The Worst Idea Of All Time - Getting Rob'ed: The Benchwarmers

Episode Date: July 19, 2026

Imagine if Adam Sandler made a movie simply to try and get two friends back together. Imagine if Rob Schneider was one of those guys. And now imagine that the movie doesn’t totally suck. The movie you’ve just created in your head is Dennis Dugan’s 2006 Sports Comedy: The Benchwarmers. A heartwarming tale featuring Schneider, in a rare cinematic move for him, as a straight man against Napoleon Dynamite’s Jon Heder and the people’s champion David Spade. The boiz did not hate this one. In fact, it’s not only a serviceable comedy movie that gives millennials a hit of nostalgia, there are a number of genuine laugh lines. Crazy to think what Rob was capable of in his prime. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tim here, if you want to see me in the flesh and you're in New Zealand or Australia, good news. I'm coming to Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland and Wellington for the comedy festivals. Please buy some tickets now at timbat.co.com. Guy Montgomery. Timbat, Benchwarmers. Yeah. 2006 Dennis Dugan directed... Thank God.

Would you call it a studio comedy? What makes something a studio? comedy. That lady with the torch at the start when he goes do do do do do do do do do do do do do that's a studio. Do you reckon she's related to the Statue of Liberty like it's her sister or something? It's hard

not to draw a line between them although you know without wanting to make things too controversial too early. Different skin tone. Oh, maybe half sisters. The statue's green. Same dad. Yeah but the Statue of Liberty's got a green mum.

more like a white bum because she comes from those French cowards that run up a white flag faster than a bloody some place that runs up white flags quickly A white castle My King Now that's a movie I wouldn't mind watching today

Well sadly I mean look if you can draw If you can draw a connection Between the creative team behind the benchformers And Harold and Kumar Yeah By all means but I don't think it paints Or I don't think it offers us

any further context or color as to the sort of, you know, the melting pot that is the comedy and creative talent that goes into the Happy Madison universe. And this one is like right out the screws. This is this is Happy Madison. Yeah, yeah. The only thing it's missing truly is Sandler, which is true of, you know, a lot of Happy Madison films. Rob, Rob, Shnight is playing Adam Sandler. true i would say in this film it's kind of interesting to see which ones he chooses to you know stay in the shadows for yeah i didn't even see him get a producer credit he got a producer credit is actually so before we well we'll set the table for what the film is about and then i'm going

to drop a little bit of background information on you that i've shielded you from also just a reminder on what we're doing at the moment so guy and i've blasted off into our rockets uh back towards the sand laverse yeah it's kind of it's actually no i think the way we described it last time was excellent. It's a sandless solar system. That's right. Where sandler is the sun. We're looking at our rocket and we're observing different constellations, different, you know, it's funny that the way you look at different stars from different angles, you can see different shapes. And I'll tell you who's a star, Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider is in a rare, you know, not totally rare, but he's sort of, he is playing like the

empathetic voice of reason in this movie. He's kind of playing like a hunk. He's, He's like a straight man hero of the film. Yeah, he's like, he's Sandler and Big Daddy. He is playing the sort of, he's our anchor to reality around which all of these basically SNL-level characters can, you know, can assemble themselves and rotate around. Terrace of, by the way. Yeah.

Perenthees is not complimentary. But so it's Rob Schneider, John Hayter, who you will know is Napoleon Dynamite, and you'll be pleased to hear it is still in character for the entirety of this film. and David Spade sporting a bullcott and otherwise like the exact same sort of acerbic, quippy style of comedy. They play three kind of down on their like

previously bullied, bullied losers who challenge a local sort of jock style team of 12 year old kids to play a game of baseball on a, you know, just stand up for some bullied kids. And then the movie rolls from there, they sort of start playing different groups of kids around town. That is, we'll get into that a little bit more.

But what I want to tell you, because this is a fascinating piece of, I would say, law as it relates to Happy Madison and the Sandler system. Sure. So Adam Sandler, the movie's written by Nick Swartson and Alan Covert. But Sandler worked a lot on the story, and it's been established through interviews given by Schneider and Spade that a huge part of why this movie was engineered and exists was to repair a long-standing rift between them.

Sandler basically threw the seed of this project out into the universe to watch his two little hens, Spade and Schneider, Peck at the grain, and make up. Oh, it was to repair their relationship. Yes. Not Adam Sandler's relationship with Schneider. Yeah.

So, wow. Apparently they had a rivalry dating back to their time on SNL. They both sort of, you know, both like surrounded by, stars, Farley and Sandler and rock and stuff, and trying to find that, you know, competing, not necessarily for the same roles, but the same sort of... I can get that because both... I think, yeah, Spade is a bit smarter and knows to sort of acquiesce and find where he is in the

ladder, whereas I imagine Schneider's a bit more of a hothead and refuses to accept the fact that he's sort of like amongst true historic comic greatness. Yes. He's not at that level. And so I think the seeds were sowing for, like, not a straightforward friendship from there. I don't actually know it was, I couldn't find the particulars on what drove the rift deeper. Yeah.

But this was basically, this was like. Sandler playing relationship therapist for these two in the form of making a movie project to force them together. That's crazy. Isn't that crazy? Sandler does so much stuff. And it's like the only way he knows how to solve a problem is to make a movie. There's a, there's people in my life who I have met and worked with who it's like

their only solution to anything is to create a business. And it's like, you just need, you need to stop doing this. And for Sandler, I feel like he's actually made a life of like, because did I, I can't remember if we've talked about this or not. I think we did on the podcast, this theory that Sanler has gotten a few people out of like some cults or Scientology or something like that using movies to like Katie Holmes. Yes, I have heard that. That was Jack and Jill, I think, was sharing that one.

Yeah, yeah, because everyone's like, myself. I've included. We're all like Jack and Jill worse, you know, it's a fucking war crime of cinema. It shouldn't exist. Terrible. And he took some great men down with him on that one. Poor Pacino.

But then there was this like incredible article online. This person had like pieced a bunch of evidence together that suggests he made it to sort of facilitate Katie Holmes's physically existing separate to Tom Cruise and Scientology. Yeah. And apparently, possibly not for the first time. Like he's, he's, he's. gotten some people out of some predicaments.

But the only way he knows how to solve a problem is to make a move. Well, some of the predicaments he's gotten people out of is that they've like never held, they don't have a job and their only job is populating. Now that one, straight line. That's great. You don't have a job? I'll make you a job. We'll do a movie.

Because this is like, this has all of the, you know, this is all your key players. Well, not all of them actually, but a large majority, Peter Dante, you know, notable in his absence from this. Yeah. Alan Covert while writing it does not appear on screen. Can't even remember what he looks like or who he is. Nick Swardson, however, basically wrote a short film for himself into the movie. Mick Swanson, as ever, playing some variety of, you know, a someone with learning difficulties, I would say.

Yeah. Or immense social difficulties. He's called Howie. He's got one speed, Nick Swardson, and it's a combination of sort of arrested development. It's like a growing man. And he's a nod-looking duck, you know? He's got an usual... He's a boyish essence or face to him.

Even as he weatheres it with his... You know, I know that he's sober now and hats off to you, Nick. But, like, he has spent a lot of his time, you know, off the rails and then portraying these, like, as you say, Arrested Development-style adults in cinema, yeah. He's tapping in to something. A lot of aggression, a lot of outbursts, a lot of funny, weird noises. Yeah.

What he was like, what? That's... Like it's, yeah. It's quiet part. Lepa, part. I'm scared of something which is not scary. There we go. So Howie's got agoraphobia.

He's not that important to the movie, I would say. But he's in it. He plays David Spade's sibling called Howie. And so David Spade is a video clerk. He's also a loser, but he holds high status because there are people who are bigger losers around him. And so his brother, Howie, is one of those. John Hader plays Clark, Paperboy, who. is like operating at the highest level of social ineptitude and like basically you know it's

very differential to his mother uh IQ of 80 is constantly picking his nose and eating it eating dead bugs uh eats a lot of stuff in this movie gets hit in the head a lot with a ball rob schneider plays a landscaper called gus who's um absolute shrew of a wife keeps wanting him to have sex with her during her ovulation window and he plainly refuses because because he wants to play baseball with his loser friends. And we'll probably talk more about this, but it's so funny that this movie, as a result of when it came out and who it was designed for,

is pretty homophobic. Yeah. And Gus, to me, reads pretty gay. Well, it's funny, isn't it? Because the movie ostensibly, like the sort of, the family rainbow that you had paint over the top of it to attract all sorts to the cinema, is that it's standing up for the underdog.

These three kids were previously bullied. the reason they're assembling now is because they want to stand up for kids who get ostracized from sports fields, don't get to play baseball. They want to say bullying in schools does damage. And then of course, because of the nature of these Happy Madison movies and where the laughs come, it's like literally all in the put-downs. So while the movie's message is bullying is bad, all of the movie's laughs are bullying. And it's like it's even like, so I mean that fucking spoiler alert if you're going to say, see the bench warmers, sorry. That heart of the reveal in this is that you think the movie sets it up that

Gus, Rob Schneider, has been bullied his entire school career. But actually, the reveal is that he was a bully himself and that's what's this damaging bit of trauma that he refuses to face head on. And the kid he bullied the most went to the psych ward, got institutionalized and as a little person. And we meet them in the movie. and then the movie bullies that person heaps as well. Yeah, but also don't worry if you're thinking that it only has its cake.

It also eats the same cake moments later when the little person reemerges to say, Rob Schneider bullied me in school, but he apologised literally yesterday when he had something on the line. And I'm okay with it now. I forgive him. And then we cut away to David Spade bullying him again. Yeah. Yeah.

Using the same insults that he said, spun him out as a kid from Rob Schneider's character. It's crazy. Yeah. And also at the same time in the stands, there's like a giant guy who's so moved by this speech that he goes, I want a little guy as well. And then someone just hands him a little person.

Yeah. And it's a lot. Lucky for us, both of them get along great. And they sort of form either a father's son or potential lover's relationship. Now, I just have to say before we move on, was it Gary the little person, did you say? Oh, I don't know the name. amongst my traipsing through the weeds of trivia for this.

So originally the plan was for that actor to play the little person, but Adam Sandler's head to be superimposed onto his body. Really? But apparently his performance was so strong. It was deemed unnecessary. I fully believe that because there's some random graphics, some special effects shots in this, computer-generated stuff of like heads.

turning into letter boxes and things, but you're like, you guys are really fucking around in here. It's like they had some credits at Weta Workshop to spend. Yeah, they expire in 2007. So we'll just put it on the bench form.

Banging in this. I mean, so this movie follows the classic. It's got the same obsessions and arcs as so many of the Happy Madison, like production, which is it's a, it rotates around sports,

nostalgia for childhood, um, you know. Pizza heart. Huge player. Pepsi's massive PlayStation PlayStation Sony Vio An ISP called Net Zero Internet

Which still exists I wonder if this was in the hacks This like a conversation about this Because this feels what this feels Like hardly worthy that any of the Like this feels like it exists at a point When no one would bring it up Because they're like well of course

If we've got Sandler on our books You're going to get X number of these In between his star vehicles But I'd be fascinated to see what they made of this What do you mean if it came up on hacks In the Sony hacks. Oh, got you. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think... Well, maybe nothing underward happened with this movie. Maybe we're just straight down the middle. I do... I want to say something because I feel like it sounds like Tim Bowen Guy getting on their high horse judging this 2006 movie. Yeah. Movie, you know, that's 20 years ago.

That's shocking to me. Yeah. Crazy. For, you know, like we're holier than now. Guess what? I laughed a lot. Sorry. I'm really sorry, everyone.

I laugh heaps There's worse Yeah there's worse ways To spend your time It is honestly Yeah It's

I mean I don't know where And we can get to that At the end of the conversation I don't know where it lands On a rating system But it's like It whips by They go so gag heavy

The story holds together A lot more strongly than say You know I remember grownups two holding together There is a defined A defined beginning, middle and end There is a singular story arc

To hang your hat on and say, I know exactly where we're going on this journey. It is weird in this. There were a couple moments because grown-ups 2 came out, 2011-12, something like that. And this movie came out about six years prior to that. There are scenes and especially like runs of- 2013.

Grown-ups, 2010. Growing-ups 2, 2013. This was 0-6. So we're talking a seven-year gap. there's like, didn't you feel like there were proto grownups two scenes in this? Yeah. They like got repeated exactly in grownups two. Like when they're at the quarry, there's a conversation that happens.

And there's a conversation in this featuring Tim Meadows, who of course is in grownups too as well. And it's like, this conversation happens in grownups too. Also, I mean... Even when they're in the sports store is like, this is the Kmart scene. The sportswear store is the Kmart scene. It is like there is a real methodology to how you can move. story forward. It's machinical.

In a large space and also get some of that money back because... It's like the same number of gags. It's the same cadence at which jokes come out and also the same amount of exposition. Yeah. It's real weird. It was quite weird.

It was like seeing someone, you know, put the picture to a window and then sketch around the outside. It's proof of concept. You know, the two-minute sports store scene in benchwarmers. Trace is what I meant to say. Trace around the outside. I gave the confidence for,

them to make a 20 minute Kmart infomercial starring heavier Hollywood hitters and even more exposition but it's like a couple of characters go in goof around with the materials the store worker comes across sort of you know voice of reason how you can't do that hey I know you guys exposition exposition bang we're out of there it is an interesting way to look at the trajectory of the sandless system the way that you just put it really clicks for me that it gave them more confidence for grown-up. It's like, we can jettison movie stuff heaps more.

We can put more brand stuff in. 100%. We can get more bank. Like the fucking schmucks, they're in the mall anyway. They've paid their ticket money. We've got him. Also the important thing to note,

and this stands up relative to daddy daughter trip, which was the last one we watched, and also, I think like, well, also, I guess, you know, the nature of how we eat now and the global economy. But there is no greater sense of nostalgia. that will hit you like a fucking bullet train

than seeing the characters after their first baseball success walk into a pizza hut and assemble around like the salad bar, a salad bar, all you can eat salad bar, all you can eat salad bar, there's pizzas in the background,

they're in the iconic like hat-style restaurant and honestly we'll see, like I was forced into the back of my seat with the Gs of a man on a fucking rocket ship being like, take me back. You're eight. Hey, guess what? You're eight again.

You're eight now. this is literally the funniest thing you've ever heard. It's, it was, it was mind-boggling. Like, the Pizza Hut product placement hit so hard because we literally don't have access to that anymore. Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, such an interesting cultural touchstone because they still exist and they're still successful as a business, but they are completely different to what they used to be. And I think maybe a good representation of how far we've fallen as a civilization. Totally.

Like, you used to bring your family and go into. were placed and it was sort of like this warmly lit, cozy environment. Daily, you eat as much as you were. You give them 12 bucks. Hey, me casa es su casa. And it was for everyone. It was like literally from every walk of life when we all existed inside of a high court judge could have been sat next to you.

100%. We all existed inside of a more realistic band of like, you know, what common space we have and what we can share. Yeah. Everyone could afford to go. You were getting a quality that's sated literally everyone's needs. It was magic. And we didn't know what we had.

And we didn't know what we had. Because now it's gone. And it's fucking confusing because they had such distinct architecture. There was obviously very strict rules around how a pizza has to look. And you drive past one now and it's a carpet warehouse. You can't fucking sell me rugs out of what I know for a fact was built to serve me pizza. Absolutely. I can't think of any other franchise or business that had like an architectural trademark on a shape.

of a building. And those buildings, those edifices to pizza still exist, but they've been repainted and solved. They build them too well to tear down. It's like, you know, I guess it's...

It'd be like if you turn the Coliseum into a car wash, you're like, I know what this was. We are a generation away from it no longer being culturally relevant that they were all known as pizza huts. They're like, god damn. This is what happens, man.

It'll be like when archaeologists discovered the Mayan calendars, which were probably some innocuous. you know time measuring thing and we're like it's foretelling the end of time in 2012 they're gonna find pizza hut buildings in the future be like these were churches and they worshipped pepperoni in them it's like nah man but we did have a good feed for 12 dollars the other thing i want to say about this being in 2006 which is you know pre gFC is that daddy daughter trip like all of that movie's central premise which i guess reflects rob schneider's life which again i guess

reflects broader economic circumstance. It's like he's literally, he's in the gig economy and he just can't get enough money to show his one daughter a good time. This movie, you know, as was so common of so much of the time, and I suppose it's ridiculous to put too, you know, a bunch of a forensic detail on this, features a paper boy, a video store worker, and a guy who...

A landscaper. Yeah. They all live in like very comfortable homes. They all, like, literally... Three-car garage. Everything is guaranteed. Everything is given... Brand new cars.

They're all at Pizza Hut, rubbing shoulders with former Major League Baseball players. It's like this is a very utopian America. It was that thing where it was like, it was never universally like that, but it was not so unbelievable that you could put it in a movie

and people were like, yeah, this is a depiction of suburban middle America. This is like, yeah. This is a, this is, it's not an aspirational movie. You couldn't put this out now. People would be like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. They get too angry.

Rob Schneider with that woman? No way. Mattress Pike Club could give it a go. I mean, you know, thinking about movies in these terms just makes the ostentatious nature of sex in the city two all the more impressive to me. I'll never get over it. I'll never get over it.

People often ask me about this project. They're like, you know, was watching grown-ups too really bad? I'm like, it wasn't great, but nothing will ever top sex in the city too for a year. Yeah, yeah. And by top, I mean bottom. Nothing will ever bottom. The journey that that movie took us on. This is a better movie by far than Daddy Daughter Trip.

It's a cohesive movie. Rob Schneider looks good in it. He looks fantastic. Sorry to be so based. I mean, his performance is also rock solid. He's like holding it down. He is the competence. You know, and this is the Adam Sandler model.

It's so interesting to see him like make room for Schneider to do this. Because Juice Bigelow, the Hot Chick, they're larger than lifestyle. characters, the animal. It's like, I suppose there's some semblance of an every man in all of them, but he gets to be far more outrageous. Like to see him in an anchoring role is kind of... He never kind of stretches his silly wings in this movie, not once. Yeah, he's straight manning.

John Hayter is like, I mean, he is trapped in Napoleon Dynamite. It's like, give us that. But without any of the sort of, I don't know, like almost art film, you know, content. of Napoleon Dynamite. David Spade, as ever, is a joy to be around. However, his kind of, I don't care, Blasey throwaway attitude is less operational in a space in which you also don't want to spend time.

It's like he needs... What a great way for it. He needs something to play against. Like, if we all don't want to be there, him saying, I don't want to be here. I don't care either, man. You need to care a little bit. It's your movie.

Come on, man. I'm watching you. One of us needs to give a shit. Exactly. It should probably be you. one of the stars of the films. But he is so charismatic. And like he is...

David Smokin truly do no wrong for me, man. I've never seen him and not been happy. Yeah. You know, in a movie and a TV show. By all accounts, he's like the greatest hang of all of these... You can tell. You can't, at this point, there's so much media about everyone. And he's like hosted chat shows himself and he's done so many podcasts.

He's got the thing with Dana Carvey now. Like, there's too much of him, you know, for this to stay in. To not be true that he is... He's a good guy. Yeah, yeah. seems like a good, not universally, I'm sure. But he seems on the balance of things, as you say, like a tremendous hang. I'd fucking love to hang up with David Spade.

That'd be so mean. Wouldn't we all? God, that'd be good. So, I mean, let's get a little bit more into the weeds. I couldn't say that about him, man. Swartz. No, no, no, no, no, no. It would be a challenging day.

Well, I just think, I mean, like, Nick Swartson, and I'm actually framing this in my mind is realistic. It's like, you know. Imagine being in a green room with him before a go. Exactly. Nick Swatson is accessible to us in a way which is obscene, absurd, and realistic to the point that if I imagine seeing him, he just like, I just can't imagine getting to talk.

It's like, he just has to empty himself of literally everything that's going on inside him. And that's fine, but it's too much. It's a good energy for the stage. I don't need to be in a room with that one-on-one. Nor do I want to be. I think hanging out with Rob Schneider in 2006 seems like a good idea to me. You couldn't pay me enough money to do it now

but I think he's a different guy. What we watch just then is a different... It's a different world man. Like seemingly normal people who would say if you would probably say... If you're hanging out with him 2006, there's probably a few things that you're like, I'm going to let that one go to the keeper.

A couple little orange flags, you reckon. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, oh, well, that Rob Schneider is a pretty buzzy guy. But you know, whatever. and then obviously COVID happens everyone gets siloed

Trump gets a second yeah yeah they get to pursue their lines of inquiry alone unchecked for years in an isolation chamber and then they come out and they know more than anyone

and they're saying it as loud as they can I kind of think it's the opposite though it's that they've joined certain groups and teams and hung out with some cats yeah a lot's rubbed off on him he does seem impressionable so I'll give him that

of course he's impressionable like his entire career was you know like If you're standing on the shoulders or you're standing like, you know, just outside the shadow of a friend who has facilitated so much forward movement for you. Yeah.

So you are always going to be... Do you think there to be psychologically difficult? To bit... Like, he's built a huge career and there was such a big peak. But to kind of like... Do you think Schneider feels like he owes it to Sandler?

I think deep down, yeah. And I think that's probably why he's approached this sort of like the, you know, his abhorrent nature as it currently exists, why he's so happy shouting it out so loud because he's formed, he feels he's formed like his entire self-identity that exists independent of anything else. And so he's like, this is what I can stand on. These things that I truly believe. Oh, right. Right. Okay. So, like, that's where his resolution.

Resolution of self-comes. I'm Rob Schneider now. Me being a free speech champion is nothing to do with Adam Sandler. 100%. I did that myself. And it cost me everything. That's what I believe. Yeah, that's good.

Lafs. Quite nice to play armchair psychologist in an armchair. Dude, these chairs are really making us talk as though we know anything. Laughs, let's talk about them. Yeah. We had some. We had a lot. A lot of physical gags.

I would estimate, gun to my head, probably 200 jokes in this movie. And what's the runtime? Like an hour 25? Yeah, about. They just keep coming. Some of the gags, very confusing. There's one, there's a few there just like that happen. And it's just like, it's all happening so quickly.

It feels like a fever dream. I can't quite get my head around it. There's four guys in the bleachers that have got letters written on them. I can't even remember what the site gag is for that. Nerd is five. On the front, they've painted any R-D-F. So it's just nerds. No one ever really dies.

Sucker. Yeah. And then on the back it says for the number four and life. And it's pretty normal. It's like, you know, boris sports fan stuff. But the bench warmers, the more games they play. I mean, we haven't really talked about the North Star of this film. So that, well, they get sunburn.

They get sunburn. They get sunburn. They're nervous. So it flashes back to them. And then they are instantly as if an atomic bomb has been let off and only the radiation has hit them. Like they are in Chernobyl working in the reactor. They are suddenly blitzers. all of them out of nowhere.

And I was like, I get that they're sunburned, but that's not how sunburn works. It doesn't happen instantaneously. It was also like, yeah, it was so random because they're supporting the nerds, but they haven't explicitly been painted as nerds. Their bodies aren't so like thin and reedy and abnormal to suggest that these are clearly

physically identifiable as nerds. Yeah. And so when all of a sudden we haven't been spending time with them and we come back to these guys who were previously acting like quite boring, sports fans. It's like, oh, I'm sunburned. But then there's sunburned. And they're half of the net. I don't know.

Look, when you're swinging the bat to use a metaphor that's apropos for this film 200 times, not every single one's going to connect with the ball. And that's okay. That's fine. There was no, yeah, yeah. The batting average isn't high. But this entire movie is both plot-wise and laugh-wise propelled forward by a star turn by none other than your hero of mine.

John Lovett. John Lovitz. Just when you sort of feel, it feels a bit rudderless and you're like what? So these guys are just going to get bullied and then kind of bite back and that's going to be the back and forth. Yeah. Outside of a Pizza Hut, Schneider, Spade and Hader run into a very wealthy iteration of John Lovitz who approached them in a suit and says, great stuff in there. And you think, I have missed that voice. I did not know how much I missed that voice until I heard that voice.

And thankfully for us, he is playing a big. billionaire whose son is a nerd who's been bullied by some of the jock baseball kids and is so moved by the benchwarmers assembling and defeating the bullying baseball team he says i've got a plan i'm gonna like you're gonna play all of the kids in town no he says come to my house tomorrow oh yeah and then we go to john love it's leah yeah and his house addresses like 500 schmecmec schmeme me he also drives um kit from knight rider really funny reveal. I think they've got the real voice. That looks like Kit from Nightrider. He goes, it is. And then he like, he goes, he makes his proposition. He says, come to my house tomorrow.

He goes, okay, I'll see you later. And gets in the car and immediately like curbs it so hard over two of those concrete things. Wow. Well, the rhythm of it is, Kit says, nice to be you, gentlemen. And then John Lovitz gets in. And then Kit goes easy now. And he jacks it. He fukes it.

He curbs it over two of those concrete. sort of, you know, horizontal ballards for whatever a better description. And they just watch as he struggles to get himself out of a champ. It absolutely sent me. I rewound it. It ruined, Monty. He loved it. He absolutely loved it. And then he's driving the Adam West

era Batmobile later. And then another car, again, I said this while we're watching it, the listener wasn't there. So I'll say it for you now. I would expect the third one to be the General Lee from Dukes of Hazard doesn't feature at all. So I think they ran out. They're

in some car that I don't recognize well they're smashing letterboxes. At this point there was baseball Hall of Fame legend Reggie Jackson so it's not real you know like But I think that car that they were in is some car

I couldn't recognize it anyway that's neither here nor there The layer we yeah so John Lovitz is a billionaire nerd It's not ever exactly mentioned how he got all his money And it's not super relevant Can I say another one of my last

Just what I remember it John Hayden shows up and John Lovitz's like you know compound and he goes this place must have cost like a zillion dollars and then John Lovitz rolling it on a segue says two zillion I missed that

that's great John Lovitz also has a robot called number seven and I feel like in the same way that Howie sort of has his own movie going on Nick Swanson's character who's this agoraphobic

very pale afraid of the sun guy who is kind of an interesting comedy character. Who eats sunscreen? I thought it was mayonnaise. Was it sunscreen? It's sunscreen, yeah. Very good. That makes more sense. Number seven, they really kind of, I know it's a comedy movie. I know it's kind of for kids. John Lovitz has created an incredibly functional Android

robot. Yeah. And I feel like it's always funny in a movie where it's like, hey, the movie's in real, the world that you know, obeying all the rules that you understand. And it's about baseball and it's about these adults who are down on their luck and, you know, amongst them probably an average IQ of 80. But then also there's a robot that thinks for itself, does all this amazing stuff, can make any sandwich you can think of at will instantly. And it's like, okay. It's fun. But I kind of want to hang out with the robot and learn more about number seven. 100%.

picks up John Hader's newspaper run and can scan and change headlines like a printing press but it just does it with the laser Yeah number seven was a fascinating like addition And certainly a very moorish kind of companion It's kind of

Because there's a lot of aspects of this film Where it's to me This is sort of in the tone Of like a 90s family movie Or even an 80s American family movie They can't To my understanding

They don't really make them like this anymore. Everything's a lot more sort of sophisticated and a bit more honed, I think, because there's like less middle budget movies being made. So everything needs so much like attention and broad appeal. And the parents have got to enjoy it. We've got to attract the Disney adults to the movie as well as the kids. And but with this, it was just like, hey, what are kids like?

They're like wish for filming vengeance against their bullies. And they fucking love a robot. So we're going to chuck a robot in there. The algorithmic scalpel gives and it takes away. because I would say it would not kill. There are moments when they're ad-libbing jokes in this style of movie where you just want to put your teeth over the barrel of something because they're so like...

Nothing? So nothing. And like I wince with the idea of embarrassment and having offered that on set and being like, well, thank God they're not going to use that one. And they all make their way into the final cut. And Dennis Duggan in interviews talking about how they shoot the script and then he goes, but these guys,

they've got so many ideas that have been around. after that I just put my hands up and say you do what you want. Yeah. And the adlabs are so... I'm sorry to lay at his feet, but John Heter? Yeah. John Hater. Hayder.

Yeah. He's more like Tim Hater. Yeah, maybe. I'm a Spade guy. Spade can do this. And they're not like, they're not big, heavy, super funny things. But he never is like embarrassing himself with his offers. And it's so obvious as well that David Spade's just on his own journey.

He's off book. None of this is in the script, what he's saying. His little asides and stuff, they're fine. But John Haders is like, man, that's a real clangor, dude. It's the difference in personas because David Spades, like, his character is a lower IQ version of him, which is like he does, there's not a huge amount of physical comedy. It's basically a ton of commitment to it. It's all language.

It's all throwing out a sentence. John Haders is like a much more, whether they land or not, it's a much more effortful, vulnerable style. But people can pull that off and John Lovitz is the perfect. example, right? John Lovitz, I've got no doubt in my mind, ad libbed a third of his lines in this movie. How did I phrase it? About halfway through, I just said, John Lovitz is incapable of doing badly in a movie. No, no, he can't, he cannot deliver a bad line. He can't deliver a bad line. It's impossible for him. Yeah. Well, I mean, we haven't followed any John Lovett starring vehicles,

and I want to say something which I'm sure at this point is going to absolutely rock you. What if I told you the 2006 film, The Benchwarmers, had a 2019 sequel director video called Benchwarmers 2 that is a John Lovett's Star Vehicle. Really? Yeah. We must watch it. I don't know.

Yeah. Are you kidding me? You want to see that? We should watch it next. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's right there for us. Who the fuck was asking for that? Literally who was asking for that?

Who in the audience? Who in the studio? Well, I guess John Lovitz was asking for it. John Lovitz, the I.D through John Lovitz were asking for that. That's crazy. So they call it the IRS.

What is direct a video in 2019? Did it go to a streaming platform? Did Netflix make it? Do you know anything about this movie? I don't know. It's for another day. I don't know. Who asked for it.

That's incredible to know that that exists in the world, and I simply must absorb it in its entirety. But we will bookmark that. Thank you so much for your. research and letting me know that that exists. I thought you'd be interested. I absolutely am. Because that's going to really put test to the theory that John Lovitz,

like John Lovitz as a fifth player or down, literally can do no wrong in our eyes. Correct. John Lovitz at the helm, that opens the possibility of perhaps, you know, it's more days on set. We're seeing a tired, we're seeing a tired, like the sense I get from watching John Lovitz in these sorts of movies

is that they're the dream role for him. He swans it. in, he says a few things, and he swans out. Yeah, high impact. It's like probably three hours on set, maybe one in the chair beforehand, and he's out, and it's like, it's the perfect amount of John Lovitz that anyone could want. If John Lovitz has to hold it down for eight, nine hour days, he's the North Star, which dictates the terms around which everyone else is performing.

Tricky. He's going to be tired. He is. And if John Lovitz is tired, I reckon everybody fucking knows about it. But it's not just about the production. It's not about John. It's about us. because John Lovitz is ice cream, right?

Like, I'm always happy to have ice cream, but you can't live off ice cream. You can't have ice cream for dinner. You have ice cream for dessert. You have John Lovitz for dessert. He's a dessert actor. Yeah, I totally agree. Well, do the others.

What's Schneider then? Well, it's interesting because in this, Schneider is a main course, and he does well. Like, to me, in this, he is a shepherd's pie. He's a shepherd's pie. He's a big, fat slice of shepherd's pie.

He's got carbohydrates. He's got meat. And he's got some peas even in there, which is good nutritional sustenance. I'll tell you what, to further this anecdote, you would not order it out of the house. But if you're tired and you're at home and you're just need some nutrition,

you're happy enough to eat it. You're not going to tell anyone about it tomorrow. No, no, no. You're not going to invite people round for Shepard's Pie. But you're not going to feel sick afterwards. You're going to go to sleep with a full tummy. And you won't feel bad about it. It'll be like, you know, I'm not going to, you know.

It's not a sad. Salad, sure, I get that, but it's good dinner food. Absolutely. So then David Spade to me is bread. I want him all the time, but you need him with something. Also, for important context, I'd say David Spade is high-end bread. David Spade is like, well, I'm thinking like faccature, like a really well-made ferccia in that you've had your shepherd's pie.

Yeah. And there's also a piece of bread. And it's not the main thing, but afterwards, the main thing. the main thing you're talking about. It's like, and the bread was... The bread was fantastic. You know who was the surprise star of that dinner?

The fucking Fokasha. Absolutely. Okay, on the other end, John Hader represents someone who tried a new side dish and got it completely wrong. I think it's vegetables gone bad. So it's like overcooked carrots,

how they used to be cooked in the 80s. Like, everyone would just boil all the nutrition out of them. Drawing on the Napoleon Dynamite sort of essence of this performance. Yeah. It's someone who just, out of the blue

crushed some version of like roast carrots one meal and then the next time they had people over there like and I'll do those roast carrots I did and for whatever reason the fucking temperature gauge was all wrong or they subbed like they subbed

they were supposed to use balsamic vinegar and they were out so they used white vinegar and it's just like you can't do that's a different thing and they're like I don't know what happened these carrots were so good last time I don't want to be too down on him because like

he gives it his all he does and I don't think it's his fault or anything. Like he was given a really hard job to do. And there's very few actors who could pull it off. Do you know what it also does? I think that role was written for Artie Lang. Artie Lang.

Who's Artie Lang? I was going to say, is that fucking thing he's off-sider? He was in dirty work with Norm. Yeah, I think it's... I think I'm thinking of someone else. I think it's shock. This is one of those situations. Like, John Hayder, it's super funny guy, you know, talented guy.

But it's one of those things where you kind of forget. how talented Rob Schneider at his peak and David Spade are sometimes because they are so effortless and John Lovitz and all the rest until you see someone who's not operating at the same level and it is a bit of a reminder that's like this shit's pretty hard to do well you know like this this competence to the point of it seems boring to you because it looks effortless it's actually you need to be pretty talented to pull that off nothing is a greater advertisement for the infrastructure provided by Happy Madison than a back-to-back viewing experience of Daddy Daughter Trip and the Benchformers.

Because nothing tells you about the solid, steady hands of Adam Sandler, just like I'm imagining he's got his hands out around a production. And everything that exists inside of those hands, it's not going to be perfect. That's not what you're coming here for. But it's going to work. It's interesting. I saw a clip just yesterday on the Algo Bob Odenkirk talking on a podcast,

and he was saying that he had just talked to like a bunch of film students. He was like, all these kids, of course, everyone wants to be a writer, everyone wants to be a director. We need some good producers. Producers make great films or break them. Like, we need to be raising up producers. This is Adam Sandler. 100%.

Like in addition to all the other hats that is so able he wears. He's a fantastic producer. Where I think we need to mention is some came out of nowhere and quite special. There was one in particular that you found out about on the internet And you said, who's that, Tim? And I said, I don't know, man. I don't know who that kid is.

The year is 2006. I would put the child at probably 11 years old. He doesn't yet have... He's our age, eh? He's younger than us. Not, yeah, a couple of years? Oh, I would say... No, I'd say closer to a decade younger.

Oh, okay. By my estimation anyway. Patrick, a young Patrick Schwarzenegger. Welcome to the San Diego. A man who's tattooed to my body. The sandless system. I didn't recognize it. True that.

You forgot? Yeah, I forgot that we had the tattoos completely, literally not even relevant in my day-to-day life. It happens all the time. It's so funny to have a tattoo like on your thigh of Arnold Schwarzenegger's son because you do forget you have it. And then every now and then you go to the pool and someone's like, oh, what's that tattoo to him? You're like, I don't have a tattoo.

And you're like, wait, I do have a tattoo. I do have a tattoo. Yeah, he's given a, he gets a line. he plays for basically the engine of the movie is John Lovett sets up this round-robin baseball tournament. His character is called Mel.

It's called Mel's tournament for little kids and three grown-ups. Three old guys. And the bench warmers go from town to town playing against teams like children's teams of baseball who are all competent and the benchwomers only Bob Schneider's competent.

And each time they're going, you'll hear a little bit about the team they're about to play. And so, a Patrick Schwarzenegger appears for Team 3 and that team is famous for egging, for bullying other kids by egging them if they're bad at baseball. Wow, I missed that bit of information. Where's all the egging happened?

I was like, the fuck is going on there. Yeah, so there was a lot of egging. And at one point, Rob Schneider, when pitching, eggs, one of the kids, who turns out to be Patrick Schwarzenegger, who drops his bat and he says,

what the hell was that or something. If you didn't know it was Patty, you wouldn't remember it, you wouldn't know it. It's not memorable the way his turn as Frat Boy number four, I believe Cooper in grown-ups tours. But it's there.

It's fascinating. And it's worth acknowledging. It's fascinating for us. So he was a big cameo on there. Another, from God's own, Altiero, Land of the Long White Cloud itself. Rachel Hunter pops up in this movie. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot comprehend whatever the circumstances was that led to this.

Non-speaking cameo, literally in the last scene of the movie. In Pizza Heart, of course. Making out with John Hayter. Rachel Hunter appears, I would say on camera, Twice, once in focus, once in the background of frames, smiling while something else happens. I'm trying to think of the proximity to Stacey's mom, the music video. Foundance of Wayne. Of which she is the titular mom.

I imagine she lived in Los Angeles. This was a Californian production. I imagine she lived in Los Angeles. She was married to Rod Stewart, right, for a long time. And I imagine they probably lived in Hollywood. If you don't know who Rachel Hunter is, she's a model from New Zealand originally, who who left long, long ago. So it's difficult to lay claim to her now.

But she's a very famous. She was made most famous in New Zealand. Wait, she's back. Yeah. And she does a podcast. Does she? A wellness podcast. Of course.

I've been so unwell. You set it up. Sort of. Yeah. Even better. But shout out Rachel Hunter. I don't know if they were doing you a favor. If you were doing them a favor,

I don't know if it was incidental. But it was. You know, what we call her Our Rache. Our Rache, that's right. Made famous New Zealand for appearing in an iconic ice cream commercial. Yeah, and a mini. Otherwise known as a John Lovett's commercial.

Nice. Thank you. Other cameos, you've got your classic Sandler players. Tim Meadows is here. The voice of Slinky, the dog, who was the coach and the water boy, also makes an appearance. Chris Farley's brother. John Farley, the youngest brother of Chris Farley. Oh, was it John?

I think that was his name. It was Larry or something. I thought, yeah. So there's another Farley who's famous, who's the CEO of Ford Motors, but I found out that is the cousin of the late Chris Farley. There you go. What a family tree, good Lord.

And then sort of a wealth of collaborators who are visually identifiable, but as far as we know, don't have names. You look up in the Sandler system and there's familiar celestial bodies that you kind of see all the time. Dennis Dugan, of course, the director will walk on.

cameo as coach Bellows. Dennis Dugan's father, because heavy medicine is nothing, if not a family company, is David Spade's boss at the video store. Oh, wow, that's cool. Jackie Sandler makes an appearance as a disgruntled customer returning DVD, sort of a classic

early gag. Introduction to David Spade, Jackie Sandler appears, she says, what you rented me was a lesbian porno. He's like, what, was that bad? She's like, I've watched with my parents. And she said, it felt very awkward and he said actually it's kind of hot. Yeah. So I laughed sorry. You don't have to be sorry.

You weren't there. Okay. You didn't see it. He did it well. It's David Spade. He's a talent. 2006, obviously a different era for language, acceptability, slurs. They were flowing hither and thither. It was a different time. It was a different time. But it is quite shocking to see how far we've come. Well, yeah. In terms of what was completely socially fine. It's not nothing. It's always. also probably still fine for Schneider, to be honest, like all of it. He's a free speech king, 100%. Big laugh for us. Sort of the bully, his name might be Brad is like the, no, Jerry.

A kid or an adult? Jerry. So Jerry is the adult antagonist. So Jerry comes in, he used to bully David Spade and John Hayde. He sees him at the pizza. He's like, I heard you beat up on my kid at the, you know, baseball field or whatever. Rob Schneider sticks up for them. He calls him Jerry Ferry.

I mean, like, it's so interesting the relationship this movie as to homosexuality, because gay slurs are one of the predominant means of putting each other down. But also there is, like, a recurring character. Like, everyone at different times is okay with gay people existing, but also at different times weaponized the idea of being gay as a put down. There's a persistent character, and I actually like... This is Chris Farley's younger brother. Right.

I visually really like this. He was very funny. There's just a guy who's constant. naked except for some speedos. And he just sort of keeps popping up. And he's offering people massages and things like this. It's very funny. It's very funny.

But I think their intention was he's a fucking sexual deviant. The initial reveal, yeah, was that one of the sort of alpha coaches who are trying to defeat the bench warmers is secretly gay. Because when Reggie Jackson is doing baseball drills with them to improve their speed, they're playing ding-dong ditch and they're ringing on different doorbells. And they do it to one of the coaches and then they're hiding out. And one of the coaches comes, it's like,

who the hell did that? I'm going to get you. And then great punchline. Speedoed man comes out. He's been having sex with a man. Yeah, you want to have a massage. And they laugh at him

for having sex with the man. Also, I mean, like, you know, not proud of it, but a laugh line. When Jerry is sort of saying,

when he first identifies David Spade, Rob Schneider and John Hayter, he calls them the three musker queers. So sorry. I'm so sorry for laughing at that, but it did get me. It's because it was kind of,

you know, Sometimes just puns. They're not good puns, but they get delivered with such speed that they sort of catch you off balance. The joke structure was also money because umbrella term, the three musker queers, and then a personalised insult, which are, of course, borderline unrepeatable

for each different person. I feel weird that you repeated the first bit, but yeah. Well, I mean, if we're going to talk about the movie and we're going to talk about what it did, the R word did say a lot. R word paper boy, gay video clerk. Stinky Midget. So it's three musket queers

The umbrella Three bullet points underneath it And then Bing Bang Bang You're out of there I mean it's like Look is it the movie I would make? No But it is impactful Joke-telling

Goodbye Ben Chormers How do you think that Our screen just turned off That's it telling us It's time to go And it is It's actually very timely It's perfect

Look what else I didn't hate it Yeah me neither I don't think it warrants a sequel I'm fascinated What they've done with that Not after 15 years. Fascinating to think.

Like, what do you think backstage was? Do you think that this was a successful experiment in patching over the edges of a downward friendship between David Spade and Rob Schneider? Didn't read as that to me, the viewer. Yeah? I don't think it worked. Why not?

If you haven't... They looked frosty. They looked frosty. They barely shared, like, moments at all. There was no chemistry between them. And it makes me sad. But it also makes me happy because it makes me think maybe, you know, Spade is sort of standing on business a little bit, being like, Schneider's kind of a fucking

jerk, and he's got weird opinions. I don't need to be friends with everyone I work with, okay? Some people are colleagues. I mean, but they get along well enough. Sandler's a guy who's like, we've got to go to the barbecue, we're going to go to the cookout. It's like, man, some people are colleagues, okay, and that's fine. They get along well enough to both appear in 2010's grown-ups, but then Schneider, due to scheduling conflicts, is not grown-ups too.

I mean, it will be fascinating, given everything that's happened to see if he makes an appearance in grown-ups three. Also an interesting concept... One of them dies, right? That's the impetus for grown-ups three? No, for grown-ups one.

But then I think I read something that that's happening again in grown-ups three. They're travelling to Italy, I think, or something. Grown-ups one, isn't the first thing that happens their coach has died and that brings them together? Yeah, and they play basketball on his behalf or something. Yeah, in a holiday home.

What's the impetus for action in grown-ups two? Tell me that. Literally tell me that. I can't do the voice of... What's his name? What's his fucking name? I don't know. Peter Dante.

Oh, the boys... Get together. Have a day. They have a day. They have a day together. See, what's interesting to me, think about John Hayter. He wants the work, sure.

I understand, I guess, like, extraterrestrials. So I'm going to treat non-featured members of the Happy Madison family as extraterrestrial. in this research project, okay? So John Hayter is extraterrestrial. He's not known to exist or inhabit, you know, the Sandler system. And yet he appears. Now, it makes sense to me the allure of appearing in the Sandler system if you are

guaranteed proximity to Sandler. It's a fascinating case study. If you are, I suppose, you know, as an actor, he wanted the work. It's an opportunity to be in a medium budget studio comedy that's going to get a cinema release. So that's always good for you. He gives a shit ton of screen time. But it's fascinating to think about appearing in the Sandler system without access to Sandler.

And being like, what's it like, what is it like if you're the third lead alongside David Spade and Rob Schneider and you've literally shown up to a movie that exists to patch up a friendship of the other two leads? You're reconning this because of what we now know about Rob Schneider. Rob Schneider-O-6, a way brighter star in the sky. I think John Hayter would have been thrilled. Oblivious? What do you mean? oblivious to what?

What's just, I mean, I don't... You were saying, like, why would you sort of do a project like this unless you were shoulder to shoulder with Adam Sandler? I'm saying, I'm saying, Rob Schneider was a pretty big deal at this point in time. But I just am fascinated by what's the energy on set. If you're the third banana, you're showing up as an outsider, and the project to which you're appearing

is literally existing to patch up the friendship of the other two people you're acting with. Yeah. That is an incredibly confusing day at work. happy to be there, I reckon. Yeah. I think the experience of Napoleon Dynamite would have been such a whirlwind

and you're kind of trying to like recapture. I think John Hayter has, look, I don't know. I hope he's super like happy and satisfied and had a wonderful, is having a wonderful time of his career. But I, you know, you see him pop up and stuff like this because he's been involved in a few of these sorts of kinds of movies

and you're like, there's an air of a dog chasing a truck that will never reach the truck. The truck is simply going too fast. An amateur chef trying to roast carrots. I thought he was pretty good in Blades of Glory. Sadly, not irrelevant opinion to what we're doing. So, it appears, I mean, I had it...

Power rankings. I had it, well... Oh, you have more to say? I just wanted to tantalize you with another sort of potential research project. Please. I mean, you know, I think following the through line of the movie, I think it's going to be hard to swing from Benchwarmers 2. I can't imagine much affiliation that would lead us back to sort of, you know.

Maybe we should put Benchwomers 2 on the shelf for a little bit, but we'll get to it later. Well, this is a Dennis Dugan joint, right? This is Dennis Dugan. He's got a long, I wouldn't say long and strong. You could say long and wrong filmography, including a few hits along the way. But I was on his filmography. Yeah. And I tracked back to the very beginning, the debut directorial feature of Dennis Dugan.

1990. You've told me this before. I don't know if I have... This exists outside of the Happy Madison. This is outside of the Sandler system. I'm ready. It's a comedy film called Problem Child. 1990.

Yeah. The premise is two aspiring parents, it turns out, can't have a child, adopt a seven-year-old boy from hell, the aforementioned problem child. John Ritter is the male lead. I want you to guess,

obviously this predates Rotten Tomatoes, but they've aggregated all of the critics' reviews since the release of this movie. I want you to guess the Rotten Tomatoes percentage score on Dennis Dugan's directorial debut feature Problem Child that came out in 1990. Critical audience? Critics.

90. 90% lower. Oh, 85. Lower still. 80. Lower. Lower. Lower.

Lower. Is it bad? I thought problem child was a... It's lower than 80. I think it made money. 75? Lower. 70?

Lower. Maybe just tell me. No, no. Just go down in larger increments. 60%? Lower. 50%? Lower.

40%. Lower. Really? 30%. 35? Divide 30 by 10%. What? Like 5%?

10%? 30 divided by 10. 3%. 3% Holy shit I thought Problem Child was like I think it made money Yeah but I thought it was like a kind of a cult

beloved family You know like blank check Like one of those weird movies That just a lot of people have a fondness for 3% God bless you Dennis Dugan Some people would receive A reception like that

To their first attempt at doing a thing That they think they want to do With the rest of their life and go, I guess it's not for me. I've got such admiration for someone who says, nah, fuck you. I'm going to keep going. He keeps charging.

Do you know I think I would genuinely, the conversation would have to exist independent of him knowing this podcast exists. Probably have a really nice conversation with Dennis Dugan. Same. I think you would too. Well, anyway, just putting it out on the table, I mean, the more you look into the surroundings,

grounding projects that have facilitated the sandless system that exists today. To quote Chris Martin, do you propose we're going back to the start? Look, I'm open to it. Interesting. We'll talk about this off, Mike. But it's time for our power rankings now as we close off the episode. So far, we have watched Daddy Daughter Trip and we have watched Benchwarmers, which I'm now titling Benchwarmers 1.

Yeah. Well, it's pretty straightforward. Benchwarmers 1 sits above Daddy Daughter Trip for... any number of reasons, chief amongst them that it is a straightforward story competently told. Agreed. Thank you for joining us on this dissection of one more celestial body in the Sandler system. That's right. As we worm our way towards Grin'UPS 3. We'll keep our eyes peeled out of the space rocket window for whatever constellation strikes us next.