The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #574 - Joey Diaz and Lee Syatt

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

Joey Diaz tells Lee Syatt why live music is going to start playing a more active roll in his life, why he thinks you should feel both good and bad about bombing, and his personal experience with crowd work. This podcast is brought to you by: FujiSports.com  - Use promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount on all the best jiu jitsu and martial arts gear. Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a 10% discount at checkout.   Recorded live on 04/08/2018.
    

Greetings from Podcastville. The church of what's happened now is brought to you by Fuji Sports. For geese, rash guards, mats, whatever the fuck you need in your life. Fuji Sports is there. I just saw the mats up to Joe Rogan's gym. They were tremendous. And as far as the geese are concerned, you know me, bro. I'm three bills.

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That's where honor comes in, motherfuckers. Whether it's the Shroom Tech Sport or the Shroom Tech immune, which Lee doesn't take. That's why he's got bronchitis every 90 fucking days. You'll be tipped top of goo. You eat some ass. some alpha brain and who's better than you. Again, on the way out, check out audit.

And what are you pressing? Church. C-H-U-R-C-H and get 10% off. And the goods get delivered right to your fucking house. Who's better than you? Kick this motherfucker mulee. Are you kidding me or what? April 9th, Monday.

A little solo fucking shankton from the 80s. There you go. Who's better than that? than you. Get your shit together, motherfuckers. It's Monday morning. No fucking around. There you have it.

A little Michael Scheng, a old fucking school for you. You got Uncle Joey. You got my fucking sidekick, the flying Jew, eating his little Jew corp drops. He got like 10 bags for fucking $2 at CVS. You got to get the good deal. Got to get the lootans. You know what I'm saying? Vicks. They've been around. Even fucking Jesus

took Vicks once he left the cave. Vicks vapor rub on your chest. You do a couple of bong hits. You want to put some vapor rope on my chest for me? Not really. I don't do that type of shit. You got the wrong fucking guy. Go hang out with your little buddies over there in North Hollywood

where they got the movie screens. The guy's fucking, I'm sure you'll find somebody to rub some vapor rub on your ass. And your little asshole, and then they'll stick that dick in it, and it's all over the shop. That's old school faggotry. When they put Vaseline around, when they use Vicks vapor rub and they stick their fucking dick in it, That's called fucking the dick of debt. I don't know. Fired dick.

I don't fucking know. Anyway, it was a great week. I want to thank Dean Delray for putting me on the show at the Avalon with Nicky Six and Rudy Sazo and the guy from anthrax. And it was just a great time. But I learned something that night. Number one, I went up there and I rushed through my material, but that's not what I learned. I learned that the last fucking three years I've been going through something. I don't know what it is.

It's not a midlife crisis. it's not, something has been missing. You know, I've had it working out. I try to, you know, get involved in my daughter's life, and I got the podcast and the road. But the other night when I was at that show, something hit me that we had discussed in the podcast about a year and a half ago with Rudy.

And I didn't, it's not that I didn't buy into it. It's that I didn't think it was that important. And that's the element of live music. music. I've really, listen, man, what we did growing up in North Bergen was go to concerts at Madison Square Garden. When these guys call in a villa or fucking Timmy the Teamster or these guys, we went to every, we were blessed to have the opportunity to go to a lot of shows, man. And I mean, I went to see everybody from Kenny Rogers to the fucking Iron Maiden. I didn't give a fuck. And I would go and it wasn't something.

happened like in the mid-80s where I don't know I don't know what happened I became a criminal and I didn't think the live shows were that important anymore I mean I had friends that lived for that shit when the people I hang out with in snowmast when I first moved to snowmast you worked Monday through Friday and Saturday morning in the middle of the night you left for Colorado Springs or Denver or you know Fort Collins and you'd catch a band live you know these guys travel and I think I did at one or two times. I just, you know, I worked hard. I didn't have, I couldn't afford that shit no more.

It was either between the blow and rent or fucking going to the springs and watching a band. And these guys, like 19 of them lived in a two-bedroom apartment. And they had moved to Colorado just to ski, you know. And they all had two jobs. They all worked on the mountain in the daytime so they could get a free ski pass. And then they all worked at restaurants or bartending or security at hotels or at hotels at night. All of them. So they were all there

and it was the weirdest thing. 19 people in a two-bedroom. Sleeping bags everywhere. You know, guys everywhere. They had like three girls that lived there from Minneapolis. They were all from Mancato, Minnesota. And it was just interesting how these guys lived there. And they partied during the week.

If you went up there any night of the week, you can find somebody awake in a corner fucking smoking weed. It was the weirdest. like an apartment. I ever saw. Nobody cooked there. It was clean. It was spotless.

But it was 19 guys living up there in three rooms, basically. Just because they wanted to party, though, the rest of the time. Well, they figured at that time, rent was cheap as it was. This is 83, 84. Got it. And they wanted to get the most out of life. And they felt that their home living didn't really matter. So that's what they fucking did.

But anyway, while I was at that show that night, I did the show, and then what Dean did was he had everybody switch up. So one song, it would be anthrax and this other guy and the drummer from the Black Crows, and then the next three songs would be Marin, who I have to congratulate. Did a fucking great job on the guitar on down payment blues. They did it a little on the edgy side, edgier side. But what was really weird was Dean Delray. How much I thought about Dean since that night. You know, every fucking day I wake up to six or seven messages on Facebook.

And I answer them, you know, as much as I can. But out of those six or seven messages, it's three guys who think they're pulling the wool over my eyes. You know, they want this. They ask for that. They want this. you know, you have to understand that I'm out there at night. I have my ear to the grind like everybody else's. Who's a comic?

And when I don't hear your name, and I hear you making requests and stuff like that, you're cutting corners in my world. And there's nothing that bothers me more than guys that think they can cut corners on my expense. I'm the type of guy that if I see you're hustling, I will give you any opportunity or doing anything for you in the world.

But if I don't know you, and I don't know if you're hustling, I don't know what the fuck you're doing, and you just hit me up demanding stuff. That's not right. You know, I have friends here, Diagostino, Kate Quigley, fucking Lee. I got 10 guys that I know that are close to me

that are out seven nights a week, week after week, you know, I see them tweeting, I see them Facebooking, I see them replying to message, I see these people working. You know, they have a podcast. They're always on time with their podcast.

And these guys aren't selling out arenas and you don't know them. And you don't need to know them. The most important thing is that they're working. They work constantly. Listen, yesterday we got off the, the car picked me and Dean up at 4.15 in the fucking morning. We basically went to bed at fucking 12.30.

We both got on the plane. I fell asleep for now. I don't even remember falling asleep. I got up, I went home, I picked up my daughter and my wife. Went out to breakfast, and then I went home, and I had to fall asleep for a few hours. I got up, I had to do paperwork, I had to answer a bunch of email shit like that in the two days that I was gone. I had to prep this week.

And then, you know, I just stayed in with the family last night. I went out with Mercy yesterday in the afternoon. We went for frozen yogurt And we stopped at this other place Today I took a crypto therapy with me She watched me froze She took pictures She couldn't believe

There was snow in there So not Dean Dean was fucking waking up He was getting home To go home to take a nap To wake up to go do two fucking spots Last night And tonight he's got three fucking spots

You know Dean isn't a name Dean isn't somebody But Dean don't stop He moved to Hollywood so he could walk to the clubs so he can have easier access to the clubs so he can do spots every month. You know, I see

Dean, if you went to this show, I applaud you, but you also saw what Dean put together. He put together great comedy and he put together a great band all by himself. He didn't bother anybody.

He didn't fucking, you know, he asked him outright. And I respect that. That gets my respect in a huge way because there's so many people who are confused that you think that you're going to take a shortcut your life is going to change and guess what i used to be the same too and i got burnt three or four times and i stopped shortcutting i realized that the main goal of a comedian is to be that the funniest person he could be when i came out here i booked a pilot and i booked a big time commercial but one night i got my life fucking i got the shit kicked out of me at the improv in between nick the

Nick Napolo and Doug Stanoh. And I'll never believe that that night, I remember wanting to leave in the middle of the night just to disappear on the road to become a better comic. Like I took any gig I could for two years on the road from 98 to 2001. I did every shit fucking gig hole I could

because I knew the payoff was going to be funny. It wasn't about the movies. It wasn't about the TV. And that's what I see the biggest fault in this town is with comedians. That they do comedy for five or six years. They kind of get good on it. Then they get a show and they stop doing comedy.

The show ends. Now they can't get work and they want to fall back on comedy, but they're six years behind because they never thought about comedy those six years. You always continue getting on stage. I always knew that no matter what, if I kept getting on stage, I'd eventually be funny. That's the fucking final result of it. The more you get on stage and put yourself in uncomfortable situations, the funny you'll become. You know, Kate went to New York, Jersey, the stress factory, and tonight she's in helium.

That's like one of the toughest fucking clubs. That's Philadelphia. where you have to bring it. And you know what? People bitch about Kate, but let me tell you something. And I'm going to tell you how people bitch about Kate that my wife went out one night with Felicia

to a comedy club. And a comic said something to my wife. And my wife came home and said, like, what? And I go, listen to me. I go for every woman that cries about they're not getting spots or the comedy store doesn't give them spots. there's 20 Sarah Tianas and Kay Quigleys and Esther Coos

that are out every night fucking fighting when you see them they're not bitching at all about anything they're just telling you that they came from doing two spots and they came to the comedy store to see if they could get on such and such as belly room show they're not complaining to me at all I give those women fucking tons of credit it's the women that come up to me and go

I can't believe you're still doing spot at the store because they don't give spots to women. Let me tell you something. Mitchie Shaw was a woman. Mitchie Shaw gave out fucking spots to women every night. I saw the schedules from when I first started. I still haven't met the fucking house. I got 20 schedules from when I started.

When all this shit started talking, women started talking about the store, I went back and looked at those schedules. It was always the same. Three women a night, two women a night. They're sitting there going. It was like, whatever. That's why I gave, I gave Kate Quigg, and Sarah Tiana,

and the women I put on my podcast, the respect that I do, because when I see them, they're not looking for a handout. They're out there fucking banging it out. And that's the most important thing to me in the fucking world when I see you. So before you come up on Facebook

and say to me, hey man, can you do this or can I do that? I don't even fucking know you. I don't even know you. How can you do something like that and put me in that type of position? And then if I say, know I'm supposed to feel like a fucking bad person.

That's not right to me either. And even if you did know them, that's not enough to put you on from them. Listen, I know a thousand people who I can put on this fucking podcast that are out there working hard every day. I think about those people constantly because I want to put them on

when I can get the most out of them. Do you understand? I'm trying to say to you, I want to get them on before something that they're doing is blowing up or they're in the process of blowing up. I could put certain comics on here every fucking day if I wanted to. But what's the use? They're not on Twitter.

They're not on Facebook. They're not hustling. It's a waste of a fucking guest. Because whatever they're saying is bullshit. They're just trying to fucking get on here because they think it's a one-hit pony. The way people think that if you get on Rogan one time, your life is going to change. No. It's how you act during Rogan after Rogan.

that makes a decision, whatever product you're selling, or whatever point you're trying to prove, or whatever album you're trying to sell, that's what you get the opportunity on Rogan. But most people think, oh, wow, I just go on some of these podcasts and my life will fucking change. That's a horrible way of looking at things. When I was coming up, it was if you were on Letterman

or Leno, your life would fucking change. I never fucking emailed them. I knew I never get on those shows because I'm not CBS for fucking NBC friendly. I don't know if it's related, but it seems, like, since I've started, I see what other young comics are doing. And I've heard, like, advice you give me, like, similarly, like, don't go to the store or the improv of the left factory until they ask you to go there. Is it, like, because you don't want, like, it's the same thing if they came on here or another podcast. They're there, but they might, they might not be really ready for it, even no matter how much you like them. Well, always remember, when you go to those big clubs,

They remember you when you first start, and that's the memory they have of you in their head. Right. That's why so many comics are pissed off locally, because they'll start. Let me just say, I'll just say a city like Michigan. And once the hottest club in Michigan don't like them, they have to adjust their game. They have to leave. And they'll go ask for years. Jesus Christ, that's my own backyard.

And they won't give me a fucking MC spot. because they still remember the night you went in there and ain't a bag of dicks and then you disappeared and you might be a bit little better now and even though they hear about you and stuff you weren't part of that click so you get fucking dick so it's better i think that's a good way i mean but but how do it like on the other side of it though if you'd never ask or if you're not being assertive how do you get into places or how do you get on the podcast Honest to God, they hear about you. People talk, Lee. I hear names every other fucking day. By accident. I'll bump into somebody in 7-Eleven,

and they'll say they went to the story of the night and they fucking loved Theo Vaughan. They couldn't believe Theo was so fucking funny. Right, yeah. Or Jesus fucking Trejo, I hear his name. Or, you know, when you hear these people, you hear about them. You hear that they're making a wave.

They're doing something. They went on somebody's podcast and she shaved a pussy on the podcast. They did something that was true. That's not, I could see through what the motion is. There's people who think they're doing things and they don't know what they're trying to do. We see it. We were there. We were at your level when we were desperate also.

I was desperate many a fucking time. But that doesn't mean I'm going to call Ben Affleck's mother. when I do a one woman, when I do a one man show in Boston to get a bad athlete to show up at my show. I know a guy who did that. That's, yeah, that's, it's, when you say it, it sounds crazy, but then I don't know, I feel bad for these people sometimes. Like, I feel bad, like, how do you, maybe you just feel like you're taking a shot. Well, at some point, like Rudy has done on this podcast before, one of his first visits on this podcast, Rudy Sarazzo spoke about a thin line

between musicians and mental health. Same thing goes with comedians. Same thing goes with fucking comedians. It's a thin fucking longing. You've seen it. There's nights you and I have gone out high to comedy clubs way before you even

screamed of doing an open mic. Yeah? And I would go, what's it matter? And you go, that comedian creeps me out. That comedian creeps me out. That comedian creeps me out. Don't fucking tell me. You remember?

Don't make me say fucking names. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You had a couple guys that you would get high and they would drive you fucking insane. They start running material or? Oh, it's crazy. And they don't know that, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm in the business. Not going to all.

Smarting the fuck up. And it's not their fault. It's not their fault. You know, I probably did the same fucking thing. But then you learn that you have to work from strength, not from weakness. That's a really weird sentence. Yeah, what do you mean by that? You have to work from your strength for years until about four years ago and the word got out.

I would get, let's pretend during my space in the beginning of Facebook, I would get, hey, Joey, how are you? Big fan of the fucking podcast. We have a proposal for you. For you and Joe Rogan to come do my fucking Christmas party. You know? That makes me feel bad

because you really don't want me. You really want Joe Rogan, but he's not replying to your stupid fucking emails. Right. He thinks he's going to go down the line. So the word got out over the years that nobody plays that shit. So those type of email.

stopped. Really? Yeah, nobody, we don't play. There's no reason to play. Don't play. Unless you come direct to me

with something, don't come to meet for Joe. I used to torment people. I would love when people would fucking actually call me and say, you have Joe's number?

I go, yeah, sure, grab a pen. And they'd grab the pen. I'd give them a minute. And I go, here it is, CAA, and I would give them

like whatever the agency number is. And they would just be quiet. the other end. They were just silence because they thought they were going to get a fucking handout. And I just drew him to the wolf. I threw him directly to the wolf. And they don't even have the balls to say, no, no, no, no.

Do you have his number? I'm going to go, listen, the best advice for you that I have is to call the agency. You call him personally. He's going to come over and stab you in the lung. You'll be walking around like leave with bronchitis for a month. I'm surprised you didn't find a place name like Rogan's hardware and give them that number or something. Just a message. it just left like a fake number.

Because I can't imagine. It went on for years. I would wake up to messages from people how much they fucking love me. But can I come with, can I bring Rogan with me? And they throw some figure at us like some number. And I'm supposed to call Joe and tell him, I wouldn't even have the heart to say something like that to him. I wouldn't even have the heart to say something.

But for years, me and Arii, Do you remember the guy in San Jose He was going to do a A reality show with that squad And he finally settled with Little Esther and Sam Tripoli And then Sam Tripley started calling me Telling me the guy's real

The guy couldn't be real if his life depended on it He just wanted to get Joe Rogan On a stupid fucking podcast or something Would you guys get like emails like the same day? No What happened was Tripli told me about the guy And right there I knew

the guy just went down the totem pole. He went from Rogan. He couldn't get a hold of Rogan. He went through Ari. Ari told him to go fuck myself. He went through me. I told him I wasn't interested. Then they go to Duncan.

Then they go to Red Band, and Red Band seems a little interested, but he won't throw Joe Rogan under the bus. He knows better. So he's kind of lost in it because without Rogan, they don't want. You know what I'm saying? Like you really feel shitty.

You really get to understand what people want. Yeah, that's all right. don't want you. They don't want you. They want Rogan. They don't want you. They just put them smoke up your ass to try to put a reality show together or whatever mind fuck they put in their mind.

I've gotten some of those. Even before the podcast, I worked on Hell's Kitchen once. And this girl that I went to high school with was a chef. And she wanted me to introduce Gordon. I was an assistant editor. I never met Gordon Ramsey. But people think, I don't know. It just, it kind of does make you sad.

It makes you sad. And then when you realize, when they realize that they can't get nothing from you, then there's no more conversation. That makes you even sadder. You go, wow, that's all you were about. You know, that's all you were about. You said something to me last week. You said, like, anyone who texts me, happy Easter. Like, Donie, I wish they wouldn't even text me.

Like, you can see that that's all they're doing it for. Yeah, no, no, no. If you want to attest somebody happy Easter, go fuck yourself. If you're not going to pick up the fucking phone, why are you texting me happy fucking Easter for? It's the weirdest thing when people text you Merry Christmas. And especially when it's like a group text, you're like, really?

You're fucking lazy sack of shit? That's what burns me up about that stuff. But no. You know, when you go through all these levels as a comic, and even now with the podcast, it's hilarious. When I'm going to go to a town, I'll get three emails from people to do a podcast that I don't fucking know. So you want me to get in a car with a guy that I don't fucking know if he just smoked meth to go to somebody's basement to do a podcast because you're going to get me high.

Wow. Why am I so fucking lucky? How was I blessed to get this fucking gift? Like, are you fucking serious? Do you really think I get in a strange? just fucking call and go to somebody I've never even heard of. Would you use to, though? Maybe not a podcast, but would you get in this during this?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. They work at the club. They know somebody who's selling them blow. Yeah, I get that fucking car. But to do a podcast, I don't know you. I don't know you. I don't know you. I don't know your fucking podcast.

I don't know who you are. What do you expect from me? If I don't know who you are, what do you expect from me? I don't know. I think these people maybe they think that they do know you because of the podcast or Maybe they just think they're a good person. Like that's what I think is something really weird happened in Albuquerque. That was brilliant That's the first time. Well, it's happened before. It's happened in different cities before A guy yelled. He made a U-turn. He pulled over. He pulled up next to me And I went up to the car and said hello and I talked to him for a couple minutes. He told me his name was a steb-on and

and I could just tell the guy had a good heart. He wasn't talking about podcasts. He wasn't talking about anything. He was just talking about humanity. And he listens to this podcast and that podcast. And he showed me weed. Like to show me he was real, he flipped this fucking badge of weed. And he goes, I'm real.

And I go, you know what? Take me to eat some Mexican food. And we drove for like 10 minutes and we talked about the city and he showed me this and he showed me that. And we went, we got some Mexican food. And it was one of the best days of my fucking life. I got to be honest with you. Because, yeah, he knew who I was from the podcast.

But B, he didn't want anything from me. You just wanted my friendship. And I could tell just from the fucking beginning that that's it. And that's a gift that a lot of people don't get to see. Really, he just wanted my friendship. We went to lunch. Lunch was fucking delicious. We got back in the car.

He rolled another joint. We made a periscope. Then he drove me back to the hotel like nothing. I couldn't see him the next day because I went to Winklejohn. We were going to get together and go to a different fucking Mexican food place. But I went to Winklejohn and I was fucking wiped out. I wanted to give a good thanks to the Winklejohn and my man Greg Jackson for taking care of me. The guy with the Mitz, their podcast.

I mean, what a great time I had there. I met a Puerto Rican kid that was a fighter there. They have dorms there. It was just a real honor to go in there And just hit the Mitz for three fucking rounds Because I could not breathe in that altitude at all I hit the Mitz I drew some kicks Greg Jackson taught me how to throw some elbows and shit

And that was sensational just to see what that gym's all about They got everything there I don't think it's open to the public It's just open to amateur fighters and real fighters You know that they have dormitories daily They have apartments there I mean, it's the fucking coolest place you have. They have two doctors on duty there that work on you after you fucking hurt yourself and shit.

It's kind of like going to college. It's tremendous. It's like the comedy store of fighting. And you're training there with Greg Jackson. Like, I looked at their schedule. They contacted me and said if I would do the podcast. And I was like, fuck, yeah, I'll do the podcast. And when I did the podcast, I might go, well, I must have to go there and do a kickboxing class.

So I looked at the schedule and they had a class at 10 o'clock. But there wasn't no kickboxing class. It was a ground and pound class. And I'm like, listen, not for nothing. I'm 55 years old. I like to go in there and throw a couple kicks for Jesus, jump on top of the box, a couple kettlebells. I'll do the circuit training.

I'll kick the shit out of the bag. I'll punch the shit out of the bag. There's no ground and pound. But there's no ground and pound in pound in Uncle Joey's life. I don't want to be on top, but I don't want to be on bottom. I don't want to be anywhere in that fucking position. I don't want to be the ref. No, I don't want to be the ref.

I don't want to be the ref. I don't want to know nothing. They're like, no, it's beginners and some of the fighters. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm 55. I bend over the punch. I might not bend back. I got three fucking shows sold out and fucking

out of the country. I can't be grounded and fucking pounding. What are you crazy? That's where people go crazy. The actors and shit and Hollywood people, they go to these gyms, and they start fucking boxing. I've seen these actors

like a Justin Fortune's gym that they would go down there, guys, you wouldn't believe it. After six weeks, all of a sudden, they're fucking Muhammad Ali. They're shadow boxing, they're hitting the midst, and they're looking at boxers, that are real boxers, like menacing, like, look at me.

I'm an actor. I'll fuck you up. And Justin Fortune, that motherfucker, God bless him so. Every once a while, he listens to the actor, he'll go, okay, I'll set something up with you for Thursday at 9 o'clock. The actor walks in there thinking he's fucking going to do anything, and next thing, you know,

the actor gets blasted in the head twice. with the hedge guard on and it's all over good night the guys like Jesus Christ I've never been hit that hard because hitting pads with your trainer and kicking the bag is completely different than trying to be fucking Joey Motsie you follow me my Joey Motsie days are fucking over well it's kind of crazy like even going like going back to this like people with people ask you in this town I just had my head shots done and Troy Conrad made me feel like I was a male model so I can't imagine being an actor or being someone who has a little heat behind them and everything that they,

everyone that everyone sees is, oh, you're amazing. Well, first off, when those actors get sent to a trainer like that, they're getting paid $400,500 and out. For $405.5 an hour, Lee, I'll tell you, you look like Arnold Schwarger. Do you understand me? For a nickel and hourly, I'll tell you whatever the fuck you want to hear. I've never seen anyone like this.

You know, and everybody, you got to remember that. Some of those trainers listen to you. So some of those Hollywood trainers basically listen to you. You're giving them a nickel. The first 15 minutes you're stretching really. Oh, help me stretch. And then the next 15 minutes, maybe you fucking lift some weights. And then 10 minutes, you get a phone call from your agent that you absolutely positively have to take.

And then you do something, some bullshit fucking toll raises for 10 minutes. And I can get some nickel an hour. But there's people like Brad Pitt. There's real actors that take trainers. Keanu Reeves and they work five hours a day. You know, they do everything. Pyrometrics, they're jumping off fucking boxes. They're weightlifting.

They're doing kettlebells. They're strength training. They're getting military. You know, Tom Cruise, those guys are all fucking in. You give Tom Cruise a row, watch them, even at Tom Hatch or whatever that fucking movie is. Yeah, well, they're getting 20 million. Yeah, so you got to put 10, 6, 7, 8 weeks of preparation into it. Maybe three months.

Why not? If you're going to give me 20 million for a fucking movie, but at the end, Listen to me, whether you're getting 20 million or whether you get in scale for the day. If you get that job, you still got to do the homework. But it doesn't vary? Like, if you got a job for scale, would you lose 50 pounds? Like, would you gain 20 pounds? If the role called for it and I felt it was worth it, I would do whatever I can.

First off, I'm not one of those actors. they wouldn't come to me one of those method fucking movies. You know what I'm saying? Like, they know who's an actor. I'm a Hammondager. I'm not an actor. I just figured out how to play myself

and it's cute and I do it. Look, I'm shooting tomorrow. I'm shooting the Greg Garcia show. The guest book. The guest book, thank God. He gave me a little role and, like, I'm shooting tomorrow. I'm no fucking pro.

I read the scene 20 times and even though it's just a few lines, you know, I had to get high and look at the scene and break it down to see if I could stretch a line out. You know, I'm a pro, but I'm still a hammond anger as an actor. I'm not going to lie to nobody and tell you. I went to acting class for six weeks and I fucking, no, I went to acting class for like eight weeks.

I went to like three different teachers. But I finally realized that the best acting I was doing was on stage. It sharpened up my fucking, my timing. Acting is timing. And timing is everything. Stand up is timing. So your acting classes helped your stand-up? They all helped everything.

They all helped everything. But what happens is now, when I go to an acting class, I just get bored. I'm not going to lie to you. I can't see paying three bills for the amount of acting that I do per month to hang out with people. Very seldom, when I go to those acting classes, can I rock and roll with people? They can't rock and roll with me in the scenes. I already been in big time scenes. And these are young startup.

Yeah, I already been in big time scenes, gee. They don't have like a, I don't even know what you'd call. So I've already been intimidated by Melissa Leo. I've been intimidated by fucking Adam Sandler. I've been intimidated by Robert De Niro. I've been intimidated by a ton of fucking people, you know, from Dean Kane to fucking I've been intimidated by a lot of people. You're not going to intimidate me?

I was in a room with James Colburn. Fuck. You know how intimidated when I was. was but after the first line I start making eye contact and that's what acting's all about because you have to let him know you're in the fucking room too cock sucker

but it has to transcend through your eyes your eyes are everything that's why before you go into an audition they always tell you to think of the moment before what the character you think what the character was doing the moment before your imagination tells you what

before he comes in here to shoot you in the fucking head was he outside doing jumping jacks was he in his car saying goodbye to his daughter was he you know what I'm saying saying so as you're walking up the stairs what's your thought you have to go there when you go into an audition with a scene and I'm just using that as uh it could be you walking into a room to fire somebody it could be a thousand different things do you think you're better at even like just we're going to break down acting do you think you're better at improvising than like a trained actor is just because of your stand up like I think okay

Let's be honest here. I always say that I've been doing comedy since 1991. I didn't really focus on the writing and the whole art aspect of it until 93. So in reality on paper, my first two years of comedy were garbage. But there was something else I learned those two years. Why they're not garbage? Why I have to count them? Because I was a house MC at the broker in Boulder.

And I emceived there every week. for $50 a week. And I bombed pretty much every fucking week. Jesus. So I gave up on material and I became a minprovisor. And at that time,

I started doing comedy at a black club called Club Mix off East Coffax Black Night on Sunday nights. You had to improvise Lee. So not, I improvised till 1997. It got less and less because down in LA you can't improvise.

When there's agents in the room and you start talking to the audience and trying to be cute, there's no more nothing. But I mean, now, I don't know if you improvise, but you'll have a set list. Oh, no, no, no.

I improvise on stage every fucking show. There's a line that'll come out whether you like it or not, that there's improvised material. Because when I started as a comic, the first six months, I believed that I could be a writer, but I bailed on it. And so what I would do is get one hook to go into a show, and then I rested on my laurels of improvising. So my show became 50-50. So let's say you called me up and said, Joey, I got a show for you.

You got to do 30. Even though I know I have 30, I got 18. But I'm going to improvise for 12 and pray to God that it all works out. And how often will work out, though? Not too many. Not too many. That's a long time to improvise. That's 12 minutes of improvising.

But guess what, Lee? One out of every five shows, I hit a home run out of the park with the improvising. And that would convince you to stick with it? And that would convince me to stick with it. I went to Seattle in 95. And I still, because I went to New York for nine months. And then in New York, people come out and go, how you doing? My name is Leah.

I had a fucked up day today. What do you do, sir? You're a bus driver. You like being a bus driver, so that's New York humor. So when I went to New York, I fell into more of that fucking stupidity humor where you talk to the audience. When I got to Seattle in 95, I still had that stupidity humor that I'd talk to in the audience. Once things got dangerous, I got into a mode where I would go into improvising into the audience. And sometimes, Dean, Dean, sometimes Lee.

It was fucking phenomenal, but sometimes it was just got awful. Would you do that at open mics too? I'd do it everywhere. I thought in the back of my mind I was fucking Johnny improvised for a long time. And it got me nowhere, but it did get me material. And it did teach me how to take chances. So if you improvised and found something you liked, you'd write it down at the end of the night? Fuck, yeah.

Okay. But what I mean improvising also is talking. to the audience. Crowd work. Crowd work. Crowd work is a bad habit. If you're doing it right now, God bless you. I'm not putting you down at all.

But I never liked crowdwork. And I did it. And I did it well. But again, it was 50-50. So here I was going on stage with the set people. So let's say, let's pretend that I had 15 minutes. I would have three minutes of material. Then I would improvise for three and that that didn't work.

bailed out on the fucking talking to the audience. That's cool. And eat shit. It seems like a coin toss because you don't know if they're going to say something good. This is what I'm saying to you. I haven't even tried to get really. This is what I'm saying to you. And you do that so much that your life sucks.

I mean, after a year, your life really sucks. Why does it suck? Because you're not getting nowhere. And you know you're not getting nowhere because you're scared to actually sit down and use your fucking pen. This is how it was for me. I refused to sit down and use my pen. Then in 96 in Seattle, something came over me. And I started making notes while I was driving.

And that was pretty effective, notes while I was driving, just little notes. So again, I would come up with a joke about Lee. I'd come up with a joke about King Kong. I'd come up with a joke about a song. I mean, there was no particular order. and I would go up on stage with those two lines, which were funny, 50% of the time, 60% of the time, but the rest of it, you know, I'll give you an example.

When you drive from Seattle, Yakima, Washington, Yakima, Washington is considered the Palm Springs of Washington. Okay. Okay. I had a gig there one night, and I walk into the fucking hotel room, I locked the door. I put my luggage down.

I'm happy or shit, it's a nice hotel. When I look at the bed, it's one of those beds that if you put a quarter in it, it shakes. I didn't even saw one of those. Yeah, this is how young you are. Like, guys, in the 70s and the 60s,

when you checked into a hotel room, you could put quarters in the fucking headframe and the bed would rattle. And it was like a mini massage. That's what it was? Yeah. I thought it was a sex thing. Oh, my God.

And maybe even a sex thing. I don't know. I was too fucking young. I started in Dumb and Dumber. That's the only place there. But I went to this hotel in Yakima, Washington. I fucking put the, you know, I looked at this bed and I was like, holy shit. I go, let me try it. I put the fucking quarter in.

I put the first quarter and it didn't work. And then I banged it a couple times. And you know me being me, I put the second quarter in I banged it. And finally it started fucking shaking. and it just made fucking noise like you know I don't know what I weighed I probably was 250 at the time

240 it was like you with the zip line it was just too much and the thing kept making noises and finally you fucked up so that night I remember going up on stage I was laughing my ass off because I was high and I went up on stage and I fucking said

you know it's great to be in yak I went to my hotel room. It was a massage bed. I put a quarter in it. I woke up with a thumb in my ass. Like something stupidly, because the Palm Spring, that's how bad I was, people.

That's what I'm trying to say to you. I had no joke writing skills, but I had a way of saying something that I would hook on to something and if God was smiling on me, I'd have three tags. And then eventually I would add for years I did that Palm Springs joke

I forget it now I'm not saying it right something happens I put a quarter in there and I had a thumb up my ass that's the Palm Spring of Washington I don't know bro we all go through a lot of suffering please forgive me for that joke but that's just to let you know I was no

fucking Picasso and you gotta stay with it you know what's my man at and you have to finish your what you started at the beginning why live music is so important Thank you, much When somebody breaks your heart Oh shit

Somebody twice as smart As I A somebody who Will swear to be Jews As you used to do with me To learn That misery loves company Wait and see

For years I had to follow Paul Mooney on midnight When I was in the seven-year market comedy I became a regular at the comedy store And she would put me on four nights a week At 1245 to 1 o'clock to 1 15 And it was hell late You were going up for four people You couldn't believe you were finally at the comedy store

but you didn't get the meat and potatoes and the audience every night. And then she started liking me, Metsy Shaw. I was always around when she was around. She'd watch me and she'd giggle. I was always down there on Sunday nights. I drove the van. By the way, happy 46th anniversary to the comedy store.

Without you, I'd have no fucking nothing. I'd be in prison right now. So thank God the comedy store opened. And I was blessed to being a part of it since 1995. fucking seven, man. I'm really lucky that they made me a regular because Lee, nothing else would have made me stay here. That was the only thing

that they'd say. You think so? You were the left? Yeah, because Jesus Christ, it's a dream to be a regular at the comedy store. Never mind to be inducted by fucking Mitzi Shaw. That means something. That's always meant something to me. Yeah, a lot of things happened in my

life, but that's always meant something to me. I was a regular after two fucking auditions, man. Even Joe Rogan had to be a fucking unpaid regular for a while, guys. She made me a regular right off the bat, two fucking showcases. So for all the bad shit that happened and all the bombings I took all those years, it paid off because when I walked in there, I had the 10 minutes I needed. That were 10 minutes.

When I left Seattle in 97, I was starting to get it. I wasn't talking to the audience because I had come to L.A. and I had looked around a few times. And I was given the tour and the advice. If you come down here, nug it off with talking to people. That's the biggest fucking foot in your mouth here. Interesting.

Is that still the case? You know what? I would still perfect to it because I don't want to get that bad habit. There's bad habits and things that you do. Whether we speak, it happens for me. I always go, Do you see what I'm saying?

Or whatever the fuck stupid sling I say at the end of my sentences. That's a bad habit. When I was a kid, I used to rebound. Instead of going up with the rebound, I dribble the ball. It was such a bad habit that the fucking coach told me. Every time you do it, 25 push-ups and 20 fucking sprints. It took me fucking two months to stop doing it. There's little things that we do, the bad habits.

And then they become, you know, biting your nails and snort and coke. You know, they become bad fucking habits. but that you have to fucking correct it. And for you to get better in your field, you know what I'm saying? Absolutely. ... that you want to excel at. I want you, not me,

want whatever. I want you to bury yourself from time to time when it doesn't matter and work yourself out of a whole on purpose. It's harder now because I'm only doing five minutes most of the time. That's it. I want to do great. So what you want to do is you want to go up there

with a topic. Right. And remember, because you in your house, writing is completely different when you have 20 eyeballs staring at you. Exactly. You follow me? Me telling you to give me your money like this and me telling you with a 45 bazook in my fucking hand,

watch how quick you'll give me your wallet, correct or not correct? Absolutely. So it applies the same to writing comedy sometimes. Sometimes it's good to go on a limb up there, just to test your mind. And you may come up with a fucking gem that changes the whole thing. That came out because it was supposed to be there. You said it.

It came out from inside of you under pressure. Well, it is weird because one of the worst sets I had ever was earlier this week before I went up and did Sam's Tripoli's room because I was trying to go through a set list beat by beat and just memorize it rather than just do it. and it was I had more of an improvised show I mean I was still doing the material that I'd written but I wasn't doing I was I wasn't all right a B, C, D and it was weird that the more I try to control it the worse it goes sometimes well here you go and this material and this this podcast doesn't apply to just comedians this applies to salesman this applies to attorneys this applies to anybody that we make a living in a weird weird sort of way you You have to experiment, guys. Play the fucking simple. Yeah.

And you've got to learn what works for you. But guess who pushes you in your career? It's not your boss. It's not your mom because, you know, you're the first generation immigrant. It's got to be you. So sometimes you have to put yourself in an awkward position. You know, I may have to do something tomorrow at 10 in the morning, right? Remember college, college.

What do you think you go to college for? To teach how to cram. You think they want to teach you how to cram? Cramming is something that if you get good at in your life and you know how to handle, your life will be great because you know what cramming is? Doing all at once. Lacking of organization.

Right. It doesn't take to your third semester in high school or your sophomore year. I got it in my eighth grade year. When, after I got left back? Hello, it was too fucking late. So basically, you go to a fucking class. You take notes, you listen to the teacher, okay?

You do the assignments. And every week, if you knew this going in, you would go over the material, wouldn't you late? Yeah. Every Friday and Saturday, instead of dicking around for now, watching TV and hanging out with your friends. If you went over that material on Saturday and Sunday,

when the quarter of these came, it would be a lot easier for you. You didn't have to go back and start from scratch, like I'm going to look at the A and study all over again. But it took me years. It took me getting left back to figure it out like that. Well, guess what? The same thing works for comedy.

Cramming is comedy sometimes. Joey, what the fuck are you talking about? Cramming sometimes is going on stage yourself and pushing yourself to the limit. forcing yourself to do something, taking a chance. You know what? I don't want to do this tonight at the fourth wall. I'm going to go to this 11 o'clock and make my life a nightmare. From time to time, I want you to go to a bar

that you know they're not going to laugh at you. I want you to have that bar and cherish it. Even if they throw a bottle at you because you're not funny, I want you to make sure you go back there the next week. Because that's the essence of anything. is to no matter what happens, you have to overcome it mentally. And it takes a lot with stand-up and musicians and, you know, we're not going to be perfect. That's hard to get over, though.

I'm not one thing I do great every time, but I'm disappointed when I don't. Absolutely disappointed. And you know what? You should be, but you shouldn't be. How's that for you? Is that the most fucked up feeling in the world? that you should be, but you shouldn't be. And you're like, what the fuck are you saying, Retardo?

You should be sad that you're bombed, but you should be proud that you went up. And that pride is what takes you into that next set. That next set is the crucial one. Because there's a god above, right? And everything looks out. Guess what's going to happen? You're going to do well.

You're going to bomb again? No. Oh, I can't have that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But this happens with tests. This happens with sales proposals. This happens in construction when you put bids in.

You're going to bomb again. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And guess what? If there's a guard above and you catch the five o'clock, what's the pizza place you go to? Mon pizza. Let's say you go to Montpica and you do the five o'clock. Guess what?

You'll probably eat a bag of dicks again. But now you'll get so frustrated that you go to the fourth wall. you'll look over your paperwork, you'll make modifications, you listen to all your tapes because I know you tape all your sets, and you'll switch it around and you figure it out. And then once you figure it out

and you take a chance, that's when you get the rewards. That's when now the next three sets are brilliant because you changed it around. You renovated yourself. You got to, in the arts, you've got to keep reinventing yourself. That's not even a fucking questionable thing.

That's constantly. I'm not, I don't live stressed out. I don't live, you know, like with a gun to my head. And it's hard for me to write material, Lee. By the way, your tag is really working on that bit about sucking dick out in the stars. Lee's a great bit. Lee could take a bit and really add to it. That's his gift right now.

And he also has great ideas Like the night I heard him tell the story Listen this is what America wants to hear Lee already at level one Was telling you what America wants to hear on the tonight show That you know what you really love your parents But there's sometimes you don't want to answer a fucking phone You know that's number one

Jesus Christ I don't have parents but I know how people feel Because I'm like your parent When I get your number I call you like your person And you must go, this motherfucker, this fucking guy's got to call me at two in the morning. You know what I'm saying? And then he told the joke about picking up his father at the airport. Like, come on, people.

You're living wherever the fuck you're living. You got enough problems. You've got kids. And now you've picked your dad up at the fucking airport. Yeah, you're happy to see dad. But then he gets in the car and he gives you a knee beat and he tells you about your life. And right away, you do want to make a U-turn and take them right back to the fucking airport. Those two things really made me laugh.

He got rid of him. He got rid of him because he got smarter than that. He should take those two jokes and ride them until somebody tells Conan that he says those two jokes. There's a little Jew kid that says every time his mom calls him that he's got to fucking look at the phone and go, what now? You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what you said. It was so honest and it was true. But guess what happened?

You started writing jokes. Yeah. You see? We learn every day. I haven't done those for a while. think I don't pay attention. I pay attention to fucking everything. And when I go to those fucking fourth

walls, I learn like a motherfucker, even though I've been doing comedy 27 years, I leave there going, Jesus Christ, Lee has no idea what jokes he said tonight. Those are tonight show jokes with a fucking sensational delivery.

If I had parents, I would have gave Lee a thousand dollars, because I would have wrote a whole special about that, especially if I was Jewishly, take a G-note, and you're my road manager for the year. What are you talking about? I just want to be an open mind. Shut, shut up, you're going on the road, you're doing 10 minutes,

and you're going to keep writing every fucking week. Because you wrote two jokes that are brilliant. That America never wants to talk about. Everybody loves their mother. But Jesus Christ, on the third call, and it's not even lunchtime. You're like, what now? What now? What the fuck?

You know, and he said it. He didn't say it that excitable because he didn't know what he had. And then, you know, to say it. those two jokes. I'm like, you're tabbing the eighth time on stage. You tapped into something. Look at it. He's all red now in the face

because that's what you do when you're a comic. You sit back there, you shut your mouth, and you absorb and you take a piece of that he comic. You don't take that material. Right. You look at where they're going and you go, wow, I got to start

taking my jokes there. That's a weird concept. And it's It is scared. I don't want to steal. So I've been weird. You can never steal. How about Matthew Felico?

Jimmy Shelter. Flow combat. Lots money. Clam bait. Nathan Stirk. Front row, Brian, always around. My new buddy. A step on from New Albuquerque.

I love you, motherfucker. I'm sorry. I didn't see you Saturday Late Show. With tight. I got your number. Don't worry about nothing. Chris Trent and Sandra Malta Lovikio.

Don't forget, Saturday night, me and Lee are at the Ice House, 730 show. There's a few tickets left, and all that's left for Columbus is 419 to Thursday, guys. I'm sorry, and I'm not going to add shows because I think I'm shooting fucking that show that week for showtime. So tomorrow I'm shooting a guest book, and then I'm doing another episode of the guest book, and I'm doing this whatever. And I appreciate you guys because you guys have been keeping me. tip top shape you follow me ever since i got you guys in my life i got a fucking walk to walk i just can't come up here and talk bullshit to you people

there was something i had to tell you about i can't remember uh and that's why like ever since i started going to the fourth wall and when i go to fly like when i got a spot of flappers she tells me to get there at fucking 930 that means i'm not going up till 1015 i go at 915 i sit in the back i get a water And I just watch comedians. And I learn. I go, would I do that? What I didn't do that?

He's talking to the audience. He's talking too much to the audience. Sometimes, but Lee, I also want you to react to the audience. Okay? If a waitress walks into the thing and she falls over with a bag of drinks, you just can't keep doing jokes. Right. You got to crack a joke that's classy.

Maybe make a movement to help and pick up the stuff. Do you follow me? and then get back on stage and start all over again. That takes a complete different fucking animal. So I also want you to be live and in the moment. And this is why Paul Mooney would always say, you have to get entertained to be a good entertainer. You have to get entertained to write.

When I'm having a hard time writing, I will always try to watch a movie. But for years, there's been something missing. And I didn't realize what it was until last two. when Dean invited me to be part of his fucking little shangala there, that I needed live music back in my life. You enjoyed that much? I enjoyed the energy and I enjoyed the learning.

When I was a kid and I'd go see Judas Priest. I always knew Glenn Tipton was a better guitar player in KK. Dowling. K.K. Dowling did leads, but I was always a Glenn Tipton guy. But K.K. Dowling was a performer. He shook his head. He'd dance. You find out the different aspects of selling a show, which is what a comedian does. We sell a show.

The most brilliant conversation I ever heard about a comedian, the first time I ever tapped my back about being a comedian was when I saw Roseanne on Larry King Live, and they interviewed her, and they asked her about when she fired her staff, why she did that that year. And she goes, because I brought comedians in. Because comedians, we do everything.

We produce, we write, we direct, we run the lights, we know exactly how to do everything. We just get fucking lazy. Once you use every weapon that you get along the way, this is why I say to you, Lee, and I say to a lot of people that, yes, give comedy a try, give being a guitar player try. If you want to play an harmonica in a band, go for it. Whatever the fuck you want to do, go for it. Because it may not work out, and it may lead you to the, road that you end up on and become a millionaire that'd be great i i you already have the podcast game

right you already know the ups and downs of the podcast game you see how we advertise you see how we do this you see how we do the periscope now you know we have we're promoting the product we're learning so much by doing this job i've learned a complete different world that i did not know existed until the last seven years did i read a bookly no We got up at six in the morning into the podcast, twice a week. And we learned a lot from that, and then we moved on to the afternoon. We learned we couldn't get guests to come in or call you at six in the morning, unless they were on the East Coast. You learned so many fucking aspects, but if you don't try it, you're not going to learn.

Trying things take you to the road that you need to fucking be on. How do I know? Because I'm living it right now. I'm seeing this right now. Jesus Christ, you think I saw this 20 years? I didn't fucking see this. You want me to tell you when I go to Santa Fe and three shows are sold down to Albuquerque

at the beautiful Santa Ana Casino that I'm going to fucking tell you that I knew this was in the cards for me? Not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Did I tell you podcasting was going to come along? Predicted it? Not at all.

But this is the road it took me to it. I wouldn't have known if I didn't get off the couch that June 18th of 1991. Wow. And it was the same injection you're shot with right now. You get out there. You're out there at three shows. Whether it's the Fourth Wall or Carnegie Hall,

you're still out there doing a fucking show. So just because you eat a bag of dicks, there's always a side story to this note that you're getting something from this. You're going to remember 20 years from now. Every time you go get soda at the 7-Eleven or a lottery ticket, you don't look at that fourth wall and go, fuck, that building means a lot to me.

Even though now it's a fucking Russian dance school. Right, whatever it is. And the sushi place burnt down. Thank God. But no, that's really the point I wanted to talk about today is how I'm adding. I think I'm taking my wife on a date Friday night. And I'm going to take it just to a random place to watch music. Doesn't matter what type of genre it is.

When I was a kid, I watched from Kenny Rogers. to Judas Priest to fucking yes. So why don't I do it again if it's going to help my comedy? I can't tell you how much help I've gotten just from going to the fourth wall. And then how about going to the fourth wall and sitting there and watching eight guys

doing five minutes? And then I get in my car and I go to the comedy store and I see Delia, Ron White, Rogan, and then I got to go up on stage. Think about my fucking world, why I have anxiety, bitches. But I put myself through that

because at both fucking ends of the spectrum, I learn something. So do you think you might try to learn an instrument or do you think just going and watch it live would be good? Well, I think I'm just going to go watch and entertain it and live it again. You go to a concert, you're sitting aside,

and you start looking around, and you figure out what this music means to people. It's the weirdest fucking thing. me and Felicia was standing at and I saw a guy with long hair people that was, if you can't watch it into YouTube, Lee, I'll show you, he was moving his head like this. He wouldn't

stop for this. He would only stop for the songs and then he would start again and his head would shake. And Felicia looks over and she goes, I bet he's going to have a headache in the morning, you know, whatever the fuck she said to me. But it didn't matter. That's what that music meant to him. It didn't have to be ACDC.

Anybody could have been playing it. That's what that music meant to him. You look around and you start looking, and now I learn that when I'm on stage, what the fuck I'm saying is affecting them. That's what I took that night from there. I was blown away. I went home. I couldn't fall asleep at the next morning at the airport. I couldn't fall asleep until two in the morning.

I took the gabba gab and the melatonin. I took a half of Xanax. I was scared to take the whole thing. I won't wake up. Nothing. I couldn't fall asleep because I was so overwhelmed from a live experience. So I appreciate you guys When you come to a fucking show

Because now I know Even Thursday night Now, Berkey, I had a rough set My two shows Friday night Were fucking sensational But Thursday night I had a rough set Because I wasn't selling it

I had forgotten what I was there for I think the airplane Something threw me off The fucking in there I don't know what threw me the fuck off But it was still a great weekend I had a great time At Santa Fe Casino

And everybody I had contact with were very sweet. The girls were very sweet. And it was just a great weekend. But no, I hope you got something from this podcast today because I think I wanted to talk about this. Not basically the fucking people, Facebook and me and shit. But I wanted to talk about the fucking comedy.

And what you're doing right now in your life, that really is the same plan that we have. It seems better for Lee because he's doing comedy and he's understanding him. more, but always push yourself and put yourself in weird situations. What do you got to lose? I'd rather you put yourself in a bad situation than a boss make you do something and you don't know it. At least now, you understand the grasp of that situation. You ever work at a place like that there was different levels and different promotions?

Right, yeah. Let's say you started out, for example, like I started at the puddle car. as a fucking car dry okay but I would always talk to the general manager was like kissing his ass no he was from Philly or something and I always talked to him during the breaks

and shit like that and he asked me if I could sell stuff and one day while I was drying cars on the snow I went over with him and he showed me this hosting gate and then shortly after that I got a job of the body shop, you know, as a fucking, as a shagger. And I was good at it. I was a good shagger.

I finally got promoted to being a detail. It was just commissioned, which was pretty good. I'm talking 1987. I'm 24 years old. You know, I'm a fucking loser. I don't have a GED yet. This is pre-kidaping, you know? And when I was a shagger, I was already detailing cars.

I just wasn't a detailer by pay. But it didn't matter to me because I was still learning what to do. If you just went from shagging to detailing, it was like a three-week money contingency that you would lose money like a motherfucker. I already lost the money. When they would say who prepped that car, in those days we were prepping off the ship.

Okay. When you prep a car off the ship, it's completely different. It has like cosmaline on it. It may be different today. and all the seats are wrapped you got to do all that shit and you got to screw in the mirrors and there's a lot of shit

you got to do when a car comes off his ship it just don't come off looking like fucking Johnny Forever there's a thousand things you got to do the cosmoline was the worst because you got to spray a certain chemical on it let it sit for six or seven minutes then rub it out fucking good

wash it washed again do another coating wash it again then you had to give it a quick hand wax and they would pay you like 24 bucks you were a subcontractor for each car for each car it was like 20

for fucking 24 for new cars and 55 for used cars and they got $149 for the detail you got 55 bucks but if you could detail three fucking cars on one day you didn't do bad is that possible

oh yeah I could detail three fucking cars on one day and two new ones If I knew that there was a bunch of new cars, I'd get there at 6 in the morning. And I'd get two or three new cars, and then I'd get two used ones, and I'd fucking work them, Jack. But my point is, I always learned to do the job above me. Not because I wanted to steal that guy's job, because I wanted to be prepared when they offered it to me. Is that the way this fucking way of thinking? That's how I thought at that age.

That's how I thought at that age. I always wanted to know Lee's job. I want to know Sam Tripley's job. You know, if Sam Trippley was your boss, I want to know his job. And I want to know what his job was. Because in my mind, I wanted to take the steps. And it made all that shit a lot easier. I never even did.

It makes sense. I mean, the only places I worked like that were, like, at the movie theater, and I got promoted once from a red shirt to a blue shirt. But other than that, no. I mean, when you come out, when I came out here to be an editor, there's a path. But, and I guess you're right, because I would sit and I would, I would help my, my friend edit, or I would take editing gigs for less money just to, like, learn, you're right. So I guess when you take it seriously, it's like, that's like a, what was it, an apprenticeship almost.

Yeah, nobody could cut the corners for you people. Just do the fucking work. And the only way will you feel better about you. yourself, you know, they can't take it away from you. That's why I get frustrated with those fucking emails. Just do the work. There's no fucking shortcuts. I'm out here with 20 guys that took shortcuts

and they're in fucking limbo. The only shortcut is the straight line between you and that fucking goal. That's it. Listen, like I said, all you got available is 419 in Columbus. It's a Thursday night show

at 8.30. And there's a few tickets left for Saturday night. I got a couple bits. I got a fucking tighten up and you guys are gonna be my fucking guinea pig 730 show I got a few people going up for that and that's it for right now man I'm happy you guys tuned in we got a great podcast this week the next four or five guests of fucking savages so I just wanted to get you guys ready we haven't done an old school one in a while I know a lot of people ask me for him so bam there you have it my main man lee I know he's got brunt as he came all half a fact then here with the jucoft drop he even came in here with the fucking daytime night quote like he's trying to impress me if he was a real gangster

he'd show up with the night night night when the triple x one that kills bugs it kills fucking hand jobs from chinese people that's the one you come he comes in when here with the orange one fucking time and then he wouldn't take a fucking edible or a bomb him i took an edible you said people why i got a deal with give me credit i took an animal he's got and he had bruncannis three months ago no i didn't when he called me the first thing he said to me was a year ago a year ago I can't go to the gym for a week And I'm like this fucking sack of shit He's fucking trying to bullshit me

But now he's got bronchitis He won't do a fucking Bangoruski I don't know why But that don't matter anyway Who gives the shit All that matters is you motherfuckers Thank you for listening I'll see you guys Wednesday

Tip Top McGoo Number one like I said in the beginning Listen Fuji sports has been around Since Jesus left Chicago That's what they call Fuji baby Named up the fucking Mount Fuji

Anything you need jujitsu to fucking leg things for Muay Thai shorts a ghee which I highly fucking recommend that I will highly highly recommend the saparito go the extra 20 and live like a doctor go to fuji sports dot com right now you find something you like pressing church and get 10% off how's that one for you and you know me on it till the end they've been with us since day one Aubrey was here his book came out take a look at it he's a fucking lunatic but he's a good man go to honor right now even i finally tasted the mexican chocolate yes it is it's fucking delicious the new milkshake it's a little bigger container go for it the protein i got the

alpha brain you know me the new mood the shroom tech sport the shroom tech immune they got some tremendous jerky listen go to honor dot com right now and press in church and take a look at all the great supplements they got i can't take care you with the metals and the poles but as far as the fucking supplements. I got you. You know why? Because that's a type of motherfuckers than I am. Listen, I love you guys. I'll see you guys Wednesday. Have a great fucking day

today. And remember, next Thursday night, the 19th, me and Kate Quigley. That's all that's left. And I'm not out in two shows. I'm too old. And I'm going to have to shoot that fucking show. I'm dying up here. So I'm going to be too tired. I want to get you guys fresh. Tip-top, Magoo, I'm ready to fucking go.

Have a great Monday. Stay black. Kick that meal. Lee. I'm down and they're giving no smack like a bug king And with the side of big match You're throwing down to what's got you down And with your fucking up And sure you're passing the ride Got no force because I'm down by love

When it comes to rock And viciously and see cause I when I was My little baby boy My mama gave me a brand new tour Two turntables And I learned to rock like a dollop mic Time went by on this card creation I knew someday I would rock the nation

So I made up my mind just what to do And I joined with the gym on production Proof to Go crazy Go crazy Don't let your body be lazy I said don't stop The body and rock till your eyesight stops to get hazy Clean out your ears and you open your eye

If you want to hear the music Just come a lot If you don't know how, get ready to learn Close Cosmos taking his turn to burn Take the sea And yeah baby that's a bit Please rock this yo Rock that Joe

Rock Separatus