Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 958 - Caitlin Howden

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Comedian Caitlin Howden returns to talk elevator people, Amelie, and axe throwing. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 958 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who, uh, you know what? The air conditioner's fixed.

I can feel it in the room. It's Dave's guy took care of it. It's Dave Shumka. It's Dave's Humka. Uh, yeah, the air conditioner's fixed. It's not on right now. No, but you got a guy. He got it fixed.

Yeah, Michael came through. Hell yeah. He was supposed to come where we left off last time. He was coming with the, he was going to be coming later with the part. He showed up at the box with the part in it. He opened up the box. Wrong part. And then he had to drive to Langley.

Langley. And he was like, I feel so bad. I'm driving to Langley right now. I have two hours booked to just do this job. So I'm driving to Langley and go get it. They said they had it there. Wrong part when he got there. Jesus.

So we overnighted it. Oh, nice. And did it the next morning. I love my guy. Yeah. If anybody needs anything fixed, Michael. Yeah. Look it up in the phone book.

Nothing I could do could dare be away from Michael. Michael. Our guest today. A favorite of the show. Very funny comedian. She has a weekly podcast called Your Weekly Breakdown. She is a member of the Sunday service that performs each and every. week here in Vancouver at the Fox.

It's Caitlin Howden. Hi, Caitlin. Hello, fellas. Welcome aboard. Thanks for having me. Hi. Should we get to know us? Let's do it.

Get to know us. Caitlin, oh, as I live and breathe. When was the last time we saw each other? Like a year ago. I don't know when you were here on the show. Do you know that, yeah, it was exactly a year ago in two days that I was, that I did the show. And have you ever been more excited to be on the podcast? Is this the maximum?

I think you guys know I came in with a bit of a fun energy. You did. Yeah, you did. I was pretty pumped. I was pretty pumped. You walked here, you got your juices flowing. I walked here. Got your steps in.

Got my steps in. What's it? Do you count steps? No. No. No. I have to have a thing that counts it, right? But even then, I wouldn't know what it says.

You don't understand numbers? No. I don't check. No. I'm not checking it. I'm not gamifying my steps. Okay. I don't know if I've walked two steps or 20 steps.

How many do you think was over here? I wouldn't know. Was it closer to two steps or 20? 20 this time. Do you gamify anything? Do you gamify? What else is there to gamify? I guess my calories.

I have a big calorie game. Do you? No. There's a fasting one that I keep getting advertised. It has something to do with like an animated raccoon. Is he amaciated? He's good look. Like, he looks tight.

Yeah. I come from Weight Watchers as a young child. Don't we all? You know, so I remember having points. Back in the day, I went to Weight Watchers with my mom as a teenager. Way Watchers was the original at midnight. Points. But you would have to show up the meetings, get Wade first.

In front of everyone? In front of everybody. Everyone would line up to get weighed. So was a meeting you go to? Uh-huh. And then there would be a meeting after. the way in of like talking about like vegetables can be fun. Tell me more.

Okay. Okay. I'm really hungry. You gave me four points today. So what is like what, say a small muffin? How many points are we looking at there? A hundred thousand. And so, but you know what's no points?

Things like water, celery. Water, eh? You can have as much water as you like. So then are you, does it work like you're given a number of points you have to work within it? Or do you, okay. Yes, yes. So it's like I have 22 points today. Oh, what will I do?

How will I feast? And you have to strategically plan it. I've never, I've never planned a meal in my life. I think I'm always, not more than an hour or two before I don't like plan. You don't know like. or anything like that. Oh, but like even then like, when you go grocery shopping, you're not like, okay, well, I know one day this week we'll have. No.

Macaroni and cheese. No, I just want to stroll out to the store for whatever I need when I needs it. Huh. Yeah. I think suburban living would kill you. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Getting in a car and driving to a thing is, I hate it.

I hate it the most. I hate it the most. But do you ever have a night home alone where it's just you and you think, I'm, going to make myself something really fun. Something Sally would never let me have. Yeah. Jello chocolate pudding. Do not leave him home alone.

I don't think I do. I think I would just get a pizza. I think it would be just something like that. I don't think I'd make anything at all because then I'd have to clean up after it. Yes. That's a dissuade. For me, that's a lot of dissuasion of like, if I just don't cook. I think when I first got a bar.

I would do that if Abby was away, I'd be like, big steak for daddy. What do you serve with that steak? No, I'm a home alone. I have a big steak and that's all. And that's all. One plate, one fork, one knife. Yeah, well, yeah. And only one of us is coming out alive.

The night. What do you, what do you do on a night by yourself? What are you going to cook? I do love the idea of, like, making a meal for myself on those. On those solo nights, you know, it's just you and your home, and it almost feels like your parents are out of town. Right. It feels like the, like. Well, that's what it feels like when your husband reminds you of your parents.

So my daddy, husband, my, oh, God, dang it. It just feels you're like, yeah, but I know what you mean you're like, I'm going to get a pizza. Yeah. I'm going to get it with like green olives and pineapples and pepperoni. Yeah, I'm going to get my pizza. And I'm going to eat it over the sink. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's my favorite spot.

I'm going to eat it in the bathtub. Now, kick that box to the door. Yeah. Yeah. And actually, I'll take the box out right away, so there's no evidence. Absolutely. Nothing happened here. Yeah.

Because then when your husband gets home, he's like, Caitlin, how many points did you have today? Yeah. And I'll say domino points? Oh, like 14. Don't worry. The tracker loves us. I do collect Domino's points.

Dude, that is the one thing I gamify is when will the Domino's guy get here. So our Domino's guy comes on a bike. So he's fast because he doesn't have to deal with traffic. Oh, okay. And so it's like well under half an hour every time. And he, I don't know him specifically. But so the other day I was walking the dog and I walked past Douglas Park and it was like sunset. And there was, I just saw a bunch of like delivery driver bikes parked together.

Oh. And there was a bunch of delivery drivers having a pickup socks. I thought, oh, that's nice because it's not a job. That is nice. Probably a pretty lonely job. Yeah. I mean, and I know, because I've seen a Chinese restaurant in Edmonton, and they all know each other because they're working that same.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, everybody was just chatting like, well, you know, what have you been up to? And what are you going to do later? And I was like, this is kind of like a little community. Yeah. And it is FIFA season. So everyone's playing soccer. Yeah, that's true.

They're inspired by, you know, Zinidine, Z. Zadan and Pelae. Harry Kane and maybe a second one that I made. Mittie, is that somebody? Yeah, sure. Peter Beardsley. Messy. There you go. There we go.

We don't like Harry Kane. No? What do you do? I don't know. Oh. I don't really understand the politics of FIFA. Oh. But I do know that there's like.

I think they're pretty apolitical. I think they're pretty for sure above board. Inclusive. Oh, wait, I forgot. We are sponsored by FIFA. Yeah. A weird one this week. Yeah.

I was at, there's... Just this episode that's sponsored by FIFA. The rest is... We're fine. We're fine. There's a place, one of those stores that sells like vapes and, you know, 10 kinds of Mountain Dew you can't actually buy in Canada, one of these imported candy and vape stores. And, like, all their windows are frosted over.

You can't see inside, but they had a video of an AI vans. video of Messi just playing on the outside of him in the store, looking at all the stuff they have and going, wow. We truly do live in the future. Did it look like him? Oh, yeah. It was, I mean. It was him. Yeah.

Wow. The idea is that, well, maybe in real life, Messi is going to the store in his soccer clothes. And if he is going to go to a store, he's coming to this one. He's going to the vape store when it's empty. And don't you want to do the same? Yeah, maybe I could be, like, messy, too. Do you guys ever go into one of those vape stores for a snack? You have a good thing by?

Yeah. Some of their chocolate bars are so old. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like that they have a promotion on them. You're like, well, that was a year ago. That was six months ago that movie was in theaters. Oh, it's the Moana chocolate bar. But the original one?

It's Moana one. Yeah. Boy, there was. really making fun of the rock for that movie. Jeez, Louise. You got to know when to stop. Yeah. And no one to hold them. Yeah.

But you mostly got to know one to just walk away. You got to know when to run too. Yes. Are there any other rules about, say, counting your money? No, I don't know. I'm not a numbers gal. I'm intuition. Yeah.

Have you seen, did anyone see the original Moana? No. No. I can say that it rocks. Yeah. And I've heard Malwanda. too is good. It's not.

Oh, it's not? No, it doesn't have your boy from Hamilton. Didn't do the music of the second one. Oh, I see. Okay. Lynn. Manuel. Miranda.

Yeah, he did the music in the first one. How would you rank movies of, like, is Moana a Disney movie? Yeah. I would rank it as a Disney movie. No, but how would you rank the movies that you are forced to see as a dad? Moana Entangled number one. Nice. Wow.

The minions also near the top, all of those ones, and then everything else, I don't really care. Okay. Right. Like, you know, I don't really need to rank them. I just had to be there. Yeah. Did you have to watch the Mario Brothers film? I watched the first one, but we didn't get around to the second one.

I forgot that there's a second. Couldn't, you know, rally the troops for that. Fair. Yeah. Yeah. We did just see the most recent minions. I think we talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, I mean, I could talk about it this time, too. I love those little guys. But you've never seen one of the movies, have you? Oh, no, I've seen all of them except the new one. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, ban on ah. That's true. Yeah.

I'm so glad you guys have found something that makes you happy. That's so... Do you watch any animation in that world? No. What do you watch? You want to watch a movie. It's Friday night. You've got the pizza on delivery.

Yeah. I want to watch... I don't want to watch a movie. I want to watch Real Housewives. Sure. But say Real Housewives is you caught... Let's see. I'm caught up on everything.

Yeah, you say they've all been decapitated. No. They're getting neck replacements. It's different. So you have to watch a movie. I think I'm going to watch something like voicemails for Isabel or some sort of rom-com. Sure. Something maybe that I've already seen before.

What's voicemails for Isabel? I don't know. I haven't seen it yet. I gotta get a night to myself. Is it new? It's new story starring, starring Zoe Deutsch. Oh, she's also in that other new movie. Yes, she's in quite a few. Yeah. So this is a real movie. This isn't something you just made up in your head. Yeah, voicemails for Isabel. It does sound like a fake like 30 Rock.

Yeah, it does. But it's really pleasing and it's nice to watch. and then it's done within an... Oh, this is my key. It's done after an hour and 20 minutes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the new Odyssey. I think that's of like an hour 20 as well. What, part one of five?

Jeez, those guys don't know how to edit, do they? This, so the premiere is today, and at the Park Theater, did I tell you this? No. So the little plaza they have out there near the Park Theater, they're going to have, like, Odyssey-themed stuff. There's going to be people in, like, old-timey Greek, Greek warrior costumes.

There's going to be Greek food. Yeah. I'm going to let one of the Spartans hit me in the face. Get a photo of it, you know? This is Christopher Nolan's newest film with Matt Damon. Yeah. And they didn't let Ben Affleck in this one, right? No, I guess he's not in it.

No, I think at the end, he knocked on Odysseus's door and he's like, oh, he's not there. I'm glad he finally got away. Do you know the story of the Odyssey? I have you no part? I think it's based on Obrothera or are at that. Wait, what? Oh, Brother of Arth, though, is based on The Odyssey.

It is? Yeah. I didn't know that. And I just re-watched it a couple of weeks ago, and that movie slaps. It's the best. Their soundtrack is amazing. Those three are like, they should be in other movies together as a trio because they're so funny. Who'd they get on the soundtrack?

Was that T-Bone Walker? Oh, it reminds me of my favorite. Oh, Dave's just thinking of her. Let's steak again. You know, Well, it's got a, it's got a, it's got the ladies who sing their sirens. They're sirens. They got sirens, but they're like, you know.

Cyclops. There's a cyclops. Yeah, it's, are you going to go see it? The main character's name is Odysseus. No, Ulysses. You're going to see it? The new one? Yeah.

And he's going on a journey. Yeah. You not know it? I don't. Do you know the Iliad? No. At the end of the Iliad, they all go home except someone gets left behind and he's Got to get his way home.

Are they related? I don't know. They're both by Homer. Do. I, come on. Yeah, I haven't seen all of Christopher Nolan's movies, and sometimes I don't want to sit for that long. I really didn't like Oppenheimer. I thought that was really boring.

Me too. But this one looks like it's going to be nonstop action. It seems like there's a lot of cool stuff that's going to happen. But is action what he's good at? Pretty good at the Batman stuff. good in the action-y stuff like that? What was the backwards one? Tenet.

That was fun. I never saw that. That was one I was like, that one came out when, uh, we weren't ready to have the theaters open. That was during COVID, yes. And I went to it in the theaters with a bunch of friends. And, and lots of fun? Yeah, so who.

But I remember during Oppenheimer, I went pee because I was bored. I didn't even have to pee it. I already gone pee two times. And then I was like, might as well have a. walk around pee. Like I was out of my, I was like a kid at a dinner for adults. I was like, oh my God, they're still talking. Stop talking.

There's, I just saw, when we were, after we recorded last week's episode, during, when we recorded an episode, I drink so much water. Yeah. And then right after the episode last week, I went and saw Maddie's Secret, uh, the John early Kate Burlant movie. Yeah, I watched it the other night. And, but I, I never have to pee during movies, but I had to pee so many times during this movie. And I was like, what's happening to my body?

Yeah. Also, it's a movie with a lot of like going to the bathroom suspiciously, like sneaking away to the bathroom. There's a lot of toilet content in it, yeah. Which introduces the thought of like, could I sneak a pee? Yeah, that's true. I see a toilet and I just got it on screen and it's just like, I got to use one. I'll always just wait until a big set piece is done. You know, like a big, okay, well, they've saved the day on that one.

He's back in Odysseus land and there he goes. His wife is Anne Hathaway and it's, oh wait. Do we know this story? Okay, he's at war. So his name is Odysseus. Yes. Is this where we get the word Odyssey from? Okay.

Okay. It's not just called the Odyssey, but it's called the Odyssey, right? It seems weird that it's called the Odyssey, and then the character's name is Odysseus. Or is that just a coincidence? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I think we get it from.

We also get Afro from Aphrodite, because she was born out of foam. Is this true? It's also where we get her Maphrodite. But we don't really get that. We don't use that so much. Not so much. In the Animal Kingdom, though,

I think they still use it. Anyways. This is why etymology is important. Mm-hmm. And entomology is important, too, because there's bugs. Bugs are everywhere. So we've got this Odysseus. Uh-huh.

There seems this was this Odysseus. He went to war. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then in the trailer, it says, war's over. Well, yeah, it's got, they got John and Yilko. That's right. They're having a bad in.

Most privileged protest in the entire world. The most comfortable way of protesting. We're staying in bed. I mean, not if we have to pee, we'll get up. Yeah. And when they come to change the linens. Linens will get up. Yeah.

Yeah. So in that way, I'm doing a protest pretty much every day. Thank you. Thank you. So Odysseus is at war. He's got to get home to this beautiful, beautiful Hathaway. Hathaway, not Helen of Troy. She was from the prequel.

Now, what if he hated his wife? What if his wife was just a nag? Like, would we have the Odyssey? You know, we wouldn't have had it. the Odyssey. Is she the whole time ordering pizza? I think I'll get it with Fetta and olives again.

Greek-ass bitch. So he's he's heading home. He meets along the way a bunch of a cyclops. A cyclops who's like I'm not happy about this. He's like, stop moving around.

Stay. And I have no depth. perception here. Can you stay at the front of the cone? So we got ourselves a cyclops. We got ourselves some sirens. Yesterday I was by the way, speaking of cyclopses

I was watching I wasn't watching but the TV was left on and the young and the restlesser days of our lives was on and I just saw two seconds of it and it was a woman with two eyepatches on both eyes. And I just thought, yeah.

Soapppers. Keep doing what you're doing. I think soap operas have gotten, I used to watch them growing up. I loved Days of Our Lives of Our Lives. I loved General Hospital with Sunny. And then I also, what was the other one I really liked? But now it just seems like they're just, they've run out of things so they keep expanding. Yeah.

You know what I never thought of? Another world. That was a big one in my household. Another world. Another world. Yeah. General Hospital was a big one. What was the girl's name on Days of Real Life?

Sammy. Was she the one? Yeah. She could not hold Sammy down. No. And Marlena was the one who was possessed. That's right. And of course, the evil Victor.

No, the evil Stefano. Stefano. Yeah. And it's still going, right? Who still is there was that one of the one you saw? I don't know. I only saw the woman with the two eyepatches. Anyway.

So did they get the actual? who's playing the Cyclops to, like, train using one eye for a bit. Don't tell me it's AI. It's not AI. Well, I mean, that's, if you're a Cyclops, that's one thing you got, AI. Nice, nice. No, they use, let's just say they use the one-eyed monster for that guy. I knew it was going to go there eventually, but.

When I'm with you, you take me away to a night. Other world. Is that the The Vee's lock? Is that? Yeah, Days of Our Lives didn't have one. It had like a Law and Order style. Yeah, through sands,

as Sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. And then was that music that was underneath, was that sampled by Mary J. Blige? It could be. For no more drama. Am I thinking of that one? Could be right.

Okay. Wow. Right in. So there's a. There's a cyclops that has one good eye, right? It's not a cyclops with an eye patch on. This cyclops can see around. There's a hydra?

Is there a hydra? Was this where the Minotaur is from? Oh, could be Minotaur. Does he have to go through a labyrinth? He'd have to go through a labyrinth. He's got to do all this in one movie? Yeah. Well, it's not a short movie.

Oh, brother. Where art thou? Minotaur Hydra What's her face that makes you turn to stone? Medusa. Medusa. Medusa. Medusa.

We could talk about... Are Jason and the Argonauts? Do they meet them on the water? They do a funny cameo of Jason the Argonaut. And then that branches off into its own movie. They get Pinball Clemens from the Toronto Argonauts. He's part of it. Mike Pinball Clemens.

I don't thought about him in a while. I feel like I saw him in a commercial not that long ago, but I can't remember for what? He was a great kick returner in the Canadian Football League. What was the name of the great kick returner for the Edmonton Elks? Was it Gizmo? William. Gizmo, that's right, yeah.

So then, oh, and it's also the Trojan horse. Isn't that in this tale as well? That's the Iliad. Oh, really? Because the popcorn box is a Trojan horse that they make. Oh, so it's already got a hole in the bottom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Anyways, I don't...

I don't know the Iliad from The Odyssey, but am I missing any of the elements? Yeah, I don't know. Do we wiki the Odyssey? Is it one of those stories where you're like, I just want to read the book first and then I'll see the movie? You know, where you're like, I don't want the movie to ruin the book.

I'm, I just, my, um, crush just gave me a first edition of the audits. Oh, signed? Yep. And then they skateboarded away. Yep. Was that the J-Lo movie where she got a first edition, her? Yeah, which? I think it was the Iliad.

J-Lo's favorite book? J-Lo's deeper than, I think. Did you see the video of her today? I don't know if it's a new video. Sometimes you get a video and it's like, this just happened sometimes. This is from 10 years ago. And it was,

the caption was like, Jalo thinks the audience is giving her a standing ovation. But what they don't realize is they're warning her that a cricket is crawling up her chest. And it gets up to her neck. And then she gracefully throws it off. She's pretty good at it. Yeah, only Jailo could pull it off. Although there was a reporter that a cockroach landed on her chest and she kept doing the report

until the end and did the same thing, then flicked it off. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. You're live. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Absolutely. I have just started feeling like I need to put on the air conditioning. Okay. Here we go. A lot of convenient. Will it affect? Yeah, it'll affect your performance.

My performance. There comes. Okay. Now, Caitlin, you didn't come here just to talk about The Odyssey. I came here to learn about the Odyssey. That's right. Hell yeah. I'm here to learn. What's going on with you? with you lately.

Not, I mean, not much. It's been a year. It's a strange thing to say lately. What am I been up to? Your podcast is very popular and it's, and, uh, we are taking a little summer break right now. Okay. Yeah, we're doing that too.

We just, we're kind of phoning it in. But I was going to say, do you guys ever do that? Do you ever take like a few weeks off to, to, I don't know, not do a weekly podcast? Sometimes if one of us is traveling. Yeah. But we pre-taped. We don't miss a release week. Right.

So we are actually taking six weeks off. But it's going really well. Apple named us one of the top podcasts of 2025. Hell yeah. That was very nice. We got that in December, so I'm catching you all up. What else? Bought a dishwasher.

Oh, hey. Podcasts doing very well. Best of 2025. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Did you have a dishwasher before? I did, and it broke. It's a replacement washer.

So I go to... How old was the old one, do you know? It came with the place, so I'm assuming it was like eight years old. What's a good name in dishwashers? I mean, the Maytag repairman is pretty unbusy. Yeah, Maytag. I've done some research. I say go Bosch, if you can.

If you can. Okay. I just know that as a television show, but go on. Bosch. This is a type of appliance? Yes. I think it's a brand. Okay, they don't just do dishwashers.

This is, you can buy anything. I'm sure you can. Yeah. We went to the Home Depot. to look at dishwashers. There's your first mistake. Well, I had done research on my own. You should talk to Dave's AC guy.

He'll probably tell you which way to go. It took me a year and a half to get a new goddamn dishwasher from this guy. Even just a fricking part. I have my own guy, and I think you'll like him too because I went there and I said, so, you know, we're looking at this model. I like this. And the guy who worked at Home Depot, who was helping us, he was an older man, I want to say, way older than you guys.

Impossible. and very friendly, very kind. And I said, we know, we really like this Bosch model. And he liked it. He went, no, no, that one's cacao pooh. What you're going to want over here is this. This one's a really good one. And I was like, wait, what?

And I didn't say anything at first because I was like, did he? Did you say caca pooh-poo? No, he couldn't. He's in his late 50s or in the 60s. And I said, okay, well, tell me more about this one. He said, this one, yeah, that one over there. That's good. This one, we're a caco-poo over here.

And he said caca poopoo at least five times. It got to the point that I was like holding Chris's hand in the Home Depot being like, you hear him too, right? But he can't, I wonder if he was given a note being like, okay, Marty, got to stop saying something shit. And he's like, Ron, I'll stop saying shit. Yeah, yeah. Or we're moving you to, you know, the worst part of the store.

Yeah, which would be wood. Plungers. Well, that one is caca poupo. Yeah. And in plunger terms, that's great. But I've never heard someone say that as a grown person, say like, or a grown-up say, oh, yeah, that's real cacao-pupoo. Like not to a kid. No, yeah.

To make you laugh. And not to make me laugh, but to honestly tell me I shouldn't have done. Like, that's not the right. But did he talk you out of the box? He sure did. Oh, I wouldn't. What did he talk into? I don't know, some sort of Kenmore bullshit.

I remember once I was a teenager and my parents needed a new computer. And I was like, uh, I think we want this one. And then the guy at the, the, at Future Shop talked me out of it and was like, get this one. It was the worst computer you ever have. I hate my dishwasher. Yeah. Everything's wet. The one that you got, it sucks.

It sucks. This one's caca poopoo. Do you, do you use the rinse agent? I sure. Of course I have jet dry. I even will like, I've tried different settings to be like, maybe it's better on like express extra dry. It's garbage. Can you take it back?

It's a bit big. Yeah, I wonder how you do a thing like that. Hey, can you come pick this up? It sucks and give me my money back. Yeah, I feel like at this point it's like, I have to learn this lesson. I have to for the next six years every time I open up the dishwasher go, see, you didn't trust yourself, Kate.

You listen to some guy who works at Home Depot. Who says caca pooh-a-poo all the time. Well, clearly he was deranged. Why did you listen to him? Well, I thought he was just like, like, I've also heard other people say, like, I was at a strata meeting for my building. How much that like? It got a bit heated. Yeah, okay.

And someone was like, you have to stop interrupting me. You are always interrupting me. I say a papa to you. A papa to you. And I was like, what is he saying? Turns out he's saying, a papa to you. And I don't know what that means. And I don't think it's anything.

But he kept going, a papa to you. to you and like and then throwing his hands. Yes. Is he Greek? No. An opa to you. A papa to you. And I was like, I don't know.

I think people are just making up birds. Sure. Yeah. Other languages will do that a lot. No, I know that. Shakespeare did it too, actually. I'm sure there's some of that shit in the Odyssey. What?

I've never been to that. No, apparently the big problem of the Odyssey is that Tom Holland is that Tom Holland and refers to Matt Damon as my dad. People are like, he should be saying father. Oh, I see. He calls him dad in the movie? Yeah, he calls him... Spoiler alert.

Now I know they're related. Yeah. She's Louise, right? It's another part of the story. What is... I've never been to... I don't know any of the tenants in my building, so let alone been to a meeting with them.

What is that like? Do you know everybody in your building now because of this? When you saw a tenant, did you think it was going to be... It called a tenant? It was going to be more like, you know, like roommates. Boy, was I confused. Is it?

It is. I know a lot of my neighbors. Yeah. So I have to tell you guys, we only had, we have two elevators in our building. We're a nine-floor building. Okay. Nine-story building. And for about, I want to say, six months, one of our elevators was broken.

Okay. And it was causing a lot of tension. And people were, like, pissed because it was taking. a long time. They got the wrong part. They had to go to Langley. They went to my guy. Yeah.

We use Michael. Yeah. We use Michael. We love Michael. Michael doesn't do elevators, but he said he'd figure it out. Yeah, yeah. He would say that. So finally after six months, the elevator got fixed.

And I decided, since I wanted to, like, make light of the situation because people were getting quite terse in the lobby. Yeah. I was going to decorate. So I got streamers. balloons. You decorated the elevator. I decorated the inside of the elevator.

This rules. So when people, so when the elevator started working, um, I got in their first thing in the morning, put up streamers and I also cut out the letters, welcome back. Love it.

Um, and then strung it, uh, across the elevator doors. At the back of the elevator, of course, you could still enter it. And so for the,

for like the people who used the elevator that day, it was like filled with balloons and streamers and like a welcome back sign. I love it. So, I'm that person in the building. Oh, and this didn't come up at the media. Like, who the hell did this store her elevator? Did you consider putting a skeleton in there and a note saying,

I've been stuck in this elevator for six months? I don't think I'll make it much longer. Please tell my wife from the Odyssey, tell my wife Ann Hathaway. I was actually, I was thinking of having a sign that said, I missed you, I don't love the elevator. Sorry, I was a bad boy. Yeah. Oh, that's fun.

You know. Yeah. Now get inside me. Yeah, exactly. That's exact. And then I was like, well, children live here. Yeah. There's also some building teens that I'm afraid of.

Go on. How many teens are in your building? Well, it seems like there's getting more and more because they keep growing up. Yeah. And sometimes they bounce a basketball and it scares me. Yeah. Because it's very menacing. Yeah.

A teen bouncing a basketball, that's scary. Mm-hmm. Let alone. One is scary. Two. Yikes. Yikes. Between the legs.

One of those kids up to. Mm-hmm. So the building teens. and I, they like me. We get along. How do you know? Because I see them in the elevator. Hey, we like you.

No, because I'll say like, hey. And then they go, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey. Teens. Yeah. And then one of the teens I found out is going away to university next year.

And I was like, congratulations. I hear you're going to university. And she's like, who told you? Like came up at the strata. And I said, well, your parents told me that you were moving to Victoria. Yeah, I am. It was very awkward. Anyways, we're really close friends.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm that person in the building. I'm doing the decorations. So at the Strata meetings, I'm also the one who's like, ah, I think we're fine. Let's move on. Do you have to go? I'm on the committee.

Only for another year. Did you have to be elected to this position? I mean, people are, we're begging people to help out. Sure. I used to be on a committee, but then my boobs got too big. And how itty-bitty was it? The committee? Yeah.

It wasn't the committee that was Itty Bitty. Oh, okay. I think I've been thinking about another committee then. It was the titties. Oh, right. Both. Both tithes, yeah. Because I only know it as one itty-bitty.

One, itty-bitty titty. Oh, yeah, you're right. It's not the Itty-Bitty Titties Committee. No, because if that was the case, you'd just be a small-chested person. But the committee consists of one person with a big titty and one little titty. That's the trick for the committee. It's a really exclusive committee. I'm just saying, look at the words, itty-bitty-titty-titty committee.

Thank you. That's true. Yeah, you got served. It's the price you pay to live in a building, I think. Yeah. I believe in like... Well, it's literally the price you pay because you have to have these fat of fees. Yeah, yeah.

It's a condo. Yeah. I'm in an apartment building, so nobody knows anybody. I know the kid upstairs. You just learned how to ride a bicycle just the other day, had the wheels taken off. Cute. At the training wheels. Above you?

You can hear it? No, I saw in the lobby. With the parents riding the bike in the inside. Come on. I don't know. A kid upstairs. No, they would never. But yeah, he's out there, riding his bike.

They're the only ones I really know, except for Olga, who used to be the Atlanta lady, but now is just a, she's a maintenance lady. But now she's still alive, though? Yeah, she just lives there now. Oh, thank God. The way you set it up, it sounded like Olga had maybe passed. She keeps the garden out front. Woo, she keeps a ticket. Do you ever need your neighbors for anything, though? Like, would you need them?

Yeah, I've tried it. Because I've thought about that. Like, if there was an emergency, I wouldn't have any idea how many people live in the building. I don't know. Anybody by name. I know like, do you have nicknames for any of them? Yeah, they're smelly, idiot, clomp and star. Bike rider.

Yeah. I hate them all so much. But yeah, I don't know. If I did need help, I don't know who. There was a, so we had a, when I was producing, let's make a sci-fi. We talked to a scientist who gets hired by, like, productions to, like, double-check the science on their sci-fi shows. And she was, like, an expert in, she was hired by Sharknato because she's an expert in, like, natural disasters. That's very funny.

We got to make sure everything is on the level list here at Shark Nato. Well, they hired her, and they were like, we're doing a movie about Tornado. And there's another part. You don't need to know about that. And she said, like, in her studies, she says that the thing that determines your survival in a natural disaster has less to do with, like, your personal preparedness, with, like, you know, having a bomb shelter or, like, 100 days of food or whatever. It's knowing your neighbors. Yeah. I know.

And I've tried. And the neighbors are uninterested. and even the littlest of small talk. Oh. We're on our own emergency-wise, except for Olga and the kid upstairs on his bike. He could save the day. He's able to ride a bike now. I use my neighbors for things because I'm not that organized.

So I'll be like, Tammy, do you have basil? Oh, nice. Yeah. Or I'll ask Catherine, can you let me in? Do you have keys? Can you buzz me up? I don't have a phone or keys or my wallet. I don't know what I thought I was doing.

Those are like the three things you checked before you leave the house. Not me. I love leaving with nothing and it drives my husband crazy. In the same way that I watched into the studio today and instantly was like, can I charge my phone? I'm at 9%. What are you at now? I'm at 3.49. 3.49.

Do you find, because like, yeah, the once in a while that I do leave the house without a phone, feel pretty free, I must admit. I love it. I, like, I sometimes forget my wallet. And then I'm like, hey, my phone works. I use my phone for buying things. That's true. Phone is backup. You want to know a good relationship exercise?

Go on. Okay. One of you leaves your phone, wallet, and keys at home. And then you can't fight. Because you need to get home. So someone's a little. If you need each other, then you'll be nicer to each other. That's true.

childless people search for relationship exercises I just realized that the other day because I did leave the house with no wallet phone or keys

and I said to Chris well it looks like I gotta be nice to you for the next few hours huh I can't just take off with the boys I'm not starting shit

with him I years and years ago I was living living by myself and I left I walked out without a phone and I thought I

had my keys with me and I didn't and I was like wow can't get into my house. And I can't call anybody. So I had to like ask a guy at a gas station to please use their phone. I could remember the number of whoever I was going to try and call.

Because I don't know anybody's number. So it's like, would 411 even work anymore? Like you, I don't. Great question. Hey, can you tell me Graham's phone number? No. No. In my room business.

Also, he's not going to answer. He's locked out of his house. So what did you do? I had to... This is the old... Yeah, this is a... I eventually, somebody came home next door

that had contact that somebody had the keys. So the landlord and the next door neighbor were friends and I was able to get them to call the landlord who wasn't there at the time, but to get an extra key. So I was functional. homeless for 12 hours.

Wow. Yeah, because I was like, and where do you go? Nobody's going to let you just come in and sit in their establishment at night. So, like, the library's closed. You can't go there. There's no YMCA to hang out at. I don't know where the other hotspots would be. Where would you go?

Where would you go? What time was it? This was about 7 p.m. at night, 7. Oh, I'd go to a slam poetry event. I don't know. Look, that guy paid. You'd have to sing for your supper. Well, I'm actually here to perform, so stand back.

Yeah, too. Rap a tap. Snap back to reality. There goes gravity. Back in its heyday, do you ever go to slam poetry? It's in its heyday. Is it not, is it still in its heyday? Is it, what was it dayday?

Well, I feel like there was a point where there was an HBO version that was like, it was called Deaf. Def Poetry Slend. Yeah. Kanye West was on it. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, I think he did, maybe he did like, oh, like an early version of like gold digger. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, it was, I feel like there was a time when it was like white hot. I remember like coffee house like like, like, um. open mics kind of thing where it came to me you know I didn't go to it but suddenly it came to me Oh shit poetry's happening

Oh yeah Can I I gotta get the attention of the server Oh cock guy Here it is Buy yourself A washing machine At the Home Depot a place

With orange signs And white lines And check it out daddy There you go you got it Pretty good That was really good Dave? I mean, the Odyssey was originally a poem.

I remember doing stand-up at those nights and, like, the littlest joke would destroy. So when you were going up with all jokes, who the crowd was lovely. Like, if you made just kind of like a rye, turn of a phrase in your poem, everybody's laughing their ass up. Because they weren't expecting comedy. No. And then when you get a little, and then you get a little more. Woo-ee. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll miss those gigs. It's why we think Katie Perry's funny. Go on. Well, we're not. You know, people are like, she's so kooky. She's so funny and kooky. Yeah.

It's because we don't, she's not supposed to be. Just go write a song about fireworks and date of prime minister. Yeah. And then when she's a bit funny and kooky, we're like, she's hilarious. What a character. Yeah. Because it's so, you know. Yeah.

You know, like Jennifer Lawrence had that kind of, she was like, isn't she kooky? She's so kooky. Yeah. What a great actor. Guys, why are we being such misogynists? Oh, Kitty Perry is funny. Jennifer Lawrence is cookey Jennifer Lawrence is cookey

It's Katie Perry funny Katie Perry's always been the funniest Yeah She's a hoot She looks like she's fun She would Like there was Because I remember

Well Before she entered her Flop era She was already kind of funny and kooky But then like Post Firework We have all of her

music videos after that are hilarious joke attempts. There's swish, swish, bish, bish, where she... I don't recall the video of this. Oh, the video of this, she forms a basketball team with a bunch of backpack kid and... Oh, sure. Memes? A bunch of memes. Yeah, a bunch of memes.

And then there's Bon Appetit. She is... Did she eat a human leg or something in that? No, she is food. She is food. Oh, see, she's a storyteller. But she does, she's, her, like, you know, she's being, her skin is being kneaded, like, dough. Oh, yeah.

And she, like, goes cross-eyed and does a funny face. And then there's the birthday one. It's kind of our Charlie Chaplin. Where she does a bunch of characters. She goes undercover as a, it's like a hidden camera one where she's a bunch of different birthday entertainers, including a Jewish Burmits of a guy. Wow. Okay. There's a great video.

of her in Yeah, there's a great video of her. It's called where she's at an award show and she's I think it's, I think it's J-Lo that walks by and looks at her kind of in disdain while she's putting on a giant hamburger outfit. She's like, oh, brother.

Oh, God, she's up. She's at it again. Oh, man, we love her. We shout out to all the. slam poets out there, would you ever? Would you ever read a poem in front of people? No. Would you ever write a poem?

I mean, would I? In front of people. I don't, I mean, hasn't everyone, like, had a poetry journal? Oh, yeah. And they were, like, in their teens and 20s. Yeah. 30s. Yes, 30s, 40s.

What is poetry? But words on a page. What is it? But stand-up comedy with no laughs. With no laughs, that's true. That's beautiful, Dave. Wow. Well, it's what he was saying.

One of the, Remember there was like this short era Where people were discussing Does comedy have to be funny? I feel like it was on the heels of What's her name Hannah Gatsby? That's right. Oh yeah.

And then there was, I watched a special where it was a comedian And there was no audience. And I was like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. I hate that. Yeah, because he would still pause As if there was laughter a coming.

Was it a COVID special? I think it was around the time of COVID. And I feel like, It was an experimental. I can't remember the name of the guy who directed it. But it was, and the big through line was that he had herpes. And I was like, boy, you're making this hard thing even harder. What a riot.

Well, you weren't going to meet someone after the show anyway, doing 45 minutes on, why am I the only one people they'd hit on after the show? And now, Graham, as a stand-up, you're used to, like, having all the bras at the end of the show, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Don't you miss those days? The bras on stage? The babes. Hotel keys flying up.

Yeah. People throwing boxes of craft dinner at you. Oh, yeah. No, that's not me. You're at the wrong show. Yeah, it's never been like that. No. But for some comedians it is.

Some comedians would clean up after a show. Yeah. They have to. They have to pay for Botox and, like, filler. Yeah, that's true. They need it, Matt Rife. Hey, come on, he's a friend. And he's funny.

Yeah, I love how many specials he can do. Yeah. He's the epitome of the person who goes, let's make an improv movie. You know, that person is like, hey, I have an idea. Let's not have a script and just improvise everything. Yeah. And then we'll make it into a movie. And that'll be enough.

Oh, because his special is just crowd work? Yeah. Oh, okay. And I think that's really insulting to it. I mean, it's fine for a live audience, but don't call it a movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There was a very funny clip of, you know, Tony Hinchcliff. He did a special, and he's asking the audience, so like, what do you do? What do you do? And they just showed, like, a compilation of it. And the words just said, looks like Tony Hinchcliff is a census taker. What do you do?

What do you do? What's your income? Any pets? How many dependents? Did you do this? this year? Of course. Yeah.

Oh, I don't know. Did everyone get it? Was there a long form one? You have to do it. I was you're going to get a fine. I know. Well, here's what happened with me is I did it, but I didn't do it right away. Oh.

Someone came to my door. How embarrassing. And I slammed the door in their face because I get, every day we get solicitors here. Yeah. And so when if someone, despite your sign. Yeah. Despite the sign. and so literally every single day

someone comes with like a clipboard and I open the door and they start talking and I close the door just to save two minutes so they get the idea and then this person like rang the doorbell a second time and I was like uh oh I think I fucked

I apologize profusely and uh no I did fill it in I just sent it late yeah I they asked a lot about um was it about language this year? I don't know. Sally filled out.

She was ecstatic to have it and to fill it out. And I was like, you just, you have your fun. Yeah. You enjoy it. Did you enjoy filling it up? I didn't do it. That was a Chris. That was a Chris.

Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I got mad at you for not filling it out, I mean, you and Abby. Yeah. I think I'm sort of the Chris and Sally of my home. Ooh, that's tough. Sorry, bud.

A lot to take on. Yeah. When Chris and I travel, it's a surprise to me. What? Where we're going, where we're staying and what's up? I'm always like,

no kidding. We're going this way. Yeah. Okay. Great. You mean on a daily adventure or a vacation? Like we did the Camino, five days of walking the Camino de Santiago.

Oh, wow. In Portugal, it's a big long walk. We just had Christine. No, Carolyn Taylor. She did a big long walk. Did she? She did it in Spain, though. Okay, so we did five days in Portugal.

And it's the same walk in Spain, France, Portugal. And every day I was like, so where are we going? And he would tell me and I was like, I didn't listen to what thing you said. I went to Europe as a child with my parents. It was kind of like that. Yes, Dave, it's exactly like that. Yeah.

And honestly, when you do the Camino, there's little yellow arrows that are spray painted on the walls to tell you which direction to go in. I was in heaven. Yeah. Just didn't have to think about even which way to turn. No, we walked about 25 kilometers a day. Or 20 steps. It's hard to tell. Or two steps.

Again, big steps too. I bought a pair of Hokas. I was in the Camino loving it. It was great. Were there, do you keep saying the same people every day? Are there packs of people traveling? We saw one group twice, and that was it. You're really on your own.

It really is quite solitary. Are you bringing your luggage with you, or is there a company that's transporting it place to play? I don't look on her face. Dave knows. No, I paid someone to take my big bag to the next hotel. To the place. To the place.

Yeah. And then in my knapsack, I had a bathing suit, a water bottle, some burkistocks. What's the movie with Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas? The War of the Roses or the Jewel of the Nile? Yeah, the Jewel of the Nile is the sequel to It. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I do know what you're talking about. Yes.

What's it about? Kathleen Turner is like this not very well cut out for the... Go on. The jungle. Yeah, the adventure life. Okay, I will say that... Romancing the stone. Romancing the stone.

Okay, yeah. I might be... I might be hurt. No, I can't do it, Kathleen Turner. You could try. I might be her. Good job, Gailet. No.

No. Oh. Whoa. Oh. No. No. I don't think I can. No.

Give me Kathleen Turner. How so? I'd say a thing? You have perfect pitch. Luke, I'm your father. That's pretty good. Uh, Giovanni, yeah.

Oh, yeah, Giovanni. Uh, huh. Uh, uh, where's my husband? Serial dad. So was that a fun trip? Yeah. I loved it.

I would do it again. Highly recommend. Yeah? There was something really lovely about waking up every day and realizing the only thing you had to do was walk. You lost me. There's something lovely about waking up every day. And the only thing you have to do is walk. It was really nice.

Huh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you eat good food? Nope. Oh. I'll say this. Didn't care for the food.

I don't even know what Portuguese cuisine is. It's a lot of fish. Okay. And I like fish, but I like fish when it's like... Sticks. No, in a taco or like at a restaurant. I'm not so much about like, we just caught it and now it's on a grill. I'm like, oh, it stinks like fish.

Yeah, I like it to age a bit before I think of it. Can we get some fresh lemon and butter on there? No, actually, what I ended up eating a lot were toastamistas. Tell me more. You had me a toast. Ham and cheese sandwich. There you go. A toasted ham and cheese sandwich.

Honestly, a sandwich in Europe is the greatest thing. Absolutely. Like a gas station sandwich. Yeah. So good. Nobody does sandwiches like Europe. They just, like you say, the gas station sandwich is amazing. Amazing.

Yeah. Abby's family used to live in Switzerland and we would visit. And I don't visit anymore. And I just dream about this one pretzel sandwich you could get in every train station. from Brezlkeg. Brezlkunig. Wow. And what was in it?

It was a big pretzel. Perfect. Cut in half. Butter on the bread. Mm-hmm. And Swiss cheese. That was the whole thing. That's it?

Yeah. They had like 20 different kinds you could get, but that's what I always go. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, the, there was a particular chain in the UK of gas stations. I can't remember the name of, but. Tesco. Oh, is it like Aldi?

Is that? Aldi saw something like that? grocery store. They might have their sandwiches They got weird stuff attached to sandwich

to gas stations over there. They have like giant parks that are connected to the gas station over there. Yeah.

It's a lovely country. I love it. They call it petrol. Yeah, they do. They call it petrol. And they also

call their convenience stores a garage. Oh, really? I don't know what they call garages. And they had good sandwiches? Yeah.

Yeah. What was on them? For me, egg salad sandwich. Can't miss. Can't miss. I mean, you can miss. I mean,

very bad, but. Speaking of Carolyn Taylor, she was trying to master the 7-Eleven Japanese, uh, egg salad sandwich. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're famous, these triangle sandwiches, right? In Japan.

Yeah. Yeah. They're called toaster misas. Um, Dave, what's going on with you, man? Um, well, I, uh,

just went. I went to a movie that I'd never seen before. That's a good way to go. I went to a movie that was playing at the movie theater. It was its 25th anniversary, and it is... 25 years ago. Okay, so that would be 2008. And it is a French movie,

and it is the favorite French movie of Lil Wayne. Amelie? Amelie. Amelie? Amelie. Dave's been planning this for weeks. I went to see you, Amelie. That's great.

You've never seen it before. I've never seen it before. I was surprised, too. Abby's never seen it? Oh, Abby saw it. Oh, okay. I've never seen it. You've never seen it?

I've never seen it. Really? The family design of Emily Poulin. Mm-hmm. It's lovely. This is what I hear. Yeah. That's why I didn't want to watch it.

Is it lovely? Because everyone was like, you gotta see it. And I was like, no, I'm autonomous. Next time you're home alone. You can watch Almely and have a pizza. Or maybe for the 50th anniversary of it. Yes, I'll wait. Well, I can still watch it this year, right?

I guess so. This calendar year? But they were playing it at the movie theater at the park on Bastille Day. And you see you're busy. Yes. Yeah. What was it that you did again? Oh.

I wore my hot dog suit That's right. What? And J-Lo gave you a dirty look for putting your hot dog suit. Anyway, I saw this movie. It stars the beautiful Audrey Toto.

Give me your pronunciation on her. Thank you. And you know what? I don't know if it's a great movie, but she's so pretty. and she's in the whole thing. And it's just close-ups of her beautiful face.

And you're like, if Steve Bishamie was in this, I don't think this would be as good a movie. A very different vibe of Steve Boucherby was in the movie. Weird, yeah. But he's kind of hot. I think, yeah. Oh, he's zaddy. I didn't know you spoke jazz.

See, it's like easy enough to be, like, to be hot, you have to be a little bit weird looking. I just watched before sunrise. Tell that to Odry Tootoo. But she's got a very distinctive face. Yes. Yeah. But she's not weird looking.

No, but I don't know if I'd call her hot. I think I'd call her pretty. Pretty, yeah. Okay, fine. Fine. Oh my God. Steve Bouchami's hot. Hot.

Yeah. Are you more of a ginger or a Marianne? Or a Steve Bershamey. I'm a Gillingen. I like a Gilligan. Yeah. Check it out. It takes place in France.

In, weirdly in 1997, right after the death of, Princess Diana. Oh. Is that part of the movie? Yeah, for some reason. Oh. It's a big deal at the time. But it's from the movies from 2001, I guess.

And, yeah, it's, you know, it's got all the 256 colors on the screen. My kind of movie. They do a thing where her dad has a garden gnome and she abducts it and gives it to her friend who's a stewardess, a flight attendant. Pardon me. I didn't realize. I was with one. Careful, careful. And the friend takes pictures of the garden gnome in different places around the world.

And I was like, is that from this? Yeah. Did that not exist before? I'm pretty sure it's from that. Because I had never seen it before either. Then it became a real internet thing doing that stealing. And then did Expedia then steal that from? Expedia steals everything.

Yeah. Expedia stole that. They stole this Trojan horse idea. Right. Isn't there spokesperson a little gnome? It's some travel company, for sure, yeah. Yeah. I know Travago is the horse.

And the guy with the teeth? Yeah, I love that guy. They made another commercial with the two other guys from that commercial, but not the guy that's the guy that we all like. I know. It's weird, right? I think they were there for the weekend and they were like, let's shoot a bunch of alts. Let's see what we got.

And then when they were in the editing room, they were like, We got 18 different commercials here, guys. So you know he's like a famous soccer guy, right? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, he's, he's Juergen Klop. He's got big teeth. Just like a horse.

Clop-Clop. And would Amelie be as good if he was in? It would be a different movie, but I think it might be as good. And would are the things his teeth are made of. And is Expedia the gnomes? Expedia gnome. Yeah. Expedia seems to be Nome.

Yeah. So Expedia totally. That's a, that's a rip. That's a rip from Emily, Amelie. Emily, Amelie, Amelie, Amelie. That was in my head for, you know, days before and after. Did you even watch the movie? Or was that in your head the whole time while the movie was going on?

The whole time. Good flick. Check it out. Yeah. Had a lot of popcorn. I had just seen Maddie's secret a few days. earlier, had a lot of popcorn as well. Popcorn seems to give me stomach cakes, I'm realizing.

How many bathroom breaks for Omelie? None. None? None, sailed right through. And when I say stem of cakes, they're not related to the bathroom breaks. The bathroom breaks were just for a peevee. All right. When I get, when I eat too much popcorn, it is just, I just, I guess, indigestion.

I'm just full. You might be allergic. Just painfully fall to it. Yeah, you may not tolerate that much corn. Like, that's actually quite a bit of corn. Well, I get a small. Yeah, but there's still a hundred kernels per bag, right? It's like 100 kernels in there?

Okay. So you're having 100 corns. I think it's more than 100 kernels. How many kernels are in a bag of popcorn? Oh, God. If I can get this right, then I win a prize. Yeah, you win the Orville Redenbocker. The cup.

Tutsi pop. What is, yeah, okay. It could be that corn just doesn't sit, because, you know. I feel like I know several people that are, It's just too much corn. It's too much corn. Yeah. One corn. Fine. Two corn. Okay. Can I get one popcorn? What size? No, no. I'm asking.

Can I get one corn? But I like it so much. And I put M&Ms on top of it and I swim them around together and I drink a cola. It's the best. And then my stomach hurts. Yes. And I go home and I go, oh, not tonight, honey. And do you find who you're so thirsty? No. Oh.

You should be. Yeah, that's a lot of salt. If you're getting, oh, did I say get butter on it? I put butter on my popcorn. Yeah. Same here. Yeah, no, I, it's a lot of salt. It's a lot of corn.

And then the soda, that's also got corn in it. Oh, yeah. Corn syrup in it. Too much corn. You're doing too much corn, bud. Just because I get stomach eggs from eating. Well, that's, you know, the other day I had four ngronies, and I realized it wasn't the problem that I had four nagronies. It's the sugar.

Yeah. It's the sugar that's in it. It's not having four nagronies. Well, because it's 12 gin. 12 comparees and 12 sweet bermutes. Oof. What was the event? What was a why so many ngronis?

Nagroney night in a dance and feeling fun. Pretty baby. Wigfield? Wigfield. Wigfield. Weekfield. Do you like a Nogroni? I do.

I was at an event. Nice. And I had social anxiety. Oh, sure. You know what helps with that? A little liquid courage. Yep. Four liquid couragees, please.

Oh, you know what? I'll switch to white wine. Time to switch to white wine. Yeah. I like everything to mix around in there. I recently, I had a big bottle of mescal. Okay. And I had used it in a cocktail, and I don't really like mescal.

It's like, it's smoky. Smoky. It's smoky. And I realized I didn't like it. And I was like, what do I do to get rid of this mescal? And I saw a thing to make mescal nagronies, and they were really good. I love a mescal migrawny. Yeah, I think the ngronies that I had a few weeks ago, I think they were smoky.

They were some sort of smoky element. Yeah. But, you know, if you're ever trying to get rid of anything smoky, Just give me a call. I'll come over. I'll drink it. Yeah. You used to smoke, so you're used to.

I love it. What else is smoky other than Negron? Oh, you can get a whiskey. A smoky whiskey. Oh, yeah. You can get a peaty one. You can get a smoky one. And if the peat catches fire, then it's the best both worlds.

Yeah. Yeah. What is Pete? Is it moss? It's, yeah, it's like, yeah. Pete Moss. Yeah, P moss. I'm watching alone right now, and it feels like they're using a lot.

of things like Pete and Moss to start their fires. Alone is about survival wings? Mm-hmm. Is it reality? Yes. And they don't know how many people are left until it's just them who's left. And then they... Oh, because they're alone.

They're completely alone. So they can't, like if they... Is it a competition show? Yeah. The last one wins a prize. Exactly. But they don't know they're the last, like... They don't know how many people are left when people start dropping off.

But when, if they are the last person, will the producers tell them? Yes. Okay. They're still out there to this day. No, but it's like six months long in Alaska. And like I know they visit them, like a doctor comes and visits them and make sure that they're not about to die. But they're not allowed to be social with them. No.

Yeah, no, exactly. So how's the family? No eye contact. Just turn your head. Now cough. Is Katie Perry and Justin Trudeau still together? No, no, no, no, no. Have you ever?

Have you ever had to turn your head and cough? For a doctor? I do. As a courtesy. I've never had that. You don't. cough in their face. I've never, I've seen it on

where they hold your nuts. Is it a real thing or is it just a TV trope? I think they maybe do it at, you know, basic training at the Army to make sure. Make sure that you don't have flat feet and bone spurs. These are the things they'll get you out of service to the military. Asthma.

They won't bring you on if you have asthma or allergies. That's me. Yeah. So you'll be exempt. I tried to apply and they said, We wouldn't have you. I did the same thing for FIFA. Yeah?

It wouldn't take me. For like to play? Yeah. Okay. But like when did you, did you go during registration or did you try to get in? I think there was an open casting call. For FIFA. For FIFA.

Well, I thought it was. It turns out it was for Le Miz at Arts Club. And you play? I played soccer. Really well. Really well. But unfortunately, they said there's no place for this at Le Miz. Yeah.

I was in the wrong spot. I played young Cosette. There is a castle On a cloud Bend it like Epinine Wait, did I just come up with a great friend show? You may have Wait a minute

Oh, I thought maybe like a mad TV sketch But you're thinking a whole hour long show Hour? Hour? Hour and ten minutes. I got some great character arcs. Have you done a one-person show? Have you seen the Sunday service? Clare across the bow. Carrying those guys.

We should make an improv movie. Let's just get a bunch of cameras and see what happens. Get my rife in here, mix things up. I've never done a one-person show. I don't like you could. I don't want to. If you don't want to, that's fine. Oh, my God.

I mean... I think you should be forced to. I feel like if you want to do art, you got to do it this way. Yeah. I remember once I did 24 hours on Facebook. Do you remember this, Dave? Yeah. It was, yeah, I did. Was it for the Slack Variety Pack?

Yes, yes. So I had to spend 24 hours on Facebook once. Yish. And that was the closest thing to being, just, I just had to be on Facebook for 24 hours straight. And they were filming you being on Facebook? It wasn't filmed. You kind of were like doing like an audio journal of it. Audio journal. So I did check in with a, they gave me a Zoom recorder and showed me how, it was. It worked.

And then I had to spend 24 hours on Facebook and then check in and tell the... I maybe edited that? You did. Okay. Yes. Okay. So that's the closest thing I've done to like a solo endeavor. Would you do alone?

No. Would you do alone as a one person Joe? I wouldn't even do the Camino without someone carrying my bag. Not caring. They put it in their car. When they check in on all the other contestants, they're like, uh, they're like, uh, they're like, Like, Katelyn didn't make it right. And they're like, I'm not going to say it.

They all say it. We saw her. We saw her hate it. We all got dropped off on a plane and she ran after it. She's been scream crying and then she threw up. We heard her. She's just over there. She's screaming, no, no, help me.

So, no, I don't think she made it. Day one, she tried to order a ngroni. From a raccoon Anyway, I saw Beautiful O'Dry Tootoo Yeah It's a Yeah

The guy who directed it Also directed a movie Called Delcatessen And also directed Aliens 4 Wow Yeah What an IMDB

Yeah It was a real And Alien's 4 is really weird But when you consider It's this guy who directed it It's out of character, I guess. Is it like fantastic?

It's fantastic. You gotta see it. Some of the characters... How do you say the word fantastic? Is it fabulous? There's a guy I know from, I think it was from Amalia or it was from Delicasse and he's in it. He's a French guy.

But yeah, the fourth one's not the best. Not the best to dip a toe into the alien series. But if I was, you know what? If you have a chance to direct an alien movie, you're not turning that down. Oh, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Somebody tells you, we want you in. Is that a movie series that no one is directed twice? I don't, I kind of lost track after. Didn't really, Scott. Did really Scott come back and do Prometheus or something? Yeah. Is that an alien movie? I think so.

Yeah. I mean, it got, I liked the traditional form of. Segoorny Weeder. Weaver. Sorry. So corny weiner. So horny beaver. So horny beaver.

an alien, a ship, Bill Paxton, if you can get him. Panama. Bill Paxton's only in the one, right? Yeah. Game over, man. Yeah, game over. Then you're not going to get him.

Well, prequel. Oh, he's dead in real life. Yeah, in real life. You're not going to get Bill Paxton. No, if it's a prequel, we can film him in the past. Yeah. Like Nirvana the band of the show, the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Use old footage. Make a prequel. Yeah. Brilliant. Graham, what's going on with you? My cousin from Northern Ireland and her... Your kissing cousin? This is my kissing cousin?

She wasn't into it. And no, to be honest, no there was I, but... You were so full of popcorn. Yeah. Rules or rules. She was in town with her husband and their 16-year-old son. And I feel like I've traveled with just my parents when it was just me. and I feel like that's a tough trip.

They had an amazing time. They traveled all over Alberta, went to the stampede, went up through the mountains, and like zip lined and did all the like fun touristy stuff. I still feel bad for that 16 year old because they're kind of just like,

what do you do, you know? Only child? No other children too old for trip. Uh-huh. One away in Australia and one has just returned from. I don't need their life story. Okay. Okay, you asked.

Yeah, getting notes here on my story. All right. Yeah, I've been, because I've been the youngest child traveling with my parents. Yeah. And what was your experience with it? Oh, it's the best. You have no other sibling to, like, make one of your parents with. So they came to town just for a night.

Also, my parents are very Caitlin-minded, so I had to carry all them. I had to like know where we're going next. Yeah. Like, Dave, where are our tickets? Ah, I'm so aggravated. Dave, where are the travelers check? Travelers check. This was in the 90s.

Yeah, he wasn't traveling a lot of five years. You're making it harder for yourself, I feel. But I fell for this kid. So they were in town for the night, took him out for dinner. Very nice dinner. And then I was like, where do you go? where do you go? A lot of bars won't let in a 16 year old

And also that's boring Even if the 16 year old is from Northern Ireland Yeah, well that's yep That won't cover it But it's true, a bar's no fun for kids They're like, so what, I can have a pop here? Yeah, exactly. Cool.

So I was like, where would you take a teenager Where also you can get a drink A giant complex called the rec room? Which I only know about because they are featured in ads before movies sometimes. At The Amazing Brentwood. Which what? Did you go to the one at the Amazing Brentwood?

No, down. Wait, there's a rec room downtown. Yeah, it used to be the Granville Cinemas. Oh. It's huge. It is crazy how big this place is. Yeah, that's the movie theater where I saw the usual suspects. There is a plaque outside that says that.

So it's what? It's games. It's games. They've got... Wife swapping. Yeah, there's wife swapping. There's escape rooms. There's no escape rooms.

Games, axe throwing. Drinks galore. Lots of... Is there like a drink limit for axe throwing? That's a good question. I don't think we were asked, but... I don't think we were axed. No?

I'm getting notes. No. But yeah, so I feel like it was the right place. Smart. And so they started out playing pool. I was like, there's so many crazy games here. Don't play pool anywhere. And then at one point, Mike has said, yeah, we have a pool table at home.

I'm like, you've got a pool table at home. What are we? We're in paradise here. You're wasting time. We're just killing time to go back home. But they, I didn't participate in the axe throw. because Sally wanted to do it and she was wearing sandals

and no open-toed shoes in the axe room. So I gave her my shoes so she could go in. I just took videos. I took videos of everybody doing it. So were you shoeless during this? Yep. I was standing in my sock feet

and nobody seemed to mind at all. And they gave me a big pair of slippers. Oh, I was like a lot of extra space because my feet felt so bad. Oh, sure. I don't know. Radius?

Yeah, not radius though Give me a big Burr buffer Birth, yeah, wide birth Wide birth Wide birth Um And so

Have you ever Have you guys done the axe throwing? No I did it Did you? What do you think? North Bay Ontario Okay

Yeah, it's the thing to do You did it in North Bay Ontario As like At a bar? Yeah Okay Okay, so I'm just

In an axe field It was a defensive move Actually It was being chased Through North Bay Ontario And I threw Some axes Actually

Did you like it? It's fun. You should do it. You should get your wife to bring her own damn shoes. Yeah, I know. We need to do like, we need every year we need like a budget for you and me to do something like. Yeah, we should go do something silly. Waterpark, axe throwing.

Just something for like, you know, a company would have like a retreat or like a night where they, you know, what do they call it? Team building. Yeah, we should have a team building. We should do a ropes course. Ooh, I can run an improv workshop for you. guys. Oh, that'd be fun.

That'd be fun. If we can't get into ax throwing, then we'll do that. Okay, great. Great, great, great, great.

Yeah. My only stipulation is, I gotta wear my flip-flops. Well, that's, well, yeah, they're going to have a hard time

convincing the teenager in charge of the ax-rowing. That was the other great thing is, the manager was a gigantic teenager. He was probably like six, seven or something like that. Yeah, exactly.

And he, he was scared of everything. He was a scared of scary cat manager. Oh, that's a good place for him to be. Oh, my God. Those people are throwing axes. Oh, God. They're talking to me.

They're talking at me. They're talking at me. But the video games they had in there? Amazing. Amazing video games. Like a motorbike one that's got like a whole motorbike there for you to sit on. Bigfoot, same thing. You're in a big, bigfoot simulator.

Simulator. Really? Yeah. There was a VR goggles. There was like. You're a big foot in it? No. in Bigfoot the

monster truck Oh okay Yeah we both thought You were Sasquatch You put on a Sasquatch simulator I think you stepped into the Sasquatch boots

You know what I mean Like a big pair of ugs Yeah you could But Sally was wearing them in the axe Right so you couldn't get them There's a grave digger one What do you mean It's filthy

It's dark But yeah So like So we're having a good good old time And then the very tall manager comes over and says, oh, you can't have somebody underage in here past 10 o'clock. That's like their liquor license or whatever. And my cousin really fought this. She really fought this rule.

She's got nothing to lose. She's never going back to this place in her entire life. Deport me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So she really took it on. She has an accent that people think, oh, she's probably been a few bard fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she was not, I mean, this teenage manager was. terrified. He couldn't. And because she was saying, how come they didn't say that when we checked in? It seems like a major thing that you would tell somebody when they check in. It's rubbish. Yeah, exactly. You donkey, was my cousin.

And so she kept arguing with him and was telling her son, like, go play as many games. Buying us time. I'm buying us time. Just go play as many games as you can in this time. And it was, and that she said, bring me her manager. So then he had to come. He was even taller and younger. He was only 13 years old.

He was eight feet tall and eight years old. I think it was just two 12-year-olds on top of one another. But this was like a masterclass in like buying time. Good for her. Yeah. Just tying up the courts. Yeah. Exactly.

You can get your legislation through. Yeah, I really admired the hell out of it. Is there like a, what's the payment system? You get like a card that you have to use up or... You get a little band. You get like a wristband and you can... That was the only thing. They have this weird pay scheme and you don't know how much anything is.

So they're like, well, it's $75. They'll get you $200 and $35 credits and we're like, but every machine maybe takes 50 credits or stuff. Yeah. Like we were like, well, what's a credit? And she's like, it's an... And she kind of explained what a credit was, but not how much it was worth in the world. How much is an axe? How many credits to throw an axe?

I don't know, but he had to do it for, four, yeah, I'm asking them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, yeah, I don't know what anything cost credit wise, because it just would scan. How much did you spend? I don't know, and they took the wristband with them. So I'm like, well, you're not going to use it over in the UK. I could have left it here with us. We could go and meet that tall teenager again.

Would you ever go solo to something like that? Yeah. Yeah. Just take yourself for the afternoon. Be like, I'm going to play a couple games. Yeah. Have a beer. They got ski ball.

They got basketball net. Great. They got pool. It's really exciting pool. Yeah. I want to become a regular here. I want everyone to know my name. That's your local.

Yeah. To work. Usual, Mr. Clark. Yeah. A ngroni and just point me to the Bigfoot machine. Give me 30 credits in a nagroni. Yeah. 30 credits.

Yes, sir. Oh my God, I'm going to make my nut. Everything okay, Mr. Clark? That's what you do if Sally's out of town. Yeah, oh, yeah. Take myself to the... You take yourself to the rec room. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. Throw some axes by myself. I had a night this week when Abby was away and Margot was at camp. And so it was just me and Poppy. And we've never, like, that never happens. There's just two of us. And I was like, what do you want to do? want for dinner, anything in the world.

And we went to the Burger King right next to the rec room. Nice. That's what she wanted was Burger King? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. I don't know why. Why that one? Well, there are so few.

Where else would you go? I honestly don't know. I don't know where they are. Yeah, there's one on Pender. I think there's one in that little Denman Mall. And then the rest. That Pender one. Whoa, you go in there.

That is some wild times. Oh, yeah. Ender Burger King. You're getting a show. You're getting quite a show. Well, I thought the Granville one would be giving me quite a show too, but... Nice and quiet? It was fine.

Yeah. I mean, it was not a place I would like to be. Made you think, oh, my kid made a bad choice. Yeah, yeah. Okay. When I said anything, we should have put some brass. Yeah, three stars and above, sweetheart. Have you read the Michelin Guide to Vancouver?

Should we move on to some overheards? Oh, yeah. Gross. In 2026, our comedy podcast, Sawbones, is one of the most reputable sources for medical information. Does that make me feel great? No. No, me neither. But I do like to think we're doing our part in making sure that we're fighting the pseudoscientific misinformation that has pervaded modern society.

Yeah, but we're doing our part over here on Sawbones every week, a marital tour of misguided medicine. It's not all serious stuff. We're still getting into all the wild, weird ways we used to try to heal people over. over the years, but we're also trying to keep tabs on the evolving situation. Yeah, we can talk about drinking raw milk and eating mummies. It's sawbones. That's right. It's sawbones.

It's every Tuesday, and it's on maximum fun.org or wherever you get a podcast. It says. All right. On Judge John Hodgman, the courtroom is fake, but the disputes are real. Brian would say, I'm the Gumby of this family. He's just not. Claiming to be Gumby is an ungumby-like claim. No, it's just Gumby and I being our authentic selves.

So what's your complaint? Too many sauces? There are no foods on which to put the sauces. Have we named all the sauces on the top shelf yet? Not even close. You economize when it comes to pants. Truly, it's not about the cleanliness of the pants. Well, why isn't it? This is what I want to know. Judge John Hodgman, fake court, weird cases, real justice.

On maximum fun.org, YouTube, and everywhere you get podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where we hear things, you hear things, we'll tell things, you'll tell things. And we like to start with the guest. Kaelin, do you have an overheard? Sure do.

Ha, ha, yes. I was eavesdropping, as I often do. Mm-hmm. And I heard someone talk about their cousin who had married a man. Okay. who had no abs. No abs. Like hadn't.

Like she was saying, well, no, my cousin is married to this guy and he doesn't have any abs. And I was like, well, I don't know. And the other person was also confused. Like, so he wasn't, he's like, he's not built? Like, he's done. Yeah, that's what I'm picturing. I don't have any. No.

Not born with any abdominal muscles. Whoa. And the person says, well, and. And like, what's he like? And I guess they'd gotten married very quickly. And everyone was a little bit worried about, like, why they have to get married so quickly. And who is this guy with no abs? Is his skin just holding everything in?

I don't know. How to see, like... Is that what you think your abs? Do they hold everything in? Don't they? Well, yeah, don't they? Again, I was like... If it's not there, then what, like, is it all just flopping around?

Yeah, and so... I'm more worried about his, like, his ability to, like, help me move. Or like, how does he exist? And then I'm also like, well, I'm not one to really toot my own core horn. Would you fold in like a question mark? Yeah, it's the, and your back would be under strain the whole time. Yeah. Yeah.

And I guess. And they said, yeah, we're all a little bit worried because, you know, they got married very quickly and no one's really met the guy. But then my mom met him. And so, you know, we'll see what she thinks. And they said, oh, what is your, you know, I asked my mom, what did they say? I asked you, like, so how does he stand up? Right? Yeah.

That would be my question. And then the mom said, I don't know. I haven't met him yet. And she said, no, but like, how does he physically stand up? And then there was confusion over, oh, I thought you meant like, how does he, like, measure up? Yeah, to her other boyfriend. Like, how, do we like the guy? And there's a lot of confusion about, like, how does he stand?

He has no abs. No, it's not that he doesn't have any, no, he doesn't have any abdominal muscles. And it was just a one And now I'm like, I'm thinking about it. I didn't. At first I was like, this isn't true. Right. You can't be born without abs.

Yeah. It's true. Really? Some people are born without abdominal muscles. Huh. Not me, man. I could try this out. Yeah.

Also, Dave, can you put your shirt back on? Punch me. Not in the face. Ow. No, not the balls either. It was very interesting, like, many confusions about it. Yeah. Yeah.

How does he stand up? That's more like, I'm not worried about his stomach shooting up. Like, does he get a worse stomach cake if he eats too much popcorn? But if then, if there's no abs, then it's just your skin and organs. Yeah. So maybe there's like a girdle? Yeah, he has to wear some sort of brace, maybe. I would assume.

Huh. But also. So, lying down. Lying down. Is this conversation? Abelist? No, I'm legitimately wondering. Well, no, because he's, I think it was more the confusion of he doesn't have abs being like, are we body shaming?

And then it was like, no. And then it was like, no, he doesn't actually have, he wasn't born with abdominal muscles, which also feels like body shaming. Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. I like it when someone says, oh, he has no ass. And you're like, well, he's got to have something. Yeah, he's got. I know what you're. Oh, because flat ass.

He's got a flat ass. It's like no ass. But like, well, poo be coming out. Yeah. No, poo not be coming out. If he doesn't have an ass, poo not be coming out. Yeah, yeah. He'll be staying in.

Be staying in? Well, have you got no ass? That guy has no ass. Pooh be staying in. Yeah. That would be a fun conversation over here. Check out that guy. Pooby staying in.

He's got no ass. No, he really has no ass. She married this guy with no ass. Well, how does he poo? Ooh. Well, whenever we leave our car, I always say to Chris, Hillary Clinton, lock her up. That's what I say for the car. I love that.

Remember when that was the crazy chant? Yeah. Yeah. And now it's a chant we all love. Yeah. It's so fun to say. Hillary. Remember Hillary.

Lock her up. I say that about our car. Dave, do you haven't overheard? I do. Do you have abs? They're in there. Okay, okay. Because, you know, my stomach isn't shooting up across the room.

You're being held in by my... I'd love to have more for dinner, but his spleen hit me right in the eye. I feel like that if you over ate, that would strengthen your abs. And that's just not the way it works. Yeah, you're right. Pushes them out. Gives them a good exercise. Yeah.

Do you ever do that after eating and be like, this is what I would look like if I was pregnant? Yeah. Yeah. Every day. Me too. I do after I eat, a lot of people are like, congratulations. You're starting to show. Someone in the elevator once said to me, you're preggies.

And I said, no, just fatty. And do they still live there? It's one of the maintenance people in our building. And I see him all the time. I was like, hey, Clint. And he goes, hi, I go, it's okay. It's okay. We're okay now.

Yeah. We did. Preggies. Yeah. No, Clint. Faties. Clint, never guess. Never do that, Clint.

Dave, you're overheard. My overheard is this. Um, so I was walking outside, walking my dogs, as I do. They love nature. Yeah. Well, they love sidewalks. They like nurture. They don't love nurture.

Okay. Um, that's how I'm training them. Anyway, so I'm walking them down the sidewalk and I just hear someone say, I have a stop sign. And I was like, oh, that's weird because normally it's like, you have a stop. Like normally someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Hey, asshole, that was a stop sign. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I looked up and it was just like a guy who was like, like, the car crossing the other way didn't have a stop sign and was letting the guy with the stop sign go. And, uh, and he just, he goes, I have a stop sign. And the car just like waves them across. And the guy yells, you have no idea how to drive. I mean, stop sign. sign?

Pretty fundamental to the driving experience. I agree with them. I'm like, if you don't have a stop sign, go. Go. Go, go. Like the rules. I know. Also, you're not the conductor of the road.

Yeah, I fucking hate it. It's not your job to be like, well, they do want to come in. You're like, they can merge when they can. Yeah. And in the meantime, we are going. I don't like it when a pedestrian waves me across. Because I'm like, I need to look at everywhere first before I do it. Yeah, I have a stop sign.

Yeah, or the pedestrian goes like, you can go. You're like, can I? Do you know that for sure? Because from your POV, what you know is Cargill Fast. Yeah. You have no idea what we're dealing with. You ever been in one of these things? You have no idea what I'm dealing with in this thing.

God damn it. Room! Or for me, it's one car in one lane is like, I'll stop to let people in. You're like, have you told the other lane that? Because what you're doing right now is creating an accident. Yeah. You're asking for a homicide because I'm going to kill you. And not even a vail or homicide.

No, I'm going to. I'm going to... Volicular? Vehicular. Vesicular. Murder you. Finicular. You know, it's actually, it's funny.

It's coming out now. I do have some red rage because on my way here, I walked here, and there was a guy honking his horn. For the most... He was just wanted a car to turn on a red light. But maybe the car couldn't because there was pedestrians. Yeah, yeah. So he's honking on his horn and his passenger side window was open. So I went to his car and I went, you're being an asshole.

Nice. You are being an asshole. Stop. He goes, you're an asshole, bitch. Whoa. And I went, pick one. Yeah. Pick one.

Yeah. Idiot. Idiot. Oh, man. Anyways, if you were at the corner of Broadway and Maine at around 1.15. That was you? That was me. Oh, yeah.

You're an asshole, bitch. Okay. All right. I used to get a little worked up behind the wheel, but I'm cooler now. Yeah. I would get, I will freak out if somebody. nearly hits me. Like, I will go absolutely nuts and bang on the

hood of the car and like... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. As it's crazy. As a pedestrian. Yeah. Yeah. I can get out of my car. Well, yeah, I'm like, we're all almost hitting each other in the cars. That's true. That's what brakes are for. It is crazy how

like when you, if you describe driving to somebody that like a car didn't exist to them, be like, well, they travel at up to 150 kilometers an hour and we just trust that the people next to us aren't going to crash to us or that they're going to like be awake the whole time. Mm-hmm. We also had that photo of the lady sleeping in the...

Was it a cyber truck? No, sure. We didn't all see it, but I've seen plenty of these. There was a photo of a woman or video of a woman. Sound asleep cruising down... Randview Highway in a cyber truck. No. Knocked the fuck out.

It's completely gone. Do you know every time I see a cyber truck, I will tell people if they're in the vicinity, I go, can you believe there's a hot tub in the back of that? Without fail. If we pass the cyber drug, I'll say loudly. I can't believe there's a hot tub in that thing. So I'm spreading that rumor.

Yeah. My go-to gag is not car-wise, but if I ever see a woman wearing a leather jacket, I'll always say, do you think she's in a gang? I think she's in a gang. In this neighborhood? In this economy? And my thing I always do is if I see a woman who's like, you know, just had dinner, I go,

Pregy? You're preggies? Are you preggie? No, just fatty. Also, what kind of way is that to say? It's cute. Imagine if he was right? The streamers and decorations in the elevator would have been for me.

Congratulations on being preggie. My overheard comes courtesy of the rec room. I bet it's a, you know, like a font of overheard. Well, and this guy, so the bar, there weren't that many people in there, it being a Tuesday night. But the bar is like you go, there's no servers. You go and serve yourself at the bar. And the bartender, all he's pouring is beer. They'll live like, there's no, he's nobody's drinking any.

So I order a cocktail, but man, oh man, his eyes light up. Oh, boy, this is going to be great. I practiced for this. Short, short glass or tall glass? Tall glass. Okay, okay. And very excited about it.

Puts the ice in the tall glass. Drops it. It goes everywhere. And he just goes, whoops. Gonna get you a beer. What cocktail did you get? I was just getting just a high ball.

Just getting some whiskey and ice, you know? Just nothing complicated. Drops it right away. Right away. Whoa. Oh, God bless them. Claibus, everybody at Rec Room. It's owned, is it part of the Cineplex family of restaurant?

Think so, because they always advertise. Like, the fun doesn't have to end now. You can get carried on a claw machine to the rec room. That's right, yeah. Oh, and they have giant claw machines there too for giant, giant stuffies. It's, you know what? It's a blast. So I've been to the rec room, but the only, the one

at The Amazing Brentwood. Okay. And did you like it? It's amazing. Have you been to elsewhere in the Amazing Brentwood? I love the Amazing Brentwood. I don't even know what this is.

Is this a mall? It's a mall. It's a mall, but it's also a place to live. It's like these new things where they've put condos on top of malls. Oh, sure. And they go, you never have to leave. Yeah. You never get to.

Stay here. It's the Amazing Brentwood. They've also named it The Amazing Brentwood. Okay. It's like what Oak Ridge is going to be. Oh, right. Okay. Own city.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The Truman Show. But you can also go and visit and some of the stores are underground. Hmm. And there's an L.L. Bean there. Yeah.

Oh, nice. Okay. Which is really my aesthetic. Yeah? I almost said aesthetic. That's where I dress my ass. Legs at the gap. I said LL Bean.

That's what they say. I try. You know. Check out the ass at the gap. Or check out of the gas. If you're lucky there's a gap at the ass. He's got no ass. Oh, no.

You need a gap at the ass. Got to have a gap at the ass. Then who's been farting in here? I know he told me he had no ass. Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the place. If you want to send one in, send it in to SBY at maximum fun.org. This first one comes from Mike from Michigan. I'm a high school teacher and a teacher friend of mine heard this in the hall recently.

While walking behind a group of girls in the hallway, she said, I think I'd like to be an orthodontist when I get older. But like for dogs. So an orthodontist. Oh, wait, that didn't sound right. Orthodontist. I'm an orthodontist. So you don't just put the word dog in there to make it. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Let me, dog appropriate. Orthodox. Chiropractor for dogs. Kirodogter. My jaw, I have two dogs That you know of Oh yeah, that's right I have been having unprotected sex

With the neighborhood dogs And they throw their bras on stage Oh that's very nice Their harnesses on stage I bless them I One of them Has like

Perfect teeth Like Huh Like you know I guess it doesn't I don't know what I mean Like like normal for her breed and the other one has these

like an underbite and the teeth are going in different directions but they're the dentist is like or the vet is like his are actually perfect because they just they're like they get clean. Oh, okay. They're so spaced out and weirdly. Oh, so it works. Yeah.

Yeah, you don't want a solid set of chompers. I get it. Okay. He's like a wonderful specimen. They always do that at the dog competition where they lift up their lip and take a look at the teeth. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. My teeth are getting more crooked. Like, my teeth are more crooked the older I get. Oh, like Hillary. Yes. I think I have to try a new smile. Let's see it. I'm going to try a new, like, oh, that's going to be great for the podcast.

No, but just for our edification. And Graham and that's not the new smile. That's how Emily smiles. I don't want to, I'm going to hide my teeth because I want to hide my, I'm not going to get braces. Why not? No. Go to an orthodoxist. Well, no, she's a woman.

Or the woman test. Or the dongtist? Oh, no. Oh, shit. A bunch of little dicks in my teeth. Or braces on your dick. I was thinking braces on your dick, yeah. Invisaline.

Oh, get invisible. Oh, no. I'll lose it right away. Yeah. I won't bring it with me. Yeah. Oh, that's true. Well, it should be in your mouth the whole time.

Yeah. Do you take Envisaline out to eat? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. I've been keeping it in while I eat, but I should take it out.

I understand. This next one comes from Heather. I'm from Calgary, Alberta. After listening to the most recent Boko episode, this was a while ago, I was reminded of this on the menu of a new restaurant I checked out. The bar is called Golbar in Calgary, and the menu has a picture of Rob Schneider. says Rob Schneider approved. So what do we think? Did he visit the restaurant?

Is it his restaurant? Do we want his approval? Yeah. When did we talk about him on the bonus episodes? It's a while. He's not a good guy. No. No, he's making copies.

He's a little Elvis. He's Gigolo, American Gigolo. Deux Bigelow. Yeah, he's a European jigolo. Yeah, you did the Camino. Isn't he a bad dad? No, his daughter sings X's and O's. She's that singer goes Texas.

And you know, that's his daughter, yeah. Oh, wow. So, you know, he's a pretty good dad. What's he doing at that bar then? What's he, he's hanging out? Yeah, I remember he was. Oh, by the way, no, he sucks. Like, I'm not shooting you that.

But he got either in Saskatchewan or Alberta got boot off stage at a corporate. event because he was he was ranting about politics. Brother. Yeah, and political correctness and all that kind of stuff. So I know but I don't know what the deal is. Page at a corporate. Wow. I mean

just to get them engaged, that's Yeah, this is a team building extra. That is a. It's all boo Rov Schneider. At least they're participating. You're ready. Yeah, yeah. Like it's hard to get a reaction at a corporate. Yeah. Oh, my God. This last one comes from Ben in Maryland

I just returned from my second trip to the Grand Canyon. Okay, Ben. And while walking away from a beautiful vista, a group of people with Dutch accents walk past us saying, Stisler's mom? Yeah, yeah, Stifler's mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Stifler's mom. Now, she marries Jim's dad in one of the later movies.

Yeah, American Reunion? Oh, yeah. Union? I think. Wait, Jim's dad is Eugene Levy. Yep. And Stifler's mom is Jennifer Coolidge. And they get, yeah, they hook up in one of them further.

Do they hook up or marry? Maybe they just hook up. Yeah. Anyways, they get together. That's nice. That is nice. Have we ever meet Jim's mom? Well, I don't know.

I know that she's around. She's in the picture because they won't tell her about him having sex with a pie. Right. A promise he makes. When I was 17, almost 18, I was a casting associate on Rollerball, the John McTiernan remake of the original. With Chris Klein. And I spent a summer with Chris Klein. And it was very strange.

Chris Klein, L.L. Cool J. And Rebecca Romaine at the time, Stamos. Wow. That's a cast. We all went to a red hot chili peppers concert together. Whoa. Yeah. Holy cow.

What was your role of casting? Casting associate. But I was the local. It was a U.S. production being shot in like small town Quebec in Blaiville. Right. So you're the person on the ground. So I was the person on the ground, yeah. I saw it in the theater.

And I became friends with John McTiernan because his daughter was my age. Oh. And we used to go over to his place on the weekends and like hang out and swim in the pool. And he made two diehard movies. Yes. One and three. He also did the hunt for Red October. And he did the Thomas Crown Affair.

Yeah. TCA. Mm-hmm. Good bio. Yeah. And then wasn't this, it was Rollerball, did that lead to a big? Real stinker. But it led to like a lawsuit or like a criminal thing.

Oh. What? Are you still friends with him? No. L.O. Cool J and I also don't talk anymore. What? I know. I thought ladies loved him.

James? Yeah. Ladies do, but he doesn't love all the ladies. Oh, I understood. Now you're more L.L. Bean. Yeah. In addition to our heads that are written, and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us,

or send us a voice memo, send your voice memo to SPY at maximum fun.org, or leave us a voicemail at 1.844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spipod 1, like these people have. Amelie, Amelie, Amelie. Hey, Dave Graham and Probable Guest.

This is Dana calling in with a kids say the dark, from Columbus, Ohio. I was taking the trash out the other day, and the neighborhood kids were racing each other on their bikes up and down my street. And one of the kids pointed to the ground and said, look, look, look, I made skid marks. I made skid marks. And the other kids said, maybe in your shorts. So just glad to know that that is still a tried and true classic. Anyway, off I go.

In your shorts. That's great. That is good. That's also a good burn. That kid must have walked away from that hang up and like, today, I was king. Yeah, just the explosion behind them like in an action movie. I really like, when you can make skid marks on your bike, that is huge. It's huge.

It's huge when you do any underwear, too. It was years until I realized, like, when I heard about skating marks in your underwear. Like, that being a thing. Yeah. But boy, is it a thing? And it's like, when you see it, it is. Oh, it's like learning about Santa Claus. It changes everything, right?

When you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. So, who's been putting these brown streaks on my underwear? Who's been coming on Christmas Eve? Wait, so I'm not shitting myself? No, you have been the whole time. I thought I was doing cool bike moves. Here we go.

Hey Dave, hey Graham. Hey, probable guest. It's Tom from Devon, England, calling. I was just listening to your episode with Randy Newmire. And you guys were talking about Gen Z not brushing their teeth. They just had bad breath in the club. And that triggered loose and over. scene that I had. Just sit down. A year ago now. You know, I considered standing in but didn't get around to. And it was that I was on a train going up to London and quite a busy train. Walked past somebody working away in their seat. A young person, I would say a Gen Z person.

Sure. Who had their laptop open. I was putting together what looked like a presentation. particular slide they had open looked like it might be a mood board of some kind. There were lots of colorful images. I didn't see it in too much detail, but what I did see was the central kind of title of this mood board, which was Gen Z toothpaste ideas. Oh, cool. So maybe, you know, maybe it's true. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, geez Louise. I mean, the mind real. That was a long walk together. Literally.

Do you, I gave everyone in my family tongue scraper's for Christmas. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And at first they were like, is this a note? And I said, no, I think everyone should be scraping their tongue. Everybody scrape your tongue. Morning and night. Everybody scrape now.

Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. My brother used to live in Vietnam. And he came back, after the first time he went, he came back with presents for all of us. He got me like a hat made up. out of Coca-Cola cans.

Mm. Like, there's just all kinds of weird, you know, artisanal things that you can get there. And one thing he got me was a tongue scraper. And he's like, they used these things over there. This was in 2001. Uh-huh. No, 2000. And I had it until this year.

It finally broke. Really? It was plastic, and it lasted this long. So I just got a metal replacement. I was going to say, go copper. It lasts you the rest of your life. Yeah, well, I mean, I couldn't buy a single pack of them. They only came in packs of two, so it'll definitely last me my life.

Okay, all right. Everybody scrape. Everybody get into it. I love my tongue scraper. What's your tooth routine? Brush, floss, scrape, brush. Scrape brush? Yeah, because, you know, after a little tongue scraping, you want to give one last little, like, just a rinse about.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Is that morning or night or both? Both. You floss twice a day? Yes. Me too. Because I don't, I really cannot stand the scraping at the dentist. I loathe that feeling.

It is worse than when they have to clean your teeth and they say things like, you really got to fly. You don't go to a different dog. Yeah. No. No, the Peanuts lady is great. Why do you floss twice a day? I floss twice a day because I floss in the morning.

And because when I do my morning mouth stuff, I'm brushing, I'm flossing, I'm scraping, I'm mouthwashing. I want to be good for the day. And then I told this to my dentist and they're like, oh, you'd be better off flossing at night. And I was like, okay, I'll floss at night. But I'm not giving up the morning one. Is that true? They're saying it's better to floss at night. Just because you have the whole days.

In your mouth. Yeah. I'm doing it two times. And in fact, I'll do it before coffee. Okay. Because... Before coffee. Yes.

Because they see that that extra little bit of enamel that sticks on your teeth overnight, you add, you know, I drink my coffee black. Here's your final phone phone. Hey, Dave Graham is possible guest. This is Curtis from Portland again. I overheard some people walking on the sidewalk in front of my house. And the first one goes, hey, man, do you ever plagiarized? And the other one goes, yeah, totally, absolutely.

And the first one goes, oh, really? Like, what happened? Did you get caught? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. ninth grade. And the other guy goes, whoa, that early, huh? You were born cheater. Okay, that's it.

Born here. You're doing it in ninth grade? Oh, you're plagiarized it for life, really. Whoa. Yeah. I didn't start plagiarizing until university. When it was important. Yeah.

Man, I'd be too afraid to plagiarize as a kid. Yeah. Well, I improperly cited some things for sure. You're tough. I mean, it was, you know, the bibliography form. Matt was Lucy Goosey at my school. Well, that brings it to the end of this episode. Caitlin, thank you so much for being here, I guess.

Thanks for having me, guys. And do you want to tell us the tooth thing? Nope. Tell us where we can listen to you and see you and see you online and all these things. Great. Thank you for the opportunity. I do the Sunday service every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret at 8 p.m. Unless, of course.

The best improv show in town. That's right. We just celebrated 21 years. this year. Congratulations. Thank you. I love those boys. Yeah.

Me too. Me too. And then I have your weekly breakdown, which is the silly and occasionally smart podcast that I have with myself and Emily, where we talk about what's going on in the world, cultural conversations, the news, what have you. This show's silly and occasionally smart, isn't it? I don't know about the smart part. Yeah, we're pretty silly. I like it here. Yeah, my podcast, we have to talk a lot about the news.

That's a hard thing to have to research. Sure, sure. Heavy duty. And other than that, that's about it right now. Okay. Well, thank you very much for me. Oh, and my address is, um, uh. And you can come check me out there.

Daytime's pretty wide open. Yeah. Check out the elevator that's been fixed. Still has been some balloons in it from earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These balloons, you blew them up by, by your own lungs? Yes. Okay, these weren't helium style.

Okay. Anyways, we'll talk about it. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Of your lungs? But thank you, everybody. for listening. If you're in Portugal and you're on a walk,

you've got to get somebody to carry your bags for you. Remember that always. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcast to yourself. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported directly. By you.