The Daily Zeitgeist - Every Single Zeit 11/19: Kurt Volker, Mauricio Pochettino, 2009 v 2019, "The Fart"

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

On this episode of Every Single Zeit Jack and Miles discuss Kurt Volker, Pochettino leaving Tottenham Hotspur, the 2009 v 2019 trend, and "The Fart" Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello the internet and welcome to every single zeit. Every single zeit. How'd it turn out? My name is Jack O'Brien. I'm Miles Gray. That's Miles Gray. We got super producer Ana Hosnier in the studio but she's not going to talk until we get to the most important story of the day. Just yeah. She specifically said she's here for one story and one story only. We specifically said she's here for one story and one story only. So we'll talk about that when we get to it. But up first, the number one trending thing on Twitter, on Google, is Volker. Is this a Star Trek race?

Wow. Yep. No, former special envoy for Ukraine, Kurt Volker. He is one of the three amigos, which was himself, Gordon Sondland, and Rick Perry. And anyway, that's how we know him. He was one of the original liars. Yeah, one of the OG liars. I said, is he a Star Trek alien?

Oh, no. Remember that? Nope. I tried to block that out. Okay. Because I want to have respect for your soul. Okay, cool. So with this, his public testimony, he came through and had like a couple things he amended,

which was a little bit interesting. His original testimony was that during a July 10th meeting with Ukrainians at the White House, investigations were not raised. He said, I don't know anything about something about investigations. Investigations were not raised. He said, I never I don't know anything about some of our investigations. But now, according to his opening statement, he has come to remember that U.S. Ambassador Gordon Sondland did raise the topic. And he also remembered that, quote, all of us at the meeting found Sondland's behavior to be, quote, inappropriate. He also made some changes about his testimony about demands to investigate the Bidens and demands to investigate Burisma were two separate things. But then Tuesday, he said, and today, he said that while he recalled that Giuliani and others were demanding investigations into the gas company on whose board Hunter Biden sat, Volker failed to connect an investigation into corruption allegations at Burisma with a politically motivated attack on the Bidens.

So he's not really doing much explosive stuff. I mean, the amendments he did make show that he's a little less willing to just outright lie. And then finally he was saying, he's like, I just want to say, I just, the reference to the three amigos, it's just sickening to him because the three amigos will always refer to Senator John McCain, Senator Joe Lieberman and Senator Lindsey Graham talking about the support of the surge in Iraq.

What a douche. OK, so anyway. Yeah, not a lot there. I mean, him and Tim Morrison, everyone's gonna be like, they're not going to really do much here here to blow the lid off of any of the White House talking points. But, you know, little shreds of honesty. I would still say I know shady a little bit. There were shady things going on, whereas in the past he was more in lockstep with all the presidents. He's trying to do that thing where he doesn't want to say shady.

So he's like, what's like two degrees back from shady? Right. Like cloudy with a chance of shade? I don't know. So what is this? The USS Enterprise? Oh, boy. Anna, can you call his doctor?

You said United Shush earlier. The United Shush of America. Up next is something I have no idea what this is. I'm loving it. But you jumped at the opportunity to put this on our. Well, look, number two trending thing on Twitter, Pach. I'll go, uh-oh. I know that to be Mauricio Pochettino, the manager of just the lesser club in North London in the Barclays Premier League, Tottenham Hotspur.

They have sacked their manager after a string of bad performances. And to be completely fair, that sounds like a headline that could describe the situation at Arsenal. So, you know, I was going to say, so leave me alone. I get it. We're both in terrible places. However, I will always dance on the grave of Tottenham Hotspur. That's just what it is. OK, I got Arsenal, Tottenham, my body. What do you think it is?

I think the one thing a lot of people are looking at is because there are a lot of teams in the Premier League that have terrible coaches. They're trying to maybe sack their managers as quickly as possible because the market for available managers is like very narrow in terms of the quality you want. So some people are like, even Arsenal fans are like, damn, they sacked their manager before we could sack ours because they might get a shot at a better manager than we can. There's like a finite list of good managers. There's only like maybe three or four people who you would trust. I mean, with the aspirations that Tottenham have and the aspirations that Arsenal have,

we're looking at sort of the same kind of manager. So where would you put football? I think in terms of how much a coach can affect the outcome, like in America's big three, i'd say it's probably football basketball then baseball like baseball you can manage with like a spreadsheet yeah yeah i mean no i mean with footy you got to have a great manager because part of that is understanding like tactically what your best setup is how to use your players the best way our current manager una emery can't seem to do that if his life depended on it. So pretty soon, maybe I will be talking about why Emery out is

trending because we might be looking at getting rid of our own manager. But still, it's really, you hate to see Mauricio Pochettino go. The fans liked him, the players really liked him, and he still didn't win anything. Good luck to you, sir. So he just got axed despite being popular. That's rare that somebody, a coach, remains popular with the fans after his team starts to suck. Well, you know, they went to the Champions League final last season, which, you know, credit to them. Arsenal isn't even in the Champions League. So you're like, I'll flame myself before the fans get to me. But that's a pretty big deal to get to the final.

But they lost to Liverpool ultimately. And to be able to just sack him the next season shows ruthlessness at the Tottenham board. And also I think they want to get in the Champions League. Yeah, they're not a family like Arsenal. Yeah, but look, oh my God. I could do a daily me just crying about Arsenal thing. And the Tottenham fans will also tune into that,

and we'll all win. And just in case anybody thinks you are biased in one way or another, the beginning of this write-up on our doc says, Tottenham is scum. Yes, it does. In all caps. Yeah. So yeah. What do you think of Tottenham? Shit! What do you think

of shit? Tottenham! Thank you. That's alright. We hate Tottenham. One thing that was trending on Twitter was 2009 versus 2019. And that makes sense. Is that just people doing 10-year gap photos, maybe? Yeah. And some people are like, look, I'm still working with helicopters.

But some people are like, hey, I'm an adult now and I used to be a kid. And that was like a big thing on like there was a top trending article on BuzzFeed last week. It was like celebrities who look way different than they did in 2009. And it was all celebrities who are between 19 and 22. Right. And it was all just like look at this guy he wasn't even a teenager wow you believe it look at him now he's a zad that's weird look at this kid um what a the glow up was real aka becoming a fucking adult yeah people the human body changes a lot

during that period uh how do you think you we should we do 10 year gap photos? How much I've de-aged? Yeah. Since I made that deal with Satan? That's right. It was me and Pharrell in that waiting room. I don't know if I can do with that many more exposures of pictures of me in cargo shorts. Well, you weren't wearing cargo shorts 10 years ago, were you? Oh, boy.

We'll leave that for... Let's actually move on to the real pressing story. It's the big story of the day. It is... You know how there is that show... This is a terrible reference. There is that show, The Slap. Well, this is The Fart. NBC's The Fart.

And Super Producer Anna Hosnia is here because that was the worst fart noise I've ever heard. I fucked up my fart! That was the worst fart. I can't fart. You can't make fart noises? You can't. I can't.

How do you interact with babies? I don't know how to fart. Just spit all over them? No, no, do it in your elbow. You legitimately can't do it. Or you can just do it with your lips. with your lips like that was Anna legit farting I can't fart so the story is uh congressman Eric Swalwell we got to play that was on hardball with Chris Matthews and just listen to what this is and you tell me what happened is uncontradicted that the president used taxpayer dollars to ask the ukrainians to help them cheat an election okay how about one more time okay just one more time

for the record evidence is uncontradicted that the president used taxpayer dollars to ask the ukrainians to help them cheat an election and the complaint that i've heard okay so a lot of people are like, this motherfucker farted on air. Straight up. Straight up. I thought it was one of those videos like the farting preacher where people added fart sounds to the thing. It definitely sounds fake because it's so loud. But the thing is, when you watch him, right? Even when you hear the, he pauses.

He pauses to fart. And it almost feels, if it was a true fart, that his pelvis was projected slightly forward due to the force out of his butt. Which leaves me to believe it's real. Okay.

Now there's a couple explanations. Right. What Eric Swalwell just denies it, right? Eric Swalwell's statement on the matter. My official statement from the office of Congressman Eric Swalwell. It was not me! Five exclamation points.

Ha! And I didn't hear it when I was speaking. So why do you stop talking then, bro? Also, that's not a good argument. I didn't hear it when I was talking. That doesn't... What? You don't need to say that.

I didn't hear anything. That makes you be like, yo, you farted then. Right. I didn't hear that. What are you talking about? Is he like whoever smelt it dealt it? Nobody farted. Yeah.

Well, then the explanation from the producers at Hardball was that someone was sliding a coffee mug on the broadcast desk. Now, with that in mind, listen again, close your eyes, and imagine that sound of a ceramic mug going across the table. Evidence is uncontradicted that the president used taxpayer dollars to ask the Ukrainians to help him cheat an election. Okay, one more time. To help him cheat an election. Okay, one more time. To help him cheat an election.

And one more time. To help him cheat an election. Oh, yeah. It sounds like you're scooting a desk chair out. I got it the last time. Oh, the four times before. Yeah, yeah. Fart, fart, fart.

I didn't get it up to that point. Fart. Wait, mug? Yeah. I can kind of hear it, but... It's just so... It's a fart. It's like one of those videos where if they play the sound effect, then it sounds like

the ball is hitting the thing. Wait, what? There are these videos where your visuals and the sounds play off of each other, so they'll play the same sound. But in one, it looks like a ball is bouncing. And in another, it doesn't look like that. But your brain will adapt. Or, for instance, it'll show you two different mouths. And if the mouth is making the F sound, you will totally hear an F sound.

Oh, got it. Just sort of how your eyes and brain are wired. Right. But this one, we're just using our ears, baby. One more time. Just to ask the Ukrainians to help them cheat. Personally, I think it's great if he's farting.

I think we should be allowed to just let one rip if we need to let one rip and we should... Straight up! Thank you. Says the producer who farts a lot in that back room. Right. And during the show. We have to constantly edit it out. That's why people don't know we have that back room. Right. And during the show. We have to constantly edit it out. That's why people don't know we have that glass door.

Right. That's to keep the farts in. I think it's because impeachment gives me gas. Ooh. I don't know what to believe. I would believe that it was the mug sliding across the thing and he heard it and that's why he stopped talking. But he said he didn't hear anything. Well, here's the gap. So he farted.

I don't think he... The Ukrainians to help him cheat an election. Cheat an election. No, he created the runway for that part. Right, I agree. Honestly, I think it's a better story if he farted. I do too. And I think that would help him a lot.

It makes him relevant again. Yeah, exactly. Not the guy who ran for president for.2 seconds. I can't, because it feels like this gap in when he stops speaking and when that mug fart, when the mug farts, it's too,

they're right on the nose. He can't be reacting that quickly. No, he's farting. It really sounds like that. It sounds like if I was going to, you know, and I'm trying to, I just want to talk about the news story today. Like it has that vibe of someone trying to let you know they're farting.

Yeah. Giving you room. Because I've been there. I can't keep up a conversation and fart at the same time. Like I have to focus on getting the fart out. Yeah. Wait, your priority is to fart

even no matter the context. You won't try and let it crawl up inside you and die? I don't do it as much outside, but at home when talking to my partner, yeah. We're in the middle of something. We don't have time. You've got to get your fart out and keep it moving. We've got to keep it moving. Yeah.

And then do you say something funny like, what was that? Who stepped on a bullfrog? No, classic is you always blame it on the pets. You've got to be like, look at these farties. That's what Her Majesty will do. On a cat, I'm like, that's low. Cat didn't do nothing to you. Or my grandpa, when he farts, he'll go,

That would be in response to his old farts. Who was that? Who was that? Yeah, exactly. My dad doesn't say anything, and when we go like, dude, he'll be like, oh, oh, sorry. Oh. It just hadn't even occurred to him that anyone was in there. That we aren't like all dying from the smell.

All right. Well, guys, we're not going to solve this one today, and people are going to be puzzling over this like this is a Pruder film for years. So, yeah. Just let us know what you think. Yeah. Or don't. I'm at Jack underscore O'Brien on Twitter.

I'm at Miles and Gray and everything. Yeah. All right. And I'm at Bart Hosnier. Just joking. At Anna Hosnier. Aw, he should get that handled. We'll be back tomorrow with another podcast.

Thank you.