179- What's Your Favorite Thing About Life?
00:00What's up, guys? Happy Tuesday. It's episode 179. Welcome back to the show.hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show how's it goinghow's it going happy Tuesday uh let's go first off please hit that subscribe button I'm hereseven days a week and head over to patreon.com slash tjms uh to support the show awkward pauseto support the show and get access to more content I post extra videos pictures on patreon I do phonecalls with my patrons and I do shout outs on Friday. So patreon.com slash TJMS. And real quick,I want to insert this for the new listeners. Uh, if you're like, when do you do it? Seven days aweek. What's going on? Um, was that clear? I don't know why I made that voice. I don't like,
01:15oh shit. Okay. So it's an audio diary, audio diary. I watched, I've been watching YouTubevlogs since seventh grade and I never pursued my dream of being a daily vlogger um so this is mycop out I'm like I'm just gonna not edit video and talk every day and update people verballybut okay what am I saying I recognized in myself and and the behaviors of other people that watchyoutubers that there's a heavy interest out there people really like to watchuh daily life shit they like to watch people make their coffee and uh walk their dog andyou know do their day and just chit chat and talk about random shit that's super simple and basicon YouTube so I basically adopted that uh I basically turned that into audio for you guys
02:13and it's an audio diary it's like a daily vlog okay get it so yeah I'm still in the first youknow six months of it I'm a little I'm being a little guinea pig with myself right now and sofar so good uh I love it I think it's fun and I'm working a lot of my uh self shit out what am Isaying okay I want to cut to the chase guys I have 52,000 things to tell you guys today no likeliterally 52,000 I will be reading a list of 52,000 items at a certain point of this at a partof this podcast in the later half. Uh, but first I feel like I need to do an update on my life anddo the vlog part, the beginning here. Let me just get into it. Sorry. I wanted to update people thatare new. They're like, what is she, you know, who is this girl? What is her podcast about? Why is
03:03she doing it? Yeah. So it's a vlog. So here we go. Let me introduce you to the, the Tuesday I hadtoday. Um, I'm recording this at night. Uh, I just finished Ozark. I have this adrenaline rushbecause someone got shot in the head at the very end. I'm not going to say who. Spoiler alert,spoiler alert. Um, which was wild, but okay. So here, uh, I I'm going to have an eyelash. Goddamn it. Not good timing. Not good timing. There we go. Oh, just rub my eye. I feel so good. Nomakeup skincare on terrible but whatever okay so I woke up and I pulled my espresso out of the fridgebecause I told you guys so oh fuck I have to I'm being this is like a very strange uh intro hereto my day I am doing a series right now of how I'm getting my shit together of telling you guys
04:02how I'm getting my shit together until I have my shit together. So I'm going to talk about my dayto day and bring that into the conversation. So part of me getting my shit together, I talkedabout on Friday was me pre-making my coffee instead of having to get Jim because Jimmy,my puppy wants to go outside immediately. And I want to make my coffee while I walk him. And I,it's this hiccup. So I finally started making my coffee the night before and I make like fourespresso shots and in the morning I just pull it out of the fridge and walk with him so that's beengoing well this morning I did that I walked Jimmy same coffee routine got my eight o'clock espressobeans with my nut pods toasted marshmallow in my plastic cups yep there's a episode called
04:46plastic is self-care go look it up there's a reason I'm using plastic um just if you're curiousjust go listen to it I'm using my plastic coffee shop looking cups and yeah we walked I listenedto a podcast uh like I said I was gonna do started my day out right and I had my work day typicalTuesday uh broke broke at noon because here's the thing if you're new I wanted to I finallyhad this coming to Jesus moment with myself that because I work remote, uh, I'm not, my day isn'tbroken up with me getting in the car, driving to an office, going to work and then coming home.And it's like free flowing. So I finally, after literally almost a year of just this shit ofevery day is the same seven days a week, working, working at 10 PM, working at 2 AM, working at 6
05:40AM. Like it didn't, there was no structure. I finally put a structure in place and I'm doingthat. So I started work at eight, broke at noon, went back to work at one, stopped at five. And Iasked at five, I saw I had a bunch of DMS and emails and shit. And I'm like, I'm not lookingat this. Like I'm not touching it until tomorrow. I'm off. That's what I have to do because my braindoesn't shut down. So 5.00 PM hits. Oh, do you guys want to know what I eat for lunch? What Ieat for lunch? Oh, I made, um, chicken thighs. I did a little like honey. What was it? Honeyglaze, chicken thigh, honey. What was the other, like a honey mustard coconut situation? I don'tknow. I found a recipe and I made it. So I had chicken thighs in a giant pink, in my giant pink
06:29salad bowl. I made a chicken salad. Okay. Boring. Yeah. Okay. Uh, bikini season. Any, it's any daynow bikini season is every day why am I saying that um I give a fuck about being healthy andlooking good so I ate a salad all right so 5 p.m hits and I did yoga and then guys I really wantto tell you guys the 52,000 things god damn it uh I'm almost done with the day 5 p.m yoga for onehour feeling blissed out, feeling amazing. I did a Travis Elliott flow called Discipline.It was him on the mat on YouTube, no one else in the room, and then me. And I just felt,I just felt so on top of my shit. I was like, yes, he's talking about discipline. I'm workingon my discipline. I have to parent myself now and get on an eight to five rigid schedule for
07:22me to feel sane so after yoga I uh cuddled with Jimmy so that's like my shavasana what is itcalled shavasana shavasana shavasana fuck you know the part of yoga at the very end where you're onyour back yeah that part is now me holding Jimmy like heart to heart and cuddling him because hemissed me for an hour so I did that and then I smelled him and when we were walking outsidetoday he got he he roughed housed he he got rough uh do i need to like break up my my sentences andhave more uh pauses and inflection so you pay attention i feel like i'm ramming this in i'mramming this down and it's also way too late to be podcasting and um whatever so jimmy roughrough housed jimmy played with another golden retriever named george and got all muddy today
08:19so when I was cuddling him after yoga I was like sniffing around I'm like oh shit time for a bathbud it's time his coat like you're not supposed to wash your puppy every week um or like dogsare supposed to it's like bad for their it's not it's like strips their natural oils and shit Idon't fucking know but I smelled him I go based off of smell because here's the thing I wipe hispaws down I got these new baby wipes for his paws after we come in and that's good enough for me Ibrush them but it yeah when he stinks like shit I have to shower him so I threw him in the showerI was like in my yoga pants in my little crop top situation getting wet I was like in the showerfully clothed but it was like one of those things where I said okay I have to shower he needs to
09:06shower I need to my clothes are dirty anyways from yoga I'm just gonna fucking go in and getdrenched so he was great he stood there enjoyed it I had like a nice warm temperature going andum, this is where it took a dark turn. There's the inflection. This is where it took a dark turn.Uh, okay. So shit. Let me drink some water.Uh, I'm an entertainer. I got to practice being less monotone for you guys. Okay.This is where it took a dark. So the bath, the shower, excuse me, the shower is overand i wipe him down with a towel really good as best as possible i'm not ocd about gettinghim perfectly dry i let him shake off himself and uh you know i open the door jimmy uh proceeds to
10:01run through the house like an in like he i've never seen him go this crazy and it was like hispost bath anxiety i don't fucking know but he went nuts and i heard it but i'm in the bathroom likewiping up the floor got wet and shit and I'm like wiping the floor and all of a sudden I hearabsolute not murder I hear shattering glass I hear shit falling I hear him scatter scatter awaywhatever it's called bunny hop away and it was like a slow motion event where I was in my headthinking of every glass object in my apartment and then I was thinking of like the location Iheard the noise and then I was like oh shit it's coming from the kitchen I was like fuck okay sothen I ran out of the bathroom he had ran to me in fear like he freaked the fuck out there was a
10:56trail of pee all the way to me like he peed as he ran away as he run to it what the fuck he peed ashe ran away okay I did fine Jesus guys I I need to maybe podcast earlier in the day but I haven'treally schedule that in appropriately, appropriately yet. Uh, it doesn't seem to fit anywhere earliercause I work. So, so anyways, I go into the kitchen, there's shit all over the floor.There's broken glass. My, uh, Edison bulb lamp was shattered everywhere. My bath and body workscandle holder it was like a pumpkin candle I turned into a pen container like my sharpiecontainer shattered um just shit everywhere right so I'm like immediately I went to console him andtell him it's okay like I was trying to be nice because I could tell he was terrified I didn't
11:52I did not yell at him uh I didn't make him feel bad at all for doing that because he didn't meanto what what he did is he pulled a cord of course I've been telling you guys like every episode howhe's chewing cords he's tangling himself around my fucking cords it's really annoying but yeahhe had pulled he like tangled himself in a cord and ran away and then it pulled the lamp off ofthe the studio the back here of my studio and um anyways so yeah I just like immediately went intomom mode, uh, whipped out my phone, made a video, send it to my family of, Hey, uh, life update.Jimmy had his first plane crash. He, uh, his training wheels fell off. He wasn't able toride his bike, uh, on his own. And so therefore I got broken glass everywhere and I got to clean
12:43it up. So I did a little video, send it to the fam. Uh, and then I just started going,you don't half-ass cleaning up glass you don't half-ass that sounded cool you don't half-asscleaning up glass and this poor guy has little paws little vulnerable paws as well as me i havevulnerable feet even though i wear slippers in my house all the time uh but i was like i do not wanta shard in his fucking paws so i'm gonna take as much time as i need even though i'm starvingbecause i just did yoga and i and i shower wait did i no i showered him yeah i just it was like alot. And it took me, you know, 15 minutes, cleaned it all up. And then he, he went and hid under thebed forever. Like it was past his dinner time. He wasn't coming out. I was trying to be nice to him.
13:29He wanted to hide and be scared and have his time to freak out. And then, you know, I let him dothat. And then finally I just made him come out and face the situation. And he slowly walked upto the spot, sniffed around, made sure the scene was good. And now he'll never come over and eatmy cords again. So that's positive. I feel like at the end of the day, it was good for me tolike, I guess, experience what it's like when a kid makes a really big mess and like how I reactbecause my first instinct was not anger. And I think I learned that from my mom because whenwe were kids she would uh she always told us like yeah you guys would spill shit everywhere spillmilk when you're making your cereal and like she's like you guys didn't mean to do that
14:20it wasn't your like you weren't trying to do it on purpose you weren't making the mess on purposeso I'm not gonna scream at you for it and I have that same mentality with Jimmy like he didn't meanto do that so I just and he was scared like he was fucking terrified he hid under the bed for anhour. And it passes, it passes dinnertime and he freaked out. And so, yeah, that was kind of cool.Um, I'm really going on a tangent here. I still have 52,000 fucking comments to tell you guysor things to read. That's really special. You guys are really going to want to wait till theend of this episode to hear the 52,000 things I'm going to read. Um, and I'm not just saying52,000 to say 52,000. Like there's a reason for it. So yeah, all in all, um, this is a no Jimmy
15:05zone now. I think he's going to have PTSD from now on of this corner, which is good. Cause everytime I podcast, he comes over here. Every time I work, he's trying to like bite my cords and comeup and like, it's tough. I need to have, I think I remembered what the gaming term I was lookingfor yesterday was, it's called cord management. I need better cord management. If you're unfamiliarwith that term, gamers do YouTube videos and Instagram videos of how they organize their cordsof like from all their monitors and their gaming consoles and shit. They'll do like avideo of like how they attach them under the desk and likeuh trail them around their gaming room to like make it look all tucked away so you don't see
15:55the courts so i need to work on my cord management obviously but um for now i don't think he's goingto be around here anymore and i'm pretty excited about that uh he you know kids gotta learn kidsgotta and then you know i was watching ozark later let me get into the rest of my nightand the kid was every fucking sound there was broken glass at one point and he shit his pantson the spot in my lab not really but like he was terrified of the sounds of Ozark like the wholenight any noise is scary for him so anyways let me just tell you yeah what did I do to end my dayI'm just I'm fucking ending it right now I'm ending my day with a podcast and I have to read52,000 things okay um after so while he was under the bed freaking out I showered I cleaned myself
16:43up. Uh, I had like dog hair on me. He was like wet and I'm like consoling him, holding him andit's getting everywhere. And then I made dinner. Um, and then I watched Ozark and he came and laidwith me the whole time and was still freaking out. He did eat dinner. I got him to eat dinnerand I finished Ozark and now I'm doing this. That was my day. So, uh, in summary, I'm proud ofmyself for shutting my brain off of work at five. I'm proud of myself for sticking to my 5.00 PMyoga. Proud of myself for not yelling at Jimmy. Proud of myself for, uh, cleaning up the glassa hundred percent, not half asking it because I think it just, it's not an option with glass.You just can't fucking leave a little shard. Um, and I'm proud of myself for making my espresso
17:36shots, uh, yesterday. So then it was ready for this morning and I just got, and I had a flawless,flawless day of potty training. So all in all rockstar day. Um, and by the way, you know what,it's good to see Chris D'Elia on Instagram again. I'm just going to insert that there. It doesn't,doesn't make any sense, but I just remembered I watched his Instagram videos of him and hislittle kid. And I'm like, that's nice to see. That's all I have to say. Nice to see you guys,uh, may or may not know my opinions, opinions about him coming back to the internet andhis apology video but um I don't know it just warmed my heart I was like the the guy's got akid and this is sweet and you know I don't know so there's something going on about Dr. Seuss
18:22today so I don't want to talk about news I want to I want to read you guys 52,000 things right nowokay 52,000 bottles of beer on the wall um here we go 52,000 bottles of beer on the wallso this is ridiculous i'm even doing this but uh tiktok here we go tiktok kid probablyhe looks 13 laying in the middle of the street there's uh it's nighttime there's a street lighton like glowing down on him there's he it looks to be it looks like he's next to a forestin a like a parking lot at a parks and rec place he's in the middle of the street uh sitting andstaring off into the distance away from the camera and the caption on the video iswhat's your favorite thing about life that's all that's all it is in a nice little sweet noise here
19:19we go play the audio and then he just laid down there he laid down with the second half of thatso what's your favorite thing about life is the caption and uh 52 000 people went off they wentthe fuck off and i'm gonna read every comment so here we go um what's your favorite thing aboutlife first comment is this is dumb all right here okay let me like be serious right nowit's hard for me to I don't knowI know I'm in this phase of trying to get my shit together and I'm like thinking about thedetails and little like annoying life things but it's nice to sit back and smell the rosesand remember what's important and I feel like this is going to be a cool segment to just like
20:13get you guys in your feels about life and I and remember like the feelings of joy and love andexcitement and uh people made all these comments I think it's really cool I don't know I'm gonnaread every single one of them so here we go um this is an 18 hour episode I don't know firstcommon is, uh, the ocean. Okay. Is this stupid? Is this boring? What's your favorite thing aboutlife? The ocean. I mean, clearly me too. I think I'm going to comment back on like what they saidto insert my thoughts about it and like stories maybe. I don't know. So next one is when you goto sleep at night knowing tomorrow is going to be so fun and you're just so excitedme every day I get excited about my next day like and that's how I felt especially the beginning of
21:16podcasting I did it first thing in the morning and it was like that like I would I would notwant to sleep because I just wanted a podcast if you go back to September October like all I dideach episode was go, I love podcasting. I can't wait to do it tomorrow. I know I'm doing it rightnow, but I want to do it tomorrow already. I love podcasts, blah, blah, blah. Like it was insanehow much I look forward to the morning to podcast. And I still do like it does. It hasn'tgone away. Um, it's just not on the front of my prefrontal cortex or whatever the fuck my brainit's like there. And it's like an all knowing thing that's in my body now that I, I am apodcaster. I love podcasting. It's just like who I am now, but at first, but like, let's talk about
22:01this. Do I have 52,000? Okay. I'm being, okay. Here's the thing. Okay. I'm being annoying.I'm trying too hard. I'm being obnoxious about the 52,000 comments. I just thought that mightbe a fun hook, but it's, it's not happening. I'm going to read like 10. Okay. Yeah. I knowwho's depressed if you're look just go to tiktok and read them yourself okay but yeah i thinkgoing to sleep knowing tomorrow is going to be fun is one of the best feelings ever and i feellike that happens every christmas for me still um every like trip like knowing you're going tothe airport in the morning um even like some dates you go on shit like damn you're just likeconstantly looking forward to that I don't know life's so fun all right uh next one is hugging
22:57someone you haven't hugged or seen in a long time that feeling of missing each other is fulfilleddamn random compliments from strangers it means so much more than coming from a friend or familymember a stranger compliment versus a family compliment I feel like family ispersonally I think when a family member compliments me it has more weightbecause like it's just especially now that we're all growing up my my siblings and Iare um like we're all doing big things now like it's fun to hear a sibling or a parent or whateverlike recognize like say something about it because I don't know we're not living with each other allthe time and hearing it like we're not constantly in each other's ears talking about what am I
23:55saying you know what I mean so whenever it happens it's kind of sweet but yeah that's cute um nextone is when a crowd sings a song together you don't know everyone but you can hear the happinessand everyone's shouting as you all enjoy the moment together i'm depressed dude all i wantto do is do that again this year concert breathing down people's ears like just singing songs beingbody to body everyone's sweating and it's crazy likefuck i've mentioned like that is the feeling i'm trying tocreate for you guys as my listeners. Like, again, back in September, October, I was really fuckingdramatic about creating a podcast, creating a universe, creating a feeling, creating a
24:39vibe when you listen to my show. And I was like, what is the best feeling in the world?It's that. Being at a concert, being around a bunch of people, that energy, the loud music,everything's like, it feels the best of anything else in life, in my opinion, just that environment.is so supreme, and I just want, like, I just want it back so bad. Next one. Laughing so hardwhen you're not supposed to. That pain in your stomach is really something to miss. Facts. Facts.That's when you're, like, completely, you've completely lost it and let go,and that's the most like those are the best times like laughing till till it hurts should be donelike that should be done every day like I need and honestly like with my puppy now it's like that
25:34sometimes because I observe him do crazy shit and I can't I will like die laughing alone uh well Ilaugh with him I live alone so I laugh by myself you get it okay uh me dying on my deathbed likeI'm laughing to death that'd be fun okay but it's that and then honestly with TikTokslike I cry sometimes laughing and I don't know but that feeling is so goodis this a fun segment I don't know okayoh shit this one's good the moments where you are able to stopfor a minute and realize that it's one of those times you won't forget that's what I live foroh shit that's so true so true I'm starting to realize like
26:20I gotta do that more now I think the puppy is helping me with that because there's so manytimes I just find myself staring at him doing something I'm like I'm not he'll never be thatsmall again I have to cherish that and I like bank it in my brain and I take a moment tolike soak it in um damn a moment you won't forgetI'm trying to think of like a big one for me where I was like whoaI mean I do have one but it's very personal I can't share it but I feel like we all havethose moments where you're like you're almost pinching yourself where you're like this isliving like I wow like it's a life-altering moment yeah cool all right at night when you
27:12look at the skies and skies multiple skies and stars and man it make me realize that we are sosmall in the universe so is this corny that one's kind of corny those unplanned summer nights spentoutside with your best friends when the time seems to stay still next thing you know it's 3 a.mgod I'm depressed I don't have that I don't fucking have that and you know what I waswatching I know let's talk about my social life like I was watching Ozark yeah I was watchingOzark and I was watching how Ruth got in the car with uh Ben and then I had like a flashback tocollege when like I don't this makes zero sense but like just watching them get into the cartogether and they're obviously like a couple in the show but I was like remembering how many times
28:06I would get in my friend's cars and we'd go grab coffee we're like go around do fun shit and I'mlike I don't fucking have that anymore like I straight up don't and I know I've talked to youguys about me becoming the socialite of San Diego me being like a social butterfly this year andreally trying hard to make new friends and like I said I wanted a best friend this year I was likeI want to find a girl that, that, you know, we're like besties. And I, and I have that. Andto be honest, I got a dog instead and that's working for me right now. Butlike, I miss having those moments of like, or those like days where you're like hanging outat each other's places. You're always like in the car together, driving around, you're going
28:46out and doing fun shit at night. And you're just like always in someone else's car. I don't know,something about that car made me remember that in that scene but that's kind of sad but yeahthose summer nights back to the the comment like where you're just all of a sudden it's 3 a.m andyou're sitting around the campfire or whatever the fuck like it's the best I think my let melet me uh reframe or whatever let me reI have to do this for me to feel okay about my life I guess but likeI think what I'm doing with my life right now is very, uh, good. It's very good. I think what I'mdoing is unique to me and it's, the times are unusual right now, clearly with the world. And
29:41what I've chosen to do with my life is not, uh, it's, I guess for me and what I was up to beforeI got, you know, I lost my job and COVID hit everyone and everything. So this is kind of anunusual course for me to take, but I feel like, and in turn or in return, it's like social lifehas sucked I'm not whisking around the city like doing fun shit anymore I'm focusing onworking hard and gaining you know growing my professional life and then personally I'veworked on myself so much with this podcast and I've dedicated myself to it to the point whereyes it is every single day because it's imperative like I have to get my shit I need to figureI I basically hit a point where I was like I need to get my shit together like I need to like
30:43mentally get to know myself and get clear on who I am and I discovered quickly that this podcast wasthe best way for me to do that and I also love having fun and sharing with you guys and likecreating this little community and little you know it's fun like I love podcasting in general butI'm not I shouldn't be too hard on myself because I know there's so many other people out there thatrelate to that and they've you know I have my internet friends like that's what's differentnow is like I have all these people I feel close to virtually but like I don't have a crew I don'thave a squad and I think I've always been hard on myself about that because maybe it's because inthe past I always did I always had best friends I always had shit going on socially and then now I
31:30just don't but I think I'm instead of feeling uh sorry for myself about that a little bit I'm justlike dude this is good sometimes you have to sacrifice a chunk of your life to work yourselfout and and be selfish and not um like here's why I haven't mentioned this in a while becauseyou're probably thinking well friends are good for your mental health friends are good like youneed that you need community you're the average of the five people people you hang around withor whatever like i get it 100 you're right i know however i realized covid made me realizewhen i was locked down alone and when i was depressed i realized that uh and that hit mehard i was one of those people that hit the fuck hard and i'm willing to admit that and be
32:22vulnerable and share my story that I was in a hole for a very long time last year. Uh, I realized thatpeople and activities and excursions and adventures and, uh, my social life wasan out. It was a distraction for myself. And it, and I, when I was stuck alone,when everything was shut down, I wasn't good alone. I wasn't happy by myself. I had all thesemental struggles that were being suppressed by all the action in my life and all thethe friends and activities like I just said so basically 2020 was all about me sitting by myselfstaring my staring myself in the mirror and saying fucking figure it out bitchlike yourself figure it out it's only you that's all you got and I'm sick and tired being sick
33:13tired of not liking myself and being mean to myself so um I got therapy I got my family cameand helped me and they were like Jacqueline get your shit together I was like you're right I knowand uh you know the life update I keep giving my therapist is like I don't talk shit to myselfanymore like I'm not worried about like at this point uh I'm like I think I'm cool I like myselfI think I'm a fun person. I think I've got it going on. You know, I'm not a loser. And I don't know why I spent so many years in my 20s so far just picking myself apart and psychoanalyzing my personality. And if I'm too much and I'm too brash and tacky and, you know, it's like this thing I always hid and I was always insecure about it.And then I always, and so instead of being myself, I was constantly adjusting and playingsmall and acting politically correct with everything I did and just trying to be likeone of the girls, like, ah, you know, like I literally didn't talk like this at some
34:19points, like in social interactions, I'd be like, I get ditzy and stupid because I didn'twant, like just for me to be raw and real with people, it felt like I wasn't going toget accepted and that people would think I was fucking weird.and so I just kind of did the meek little ditzy bullshit that I see a lot of I'm just gonna saya lot of women women do this especially when they first meet and it felt fake and I just felt likea fraud so far and so I I cracked 2020 I cracked and I got on the podcast and I shared uh I sharedmy story and I let it fly now and I don't hold back and I feel like uh it's been good for me andnow going out to the world let's go back to the social thing when I go interact with people now
35:04when I'm out there making friends like I want to do I think I'm coming from a very uh I'm comingout of the gates strong in who I am and I have I have more to offer and I think I'm a better personI bet I'll be a better friend and that's important to me that I now I'm thinking like okay it wasimportant for me to do this and and you know take the time I needed to find myself boringall right rant over monologue overuh next one on this list what's your favorite thing about lifewhen you smile at a stranger and they smile back that's pretty sweetuh this is kind of corny but seeing people happy and smiling especially when you know they they
35:55deserve that at night when the rest of the world is sleeping and it's so quiet when you discover anew song i can't stop listening to okay all these are like i feel like a bunch of middle schoolersare commenting here but that's okay a night in the summer going for a walk you can feel the warmthand smell of the air I don't know how to explain it it smells like the sea almost I'm being sillyI know someone commented that um I guess let me just tell you guys quickly like why like what iswhat is my favorite thing about life um and then I'm gonna end this because I I saw that tiktokI'm like oh that'll be nice if people are feeling kind of down like they can think about warm andfuzzy feelings and you know but it's kind of boring to be honest I feel like one of my favorite
36:48things about life or I'm just gonna say my favorite thing about life is there's liketwo situations or environments it's sitting at my mom's house first thing in the morningwith my mom my sister my brother watching the sun come up drinking coffee shooting the shit likethat is my favorite situation ever and I want to do that every single day like whenever I went sowhen I went home for a month in December we did that every day and it was the my it's like I don'tthat is my that is my pure like bliss I feel the most whole when I'm sitting in my mom's kitchendoing that and we're just downing pots of coffee and it's just so fun and my mom might be makingbreakfast sandwiches or fucking like their cinnamon rolls there for my aunt and you know it's amazing
37:40like that's my favorite thing and then the second part of that would be a similar situation but atmy grandparents house and they invite us over for Sunday morning coffee and breakfast and we justsit around and we don't even need to talk we're just in each other's presence I feel likeI think hands down those are my favorite like times of like moments of my life or like partsof my life that I cherish probably the most and then uh I love early mornings like I love thesmell like I think Jimmy you know with my my puppy I I wasn't getting outside really earlyearly in fresh air and now that I've been doing that it feels uh I know this is dumb but I'm likegetting choked up from what I just said and I miss my family okay my mom's visiting by the way
38:29my mom's visiting me soon my mom's visiting me soon um but yeah just getting out early in themorning smelling the fresh air uh I love I just I think for me the just San Diegouh is I I'm so obsessed with that I love everything about it and every time I'm outsideI'm at the beach whatever I'm I'm still pinching myself and taking it all in like this I love lifelike I love where I chose to um find myself to grow up in my 20s like I just I love it hereum but yeah all the things that people mention the concerts the waking up the next or gettingexcited for the next day um or just like that that like going into the club feelingoh my god okay let's talk about this I don't know if anyone one of the best feelings ever
39:25I think this is for my girls is getting in full glamin Vegas or like you're out it doesn't matter if you're in Vegas or not I'm just thinking of Vegasuh you're like fully done up feeling hot and you're going out that night and you've got yourheels on your dress on your hair done makeup everything's perfect and then just like you smellgood and you're like you're maybe you're in a hotel room you're drinking with your girls you'reabout to go out and then it's like that initial walk into the club or the scene it's just likethat feeling of like i'm i'm the shit and i'm cool and i i feel i like like myself i feel hotI know I look good uh this is this is like the this is gonna be fun tonight like I don't know
40:19it's that hypey feeling I always uh I want to do that every weekend minus the hangover and thecrazy staying out late but like you know somehow replicate that for myself maybe I could do it athome I should do you know maybe just for Instagram I'll dress up and get a bunch of makeup on and puton a dress and like I don't know post a pic try to like recreate that feeling but that was myfavorite thing about college just getting ready with my girls to go out it wasn't uh it wasn'tso much about going out it was more like the getting ready part listening to music drinkingwine putting our makeup on doing each other's makeup picking out each other's outfits likethat's my favorite thing to do I think that's what I'm so back to the finding friends thing like
41:03that's what I, uh, uh, I just, that, that's what I'm missing, and I want so bad again, but, you know,I'm trying to find myself, fuck, all right, so, um, I think that's it,I saw that it's gonna rain tomorrow, which I'm kind of excited about, and kind of,I don't know sometimes when it rains in San Diego and the clouds come in it like instantlymakes me tired and it's like a heavier it knocks me out quicker than just like when I lived inWashington it's like that all the time here you can you notice it and you feel different like assoon as it rolls in you're just like ah fuck I just want to lay around all day um but yeah that'swhat's coming up tomorrow uh not to talk about the weather and be boring but anyways yeah I think
41:56I'm going to wrap it. Have a great day. I don't know when you're listening to this. Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday. I'm here every day. Yeah, I hope you're happy. I hope you're fulfilled.I hope maybe, you know, maybe what I mentioned about maybe just hearing me talk about howI'm avoiding getting in a funk and slipping back and how I'm trying to stay on top of myshit and put myself on a routine. Maybe just hearing someone talk about that.makes you inspired or like gets you energized about maybe getting OCD about your day and puttingyourself on a strict, strict schedule. Like, I don't know. I'm just like, I get in a phase oflike trying to, I don't know, to like, I get in phases of color coding my fucking planner. Like
42:48that's the phase I'm in. Like I'm writing in my planner a lot. I'm color, color coding things.my everything in my life is super pristine right now because I got to parent myself and be moredisciplined and I don't know I'm noticing the effects it's only been a few days but I just feelgood I feel like it's all down to shutting off at five guys it that is the biggest thing I neededto do stop working when work is done stop working all the time you got to have a mental shut off andI never established that with myself so I think my nights of like doing my yoga watching my showshanging out with my dog you know it they feel better and I feel good about it now so yeah allright who's I know I'm being annoying about my life routines and stuff but until until I feel
43:38like I'm really on top of it or like this is not just a new habit I'm doing it's like a it's justpart of me like part of who I am like I need to stop work at so the stop working at five is hugeright now that I'm working on but it's got to be like brushing my teeth like where I don't eventhink about it it's just like an automatic you know so yeah uh the series is probably going tocontinue for a while so go listen to old episodes if this seems boring like here's the thing you got178 episodes ahead of this one go listen back there's some crazy shit I've I've gone off on somany episodes um but right now it's kind of like it's a new month she you know one year anniversaryof coronavirus coming up and i don't want to get back into depression like i did last year and so
44:27on i don't know i have a lot of ptsd from that time and uh i need to go to bed all right loveyou guys have a great day hit that subscribe button i'll be here tomorrow i'm here sevendays a week and head over to patreon.com slash tjms to get access to more of my content more ofme I do extra videos pictures that no one sees on the gram I do patron shout outs every Fridayand I do phone calls with my patrons top tier of course all right patreon.com slash tjmslove you guys have a great day and I'll talk to you tomorrow byeThank you.
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