The Flop House - FH Mini 36 - Let's Get Quizzical

Episode Date: August 21, 2021

Stuart asks his friends a bunch of questions about themselves, and Dan and Elliott answer surprisingly sincerely. But don't worry-- there are still jokes.

Hey there everybody it's me Stuart from the Flop Aos podcast and I'm joined with my two co-hosts they're friends of mine they are cool dudes I promise they are definitely cool that's Elliott K. Lynn, Dan McCoy how are you guys doing tonight? Are you buttering us up so we won't make fun of how you said you were going to do a great intro and then you laughed in the middle of your first word. I don't know what you're talking about. You guys are definitely cool dudes and you're here to record a podcast with me, Stuart Wellington, and our podcast called The Flap House.

And this is a mini episode. Now normally on our show, normally on our show, if you're a new listener, because I got to tell you, I'm sure we have an influx of huge influx of new listeners, because this mini is sandwiched right between the episode where we reviewed Space Jam, a new legacy, and Boss Baby 2 Family Business. So I'm sure we, this episode's gonna get a lot of traction,

and there's gonna be a lot of new listeners. So we gotta make sure that this is super easy for new people to just jump right on board. This is what I call a con board. And I appreciate you vouching for us at the beginning and vouching for us with the new listeners that were cool. Yeah. That was good.

I appreciate that. Didn't want to think you weren't cool dudes. So, hey guys, how are you guys doing? Already great. Okay, so this episode, as I said, I'm sure we have a lot of new listeners and for everybody out there, we have a pretty big background log. I mean, we've been doing this show for like 14 years. I think 14 years this month, which is wild.

Happy anniversary. What did you get me? I got you some combs for your hair. Oh no, I'm losing my hair. Oh no. Oh, Ironic. I, I'm trying to count the gift of the bald eye. The gift of the bald eye, yeah.

That's, that's a, that's a Henry. Bald-eye is what you're saying. Bald-eye? Like, yeah, that makes it one more sense. That's why you're the professional television writer, and he's mainly the bartender slash podcaster. Yeah, I'm just a dumbass. Okay, so as a way, I thought a great way.

So normally we review movies on our show, but on these minis we kind of do whatever we want. And today, boy, on these minis we kinda do whatever we want. And today, boy, howdy, we are doing exactly whatever I want. I'm in the driver's seat. And what I thought we would do is, we would give people a little bit of an introduction to who each of us are, right? Instead of having to listen to 14 years

where the podcast, so you can learn what kind of freak azoids are on this podcast. And I'm not even in some of them. And you're not even, and I'm not even in some of them. Dan is the only trans factor. He's the true person. Everyone's tired of me. Because you've been in slightly more episodes than us. Yeah. So what I thought I'd do is I prepared a list of questions to ask you guys, and I'll answer them too.

So we'll share some information. We don't have to get too personal. You know, you don't have to admit to any crimes. No, let it all hang out. Let's let it all hang out. Unless there are minor crimes. Let's bear it all in. You know what?

We should probably answer the questions naked too. Let, hold on a second. Okay. We just get, all right. Oh, and that's what it looks like. And there we go. Okay. I noticed you guys didn't follow my lead, but he's keeping his hat on. I wasn't expecting that. Well, he can legally. Yeah. Okay. The ruling. In what sex court? In Tom Jones' court. Oh, I see. in what sex court? In Tom Jones' court. Oh, I see.

So, I'm gonna ask these questions. If you are uncomfortable answering them, you can always pass, although if you pass, I'm gonna ask Alex our producer to put in some kind of embarrassing sound effect. Okay. Now, do we pass to someone? No, you just said pass.

Okay, I got you This isn't a game. I know that day and normally fills in the Like the heavy sports enthusiast section of the podcast and I love When he heard when he heard pass he thought it was going to be like a perfect spiral football pass. Yeah, yeah Okay, so first question was to just yell I'm open, I'm open and start running backwards. So first question, guys. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, this is gonna go to Elliott. What embarrasses you the most and or so you have an option here? Oh, good for you, thank you.

What's been your most embarrassing moment? Well, I'll say what's, I think most like many nerds, I think most of my embarrassing moments exist in my head more than in reality. There are moments that I remember as embarrassing things that I feel stupid about, but really every other human on the face there did not notice them. So instead of say, based on the dreams I have, the thing that probably embarrasses me the most is the idea that someone might see me going to the bathroom. I have a fair number of dreams where I need to use the bathroom, but I cannot find a place to go where there's not like an open window or a crowd.

It's just like that Terry Jones, Monty Python segment, where he needs to change into his bathing suit, but he can't find a private place. I have a lot of dreams like that. And that's why my new horror movie, A Private Place, is about a dystopian future where evil aliens that can see people pee are all over the place and everyone to survive has to find private places to pee and it's very difficult. I think that's that's good. Did you throw a TM in there? Somebody seals your idea or is that already sold? A little R in a circle. Does that help?

Yeah. And so how many points do I get for that answer? Once again, there's no points. This is, you know, we're just chilling out being cool dudes. All right. Dan, do you have something that particularly embarrasses you? I'm in the same question.

Yes. I'll answer the same question just so you guys know me. I think probably my most embarrassing moment, the thing that keeps me up at night, that at like three in the morning, when I'm lying in bed and staring into the dark corners of the room, I think about the time in middle school

when I, I think I did a truncated version of the Wayne's World Foxy lady bit to my friend and his girlfriend, because I thought it would be funny because they would all get the reference and I immediately regretted it and I think about it way too much and I'll probably that'll probably be my dying by dying thought as I am shoveled into the into the futuristic I don't know like garbage dump that they throw dead old stewards. It's amazing.

Yeah, yeah, there's every house that's gonna have one of those. It's amazing how something that, I mean, your description of it to me, I'm like, oh, okay, that's not, that's nothing. But it's like probably the moment that haunts me the most for my youth is when I was probably about six. And I went up behind someone, I thought was a friend of mine and kind of grabbed and went, gotcha,

and the kid turned around and it was someone I had never met before and shoved me to the ground. And, and you served it. I guess, because I thought it was a friend of mine. And I immediately slunk back to wherever my family was. It was like at a fourth of July celebration, something. And just like a Bernstein and Sisen K and probably a month doesn't go by that.

I don't think about that in cringe, even though certainly the other kid does not remember it. He might be dead now for all I know. So sure. So I bother. Yeah, he pushed the wrong person to the ground. Dan, do you have something that particularly embarrasses you or would you like to pass? You know, well, this will sound a bit like a dodge when I preface this by saying like I

don't Really feel a lot of shame. I mean, you know like it's a bad probably a bad thing I don't have a lot of the shame in me Certainly as an adult human, so I will have to go back. I mean, now you look to insidium. Regrets, I have a few, but embarrassment, not so much. So I'll have to go back to when I was a kid to find something that I was truly embarrassed by, which is probably when in grade school, when I was arguably too old to be having these difficulties. I pooped in my pants at school. Now, when you say grade scores, you need 9 to 10th grade.

Yeah. You know, any grade could be a grade school. Yeah, yeah. College, I mean, technically. Yeah. Just just just for my own reference reference because I'm writing all this down. Dan, was that the last time you pooped in your pants? No, no. In college, I had the flu and I woke up and I had it was not the flu. It was not a code for I was I drank too much. I was I had that flu a couple times. Yeah, no, no, no.

I was sick and it happened again. And that was distressing. But yeah, yeah. At least he saved the underwear, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, framed it. Did it feel at all? Like it was, like it was actually like there was some closure there.

Like you had bookended that section of your life? I don't. Yeah. See how that worked. Yeah. I mean, if it was a movie, it would be a... I hope I've bookended it. A great part.

We're all getting older. Let's be frank with ourselves. We're going to poop in our pants again. Eventually, yeah. But I imagine it, yeah, if it was a movie, you would have woken up sick, but you'd look in your pants, see poop there, and then a circle game would start playing on the soundtrack and it would it would pull back Until you see the whole earth and then the earth would be yeah, and then it would fade to black Yeah, there's what's what's that old saying that old riddle what poops in its pants on two legs

Then poops in its pants. I guess while sick and then poops in its pants, I guess, while sick and then poops in its pants on the way. What poops, what poops in its pants in the morning, what poops when it's sick in the afternoon, and then what poops in its pants again in the evening. And that was the riddle of the stinks. That's what I'm gonna offer. Yeah. Okay, the next question, guys.

I'm not gonna do all of them because I have a lot. What would be your perfect day, plan it out? Dan, I'm gonna snake draft this. This one's going to you, buddy. What's your perfect day? Just a perfect day? Yep, give me one day. Drinks, drinks, angry in the park.

Hell yeah. I'd be, uh, I just, well, I mean, I look, I actually like, you know, getting something done. I feel like, I feel like to have like, like, a truly like satisfying day, you have to feel like, you've done something of like constructive, but it can't be something that feels like work. So I think, you know, I would like to get up, have a nice leisurely sort of breakfast. Now, when you say leisurely, is that that's like 45 minutes. That's like two hours

It's just not rushing to get anywhere. I'll yeah two hours is going to be sitting down Sip in some coffee having breakfast, you know Audrey and I go for a walk get some errands done that's the that's the accomplishment part of the day. This is truly an older person's perfect day. Do a little. And then, you know, go to the park, watch a movie. Let's go out to dinner with friends, have a bottle of wine, you know.

Get to bed at a sensible hour to continue your personal perfect day. You're not bothering to be ambitious. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because this sounds like a regular weekend. Telling a regular day. That's why. LA's perfect day involves winning a prize.

I have achieved perfection in my life in a certain way from a certain point of view. I don't know. No, that sounds like a great day. Yeah. LA, what's your perfect day? I mean, I've had a perfect day. So I'm listeners, the podcast may remember my stories of my wedding day.

So my birthday was August 29th, 2010, when I got up, went to see Prana 3D with you two guys and a couple of my other closest friends. My brother got me Popeyes for lunch, then I got married to went to see Prana 3D with you two guys and a couple of my other closest friends. My brother got me Popeyes for lunch, then I got married to the love of my life and during the wedding time I found out that you're gonna get a lot of points when your wife doesn't listen to this episode.

Yeah, and she doesn't listen. And then during the ceremony, during the reception, I got a text that the Daily Show won an Emmy for Best Show, which again, I was not taking part in that Emmy, but it was a show that I was working on at the time, certainly. And well, I don't have to tell you how the night went. So yeah, that was, so that was a perfect day.

I mean, legally you don't. Yeah, I said, I'm top. You don't have to admit to crimes. Yeah, I mean, my, you don't have to admit to crimes. Yeah, I mean, my like, like Dan, I feel like my concept of a perfect day has shifted a little bit. I feel like for me, it would be wake up early, you know, stretch, go to the gym,

then have my leisurely breakfast. And I'm talking two hours, like watch my daytime shows, maybe watch an episode of Catfish, you know, something like that. And then, you know, I maybe get some model painting in, get some steward time, a little bit of recovery, turn my brain off, put on some heavy metal. Then I probably, I feel like spending the evening, go out to a nice dinner, sit at a nice dark bar, get some expensive food brought to me, drink to Keelan until I'm too tired, perfect. All three nice days, one of them actually happened.

Okay. I mean, to be fair, dance has happened. Yeah, that's for all the reasons. I'm pretty sure I've done that. I keep every day I wake up hoping that mine is gonna happen and it has to. Oh, I gotta work too much on. And then you're like, let me just sit down to my leisurely breakfast and then you got a call that like a pipe burst at the bar or something.

They found a monster in the basement and you gotta go do it. Yep, or like two bartenders aren't getting along and I have to settle something. I'm okay, pistols at dawn usually. What is your favorite, what is the favorite thing you own and why? So if you have to rush into your burning apartment, all living things are accounted for.

What is the one thing you grab? Or I guess drive way in if because you can own a car or you can own a house, I guess. Yeah, can I pick up that house and carry this stuff in it? No, you can't, you can't, your favorite thing can't be a container to stuff other things in. Oh, that's what a loophole that you've just plugged up there. Mm-hmm. Elliot. Yeah. I guess my, I have a couple pieces, if my family is safe.

Yes, we've already covered that. Yeah, I have a couple, you know, I've got a lot of books that are important to me, but I've got a couple pieces of original art that I, that I would probably try to save. Uh-huh. I've got. Your art collection, huh? My art of my art collection yet you know what let's just say our collection i mean that the crown jewel being my uh... gritty the dinosaur drawing that uh... listener

michael wait arranged for me to to come into possession of after i talked about it years ago on this very podcast well man this was uh... this is tough i uh... yes similar leader eliet like maybe I would choose, Ozzy gave me a Polish poster for Grymlins. It would be a hard thing to run out of a burning building with. It's a very large and heavy and covered in glass.

I don't know. Large heavy covered in glass. Uh, uh, uh, I don't know. Yeah. Large heavy covered in glass. Maybe my guitar. It's say my collection of gold bars, but I'm nervous. I mentioned that people are gonna wanna break into my apartment and steal them. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's a tough one. Like, I feel like, at this point, it would be, I feel like it's like something dumb like models that I paint it because, like, I can buy them again, but it's not the same as the thing that I spent because like I can buy them again, but it's not the same as the thing that I spent hours painting. Or it could be my, yeah, I don't know. Well, I'll tell you what, guys, I'm not totally sure, but since I live in Southern California, it's very possible I will have to face this scenario. So it'll be a game time decision,

and I'll let you know what happens afterwards. Well, that's great. I hope it doesn't happen well make sure that your make sure your house is actually on fire because it could be sure all of calms who is put a smoke bomb through the window to find the blackmail material you have on uh... the king of bohemia so that's just a step for you you know that that's like you very much for making sure i know that uh... that's that's very helpful because otherwise i might fall into his

brilliant trap. Of course, the thing is, I'll probably pick up something stupid, like a box of the cereal I like, and I'll run out of it, like, wait a minute, I can just buy more of this. Why'd I do that? Damn. They were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, they were, let's, let's, I'm going to do a side question here. Breakfast cereal.

Yeah, you have to what, what's what's your breakfast cereal choice? If one of you actually says cakes, I'll be impressed and we'll have follow up questions. No, mine is Barber's brand Morning Oak Crunch. It's the closest I can get to what Quaker Oat Squares or Quaker Oatmeal Squares used to taste like before they put sugar all over them, like a crime against nature. So that's a boring answer for a boring guy. I'm Ellie Kalen.

Dan. I like the couple I like. I like corn checks. They kind of taste like unsolvable. Yeah. And, you know, on the sweeter end, I like a honey bunches of oats pretty well. Yeah, I mean, I feel like, like, I like a lot of the old,

old people's cereals, like grape nuts and what's that? Like product 19 and special K. And the products from 18. You don't want to know about. Yeah, yeah, don, and the products 118. You don't wanna know about. Yeah, don't talk about products 11318, right? Deep in it, deep in a hidden vault in the Pentagon, lies a particular product. What is the secret of product 19?

Yeah, yeah. Growing up, my grandmother told me of the legend of product 20. But I would say, yeah, for sweet, I feel like it's tough to top fruity pebbles man, that thing's a banger. Okay, so we've covered our serial basis, let's get back to business. Dan, who was the last person who made you cry?

Oh, the last person who made me cry. I mean, this one's easy. Well, made me cry? Like, I will. This is, I mean, probably odd. I think that makes me feel bad. I think it's about to cry. I don't, I don't know.

I like that makes it sound terrible. But like, who makes you cry more than someone you care about? That's a good point. That's a lesson learned. L.A. Do you have to answer that? Well, we recently we visited my family back in New Jersey and it was a tearful goodbye at the end because it was a real nice trip So I guess my I guess my my parents, but not in that way. Yeah, that's I don't think the question did not imply good or bad. Tears can come from many source. And obviously, they can't come out of wood.

Unless it's a picture of the Virgin Mary. So maybe. And obviously, you guys know that a long time listeners are gonna know this one for me Frodo Baggins baby when he decides to go to the gray havens. What the hell? That's rough Okay, so so we so Frodo so Frodo counts as a person. Yeah Does he I mean he's played by a person a lot as you would and his performance of Frodo made me cry

That's fair. Okay, next one. Dan, if money was no object, what would you buy? What would I buy if money was no object? I mean, real estate. It's like the dream of homeownership is is you know every every american stream at least at least if it's not not not an area that's overcome with fire uh... danne i've got a little movie called no madland i think you can enjoy yeah because they she doesn't want to buy a house

i guess unless they have and counts as real estate dan does a bank has real estate your name runs advanced i think you know the answer Other, I either a house or I would, you know, if I had unlimited money, money was an object as you say, to run my own independent movie theater where I just did whatever the hell I wanted. You're on the show now George our Martin's plan right yeah That's pretty cool. Okay, I let what's your what's you if money was no object what would you buy? I guess a second Girty the dinosaur probably a second good. Well first a second Girty the dinosaur drawing Then I guess I'd probably buy All the weapons in the world and just throw them into the sun, but that's just

I'm just I'm just for you guys. I'm just all about peace, you know. Thanks Superman. But it's Superman with a dollar sign instead of an S. That's the costum that I start wearing, yeah. And I teach kids about saving. I feel like if money was new, I object. I would probably buy myself a short trip

into outer space with my pal Jeff Bezos. I mean, you guys are such good friends. It's surprising he didn't just take you along. I'm fucking surprised too, but like he offered and I'm like, that's great. And he's like, yeah, great, just so Venmo me, you know, a couple million dollars. And I'm like, oh, wait, what? You just invite to be this thing yeah uh... i mean i'm glad he mentioned before i went because i can't fit that bill um okay so uh... next one next question

dan out of all your family members who are you closest to? Oh, geez, this is I Can I pass that pass Alex they're on a pass sound effect Out of fear of I know that I know that they listen so I don't want to Feel like I'm it's fair any favor. It's it's you can be a carrot everyone's while my Obviously for me. It's my mom. Elliot. I Mean is it blood relatives or I mean because I would say my wife, you know, ooh Elliot found a potential loophole, but that's why he is my family. I mean it's that's the I mean found a potential loophole. But that's not the most easy way family.

I mean, it's the, I mean, legally, legally, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm close to the challenge. I'm checking out, I'll have to call my lawyer friend. Okay, so Elliot, I'm gonna bounce back to you. I mean, we sleep next to each other, it doesn't get closer than that, you know. I mean, you don't, you don't put up like a little Elliot.

I sleep under the blanket, I was like, next to my blanket. That's next to. You're right. You're right. You're right, Buckminster Fuller. There's no up and down in space. So. L.A.

Where do you want to travel to most? Now, obviously, travel is a difficult thing right now. Once, hopefully, once this old virus situation is dealt with, and you can travel, you can be globe-training LA at Kaelin again, where do you want to travel to? I've actually been boring my family quite a bit with my plan to take them to, this is my dream trip, is to take them to the north of Italy, and then over the course of like a few weeks drive down to the south of Italy and stop it at the different cities along the way. I think that I've never been to Italy. I've always wanted to and maybe someday it'll happen. You know, and also Mars, but you know, but they let's

just stick to planet Earth. Okay, then I would say Italy. But on the other hand, there's place I'd like to go back to. I'd really like to go back to Uruguay someday. Oh, cool. Yeah, so who knows? Who knows Raleigh next? I'm kind of a man of adventure and mystery that way. Uh-huh. So Dan, are you also a man of adventure and mystery?

Where do you want to go? Uh, not really. I mean, mostly I'm a man of comfort and dislike of discomfort. Yeah, that's your pros and cons. Well, Audrey, Audrey's a fan of cozy mysteries and I am also, I was raised by Angla Files. So she's never been, you know, to either scottland or irland i think we would enjoy uh... taking a train through those countries uh... you know stopping off uh... seeing you know wandering the more is but also

i would like i oddies families from the philippines obvious that i am not but I've never been. It's fairly obvious. Yeah, one would suspect as a guy from a white guy from the Midwest that I've not been to the Philippines just in the course of my life so far. They're normal populations, yeah.

So yeah, if I was able to just fantasy go somewhere it would be nice to see that country. Scotland's a good option. I've been there a couple times, and I really would like when my kids are older to take them on the West Highland Way, which I hiked a number of years ago, that's a good option.

You know what? Let me add that to my answer. And you know what? I'll just gonna throw on there. I'm just going to throw on there, um, Moo, the lost continent of Moo. Oh, cool. Yeah, I think. I mean, I hear they're open. You don't even have to quarantine together.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the fact that nobody knows where it is and it probably never existed means that. It's very travel or light. So, it'd be fun. You you know they're not tired out by tourists over there yeah the uh... before before the pandemic uh... charlene had mentioned that she wanted to take me to news eland for my fortyth birthday of course news eland i don't know if

you guys know this it was the shooting location for the lord of the rings movies i want to know what is that know this it was the shooting location for the lord of the rings movies i want to know what is that i have quite a bit of affection for excellent what the lord of the rings is could you uh... it's the story of this guy gandalf and the adventure he gets in with his pales it's like a it's like a jewelry movie like uncut jams in a lot of ways it is uh... stressful it's got safe highs and lows there's a fair amount of gambling. Gandalf, I mean, takes some big risks.

And there's, and there's, and there's, uh, don't want to spoil anything, they pay off. There's that part where, uh, where a goal and finally gets the ring and he says, I'm coming so hard right now. Yeah, exactly. Uh, there's a fair amount of, there's a fair amount of come talk in, uh, in Lord of the Rings. It comes in pints, for instance. Okay, so like, obviously I've been thinking about New Zealand or maybe even Australia, you know,

I haven't been to those places I'd like to give some time. Okay, if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be, Dan? One thing for the rest of your life. It seems like a curse, but could it be a blessing? Now, you, now, you mean one, many of the same thing, not like one potato, and then you dive starvation because you can't even eat anything else. One dish, yes. One dish.

Because I feel like possibly even prepared by different chefs. Yeah, this is it. because I feel like possibly even prepared by different chefs. Yeah, this is it's variations on the same theme you're saying. Yes. I mean, the question like this is where you get into the the legal ease of questions, right? Because if you don't necessarily want to go, the favorite item, your favorite food item, maybe something that would cause you great pain if you ate it every day for the rest of your life. Dana, are you gonna talk about that thing where you have to blindfold yourself

and then eat a whole bird? I'm not gonna talk about that. I don't have no, because you keep telling me how that's your favorite. I called that you belong to, I don't. Well, the birds are very little, you can eat the bones. if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it if it all the time, only just that. I feel like I would be very sick and deep. So, considering this as a hypothetical anyway, are we assuming that the thing we eat is not gonna, like if it's not the healthiest food in the world, that it's not gonna just give us

heart disease and things like that? Yeah, so at this point, we're talking about a thing that you will not tire of eating. And, but it does have a sort of a magical property where you're also not gonna get like a heart attack if you eat nothing but that one thing. Yeah, I mean, we're all gonna die at some point, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, if we're living in a magical world, I'll put, I'll say, give me a nice castle lay. You get some beans that are flavored with some duck legs and some sausages. I love this stuff. You get a lot of stuff in there. It's very good.

That reminds me of a story of my wife's grandfather when he was still alive. Now he wants order to cast a lay in a restaurant because he was sure they would do it wrong. And he wanted to try it so we could point out to the waitress what they had done wrong with it. What a miserable way to live. It is fun. No, he got a lot of delight out of it. And his plan went through perfectly. I think he got more joy out of pointing out the mistakes in the in the preparation of the castelae than in actually if it had been great and he had enjoyed the taste. Yeah. So Elliot was yours.

I mean, it's not much of a surprise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything off of vines or trees. Show me Popeyes. I feel like this is a lame answer. It's probably the same answer I would have said when I was in like fifth grade or something, but it's probably pizza, right? Pizza is good.

It's great. I mean, what? I don't know. You should live with two children, and I think it's possible your taste for pizza will decline. They demanded it multiple meals a week. I mean, if it's good enough for the Ninja Turtles, it's good enough for Stuart.

Okay. They live in a sewer, Stu. that multiple meals a week i mean if it's good enough for the ninja turtles it's good enough for steward okay they live in a sewer stew yeah they have high standards and i think it's teachers are rat they don't work close they're naked in the sewers with a rat like it there lives are terrible yeah that's true not to mention the non-stop violence that they're subjected to. Yeah.

Uh-huh. And the interests of the public good, so at least it's that. I guess so. I mean, there's a certain point you wonder if the crang and bebop and rock stadiums should are so incompetent, like how much do the turtles really need to step in, you know, to stop them? Yeah, you're saying that, like Indiana Jones and Regis little lost Ark, if the Ninja Turtles just stayed out of it,

it would have wrapped up neatly. I mean, worst case scenario, Baxter Stockman just flies away. Yeah, that's fair. Doesn't bother anybody, yeah. Yeah. Hey there, beautiful people. Did you hear that good, good news?

Something about the baby Jesus? Mmm, he's coming back! Or do you mean the fact that Apple Podcasts named Fantae, what are the best shows of 2020? I mean, we already knew that we was hot stuff, but a little extra validation never hurts, okay? Hosted by me, writer and journalist Jared Hill. And me, the Ebony and Trantris myself,

Jerville Anderson. Fantai is your home for complex conversations about the great areas in our lives, the people, places and things. We're huge fans of, but got some anti-feelings to work. You name it, we FANTAS. Nobody's off limits. Check us out every Thursday on MaximumFund.org or wherever you get your slayworthy audio. Mr. Ripple, then then what are you doing? I'm just ticking What last look?

My co-workers Every journey comes to an end Remember Black the space will be with you always Say who are you again? Mr. Keiron. Alright, right, right, right, so... It's just calling in. Friendships will be tested.

Don't you have to do it. You have to shoot plague. Okay. Oh, shoot! Wow, you shot him so fast! Destiny's will be fulfilled. I've become a complete bird! I'm flying! I'm flying!

Guys, we don't have a choice. We have to put on a show. We can do it in no board. We've got the costumes, we've got a stage, we can do it, you guys. Mission to ZIX! The final season on Maximum Fun! So before we wrap up this quiz, final season on maximum fun. So before we wrap up this quiz, I think it's Dan has,

Dan, you got a little message from our sponsors here. I do have a message from our sponsors. A quick word from Squarespace, in fact, they are the Fulophouse C's sponsor in part by them, and their service that helps you create a beautiful website to take your cool idea and put it out in the world. You can blog or publish content, sell products and services of all kinds, and much more.

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Flop, that's F-L-O-P to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Perfect. Now back to the back to this. Get to know you, get to know you, Quizz. I think we've been, I think we're making a stake with the Quizz. I think we've been making a stake with the quiz. I think I've been answering honestly when I should have been answered in funny ways. I don't know. I mean, I think, you know, I like to think that this is endearing. Yeah. Or maybe not. Maybe people have already turned this off long ago. Now we're on question number 23. We're on question 23. I skipped a few. So guys you do not have tattoos if you're going to get a tattoo. What would you get? Scrooge McDuck. That's a perfect one. But but peeing on something like Calvin. Yeah. He's being on Calvin. He's being on Calvin, who's being on a Chevrolet logo.

Yeah. A little layered tattoo. I was talking to my family about this and they talked to me out of it. I was saying, I'm not gonna get it tattooed, but if I did, I could see getting like an octopus on my elbow and just tentacles go up and down my arms, radiating out of that.

I think it would look cool. That sounds really cool. Guys, this question i think is uh... wait a few if you are going to get another tattoo what would it be oh uh... maybe a beholder or uh... like a glass of booze or something uh... to remind you you're like what do i sell again the whole right

you're holding what do I sell again? And you're like, oh, I'm right. You're holding. I sell the holders. Oh, yeah. I had an idea where the, it was a cocktail where the garnish was a beholder that's been speared by a sword. Maybe someday I'll still get that. OK.

Guys, this one. You did it. Where? At the D&D themed bar. It's called. OK, I'm still getting it. It's called, what's the name of a D&D themed bar. It's called, it's called, what's the name of a D&D themed bar? What's a good name for that?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, saving throw. I don't know. You would think I would have already had like a million of these cute, but I burned that list. I burned that list when we opened Hunterlands. Okay, so Elliot,

what college major are you thinking of choosing and why what college major i think you're choosing oh wait uh wait no skip that one uh i mean i'll answer the question uh communications it's pretty applicable to lots of different businesses that's that's a good point dan what uh uh uh well computer science i gotta gotta go back in time and get a real job. I have a future. Fair. What, you were what, an English major?

I was in English in theater double major. Double major, but that makes them doubly valuable, right? Doubly. But that makes them doubly valuable, right? Definitely. I doubled up on majors that don't have a lot of employment opportunities, but I lucked out. But you've been working for years. I have to work. Well, after about a decade of not at the beginning. Elliot, you majored in physical education, right?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I made you not to teach physical education, but just to know my body really well to know What it's capable of to know what it puts your pleasure in pains it can produce and yeah You know, I it meant a lot of journeying around the world It meant a lot of testing myself and a lot of doing things that would break an ordinary person But now I just know my body inside and out and I just know I have to keep filling this gas tank with chicken so that I can I could keep operating at peak efficiency

Elliott what's the worst you've ever been physically hurt? I am very lucky in that I have avoided most physical or pain. I've never had a broken bone or something like that. Really? Yeah, but I've had, you know, I've needed, when I was a kid, like I had to have a herni operation, that was really painfully. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I've had a lot of like, like knee pain at various points, not Dan ACL knee pain. It wasn't that bad, I guess. But so the worst I've ever been, but, but, but, but does this mean emotionally also just physically? Physically. Okay, because emotionally I've been hurt much worse. Oh, I'm sure.

Well, I think we all have. Oh, very much so. But, yeah, let me think about it some more. But I've never had like one big thing where I got hurt really badly and then had to like recover from it, you know. Yeah, I think Dan, not to steal your thunder, but I feel like your answer is a part of Flop House lore at this point, right? Well, I, yes, but not, I mean, not necessarily how one would think, I, I too have avoided

most physical pain, knock on wood. I've been very fortunate that way. I tore my ACL. The thing about tearing your ACL though is like, though is extremely sharp pain for the brief period of time where the ACL is popping off inside of your knee where it's attached. But the actual thing itself is just cartilage. It does not have nerves in it. Which is why I didn't know I'd done something to myself, and I skied down the rest of

the hill where it tore after I had it happen just feeling like, oh, the balance is off, something weird's going on. Yeah, and you had to save that rec center, right? So, yeah, to make sure you finished the run. Yeah, it was hard to. But then once I came out of my surgery to have it fixed, they were not very attentive, they were not paying attention to the fact that my anesthesia had worn off and the brace was digging into my surgery site pretty severely. And so I was writhing and pain at that point,

but the actual ACL was not so bad because again, no nerves in the cartilage there. You know what, I just realized something, Dan's talk reminded me of the time that I was kidnapped by a scientist and my mouth was sewn to the butt of another person and then my butt was sewn to another person's mouth. Well again, that's a good thing. Oh, you're the middle?

Yeah, it was mostly emotional pain, but it certainly didn't feel it was uncomfortable. It was a lot of discomfort. Yeah. Yeah, but luckily you're here now. Yeah, and your mouth works just fine from what I can tell. Yeah. Well, that was the I was actually kicked out of the program. The scientists eventually let me free because I wouldn't stop talking. And it was, and he just got tired of all the like mumbling sounds coming.

Yeah, yeah. Now, all your, all your, your stream of bits just inflated the guy you were attached to in a pop like a belief. Exactly. Yes. So the scientist said, I'm sorry, we're going to have to let you go. And I was like, no, no, no, I can still do this I don't know why I was arguing for him to retain me in the program. I didn't again. I was kidnapped, but

I was well, I forgot to mention I do some I do get excruciating headaches that suddenly appear out of nowhere and then disappear very quickly as if like a ghost bullet has just traveled through my head And I was I talked to my doctor about it years ago and she goes, yeah, I've heard of those. They end pretty quickly, right? And like, yeah, and she goes, by the time you're gonna do anything about them, they're over. So don't worry about it. And I was like, that, that, that, that,

I was like, that doesn't seem like the best, best plan, but okay. But Stuart, I know you were attacked by a bunch of bees once. Yeah, I, I was, I've told that, I've been attacked by bees multiple times. That's because I'm always getting into trouble. Yeah, I was. I've told that I've been attacked by bees multiple times. That's because I'm always getting into trouble. Stick in my ear with that monograph so you're being attacked by bees. Yeah, I'm always sticking my snap where it don't belong.

Usually honey, usually hives full of honey. Yeah, let's see. I've broken my arm in a couple different places. I've broken my nose. I've broken my arm in a couple different places. I've broken my nose, I've broken my fingers. I had a full thickness ligament tear, my thumb. My back is fucked up. My body's kind of a roadmap of pain. Oh, and I, yeah. Yeah, but it's like next stop Wonderland.

Like it's, you know, not the best kind of one. Yeah, we're not there yet. Um, and uh, and uh, and also when I was in college, I had to have uh, facial surgery to correct an under bite. So they had to chop my face apart and uh, turn it into the, uh, picture of perfection that you see before you. Um, okay, now that we've talked about that heavy stuff, we got a lighter one. Elliot, do you like roller coasters? Yes.

Cool, Dan. Not really. I like Space Mountain, but mostly I prefer the kind of amusement rides that you'll find at say Disneyland or something where you just float past something and get to look at it more than something that's going to shake your round and scare you. You know, I'm a fan. I came to them later in life and I also get motion sick pretty easily. But I like, I like like a nice wooden roller coaster. I think I like the old timeliness of it. The sure, sure. Like the cyclone, can't be beat. Like like many small people I love being tossed around through the air. So I'm a big fan of them big and I like heights because I don't get to experience that very much.

Yeah. Even though it's a fleeting sensation on a roller coaster. Yeah, yeah. Well it teaches me that I don't get to experience that very much. Yeah, even though it's a fleeting sensation on a roller coaster. Yeah, yeah. Well, it teaches me that I shouldn't admire, I shouldn't envy tall people because their lives are just blinks of an eye for God. So, you know, the roller coaster really teaches me that, yeah. Experience what it is to be a chorus and...

Yeah, with that all that messy wax getting all over me. Yeah, that's gross. I will say, like one of my favorite rollercoaster is still probably the Coney Island cyclone, because the way that the safety bar does not really reach me, so I have to wedge myself into the seat basically and hold and like push out with my hands the entire times so I don't fall out. And so it adds a little bit of extra real danger to what should be just simulated danger. So we have, we got another light one here. As opposed to the heavy, the heavy dark question about do you like roller coasters?

Elliot, do you believe in soulmates? No. Okay. Dan. No, that's, I, there's not one true person for you. Love is in part a choice that you make and you work at. I believe that I have two soulmates. They're called Ellie and Dan and we do a show called the club. Oh boy, is there a egg on my face now? But you guys feel like shit hits. Yeah. Elliot, if you were an animal, what animal would you be?

What animal would I be or what animal would I want to be? I'm gonna say what animal would you want to be? Okay, because I'd want to be like, I don't know, like a bison maybe. I always like them, but I'd probably be one of those, like those little dogs that doesn't stop barking all the time. If I'm being honest.

I mean, they get a lot of love and attention. And they also get to travel around in a purse or some other kind of carrier. I mean, it is the dream of being put in a bag by a giant and carry it around, you know. I would like to be an otter. You get to, you get to like, you know, slide down, you know, water slides and just like swim around,

duck in and out, line your back with like some food on your stomach. Every now and then you can start up a jug band. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I mean, I feel it's hard to say not polar bear or seal because when you see them at the zoo, they, like that is the most fomo I can think of, is when it's like a hot day in your at the zoo

and you just see those dudes like swimming around and having a good ass time in the water. I mean, but it's still much, it's even in the water, It's much warmer than the habitat they're designed to be in, you know. I understand that, but I'm just saying like, man, like if they can have that much fun in a shitty situation, they're just making a good estimate.

Can I change my answer? I actually like to be a quorum. You can't say dragon, that's my backup. It's a direct... Okay, well then, actually I would want to say dinosaur, but I'll be a quorum rant. That's a diving bird. They can fly, they're beautiful. And No, okay, well then actually I would want to say dinosaur, but I'll be a quorum rant, that's a diving bird. They can fly, they're beautiful.

And also, they're the most efficient maritime predator for amount of effort put in, for amount of food that they are able to catch. I learned that recently. Yeah. Okay, so that was. My backup answer is Scrooge McDuck. Okay. Technically an animal animal it works. Yep

And he can buy all that stuff that you wanted to buy before because money is no object I mean, but as Dan has mentioned in his live performances sometimes That scrooge McDuck's money seems to be measured mainly in coin volume Not a lot of yeah paper money in there. Okay, we're in the home stretch here, guys. Elliott, what TV show do you turn on when you just want to zone out and feel better? It's either Mystery Science Theatre 1000. I'll just turn on the Pluto TV Mystery Science Theatre channel and watch a little bit of it. Or until recently, when my wife and I just wanted to laugh, and we couldn't think of what to watch, we would just turn on Seinfeld, but then Hulu switched Seinfeld to there.

You have to buy cable through Hulu, the work that I did not care for. So I'll stick with Mr. Science Theatre 3000. I feel like I can dip in and dip out because the episodes are long. It's a home movie. Yeah. I feel like I can dip in and dip out because the episodes are long. It's a home movie. Yeah Well, I also was gonna say mystery science here to 3000 that is my But then I scooped yeah, that's my preferred Napping show because it's a very comforting rhythm where not much is going on in the movie and you just have people sort of talking over it it's

kind of podcast like in that movie and you just have people talking over it. It's kind of podcast-like in that way. And you can just sort of just enjoy a comforting river of a dumbled movie with some friends rippin' over it. And I don't know. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was watching through the good seasons of The Simpsons. So that's another one. That's the most recent season.

Uh, who will you? Yeah, I mean, I think. You said Dan, you said The Simpsons really went downhill when when Hank is area stopped doing upboosts. You said up. Oh, I love to put in sensitive words in today's mouth. Yeah, I think lately, I think my comfort show is just kind of like randomly picking an episode of Shits Creek because it's just pleasant and people are nice.

Although I guess in the past it was something like spaced uh... because i'm a bit of an anglophile uh... in the in the past i would put on uh... my news radio dvd's a lot uh... cane weather uh... because uh... because you love uh... jr. ragan uh...

it's one of the it's so funny because it's like what i think about this sometimes that like watching that show as an adolescent If you were said to me which member of the cast is going to become one of the most listened to people in media and like a major political force I'd be like well any of them but Joe Rogan It's crazy. Yeah, like That his stepping stone was making people eat bugs for money. He's had an interesting career progression. Okay, guys, here's, let's just wrap this up. We have one more question.

This one's for all the marbles. So this is the game. It's always a game, I'll it. What is your favorite color and what's your least favorite color? My favorite color is green and my least favorite color is red. I think my, you know, my favorite color is blue and my least favorite color is probably the color of night starring Bruce Willis. Wow. Is it because he sees weener or?

I think it because you'd see his weener and it's not earned. Okay, that's fair. Yeah, it seems brutuitous. Yeah, I think let's see. I feel like I would say like a nice like a nice blue. I'm feeling blue lately. WDW dial. I beat Elliot to the punch. I can't believe I didn't say that before. Oh, man.

I was so busy trying to think of a color of night joke. Yeah. And then I don't know. I feel like I guess I'm not into like yellow as much. I'm just thinking about my wardrobe at this point. So you mean the band yellow who's hit oh yeah is heard throughout Ferris Bueller's Day off. Oh I didn't realize that was the name of the band. What's what song do they sing? That's called oh yeah. How does that song go? I just imagine a Twix commercial and you'll hear it. Beautiful. Oh beautiful. Oh, beautiful. So Stuart, are we in love with one another now?

Have you been at least the New York Times? Yeah, yeah, what petitions are we're right for us? What is this? Like which game of Thrones character did turn out? This was 71 good questions to ask your best friends from Teen Vogue from last year. Now I Didn't skip a bunch many of which many of which there's a weird amount of doubles But you know that's part of part of conversations with your friends sometimes you just

Do the same bits over and over and over. But I hope for our listeners at home, if you're a new listener, hopefully this gives you an idea of what these three guys are all about. Doesn't give you an idea what the show is like, but that's enough. And if you're a long time listener, maybe this clears a clear some things up. Yeah. Thanks to it. No, you're a long time listener, maybe this clears some things up. Yeah, thanks to it. No, you're welcome, Dan. You know, I'm just trying to help get us all to come out of our shells. Look, you show.

Like Ninja Turtles. Huh? On their tour. But if you take them out of their shells, they're just gonna die, so that's too bad. Yeah, it's attached to their backbone. Yes, that, rip them out. Now, here's the thing about the coming out of our shells tour that the

Nature was run. They did not come out of their shelves. They were still in their shells. Yeah, no, that's a good point. We got a refund. Yeah. This show has been on is on part of the Max Fun Network. You can support us and other shows in the network by going to maximumfund.org slash join This show is produced by Alex Smith He's the one that makes it sound good and inserts sound effects for us. I've been Stewart Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy I'm a Lake Halen and I'm a little Feeling a little vulnerable after revealing all those things about myself, but it's a good feeling of vulnerable. Oh, cool.

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