pussy and just really foams it up nice. It's like what the fuck are we doing? Like, yeah, shut up. So we've given you some real- Get the guys to hit it with a vacuum at the end.
Starting point is 01:28:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think a shop vac to it. We've given you some very, very good actionable piece of advice. And the rest is up to you, Mitch. Good luck, my friend. Okay, so I have a question. So I just want like a male perspective on this and I feel like you'd be be able to offer really good life. Absolutely. That's what you were here for. A couple of months ago, be able to offer really good money. Absolutely, that's what you're here for. A couple months ago, I was cleaning out my fiancée car, he's like a dude, and I found in like his middle console of the car,
Starting point is 01:29:02 like one of those dick pills, but you get up a gas station. Okay. Like the rocket one, I don't know. But I've been out of the gas station due to the war and the kind of thing. And I know for fact that he's never with one of those out in front of me. He's ever really had a problem getting hard on life. Obviously he like drinks too much or whatever and sometimes, yeah, whatever.
Starting point is 01:29:22 Anyway, so like, it's never an issue for us, and I did what I'm for three or almost four years. So my question is, like, in my mind, it's super suspicious. So what I want to know is do you think you use that to take it, because I have a problem of like getting really drunk and falling asleep and he'll like be up there up over night
Starting point is 01:29:44 or like drinking with him or it's on pause. I'm sorry what? you have a problem getting really drunk and falling asleep and he'll be up the rest of the night. Okay, you whatever you've been got this woman's already pretty probably. Yes, and we have. I mean, yes, they're both alcoholics, but she just, she just, this man has completely fucked this woman's head up.
Starting point is 01:30:11 She's like, you know, I have a problem of getting really drunk and falling asleep, but he'll be like, up the rest of the night, which is like, you do the natural thing when you're drunk. He's clearly annoyed at her for falling asleep, and he's kind of already said it in her mind that this is a defect which is like I have a problem so anyway that's red flag number one something might be a little off but anyway keep keep going and they're both alcoholics of course yes
Starting point is 01:30:34 and just be like naturally to care and he just want to try it out or whatever for reference he I'm not going to give a safe here but I don't want give it away, but he's older like okay not old but like 30 early 30 so like It's not like he's like a probably like I don't know something anyway
Starting point is 01:30:55 Let me know what you think Okay Couple interesting things here the couple this, something, so she's like, now, option one, the happy option for everyone, he's been secretly taking dick pills in this relationship because he's never had a problem getting hard unless he's drunk or whatever. So that's the option here, is that like,
Starting point is 01:31:20 he's been, I've been in a relationship where, you know, I wasn't secretive about, it was more of a don't ask, don't tell dick, dick pill policy. You know, where when I was actually, finally when I was securing the relationship, like at first I used dick pills to just, I like to open up with a shock and all. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:31:41 Like just really go there with a very hard dick. And then when you're not, you know, you know, this one you care about a woman, ironically, and most very fucked up, my dick will struggle out of the gate when I actually have feelings for someone. And so I have taken some early dick pills and then I phased them out. Now they're...
Starting point is 01:32:01 And the dick pills you were taking, were they gas station dick pills? Well, were they prescribed? I bill well really prescribed i luckily i did and see again this is folks how many time to the big dick pill companies how many times do i have to tell you you're losing money every day not sponsoring us okay and i so the right, native advertising, you're fucking stupid and mad. Right now, do you understand I could launch into a nice little conversation with my friend Doug here,
Starting point is 01:32:30 talking about the exact type of dick pills I take and how effective they are and how they changed my life, but you're not gonna get that, are you? No, Doug, this was during the era of g- I kind of, I was a little scared of Gat station, Dick Pills. I'm not gonna sit here until you haven't taken some, but I also, this is an era before you could get, now you could get Dick Pills like their bubble gum.
Starting point is 01:32:54 You just go online and there's like 1800, you know. Right. Any of which we would love to have here on Stobby's World, but back in the, what I used to do for a while, there was a guy, well, I had like, I would talk about dick pills on Compton and then like sometimes fans would send me dick pills, like to do me a solid, which is hilarious.
Starting point is 01:33:16 And one guy told me about, there was a research, I talk about it in my special, in my first special, there was a research lab where you could get different chemicals but like in pipettes and it was for research purposes only. And you, there was no way to, you had the Venmoa guy and he would be like put something else in the subject. So you'd be like lunch. And so I like would Venmoa guy who worked at a research lab and he would send me like
Starting point is 01:33:43 a little fucking bottle, a liquid bottle of like, I guess it was like, Seattle's or whatever and you were supposed to take like just a little bit of it. So that's what I was on and of course I would be like, I would take way too much. Yeah, I would take way too much. I am stuffed off the Seattle's. So yeah, so that was kind of where I was at. You seem like a man whose dick has been hard his whole life. I mean, I have the opposite problem. I've had premature ejaculation problems. So I need to get super drugs.
Starting point is 01:34:12 That was drunk so it'll cooperate or punch you a few times. I will say that is the unconscious. That is the nice thing about, yeah, you gotta, you're a classic, gotta get one out first guy. Yes, yes, yes. Not me, brother, not me. That one is the hero nut.
Starting point is 01:34:28 That first nut, I cannot lose that first nut. It's the second one is coming out. Dribbling, the second one is coming out like drool, like drooling a special ed kids the corner of his mouth. That's how that second nut's coming out. It is nice to not bust quick. And I also have a fucked up foreskin so that it actually has allowed me to not bust fast. Which these are gods, you know, these are Jehovah Goku's little, you know, silver linings. A fucked up foreskin, is that mean there was a circumcision going wrong?
Starting point is 01:35:00 There was not a circumcision going wrong. I was born with a tight foreskin. Okay. So it will, every once in a while, I just have a tight, I was born with a tight foreskin. Okay. So it will, every once in a while, you'll get a little, you're about to bust, you'll get a little like, ah, you know, it hits it the wrong way. But it kind of reset. It's distraction. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:15 Although sometimes you can, anyway, we don't have to get, we don't have to get into my dick anymore. We gotta, I've, you know, I love to come back, we'll discuss more about Europe. We even get into your adopted siblings. And we'll talk about your adopted siblings, we'll talk about my fucked up penis for the next one. So anyway, option one, that's all to say,
Starting point is 01:35:33 he might just be taking dick pills behind her back. That's totally possible. I think plenty of guys, kind of, because a lot of this is like, it's a challenge to your manhood kind of thing. If you have ED problems and you don't wanna think about why it's happening, you don't wanna, it's not the kind of problem you wanna lay off either,
Starting point is 01:35:52 because you're like, well, I'm not gonna stop getting pussy. Yeah. Well, I figure out what's going on. So maybe I'll just take dick pills and not worry about it. And maybe, you know, unfortunately, sometimes it is like, if he's a healthy guy, it can be like, oh, what's going on here? You should talk to your doctor about it. And he may already be self-conscious.
Starting point is 01:36:13 It sounds like there is an age difference here. And he's so old. And he's so old. Early he's just in his 30s. He's fucking mid-30s. But he may have already given him a complex about their age difference. So he has any sort of issues at all.
Starting point is 01:36:28 Yes, he's gonna think. She's gonna think. Oh true, that's a possibility. I'm fucking this old man who can't get it up. Oh, this ancient man who's caught barely works. Now, at the same time, he's never had problems getting hard. She said other than when he's drunk. But now that begs the interesting question
Starting point is 01:36:46 of has he been taking dick pills the whole time? Cause let's say he's never had problems getting hard with you and now he's cheating but he's taking dick pills. Wouldn't you think he'd get harder for the thrill of cheating? Or is this a guy, so, okay, so, or has he been taking dick pills with you the whole time? You don't know it.
Starting point is 01:37:07 And he also is cheating. And he's also taking dick pills to cheat. Those are your options. He doesn't take dick pills with you, but he takes them to cheat, which doesn't make any sense. Or he's been taking dick pills the whole time secretly. And he's not cheating.
Starting point is 01:37:24 Or he's doubling up on dick pills and using them both to fuck you and to fuck someone else. Those are really our options. Those are really our options. The girl was a stank push and he has to take the dick pills to overcome the stank push. Yeah, that's a good question to the past, to the other guy answer, your dick still is getting hard, right? So the push is not that bad. I did one time, actually, now that I think about it, I think I've talked about this where I did,
Starting point is 01:37:47 there was a girl after she busted, some happened where her pussy started, kind of went wild, too gay me. And I literally, I was eating her pussy and then I just like, I was like, oh my God, like it hit me like a skunk, like a spray, a skunk, and I just like, could not stay hard to hit me like a skunk, like a spray of a skunk. And I just like, could not stay hard to fucking.
Starting point is 01:38:07 She just ended up sucking my dick until I busted. I have. So to the guy. To the bathroom tomato juice. Yeah. I'm getting fucking what door dash 800 cans of tomato. I'm getting a fucking, what's the grocery one? No, what's the grocery delivery service?
Starting point is 01:38:30 Is that, is putting, no, no. Anyway, we blew it guys. If I remembered that app, that fucking rift would have been probably 10% better. No, not hello fresh. What's the like shop, the... Fresh direct? Yes, one of those, but a competitor to those that sounds better Look up delivery grocery services and we'll answer your question at some point. We just have to really get grocery delivery apps
Starting point is 01:38:59 Instacart that's Instacarting tomato juice cans to pour on my face after getting after eating stinky pussy folks. That would have been it. Don't we don't deserve the claps. Turn them off. We don't deserve them. I fucked up.
Starting point is 01:39:15 Anyway, so yeah, back to the stinky pussy guy. Your dick's still getting harder. Pussy can't be that stinky. That's another thing to think about. Anyway, back to our friend here who's worried about getting cheated by her fiance. Certainly finding a dick pill, okay. You're, by the way, because it sounds like this guy's older
Starting point is 01:39:36 and you say you have a problem getting really drunk and falling asleep and he'll be up the rest of the night, it sounds like there's a little bit of age difference. It sounds like there's a little bit of gaslighting going on in this relationship, right? It sounds like, I don't bit of end-to-age difference. It sounds like there's a little bit of gaslighting going on in this relationship, right? It sounds like, I don't know, maybe I'm off, but doesn't that comment of her saying she has a problem
Starting point is 01:39:53 getting really drunk and falling asleep? Doesn't that seem a little bit like he's kind of maybe done something and she's been like, what do you mean you got drunk and crashed the car? And he's like, well, you were fucking asleep and you know I'm up all night. Like it sounds like that, something like that happened. Like what do you mean? You know what I mean? Like something he did something stupid and he uses her
Starting point is 01:40:13 Problemas, that's just my vibe that I'm getting. That's a it's an interesting fold in there. She said it like it's a normal thing It's a normal thing which is very glazed over very glazed over which which tells me that like there is a little gaslighting here. So just to speak to you from a male perspective here, Adam, if you find some kind of sexual device that you've never used with your fiance before or not having into your knowledge used with your fiance before in his car, that is at least grounds for you to confront him about it, right?
Starting point is 01:40:46 Like, and the answer might be, hey, look, I'm embarrassed, I take big pills a lot when we hook up. That's why I don't, that's why I've never had a problem is because I'd never wanna let you down like you call, right? That's honestly the best thing you can hope for. If he's weird and flustered and kind of like, oh, whatever, it's like, you know, for. If he's weird and flustered and kind of like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever.
Starting point is 01:41:06 It's like, you know, well, when you were drunk and falling asleep, I was bored, so I bought dick pills and beat off. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I want to at least support you here in terms of, like, you have the right for an explanation, and it could just be like, it could very, you know, very reasonably be,
Starting point is 01:41:26 sorry I've been taking dick pills the whole time, I'm not, my dick doesn't get that hard, I'm self-conscious about it, so I've been overdoing it. And it might be a nice thing in your relationship where you kinda get this guy off dick pills together and you start your life, oh natural together. And we already know, this is staunchly anti-dick pill,
Starting point is 01:41:43 as opposed to me who's a big pro. Yeah, you gotta be careful. Can't jeopardize your dick's future. Have a steelcock. And about the future, man, I'm not trying to get pussy at 70. I'm trying to whittle and eat apple pie. I'm trying, these are my fuck years right now.
Starting point is 01:42:01 I'll eat pussy as an old man with my dentures out. I'll gum that clip like you wouldn't believe. So yeah, I don't know. That's just- It's also like it doesn't say, there's not a problem here. There's not a problem with their sex life. The problem is, is he cheating on me?
Starting point is 01:42:17 Right, like I've never seen him use a dick pill. I found a dick pill in his thing. So like, I think you should just have a conversation. Honestly, and I hate when the advice boils down to, but 80% of the time it boils down to have a conversation with this person. And you will learn a lot about whether this is an issue or not for you, but you are at least,
Starting point is 01:42:39 don't think that you're being crazy bringing this up. Because my hunch is he will try and gaslight this way out of this one way or another. don't think that you're being crazy bringing this up. Because my hunch is he will try and gaslight this way out of this one way or another. That's just my hunch. I don't know this guy at all. That's just my hunch. Just age difference, plus that little drinking comment makes me feel like some, you know, he might just,
Starting point is 01:42:58 even if he's not cheating, he might just try and steamroll through this. So we just wanna let you know here at Stobby's World, you definitely have a point. You definitely deserve an explanation here and you're not being insane for asking about this. Now what would be insane is if you didn't have the conversation and you went straight to, still,
Starting point is 01:43:16 spying on him, looking at his phone, you know, hiring a private investigator, whatever the fuck, that would be crazy. So that's my, that's our advice to you, my friend, and good luck. Good luck, and hopefully he's just, has a soft dick and isn't a cheater. That might be my friend, my phone,
Starting point is 01:43:36 from there, my friend. Yeah. Am I gonna fuck things up with my dick? No, no, no, no, take a quick, take a quick piss right now. Okay, folks, Doug's dick has been freshly milked. We're ready to go.
Starting point is 01:43:49 How about bring us home here, eldest. It is with a nice one. Hey, stop. Love the podcast, love the content. Appreciate it a lot. Thanks, that you for being on. I am kind of a predicament here with my fiance. We had a baby a couple years ago.
Starting point is 01:44:18 Everything is going great, but when it comes to our sexual life, it isn't quite adequate, I could say. I guess. And we've talked about it quite a bit. She just doesn't have the sex drive that I have. She's actually a higher libido person compared to her. And I don't think it's really about how a track did me right at each other when we do have sex it's great but it's just not frequent enough and I have told her that it could become a problem in the future.
Starting point is 01:45:00 in the future. How have you been trying to do? That's what I'm about to do. I get to fucking back up. Might be a fucking problem. I do this. I know what he means, but it's just so funny to phrase it that way. Yeah, that's like real mafia.
Starting point is 01:45:18 Like, it could be a real shame. I cheated on you. If you're too sad to suck my dick. Love you, love our son. Well, everything's great, but a man's got a bus or he might do something crazy All right, let's call it Jewish lightning all right let's call it Jewish lightning i'll be looking for a new life after you tragically pass away right after i take out a big life insurance policy on you okay
Starting point is 01:45:57 finding solutions trying to you know bring up the conversation of opening the relationship. Didn't go well. I'll tell you. Yeah, no shit. Not great. So it's a tough situation. I just wanted to hear what you might have to say about it.
Starting point is 01:46:19 Appreciate it, man. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep banging out. These specials are great. Thank you, doing. Keep banging out these specials that are great. Thank you, brother. Yep, thanks, man. Okay, so now our friend here, did he say his name up top bell to scroll up?
Starting point is 01:46:35 No, our friend here, him and his fiancee had a baby a couple years ago, everything's going great, but the sex life isn't, right? And now look, you can speak to this dog, you're in a married, you're a happily married man. There, there's some dip I would assume in every, in every like married couple, but, you know, does it get to this, these levels of like desperation or whatever this guy, you know, there's some, there seems to be a little, anyway, why don't you talk as the married, give us the married man's kind of breakdown
Starting point is 01:47:05 on the general situation, and then we'll go in more detailed here, because I have a couple thoughts. I can say from experience that, you know, being a parent just drains you man. Right. She's exhausted, she's, you know, she's not focused on you as much as she is on the kid,
Starting point is 01:47:24 which means she's a good mom, you know, she's not focused on you as much as she is on the kid, which is a good mom Right. So be grateful for that. Yeah, the sex is definitely gonna take a dip Talking talking about there's gonna be a problem on backed up Gilting her to any degree, but I sort of pressure on her that is only gonna shut out down her libido even more Open relationship that's not gonna fucking help. That you fucked up with that one. His only hope is to be as much of a turn on to her as possible. Right.
Starting point is 01:47:53 Help out around the house. Be a good dad. Praise her as a mother. You know what I mean? Your only hope here is to really rev her up and boost her ego so that she wants to fuck you again. Yes. And part of this might be he hasn't understood that the way it might not even be a libido thing
Starting point is 01:48:14 so much as like now that things, you know, now they have a kid and they've been together for a while, the ways that you turn on your partner are different than when you were single. Exactly. Everything you just said, like you would than when you were single. Exactly. Everything you just said, like as a single guy in your 20s, doing the dishes, taking out the garbage,
Starting point is 01:48:33 and being like, that was really awesome the way you fed that kid applesauce. That's not getting you pussy when you're 26, right? But when you're, you know, but when you have a kid and you know, whatever age you know, but when you have a kid and you know, whatever whatever age you're at, when you have a kid, that same, that's going to get you bushy way more than like flowers and getting her drunk or going to get you know what I mean? Like going out for a nice, whatever like, because no, they're worried about, but yes, that's
Starting point is 01:48:58 I'm glad that you said all those things from from actual experience, because that was a little bit of my kind of, of my hunch here, was that you're clearly more, you're kind of halfway there in terms of how you're approaching this, because you're having a conversation about it, which is good, right? You're not like, you're not being like weirdly passive aggressive about it. You're just, you're talking about your needs here, and that's fine, but I think you didn't completely, you didn't finish it with like looking a little more inward, right?
Starting point is 01:49:32 Where it's like, yes, it's possible you have different libidos, but it's also like, are you helping out as much with the kid? Like is she more drained? Does she not wanna, is her life just way more annoying than yours? And maybe she has some resentments about that and maybe that's not turning around and her life just way more annoying than yours? And maybe she has some resentment about that. And maybe that's not turning around and she's just overwhelmed and too tired.
Starting point is 01:49:49 And is are your like, are your duties like equal? Like are you as stressed out and worried and tired every day as she is? Even if they're not equal, could it be that this just having more you know Are you helping out equally with the kid and even if you're not could it be that it affects her a little more I'm not saying your life is easy. I'm not saying your job is easy But you don't really have to do some kind of huge Literally biological change here that she had to so things are the same for you. You're looking at things through this similar lens. Try and look at it from her perspective, not just yours, right? Where you have communicated like, hey, this is kind of like, this is hard for the relationship.
Starting point is 01:50:34 But you went to, there could be a problem and I need to fuck other horrors fast, right? You went there a lot faster than you went with changing a diaper every once in a while. What can I do for my girl, shit? So that would be, and look, maybe he has, right? It's a possibility as Nikai left that out. My hunch is you haven't, right? But if you haven't, I would start there. I would look a little inward, right? Think about what Doug told you to do. What can I do to make it easier on her? He's lived that he knows what the fuck he's talking about. And I think that's step one.
Starting point is 01:51:09 Also just working on the relationship, not just the physical work that needs to be done, but like, if there's a problem like this, where there's a switching libidos, and you're not, the way we were just talking earlier, how ED can be a sign of different health problems for a guy like it could be blood stuff It could be your heart. It could be a lot of different stuff Sex life dropping off is almost like it's like the idea of a relationship where it's like even if everything else seems good
Starting point is 01:51:36 If you don't want to fuck as much there could be a problem somewhere that need there's a problem somewhere that needs diagnosing Yeah, right if you're that drastically different. So is couples therapy a possibility? Like you clearly have no problem stating what you want. Maybe she was just kind of like, she had thoughts on that conversation that she didn't feel comfortable saying at the time, right? She might not be as open, she might not be like,
Starting point is 01:52:00 hey man, like I just, you know, she's like, she obviously didn't like the open thing, but she wasn't like, that's not the problem, the problem is I'm fucking, like, it might be easier for her to open up with another person. So I would just say, work on the relationship first and foremost before you start worrying about how many nuts a week you get off.
Starting point is 01:52:19 That's not the biggest problem here. A bust of load, bust out of load of laundry. Yeah, yeah, there you go, there you go. Yes. Also rather than making it her problem and putting the blame on her, he can still speak up for what he wants just by being like, what can I do to ensure that we have a more active sex life?
Starting point is 01:52:35 Absolutely, exactly. This is like not, yes, exactly. So yeah, I think that's, you're almost there, you're close. Yeah. You're close, buddy. You just have to kind of turn, really think about, turn it inward a little bit and think about you guys as a holistic partnership where it's like, these are, you know, because I'm sure,
Starting point is 01:52:56 in her dream world, she has a more active sex life. Yeah, yeah, sure. Like in her dream world, she's just like, she's just at this point, it's kind of like zero and, or, or, may, I mean, that's kind of like zero and an or or, maybe, I mean, it's all, that's why I say also think about the relationship in general
Starting point is 01:53:08 because it's like, this could be the kernel of something where maybe, maybe she is kind of, maybe she is a little resentful of you, maybe you're not, because you're not helping around and maybe she is, even if she isn't understanding with holding sex,
Starting point is 01:53:21 just because she's like, doesn't like how you've been behaving the last couple of weeks, you know what I mean? So, and maybe she's like, doesn't like how you've been behaving the last couple of weeks. You know what I mean? And maybe she hasn't been able to say that because for whatever reason, right? So work on the relationship, see what you can do in general as part of this team.
Starting point is 01:53:36 And don't worry about your nuts per week as much as like kind of rekindling something. Cause it sounds like you guys talked about it but it doesn't sound like you got halfway there but it doesn't sound like you got quite there with what's going on in my in my very very limited opinion here I'm gonna do a quick one eldest one more yeah that was a pretty good one though I'll give you credit that was a pretty good one though, I'll give you credit. That was a real nice one. Some cute to take us off.
Starting point is 01:54:15 Hey, stop. Quick question. On the scale of one, Italy, how racist should I expect Greece to be trying to plan a trip in October? Just one to hear your opinions. Any island should I avoid? Perreference? Black like Shack. One to Italy, okay. Is this an inside database? No, no, no, just Italy's, you know, they're just fucking animals over there.
Starting point is 01:54:41 Oh, the most racist European country. Yeah, they're pretty racist for sure. They're like fucking animals over there. The most racist, you're a good country. They're pretty racist for sure. They're like, spain too. They're like thrown bananas at African players and shit like that. I will say this about Greece, right? I've had friends who like, I've had like, Greek kids I grew up with who were like,
Starting point is 01:54:59 got really into like, you know, Greek kids who were like gay and got into like social and they were like, I'm gonna go back to Greece, and I'm gonna show them like, it doesn't, cause their dads are homophobic, so they think you go back to the motherland, and you're gonna like fight and be heard, and like, it's gonna be like almost like
Starting point is 01:55:18 they're a little civil rights struggle, and then they get to Greece, and Greece has been, our economy is 80% tourism. They love everyone who comes and spends money. No one gave a fuck that they were gay. No one treated them weird. And what you'll get, so what you'll get in Greece is like, you might get people calling you Shaq or Michael Jordan.
Starting point is 01:55:41 You will get like fun, win- for compliments. You'll get fun whimsical racism. You know what I mean? You might get someone to ask you, you know, you might, because Greek people also are pretty vulgar, as you can tell, you might get somebody talking about how big your dick is. You know what I mean? Like, you might get like that kind of, like, you'll get the fun little whimsical parts of, they might be like, oh, you know, fake, fake reaching for their wallet, you know what I mean, but not actually scared. And I'm like, oh, what's that? You know, like that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 01:56:10 You want your ego stroked with a slew of new credit cards. Just go to the face. Like, dude, okay, for example, actually, this is a fucking, this is a perfect example. I was in Greece. I'm in Greece with my girlfriend at the time. And you know, we're a couple fucking New York Cosmopolitan's, and it's like really,
Starting point is 01:56:28 like striking black cup, older black couple, retired, like, you know, in their 50s, 60s, but really well put together, they kept calling them Obama. Like that's, they kept every, and we're like, and me and my girlfriend had to be like, hey, I'm sorry for you. Like I did, and we were like, and me and my girlfriend had to be like, hey, I had to be like, I'm sorry for you. Like I did, and they were like,
Starting point is 01:56:48 but they weren't like, it wasn't like you're scared for your life. Yeah. But you're scared that the cops are gonna, but you're like, all right man, how many times you're gonna fucking call me Obama? And he was just, he didn't look like Obama at all.
Starting point is 01:56:59 He did not look anything like Obama. He had longer hair, he had, but you know, he was like know, he was darker skinned, but he was just a striking older black man, and everyone called him Obama. So that's literally dude, four different waiters and random Greek people were like, Obama, you know that extent, waiters.
Starting point is 01:57:21 So people that serve you. Oh, literally, no, no, no, no. And kept bringing it up to the point where me and my, me and my, they brought us for the leader of the free world. I think like Jesus, I was like, you guys need to be sorry about this. And they're like, yeah, you know, what are you gonna do?
Starting point is 01:57:34 They just kinda like, they didn't laugh it off because it clearly happened enough times where it was annoying, but that's what you're looking, that's what's gonna happen to you in Greece. So, you know, I would just say that, but again, beautiful place. It's fucking awesome. October is a great idea. Early October might be the best time to be in Greece, because there's no tourists.
Starting point is 01:57:55 It's kind of emptied out, but it's still pretty, especially on, it's still pretty warm. Now in terms of like, you know, any opinions on islands, all that kind of stuff, I tell people to go, I think a standard good thing to do is go to the same chain of islands that the ones everyone has heard of, Santorini, Miko Nos, all those, Santorini, Miko Nos, like those, everyone knows those. Don't go there, go to the other islands in that chain.
Starting point is 01:58:19 So there's islands like Noxel, I love Noxel, it's my Godfather lives there. And there's a bunch of other, I sent Ari Shafir, actually he'll be on the pod soon. I sent him to a little lion called Bottle. I wanna go over there, that's where I'm gonna go next, but yeah, just go to the where it's touristy, but not crazy packed.
Starting point is 01:58:41 Although to be honest with you, in October, you actually might be able to go to like Santorini, Miko no all the classic ones. But here's a little thing about Santorini that people don't tell you. The view is unbelievable. You go for the sunset. The sunset is crazy.
Starting point is 01:58:58 The beach is kind of sucked dick over there. The beaches are not good. They're really not. So if that's, it just depends on what you're looking for. But race wise, you'll be good to go. You're not going to, you know, you're not going to be like, you're railroaded by the local police or anything. You're just going to, people are going to keep calling you LeBron James. So that's pretty much it. But have a good, have a good trip. Call back, buddy. Let us know how it went. That's going to do for us guys in this episode. Thank you so much. Doug. Thanks for coming. Thank you, man
Starting point is 01:59:27 Of course super fun. Jehovah boy. Yeah, yeah, oh boy. Jehovah boy. Listen to the pod and yeah, check out Doug Anything else anybody else? That's it man. That's it taking a break from the road for the rest of the summer Love it. Yeah, just hit that pod. Hit that pod, baby. Love you guys. We'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.
Starting point is 02:00:12 Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile.
Starting point is 02:00:45 Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.

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