The Luke and Pete Show - Tesco Tyrants

Episode Date: May 12, 2025

Luke poses a crucial hypothetical: if music awards only went to artists who’ve never taken a stimulant… who’d actually be left? The lads then dive into the legacy of “straight-head” rockstars and debate whether Winston Marshall’s post-banjo pivot into far-right politics really counts as a glow-up. Spoiler: it doesn’t.Elsewhere, Pete’s parenting takes a turn after he accidentally locks his baby in the car and has to coach her through unlocking it from the inside. And finally, a listener’s clash with a Tesco jobsworth triggers painful Nectar card flashbacks for Luke.Email us at [e-mail] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Show, I'm Pete Donaldson, chomper Mr. Lukey Moore and it is Monday the 12th of May. How the devil are you? Lukey! I'm very well thank you, thank you for asking. If that question was sincere and not just a bit of kind of opening furniture then I will answer it sincerely. I'm doing very well thank you very much. I always want to know. I'd like to get a little, whoever I'm talking to online, because I can't see you, smell you, you could have no trousers on with poo everywhere, I wouldn't know. I would not know that you were having a breakdown.

So I'm just pressing my two fingers to your throat. 30 seconds in, we're already doing my breakdown. Let's do it. Let's lean into it. Let's do it. Hey, we're recording this a couple of days before a live show. I think we're due on to personally, I think my head's gonna explode. Well, the live shows will probably be the continuation of the breakdown.

Exactly. I was gonna say I like the feel and the vibe and the aesthetic of that hip hop beat that opens the Luke and Pete show, which is you in quite a genteel way just going, it's Luke and Pete show. Pete Darson, joined by Luke Moore. Luke and Pete show? Yeah. in quite a genteel way just going it's Luke and Pete show, Pete Darson, John and Bob Luke Moore. It's at odds to it but it's nice. Are there any particular like chilled out rappers in the space doing chilled out rap? Yeah there's a lot of laconic rappers aren't there, a lot of kind of laid back. I would say you know the back prime era kind of Snoop Dogg is very very laconic, very kind of almost occupies the beat. That's chemically assisted though, surely, isn't it?

Still counts. It still counts. It is very literally laid back. Oh, we're running the rule over which music is chemically assisted now, are we, because we're going to have nothing left. I think we should have a pure games. We should have a pure games and chemically assisted games, I think. Grammys for the gram assisted and Grammys for the non-gram assisted games I think. Grammys for the gram assisted and Grammys

for the non gram assisted. Isn't it funny that like if you are say performance enhancing in say boxing, bad. If you're doing it in hip hop, good. Good, very good. Only going to, well and sometimes the hip hoppers like Disgust they've got the cough syrup and that purple drank stuff. That feels like disgust, they've got the cough syrup and the, that purple drank stuff that feels like an upper and a downer. That feels like a pot belge. I think that might, I think that might be the point.

The amount of times Pete, I've seen you doing something you shouldn't be doing and you've responded to me by saying, I'm just taking the edge off. I'm just taking the edge off at all. Mostly the various. I was going to say to you that, oh yeah, if you were to do a kind of songwriting awards thing like the Grammys or whatever, but only for artists that have not taken any kind of

stimulant whatsoever, what artists are going to be left? I'll start you off with a start of a ten. Probably Puddle of Mud. Puddle of Mud are notable. Are they? They're an absolute mess, aren't they? You can't tell. I'll start you off with the start of the 10. Probably Puddle of Mud. Puddle of Mud are notable. They're an absolute mess, aren't they? Whenever they're near this town. You can't tell by the music. No, I guess it would be like one of those kind of all the people who inhabit a lot

of the kind of religious adjacent kind of bands that aren't quite Messiah work, you know, like POD and stuff. I imagine they're probably quite straight edge. All of the straight edge hardcore punk bands are probably in there as well. I find that all a bit worthy though, that's not an area of punk that I particularly enjoy. No, when the music, I can't remember the, is there many? Minor threat were there, alright aren't they? But they're very much the poster boys, I think they sort of broke through because they were good Compared to a lot of them just sing about nothing. It's very much like watching Arsenal fan TVs

Robbie do that song about cocaine Back in the day when he was on stage doing a reggae song about used to do people don't mean people may know this or they may not but I'm happy to Avail people to this information if they don't know Lyle used to be a big name in the old carnival and I think he was like a toastmaster for a while, wasn't he, or something? Right. Because Dotten told me that back in the day

he was always doing that stuff. That's what he did before with Arsenal Fan TV. That's interesting because from the videos I've watched, it seems like he has no aptitude for it. I'm not saying, listen, I'm not placed to judge the quality of the output. I'm just saying the output nevertheless exists as we know it. I will say when you're in a room lambasting people for taking cocaine and then every time

you say cocaine, somebody in the back goes, yeah, you're preaching the wrong people. It undermines the message. It undermines the message someone would say. What was it, Bill Hicks? I don't particularly rate, but he did say, I think, I'd hate to be the one, it might have been Mitch Hedberg maybe who I do rate, I can't remember. Anyway, one of them said, I'd hate to be the one to advocate for the repeated use of illicit drugs, but it's always worked for me. Yeah, exactly. I used to take drugs, I still

do but I used to too. That's definitely Mitch Hedberg. That's Hedgeberg. It's not Hedgeberg. Mitch Hedberg yeah that's right. Mitch Hedberg. Yeah that's the stuff. Can I check another artist in there? I could have this completely wrong, but I have a suspicion that I may have read that David Byrne of Talking Heads is quite straight edge. Oh, right. Okay. I mean, he just gets high on life. He's a one man metaverse. David, oh he is. It's a great way of describing him. He's a human drug right? Hmm, it does yeah. Here's another one, Winston Marshall of the band, what are they called? Mumford and Sons.

Oh yeah, he's a wrong one though isn't he? He was in the White House having a chat, because you know how they've started putting influencers and right wing bloggers and stuff to make Donald Trump's team feel better about themselves. When was he in the White House? In the White House, you know, while Lincoln was issuing the Emancipation Proclamation, interesting. In the White House under Trump, not so interesting. Anyone can get in.

Anyone can get in. But so he sat in the press briefing room talking to press secretary Karen Leavitt and he basically all of these kind of like told people she's mental. She's mental but for someone who's so mental she's quite put together in the way she speaks because she manages to sort of like get everything around to Donald Trump's doing a great job. I realise that's the point. Actually, it didn't used to be the point, but it's very much the point. That's the apotheosis of what she's supposed to be doing as far as he's concerned.

Yes, exactly. But that's not actually strictly the press secretary's job. But it seems to be a situation where... But no one else will take the job, will they? No, no one else will take the job, will they? Ask the Prudence Riggs now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, knowing how it all went the first time round, there are only so many Scaramoochies that can kind of get a job after it. I imagine there's a lot of people who aren't that into it, but then I guess if you're a MAGA guy, you'd probably be a thicc anyway. But Kara Levy, she's basically, they've basically invited a lot of influencers and right wing vloggers and bloggers and stuff. And we, why didn't we get the nod?

Why didn't we get the nod? We could, we could be in there. We could dress in our, in our best... We could definitely pass. I told you when I went to CPAC once, I reckon people thought I was a boogaloo boy because I accidentally had a Hawaiian shirt on. We could pass through, definitely. Definitely, with my haircut and general pallor, I'd probably get in. I'd be waved through. Exactly.

But Winston Marchill from Mumford and Sons, he left the band because he was mad. And they kicked him out didn't they for doing his own research too much. Yeah, they kicked him out for doing the usual way. It's the sort of thing that WWE wrestlers do quite a lot on their spare time, but they never get in trouble for it. But anyway, he sat there with a lot of influencers interviewing Caroline Leavitt. A lot of these questions are like properly like, Ms Leavitt, you are an incredible inspiration because how do you manage to have two children and hold on. They're softballs aren't they? They are softball questions. Not about anything. But yeah Muffin and Sons banjoist, banjoist, that's the funniest bit.

Yeah that's good. He sat there with his Grammy with his ground-like suit on, yeah, and he's in his best, in his best suit and he sat there and he, he really spent a lot, it was like me trying to get a question out, it, he just goes all around the houses, he takes about 30 seconds to do a 10 second question and I am into it. I'm enjoying that he's really bad at it. Yeah. Do you mean Winston Aubrey Aladar de Bulcan Marshall? That's the one. That's the one, innit? Latter-Leo of St Paul's School in Westminster and the son of Sir Paul Roderick Clucus Marshall, one of the most prolific British head fund managers and the owner of The Spectator and GB News. Yeah, pretty much.

Has the apple fallen far from the tree there, would you say? I don't know. Well, he's taken a kind of rather weird route to sort of get there, being a Grammy-winning banjoist. How many of those exist in the world? You know what they say about the true definition of a gentleman, Peter. Right. A man who can play the banjo but doesn't.

Correct. Right, not a gentleman. So he's been a gentleman now by hanging up his banjo for now. But he's been quite un-gentlemanly with a lot of his repressive views, is that fair? Yeah, oh no, massively. He's got 166,000 followers on Twitter and stuff, and I would very much like to know the metric as, when he gets sick

out of the band, how many he's lost rather than how many he's gained. My interest would be, so whatever you think of what we've contributed to society, you and I, you're probably a mixed bag, right? Done some good stuff, felt like some shit was a bit crap, fine. But we've very much started from a standing start, haven't we? Like not just respect to our respective families, they've had interest in other areas, they've done proper jobs and all the rest of it, and we've had to build it, right? I would argue that if you are getting a head start, like Winston Marshall's got, what he's been able to achieve is actually quite poor. Will Barron Yeah, yeah.

Jason Vale Because you could do anything. Will Barron Yeah, you had the freedom to do everything. Jason Vale There's nothing to stop you doing whatever you want and you've chosen to be a banjoist for a bit and then do a load of really horrible politics stuff because you've got so much money it's all theoretical and academic to you. That's basically a contribution. You're better off without him. Who's the new banjoist? I haven't heard them for years. Is he any good? They're back with a new album. Is it George Formby?

I think they're doing alright when he's cleaning windows. I'll go cleaning windows. What I very much like about the Winson... Let me finish. Sorry, I thought we finished. To earn an honest Bob, for a nosy Parker it's an interesting job. Oh, right. But George Formby is more honest banjo in there.

Exactly, it was a little... It's bawdy but it's not offensive. It's probably a crime though, isn't it? Even back then it was probably a crime looking in people's windows while you're cleaning them. You reckon? I'm a little wink. Yeah, even in those knockabout years you can't just be looking in people's windows. I don't even know what you've got. I can hear you typing. I don't know what... I'm looking at the year for it. I'm looking for what year it is. Oh right, yeah, so how are you going to find the statute book on peeping Tom?

I'm not going to bother with that, I'll just make an educated guess on that. But what I am going to tell you, because I just typed it in, is that when I'm cleaning windows with George Formby's written and performed in 1936, in 1936, is it reasonable? Because obviously in the court system and stuff like that, you know, particularly in the civil court, you've got to work on what's reasonable and what isn't. Is it reasonable to suggest that in 1936, a man who would clean your windows, who looked like George Formby, that's absolutely key, because he looked how he looked. Is it reasonable to expect that he might have a little nosey into your business?

Yeah, but well, yes, for him, it's not reasonable, is it? There's nothing reasonable about saying you can't do this. It's reasonable while you're up a ladder washing my... Just get us long stick. They have long sticks nowadays. I'll tell you what, they took a very, very long time to invent the long stick, didn't they? Yeah. They had to get up on a ladder and get right in there, have a little look around. Unbelievable. Let me give you a couple of lines from the 1936 hit by George Formby when I'm cleaning windows, brackets the window cleaner song, and you let me know whether it falls on the right or the wrong side of honestly bawdy. Okay. Is it bawdy and acceptable or is it a problem? Okay. So for example, um, at a lady's school,

I call and one girl flirts with me and all. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, it's, she's flirty. Yeah. But how old is the girl? It's, it's... I started off mild here, it's gonna get worse. So just answer the question and we'll move on. Yeah, okay. That's okay as long as the girl is over the edge of consent and there's not some kind of power dynamic.

I'm not really sure what the power dynamic of a man up a ladder is. He's a window cleaner. He's a window cleaner. Lady's school might imply that it's a fee paying school, perhaps very powerful family. Yes, true. So we don't know about that. What about this one, Pete? Now lots of girls I've had to jilt for they admire the way I'm built. It's a good job I don't wear a kilt when I'm cleaning windows. Why is he suggesting that people might see his genitalia? Yeah, that implies some

kind of cock out situation. Why is he adding that in in the third? Yeah, why is he sort of going, I could be worse, I could have my cock out. We didn't think you should have your cock out. Yeah, that was probably a little bit more problematic. It has not turned out nice again. But is it really problematic than like some of the popular music you hear these days, Peter? Very dirty, some of the popular music you hear these days. Is it worse than the 20 odd year old hit by Christina Aguilera, Dirty? Is it worse than that? Well no, because she's very much the one who's sort of, you know, she's subverting the usual idea of the male gaze into the female gaze who wants to get dirty and she wants to, you know, hit men in a boxing ring, I think.

Yeah, just a bit war in a bucket. Oh, bucket again, innit? Back to the bucket. One final thing, that's the lineage there. One final thing, what we've learnt here is that every single bawdy pop pit contains a bucket in some way. Final one for now from George Fonby, I've seen Miss Thompson in her flat, take off her shoes, her coat and hat. I've seen her take off more than that when I'm cleaning windows. Yeah, again, that's getting read out in court, innit?

That's getting read out in court. He's admitting it there. He's back to right, he's personally on the back of the song. He's purging himself in a song, terrible. It's a brilliant tune. And do you know what? There was a really interesting era in like, I can't remember exactly what the law was, but in the US there was a law.

It was like something like the kind of so and so recordings act where you couldn't say certain stuff because it would just get banned. Right. So essentially every single like blues song before that was just a really obvious metaphor for other stuff. Like, you know, like my, one of my favorite ever bluesman Sid Hempel, he's got a famous song called Keep My Skillet Good and Greasy, which is about cooking on a skillet on an open fire. But it's really about sex, you know, and that's how they get around it.

And I think Toruja's just doing a bit of that, to be honest. I think because popular music, or kind of blues music, it's only been around for a few, at least a century at that point. Do you not think with that song, he should be judged more harshly, not for the content, just for the metaphor. A greasy skillet is absolutely disgusting. It's absolutely disgusting. It is, it's up there with Roy Orbison creeping in your room, making love to you as you slept. I mean, that is, it's that bad. It is that, is that all right? As they say, I'm pretty sure Mississippi John Hurt's got one called Coffee

Blues as well, which has got some pretty dirty stuff, like sticking your spoon in, all that kind of stuff. I think it's about, he's basically calling the woman who's left him, he refers to her as coffee. And he also refers to her as a certain brand of coffee, Maxwell House, which I guess at the time was the best coffee. It sounds pretty low rent these days, doesn't it? So he's like, I like, it does actually, it sounds pretty budget, but he's like, I like a certain brand of coffee, Maxwell's House, it's good till the last drop. I used to have a girl cooking

a good Maxwell House but she moved away. And then he just goes through the whole thing about how much he wants a loving spoonful. Just gun the shops, just go get your own Maxwell House, make your own Maxwell House for kind of a... I was thinking when I was contemplating that, like the metaphors don't have to be that good, do they, to get away with it? Who's checking them? No. Well, I mean, you're not getting reviewed. You're not getting reviewed though, are you? You're sort of going, this is, you know, there's no pitchfork for the blues musicians of the

1920s, are they, sort of saying, talking about Maxwell House? No, but what I'm saying is the people who want to ban this stuff, it seemed to be quite easy to get around them. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That is true. So you're talking about dipping your hard spoon into a lovely drop of Maxwell House, and it's good to the last drop and taste not. Good to the last drop? It's the sort of phrasing that we hear every single Ramble record on a chocolate advert. Like Marcus is obsessed with chocolate

adverts of the 90s and he can remember every last one. We tested them and he got every single one right. He got every single last one from the 80s and the 90s. You know why? Because in the 90s he wasn't on the piss like you and us. That's a good point actually yeah he was just he was just chowing down on chocolate. Everyone still looks down at me at my stuff that I eat but I reckon Marcus puts away the sort of marzipan levels that would shock even me. He's a marzipan man. I love marzipan. And I'm a chocolate man. So there we go. I've just eaten four hobnobs.

You know what? Hobnobs are one of those things that you never want unless you've got a cup of tea with them and they say, oh man. Well, I've had a couple of teas. Well, there you go. What's that then? They make a lovely sort of golden porridge in your belly. After back of it, they probably do actually. After back of the conversation we've just had, I don't like that you've just said, I'm a chocolate man. I'm a chocolate, could be talking about anything.

No, you're at it. I was gonna jump into something saying about all of the Easter eggs in my house and my mouth could be covered in chocolate, but the only Easter eggs in the house belong to my daughter. So it doesn't really work does it? It's quite offensive really. How do I get to this next story where I lock my daughter in the car? Fuck it. Fuck it. We'll do it live. How do you do that? You know what? Can I just say one of the most, we'll do your story. It sounds brilliant. Just very quickly as a preface to your story,

it's the most paranoid thing I am. The thing I'm most paranoid about is when I'm looking after my son on my own, I'd have to go downstairs and put the bin out or something. Or I'm while he's sleeping in, he's gone to bed or whatever. And I'm just doing chores cause he's gone to bed and I go down and put the bin out and I lock myself out and my wife isn't home and he's in the house on his own and I can't get in. That is like the most terrifying prospect to me. So that's the preface. Presumably you're bringing that same attitude to this story you're about to

tell are you or do you not? Oh massively. The white heart. But it actually happened. It was absolutely the worst thing in the world. I was at, I was having a weekend in Canberra Sands for my birthday and we went out for some, it was my dog's birthday so... It was your 34th birthday wasn't it? It was and it was also Lola Bay, she's May the 4th, she was 12 so I popped out for some sticks and I... So I popped her in the car and she loves playing with the keys and I went to close the door. Were you the daughter or the dog? The daughter.

The daughter. The daughter? So she had all the keys when she was in the child seat and I closed the door and I forgot that I've now got a remote control for my keys and it just went ka-chunk. And I was like, oh. Oh. and I was like, oh, oh, she's in the car with the only key and she's locked. The sentry? The sentry, yeah. I mean, technically, legally she did it herself, so I can't go to prison.

I don't think legally she's liable, mate. Not in the court of England and Wales, she's two. So I don't think that's gonna wash. No, no, it's not gonna fly, is it? So yeah, she was locked in the car and I was like, oh, I'm gonna smash a window now, aren't I? I'm gonna have to, a lockpick guy's gonna take too long. I'm probably gonna have to smash a window now. But I just sort of basically stood by the car and was going, like through the frosted

darkened windows at the back going, daughter's name, just press the button on the, press the button on the, I don't remember. No way did she do it, did she do it? And she pressed, she kept pressing the same button which was the lock button which was compounding my frustration if I'm honest. You press that button, there's two other buttons, one for the boot, one for the boot, and ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, I was like, arrrrrgh. Did you tell your partner?

Well she finally, I said, press the other button, press the other button, and I was trying to smile because if she knows I'm upset she'll probably go upset so it was this wonderful little merry dance that I saw how to keep myself on an even keel while getting even more sort of scared that how this was gonna end and and and yeah so so she finally pressed the button and and and I was like and pull pull the door open and yeah we were on our merry way to get some steaks from BJOs on the beach. I was really hoping you weren't gonna say and then she reached for the handbrake. That is frightening. How long does the whole debacle continue for? Oh only about two minutes but it felt like three days. Yeah so was she teasing you with it because you ate all the Easter eggs. How dare you? How

dare you? My son's got completely conditioned into having chocolate every day and like, right, he's completely moved beyond any kind of normal age appropriate pudding or dessert to his meals. Like, cause obviously you've got a toddler, there's loads of things you can give them that, you know, aren't horrific for them. They're like, you know, it's like a little biscuit sweetened with grape juice rather than sugar or whatever, you know. Now he's just like chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Yeah, cause he knows it exists now, I suppose. Like she doesn't seem to sort of know that she has lots of chocolate in the house.

Like she does have a lot of chocolate in the house because it's her Easter egg stuff. And then even her dog's got hold of the chocolate. That's bad isn't it? No that is bad yeah you can't really give... I think the powdery stuff is the worst thing for it. But yeah it's a funny situation where like she's always surprised and very welcoming when you turn up with some chocolate but she doesn't necessarily know it always exists which is quite good. Yeah, I think my son will probably forget about it at some point. They're quite easily distracted at that age, aren't they? Oh yeah, massively. You sort of go, ooh!

And then they walk over somewhere else and look over. There you are. Lukey, shall we take a short break and then come back with some emails? Yeah. Yeah, okay. That sounds fun. Let's do that. All right. It's time for some Luke and Pete Short emails. Um, if you want to get in touch with the show, hellolukeandpeachshort.com. We'll be doing batteries on Thursday because that is what we do.

Um, I'm going to kick things off with one from, um, it's a chunk of your own, but it's a good one. Oz, who has just confirmed that Oz is attending the Birmingham show for the Football Ramble. Football Ramble Live, get involved people, we are playing Birmingham and London this weekend as well. Hi both, says Oz, since returning from my holidays I've been catching up with your pods and just listening to the episode with Luke Spatt with the Pret Jobsworth. I wasn't sure what they submit my own recent tale but Luke's criticism of Tesco at the end of the episode helped to convince me. Do you remember the Pret Jobsworth? Do you want me to remind you real quick? It was a Coca Cola based um, um, it wouldn't give you a cup for Coca Cola because the cups

are not for cola, they are for coffee. He said to me, he actually said the words, the can itself is the vessel. Hey, come on, mate. That guy's a dick. I mean, come on. A wonderful dick. A wonderful dick. It's like, I can't think, I would say. At least six months ago, said Oz, I was at the till in my local Tesco Express when the guy serving me told me

that they would accept photos of club cards anymore. We only have one physical car between us and tried to get a second one, but we've lost so many over the years, we're at our limit and the app won't let us sign in for some reason. I'd never had an issue before and managed to use it a couple of other times with other staff. A couple of weeks later I join the cute apé and he calls me over. As I approach the till I realise who it is. So I tell him I'm going to use the machines because they'll accept the photo but he won't. As I'm scanning my

stuff he's just staring at me, fuming, and then he shouts I can't believe you've just said that, what you're doing is illegal. On the first morning of that holiday... Is it illegal though? Is it illegal? It's not illegal. That just sounds... I think we both know if that got run up the flagpole, the flagpole, the responsibility flagpole towards someone in charge they would say man who works in Tesco just just fucking concentrate on your job. Just chill out, you're getting paid extra for that.

No exactly. On the first morning your shrinkage rating is pretty high so maybe you should look out for shoplifters rather than people actually buying stuff legally. On the first morning back from holiday I nipped Tesco to grab some supplies before the school run. It's early and I'm the only customer in the shop. I get what I need and I begin scanning at the self-service tills. I'm wearing my headphones but I can sense someone behind me talking. I turn around and it's the Jobsworth from six months ago who's clearly been stewing on me and my nefarious activities this whole time. Just a reminder that we don't accept photos of club cards.

And he says your machines do he says well you can tell we can tell if you use them and it's illegal he says how can you tell I'm not using the app you were behind me not at the till we can tell after that I forgot what I said but he kept on shouting at me just carry on so I took a deep breath and got out of there. What a nutcase. I should note that my dad is the true heir to the Larry David throne, as he always seems to have

a new story involving an altercation with a stranger. A recent favorite is him visiting a Timpsons to get a watch battery replaced, while someone noisily cut some keys in the background. Due to the noise, my dad misheard and for some time protested at the ridiculousness of being told that his watch would be ready in a fortnight tonight, only to be told that he'd misheard it was actually £4.99. I've done that in a Timsons where someone's basically said, I think somebody

said they could only accept cash because of the machine, but I misheard them because A he was miles away and B he was grinding a key at the time. And so I was like, well... I like the Timpsons vibe though. I do like the Timpsons vibe, I think it's an important, you know, I don't know how good the man is who's in government at the moment, but his ideas are very much something that should be adopted by a lot of high school stars. Everyone says that, and I agree, but that's not what I mean. What I mean is standing behind that counter of all that stuff lovely little bit of lovely little apron on. Yeah doing stuff

Just doing stuff. Well, how many sort of craft? I call it the smell of it as well. It smells quite distinctly. I know and it smells good in there. Shoe glue, shoe polish. On the Tesco Club card thing from Oz, it's reminded me I had a thing with Sainsbury's about nectar card not that long ago where my nectar card wasn't working and because a lot of the barcode number had been scratched off the physical card I couldn't register for a nectar card online. So I went to the counter at Sainsbury's,

my local Sainsbury's, and I said, Oh, just, can you just sort this out for me? Cause I'll just, I'll give you my surname, my address or whatever. And you just sort it out. Cause otherwise you can't use scan and self scan, right? Right. The whole chop truck, the problem is without getting too boring about it, a bit late for that after seven years of this show, but like they've taken away

all the checkouts. So the only option really is to self check out, which is fucking tedious, or do the scan and pay thing, which is a lot quicker, but you can't do scan and pay without the nectar. So I went in there and I said, can you just find me on the system and um, is my surname is my postcode? And just, just generate me a, um, a thing so I can fill it in online. Oh, we can't do that. No, no, you gotta call this number, right?

I'm not calling the number. Can you just, you can't, there's no way you can do it. No, all right, so there's no way I can do scan and pay then. No, we're not about a natural count. Okay, and then I thought about it and I just went, can I get, can I just sign up for a Nectar card now then? Now what? Yeah, like a new one.

I'll do that then. Just give me a card then. So they gave me the card, I filled in a form to about 10 seconds, scanned it on the app that I'd already downloaded and I could do it there and then. I was like, you should be telling me this! You should be telling me this customer services! You're supposed to be servicing me! Not like that. Not like George Formby. Not like George Formby would be.

So I do feel the pain of the... But the thing was though, and you won't be surprised to hear this, when it comes to the customer service jobs I had, I was probably a six and a half out of ten jobs worth. Because I've got something in me that I can't not do things properly. Understands it. Right. Yeah. So I wouldn't ever like grass on someone or, or be like properly like that guy that Oz is talking about. But at the same time, I wouldn't be the too cool for school.

I'm not interested. This is like an episode of, this is like high fidelity or like more rats or whatever. I wasn't the Kevin Smith end, but I also wasn't the kind of super, you know, Nazi either. Whereas I think you would be a lot more kind of worried, probably worried about being cool, not wanting to get involved. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'd walk away. I'd be like, I have no issue with anyone breaking the law in Tesco's or other ways as well. So there's a guy in, there's a guy in Band of Brothers called Private Webster, real guy existed. He actually died, he died in like a freak yachting accident

years and years after the war, but made it through the entirety of the Second World War, well, the entirety of the time he served, went all the way through Europe fighting the Nazis, landed in Norman and dropped into Normandy on D-Day. So he had an amazing war as far as like survival and everything he achieved. But he was a bit of an intellectual, right? So he was at Harvard when the US joined the war and he wanted to be a writer and he ended up becoming a journalist, I think, for

the Wall Street Journal or New York Times or whatever. He had an amazing life. But his thing was like, it's really interesting. His, and this is how it pertains to Jobsworth, right? He agreed philosophically that America entering the war was the right thing to do. And he agreed philosophically that he should play his part in it. So he left Harvard to sign up, joined the best unit he could because he realized he had a responsibility to himself to be as good as he could. But then when he went to war, he had no problem because of the ethics of it, killing Nazis, but he refused to take

on any extra jobs, turned down every single promotion he was offered, even though he was a good soldier and never did anything, not one thing beyond the absolute basic minimums required of him to fight against Nazis and as soon as he could leave he left once the war was won. That's quite an efficient way of doing things. He's got a pretty well established idea of what he thinks should be happening. Yeah not a careerist I think that's it. Done, I've done that. Yeah done I've done that. If you want me to tell me to shoot that Nazi, I'll do it. But I'm not doing anything more than that. Cracking. Anyway, we've got time for one more email, Peter, because you did say emails plural and this is a real quick one. Alright then, yeah, go on then. Trick us a quick one.

I'll give you a quickie. Shall I give you a quick one? This one is from... Oh, this is good. This one's from Chris. It's about Richard Scarry. You didn't know about Peter. Have you looked into Richard Scurry since we've talked about it? I've completely forgotten the bloody name. Let's have a look. Richard Scurry. Oh yes, no, never, never, not being familiar with Scurry's work, to be honest.

So Chris says, he's been in touch, so I was delighted to hear Luke bring up the Richard Scurry books. I loved them as a kid, have been passing this on by reading them to my boys as they grow up. Great books, amazing illustrations, there's so much to grab their attention.

Anyway, there is so much digorydons and energy in these books. Just very happy, well-ending chaos. There are three mini stories within Scarrie's Magnum Opus, the funniest storybook ever. There's Absurd Mind and Mr. Rabbit, The Unlucky Day, and Uncle Willie and the Pirates. I photographed these and attached them for your perusal. It's worth looking at Pete, it's really good. I think you'd love reading them to your daughter. They're nothing vicious. They're from like the sixties, but they've not dated. They're really good. And then Chris also says a couple of other points of order. He says, remember when Pete was playing football next to that firing range and he struck the ball and a shot rang out and it felt really good. Chris

says he played a game for his school when he was 14 and in the warm up as a thunderstorm and thunder and lightning was near simultaneous because the thunderstorm was very close. One of the guys he played with, Matty Holmes, we'll name him, smashed a half volley from about 25 yards and as it hit the crossbar and went in, there was a thunder clap and lightning strike at exactly the same time. Love that. One's peak start. One of the trends that's very low.

I mean you should go home wouldn't you? I'm going to live in a box the next 30 years of my life. I can't get any better. Good stuff from Chris. The same calcium as well. Maybe we'll do it on Thursday though because I can include it. It's a completely different subject so maybe we'll re-up his email on Thursday. That's from Chris in Wiltshire.

Beautiful county Wiltshire. It's a beautiful county. Well we'll be back on Thursday for batteries and all kinds of stuff. Do join us then and do send us your emails. Keep them coming in. Hello at www.lewepetreshow.com. We'll see if we've found any people responding to the pleading, the question, have you ever found anything in your garden? Oh yeah, we did that before didn't we? Pleading the question, have you ever found anything in your garden? We haven't dug anything up. We did that before, didn't we?

Yeah, we did. Say how that one goes. Yes, we'll be back on Thursday. Look after yourselves. Ta ta! The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.