Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 963 - Ember Konopaki

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Comedian Ember Konopaki returns to talk high school parties, waterslides, and first aid. Come see Stop Podcasting Yourself live in Vancouver at the Biltmore Cabaret on October 16th. Pre-sale begins at 9:00AM on September 1st. Password: GOBLIN. Follow us: Instagram, Facebook, Bluesky. Join our Discord. Become a MaxFun member to get all our bonus content.

Hi, everyone. Hello, show's about to begin, but before it does, we have an announcement. Dave and I are pregnant with anticipation because we have a show to announce, a live stop podcasting yourself, the first live stop podcasting yourself in Vancouver since 2019. Yeah, we heard all you, we heard you saying you want more for seven years, And we finally decided we're going to give it to you. Stop podcasting yourself live on Friday, October 16th at the Biltmore Cabaret. And tickets go on sale Tuesday.

That might be today as you're listening. Holy shit, get on it. September 1st. So there's a link in the show notes. You click on that link. You're going to have to put in the password, which is Goblin. Then buy your tickets. there, come see us.

Because if you don't, boy, we're going to have a real breakdown. So please, please come to our show. Graham's having a breakdown already. October 16th, live at the Biltmore Cabaret in Vancouver. What fun. Let's do the podcast now. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark.

And together we host, Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 9.63 of Stop Podcast Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always Is a man who man oh man When it comes to the popsicle department He does not disappoint Mr. Dave Schumka Yeah I may have overbought this year You had rocket pops

We had rocket pops We had three flavors of Malona We had the Del Monte Strawberry bars I think they're Del Monte Maybe dole We have drumsticks Oh nice

And those weren't offered to you Because today's a fruity day Today's not a chocolate. Today's Popsical Day. And we have Popsicle brand freezes, squeezy freezes. Yeah. And Dr. Pepper brand freezes. So you really...

Did you buy these all at once in one spree? The freezes, I bought all in one spree because they come in a box and you freeze them yourself. That's true. They come all squishy. So it's like, well, I don't need to worry about freezer room. Yeah. And then the other ones you buy as you go. And today I needed them.

Oh, it's a muggy. day here in Vancouver. Yeah. Oh, brother. Man, when I was, uh, like a month ago, I, uh, got into some creamicles. And man, oh, man. When was the last time you had a creamicle? Cause they are fucking amazing.

Um, yeah, recently because they were sort of, yeah, they were also made an appearance. Yeah. One of the kids doesn't like vanilla ice cream, though. So it really kind of, uh, wasn't a hit. But it was just that really handcuffs to me as a, uh, a frozen treat guy. Yeah. Because most like, you know, the, drumsticks we get to have the chocolate ice cream inside.

Nice. But most every other ice cream treat. It's vanilla dipped in something. Yeah. Our guest today. No, no, no, no. I want to keep it. Our guest today.

Return guest to the podcast. Indeed. One of the funniest, nicest, coolest girls around. It's Amber. Come back. Hello, Amber. It's me of the funniest coolest girl. Yeah.

Don't you think? Well, no. You're cool girl. Oh, yeah, you're a cool girl. Funny, smart. Yeah. What else? Talented.

We, um, smart. You haven't been on in many years. I think I was a, I did it once, um, well, was on the pandemic. I had to steal a microphone from my school and sneak it back in. It's fine. No one was there. I, like, went in, put my bag, walked out with my bag. No one's looking, no one's checking the teachers.

Yeah, that's true. How many beakers do you have at home? Your school. Good idea, actually. And then I saw you recently at Graham's wife's birthday. And I thought, wow. Amber hasn't been in a while. And we saw you and I was like, she's such a joy to be around.

You seemed so excited to talk to me. You beeline for me, Dave. I did? Yeah. I'm glad. I'm glad I read that way. It was touched. I was touched.

You never know how you're perceived by people. Isn't life just one performance? Yeah, that's true. What's the, you know, where does it begin and end? Mask-wise, etc. I thought to myself, I hope I can record a conversation with Dave's. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'll just wait for, I'll just put it into the universe. See, this is we've been going since before the times when you get together just to record into a microphone. There were actual, the actual times you just get together with friends. Useless. Yeah. Disgusting. Should we get to know us? Get to know us.

Amber? It's been a while? Yes. How's your summer been? You're a teacher, so you get... How long do you get? Three months? A hundred years.

Yeah, you get like... No, I get like... It's pretty close to two months. That's sweet. I love when people are like, oh, what's it like having summers off? I'm like, the greatest thing that's ever happened every year. year. What did you do?

What did you get up to this summer? What was your summer checklist? So good. Nothing. Okay. I've been calling it my FOMO summer. Go on. No, sorry, not FOMO.

Jomo. FOMO. Fear of missing out. Jomo. Joy of missing out. Yes. Okay, what have I been up to? I've also heard of Romo.

What's that? Regret of missing out. And I've also heard of Roma, which is a great place for Ribb. Yeah, they're famous for it. Okay, what have I been getting up to? Like, like lots, but also so relaxed. Let me walk you through the day today. Please.

As just like a case study. Now, we're recording at 3 o'clock. We're recording at 3 o'clock. So for the listeners, that's how much of the day you're going to hear about. Up till 3. And it was a big day. Woke up pretty quick. Okay, wait, wait.

You spring out of bed? No. When you say quick, is it? I'm in the same. I'm in the snooze club. I do it on purpose. Yeah. Do you, what time?

So I sent my learn for seven. It was ambitious. Uh-huh. I got out bed at eight. Uh-huh. I immediately got ready for the gym. This was a huge day. Seven hours.

So T-minus seven hours until you have to be here. Yeah. So you get up, you go right to the gym. Pretty much. No, she got dressed for the gym. Oh, that's right. Did you actually go to the gym? I did actually go to the gym, but good catch.

Wouldn't. Good catch. Went to the gym. What do you do it at the gym these days? I did some deadlifts. Really? I did some overhead presses. Hell yeah.

I did some walking lunges. Those are bad. A bad. Trying jacked. Yeah. How long? Why? Why are they bad?

They're just hard? They're very hard. Well, I mean like... You think it's like the weight is going to be the hard thing, but then you're like, I'm out of breath. Like, I'm doing cardio. When you said it was bad, I was like, oh, maybe it's bad for you. And you're doing it.

She can't stop doing it. Such poor form. And then, have you always been a gym rat? No, no. But I have been more recently. I'm afraid this is the world's most boring topic. Yeah, that's fine. Do you carry a shaker with protein in it with the little ball?

No. No. I thought about those balls. Is it just like mix up the protein powder? Yeah, mix up the protein powder. You can also cover it at beer butter and you keep yourself occupied for a few hours. Licking it. Yeah.

I do have lifting straps, which feel badass. For your for the wrist. So I can like for my dead lifts, like my grip is not as much of a factor. Okay. Okay. Legs. Graham, are you hitting the gym much these days? Not so much these days.

The last couple of months I've really let it slide. It's the summer. Give yourself a break. Yeah, and also. It's hard, man. It's hard. Yeah. Once I'm there, fun.

No. Having a good time. Then the second I leave, I'm like, I can't believe I've got to go all the way home. Do you talk to people? Yeah, I'm usually in a class. Oh, okay. Nice. I like a class.

Karate pot. Yeah, we do karate and I come to live. lift weights we end up doing karate. I'm like, where, why do we weightlifting classes? Yeah. So it's like you go into a room and everyone has the same weights or or? Yeah. So like you walk you through like a sequence.

Yeah, you're like you were going to do this first and then you're going to do bench press and then you're going to do kettlebells. Oh, okay. So it's not, but you don't, not everyone has like a bench press with them. People bring their own front here on. Every like exercise class is like a yoga class. Yeah. Calisthenic.

No, usually all you have to bring is, you know, you can have those wrist straps. Yep. And a good attitude. I don't use the chalk. Freitine. Oh. Find like the chalk goes everywhere. Yeah, it does.

Yeah. I don't like it. Because there are people doing push-ups chocks all over the ground. I don't. I do not care for it. Is that one LeBron would throw in the air? Is that chalk? Probably.

I don't know. He, like, clapped his hands. Yeah. I'm going to start doing, like, clap my hands at the gym. Yeah. Everyone's like coughing. Do you do classes or are you on your own? I love a class.

Yeah. I, okay, I love my gym, yard athletics. It is. Shout out. Yeah. If you're rich or want to spend all your money and you're poor. I love them. I like that slogan.

They should do that for like BMW. Or if you're rich or. Or if you are buying a house ever. I love yard athletics. And then I also do spin. Okay. Which is very funny. I'm assuming neither

you've ever done a spin class. No, but who, Randy Newmire? Is she a big spin head? She's a big spin head, yeah. It's like in a dark room. What? Like full darkness, which is very fun.

And like, it's very inclusive in that way because you don't have to worry. But, you know, it throws a lot of people off the first time they go. There's no light? There might be like a light over the instructor

and they'll like turn it to like different colors based on the song. Uh-huh. That's fun. The one I currently go to, there's candles, which they blow out, like three quarters of the way

through the class. And it's like to be darker. No, there's fans. Okay. All right. Where do you spin? Where do I spin? Yeah.

Spin Society on Kingsway. Okay. I like it. I don't love it like Yard, but I like it. It's good cardio. I got, I got Amy Shostack, former guest. Yeah. I got her into it.

She's obsessed. Now I'm like, now I guess. So you got a spin buddy? Yeah, but now I'm like, I guess I'm going because Amy's, I talked her into this and now I. Now you have to. Now I have to go. Do you, yeah, do you, uh, yeah, do you, uh, Do you like going with other people or do you want to be?

It doesn't matter to me, to be honest. I like the energy of other people, but I'm not like, oh, Amy's not going. I won't go because it's dark. Yeah, that's true. And I like it spin class. You know, it's like clubbing for millennials, they say. And then. Millennials, they say.

And then sometimes someone will like, woo. And then Amy and I always, we're like our deal is if someone whoos, we have to woo. So it'll be like, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Like, we have to have like the last woo in the class. That's a fun. Yeah, it's great. Okay, wait, going back to my day. Yeah, okay.

So you're running the gym. What time is it now? That's, I get home from the gym probably like 9.30. I did that math right. Wow. So you're, that's my problem with the gym or any workout is I put on the clothes and then I look at my phone. And then your Instagram's like, you've hit your limit. for the day.

Yeah, like, what am I going to do now? Ignore. Happy, let me buy your book. Came home. What did I do? Write a chapter of a book, okay? What are you reading? I'm reading when the revolution comes by Chris Smalls, Christian Smalls.

He's the guy who organized the first union against Amazon. Oh. And I'm just at the part where Amazon is not, not liking him. Okay. I believe he just got fired. Oh, can I buy this book on Amazon? Yes, you can. I saw that when I looked it up the other day.

That's interesting. Yeah, hmm. Don't buy it from Amazon, though. So, for your local. Yeah. Where do you get it from? Even if they don't have it in stock, they love to order it for it. I go from the library.

Yes. That'd be so embarrassing if I was like, um, no. I bought it on a bunch of other stuff. I bought a coach. No, I got it on my Kindle. Is Kindle bad? Kindle's on Amazon. I don't have a Kindle.

It's fine. I have a cobo. Yeah, co-bo. Owned by Indigo, so much better. I'm sure. Heather. Heather. Give Heather a break.

She's trying her best. She's doing her best. Yeah. We all are. Her candles and her pillows and all the things that she loved. Again, go to your local bookstore. They'll order you a nice candle. They love to order it.

You know what? Steal one from your spin class if you can. Oh, yeah. Nobody's going to see you do it. No one would see you do anything. It's sort of the perfect crime. It is a crime. Read and spin class.

Is that a dare? Bring a little flashlight. You're like, spinning. Missing all the choreo. Okay, wait. Then what did I do? I don't want to know what the choreo is. Yeah, I think you do.

I mean, I don't want to make you go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've read your book. I've read my book. But is it like jazz hands? It's like, God, there's so much. There's a walk the bar. Do you?

Oh, okay. Jump the bar. Is it with your hands? Yeah, jump the bar. Is it hard when you're like get really tired of pedaling? You're like, now I can do it with my hand? You know, the choreo kind of distracts from your legs burning sometimes, but also really hard to coordinate. And sometimes I just don't do the choreo.

I'm trying to get my legs going. I like choreo. I've never heard that. Cardio, choreo. Yeah. You guys want to go to a spin class? Yes. We can get Randy.

Andy. Can you get a like bring a friend free? Sure. You get a little. Yeah. But then every time we go, well, you'll feel. pressured to come with them. You can only come with you.

Dave and Korea were good. I don't know how to ride a bike. Okay. Is that going to be hard? Well, they say it's just like riding a bike. You honestly, it's so dark you don't have to. You just come from the vibe. It's just sit there on the back.

Sometimes the choreo will be like, like lean back, lean up, lean back, clap. And so you've got like 50 people on a bike clapping in unison. It's pretty cult like. Is it packed? Sometimes. Yeah. Like the weekend classes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy. And Tupac, like. Two-pack, like. Two-pack's a court. Hey, his trial. You guys following it? No, is he on trial for something? He's on trial.

It's, there's a trial for his murder. Yeah, because there was somebody that they. Timely police department. There's no statute of limitations on murder. We all know this. And is murder most foul? Murder was the case. Yeah, murder was the case.

That's right. And murder she wrote. A murder she wrote. That's right. Those are the big four. Yeah. What's the, it's the, it's, they think. think that they found the guy who coordinated it or actually did the shooting?

I actually haven't really been following it, but. Me neither. I don't know. I was about to say something. Then I was like, I actually don't know. Why would I say a guess? I'm watching the Luigi trial. That's what I'm paying attention.

Oh, I should get into that. So handsome. So handsome this guy. You know what? I only learned this the other day. He's a rich guy. Did you listen to the evil men podcast? I've been listening.

That's what I listened to about Luigi just the other day. He's a rich guy. He's not some. It's on my list. It's on my list of the... Well, he's a rich guy, but he's also a Robin Hood guy. Yeah, that's true. He killed to the war, to the rich.

He was a hero. Do you think he... What did he get on evil men? What did they score on low? Low, like two, three, four, I think. Yeah, sure he got low. I mean, you shouldn't... You shouldn't murder.

Way, way, way. You have to say that. No, I mean it, too. It's a gray area. Okay, where am I in my day? So you are... Just finished a book? Oh, I didn't finish a book.

You read a chapter of a book. It inspired you, hmm, maybe I should kill Amazon. Then I had lunch. Okay. What do we pack it away today? I had some leftover spaghetti. Did you have breakfast?

Yes, I did have breakfast. Okay. My breakfast is dialed. I also fear that's going to be the world's most boring. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. I have oatmeal. Steel cutouts.

Okay. I like plastic cut myself. Okay. Um, with some chia seeds in it. Okay. Some chocolate protein powder. Okay. Chocolate oats.

Okay. Scoopy yogurt. Uh-huh. Frozen raspberries. Bananas. Like a half a banana. This is great. That's the world's most boring story.

We know what we got. What else did I eat today? No, you know what we got for breakfast? I bought, uh, So last summer the big thing was this K-pop demon hunters. And this year, my kids, like, a switch flip, my kids hate it. Oh, really? Like around about like February this year, they were like, I never won't hear that song.

They got too many valentines of it. I don't like Huntricks. I don't like the Saja Boys. And then, but in the store, they had Cinnamon Toast Crunch Saja Boys edition with, a like mystery flavor. Oh. And my kids were very excited that I got cinnamon toast crunch and then we all tasted it. And we think it's their cola flavored.

Oh, no. Cola and milk? Is that a thing from the movie? No. You still got some? Can I try some? Yeah, yeah, you can have the rest. And they also, we didn't buy them, but they had another like a lucky tree.

Charms edition of, or a K-pop Demon Hunter's edition of Lucky Charms, that seems to be peach mango. Okay. They didn't even, they didn't even put mystery on it. They just told you. What I do for breakfast? Jaeger bomb. Yeah.

Yeah. Good for what I else. Yeah, you know what I mean? You got to start out like a bro. Is it Yeager in a beer? Oh, what's a Jaeger in Red ball? Isn't that a Yager bomb was the drop shot? I feel like, I think they're both drop shots.

I feel like I heard the words Yeagerbaum before I knew what a Red Bull was. Yeah, that's what I thought, too. But, um, I love it is Yeager and a beer. But I, hey, whatever it is, I'm drinking. It's getting the shot. I'm loving it. Oh, when you go to our slash casual UK, it says, does anyone remember when a Yeager bomb was a shot of Yeager and a pint of beer?

There it is. And then the next question is, you must be 46. Yeah. That's old school, you know. Look, I can't keep up. I can't start my day with an energy drink. You know what I mean? I have to slowly work my way into the day.

And then that's breakfast. I'm on lunch. I'm on lunch. I could have sworn that the original Yeager bomb was a Yeager and Coke before Red Bull was a guy's drunk. Don't trust him. That's like the Mandela effect for the Yeager bombs. Yes. For Drugs.

Okay. We're at lunch. We're at lunch. Kind of forgetting what I did. Oh, and then I went for a walk, not a long one, just around the block. Yeah. I wanted to take advantage of the sunshine. After your, what was your lunch, though?

My lunch was spaghetti. Leftover spaghetti. Yeah. Which I don't like. Mom's spaghetti. Was it Mom's spaghetti? No, I made it. It was Embers spaghetti.

It was Embers spaghetti. Actually, it was my mom's recipe. Ah, yes. Eminem does it again. Okay, what did I definitely? Oh, and then I had a shower and then I scrolled on my phone going one hour until I have to leave. 45 minutes till I have to leave.

What do you scroll on? Instagram. Okay. What are you scrolling? I go on Reddit. I like to go on and go to R slash drunk. Yeah. See if I can remember.

Do you guys remember this? That's all. Do you guys remember what I happened? I lost my jacket. You know what my jacket is? You guys remember that crazy party in high school? Do you guys know how I got barf on my shoes? Where'd my car go?

I left it at the bar. What was the craziest party you went to in high school? Oh, my God. Did Sally ask you to tell me? No. No, you have a great story? Are you talking to Sally without Graham? Never. I would never, Dave. She just recently asked me to retell this story. I don't even, I mean, that's a good story, but I can't do it justice. No, you can do it justice. It was you. There was a guy in my high school, close friend. I'll use his first name, Tim. Don't give you his last name or his, you know, social insurance number or whatever. Tim, his parents went out to town for like a whole summer.

And he had an indoor pool. Remind us where you grew up? Fort McMurray, Alberta. Right. If anyone puts Tim in Fort McMurray, I was at that party. He had an indoor pool. Shit. And on weekend one of like a four weekend party rampage,

someone ripped the lining of the pool or somehow the lining of the pool got ripped. And so the pool had to be drained. Oh, no. Which was. It's pretty responsible of Tim to be like... Well, I know. That part is a little vague. I'm like, maybe his parents were coming home between these weekends, which is even crazier.

So the lining is just like what... I don't know. What coats the pool? Yeah, I think so. I never saw the rip. I only swim in tile pools. But we were like, wow, summer ruined. The indoor pool at Tim's place is busted.

And that party was honestly not that memorable in the grand scheme of things because they got crazier. And then everyone was so sad. because we didn't have a pool for the second weekend. And so two of my friends, not me, not me. Not you. It truly wasn't me, but two of my friends had the great idea to bring a kiddie pool. Okay. Into his kitchen.

Okay. A little inflatable guy. Yeah. Okay. And there's like 50 grade 11s. And, you know, by the end of the night, I remember people like laying half in, half out, and the water is just like pouring out of the kitty pool. now going into like the linoleum everyone you know forming where's a small town everyone caught wind of these parties they're growing they're getting more debauchrous there's more to unpack the next day after every weekend night kind of response maybe his parents were coming home because why did we only have them on weekends and then I believe there was a third one where the whole banister got ripped out oh shit oh shit

Like, random, like, Sally was like, how many people were at these parties? I was like, the first one was probably like 50, and the last one was probably like 200. Oh, wow. Like, at one point, my friend's brother rolled up and we were like, what are you doing here? He's like, what are you guys doing here? We're like, this is Tim's house. He's like, oh, shit, got back in the car and left. We got out of here, man.

And the place got destroyed. I think it was three weekends. Place got destroyed. At the end of the summer, parents had to take out the whole pool. because the water leaked into the foundation, and they had to, like, I'm surprised they didn't have to take out the whole kitchen. Well, they did. Okay.

That was another part of it. They had to, like, literally renovate the whole house. Shit. And then in October-ish, we're in grade 12, and Tim's having people over again. Hell yeah. Dude, you can't keep him down. You can't control this, man. Boy.

And this one was smaller, I remember. But there was a knock on the door. And it was like. his dad's friend. He was like, nope, no, you guys all have to leave.

You literally made this house like a nightmare that we have. You did foundational damage to this house. The banisters ripped out, like carpets like ripped out. There's like barf stains. Did you, wow, did you or your brothers ever host a big party?

I think my brothers did one, but that was once I had already left, left the scene. Oh, stressful. It's stressful. I mean, never. I loved going to people's, like, house parties where the parents were out of town for the weekend were the best. I feel like that's the only one I really remember because.

I remember my next-door neighbors growing up, I was probably eight or nine. And the next-door neighbors went out of town. And there was a huge party. And like, people were like peeing in our yard. And I just remember being with my sisters looking out the window and being like, what's that smell? Well, Dave, that's pot. And then someone threw their TV through the front window. Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's bad. Yeah. I would never, like, to this day, I'm not hosting a party. Yeah. The best party was at the house of somebody whose parents had split up, and it was the dad's house, which was already kind of ruined, and then you could kind of do whatever he wanted. And he didn't care because he was, you know. He was the dad. He was there.

He was there. He showed up, like, I remember one part. because somebody took like a bike that had, it was dirty bike tire and like drove it all over the wall. Why? Why are these people? I don't know because you're teenagers. You do whatever, you know, insane thing.

And then he showed up and he didn't see him all that mad about it. Wow. Cool dad. That's kind of cool. It's also like art. Yeah, that's right. I was going to paint this anyways, but I like what you did here. Now, I remember you were here, maybe not last time, two times ago, maybe.

you had just traveled to Bhutan. Just, yes. The world's happiest country. Truly the world's happiest country. I love that place. A country with a really cool flag. Yeah. It's like a dragon on wheels.

It's like a dragon on wheels and it's like yellow and orange. Yeah. Which is pretty cool. Have you had any fun, cool, interesting trips? Wow. Have you gone on any life-changing trips like you did in 2018? I went to Mexico last November. Where'd you go?

What's Hilko in the Wahaka province It's like Best cheese around That west Southwest Yes, it is good

It was incredible You know who I like Is a Huahawk tour girl She still got a podcast Right Okay wait Where else did I go I mean

Bhutan is pretty hard to top Yeah Went to the Yukon That was a really fun trip Not nearly as impressive White Horse Yeah And Dawson

I love Dawson And I think I had been before I went to Bhutan, but I also went to Japan. Japan and Bhutan were in one year. Japan, Bhutan, and you can. And you can. All with work. Those are all pretty cool trips with work. With work, eh? So sorry to disappoint you. Bouton was with work. Bouton was with work. Teaching? Uh, sure.

You were chaperone? Not really. No. What were doing? I meant there was not a single child there. God, well, you know, the secret is that there wasn't like, it was kind of like a half-baked idea. I was like, let's send teachers to Bhutan. Like, they'll come to Canada. There was no kids. There was four adults. And we were there to like,

vibe. Vibe. Did you find yourself? No. Have you found yourself? Yeah. Yes, no. No.

I mean, sure. You're out there waiting. You might be in a spin glass, but it's hard too dark to know. I find myself. After every arms song. Oh, yeah. It's just when you do arms. The improv thing.

That would be incredible. They always give like a motivational speech after the arms. What do they say? Nothing, but I might find myself there one day. Maybe, you know, Rachel, the instructor will like, I keep thinking it would be really funny. I might one day write a sketch about it. The motivational song it's been, if they just, the instructor just like, like did the Mary Oliver poem Wild Geese? Do you guys know that? Oh. Oh. It's like you don't have to be good.

Yeah. You don't have to walk across the desert in your knees. And it's like this, like it's an incredible poem. Yeah. It's like, it's a really funny. I think I saw part of it on a bumper sticker. Yeah. It's like, it's probably cliche, but it's very over the top. It's like, you don't have to be good. You don't have to walk across the desert and your knees to like prove to anyone, you know. Yeah. Hell yeah. You're in a spin class. Everyone's spinning and the instructor just starts to slip in lines from Mary Oliver's. Is the poem that you don't have to, you could just be a normal and it's fine? Yeah. Yeah. It's just like you're good enough. Yeah, read it.

Well, Mary Oliver, what's it called? Wild geese. All right, let's do this. Let's hear it. Oh, it's not long. No, no. Here we go. Do it like you're a spin instructor, Dave.

You don't have to be. You do not have to be. I'm not doing the whole thing. Okay. Just do like the first two lines. I want to know the part I think I saw in a... Oh, is it something, something Jesus take the wheel? I think they might say like, you're one wild precious life or something.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Anyways, not, you know. What are you going to do with this wild precious life? It'll be way funnier than this. Oh. The sketch doesn't have to be good.

You're right. Oh, my God. Just write the sketch. You're so right. Or don't write it. That's fine, too. I'm going to do it as a spin instructor. I mean, there's this one I like to read from.

That's way longer. What is it? It's called The Little Dog's Day. I'll put it in my spin repertoire. Yamikipiato, set a refecibo. In dog Latin, he quotes, Ujay, sofas, hooray. What the hell is this?

Well, he, what is it? The she dogs? Yeah, we're the she dogs. Find she dogs. There we go. He fought with all the he dogs. He winked at all the she dogs.

A thing that had never been heard of before. And then it goes on for the town never knew such a hullabaloo. There was a viral video Kim Cottrell doing this poem to like an upright bass or? Yeah. Her husband was playing upright base. Yeah. Recently? No, but it's a constant.

Yeah. I watch it at least once a month. Yeah. It's in his daily. routine. Yeah, that's right. I wake up. Do a yagabon.

Yeah, I do the drop shot. And then I'm just like, check in on what Kim Contrell's up to. Watch my favorite video. See what she's up to now. I think I've had the only, I've never had a Yeager bomb. I've had a, um, Dr. Pepper. Yeah. A amaretto in beer.

Oh, yeah. And then you check that and taste like Dr. Pepper. That sounds pretty good. Amoretto's. Is it on that? Amoretto is. It's made with, I think, the seeds or the pits of like apricots and peaches. Just made a peach today.

Man, it was so juicy. Is it the time right now? It's the time. Yeah. It's when I've been doing peaches all year. All summer. Oh, summer, yeah. I got to get on that. Go to Costco.

You can get a whole bunch. Just eat them over the sink. My problem is they come into, like, clamshells. you can't tell if they're going to be good. Oh, we just had them in a... Oh, you got a flat. Yeah, I got a flat. Have you ever had those donut ones?

Yeah. Delicious. They do look like donuts. Yeah. And they... I think if I've ever eaten one just... You should. This one precious light.

This one precious life. What am I doing? I got 24 hours every day because I'm fun-employed. Yeah, you should be like one of these people, these free will people. Sometimes in the summer I put in my calendar, don't do anything. And then I try and go 24 hours without doing anything. It's not really hard.

Do you set an alarm every day? Most days. Most days, sometimes it's just backup. It's like, well, I don't want to waste my whole day. So I'll set one for nine. What's, uh, what? That's luxury, man. What time when you're, when you're working at?

Oh, so early. Six a.m. I usually wake up at six. Woo. But you know what? while I'm telling you how great it is to be a teacher in late August, when I have marking, I hate markings. Yeah, that's extra, that's homework for you.

Yeah, and it's like, it literally destroys my spirit to do it after work or weekends. So I wake up extra early. I'll wake up at like five and mark till eight. And that's the best way to get through it. Yeah, what I kind of... Because then I get to go home and I'm like, well, thank God, I just get to relax and try and forget my day. When you're marking, are you reading essays?

Or is this just right or wrong answers? I wish it was right or wrong answers. It's all like, yeah, it's all essays or like paragraphs, which are worse because the kids are like, here's an essay I snuck in and tried to tell you was a paragraph. If you don't put a space break, it's just a paragraph. Is it? You teach social studies and history. Social studies. And is a lot of people, are people trying to.

kids trying to sneak AI stuff in? I knew you were going to ask him. Yeah. It's the bane of my existence. Yeah. It literally might ruin the profession. How do you tell us? How do we?

But do we need teachers? No. No. Especially if I can get paid. We don't need doctors well already that we'd save ourselves. Yeah, AI is a, I'm very anti-AI. Just to get it out there. I like it in, you know, funny videos.

When that dog's like... Writing a bike. Yeah. No, we all hate it. I fear that not everyone does. I know who doesn't hate it? Kids. Yeah.

I'm happy my kids can recognize it. Really? That's good. Don't we go of that image is AI. What are you going to do when your kids are like get caught using it at school? Because they will because every kid's using it. I don't know.

I will tell them, I will show them like a bad video that's not funny. me. I'd be like, this is what you're using. You should make them watch three hours of regular TV. Oh, wow. That's your punishment. You have to sit through ads. You have to watch three hours.

There's going to be local news. And 1.0 speed. Oh, yeah. No speeding it up. Torture. Yeah, for a kid? Oh, I can imagine something. I gave an assignment at the start of last school year, and it was like, it was about world, like, the unit was about worldviews.

So we're like, well, what's your worldview? And, you know, it was like, tell me a story that was like, What is my worldview? Tap, tap, type, tight, tight. That is it. I was like, tell me about, like, stories that your parents told you about your family and, like, what values do your family have? And I then saw a kid open up his laptop and write down, what should I write about myself? And I was like, oh, that's, oh, and you think that's an AI proof assignment.

And yet. And then, but then what does AI tell you? Like, tell them about your favorite color. It's probably like, tell them about all the questions your teacher gave you as a prompt. I already told you what to write, dude. Yeah, it's, we have a friend in common, Erin, who this is what she does. Yes, this is what she does. At UBC, she's part of academic integrity.

So it's sniffing this stuff out. The original AI. Nice. It's crazy. Like, okay, I guess. get the 14 year olds, but sometimes she's like, yeah, this master student, like, how to generate response again at the bottom of their, like, dissertation. The idea that people aren't even reading their own, like, checking their own work.

The kids are a bit more savvy, but sometimes you get, like, a, I can also give you this notes at the bottom of an assignment. As a person who didn't do homework. Okay, brag. I was, I'm like, yeah, I don't know what like, it's hard to empathize. Like, I'll just skate by. I mean, were I a kid when AI was around, I absolutely would. I know, and that's what Spakes is so infuriating.

I'm like, I would have to. Yeah, because it's, man, you know, they say you shouldn't cheat, but. Sometimes it's so tempting. Exactly, you know, have you tried cheating? Yeah. Have you been, I went downtown during the world, kind of. up. Yeah.

And I hadn't just walked around downtown in a long time. And like every business, every sandwich board outside is AI. Everything's AI. And it's great because it's like, it's great. It's like, well, if they're willing to cut corners here, I'm sure they're passing the savings on to me. Yeah, truly. How do you sniff it out? Well, you do your best.

I have to admit, okay, kids will hear this podcast. I need you both. We're very big with the kids. Kids love us. I will tell you how I sniff out of AI, but this year, it happens to me like every two or two years. If it's going to give it away, don't tell it. No, it's fine. If the kids are going to be able to figure it away around.

All I was going to say is I don't have very good AI, dar. I'm pretty bad at seeing it. I'm like, these kids are writing amazing. I'm so proud of you all. Okay. This year, though, a kid from the back of the room was like Ember Conopacki stop podcasting yourself

Ember Conopacky returns I was like what are you doing they had Googled me in class A classic pastime Yeah And then the whole class kind of like broke out into chaos Because they're like what is that what is that Like running together around this computer Yeah

Yes And then I like Get back to work I like kind of got everything calm down And then like the class goes quiet and I hear Graham be like, and with me as always is a guy who, and I'm like, what are you guys doing?

Now, kids, if... You shouldn't be up. You should be in bed by now. If you stop listening to this podcast, you can play seven up. I was like, maybe when I'm on this episode, I should be like, if you hear this, tell me and I'll give you one extra percent.

There you go. Because then I'll know who listened to it. Oh. But I'm not giving them one extra. Sure. And I don't want them to, frankly, listen. In your classes, in your classes, is there always a suck-up in every class? I feel like I remember being in class and they're always being kind of a suck-up.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not tracking them so close. No, but like always first with the hands up. Oh, yeah. Here's the thing. I work with so many good kids. I love the kids. Let the children laugh.

They're nice. There's not that many, like, jerks. Oh, really? Yeah. That's nice. Well, they're nice to my face, so you know. Do you get a lot of shiny red apples on your desk? I love a red apple.

What's your favorite apple? Green tea. I get a lot of green tea. Oh, sure. Yeah. Which is nice. I just don't really drink green tea. You get given it?

Yeah. By whom? Parents. Oh. Yeah. Is it a Starbucks gift card, the number one Christmas gift still? Yes. Yeah.

And I haven't bought my own coffee in years. I also buy bags of coffee from Starbucks. Hey. With my monies. What's your roast? You know what I like The true north Oh yeah

I'll be a blonde roast I don't really know what those mean I usually get the blonde if I'm at Starbucks Because it doesn't taste like Starbucks Yeah it's honestly fine The beans are fine I'm not that much of a coffee snob The kids are all right and the beans are fine

Kids are great Remember kids Be nice to Miss Kan of Paki Also like the fact that they're Googling you Like, I remember as a student, like, finding out a teacher's first name was... I know. If I could have Googled the world. Oh, boy.

See what he got up to. Yeah. Well, we... We hope the kids who are listening are just the ones who like me. Yeah. If they made it this far, they got up. Exactly. Now let's get into the dirt on specific kids.

Yeah, what's Michael up to? Tells about Michael. Oh, Michael. Which one? There's 20. Are there still a lot of Michaels? No. No?

No. There's a lot of who are there a lot of. Haydens. Yeah, there's Cadens, Haydens, Adens, Bradens, Jadens. What is the most common name? My daughter in her school, they're younger. They're not high school kids, but there's tons of Ethan's. Ethan's, yeah, ethons are big.

I don't know. To celebrate Ambry and Hawk. You know what? You know what? I just watched Can't Hardly Wait and Reality Bight. Empire Records Oh boy Ethan's

Oh sorry No no nothing's going Oh sorry Yeah no no nothing's going on Dave Let's move on to Dave Yeah Dave what's going on to you Well I my kids are on summer vacation So we're doing classic summer vacation things

Love it I talk about this every year We do it every year You bust out your canoe That you've got around the side of the house You portage down to the river No we We yesterday went to the water slides

Splash down. Now big splash. Big splash. It used to be splashed down into boss. And there was, was it, last week there was a plan to go and it didn't end up happening. Yeah. So this is of the makeup. This was, yeah.

Okay. It had to happen on a Thursday because of schedules. Okay. So it happened yesterday. Okay. And if you want to know, like, every year we go and every year it's like a reminder of like, all right, this is what human bodies look like. Yeah. Every kind of human body is.

This is what like... It's what everyone's wet hair looks like. This is what, you know, what's going on with tattoos. Yeah. What's going on with bathing suits? What parts of bodies people are showing off. Yeah. Mostly parents are showing off.

This is like if you want to see how different techniques of people are sneakily vaping. Yes. Yes. When you hear an announcement that like, just a reminder, no smoking or vaping, and then you look around and just a big cloud is around someone. You'll be relieved that among like eight-year-old rascals, the mullet is back. Yes. I remember when I was a kid going to a water park and seeing like a teenage dude with a mullet and it was like a revelation to me.

I was like, what? That guy's the coolest fucking guy I've ever seen. He had cut off jean shorts in the pool. Like this guy. In the pool. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to, if you get those rivets, you could tear the lining.

Maybe that's what happened. Yeah, we were having an all cut off, an all jort swim part. So every year I go and I get a different kind of sunburn. Oh, what was this year's style? Two years ago, I did, I forgot to put on the screen. I did all my kids and then got there and I was like, oh, at three o'clock. I was like, very hot. Sizzling.

And then last year I used sunscreen that seemed to be defective. Hmm. The Rexall store brand. And so this year, Rashgard, swim shirt. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When I went to, I went to Mexico with my family last Christmas and that's what I wore.

Yeah. Swim shirt, swim shirt. Would have worn swim pants if they were available. Oh, yeah. It's a matter of time, I bet. Yeah, I'd wear a scuba suit. I'd be fun of that. The only problem with it is I believe it slowed down all of my sliding.

Oh, yeah, sure. Because my body's usually so slippery because of my natural oils. Like a duck. How many slides do you think you went on? Yeah. How many are there to go on? There are, one, two, three, four, five, six. So four of the tall boys.

Yeah. Yeah. Two. We go on our drunk, very popular. like the racetrack. Two of a same variety, spinning ones, like, you know. Oh, yeah. But not as exciting.

They're for little or kids. Yeah. There's the one like river thing. A lazy river. Lazy river where you go on an inner tube, but the lineup for that is so long. And we've done it before and it's not great. Too lazy. Well, and you go down a little slide and then you get stuck with a bunch of other people.

Yeah. And then the workers have to push everyone through. And then so that's sad. Then there's a, I won't have the like little tiny ones. Right. And then there's two over on the other side that are like dark. Covered. Yeah.

Yeah. And then there's one called the boomerango, which is the big one where you go like, you know, just a drop down. And then you slide way back up the other side. Have you ever gone? I've been there. I used to work in an after school care center and we'd go there like once a year. I haven't been in a long since I worked there, so like 15 years. It's fun.

I went as a kid and not much has changed except for those dark ones have been added. So the dark ones are dark the whole way? Well, they are. So they call it the solar splash. Okay. I thought it was like a space theme thing because before we went the first year, we watched videos of all this life. Oh, that's smart. And then they were like, and this one has like a space theme because it's dark, but there's like stars inside.

And then you get there and you realize, no, it's just peeling paint. Light is coming through. Have you ever seen the videos of the ones where people go in like a tube and they have to cross their arms and they just drop through the floor? At West Ed, there are slides like that where you're like, yeah, lovely style. And then the floor opens up. I'm going to Edmonton. Maybe I'll go to West Ed. Go to West Ed.

And then I've seen a lot of people like going off ramps. Yeah, yeah. Where's that happening? And you're like, then you belly flop into the pool. It sounds terrible. I love the videos. I don't know why. Like, I love them and I watch them any time they come up where there's the big inflatable thing and like somebody big will land on one side and the other side pops up and they fly into a leg.

I saw what they called it the world record for it. I went to West Ed water park last summer. For people who don't know all the cool lingo, West Ed is West Edmonton Mall. It is the 30th large. largest mall in the world. When you were a kid, was it the first? Yeah, I think so. It was one or two, yeah, because it's Mall of America kind of.

And now it's the mall, the number one, is in Iran. Oh, wow. That's sad for West Ed. It's fine. It's still attending to their own business. Yeah. The Mall of Hormuz. We love the Romew.

I went to West Ed last summer. It was like $80, so. mentally, like financially prepare yourself. To go to the water park? The water park, yeah. Okay. What brought you to West Ed? So I was visiting my friends in Edmonton.

I have many friends in Edmonton. And I was staying with my friend Jolene. And when we were like talking on the phone, planning what we wanted to do, she's like, don't make fun of me. But I was thinking about what if we went to West Ed Water Park? And she has like a four or five year old. I was like, oh, yeah, that'd be great. Like, oh, that would be so cute to see your kid like in the wave pool.

And she's like, oh, we're not bringing. my kid. So we dropped him off at daycare. Oh, that's such. And two adult women went to Wested and went on every slide. Was it so much fun? It was so much fun. But I realized that maybe I'm a little afraid of it.

It's like standing on those stairs. Yeah. For a really long time, I found that hard. I remember like, featuring bad things. Those stairs having like grip on them and hurting your feet so much. Well, you've got to have the grip, Graham. Yeah, that's true. You don't want it to be slick.

Yeah, you don't want to be slick. You want the slide to be slick, and that's all. Yeah. Stairs need to be fun. Then don't wear a rash guard because it's going to slow you down. It's indoors. Did it slow you down enough that you're like, this is a real drag? Yeah, yeah, kind of.

There are like some parts where I was like, okay, let's get to the dip because I need to get some speed up again. I waited in line for this. Yeah. I shaved my legs for this. You wear a raggard and you shave your leg. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. this part. What's new in tattoos?

Well, like, that's all, nothing's that new in tattoo. Kind of bad. Yeah, bad, old. It's interesting seeing what people, like, you can see that they've aged and you're like, I bet you got that when you were, when you were, you know, taken on the world. And then sometimes you see older people with fresh tattoos. Yeah. And you're like, huh, well, good for you then.

Is this a tattooless room? Yeah. Oh, I'm covered underneath. Everywhere your clothes are. And his tattoos are nasty. It's like Millhouse with Marge. Yeah. And Kelvin's pissing on both of them.

It's gross. I didn't say what they were doing. We got students listening. Waterpark was great. Their logo, their mascot, But I don't think they have a mascot in a costume, but they just have a mascot who's a beaver. Okay. And I just, I was in the bathroom there yesterday, and they just, it said under the picture of the beaver, bevy, the beaver.

And I was like, well, AI didn't think of that. Yeah. I can tell you that much, that was a guy. I just found out, I feel like this year that the root bear guy for A&W is called Rudy. What? I thought it was root bear. That's what I always thought it was. But he's rooty.

So there you go. You guys are just finding it out. And what does A&W even stand for? Somebody told me along the way, damn, I think it actually might have been you. I think it maybe came to me in a dream because I don't know. But what was it? A and W.

Well, I know it's ambogos and whoop here. So I know that to be true. Kids out there, the best joke there is. Hey, students. This kind of Peggy here. That's comedy. I almost clapped when you said that. I was like, ha!

Like almost clapped right into the meat. Oh, it's a classic. I love it. So if you never got a tattoo out of principle or just never found one that you liked or just like not appeal to you? It used to really appeal to me, but I wanted to wait until I found something that I really loved. And then when I like got a bit older, I was like, all those ideas I almost did were fucking bad. Oh, what did you almost do? So then I was like, maybe I should just never do this.

I almost got, well, I didn't almost get one. I thought about getting one that just said live. Fuck laugh and love. Yeah, fuck that. Live. In the mirror, it says evil. I wanted to get into my rib. That would be so bad.

And yeah, what about the love and laugh? What about it? The rib is a tough one. Yeah. It feels like it would be, it would hurt. It would hurt. But it's pretty hidden forever. Yeah.

Unless you want to show someone your rib. I think the reason I never got one is I'm forever embarrassed by who I was a year ago. Also, I think like I grew up once I was in university, the age of the tramp stamp was just upon us. And if you go to a bull, you're going to see a lot of them. Like tribal tattoos are also very out or like in. and then immediately out and like Chinese characters. And like, yeah, I think I just was realizing, oh, whatever I get is going to be really embarrassing. Yeah.

Because like, I think I saw a picture of Dave Grohl without a shirt on. He has old tribal tattoos and they really look quite bad. I love a thick line tattoo. What do you feel about like people who just like make a part of their arm just like black? Like it was just all-coly-clatured. Oh, there was a lady there yesterday who had a, it looked like a cover up and like, wait, no, cover that. up too. Wait, no one now.

Yeah, I think, uh-oh, what do you have? Could be bad. Something controversial. Because you can't, because, like, I think they're getting really good at removing them. Pete Davidson. Got them all done? Yeah, every single one. Every single one.

Isn't that really painful? Is it, yeah, like, is it still painful? Is it still? I think it's still painful and I think it's very expensive. I think for all these tattoos got $225,000. Easy. Yeah. No problem.

problem. Yeah, I might get one just so I can experiment. Just like you get it off. Because like they do leave a little mark or are they better at that now? I lose a little mark and then the body absorbs whatever. And then am I allowed to like put lotion on them? You can put a lotion on anything you want.

Oh, okay. You know what? Put some extra on before you go to the water slides next time. You guys should get matching friendship tattoos. Okay. So we'll get, it'll be the friends font. Uh-huh. I'll have F-R-I, you have E-N-D.

No problem. Well, we hug. Or we should get it on our fingers and so that when we intertwine our fingers, it says friends. That would be good. That actually would be good. Podcast. And I, E-N-E-S, and an extra pinky. Or don't they have little dots in between?

Yeah, there's little dots. Okay, we're doing it. Oh, yeah. This time next year. This time next year. Although, if it was this time, two years, from now, I'll be like, wish I didn't do that. I think probably, like, the really visible tattoos are the ones that you

brought, like, ones that you see every day. Yeah. But then maybe not. I don't, I don't, I don't, I feel like I could really be a tattoo guy. I think you could totally be a tattoo guy. I feel like I could do that. Go off the deep end. Yeah.

Just go nuts. That'd be cool. It'd be like a cooler version of you. I know people like, yes. What, once you. Right now you're the lame version. And most people don't get one tattoo. Like once you start getting them, you're like, well.

Yeah. Because people get addicted to the sensation of doing. To the sensation of doing it? I think so, of getting it done. People like actually think that's like a, it's something, something to them. That's crazy. But maybe it's great. Maybe it makes you like.

I gave a tattoo once. What? Yeah. Was this in Bhutan? It was, yes. Bhutan? Bhutan. You gave a tattoo?

I gave a tattoo once because a friend from high school. He was influential in those tim parties. When he was in university, once I was, like, at his place and his roommate had a tattoo gun and was like, I'm bored. I'm bored. And he basically wanted someone to give him a tattoo. What did you do? I drew like a really bad cat. Okay.

I thought, I think all my animals look the same cat, dog, cow, like it's just like a four-legged figure. Yeah. And I did it like right here on his leg. Oh, God. And if you, at the top, you can see where I was like kind of nervous. And there's like a few stray lines. And it's bad. Like it's full bad.

But he, he owns a tattoo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of the better ones on his leg, you know? I remember a guy that I worked with at a warehouse. he had done a, like, with a needle and ink. It was supposed to be Winnie the Pooh, but it looked like a bruise that was on its way to healing. So it was like, like kind of a greeny. Oh, that sounds terrible.

It was terrible. I used to watch Miami Inc and LA Inc. Yeah. What was the, yeah, there was one that was, it was about a Las Vegas place. Which one is, whoa, what is her name? Cat Von D. I think she was LA Inc. Yeah.

Or maybe she was Miami Inc. And then she got her own spin-off, and that was LA Inc. Yeah, that sounds right. And then inked was Pink's husband. Carrie Hart owned a tattoo place in Vegas. And there were all these like apprentices. We're like, I want to become a tattoo guy so bad. And they would practice on pigs, like pig skin, like dead pigs.

Okay, sure. Trust me, pig. This is going to be fucking sick. And they would practice on their own. uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That was that guy's vibe like the guy I tattooed like he definitely was if I wasn't giving him a tattoo that night he was going to give it to him. Right. Practice and stuff. But you're out there. Yeah. You've made your. I have my art.

Yeah. You're building your portfolio. Is it weird? Is it weird? Is it weird to call it? Because the gun seems like it's very heavy. Yeah. I don't really.

Well, I think it was a little heavy. I don't. I was just nervous because you're like, I'm tattooing someone and you kind of like pump the pedal. if I remember frankly. But then draw it smoothly.

There's a wah-wah tattoo gun. There's a wah. You know, just give me a solo right around here.

That's cool that you did that. Yeah. Yeah, it was cool. One off. Never saw the guy again. Oh, really? No.

Never saw him again. Might have him on like Facebook or something. Yeah. I'd probably post it. I'll check in with him tonight. See if he's got any

pictures of his tat. I have picture of his dad. I know, but I want to see if he does. If he's still proud of it. I would like to see this picture. Imagine he's like, no, I covered it up and his legs all black. I wouldn't blame him. Yeah. Well, it's, I would. I'd be a bit sad. Yeah, this was our special thing we did. This is our special thing. Josh. So I'm just what area, you have a picture of it. What era of camera are we talking about? This was a digital camera. Probably like a first iPhone. Oh, okay. It was like shortly after high school. I think I got when. Oh. Yeah. I mean, I think I had an iPhone.

iPhone came out in 2007, but Canada didn't get it for a while. I remember there was a website called iPhone in Canada that was like giving updates. I'm like, oh, it looks like we're probably going to get Generation 3. It's your homepage? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Come on, TikTok, man. I got to get that Zippo app on my phone. Did the original iPhone out of camera?

Yeah. Oh, cool. Because it was like an iPod touch. Uh-huh. And then they added a phone. And they added a phone, I think. I don't, well, it had a camera. It didn't have a selfie camera.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Were you an early adopter of iPhone in Canada? I think I got one in 2009, maybe. Yeah. Okay. All right. So a couple of years after they came out, just because they weren't available.

And then they were also like, since they weren't available, people would get them in America. Yeah, but without a phone plan and be spending thousands of dollars on it. Yeah. Oh, it'll look so cool. Oh, it looks so cool. I kind of miss like a T9 word. Oh, yeah. I mean, why do I miss it?

If there was an option, I'd do it. To go back. Yeah. It's nostalgia, you know? Yeah. What was it like back then? You could get really good at it. I feel like my typing, my phone typing is getting worse.

like I'm I I think it's from old age Yeah I can't When I see people do it One-handed I can't do that I can't

Also this phone My most recent phone Is like 10% too big Yeah do you also worry about like Claw hand I did have I was supporting it with this for a while And was getting like

Full forearm pain Yeah If you like She got a tattoo that says not to do that When you're there A little picture Of your pinky figure

Yeah It's like a little dent in my pinky. I don't like that. Bumbs me out when I think about it. Yeah. It's the worst. My addiction is having a physical consequence. I hit that ignore Instagram reminder every day in the summer.

Yeah, earlier and earlier. Yeah, earlier and earlier. I'm up until like two in the morning. It comes on then. I'm like, well, at least tomorrow I won't have to think about this. My worst trait is if I make it, if I'm awake at midnight, I'll be like, well, tomorrow's wordle is already up. You still do a wordle. Oh, I'm doing it all, baby.

Nice. Connections. Connections. I do connections. I do spelling bee. Oh, wow. Yeah. Finally getting good at it after a while. I don't know spelling bee.

What's that? I don't know it. It gives you like, there's a letter in the middle and then I think six around the outside. You always have to have that word letter in the middle in the word. I found that one hard. It is. But I kept playing it and playing it and now it's, I've figured it out. What's the longest word you've got like eight letters?

Usually whenever it's the panagram, that's the longest one that has all the letters. Wow. And the panagram. Yeah, it's the panagram. Come on, guys. Right? Right? See, if it's the graham and panegrae.

I don't have any games on my phone. It's all business. scrolling through Instagram, honestly. Yeah. God, that's so depressing. What else do I check on my phone? Weather app. Yeah.

Yeah, weather app. What's the weekend looking like? It's going to rain. It's supposed to rain. We need it. Hey, man. We need it. We need it.

We need it. Graham, what's going on with you? This past week, I decided that I would go and take a class. I took a one-day class that was a first-aid class. Wow. And the basic first aid class, you can get at St. John's ambulance. I think that's probably the only place you can get a first aid class. I guess so.

I mean, if there's somewhere else, the competitor, I've never heard. My kids did the, like, pre-babysitting course. Yeah. That was, I think, must have been St. John's Ambulance. It was at the community center. Yeah. Wow, good for you. I just figure I've seen a lot of people just lying in the middle of the street.

And I'm like, it would be good to know just to get the sensation of doing the thing instead of just in my mind like, yeah, you're supposed to do 30 and pause, but like to actually feel like what doing 30 feels like. Did you do the, so was it a thing where you had like dummies? Yep. Did you get to do the staying alive? That's the right speed to do? You're supposed to do one a second. So it's one, two, three, four, five like that. That's too fast.

That's more, yeah, I was going to say that. No, it's not. One, two, three, four. Well, yeah, but that wasn't four seconds that you did. You did it. Fast. Yeah. But you're just supposed to go.

You're supposed to go 30 and then stop. And then if you're breathing, if you're giving them breath, two breaths back again. And you just keep doing it until help comes. And if you don't know the person, if it's a stranger, you do not do the breaths unless you have like a ventilator shield. Right. Like when Mr. Bean rolled up a magazine. That probably would be. the best way to do that.

That would be amazing if your instructor was like, and just like Mr. Bean, you see a magazine. You roll it up and you put it up against the guy's lips. But they said, like, don't, do not ever, unless there's somebody that you like know or is like... Or unless it's like really kissable lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like somebody's just put on like a cool lip liner and you're like, how do you make sure that the person isn't faking it like the little boy in the sandlot? Because they're doing this the whole time. Did you have to say, Annie? Are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? Oh, wait. Do you approach and you're like, I'm going to touch you?

Yeah, you have to. Approaching from your left. That's the number one is that you have to say. You have to ask unless the person's completely knocked out. You have to ask because otherwise you can get sued. So you go to this course. You go by yourself? Yeah.

By myself, it was a... Sally's not worried about having a... Well, I got it. and I can just instruct to her. But she should know, but in case it happens to you. Yes, that is the one flaw. So there are, it was it, CPR? Yep.

Heimlich? Heimlich, yeah. CPR, Heimlich. And then, like, different levels of, like, wound care. Oh, wow. So you had to, like, do different, like, small cut, deep cut, amputation, turn a kit. Like, and that was crazy. Oh, in one day.

Did you learn how to amputate? Well, you don't learn if there's an amputation that's happened. Oh, okay. But here's the thing. This is a tip. Should you ever be in this situation? If there's a wound, you want to move the tourniquet as far up the leg or arm as possible to cut off the blood. If it's an amputation, you want the tourniquet to be right up the site.

Wound before arm pit. That's it. It would never be the amputation nation. Just remember what did Dave say? It's a sensation. Wooned up to armpit. Something about vacation nation. Is there, are there any things about the Heimlich that we don't know?

You're supposed to do something like six or seven hits on the back, like right kind of between the shoulder blade. I'm learning first aid right now. Yeah. And this, maybe, you know, maybe this will save a life. I hope so. You do that and then you do two kind of heimlich things. If the person stops breathing, you have to then start doing CPR and forget about the heimlich and hope that the CPR knocks it out of their throat. It's some nasty stuff.

I am grateful I don't know and I'm not responsible in that situation. You just back away. Can anybody help? Hey, where's that woman running away? Probably it's not me and one other person I care about because I'm not helping. So I'm like, is the person required to go do the hand thing? That's how they did it. They said like everybody, that's what they do.

They kind of point out their throat and go like that. Yeah. But like you're supposed to cough. That's the big thing. You're trying to get them to cough. That's what brings it out. Because that's okay. But have you heard about the guy?

Do you hear about this guy? The guy who invented the Heimlich maneuver. I did hear a, like, a podcast about how he wanted to, like, use it as, like, an all-purpose. Yeah, it was, like, a cure-all. Like, the Heimlich maneuver was, like, get rid of headaches. Like, all these. He went crazy. Heimlich.

Yeah. Mr. Heimlich. And he died, and his family was, like, his legacy was, like, they were trying to actually, you know what, let's bring back. It's not just for trogue. Yeah. Well, let's bring it back for drowning. Sure That sure

And then yeah This is I've never used I've never even seen a tourniquet before But it's like kind of like a seat belt Material And then it's got a crank Yeah So then you like crank it like as many times

As far as it'll go And then it's got like a little hook That you put on it to like keep it Oh I don't know what that is It's uh When you say tourniquet I'm just like I've only ever heard of like a makeshift tourniquet Yeah you see a move

to be a belt or a teacher. Maybe some horrible true crime stories I've listened to. But yeah, this is like from a first aid kit. Did you get a first aid kit out of it? I got the mask. I bought the, well, the, the, the scream mask? The screen mask? Oh, so.

Oh, no. Well, we are heading into spooky season. I will be performing CPR on you. That's how you test if they're faking. Wow, I wish that was like my overseen. I saw a ghost face doing CPR. So almost everybody was there. We couldn't win around and said our name while we were there.

Almost everybody was there for work. They had to get this qualification work. It was me and one other guy that were just there to just do it. Yeah, I have a podcast that want to talk about it. I guess right off. You ever write off? anything for this podcast? Dave, I write off every.

I don't know how to... I don't believe it. Well, because also I am a stand-up comedian. So, like, if I go see a movie and talk about it on the podcast, can I say... Why don't I try? You can try until you get audited. Yeah, but I used my points. I used my Cineplex points to...

Well, they'll know that. They will know that. I feel like every time I go for, like, dinner with an actor, they're always like, do you mind if I take this bill? And I'll be like, what? You're going to expense that? And they were like... I was acting the whole time.

They were like, I was complaining. He was acting like your friend But at the end there's a very easy Multiple choice Question but there was a guy there like he had been obviously sent right from the work site Because he was like wearing he was still wearing his work site So obviously the boss was like you need to do this now So he was just outside of the class

He was just like man I got I just got I just gotta get this done. So I got back to where you're so, like, miffed about it. He flugged the written part. Now, they weren't going to send anybody like, they were like, okay, we'll go and we'll review with you what the wrong ones are. But I was just like, kid, you are not paying attention at all. So you needed to take the test to, like, get a certificate.

Yeah. Okay. And now you have a certificate. Do you frame it? Well, it just came in the email today. Nice. So I haven't had a chance. In the email?

In the email? Yeah, they email it to you. They don't give you a certificate there. You don't go up on stage and they give you a diploma. I thought you said, you slurred a bit. You know, you've had a view. Yeah, well. I said in the email.

The email. And so, but like you take the test and then are you grading each other's? Like, how did you find out this guy for? No, you give. Well, because he was the only one that didn't, like, after everybody passed, he just put on their backpack and walked down to the room. And he was sitting there. Um, teacher.

Uh. Oh. And then I also saw his buddy that he called to come pick him up, and his buddy was sitting outside, just like, like, where the fuck is this guy? It was a really rough day for this guy in his house. But you know what? I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure they eventually got to figure it out.

It's probably one of those things you just have to keep taking it until you pass, which you will. And I learned how to use a defibrillator. Oh, yeah. Wow. That was cool. Did you get to hold one? Yeah. This is complete.

And you did it, did it on a thing. thing? Yeah, so you put, there's like two sticky pads. I'm like, all right, everyone, do we have a ball again? Yeah, yeah, we'll all do it to each other. You put one underneath the, like, right pectoral, and then the other one kind of just around the rib area. Right where you got your tent. Well, that would be a good place after you need resuscitating.

And then the thing tells you, like, okay, move your, get your hands off the body. hit the thing, hit the charge, and then it'll tell you, go back to doing CPR until it tells you, like, okay, now try it again. That's good. But like, I've seen them everywhere. I'm like, well, I don't know how. Nobody knows how to use them. Now I do. Now I know how to use one.

So there you go. That's good to know. Yeah. Well, good for you for doing that. I'm open for babysitting now. I can. Absolute hell to me. It's just the day.

You're going to get some babysitting good? Yeah, yeah. I feel like, this is a good time of year. There's going to be a lot of. popsicles in the freezer than they're going to have. We should start a babysitter's club. Oh my goodness. Yes.

You can get your kids in two. They're almost bad. They're boy crazy. They're boy crazy, Stacy. That'd be so cute and I bet people would love to have you guys babysitting. You have to do it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good cop, bad cop.

It's a giant bad cop. Like a four-year-old. Dave here doesn't want to give you a popsicle, but I do. But we're going to have to, you're going to have to finish your peas. I'm really scared of Dave. Dave's like drawing a bath, Graham's like,

putting the bike up. I'm not bathing your kids anyone. You deliver them to me clean, please. What, I had one, oh yeah, so to pass this course. Yes.

How many, what was the passing grade? It's get 21 out of 30 I got 28 Wow Or you're what Do you know what Yeah

One of them was Did they go over the answers at the end? She She told you which ones you got wrong Oh okay And you just I re-looked at it I was like

Oh yeah They were I think two of the most Kind of like It could have been this It could have been that You know It was possible about like work

A lot of it was workplace stuff too Oh sure You know They're like Who do you report to When you do this Dave Yeah

My name is sitting friend Dave He's the president Did you Was it a whole day? Did you have a snack break? Yeah, we had lunch break They had a little cafeteria you could go and eat in

That's the I feel like I did that once And like time crawled And when they'd be like Oh, we're going to take a 50 minute break I'd be like Yeah, it was not, it wasn't fun. You were there by choice.

I was there by choice. Where was this? At, you know, it's like right next to Oak Ridge. That's where I did mine. It's a community center? No, it's like their own building. Oh, St. John's Ambulon. Yeah.

Oh, wow. Their own thing. And, you know, if you want to buy a blanket, they got those for sale, you know, they got all the stuff for sale. If you want to buy, like, a kit. Oh, yeah. Oh, by blanket, you mean like a, you mean like a, you? like first aid blanket Like the ones in an action movie at the end

Where they put it blanket over your shoulder They're like made of tinfoil Yeah no these are like the wool The nice thing those ones Which you're supposed to put on people If they're in shock Oh This is why they do it

Because it brings them back to earth They're like oh blanket I guess it could be like grounding And it's also when you're in shock You lose your circulation So it's keeping somebody warm It's a downer It is a downer

And I mean, it was the lady. I mean, she's doing this every day. This is her full-time gig. So she must be so bored. Yeah. She's been doing the same. You know what? I might go back and do the next level.

Wow. Good for you. Might get an intermediate. Next time I'm here, you're going to be like, so I'm becoming an EMT. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Becoming a life car. Life. You know, you needed to become a life coach.

You have to have a certain level. CPR, so. I'd love to be a life coach. You can do it. I could charge a lot of money and not be accountable. That's the way to do it. You need just like a couple of clients. You need to be sort of a spend galley.

I need them to be like sad sacks who think I'm helping them because they're so bad at helping themselves. So you need losers. I need losers. Yeah. I think that's all fine. I want to be a life coach to like the Russian royal family. Ooh.

They have a guy already and he's. What's his name? He's got a big beard He's immune to bullets and poison Yeah, they have to roll them up in a carpet Yeah I'm immune to I'm immune to poison I've never been shot

I guess like nearly got I'm a little immune to bullets Geez I might be this guy Keep growing that beard Yeah I will And learn Russian Assuming you don't speak it Um, I don't, it's a smurged Lurig and hers.

Oh, my gosh. He does speak it. Oh, my God. I thought that was Swedish at first, but it's not. Shmurge Lurgan. Um, you guys want to move on some overhurd? Yes. Yay.

Sleep is important, but it's difficult sometimes. I'm John Moe. On sleeping with celebrities, famous people help conch you out by talking in soothing voices about unimportant things. Maria Bamford on parking. I parked in a bus stop. That's just not right. I am not a bus.

Roxanne Gay on airports. My favorite airport is Indianapolis. It has a really smart layout. Alan Tudik on yardsticks. You hand somebody a yardstick. Yard sticks become part of the family. Granted, it's a weird idea. But it's lots of fun and it works.

Listen, wherever you get podcasts. Hey, romance readers, what are you looking for? Brothers best friend, alien boyfriend, mothman, vampires. We got your cowboys, your dukes, your hot professors, your rock stars. We got your shifters. We got demons. We got sexy fairies. You want them morally gray?

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Overheard's where we on the show love to hear what you've heard or seen or we make exceptions for boring dreams. Those are the three. And we always like to start with the guest. Amber, do you have an overheard? Okay, you need to know that this was quite stressful for me. Set the scene. No, no, coming up with an overheard. Yeah.

Oh, I see. Quite a few, like, today I went on that walk just being like, maybe I'll over here something good. Yesterday I went to the beach being like, great place to overhear things. I didn't hear anything. But there was something that happened at the end of the school year that really stuck with me and we'll see if it's funny at all. Out of my office door, I could hear the band had to move all of the stuff for a special, like, performance at an assembly. So there's like a grade 9, maybe grade 10 band moving all of the instruments and the chairs and the stands and all this stuff. And there's excitement because it's basically a free class.

And there's two things that happened that really stuck with me. One, we have like photos on the wall of all the graduates of different years. And it's one that's old. They're probably graduated in like the late 90s, early 90s, somewhere on there. Oh, that is old. So old. It's possible that somebody to be that old. And I see this kid looking closely at it, and then he says to his friend, he goes,

bro, that guy's maugging so hard. And then I kind of like giggled, and I was like, oh, which one? He's like, all of them. And then they're moving the instruments, and I can hear the teacher kind of giving them instructions, and he's yelling down the hall. And he starts yelling, yield to the marimbas. Eald to the Marimbas. And I loved it.

How could you question that? That was great overheard. I love it. That's a T-shirt that they're going to sell to the band people. Yield to the Marimbas. I was like, I really got to write these down and like write a book one day. Yeah. All right.

Well, it's not. Well, it's gone. Well, you guys just gave me more encouragement. That was true. What you heard was good. I'm in my head trying to. remember what a marimba is? It's like a xylophone.

It's like a xylophone, but I think fancier. Yeah. It's like a long one, I'm pretty sure. That's why you've got to yield to the marimba. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a percussion instrument made of wooden bars. Oh, maybe played with one mallet.

That double ended? Not on this guy on Wikipedia. Double ended. That's the tattoo. I actually think I've seen a kid hold double ends and be like, Oh, it's pretty cool. Darth Mall. Oh, they do the Irish drum is one hand and they do the double.

That's cool. Yeah. Sing a sad song. The saddest song. Dave, do you have an award? I was looking at my list of overheards. I have one that I'm like, this is a great overheard. Where is it from?

I need context. But on my phone here, well, I wrote this down. There's a bit of a scene at the water slides. yesterday. I went over to see, it was the last slide of the day and my kids were over on the dark ones while we were packing up our stuff.

And so I went over to check on them because they had been gone a few minutes. And there was a woman who was kind of a character. I'd seen her around earlier in the day being like, hey, it's my first time on a roller side. She's like a 50-year-old lady. My first time on a roller side, which one should I do?

I'm here by myself. Someone helped me. And so people were like, this one's fine. They're all kind of the same. She actually asked. Yeah. To the group.

I love that. And then the next time I saw her was like four hours later. And she was talking to this. I heard someone say, why is the paramedic over here? Oh, no. And the woman was talking to the paramedic. The paramedic was said, okay, so what's your complaint? And the woman was like, I haven't complained about these chicks with g-string bikinis up there, buts.

And their asses are bigger than mine. I'm going to call the owner of this place Dave in Complain. This is a family-oriented place. And like, are you going to kick me out of here, Miss? Miss Security Lady? I've only been on three rides. And she was not a security lady. She was a medic.

And then she was like, she said, It's unhinged. Everyone's laugh. And plus, everyone's laughing at me. Oh, my gosh. And then she, like, kind of was escorted away. And everyone laughed at her. Oh, nice.

And I felt bad about it. And then I told my kids this. Like, I was, as we were driving home, I was like, oh, yeah, I saw this lady. And they were like, oh, yeah, we saw her too. When we were waiting in line for that slide, someone came out of the slide and then went right up to the lifeguard and said, there's a lady in line up there who's saying really inappropriate things around the kids. Oh, dear.

So I think she was probably confronted about that and then was like, well, then here's a, how is that? Not okay, but G-strings are okay. Put on your jorts. Exactly. Inspire a little boy for life with your jorts. I'm wondering if there's enough time for me to. go to Big Splash by myself this summer still. Yeah.

You got a whole week and a half. Yeah. It never even occurred to me. It's only $43. Okay. Half of West did. Half of West did. And it's only open two months a year.

Like, it's such a good value considering that they could jack up the price. Yeah. They need to cover their year worth of cost in two months. Wild. They got to pay BVie the Beavers. Beavis. His pension. I've got to match

His panting His patch It's You don't get the Chicken fingers They were not very good Kind of wet Yeah

They go down They put them down A slide A slide To the earth car Your little tray My My overheard comes

I was going to do Another one But this one struck me When you're talking About an old lady that was sassing people up. She's 50.

I didn't say she was an old lady. She said she was a decrepit old lady. She's probably like 46. Probably graduated in the late 90s. I was doing a show at Little Mountain, and there was a trio of women who had been drinking. They were from Detroit or something. But they just kept talking to each other,

and then you talk to them on stage, and then you'd kind of get a little something, and then they started talking to each other again. You just talk to me. I'm freaking out. One of them was really quite a bit drunker than the other two. And so the woman that was running this now was like, I'm going to go and ask her to leave in between sets

because she was really ruining the show. And she went to go talk to her. This is how the drunk she was. She came back and she was like, yeah, I asked her to leave and she ordered a Merlot from me. I'll have him reload. Also, I'm assuming she failed at kicking her out. She just brought her to have Marbleau.

I mean, yeah, money talks. Yeah, yeah. We only accept cash here. The, I just remember, like, a lot of people comparing different, like, forms of entertainment, like comedy and music. Yeah. And, like, how. You know, in music, you can play the same song over and over.

People want to hear the song they've heard before. In comedy, no one wants to hear the same joke again. And there were a bunch of comparisons in comedy or in music, people will clap even if you suck. Yeah. But if you suck a comedy, people won't laugh. That's so true. But it never occurred to me that comedy is the only one where, like, people get kicked out for ruining the show. That's true.

That's true. Yeah. You can just drown them out with your band. I remember comedian Aubrey Tena said that the difference between all other audiences and stand-up comedy audiences is stand-up comedy audiences are like, I should be able to punch him. Oh, man. Now, we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the world. If you want to send one in, you can send in into SBI at maximum fund.org. and this first one comes from Ben H.

This is in New York City. On an elevator down to the subway platform in New York, my three-year-old son said, we're in the sewer, Daddy, and a bespectical young man and a surprisingly thick, authentic bragsax and turned world design said, no, you'll know you're in the sewer when you meet these four Italian turtles. That guy rules. That guy rules. Was that Ben H a past guest?

Yes, yes. Hi, Ben. Yeah, I like the New Yorkers. Embrace the Turtles. Also, I know it, like, even though they're named after famous Nalids, I don't think of the turtles as Italian. Oh, yeah, because they don't eat Italian food? Oh, wait. Yeah.

Would they turn down a lasagna or a thing of ravioli? No, I think they would. It would be funnier if they were, like, fully Italian, and they did Italian martial arts. Teenage mutant Italian turtles. Teenage mutant. Italian teenage, wait, what is it? Teenish mutant ninja turtles.

Teenage mutant ninja Italian. Napoli turtles. It took you so long. I was trying to throw. Teenage mutant. Italian? Italian teenage turtles. I will say for anybody.

No. Teenagers first, then mutants, then ninjas. Ninja. They're like a, okay. Is there like a rat who advises them? If anybody out there wants to hear the funniest bit about the teenage mutant ninja turtles, Charlie DeMeres on his most recent album has a hilarious extended bit

about the Teenhb and Ninja Turtles. Won't spoil it? Okay. I will listen. I only like visual media. Is you going to come up with a video special? Yeah, he's going to come up with a video special. And an optional slideshow that you can load into your CD-ROM.

Okay, cool. That would be awesome. This next one comes from just G, from San Jose, California. I overheard a teen boy placing his drink order at Starbucks. Can I have a pink drink without strawberries and with blue coconut milk? The pink is what I hate. And I make a...

I don't understand the colored drinks at Star. I don't know what they are. I don't know if they're fruity. I don't know if they're fruity tea. They're fruity tea. They're fruity. Are they really sugary? Oh, yeah.

No, they're not tea. They're like lemonade. I do like lemonade. I'll get one. with some Starbucks. The pink drink, I think, is more of a... Okay. Yeah, the pink, the dragon drink is a lemonade-based thing.

Okay. The pink drink is strawberry and coconut. Okay. I think it's coconut milk. Is it kind of creamy? Yeah, that's why the coconut comes in. Sure. Yeah, not for me.

Oh, you got all these Starbucks gift cards. I only drink their finest blonde roast. Oh, fair enough. You know what you like. Maybe I'll try one, though, yeah. Yeah. What do I get when I want, they do make a strawberry frappuccino that is just a milkshake. Okay, well.

This is what I'm talking about. We love a frown. There's nothing. There's no coffee to it. We've gone all the way for teenagers, all the way from maltchop, back to milkshake maltchop again. And kids love a venty. Oh, sure. Pink drink.

I see a lot of kids. Loaded with sugar. So big, so much sugar. But then I. like came from the youth of giant slurpees. True. That's true. True. True. Love a slurpy.

Hard to find these days. Well, 7-Elevens are shutting them all down here. Yeah. I'll just have to buy one of those ninja make your home, make your... Well, every gas station has some form of slurpy machine. I went to, or I was driving

past... I saw a sign for a slurpee, and I was like, oh my God, there's a 7-Eleven here now? They're closing 7-Elevens down. Now they're adding them? No, it was just the slurpy brand. They now have slurpy brand frozen drinks at Count me in. S.O. One hundred percent, count me in.

That sounds good. One hundred. The same machine that they had a month ago. This last one comes from Jordan T. from Chicago. I overheard this one at the zoo. I was walking by the Buffalo enclosure. And a mother and young son stopped to read one of the informational signs next to the exhibit. It must have talked about their average height because I heard the sense I

Seven feet. Mom, that means you're almost the size of a buffalo. Yeah, my mom's 6'10. My mom's going to posterize this buffalo. Yeah, how tall could that mom be? Yeah. I think when... Five?

Yeah. Six. I mean, if you're a kid and you don't know... Yeah, true. Like, what heights are. But, like, I guess I'm not far off a buffalo. I'm 511. What'd you say was 7 feet?

That's not that far off. Once you're six, like if you're a kid and you're like, oh, you're six feet, well, then this guy's seven feet. That's so close. Yeah. And you did the six, seven, and you're mugging the both of us. A couple of chop dunks over here. I didn't know what you were doing at all. You didn't know.

Yeah, I knew this. I've seen it really fun. I was like, I felt sad for you for a second. I got a nephew. Yeah. I know what six seven is. We all know what six seven is. Now, in addition to overhears that are written, and we also accept your phone calls and voice memos, primarily voice memos.

If you want to send a voice memo, and it's SPY at maximum fun.org. And if you want to leave a voicemail, it's one. 844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPud. One like these people.

How. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. It's your friend Ben from L.A., but I'm here in New York. This is the same Ben who sent in a written overheard. Hell yeah. And I have another overheard for you. We don't coordinate. Walking through Times Square.

And there were some guys in front of me having a very animated conversation in what I'm guessing was Dutch and just going back and forth really into whatever they were talking about. And then one of them pantomimed pounding a fist on the hood of an imaginary cab that wasn't there and said in a perfect New York accent, I'm walking here And then they went back to talking to each other in touch So I found out what they were talking about All right, love you guys That should be New York's slogan New York, I'm talking, I'm walking here

I'm walking here, yeah, yeah I like how he said so I figured out what they were talking about How does that help you at all? They're describing midnight cowboys Look where we are, the land of I'm walking here Walk of here. It's, yeah, it is a good slogan for the city.

Ben, thanks for calling and writing. You know what the slogan of our city is? No fun. Correct. What is it actually? My land and sea we prosper. Did they add air? Oh, maybe.

Yeah, no fun, though. No fun. Yeah. Yuck, Vancouver. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Graham and Dave and possible guest. This is Darcy in Calgary calling you with an overheard. I was just in the grocery store and heard one of the best

motivate your man phrases I've ever heard in my life. A couple was in the aisle with me, and she turned to him and said, you know what, I need you to be an absolute weapon. and go and get the heavy cream while I stay here and get snacks. And he turned right around and went on his mission like an absolute weapon. Hell yeah. Yeah, that is absolutely a top motivational phrase.

All right, thanks. Could you be an absolute weapon? You absolute nobend. Bell end. I love that. Yeah, it's like lock in, honey. Yeah. He brings back the whatever.

Heavy cream. Heavy cream. She's like, Big Dog, you did it again. This Kish is going to be epic. I wonder if by being a weapon, he did the weapons kid run. Oh, yeah. To get the weapon.

That would be incredible. That movie was so good. It was so fun. As a teacher, does it worry that that could happen to your kids? No, I saw it about this time last year, and I was like, I hope they get weapons. Yeah, you only have it. I have to teach one kid. I show up one day.

They're all gone. It's my dream. My car says witch on it. It's worth it. Worth it. And your final phone call. Message, voice memo. Hi, Graham, Dave, and probable guest.

This is Katie from Oakland. I just wanted to report a boring dream. I dreamt that I was at the grocery store and I was getting change. I guess I was paying in cash. And the checker. gave me like a stack of quarters in change and said, I'm excited for you. That's a pretty good amount of quarters.

No freaking way. Okay, I love you. Bye. How many do you think? Five, seven? Eight. Eight quarters. That's two dollars.

It's two bucks. And it's a good, like, hold it in your finger and thumb. I remember, like, in my... I'm excited for you. In my like barista days, having to get loony and tunie rolls. Smacking those things open? Woo-wee. Oh, I bet.

Yeah. Cracking those on the counter? Yes, please. I got those for laundry. Just loonies. Just loonies? What's laundry cost these days? Is mine two or three?

Oh, it's three. It went up with this new building. Ah, yeah. Which I told you. They got a nice new washer and dryer. Which is a fob. Singular and fob. Yeah.

And there's a camera inside and outside the room. Is the fob? Is it? But that's to pay? Yeah. And is it three bucks for you? I never, because they just send me a bill at the end of the month. Wow.

They just go, this is how much it is. So I guess I've never really sat there. What's your monthly laundry looking like these days? You know, it's over 20 because, you know, we're doing multiple looks. Is it? Not using the dryer, I hang dry. Oh, good for you. I was going to ask about the dryer because I have a modern dryer that doesn't get anything dry.

when it has a timer it's like oh it's 17 minutes left and then you come back 17 minutes later and it's like yeah you as if we ran into a problem 28 minutes left Come back again

come back I don't know what to tell you man sorry this huge order came in while after it says I last showed you the time um yeah yeah

but it does get them dry it's eventually everything's Good for you, Dave. But when I was at, my parents, I think they still have it. It was like doing your laundry, 60 minutes. It was done at the end. Yeah, mine's like so hot.

It like shrinks everything. Yeah. We got, luckily we've got like lines in the laundry room. So I just hang dry everything on the line. But sometimes. Even your underwear? Oh, no. I got an in-sweet underwear tree.

Oh, God. We've got a mini-dry. Hand turn. Our dryer's good, but yeah, I don't use it because it does shrink things. Yeah. You know how George Foreman had the grill? Yeah. Mini driver should have a mini driver.

She makes so much money. And they're like, how do we sell this mini drive? Like to the kids and the new generation. I'll tell you. We get Will Hunting's love interest. And then it's just for underwear and socks. Just for underwear. Because you don't want to dry them in the common room.

Yes. Yeah. And I always say this. There's two washing machines. Top loader. Rules. Front loader. Stinkeroon.

Now that I say, you could probably dry your underwear on a George Forbun grill. This is nice grill marks. Yeah. The criss cross. Well, that brings us to the end of this podcast. Amber. Thank you so much for joining us. It's been so fun.

Is, uh, I imagine as. As a teacher, you're not active in the outward social media world. No, you can't follow me. You can't follow me. You can't follow me on letterboxed. Oh, yeah. Strava. Strava measures your runs?

Runs, workouts. But you just all name them funny things. What is fun? Where can people find you on letterbox? I'm, I think it's probably Emberlena. I think they probably follow you. I think, well, I follow you. So let's find out.

Yeah. I think it's Ember underscore L-I-N. N-A. Camerlina. And do you have, like, live performances anymore? No, no. No, she's busy. Mark and papers.

Yeah, I've got to wake up at five. I haven't done any comedy much lately. You know, I might read that Mary Oliver sketch, kind of bombed with you guys, but might go better. Don't go by our reaction. I can't remember how to do an underscore. I don't know how to help. Oh, there it is.

Yeah. You found it? Yeah. Okay, so follow Amberlina. Amberlina, I do follow you. Yes. Your most recent activity. Would I watch lately?

The invite? Oh, yeah. I didn't review that one. I didn't know what to say. You gave it four stars? Yeah, it was good. I don't really review any. Why not, Dave?

Just kind of as it's more... Dave, I want that content. I use it more as like a memory. And I want to have the memory of your jokes. Of a little joke I said about it. And then you previous to that, you watched King of Comedy. Oh, yeah, that one is... Yeah, I just watched that recently.

It's crazy. Yeah. I love Scorsese. I love De Niro. How had I not seen that before? It's a classic. And that's the thing about Swift Daisy. It's funny.

And I was like, yeah, this tracks for stand-ups. Oh, God. Prior to that, Jurassic Park. Yep. And Spider-Man. Oh, my God. Spider-Man, yeah. That was peak summer.

I went to like an 11 a.m. Matinee. I was like, I don't even want to see this. I've got the time. I only see matinees. I love it. So good. Well, thank you so much for being out of guys.

Thank you for having me. Thank you, everybody out there for listening. Whether you have an in-sweet laundry or not, I do suggest you hang dry at all possible. And come on back next week for another episode to stop podcasting yourself.