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Is Halloween for adults? Should you always follow instructions?

October 29, 20260 comments♥ 0
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00:30 This is a CBC podcast. Hey, Canada, oiler alert. This whole show is hilarious from Edmonton, Alberta, home of the Oilers. It's the debaters. It's where comedians fight with facts and funny. In this audience, fix the winner. Now here's a man who really gives a puck about this show, Steve Patterson. Welcome back to the debaters.
01:08 It is great to be back here in Edmonton, also known as Canada's Festival City. Yep. In 2026, the Weird Beer Festival saw breweries trying out all sorts of, well, weird flavors. With the theme of monster movies, the weird flavors didn't disappoint. You could get a green-colored bride of Frankenstein lager. Or a beer for when you need the hair of the dog called Kujo's Revenge. Or another named the Mummy Returns, which implies that your mom takes back your empties. Time now to meet two debaters who are here for a real brouhaha. Get used to that. Oh, my God.
01:56 This comic hasn't heard if the agency gave him that spying job, so he's been bugging them for weeks. It's Winnipeg's Matt Falk! Hi, everybody. Hi, Steve. How are you? Good to see you again, my friend. Nice to see you. And this comic's TV show about marathons didn't get picked up, but technically she still had a good run.
02:24 It's Toronto's Isabelle Zotton. Isabelle Zotton. Come on now, and Isabel Zotton has gone out of her way. I've got to try to describe what you're wearing. It is a lovely black dress. What is the material? Vinyl. It's vinyl.
02:44 And then it's your hair. It's a banana. Anyway. That's correct. I've come dressed as Alberta's opinion of Toronto. So. Now it makes sense. So for the listeners at home or those in the back,
03:00 I'm dressed like a big pile of garbage. I am also dressed as garbage. Your topic is one that we hope won't scare listeners off. Halloween. Is it really more for adults? One Halloween tradition that all ages love is the song, the monster mash.
03:28 And we here at debaters are not above getting in on some of those sweet Halloween music money royalties. So here's a little something that we've been working on with help from the one and only. Graham Clark, come on back out here, Graham. This fan is everywhere.
03:42 Hello. Hit it, please, James. I was hosting the debaters early one night with my funny friends on my left and my right. They argued their positions. pro and con and when they got off track, I got them back. We did the punster match.
04:08 The punster mash. It's a comedic smash. We did the mash. Some things land and some crash. We did the mash. We did the ponder mash. Now for a debate that we hope will be a trick and a treat. So, whereas they celebrate over a longer period,
04:35 create a variety of events, and put more effort into costumes and decorations, be it resolved that Halloween is for adults. Matt, you are arguing for this, please. You have two minutes, starting now, Matt Fulke. Thank you. One day a year. That's all I get. One day where I can wear a mask that isn't psychological.
05:09 Fuki season is great for my mental health. It's the one time a year I stop. dusting the cobwebs off my front porch. Now I'm not that gross house on second street. I'm that scary house on second street. Halloween has something for every type of adult. Introverts can stay at home, eat candy and watch scary movies.
05:35 Extroverts can dress up as attractive animals and drink green apple martinis. And pretentious and sufferable know-it-alls can spend the whole month going actually Frankenstein was the name of the doctor. Plus, I mean, who doesn't love a good zombie movie? Like Night at the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, or the Melania documentary.
06:07 Adult life is boring. You're stuck in your dead-end job. Why not pretend? On all Hallows Eve, you're not George the locksmith. You're George the Warlock Smith. And it's not like Halloween just about shutting off the adult part of your brain. There are practical, grown-up skills
06:38 from the business world that can make Halloween better. Your kid goes out trick-or-treating. You take a handful of candy from their bag. It's jokingly called the parent tax. But come on. Yeah, only an adult could have come up with that. That is commission-based subcontracting. Thank you very much.
06:59 Thank you, Steve. Thank you. Matt Fulf, ladies and gentlemen, this Halloween is for adults. Now, here to insist that Halloween is strictly for children of the corn. Let's hear from the always entertaining, Isabel Zottin.
07:24 Do adults spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on Halloween? Yes. Is this proof? that Halloween is for them? No. Let's examine the basic premise. A holiday for staying outside until late at night. A seven-year-old's dream.
07:43 A 35-year-old's nightmare. If I'm not in bed by 9 p.m., I am grumpy. Even our wonderful crowd here. My parents came to see me perform the last time I did the debaters. They were so excited. they clapped, they cheered, and they left at intermission because they wanted to be home in bed on time.
08:12 You see, you're cheering for being home in bed on time. As an adult, Halloween is time-consuming and expensive. You are the one who has to think of a witty pop culture costume that will impress all of your irony-poisoned friends. You are the one that has to spend over $25. on boxes of fun-sized treats that you know are going to drop to half price the second it hits November first. No.
08:45 As a child, Halloween is full of wonderment and awe. Where do spirit Halloween's come from? And where do they disappear to? Why does Nestle continue to make fun-sized coffee crisps when nobody likes them? And why does dad get tired and want to go home after only three hours of trick-or-treating when I never want it to end.
09:13 Thank you. Isabel Zoughton. She says Halloween is not for adults. Matt Falk says it is, and it's time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating whether Halloween is for adults. So you two grin reapers give our loyal fangs of the debaters
09:35 some good frighten words. Remember, disguise got your back. So, it's Halloween or take all. So let's see which of you can broom stick the landing, starting now. You might if I start. The coffee crisp thing. Why do they make coffee crisps? For adults.
10:07 You're proving my point. Coffee crisp is this beautiful juxtaposition. You get to experience the childlike wonder of a sugar rush, but you get to still taste like you're eating something at the table reading a newspaper. It's the both worlds coming together. Okay. See? All right.
10:27 See it. Coffee crisps are the sacrificial candy that are made so that parents will steal them instead of the other delicious candies in the child's sack. Okay. Proving, proving that when adults get involved in Halloween, it's only for three. fevery, deceit, and bland wafers.
10:53 I understand I'm addressing adults and not a crowd full of toddlers dressed as Mario, so I am kind of on the back foot here, but I challenge anyone to look at a toddler dressed as Princess Spider-Man, which is literally my daughter's Halloween costume this year, and tell me that Halloween is only for sex. sexy Babadooks. Okay.
11:19 It's against nature. I am not saying it is only for adults. I'm just saying every year I spend 500 bucks on candy for a bunch of ungrateful, snive, unimaginative little brats wearing hastily thrown together
11:33 knockoff Pixar costumes that their parents bought on Timu. Halloween is for kids? Kids are literally the worst part about Halloween. Sorry, are the kids buying the costumes on Timu or are the adults? buying the costumes on T-Moot, okay?
11:56 Don't ooh! Halloween show, they can ooh all day one. It's on theme. I have a theory that Halloween is really an elaborate social construct that is made to teach toddlers how to say thank you. All right. Okay.
12:18 Think about it. Think about it. Yeah, but... Okay. Every house, say thank you. Yes, but as an adult, who has children, I think it is beautiful that our kids are able to learn
12:31 such an angelic lesson on Satan's birthday. Okay. That's probably a good place to stop. That's the bare knuckle round, everybody. It's time now for the firing line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on Halloween, being more for adults, brought to you by the drink of choice for adults
12:52 who go to bed early on Halloween, Decoffinated coffee. A boo is a cheer on this show. Stratus.H.R. says, when picking a costume appropriate to where to work, make sure you can still perform your job while wearing it. Stay away from anything culturally offensive and don't dress up as what.
13:21 Matt. Your boss's mistress. That could be dangerous. Yep. Isabel? The ghost of layoffs yet to come. That is the wrong holiday. That's a Christmas thing.
13:41 That one really hit. Don't dress up as your coworker. Which is so weird because I'm self-employed. Mashable.com's list of don'ts when planning a Halloween party include don't pick a distasteful theme, don't have bland snacks, and what else? Matt? Don't invite your Mennonite neighbors. You know it's true.
14:19 This is crazy. Don't pick a distasteful theme, don't have bland snacks, and don't be overly competitive when bobbing for apples. Always the kid with the biggest front teeth. As a way of keeping your children safe during trick-or-treating, Dr. Jennifer Weiss recommends using the acronym, Candy. Carry a flashlight. Always walk on the side.
14:46 Never go alone. Disguard any suspicious items. And why stands for what? Matt. Yeager bombs. Yagerbombs! I like that. I like that. Two points. Isabelle Zotton. You can steal your kids candy once they fall asleep. Actually, actually pretty close. You can have fun. Same thing. I'll be very honest.
15:19 This is the dumbest acronym I've ever seen in my life. I think why I could stand for, yo, this is too many letters. The popular Edmonton haunted house called Dedmonton requires kids to be 12 or older, and no refunds will be issued if what happens. Isabel? If your 12-year-old turns out to be three, four-year-olds in a trench coat.
15:46 I like that. Two points. No refunds when someone goes, wait, this isn't the big mall. I like it. It's well acted out. You really sold it. There'll be no refunds if the kids get too scared to continue. That's the firing line, everybody.
16:12 We are debating whether Halloween is for adults and it's almost time for our Horowitz theater audience to vote. But first, hear again to say, silly adults. Halloween is for kids. Let's hear from Isabel Zottin. Halloween for adults? The adult that turns off their lights pretending to not be home? Because they're too cheap to get a box of Kit Katz?
16:40 That adult, the adult who forgot it was Halloween, so he opened a bag of Tastito's hint of lime and used his bare hands to give me and my sister five individual chips. That guy, Halloween is not for him. Okay? There is a type of adult, I will admit, that loves the pageantry and elaborate costumes. We have a name for them. Theater kids. A lot of Halloween adults are about to get very defensive here, so just take a deep breath. Look at the arts diploma on your wall. You'll see I'm right,
17:19 the Venn diagram of I constructed a paper-mache head so that I could be both Ilya and Shane from heated rivalry. And I'm in student loan debt is a complete circle. Your kid energy, that theater, that kid energy, that's what makes Halloween exciting. You can be an adult at Halloween if you let go of your inner tired grump and you embrace your inner child. Thank you. It's about it. Now, here with a word to the Pennywise that Halloween belongs to the evening. adults, let's hear again from Matt Falk.
18:04 The world is scary. So dress up as something scarier. Like a bridge troll or a hobgoblin or the leader of the opposition. Typically, adults who dress up are relegated to Comic Con conventions held in banquet room E at the local travel lodge. We just want one. night to showcase our handmade comic book accurate Doctor Strange outfit, and here, whoa, cool costume.
18:50 Instead of, sir, you need to leave this Burger King, the police are on their way. Finally, and I didn't want to do this, it is a patriotic matter. By refusing to dress up, don't we dishonor the memorandum the memorandum. the memory of our most cherished Canuck, Mr. Dressop? Yeah? This doesn't necessarily mean that if I lose, you're all a bunch of Canadian-hating Trump-loving, pro-American, far-right, dangerous sociopaths.
19:43 But it does raise the question. Thank you. Matt. Matt, phone. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. Oh, my goodness. goodness. All right, it is up for this audience to vote. Who sided with Matt's scerfully thought
20:00 out argument that adults own Halloween, Matt Foltz? A lot of love for Matt. Okay, and how many of you agreed with Isabel? Anyone who doesn't think Halloween is for kids to just grow up? Isabel Zodden? It's pretty close, but we got to give this one to Matt Falk. Let the adults dress up. Big end for Matt Folt. and the gloriously dressed Isabelle Zottin! Hey, debaters listeners, for access to bonus content, like photos of Isabel Zottin's Halloween costume,
20:43 be sure to visit our Instagram or Facebook page. You can find us at at CBC Debaters. Right now, Canadians are choosing to support each other like we never have before. So shouldn't our website domains show that same strong support? Choosing a dotCA domain does that and much, much more, because proceeds from dotCA domain sales help support local projects that improve digital access, online safety, and build stronger Canadian communities. Your website may be where your dotCA starts, but its impact goes much further.
21:14 See the difference a Canadian online choice makes. Visit choose.ca today. At Desjardin, we understand it can take up to 4,000 hours to turn a calling into a career. Three flights to make your dream vacation a reality. 1,200 square feet to turn a house into a home, and 7.5 pounds to start saving for a whole new future. For all of life's moments, we're here when it counts. Desjardin. Edmonton, I have just one question for you.
21:52 Are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters? It sounds like they're ready, Canada. This comic shopped for a bowling ball in Nova Scotia and ended up with a brand new Brunswick. It's Edmonton's Peter Brown. Hello, sweet. Hello, sir. Welcome back.
22:16 And this comic's dream is to headline at the stand-up comedy mecca, McEachan Rising Star. It's Calgary's Levi McKechn. McAchen, striding across to my right. Hi, Steve. Hi, Levi. Welcome back.
22:35 Your topic is one that you'll have to put together yourself. Instructions. Should everyone follow them? I sometimes joke that my wife Nancy is the one submitting debate topics for this show. This time, I'm sure she did. Nancy's great at putting things together because she's got the patience to follow instruction manuals. I'm more of a free thinker. A jam pieces together that weren't meant to go together,
23:06 then yell some words my young daughter shouldn't be hearing kind of guy. The number one instruction in my house is, don't use daddy's Lego building words at school. It's time now for a debate that will happen step by step. So, whereas doing so reduces errors, prevents hazards, and saves time in the long run, be resolved, you should always follow the instructions. Peter, you're arguing for this, please, my friend. You have two minutes, starting now, Peter Brown.
23:39 Thanks, everybody. A quick question. We're now several minutes into this recording of the debaters. Is anyone just now strolling in? Is anyone just rolling in now? No, of course not. You're not animals. You follow the instructions for being an audience member, and this show is on time and running smoothly thanks to you, magnificent instruction followers. This is what life... Yes, applaud for yourselves.
24:07 I also love how you applaud it for yourselves after I instructed you to. See, this is what life could be like if the instruction ignores, the flouters, didn't ruin everything. Have you been to the airport lately? We get clear instructions on how to board a plane so we can leave on time. But they don't wait
24:34 till their zone is called. They barge to the front and clog the line and now we're running late. They don't have their government-issued photo ID ready, so now we're 10 minutes later. They don't measure their carry-on bag in that sizing rack,
24:50 so we wait some more as they try to cram steamer trunk into the overhead bin. These monsters have a name. And that name is Levi. Can you imagine going to Levi's house? He would feed you little charcoal hockey puck. Are they hamburgers? Are they cookies?
25:17 Impossible to say, because Levi's not a recipe guy. And oh my God, do not go to an escape room with Levi. As soon as you walk in, he eats the instructions because he lives on cardboard pucks and his body is screaming for fiber. And you wait 59 minutes for the staff to let you out. Actually, now that I think of it, every room is an escape room for Levi. Dude, it says push right on the door. Just push. Oh, son of a...
25:52 No, I'm not going to swear on CBC because I follow the instructions. instructions. Thank you. Yeah. Peter Brown. Thank you, Peter. Now, here to instruct you on why it's okay to ignore instructions. Let's hear from Levi McCatchin.
26:20 As anyone who's ever bought anything from IKEA knows, even when you do follow the instructions, it doesn't work. If IKEA instructions were honest, there would be a final panel where after you assess, assembled the entire dresser, you realize one of the metal rails on the sliding drawer is backwards, and then every emotion you were supposed to have for the last 15 months comes out at once, and then you have to apologize to your girlfriend.
26:52 Yes, the airport is a tyrannical regime of instructions, and I hate it. If there was a separate gate at the airport where you just had to sign a waiver saying the airport had no liability, but you could do whatever you want, bring whatever on the plane you want, I would take it every time. Full bottles of water, full tube of toothaches, Jerry can of gasoline, box cutters. I make great burgers, Peter, but do I follow the instructions on the box
27:19 like some sort of non-thinking automaton? Of course not. I asked Chatchy BT. Did you know that on every pack of batteries? It has the instructions, do not eat. If someone has to be told not to eat batteries, then in the famous words of Marie Antoinette, I say let them eat batteries.
27:50 That's one less person voting for Alberta separation. Thank you. Levi McChacin, everybody. Yeah. Well done. All right. It is time now for the bare knuckle round. We're debating following the instructions,
28:14 so it's time to tutorial your own horn. Think of this more as a blueprint for success and less as a recipe for disaster. That'll be your Alan Key to success. Sorry, I just got that IKEA now. Time to blather, rinse, and repeat. Starting now. Levi, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.
28:45 Like, do you like being that guy at the airport? Do you like having glares of hatred from 150 strangers? I'm a stand-up comedian, Peter. That's just a Tuesday night. Come on, I'm sure that's not true. Ah, thanks, man. You don't get 150 people. 150, 12? It's the same thing.
29:18 You know, I think 12 is great, and I'm on board with it. But I'm still worried about you. You bottle up your emotions for 15 months, and then it all spills out. Like, what's it like clinging onto those feelings for so long? I don't know. Why don't I think about it while I go for a walk on Wayne Gretzky Drive in the City of Champions? Wow. I'm not going to say anything until the groans of dismayed guy down.
29:47 Easy there, Calgary guy. At least we're celebrating the 1980s. Every July, Calgarians are instructed to pretend we're old-timey cowpokes and also to get hammered. Those are the instructions in Calgary. We don't pretend. We're following... We're... We are following the actual...
30:12 We are following the actual instructions of how to relive an authentic, old-timey cowboy lifestyle by buying a cornedog for $23. And then riding a roller coaster that was assembled overnight by Carnies who couldn't spell roller coaster. Don't... Don't insult Carnies.
30:37 Our country's best hope right now is a car name. Let me ask you this, Peter. You live in the city. Did you need instructions to get here tonight? To get here tonight, no, I did not need instructions. This is a CBC taping. I just found the crowd of people in compression socks and cargo shorts, and I walked in here proudly with my people. Okay. All right, that's the bare knuckle round.
31:10 All right, gentlemen, time now for the fire. line. In my hand, I have a list of questions on following instructions brought to you by the tutorial handbook favored by the people of Spain. The instruction, Manuel. You guys speak Spanish at all? According to perfectassembly.com, some of the hardest IKEA pieces to assemble are the Stova loft bed, the Besta wall mounted shelf unit, and what is the number one hardest IKEA piece to assemble? Levi. your relationship after putting together IKEA furnishing. I like that. I like that.
31:53 Two points. Peter Brown. The hardest thing to assemble is called the Yalberta, which is a new country built entirely of grievances and poor math. I like that. Not what I have here, but full point. The hardest IKEA piece to assemble is the Pax Wardrobe. Pax Wardrobe.
32:21 Tacks Wardrobe. Tried to do it myself recently. My wife had to finish it, and that's all I'm going to say about that. A post on Yahoo Creators says when it comes to cooking, it's better to not follow any specific instructions when mixing a smoothie, assembling a salad, or what else? Peter. Eating Oreos, in what world is three cookies a serving size? I like when I know for a fact an answer is not made up.
32:56 Yahoo creators say it's better to do. not follow any specific instructions. We're mixing a smoothie, assembling a salad, or making a stir fry. Just let it go. Or logging on to Yahoo on your Commodore 64. The 2018 horror film, await further instructions,
33:16 is about a family whose Christmas takes a strange turn when what happens? Peter. Dave cooks a turkey. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect answer for this crowd, buddy. Levi.
33:38 That was some sort of weird inside CBC joke. Minus seven for not knowing who Stuart McClain is. Levi looked so confused. I actually know the answer. Wait Further Instructions is one of my favorite movies. It's about the first Christmas when the angel Gabriel comes down to tell Mary, to tell Joseph, that yes, she is still a virgin.
34:12 but she's pregnant with the son of God. And Mary says, you think he's going to buy that? And Gabriel says, wait further instructions. There's some applause and some people crossing themselves. So that's an interesting way. The horror film await further instructions as about a family who awake to find themselves trapped inside their home and begin receiving mysterious. instructions through the television,
34:49 which is probably how CBC's going to try to make up for no hockey night in Canada. And that is the firing line, everybody. All right, almost time for our Horowitz theater audience to place their votes. But first, here again to remind us why to him instructions are just obstructions. Let's hear again from Levi McCatchen. Listen, I understand the appeal of instructions. The world is chaos, and people want to believe that if we just... do what we're told, everything will work out.
35:25 Do you guys remember stop the spread? When they put little arrows in sobies? And they told us if we all just walk the same way down the grocery aisle, the pandemic was going to be over in like three weeks? How'd that work out? I can tell you how it worked out because I have COVID right now. And even if I lose tonight, Peter, jokes on you because I licked all the sandwiches backstage.
36:01 Because I'm a free thinker who doesn't need to be told what to do, and I know there's more than one way to win a debate. Thank you. Levi McAchen. I'm glad I did not eat before the show. All right. Now here to show us his talking points all fit nicely together to build a convincing argument and support of following instructions.
36:27 Once again, Peter Brown. You know what's not fun? Preparing for a colonoscopy. You know what's less fun than colonoscopy prep? Doing your colonoscopy prep again, because you didn't follow the instructions the first one. And when you have your colonoscopy, you'd better pray the doctor follows medical instructions
37:00 because you really want them to use the right equipment the right way around in the right orifice. In closing, Levi, I invite you to join us in civilized society. You'll love it. No one on the plane will hate you. You'll have furniture you can sit on and edible food. And honestly, it's fun to be so right and so smug. Can I get an amen?
37:27 Thank you instruction followers. Thank you for everything. Peter Brown. Peter Brown likes to follow instructions, and there's a man who knows his audience. CPC, let's go colonoscopy. All right, time to vote. I applause.
37:51 Who thought Peter's argument was instructive and very easy to follow, Peter Brown? A lot of love for Pete. And who loved the seduction of Levi's instruction deconstruction, Levi Mcatching? It's pretty close, but we got to give this one to Peter Brown, everybody. Follow instructions.
38:20 Big hand for Peter Brown and Levi McKeachan. Well, that's all for this week. I'm Steve Patterson saying instructions can be worth following, depending on the instructor. I'll argue with you again soon. Canada, good night. The Debaters is created by Richard Seid. This week's episode was produced by Nicole Callender, Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark.
38:44 With continuity by Graham Clark, Diana Francis, and Gary Jones. Technical production by James Porella and Corey Haverstock. Story editing by Gary Jones. With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphreys, David Pride, and Emily Ferrier. Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitts. And thanks to everyone at the Horowitz Theatre in Edmonton. For more CBC podcasts, go to cBC.ca.com.