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00:00 This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. Yes, still. You can text the show on 81215. Go on. Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the Radio or email the show via the Absolute Radio website. We think it's a great idea. Do you recognise that? Do you know what that's from?
00:30 No. No. If any of our listeners, it's from a hit single, and I'll give it to you again. We think it's a great idea. Any clearer, Al? No, not at all.
00:45 If anyone out there knows, I'll be very, very, very impressed. Who's he? I like this character. As it happens, Chris Matthews is... I don't know if you can say that on radio anymore now. As it happens... 8-12-15 question book is the title of the email.
01:02 Have you ever thought of compiling a book of 8-12, 15 questions? You know, your more obscure textings. Oh, Frank, that would be a good cheap money maker. An excellent dinner table companion. Maybe flesh it out with answers from your readers. What we need is a school leaver who can
01:17 go through every show and make notes. Well, they've got a lot of time on their hands these days. Because comics are sort of struggling at the moment. In the old days, you'd get someone on the old YTS scheme. You would. Do you remember those? Oh, the YTS scheme.
01:35 I suppose you could get a community service person. I don't want a community service person. That'd be odd. Boy George did it, do you remember? Yeah. He had the sweeping in... Was it New York? I've got an image of New York.
01:50 He did it in New York. And do you know he did a lovely job? Because I saw the documentary. Of the sweeping? Yeah. Was there a documentary about his community programme? Did he have some footage of the sidewalk with before and after? Yes.
02:02 A bit literary and then nice. Imagine being at that meeting. Yeah, we think we're doing one about Boy George's community service. What happened? Anyway. Oh dear.
02:16 Oh, I am... I came out to my car today, this morning and it was snowing quite heavily and I got very excited I'll tell you why just about a month ago when the shops was open I bought um I don't know what the technical term is but those things you drag across your windscreen a scraper is that what it's called I would call it an ice scraper a A de-icer? A de-icer?
02:46 I think that's a spray. The de-icer, isn't it? An aerosol. What you're doing, you're narrowing its potential because I agree. I don't want to
02:51 fall out over this. No. Okay? But when you take ice off a car, it does scrape. But when you take snow off a car,
02:58 it goes... We can't call it that. We can't call it that. Is it? Sorry to sound like the man on Mock the Week, but is it... No, that's like call my bluff. Is it similar to the thing... We're talking about the thing that you use in the shower to clean the doors, correct?
03:18 Oh, like a scrim. Well, well, scrim! Yeah. Oh. Isn't that the right word? I think it is. A scrim. Yeah. Oh. Isn't that the right word? I think it is. Scrim, I like that. It's like the rubber-edged thing that window cleaners use.
03:30 If I ever need a false name, I'm going to adopt that as a surname. Mr. Scrim. That is so Dickens. Eric Scrim. Frank Scrim is very Dickens. He's quite Dickensy. Wasn't there a Scrim that did the Radio 1 Breakfast show? Um.
03:45 Grimshaw. Was it Grimshaw? Oh, Grim. That shows his, dear. Mr. Grimshaw, yes. Big friends with Kate Moss, that's what I remember about him, mainly. Yes, and the one who was married to Jude Law.
03:57 It's not... Oh, yes, Sadie Frost. Oh, lovely work, Frank. Yeah, she's in... Isn't she in the Common People video? Oh, lovely work, Frank. Yeah, she's in... Isn't she in the Common People video? Oh, is she? Anyway, that's a... Has anyone got an answer to
04:12 We think it's a great idea? No? No, Ed Donovan said Let it show, let it show, let it show, which I think was a response to your earlier rendition. Well, I'd say that's... I like that. So do I. That would be a good start to the show. I had a great...
04:32 I tried to watch a bit of cricket before I left this morning from Sri Lanka. Did you? Oh, that's depressing. It was lunch. Depressing. It's brilliant. No, but half five in the morning watching the cricket. That's great. It's snowing outside and I'm watching people... Well, it's brilliant Half five in the morning That's great, it's snowing outside and I'm watching people
04:47 It's rained off yesterday They had an old West Indies tour by England and there's a bit where there'd been some pressure on Viv Richards, the great West Indian batsman and one of the England bowlers had accidentally suggested he'd sort of got him in his pocket.
05:06 And so it's at this moment where Devin Malcolm, the bowler, comes in and Viv Richards wallops it for six. And the bowler said, I walked past you, he was just prodding the ground, and I heard Viv Richards say, showtime. Oh, man! Coolest thing I've ever heard in my life. If we could get Viv Richards to do that down the line, we could start the show with that.
05:31 That would be good. Do you know him? No. I've played with him. I have. I bowled at Viv Richards at the Oval. Come on! They said, do you want to bowl at Viv Richards?
05:44 I said, we think it's a great idea. We're getting a lot of your Baggies pals offering you support today. Come on you Baggies, Mr. June says. WBA Dan T, nervous for the game, Frank? Yes, well we're playing our local rivals at 12.30 today yeah in Wolverhampton Wanderers
06:10 and I'm almost at the feeling of thinking well we're going to go down but I wouldn't mind beating them wouldn't be so bad
06:17 going down would you love that if you beat them I'd love that do you know I spent some time watching clips of that this week I'd say I watch it about once every three weeks
06:28 I did a we should say what we're referring to surely everyone knows Kevin Keegan getting very angry about Alex Ferguson and Man United when would you say Frank what sort of year what year we're talking oh not very good
06:41 80s 90s I'd say 90s I'd say late 90s. But I did a pilot for a sports panel show, which was called We'd Love to Beat Them. Oh, really? Or I'd Love to Beat Them, or whatever it was, yeah. Never got off the ground.
06:58 Thank you. I'd be straight with you. I love it when you talk about things that didn't get off the ground. It's like breaking the rule. I remember once I went on Loose Ends on Radio 4. Ned Sheeran? No, post-Ned Sheeran. Clive Anderson.
07:18 I'll just say, didn't get commissioned, got cancelled. No, but I went on there and most of my interview was about the fact that they pulled Room 101. And I said, this is a new sort of reverse plugging that I'm pioneering. It's not so much plugging as mourning. You come on and talk about a project that's gone down the toilet.
07:41 I like it when you do it in interviews, and then you have the PR person from your management there dying in the corner. Well, the truth is, as we know, when people talk about their relationships, happy, loving relationships are extremely dull to hear about. But when the other person is turning up at the door at three o'clock in the morning with an axe,
08:04 that's when you want the story and you want all of it. Yeah. And so there is a plan. I mean, let us not forget the great lost sitcom, Shane 2, which was never actually broadcast. We made it, edited it, and ITV decided that it was not to be broadcast. Not suitable for broadcast. I mean, you're laughing now.
08:27 You know there's a massive shortage of airtime at the moment, everyone, because of COVID. I mean, they're filling the air with... I mean, anything, anything will do. Still, Shine 2 remains in its vault. You think they're still walking past it on the shelves? Oh, I think it's one of those... You know when you see those things in cartoons
08:47 with about 12 padlocks on them and a spider? That's what the Shane 2 vault looks like. Oh, poor Shane 2. I'm sure it's very good. I've had some great moments. Matthew Kelly, isn't he, playing a homeless man? Really? Yeah, he's very good.
09:06 As he said to me, he stopped me outside the toilet in Joe Allen's restaurant and said, when is Shane... How did you deal with it? I said, I just haven't heard anything about it. He said, well, we all got paid. Oh. And I thought, fair enough.
09:23 That's a good attitude in showbiz and one you need. It is, to put money before creativity. I wouldn't say it's an uncommon. No, true. Well, I've quoted this many times on the show. Johnny Briggs, the Coronation Street actor, said to my mother, as you may recall,
09:41 do you remember what he said, Frank? He said something like, just get the words in the right order. I'll tell you what he said. Someone was doing the sort of, what's my motivation? And he said, Frank? He said something like, just get the words in the right order. I'll tell you what he said. Someone was doing the sort of, what's my motivation? And he said, and how do you act? And how do you prepare?
09:50 And he said, you turn up, you say your lines, you get paid, you go home. Brilliant. Fair enough. I don't know if it helped him. I pulled with. It's not like people said, oh, that Dustin Hoffman,
10:04 he does all this, you know, all the method and all that. And then Johnny Briggs, every bit as good. Yeah. I've never heard anybody say that. Frank's bringing it on Absolute Radio. Frank, lovely, we've been talking about Shane this morning. Shane 1 went out. Frank, you're saying Shane 1 like a Star Wars franchise.
10:31 Well, because I need to distinguish the broadcast from the on broadcast, I think. And this was a sitcom you did in the 90s, 2000s? Probably the 2000s, I think, yeah. Okay. Jonathan Hollis is a huge fan, wants to start a petition to bring back Shane. Oh, do that, Jonathan. And Blue Heaven.
10:52 Both I've watched for the umpteenth time this week. What? Quick question, Frank. What? Hold on, hold on, Jonathan. I want to go higher still. What? Quick question, Frank.
11:05 Was Shane based on your mate Shane from the pub The Blue Gates? Hashtag bring back Skinner sitcoms. Well, I don't know where the name came from. It's Jonathan Hollis from Bromsworth. But my best friend for many years was called Shane. And yes, it is that bloke that drinks in The Blue Gates every day. That bloke. Yes. and yes, it is that bloke that drinks in the Blue Gates every day. That bloke.
11:27 Yes. But Blue Heaven, again, was broadcast. Most of them have been broadcast. I've only made and edited one series that was never broadcast. There you go. If you were to do your career output as a pie chart, the stuff that didn't get broadcast is a slither. It's a tiny slice of the pizza. Oh, I hate that word.
11:48 Slither. No, it makes me sick. The stuff that shouldn't have been broadcast is a larger slice. A different bit of pizza. Exactly. We'll be the judge of that. But yeah. Frank, I'd like to briefly thank Victoria Jenner who has a company called
12:03 Bear Hug Goods. The reason I'd like to thank her is she who has a company called Bear Hug Goods. The reason I'd like to thank her is she sent me a fabulous sweatshirt with Fenton. Do you remember Fenton, the dog who went viral?
12:12 Oh, yes. Yes. He was a very posh man, wasn't he? A red trousered man. Oh, yeah. The concept of going viral doesn't have the same warmth
12:21 that it did a couple of years back. But I do feel a lot of warmth for her because she also gives profits to mine charity from the stuff she makes. Thank you, Victoria, and thank you, Bear Hoggards. I love my Fenton. Here's a question.
12:34 Go on. Do bears actually hog people to death, or is that a myth? I thought you were going to ask another question about bears, and I'm mightily relieved from what they get up to in various venues. I think that's generally dished out as a rhetorical
12:50 question. Because when you hear of bear killings they usually rip people to pieces. I believe so, yeah. The hogging thing, if there's any zoologists listening, or Zoe Socks.
13:06 Zoella experts. Either of those. It is Zoe Socks, isn't it? I think so. Zoella as was. It is. Zoella as was, Katie Price, Jordan as was. You all right?
13:20 This idea of I'm changing my name. Yeah, I'd love to know if bear hogs, if people do get hogged to death. That'd be one for the coffee table, wouldn't it? I think you could get hogged to death on a reality TV show. Do bears hog people to death? You know how people tame certain wild animals to be nice? Yeah.
13:39 To play nice. Yeah. Can you do that with bears? I think there are a lot. I mean, I've seen the circus ones which is very cruel I think they're all horrible aren't they animals I think they're horrible so much as they just live in their lives
13:52 they're wild we are also our base instinct is horrible yeah we are we've worked on it but I think animals are ok we've civilised ourselves so for example when I see my, if I give him a treat, he grabs it and slinks off into a corner.
14:10 And I googled this because I found it, it was just very selfish and greedy the way he did this. Like I was going to steal his stupid treat. And I googled it and apparently it is, you know, that is from the wild. He does think I'm going to steal it. He wants it all to himself. Well, I have the same problem with those small yoghurts that my kids like.
14:27 Well, I have two brothers and a sister and I had to eat like that. I'm going to try and cheer you up rather than us spending the whole morning discussing shows that didn't make it to our TV. Oh, I'm over it now. Sure. We've had an email
14:52 It might have prolonged my career a little bit longer, it's not going out. Like when people retire from international football. Maybe. You know we sometimes discuss idiotic eureka moments on this show. Yes, this is the moment when you realise something
15:08 that everyone else noticed ages ago and for some reason you didn't spot it. I think we've had a fine example from Steve Walton, who is from Norfolk. Hi, Frank Allen and the Divine Miss M. Long-time reader, first-time writer. I recently had what I think is an idiotic eureka moment after discovering that the first name of one of the Wright brothers
15:29 who invented powered flight was Orville. Keith Harris's puppet, Orville, famously sings the song I Wish I Could Fly, and the homage all clicked together. I'm 43, so I may have realised this a little later than some. Thanks. Oh, that's got praise. I can't read that bit. It wasn't a glaring one, though. No, but it's a good one.
15:51 I've got to be honest, it's I Am For Me. Is it? Yeah, and I used to perform that song. Yes. Well, I knew the Wright brothers. I've worked with them all. I've said it for years. I've still worked with them all I've said it for years I'm still waiting
16:07 for one of them and yeah I hadn't put two and two together but it makes sense I like Keith Harris I'd like to have been there
16:18 for the moment when Keith Harris thought I know didn't he toy with Wilbur maybe even did a few gigs with the bird as Wilbur. Oh. And then people think he was saying Wilmer. There was, you know, confusion.
16:35 And in the end, he opted for Orville. It worked, though. Apparently, those brothers both found it quite easy to find a wife. Oh, yeah. I just think they did. I was always impressed that Keith Harris... Me to Mr. Right. Oh, yeah. I just think they did. I was always impressed that Keith Harris... Me to Mr. Right. Yeah, we got here just explaining it.
16:49 Very good, I like that. It did need a foot, no? I was always impressed that Keith Harris, he never got any duck dander on his slacks. Yes. Did he not? No, and he loved a slack. That's a sure visual I live by as well.
17:04 He was the ultimate slack wearer, Keith Harris. And he was a very great motivational speaker. Is that right? Keith Harris. Was he? Because he'd say, but I can't. And he'd go, you can, Orville. You can.
17:17 Yeah, he wouldn't let him. He would not let, no, you can if you believe him. He never did actually fly it. He probably did fly it, didn't he? No, but he said. I'm guessing they got him on a string for something like the Bernie Winters show. I think you need, you see, I think he was guilty of, I think some tough love honesty was needed with Orville. He should have just been straight with him.
17:38 He couldn't really fly. Right. What kind of bird was he? A green. Oh, yeah. He'd be a bit of parrot, a? A green. Oh, yeah. A bit of parrot. A bit of North London parrot in there. I get bright green parrots.
17:51 Why did he have a lappy? He's young. And he was incontinent. That's why he couldn't fly. Young and incontinent. He was incontinent. Keith Harris liked his trousers, as we've already discussed. I didn't know he was incontinent.
18:05 I'm glad he couldn't fly, looking back. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Did you watch the cup draw? No. Oh, yes, I did, briefly. They did a very strange thing this year. They did the draw for...
18:26 It was Peter Crouch, wasn't it? It was Peter Crouch. And he's sort of everybody's favourite ex-footballer at the moment. And he drew, if that's the correct past tense for drawing the FA Cup, he drew the fourth round and the fifth round in quick succession. Now, what is the time?
18:52 Is that a big time saver? Doing that? What do you mean? He picked them both out? He did the fourth round and then he did the fifth round. So you had either blah blah or blah blah versus blah. And I'm sure there must be a Covid reason, but in the end it was only one bloke in this.
19:09 He's probably in and out the BBC anyway. They can just take him into a little studio and do it any old time. I suppose it has to be live. I think he used, it was sort of him and I'm guessing it was, it looked to me like Guinevere. Oh, yeah. Oh, Guinevere. What were the names of the other National Lottery machines?
19:28 Oh, there was a famous one. They were all Arthurian. Was there a Lancelot? There must have been an Arthur in there somewhere. If anyone knows... There must have been a Merlin. The names of the lottery machines, the Arthurian names. Uh-huh.
19:42 Do let us know. I'd be interested. I can remember once... People have been very keen to correct me about things that I've said on this show already today. Apparently, I said slither, meaning a small portion of food, but it's...
19:55 Sliver. Sliver is the small portion, and wriggle in a snake-like way is slither. That's from Martin, who's corrected me. Thank you. While you're on the draw, I can remember, did ye ever see, there was Graham Kelly was sort of presiding over the draw,
20:14 and I think Tony Adams had been picked to do the draw. This was obviously some years ago. And I think he was maybe going through a tricky time and was being a bit mischievous. Oh, yeah. And he read the balls out. He wasn't sick in Guinevere. That would have been awful, wouldn't it?
20:34 He'd have been grabbing... Number tw... Oh, no, it's a piece of carrot. Well, no, what he did, he attempted to be playful. Yeah. And I think he said number seven plays number eight. And because he found this amusing, the coincidence, it didn't take much to amuse him in those days.
20:51 Is that a coincidence? Yeah. I think for him it was. Maybe he found it very amusing. He joked and said plays number nine and did another consecutive number and then laughed and said not really and read the correct number.
21:03 And Graham Kelly went, don't do that, please. No, you can't do that take it quite seriously cannot do mind you i i went for a meal once with um with tony adams and um lee dixon both arsenal um legends and a few other adrian charles was there some people from Tony Adams' charity and stuff like that and I of course if I meet ex-footballers
21:30 I only really want to talk to them about football I don't want to talk to them about anything else so I started asking Tony or something about showing people
21:38 the outside and George Graham's coaching and he was very animated and talking and Lee Dixon went, Addo, put the ball away, mate.
21:49 I love it. Oh, very good. Love it. Of course, I wasn't too absorbed by the cup draw because West Bromwich Albion had slipped out already. Sorry about that. It's all right. It means we're able to concentrate
22:05 on relegation. This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner and Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show
22:21 on 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at Frank on the radio, email the show via the Absolute Radio website. Frank, we've had some Orville news in. Oh, thank goodness. I've got Orville alerts on my phone.
22:36 I'm surprised I haven't heard this. Does it go, you can? Six, seven, six. That would be a good thing to have, wouldn't it? Yeah. You know when those moments in life when you have a bit of doubt? What? You could just have Keith Harris saying, you can.
22:50 I can. 676. Hi, Frank, Alan and Emily. Hearing you talk about Keith Harris reminded me of a trip to Portugal a few years ago. Those were the days. When we visited friends in the Algarve. I like the Algarve. Very footballers.
23:05 Yeah. Great pub. Who were staying opposite Keith Harris' holiday home, which was, of course, called Orville. Oh, wow. Pure genius. Love to all. That's from Buxy.
23:18 That's tremendous. That is good. And he used to get the ferry there, apparently. Because Orville didn't like flying yeah Orville and Dennis Bergkamp birds of a feather
23:34 flocked together and B.A. Baracus oh yeah those are the most famous ironic that his initials B.A.
23:43 yes and who was the other? David Bowie, of course. Wouldn't get on a plane either, I believe. That's not an idiotic eureka moment. They called him BA Baracus. He was frightened of flight. Do you think that's what?
23:57 I think it's more coincidence. Which came first, BA Baracus or I ain't getting on no plane? No. I think they said if he doesn't like flight, let's call him TWA Baracus. And I't getting on no plane. No. I think they said he doesn't like flight, let's call him TWA Baracus, and I said it's too long. BA, too long. Qantas?
24:13 No. Ellingus? No. We had an email during the week. Oh, stop showing off. Yeah, exactly. Frank mistakenly finishing early last week. Do you remember this?
24:25 Do I remember? Let's call it a mishap. You'rely finishing early last week. Do you remember this? Do I remember? Let's call it a mishap. You were in a bit of trouble. I accept it was a senior moment. Hey, I had a lapse of concentration yesterday and hit my tyre off a kerb. It's not... What happened is he rounded up the show, didn't you?
24:43 The penultimate instead of the final link. Yeah. Well, Steve has emailed, Frank getting his timings wrong and mistakenly finishing early last week made me smile, reminded me of when I worked with Bernard, a guy who was a real clock watcher. At 4.30 one afternoon, Bernard got up from his desk, put on his coat, picked up his briefcase and headed out of the office.
25:04 I was going to a meeting, so a couple of minutes later, I passed Bernard waiting at the lift. After returning from the meeting half an hour later, Bernard was surprisingly back at his desk. I inquired about his early departure and to his credit and honesty he replied that he thought it was 5.30
25:20 until he got down to the ground floor, saw nobody else was leaving and checked his watch again and came back. Having made it that far, I would have classed it as a little victory and headed out the door and not back to my desk, especially with such low levels of motivation. Yeah.
25:36 I tell you what happened. I sort of felt, I felt the end. I don't use, I don't, I wasn't using a clock. No. I just felt the end of the don't use... I wasn't using a clock. No. I just felt the end of the show. Maybe I was right. I can't remember what the last link was like. It's mainly mocking me for ending it early, wasn't it?
25:53 I think so, yeah. But it's like, you know, when you're using an electric toothbrush and you think, and it's a very slight detection of... It must be a very minor change in rhythm. You think, this is going to go in a minute. It's going to die in a minute.
26:09 And it's still doing the job you think, no, we need it in the end, and then it goes. It was like that. I felt that about the show last week. But it was... Glenn has been in touch, Frank. So having attended the filming of Shane 2... Whoa! Lucky Glenn. Blimey. has been in touch, Frank. So having attended the filming of Shane 2... What?
26:27 Lucky Glenn. Blimey. I am one of the select few to have seen it. We wandered into the after show party in the nearby pub. So thanks for the free Guinness and food. Boing, boing. There's more people seeing Bigfoot.
26:46 The actual Bigfootfoot than saw the filming of Shane 2 that's and I don't suppose they got drinks in there the fact that we were in the pub after not in some
26:54 specially reserved room at ITV or whatever it was free Guinness and food how lovely Frank yeah did alright helpful for me
27:03 I was recovering alcoholics I didn't touch the Guinness, and probably so upset by the record I couldn't swallow. Oh, dear. So there was nothing in it for me at all. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Frank, we've had an email email in with in regards to do you remember you were talking earlier you had a song yeah there was a i i sang what i forgot what i was referring to we think it's a great idea and i said what song was that from that's from this morning's quiz. And it was a hit, I think a top ten hit.
27:47 Well, I've got it here. Someone has sent in a suggestion. Okay. Morning, Frank, Emily and Alan. These lyrics are sung by Kid Ink. I hope this is the right tune. Thanks for entertaining us every Saturday. I think it's a good idea it ain't wrong.
28:03 I think it's a good idea you ain't home. I think it's a good idea you ain't home. I think it's a good idea it's still you. I think it's a good idea it came through. In fact, it's a good idea. I'm not going to finish it because it's quite rude. Oh, God, don't worry. This is from Geoffrey Palmer in South Wales. Geoffrey Palmer?
28:20 No longer with us. No longer with us, sadly. On the ground. Loved your work in Butterflies. Yes. You were also very good in, I think it was, it was one of the Autons episodes of Doctor Who. Oh, here we go.
28:33 One of the more obscure Geoffrey Palmer roles, I would say. Well, I think it was twice in Doctor Who. Anyway. Everyone was over a certain age, didn't you? Yeah, probably, probably. Even me. Were you twice? No, only once. Okay. So far.
28:48 No, that's wrong. That's not what it is. That's wrong? Yeah. Oh, okay. I bet he doesn't do it to the tune of, we think it's a great idea. Can I guess? Yeah. Is it from a musical? No. Is it a commercial?
29:04 No. Great guess a commercial? No. Great guess. No, no, it's in the charts. It was a band who, in the 60s, certainly, had several big hits and were a very, very famous band. But I don't know how many of our younger listeners... I always say that fully expected. We don't have any.
29:24 Is it in the same Venn diagram as, say, the Dave Clark Five? It's certainly in the same chronological diagram. Lovely. Okay. I'll just let that simmer. Okay. And the outfits I think you find might be similar. A white jean and
29:40 a Chelsea boot. Okay. Thanks for that. I'm thinking monkeys. I'm going down there. Okay. They're very English indeed. Okay. We, thanks for that. I'm thinking monkeys, I'm going down there. Go on out of there. They're very English indeed. Okay, well let this in there. They're very English. I'd like to discuss exercise
29:55 and motivational exercise specifically. Yeah, I don't actually exercise that much, but I talk about it on here a lot. Honestly, don't. But do you exercise every day almost most
30:10 most days that's a lot a little bit most days I would say but you haven't answered in the way that I hate
30:16 which is not as much as I should oh yeah do you go to the gym and then they say well not as much as I should
30:23 oh come on originalis well the gyms are closed Do you go to the gym? And then they say, well, not as much as I should. Oh, come on, originalists. Well, the gyms are closed. Ours is not to reason why. But Joe Wicks became very popular in the first lockdown. Can I stop you for one second? I said something this week which might qualify as the most obvious thing I've ever said.
30:45 Oh, you don't. Will be the judge. Go on. Somebody said to me, they said, oh, Paul's got COVID. I said, oh, there's a lot of it about. Oh, you didn't. I mean, come on. I wasn't even doing it as a joke.
31:00 I mean. No, there is. There is a lot. I mean, a man of your brilliance. I know. It's a momentary laugh, I let myself down. Sometimes he wanders through the postcode of cliche and stays there.
31:10 Why is that in the vault with Shane 2? Anyway, I'm sorry, you're talking about... There's not enough room. Shane 2's in there. Joe Wick's my mentor. Yes. He's got some competition. Bez has stepped up to be the next Joe Wicks.
31:28 Stepped on, I think we're fine. Very good. For those of you who aren't aware of Bez, he was famous in the 90s, I would say, for being in Happy Mondays and dancing in a fun way. And he played the maracas, were they? He did play the Maracas, yeah. I think his profession technically is percussionist.
31:50 Dancer or percussionist. I think in his class it would be percussionist. I wonder if he ever gets called by the Royal Philharmonic when their percussionist can't make it. He's presented with tubular bells, a kettle drum. Oh, dear. I would say Bernsley's probably, of all the celebrities, the one I'd be most surprised to hear that he's got a flying licence.
32:15 You can't, Berns. I feel he's a reckless individual. Who are the famous flying licence celebrities? Noel Edmonds. Harrison Ford. Sarah Ferguson. It's Harrison Ford. Sarah Ferguson.
32:33 Duchess of York. Really? Really. Carol Vorderman. Oh, we're on fire here. Gary Newman, I believe. I don't know why, but he's the funniest. Gary Newman, I imagine it's a't know why, but he's the funniest. Gary Newman, I imagine.
32:45 It's a spaceship. I don't know. And Brian Deacon, is it? Oh, Angelina Jolie. No. Shut up. Any other celebrities with flying... What do you call it?
33:04 A flying licence? Pilot's licence. Pilot's licence, that's what, of course. Celebrity aviators. Of course, yeah, celebrity aviators. 8, 12, 15. Not including the Wright brothers, we've already done that. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.
33:24 We were asking about celebrity aviators in the previous link. I'll tell you who's come up a lot is Bruce Dickinson. I tried to say him. I think I called him Dick. He's the Iron Maiden guy, isn't he? Correct. Daff Anderson has confirmed Gary Newman had to crash land on a motorway once. Oh, that seems to ring a bell, yeah. I think it's fair to say land on a motorway once. Well, that's answering the bell, yeah.
33:46 I think it's fair to say this texting's really taken off. Hugh Rain has suggested Baloo from The Jungle Book in a movie called Tailspin. I believe there was some sort of spin-off. He says, not only is it surprising, but it quite literally flies in the face of his bare necessities philosophy. Yeah. There's a spin-off in which Baloo has got a pilot's licence.
34:12 I believe so. That is... I didn't see that coming. Another meeting I'd like to have been at. Rob Wynn, Tom Cruise for sure. Oh, he's got to. Yeah, probably. Tiny little plane.
34:28 I'm guessing. Wow. I don't know. Harry Connick Jr. apparently. Oh, can you imagine flying with... Come fly with me. Come fly. Shut up, Harry.
34:41 Let's fly away. You're in the back seat. You'll be ill, Harry, actually. Let me get you up there. Not the mid-light, Harry. I can't take it. I can't take it, mate. Where the air is rarefied.
34:57 Hey, is that Buble in that Spitfire? Anyway. Harry, the turbulence is bad, though. We've also John Travolta Fun in Hounslow Has suggested John Travolta Oh I thought
35:12 John Travolta Fun in Hounslow Was like What's in brackets After John Travolta's Names When he does a Tour of regional
35:20 Theatres With an Inspector calls Inspector calls He'd be there I mean theatres with an inspector called Inspector Cole He'd be there, I mean I imagine he'd still be the You're going to eat crisps on the radio? No, nearly, I forgot I was on the radio
35:36 Scott Cooper has said, and a couple of people have said David Jason flies a helicopter and has done for years Helicopteries, is he? Okay. I'd love, I hope it's like a three-wheeler.
35:51 Alright, like a Robin Reliant with a propeller on top. You don't want that in a helicopter. You know what though, he surely must have Trotter's Independent Traders written on the side of the plane. But isn't he one of those blokes who talks a bit posher than he does on the telly,
36:08 and he probably doesn't like Del Boy reference. Oh, like the Coronation Street old actresses who go, well, yes, I mean, I played the role of Dora for 30 years. Yeah, I do. Pam St Clement was quite posh. Yeah. Yes. That's fair enough.
36:23 Do you remember we were talking off air about tracing calls? Oh, yes. Now, if there's any police listening to the show... We got onto the... Help me! No, that's a joke. We were asking how easy it was to disappear and then we worked out the GPS would make that hard.
36:39 We were talking about... I'll be completely straight with you. We were talking about staged deaths are not as big as they used to be in British culture. That's it. The classic example was the MP John Stonehouse who did the sort of thing you get in a film. He left his clothes on the beach and then he went off somewhere.
37:02 And we were talking about John Darwin, the canoe man, who did similar. Very much the sort of stuff we talk about on air quite a lot. Yeah, well, there is something in that. But then we got on to... Emily mentioned the phenomenon where if a criminal calls you and you're working with the police... Oh, yes.
37:23 I don't know what the duration is. There's a certain time that if you keep them talking, the call can be traced. Yeah, we've all seen that scene. I've seen it in their films, like, keep them on the line. Yeah. It's normally two minutes. It's all done with hand signals as well.
37:38 And so they end up saying, the detective says to the flight, so what did you have for breakfast today? And somebody will say, we got him. Yeah. Probably a call box in Hounslow. And in the first hour, he'll always ring off. He seems to know the criminal. Or she.
37:53 Usually he, though. Yeah, so if there's any police listening, how long in 2021 would I have to keep someone on the call in order to get them traced? 8, 12, 15. Frank Skinner. Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio.
38:14 564, Celebrity Aviators, Professor Pat Pending from Wacky Races. That's a good shout. He doesn't count, really. Is that because it converted into a flying thing? Oh, yes, a shitty, shitty bang-bang vibe. But then you could move into a dastardly and motley of flying machines and it's the whole damn cast. 712, Nick Mason from Pink Floyd.
38:39 He's a very celebrity aviator. You'd think, really, Masonry would have been the thing that he went for rather than pilot's licence. Well, he might go through a bit on his crash landings. We have a suggestion. He's the guy, of course, and this doesn't really work because you've got the punchline before the feed,
38:55 but he's the guy who I met at a party in Hampstead and he was asking me about touring and I'm saying, yeah, I'd do like some 3,000 seaters. Oh, yeah. I said, what do you do? He said, I'm in a band. like some 3000 seaters I said what do you do he said I'm in a band and I said would I have heard of them and he said maybe they're called Pink Floyd
39:10 I hadn't actually heard of them no I had he just didn't sing he wasn't very rock star kind of a man no you know those prog rockers had gone a sort of like they might work in finance
39:27 well as we've established they are they are potions yeah some of them 3-2-8 Frank we think
39:35 it's a great idea he's put the crisp in I haven't have you put it in it's a damn lie Frank we think it's a great idea do you want to know?
39:45 We have 328 has a suggestion for you. Go on. Raymond says, second line of intro to Call Up the Groups by Baron Knights. Fair play. Is that right? He's got it on the nose. In case, yes, respect to Mondo.
40:04 In case you don't know the Baron Knights I don't know if they could exist now Though I think the parody laws have been somewhat relaxed I remember them They were a band who did a sort of medley of current hits But they would change the lyrics so it fitted a theme Right So call up the groups was the suggestion
40:25 if the groups were called up for national service, which I think by then had ended, but, you know, artistic licence. Yeah. And so they used to say, let's call up the other groups. And then it would be some of their songs about what army life would be like.
40:42 And then there was another one about them having to go back. If the groups had to go back to work, what would the Rolling Stones do? Imagine them arriving late. The foreman wouldn't half create. You can't have your cake, can you? And then they did Little Red Rooster. Oh, did they?
40:58 The Stones classic. Did they do a cappella, Frank? Was that their work? Oh, no. They had all the... I think they're still going. Because, as you can imagine, they're brilliant for corporates because you say, well, Dave in sales,
41:08 he fell off a tree to... And they put it all in the lyrics of the song. They do a lot of bespoke material. Very bespoke, the Baron Knights. Well, congratulations to Raymond, Frank. Yeah, well done. Yeah, no, well done. Full respect to Raymond.
41:34 We've had quite a lot of answers to your question about phone call tracing. Oh, yeah? How long? How long do I have to keep them talking? Well, Justin has emailed, hi, I'm a police officer. If it's a landline, you would be able to trace it immediately. If it's a mobile, you'd be able to identify an approximate location straight away within a triangle of mobile phone masts to approximately 500 metres. But to be able to pinpoint it exactly, it would take a long time and a lot of resources involving specialist equipment on the ground. The amount of time actually spent on the line
42:06 is not really a factor now. It used to be, though. Used to be. Well, it did in films. Yeah, it was any film or something. But landline immediately. But I mean, how many pensioners are involved in crime? Good point.
42:19 Except for those diamond thieves in... Oh, the Hatton Gardens. They look like landline guys. Other than that, I don't think there's many. 265 with some possibly dangerous information. Frank and gang, call tracing. Hi, folks. First-time texter, long-term Napoleon of crime.
42:38 Use a burner phone. Keep him talking. Yeah, keep him talking. How long we got? Use a burner phone with location service off and you will only be traced to the nearest mobile tower. Regards. And then they've just said Professor M.
42:52 I'm assuming that's a non-diplom. Nice advice there. Yes. Any more celebrity pilots? Oh, loads. Yes, we've got loads. A lot more than I thought. It must be really hard to get a pilot's licence, you'd imagine.
43:06 Yeah, but they're exactly the sort of people that have got that time and money, aren't they? Well, Tony Buchanan has suggested... I've never heard of him. No. Oh, I see. But he has suggested, Tony Buchanan, he's a maverick backbencher in the Parliament of Life,
43:23 he refers to himself as on his twitter bio he has come up with Dick Emery, he said that was a surprise to me Dick Emery? I remember a story about him almost hitting Blackpool Tower and mushering something like and then he comes out with quite a 70s sort of category C
43:40 expletive which I won't repeat Blackpool Tower which let us never forget is the officially and this is on a plaque which exclaims it in Blackpool
43:51 the 122nd tallest freestanding structure in the world. Why bring it up? Is that like
44:01 one of those 100 greatest comic moments which I would never watch with any friends of mine? The Countdown. But Giselle Bunch and the supermodel
44:10 learned to fly whilst heavily pregnant with her son. God. Respect Amanda. Yeah. I think if there's a war, you know like they had the international, I was watching a documentary last night about the rise of Franco in Spain.
44:28 That was a nice evening in for Cass. Yes, and in the civil... You know, we weren't speaking, so... Romantic night in. So Al sent me the link for the Dictators podcast, so come on. They're good. But in that, they talked about
44:46 the International Brigade, you know, in the Spanish Civil War, all these people, like George Orwell, Hemingway went to fight. I think we could put together a celebrity squadron.
44:57 Yes. Oh, like the Red Arrows. To fight, yeah. To defend, you know, the current pecking order, to look after their own high positions. I'm all for that. Get Giselle at the front there.
45:14 Flight commander, fantastic. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. This is Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio with Emily Dean and Alan Cochran. You can text the show at 81215, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram, at Frank on the Radio, or email the show via the Absolute Radio website.
45:37 Open brackets, box G. Mm-hm. Close brackets. We were discussing Bez entering into Joe Wicks' personal trainer, motivation kind of character. Well, he described, can I ask you about this? He described himself. He said, I'm somewhere between Joe Wicks and Mr Motivator.
45:58 Now, I'm very familiar with Joe Wicks' oeuvre. Yeah. But does this mean that Mr Motivator offers something a bit more complete than Joe Wicks? If they're on a scale, if they're at two ends of a scale. Good question. As if Joe
46:16 Wicks is the sort of controversial choice. Well no, I'm thinking Mr Motivator's establishment fitness. Well I don't know if this is true. It suggested to me that Joe Wicks was the keep fit guy. Right. And that Mr Motivator had, he might do meditation, some sort of wellness.
46:34 He might be into the wellness thing. Mr Motivator, by the way, I always felt was the celebrity who I'd most like to discover that that was not a stage name yeah you know sometimes you get people like Ann Diamond and she really is called Ann Diamond yeah what was his real name was he Derek well I really I hope his name is Derek Motivator I think it was IRL in real life yeah if his name really was Mr Motivator if he was at school he'd be that but does he offer something more complete if anyone, if there's any of his disciples listening
47:14 I don't think it was Mr Motivator that had disciples I think that's another guy I'm sorry, are you saying does Mr Motivator I mean when he says he's somewhere between I suppose chronologically he's correct. Mr Motivator was the 80s. Well, yeah, but he's still operational. Is he?
47:31 He gave me a business card once because he does a lot of, I think he does a lot of corporate work. And it was him. And from the way stop, he was dressed like Steed from The Avengers, you know. Oh, was he? And he had a brief Avengers, you know. Oh, was he? And he had a briefcase and all that. Oh, does he have lycra blue? And then from the waist down, he had his lycra shorts. He did, yeah.
47:52 And the boots. And it was a suggestion that I'm in the world of business, but I'm, you know, I'm a physical energy. Love it. It was the sort of mullet, party on the bottom. I mean, I think it's fair to say... Party on the bottom. I think it's fair to say on the bottom i think it's fair to
48:05 say bez is going to bring something different to this sort of uh i think he probably will because he's funny i mean i'm not saying i've not seen much joe wicks but bez is definitely there's a bit on it where i watched the youtube video where he's promoting it was trailer so i think it's coming up on sunday it's called buzzinguzzing with Bez. And Bez said in the first lockdown, all he did was eat cake and drink myself to oblivion. And as good as that was, it's not the right thing to
48:34 do. That's what he said. What a moment of revelation. What I also liked, Al, was when he said, what I'm going to do, I'm going to do yoga, kick that sugar abbot and give up the booze. And then he said, what I'm going to do, I'm going to do yoga, kick that sugar habit and give up the booze. And then he said, maybe. Yeah, there's honesty to it.
48:51 Funny and honest. And then he said the second lockdown, he missed and he can't remember. I'm a 60. And the third one, he wants a healthy one. So that's why he stepped into this. I like the honesty to it. I like this.
49:07 It's a sort of an everyman approach. I mean, you can either. I mean, as Michael Gove said, we've had enough of experts. We have all had enough of experts. And this, I remember a TV executive saying to me years ago that people don't want to admire people on television now. They want to recognise them.
49:27 Right. So you want to think, oh, that could be me up there. Yeah. And I think with Bears you could do that. I mean, Joe, I love Joe Wicks. I did Joe Wicks five days a week. Intimidatingly fit.
49:39 His exercises. But he's very, not just, he's not just fit. He's very hands, he looks like you know, he's a guy who would have been Very clean house as well. Lovely house he's got. He's very clean old man. Lovely, you know, everything. He looks
49:56 like he's really, he's got lovely wife, lovely children. He's very, he's not like one of those up yourself fascist people that do those keep fit things. Oh, yeah. He has a humility about him. I like all that.
50:11 But with Bez, you think, well, if he can do it, I can do it. And Bez admitted recently he got so out of shape, he said he was spending £100 a week on chocolate. He said, I've got one of them posse chocolate shops up the road and I'm spending £100 a week. He wants to get on the market where you get that chocolate that the sell-by date is a dot in the rear-view mirror. And when you take the label off,
50:35 it's like there's a bit of cloud cover on the chocolate. You know that? I think it's something to do with oxidisation or something. It's just greying. It's sort of George Clooney-style chocolate. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I had a bit of a eureka moment when I read the article about Bez
50:58 and it said that his real name is Mark Berry. Oh, yeah. Oh! So, probably at school they shortened Berry to Bez but it's fine you're an Ericsson
51:09 have a bit of a eureka moment oh dear I think he did yeah people can google that instead of us explaining it
51:18 I wonder if Mark Berry is he's probably no relation to Mary do you think nah I would be he could be
51:25 the sort of the posh grandma yeah and he's like that part of the family they dread at weddings and funerals maybe
51:32 well he is a grandfather yeah he says so isn't he 56 yeah he said well I'm like you
51:40 I do like bears but I he grew on he won celebrity big brother of course. Yes, I remember it well. Huge moment for him. Can I ask a question?
51:52 Have I got this wrong? Was there a moment... Was there a bloke in Prodigy who had that don't sing don't play Role Oh you're absolutely right Frank I think you're right Sort of good looking black guy Who danced really well
52:14 But I don't think he ever played anything Was it one of the Liam's There's so many I don't think it was I think I met him at something You're right It's a very small group, Don't Sing, Don't Play,
52:26 but in a band. Yeah. Stacia. Almost like a human mascot in many ways. Yes. Are there any others we're thinking? Well, I'm thinking, do you know Stacia from Hawkwind?
52:38 No. She had that. You don't know that? Ow. Odd. I feel we're together on this one. Well, she used to get naked occasionally on stage, and she got...
52:53 That's why you noticed her. Do you know what I mean? What was the name of that band again? More naked than most people. How desperate are you? For God's sake. Googling up old Stacia. Yeah, I think she's... With your nightlight on.acia Yeah I think she's
53:05 With your night light on I don't think she's Some sort of artist That's what they all call it But yeah she was a kid But there aren't many Don't sing, don't dance It's a small Venn diagram
53:19 I would say Bez is obviously I mean I know he I had to do that Once or twice so you knew it was... Some of your S&M friends are turning up at 11. That reminds me of late night on the campsite. People just go into bed. Do you know I hate that sound? Because I hate the campsite.
53:42 Camping. Oh, when I hear that tent sound oh what about when they go into the their toilet as well oh sorry anyway so i do apologize sorry it's the people walking back from the uh the shower block and they've taken out their lenses and they're stepping on guy ropes and stuff like they can't see a damn thing. It's a very dangerous area. What happened while we were at it?
54:11 Any more celebrity pilots? It just chock us a couple more. Absolutely loads. We've got some for you here. Snooker player Ali Carter. Oh, I knew that. I did know that. You didn't. I did. Stop fibbing. Yeah player Ali Carter. Oh, I knew that. I did know that.
54:25 I did. Stop fibbing. Yeah, Ali Carter. What about this? And I think some of his 40 thieves also have a fly. This is genuinely true.
54:35 Apparently. Maureen Rees from TV's Driving School has passed her aviator test. Who'd have thunk it? She does transatlantic flights for charter companies.
54:45 That cannot be true. Has a lad says this is true? What you talking about, Willis? Absolutely pulling our leg. No, if anyone can confirm. And Baloo as well. I mean, that was the shock of the day for me. Baloo was extraordinary.
55:01 Well, we did have someone point out about Baloo, which I... Oh, someone's mentioned Joe Pasquale. Is this true? A number of people, and there's photographic evidence of him. He's probably copied someone else. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.
55:24 You asked us a question earlier, and I can't remember what it was, but anyway, I have a question for you two. Oh. What do I do about the Christmas presents wrapped on my ottoman, undistributed? Because here's the thing... Can't your ottoman take the matter? Yeah. He doesn't have so much to do nowadays. He's got a lot on still. They're undistributed. Because here's the thing. Can't your ottoman take them out?
55:45 Yeah. He doesn't have so much to do nowadays. He's got a lot on still. Just because the way I see it, the people, do they exist if the people haven't seen them? Okay? Oh, hang on. Is this like a tree falling in the forest question?
56:04 As far as the people are concerned, they don't know they have a gift. They haven't received a gift. My point being... Reef on time. No, my point being just give them for Christmas 2021. Just forget it. Just don't mention it. They're not going to be so rude to ask, where was that gift?
56:23 Well, it's a good test of how good your gifts are because if they're not going to be so rude to ask where is that gift? Well, it's a good test of how good your gifts are because if they're brilliant, then just unwrap them and have them yourself. But if you're thinking, well, I wouldn't actually use that moisturizer myself, then it is a good test. But I just don't know whether people are too polite. They're not going to say where's my gift.
56:44 But I can't give these people gifts. When does it get too late is what I'm saying. When is the statute of limitations to hand over these gifts? Could you convert them to birthday gifts for these people? Oh, good question. Because then the Christmas is gone, but you're going to keep them on side by their lovely birthday. I'm suggesting some re-wrapping, obviously.
57:04 Oh, Frank, what a brilliant... Sounds like Frank's got a January birthday, isn't it? Yeah, but what about those... I got my present from Emily. Yes, you did. What about those Make America Great Again caps, though? I'm going to have to rethink those. Yeah.
57:18 The diaries. Good point. Yeah, but you've only got the initials. Because, you know, you could make America something else, maybe. Gory. Yeah, make you've only got the initials Because you could make America something else maybe Gory Yeah, make it gory Make it general Rather than so specific
57:34 I'm just going to give people them for their birthday And distribute them throughout the year and re-wrap them I think that's okay Just make sure you recycle the Christmas paper you're ripping off. Anyway. God, ever since talking to Al Gore. I've got a question, by the way. Oh, him and that Al Gore, they've become, honestly, thick as seeds.
57:55 Oh, yeah, what's your question? My question is, part of Bessie's new regime is hypnotherapy. Or as he calls it, hypnotherapy or as he calls it hypnotherapy yeah he's not just going you know the Joe Wicks fitness thing
58:10 he's going into the yeah it has long been my opinion that hypnosis does not exist I'm with you
58:20 on that I'm with you I've been to see some stage hypnotists. Me too. Fun. I love seeing someone eat an onion as though it's an apple.
58:30 Love it. Yeah, I love to see it. And I saw a man once in the bar in the interval going... Bar, there is a tremendous pressure to join in. And when I went, I saw the great Paul McKenna live. I thought you were going to say great Soprano. There's normally only one great. And I was with, well, I used to hang out with Paul McKenna a bit in the 90s.
59:00 Yes, I didn't see you so much in those days. He was too busy eating onions as though they were apples. Peter the Wild. Awesome. Got rid of that. You know when you get stuff right at the back of the bins at the bottom of the fridge and you think, I'll never eat those onions.
59:16 I'd found Paul McKenna, I'd be chump. I'd made an apple crumble with them. Do you think he could cure my onion phobia? Apparently when people go on I'm a Celebrity, they call him, don't they, to cure the spider and snake phobia. Well, that's clever. But when he did his... I'm being shoved by the...
59:34 Sorry, yeah. But when I saw his show, I went with my partner, Kath, who did psychology at Cardiff University. Huh? And she made some very interesting insights into how it operated. And I honestly think that hypnosis might be a fraud. I mean, across the board, medical, stage, the whole thing.
01:00:01 Frank Skinner. Absolute Radio. Stayed the whole thing. Frank Skimmer. Absolute Radio. Can I just offer a little civic duty, almost public service announcement? Be careful when exercising.
01:00:18 As I think I've discussed on this show before, in everyday life I like to wear boxer shorts, but for exercise I prefer to be held, so I wear something a little bit clingier. But last week, I got home. After doing this show, I got the train back to Manchester, and for some reason, I felt like doing some exercise. I hadn't intended to, and I just kept boxer shorts on, and I put on my Brazilian jiu-jitsu gi trousers.
01:00:43 Just quickly chucked them on. I thought, I'll just do a little bit, maybe some mobility and then some... And I got the kettlebells. I use kettlebells. And I was using a pair to do a little complex. A pair? Yeah, a pair of kettlebells.
01:00:57 Oh, okay. Two weights, and I was exercising with them. And I was doing squats, you know, where you squat down. What kind of weights are we talking about? Two 24 kilo ones. What's that? Together, that would be 48 kilos.
01:01:14 Okay. And I was squatting up and down and I heard a rip noise and I'm delighted to tell you it was my boxer shorts. Oh, that's amazing. And I say I'm delighted to tell you it was my boxer shorts. Oh, that's amazing. And I say I'm delighted because for a little while I thought it might be my innards that were it
01:01:32 and I was absolutely delighted that it turned out it was just the shorts. See, I thought you'd get more give in boxers than you would in your vice-like grip pants. When was the last time your trousers split frank 8 12 15 yeah when was the last time your trousers there was a there used to be a pop star called pj probie do you remember him oh yeah he's uh and he had he's been cancelled. I don't think so. I've heard of DJ Robbie. He used to wear a ponytail, which then was very risque.
01:02:12 Yes. But his stage gimmick was splitting his trousers. Oh, was it? And it happened so often it became clear that he was weakening the seams. Oh. Yeah.
01:02:23 I did actually wonder if I had weakened the seams of my boxer shorts just through age, like if I'd just let them get old and they were ready to rip, or if it was the fact that I've actually increased my derriere through exercise. You should have checked the kilo capacity. That's right.
01:02:45 48 kilos. They're not built for that, the boxers. That's right. 48 kilos. They're not built for that. You're right. I find a silk trouser particularly susceptible. Yes, I bet. It's happened to me once. Don't work out in silk trousers. I knew we'd get some public health message out there.
01:02:56 No, on evening wear, I was wearing once a silk camisole top with a matching trouser, A sort of jumpsuit fit. Bent down. Maybe dropped a car key. Kowski, who knows. Right down the middle of the area. I bet you wish you'd brought a spare car key. When I used to go to the Arabian Nights gym on the Edgeware Road,
01:03:20 you had to wear silk trousers to work out. Oh, yeah. And they went on a regular basis, I must say. Here's the thing. Go on. If hypnosis was real... Oh, here we go, yeah....wouldn't it be used more in everyday life by people?
01:03:36 People would learn it and they'd use, you know... Or get people to propose to you or kill someone. All sorts of things. Doesn't show up in the bloodstream, you know. Yeah. Weaponry. You go and say, go and steal from that shop for me.
01:03:47 Why hire a hitman if you can just tell someone to just jump in and out off the top of a multi-storey car park? Is this another text then? 8, 12, 15. I'm saying if it exists, open brackets,
01:03:58 which I don't think it does, close brackets, I don't see why it hasn't... Yes, if there's any... Who would know this? Is it a neurologist? Someone who studies the brain? Paul McKenna. Oh, he knows.
01:04:11 He's not going to fess up, is he? He's not going to say, no, it's a load of rubbish. That's his career gone. But you said you'd stop me smoking. I mean, you can't have it. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Shall we share some of the outside world with you?
01:04:36 Oh, sure. We were talking about Baloo earlier being an unlikely celebrity aviator. Do you remember that? So this is an actual film in which Baloo flies an aeroplane? I believe so. It's called Tailspin, apparently.
01:04:56 And Mark Rawsthorne has tweeted us to say, well, one could argue he is congruent with his beliefs by not flying a flashy jet rather than an old crate. His beliefs being as expressed in bare necessity. Yeah.
01:05:12 Congruent with his beliefs. With his beliefs. I don't know if there's any other breakfast shows that get text like that. No. Say this, though. Would you call them his baloofs? Very good. Oh, lovely.
01:05:25 Michael Moynihan must have been in politics at some time. Sounds like it. He has suggested Lewis Collins. We've also had... Lewis Collins, yeah. Yes, we've also had... Les Ferdinand has been a couple of people mentioned. Les Ferdinand had a helicopter licence.
01:05:45 Is that how he made the getaway from wrecking the Blue Peter Garden? Do you remember? It was in the press that he was... I don't know if he ever admitted it, so I think it's allegedly, we'll say. Yeah. He was one of the youths who wrecked the Blue Peter Garden. Oh, God, I remember the next Blue Peter episode after that.
01:06:05 Oh, were they sad? Percy Thrower was honestly close to tears. He was there. He was the resident gardener. That's so sad. Percy Thrower was one of those blokes who was in the gardening chair, the white titch mark.
01:06:16 Yes. David Bellamy was in it for a while, wasn't he? Was he a gardener? He was a naturalist, wasn't he? Oh, I don't know about that side of his life. Percy Thrower's a bit thanks for the tip, isn't he? We've also had, Frank, confirmation. Do you remember you...
01:06:35 Confirmation that hypnosis, it doesn't exist. It's a scam. You cited earlier someone attached to the prodigy who played the role of the... Don't sing, don't play. Madcap friend, yeah. And someone has confirmed, if Ronald Conman has confirmed, the prodigy dancer, I'm sorry, was called Leroy.
01:07:00 I think it was Leroy Thornhill. Yes, I met him. There you go. I met him. Worked go. I met him. Worked for them all, haven't you? Andrew Frogger has texted Giant Haystacks. And what I like is I don't know what this is in relation to. It could be anything.
01:07:13 I mean, it can't be Celebrity Aviation. He couldn't afford a plane. Giant Haystacks can't be a celebrity. He can't fit in the plane. I don't think so. He can't fit in the pilot's. 702 has told us Martin Shaw is an aviator, but he was a professional, so probably no surprise.
01:07:27 But you said Lewis Collins. I did. So they both, I hope they flew together, the professionals. Oh, can you imagine with the music flaring? Imagine that. What's that jumble, Jed? I think it's giant haystacks. And let's not forget that I am...
01:07:43 You didn't talk like that. I worked with Martin Shaw in my turn as Jason the Asthmatic on A&E. Oh, I worked with Martin Shaw when I was in an episode of The Professionals as a child. Snap. High five. Have you worked with Martin Shaw or Lewis Connors? No. It could be the beautiful triumvirate. I haven't, but I saw him at the Birmingham Alexandra Theatre playing Elvis Presley on stage.
01:08:04 No. Lovely. Oh, I bet he was handsome he was a he was always always very handsome um yeah so yes so um good luck bass i'll be tuning in do you know why will do you know what i do a lot of i'm i'm gonna fit a tap this weekend in my kitchen and what what I do, I go on YouTube and there's always someone who says here's how to fit a tap. And then they do it. And I never seek their professional
01:08:34 qualifications. I just go with it. So I'm figuring if Bear's telling me how to do stuff, I'm going to, you know, let's see what happens. Well, good luck with the know, let's see what happens. Well, good luck with the tap and good luck with the dancing. What I like about the best story in the last couple of hours is that it's operated a bit like Mazorski's pictures at an exhibition.
01:08:57 So we've gone, it's been like that. He had a dancer. In the thing, there's a walk between the pictures. Then when you arrive at a picture, there's a different piece of music. And then the walking music comes back. And Bears has been that walking music. It really has. As we've gone to Celebrity Flyers,
01:09:13 we've gone to How Do You Trace a Call, etc. I was thinking much the same thing. Owl's Pants. They're a perennial feature of the show, I like to think. They sound fairly perennial. Been around since the time, those things. But not a hardy perennial feature of the show, I like to think. They sound fairly perennial. Been around since the time, those things. But not a hardy perennial, it turns out. Anyway, look, thank you.
01:09:34 Would you put bears in the same Venn diagram as Jimmy Fivebelly's? Yes. Okay, fair enough. Very much so. I just want to clear up where I place him when I do my... I like to do a big diagram of the show after, showing where everything's gone. So, look, thank you for listening today.
01:09:54 And if the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. Now stay in. This is Frank Skinner. This is Absolute Radio. Now stay in!
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