Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 844 - Tess Degenstein

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

Actress Tess Degenstein returns to talk eggs, getting back into coffee, and live wrestling.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 844 of Stawb Podcast yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who snickered at me stumbling on a word. I stumbled on a little word but I made it to the end Mr. Dave Shooka.

I snickered because it was, I don't know, your second word. I mess up every second word. Yeah, you have that disease. I who have that disease. I who have that Direction see every second word. Yeah. Yes. So Well, yeah, I'm great. I'm here. I'm here. We're great. We are Doing a rare evening record, although not a late evening. No just a post Yeah post dinner and soccer game and I offered you a beer and you're like, oh, I can't do the gluten.

Can't do it. But you were doing, you stopped gluten for the Grammys. Yeah. No gluten until it was your gluten hunger strike. I'm not going to do any gluten until I win a Grammy. Yeah, and then. Then it's E. Got from there.

Yeah, and but you're, that's over and you're still gluten free. Yeah. And how's that, how are you feeling? I feel good. I feel like I hate it, because everything is good, that's gluten. Oh yeah. So I hate it so much.

I have, I bought something today that you would love. Pizza rolls? Croutons. Oh, fucking croutons. Yeah, you can't say gluten without croutons. And- Although a lot of the gluten-free bread tastes like croutons. Oh, fucking croutons. Yeah, you can't say gluten without croutons. Although a lot of the gluten-free bread tastes like croutons. Croutons already, yeah. I offered you a beer, you said no gluten, and so you said, how about a whiskey on the

rocks? And so we have the noisiest whiskeys on the rocks now. We're a bunch of lushees. Speaking of luscious. Speaking of luscious, our guest has worked at all of them, all soap stores. She reeks. Very funny woman. You can see her this summer. Bart on the Beach.

Damn. It's Tess Degenstein. Hello. Hi. How are you? Me thinks I'm great. Oh yeah, there on the Beach. Damn. It's Tess Degenstein. Hello. Hi. How are you? Me thinks I'm great. Oh yeah, there's the immortal Bart. If you like that, it's a little teaser. If you like that.

Well, should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. Okay, Tess. Okay. Let's rank the mall fragrance stores. Oh shit, this is fun. Oh hell yeah.

What else is there other than The body shop. Russian body shop. Sage, does that count? Sage, is that? That's like air, where you're smelling different kinds of air. Yeah.

Versus soap or lotion. Is that about something from the food court? Like on a Thai place that you can really smell it. What's the smelliest place in the food court? Oh, it's gotta be. Do you remember Muffins? Mm-hmm. That place was awesome.

Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. Kernels, I mean, you can't escape that popcorn smell. Oh, kernels, yes, that's huge. But I feel like they weren't popping it on site. On site. I think it might be the movie theater popcorn hofting if your mall, if your hypothetical mall happens to contain a movie theater. Yeah. Did you ever have a mall that didn't have a movie theater popcorn, Hoeffding, if your mall, if your hypothetical mall happens to contain a movie theater.

Yeah. Did you ever have a mall that didn't have a movie theater? Sure. Yeah. There's the, Kingsgate doesn't have a movie theater. Oh yeah, here. Pacific Theater doesn't have a movie theater. I mean, where I grew up, every mall I had a movie theater connected to it.

I feel like you got a babushka around you when I grew up. When I grew up, you don't understand. I'm so sad that the Oak Ridge Mall here where it was my local mall, and now it has become like a upscale mall. Yeah. And there used to be a movie theater. Well, now it's like under development,

but the, I mean, you just don't forget where you saw a league of their own. Yeah, that's true. Oh yeah, for me it was The Couch. Yeah, me as well. Yeah, I saw it at home. My parents wanted to sit with me while I watched it too, earmuffs on anything Madonna's saying.

She was very controversial at times. Yeah, classically. A whore. Yeah. Boo. That's a Shakespeare word right there. I'm just playing with the Madonna whore. Right,ore. Yeah. Poof. That's a Shakespeare word right there. I'm just playing with a Madonna whore. Right, right.

Dichotomy. Boy. Excellent. She was like a virgin. Mm, in what way? Huh, I guess I don't know. I guess I can't really figure it out. Okay, what was your childhood mall?

Was it Oak Ridge? Yeah, Oak Ridge was my local. And it was gorgeous? Yeah, it was gorgeous. Okay. Did it have a fountain? I can't remember. Fountain. Yeah, I think it my local. And it was gorgeous? Yeah, it was gorgeous. Okay. Did it have a fountain? I can't remember. Fountain?

Yeah, I think it probably had a fountain. It had a lot of like, sort of like, seeding in between or like... Was it like sunken seats? Sunken... Oh, conversation pits? There's one, certainly like, more recently, like a kids run around carpeted conversation pit. Oh yeah, yeah.

And then a lot of those maybe like indoor plants. Oh, fake? Yeah, I don't know. Were you grabbing them? I was grabbing the indoor plants at my local mall growing up. And then- The Cornwall Center, if anyone's curious.

Cornwall Center, see? For the Cornwall Center heads out there. Is in the province of Saskatchewan? The province of Saskatchewan, Regina. Regina specifically. And it was the biggest mall or was it just your, what your closest to? No, my local was called the Golden Mile

and it had, I think like a sand store and a Royal Bank. A pool. A pool hall. And a Smitty's. Yeah. It sounds like a strip mall. There was a Smitty's in a mall? Oh, hell yeah. What's a Smitty's? Oh shit.

Smitty's is a, what? You don't have those here? Well, we may have in the past. Oh, hell yeah. Smitty's is a what? I think I Well, we may have in the past like imagine Take yourself back like so when you could smoke inside. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like Danny everywhere Yeah, like a breakfast food kind of play you wouldn't go there for dinner necessarily Well, you would if you would have yeah Like like a pancake house you got coffee in that classic white mug that I feel like holds three sips of coffee.

Like an AA mug. We have a, when we feed our dogs, we have a mug we stole from Denny's. That's the perfect size. Nice. Nice. Yeah. It's like that.

You could get a Smitty's mug and do the same. Yeah, we had, I think we probably had Smitty's. We had Beano's. No one else had Beano's. No, we didn't have Beano's. Same kind of thing? Yeah, they're all the same kind of thing. Aren't Beano's like fart drops? Hmm, oh yeah, no, B-A-A-N-O is a fart drop, yeah.

Yeah. I love it when music does the fart drop. Yeah, wait for it. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Yeah, DJs get paid so much just to do those fart drops. I know, they're moving their fingers around down there, but you can tell they're faking it. Beano's, B-I-N-O.

B-I, oh! Was the... Like Dino's or Gino's. Yeah, like Dino's or Gino's or Filipino's. Nice. And there was one in Calgary called Phil's. That was a local chain in Calgary that was the same kind. I thought you were gonna say that was my local mall.

Phil's Mall. Ours was just called South Center Mall. It wasn't very, Chinook was the one you wanted to go to. Oh, Chinook, that was the king of malls in Calgary. What made it the king of malls? What were the coveted stores? Huge movie theater, a bowling alley. Oh, yeah.

Like at one point, Laser Tag was in that mall. Hell yeah. Did you do a laser tag birthday ever? Yes. Yes, yes! Yeah, it was the best. Eyes glazed over hiding behind a box in your mind. What movies do you remember seeing there? Oh, I remember lining up with a friend who really wanted to to see the Phantom Menace. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, damn.

Well, you're a little younger than I am. Jake Lloyd. Yeah. My man. What if you found out I was Jake Lloyd's wife? I'd be cool with it. I'd be pissed. Okay.

Yeah. I don't know. Why wouldn't we lead with that? Yeah, yeah, that's true. And Jake Lloyd's wife, Tess Jagenstein. Oh, just one thing before we get the show going off air, just could you please introduce me as Jake Lloyd's wife? I got married to Jake Lloyd since the last time I was like... That's kind of what I'm plugging.

I'd just like to be known as a wife first and a performer second. Can you name, how many actors who played Darth Vader can you name? Oh shit, this is good. James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen. Hayden Panettiere. Hayden Panettiere. She did a short version of it. She was a tiny little Vader. Jake Lloyd.

Jake Lloyd. But who was the Vader's face? Because wasn't he famously the first character to be played by three actors? Yeah, because there was the guy. There was the walker. The walker. The talker. David Prowse.

Prowse, yes. Yeah. And he thought he was. There was the walker. The walker. David Prowse. Prowse, yes, yeah. And he thought he was gonna be the head too, but they filmed it without him and they didn't tell him. So it's only... And he's got a really high voice. Yeah. Has he done a... And he's very pretty, so you can't...

He looks like an old man. He couldn't be ugly, man. He's gorgeous. Has he ever done an oral history of being mad about that? He's actually done an anal history. Wow, that's weird. Yeah. Have you seen it?

I watched a documentary about him. Oh, cool. Yeah, he was a British guy and he was famous in Britain. He was a bodybuilder. He was a bodybuilder and he was famous for a series of British television ads that taught you to look both ways before you cross the street.

That's what he was famous for in England. Cool. And like, have you been in England? Oh my God, they're all over the place. But they're coming the wrong way. Yes, they are. And there are signs that are like, look that way. Look that way.

Like, look, because yeah, it's easy to get killed there. And the bus is so flat at the front. So flat, but so tall, like double decker. Yeah, so flat, but so tall. So tall, two decker. But yeah, if you got hit, you'd be right eye but so tall like double decker. Yeah, so flat but so tall. So tall, two decker. But yeah, if you got hit, you'd be right eye to eye with the driver. It'd be the last thing you ever see.

Or the first thing he sees in the morning. This is gonna be a bad day, he says. I got another one. Oh, geez, bruv. Yeah, blimey, cold blimey. Cold blimey. He's nicked another one with me, boss. That Randy Andy's at it again.

This does not make me horny, baby. All the British sayings. Yeah. You're an actor. Clearly. You do learn some British sayings. Yeah, like we know, have you, Dave and I are pretty flawless with our accents,

but you really up the game here. Yeah, thank you, thank you. I've done a lot of dialects. Yeah. I've been exercising. Oh, can we see some dialects? No. Scottish, give us Scottish.

You can see it. Oh yeah, that is good. Yeah, thank you. I've been exercising a lot. I've been working on my core, blimey. Nice, nice. Yeah, we noticed you've got a six pack, blimey. Blimey, yeah, yeah.

And so I've been doing a lot of kegels, blimey. Um, you are going to play in, you told us off air that you're gonna be in two Shakespeare comedies and Graham and I were like, don't tell us, we'll guess. I hope I'm allowed to say that, I think I am. Well, no, we'll guess the comedies and Graham and I were like, don't tell us, we'll guess. I hope I'm allowed to say that, I think I am. Well, no, we'll guess the comedies. Okay.

King Ralph. King Ralph, is it King Ralph? Ding ding ding. Okay, that's one of the two you're playing. No, no, it's not King Ralph. Known famous Shakespeare show, King Ralph. Ooh, Romeo and Juliet, but only that early 2000s, late- Yeah, Romeo must die.

Yeah. Yeah. That's actually- That's that and King Ralph. Yeah, okay. You guys nailed it. Shit, all right. When did these start?

Oh no, I don't know. July 12th, I think. July, okay. Yeah, we start mid-July, but I think the other tent starts earlier than that. Starts, I wanna say in June. Sure, but you start on 12th night, is that? Yes, which is one of the shows, but I'm not in that.

Oh, shit. Yeah, but you are getting warmer, getting warmer. Okay. Mid-summer's night dream? No. No. She's the man. She's the man. Yes. Joana man. We're doing 10 things I hate about you. She's the man. She's the man. Joanna man. We're doing 10 things I hate about you.

She's the man. She's the man. That's Amanda Vines. But is that Twelfth Night as well? Yeah, I think it is actually. Oh, what's the one that... What's Ralph Night? Oh, King Ralph.

What's the one with Sarah Michelle Giller and Renee Zellweger? Cruel Intentions? Yeah, that's based on something. Dangerously Azalbuja. Dangerously Azalbuja. I literally had this conversation yesterday. You did? I did had this conversation yesterday. I did too actually.

Were you talking to my brother? Yeah, I was on that call. I hope that's cool. What's dangerous liaisons? It's like the Count and someone young is in town. Michelle Pfeiffer? Yes, Michelle Pfeiffer and the actor, the dialect man himself, Daniel Day-Lewis. Andy Serkis.

I think? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Is that like a famous work of something before it was a movie or is it? Oh, I don't know. Like is Cruel Intentions just based on like... I think it's a book. I think it's a book too.

Okay. I'm going to say book. Yeah, Cruel Intentions just based on like... I think it's a book. I think it's a book too. Okay. I'm gonna say book. Yeah, Cruel Intentions based on... We believe in books. There's another dialect coming at you. Yeah, do you like it? What is it?

The dialect? Yeah, books. Just old nerd. Old American nerd. Yeah, yeah. Did you take classes for learning this different dialect? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And I got a B if you need to know in school. Oh, really? Yeah, on dialects. That's not bad. Yeah, I'm still angry about it. Yeah, well, you should carry that anger out with you. Thank you. Who got an A and were they annoying?

Let's say yeah. I don't know. I don't think I didn't get the goods. Do you remember your marks from university? No, but they weren't fun classes. Right, we did like sword fighting. Margaret Atwood, I think, came to our sword fights for some reason.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were like- She's furiously writing down. It was a great idea. Yeah, I'm gonna call it Gilead. Where was this? Just Margaret Atwood sitting there. She was so distracting. She was, and I don't think there were seats.

Like there weren't like- She was just standing there looking at you. It was like one of those theaters, maybe like this mall conversation pit you're thinking of where there's like a tiered carpeted situation situation and so everyone kind of sits on the tier. Right. Yeah. I think, I hope I'm not misremembering this. I mean, who cares if I am. It's a really cool-

We were excited. If you're misremembering it, it's a really cool thing to make up. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Was this in Toronto? You should have a fever with me someday. I think all kinds of insane things. This was actually, I think I did this podcast once when I had a fever. Oh yeah?

When I had COVID. Yeah. Oh, you did on Zoom. Yes. Yeah. This was in Alberta at the U of A. I know. So she must have been in town, wanted to check out local culture. So she goes right to the acting class.

Yeah. So she lands it down. She goes to one of the volunteers at the airport. Where can I see some swordplay? where these kids were fighting each other. Yeah. Yeah, as soon as she lands it down, she goes to one of the volunteers at the airport, where can I see some swordplay? Take me to the nearest swordfight. Yeah. She's got sword to dar.

What's that? It's radar for the RRD. Yeah, that's cool. I wish I had. You got a funny way of showing it. No, Dave, it was great. Thanks. Yeah, I wish I had Sword Art.

Please. Were you just in a play? I was, yeah. Because I remember you talking about it a while ago. Was it good? How'd it go? Yeah. Yeah, I loved it.

It's a great play. It's called Red Velvet. It's by Lalita Chakraborty. Who's at the arts club for four weeks or something. Oh shit. Yeah, it was fun. Every night? Yeah, every night baby, Tuesday to Sunday. Okay, so not every night, Monday's off.

Monday's laundry day. Wow, now he starts listening. That's bad, I wasn't listening. So what? But yeah, it was fun. Yeah, lots of time being on stage, which is great. I feel very lucky. Like are you on stage the whole layer

You were who were you in this? I actually had three different dialects. Yeah, Polish and proper British like received pronunciation and Another one Yorkshire York, which I found very hard. I think I just ended up doing Daphne from Frayser Yeah, I mean if you're gonna study anybody. Yeah, yeah, go to the greats. And stay in leaves. Yeah, but it was really fun.

One act, two act, three act? Two act. Two act. Yeah, one intermish. Yeah, what do you do in the intermission? Eat a boiled egg. Okay. Yeah.

That sounds like a great intermission idea. Yeah. What time does it curtain comes up? Good impression of egg. Curtain comes up seven o'clock, eight o'clock. Sometimes 730, sometimes eight. Oh, yay. All the info's on the website.

Okay, and the first act is an hour long. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, and then I'm eating that egg. 9 p.m. egg. Yeah, yeah. Is your back full eating that egg. 9 p.m. egg. Yeah, yeah. Is your back full of energy, ready to go another hour? Yeah, I'd say. Whoa.

I like it when the second half is shorter. Yeah, I love a short movie or experience or something really long. I want something to be like 90 minutes or four and a half hours. Okay. Yeah. So what have you seen lately? Yeah, what? Four hours good.

Yeah. That Kenneth Branagh Hamlet? Yeah, that was the longest movie ever in theaters. Oh yeah? After Cleopatra. Oh really? Yeah, with Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. Liz.

Liz. Ken Branagh. And yeah, I saw a man in Superman, which is a George Bernard Shaw. Sorry, this isn't very funny. No yeah, I saw a man in Superman, which is a George Bernard shot. Sorry, this isn't very funny. No, but as soon as you said Superman, the both of us were thinking of the guy flying around. Okay, good, good, I'll finish

and then you guys can make the joke. I saw a man in Superman. Oh, you mean Ant-Man in Superman. Yes, okay, there we go, there it is. But that was like six hours long or something. Shit, oof, and you sat through the whole thing? Yeah, I loved it. Did they, did you eat an egg during it?

I must have at some point. But did you all in one go? No. Yeah, yeah. Really? I think there was maybe, there were breaks for intermission, but yeah, I was on the same day. Were people like passing out, like hands on a hard body?

Yes, it was a, it was a filibuster experience for the, we were all in our runners. We were defending it as we watched it. You were in your Hokas. Yeah. All those shoes, I gotta give a shout out to Hokas. Man, they're the most comfortable fucking shoe in the world. Are they? Yeah.

I don't know what that means. They look crazy, but wearing them feels like walking on clouds. I can't picture them, what do they look like? They're kind of big, like the sole is like that big. They look like a pump, but feel like a sneaker. Yeah, yeah, that's right. They look like, wait, they look like a pump? So kind of like the sole. They look like a pump but feel like a sneaker. Yeah, yeah. Wait, they look like a pump?

So kind of like a pig's foot? Uh-huh. Awesome. No, but you say they're super comfortable. Yes. I don't know what that means because I've had like shoes that don't fit and those are super uncomfortable. But other than that, I feel like I'm pretty comfortable in every shoe. Not this guy.

And like from Vans to Birkenstocks, I've tried them all. What did you wear for the 24 hour stand up? The Hokas. The Hokas. Sick. Best investment ever. Nice. They're so good. Like I don't like the way they look at all.

To me they look like some sort of orthopedic. To me, you are beautiful. To me. And I don't even think you should wear makeup. You don't even need to. No, you don't even need to wear makeup. You don't know you're beautiful and that's what makes you beautiful.

Yeah, totally. But as soon as you learn you're beautiful. Dave is brushing the hair out of Graham's eye as we speak. Yeah, cradling his cheek. You know, oh my God, if you actually put a dress on and cleaned your ass up. Took off those glasses? Yeah, took off the glasses. Those plastic that shook your hair.

Took off the beard, shook out my hair. Do you ever imagine your life without a beard? Yeah. Just picture a million dollar check, me holding it in the air. Because I shaved my- Champagne glasses with cartoon pigs for some reason, monocles. I shave my beard every so often.

I shaved my head this year. Yeah, it's all back. It's back. It's all back. I should see you more often. Well, no. Okay. This is a real Kramer versus Kramer kind of situation. Yeah, we're fighting for custody of Graham.

Oh, well, I mean, in that case, yeah, you can have him. They're even making eggs as we speak. Is there an egg scene in that? Oh, famously. Dustin Hoffman's trying to cook some eggs and it's not going well. In that case, yeah, you can have one. They're even making eggs as we speak. Is there an egg scene in that? Oh, famously. Dustin Hoffman's trying to cook some eggs and it's not going well and the kids melting down. It's like, is he going to get custody?

But it's the easiest thing in the world. He's too focused on the wrong things, that guy. Sounds like you're going to get Graham. You can cook an egg a hundred different ways in less than eight minutes. Hmm. Well, I couldn't go with him, I guess. Okay, bye buddy. What were we saying?

We were talking about comfortable shoes. Oh yeah, I was talking about shaving your beard. Oh right. Yeah, well yeah, because when I, I'll go like three or four months without shaving it and then I do and I'm like, oh yeah, there it is. There's the work, it's the amazing disappearing chin. Do you also feel like you look like a kid a little bit?

No. No? What do you feel you look like? I feel like I look like a bad person, a bad man. Oh shit. Oh really? Like somebody be a sketch artist. Yeah, maybe someone who's escaping,

someone who shaved his beard because he's on the run. Tommy Lee Jones. That would be amazing to have to like shave your head and dye what's left black. Create kind of a new persona. Have you ever shaved, like done a big transformation in a hotel room? No.

I dyed my hair once in a hotel room. No way. Yeah, I was like, am I atomic blonde? Like it was so exciting. And were you? No, I think I dyed it red. Did you ruin the sink? I think I ruined a towel.

I'm not proud to say. How much- Everybody's, you know, they get to ruin one towel. Yeah, thank you. How much money do you think you could raise by shaving your beard? Because it's been how long since you've seen your face? And it's a famous beard. You famously paint with it, right?

Yeah. Yeah, so cool. I don't know, that's a good question. It's been like 15 years, 20 years since you were clean shaven? Yeah, at least, at least 20 years. Yeah, damn. Yeah. I don't know, maybe if it was the right cause.

Yeah. Am I allowed to wear my hokas while this is all going on? I mean, you can wear your hokas anytime you want. Or you can try at your dad's house, I don't know what his rules are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're going to mom's hokas, hokas, hokas. You walk through dad's door, it's eggs all over the wall.

Dad's been freaking out again. All right, top five egg preparations. Oh, okay. Ooh, I mean, hard boiled is a classic. Hard boiled is up there for you. I really like over hard. Oh, baby. Yeah, is that a yes?

No, I like under hard. Okay. Like a little jammy, is that what you're talking about? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, is that a yes? No, I like under hard. Okay. Like a little jammy, is that what you're trying to say? Yeah, a little jammy. Yeah. I like soft as well. Dipping a toast in there. Yeah, nope.

This is shaking your head no. No, I don't want it. I like, yeah, I like when the- So a hard boiled egg. I like when the yellow has kind of turned to a cheese. Mm. To a dry cheese. You call it the yellow? Yeah.

Okay. That's what my nephew calls a mustard. The yellow? Yeah. The red and the yellow on my hot dog? How old's your nephew? He calls it the Lello. Is he single?

He's 27. Yeah, he's 27. He's still on his gap year. He hasn't quite figured himself out yet. Yeah, he's got to get to you, Nate. Yeah, what do you think? Okay, hard boiled, sure. That's on the table.

Everybody likes a hard boiled egg. Taming of the Shrew. No. Fuck. That was good. If you surprised her, maybe it would've worked. What about you, Graham? What about eggs?

Eggs? What about eggs? Eggs? What about eggs? I like a fried egg. Love a fried egg. Yeah. Sunny Side Up, over easy. Either. Over hard?

No. What the fuck? No, I want some juice running around. Yeah, we're yolk fans. Yeah. We drink it. You know what, like when the yellow is like cheese? What's wrong with you?

I used to do that with like a plop of salsa on it and a bunch of dill and it was like my favorite breakfast. Weird. Dill doesn't go with salsa. Just don't knock it till you try it. I feel like salsa should be on the table for every breakfast. Yes, sure. Especially with eggs.

You know why it's so popular. You know why salsa is so popular. Why? Oh, because people think it's salsa. No, because people like to say salsa. Thank you. Especially with eggs. You know why it's so popular. You know why salsa's so popular. Why? Oh, because people think it's seltzer. No, because people like to say salsa. Salsa. People like to say salsa. It's the third most popular condiment in America,

according to Seinfeld, 20, 30 years ago. What are the first two? I wanna say tomato ketchup. Okay. And tomato catsup. Really? No, mustard. Mustard, oh yeah, but table always has ketchup,

I feel like. Table always has ketchup. I've got salt and pepper shakers. We recorded a table and we have a little ketchup here. You got a little ketchup here as a shout out to Denny's and all the brave work they do. It must be hell to be a person that works at Danny's. Apparently Waffle House is a famous restaurant,

famous for midnight brawls. Yeah. What's Waffle House? Waffle House is sort of a Smitty's. Oh wow. In the South. Okay. Yeah, the American South.

Oh, like an IHOP. Like an IHOP, Danny's, Smitty's, Beano's. I love how you're just using Smitty's. This is great, how does it feel for you? Is it, is Smitty's a 24 hour? No. Okay, well then it's- Oh, isn't it?

I thought it closed at like 2 p.m. We're from nine till two? They're like a four hour operation. No, it is a, it's in the south and it's an all night. Okay, Waffle House. And it's like a place to go brawl. I guess it's a place that like when the clubs let out, people are drunk and they fight.

And like the employees get in on it. Oh yeah, and the- Oh that's cool. Yeah, it is cool. I mean, if you're working there anyways. Totally. Yeah, it's like if you're working at a bar, you kind of end up partying with the people.

My dad just went on a trip through the American South. Really? Yeah. Was he looking for the best fried chicken or what was he looking for? The best ribs? Yeah. He was on, yeah, he was doing a travel cooking show. Oh yeah.

He was? No. But he was traveling with his, um, his, um, his, his like college roommate is American and was like, I've always wanted to travel through the South. He's not in college currently though. No, no, my dad is in college now. This is a Robert De Niro, the intern situation. Yeah, this is a, I believe, back to school is the famous. Oh, okay. Yeah, isn't the intern, that's Owen Wilson? No, that's the internship. Internship, yes.

No, I actually don't know. And on go the yellow sunglasses. No, they're prescription, I'm trying to see you. Are they really? Yes. Okay. For the listener, I'm wearing some sunglasses that people have strong opinions on. They love them or hate them.

I love them. They're tinted prescription glasses. Very small like a child magician would wear. Yeah, they are very small. Or Diane Keaton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Diane Keaton did have a real small kid, magician energy. Anyway, my dad's college roommate

from however many years ago is American. I wanted to take a trip through the South and they went to like, I don't know. They went to Tennessee and Georgia and my dad had- Kentucky maybe? No, that's not that far South. I don't know what South Florida So to me, no, I think I think it was Tennessee

Alabama, maybe was Alabama. I don't know if they went to Alabama, but they went to Like Elvis's birthplace Oh Graceland no Memphis. No. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, he died on a toilet, a famous toilet. That's the way to go. But they needed to, anyway, they were driving somewhere through Tennessee and his old college roommate was like, well, we need directions, we need to stop

and let's go to this McDonald's. And my dad was like, McDonald's won't have directions, we need to go to Waffle House. And he was right. Nice. Waffle House knew the way around. Yeah, because that's just kids working at McDonald's. Yeah.

If you want to find an adult, you gotta go to Waffle House. So they found their way, they saw Elvis's birthplace. Did they? It cost 30 bucks. That's so cool. Graceland's like 100. Shit, really? Mm-hmm, apparently not impressive.

What kind of sight do they have at Elvis's birthplace? Ooh, I wish I'd asked. But let me make something up. It's a log cabin much like Abraham Lincoln's. Yeah, it's a giant mushroom that you walk into and there's Elvis in there, animatronic Elvis singing. Right, you put a coin in, he sings a little track,

much like Charles Entertainment Cheese. Yeah, and my dad said, oh, and this is where I found out Elvis never wrote any songs. Oh, dang. That's interesting. I think I knew that. Yeah, I mean, maybe it gives some titles, you know? Yeah.

You like Love Me Tender, write a song about that. Yeah, I mean, oh boy, I'm at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel, but could someone please write a song about this? I don't know what the hell to write about this, but. Who wrote them, the Colonel? No, the Colonel was busy making that delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken.

I believe some were written by, I don't know, like Chet Atkins, Carl Perkins, these kinds of guys. Oh yeah, yeah. Okay. These are names I've read. George Martin. Yeah, George Martin. He was there. Took. Oh yeah, yeah. Okay. These are names I've read. George Martin. Yeah, George Martin. He was there. Took a break from the Beatles.

Yeah. Dustin Hoffman, I think, wrote a few. Yeah, absolutely. Do you ever think about what, if Elvis became popular today, what type of, would he be a country star? What type, like, would he be a pop star? Stuff seems kind of twangy to be a pop star,

but then he was a pop star. But then didn't he have many phases? He invented, according to him, rock and roll. He invented rock and roll. Or according to the- He killed Buddy Holly to take over the- Right, he was like, it's me now, baby honey. And- Baby honey.

And then he, yeah. But then he'd had a country phase and he had a gospel phase. Yeah. And then he had like a comeback. He was. Oh yeah, and then he had a Vegas, then he had a like Neil Diamond phase. Yeah, yes.

My dad says that in the South, they were like, were at all the Elvis things they went to, lines out the door. Oh really? Elvis is still as popular as ever. He's still king. Which I, cause I am a huge Beatles fan and I remember like in the 90s and 2000s being like,

people still care about Elvis, it was so long ago. And then time going by, I'm like, oh the Beatles are only 10 years after Elvis and I still like them, I suck. Well there were those two number one albums that came out, I feel like when I was in high school, that was like Elvis number one. And then they ended it with that like.

Little Liz Coe's. Yes. That was in Ocean's Eleven. Ocean's Eleven, yeah. And then there was the Beatles number one that came out shortly after that. So I feel like those were also kind of being like, they're the same.

No, those happened at the same time. Yeah, I think once you get a Cirque du Soleil show, it's over Yeah, we got to get Elvis his show. Actually, that would be good. That would be good Yeah Vegas Cirque du Soleil. It makes sense guys. You know what? I'm gonna back Who comes next in the long line is it Abba or Abba the 70s? The Bee Gees, maybe? Yeah, who are the, if Elvis is the 50s, the Beatles are the 60s, who are the 70s? Well, what about Rolling Stones?

I think some people are gonna be throwing things at their radio right now. They have Rolling Stone representation. How'd you get this new play out of your radio? Yeah. Oh, they've got a weird like, when their car was transitioning from tape players to CD players,

they put a cassette in and had a string coming out. Oh yeah, that plugs into the lighter. Yeah. In the cars. Hey cars, we need a little less conversation. Yeah. So wait, this is a good question. 70s, Abba.

Because some people would say, yeah, Rolling Stones for the 60s as well. Yeah. 70s probably, I still go, I stick with the beach. It's okay to like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't.

I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't.

I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't.

I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm like, I can't. I'm just kind of like, I'm panicking. How many first dates have you been on? Like two. Okay. Oh yeah. And I just lock them in. I'm like, I can't.

I can't do more. How many siblings? Beatles rolling stones. Should we move in together? What's your rent situation? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, have you ever been on a blind date? No. I never have either. No, I don't think I have. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, have you ever been on a blind date? Mmm, no. No, I don't think I have. I, yeah, no.

The idea behind it is terrible. Have you ever been in a situation where you slowly realize like, oh, this is a date and you didn't think it was? Oh! Been on like a hangout? I had something like that happen at a party. Okay. And I was talking to a guy. I was talking to him for quite a while, and then he left and I was talking to my friend,

and she was like, he really likes you. And I was like, I didn't know that we were doing that. Right, yeah, yeah. Like connecting in a- He wants you to shave your beard though. All right. Are you willing? Give me the razor, I'll go in the bathroom right now.

Dave is parting Graham's hair again, looking at him in the eye. It's very intense. I'm the kind of person who finds out later that this was a date. Like I don't find out in the moment. I'm like, why wouldn't that girl leave my room? Yeah.

In my dorm room. Yeah. We put on the Iron Giant. She didn't seem to want to watch it. I was looking over her shoulder most of the time. Yeah. She was sitting on my lap. Shush, shush, shush. This is a good part.

Really in the way. This is the part where he gets all ironed. Yeah. That's where he irons all of those shirts. It's a beautiful modern day fairy tale. There's a girl sitting on my lap. Yeah. Oh, I think I had that in high school too where I was like sitting on a bed with a girl

and not being like, I don't know what, I mean, in television they're there and then it cuts to them with sheets over themselves having a cigarette, so. The girl getting up with the full sheet as a big outfit. Mm-hmm. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Puts on a veil as well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Literally trying to just name another Shakespeare comedy in my mind. Do we already say Twelfth Night? You're gonna get there. Think of the word comedy. Okay, oh, what a comedy. Comedy of airhorns! Comedy of airhorns. So what have we got? We got both, right?

Twelfth Night is in the big tent. The other one is like a comedic adaptation of a problem play. Oh, a problem play. Oh, the play the problem. How do you solve a problem like this play? You make it a comedy. Is it about, what, is Problem Child a Shakespeare? Yeah. Yeah.

And Chuckie also is a Chuckie. We're doing Chuckie. Yeah. So scary. I just saw Chuckie for the first time. Where was he? On my TV. Right behind you. Yeah. So scary. I just saw Chuckie for the first time. Where was he? Uh, on my TV. Right behind you. Yeah. He's awesome. You, like you watched the first movie of Chuckie? Yeah. Child's Play? Scared me to shit when I was a kid. Yes. I've never seen it. It's awesome.

There's one scene that's like, it wasn't at Oak Ridge? Yeah. They didn't handle it. They only had Little Man Tate. I watched it at Smitty's. What's Little Man Tate? It's a movie about a little sort of genius boy. It was a... Who was it? Jodie Foster's directorial debut maybe? Oh, sick. Nell herself.

Nell herself? Yeah. I watched Chucky. I had my friends. I was obsessed with Chucky. So we watched Chucky after school my friends, I was obsessed with Chucky. So we watched Chucky after school one day. Your friend was obsessed?

Yeah, yeah, Adam, Adam was obsessed. Did he watch you watch it the whole time? Oh yeah, yeah, he was totally like, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh. Yeah, yeah, I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark with a friend like that, where they just watched me watch it. I was like, yeah, I think it's good. I was fine with the whole movie

when it was all nice stuff that was happening. The mom bought the boy a doll. The guy was very happy, but then the doll swore at the mom. She looked over at the batteries. No batteries there. Yes. Right. So she's tipped off. Yeah. Really scary. Also, the effects are good.

Like was that? Yeah. the doll's amazing. Yeah. It's spooky. It was like a... I was scout. Do you think in 50 years, your friend will ask you to go on a Chucky tour of the South? Chucky first place. I was going to say, have you kept in contact with your university roommate? No.

Oh, no, my university roommate was- Okay, tell me this is such a loaded answer. He was, I don't know, it's, we just were like oil and water. I don't wanna badmouth this guy. No, of course. But, you know, he was quite a character. And it would be a very entertaining thing to tell but I just

can't do it. Anyway, here are some facts about him. Here are some of the most remarkable things about him. He called going to a Tori Amos concert a religious experience. Okay, that's big. That's big. He called going to Virgin Megastore a religious experience. He said it was like visiting Mecca.

Okay, sure. A religious experience. Well, he said it was like visiting Mecca. Okay, sure. Okay, music. Yeah, and he loved going to raves because you could just go down on a girl all night long right in the middle of the dance floor. I could get myself to one of these raves. Yeah, it's gorgeous. You should go to church. And would you travel just to like Arkansas with him?

Yeah, I'd probably go to Arkansas. I'd go to some kind of, go to like a- What's in Arkansas? I forgot. Torre Amos tour. I've been thought about Arkansas. Bill Clinton. Yeah, his home state.

Yeah, Little Rock. Oh, Little Rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What else is there? What would be the number two Arkansas? It's like- Arkansas, Arkansas, Arkansas, Arkansas. Little Rock.

Well, it's Kansas with AR at the beginning. There you go, that's what it is. Those are the two things. Oh my God. Yeah, and I only know that because a girl in my class pronounced it R-Kansas and everybody laughed and laughed. Sure. And later you found out,

oh, she was trying to make out with me. Oh yeah, I was in bed with her. Yeah, she was sitting on my lap. She's wearing a sheet as an elaborate gown. The sheet only goes on after. But she's naked in the sheet and I'm still sitting there in my jeans. No shirt on?

She said, Mark Kansas. Do you have anything, do you got Dr. Pepper to drink or you got anything to? Do you have any goldfish? The last Friday at my kid's school was Freezie Day. The grade sevens are raising money by selling freezies. Oh, you bring a Toonie, buy a freezie. Yeah.

Toonie? What the hell? Well, they're raising money. Inflation. What are they raising money for? Graduation, I guess. Cool. Remember, remember, remember. This is the rave version.

Get over here! That's beautiful. Anyway, so the... Quite a lover, Dave. Anyway, so the, they were selling- Quite a lever, Dave. That blah blah blah. They sell, what would you, how would you do it? I don't know, carry on.

If you heard that noise, you'd be like, no, you're doing something wrong. You're doing some cartoony damn thing. He's drowning, he's drowning. You're doing some cartoony down there. He's drowning, he's drowning. Um, so we were all lined up for freezies. Of course, they sell a lot of freezies. Of course.

Before we get ours, the kids are disappointed. I'm like, okay, we'll just, let's go to the gas station, get some Slurpees. Yeah. And so we did, and I got three Browns. You mentioned Dr. Pepper. Yeah, gotta be Coke. Oh well, Pepsi.

Pepsi, okay, sure. Oh, what's the third? Root beer. Root beer. Root beer, barks, barks, barks, barks. Mugs, mug. Mugs, that's the Pepsi brand, right? I don't know, I feel like the root beer brands kind of like live outside that ecosystem.

Yeah, and there was only one. It's A&W, rules the roost as far as I'm concerned. Oh, yeah But what does it stand for mugs? What does a NW stand for Dave? Stands for yeah Embigas and whoopie and whoopier. Yeah! Yeah, poo poo poo poo! Comedy of airhorns!

Comedy of airhorns! Who do you play in comedy of airhorns? The Duke! Okay! Yeah, I noticed my liquid U, the Duke. That's what you get. You gave a liquid U before. Did I?

Yeah, what was it for? Something weird. I don't know what you guys are saying. What are you talking about? Instead of saying the Duke, you the Duke and that's a liquid you That's Chinatown That's how the plans right forget about it Macbeth. Yeah Beth in here you said oh yeah, that's right. We're in the theater of the wine the lights gonna follow us. Oh

man And the second play is? Do you want me to say? Yeah. Measure for Measure. Oh boy. That sounds like Jungle the Jungle, which was a movie when I was little.

Oh yes, I think I saw that in my local mall theater. Yeah. Yeah, Tim Allen. Yeah. And a boy. JTT. Wasn't it JTT? I feel like that has not aged well.

I think it does. No, none of them have. None of those movies from when we grew up aged well. No. If you look back, it's all horrifying. No, none of them have. None of those movies from when we grew up aged well. No. They're all, if you look back, it's all horrifying. Yeah, yeah, totally. Jungle 2, Jungle. Sure it's JTT?

No, why would Tim Allen be with JTT again? Oh, what did they do? Serial Dad? Serial Dad. No, they did Home Improvement. Serial Dad. Serial Mom was a movie. Yeah.

Like S-E-R-I-A-L? Yeah, it's Kathleen Turner. She plays a woman who kills all of her daughter's enemies. Oh yes, this boy was Sam Huntington. Who you would recognize, he's now an adult actor. He was in Detroit Rock City. Oh cool. Gene Simmons.

You played Gene Simmons? I remember having a big crush on him as a kid. Who were your top five? JTT. I had a JTT club in like the boiler room of my house. Go on. Your house had a boiler room. Yes.

The janitor had a mop bucket. It was like some room that like is not for the people. Like it's for powering the house. Do you know what I mean? Like a mechanical room? Yeah. Yes. And I had a JTT, so I put up posters of JTT and I painted a bunch of sticks. As like offerings to him?

Yes. Yeah. And... The posters I get. Oh, I love this, this is amazing. And yeah, I loved, I'll be home for Christmas. It's cool how in a child's crazy mind you can link two things.

I'm like, I gotta paint these sticks for JTG. Yes, totally. I was like, well, every craft I make has to be in service of a man. I mean, that's all religion is, I guess. Where did you get your JTG pictures? Is it Teen Beats or is it People Next? Yeah, YM. YM.

Oh, yeah. Say anything. And I think a Tiger Beat, yeah, yeah. I used to save my allowance up, I don't remember what it was, and I would buy Cheryl Blossom. Okay, why? Because I think it was like a horny thing. Like I was like, those comics felt hornier than Archie to me. Cheryl Blossom is in the, Robbie.

The Archie universe. The Archie, yeah. She's the redhead. Yeah, she's the redhead, she has her own thing, but she was just like, everyone wanted to get with her. Sure, unlike Betty and Veronica, who no one liked. Yeah. Well, yeah, I feel like it was like,

you have to make a choice, but it was just like, you don't have to think about it, you want Cheryl. So I was saving up my money to look at Cheryl and the fine faces of YM and Tiger Pete. I love that. Yeah. I didn't, no, I think this, my equivalent was Alf. She was your Cheryl Blossom?

Yeah, she was my Cheryl Blossom. Okay, so JTT's number one, was there a number two even? Casper. That really falls off there. When he came alive, Devin Sawock probably. Yeah, from now and then, from Casper. But I really had a thing for Bill Pullman as well in Casper. His kind of floppy hair, I was like, it's so floppy.

I never saw Casper, but Bill Pullman will always be my president. There's a Ghostbusters scene where Dan Aykroyd runs out in full Ghostbusters regalia. It says like, you're on your own. And so it's in the Ghostbusters universe. Oh, Casper is. Casper, yeah. It is? Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that. I hadn't seen Ghostbusters. I feel like I haven't seen Ghostbusters. Like you haven't seen Ghostbusters? It's possible I haven't seen. I've seen the second one. Sure. But I don't think I've seen the first one.

Really? Yeah, but I've seen Casper a lot, so I get it. That's the same, yeah. Yeah, stinky, fatso Smelly, what are the ghosts? His uncle? Don't look at me. Okay. They were created for the movie apparently. They were? That's what I heard Oh, they felt from like the 40 like it did not feel contempt even as a kid I was like this is an old vaudeville thing like it felt like the three stooges Yeah, I mean look that this is an old vaudeville thing. Like it felt like the three stooges. Yeah. I mean, look, I just, I read that somewhere.

I didn't have, I was mostly busy with Alf. Everyone who's taking notes. Kermit the Frog. Oh yeah. These were on your posters? Yeah, yeah. The posters you do have. Athletes.

Yeah. What athletes? Steve Iserman. What did he play? Hockey. He played hockey. Okay, cool. Did either of you have a poster on the roof of your room?

No, but I cut out the letters, razzle dazzle and put them on my roof. Because I was really into musicals and was listening to Chicago. Razzle dazzle. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The silence after I said that. Well, no, because I'm trying, my thing was when I was a kid, glow in the dark stickers of stars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was upstairs. And then I think for a while, it might've been Hulk Hogan. I think Hulk Hogan lived out there. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. My kids have those stars on their ceiling.

That's fun. That's nice to know they're still up there in the sky. I think the ones we got are bunk. They, they go, they go dark after about 30 seconds. Do you think that was true of the past as well? Like when we were kids, but we were kids, we were like, they're magic.

Yeah, they're magic. And you fall asleep in 30 seconds? Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Cause you're tired. Cause you're tired cause you have a big day. You have a big day champ. Yeah.

You got scared watching Chucky. Yeah, you got too scared. You watched jungle to jungle, you got too scared. Yeah, for got scout watching Chucky. Yeah, you got two scouts, two boys. You watch jungle to jungle, you got two scouts. Yeah, for my bedtime story, I want you to read me Chucky the screenplay. Okay! Well, they make like a little golden book, Chucky. Okay, here's a question. Did you own any novelizations of films?

Like where they have the pictures in the middle, the glossies? Brother had, and I think I read the Spaceballs, speaking of Bill Pullman. You read it. Yeah. I love this. It was written by R.L. Stine. He did the novelization of it.

Oh, shit, okay. Jovial Bob Stine was his name on the cover. Really? Yeah. That's fun. But I, no, I had no love of literature. Well, you had Spaceballs. I mean, I did eventually read Jurassic Park. Well, you had space balls. I mean, I did eventually read Jurassic Park, sure, in disclosure.

Sure. Now you know that Les Liaisons danses-re-re is maybe based on a book. Yeah, a book, a livre. How about you? Those posters, the novelization. Oh yeah, all of them. Batman, Beetlejuice, anything I can get my hand on. Episodes of Elf.

The funny thing is like sometimes- Episodes of the novelization. I did have a little like square book of a Ghostbusters story. Yeah, yeah, that counts. Yeah, or there was a graffiti monster and I was just learning to read it and I was like, is this gravity or graffiti? Oh, graffiti.

Yeah. It makes more sense than this on this page, but on this page, it's clearly graffiti. The one that was for Batman, the 1989 Batman, is that the year? It had scenes in it that had been cut out of the film. Oh, man. Like secret scenes because they started writing it off of the script.

Is that the one with Kim Basinger and Jack Nicholson? No, that's not Kim Basinger. Oh, sorry. Yeah. They're in Dangerous Releases, huh? Dangerous Releases. Yes, that was them. That was the group, Michael Keaton.

Oh, some great production design in that. Hell yeah. Kim Basinger, her beautiful home in that is like, if I made a vision board for my life, I'd be that. Oh yeah, she has a really beautiful home. Yeah, and her look in every scene is unbelievable. Now famously, I don't know if it's famous,

or it was just a... Is this the Prince thing? Yeah. Tell me. So Prince did the soundtrack for this movie, and apparently one night Kim Basinger, or Basinger, was in the studio, and the two of them made love in the mixing board. They found the mixing board the next morning

with honey all over it. Covered in honey. What a man is content to kill. Wait, actually honey? Yeah, that's the legend. That's. For all his future ground. No wonder that movie ripped so hard.

Like that's awesome. And he was only supposed to do a song and he wrote an entire albums worth of songs. I'm so happy for them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they found each other. Yeah, they found each other in a mixing board in the middle of the night.

Yeah. Both like so hot. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what it sounded like? Blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't think it did actually. I really don't think it did. Dave, what's going on with you man? What's going on with me?

Yeah, what the hell's going on with you? What's going on with us man? Nothing is going on. I was sick last week. Oh yeah. Oh no, how are you feeling? Getting there. Oh, so here's something I want to address.

Go on. Is someone, we had an overheard on last week's episode that hasn't come out yet at the time of this recording. Okay. Someone had an overheard about someone was mad that they had taught their dog to mew. Yes. Yeah. And we thought that was a cat, make a cat noise.

Yeah. But apparently mewing, this came up separately. Mewing is a thing that young men, I think mostly, are doing, which is like a kind of teeth grinding mouth exercise to get a more defined jaw line. Huh. Like Kegels of the face. Face Kegels, sure. That's gorgeous. Jesus, I didn't know that. How would I, I would have any of it.. It's face kegels, sure. Gorgeous.

Jesus, I didn't know that. How did I, I was anyway. And so someone taught their dog to do that. Well, I mean, it's up for debate. Yeah, I mean, if you give a dog a kong, they're working their job. Yeah, I gave my dog a chin strap. Is that okay?

Yeah. You have a dog? No. No, but gee, the acting. The acting was good, I believed it, absolutely. I'm also doing a dialect this whole, I actually am British. Well, just you know, drop it in. Fine dialect work, yeah.

So that's one thing that's going on. Wait, so the person who wrote it in was like, no, no, no. No, no, that episode hasn't come out yet. No one knows. Oh, okay, but where did you learn mewing from? Abby was talking about it. Was she trying to get a jawline? No, I think the kids had heard about it.

Cause the kids love Matt Reif. Yeah, fuck that guy, man. Hottest man in the world, if you ask me. Doesn't look at all like a spooky, spooky character. Who's this guy? Someone from the Chucky Heepers. I feel like you explained another public figure to me on one of these.

This Matt Rife is, you remember Dane Cook? Yes. He's kind of- Oh, okay, he's a standup guy. He's a standup guy, but a lot of people like him because, but this is what he looks like. So I don't know if you think, is he hot? Is he not?

He's got good hair, he's got a great head of hair. I doubt about it. Strong jawline, strong jawline. How do I get kind of dopey, dopey eyes? I think he's tall. Yeah, that's another thing about him. I think he'd look beautiful in like some Joker makeup. Yeah, that is. That is good. Yes. Yeah.

And you think that he's mewing. You might be me But you think, but he's muing? He might be muing. I mean, he might be muing or there might be some kind of, you know, there's been rumors about some kind of, you know- Jaw steroids? Yeah, some kind of artificial- Oh, him, you mean? Yeah.

Oh yeah. Muing, this is from Google, a technique in which the tongue is placed on the roof of the mouth, which is also what you're supposed to do for brain freeze. And, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

is purported to make the jaw more square, improve sleep and reduce mouth breathing. Huh. I've heard this recently, but I didn't know it was called mewing. When I was getting my haircut, my hairdresser was like, I just heard if you put your tongue on the roof of your mouth when you sleep, you won't grind your jaw.

Huh, but how can you hold that? Yeah, when you're sleeping. That seems so tense. Yeah, I don't know. I've been trying it and I think it's helping. Well, your jaw, I gotta say your jaw is an absolute polygon. It's cut. It is a 12-sided die.

Yeah. Yeah, that's, before I shave my beard next time, I gotta do that. You. Get the chin back. Yeah, give you a cong. Just chew on it an hour a day, that's all you have to worry. So wait, you were sick and now you're mewing?

Huh, what did the two things have to do with each other? I don't know. Well, you were sick. I'm sick. Oh yeah, and then I interrupted myself? I don't know. Well, you were sick. I was sick. And you learned another thing. Oh yeah, and then I interrupted myself. I'm like, oh yeah, that mewing thing we talked about.

So nothing has anything. One thing about being sick is I've been waking up for the last week. I'm fine now. It's been enough time that you can be in the room with me. I believe it. I don't know. I've left. And they.

Just walked out the door. I don't know. I've left. And they, and then, like I wake up in the morning and I just feel gross and I don't want a cup of coffee. Oh. And every morning I've always, like, I don't like need it for energy. I don't know if I do some days, it's good, but it's just a nice ritual to have. Yeah.

Are you like a don't talk to me until I've had my coffee guy? No. But like, usually no one does because I wake up before everyone. Everyone else. But I, so while I was sick, I didn't really want coffee. And now the last few days since I've been better, I still kind of don't want coffee in the morning. I wonder if it's.

Interesting. Do you think, are you like, this is my exit ramp from a coffee addiction? I don't know I I Do you crave anything else? Yeah, yeah, but human blood. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean just put it in the coffee maker Go through let it filter. Yeah. Yeah Any type Oh be negative be negative? You can't be negative, because it's my mantra. Always be negative. It's also my blood type.

Is that right? Yeah. Is that your B negative? Yeah, man. Isn't that quite rare? I don't know. You should be saving blood. You should be saving up blood.

Or not. What do I want that for? Would it make you sad if I was like, okay, future Dave does not have a cup of coffee in the morning? That's not a ritual for him anymore. I think it'll, I mean, it's been a week, so. One week since I had a cup. And then I will like eventually like 11 or 12, I'll be like, oh Maybe I'll have a coffee. Yeah, but I it's just that first like feeling in my mouth in the morning

It's just like it's not feel good and I do not want coffee But and now that I'm better I'm like It's good. It might take a while to get me back on the Yeah, I've For the longest time, coffee did nothing for me. I could like drink a coffee, go right to bed. But I'm noticing that I'm a bit more spaced out

if I don't have a coffee in the morning, because like I have to put it all together. I don't remember to do it the night before ever. So I always am putting it together in the morning. And then sometimes I just wanna skip it. And then there's like three hours that pass, I'm like, why am I so fucking tired? I would say a coffee is a hundred percent

of my personality and character traits. How many do you have a day? Four. Really? That's what my mom would drink. Like it's my water. So like you wake up in the morning, you make a pot and you have a few? If I'm working from home, yes,

but I think I had four today at work too. Yeah. Yeah, what's your- I was having 12 a day. When I discovered coffee, I was like, this is it, like I was like, this is my whole deal. Is this teenage or 20s?

No, university. Yeah. I was drinking it as a teenager. Oh, were you? Yeah, I couldn't stay awake in class. I could stay asleep. No, there's nothing. I was drinking it as a teenager. Oh, were you? Yeah, I couldn't stay asleep or awake in class. I could stay asleep. No, there's nothing that arouses me. But yeah, I drank, but then it's never, my mom drinks it so much.

Oh, really? Yeah, like at least four or five cups a day. She's weaned herself off. Yes, yeah. Well, I was drinking 12 and then I went to a doctor and they were like, girl, no. Why are you vibrating off the floor? Yeah, totally. Just having an egg.

Your eyes are shaking. Your pupils are vibrating. I was like, oh, what do you mean? And so I slowed that. No, so I quit for like two years. I was like, okay, doctor's orders. I have to quit this thing I love. And then I think I had a cup of coffee on a plane

when I had a flight at 5 a.m. And I was like, there I am. There's my whole personality. I guess this is bad. This is like, it's good, though. Well, OK. You know, there's a lot of musicians that were like, awesome on cocaine. And then they didn't do cocaine anymore. And the music software does. Yeah. Yeah. Just keep whatever's working for you. Yeah, we knew you on coffee. Yeah. OK.

OK. I'll keep it up What do you was your doctor like? Mmm, you get off coffee, but try cocaine. Yeah I don't remember it was in Edmonton. Oh You just drink like coffee coffee or latte or You just drink like coffee coffee or latte or Americana Americana. Oh sure. Yeah Yeah, have you heard that song espresso by Sabrina Carpenter? No, is this what everyone is talking about? Oh, yeah me me espresso or whatever

I guess so That me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. That's me espresso. There's one line in that song that we just repeat all the time in this house, which is when she sings, I'm working late because I'm a singer.

Oh, okay. You're giving me a lot of understanding of what's going on online right now. I'm really in the culture. Yeah, you're in the zeitgeist. You're in the zeitgeist, yeah, famously. Anyway, so that's what's going on with me. Listen to a lot of Sabrina Carpenter. Maybe not having coffee anymore.

Vampire now. Yeah. The other thing is I have hockey fever. Maybe not having coffee anymore. Vampire now. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing is I have hockey fever. Oh yeah. And I didn't, again, I didn't text you last night. I was like, I don't want to put the bad juju out there. It's fine.

Juju me all. Do you still have posters in your room? Do you have hockey posters anywhere in the house? Yeah, in my room. Yeah. They're on the ceiling, aren't they? Normally the connects put a calendar out every year, and this year they didn't.

The one year, jeez. There's one, there's an old one over there. Maybe that, are you the kind of person that's like, maybe that's the key to them winning. They don't put out the calendar, like. Here's last year's. Damn. This is players with their dog.

Players with their dog. There's Delilah Demko, Emma Pearson. Boy, none of these players are on the connects anymore. Well, that's your damn code. They've just produced a calendar out of thin air also, like in Cinderella when the fairy godmother grabs a wand. But so I'm- Just as magic, just as magic as far as I'm concerned.

I'm living and breathing hockey, I'm watching all the games, and then I'm also like, listening to analysis, listening to I'm watching all the games. And then I'm also like, you know, listening to analysis, listening to podcasts, watching the post game. Hockey pundits, they gave it 110%. Yeah. And then, but the worst thing about it is I'm like on Instagram and I'll see a hockey post

and I'll read the comments. And every time, everyone's an idiot. If you post any comments anywhere on the internet, you're stupid. Not including people who comment on our shows. We love that. We love it. Or people who comment on McCain's Super Prize.

Yeah, thank you. She is cool. She's what a cool... Is that... I think they took that down. It's very possible. I haven't been keeping to half. McCain's was like, why is there so much action?

We gotta cut this down. This is... Something's going on. It's been hacked. But like there was a... Like London drugs. A player got caught. I know. This is something's going on. It's been a hack. But like there was a like London drugs. A player got. I know. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Continue. We'll get back to London.

A player got cross checked in the face and there was someone got suspended. And I can't believe they suspended them. And so I went online and everyone agrees with me. But then all of these other plays, everyone disagrees with me. And I'm like, did you post anything? No, I wouldn't post anything I just read like just reading the comments is insane. Like yeah, of course everyone who likes that team Agrees with them. Yeah, everyone who likes my team agrees with me Yeah, but like I can't get enough of it and every time I read this is your coffee every time I read these comments

I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I know, I know. How long, okay, how long are you reading the comments for? And then at what point do you think what the fuck am I doing? It's not that it's like five seconds. Okay. But then it happens 100 times a day. Oh, yeah.

Like, okay, I know these comments will be different. Yeah, these will be like astute. These will be an erudite conversation about the calls the ref is making. The worst is. Balanced viewpoints. The worst is when conversation about the calls the ref is making. The worst is. Balanced viewpoints. The worst is when I'm like, you know how Instagram will show you

like someone you know has commented on something? Yeah. Then I'm like, what are you doing commenting on this? Oh, and the worst thing is somebody will, I'll get a message on Instagram from threads or, I can't remember. Yes, that is annoying. And it's like somebody posted a thing on threads. I don't give a shit if somebody posted a thing.

I don't ever wanna see anything that anybody posted. I also feel like it shows me threads things that's like, I saw the best movie this weekend, it was. Dot, dot, dot. Yeah, and then I go to click, I feel like it does click hangers. They go to click on it and it says, you're not on threads.

It's like, please, yeah, please install threads. Send us your send numbers and you'll be a thread. Yeah, I're not on threads. It's like, please install threads, send us your send numbers and you'll be a thread. Yeah, I can't, yeah. But I feel like they purposefully pick cliffhanger-y ones. I mean, I'm sure they do. Are the ones for me they don't. Oh, mine are boring as hell. Have you all signed up for threads?

Yeah, I think I've posted total of five threads, let's say. No, I'm slowly, I'm like backing out the door of the apps. I'm like, I delete them during the day and then sometimes if I need to go to sleep, if I find myself in a position of needing to sleep, I'll reinstall and then have a little scroll. Yeah, but my brain is busted. I don't post anything, like I'll post one thing on Twitter every three weeks.

Yeah. I'm just like, for anyone who's still like reading jokes out there. Yeah, message in a bottle. Yeah. Yeah, SOS. You find this joke. Mostly open up Twitter and oh, okay, it's a video of someone being decapitated. Yeah.

It's not what I want right now. Oh man, mine's a lot of someone being decapitated. That's not what I want right now. Oh man, mine's a lot of crypto ads. Nice. It's a lot of like, or cell phone games. Like I'm like, I feel like it's kind of like Fruit Ninja. Mine is a lot of people nudes in profiler. Oh yeah. Nudes, pussy, and bio.

Oh yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, they like every comment I make. They think I'm the best. Anytime I make a joke, they're the first ones there telling us where their nudes are, how to get to them. Usually it says something like, blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl Yeah, this is a late night episode. I'm working late because I'm a singer. I went and saw a professional, professional like top. Wait, wait, wait, can we try to finish your sentence? You know what it is.

Psychotherapist. No. Hypnotist. No. Your nose and throat guy. No. Podiatrist. No.

Professional. Mag guy. No. A podiatrist? No. Professional. Magician. No. Like, a guy who does, like, fire eating. Oh, like a professional freak, kind of thing? Yeah, okay. That was a... Measure for measure.

Nope. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Nope. Anybody wanna guess again? You said I know what it is? I know what it is. No, you said you were close. Pediatrician.

Professional pediatrician. They do something about that micropenis. They got me back to a micropenis. Back to my childhood penis. What did you do, doctor? I read the chart upside down. I went back to my childhood penis. What did you do, doctor? I read the chart upside down. Is this just like Big Buck for dicks?

That's what he did this week. I went to play Big Buck for dicks. OK. I went and saw some real deal, over the top, arena professional wrestling. Hell, yes. I've been wanting to do this. Because it's thriving in Vancouver, is that correct? There's some very good local promotions,

one called Boom that's new and sells out every time they do an event. This was like arena. Oh. Big deal. Like Super Tramp is playing. Yeah, it was Super super jam open for the rest Goodbye stranger, and then you've got the telephone operator

Wrestling I would be a good wrestling persona that giant waitress Yes, that's the name is giant 182 nurse Anyway, please tell us more Super champ is maybe the 70s band, the most enduring. Oh yeah, that's true. Now you think about who else sounds like them.

It's been nice. It's been nice. I'll be a finer. Hearing guys. Beautiful. We're good. No, I went and saw this arena live taping for TNT television,

I wanna say. What's the promotion? It's called AEW. Oh, okay. All Elite Wrestling. All Elite, and there was a guy that like headline match was a guy who used to be in the WWE called The Edge. Oh, sure.

And he, cause he edges, so that's a big finish move, it takes forever. No, actually no one finishes. But he was the marquee wrestler and then his opponent was a guy that grew up in Vancouver. So that was, he wore Canucks colored trunks and everybody went nuts for him and it was a lot of fun. This was kind of his homecoming. What was his name?

I don't remember. Rory something. I want to say it's Rory something. Ah, Rory. I know the Edge was there, but I don't know who the other guy was. I didn't even know he was from Vancouver until they announced it and I was like,

ah, that's why people are cheering. But- Is that what, does our friend Colt Cabana wrestle for them? He does, yeah. And he's one of their, I think he's one of their producers as well at this point. He's all over, Colt Cabana, he's the best.

When it comes to wrestling, he's the number one. Was he there? Zach. He wasn't there, no. Okay. But. Take another day off, Colt. I saw something that I've only ever heard about happening

and it's that somebody from the audience jumped over the fence and ran into the wrestling ring. What? Yeah. Was it staged? No, that's when I watched it, I was like, oh, this is staged. And then I saw them carrying him. I was like, this is not staged.

This guy is getting a rough handle. Was he drunk? Yeah, yeah. Maybe one or both. He ran up, rolled under the bottom rope, stood up, and then these security guards, honest to God, these security guards looked like they were just like, oak trees just come to life.

They just descended on the street. Tom Bombadil is like, hello! Or whatever. Just, so fast, it was so fast. It was like, he got to stand up maybe for two seconds. Oh man. Where he just pounced on. Wow, he's got some real wrestling. Because all the, he got to stand up maybe for two seconds. Where he's just pounced on. Cause all the wrestlers got out of the ring. Cause the wrestlers like, we're not.

Well, that's how you know it's not real. Whenever they stop talking. Or it is real. Yeah. They got out of the ring. This guy, apparently somebody could see it from a different angle. He was picked up by his arms and his legs

and like taking out battering ram style. Oh, dang. You know they went through some doors with that head. Yes, totally. They're off to go kill the beast. That's, I had very, as a youngest child, I just had a lot of memories of being carried around by my arms and legs.

You got a lot of birthday bumps? Yeah. That's nice. That's your wrestling name. Birthday bump. The birthday bump. But it was awesome. I've like, when I was a kid, I went to Stampede Wrestling,

which was the local promotion. And here I was- Was that in an arena as well? That was in a pavilion. So it wasn't quite an arena. Kind of like what I think like Thunderbird Stadium would be. That kind of, that- Or the Doug Mitchell sports arena.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Thunderbirds outdoor. Or Cirque du Soleil. Oh no, that's right. Not, yeah, smaller than the Cirque du Soleil. or the Doug Mitchell sports arena. Like the Thunderbirds Outdoor. Or Cirque du Soleil. Not, yeah, smaller than the Cirque du Soleil. Like kind of a really, really popular. Bart on the beach. Yeah, really popular Bart on the beach. It was about that size.

But, and I've seen like local, you know, smaller promotions, but I've never seen the like fireworks and all this kind of shit. Oh, it ruled. Cannons? Cannons, fireworks. T-shirt cannons? No T-shirt cannons. But they're like great, so much production value.

And then it would have stopped every time they had a commercial and like they'd be- So this was on live? Yeah, this was on live. And then like the guy, the like ring announcer would be like, we're coming back, five, four, three, two- And Gelman would come out and be like, okay, everyone. Did they do the classic, I want to say for me,

from Murphy Brown countdown of like five, four, three, and then five, two, one, I would lose it. This and the guy, and we were sitting, Wayne's World is my reference. Yeah, that's true, with him taking the head. It was so much fun to watch. And you're just like, the stuff that they do in the ring is so high-flying and athletic.

The fact that they were gonna do that again the next day blows my mind that they do that six days a week. And you wanna do clothesline? Yep, there's a couple clotheslines. Are they unionized? What's that? Are they in a union? Then you wanna do clothesline? Yep, there's a couple clotheslines. Are they unionized? What's that? Are they in a union?

Thank you for asking. Yes, yeah, he's a very unpopular character, the union buster. Is it a tank team against a tank? Yeah, and his finishing move, the collective bargaining agreement. Yeah, he tears it up, everyone's screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah great picketing

sorry you were saying. No apparently Vancouver's never hosted a big live wrestling match like this ever so this was like a big and so a lot of people. Was it hard to get tickets? What arena was that? It was at Rogers. Oh Rogers Arena yeah and it was packed and it was great there was a in front of me there was a guy that was there with this kid The kid kept putting his arm out and just saying come on. Give me a high five to everybody that came by But he was on the wrong side of the announcer's table. So nobody that close to where the rest Floor yeah, it was great. Did you bring a sign? I should have I should have one It's not the best sign of the of the night was somebody that said, and now kiss.

So we held up after a particular grapply part of the match. What sign would you have brought? Oh, you know, JTT all the way. Yeah, like paint these sticks for you. I'm in the boiler room. Yeah, meet me in the boiler room. Yeah, meet me in the boiler room. Devin Saw was not as good as you, JTG.

But Bill Pullman's also hot. He's also hot. He's gonna be something for me. I'm just here with a swoopy hair. But it was great. It was great fun. I can't recommend it enough. If a big promotion's coming to your town, go buy tickets.

It was long, too. And then they had a thing man and Superman there was the AEW and then they did another taping after it but I was like I can't say I can't oh wow but you could have sat there and watched six or seven hours of wrestling if you wanted to so amazing. How were the arena snacks? Oh, you know what? There was nothing wrestling specific, was there? No, I mean, Hulk Hogan popsicles, but I don't think that goes in a year round.

That should be Stone Cold Steve. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, they really fucked up the moment we got on. Stone Cold Steve snow ice. What is that shit called? Slush puppy. Slush puppy, snow ice. Yeah, yeah. I see, sure. Anyway, I fucked up.

Dwayne the Rock, you know. Joe Hanson. Is that food? I don't know. Sounds like somebody that owns a Broward's company. Dwayne the Rock Candy? Boy, Dwayne the Rock Johnsonville Brots. There it is. We got there. There was no, there were a lot of T-shirts for sale, but a lot of them

I wasn't familiar with the phrase whatever the catchphrase was I was like But yeah, it was fun. I can't recommend enough and Brings out the kid in you you know when you're it's it's it's fun That's what my pediatricians here for and nobody hurt, except that guy who ran the ring. He most definitely was beat up in the background. And so they tour around. Do they get on a bus together? I think so.

Afterwards? Yeah. Did you hang out at the bus later and see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would let me on the bus. Yeah, Penny Lane style. Yeah. That was the biggest slide.

I remember I left the concert. I went to see Kanye West with NERD, Lupe Fiasco and Rihanna. I saw this concert in Edmonton. And I saw Rihanna waving from her bus. Really? When she, before she was, she was the first act that night. Wow. I saw that show too.

That's very funny. I saw it at the Rexall Arena in Edmonton, Alberta. Did you wear your Shutter Shades? I wanna say yes, but I can't remember. I remember I had a friend that I worked with, his name was Roderick, anyway, it's not Germain to the story, but he was actually. Not Germain, it was Roderick.

It was Germain, it was Michael Jackson. Actually it was Germain Greer. He was outside of a place here that used to be called the Media Club, and a limo pulled up and a woman Rolled down the thing and asked him for a cigarette So he gave her a cigarette and then the guy in the bar came out. He's like, do you realize what just happened? He's like, well, I don't know. He's like that's Lady Gaga and his response is what's a Gaga What's a guy I had no idea

Yeah, this this was like, you know first big tour This is what's a Gaga. What's a Gaga? You had no idea. You didn't know. Dang, what was this? This was like, you know, first big tour. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Little monsters. Little monsters, yeah. Show me your teeth. I also saw her in Edmonton at the Rexall Arena.

Yeah? Well, our guest two weeks ago went to NYU with her. What? Yeah. As pals? A classmates. Yeah. Dang. Talking about weird roommates. Damn, I. As pals? Classmates. Dang.

Talk about weird roommates. Damn, I've got imposter syndrome now. She's got her meat dress in the dryer. Oh, in terms of jerky, she's so fit. She had a Kermit look too, I'd say. Yeah, she had a Kermit dress and hat. Yes. She was like the most fun of the pod.

Totally, like very performance artists. Yeah. Just doing like really fun stuff. And it was great. Always looking through a hole in her fingers. That was a great interview with her where she talks about she just wants to smell like a slut. I think that's her.

Cool. Yeah, yeah. Well then can I recommend Lush? I recommend Kernels. Apparently Body Shop going out of business. Yeah, that's fair. I know, that's so sad. Where am I gonna get my?

Body Butter. What was the one? Vanilla, smells like cookie. No, the- Peppermint Foot Lotion. Orangey flavored, a Satsuma. A Satsuma. A scrub, maybe.

And Abby had this perfume. It was the word Ocean with U-S at the end and we were like, oh it's oceanus. Oh oceanus, yeah. Never could go in there, the allergies would just take over right away. Too many scents, too many scents. Oh yeah, what about Lush? Same.

Yeah, fair. I worked at a warehouse around the corner from where Lush's warehouse was. You could smell it in the air. That warehouse just stunk. Is that in Burnaby? No, it's here in Vancouver. I don't know where they're located anymore. I feel like I went on a bike ride,

like I took a risk and went on a bike ride that Google was gonna lead me through, and ended up like at the dump. You should take the tour of Vancouver's warehouses. Yeah, I did. Trust me. It was like the dump and it felt like a Simpsons gig, like where Homer's leaving New York and has like garbage flying through the window at him. Like I, that's what I felt like on my beautiful bike ride. Because I went through garbage and then recycling and then some like fish sown.

All of it was ripe, like I was seeing signs pass me rapid fire that were like PPE required beyond this point. I was like huffing and puffing, biking, waiting for it to get beautiful. Never did. Anyway, I wondered if the Lush warehouse was around there. Yeah, it was around there.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I feel like I passed it and I was like, maybe this will help me. Yeah, maybe it can just hit, stick my head in the door and just get refreshed. Yeah, I'll take there. Yeah, I feel like I passed it and I was like, maybe this will help me. Yeah, maybe I can just stick my head in the door and just get refreshed. Yeah, I'll take my one breath, yeah. Oh man, I have some good memories of that dump.

For real, I have a memory of that. Yeah, I know you're a dump man. I believe your eyes are twinkling. Yeah, I worked at a place called Book Warehouse and sometimes people would gift us boxes of unread books, but like books that we had no idea what to do with. They were mostly erotica. Yeah, but they're unread.

Oh, erotica. Yeah, we got a lot of erotica. And so- Unread erotica, that's like very baby shoes never worn. Yeah. Yeah. For sale, unread erotica. Yeah.

For free, unread erotica. My coworker and I, they told us to take all these boxes to the dump. And so we were shaking out the boxes and one guy realized it was like, dude, he books. So he stopped the machine from crushing them. Were they like photographs or? Yeah.

These were like the erotic, you know, erotic Asia or something like that. And so he stopped the machine and then like, like a bunch of dogs to a boat, everybody came out and started thinking through this book by awesome. And then the machine turned on again and how your arm was mangled. That's right.

I'm just picturing a bunch of like dump piles becoming sentient and being like, I'll take the naked photo. That's what it was. Okay, beautiful. And that's how I learned about the other side. Of what? Of our dimension.

Oh, yeah. Do you guys want to move on to some over her? In 1979, singer Miki Matsubara cut Stay With Me, a love song that hit big in her home country of Japan. The song has almost half a billion plays on streaming apps. But Miki Matsubara didn't get to enjoy all that renewed interest. She died in 2004. In fact, she had burned all of her music and she literally asked everyone she knew to forget

her. I'm Christian Duenas. I'm Yosuke Kitazawa. On our new podcast Primer, we celebrate unforgettable music from outside the English-speaking world, starting with Japanese city pop. We'll cover Miki's work and others in conversation with Devendra Banhart, Umi, Dame Funk, and more. Get Primer on MaximumFun.org

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Emily Fleming. And I'm Jordan Morris. We're real comedy writers. And real friends. And real cheapskates. We say why subscribe to expensive streaming services when you can stream tons of insane movies online for free.

Yeah, as long as you're fine with 25 randomly inserted super loud car insurance commercials. On our podcast, Free With Ads, we review streaming movies from the darkest corner of the internet's bargain bin. From the good to the weird to the holy, look at Van Dam's big ol' butt. Free With Ads, a free podcast about free movies that's worth the price of admission. Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org or your favorite pod spot. Overheard. Overheard's segment in here where we want to hear what's out there.

Bring it in here so we can listen to it. It's only fair. Does this rhyme? No. Dave, I stay up late at night because I'm a singer. Okay? Yeah, yeah, well, you're a poet and you're unaware I like your version of that. I stayed up late at night because I'm a singer

I'm not working like do you guys see the Northern Lights? No, no You I tried no, I tried to stay up late. Yeah, but I took night well instead Ah shit, I mean, that's not how you stay up late I was sick as well. I mean that's not how you stay up late. I was sick. I was sick as well. I was up late. I'm always very up late because I'm a singer. That's because you're a singer. That's right. That's why. Gotta take care of that voice. Dayquil makes my body paralyzed and my mind horrible. Really? Yes. Yes. Is it like an allergy or something? I don't know, maybe, but I feel like it makes me so I can't move, but I have like racing thoughts. So you have beast, you have wake paralysis. Yes, yeah. I find day quill, yeah, I find that day quill does nothing for me. If I'm sick, I'm just sick until I get to take NyQuil.

Tess, we just like to start with the guest. Do you have an overheard? Mine is not my own overheard. I can't claim it as my own, but it's my partner's. When I was coming on the show, I was like, oh, an overheard. I was freaking out, bouncing off the walls. Hi on DayQuil.

Yeah, no, you'd be just sitting. And then my sleep paralysis, my day paralysis demon came in, my boyfriend, and gave me a great, great one. So it was, he walked past apparently a circle of students. This was back in Ottawa. And he just heard the punchline of their joke. Let's see what these are students in Ottawa. And the punchline of their joke was,

so I said to him, I'm a man, not a mandate. And then everyone backs laughingly laughing for 45 seconds. Oh man, the mind reels really. Yeah. Is that like, is that something that he's making fun of the company's credo or? Yeah, I have no idea. Like come on, I'm my own individual.

I'm not just your, your mandate. I am a man. Yeah. That's some of that wordplay that the bard would be cracking up about. Like we are right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's stroking his little beard.

It's the way he would've wanted. His little bard beard. Do you think back then. Yeah, fluffing his. He's stroking his little beard. It's the way he would've wanted. Little barbed beard. Do you think back then- Yeah, fluffy his gorgeous collar. Yeah. His look was hot, do you think? Like, he had a pointy little beard. And a little mustache. Bald.

Bald. Hair on the back. And big fluffy neck brace. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was a neck brace. Yeah, dog collar can't lick himself. Uh-huh. Needs you to do that.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Needs you. We want you to do that. We want you to do that for him. Yeah, it's the bard pointing. Uh-huh. We need to do that for him.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. He's pointing, I guess. He's saying for me. Yeah. He's got one hand pointing at you and one pointing down. So does this answer your question? I don't think he's hot.

Okay, good. I just wanted to explain that. But do you think he was hot in his day? That's what I mean. Like back then, was that a little love? When made someone hot back then? Act as though a bath? Yeah, everyone was like covered in piss.

Yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't notice it though, if everybody was covered in piss. Oh, but if you went to like a rich castle, you'd be like, why doesn't... Wow, it's like lush in here.

I feel like the women were so much hotter back, like in all the pictures, I feel like, isn't this the time when their boobs were like up at their chin? They had like piles of hair, like cake hair. What I can say is I think every woman is beautiful and especially the ladies out there listening Hey, get your ears really close to your headphones. I Think you're beautiful Need to wear me. Yeah, maybe you don't need to put makeup and maybe Take those overalls off just walk

The copper tone I've been walking around naked for a while. The copper tone dog is here. What am I kidding? Yeah, what the hell? Yeah. Take off those overalls. Sorry. That's not an archetype.

If you're not flank with the trope, you're just saying this now. Yeah. And put paint all over your body and run up against the canvas, fast as you can, knock yourself out. Be Big Lebowski's wife. Yes!

That was such a cool scene. Yeah. Oh my God. Very hot. You haven't overheard, Dev? I think it was his daughter. I'm working late. Who's daughter? Big Lebowski's.

It was his ex-wife. Yeah, his wife. Was Maude Lebowski his ex-wife? Yes. Who was his? Maude Apatow is Judd Apatow's daughter. But his wife was? Julianne Moore.

And the kid was? Well, no, his wife was Tara Reid. Oh yeah, his young wife. I don't remember that part. She's the one who was kidnapped. She's the one with the toe. Oh, I blocked that out. I just knew Maude.

I only had eyes for Maude. Well, we love Maude. Maude, if you're listening out there, Maude, take off those overalls and walk around. That's pretty naked in the movie. That's true. We're just having fun with the time-honored expression. I think it was his daughter.

Hmm. I were Maude and Big Lebowski related. And fig. Anyway, my overheard is, so I was in my neighborhood and I have dogs, but I was not with my dogs and there was a guy and a girl like early 30s and they had a little chihuahua. So I'm walking past them and they're having a conversation and the chihuahua stops and starts going to the bathroom and the guy is talking to his girlfriend and then he just suddenly stops talking to his girlfriend and goes and pardon me, this is a little crude he says, oh he's shitting

fuck yeah shit bitch fuck yeah damn, wow, full voice I mean maybe he was constipated for a few days and he's just like excited that things are moving again. Maybe he's like, I hate walking my dog. As soon as we get this over with, I can go home. That's like a weird hype man type of language though.

It'd be like, fuck yeah, shit bitch, break it down now. Whatever a hype man would say. The modern hype man says phrases such as, break it down now. And oh yeah, a lot of those oh yeah. Yeah, I also do the videos about crossing the street in London. Oh yeah, he saved a lot of lives. Thank you. Yeah.

Cross the street now. My overseen, it's not really even funny, it's just an amazing thing that happened. It was on Mother's Day, this is on my parents' block, a duck had walked across a storm drain and the ducklings all, following her, fell into the storm drain. So this became like a rescue, the cops were called, there was old people in the neighborhood, a guy who was tiny enough showed up and they got him to go down into it. Yeah, a tiny guy came in, they got him to go down into it. Yeah, a tiny guy came in, they lowered him down into the storm drain.

Where Pennywise lives, by the way. Yeah, very brave. Yeah, exactly, super brave. And he's just a tiny guy. We're putting down our most macho guy. Yeah, Pennywise, Chucky's dad. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, he got them, brought them up one after another,

after another, and this is all Mother's Day. Were you there? No, this was all video that I was sent. Oh. Video and photos. Where was it? It was on my parents' block. Like, they saw it. They were out walking my brother's dog,

and they saw this whole, this whole thing happen. This thing that you would ever see, you know, at the end of a newscast. Yeah, yeah. Yes, part of it, like so heartwarming. A little man was lowered down. I love that guy. That they got a-

Local man was lowered down. Yeah, a local man got in there. A guy small enough to be, he's a fitness dorm drain, is just on their speed dial. Yeah. Let's get that guy. Oh, let's get Matthew. You know what we were saying?

We could just throw him around. Matthew. But yeah, anyways, it's get that guy. Oh, let's get Matthew. You know, we're saying we could just throw it around But yeah, anyways, it's not it doesn't have punch line to it's just a Like I can't do it anymore. I've grown. I'm my shoulders have gotten too broad. I'm swole now. Yeah, I've been lifting too many weights So is he a kid in this situation? Yeah. Yeah, he's yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. I just want to know. He's growing up. Or is he a jockey? Oh, yeah. He's a jockey. Yeah. Well, you could be both. No, I don't think you could be both a teenager and a jockey. You have to be an adult to be a jockey. Okay. I don't know. What if you're the doogie-houser of jockeys? You're the tiniest guy? Yeah, you've graduated into riding the horse for money. When I was in LA, there was a dog in the storm channel that had fallen into the storm channel and was being chased all day.

When you say storm channel, do you mean the weather network? Yeah, I mean weathernetwork.net and the dog was caught. And no, he was like, he was in the water being like, swam along and people were running with him all day. And they do you know what I mean? It was being followed by the news. This was like a huge, they just couldn't get him. Yes, trying to and so they'd like try to head him off at the next pass. Anyway, this is what this is. Reminds me of the old acts. Yeah.

During the pandemic, there was a story of, it was like this guy named Sawatzky, who did the Sawatzky sign-off from Victoria. Oh, sure. And he was always like a cute tale or an inspiring journey. And it was, we kept it recorded on our TV. We lost it because we changed our subscription, but we watched it all the time.

It was a guy who had too many puppies. And he was having trouble keeping track of all these adorable puppies. He had 16 puppies he had to locate and make sure they were all- And was that how it was presented as like, and now too many puppies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like, now the best thing you're going to see. It just was like such a nice thing. This is also very Simpsons, like when Mr. Burns gets all those little dogs. Yeah, I think that was maybe a reference to another work of talk of many puppies

Box in the house, yeah, that's right incredible journey now. We also So sad, but so inspiring so inspiring. Yeah, but didn't tell you field, but didn't they all die in real life No, is that Milo and Otis? I'm sure, I mean, all dogs go to heaven. Yeah, that's true. But wasn't one of those dog adventure movies, like they were like losing dogs by the day? No, I can't, I actually can't know this.

Like, I love it too much. All right, all right. Also Casper, he died. Yeah, yeah. No! But to him, dying was being born on Earth. Yeah, they went through like 10 Caspers. Yeah, born on Earth on a poster on my wall.

As Casper? Yeah. Yeah, sweet. We have some sent in to us, over hers that is. From all over the map, if you want to send one in you can send it to sby at maximum fun org the First one comes from Morgan why you're in Vancouver my fiance and I were picking up takeout this evening It's all Graham Clarke writing shotgun in an Evo Absolutely, and then a Cadillac with a license plate that said not a

Vrg So what is that? Not average? Not average. Right, but then the way that it read was not a virgin. Not a virgin. Not a virgin. I got a catalog of you, all right. You got a Chad, Chad on your hand.

Yeah. Yeah. There's also- Oh, he's been mewing. Chads are mewing. Oh yeah, Chads are mewaholics. Mm-hmm, I mean, you become a Chad from mewing. Yeah. Yeah, what comes first? Mew yourself,, you become a Chad from muay. Yeah, yeah.

Right, we'll come first. Mew yourself Chad. Yeah. Chad and Chew. Not a virgin, cool. Are you often, Mistaken for a virgin, yes. Who's driving you around in a Evo?

My wife Sally, who loves to drive and I do not. And you, but you are car owners, yes? Yeah, but sometimes you wanna go and have a drink somewhere and you don't wanna drive the car home. Oh yeah, that's true, then you can leave the, yes? Yeah. But sometimes you want to go and have a drink somewhere, and you don't want to drive the car home. Oh, yeah, that's true. You can leave the little Evo there. Yeah. Yeah.

You can get out. You bring your bikes on the rack? Yeah, I bring my bikes on the rack. I bring a kayak. Shrimp on the barbeque. Shrimp on the barbeque. That's a Friday night, as far as I'm concerned. You own bikes?

No, I don't own a bike. You? Sally does. Sally owns a bike. You rode a bike here. She's just biked here. Yeah. You have a bike. You, Sally does, Sally owns a bike. You rode a bike here. She has biked here. You have a bike? Yeah.

Cool. You take the, do you take it out of her? Oh, when my kids wanna ride bikes. Oh. Oh no, I've done it myself a couple times, yeah. Just like, going to a thing where parking's gonna be bad. Bread in your basket, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, like you go to the baseball. Little town full of little people. Yeah, good. But no. What is the little town of little people? Where is that from? I think Beauty and the Beast. Beauty and the Beast. Yeah.

Yeah, bonjour, bonjour, bonjour. It's a quiet village. I'm just picturing you with your bike and your basket. She just thinks everyone in this town is so simple and she's the one who's... She reads books. Yeah. She climbs that ladder. And everyone's like, what a funny girl.

So I guess she has a point. Yeah. Yeah. This next one comes from Matt in Iowa. This is morning in Washington, DC, walking to our destination after a night of heavy rain. We saw a group of mostly children with a few adult chaperones

gawking at something near the crosswalk. As we made it closer, it became clear it was a drowned rat. And as the chaperones herded the children along, one of the adults said, welcome to the big city. You're not in Kansas anymore, kids. You're not even in our Kansas. I have been, because of our work schedules lately, I've been walking the dogs at 630 in the morning.

Are they like, like they okay with them They don't care. They're fine. Yeah, and but you see a lot more of the evenings kill. Oh And then by 8 someone has got it like some other animals come along for breakfast I don't know but like crows rats Mmm, those are the big two. Yeah, I like Like crows, rats, those are the big two. Yeah, I like, cause I grew up in Alberta, famously they say rat free. That can't be, like they're not turning back at the border.

No, but they catch them. There's like a task force. Oh, they can't catch them all. They're not, no, they're not Pokemon. Pokemon. They're not Pokemon. But then coming here, this is like Rat City, USA. There's rats everywhere.

Huge rats, I hate that you can see them from a car. Yeah. Like they're too big if you're driving and you can watch them cross. Like you could take down a crow. It's that big. Yes, it's not right. Sometimes there's three on each other's shoulders

and wearing a trench coat. They're buying tickets to a porno movie. Yeah, totally. One for Little Mantaise, please. Yeah. We just want one block of cheese, please. One for the Holdovers please. Yeah. We just want one block of cheese please. One for the Holdovers. Discerning.

This last one is from Kiana from Houston. What's that? Keanu. Keanu, sorry. Keanu from Houston. I was at a Goodwill in Seattle a few years ago and found this shirt, sent a picture of it. It's a t-shirt that was in the women's section, a photo of actor Mandy Patinkin with the headline

I'm Thinkin' Patinkin'. Whoa! That's pretty good. I really hope they bought it. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I think even in the shot it wasn't that much, you know, it was like 20 bucks. Yeah.

You gotta get that. Thinkin' Patinkin'. I wonder what era Mandy it was. What's that? For me, I love a Dick Tracy Mandy to think in. Of course, that's, yeah, 88 Keys. Yeah, 88, oh my God. I don't know what this is.

Why don't we hang out? We do, what's a year on the podcast? Okay. 88 Keys was his character in... Oh. Yeah, the pianist for Breathless. Breathless Mahoney. Famously played by Madonna.

Who's sort of a whore. Yeah, as we discussed. How many Madonna movies have you seen? I don't know. Maybe Dick Tracy, League of Their Own. That might be it. I think that might be where my... Desperately Seeking Susan? Yeah, I haven't either.

Body of Evidence I've seen. Oh. One that she made with her husband. Oh, Swept Away or Spirited Away. Yeah, I've seen all these movies. Yeah. Have you? Yeah, Madonna Completus. That's nice.

Did you see, I went to her Chinese restaurant Desperately Seeking Zhexuan. Excellent. How was it? How much as you might imagine. I mean the food was frozen. That's the only song I could think of. Okay, okay. In addition to over-heards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you

want to call us for our phone numbers 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod one like these people have Let's go the other way. Yeah, let's go back shut up Hey guys, this is Jeremy calling from Milwaukee, Wisconsin I'm a general manager of a small boutique bakery and a woman just called to place an order over the phone This one's kind of a cheat because she was talking directly to me, but it's pretty amazing.

She is ordering the cake. I get a credit card from her over the phone so she can pay for it ahead of time. As we're going through the card information, she pauses when I ask her the expiration and she says, 11 of 2027. I'm never going to live that long. No frigging way. This product's gonna outlive this person. Yeah, my credit card.

I'm not gonna live to my credit card expiration. What? I mean, it'll happen to all of us. We'll get our last credit card. Oh shit, we will get our last credit card. The last credit card. Have you seen the last unicorn? No.

Is Madonna in it? No, but she really should be. Maybe she is. It's possible. That's wild. I do feel like the time of a credit card expiring, it's like I'm marching towards it. It does feel like when the gap closes, you're like, time has passed. I'm going to need a new one before. Yes, it's like a passport expiring.

It's like, time is really doing its thing. I remember I once had a credit card that expired on 420. Shit. Yeah, shit. And the three digit code on the back was also 420. Really? Yeah, fuck.

Really? I had a license plate that was 666 Dix. Okay. DYX. Yeah, sure. Nice. Anyway, they actually, I shouldn't say it, I had a license plate that was 666 dicks Dyx Sure nice anyway. They actually I shouldn't say they offered it to me, and I was like I think my mom won't like this I was like 16. I said no Anyway, okay, turns out your mom loves that kind of stuff. Okay, Dave, please shut up

Next phone call Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Tom calling from Portland. I'm out on a morning hike and I'm walking along the path and two joggers are hiking towards me or jogging towards me. And as they get closer, one's explaining something to the other. And he says, I hear him say, yeah, and so that didn't work because it was high. Anyway, off I go.

Oh my God, 420. Yeah. What do you think didn't work? Was it buying flowers for somebody? Was it a mechanical situation? Idea for a screenplay. Oh yeah, but that being high could only help with that. I know this guy who was gonna, I know this guy who was gonna...

I know this guy who's gonna go to class, but he got high. He could have cheated and he could have passed, but he got high. Wait a minute, you're not talking about A.Man. A.Pro-Man. Abe Froman? Abe Froman, yeah. His birthplace, the log cabin. Yeah, Abe Froman. And, yeah. Yeah, in Froman's. Yeah.

And your dad went there, right? My dad went to the Afro-man birthplace. I'm like really grasping at straws. We all are. Because I don't know the lyrics. Oh, I don't know. That's the... I get it, hi.

This boom wrestling, the local promotion, one of the wrestlers is Abraham Lincoln. That's his whole character. Well, he wears the hat and the ring. Abraham Lincoln was famously a wrestler. Oh yeah, that's right. He'd fucking take on a bear, I think. Wasn't that, that was David Crockett.

That was David Crockett, yeah. That was Uwe Boll fighting a critic. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Oh. Good to laugh again, hey guys? Yeah. I'm like a good, weird German director. The world needs more. Oh, it's a laugh again, hey guys? I like a good weird German director.

The world needs more. Here's your final phone call. Hi there, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Kate calling from Hertfordshire in the UK, calling with an overheard from my daughter who is now six. She was up playing with her friend in a kind of elevated slide area and she's reading some of the graffiti that had been left. Some of it was a bit colourful. Anyway, she's very proud of her ability to read and sound out letters and I overheard her saying to her friend, look, look, they spell it c-a-m, not c-a-m-a, they don't know how to spell cum. Anyway, tried hard to keep a straight face,

but you know, bless them, both the six year olds and the teenagers that probably left that graffiti, not just first teenagers. Right, love you both. Off I go, bye. I didn't catch the postscript. Yeah, I know. Gotta leave them wanting more. Yeah, yeah.

So how do you guys spell it? I mean, it really... C-A-H. I spell it like calm fury. Calm fury? Yeah, I'm gonna calm. What do you mean you spell it? Yeah, C-U-M makes the most sense.

Yeah, it does. How did it? I mean, I don't know. One and done kind of feeling. How did it come about? How is that the word that became that? One and done. One and done.

One pump chump. Yeah, we can all aspire to be at least two pumps, right? Right, everybody out there? Two pumps minimum? Yeah, I'm working up to it. I am. It's a training year. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

My kegels. Well, guys, this has been a hell of a week. Yeah, this has been a real twisted tea of a show. Sure. We finished our whiskies. It's been a blast. Hell of a week. Yeah, this has been a real twisted tea of a show. Sure. We finished our whiskies. Yeah, those were great. Mm. Whiskey, who knew, eh?

This is my first try. Yeah, what do you think? It's pretty delicious. Was it really your first? Maybe it'll become your new coffee. Maybe that'll be 12 of those a day. Yeah. It's those a day. It's my whole personality.

It's going to be awesome. Well, thank you for being our guest. Thank you for having me. And thank you, everybody out there, for listening. How do you spell it? Think it long and hard about how you spell it or how you want to spell it. Yeah. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.