The Edge Breakfast - ONLYFANS just end it, it's a shitter.

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

This is a podcast from Rover. Come for the chat, stay for the trauma bonding. This is Clint McGinn and Dan's OnlyFans. Podcast, that is. What's that? We've got a little something, something we could try here. Okay. Welcome along to the OnlyFans podcast.

Good to see you. Very exciting. Yes, you heard right. Dan's got a little something, something for you this morning. We all knew that, Dan, but have you got anything to bring for the podcast? Oh, then no! No. So we were talking yesterday, one of our bosses pulled me aside as we were leaving.

How many have we got now? Oh we've got too many. Too many cooks in the kitchen. One, two, three. That was one of the bits of feedback I gave him. Too many cooks. Yeah, three bosses maybe? Too many cooks, three bosses.

I think it narrows down to at least two. One head needs to roll. I said that to him. And I didn't said that to him. And I didn't say that to him. And one of his things was he was asking, as he says, we need more segments for our show. More like things that we do.

They call them benchmarks in radio. Where we need to go like every Thursday, like we did every Thursday, we used to do men writing women. And you knew every Thursday at 7 a.m. we'd do it. And he was like, we need more of them. I've got an idea which I've been sitting on for a while. And I just wanted to give it a go on the podcast today to see if it was possible. So the thing is the stress, it's called the stress producer.

And I used to do this on a radio show I used to be involved in. And it works when there's maybe a big celebrity star that's coming to the country. And you call as a stress producer, usually it would be Carl or Nipia. Oh I know this guy. And you and you go guys I'm so sorry I we had an interview teed up with Lady Gaga it's just fallen through and I've promised the announcers that way they they're expecting Lady Gaga on the phone in two minutes yeah is it possible if when we call you back you pretend to be Lady Gaga for two minutes yeah you guys obviously know about it yeah we put a big intro in,

joining us on the edge, Lady Gaga. Then it's just a lady and a hairdresser. I remember Hamish Nanny did this once, I don't even forget it, because I think the guy even ended up winning an award for being like, good sort, wasn't it? Yeah, that wasn't for a celebrity, it was for a...

He did it for a job reference. Oh, that's right, Dan. So this is more celebrity based. And he said that he'd worked for her, and he was a bloody good dude, and rah rah rah, because he said he had no one to her and he was a bloody good dude, and rah rah rah. Cause he said he had no one to put down as a reference and my boss said I needed one. Okay, there's no one really coming to the country.

I don't mind that idea because someone's, they're just lying, right? But most people would be like, well not most, but you've got a better hit rate of someone going yeah sure I can pretend you worked for me, versus yeah sure I can pretend to be Lady Gaga. But that's where the fun comes from. What type of crazy person agrees to that? It's funny because they're pretending to be like they're trying to put on an American accent. It's funny. I reckon we try it. It might be a shitter.

Oh I think you'd get... I reckon it would be a pre-recorded radio bit because you would get a shitter nine times out of ten. Yeah and then if it's a fucking benchmark we have to do it every week and so we're doing an hour of pre-records to get it. To get the one crazy who agrees to pretend to be Lady Gaga? We have a fucking benchmark, we have to do it every week and so we're doing an hour of pre-records to get it. To get the one crazy idea. I'm just gonna call a random hairdresser in Dunedin. No you're not.

And I'll just pretend to be a stress producer. Oh I can't even listen. Oh my god I'm so embarrassed. Say Gracie Abrams because I've got an intro for Gracie. Okay Gracie Abrams. Producers give me that Gracie Abrams intro. What kind of pure hairdressing are you speaking with Ashley? Oh hi Ashley, my name's Dan. I'm just calling from the Edge radio station. I'm just a little bit stressed. We've just had an interview with Gracie Abrams full through.

She's a pop star from America. And I was just wondering if you'd do me a massive solid, and if the radio station calls you back, could you just pretend to be Gracie Abrams for two minutes while they interview you? I'll give you a hundred bucks bucks I'll sweet out with a hundred bucks. Oh look why not. Okay perfect. Okay amazing so they'll just call you back very shortly and then you just answer just as Gracie and then just even if you don't know the answer to questions just fudge it. Is that possible? Sure look why not.

Okay thanks so much Ashley they'll call you back in a second. You'll be talking to Clint and Meg. Okay, thanks so much. Okay. Bye. No worries, thanks, bye. Okay, so now we've got her. What? What? Okay, 100 bucks. It works every time.

And so now we're gonna have... You don't have $100. Also, I also think, if I'm being really honest, there's no way she believes this is happening. She's like, this is an easy way to make 100 bucks. They know it's all a gag. So now the thing is, now you call back. She knows it's a gag.

Now you call back you two interview her. Did you not hear the smile on her little face? She was like yeah go on. Did she know that was Dan and he's on the show and he's not a producer? I don't know. Wait but do we not have a hundred dollars? You promised us. I'll sort the hundred dollars with Casey he'll be fine.

You might be able to get a double pass in the movies. Okay well just leave him with the- Hold on, hold on, I need an intro for Gracie Abrams. Then you call her back and then she answers and then you just hit straight in with the- I'll just ask the same questions they did, I actually asked her. Okay.

Um, oh, we've lost our intro for Gracie, it's gone. So I'm just gonna have to play some hooks, I think. You introduce and then I'll do the first question, Clem. Mm-hmm. Okay, God, hold on, we should have picked, maybe. hooks I think. You introduce and then I'll do the first question Clem. Okay, hold on, we should have picked, maybe, we can't choose a different artist now can we because you've already told her to be that. She'll be like fuck I thought I was prepping for Gracie Abrams. Okay, let's go. Just by the way it's pure hairdressing in Dunedin.

Okay, Megah you're gonna interview her Yeah. Well, we both are, but yuck. Oh, Clint, harden up. Bloody hell, you're a radio announcer. This is your bread and butter. This is fucking 2000s bread and butter. Yeah, we're interviewing someone and pretending, I'm pretending I think

I'm dumb enough to think that this fucking Kiwi Chicken Dunedin. No, you're in on it. You know, she doesn't know that. But chicken Yeah, no, you're in on it She thinks we're idiots fucking dumb because soon as I ask my third question, oh my god, they're buying it Mmm. Okay. So here we go putting the call Hi, it's so sorry. We're looking for this is Clinton Meg from the Edge radio station we've been put through by a producer to speak to Gracie Abrams is this the right line?

Yes you speaking. Oh. I thought he said it was Ashley. Daniel. Ashley! Daniel! Gracie, great to have you on. Welcome to the country. Hi. Thank you so much. God, you've got the accent.

Lovely to be here. You've only been here for a couple of days. How's it going? Not bad. Yes, no, loving New Zealand so far. And now, what's your favourite part about New Zealand? I'm loving New Zealand so far. Now what's your favourite part about New Zealand? Look, currently I think the people, everyone I've met here is fantastic, beautiful, lovely, easy to chat to,

with not so much, but that's okay. That's all good. Your latest album, The Secret of Us, your surprise song that you said you're going to be releasing, when can we expect that single to come out? Look, there's no confirmed date just as yet, but just know that it will be coming to you shortly. And is there any song that is talking about your relationship with Paul? I know you don't like talking about it very much

in interviews, but obviously everybody is really interested and keen on hearing about how you two are going. There have been rumors of engagement. Yes. Well, you will have to wait until my next track comes out. And that will have some clues in its answer. Those questions for you. Gracie, give us something, would you? I mean, you're sort of keeping all your cards close to your chest. I know you've said, I know you've you've announced your pregnancy.

When are you due? Oh, another question that you'll have to wait and see in time. Oh, a lot of waiting and see in. You're really teasing us, Gracie. Ashley knows who it is. Ashley knows who it's going. It's Esther, isn't it? Is it Esther?

It's Ashley, sorry. Oh, it's Ashley. Ashley, bless you. I mean, bless you for committing the awful. Fuck you. Outstanding. I I mean if you could just must. That was honestly probably terrible, not the response you wanted. No no, I mean it was awful but you won your 100 bucks fair and square. Straight out of Dan Webby's wallet.

Yeah exactly. Do you know Clem, Megan, Dan and who we are from the edge? Have you heard of... Yes I do, I do. Yes, absolutely. Oh, excellent. Okay, well then you would know that this has been an absolute shambles. Yeah, so, okay, this was Dan's idea, you see, Ashley.

What do you think about this as a segment on air permanently, or do you think it would just not work? Be a one and done. In terms of ringing people up and... Yeah. Pretending. Yeah. Asking if they can pretend to be someone that they're not. I mean, if it was anyone other than myself, it might go a little better. See, oh sorry, it has got potential.

It could be quite funny, depending on the response. Would it work if I was pretending to be a landlord and I gave you as a reference and asked you that you could say that I was one of the greatest tenants or flatmates that you'd ever lived with and how tidy I was and all the rest of it. Would that be easier? Yeah, I mean, potentially. Yeah, I mean, do you know who Gracie Abrams is? Like I know the name, but not very well.

No. Well, you played the role perfectly. You did so good. Stay there, we'll get you to talk to our actual producer, Karl, and he can sort out $100. Yeah, you'll have to wait and see. Yeah, he's gonna just pull that out of his beard. Thank you.

Unless she likes double passes to the movies, Carl. You can sweeten that deal. They're worth about $100 these days. Dan, thoughts, feelings about how they're... That's what I did on the podcast. Just wanted to try it. You don't try big things like that just on the normal show without having a dry run, and I think that was one of the driest runs I've ever seen. want to try it. You don't try big things like that just on the normal show without

having a dry run and I think that was one of the driest runs I've ever seen. I can't believe your first random call though you got something like, yep I'll do that. So what? 100 bucks. Not well but I'll do it. As soon as you dangle money. That's when it happens. Really? Yeah of course. I still think, Meg if someone called you and asked you to pretend you were someone who

weren't on a radio station for $100. Yeah. Sounds too good to be true anyway. You'd be like nah, you're stitching me up. I still think, Meg, if someone called you and asked you to pretend you were someone you weren't on a radio station for $100. Yeah. Sounds too good to be true, anyway. You'd be like, nah. You're stitching me up. It'd be very random to have your cell phone call. I wouldn't pick up though. I don't call, pick up calls from random numbers. How would you play Gracie Abrams if we called you? I can't do, oh, my American... And she joins us on the line now, Clint. Gracie Abrams.

Hi. Fucking hell. Worse than Ashley. Are you a bit croaky, Gracie? Just a lot of singing after my concert. Jesus, have you had a stroke? What's happened to your voice? What do you mean? She sounds like an old woman.

She sounds like an old woman. She sounds like, um, what's her name from Schitt's Creek? The Mum. Yeah, The Mum! Yeah! Turtles do not pat Mac! David! Fold the cheese! Um, yeah, no, I fucking would suck at it, sorry about that. Yeah, that's clear. Oh, we gave it a bash, it sucked, Clint hated it, move on. Strike that off the list.

Do you know there are so many benchmarks that I've got written down of stuff that we have done, and it was either good for a time, but then we moved on, like even what's tomorrow, Wednesday. So we've got a minor change hotline, which we've done a couple of weeks, we'll probably do that again. People call and vent about the minor change

that they've had in their life that no one really gives a shit about except we do. Because I really do think it's quite funny the dumb things that are annoying people. Unique names which you get a kick out of Stor. We haven't done unique names in a while we could do that again tomorrow. Watch a Winge Wednesday, Dance Google History, Extreme Cheapskates, they're all sort of rotating benchmarks for tomorrow. Job jargon bingo. So I liked that one. Yeah you give us some like jargon that you would use in your workplace that people completely understand but people that aren't in your industry would never

clue you're talking about. Okay. Sorry who's this? We used to do that where we go through Dan's phone you have to work out who it was but started getting hard finding people on his phone that we hadn't already called. Worse school field trips, profession confessions, can I just leave them a message? There was a prank call segment. Dan gets a load off his chest. So 60 second rant. Oh, so I've got another idea for that and I've called it, come at me.

So break one, I prep a rant that's annoying me, e.g. cyclists, baby showers, or Meghan Markle. Could be controversial or topical, hopefully polarizing. We then ask for people to come at me if they disagree. Then the second break is a whole lot of people angry at me. That's an option. Here's another option. I bet you think the song is about you. Everybody wants a song written about them. We make your dream come true. So listeners call up and they give us some info about them. And then we go away and write a song about them.

Yeah, we also did Last Joke Standing, Can Your Kid Impress Years? What about the commuter tutor? We crossed to a road runner at a busy location around the country and asked them to toot their horn for motorists. This will work in a highly produced with epic intros. Who's making those? Carl.

Speaking of, he's got his hand up. Yes, producer Carl. No, I just like your one called Get it off Dan's chest and come at me. We should combine those and call it come on Dan's chest. Ha ha ha. It's a little bit different to the one I'd sort of brought. Come at Dan on his chest.

Is that one that Carl's doing as well? Yeah, I'll do that. Right. What about this one? The voice. Listeners call up with them for about their small business and which one of us is going to be the voice of the ad. Person then has one song to come up with the ad

about the business. Okay, let's do that right now. Let's see how that would sound. Okay, my ad is a dry cleaning business, but I only dry clean dogs and animal clothes and blankets. Okay, that sounds lovely. What was your name? Jasmine. Jasmine, you sound very manly.

Go on, Dan. That's insulting. That's really insulting. Dan. Go on. Who do you want to voice the business there, Jasmine? Dan. Okay.

You. Okay, you play a song and I'll come up with something. Here we go. Bebop. And that's the full song from Gracie Abrams. Daniel, you were writing a song for Jasmine about her dry cleaning company that only specialises in dog and animal clothing. Off you go. Hi, my name's Dan from what's the company name? No.

What's the company name? Did you not ask Jasmine? Yeah, should have asked. We'd do more detail. It's called Doggy Clothes Dry Cleaning. Hi, it's Dan and I work for Doggy Clothes Dry Cleaning. Have you got a filthy footh? What's a footh?

A little dog. Have you got a filthy footh or a filthy cat? Filthy puss that needs a bit of a buff? Keep going. It's the 32nd ad. Filthy puss that needs a bit of a buff. Keep going. It's the 30 second ad. You've only done 14. Also, they tell you in broadcasting school you should never ask people a question

they can say no to. Do you have a filthy puss? No. And then... No, it's a rhetorical question. Yeah, no. Let me start again. Start the thing again.

What's that I can smell? Excuse me, it's really disrespectful to my business. It's defamation actually. I would be prepped more. Start it again, start it again. One more. Jesus. You got one song. Start it again. Start it again. One more. Okay. Jesus.

Me. Did you bring... Did she what? Did you bring... Did you bring Nala in or is it something else I should be worried about? Anyway. It's still going. Do you bring Nala in or is it something else I should be worried about? Anyway It's still going anyway, you should Just end it that's a shitter

Yeah, we'll just slowly go through Dan's radio idea brief benchmarks. Try random workout which make the show. Fucking hell, there's 20 of them. Okay, not similar to that. Okay, well there's only 18 left. Not just the top ones. There's a fucking... I don't want to end up 18. No, no, no, there's better ones. I just gave you the shitters. Okay, well we look forward to testing a couple more tomorrow.

Thanks again to the podcast guys, sorry about all that. What does that smell like? Think it is me. What the fuck? I'm just sitting here.