Why Midlife Could Be Your Most Powerful Chapter Yet | Mel Robbins
00:00 Because a lot of us are waiting around for motivation. Yeah. We're waiting to feel ready. But before the feeling, you have to have an intention about what you want. And you have to start acting as if you are going to cause that to happen. Sitting around waiting to feel ready to take control of your health or to change your job or relationship, you're going to be sitting around waiting until you die. Because if you had felt like it, you would have done it by now. This episode is brought to you by Rose Nutrition Liposomal Glutathione.
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02:13 I want to take a moment to share some really exciting news with you. The Dr. Hyman Show has just won four Signal Awards. Our conversation with Dr. Ray Dorsey and Michael O'Kin about rethinking Parkinson's, while that took home the goal for thought leadership. And our live conversation with Hallie Berry at Eudemonia won Silver for Best Live Podcast Recording. And what makes this especially meaningful is that both episodes also won listeners' Choice Awards voted on by you, our audience. I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who listens, shares our episodes, and supports the show. And of course, to our incredible guests and the team behind the scenes who make these conversations possible.
02:48 Our mission is to empower you to take charge of your help, and I'm so grateful you're part of this community. If you haven't had a chance to listen to either of these award-winning conversations, we'll include links to both episodes in the show notes below so you can check them out. Now, let's get into today's episode. So Mel, welcome back to the podcast. I'm good to have you here. It's so great to see you, and I have to say you look very handsome on that set, and you have matched the set perfectly with a nice, neutral brown sweater.
03:16 You look very healthy, which is on brand for you. It is. And you know what? Well, that is exactly the topic I want to talk about, which is how do we get better as we get older? And I've been getting lots of feedback that I look better than ever at almost 67, which is confusing to me because I'm, you know, I'm Medicare. Wait, you're 67?
03:35 Like in a month. Yeah, about you're 67. I'm a grandpa. What? It's crazy. I know, I know. Well, congratulations on being a new grandpa, but I just want to take a moment and say you do look fantastic.
03:49 I have known you for probably a decade. And you seem more vibrant. and alive and there is a lot of vitality and energy that is radiating from you. Thank you. I've been getting that feedback and I think it's true. And I think it's really about not giving up on life. Like grabbing life by the horns at any age and going, it's not over. You know, I could be like retired.
04:13 I have enough money. I don't need to work another day. But I'm excited about life. I'm excited about what I'm doing in the world. I'm excited about how I can contribute to, you know, as common said to know, to know, where I'm going to put my one grain of spiritual sand on the universal scales of humanity. Like, that matters to me. And it gets me in the gym in the morning.
04:32 It gets me, you know, taking my vitamins and doing my things. And it's not like a job for me. It's just, it's actually generative. And I was just thinking about, you know, both our careers were, we were kind of late bloomers. You started the Miller-Rabins podcast at 54. I started mine at, you know, 59 or something. And, you know, we keep expanding. we keep growing, we keep learning, we keep discovering about ourselves, and we keep moving forward
04:56 in a way that actually allows us to be enlivened and also like us to contribute to the world in a way. And I think a lot of people think that when you get older, you sort of, the game's over. Like, okay, I'm on Medicare now. Okay, well, I should be like doing shuffleboard into Miami Beach, you know, like my grandfather. But I'm not. And I think, you know, you're not either. You're just getting going, it feels like to me. Well, I think it's extraordinary just for the person who's listening.
05:22 or watching us right now, to really put into context that the majority of the people that know me only know me because of what I've done in the last three and a half years in my late 50s. Yeah. And that's a very important thing because you said that part of it is realizing that you don't need to give up on the game. And here's the thing. You get to set the rules about what game you want to play. And I'm going to take a guess, Mark, and say that if you're listening or watching this right now, if you're a fan of Dr. Hyman's, it's because you want a little of what he's got. You want to know the mix of... No, I'm dead serious, because the thing about podcasting
06:06 that most people don't really think about is there's very few forms of media in today's world that you have to intentionally commit to. There is an intentional act by the person who is listening or who's watching who's here with us right now to press play on this instead of some other type of show that you might pass the time in the background or whatever. It's not really contributing to your life other than distracting you and making you laugh a little bit,
06:34 which has value. But if you're choosing to listen to this or to watch this, it tells me something about you. It tells me that you want to feel better. You want to do better. You want to have the vibrancy and the energy that Dr. Hyman has. You are a person who is interested in learning. And so just that intention and spending your time trying to educate and empower yourself
07:02 about small choices that you can make in order to extend not just the years of your life, but the quality and the vibrancy of the years that you are living those, you know, the rest of your life. That's why somebody's listening right now. And so I think it's really cool that as busy as you are, and as, you know, you are pulled in so many directions that you are taking time to create a show that allows people to educate themselves and to feel inspired. And you're also setting an example, Dr. Hyman. So, you know, I think it's really great that we're going to talk about some little things you can do today that, you know, you may not look as good as Dr. Hyman, but you could always just put on a sparkly shirt like I'm wearing to exude energy. Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean, right back at you, Mel, I think the same goes for you as well. And I think, you know, as I'm thinking about what you're saying, I think a lot of people, as they get older, they lose motivation, they lose purpose. They lose, like, sense of possibility in their life and what's ahead. I'm curious about how do people reconnect to that.
08:09 You've done it. I've done it. I know how it's come about for me, but I'm very curious how you coach people around this. Because, you know, you went from being a lawyer, a public defender, to being a life coach,
08:20 to being like a media personnel on your own show to end up doing your podcast. And so like you really, and now you're incredibly bestselling book, let them has really laid the groundwork for how people can think about having a life that's more generative and less caught up in drama
08:37 and chaos and, you know, just misunderstanding of how the world works. So how do you coach people on the idea that it's not too late to have a happy life? You don't have to give up at any age. Well, first of all, just throw whatever number your age is out the window. It doesn't matter. It truly doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you've never climbed a flight of stairs. It doesn't matter if you've been unemployed for a while. If you've let yourself go because you've been busy taking care of everybody else, if you're recovering from some kind of diagnosis, it truly doesn't matter because one of the extraordinary things, and you know this because you're a medical doctor, Dr. Hyman, but, you know, after interviewing more than 400 world-renowned
09:18 scientific and medical experts on my show, one thing that I know to be true is that the human design, your body, your brain, your physiology has this incredible capacity to change. and grow and get stronger and more vibrant for the rest of your life. If you are breathing, it is not too late. That even if you've never lifted a weight and you're 92 years old, if you start picking up the big tomato cans and you start doing some bicep curls, that little bit of tension on your muscles, your muscles will respond. You're designed that way. And so I think the very first thing that you need to ask yourself, is what do you really want? Like, forget about the rearview mirror, forget about the past,
10:09 starting today and moving forward, what do you want? And if you don't know the answer to that question, then I'm going to push you a little bit. Because if you can't answer it in the positive, you absolutely can answer it in the negative. If there are aspects of your health that you no longer want to live with. I'm tired of feeling fat. I'm tired of being out of shape. I'm tired of being winded when I climb up the stairs. I'm tired of beating myself up. Knowing what you don't want is a terrific place to start because then you can just flip it as dumb as it sounds and says, well, if I don't want to constantly feel like I'm out of breath, then clearly what I want is for the rest of my life, I want to be the kind of person that puts my head.
11:01 health first because here is a truth. If you don't have your health, you don't have your life. Your health is the defining factor probably more than just about anything else when it comes to your sense of satisfaction of your life, your ability to participate, how you feel about yourself. And so if I could urge you to do one thing as you're listening to this, it's to ask yourself, what do I really want? And how do, what kind of person do I want to be for the next decade of my life? I'd start with intention and your identity, not who you've been. Oh, I've always been kind of a lazy person that didn't do this Saturday. Oh, I could never get a handle. No, no, no, no. What is it that you want looking forward? And talk to me about the kind of person who does that. Because a lot of us are
11:57 waiting around for motivation. Yeah. We're waiting to feel ready. But before the feeling, you have to have an intention about what you want, and you have to start acting as if you are going to cause that to happen. Sitting around waiting to feel ready to take control of your health or to change your job or relationship, you're going to be sitting around waiting until you die.
12:23 Because if you had felt like it, you would have done it by now. Yeah, that's so true, Mel. I think, you know, we kind of focus on what we want going forward. And I think, you know, to highlight what you said, it's never too late. I didn't start lifting weights until I was 59 when I was 50. I couldn't do 10 pushups. I couldn't do one pull-up. And now I'm crushing it. Wait, can you say that louder for us? You couldn't do a push-up at 50? I couldn't do, 10 pushups, it would crush me, and then I'd be sore for a week, and then I wouldn't do it anymore. And at 50, at 50, I couldn't do one pull-up. And now I can do like 15 pull-ups, probably 75 push-ups, and I'm like, I'm getting older. 75? Now you're just bragging. Here he goes.
13:01 That's incredible. But see, here, I'm joking, but here's the thing. I can't do 15 pull-ups, and I can't do 75 push-ups. But here's what I can do. I can do a dead hang for 30 seconds. I can do about 20 pushups, you know, elevated against a bench, but even hearing you say, you went from basically zero and being a twig that I could snap in half with my pinky fingers. Do a dude that can do 75 pushups.
13:31 That proves the point I'm making. Yeah. If you get clear about what you want, I want to be stronger in this decade. I want to have energy to dance at every wedding. I want to put my suitcase in the overhead by myself as I get older. I want to be able to, you know, open jars and change light bulbs. Yeah, I want to be able to play with him. Yes.
13:50 And I'd be like sitting on the couch. So we've already talked about you got to get clear about your intention. What do you want? You've got to start to think about, okay, the kind of person that has what I want, what kind of person is that? What do they do during the day? What are the habits that that person has? And then the third piece of this is you start acting as if you're all.
14:13 already that person, even though you don't feel like that person. And it's not going to feel easy. You should expect it to feel hard. This comes from Dr. Kay, who's a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who taught me more about motivation than just about anybody else. He basically says, when you think about motivation in the brain, we're basically all driving a car, stepping on the break, wishing it would drive forward. And what we don't understand is that our brains are adaptable. They can change, but really they like to do the thing that's easy. And it's never going to feel easy to do something you've never done before. And so it's very important to understand that when you go, okay, I actually would like to be able to do 10 pushups.
14:54 Oh, I'd like to lose some weight. What is a person who's done that? How do they start acting? Dr. Kay's advice is to basically say, I know I don't want to do this. I'm doing it anyway. Yeah. Because I'm the kind of person who does this hard thing because I, want to feel stronger in my life. And I know that this is the only way to get it. And marrying
15:17 this sense of identity, not who you've been in the past, but who you're becoming is a really big part of this because I think the other mistake that I've made in the past, Mark, is, you know, I hear somebody like you going, all right, I took my control of my health at 50. I started doing all this stuff. And then I'm like, oh, I should do that. Oh, I should do that. Oh, I should do that. Yeah. Well, if you don't have a deeply personal reason why you want to, you're not going to do it because you are basically tying the difficult thing you need to do, whether it's cutting out sugar. I mean, it could be a million things that you want to do to feel better in your life. You're basically tying it to a punishment that there's something wrong with you.
16:01 And I want you to change the source of motivation to something. personal that's like, no, I have a vision for the kind of person I want to be, and I realize that's not going to fall out of the sky and, you know, no unicorns flying into this room and stabbing me in the face with the horn on their face in order to hit me with the magic dust to make me do this, I realize that there's a deeply personal reason why I want to do it. I want to share with you some interesting research. You may know this, but for all the women who are listening or watching, or if you're watching and you've got women in your life that you love, share this with them.
16:36 There was this fascinating study that they did around motivation and women exercising. And I don't remember who did it. We covered this on the podcast recently, but I found it to be so cool that when in this research study, a certain group of women were making the reason why they were exercising personal time. Not because they needed to lose weight. Not because, you know, they got to get their hormones in check. but I exercise every day because it's the only time I get for me. It's my time.
17:10 The dog doesn't mean me. The kids don't need me. I don't have to be at work. This is the time I protect for me. It's not about losing weight. It's not about getting healthier. They were more motivated, more consistent, and actually started to feel like they were looking forward to it.
17:27 And it makes sense because when the reason why you're doing something, is tied to a deeply personal thing for you. Now you're tapping into the internal intrinsic motivation for why this matters to do it. And that helps you on those days that you just don't want to. This summer, I enjoyed one of my favorite activities, biking through Europe, staying active,
17:49 and being able to keep doing the things that I love as I get older matters a lot to me. And that's one reason I take timelines to might appear every single day. I eat well, I exercise, I take recovery seriously. Those things are essential. but as we get older, healthy habits alone may not address everything happening inside ourselves, which is why I play close attention to mitochondrial health.
18:09 Now, mitochondria produced the energy our muscles need to work, but their function declines as we age. Here's what impresses me about timeline. In clinical studies, mitochondria improve muscle strength by 12% without any change in exercise. That's significant. And mitochondria is the only clinically validated urolithineA. It supports mitochondrial function as we get older. This isn't about trying to be 30 again.
18:31 I want to stay strong enough to keep doing the things I love at 66, 76, and beyond. Motipure is a supplement I trust to help me do that. Go to timeline.com slash Dr. Hyman to save up to 20% off your first order of Motopure when you subscribe and save. And one of the things I've learned as a doctor is that the best health practices are usually the ones you actually stick with. And that's what I love about having a son at home. It's not just another wellness product that's designed for one person. It becomes part of your home and the whole family can use it. I might use my sunlight and impulse with recovery in mind,
19:02 while someone else in my family might use it to relax, unwind, or simply create some quiet time at the end of the day. And having it right there removes a lot of friction. You don't have to drive somewhere or make an appointment, you just walk in. And that's why I think a sauna is such a unique holiday gift. It's not something that gets forgotten after the holidays. It can become a wellness ritual for your family for years. Sunlightton has options for different spaces and budget too.
19:24 So visit sunlight.com and use to go to Hyman to save up to $2,100, plus. Let's get free shipping and other exclusive savings throughout the holiday season. Yeah, I mean, it's true. We have so much resistance to changing things that do things that are good for us. It's often particularly around health. I mean, it's why America is, you know, 93% of us are metabolic and healthy, 75% overweight, chronic disease affects six out of 10 of us. I mean, it's quite a tragic place we're in.
19:50 I mean, $6 trillion of spending on mostly preventable disease. And people walk around feeling like crap. I call it FLC syndrome when you feel like crap. and there's a more serious version, which is FLS. And a lot of people have it. And yet the doorway to health is pretty straightforward. It's not complicated. And yet there's such a resistance.
20:09 But you also famously said that motivation is sort of kind of a fallacy or it's kind of garbage and that there should be another approach. It's garbage. And I kind of want you to expand on that. And I often think that, you know, it goes back to this idea that you have to act into the feeling, not feel into the acting. And a lot of people wait to have to have. a feeling before they act instead of moving toward a trajectory they want even if they don't feel
20:32 like it and i i've been there i had a really life-changing experience almost died a year and a half ago had back surgery lost 25 pounds was in a wheelchair i couldn't walk without uh you know anybody holding me up or walker and i literally had to start from zero and and i did not feel like doing anything i just felt like laying in bed taking drugs and watching tv but every day i would go okay Sounds like my 20s. I mean, I don't mean illegal drugs. I mean like the painkillers I was on. I mean, I just like numbing out.
21:07 Because what stayed I was in was so bad. My hemoglobin was seven. I lost half my blood volume. I was exhausted. I was depressed. My hormones were in the toilet. My testosterone was like 100, which was like a 90-year-old guy. I was just, I was a mess.
21:20 And I literally had to get up, you know, with help. And I would go to the gym. I would get my physical therapist and work with me. I'll be laying on the floor and I'd put a little band around my knees. I would just open my knees a little bit. And I could do a few, you know, knee spreads and that was it. And then I would do the next thing. And the next thing.
21:35 I just did every day. And I didn't feel like it. But I, and I don't, I feel like that was my motivation. But I hear you saying that, you know, the way you think about motivation is wrong. So I want you to kind of help us understand what you mean by that. So you can waste decades of your life waiting to feel ready to do something. And let's just take an example we can all relate to. The alarm goes off for.
21:56 first thing in the morning, and because you've gotten out of bed every morning of your life, it should technically be pretty easy when the alarm goes off just to roll right out of bed. But have you ever noticed that there are just those mornings that the alarm goes off, and instead of just rolling out of bed, what do you do? You lay there and you think about how you feel about getting out of bed. And that's the trap. That when you stop and consider how you feel about doing something, it takes less than five seconds for you to talk yourself out of it.
22:42 And this is the most normal human experience. It's this habit of hesitating in the smallest moments when you know what you should do, but instead of doing it, you stop and think, how do I feel about doing it? You know, you could be at work and you're in a meeting and you have something to say, but instead of saying it, you stop and think about whether or not you should say it. And then you talk yourself out of it. And so, you know, there are big decisions in life, like getting married, signing contracts, things that have implications to them that you should stop and think about and you should consider the right decision. but 99% of the things that you've got to do day in and day out, particularly the things that impact your health, we tend to, in those moments, either do the easy thing because that's what we feel like doing, or opt out of the hard thing because we don't feel ready to do it.
23:43 And I believe that your whole life comes down to these five second windows. these windows where you know what you should do. I should really order the salad with the grilled chicken or the salmon because, you know, I listen to Dr. Hyman's podcast, and it's just listening's not making me healthy. I really got to apply some of this stuff. And so you're there, and then you're like, ah, screw it. I'll have the beer and the burger,
24:10 and I'm going to get the truffle fries, you know, add the extra cheese. And that was your feeling ordering it. Can you have that occasionally? Of course. But your life is the accumulation of the decisions that you make. And what's exciting about understanding this five-second window is that if you know you're always going to kind of hesitate, that's just how we're designed, if you can move within five seconds and make the harder choice or make the healthier choice, those hard decisions and choices going to the gym, getting out the door for the walk, putting down the brownie and, you know, picking up the zero-calorie seltzer, cutting out the alcohol, all the little things that we know we need to do,
24:57 but we never feel like doing it. Like I've often thought, you know, Mark, just imagine if you did all the things you don't feel like doing. You'd have everything you've ever wanted. Probably. Like, for real. And I can only say this because I used to be 1,000% driven by my feelings. And then I was also pissing.
25:18 off and upset that I didn't have the results that I saw other people getting, whether it was getting out of debt, or it was being in better shape, or it was being a calmer, more peaceful, in control person. And the reason I didn't have the things that I wanted is because I was losing the battle every day, all day long with my feelings. I let my feelings dictate my choices, rather than stopping and going, okay, what do I want? Let's get intentional about what you want. Answer the question, you don't know what you want, you're always going to be lost. You cannot hit a target without creating one. And so when you answer the question, what do I actually want? And then you back up and you say, well, I know how I act, but how does a person who has those things act in their day-to-day
26:06 life? And what are some different choices that I know I'm not going to feel like making, that I could start making so I start acting like that person now? That's the formula. Like, that's And you talk about this five-second rule. So how does someone catch themselves in the moment instead of ordering the burger or the salmon and the broccoli? How do you practically do that? So I think it's a great question. And this is why being intentional is really important. Because if you don't know what you want, you actually are on autopilot in those moments. And so really getting clear with yourself, if I think about the next 10 years of my life, what do I want my life to look and feel like?
26:50 What are some things I want to experience? What kind of person do I want to be? What are some of the goals and the changes that I want to make that would make me healthier and happier? I mean, you know, because the fact is you get one life. Why wouldn't you allow yourself to enjoy it? You get one shot at this. Why wouldn't you wake up and start to take it seriously, especially if you're getting older like me and Dr. Hyman. I mean, time is like an ice cube on a kitchen counter. It's melting. One minute's there.
27:23 The next minute, it's like a puddle on the counter. What the hell are you waiting for? And so I hope you wake up and get serious about the time that you have left because when you get clear about what you want, not only can your body change, not only can your health change, but the world has a funny way of rising up and supporting you in the changes you're intentional about. So this five second rule is very simple. I invented it to help me get out of bed at a moment in my life where I was 41 and my husband and I were 800 grand in debt, leans on the house. I had lost my job. I had a million reasons to be mad at the world and upset with myself and my husband, and I became a person I didn't recognize. Like you in the post-surgery, only I did it to myself.
28:10 And I couldn't even blame doctors on it. Like I was the dummy that bankrupted myself. And so I was drinking myself into the ground. I didn't know what to do. And I realized that nobody else was going to come and fix my life. And if I wanted to keep this house that was about to be foreclosed on, if I wanted to keep my family together, if I wanted to become a different person, it was on me. And it started with getting out of bed, even though I was. I didn't want to. Yeah.
28:46 I wanted to lay in bed and fall back asleep and avoid what I needed to do. And so I, in that period, was inspired by watching a rocket ship launch across a TV screen. And it's a dumb idea, but this is what happened. I just started counting backwards first thing in the morning, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and the moment I hit 1, I had to move. That was the deal. And it works. And the reason why it works, I know this now, is because when you start counting back, backwards. Five, four, three, two, one. The moment you start counting, you've actually already decided
29:22 to do the hard thing. And the counting backwards is such an intentional action that it silences all of the noise and feelings and organizes your attention on the action you need to take. That's why it works. And so that's what you can use. And there's one more thing I'll add to this, because it just normalizes this moment where your feelings take over. And I know that you're tired of talking yourself out of the things that you want in your life. I know you're tired of arguing against the changes you want to make. And, you know, I'm going to point everybody to the most famous tagline in the world. It's Nike. Just Do It. And the reason why that tagline, Just Do It is so powerful is because of one word. And it's not the word everybody thinks.
30:15 it is. See, imagine if the tagline had been, do it, like that, that's like not inspiring. That's an order. The word that makes that tagline so universally powerful is just. See, Nike knows every athlete stands on the sidelines and wants to get in the game, but what are they doing? They're questioning. They're doubting. They're hesitating. They're talking themselves out of it. Just do it. The just acknowledges how universal self-doubt is, how often your emotions rise up to block you from the things that you're capable of. And the really sick joke on all of us is the fact that your feelings come first and they're always going to be there, particularly when you're doing something new. And just do it. And 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 reminds you that it's your actions that change everything.
31:15 It's your actions that push through the fear. It's your actions that move you through the self-doubt. And it's the actions that start to not only build your confidence and a bit of momentum, but they prove to you that you're becoming somebody new. Yeah. I mean, it's really important what you're saying because just to unpack a few things that you said. You said earlier that, you know, health is the foundation for building the rest of your life because you feel like crap, it's going to be hard to do anything.
31:46 So that's number one. And number two, you kind of hinted without saying it that it's important to create a life vision or a design for your life so that you have somewhere you're headed towards rather than just another day. And that is what kind of will drive you forward even when you don't, quote, feel like it. And that'll help you to, you know, act on things even if you don't actually feel like that. And that is so important about your help. And I think for so many of my patients, they've said to me, Dr.
32:14 and I didn't know I was feeling so bad until I started feeling so good because often people walk around normalizing feeling bad. And sometimes it's a disease, sometimes it's just feeling like crap or brain fog or tired or gut issues or whatever it is. And second, you know, the patients have said to me they didn't realize how close they were to feeling better.
32:31 Like most people are just a few days away from feeling better. You know, I've created something called the 10-day detox where... Oh, my God. I love that. Yeah, it's amazing. And people just actually... I love that. Transform their health. And I think people don't know how close they are to feeling better
32:43 if they just make a few changes. And so I think your process of helping people understand, you know, what their intention is, where they're going, and then moving in that direction is so key. And the hardest part is really to get started around your health. And I think, you know, I think, you know, healthy behaviors are things that have to become habits. And it's not a one-off.
33:05 It's not, you know, it's not just doing one walk once a year. It's the little daily compounding interest that really makes a difference of what you eat, of how much you exercise and how you exercise of your sleep, and how you navigate stress, how you navigate your thoughts, the whole let them, let me kind of theory that you have, which we'll get into is so important
33:23 because that ends so much unnecessary mental suffering. And so those are really foundational things. So I guess I want to help us understand from your perspective how people can start to really create these sustainable behavior changes and how knowing information about their body, like through function health, for example, in your labs, you've learned things about your body to help you stay motivated to do things.
33:46 How do you start to build a life where you actually continue to stay motivated to these healthy behaviors? Okay. So big question. And here's the way that I think about it. First of all, I'm just going to come clean and tell everybody that I am a very negatively motivated person, meaning I'm typically somebody, a lot of people are like this, that needs quite a bit of pain before I actually get the gumption to change something.
34:18 I have a theory based on that, which is most people don't change because they have any P. syndrome. Any P syndrome is not enough pain. So I've used that. Yeah, not enough pain. It's true. You have to, like some of us, like, let's just be honest. Like, sometimes you have to get to a point where you are so sick of your own BS.
34:42 and you're so sick of yourself that you've had enough. And so I just want to, for those of you that are listening, that have been finding it very hard to find positive reasons to take better care of yourself, you can allow things to get worse before they get better, or you can force yourself to start feeling better before they get worse. And what I will say is there has not been a day in my entire lifetime where I have wanted to or been motivated to exercise. Not a single day. So how do you do it then?
35:32 I'll tell you how I do it. Because I want to just bust the world's worst myth that 21 days of repeating something makes it a habit. No, it does not. 21 days of repeating something is a streak. If it's a habit, it means there's something about it that you either now enjoy so that internal resistance is gone and you've repeated it so many times that you just kind of do it without even thinking about it, or you've gotten smart like I have and you realize you've got to outsmart yourself. You've got to set traps. for the old, unhealthy, unmotivated you.
36:13 And so for me, I focus more on the environment and setting up my physical environment so that I don't have a choice. And let me explain. It's like walking through that duty-free shop at the airports. They make you go through it. Correct. Yes, of course, because what's in front of you
36:35 is what you're going to grab for. And so, like, this is kind of common sense. If you wake up in the morning you're not motivated to exercise, here's a couple hacks that your friend Mel Robbins uses. Because I wake up in the morning, I have a hard enough time getting out of bed and I invented the damn five, four, three, two one. I still use it 16 years later because here's the important thing. There are things in your life that you need to do in order to have the life that you want
37:03 that you may never, ever feel like doing. I'll give you an example. I never feel like picking up the dog poop in our yard. But I would like to be able to run barefoot through the yard. I make myself do it. When I open up the dishwasher and it's clean and that puff of smoke comes out, right? You know what I want to do, Mark? Because I'm a selfish jerk.
37:27 I want to shove the door back in and run away and pretend I didn't see it. So my husband has to unload it. So there are things that I don't like doing that I make myself do, right? And the same is true for you as you're listening or watching. So you know how to do things you don't want to do. So for me, here's a couple hacks that I have because I, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and get out of bed. And one of the other traps that I set for myself, Mark, is I put my phone across the room and my alarm is on it. So when the alarm goes off, I have a problem. I have to get out of bed to turn the alarm off. I have left myself no choice. Do you see how this works? Because I can't trust myself.
38:08 when I walk into the closet, I've set up the environment so I have no choice. I've picked out the exercise clothes and laid them on the floor of the closet. Because now they're right there. I don't have to think. So I pull them on. I walk into the kitchen and out on the counter is my mason jar and my creatine and my protein shot. I don't have a choice. It's right there.
38:34 What kind of a jerk am I to myself if I don't do it? and for exercise, I always pre-pick what I'm going to do. Because what I've found about myself is that if I go to a gym either in my house or at a hotel and I do not have a plan, I will walk in, do a loop, and leave. I won't do anything. I'll get overwhelmed and that will become the excuse. If I am going to walk today, I know I'm walking today. And I have an audio book I'm going to listen to.
39:07 And so these are small ways. Do you see what I'm doing where I'm using the environment to make it easier to cue myself to make the healthier choice? If you want to eat healthier as dumb as it sounds, make sure unhealthy stuff isn't in your house. Like I was just complaining to my husband last night. We don't have any cookies at this house. Like, why have we stopped buying dessert? I get so mad at night. We don't have anything sweet.
39:33 I go to like look at the ice cream and there's no ice cream. It's very upsetting. There's no ice cream. And you know, you can do this within reason, but the reason why I'm being funny about this is because I think we have thought about, like we have demonized ourselves for not having willpower or determination or motivation. And then we feel bad and we beat ourselves up and we feel even worse. And that makes it harder to stop because we now have all this evidence that every time we've tried,
40:05 it hasn't worked. And so I just got sick of beating myself up. And I was like, if I am going to really make healthier choices, especially as my hormones are changing, then what could I actually do to make this easier and a little bit more fun? Because if it's fun and if it's easy, then you're likely to do it. Life is hard enough. And so I'd like to invite you as you're listening to think about whatever your health goal is, how could you make it easier? How could you make it visible? How could you make it more fun? How could you trap the old you? And how could you set up the environment, whether it's your bedroom or it's your kitchen or whatever it may be so that you're set up for success? And I kid you not picking the workout the night before or lining up what you're
40:58 going to do for the next seven days. It's a game changer because you, you're, don't have to think. Yeah, same thing with food. Just like having a few meals that you make, that you have the ingredients in the house. It's not, it's nothing we have to think about. It's easy. It's the default choice is the healthy choice as opposed to having a kitchen full of snacks and ice cream and cookies. Let me ask you this, Dr. Hyman. Have you noticed that the more boring your meals are? It's the same things. Same five things you're making. You know what works for you. I basically eat the same two breakfasts seven days a week. Yeah, me too.
41:36 And simplifying things so that you can make it easy and making it things that you like to eat. Like that, it just, there's something about health and making it a little boring and routine that gives you better results. It's true. You're saying it's so important. You want to set up your environment to make the default choice, the healthy choice. And most people don't do that. do the opposite. And, you know, so when you sort of have to get up out of bed to turn your alarm
42:05 for you, you know, you have your workout all Saturday, you have your clothes there, you have your shake and your protein shot there and your creatine, like, you're going to do it. And if you don't have it there, you're going to, screw it, I'm just going to ask. Yes, I'll get it later. Yeah. And you mean to get it later, but then you forget, and then you're running late, and then this, and then that. And so I just find having a little grace for yourself. One of the things people don't realize is that, is that they're just a few days away. from feeling better and they don't realize what they're walking around, whether it's brain fog or joint pain or gut issues or, you know, just feeling like crap is something that they don't have to
42:38 endure and live with it. These are signals from the body that they're not listening to. And I think what I want to encourage most people to do is start to listen to those signals and realize that they're clues. They're like your car making noises and you got to take it to the mechanic. It's not normal for your car to make a bunch of noises and you got to do something about it. And I think in the same way, and it's part of why co-founded function health was to help people, be empowered with their own health data to learn about what's going on. It starts to look and actually find solvable problems. Like you mentioned your husband when we were chatting earlier.
43:08 You know, he found something on his results that he didn't know that it's probably significantly affecting his health, his aging, his motivation, his cognitive function, his energy, his sexual function, all this. Yeah, he's low testosterone. Yeah. And that's something that, you know, you wouldn't know unless you say, oh, I'm just kind of not so motivated. I feel a little depressed.
43:24 I like, I don't know, I'm not as sexually, you know, desires as I was or whatever the thing is you just normalize these things that are not normal. And I can tell you like I'm 60, almost 67, like I feel better than I've ever felt. And, you know, maybe when I was 25 I felt, but I'm like at their medical school residency, working. It's like, it's incredible to see how the body can respond. And you mentioned, you know, whether you're 90 and start picking up tomato cans, the body wants to be healthy.
43:51 It's sort of this default desire. And, you know, your body having symptoms is your body's way of getting your, you attention and telling you that something's off that you have to address. And I think that's important. And I think what you're talking about is some of the ways that people can start to, you know, begin to set up their environment, their life and their intention, what they want to be, how they want to feel, what they want to do, what they want to do with the rest of your life. It's really important. And I think a lot of people walk around losing that, that energy, motivation, and vitality, but it's really available. And I know that as a doctor. I know that for myself. It's just,
44:24 it's so many people don't have that understanding. And they think it's them. They blame themselves. deprecating self-talk and they're or they compare themselves to others and they go what they're doing I don't know why I can't why I'm overweight why I'm tired why I'm this why I'm not and I think you know you're you really help people engage with the the part of themselves that that little part of themselves that actually wants to have a better life that's kind of all by some of your work it's like you're you're getting people excited because everybody wants to have a little better life a little better health a little better relationships a little better you know career motivation to do what they want in the world. And that's really, you know, that's a real gift. And I think your work is so
45:04 much about that. And I just really acknowledge that for you because it's, it's not easy. But, you know, you're, you're kind of pointing the way for people and giving them that opportunity to rethink how they live the next part of their life and how they age and how they live like a longer, not just longer life, but a better life. Sleep isn't just downtime. It's an active biological process that helps you regulate your hormones, your blood sugar, your immune system, your brain function, and so much more. And that's why sleep is one of the foundational areas I focus on in functional medicine and one of the first things I want to understand when I'm working with a patient. And while there are a lot of factors that affect sleep, one simple place to start is your sleep environment? Is your
45:43 bedroom comfortable? Is it a place where you can actually relax and wind down? That's one reason I've been using cozy earth sheets. They're incredibly comfortable and they make my bedroom feel like a place I generally look forward to ending the day in. So go to cozyearth.com and use it go to Hyman for up to 30% off home and sleepwear. That's cozy earth.com and used to go to Hyman. And when they ask you, where you heard about them, say Dr. Hyman sent you. So my favorite memories are made in the kitchen, especially around the holidays. There's something really special about cooking for people you love, gathering around the table and sharing a meal. You have a favorite cook in your life. Great cookware can be an incredibly meaningful gift. You're giving them something baking use to create meals and
46:22 memories for years. Maiden's new seasoned cast iron collection is built for that kind of cooking. Made in America from start to finish and thoughtfully designed and engineered for real cooking. They have the heat retention cast iron is known for with a smoother cooking service and less unnecessary weight. Each piece arrives seasoned and ready to use and the surface gets better than more you cook with it. Not your grandmother's cast iron, but every bit is durable and built to be passed down for generations. Maiden is currently running their Black Friday savings event. Head to Maidencookwear.com and save up to 40% on items across the site. Discounts are automatically applied. Get yours today. You know, I think it's easy in life to find yourself in sort of a
47:04 downward spiral. And what I like that you keep saying, Dr. Hyman, is you're just a few days away from feeling better. And I can actually prove that statement to you. Because if you've ever been dragged on a walk after dinner, or if you've ever forced yourself out the door for a walk in the morning, or maybe you have a dog so you didn't have a choice. You got to go out for a walk because, you know, you don't want to, you don't care enough about yourself right now, but you do care about your dog. And so you get a, when you're done with a 10-minute walk, you actually do feel better. And that right there is evidence of a singular choice that had a material felt impact
47:48 on your energy, on your thinking, on your mood. and if it's true about a 10-minute walk, I want you to really embrace what Dr. Hyman's saying and what I'm telling you, which is you can also create an upward spiral by the small choices that you make, the things that you remove from your life, whether that's people or certain foods or certain sort of substances, the things you add in, whether it's a little bit more time with friends, a little bit, you know, more physical movement. And if you're doing things and you're not seeing a result, I think that's when you kind of turn to the experts and you ask yourself, okay, what am I missing here? And, you know, I can share a story because I remember when I was
48:41 starting to hit my late 40s and the, I've always been active, even though I don't feel motivated to do so. I think in my 20s and 30s, I was driven by wanting to be thin and by vanity. And it wasn't until my 40s that I started to really become more educated about just my mood and my physical health and wanting to live a long and healthy life. So my motivations started to change. But after years of running, hiking, Pilates, yoga, all of a sudden, like, I'm like, where is this flesh fanny pack coming from. Why is it that I haven't changed anything and I've got meat wings hanging down from my arms? What the hell is going on with my body? Yes, I'd get so mad because my husband and I would do these cleanses or we'd take on these physical challenges or whatever and he would come out of them
49:37 looking like a ripped Adonis with a six-pack and I'd be still standing there feeling like very puffy and fluffy. And it wasn't until I started to understand, wait a minute. minute. There's something going on inside me, and that something is what happens to every woman, which is, as my hormones have basically changed, I mean, you basically go through a hormonal castration when you go through menopause and perimenopause and you have no more estrogen left in a body that has been thriving on estrogen your entire life, of course everything is going to go into disarray. And it's, when you start to understand it's not you, there's something going on inside of you that is trying to tell you something. That's when, like, one of the reasons why
50:34 it's so important to understand what's going on with your health changes or whatever may be going on internally is because when you have the information, you can make smarter decisions. Like, I was not a weight lifter until I understood that it's critical for women in menopause to be lifting weights. It's critical for longevity. And it wasn't until I got onto HRT and I started prioritizing protein because all the experts are just, you know, telling us, you've got to have more complete protein, you got to have more complete protein.
51:06 And I also stopped with the cardio and started really focusing on resistance training that absolutely everything changed because I knew what I was dealing with. And so part of what's exciting about living in the world today is you do not have to suffer in isolation. You do not have to suffer without knowledge. There is so much information available to you in today's world that if you do want to feel better, if you do want to be stronger, if you do want more energy, If you have symptoms that you don't like living with, I guarantee you with a little bit of research, you can absolutely figure out what the cause might be, and you can do something about it, and you deserve that.
51:57 I agree. I mean, I think people need to understand that I'm a doctor, and I'm training medicine, and I treat patients. But at the end of the day, everybody's health is something they're accountable for, and they have to take charge of. They have to be the CEO of their own health, and they have to realize they have agency over their health and don't have to rely on the health care system because it's not a health care system. It's a disease care system. It's fine if you have some serious thing or an acute illness or you need surgery
52:19 like I did. But for creating health, we don't know how to do that. Doctors don't take a course in medical school called Creating Health 101. We have no clue. If you go to your doctor, I want to really improve and optimize my health. They're like, okay, eat better exercise more. Like that's not really helpful advice. And so that's really why things like function health are so powerful because they empower people with their data with understanding with information. And it's really where the ear win is really exciting. I want to talk about a different part of health. We've talking about physical health and what causes resistance to it and how we motivate ourselves, how we can construct our environments and how actually we can change at any age and we can get better. But there's another piece,
52:58 which is our mental health. And a lot of suffering, that's called the mental symptoms, come from how we relate to our experience, how we relate to people, how we relate to other, people how we like to ourselves. And you wrote a book called the Let Them Theory, which sold a stupid amount of of number of books. It's incredible how, I know it's like into a million languages already. And it lays out of concepts that are somewhat familiar to me related to Buddhism and Anahachshund and Stoicism and other areas.
53:32 These are universal concepts. But you've kind of refreshed it into the modern world that gives people access to it. And this whole idea is that suffering comes from trying to do. change people and they don't want to change and we cause suffering. I had this experience with people in my family like we all do and I'm like, why don't you just do this? Well, that's why we have families. You know that, Dr. Hyman?
53:54 We have families because they teach you how to love people you hate sometimes. There you go. I don't really hate my family, but I get it. And I think that, tell us how you kind of can open this, why it's so important for people to reset their perceptions and their experiences and their beliefs and their beliefs. around other people and themselves. And it's not just the let them theory. It's also the let me theory,
54:18 which people often don't highlight in your work, but I think it's important we discuss that because there are two sides of an important coin and one without the other, it doesn't actually work. So to walk us through what it is and why it's important and how it can help us end our mental suffering. You know, what does Bob Marley say? And only are, what is it, none but ourselves can free our mind,
54:38 you know, end our mental slavery, something like that. It's like, that's what we need to do. So the let them theory is a very, very simple way to have more control, power, and peace in your life. And you are correct. One of the most, you are correct when you say there's lots in this book that feels familiar. It feels like Buddhism. It feels like radical acceptance. It feels like stoicism.
55:08 It feels like the serenity prayer. feels like things that I have heard at the kitchen table. And what I have done in creating the Let Them Theory is I have boiled stoicism down to four words. And the first part of the theory teaches you how to stop trying to control things you cannot control. Because any psychologist and medical doctor will tell you that the fastest way to stress yourself out and cause chronic inflammation and probably IBS and everything else is to attempt to control things you will never be able to control. And so here's how you use it. Okay. You in any moment at any point in the day, when you feel yourself starting to get pissed off, frustrated, annoyed, upset,
56:05 worried, bothered, anything. Just say let them. And let them as a boundary, let them as a cue, let them as you reminding yourself, I can't control traffic. Let them. I can't control whether or not Austin is doing construction on a Monday morning, these freaking idiots, why would they be doing construction? Let them. Because if I can't control what's happening, why would I allow it to steal my energy and my peace and my peace? And, my attention right now. If somebody is being rude, let them. If somebody is talking behind your back, let them. If somebody misunderstands you, let them. Now, here's what's important. When you say let them, particularly when somebody is disrespecting you, you're not allowing anyone to do anything.
57:00 When you say let them, you're forcing yourself to recognize that this idiot and their, like, disrespect is not something I can control. The best thing I can do is to put up a boundary and remind myself, I can't control this person that's yelling at me right now in a retail store. So I'm just going to say, let them. Because I refuse to allow their negativity into my mind or body. Then you say the second part, let me. Let me remind myself in every moment that what is in my control is how I respond to this.
57:34 This is Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, Central Thesis of the book. it's what you do in response to life that determines your experience of life. And there's a lot of things that are going on in the world that are unfair. There's a lot of people running around doing very disrespectful and awful things. And your job is not to control it. It's to recognize in day-to-day moments what's in my control and what is not in my control. And focus your energy on what's in your control. and what's in your control at all times is you, how you respond, what you say, what you do or don't do,
58:14 and what you do in response to the feelings that rise up inside you. And what I love about it, and the reason why it is spread around the world, 11 million books sold in 19 months, 67 languages. It is the single most successful nonfiction book launch in history. You know, that doesn't happen because of a marketing campaign. That happens because people read it and they can apply it in their lives and then they recommend it. And what I love about this, and this is another big mistake that people make with it, is people love saying let them because it rhymes with F them.
58:51 And, you know, you're kind of like, let them, you know, let my sister not help with my mom. Let my doctor not call me back. Let my boss be a jerk. But what happens is the more you say let them, let them, let them, the more you're kind of left with your And it's the second part where you say, well, let me, let me remind myself that my, the kind of relationship that I want with my siblings dependent on me, not them. And if I recognize that my boss keeps like not promoting me, it's not my boss's job to actually promote me. It's my job to recognize the situation I'm in and leave it because I have the power. You're not stuck in any
59:36 conversation. You're not stuck in any job. You're not stuck in any relationship. But we spend so much energy, Mark, focused on everybody else that we miss where the power is. The power is not in changing other people. The power is in changing yourself. Because when you change how you show up, You change how much time you pour into something. You change how much access people have to you. You change the compassion that you bring to situations. Your change changes everything. And what I love the most about this is that, you know, for me personally, I wrote the book
01:00:14 with our oldest child, our daughter named Sawyer, who's 27 years old. And, you know, every one of us has a relationship in our life where you have somebody that you love and you just wish you could be closer. Yeah. And for whatever reason, you just... Miss each other. Yeah, to miss each other and you frustrate each other and you can't understand. Why can't it be easier?
01:00:36 And we wrote this book together and we pissed each other off all the time because we were, we were very, very different. Yeah. And we would literally say, let her, letter, letter, let me, remember, all day long as we're working together. And what happened was very interesting. When you say let them, you're not. not only creating a boundary and reminding yourself, I can't control this other person. I can't
01:01:00 control their happiness. I can't control their mood. I can't control like what they're going to say next. I just need to let them be who they are and be who they're not. Not control them, not change them. You're actually operating with acceptance and you're stopping yourself from crossing a line and trying to change a person in your life. And the other person starts to feel it. You're You create this space where somebody can be as they are and they can be as they're not without you reacting and trying to change them. And what I noticed and what my daughter noticed is the more that we said let her, and then let me take responsibility for just kind of how I'm going to show up right now,
01:01:43 the closer we became. We stopped judging each other. We stopped criticizing each other. We stopped trying to change each other. We stopped wishing each other were different. and we both learned how to see each other exactly as we are and exactly as we aren't. Now, we still piss each other off, but there's this deep, deep sense of acceptance and connection versus what I think a lot of us are doing in relationships, or at least I'll
01:02:13 speak for myself, is trying to change everybody to be the way I want them to be, versus learning how to accept and love people as they are and just change the way. I'm showing up so that it works better. You know, the let me part is important because unless you decide what you're going to do, what you're going to allow, you're going to communicate, what you're going to change, your boundaries. Like you basically get to take care of yourself and not stop worrying about, take care of them, which never works.
01:02:41 Yeah, well, and this is part of it is that, you know, if you're, if you're holding onto the handle of a locked door and you're like, why is this not opening? And you're like putting all this effort into like getting the door. to open. You can't reach for the open door until you let go of the thing that's not working. And so this is also important because the let them part is when you cue yourself to stop doing what you always do. Stop trying to change them. Stop trying to force them to lose weight. Stop trying to make them take their medication. Stop trying to get them to the doctor. Yes, you're doing it because you love them. But when you push somebody, you're not motivating them.
01:03:20 you're actually activating somebody's need to feel in control of themselves. This is why your spouse is resisting, your pressure to lose weight, your pressure to go to the doctor, your pressure to take testosterone in my case, because I'm like, Chris, you have low tea, you better take some testosterone. That was the one most effective way in the world to make him not want to take it, is telling him to do it. Letting him have the dignity of his own experience, letting him know that I was worried about him and I want him to feel better and that I was hoping that he would speak to some medical professionals about it gives him the space to be in control of changing on his timeline.
01:04:05 And that's the most influential way to actually influence somebody else to change. It's to stop bitching about it, to stop pushing them to do things, to stop making the, you know, if you ate a little salad, you know, maybe if you park the car, a little further away at the grocery store and got your steps in, that's not support. That's actually criticism. And what you're doing is you're forcing the other person to wall themselves off from you and to avoid the changes they probably know they need to make because they don't want to hear those words.
01:04:39 See, I told you. And you get to decide what you want to be in relationship with them, how you want to be in relationship with them, whether you want to be in relationship with them. Like you get to choose for yourself because sometimes the relationships need to end or sometimes, you know, you need to shift your expectations. And I'm so curious, though, like, as you thought about this, a lot, the question that comes up for me is, why are humans wired the other way? Like, it seems like it's not an unusual problem.
01:05:06 Like, obviously 11 million people bought the book. And that's historic. And so you've hit on something. I have an answer for you. You do? I wondered about the same thing. Yeah, I write about this in the book. I wondered about the same thing.
01:05:19 why is it that we're all actually working in the exact opposite way of the fundamental laws of human relationships? And it comes down ironically, because the let them theory is really about control. What can you control and what can you not control? And it teaches you how to focus on what's in your control, which is where your power and your peace and your influences. the reason why we get this wrong, and I got it wrong for the first 54 years of my life, is that every one of us has a fundamental survival instinct that is tied to being in control of everything. Because when you feel out of control, it immediately makes you feel like something's wrong,
01:06:13 whether the traffic is backing up. Now you're going to be late for your interview. That causes a flood of anxiety because you can't control the fact that there's something where you need to be, right? When your spouse is drinking too much, their behavior is making you feel out of control because their behavior makes you worry about them and their health and what's going to happen and your future and what people may think. And so the reason why we try to control everyone and everything around us
01:06:52 is because in life, everything going on has some impact on you. And when somebody else's behavior, whether it's one of your kids who worries you, because they're not doing well in school, so then what do you do? You step across the line. You try to push them to get grades. You take away their phone. You're now trying to control another person. because their behavior worries you and it triggered this need for you to feel okay.
01:07:20 The thing that I want everyone to understand, and this is the kind of big epiphany for me, is worrying about other people is a beautiful thing. Of course you want people to be healthy. Of course you want people to do well and to thrive. It's how you're going about influencing other people in doing it that's backfiring. Controlling other people just pushes them away from you. So how do you like then help them without helping them? How do you, it's because it's a paradox.
01:07:49 I turned to, there's 57 world-renowned scientists and researchers that are cited in this book and that I interviewed for this book and that have appeared on the podcast. And when it comes to how you influence people in a way that works with the neuroscience of human beings, and it actually gives people the autonomy to believe that it's their idea, you win. Because while you can never change another person, because people only change when they're ready to change for themselves, they're not changing for you. People are only going to change when they're ready to do the very hard work that we've talked about to change for themselves. No amount of worrying, pushing, bribing, pressuring is going to work. If anything, it backfires.
01:08:39 So while you can't force someone else to change, I never said you couldn't influence change. And for that formula, we turn to Dr. Talley Sharrett, who is a professor at King's College and also at MIT. She studies the science of influence. And basically, there's this model called ABC that I made up using her research to help you remember this. The first thing you're going to do is you're going to do is you. You've got to do the A part.
01:09:10 A is apologize. B is back off. And C is complement any behavior you see that's moving in the right direction. Like positive reinforcement, yeah. Yeah. So the reason why you want to apologize is you have no idea how annoying you've been. You have no idea how rude your comments have been. You have no idea.
01:09:34 Like particularly, let's say you've got somebody in your life who needs to lose weight. They know about GLP ones. They're not an idiot. they know that sitting on the couch versus going for a walk is probably not the right thing. The only person that's harder on this person that you love about their weight than you is them. They beat themselves up all day long. And so you want to start by apologizing, whether it's to your kid who you've been pressuring to study more. They know that they're not doing well in school.
01:10:03 They know that playing video games versus studying is not like going to help them get better grades. do you want to know why they're playing video games are good at it. And when they sit down and stare at the books, they think they're bad at it. That's why they're avoiding it. And then you come up like, you know, a stormtrooper and yell at them. Do you think that's helping? No. So you apologize. Hey, I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry. I've been thinking a lot about the way I've been hounding you. And it can't feel good. And I'm really sorry about that. I care about you deeply. And, you know, you have my word. I'm not going to bring it up again. I'm here. I love you. If you ever need my support, you just let me know.
01:10:38 But, you know, like, I'm here to help, whatever you need. You can ask open-ended questions. How do you feel about this? You know, I haven't even asked you. I've been dragging you to the dog. I've never asked you. How are you feeling about your weight? Hmm.
01:10:53 And it doesn't even matter what they say, Dr. Hyman, because what the research shows is simply asking an open-ended question stirs up the internal conflict they silently deal with all day long. Being curious. Yes, it's not even that they don't want it. It's that they've convinced themselves it's not possible. Then you back off. Like literally, this is the let them part.
01:11:19 You have to say let them, let them, let them, to stop you from saying anything. And while they're just living their life and you're not saying anything, you also want to just be doing whatever it is you think they should be doing. And don't ask them to, participate, just model the change you want to see. And then the third thing is, is eventually,
01:11:41 eventually you're going to see somebody get up and make a walk and take a walk. And instead of being like, see, oh, see how easy that was? No, just be like, oh my God, you look so cute when your cheeks are red. I love you, honey. Positive reinforcement. That's it. That's, that's, that's all you got. That's all you've got. When you give somebody the space to sit with themselves, They're now having to deal with their internal resistance. When you're pressuring somebody to change, you're the resistance that they push against. So true. And so this is like important kind of combo package around your health and your mental health.
01:12:18 Because, you know, if people don't, don't figure this out in life and they constantly are fighting reality, it's going to cause a lot of suffering. A lot of stress and a lot of mental anguish. And that also affects your health. is a kind of, I'd say a combo package for living well, feeling good, and actually having a fulfilled life. And it's beautiful how you crystallize it all. And I so appreciate how you have taken, you know, the world scientists, distill their work and kind of made something that's successful for people to kind of distill down into the nuggets that really are able to follow and are actionable. And, you know, it's kind of like for your own life. And I'm
01:12:57 curious about you know, how you're thinking about the next part of your life. You know, you've kind of had this trajectory where, you know, you struggled, you were bankrupt, you know, you kind of were drinking a lot, you were kind of a mess. And then you've kind of transformed out of that into this life where you're having such a positive impact on people. And so, and you're, you've figured out your health journey. You've done function health. You've got other stuff. You've figured out how to balance your menopausal issues that, you know, often derail women. And, and I'm wondering how you imagine this next 20 years and living into your, you know, six, you know, six, to you, 70s, 80s, 80s, and how you dream for yourself?
01:13:35 First of all, I'll go back to the very first thing I said, which is you've got to ask yourself, what do you want? And when it comes to my health and the next 30, 40, 50 years, you know, I'm going to be 58 in a week. Just a baby. Just a baby. I really want to live a long and vibrant life. I was just at my niece's wedding, and I was watching my husband's mom, who's eight,
01:14:01 89, boogieing down on the dance floor with all over grandkids. And I thought, that's going to be me at 89. And so I have a very clear vision of a very active lifestyle, a very strong lifestyle. And, you know, it's no accident that my mother-in-law is like that because for the 30 plus years I've known her, she walks five miles a day. And 20 years ago started adding in two days of resistance training. I mean, the woman has biceps at 89. So this stuff. works. Like, that's the thing that a normal person like me doesn't want to, doesn't want to really grasp. You actually can feel better if you prioritize sleep, if you make time for friends, if you do some resistance training and move your body, if you recognize that there's no amount of
01:14:51 exercise that can outdo a crappy diet, that you have to like think about the fuel. And for me, that meant a ton more protein, which is why I got involved as a co-founder of pure genius protein. And that's kind of it. Like the stuff is simple. The pillars are very, very simple. And so for me, I am really focused on taking care of myself and the source of motivation that's personal is I want not just a long life, I want a lot of life in those years. And that's on me.
01:15:28 And I want to be strong. And I want to be mobile. And that means what I'm doing now in my late 50s matters tremendously for how I want to feel in my 80s and 90s if I'm lucky enough to live that long. I think the other big thing about me that I don't think a lot of people probably from the outside understand is that, you know, when you have this kind of level of extraordinary success, I mean, third largest podcast in the world, this extraordinary success with the let them theory, you've got 40 million people that follow you online, and your work truly is encouraging and empowering
01:16:02 people to make changes that improve the quality of their lives. And I know this because I read the avalanche of inbound messages that come in from all over the world every single day. It's the thing that really motivates me. And it motivates me because when I was 41 and couldn't get out of bed, I thought I was the only loser that had screwed up her life. I thought there was no way that I could fix these problems. There's no way I could get out of debt. And there were no podcasts. You wouldn't be caught dead walking into a self-help aisle. Like, I couldn't afford a therapist. Hell, I couldn't pay my mortgage. Like, and nobody went to a therapist 16 years ago. And so I suffered a loan. And for me, knowing that in some small or large way,
01:16:52 Either the episodes we're putting out or the books that I write or the short form content we put on social media is truly spreading around the world like little drops of light. And it is awakening the light inside each and every one of us, this power that we have to flip a switch in our health and our mindset, in our attitude, and our goals, to take control of what our life feels. feels and looks like. That's what motivates me. And so people often ask me, okay, what are you going to do next? I'm like, next. Are you kidding me? Like, what more do you need? Like, I don't want more. I want time. Like, I would love to continue doing what I'm doing in service of people and of your ability to create a better life and to feel better. But what I would like to do is to have more time back
01:17:49 to spend it with my husband, to spend it with my kids, to be outside hiking, to enjoy all of this hard work, because I think one of the things that's interesting about being older, and this goes to those of you that are saying it's too late. First of all, Dr. Hyman's on Medicaid, and he's like now the co-founder of basically Medicare, whatever, Medicaid, Medicare. You're the doctor, I don't know, whatever it is. And he's like literally the recent founder of a company that's now valued at a billion dollars. And I started the podcast of 54, wrote the book at 55, became the co-founder of this incredible pure genius protein shot company at the age of 56. We will not hear it. And what happens when you attack life later in life is you're doing it with experience.
01:18:44 And with the experience that you have right now, you don't forget what actually matters. And so for me, when I look ahead, there's nothing that I could do in the future, Dr. Hyman, that would change what I know is important in life. And what's important in life is your health. It's your family. It's your friends. And it's waking up every day and having somewhere to go, having something to do that you care about, and having somebody that you can show a little love to.
01:19:15 You have those three things. You are winning at this game. of life. It's true. I think, you know, you know, what you're saying is so important. We really have to kind of come back to the essentials. And it's in both of us, as I was reflecting, listening to what you're saying, both of us had pretty bad breakdowns in life. You had 41, you know, had incredible dead and everything was falling apart and you were, you know, you just kind of in a deep, depressed hole. I was, you know, in my late 30s, I got chronic fatigue syndrome and I had to discover a new way of healing and the work that I do around functional
01:19:51 medicine and coming out of that and figuring out a way out of that for both of us has has compelled us to want to give back to the world and to bring the love that we gave to ourselves to everybody else and to you know share with everybody else steps that they can take to actually feel better live better you know and actually have a more meaningful complete life and it's it's it's actually hard because a lot of people just don't think that it's possible. They don't think that getting out of the crappy situation they're in, whatever it is, is possible. But I think, you know, you and I are examples of people who've been at the bottom and
01:20:28 who've come back. And it's really, I think, hopefully inspiring for people to listen to this and to have this conversation and to start to think about, okay, it doesn't matter what age I am, I could be 75, I could be 55. It's never too late. And it's never too late to take control of your health. It's never too late to reset your real. relationships to reset your mind and fix your your your patterns of thinking that cause suffering
01:20:52 for you and your beliefs that cause suffering your your book really is about changing our beliefs about how relationships work about how love works about how supporting others works about how taking care of yourself works these are really important things we don't learn in school we don't learn any of stuff in school and so I think we're at this amazing moment where you know work that you're doing some work that I'm doing is really helping people to become empowered with with the the information, the knowledge, and the tools to actually live a better, longer life. And, you know, you're saying you want to have more life in your years. That's the tagline of function, which is live 100 healthy years.
01:21:25 That's our goal. And I've written a new book coming out next spring called 100, How to Live 100 Healthy Years. And it's really about this, exactly thing. How do we do this? And it goes through everything from physical health to mental emotional health to, you know, dealing with our traumas. All this stuff is necessary, building community. And I was kind of reminded a little bit about the work I did with Rick Warren.
01:21:45 where he, where he, we created something called the Daniel plan in his church, who was a very unhealthy, overweight church. And it was based on five principles, which is faith. Essentially, what he's talking about is meaning and purpose that you're talking about. Food. Fitness. Focus, which is getting your mindset right. And friends.
01:22:06 It's really, it's really all the things we've been talking about. And that's what really creates a life that allows you to be empowered to do the things you want and to live the life you want. I agree. Yeah. So thanks you, Mel, for being on the podcast. Everybody, you can find Mel's work everywhere. Her podcast is the Mel Robbins show. She's got her social media, which is... Like, literally, you just look for Mel Robbins, and if you're trying to get more protein, I want you to check out Pure Genius Protein. I have one every single morning, Dr. Hyman, and it has changed my life. I really struggled to get protein in, because I listen to you doctors, and it's really hard. It's hard with the, number of calories. It's hard on the go. There's only so much chicken and eggs. When I found that eggs were only six grams of protein, I was mad at them for a year. Yeah, like, I can't eat six
01:22:54 eggs. And so given how much I struggled, I joined a company and became a founder and spent a year working with medical and scientific and nutritional experts to build the first of its kind three ounce TSA approved, shelf stable, hundred calories, 23 grams of. complete protein. Yeah. It's incredible. I've had it. It's delicious and it's great. And it's, it's true. Well, thank you for saying that. It really is. And so I'm really proud of that because it's made it simple. And one of the things that you and I talked a lot about today is function health helps answer questions about what's going on inside so you can make changes that improve your health. And for me as a normal person, if the changes are hard, I ain't doing it.
01:23:41 And so the fact that it can be simple to either figure out what's going on through medical tests or simple, like I do, I drink a protein shot every morning instead of a smoothie, boom, it's done. That's what helps you get these things done. It's true. It's true. It's just allowing people to have the tools and access and things that are going to make their default choices, better choices. And I think hopefully this has inspired a lot of people. I'm sure this podcast is going to go out there. Thank you for everything you do, Mel.
01:24:15 It's great to see you again. I love you and keep it up. It's great to see you. And I'll see you in the dance floor. When I'm 100 and you're like 50. At someone's wedding. You're like 80, 90 or something. Yeah, I'm like 10 years behind you.
01:24:29 Yeah, so you'll be 90. We'll be a hundred. How about that? I'll meet you on the dance floor at 100. Sounds good. All right, Mel. Thank you. Hey, everybody.
01:24:38 It's Dr. Mark here. I'm so excited to share that my new book is officially available for pre-order today. After more than 30 years of practicing medicine and caring for tens of thousands of patients, I've written the book that brings everything together that I've learned about helping people get healthy and stay healthy as they age. It's called 100. What to do today to live 100 healthy years is a whole body guide to living 100 healthy years. It's grounded in a new understanding of how our body's work. It's the new map of the body. And inside, I walk you through the seven core systems that drive your health from your gut and hormones to how your cells make
01:25:11 and help you understand the signals your body's been sending you all along. Now, a lot of what's in the book, I learned the hard way through my own body. When I got sick, the medicine that I trained in did not have any of the answers I needed. So I had to go look for them myself. And that search became my life's work. This book brings together decades of my learning from my patients, from the scientific research and scouring that, from the things I got wrong and the things I had to rethink along the way. I don't want you to have to struggle the way I did to find those answers.
01:25:41 much of our health is shaped by what happens outside your doctor's office. And I want you to feel confident knowing how to care for yourself every day. I put so much of myself into this book, and I'm really excited to finally share it with you. It's really my life's work. It's my capstone of my career that I put everything I know. It's finally available for order today, pre-order, everywhere booked your soul. Go get a copy. Please support me. And this is my life's work. So I think you're going to love it. If you love this podcast, please share it with someone else you think would also enjoy it. You can find me on all social media channels at Dr. Mark Hyman. Please reach out.
01:26:12 I'd love to hear your comments and questions. Don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to the Dr. Hyman show wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to check out my YouTube channel at Dr. Mark Hyman for video versions of this podcast and more. Thank you so much again for tuning in. We'll see you next time on the Dr. Hyman Show. This podcast is separate from my clinical practice at the Ultra Wellness Center, my work at Cleveland Clinic and Function Health, where I am chief medical officer. This podcast represents my opinions and my guest's opinions.
01:26:38 Neither myself nor the podcast endorses the views or statements of my guests. This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional care by a doctor or other qualified medical professional. This podcast is provided with the understanding that it does not constitute medical or other professional advice or services. If you're looking for help in your journey, please seek out a qualified medical practitioner. And if you're looking for a functional medicine practitioner, visit my clinic, the ultra-wellness center at ultra-wellnesscenter.com and request to become a patient.
01:27:08 It's important to have someone in your corner who is a trained, licensed health care practitioner and can help you make changes, especially when it comes to your health. This podcast is free as part of my mission to bring practical ways of improving health to the public, so I'd like to express gratitude to sponsors that made today's podcast possible. Thanks so much again for listening. When it comes to supplements, you only want the best for your body, the kind with the highest quality, cleanest, and most potent ingredients you can get. That's exactly what you'll find at my supplement store,
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