The Ben Mulroney Show - Why a former MP told Parliament about his suicide attempt | Mark Holland

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day and on this episode of 'The Ben Mulroney Show,' Ben welcomes back former Member of Parliament and Minister of Health, Mark Holland, to discuss his personal struggles, suicide attempt, and why politics needs to be more compassionate. Mark Holland’s story is a reminder that public life doesn’t make someone immune to pain. Sometimes the mask is the problem. If this lands for you, save it and send it to someone who needs the reminder: you are not alone. If you enjoyed the podcast, tell a friend! For more of the Ben Mulroney Show, subscribe to the podcast! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://link.chtbl.com/bms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Also, on youtube -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@BenMulroneyShow⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow Ben on Twitter/X at https://x.com/BenMulroney Insta: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠ Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠@benmulroneyshow⁠⁠⁠   Executive Producer:  Mike Drolet Reach out to Mike with story ideas or tips at [e-mail] Enjoy   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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it's like having your own coach. Whatever your favorite game, we have your playbook. OZoon. Well played. Discover free sports tips, casino games and poker guides at OZoon.net. Today is the one year anniversary of the assassination of Charlie Kirk. I remember where I was. I was in Winnipeg hosting a charitable event. And it was a stunning. It was a stunning turn of events. And so sad for his family. And sad for taking stock of that moment of what it meant for us. You know, the systematic dehuman. of political opponents can make violence not only palatable, but in some people's minds, some twisted minds necessary. And on a different day, on a different topic, my next guest and I would probably have,

could probably have an explosive debate. I don't believe that we shared too much common political ground. But I have never, nor will I ever see those disagreements or the people I have. disagree with as anything but that as people. They are not targets. And today is world suicide prevention day. And my next guest, former federal MP and Minister of Health, Mark Holland, had a well-documented journey with mental health struggles. He opened up about that in a committee meeting in Ottawa. I would be lying if I said I knew any of it until today. And when I watched him tell that story. I saw him as a human being who struggled. And I felt for him and my heart

broke for him. And he's here to talk about that on this very important day. Mark, welcome back to the show. Thanks for having me again, Ben. Great to chat. The last time we spoke, let's get this other way, last time we spoke was in advance of the C&E, the Canadian National exhibition. And it was great until the storm, I think. Just Give me a real quick sense of how it went for you this year. Well, thanks, Ben. Yeah, it was a phenomenal year. You know, we had real challenges.

But, you know, thank goodness, everybody was okay. You know, we had that day. We had to shut down on the Wednesday, terrible storm. But, you know, huge turnout, beautiful weather on certain days. And really exciting music, really exciting shows. We had a great time. Listen, I got to say, man, I did not know this part of your personal. history and and it must have taken great courage to to lay it out for everyone when you told

the story of how you tried to end your life. Take me back to that moment where you decide to go public with the story. Yeah. So thanks, Ben. I, you know, I think what you said up top I so agree with, right, which is that we have these intense battles, these disagreements. There really should be framed around what's best for the country and there's a lot we don't know. And those debates are correct and right but it's not a place where you know you show any weakness and we were having debate around the utilization of the virtual provisions of Parliament and the life of not just parliamentarians but staff and everybody on all sides of the aisle and and I had to talk about you know

these provisions that we were being forward I had to speak about my story and I was really worried about doing that obviously because you know I did go through a real crisis, a point where, you know, I had hit a bottom and, you know, made an attempt on my life. And I'll tell you, I saw too many people who had a similar look that I had in my eyes that were silently carrying a lot of pain, trying to look tough, trying to pretend it wasn't there. And so I thought, look, you know, I've got to come forward. I've got to talk about this. And in a contemporary circumstance, that's why I joined the board of the Men's Mental Health foundation because I think we have to open these conversations up. And, you know, there's a lot of

people who are afraid how they'll be judged, you know, afraid that if they say they're weak, it's going to, you know, pretend something awful. But it's actually the alternative. That's the problem. You said that, you know, you'd put all your eggs in the, in the basket of us. You identified as a politician, right? And when you, when you lost your seat, that identity fell apart. And I guess tell me if I'm if I'm miss speaking but uh everything was out of balance you were focused on that and your marriage was struggling and your relationship with your kids uh was strained and and that just that set what it sets you down a cascading path of negativity yeah i there's a lot of things obviously so i'm short cutting but i think you're covering a lot of it i mean i i threw

since i was six in a sandbox politics is what i loved and And, you know, public service is an insatiable beast. And you want to serve it. And I think in the process, I made a lot of mistakes. There were, I wasn't there when I should have been for really important things in my kids' life. You know, yes, absolutely. My marriage suffered.

I ended up, you know, going through a divorce. And so, you know, that, and I had no time for friends. My whole life was work. And then my personal relationships have really deteriorated because of that imbalance. in my life and my personal identity was too tied to my work. And so yeah, like that that ended in a really dangerous moment that caused me to sort of reframe my priorities and, and critically evaluate, you know, what I wasn't facing. And then I also would say that I, I didn't want to tell people I was suffering. I didn't want people to think I was weak or couldn't handle it, particularly in that

moment in a public life. Once I lost, you know, it was different. That felt like a failure. I had a lot of, you know, sort of unprocessed childhood issues that I hadn't faced. So it was time to come and look those in the mirror. So, Mark, I think a lot of people would be curious to understand, and if you can, sort of walk us through what your brain was telling you when you had this imperative to end your life. When you, you know, your kids are still there and you do have friends. They do exist.

You might not have had time for them. And I'm sure there were other things in your life. and yet and yet the the decision was made. And then tell me how after the unsuccessful attempt to end your life happened. Did you have an awakening? Did you have a moment of clarity that said, oh, I've been given another. I don't even know how to make sense of going from that point to making the conscious decision to rebuild. Yeah, so for me, you know, I came to a player.

I believed that I didn't have a lot of value and that I brought that I was more pain than I was help in the world. And the bigger piece, honestly, Ben, was I just hurt so badly for so long and I didn't know how to make it end. I didn't, I would have been sprinting from my pain for so long and, you know, trauma that had happened to me that I just didn't. didn't think I could ever fix it. It looked like, you know, just a bottomless pool and I had no idea how to process it. And, you know, what happened to me was, you know, in the middle of this attempt, I, you know, after I sort of was into it, that I had a memory of being a teenager and going into the hospital when my mom had made an attempt on her life. and how devastating that was for me in a way that I had never processed. And then I pictured my kids.

And I just had a, my major thought was, like, if I could be anything, I'd just be a good dad. And I got to drop all this other junk and just focus on being a good dad. And that, you know, just because I had gotten it wrong, didn't mean I couldn't get it right going forward. And that just became, you know, sort of my North Star to sort of build out from that and to never allow other things to get bigger than that. And look, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm still trying to process everything in the past, but I think it's opened up a lot of wonderful conversations. I mean,

I think the other hard part is in a public life. I'm sure you can appreciate them. People try to use that and say, oh, is he crazy or the unbalanced? Like if you look at headlines when I'm attacking me, all of a sudden, when I came out, it sort of takes on that flavor,

which is too bad. And I think we have to end that kind of stuff. It doesn't bother me. I process it, but it really makes it hard for other people to come and talk about what they're going through. Well, I wish I could continue this conversation.

It sounds like you're doing a lot better. And, you know, you said before you didn't feel like you were putting a lot of value into the world. I think this conversation, I think sharing that raw truth is a net positive. I know it is for me. I can only assume it's doing the same for a lot of people listening to this conversation today, Mark. It really means a lot that you came on to talk about this. I wish you nothing but the best. I really do. And I hope that if I, same hope I have for everybody.

I hope tomorrow is better than today. And I really wish you the best. Thank you for coming on and sharing. Thanks so much, Ben. Appreciate it. And yeah, beautiful things come out of darkness. We've just got to keep sticking through. Appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. All right. That was Mark Holland, a former minister. He went through a dark period and he came out the other side. If you're going through a dark period, talk to somebody. Talk to somebody. Reach out because it does get better. It really does.