The Daily Show: Ears Edition - San Francisco "Cleans Up” for the President of China | Allyson Felix

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

Leslie Jones covers San Francisco's problematic cleaning spree, USPS's 6.5 billion dollar loss, and Desi Lydic weighs in on the many fights erupting in Congress. As the world is falling apart, Leslie Jones has vowed to set an example and keep calm. Unfortunately, RFK Jr. has other plans. And Olympic champion, Allyson Felix, discusses her favorite track & field event, her fight for maternal protections and who to look out for in the next Olympic Games.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, TGID. Thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election. Economics. Earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central. From New York City, the only city in America. It's the show that invented news. This is the Daily Show'm your host lady jones. You all are so live! Welcome to the Daly's show. I'm your host, Lady Jones.

Woo! And let me tell you, I have been having the time of my life hosting this week. I don't even care that I lost $3,000 for the swear jar. Shit that jar. But we got a great show for you tonight, so let's get to these headlines. Guys. Let's kick things off with some big diplomatic news. The President of China is in the United States for the first time since 2017. Now, this is a big deal for China and the United States, butthe first time since 2017. Now, this is a big deal for China and the United States, but it's a really big deal for the city of San Francisco.

Because the world leaders are coming into town, San Francisco has suddenly decided to clean up the city. Contractors and maintenance crews not only sweeping streets and getting rid of trash and drug paraphernalia, but officials in law enforcement also removing people, many homeless, reportedly being moved out of the areas where they might be seen. I know folks say, oh they're just cleaning up this place because all those fancy leaders are coming into town. That's true because it's true. Obviously anytime you put on an event by definition, you know, you have people over

your house, you're going to clean up the house. You're going to make sure the kids, you know, make their beds, you know, take the socks, you know, let's put them in the drawer, the hamper. Homeless people don't have a hamper. Did Mr. Slick just say he's hiding the homeless people like you throw dirty socks into the hamper? Clean your room up. China's coming over. What? I have a crazy idea. What if instead of just moving the homeless into shelters when company comes over, how about they have a home to sleep in all the time. And I know, I know you think it's crazy to give a homeless person a house, but it's been

proven time again that if you just give someone a home to live in, it's actually cheaper than keeping them on the streets. Yeah. And don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me that you don't have enough empty houses. Because I watch house hunters all the time. And there's at least two empty houses for every picky-ass couple looking for a place. Let's move on to some news about the United States Postal Service which just announced that they lost 6.5 billion dollars this

year. I don't understand why are they sending the bills through the mail? Why don't the post office just throw away the mail you know? They're the post office. But seriously can we stop picking on the post office just throw away the mail? You know? They're the post office. But seriously, can we stop picking on the post service? Why is they the only government agency we expect to make money from? What? They provide a vital service to Americans' people. Who cares if they're not profitable?

No one says to the firefighters great job saving lives, but those numbers? Not great. Going to have to sell some of those sexy-ass, calendars. Look, I know everybody thinks everything is email and texting now, but there are so many things you can only send through the mail, like a handwritten card from your grandma.

Weeds, you can send to yourself to someplace where you can't get weed. How about order a book? Come right to the mail. Right to the mail. Now, what would you do if you couldn't get my book from the post office? Go to a bookstore? Yes. Because they sell them there too. Or how about download the audio book? Yeah, you can do that, you can do that too.

You might even find a QR code somewhere. All I'm saying is that the Postal Service is important. And finally, let's talk about politics. The good news is that Congress voted yesterday to keep funding the government. Yes. So there isn't going to be a government shutdown. Congrats, Congress. You did the absolute bad fucking minimum! Now the bad news is that every single person up on Capitol Hill seems to be losing their damn mind.

Yesterday, we talked about a senator challenging a witness to fight. And he wasn't even the only one getting physical. Tennessee Congressman Tim Birchett says former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy elbowed him in the kidneys. I got elbowed in the back and it kind of caught me off guard because it was a clean shot to the kidneys and I turned back and there was there was Kevin McCarthy calling any physical contact between the two men purely accidental if I can be punched him he'd be on the grass come on. Oh my god you guys are such children you act like five year olds this is insane.

Listen I know what it's like to want to fight a coworker. You're the way. But don't do that at work. You wait for them in a parking lot like a responsible adult. For more on all the fighting in Congress. For more on all the fighting in Congress, let's go live to the Capitol Now with Desi Lydic.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Desi, holy shit, what happened? You look rough, girl? Thank you. Uh, you can't report on congressional fight club without joining congressional fight club. I've been throwing down all day. You know, these pro-life guys talk a big game until their nuts are in a bind,

and then they're all, oh, my body, my choice. Wait, wait, Desi. there's a congressional fight club? Isn't adding violence just going to make things worse? Well, actually, it's been very helpful, Leslie. There are only two ways to release all the tension in Congress. It's either a fight club or going to a musical with Lauren Bobert. And that poor woman can only do so much. She's starting to get carpal tunnel.

Desi, I'm being honest here. I'm worried about your girl. Like you look like you got hurt. Oh no, no, no, no. I mean, I took a couple blows to the head, but it's no big deal. I am totally fine, Lindsay. And the good thing is that this is working. Just one week of this and the House already passed a spending bill.

Not to mention, the House already passed a spending bill. Back to you, Louise. It's Leslie. No, I'm Desi. No, it's... Never mind. Dessie. Never mind. Desi, this doesn't seem healthy. I mean, this is just not the way to run a government. Man, bullshit is not a real fix.

I hear you, but honestly, it beats how the women do it. I mean, instead of physical violence, it's psychological warfare. Nancy Pelosi called me brave for not wearing makeup. And I was wearing a lot of makeup. Desi, Desi, I need you to get up out of it. I'm definitely worried about you getting hurt. Think about your family girl. Okay, you're right. I mean I was supposed to fight Ted Cruz in a few minutes and I guess I can cancel. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you're fighting Ted Cruz? Yeah. Never mind what I say, you stay, you, wait, wait, wait. You fighting Ted Cruz?

Never round what I say. You stay. You stay there. Oh, stay there. Oh, stay there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, theyrtle. Listen to me, okay? Okay, okay? It's all led up to this, Desi, okay? All right, you gotta stay loose, okay? You gotta wear them down, you know what I'm saying? Because he's mostly midsection, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, he's all midsection, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know, you got it, you know, this shouldthe America, you gotta do it for me, Desi! You got it!

You got it, you got it, thus! Yeah! All right! I got you! Let's go to be! Who's gonna get her ass whip. When we come back, I'm gonna show you how calm I can be. So don't go away. Hey,

Hey everybody. I am here. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast. The Weekly Show. It's going to be coming out every Thursday. So exciting, you'll be saying to yourself, TGID, thank God it's Thursday. We're going to be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the

same way that they obsess me, the election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the Daley Show. Look, look, I'm going to be honest with America right now.

I'm known for, you know, not sugar coating stuff, you know, and I'm pretty loud. Look, look, I'm going to be honest with America right now. I'm known for, you know, not sugar coating stuff, you know, and I'm pretty loud. Really loud, actually. Kind of probably known, you know, and I'm pretty loud. Really loud, actually. Kind of probably known for yelling, you know, I'm loud even when I'm whispering. So, I just, I just, I just, you all get it, right? You know, everybody right now, you know, the upset, just getting upset.

Everyone's on edge, the world is falling apart. But this is what I want to do. I want to be the example to the the to the to the to to the the to the to the example the the to the the to the the the to the to the the the to the to the to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the edge, the world is falling apart, but this is what I want to do. I want to be the example to the show to show that y'all can stay calm. Okay? No matter what you see, you can stay calm. So that's why I created this new segment called Leslie Jones tries not to lose her shit. There was a time when election stories would really get me upset, but now I'm better at staying calm. Huh? Huh? Okay? So let's see what's going on with the election. Third party candidates could prove to have a major impact in this next presidential election. Robert F. Kennedy toendy jr.

to prove to have a major impact in this next presidential election Robert F Kennedy Jr. is polling higher than any independent or third-party candidate in more than 30 years It's not good. But, you know, it's really not good. You know, the race is the race is tight enough, as it is without some random Kennedy dude jumping in to cause all kinds of chaos. But you know what? That's democracy.

Okay? Everyone got a right to run for office. And who knows? Who knows? This dude might actually have some good ideas. Kennedy, the candidate best known for his anti-vaccine advocacy and history of promoting ugly conspiracy theories. He's linked chemicals in our water supply to gender dysphoria, anti-depressants to school shootings, and insisted COVID vaccines were a tool to control people via microchips. RFK Jr. said last week that somehow COVID-19

was engineered to not target Asians and Ashkenazi Jews. Jesus wept. Oh, Jesus wept. Ugh. Now, that doesn't make me happy. But then again, it's a free country. Okay? Everyone has the right to believe in what they believe. Ah? See?

See? See? I did it. I did it. I didn't lose my shit. Robert Kennedy. I did it. I didn't lose over Robert Kennedy. I'm so proud of myself.

We did it, everybody. Yes. Now, is there anything else I need to know? A recent photo on a flight is sparking an age-old debate. Is it ever okay to remove your shoes on a plane? Passengers snap this photo of Presidential Hope for Robert Kennedy, Jr. with no shoes, and, key point here, no socks. Kennedy was actually coming back from the bathroom with no shoes, no socks.

Mother-Boh! I try, y'all saw me, right? Y'all saw me, y'all saw I try, right? You witness me trying. Now I'm about to the... He went to the plain bathroom barefooted? This is the most disturbing video I have ever seen of a Kennedy and that includes the one where a guy's head exposed! Like how are you the worst Kennedy? Like how are you the worst Kennedy?

Your uncle killed a lady by driving off a bridge! But then I see your nasty feet. And I wish I was in that car. The only reason you should come out, a plain bathroom barefoot is if you got robbed in there by someone who only needs socks and shoes. He doesn't even believe in vaccines. How far have the Kennedy's fallen? JFK was raw-dogging, Maryland Maro, but the only thing this Kennedy is raw-dogging is tetanis.

It's tetanus. Why was that plane even allowed to land? Where is the Malaysian pilot when you need him? And you know what? And you know what else? You know what else? One more thing. Feeck you for still and Larry David's wife. Okay, that didn't go well.

I guess we'll try again next time. When we come back, the legendary athlete, Allison Felix will be joining us today on the show. So go for always! the today. John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches.

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast. My guest tonight is the most decorated track and field athlete of all time. Welcome back to the Daily show. My guest tonight is the most decorated track and field athlete of all time. She's also the co-founder and president of Seish. Please welcome seven-time Olympic gold medalist, Allison Felix! I love, give them up.

Dance! Oh my, now, first of all, you already know I'm obsessed. Obsessed with the Olympics, you know, everything Olympics. Now, I know you've seen all of the clips. Your commentary is everything. It's everything. Top tier. I love, I love, I love, I love. I love you. I love I love giving Olympic

athletes they love. I mean because you guys deserve it. Like let me let me let me read this off. Let me read this all. She has been in five Olympic games from 2004 to 2020. She has 11 Olympic medals seven gold, three silver, one Bronx. She has 20. She has 20. She has 20. She has 20. She has 11 Olympic medals, 7 gold, 3 silver, 1 Bronx. She has 20, she has 20 world championship medals. Go ahead! Yes! That's what I'm talking about. I got this question.

When you were in high school and running track, did you ever think you was going to do all of that? Not at all. Now, in high school they called me chicken legs. I was just concerned with making friends and you know I was like maybe I could get a scholarship to college and that was my big thing but I had no idea or even really aspirations to take it this far. Really when did you when did you get aspirations like when did it click on? Yeah, it was somewhere in the middle towards the end of high school where I was like,

oh, you know, maybe I could go to the Olympics, maybe I could make this a career, but I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. So it was. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And you would have been running fast after them kids. You were calling it. Well, okay, now I know this is crazy

because you know I'm going to ask this because I'm a black girl like you. When you're running, how do you choose how to do your hair? Because see people don't know that black women, you know, we got to put our hair in a certain way. You know, explain all of like the hairstyle. I'm a braids today. I'm a braids types type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type type. I their. I their. I'm a their. I'm a their. I'm a braids. I'm a braids. I'm a braids their. I'm a braids their. I'm a braids. I'm a. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the. the. the. type of braids or corn rows or something that makes it really easy so I could focus on what I have to get done. Exactly, exactly. Now this is my big question and and this is always going to be the big question and man y'all don't even understand how insulting you are that you don't even understand the stuff that female athletes go through. We gotta have babies.

Y'all wanna have babies, y'all get your wife to do it and you ain't gotta go through that. So tell, tell this, tell this America, how it feels to have to not only be this Olympic icon, but then turn around have a baby and then have people tell you that you can't do it after you to have your baby. Tell us about that. I mean, it's so hard and women have been doing it forever. And the thing about it is just not being supported. You know, everyone wants the glory moment

when everything is great and when you've come back and you've gone through the struggles, but they don't want to fight on the behalf of other mothers to say, we have to do this differently. You know, we need to support every athlete holistically, and that means motherhood as well. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Now, was that criticism and all of that stuff coming towards you, like the meaning of you

doing your shoe, your own shoe? Absolutely. I, you know, I parted ways with Nike over that fight that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that tholic that tholic that tholic that tholic thatheaught thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat, th, th, th, th, thatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe, th, th, thathe, that, that, to that, that, to to to that, to to to to tha, to to to toa, toa, that,. I, you know, I parted ways with Nike over that fight for maternal protections. I was looking for another footwear sponsor and I couldn't find it. And so in talking with my brother, we just decided to do it ourselves. That's right. Yeah, we thought we were making shoes that I could wear in the Olympics. But then we learned as we went down that path that shoes haven't been made for women. And what that means is a shoe was made off of a last, which is just a mold of a foot. And it's been the mold of a man's foot to make women's sneakers.

So we do things differently. Our shoes are built off the mold and off the function of the woman's body, and they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just they're just just just they're just they're just they body and they're just specifically made for her. That's right. That's right, women looking out for women. Now, you know I gotta ask you, you know, I know you're retired but I know you got some favorites. So who should we be looking at for coming up Olympics? I mean, we have so much talent.

I'm really excited about Gabby Thomas. She's doing so well. Anna Hall. And th, th, th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, and th, th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, th, the, that, th, tho, tho, tho, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, thi, that, that, that, that, that, thoooooooooooooooomoooomorrow, tha, tha, their, their, their, tha, have so much talent. I'm really excited about Gabby Thomas. She's doing so well, Anna Hall. And then of course, you know, I have to, my mother's Shelly and Frazier Prize, you know, always. Oh my God, love all that. I think this is gonna be her final Olympics. Yes. That's my girl. And just excited to see whatto Olympics which you guys if you ever get a chance I mean seriously just to even go to one event try to go to track and field it will change your life. It is so beautiful to watch and it's out and it's green and it's not just the running that's going on. It's the middle the all the events in the middle of the the events in the middle. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the going on it's the the middle the all the events in the middle yeah the people

throwing spears and stuff now I got to see you saying boat run and it was you guys and I hate to say it this way but y'all look like horses almost like your legs are so strong and these these dudes was running my I'm talking about they veins there's it's like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like. their their their. their. their. their. their their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their their their their their their their their their their their their. It's. It's. It's. It's their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the running, I'm talking about they veins. And there's just like, And you say, and you saying was just like, hmm, fast. Yes. Now, how do you get that fast?

Is it build on legs? Is it like, what is that? I mean, it's a combination. It's definitely, you know, a God-given talent? But it comes with a lot tha tha tha tha tha tha th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, the thi, thi, their, their, their, you, thi, their, their, their, their, their, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. thin. thin, you're, thin, the thin, the the thin, the the the the thin, the thin, the their, their but it comes with a lot of hard work and so you get faster in the weight room you know all the the weights the pliometrics all of those things and a lot of practice a lot of dedication. Wow what is your favorite event to run? I love the 200 I always used to call it my baby but then I had a baby and I was like okay I don't. th th. I don't th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th is th is the that that that the that that the the the the the that. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. thateat. that. that. that. that. the weight. the weight the weight the weight the weight the weight the't think I can do that anymore. So that's a perfect distance to me. Really? Okay the 100 yard dance? My start isn't that's the strong point. You have to have a good start and the 400 is just too long. It's lactic acid and anybody who's run a 400 they know about that. So the 200 is like the sweet spot. Oh my god I'm just want to ask you everything I have all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all all the the the the the the the the the. the the. the the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the. the. the. the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I the. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th I just want to ask you everything. I have all these questions. Okay.

Last question. What does it feel like to be Oprah's favorite thing? It's so special. You know, I feel so proud. We just launched our running shoe. And so, to have the Felix Runner on Oprah's favorite things, again, it's our second time being on there. So, I mean, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to be, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. th. th. th. to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to to th. th. th. to th. to to th. to th. to th. to to to th. to to to to to th. to to to to to the. to to to the. to to the. the. to the. to to things. Again, it's our second time being on there. So, I mean, you know, to be, you know, if Oprah approved, that's right, girl, that's legit.

You're about to sell it. You're about to sell it. Oh, that's right. I want to say, as another black woman, I, if no much for being the person you are and being strong and fighting and just showing people that you got to fight for yourself. I love you and I think you're I think you're a bag of chips and all that you know what I'm saying? Thank you. Thank you for seeing you no it's for real. Thank you Allison's feelings for you, Allison Phyllis for coming out.

All right, we're going to take a break, but we will be right back after this. Oh! John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show withtonight, but before we go, please check out Common Ground. It's an incredible documentary that explores how regenerative agriculture can help heal the soil.

Yes! It heals our health and the planet. You guys go to the link below to find out how you can see this film and how you can do more. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. John Stewart here.

Unbelievably exciting news. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election. Economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart. Wherever you get your podcast.