983 - Paul has Been Domming Women for Their Pleasure for Years and Now he's Switching it Up in the Lifestyle
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03:18 Now, today I have on Paul. Paul was sitting next to his girlfriend Kitty who was going to come on the show, but she has such a long backstory of being in the lifestyle and being in all kinds of kinky things that we decided to do her episode separate. Paul is a guy that was very into BDSM. He got into tying girls up and pleasuring them when he was very young. The reason for him getting into that is super interesting. It was, you know, it started with an accident, a very bad accident that he had when he was like 17. And he talks about how that changed his life and got him into being a guy that's very into pleasuring women.
03:51 and he found that he could really pleasure women when they were tied up and he would take their senses away. And he wound up getting really into BDSM, but not like this, not like hurting people BDSM. BDSM in the sense of him like girls submitting to him, him dominating them, but dominating them in a way to give them pleasure. It turned out that he like wound up helping a lot of women. He did this for many, many, many years, even through a marriage. He was married at one time and his wife was very down with what he was doing. They had like a little dungeon built in their house and he brought women home. She was into women. They would have threesome.
04:26 He never was into the lifestyle until now recently with kidding. He talks about that. So for many years, he just did his whole BDS thing with women. He promoted himself online. He talks about what he would say, what he offered, what he would do, what he wouldn't do. He was very anti-a-lot of things, but very into a lot of things as well. and he helped a lot of women who had never had orgasms before, have orgasms, and then he met Kitty.
04:53 And now they're exploring the lifestyle. He's submitting to her. He's switching a little bit. His whole life has changed. That's a super interesting story. We talk about that at the end. You're going to love his story in his angle on BDSM because it's very different than any other Dom I've ever talked to.
05:07 And stay tuned because his girl Kitty will be on soon. Next. I'm going to tape her soon. But anyway, I'm going to be right back on. Oh, I have pictures of Paul and Kitty over on my Patreon. Uh, link is in the description, but anyway, I'm going to be right back on with Paul. Uh, hey Paul, welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast. Where are you today?
05:24 Um, great. How are you? I'm good. Listen, we have your girl with you too, Kitty. She's like standing by. Okay. We're going to get her on at the end. She's going to come on and talk, but, uh, okay.
05:35 What we're going to talk first is about you being a dom. You did say in your email to me, like, I'm different than most domes that you've had on the show. Like, you know, you do very therapeutic sessions with women. You were also in the lifestyle. I mean, you have a whole great backstory. So I don't know where you want to go back to, like, where this all starts for you. Does it start with you, like, entering into the lifestyle with one woman that got you into all this stuff?
05:59 I don't know. You tell me. The Dom thing starts way back to my early 20s before I ever knew what a Dom was or I'd never heard of BDSA. You were just that bossy guy in high school? I don't know. Or in college? No, I started tying the girls I would with. I would tie them up and see how much pleasure I could create.
06:20 Oh my God. You're so funny. Back then. And do you know why? Like when looking back, like, do you know why you were into that? Like,
06:28 why all of a sudden in your 20s did you get into tying women up, do you know? The tying up, I'm not sure, but the pleasure thing, I think I know where that came from. I had an accident, a motocross accident when I was 17 and I broke my neck.
06:42 Oh. Now, I'm up walking around and everything again. but one of the first things to go with anybody that has a spinal cord injury is their sensitivity and tone in their sexual organs and their like their bowels and urinary tract and whatever. Oh, wow. And while I can still keep a heart on for a long, long time and I can still come, it's very difficult to make me come. And so I was not able to get pleasure myself, let's say, from regular. sex like most guys probably would.
07:17 You start thinking like, oh, I'm going to tie them up and that's like, get it. That's like turning you on, right? And seeing them pleasure. Exactly. I wanted to be able to give them as much pleasure as possible. Yeah. Discovered by accident, I guess. But by you tied them to the bed and blindfolded them, you reduce their ability to
07:37 get away or move or see, it takes that sense of, sense away. And it heightens their orgasm several things. Totally. That's, I've heard that. Yeah, any, the more you take away those senses, the more height and the other ones will be. Did you ever try, like, tying yourself up and, like, blindfolding yourself so that your sense, your sense, well, why haven't you? That's like, you haven't tried everything else for your sensitivity to get back.
08:02 Why don't you try that? I haven't been interested in that, but. I'm just saying that your whole issue is that you can't feel shit as much because, whatever, but, like, so maybe if you tried one day. to have sex with a blindfold, not hearing, you know, take away some of your senses. It might work for you, too. If we jump way forward to today, my girl and I have started to switch a little bit. Oh, I can't wait for that.
08:30 Oh, okay. Okay, so we'll get there. Okay, cool. So now you're tying girls up when you're in your 20s. It's bringing out a little bit of a dom in you, I'm assuming. That's when it kind of starts. Right. Okay.
08:41 Yeah. And it just, it advanced to a little more. a little more, you know, always you want better, better, better. Yeah. And I started kind to hone the skill, I guess, and figure out what works and what doesn't work for most females. Mm-hmm. And probably in my 30s, early to mid-30s, that's when I actually started advertising on these dating sites for anybody that was interested in experiencing this stuff. And when you say stuff, that's like being tied up and being pleasured?
09:13 Yes. By the time I got into my 30s, it's 10 years later. There was a whole menu of things I could offer people if they wanted to try. Right. Like what? Tell us the menu. Well, like I can just with just me, I can simulate a girl having double penetration. I can simulate a girl experiencing airtight.
09:39 It depends on how, what position you put them in, whether you yourself are participating with your own penis. And I have a fucking machine that can do one end. And then manually, I'm a tall guy so I can reach across anybody. And then manually with a dildo, I can hit all three holes. Right. So you're giving like some girls that maybe don't ever want to be with three guys. Like maybe their ultimate fantasy, right, to mocking it up, role play.
10:08 Yeah, they wanted to do that and they didn't know where to go, didn't know who to ask. afraid they were embarrassed. Yeah. Okay. So you put ads out and you get girls responding. Absolutely. It took a little while to make sure that the ads were right. Yeah.
10:23 Because they just thought I was a sleazy bastard at first, I guess. Yeah. And so I eventually made it sound very clinical. And it's like if anybody's ever fantasized about experiencing, you know, A, B, and C, I can offer these things and some other experiences for you, being tied up, being tied down, blindfolded, having all your senses shut out. If anybody, I know there's a lot of women that have never experienced an orgasm. It's always been my belief that a female body can orgasm.
10:57 For sure. You just need the right stimulation. I think so. And that's where the therapeutic part of this came in was, no, this is even closer probably in my 40s at this point. but I've had girls from 19, 20 years old all the way up into 60s. And it's usually the younger ones up to middle age, perhaps, you know, the ones that got married early. And now they're divorced.
11:26 Their kids have left the house and they're wanting to do something wild. And a lot of those women have never experienced an orgasm. Isn't that crazy? I know. And a lot of the young girls that are on all these antidepressants. Oh, forget it. Yeah. They've been, well, they've been told by their doctors, you're just not going to be able to orgasm.
11:44 It's the way your life is going to be, live with it. Yeah. I just had a guy at my patron say, oh, he can't, you know, no more libido because of his fucking meds. Yeah. And I, and I would tell, this is, once I would be talking with them one-on-one about this. Yeah. I would say, look, it's my belief that that's bullshit. I don't care what kind of med you're taking.
12:04 I like that. I like that approach. And so a girl would come in. and she would say, you know, I can't keep a boyfriend because I can't orgasm. And then she would, she would lose her confidence with boys or men, depending on their age. And they wanted, they wanted to experience an orgasm if it was at all possible. And probably the best example of that was a young girl who was, I think she was 19 or 20, something like that. Never had an orgasm.
12:32 She was on all these ADD medications. Mm-hmm. And she said she had very little sensation, which I could relate to, and could never have an orgasm by herself or with another guy. And it was ruining her social life. And over a few hours that first evening, she was able to have 19 orgasms. And she came back a few times, and we were able to push it up into the 30s. And so I told her, I said, go back and tell your doctor, he's full of shit. Yeah.
13:06 And she came back a few times and we were able to push it up into the 30s. And so I told her, I said, go back and tell your doctor he's full of shit. Yeah. It's just the trick in my mind is paying attention to the woman's body. How was she reacting to what you're doing? Her breathing, her movements, is her skin getting flushed? And I don't hear many guys talking about this. No, because they're focused on themselves, right, but you need to be in tune with the other person's energy and vibe and everything for sure.
13:40 Those were always the best lovers, people who are tuning in that way. Right. Yeah, it's like a masseuse, right? Like the good, the person that they know exactly where to go because they're like tuning into your body. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And most of the time, I would not be involved sexually at all, like with my sexual organs.
13:59 I would have my pants on and a t-shirt on or whatever. And I would stay like that. I would stay clinical. I wouldn't even get an erection during it because you're paying so much attention to the female. Yeah. Interesting. And it took a lot of conversations to get some of these girls to calm down because they're so nervous, you know. And I would really make it mandatory that nobody just come see me straight off.
14:24 We have to meet somewhere. We need it on a patio somewhere, you know, and have a margarita and talk about what she wants and what this is going to be about. And I think that really helped girls to trust me. And not only that, that's like the kind of foreplay that a girl needs. A girl isn't wired like a guy that she's just going to like walk in and see him and he's gorgeous and she's going to be wet. You know what I mean? Like she's kind of kind of like get to know a guy. Like that kind of thing goes a long way with a girl as far as like getting her turned on or making, you know, you got to make her feel comfortable.
14:58 Yeah. I talk about with girlfriend Kitty here that four. play for us begins days before we get together. Right. You know, I'll have her so cranked up and turned on that, you know, she's had orgasms from us just kissing before. And it's, so it's the matter of getting psychologically, mentally ramped up for what they want. Yeah. And then the physical part is, is easy if you have the mental part there. For sure, especially with the woman. Right. And my experience, I'm not going to say it's always like this because I'm going to piss a lot of people. off of saying this, but there's a lot of people in the BDSM world and in the lifestyle world
15:37 that think, oh, a dom has to be like this. They have to do this. They can't do that. And that's bullshit. Complete bullshit. The BDSM is a spectrum from the extremely pleasurable all the way to the humiliating and painful. And I am at the far end of the pleasure end of the spectrum. Right.
15:57 And I don't even venture into the humiliation part of it. I don't want to have anything to do with it. And that pisses a lot of people off, I think. Oh, really? Yeah, like I said, they think BDSM has to be this, exactly this. So they don't see it as a spectrum. They see it as just that end of the spectrum. Like, it's got to be that.
16:17 Right. It's got to be, okay. And it has to be the way they do it, otherwise it's wrong. Yeah. So I just have done my own thing. And my thing is to try to create as much pleasure. is a woman's body is physically capable of creating regardless of her state mentally or relationship or medications or whatever and over the years I've gotten pretty good at it the it's almost like it comes to the point of pleasurable torture right where the girl has has come so many times or with girls like kitty here she will reach the peak of orgasm and I can hold her there and just hold her at that peak.
17:03 Her back is arched and her veins are bulged out, and she's like that for a long time until she finally starts begging me to stop because she can't do it anymore. She's squirted all the fluid out of her body. She's going to be dehydrated. Yeah, and so when we get together now, we will have days where we just do session after session
17:25 after session. And in between, it's all about rehydration, getting something to eat because she gets completely drained physically and mentally during the session. But the pleasure that she has experienced, she just shakes her head at it, you know. I don't want to get too far into where you're at now because I still want to go like, you know, your sort of evolution. But let me just ask you real quickly. How did you meet Kitty? Did she respond to your ad?
17:54 Did she know what you were about or did you just meet her like at Starbucks? And then it turned out that and she found out all this stuff. about you. Now you're venturing into another part of my life and our relationship that is as complex and as deep as as the story goes is my BDSM
18:12 side and that's the lifestyle side of me and her. And her story you just got to hear her story and she would be a better one to tell you how we met. Okay, so we'll get that at the 30 minute mark or 45 minute mark. Okay. Okay, cool. But you eventually do get into the lifestyle.
18:29 Yes. met her. It's hard to believe that over all the years that I was being a dumb, I've never got online looking for anything how to do this, how to do that, looking for lifestyle groups or whatever, you know, I didn't go to lifestyle parties or takeovers. I didn't know any about any of this stuff. And what I made her, and she has been in the lifestyle for like 11 years. And a big story there. Yeah, I feel like I need a whole episode with Kitty. If she's been in a lifestyle for 11 years. She could do her whole episode. Why doesn't she do her whole episode? Why don't we just do this for you in this whole episode? And then Kitty just books another time to call it and does her
19:07 whole episode because especially with people that have long back stories and especially a woman that's been in the lifestyle for so long. I can't just talk to her for 15 minutes. I don't know people like to hear a female. Yeah. We'll talk to Kitty at the end. We'll try and talk to it. Go on. So we meet on one of these. It's on the adult friend private side. Okay. And I'll give you just the top points. She, she messages me and tells me how, how can I be such an asshole? And so she thinks the, what I have written to try to advertise for girls is arrogant, conceited, and this is the problem with guys on here, that kind of thing, blah, blah, blah. And so I respond to her in a very calm, polite way. And she did not expect that at all.
19:56 Okay, first tell me what you wrote and then tell me how you responded to her. Well, what I wrote is very clinical at this point. And I'm not saying, hey, I can make you get off this many times. I'm like, look, I've been doing this for a long time. A lot of females have never had an orgasm or they've only experienced one and they have social problems because of it. I can help you with that. I can teach you how to learn your body better. I can teach you how to pay attention to your own body signals better.
20:26 and she took that as me being really arrogant, I think. Yeah, being cocky. Right, but that's kind of like the way you were always like putting yourself out there on your ads too. And that's just what you did, the same thing over on Adult Friend Finder. Yeah, which is funny because over the years, I've been kicked off a match. I've been kicked off a Tinder, Bumble. I've been kicked off of a hinge. And you know why?
20:49 Why? It's not because of me saying anything rude or crude. It's because their algorithm will not accept words. anything to do with BDSM. Oh, interesting. Really? I can get on there and talk about it. I'm a transgender rabbit that likes to fuck all kinds of everything in the world.
21:07 And they don't care. But if I get on there and start saying, hey, I'm a dom. I'm going to tie you out. Yeah, I can, I'm experienced with bondage and all this. Uh-uh. They'll give me a warning that I'm going. Interesting. You didn't figure out a way to say it without using those words?
21:24 Well, this I ended up going to an old friend finder eventually because you can put whatever picks you want. You can say whatever you want. So there was no problem. Okay. And that's when I met, met her. Yeah. And once I met her and she and I had done several sessions, I quickly knew I don't need to see anybody else.
21:42 She is by far the best submissive I've ever had. Mm-hmm. But before we get to her, because that's current time. Before her, I mean, I'm assuming you're meeting tons of women. You know, what happens like early on when you're putting out those ads? Like what was your first experience with the first woman? Do you remember that one? Oh, the very first one.
22:03 I think she just wanted to be tied down, blindfold. It was a young girl wanting to play in a way that she couldn't find anybody else to play with. Yeah. There was a lot of that. I would say half of the women just wanted to have fun and experience something that they've never experienced. And the other half ended up having some issues. and those are the ones I could probably talk about more that I haven't heard people talk about. Everybody talks about, hey, I can do this for you.
22:29 No, I love those stories of like girls that you like got them to conquer. They're not being able to orgasm or something. Is that what you're talking about? Right. And that's a pretty, I don't want to say easy thing, but once I've discovered several of the ways to go about that, you know how people talk about, okay, you have the G spot, the A spot, the this spot. of that spot. There is, in my opinion, virtually anywhere inside a woman's vagina, you can stimulate and have her have an orgasm. I think it's like one giant spot. You just have to touch it in
23:06 different areas and different ways. And some women like it touched here, some women like it touched here. For example, like the cervix, a lot of women have a sensitive cervix and they don't want you to touch it. A lot of women will orgasm like crazy if you can do little circles around their cervix with a finger. Yeah, there's a cervical orgasm. Who knew? Yeah, exactly. It pains me to even hear that when you say, oh, touch a cervix. I'm like, oh, don't even fucking touch my belly button, let alone my cervix.
23:33 But supposedly, people have like cervical orgasms. Right. And there are women that don't have a cervix. They've had a hysterectomy in their cervix is going. Right. And you can still stimulate that area because those nerve endings are still there. Oh, interesting. Just in the main organ, the cervix, if you call that an organ, is not.
23:53 there any longer and so you can still stimulate that area which is different than where the G spot is or what they say where the A spot is and with with my recent partner I've discovered something I hadn't had in the past that the the back or the bottom of a woman's vagina wall yeah there are some crevices there that if you slowly reach into them are extremely stimulating and I hadn't known that for 20 25 30 years. I've just learned it. So I'm learning a lot more now than I had learned over all those years. The one girl I told you that was on all the medication, she was one of 50% of the girls I saw.
24:37 A lot of them would eventually tell me that they wanted me to, wanted to call me daddy and wanted to be tied, you know, face down with her ass in the air and wanted me to slap them or hit them. I'm not going to do that. But after a. conversation with them I come to find out well they were raped by their father-in-law or the father-in-law brought us friends over and they were regularly raped the girl and so the only way that she could feel stimulation now in her adult life was to recreate that scene yeah unfortunately yeah so what I've learned to do is you know after long conversations you get the trust there put her in that same situation but
25:21 replace the fear with pleasure. And once she's experienced orgasms and nothing bad has happened to her, and then you untie her and you do that aftercare, we just hold them tight. That will help heal them. Right. Interesting. Okay. That was one girl.
25:44 There was quite a few like that. There was a lot that have been abused. Right. A lot that are on medication, a lot that have been abused. And the daddy thing is huge. And it's interesting if you poke into it, you'll find out something's been in the past. And it was the fear that they had or the lack of stimulation they had of being with boys their age or men their age because they wouldn't do what their had been had been done to them in the past. Right.
26:13 Of course. And so, you know, they don't want to have an abusive sexual life their entire life. So I would try to turn that around for them. And I was hopefully successful in a lot of those attempts. Some people I would only see once or twice. Some I would see a dozen times over a year or a year or two years or something like that. If a girl started to become attached emotionally, I would have to let her go because that's a thing that happens often. You can imagine you're the first person that's ever given a girl an orgasm in your life.
26:48 And they do say, and I do think it's true that there is like something. sort of thing that's secreted inside of women at that time that she has it that makes her want to bond with that person. So you're like setting them up to fall for you, especially because you're the only guy that ever did it for them. Oh my God. Yeah. They're, you know, their orgasm like crazy and their pituitary gland starts secreting oxytocin into brain. And all of a sudden, they're connected to this guy emotionally. Yeah. And then. And then I'll hold them after for the aftercare. You know, they're able to be held. Yeah. And. And. And they would start getting attached emotionally.
27:24 I could tell by the way they would talk to me. So we'd have a conversation now. Say, look, I don't think we can do this anymore because you're getting attached in a way that we said we can't do. But you got attached to Kitty. There was one time that you're like. She's different. Right. But see, every girl wants to be different, quote unquote.
27:44 Do you understand? Yeah. They all think they're going to be kitty. Every girl thinks, oh, I'll be the different one. That's true. Yeah. And look, one girl was different. Kitty, like that, like, she came in and you changed your fucking rules for her.
27:58 Yeah, I actually, I fell in love with her immediately. Yeah, that's what happens. Guys are the pickers, unfortunately. So, so, you know, and that would happen a lot, right, that the girls would wind up falling for you? A lot. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that happened quite a bit.
28:14 Yeah. The things that happened a lot were the abuse in the past. Yeah. That they were trying to recreate for they thought pleasure. Yeah. But after having conversation with them, they really didn't want to have to experience that over and over and over again. So I would say, hey, let's try to change this and they would agree, you know. And most of the time, I believe that was successful.
28:35 I would be curious to talk to some of these girls years later and see if it's stuck, you know. I think if you could get someone past something and, you know, it's like a sort of a click. Like, I don't know. If you click them out, I think they stay out. Like I think it probably definitely stuck, you know? I think just like it sticks like in the bad way, you know what I mean? And it was like they were wired that way. Once you got them rewired another way, I think that that does stick.
29:01 Right. Another common thing was a lot, a lot, a lot of women want to be spanked or paddled. Yes. And as long as there's no big abuse issue in the past, I'm good with doing that. Yeah. And they would love it. you know, I think Kitty's probably come before from being spanked or paddled because she loves it. Right.
29:25 And same thing. Tie them up, blindfold them where they can't move in it. I'm good enough now that I can tie somebody down where they really can't move. And so I can do whatever I want to them. I can tie them knees out, ass up, you know, face on the mattress and they're, Arms are out and they can't move at all. Imagine how vulnerable that position is for a girl. Yeah.
29:52 And so you don't take advantage of her. You don't hurt her. You give her what she wants, wants to be spank, wants to be paddled, and also give her orgasms while that's occurring. And she loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, and wants to come back. So that happened a lot. Right. and so do you want to go to the point where you start going into the lifestyle or no you know what a question i had for you real quick
30:19 so you know because some women are like seeing your ad they're assuming you're into bdsm and some might get the wrong idea that you will go to places that you don't want to go to like you know what are your boundaries like if a girl you know you want she wants to be spanked what if she wants to be slapped in the face or choked like what is what are your boundaries that you have had in place there was there was one girl i remember she wanted me to hit her in the face. Yeah, of course. Yeah. She wanted me to climb on top of her, thin her down, um, slap her boobs. And she wanted me to literally hit her like closed fists in the face. And I was like, look, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. Not going to do it. And I, and I was uncomfortable at that time of even smacking her breast. And but I did do that with her. I didn't touch her face. Right. And I found out with her, she was another one that had been abused. And a lot of the girls that want to be struck like that in the face, There's something in their past.
31:13 Now, if it's not a damaging thing and they're like, and they say, hey, I don't want to change this. I kind of like it. Then fine. You know, you can stick with that, but I'm not going to hit you in the face. Not going to do it. Right. I consider myself, you've heard this on your show a lot.
31:26 A pleasure time. So I'm at the far end of the pleasure scale. I'm not about pain until I met my recent partner where we're venturing into that now. That's interesting. Let's start going there. So eventually, you know, you're just. doing all this stuff, you're like helping women, for sure. Now, you said a lot of times you're not involved sexually.
31:49 Like, what are you doing all these years for yourself sexually speaking? Like, what are you fucking doing? Are you dating women? Are you not ever getting off? How do you come? I did date some women. Yeah, I did date some women. Probably the most wild relationship I had had where all this was mixed together
32:07 was my previous marriage where I've only been divorced. from her for two years or so. Okay. We were together for maybe 15 years. Maybe, I don't know, 10 of those were good. And we had a dungeon in the basement with the apparatus things that Adom might have. Yeah. And she liked to be down there.
32:36 I would work with her, but I would also have to bring other girls in. And she didn't care. Yeah, she was a very open, sexually open person, and she was very bi. And she started seeing some girls, some of them were my friends that she had met at cookouts. And some of them were her friends and some of them were just people she had met online or whatever. But she would have, you know, one or two girls over every now and then. And they'd be playing back in the bedroom. And I wouldn't have anything to do with it.
33:09 Every once in a while, they would come and say, hey, come and say, hey, come back here, play with us. But that was going on at the same time that I'm having girls coming into the basement so I can work with them. And that was kind of the wildest few years there. And then here's a quick, funny story. When we got divorced, she got the house and the basement and all the equipment in the basement. You should have seen the attorney reading through the narrative on our divorce paper.
33:40 He was trying to lack his ass on. Oh my God, tell me. Yeah. It was all he could do not to laugh his ass off pretty. You know, okay, who gets the, okay, she gets the cross and she gets the. Whips? Yeah, it was hilarious. Oh, my God, that's fucking funny.
33:57 You know, there's certain people in your life, like, they're professional people, but they have to know your secrets. You use, like, your accountant, I guess your divorce lawyer. You know, these people that hear shit that, like, you're not going to tell most people. Yeah. And so I didn't get. to bring any of that stuff with me, even though she really didn't have much to do with it.
34:16 It was, I guess, at the time, more of a, you know, I'm going to get him. I'm going to keep his shit. Yeah, obviously, obviously. She was very open with you when you were able. Like, how did you meet that woman? Was she a client of yours and you fell for her too? Or did you just meet her to the regular world? I met her when I was in
34:34 mid-30s. It just threw a regular, it was match.com actually when I was still on there. Right. And then, but how long into your relationship? Did you cop to her like what you were into? Oh, she knew almost immediately. Really? Why?
34:47 Yeah. Because you told her? Well, I have, like right now, I have, I don't know how many tools and toys hanging on the wall in my bedroom and shelves full of stuff. It's hard to not let somebody see that and then explain why you have it all. Right. So you're out and proud. You're not hiding anything.
35:04 It's not like you're living a secret life. Right. Right. Right. Okay, cool. So she was down with it and she was by, but you guys didn't get into the lifestyle. So, like, at a certain point, I mean, you're just newly divorced from her a couple of years. Like, when do you decide to get into the lifestyles?
35:18 When you met Kitty on Adult Friend Finder, she got you involved? When I met Kitty, I find out what all she's into. And I'm like, holy shit, I've never heard of this stuff. And I remember getting on Fet Life one time and was talking to some people that were for them. And I got reamed up one side and down the other by a woman saying, how in the world could you be a dime for this long and not know about Fet Life and not know about the lifestyle? not know about resorts and not know about hotel takeovers.
35:45 Yeah, true. And I was like, take a pill lady. You know, I was just in my own little world. Yeah, but it is kind of like what the hell. But you did, like you were successful in your own little world considering. Yeah, yeah. And so when I mean, Kitty, she introduced, she's, like I said, she's been a lifestyle for 11 years. So she is teaching me all about the lifestyle.
36:07 And I am teaching her all about being a submissive. But she's also getting you to. be a little bit of a submissive. You did say you're kind of switching a little bit with her, correct? Yeah, recently. Yeah, we started doing that recently. Now, have you yet? Yeah, tell me. It's like a weight off my shoulders. It's like a breath of fresh air. Of course. Think about it. Typically, the people that want to, you know, when we're talking like hardcore BDSM, it's always like, oh, the stereotype is like that CEO is down there getting whipped and shit, you know, because and submitting to a dom. because, you know, what better way to release than to totally let go of everything and be the opposite of who you are?
36:50 You know, you've been the Dom all your life. So, you know. I never knew what that felt like to be on the submissive side of things ever. Of course. Yeah, of course. And I'm just like wondering, because I did bring this up to you earlier, like, you know, here you are talking about like how you could change these girls' lives and have orgasms who are numb down there and can't have an orgasm and you're kind of like that person, yourself, in a way, you have that issue. So I'm wondering if now that you're switching a little bit and you're being the sub and
37:21 are you denying yourself senses, do you feel orgasms more? Have you tried any of that shit out that you used to do to the girls on yourself? She has blindfolded me a few times and had me tied down kind of a light bondage. And I love it. It's the taking a sense is taking a sense of the way it does heighten the sexual screen. Yeah. Yeah. So does it, does it help your issues? Like it makes sex better for you? Oh, it certainly makes sex better. It hasn't done anything to fix my, the orgasm issue. It's not going to fix it, but oh, okay, so you can't have, you don't have better orgasms or anything, like when that's happening? It still takes, it turns me on a lot more. She turns me on a lot more than anybody ever has. Right. So that alone lets me orgasm quicker,
38:07 of course, yeah, than I ever have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, and, you knew immediately when you met her that you were like into her she was the one pretty down quick the first time i don't let her tell you because it's better come out of her mouth we met at a um a bar to talk and i had already rented a hotel room right around the corner and she knew that and i had i had gotten there early and set up what i call my travel kit and i have everything laying out on the the table on the bed and when we were me go in the room, I tell her, I know you go in by yourself. I'm just going to stand here in the doorway. I want you to look at everything, make sure you're comfortable with everything,
38:49 and I'm not going to come in until you're ready for me to come in. Yeah. And because you can't, I would like to say this to, this might piss people off to. I'd like to say this to all the doms out there. Don't push your girls. Let your girls dictate how fast things go. Pay attention to them a little more. Don't even worry. Don't even worry about your own orgasm at all. Forget it. You know, your job is to take care of them. Right. You're going to take care of yourself, do it some other time. No, that's not to say I don't have sexual contact with a lot of these than I had because it would be necessary for what they were wanting to say. But I've never orgasm with them because the stimulation is not there. Right.
39:34 So when I'm working with somebody in a clinical way, I don't even have an erection. I'm so focused. But I've heard people, some of them have come on on your program. And I'd never hear I'm talking about that. I never hear them talking about how you really have to pay attention to everything the woman is doing and feeling. And it's, if they would, I guess, I don't know, get rid of their own ego or let go of their own ego for a little while. Just get out of their own fucking head. It's a matter of just like thinking about themselves, you know. Yeah, yeah.
40:14 It really, really helps. And not only that, it's the difference between being fucking good and bad and not so great in bed. Seriously, girls know that shit, okay? Like a guy that's really in tune goes down on you better, kisses better, fucks better, you know, you could tell someone. And listen, I've had narcissists who have been able to tune into my body. Like, to me, it has nothing to do with like a personality type, you know. but when you get in the bedroom, if you roll like that, you're going to be better in bed. Sorry, just a fact.
40:46 Pay attention to the woman. Yeah. And the same goes with being a dumb. If you're going to be restraining people or you're going to be flogging somebody or using a whip or a cane on somebody or something like that, pay attention to her body. Are you striking her too hard? Is she liking what you're doing? That kind of thing. You know, and I'm not so sure that people do that.
41:07 No, but in BDSM especially, there's a lot. a lot of communication that's going down. And sometimes, you know, in one night stands and hookups and booty calls and even in long-term relationships, there's no more talking about anything. You know what I mean? It's a problem. Yeah. Yeah.
41:21 I have to you, can I bitch about the world for a minute? Sure. The, one of the things, this is me off about the vanilla world is they will glorify BDSM type things. Like, think about 20 shades of gray or 50 shades of gear. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they'll glorify it. in one hand.
41:41 And on the other hand, if you say you're into it, they think you're the devil. Yeah, look what happened to that Arne Me Hammer guy. I don't know. He got really, he like lost his whole career because of some BDSM shit he was doing, which was probably consensual. Right. Yeah. And even in the lifestyle, there is, there's a lot of clickiness in the lifestyle.
42:01 Yeah. And I have come across people talking about, you know, they'll do anything, say a hotel takeover. They'll do anything, but they don't want to. anything to do with those people to do BDSM. Right. You know, those are bad people. So that stigma is there even in the lifestyle.
42:18 For sure. Listen, there's a stigma in the lifestyle for guy and guy action. Yeah. So when we get with somebody or we meet people, we really don't tell them what I do or what we do together. We just tell them we're in the lifestyle, you know. Yeah. But it's funny because, like, I think if you really described what you said, I think, you
42:36 know, their stigma. And it shouldn't be this for what. whatever end of the BDSM spectrum you're at, right? Like, you shouldn't be any less stigmatized than the people that are on, like, the humiliation end of things, right? But you probably would be. Like, if you probably, if you did come out to all these lifestyle people that are, like, very down on BDSM and explained your type, they'd probably be like high five and you'd be cool,
43:01 but they're not into that humiliation, the pain, the choking people, those people, you know. But that's why there's listen. And there's like kinks and there's clubs that are just like, you know, kink clubs and BDS album clubs or they have nights where it's just that kind of a night because a lot of times there isn't that much of an overlap between the lifestyle and the kink world of BDSM for sure. A kiddie, they'll tell you about somebody very close to her that says, what do you, what do you guys do, beat the hell out of each other? That's the first thought, you know?
43:29 Of course, of course. No, I mean, I remember having my first dom on thinking I was going to hear all these, like, naughty stories and it was more about like writing essays and stuff like there was just a lot more to it than I had ever really understood and a lot of people don't really understand BDSM you know and I think it's interesting that your angle of it too because it is still BDSM but it is all the way on that one spectrum and you're right like I haven't had someone on like you now what should we do about your girl kitty I want like because when a couples have like I love that you guys are a couple and stuff but when couples have like such big backstories themselves I like to have them on separately
44:05 because, you know, Kitty sounds like she had a whole life before you. So, and I want to hear about that life because it sounds like she was like very involved in the lifestyle now. She's getting into this and she's the one that's turning you on to different things. So we'll talk to her separately. So let's go on with you. So let's talk about some of the things that you've been doing with Kitty since you met her. And let me ask you this. Like, so when you go to these lifestyle parties, let's start there.
44:30 Like, you know, are you getting into like swapping and stuff like that with your girl? because it sounds like you probably never did that stuff. Oh, okay. That's what she's teaching me to do. Yeah, I've never done anything like that except for back when I was married to my ex and she would have girls over and sometimes I would take part in that. So if you want to call that lifestyle, I guess I was, but I didn't know it. Yeah, you had a non-monogic, you had an open relationship. Like your wife would let you fuck those girls and she would watch or take part and stuff. You had three things with them. Right. Okay. Now, do you, let me ask you this. Is Kitty into like fucking guys in front of you? And are you okay with that? And like has that something that she's turned you on to? Oh, that's already happened. Yeah.
45:12 Okay. And how was that for you considering that's something you've never done and you're really in love with Kitty? Oh, I love it. You love it. It's, you know, I give her pleasure, but that I can only see it from my point of view. Yeah, it makes sense. When I see somebody else doing it, it's a totally different point of view. Only different angle.
45:30 And I love to see her and hear the sound she makes and watch her. squirt and orgasm and somebody else is doing it to her. It's fantastic. Yeah, that's what it's about. You're like into pleasing. I mean, it's like compersion, right? And that's what typically a lot of these guys that are into seeing their girls with hotwives. So it would make sense because literally what you've been doing this whole time, even in your BDSM sessions is giving girls pleasure. That's what turns you on. You're a pleaser. That's, you know, I know guys like that. And so it would make sense that you would love to see her pleased by somebody else because you could enjoy it even more, right? Like you said.
46:04 right the last takeover when we were at we had a guy come by the hotel room beforehand and they didn't fuck but she she sucked him off for quite a while and then she's very good at it by the way giving head um she sucked him off and kind of let him along for a while with him just moaning and all and then she finally just let him have it and she sucked the come right out of him she's really good at it and you just watched that you just sat watched oh hell yeah I loved it Loved it, loved it. Right. But you're getting off with her, right?
46:38 Like you're fucking her. You're having sex with her. She's blowing you kind of stuff. Right. Mm-hmm. It just still takes you a little longer to come, but you're having orgasms with her. Yeah, that's right. Right.
46:49 Yeah. That's awesome. She can string them together. She's one of these, I don't know if it's a unique girl or not. She squirts like you see in porn. It's like a water hose just broke, you know? Lucky her. Yeah.
47:01 And she can do orgasm after. orgasm after orgasm just boom boom boom boom as long as you can keep stimulating her she will keep that going until she runs out of fluid yeah it's interesting that you know here you were always helping girls to be a certain way and like the one girl you wind up with is the girl it doesn't need your help really for anything yeah you're right yeah you're right but really she's helping you i think it's i think that's kind of like what's going down and i think maybe it is your time to lay down and to uh submit and to have your senses heightened and have those better orgasms through doing stuff like that, because that's what you've been doing your whole life for other people.
47:44 Right. And I've never, like I said, I've never been into giving pain before, but us being together, she has said she would like to try some paddling, some spanking. And then that got into flogging and that went to a whipping and that went to a cane. If anybody's ever experienced that stuff, it can hurt. Right. And but is that you doing it to her? Yes, me doing that to her.
48:06 Right. And that's something that you wouldn't do before. How was that doing it now with her? I wish I had been doing it before because what I've discovered is just like restraining a woman or blindfolding a woman, if you are providing pain, let's say I'm spanking a girl. She's tied up, can't move, but I'm spanking her. I'm in a position where I can spank her, but I can get to her pussy also. Yeah. So I'm spanking with my hand or with some.
48:34 A wooden kitchen spoon is excellent, but it really stings and it hurts. And if you start fucking her with a dildo that she likes, I've got a million of those, where she's coming at the same time you're offering the pain, she will come as hard as she's ever come in the world because that pain is there also. It's just amazing. I wish I had known that 20 years ago. Right, because you love to please. You had been pleasing those women even more.
49:03 Right. Right. And I had no idea that was part of it. So she is helping me learn more about my own craft. And it's, and it is something that I need in my life, period. If I weren't with her, I would not be looking to date women. And I wasn't when we met. I was only advertising for women that wanted to experience my services. Yeah, and it's funny. She reached out to you to kind of tell you off. Exactly. Exactly. She did. It was hilarious. Yeah, yeah, it's a funny way that you guys met, but it's like amazing because it feels like, it seems like you have like a whole other new life ahead of you. Like you're going down a whole new path and why not? You know what I mean? Why not?
49:44 It's never too late as long as you're alive to completely change things up. You kind of been there, done that with all the rest of the stuff that you were doing, right? Yeah. And her mindset is exactly like mine. She's, she's open to anything. She will try anything. And she's all about pleasure, a little bit about the pain. but she will let me do anything to her.
50:04 And she trusts me that I'm not going to take advantage of that, you know. Yeah. What's the hottest thing you've done to her? Can you tell me one story before we go? Yeah. For me, she's tied up on her back with her arms. I have a really cool iron four post bed. Yeah.
50:19 Arms to two of the posts. Her legs are tied tightly with her ankles to her thighs. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then I have her knees pulled wide. So she can't move. And her head is hanging off. the bed and so I'll have the fucking machine the fucker and let's say her in her ass and I'll have my
50:41 cock in her mouth and I'll have a dildo fucking her pussy so she's she's getting like three men at one time and she will just come like you cannot believe it's it's amazing she's airtight yes yes I feel like you did is the picture that you set me her uh yes the one hide up? Yes. Okay. That's her. Yeah, that's exactly what you're saying.
51:06 That's the position I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's why I went to look because I was emailing you today and I saw the picks. I was just like, oh, God, everyone says to me these crazy picks, you know, but they're good picks for my Patreon. And I'm like, oh, I think that that whole thing. And I'm like, oh, is this her? Like, you know, because you have, it's like, it's a cool shot.
51:22 It's very purply. So I can't really see her face. But I was wondering. So that's her and that's the position because I see that there is a fucking machine there, I think. Yeah. That's right. Yeah.
51:30 Yeah, yeah, and she loves it. How long you guys been dating? About a year and a half, that's it. Oh, well, that's so a long time. And listen, in old people's world, like when you're older, you know, if you last that long, that's a long time. You know what I mean? Because you kind of know right off the bat, like most people it's not going to work, right? So normally if you're going to go past a year, you're going to go the distance.
51:50 Let me ask you this. Do you still see women or are you strictly just like hanging out with her and your lifestyleing now and you just like change things up and you're not doing that anymore? No, just her now. I don't need to see anybody else. I don't need another sub. She's, like I said, the best one I've ever had. Yeah, I love it.
52:06 And plus, listen, now that you're in the lifestyle and you're doing all these different things and you're, she's hot wiping for you and everything, it sounds like you have a whole new, like you have so many new things to explore. And you've seen her pictures. She's smoking hot. Yeah, there you go. And I'm going to put those picks over on my Patreon, okay, for people to see her. And she is going to call in.
52:27 Kitty will be on. Okay. Listen, Paul. I'm going to text you on this number. The minute we hang up, my link for her to book a time to call in, okay? Have her book and tell her not to be nervous. I will ask her a million questions. She won't have to think of what to say.
52:43 I will run the call. It'll be very easy for her. Trust me. I've had very shy girls on call up. Okay. That did it know. And trust me, I'll get it all out of her. She won't have to like run the call at all.
52:54 It'll be very easy. And I can't wait to talk to her. And I love your story. is super interesting. You were right. It's not an angle of BDSM I've ever heard about. And I love it. It's super interesting. Yeah, that's, there were the two points I wanted to tell you about, and one was that, that different angle. And the other was to talk about the stigma that still exists in the lifestyle and the vanilla world about BDSM. Yeah, it's stupid. And, you know, it's sad because like I said, there's also that stigma with guy and guy action. I didn't realize there's such a big stigma between BDSM and
53:26 that. But I think that they're very separate world. I've never really. thought of them together, you know? Because when I talk to the BDSM Kink people, like, and they talk about going to clubs and stuff, it'll be like on the Kink night or it's a Kink club, you know what I mean? It is very separate. Or sometimes there are rooms in certain Swinger clubs where, like, that is the room designated for it. Our, I want to say local club that we go to has two or three, isn't it?
53:54 BDSM rooms. and the the company that does the hotel takeovers they always has what they call an impact room which is a BDAC. Yeah, impact play, yeah, uh-huh. But even though all of that exists, that stigma of still some people is no,
54:11 BDSM is bad. I don't have anything to do with somebody that's into it. Yeah, I get people that like when I have BDSM people on that are into us a little bit more pain and humiliation, they'll be like, oh, that's fucked up, there's something wrong with that person, they shouldn't do that, you know, I mean, and I'm always like directed them to Esther Perel. Like, I mean, because she talks about how like, listen, even for people who are
54:32 damaged and this is why they're doing it, there's nothing wrong with that. That is a way to heal themselves, right? Because it's like them taking control of this situation and rewriting that story that was put on them. So, you know, and some people just can't get fucking past their own idea of things, you know. But if they really looked into it or read into it or learned about it, they would see that sometimes people are using it in a healthy, way to conquer things that have happened to them.
54:57 Negative, terrible things that they didn't choose. I would love it. I don't know how I would ever find out, but I would love it if the doms out there could start thinking about what they do in a more therapeutic way for a lot of these women because a lot of them, there's not a therapist. You go to a sex therapist now. They can't provide, they're not going to tie you up. They're not going to tie you up and fuck you and then hold you afterwards.
55:22 You sounded kind of like a sex therapist when I was listening to your call, like, you know, someone who does work with people like that in that way, you know? The too bad you're not offering your services anymore. Well, I'm afraid that would get me in trouble. You know, I don't have any kind of license to practice. Yeah, yeah. But it's sad that there aren't people out there that could help more. But like you said, the DOM's out there. Maybe we could think about it a little bit more.
55:45 Right. Yeah. If you want, we have a whole bunch. We're on a couple of the swinger sites. Yeah. Are you on my SDC? Yes, one of them is SDC. Okay, well, I have a free trial for people to go so they could let's just tell you
55:58 them your SDC site so that they could check you guys out or you could, you know. And they could use my code 37712. They'll get a free trial so they could go on there. And the link is in my description. But also give out your screen names for anywhere you want. The username is cat and the stag all spelled out. Cat? K-A-T?
56:17 Okay. Yes, K-A-T. And the stag? and the stag yeah okay and that's the same username on which profile on which places SDC where else SDC um SZC which is swingers on Citral uh-huh um SLS which is swinging lifestyle yeah um adult friend finder uh and club tempted dot com which is our our swingers club we go to okay awesome all right people are probably definitely going to check you out i have some hot picks of you guys over on my patreon i'll give you free access to my discord there's a whole BDSM channel in
56:49 that you could go in and talk to people. I think people will want to talk to you. You're super interesting. I think in your angle is very interesting. I'll give you free access to that. And thanks so much, Paul, for calling in. I loved your story. And I can't wait to talk to Katie.
57:00 I'm going to send the link right now, okay? Okay, good. All right, thanks, Paul. Bye. Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that my book, it's called Strictly anonymous confession, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers, is now available, not only in paperback and ebook,
57:17 but you can pre-reform. Order the audiobook. It's still not going to be out until August 25th, but you can pre-order it. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story. There's a cuck queen story. There's a cuck story.
57:39 There's a gangbang girl story. Like I said, 17 stories. And they're all told in the third person. And they're all true. I took the interview and rewrote it in the third person. And I wouldn't really call it like a total erotica book. Think like Penthouse letters. It's more direct.
57:57 It's not so over the top like erotica. I don't really like that kind of vibe, right? But these are true stories. 17 of them. They're really short chapters, easy read. You could read, you know, one or two and then skip around. You could read the whole book. It's available in eback format, paperback format.
58:16 and finally the audio book is available coming out August 25th, but you could pre-order it now. And if you buy my book in any format or pre-order it, I will throw in a complimentary link to my Discord. My Discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you get into my Discord any other way than getting the link from me. Okay, I give it to people who buy my book. There's tons of people in there. Everybody shares content with each other, and that's what you get to do there. You could post your own pictures and videos.
58:47 There's tons of channels. We have lots of contests where you can win a lot of money. It's a super fun place to be. It's a total strictly anonymous community and you will love it. I will be giving anyone who buys my book access to my Discord. It's private, like I said. All you got to do is email me a screenshot of your purchase, whether you did the audiobook, the ebook or the paperback.
59:09 Send it to me at Strictly Anonymous Podcast at gmail.com. that's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com and I will send you the link to discord. So anyway, thanks so much for tuning in. This is the strictly anonymous podcast. Good news. Strictly anonymous podcast is looking for people to call into the show. So if you lead an interesting, naughty secret life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, that's cool too.
59:52 send me an email, strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. That's strictly anonymous podcast at gmail.com. Or go to my website, strictly anonymous podcast.com and click on, be on the show. If you have a short confession that you want to get off your back, call my confessions hotline. 347, 4203579. That's 347, 42749. You could call that number 247. I change all the voices on the confessions too. So you remain anonymous. The number, the website, and the email address will all be in the description. If you want to follow the show, follow me at Strict Anonymous on either Instagram or Twitter. That's at Strict Anonymous.
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01:01:11 The links and everything else I spoke about are all in the description. Thanks so much for listening.
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