The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 191 - The Past Times with Sofiya Alexandra

Episode Date: September 11, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Sofiya Alexandra SOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHMint Mobile HIMSRocketmoney See Privacy Policy at https://art...19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Squarespace. All in one website platform. It's going to help you stand out and succeed online. We are fully in with Squarespace. We've got all our websites, Garris is, mine is. We got the dollar sources. We got the dollpodcast.com where you can get your tickets for our upcoming tour in Australia. Go get it. Click the links there. That's the kind of magic that's happening at Squarespace. You could go to our website, click on the tour page, and then click on the links. And then you can come to the show. If there was no square space, we wouldn't be able to tour. I'll go one further.
Starting point is 00:00:34 I wouldn't have met Dave without Squarespace. That's right. Would we be living together, you and I, if we didn't have a square space, in this little shed we have? I like to say I hope so, but I doubt it. I doubt it, too. Squarespace put us together, and that's why we're living in a shed in my mom's backyard. The shed, by the way, it's a square space. I love it, Gareth.
Starting point is 00:00:56 It's why we're living together. Here's what we're saying. Head to Squarespace.com slash Dobb for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use OfferCode DOB to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash Dobb for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use OfferCode dot to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. Go get it. Welcome to the past times.
Starting point is 00:01:20 It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here. Each week, we go through a newspaper from a random. date and history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest. The great Sophia, Alexandra. Hello, Sophia.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Hello, Dave. Hello, Gareth, hello. How are you? How are things? I'm doing great. How are you guys? Good. Now, you are recording your special at the Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club in Vegas on the 18th of
Starting point is 00:01:52 September, and you're doing it with Only fans. Yeah, it's not as special. It's just a set. But I will be then. What's what's the idea behind this? Why is this happening? Why is this happening? Because look, they want a little bit of that Patreon money, right? And they're like, look, OnlyFans is not just for nudity. You can, you know, sell other parts of your soul on here. Yeah. And I enjoy that as a comedian. So I think it's. completely great. There's a lady,
Starting point is 00:02:29 there's a documentary about middle-aged women who work on OnlyFans and one doesn't get naked or anything. She just acts like a giant and eats people and apparently that's a kink. There's so many kinks. I can't wait for my feet to become legend.
Starting point is 00:02:48 I don't have a fucking five stars on Wiki feet for no goddamn reason. That I said in my own foot photos? I didn't. these are strangers scouring my social media being like, them things is nice. Yeah. I'll abide. Do any of them like dressed feet?
Starting point is 00:03:05 Like a foot in a sock? Does anybody get out? Oh, a hundred. Yes. I'll answer. I don't even know this to be true. But I guarantee you it's because I get those piggy stinky. Yeah, right?
Starting point is 00:03:14 Yeah. My wonder is, has this always, it's almost like schizophrenia. It's like there almost has to be an inciting incident sometimes to unlock. lock something in your brain? Well, in general, like the level of kink that we now have, it's like it's shattered and splintered. Were people in the 1830s like, I just want to watch a middle age woman be a giant and eat little thing? And they were like kind of couldn't tell anyone? Or is it that's just, really?
Starting point is 00:03:46 That's awesome. That guy was probably like that. Do you really think porn ideas have not been around for like a million years for like every? The only thing you can think of. But for a one, when you can do it was like looking at an angle. No. Available back in the day is all I'm saying. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:04:05 That guy was looking at Jack and the giant beanstalk. And I'm going to, come on, man. By the way, he was jacking his beanstalk. We're all thinking about the same thing. Oh, the giant peach. That's a giant bottom. That's what that's about. Bro, Sir Mixalot wrote that.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I'm into it. Well, all right. So where can people, what? Can I see a question? Yeah. Is that your money on the... No, we've already talked about this. We did?
Starting point is 00:04:30 Yeah, this is Luke's money on a shelf that's not even worthy of things on it anymore. Okay, just checking. And we want to... Yeah, it's... We've just... For what? It doesn't make any sense. For people to forget, y'all are comedians?
Starting point is 00:04:43 This is crazy. Well, the shelf is tilted so that we're really presenting. Where can people get tickets to your set? Is that easy to do? They should be posting about it this week announcing it. So you guys actually have an exclusive So we'll put this out before and people go to The Kimmel Comedy Club in Vegas and yeah, we were just gifted
Starting point is 00:05:07 It's a long story, Sophia, but we were just gifted money. Well, no, a tiny chair and a spray that says fart spray because Dave's dad used to have what we call a fart chair. Anyway, you know what we're going to do. Is it any chair a dad sits? in a fart chair? He was doing special stuff. Yeah, his dad was cooking.
Starting point is 00:05:28 I don't have a dad, but that to me is like quintessential dad. Like you listen to Boston, you have a fart chair. You ignore your wife in case. You have a fridge in the garage. No, it's very, but Dave's hide, you hide silver quarters outside. We're not going to get into this again. Dave's dad was a special man. Dave thinks he's dead.
Starting point is 00:05:48 He's alive. I have evidence he's in Detroit. Now, Sophia, we're going to go through newspaper. You get first crack at guessing the year. There's no prize. There's no point. But we just do it. There's no point. Yeah, that's existence, brother. You don't have
Starting point is 00:06:02 to prepare me for that. Thank you. So go ahead and guess a year. It could be 1700, 1800, 1980s. I'm going to say 1981. That's great. That would be Dave zooming in. I'm going to guess 1909.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Oh, Sophia once it's 1931. Okay. So she was one number off. Right. So she wins. Suck it. Yeah. Suck it.
Starting point is 00:06:28 It's really a strange way to... Suck it. The metrics are off. I think the math checks out, honestly. I don't agree. And I would understand being the winner saying that. But you know who the loser is? The person who makes up the rules on the fly every time.
Starting point is 00:06:42 No, I didn't make it up. You just didn't ask me ahead of time what the rules were. Or is it that you're hateful about someone being spontaneous. Oh. Don't... Please say, don't give him. Really sore loser Don't give him any legs to stand on with this dumb shit
Starting point is 00:06:56 She's right she makes really good points He's gonna start this is coming This is gonna bite me for like five episodes now I'm so excited I'm just coming here and sewing seeds for grudges No don't sew Mature into beautiful grudge What a way to say you don't listen to the show
Starting point is 00:07:12 I mean that's a crazy follow up too I don't listen to the show I'm starting to now Now that I have a reason to To watch the agenda play out Me too I guess it is not I control the weather.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Let me have this. Okay, fair. You're right. You got lasers. I'll stop. It is Tuesday, December 1st, 1931, Los Angeles, California. Oh, wow. Finally.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Where are you from? Odessa, Ukraine. So I don't think you have any newspapers from that area. That's very different. It's Preston's fault. He normally pulls away. But then I grew up in Los Angeles, California. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:49 That's where we moved when I was 11. So honestly, sort of a hometown for me. Okay. So yeah, let's do this. Okay. So it's the two cent daily news. It says, I mean, I don't know if it's actually the two cent daily news or if it's just, it does. But I think it's just the daily news.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Oh, that's just the price. Yeah. I think she's the daily news, but they put two cents. Well, I have to say it's like pretty fucked up because I was the one that invented one cent daily news. And this just seems like a employee to like under- You never heard of this until now? You never heard of this until now?
Starting point is 00:08:21 This is going to get weird Whatever I think Well that's definitely a lawsuit I do also like You know It's their two cents I think that's fun
Starting point is 00:08:30 I like fun shit I think that's fun That's fun stuff I do I think that's really fun And if you like fun This is a great show for you Gareth's like an 85 year old Shut up
Starting point is 00:08:43 I know That's fun Could be fun We can all get together Dinner's starting at full 45 instead of 5 p.m., that's fine. Now, why does it go to prospect her mouth? Come on.
Starting point is 00:09:00 A woman driver ordered to pay. Finally. That's about time. Sophia, I'm sure you agree with us that this should be a regular practice. This is a super massagious podcast, by the way. And paper. And paper. Look, the fact that I was invited here by two white men, I knew what I was getting into.
Starting point is 00:09:19 It's a trap. Yeah, it's a trap. Yeah, it's a full trap. Only man's. That's what this show is called. That's right. I am going to have a bit on my only fans that is called only Dan's, where I rate men named Dan. That's great.
Starting point is 00:09:36 That's the only stands. Only stands. That's also men named Stan. But then also only pans where I do reviews of pans I own, and they're all negative. What about only clans? I love that. I don't care for it. I would have heard that one.
Starting point is 00:09:57 Rate the clans. Stop. I think it's important. Who's going to do it? I also am doing only clam slams, and that's where I read poetry by women. Okay. I like that. And then only clams is a shoot off of that where she rates clams.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Stop pitching. All so bad That one I would watch What if What if it's only clam clans And I Rate clans While eating clams
Starting point is 00:10:29 Okay That's pretty good too Yeah Listen like we're talking niche If niche works Then that's gonna get you eventually How many clams could you eat in one setting I think that's a fair
Starting point is 00:10:40 That bitch is tiny Probably like a hundred I don't think you want to try to eat that many You're throwing out going to try because a bunch of them are going to be bad. That's just statistics. But like, volume wise, obviously, it could eat 100. That's like a tiny bowl of clams if they're all deshelled. You know what? Let's not do this, but I will prove it if I need to. I don't know why picturing a hundred in a bowl. Now we know what you're doing for your only fans. That feels like something
Starting point is 00:11:05 you have kids put their hands in at a haunted house. I think, I wonder how much people would pay to watch you eat 100 clams. I bet it's a lot of clients. Start the bidding, man. I put down a lot of clans. I put down a lot of clams on that one. Yeah, it's what you have kids put their hands in during a haunted house and you're like, that's what ovaries feel like. Yeah. Like running the haunted house. You're like, hey, Kierreth, can we talk to you?
Starting point is 00:11:28 Hold on. We cut out a bunch of ovaries from witches. Feel the witch's ovaries. I thought you said it's going to be eyeballs. I'm riffing. Just really cool riffs. I'm riffing. They're like also, you spent about $500 on seafood.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Was it really worth? You're like it was. What are you going to call the grapes? Overeys. Welcome to the room of ovaries. Ooh. What is this ball? Those are just testes.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Why you only got your accent when you're talking ovaries? Those are ovaries. Yeah, why did that guy come out now? They're all ovaries. Is it like a Vincent Price guy? That sounds like ghost Jerry Seinfeld for some reason. I'll tell you. They're all ovaries.
Starting point is 00:12:13 What's the deal with all ovaries? life. I never even saw it. Why am I dating a 16? Stop. Because she's not being a different time. Enough. I'm going to pick her rope up to your ice cream. Come on.
Starting point is 00:12:31 You know it's bad because even in the 90s we were like, is this wrong? Yeah, in the 90s we were like... No, the thing is, in the 90s, people didn't say that. They just put the photo of her teenage bazooms on the cover of fucking... Every tabloid and we're like, oh, you. Jerry's dating a haughty being his friend. So, yeah, she's 17. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:12:52 What's up? She loves talking to him about algebra too. We relate on a lot of, I'm quizzing her on stuff. All right. Anyway, this old newspaper. Let's do this. A woman driver order to pay. A jury in superior.
Starting point is 00:13:09 I'm sorry. I call shenanigans a woman driver. Thank you. Okay. I was worried you were not going to be cool. But now that I'm hearing it, what the actual fuck! It was the first time a signal was left on the whole drive. Come on.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Come on. I love that even in a bit a man's greatest insult is that a woman communicates too much. You're like, she let me know what she wanted and was going to do. What a fucking bitch! That is correct. A jury and superior judge Louis Howl Smith's courtroom yesterday returned a verdict for $5,000 against Miss May Davis in a suit for 20,000 in damages brought by Leo Newman. Newman. alleged he was permanently injured when struck by the defendant's automobile.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Miss Davis admitted on the stand that she had a little drink about a half hour before the accident. Legal, legal in this era, 100% legal, right? That's the whole story. That's the whole story. Yeah. But that's legal. You can drink. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:33 May Davis Innocent. I agree. I agree. I agree. I don't. I really doubt there were any drinking. driving laws. No way.
Starting point is 00:14:42 At this point. No way. No way. No way. Also, not to be rude, but isn't 5K kind of steep for back then? Yes. And she actually belongs to her husband at the time. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:53 Like, where's she going to get the funds? I'll bet you that it was illegal for women to drive with alcohol more than it was men. That would make complete sense for the era to me. To just be like. Well, a woman would get punished a lot more for. drinking, driving than a man would. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I'm hearing, because 5K is just a lot for the time, I feel.
Starting point is 00:15:16 It's crazy. And not even to be rude, but also for a woman, like you're saying, it is, it's more. There should be a, just how women get paid less per hour. 75 cents on a dollar. We got to be paying 75 cents on a dollar. And fines in bail and whatever. Let us live. I agree.
Starting point is 00:15:37 I agree. It's about 100,000 today. Oh my God. That's what I'm saying. That's impossible. How is this bitch going to get $100,000? Only fans. I know.
Starting point is 00:15:47 She doesn't have good jokes, though. No, but she's got the clams. No, she probably does. I don't know why I assume she wasn't good of joking. She was drunk driving and she hit her. She hit a man. She's hilarious. I didn't push back to be fair.
Starting point is 00:16:02 I was like, you're right. You're like, I'm proud. Trust me. Did only fans ask you to get nude also? Were they like also put up a nude? page to try. Oh, no. They did that with me.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Well, you can't carry around a fucking ass like that, Dave Anthony, and expect them not to fucking one exploit it. She's not wrong. You know, you don't bonk a dunk out here like that. Thank you. It is. He's got a bodunk a donkey. It's bad.
Starting point is 00:16:33 All ass. Go ahead. Three, two, one action. Salon must pay for hitting cop. Jesus, a lot of hits. All right. Wait, salon? Salon.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Like an entire hair salon? Yeah. What did the man do? Or maybe it's a guy's name. Oh, okay. That's definitely. Even a member of the state legislature cannot sock a traffic officer immunity or no immunity. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Oh, wait. That would be so great if you became a politician, if you could punch cops. What? It's just a great idea. No, it wouldn't. Are you serious? Talking about it's a great idea. It was January 6th.
Starting point is 00:17:11 You should be all the punch cops. And would honestly get me, like, running for office pretty quick. Yeah. There are two wolves inside me. Yeah. One of them is like, it's a victimless crime. Yes. Politicians and cops fighting each other, great.
Starting point is 00:17:29 The other wolf is like, that is January 6th and we did not like it. See, I'm nuanced on January 6th. I'm no on January 6, too. I'm pro storming the capital. I just want a more clear message other than we need to poop in desk drawers. They could not have been more the dog that caught the mailman more when they broke in there. No idea what to do. No idea.
Starting point is 00:17:57 They were all just like, shit, now we run the government? And everyone's like, we're recording you. This is a live stream. To be fair, though. Nothing really happened to them. Oh, no, no. They almost made the greatest career move of their lives. They almost got money.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Yeah, and they probably will still. We were like, I guess we'll see what happens because no one thought you could just breach the American government like this. Well. And then they did and it turned out there were no consequences. And the amount. So that was good. And the amount of them have been pardoned and are like,
Starting point is 00:18:35 that's what I'm pedophiles or. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. It's almost like there's a theme on that side. It's interesting. It's interesting. It's a mystery. It's almost like it keeps being revealed.
Starting point is 00:18:46 A chicken or the egg. Nature nurture. Yeah. It's always the egg with them because if it's underage, they do want to fuck it. What's the deal? Who cares? Anyway, that's... Let them do it.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Let me pick up the egg after high school. Whatever. I don't even know if the eggs drop. But um, bum, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, but... Remember when Jay Johnson was there? Yeah, that's more. That was cool. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Jay Johnson. I used to be friends with that guy. Whoops. Even a member of the state legislature cannot sock a traffic officer immunity or no immunity. Superior Judge J.R. Hughes so ruled today in a decision upholding local police court in finding assemblyman Dan Emmett of Ventura $100 as the result of a battery charge growing out of an altercation which with F.A. Lungerhazen traffic officer. F.A. Longerhaven.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Traffic cop. That's a fucking toy store in New York, okay? That's not a guy. I agree. Completely. That is. Lungerhausen. From Lungerhashen.
Starting point is 00:19:55 F.A. O. Schwartz is pretty much that. That's the name. I don't, I think, I honestly, I'm pretty pro hitting a traffic cop, too, to be honest. Traffic cops can be dicks. For sure. A lot of flare. A little too much attitude.
Starting point is 00:20:12 Come on, let's be honest. There's a lot of attitude. Dancing around. They're all trying to go viral. You know what I'm talking about, Sophia. Come on. They're all going viral. You know what I miss saying.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Out of all the cops, we're going to flag down the, like, really expressive ones that are just out here dancing. I don't think we should flag down dancer cops. Let them all dance. If all they were out here, just like, with their flare just being like, take dog dancing, I would be fucking fully in. So are we saying, I might be conceding.
Starting point is 00:20:44 More vice cobs should dance? Well, yes. Yes, to be honest. But no dancing for ice. No dancing for ice. Keep them. What are they? They're brown shirts.
Starting point is 00:20:59 They're like Hitler youth, but they're just young in the head. They're all quite tiny. I do like that about them. fat or small. It's like, they're all very tiny. A lot of dorks. A lot of dorks.
Starting point is 00:21:13 A lot of dorks. Vanderbilt plans cheap divorces. Oh, fucking I. Okay. I got that four years ago. Oh, did you have one?
Starting point is 00:21:25 Yeah, it lasted four years, bro. Congratulations. The long as divorce. That divorce is a fucking toddler. The divorce was a marriage?
Starting point is 00:21:34 What in the fuck? How long was the marriage? Seven. years. The relationship was 17. But the divorce was four. Are you fucking kidding me? I went through that with Dave.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Yeah. But at least he has that ass that won't quit. You know, that's the difference. Yeah, girl. That's me. It's been tough to let go. Vanderbilt plans cheap. I want to put my hand in that bowl of clams.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Go ahead. Please have that be a saying you say from now on on this podcast. Just when someone walks, I'd like to put my hand in that bowl of clams. Van deropal plans cheap divorces. Plans of Cornelius Vanderbilt Jr. To offer a Nevada divorce and all the incidentals for a total cost of 500 were revealed here tonight by the socially prominent young author. So you hit a woman hits a man with a car five grand.
Starting point is 00:22:31 A Vanderbilt divorces you for 500. That's so. So, but I think it's probably still going on a bit. But do you know what divorce colonies are? Aside from a Fox show, you need them to produce. So back in the day. It's like fuck mom island or whatever. Yeah, it's like Temptation Island, but with just recently divorced people.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Oh, give me that energy. It shall power a grid. Go ahead on you. So originally to get a divorce, like in the early, early days of America, you had to get the state legislature to vote on it. And then after a while, that became, you know. Like a panel being like, mm. It comes down to one vote. Where's McConnell?
Starting point is 00:23:16 Imagine Lindsay Graham making the choice. Oh, God. Just being like, I don't know. I think he really loves her. She's sitting there with two black eyes. He's like, I just think it's going to work out. She hurt that man's hand. The pastime just brought to by hymns.
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Starting point is 00:30:08 So in some places I went to the courts, but the courts were just, you know, they didn't want to give a lot of divorces. Very hard for a woman to get divorced or a man. So states who want to attract people, like say Montana, would say, hey, divorces are really easy to get here. You just have to live here for six months. So people would go and live and live in like, beat Montana for six months, and then they could get a legal divorce.
Starting point is 00:30:34 And so these places became known as divorce colonies. Did they both have to live there? That's amazing. They both had to live. And I guarantee you, someone like, I'm rekindling my feelings now that we're at the divorce colony. I have feelings for Brad again. And then, and Reno's never looked better now that we're getting divorced on the colony.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Or it's everyone who's going through this terrible shit fucking each other. Completely. And just coming out of their way more traumatized. no one's ready to have another relationship. No, to be around. They're in a divorce colony for six months with other feral people that want to get out of their relationship.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Give me so the Oates Love Island. Just coming out of a divorce. Give it to me. It's giving Olympic Village. Like we're going through thousands of condoms, there is a shortage. Also, generous thinking they use condoms. What am I talking about?
Starting point is 00:31:25 Honestly, that's what God invented an anus. Go ahead, honey. Don't, number one. Bucket of clams. Don't ever point in me and say, go ahead, honey. What? But also just. I'm working on merch over here, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Go ahead, honey. Just, that's going to work. But, I mean, what a great place to do it other than a place called Butte. So close to butt. So is the vagina. All right. And we're back. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:31:52 Sophie, I apologize. This is an unfair thing to say. Treat her kindly. She's a, treat her kindly. She's a divorced woman. I love that now I have cancer to you. You're like, shh. She has relationship
Starting point is 00:32:06 cancer. Okay, Vanderbilt said he What a prick. Vanderbilt said he intends to make the flat charge at his new resort in Indian Springs Oasis in the desert between Vegas and a Betty, beauty, beady, beady, which he will open next Saturday,
Starting point is 00:32:27 including for his guests, he said, would be room and meals for six weeks, entertainment and a lawyer's fee, and the cost of the divorce itself. Wait. Oh my God. That's such a good deal. Meals and entertainment?
Starting point is 00:32:38 That's better than any comedy festival I've ever been to. He's doing like a sandals? Yeah, but... Yeah, it's a divorce resort. Yes. Because you have... Right now, you can go to Vegas and after six weeks, apparently,
Starting point is 00:32:52 you can get a divorce. So he's setting it up as a resort. That's what they became. That's fucking tight. By the way, way, way better than any of the AI pitches I've heard. not to get on the side of the rich, but this is actually providing some sort of service. I'm sorry,
Starting point is 00:33:06 did you just introduce whatever you're going to say with that? That's smooth. Right? That's a nice little saying. Is it because you have a little pile of money behind you that I can't see? We'll count it. Yeah, we should count it. It's Luke, so I'm guessing that it's all.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Oh, no, there's a, oh, my God. We get an amount of money. Should we spend it? 20, 40. We're talking like 53 bucks. Oh, damn. So there were 20s in there? I did not expect that.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Oh, yeah, 20. I didn't either. And he kept him on the inside. That's how you know he knows that's like, that's smart. That's smart dude shit. He's not trying to. It's a real ego test. It's like, yeah, he's comfortable with who he is.
Starting point is 00:33:44 That's what this tells me. He shouldn't be. That's the thing. Well, the idea that he is a shock. It just said to me he didn't want to get jumped, you know. Okay. And I'm going to just point out real quick. There's also a Mexican 20 peso bill in here.
Starting point is 00:33:58 So in the middle. Whoa. This guy's lived. Once the last time he went to Mexico? He got dental work there. Oh, he did? Yeah. Yeah, that's where you get it done.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Yep. I heard that's where he got his ass. That's true, too. Yeah, he got the BBL. Is that what it's called? He was like, he saw Dave Anthony and he was like, this is fucked up. I can't look like this. I got to get at least half the way there.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Yeah, no, look. He went to Mexico. My ass didn't start popping until I went to Juarez. You know what I mean? To what? Wores. I think he said war. Until I went to war.
Starting point is 00:34:28 And then my ass was popping. Oh. It's a hell of a place. Just the ass is walking out. Can someone do fan art of Dave Anthony? Oh, yeah, they can. Popping his ass at the front line because I think I need it. Literally just happened and is on Reddit.
Starting point is 00:34:44 So there you go. That's the beauty of a community. I love it. And I need to see it so bad. And I'd also like to see it spread. Go ahead, honey. Yeah, sure. I just want to say that Dave Anthony is the Megan the stallion of this podcast.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Without question. You know, yes, we finally... With that on merch. Yeah, we nailed it. But that's what I am. Yeah. Dave the donkey. Donkey Dave.
Starting point is 00:35:06 Yeah. I don't like that. I feel like you're not saying it in a complimentary way. Thank you. When I talk about Dave's ass, it's 1,000% complimentary. I feel like you're doing low-dictory. Yeah. Look, I'm around it all the time.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Okay. I mean, you're talking about the son of Fartier. Jealousy's ugly on you, Dave. Right? I'm Gareth. I mean, Gareth. Yeah. Yeah, well, whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:31 Yeah, do you? When I'm looking at you, I'm thinking of Dave's ass. Thank you. A lot of people do that. That's going to be an art too. Great. Our only fans are going to be awesome. I do have a quick question that is serious about the article.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Is the Vanderbilt related to the Vanderbilt's like Gloria Vanderbilt and Anderson Cooper's mom, Lori Vanderbilt? It is? That's the same Vanderbilt? Yeah, people don't let go of their money. No, they don't. No, but I think it was all gone by the time it got to Anderson. That's the story he tells. So he's like, I'm a regular guy.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Oh, he's definitely not working with the CIA. He's definitely working with the CIA. Yeah, you know, that guy's perfect. He's not on CNN anymore, is he? He has a little bit. Is he? Yeah. Well, they're trying to take away the Andy Anderson New Year's Eve, which is probably the only redeeming thing.
Starting point is 00:36:24 Is he all that? Anderson was, yeah. Watching a news anchor get hammered with something. Yeah, it was him and Andy Cowan. Yeah, Don Levin. I mean, it was just like, yeah, you would just see. It was like, it still didn't make up for the horrible crimes they've committed journalistically, but it was funny to watch Don Lemon be like, shut out, bitch.
Starting point is 00:36:43 And you'd be like, hey, this is not a bad look. I'm enjoying what's happening here. I'd watch that all day. It was very funny. It was good. And then, like, a producer came in and it was like, you guys can't get as drunk. And it was like, hey, that's the only thing. we're enjoying right now. That's why we're here. That's why we're here. We're here to watch Andy Cohen
Starting point is 00:37:02 make Anderson Cooper wasted. Yeah. Yes. Two beautiful gays. One just getting hammered. Yes. And just being like, it tickles my tongue. And Andy Cohen just be like, yeah. I'll tickle your tongue. Yeah, I got something that'll tickle your tongue. Who gives a shit if that's happening? Let it happen. Who gives a fuck? We have like 20 years left. They were just shitting in drawers and Nancy Pelosi's office. Who gives a fuck? Do you all know about the conspiracy theory that Andy Cohen and John Mayer together? Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:37:39 I didn't think so because you're straights. You have to look into this. Allegedly. Allegedly. It is one of the most delicious things I've ever been gone down the rabbit hole on on Reddit. It's very good and funny. I think a lot of people go down John Mayer's rabbit hole.
Starting point is 00:37:54 It's not a Wonderland I've been there Hmm Interesting Remember when he was super racist He was always racist He said it's not me who's racist It's my dick
Starting point is 00:38:09 It won't get hard for black people Why would you say that all out to anybody Why wouldn't you say that? That's awesome Put in his song Oh my God But he said something He's nasty
Starting point is 00:38:23 He also he also really fucked with Jessica Simpson and in a really, really shitty way. And he's like got a history of doing that to women. And I'm sorry to say this, but Jessica Simpson's memoir is really good. Really? You've unloaded a lot of valuable. Y'all are not already, but it is fucking good and you should read it. Mayor used to go to stand-up shows.
Starting point is 00:38:50 I know. It was super racist to commandant Johnny from off the stage, like said something to him. Everyone was just like, what the fuck? Like crazy racist. That's what that's for Jake and Logan Paul. Excuse me, John. Well, you want to talk about the greats. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:08 A couple of goats. When he started getting invited to be like a judge at roast battles, I was like, that's crazy. It's insane. Okay. I didn't know any of this, to be fair. I'm not a big John Mayer. guy. No, but it would suck to go and like,
Starting point is 00:39:24 oh, yeah. And be there and be like, oh, now this fucking piece of shit who has no redeeming qualities that also release this at all? He thought he was funny.
Starting point is 00:39:34 He was trying to get into stand-up. Justin Timberlake was one of my more favorite experiments where he was just like, I mean, I should be on SNL. And it was like, all right, you're funny for a guy who's famous. You're not like funny,
Starting point is 00:39:49 funny, funny. Right. It's actually was upsetting to me how he was really funny as the Target lady on SNL. I was like, I hate it. But again, lower bar. You were always like, oh, that's pretty funny for a host. For a couple minutes, you don't need to see more of that.
Starting point is 00:40:07 I agree. I do. I want that to be a show. I want that to be a show. He said, is a younger Gavin McLeod? divorce, bitch. You okay? I love saying stuff that doesn't make sense.
Starting point is 00:40:28 It makes no sense. None at all. Divor. You know, I think he is the only guy to be on three number one shows. Who? Three decades. Gavin McLeod. I don't know who that is.
Starting point is 00:40:37 I know. That's why it's so great. The founder of fucking Vice. Right? No, that's Gavin McGuinness. Sorry. It's the same name. Unless I'm saying the name wrong.
Starting point is 00:40:45 That's the same name to me. I'm going to pull up a picture of Gavin McLeod. That's not how it works. Sorry, Gareth. John Mayer's race. Racism is your nameism. That's all Gavin's are the same last name in my opinion. You ready?
Starting point is 00:40:59 It's kind of a weird name blindness I have as a foreigner where like a bunch of classically American names to me sound the same and they're not at all, which is how like Jeffrey Dean Morgan and whatever Dean Stanton, the other one are the same to me, but they're clearly not and one is dead and the other one's super hot. Gavin, who's this is Gavin McLeod, Cleod? I think it's, I think, Gavin McCloud. I think it's,
Starting point is 00:41:24 he was on the love boat. He's the captain of the love boat. Dave's name dropping loveboat captains. I don't know. He was also on Mary Tyler Moore. Jesus Christ, I'm just saying. Can we try to get a younger demographic Nick at night?
Starting point is 00:41:36 That's why it was so funny to me. Literally nobody got that. Just read the goddamn paper. Except for two people that are obsessed with television. Nobody got that. You know, many times that guy was on the cover of fucking TV guy. Oh, Dave.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Dave. Dave. Why is your reference older than the fucking old newspaper. I'm barely alive. Dave, the newspaper should read you at this point. I mean, that is absolutely fucking crazy. He was on the cover of TV guidel.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Jesus Christ. Now the tweens are gone. Look, I'm the only one out of this group who did a scene with Isaac from the love boat. Stop talking. This is recorded. And I cast him to do it. I wrote him into the script so it would happen. And I had him do the script.
Starting point is 00:42:22 fingers. Shut up. I don't even know what the finger. None of us know what the fingers are, you weirdo. This. Fingers. Oh, my God. It does the double point.
Starting point is 00:42:30 Jesus Christ. You guys are so fucking. Whatever. You missed everything. Just read the next fucking article. You old piece of garbage. I actually think you should have a spinoff podcast that's just you talking about the love boat.
Starting point is 00:42:43 I think it's going to be really a large listenership. Stop. That's waiting for this. An amazingly bad told us. As Dave's on episode 31. wondering what he's going to do. I could do a low boat podcast and people would listen. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:43:01 And other delusions of Granger. Man, the shit that went on on that boat. That's how you stop every episode. Man, that's what you call it, the shit that went down on that boat. Welcome to Dave Anthony's, man, you won't believe what went down on the love boat. We don't have any ads again this week. 737. Another week with no ads.
Starting point is 00:43:27 That's not true. We're sponsored by Depends. Who else can you depend on? If not, you're a bitch-has daughter and grandkids. Depends. I've had a trouble reading the copy here. You guys act like one of the crew members did not go on to be a congressman. But he did.
Starting point is 00:43:44 I'll pay you $500 in today's money to read the next article. Because it's crazy. Why do you know that? Because it's crazy that an actor from the goofiest show on television, who was the goofiest character on the show, became a fucking congressman. Who is it? I don't even know his name. The president.
Starting point is 00:44:03 You didn't just bring up this dumb shit and you don't know that man's name. Oh, Sophia. Now we got to look it up. Love Boat Cast. Love Boat Cast. Fred Grandi. Senator Grandi, this is not one of your loveboat storylines. He looks like...
Starting point is 00:44:28 Unfortunately, a fella, you went to your smaller window. He looks like a senator. I bet you heard that a lot. Check Bill Anderson. I bet he heard that a lot because Fred Grandy is also like a fake name that's in movies for people to make grand speeches about. Yeah, right. Yeah. Senator Brandy!
Starting point is 00:44:44 Senator Brandy, unfortunately, your bill does not have the ocean motor behind it. What? Were you the villain and tequila mockingbird? As a matter. No, I'm the John mayor of To Kill a Mockingbird. Now you listen here, Mr. Radley. I don't find your kind very sexually enticing. Prosecutor, Mayor, stop.
Starting point is 00:45:10 But it's not even me. That is the racist, sir. It is my penis. Wait a minute. I need to know what happened with that accent right there. I'm known for my accent. So is Dave. If Dave's accent shaming you, things are not in a good job.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Can you say, can you say penis again in the accent? Dave, that's a weird request. That's a weird request. Careful, buddy. Careful. As your buddy, I'm careful. Hey, all our guests, all our female guests that Dave always asked them to say penis in an accent. They said something wrong with that.
Starting point is 00:45:45 What you say penis in an accent? Usually it's a Spanish accent. All right, Dave, let's start recording. I'll take whatever accent you got. Once you start recording. Can we just get a mic test? Can you say penis in an Irish accent? Pinus?
Starting point is 00:45:57 Louis. Divorce bandage. The Irish accent on penis sounds so panicked. Pinesh. Yeah, it is. They're running away from it. Heinz! Over there on the mountain, it's a penis!
Starting point is 00:46:13 In Russian, it's penis, which just sounds like. Take cover. We've got penis. Pernas. Pernas. Just does. Sounds like we tell a rectal physician. I've got pain ass.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Right there. Digin' hole. It's a bucket of claims. What? Go on. Read the goddamn article. Divorce bandit, given sentence. 15 hours after he had staged several bold robberies,
Starting point is 00:46:40 Charles White was sentenced today to serve from five years to life in San Quentin State Prison after deputies left. Back when white men would go to jail. After deputies left. here to take him to the penitentiary. White, a railroad man, said in court that he was anxious to steal enough money to obtain a divorce. Wow. What a theme.
Starting point is 00:47:03 He should have just fucking called Vanderbilt. Yeah, go to the Vanderbilt, like, resort. Go to the Atlantis for divorces. He couldn't afford to 500. Vanderbilt divorce sandals. Vandals. I mean, 500 is probably like 10,000 or something. So he couldn't afford it.
Starting point is 00:47:20 it's no it's divorce is it's tough ask this one over here she it took her 17 years to get a divorce I think we cut that part out and he and he and he he he got her ass in the settlement he didn't get her ass no he did it's flat back here it's really fucked up Garrett he got the ass I had cakes so now I don't it's really sad I don't know he even did it he repossed That ass. It was not fake. It was just a real ass that he fucking took.
Starting point is 00:47:56 That is the 80s movie. My butt's gone. One woman looks for her took us. He took it. He put the took it took us. Her best friend Graham loves a pun. But at the end of the love one episode, they find that. That's like the sequel, like that knife in the honey I shrunk the kid.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Exactly. Honey, I took your butt. They're like, all right, we're going to stop. We're shutting down production. What about a weekend of Bernie? These are shark jumping. What about a weekend of Bernie's, but it's with an ass? Weekend of Bernie's with an ass.
Starting point is 00:48:30 Yeah. Oh, you'd spell it W-E-A-K-N. Weekend. Because he took the ass. Right. I would say it's a sharp mind, but that. It's a mind. I'm showing cognitive function, which I think is nice.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Proof of brain. It's just like when Trump draws the clock. Paris Firefighters battle wine ban. A municipal edict that Paris firefighters should not drink. Wait, sorry, I did have something to say about that other story. Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I just wanted to say that it felt like the person who wrote it was in love with the robber. Because they were like, they were bowed.
Starting point is 00:49:15 The robberies, did you see them? Check out this bad boy They were brave Oh like takes the fan out And spontaneous Oh nobody even felt them enter Can you imagine All they left behind was a smell of vapors
Starting point is 00:49:33 Any divorce guy Writing the story You'd be like yeah I get it bro I get it You should rob a place to get that money Absolutely He did it
Starting point is 00:49:46 and he was bold. Oh, I don't know why he broke in. I'd open the window if it asked. Why you said penis? Pinesis. I believe it's pronounced painus. Pinus. Pinus.
Starting point is 00:50:05 Oh, oh dear. Now all I'm imagining is his penis. He could break my window and enter any time. Gladys, I'm just saying. I heard you only live your back window open Oh, that's right Well, that's why I only locked the front door He's allowed to go there too
Starting point is 00:50:31 Dave's really upset about this And he can nut on the drapes if he likes See, I knew him was going to go a bad place Oh, I declare, I do love loose jizz On the funnishings Oh boy, he can wax my flaws and a day. I'm talking about the pianos.
Starting point is 00:50:53 Oh my God. Not the shoulder. Not the shoulder in the end. Oh my God. You landed that, Gareth. Paris firefighters battle wine ban. Oh, right. A municipal district,
Starting point is 00:51:13 I'm sorry, a municipal edict that Paris firefighters should not drink white wine because it might cause them to fall asleep on duty. Wow. Sturred heavy. As French as again. Sturred heavy rumblings of rebellion.
Starting point is 00:51:25 What do you think you see this is? These are cats? Yes, sir. In the capital's fire department today. Penas. No more wine. White wine. White wine. There's a white wine.
Starting point is 00:51:35 I mean, it's like you still love to drink red wine and they're like, what do you fucking think this is, huh? You're not going to take our rights away? Go fight your fires on your own, huh? What are we supposed to have a lunch? You can take my peanut from my cold dead hair. This is crazy. It is pronounced peanuts.
Starting point is 00:51:55 Pinole. Pino's! Yes, you know what John Mayor hates is Pino's noir. That is awesome. I want to know if it's because they just were like really white guy, like white wine guys or if it was that like there was a price. differential, which is what I might think is the more practical. It's also. The white wine's
Starting point is 00:52:25 cheaper. They're getting drunk on the white wine. If we just outlaw that, they don't have the money to buy the red wine. Just to guess. Well, and also it is just the French are so good at not ever having anything. Like, obviously they are
Starting point is 00:52:40 getting, we're all getting taken to the cleaners by the one percenters, but the French are always, you try to do one thing to the French and they're like, that's it. track. So it's firefighter. If you're like, no white wine guys.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Does that sound all right? They're like, oh, does that sound all right? The slavery sound all right? Get fucked! The best was when recently they were just, they got a giant hose and they were just spraying shit all over some government building. It's just like the farm, like farmers show.
Starting point is 00:53:06 They're like, if you're like, oh shit, the farmers are here. They come to firemen. They have bulldozers full of cow shit. They'll just dump it on the stairs. Meanwhile, we're just rubbing two stones. together having Hicks going to Nancy Pelosi's office and crap in her desk. But what else you can do when you get in there? It's a good question.
Starting point is 00:53:28 You got to shit the desk. I don't have a plan. They didn't have a plan. They had no plan. I think that's the whole thing is if you don't have a plan, your options are like, do I leave her a funny note? Yeah. I mean, it essentially is in her drawer. It's a ran.
Starting point is 00:53:44 We just like, we're like, we'll do it. And then we like started a war and we're like, fuck. Hey, Iran, will you open your desk drawer? We've got a closing move. That one's going great, by the way. Like, at least we're wearing that furry hood with the ears, you know, like that one guy. That guy was the best. He's opposed to Trump now, which is fucking.
Starting point is 00:54:07 He's opposed to Trump now? Yeah, I think he's, I think he's lost. I think it's really important. We keep tabs on what he thinks. That's his base. Senator Elkman. Edward Barth, president of the wine growers faction in the Chamber of Deputies said he was taking the matter up with the war minister in behalf of the firefighters who believe in fighting fire with water and thirst with white wine. Wow.
Starting point is 00:54:37 Let the boys drink. Honestly, put that on my home fucking motto. Not that that's a thing we have, but. It'd be great. No, it'd be great you go into an Airbnb and you're like, that's a very strange sign. I'm like, look, it was laugh, laugh, love before this. And it was not hitting. We fight fire with water and thirst with wine.
Starting point is 00:54:57 It's very close to wine. I think it's pretty close to it. It's pretty much live, laugh, love. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty much, what is it, rosé all day? A day without wine is like a day without sunshine. That's what I've always said. I've got a lot of alcoholic phrases that I love.
Starting point is 00:55:16 A morning without booze. It's like a day without news. During my Colleen Hoover Book Club. Yes, exactly. A morning without getting hammered? I don't think so. That's one of my fun ones. I do a lot of those.
Starting point is 00:55:33 I put them on Driftwood. I like that for myself. An afternoon without champagne. It doesn't sound like it's going to work for me to be quite honest with you. I got a lot of those. An evening without a big, big sip of bourbon. I'd rather cup. my own throat in front of my family.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Thank you. Thank you very much. I like that they have less rhymes. It's not about rhyming at this point. It's about messaging. The obvious rhymes. And I feel like that's how I know you're a true artist. I could do, yeah, I could do, you know, I could do the old misleader like,
Starting point is 00:56:09 oh, a morning without gin, that feels like the devil's way of making me go to hell. That one I agree with. That's the catchy one. Morning gin is the best gin. Morning, gin. That's what I say to the bottle when I wake up. Morning, Jen. See you soon. Halifax is a city I've always wanted to properly explore.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I'm talking about walking the waterfront with a coffee in hand, finding whatever little seafood shack like Evans Fresh Seafoods over in Dartmouth, owned by a local fisherman family doling out, Cadian-style fish and chips. The kind of place the locals actually go to. That's my kind of drip. Here's where it gets practical, though. The second I start planning a trip like that, I think about my own home, just sitting empty when I'm gone.
Starting point is 00:56:58 I could be listing it on Airbnb. Someone gets a real place to stay in, in a real part of the city, a charming walkable neighborhood where you can experience the city at a slower pace. Guests can explore the trails and scenic views of our nearby park, catch the glow of the city at sunset from the local observatory, or spend an afternoon wandering historic avenues, stopping into local shops, cafes, neighborhood favorites along the way, and I end up coming home with a little something extra to show for it. It's pretty hard to argue with.
Starting point is 00:57:27 Honestly, once it clicks, it's hard to unclick. Whether it's a few days away or a couple of weeks, listing your home on Airbnb can help earn you a little extra cash to fund more trips like this. Home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca.com. The dollop is brought to you by Quince. You know those pieces in your closet that you find yourself just wearing repeatedly over and over and over? The sweater, it goes with everything, right?
Starting point is 00:57:56 The perfect pair of pants or the tea you somehow just grab first every time. Or let's say it's the corduroy jacket or it's the kind of woolish short sleeve collared shirt. Shut up. Those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And that, Gareth Reynolds, is what Quince does best. So I have a little clothing rack in the back of the van. It's Quince. It's all Quince because it's the most re-wearable stuff. It looks good. It's the easiest. It's great quality, but it's not like a stressful wear.
Starting point is 00:58:30 I am now just mostly buying Quince. Honestly, that's just what I'm going to every time. It's ethically sourced, reasonably priced. Styles are timeless, they're versatile, designed to become the dependable pieces you reach for day after day. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince. Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash dollop. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash dollop.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Boy Hunt's mother. Let's do the article. Boy hunts mother. Ladd 11 here from South. Well, we knew he was from the South. His hand enclosing $8 and a one-way ticket stub from Hopewell. This is Clint Eastwood's origin story. Hopewell, Alabama, to Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:59:26 Mori Dal. Jesus, Daily Rimple. Hello, my name is Morley Daly Rimple. I'm going to kill my mom. I have eight bucks. 11-year-old, freckled-faced Southerner. Hello, I'm Maury Daly Ripple. Walked into a police station yesterday
Starting point is 00:59:46 I love that they noted that he was freckled It's like the other person that was like Those robberies were bold and enchanting Have you seen Mory Daily Ripple? Oh, he's a freck of little ginger If I've ever seen one Shot his mommy did What are these like offside things
Starting point is 01:00:05 That are just in the article No, it is, yeah It's just like Wait, a kid was gonna kill his mom? Yeah And freckled. Freckled for days he was. He walked into the police station yesterday and asked officers to help him look for his mother, Miss Carrie White.
Starting point is 01:00:24 I just got in from Hopewell today, the little fellow told Juvenile Authorities, and my mother was supposed to meet me at the bus station. Can you help a fellow out? I mean, how old is he? He's 11. 11. Morrie said that his grandfather, John Daly Ripple, gave him $10 in a ticket to Los Angeles last Wednesday and put him aboard an Imperial
Starting point is 01:00:47 Motor Bus. I've done that with a kid. I put a kid on a bus before him and like, your mom's on the other side of that. Go get out of a little ship. Police immediately broadcast an appeal for the boy's mother. Meanwhile, he'll be cared for by juvenile officers. Oh, that's a good happy ending. Yeah, cared for us.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Oh, my God. A bit of an exaggeration. You've got to show her. Sophia, it's Dennis the Menace. I mean, my God. That's a day By the way He should start his own newspaper
Starting point is 01:01:14 Called Daily Ripple This is engineered That's not a real child That's a real child That's what they look like Back then That's an AI Show me again
Starting point is 01:01:23 Because you are right I mean that That's not a real child That's a real boy That would be a real child That's what the boys look like Now do you see what he's doing the photo He's
Starting point is 01:01:32 So all kids were 22 He's got a stack of phone books He does look 22-ish I mean He looks He honestly looks like that one guy in that documentary that pretended to be the child that disappeared. Yes.
Starting point is 01:01:45 And it just came back as a whole ass like man of a totally different ethnicity. Oh, that's the best. I love that one. He looks like the mom sent him away because she's scared of him. Yeah. I mean, honestly, what mother would be like, oh, I'll get you from the bus station. So in the kid looks like his name should be switchblade. In the picture, he's got it.
Starting point is 01:02:08 He's got three phone books stacked up and his finger. fingers on one like whatever. But he couldn't look like if you, if the goal was this to make it to make the mother seem sympathetic, it was achieved. And the caption is, that's trouble. Morel.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Oh, Mori is Morrell. Morrell Dallarimple 11, whose mother failed to meet him when he arrived here after. Is it too late for an abortion? Motorbus trip from Alabama. Shona Police Juvenile Bureau yesterday trying to find her number. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:02:43 Let me see that. Is he like an ascot? Well, I don't know what's going on with the neck. That is as crazy as a picture of a boy could be. It does look ascotty. That's crazy. Or it's a really open sweater. He looks like he just left the Vanderbilt divorce colony.
Starting point is 01:03:01 I mean, that is not a child. Also, why his blonde bangs so shiny. Yeah, he's got shiny-ass bang. I mean, he looks like. though photos in black and white. There's a follow-up. Oh, good. Mother calls for boy lost 24 hours after arrival here.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Oh. Lost for 24 hours after traveling here by bus from Hopewell, Alabama. 11-year-old Mori Deli Ripple was called for a juvenile hall yesterday by his mother, Miss Carrie White, of 143 North Hope Street. Good. We know where they live, which is important. I'll see you there, bitch. Oh, he broke in and took my boy.
Starting point is 01:03:42 I'm coming for you and the boy. Oh, and the best way you're coming for me. And the ass. It's my boy now. Take him. He's 35 and unemployed. Miss White explained that she did not know her boy was in Los Angeles until she saw his picture in a newspaper. Wow.
Starting point is 01:03:59 So she saw that picture. Yeah. She saw that picture. Oh. It's my boy. It's my boy. She said she, I thought my boy was in his bedroom for 48 hours. I thought he was 11.
Starting point is 01:04:12 That's a 55-year-old angry drunk. How long has he been gone? Christ, I saw it three weeks ago, and now he's 50? She said she left instructions for the bus company to telephone her upon his arrival. That is so... They failed to do so. There are times where I pine for the old simple times,
Starting point is 01:04:35 and then when you hear that a mom was depending on a bus company to call her for her. She's like, if I'm honest, this is Amdrax fault. Honestly. What the fuck was Greyhound doing with my 155 year old? Greyhound, I gave you my kid for two days and now he's 55 and sick. Fucking dare you. Also, he got on a Greyhound, you got off a bolt buzz? What happened?
Starting point is 01:05:02 Is this a time warp? Is that how he became 55? The bolt buzz is actually so fast. It travels through time. I didn't know that it was called Greyhound because it made him look old and gray. Come on. I think Dave just quit the podcast.
Starting point is 01:05:22 Yeah, Dave's like, Dave was like, how do I work some love boat material into this? People are loving that. There's a whole subsection of our audience. It's like, I love this idea of a loveboat podcast. They love it. I can't wait for you to get it. I'm going to put it up on, I'm going to put it up on the Patreon.
Starting point is 01:05:41 Go for it. The love boat. You know what's funny, in my head I wanted to sing the theme song to it, but I realized I didn't know it. So in my head, what turned on was, come and knock on our door, which I'm like, that's not this thing at all. We're a boat made of love. That's three's company. Of every show back then.
Starting point is 01:06:03 Boy, just a decade of sitcoms. It's about love and love on company boat. On a boat. If you're putting the loveboat theme on, I will stab you with Luke's money. Okay. I hear it and I love it. What do you mean no one needs this? Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:06:24 I need it a little bit. What does it sound like? Everybody needs it. People love this shit. This is what we are a loveboat podcast. You were going to do a side podcast. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:06:43 It's just cocaine. A boat. I don't even know. We're boats, people going up boats a lot? How about the divorce boat? And it's run by a Vanderbilt. Honestly, someone's going to steal that idea and make so much fucking money. Go.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Go do it. Go. I'll see it on Hulu. Oh, my God. All right, we're good. We get it. We get it. We get it.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Oh, my God. So set a course for advice. Adventure. Yeah, where else you get a cynic course? You know, we should do a version of that with the Navy right now under Heggseth. Doesn't say who, it doesn't say the, uh, who sings it. Nobody cares. It's fucking great.
Starting point is 01:07:33 You know, every once in a while a song becomes a hit again, like, um, like what? Like when Kay Bush had that hit because the song got big on. That was not from that's a great example, but that's what will happen with that song. That is not going to come back. Get it out there because that is a fucking banger. Oh my God. That is a banger. I think the kids would love it.
Starting point is 01:07:53 You've won me over, Dave, Anthony, and I will help you make this come back. You too, go enjoy yourself. Go enjoy yourselves. You two have fun. Go get them. Let's do it. No. And then the show will come back.
Starting point is 01:08:06 It's going to be a whole thing. And that's a side. He's going to end. It's going to be a whole awesome 10 years. It's going to be great. We're just going to figure who's going to play Isaac. I mean, that's really the big key. I don't care to talk about it to be quite honest.
Starting point is 01:08:19 You're not going to. That's for sure. I don't know any of the characters are. So I'll just throw out anybody. I don't want to audition for your stupid show. I'm going to be the captain, obviously. Yeah, go be the captain. Good.
Starting point is 01:08:30 Go be the captain. I'm going to shoot a torpedo, your dumb little adventure. You know what that means. He wants a straight to offer situation. No, by the way, you know what it means? I will gladly audition. If I got the email, I'd be like, oh, hell yeah. Hey, man, can you help me with my love for audition?
Starting point is 01:08:48 You're Fred, Brandy. No. At best. Wopie, let's wrap it up. Whoopi makers beat up policemen. Oh, man. The cops are getting it from all angles.
Starting point is 01:09:04 Like whoopi-goldberg's parents or? Or like people do on the love boat? Yeah, Wopi-Makers. Isn't that correct? By the way, Whoopi-Makers is a show I've been writing for a while. It's like the love boat, but just very sexual.
Starting point is 01:09:21 In an attempt to quiet, an asserted, Wild drinking party at the American Legion Hall in Residi yesterday. Three Van Nuys police officers were pummeled and kicked by irate whoopee makers, according to a report on file at the police station. So it was a fucking couple beat up the cops? No, it's the people who make the whoopee cushion. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:09:44 It's a company party for a whoopee cushion. By the way, the whoope cushion should be another name for the mattress. Me and Dave both. If you guys agree with me, feel free to comment below. If you feel like Garrett is so out of line, thank you. Feel free to comment below. Guess what?
Starting point is 01:10:07 Whatever. It's still driving engagement, babies. I was just going to say it's still engagement. Thank you. Wow. So they beat up the cops. If you love Dave's ass, please comment below. By the way, I call Dave's ass the whoopee cushion.
Starting point is 01:10:22 I will keep delivering the goods to you five people. That's not even a joke. It's not even a joke. joke. Not even a joke. I'll fight through. I'll fight through anything, any wall he puts up. I'll get to that whoopee maker. I'll get to that whoopee cushion.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Mmm. I'm hungry. I just love seeing Day's face become that emoji that's like, yeah. David, Dave, Dave, Dave is like the three regular emotion emojis. I'm happy. I'm furious. I'm neutral.
Starting point is 01:10:58 I'm unmoved Unmoved is the best one Well that's it That's the episode Sophia Thank you for joining us People should go check out You on the 18th
Starting point is 01:11:14 Doing an only fan set At the Kimmel Comedy Club In Beautiful Vegas The home of the original divorce Bottomless What? No I don't think that's... I think she's doing it bottomless
Starting point is 01:11:23 I think that's you That is my understanding I think that's you said Bottomless comedy If I had that kind of If I had that dumb kind of assets, Dave, I would do it bottomless. But not everyone's blessed like that. I told you I lost that ass and the divorce.
Starting point is 01:11:35 It just can't do it. I literally meant bottomless. Yeah. Dave's wearing ham jeans. Thank you, Sophia. It's just going to be my back all the way down to my legs. That's what it's going to look like. That's amazing.
Starting point is 01:11:49 I like that. I'm fine with that. I don't know of me. Thank you, Sophia. Thank you. Stand up. that? I didn't know you like that. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information
Starting point is 01:12:15 because Syracuse, I'm coming to you, September 17th. Vermont Comedy Club, September 18th, and September 19th. Albany, Albany, September 20th. East Providence, Rhode Island, September 22nd, New York, sorry, Stanford at the New York Comedy Club, the most confusing thing of all time. The 24th, 25th,
Starting point is 01:12:36 I'm in New York, in New York. Springfield, Massachusetts, September 26th. two shows, Laugh Boston, two shows, September 27th. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information. See you there, Gareforce.

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