The Yak - One Lucky Person Will Get to Go to The Masters with Brandon | The Yak 4-4-25
Episode Date: April 4, 2025Uro clubYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/barstoolyak...
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All right, it's me, Tarany, Conrad, Kate.
What's up, everybody? What's going on?
Joey Avery is here the comedian. He's cooking with chef. He's cooking with chef Donnie
I think Joey's flight was a little bit late. He got here about 15 minutes ago went straight to Donnie. They said
Ten minutes ago. They said about ten minutes
So he should be walking in shortly Joey Avery would be in one of these depends on what they're cooking
I'm your best dish my best date night. You want to get pussy?
Nice grill a nice steak. Yeah, that's my pussy getting dead. What if she's too full oh?
She she knows you know a couple of glasses of red wine a nice steak it practically fucks itself
I gotta throw some aphrodisiacs in there like
Being married to Brandon Walker. Oh yeah, that'll do it. They say that's the strongest one
I leave pictures of myself around the house
to shirtless to get the mood going.
What was that?
I thought we were,
Oh yeah, we're friends today, Brandon.
We're gonna be buddies today.
You're right, you're right.
All right, is Doug gonna piss himself or what?
Doug!
So, Douglas.
So we said Doug's gonna piss himself to start the show?
Yes.
I'd hate for Joey to miss that though.
That's right.
How bad is Doug in the back room?
Doug, have we got Doug?
Has Doug left?
Maybe start trying now, Doug.
Start at least hydrating.
Okay, I gotta tell you this.
You weren't around.
I was walking in mostly on the way to the act.
Doug was holding a water.
He said, this is my fourth bottle of water.
He's gonna bring so much piss. He said, this is my fourth bottle of water. He's going to bring so much piss.
He said, this is my fourth bottle of water.
I still got nothing.
Said he got here about 8 o'clock this morning, 8.30.
He has drank four bottles of water,
and he still has no piss in his reserve.
How is that possible?
Where's it going?
He might be a nervous pisser.
A power move would be to shut the door and piss so much
that we drown in here that would be cool
Oh, that would be great kick a little turd out of his pants if it just slowly rise
And we're like Doug stop and he looks at us up
No, it got to right here, and I'll be like I did not care for the Godfather like that strokes music video. Yeah
Yeah, that's a Star Wars. That's a family guy. I got was that a Star Wars family guy one though
No, no, I don't think it is okay. Is it is it the end guy. I got it was that a Star Wars family guy one though. No no
I don't think it is okay. Is it is it the end might be a thing it might be yeah
What what what was his review of it? It insists upon itself that was the first time I think that's ever been said
But it works it does it insists. I just didn't care for it. Why does like the perfect movie?
That was my lowest that was a good lowest wasn't wasn't all that good. Can you do it?
I was active to you Lois. Yeah, a good Lois. It wasn't all that good. Can you do a Lois? Is she attractive to you?
Lois?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's very much so.
Give me a line you would say.
Peter!
Peter!
Peter!
Peter!
No, you're saying it like Peter like the animal folks.
Or like the bread.
Right.
Peter!
Peter!
What was that?
That sounded like you were emotional.
That was like a baby.
Like you were baby talking.
Like you have some sort of...
I hate when grownups talk like babies and kids. Do you talk like a baby to your baby? You don't talk like a baby talking. Like you have some sort of... I hate when grownups talk like babies and kids.
Do you talk like a baby to your baby?
You don't talk like a baby to your baby?
I do like, hi!
I do a high-pitched voice.
You do that to when guests walk in here.
I find myself doing toddler voice with people a lot.
It leaks over.
It insists upon itself.
Whenever you talk like a toddler to my wife,
when we got to New Orleans and I was like, oh my god
It just come it it aren't you a big girl
You say funny things to my wife too I do
What's your baby voice Brandon I can't I don't have one I talked to a baby like they're humans like a man
Yeah, so when Tommy was one year old, what's up, baby Thomas? Hey, baby change your diaper. Stop shitting yourself, baby
Always when did baby become a term for somebody you love or your had to be early because like all of our early
Say your last words he's about to drown us in piss look at those gray sweatpants sitting big cast chair here
Look at those gray sweatpants. Sit in big cat's chair here for a second. Look at those gray sweatpants. Doug? Hello? Are you nervous? Very. That's good. That's
easier to piss. I think it's the opposite. Have you ever pissed yourself on camera? No,
never. Have you? So yeah, a couple times. So this is a first for you. Yeah. Have you
given like family and friends a heads up up like you might see me pissing
Myself online a couple people have your parents said no don't do this. No, I don't know if they know yet
Mom and dad if you see this yes, this is about to happen
This is not the part. They're gonna see well it could be they're gonna see the part in a minute
Do you have your college degree?
Yeah.
And now you're doing this.
I've had a good job.
I've had a good job.
It's from Indiana.
It is from Indiana.
So.
They've won college basketball championships
with two different coaches.
That is true, Doug.
That's a really, that's not a fun fact or not a sad fact.
That's just an okay fact.
That's just a fact.
This might have to be a new segment on the show.
I want you to bring me a fact that won't wow me at all,
but I didn't know.
Now tell me the other coach other than Bobby Knight.
Branch McCracken.
Branch McCracken.
That's a real name?
Branch McCracken, isn't it great?
Branch McCracken.
Branch?
I think like the 1940s?
They really had better names back in the 30s, 40s, and 50s.
Dude, stop being named Red.
Yeah, stop being named a lot of things.
Now we're all Cadens and Cadens and Nades.
Wow. He was handsome. He was a good a good-looking god damn was a strapping
young lad I think you want to look how shiny his hair is the oldest historical
person you'd be attracted to you gotta think there has to be some 1910s I mean
who did who did who did David kill that dude for? No, no, no, that was Helen of Troy. No, I was I wasn't hello David. He killed his was Bathsheba, right?
I didn't know if it was for a woman. I thought Bathsheba was a little hard lit
It was like it was hard to be hot back then cuz everyone's teeth were fucked. Who's the girl?
Who's the woman that was a spy actress and invented Wi-Fi? What are you talking? Oh, oh, oh no, no
No, she was in Grumpy Old Men. What are you talking about? Angelina Jolie? No no no she was in
Grump Your Old Men. What? Oh Anne Margaret? No. Rita Hayworth? No. No no she had big cannons. She was us yeah.
You got it Kate. She was in Grump Your Old Men. I've never even heard of her. Cleopatra was
was was the ideal beauty right? We don't know. But we go by context clues, she had to be hot.
I mean, the Lady Pharaoh and the mummy,
if she looked like her, that was one of the hottest movies.
Everybody in that movie is attractive.
I mean, they kept procreating and creating new generations,
so somebody had to be attractive at some point.
It was Cleopatra, she got Marc Antony.
Yeah, I think she probably was hot.
She had to be hot.
Who got Enrique Iglesias?
I think he's...
No, she's famous. She's a famous woman.
No, Ricky Martin's gay.
Right? Yeah.
And Ricky Iglesias is not gay? Not gay.
When Ricky Martin came out, my mom, it was the first time I saw her cry, and she says the worst day of her life.
Really? I think my mom's kind of the same. She loves him.
Yeah. Yeah.
You can still love him even though he's gay. I think she still does I don't know not in the yeah, I don't think either of your mother's longer attainable test
I think she's still love either of your mother's was ever gonna have a romantic relationship with Ricky Martin definitely not now I might have
Um
Who was he rip Mary Anna Kornikova yes?
And Ricky oh yeah, I'll still marry him. He wears a wig. Does he really?
Yes. That's a good long celebrity marriage. The ping pong song is one of the best songs
ever written. 24 years for a celebrity marriage. Do you know what it feels like? Did they ever
have kids? Oh man, I don't know. I bet their kids would be good looking as fuck. Too good
looking people typically. Anna Kornikova, man. She was the it girl for a little bit.
She was it. She's still playing? Don't think so. She's the it girl for a little bit. She was it she's still playing don't think so
She's married in Rikki a glaciers. I need to marry to her honey. No, I don't think
Wow
Good for them. How are their kids? I gotta see more about this
Can you which oh you can pick on hero? What's your favorite non hero in Rikki a glaciers song?
Girl, please excuse me
I like hero. Okay, that's not a bad choice
Bailamos
Baby I like it. Oh, yeah, that's a good one too. Eternal Twins. Oh, they waited a while to have kids too
Wow, they really got to be rich and hot and live life.
They did.
They did it right.
Miami, they're probably friends with Dave.
Oh my God.
Feel like they'd have problems with Dave.
Yeah.
What with him being a gigantic asshole.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, no, no, no.
Feel any piss coming out yet, Doug?
You got here this morning, I'm gonna say nine o'clock, right?
Sure. Okay.
I saw you in the hall, you said,
I am on my fourth bottle of water,
and I still have nothing.
Do you have nothing right now?
I think I might, I don't know.
You have a little bit?
I might have a little bit.
But I feel like once it's a little bit,
it's like a fourth water bottle.
Once it gets going.
Yeah, I know know that's the problem
It would be embarrassing if you piss too much you know well
I know
I think it'd be cool as hell if too little was embarrassing piss too much is a merit if you don't have
If you don't have a lot of piss right now, where's the water going? I?
Don't know I think it's just like in a tank inside of me. Just wait tank Doug text me yesterday for advice. I was
Spiraling yesterday. I said piss brother Yeah, you sleep well last night. No, okay. All right. No actually kind of did it was good
I
Know I was spiraling yesterday afternoon
I was trying to get out of it
But also at the same time like I think you just got to do it now
They told you yesterday to wear gray sweatpants. Yeah, you didn't have to do that. You could have just worn anything. I
Guess I could have I don't have to do that. You could have just worn anything. I guess I could have.
I also don't have to do this, but I don't know if that rule really exists.
Wow, Doug is in a sheep like the rest of us.
You actually don't have to piss yourself in front of a thousand.
Goddamn.
What?
That changes everything.
But you're going to.
I'm going to try.
Doug, how many?
That has to be Big Cat's biggest fear.
You know how if everybody's like, money isn't real well sass almost broke us sass that thank God
That's why we had to move
Sass assassin in the Super Bowl almost destroyed the show when we had a moment of clarity like wait a second
And then big cat beat the shit out of all of us. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did beat us with a hammer
I don't really feel like being covered in chocolate all day
I think I need to solely here that would have been my saving grace shirtless for solely coming here piss for you
They've sass the solely would love to piss for the stool
I bet for solis one regret is he left this place this office without ever having to piss himself on the yeah
Yeah, you would have loved that you think we could call us all in he's getting piss himself wherever he is right now
No, he's changed man. He has he changed. Yeah, he's wearing vests now
He's probably dressed too nice to piss himself right now
Would we let KDIC take the heat for him it again because KDIC wanted to do it yesterday
Did he he blew him in here?
And then he he's got four bottles of water in him for if he's not gonna piss
I'm just saying do I give him the option private Doug how many seconds is your average morning piss?
Probably about 15.
Oh.
That's a little personal, Dave.
Kind of on the same vein of things.
How big is your dick?
Declined answer.
White Sox Dave.
Oh boy.
We filmed with him a little yesterday.
It's gonna be a longer video than I thought.
He said he has the best bladder in the office.
My God. And can piss longer than anybody in the office
This is an open challenge. Yes, it is. What's his longest? He said he said he can hold
We will have a day where you can come and challenge try to beat Dave's time, okay?
Yeah, so what's he so is he ultimately saying he can hold his piss in?
He said he has a good bladder
And then that would mean that his peas's are longer than everyone else's.
He tried to break down what he's good at, and that was one of the first things.
I have a good bladder.
Well, he thinks he's good at everything.
And he doesn't actively think he's good at everything, but if you say you're good at
a thing, he will then say, I'm actually better at things.
He's very...
Anything you can do, I can do.
I'm good at sitting in a chair, and he's like, well, I'll have the chair off of you right
now.
The mid-filming...
Chief, tell him. How come I ain't sitting? sitting in a chair and he's like well I'll have a chair off with you right now. Mid-filming yesterday I realized that he's filled to the brim with
depression and he thinks it would be gay to admit it. But you're diagnosing him right now?
Yeah he is so fucking depressed because not only can he not get mad he also
can't get happy and he's like I found the perfect gray area and he thinks the absence of mad is good yes
even though the absence of happy as I also feel happy so the video is gonna
be me taking to get Prozac so this is an actual almost an intervention I don't
even know yeah all right well once it you got more you're gonna add to it
before it comes out yeah all right all right Joey Avery they said and I know
what they're cooking and I don't want to give it away it just doesn't take long
it's not even you don't even cook this item you just compile it I can see them
from here and they're still in the thick of it they're still going they're doing
BLT uh no but it's a food item
That I will eat in the next week. I hope they bring some in whatever that's everything
Fuck that's what's your guys go to meal on a weekend if you're making a lunch at home
I
Sauerkraut and cut up weenies whoa I make my famous turkey sandwich mm-hmm quesadilla
It's got to be a sandwich quesadilla takes a little effort doesn't it?
Yeah. Do you have a maker? It's pretty no. But pretty quick enough. Little butter, some
tortillas, little cheese, little meat. And you're not doing anything else on the weekend.
That's true. It's painfully true. Just a little, put sauerkraut in a pan, cut up the...
Sauerkraut? Oh I love it. Sauerkraut and weenies? I love sauerkraut but it stinks up the home.
I was poor for a long time man. I got a lot of poor meals. Sour kraut and weenies? I love sauerkraut, but it stinks up the home. I was poor for a long time, man.
I got a lot of poor meals.
I used to cut up weenies and then take Kraft cheese
and melt it over top of them in the microwave.
That would be embarrassing too, Doug,
if you're piss-thinks.
Oh, yeah.
If you're piss-thinks.
If you start pissing and we're like, ugh.
I have a piss-take.
I think asparagus pee smells,
I would rather smell asparagus pee than piss.
That's crazy.
I got a piss-take.
I have never smelled asparagus pee because I have never eaten asparagus pea than piss. That's crazy. I got a piss take. I have never smelled asparagus pea
because I have never eaten asparagus.
Really?
I think it's the best vegetable.
Not very long.
I might have eaten it once or twice.
But that and Brussels sprouts.
I get broccoli.
I like Brussels sprouts.
Thanks brother.
Yeah, well you didn't create them.
No, but I got to take it my Brussels sprouts spot.
You got a spot?
Yeah.
Oh, well Joey just walked by so hopefully
did he not figure out the door
because he just walked that way.
Brussels sprouts had like a, what do you call it, a rebirth.
Yeah, they became hot for a minute.
People realized you just add like vinegar
and spices to it, and it's amazing.
They're one of those foods you just say,
whatever you want to taste, you just add it to it,
and it'll give it to you.
A lot of things are the product of their ingredients.
Everything.
Wow. People were raw dogging Brussels sprouts. That's crazy. I had a moment kale had a moment Brussels sprouts had a moment
What who's up next? Yeah? What? What pudding?
I wrote it down my notes. This is the year of bok choy
Wow, what is that? That's a little to grow and start cheapest crop to grow in Stardew Valley. A little thing. Okay.
It's a little, it's not a radish.
What up?
Woo!
Joey!
Joey Avery.
Which chair?
Middle.
That one or either one?
This one?
Yeah, take a seat.
Ah.
Joey.
You want this guy to piss his pants?
I would love nothing more.
You heard him, Doug.
You sure about that?
We saved the piss for you.
By the way, by the way, the hair looking crispy as hell. Thank you. I got a cut yesterday. Good as fuck. Thank you
I appreciate that in the Giants Jersey. There's there's being a comic and then choosing to be handsome is so weird
What are you doing? Yeah trying to have it all it's not working
So we do the wheel every day on the show
It landed on him yesterday if you get swept during the finals of
Wet you have to piss yourself. Yeah that that probably made it more confusing
Listened I heard I heard the end I see the gray pants now you're wondering what the bar gray
I'm imagining that's to collect the pee that
Funnels around his ankles where he's gonna stand yeah, yeah
Right now Doug you were you were spiraling yesterday. Yeah
Are you worried about where the piss starts in the pants cuz that's where?
Starts where the dick ends we saw Titus piss one of his first shows Yeah, but I'm never gonna we've called him a big dick monster ever since yeah
And who his pants could have just been baggy and like the piss no
what's a good problem I have though getting called a big dick monster it's
good for Titus right but what if it goes the other way for his waistband starts Is that side on your heart and you're tucked upwards?
Just full erect just as his chest yeah
Sorry, I pissed it comes back and hits us
Dude dude with a real wet chest. Have you ever done the like morning boner piece sit down and you think you have it pointed down enough, but yeah that it goes right through the window.
I sometimes have to you have to have a it's preferably around toilet use the lip to like pop you know like a doorstop.
Oh yeah the lip of the toilet.
That's smart.
Yeah.
I have a friend.
I will go to the bathroom until it's down.
I can't.
I try to train myself, hey, dick, go down.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Yeah, or if it's not, it's a shower piss.
I'm talking about like, you have to pee,
you're kind of hung over, you just get in there.
You're hard for no reason, so you sit down,
but the pee has to go, so you're basically putting hand on
trying to, if I'm hung over, I I'm not getting hard I did wonder why you were
really can't because the the the the the erect P is hard in its own because you
you know you got to lean your ass back and almost got to balance yourself it's
it's crazy you have to stress wait you're saying sitting down no I'm saying
standing up standing up yeah you got it you got to kind of stick the ass back to
where the aim is going towards sitting down
You see what men go through? Yeah, it's not easy. Are you guys a y'all you hold on?
Do you hold on to a wall where you're pissing? I knew balls hit the toilet water sometimes. I don't have that
I know I have that's not that's an aging man's disease
Not an Asian man aging aging aging and they don't age. Yeah, I use them and don't have balls
So all right, Jay Man a G agent and they don't age. Yeah, I use them and don't have balls
So all right, Jay
Wait, whose balls are in the toilet water? That's a thing. They make extra long toilet bowls for dudes with long balls
The toilet for balls
Talked about that on this is a repeater are the big balls hitting the toilet or our Pat's balls hitting the toy could be
He's a big boner pee guy too. Love that fascinating. Yeah a big boner pee guy or a big boner
Well endowed man, I don't like it call well endowed big balls aren't well endowed now. That's a curse Yeah, nobody wants big balls now
Huh
Special toilet for my big balls all right Doug we've dilly-dally long enough
I actually have a friend who's like a fan of the program also named Doug Doug porous and he offered
To pee himself to save you.
Oh, get him to come through.
But he said-
Just where he is?
In Chicago?
Well, here's the thing, he's not in Chicago.
He said he'd send a video of himself.
I asked him where he was today, and he said he's at a funeral.
Yeah.
Oh, that would count?
I want him to piss himself in the funeral bathroom.
Okay, should I call him right now?
Yes.
Okay.
Would he need to FaceTime it?
That is the one loophole.
Doug can get out of it if another Doug pisses.
We'd have to send him a Zoom link.
Okay.
And we'd have to see the piss. Right, T.J.?
I think the funeral has to be for someone over 55, otherwise it's disrespectful.
Yeah, pissing at a young girl.
I can verify the age of the...
No, you're pissing at a 62-year-old is still disrespectful?
No, that's okay. Over 55.
Dying of old age, you could do those funerals or more parties.
You can do whatever. Yeah.
Is it disrespectful of me to call him if he's at a funeral?
I mean, he offered. If he offered.
Yeah, I'm going to call him right now.
Yeah, it depends on how close he is with the person.
What if, what if?
What if he was a general area?
He's in California.
So it's it's what 10 a.m. out there?
That's true
That'd be an early
early wake
Awaken way can wake
Dude I've never seen a light bulb moment in my life
Where you snapped your head we made eye contact we hit it at the same time
We made eye contact, we hit it at the same time.
Now Doug, you were saying you were kind of mad at Stephen Che, because we could have just spun the original wheel, but he had to mention that he wasn't on it. It was a moot wheel.
It was a moot wheel, and I would have gone past it.
He changed everything.
He's also the last guy.
Doug, we...
Gohan is live on the Yak.
Yeah, you're live on the Yak.
Oh wow, what's up boys?
What's going on, Doug? yeah, you're live on the yak
So yeah
Yeah, you might be able to get Doug out of his pee if you pee yourself, but you'd have to zoom in
Potentially from this funeral and pee yourself. Oh, but do you want a grave in the background or no? No, if we can get it.
I'll leave the set design up to you.
I mean, I mean.
I'll have to see if it's okay with my dad.
He's crying right now, so.
Okay.
What's the, not to...
This isn't his mom's funeral. It's not for for your mom or anything right? No, it's my uncle
That might be a lot
Uncle is funnier than mom
Should we just stop dilly-dallying and make him do it
Other guys think he owes it to the world okay?
Wait yes, wait dog you're doing a memorial piss right now our dog our dog art So you're missing in okay, so Doug you're off the hook, and I'm gonna let you go now
But this is gonna happen in honor of your uncle
It's a lot more pressure dog talk to you a lot more pressure dog I
Bet just takes it to a different level imagine a week piss in honor of somebody's oh my god that would be fucked up
We can't even they probably get ripped out of heaven
It's his uncle yeah, that's a pretty close relative
Yeah, I but if I were gonna pee at one of my relatives general it would be an uncle
Yeah, yeah, I really appreciate it. I think you choose an uncle to pee at their uncle would like that
Yeah, it's respect and uncle's job is to give decent gifts and die and be goofy. Yeah
Uncles are built to die. Yeah
Like goth like kind kinda white supremacist font.
Uncles are built to die.
We can put that shirt in the floor.
Uncles are built to die.
That's all they're doing.
Ants are kinda built to die too though.
I don't, I haven't had it yet.
Ants are a relief.
I'm like, Jesus, finally. Ants are kind of built to die too though. I haven't had it yet. Ants are a relief. Yeah, I'm like, Jesus, finally. Ants are built to widow.
I guess that's right.
In this house, uncles are built to die
and ants are built to widow.
Nowadays, ants are dying.
A thin ant line.
I don't know what's what anymore.
Well, Doug, we've...
All right, get in the box.
We've did our best. We've did our best. Yeah, we, we've... All right, get in the box. We've did our best.
We did our best.
Yeah, we did our best.
It's a Doug in a box.
Pencils are live, by the way.
Ooh, yeah.
Oh, the Big Game pencils are live right now.
Oh, Doug, hold the pencil while you pee,
so it's advertised.
Look at that, the Big Game pencil.
It's under Doug's seat.
Joey, that's a pencil that we want people to buy
and try to get on Jumbotrons with.
Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's the new big hat. Yeah, it's the Big Game pencil. That we want people to buy and try to get on Jumbotrons with
New big hat yeah, it's the big game pencil
I feel like I'm in the smell zone
Are you peeing already? Okay?
No, Doug don't don't start pissing it's disrespectful his face is not in the shower, it's just me I get hard I have one specific thing that
I like and this is actually it all right we're talking about you just, whenever you breathe pee, it's fine, we're not gonna worry about it. The ultimate stage fright.
Yeah.
What makes innocuous small talk?
Should we do like a chant so it's like a cult thing?
Dude, that first dribble is going to be electric.
Is there an over under on how long he's in the box
before we see Wes?
Yeah, it's a really good point.
What do you think Che's doing?
He's putting the mic.
We wanna hear it, we wanna hear every fucking drop. Put it as close, get as close as way closer check don't push too hard and poo a little bit
Yeah, kink the hose if you do you need some innocuous small talk behind you that isn't even connected yeah, Joey
How was it? How was your flight Joey great flight?
Anytime you get to flat a LaGuardia. It's a great day. Yeah, you're in Chicago the next couple days, where you at? Yes, I'm at Rosemont, Zany's Rosemont tonight and tomorrow,
and then Zany's downtown Sunday.
And I'm really going all over the place, joegavrey.com
slash live, just plugging my dates
while a man tries to pee himself.
Sounds amazing.
It is amazing, you know?
What a life you've carved out for yourself.
You know, it's working out.
Any fucking moment now.
Oh, god.
The wrestling thing is happening in Rosemont tonight too.
You have a fun vibe out there.
Yeah. I was hoping there would be
nothing else for the people of
Rosemont to do because I really
thrive in that scenario.
There will be 20,000 people at Smackdown tonight.
But what time is your show?
There's two shows.
Probably 7 and 9, maybe eight and 10.
I leave some suspense and send them to the website,
joeyre.com slash live.
I'm coming to a city near you.
People can still get tickets tonight though?
They can still get tickets.
So close to being sold out, but it's not.
But come on down.
Did you ever hear from anybody from your old team
after we say you got molested?
You know, I forgot how many old teams, because the first time I was here it was the old baseball
team molestation story, again not true.
And then the second time was that we read the email of me getting cut from UC San Diego
baseball, UC San Diego in the tournament this year.
Do you have something terribly embarrassing to disclose this time
Yeah, why not?
Pedophile Little League
No, you weren't a pedophile no you were a child pedophile
This kid has potential Doug we tried talk. What we're gonna do now
is pure silence. We're gonna do one minute of pure silence and we're gonna stare at you,
okay? Starting in three, two, and one. This... No, I just... Let me down. Four bottles of
water in here. Four bottles of water. Four bottles of water water we might have to get some vaude
Osmosis poisoning or whatever that is
You got to get it out. Yeah, you could die people
Yeah, someone died and oh we on the radio we for a we that's right. She could oh Doug doesn't have headphones on
But Doug it's you have to pee. But Doug, it's, you would hear this. It's dripping.
Oh, it's a water drip.
Kate, ever since he stood in the pee box,
you haven't opened your eyes.
I feel like I'm trying to be polite to Doug.
I don't know if he's okay peeing in front of a lady.
He's peeing in front of a bunch of ladies right now.
You know how many Lady Yakkers are looking
at his dick right now?
Lady Yakkers, they're out there.
There's hundreds of women looking at your penis
right now wanting you to pee.
Joey, were you licking your lips?
Yeah, I actually just noticed that.
Wait, can we...
It wasn't on you, it cut to you.
You were...
Yeah, I noticed that too.
And I saw myself the same way that you saw me.
I was like, did I just do that?
Oh no.
Oh no.
You know, but sometimes, you know, you don't know when you're gonna unlock a new part of yourself
Doug are you a like a drunk outdoor peer?
Could be could be if you pee today yet
Favorite tree to pee on Oh just a solid oak tree wrong answer answer. Leaping willow. A willow?
Yes. No, no, no.
The willow leaves get too close to the ground.
You gotta get underneath. You part it and you go in.
I don't want to part it. I want a long tree that doesn't have any leaves for about 10 feet.
So you want everyone to see you?
I don't care. I love peeing outside is one of my favorite things in life.
Best part of being a guy.
Top 5 thing in life. Peeing outside is one of them.
It's hard being a girl peeing outside.
You've got to find a hill and make sure you're on the right side of the slant and have something to hold onto.
And if you're drunk and you're in flip flops and you pee and it hits the sidewalk and it sprays all over your legs.
I was 17, downtown St. Patrick's Day parade.
Tried going in a subway line was too long.
Tried going in another store at Dunkin Donuts.
Said you can't use the bathroom.
Had to go in an alley. All of all sudden get pulled up on by bike cops. Oh public urination ticket
community service off my record
Ever since did you have to tell your parents? Yeah, I had to go to court. Oh for pissing
That's a crazy quarter. I'd like pick up dead pigeons under underpasses having balls as man back to balls
it's they're oftentimes a
nuisance hitting the balls, sitting on your balls. But when you're wearing shorts, the
breeze that goes up and out, it makes it all worth it. It really does. It goes up, it swirls
around and it comes out scorching hot air. And the floating balls feeling on a swinging
ship at an amusement park. Oh my God. Oh my god. I'll go to Kennywood in Pittsburgh. Yeah.
Just I would sit on the swinging ship all day just to get that zero G ball.
That's the best. I like the floating ball. Swinging ship. Yeah. At the, at the,
what do you call the front of a ship? The hull? Bow. The mast? The bow. The hull?
The hull. I'm just throwing them out there. What the whole bow bow sounded right? Yeah, it's whole just the entire outside. Oh, Lee. I don't know do astronauts ever get to be fully nude
Cuz I bet they have fun seeing their balls. Yeah, but their balls are probably always up
Right. Yeah, I don't know what their balls do in space
Do they have like private rooms in the space station? Because a space crank would be electric.
Yeah, but then imagine floating in the air.
But like imagine like a crumpled tissue like when you come out.
What, you pissing done?
You're not using a tissue.
I think you just spray it in the air.
Then what?
Inhale it?
Gobble it up.
No.
No.
No.
If you're in zero G.
Yeah, you just have a one.
You might as well, dude.
The front of the ship.
It makes you stronger, dude.
It's like taking testosterone.
You're playing Pac-Man with them.
The front of the ship is the bow.
The bow.
The stern is the rear of the ship.
What's wrong, Doug?
Can I, so, I don't want to interrupt this yak because I want to appease the fans and
do it, but can I move over here then like maybe when it happens and
Camera then run on camera as you're peeing no no no I'm saying there could be a camera on me over here TJ
But you don't like being in the center. No, I think it's a little
More stage fright all right. We'll process the request you want to stand behind us
You want to sit on my lap yeah, what if you just stood in front of that chair?
What about?
It's the same spot.
What makes you have to pee?
Like beer?
Could.
I mean, you think water, but.
Why don't you stand behind me or something,
and then when it starts, you can, or I don't know.
Just clear your throat.
Standing in the middle holding a pencil and sweatpants,
it looks like it's his first day of
sleeping. Oh so you're gonna stand there do we have a can he be seen? Yeah when it
starts okay okay is that is that you're more comfortable peeing there? Do you
want to start you gotta get to the middle you could scoot out in the box
mid-piss.
You're off camera, right?
It's hard to say you can do it right now
because you're just not on camera at all.
I'll go to the middle.
I remember there was like-
You're gonna move mid-pee?
I just don't see that happen.
Doug, I'm sorry, but you gotta get back to the middle.
Logistically, this is not gonna work.
Do you guys remember-
I hope it takes the entire show.
Why?
This is miserable. I don't want it to take long.
I know you took your shoes off. Why wouldn't you take your socks off too?
I have different socks.
That's smart.
That's smart. Yeah, I get that.
I don't really want to have bears.
You don't want to have piss on your bare feet.
Do you remember there was like a game show?
Don't worry about us.
There was a game show where if you knew the answer, you had to out a little bit of piss and that's how it rang the buzzer.
Sounds Japanese. I think it was. I don't remember. But it was everybody sitting on toilets. I
just remembered it and it's like coming back to me so vividly. Yeah. Bob Eubanks hosted
it. I don't know. I don't know. Bob Eubanks hosted it. I think it was Wink Martindale.
Wink Martindale. That makes more sense for pissing. You're sure it wasn't just a game on the prices, right?
That would be.
TJ, can you check that?
There was, no.
There was a game show, trivia,
you had to let out a little bit of distraction.
You're being for real?
You had to let out a little bit of piss in a bucket
and it had a sensor.
Carl was aided by distractors who, as the name suggests,
attempted to distract the contestants painfully or emotionally
Examples included losing contestants nudists creepy carny guys tattoo piercing experts. I'm not seeing piss right now. Okay, maybe I'm nothing about piss
TJ control F on that one control F piss
did you ever see the
The the like dating show where it's just naked people and they just start by seeing each other's genitals
Oh, it starts at like waste yeah, they're going right
Does the biggest dick just win or the tightest pussy? How could you tight pussy would be a hard thing to see?
imagine being able to tell
She's tight from far away closer
She tricked me they're just Oh, yeah, or away that tight, but she's tight from far away closer
She tricked me they're just looking inside of it lied to me
Doug
All right, how about this how about this is there anybody
We can allow Katie to do it
Doug is trying I don't have so much point. I want to do it.
I'm going to do it, is what I'll say.
That's fine, but I don't want you to have to be subject.
We don't want to subject you to embarrassment.
If Kadek will walk in here and do it, it'll be done.
But I would argue not being able to pee is more embarrassing than peeing.
I agree.
At this point, I'm just like, I want to do it.
But I don't want to do a whole show with you standing there.
I do.
That's why I said I would be only there.
Imagine if it's like we're just finishing up the show and we see it pouring out.
It would be kind of beautiful.
Uh huh.
Well I like that you had another Doug willing to pee.
What if we found other Dugs?
Would it make you feel better?
It's going to be funny as Travis.
But you still have to pee, but would you feel better if other dugs were awesome?
Yeah, we would check a box
You think big twan would get himself here to pay?
Yeah, definitely would a Doug solidarity pee right across the world every dug on earth piss at the same time
What about a couple beers Doug?
I would like I think that'd be fun. Yeah, or at least another guy a brew ski there
Who's the most famous Doug? Oh?
Boy Peterson Stan Hope
Emhoff would be a great one cop his husband right now. Yeah
It's not a Dougy Doug.
It's not a famous...
Doug-less. I feel like Douglases are fancier.
All Douglases are Doug.
Doug Flutie.
Dougie Fresh.
Doug Flutie. There's not a lot of famous Dugs.
Doug McDermott. Doug Dibbidone.
A lot of Open Field.
This might make you the most famous Doug.
Who's that Doug? Bottom left savant or Doug sharp Doug sharp like Taylor the one he dies
Doug Stone Doug's are good people. I only know good though. I haven't my best friends. I'll Doug shut out Doug. Yeah
Oh, yeah, uncle Doug search Doug arrested has a Doug ever been arrested. Maybe not maybe
Not until this public urination
would you like to see if my uncle Doug would piss himself real quick sure I
don't have his number the cat does what I lost his number uncles are meant for
pissing and dying did Doug funny the, did he ever pee himself?
Let's see.
Here's the thing about Nick, and he doesn't really know much about the TV show Doug.
I love Doug.
Or any of the Nickelodeon shows.
I don't think Doug Funny ever peed himself.
Roger never made him do it.
He had the zits episode.
He had a tough guy to zig-zag.
Big zit on his big ol' nose.
One of the beats may have pissed in a drunken stupor
Somebody and hey Arnold peed I think Arnold when he was learning karate kicked a guy
Trying to get on the bus try to find the bus stop and he peed himself
Arnold made the guy pee himself. Yeah, I believe so and I don't felt guilty I
Could see that
The pencil really takes this to another level. Yeah, I don't.
It's almost sad.
It's advertisement.
What should we do with the people that get on Jumbotrons or backgrounds with a big game
pencil?
We have a wall?
We could have a wall.
A wall of pencil?
Oh yeah, we should do something.
We're running out of wall though.
I guess we have, yeah, we got wall.
We have plenty of wall.
We'll have a wall of pencil.
Yeah, we got wall.
Yeah.
Doug? We'll have a wall of pencil. Yeah, we got a wall. Yeah.
Doug?
I kind of think the states that aren't covered in purple hat
right now could be, if you pee yourself in Utah,
we'll put you in Utah.
You have to beat Clemmer.
Yeah, you can beat Clemmer with, or not peeing yourself,
but pencil, pencil.
If you can out pencil the hats, you can have the state.
Wow.
So right now, Wyoming is available, Utah is
available, Nebraska, Arkansas, and other states. All right Doug I'm gonna read an ad.
You just don't worry about it. I'm talking about, please don't pee during the ad. Can
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I have an idea.
You have an idea, what's your idea?
It's the pee shot that's getting to me.
I do have to pee.
What if I go to the bathroom real quick?
Start. You're gonna run back? I don't think traveling while peeing is a thing. The pee shy is getting to me. I do have to pee what if I go to the bathroom real quick start
You're gonna run back. I don't think traveling while peeing
Stop do you have that town?
You have a fake do you have a fake pissing dick in the bathroom? Are you gonna try to?
Wait, I have something that can help what?
Is it your
Mike's broken up
What is what destroyed that what just hit her that she has that could help you piss?
She also sits up
That's come
You could come
That would be unreal could you come is TJ
Can you look up ways to make a man piss like is it pushing?
Can you push on your gooch?
Can you put like waterfalls on him?
Yeah, put his hand in water.
Yeah.
And fall asleep.
Yeah, fall asleep.
We could all pee right next to him.
Would that help?
Yeah.
Send me a guess about what time you think you will pee.
Oh, good, good, good.
I just did.
Do you want central time?
Jumping jacks? What are you? you yeah maybe you gotta get things moving down there
but then but then we want to see we want the clip of him peeing as soon as it starts
we're not in front big trend no i like this do you think you could pee since we can't see your
dick now that is interesting it is kind of like a urinal, right? This is a more traditional setup. So this is stars just drop it
Yeah, when it starts push it over. That's a good over big trend. I
Caught Kate
Wrapping herself up in Big Trent yesterday
To try and hide and scare people
House out scaring people going, first of all?
I've only got three so far. It's actually been a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
But I haven't really turned up the heat yet. I need to really get into the zone.
It's early yet. I mean, you've got plenty of month.
The trouble is I giggle. I start giggling.
Have you scared anybody multiple times yet?
Only you.
There he goes! There he goes! It was Trent! Get him to the right! scared anybody multiple times yet only you only oh sure goes there goes
yeah trip can you write yeah trip work trip work yeah I saw you know stop stop
like that bring it back up box put right back. Put Trent back up. You want Trent back up? Get him, get him Trent.
Get him Big Trent.
Get him a picture.
Tell me when he's going again.
What else stay in there Nick?
That was awesome.
What a great innovation, Kate.
Thank you.
Look at Trent's face.
We need to sell Big Trent's for people at a bathroom shop.
Yeah.
We might have a new name for your penis.
Big Trent. Big Trent.
That was, man, Kate, how'd you know?
I could feel it in my bones.
It just.
Absolutely genius.
The Big Trent was going to do it.
She was like, I have the perfect thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Hopefully I don't need that for anything because I wrinkled the fuck out of it yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Hopefully I don't need that for anything because I wrinkled the fuck out of it yesterday.
You know, technically, he just has to piss himself.
He has done that.
It doesn't have to be a certain amount.
Are you uncomfortable?
Do you have more piss?
Not right now, but like probably soon.
But like I don't know if I want to say.
It's up to you, man.
I prefer not.
He's standing in his own piss right now.
Yeah, this is kind of uncomfortable. Yeah.
This isn't the most comfortable.
I say he's off the hook.
I think he's done his job.
Yeah.
I think that's...
Your call.
You pissed.
I feel like I've done it.
You pissed your pants.
Yeah, you did.
You have officially pissed your pants.
It was hard.
You were in the gray sweat.
Trust me, I would have done it in two seconds.
All right, there goes Doug.
Thanks a ton.
He's kind of got a pee pussy.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
You got a pee pussy. Oh shit.
You got a pee pussy, Doug.
There's nothing more feminine than piss in a pussy.
Is he going not straight to the bathroom?
Oh, he is going straight to the bathroom.
That's the closest way.
Okay, cool.
Is he just going to go hang with the boys?
Yeah, sit down and produce the show.
That was like a tasteful, he did that right.
I feel like he did that right.
It was a really good amount, it was a respectful amount
of piss.
He was trying to be the main character.
A businessman.
It was classy.
A gentleman's pee.
Classy.
Yeah, he could still run for office.
Yeah, 100%.
He doesn't have anything that's like weighing him down.
Like, oh, look at how much he pissed himself.
I wouldn't vote for somebody that pissed himself a ton.
Yeah.
Actually, if I was interviewing him in the future,
I'd be like, OK, that was OK.
It was respectful.
He has plausible deniability.
He can still say, yeah, I did it, but I didn't want to.
And I did it just enough to get away.
We should have asked him for his full stance on the tariffs
while he was covered in urine.
Just really pick his brain.
Get a nice political take out. Alright I don't
know my whole show prep was based on piss. Is that all you had? That's all I had. All
I had was Doug pissing. Shout out to Doug for being a trooper on that one. A lot of
people complain about the wheel and they're big fat bitches. Couldn't be to me. But I
do have one idea. was gonna do the beginning show
Let's just spin the wheel now so that if it hits we're not like at the very end of the show and we can just
Actually do it on the show. Okay, okay, so let's go and what's the worst is P the worst punish?
date with Kate
Yeah, I know. It could be you.
Could you imagine?
Oh.
Now what is this?
Now we gotta pee in this.
It's the club of piss. You have to bring it home for the weekend like a class pet.
Another piss thing.
It's right behind me.
So that golf club over there behind Kate.
Full of piss.
It's full of big cat's piss.
So you just have to take it home? It's like a class pet, like a hamster.
All right, and you have to carry it around with you
to wherever you go, oh boy, okay.
Take it on stage with him.
Very pee-centric.
Yeah.
The first time I was on here we did,
and this was me, I didn't know what a great suggestion
it would be, but we watched Scenic Pisses.
Oh my god. That was great.
Yeah, we realized like a couple weeks ago
we talk about the same thing every day. Yeah. We realized like a couple weeks ago. We talked about the same thing
Every day. Yeah, well when you talk every day. It's not like we no one has that many new ideas. Yeah, you're right
It's just the way you're cycled up. It's always on piss actually yeah
I'm on piss day Joey next time you come to the yak and maybe you could do it now
Bring us a new idea a new idea. We could do poo. Oh, well. That's just a lot
That's kind of like piss though. It's a cousin to piss it is similar yeah does YouTube draw the line
at poop or could we poop okay we don't hold on let me stop this
nobody's pooping themselves yeah can't run for office after that we have done
we have done where the guys went to the bathroom and whoever had the cleanest like Oh god we did Yeah but that was a sponsored segment
Yeah we sold that
That put bread on the table
That was a sponsored segment
That put my children through college
You know how hard I've worked
Oh forgot about that
That was one of those we did
It was a funny idea then they did it
And it was like let's never speak
a lot of
Lot of things are funny in theory or not
We just don't have anybody that will say no there are no regulators here nobody to stop us from our stupid-ass ideas
Let's find out who has to have the piss club
Just for the weekend yeah, I don't know cuz you're just gonna take it. I'm gonna take it put it my car
No, you have to prove that it's in your home.
Okay.
It's like how they would give kids like the egg
to prove that they could take care of a baby.
What if it's,
Joey,
Joey, I'm taking it on stage?
You have to bring it on the road?
Yes, A.
Bring it back to,
Oh, that's funny.
Yes, A.
Bring it to New York.
Ha ha ha ha.
This is stressful, because my kid's getting everything is it a limiter no
That would be a lot for one man, yes too much for one single man to handle here's somebody else's piss
responsible for
responsible for it
So no piss club for you sir am son never gets piss club. I wanted it though He told me this morning. I really want big cats piss
Did he
Just be saying shit
Zod is other man's piss a pause or no other man's anything. Oh, what is what about money?
Come on, baby. Come on. Thank God. All right. No special guest for you on stage
TJ you're going to San Antonio right can I fly with this?
Gonna have to shit what would you
feel like a crime to what you change word bodily fluids like that it's a
biocrime yeah you're a bioterrorist yeah you lose TSA pre-crisis over All right a sweep is uh, no
Port or what would you do? What a sweep? Uh, put it in a vase with flowers. Oh
I don't know why I just say something. It's like yeah, that's what we're doing It was never decided upon that you bring it home, right? What was it? What it was nothing?
We think I think it was before big cat did it. It was P and I think I think
It was a future problem
Well, let's do we ask big cat what what he had in mind I think he had it feel like you're spitting good ideas though
Yeah, why not? We're taking it home doesn't give you any there's no content to it
Yeah, but I feel like you'd be fine if you weren't on the final two
No, I mean, I'm fine. Well, I think it was originally P in it. But now there's piss
already in it. I missed the episode where you guys peed in this golf club. What is the
purpose of the club? Is that what it's marketed as? You put in your bag when you're golfing.
If you don't want to go to the bathroom or you don't want to pee outside, you it has
a towel to it. You put it over yourself and just pee in it. What? Put it back in your bag. Okay. But...
This is solving an odd problem because it's so easy to pee on the girl's clothes.
Oh, this is like a real not joke product?
That's the easiest place in the world to pee.
Yeah, like just let that fly into the palm tree.
Like what he's doing is fine.
That guy's way less suspicious there.
Yeah.
Why couldn't you just hold a real club and piss next to it like you're putting?
Oh, that's good.
Why wouldn't you?
A board certified urologist... A board just doesn't board certified child urologist
Why don't you say urologist instead of board sir? That's the weirdest way to do that
Comical I'd be like that guy. It's by that
Ball in front of the holes by the man clearly peeing in the fairway.
That's so much better. This cannot be a real product. It's right behind his piss. It's behind you filled with piss.
Two? Why would you? It also removes a club from your bag. You like had to leave your 56 at home because you brought the piss club.
I want there to be like a real wide club for turds.
Leave your 56 at home because you brought the piss club. I want there to be like a real wide club for turds
You're carrying a club Joey for piss you're worried about club limits. Maybe you're in a scramble
Tampax menstrual clubs
for all week
To hide my period yeah, yeah, they get it
Kate regulating herself yeah, all right. All right. That was funny. It's funny because I have to explain it instead of a string
I'm golfing Are around with it. No, no, no, no, no,. You know, Chef Donny was talking a lot of shit.
About what?
The pimento cheese sandwich.
We're making it because Masters are next weekend, right?
I'm going.
You're fucking going?
I'm going to the Masters.
He's bringing his big pencil.
Have you been before?
I've never been.
Why, you want to go?
I would love to go.
Alright, well I have an extra second.
God damn it, you're inviting Joey?
Yeah, you can't go.
You have to do mini golf.
I have to do mini golf? Fuck, you're right. I was going to invite you, but I said he's ticket god damn it you're inviting Joey yeah you can't go you have to do mini golf I have to do fuck you're right I was gonna invite you but I
said he's got I got mini golf dude I would go I'd you go for real yeah I have
to cancel a show but I can't I would extend I would if you said if you show
my hand right now I would give you the extra ticket for Thursday and Friday oh
my show Saturday I'm in you want to go you get yourself you'll get yourself to
Augusta a hundred percent and we'll get you'll go with me to the master
A thousand percent, but wait, but he's got to bring the pencil in then I can't be no pencil
It's good. Keep the pencil away from my fucking masters
No kidding Wow
You two are going to the masters I don't I don't think you believe me. Do you believe me?
I'm kind of surprised that you think I wouldn't go.
Well, I don't know.
Obviously, most comedians are fucking dorks, but you're a sportsman.
I'm a cool guy.
You're a cool guy.
I've always wanted to go to Augusta.
I've been looking for people to go.
Matt Warren backed out.
Bradley Barton backed out.
I'm in.
You'll go.
I'm 100%.
So Matt Warren's your best friend.
Right.
Bradley Barton's next and then
Only talked talked on the yak
All of the people all of the people in this company I would take are tied up with many go that's right
I would I would invite you I'd appreciate I would invite Hank cuz I think Hank would like to go
I would invite big big cat would never go
Everybody I would invite Mark Titus is going to Danny Conrad right here again
And then
What luck that's awesome
Don't fucking fuck with me dude. Don't fuck with me if you like yeah, I mean
I don't think you realize that this is a cool. This is a great offer
Yeah, I was gonna say I'll give you 12 hours if you find someone that's more important to you
I won't be offended, but I'm locked in so I'm a yes
I'll be right back
Who you calling?
Wow that's a pretty good deal man. Yes, great. He believes you have the tickets
You just can't believe they don't have a third best friend
That's that's it's crazy awesome for you so sad for him. He keeps being like don't fuck with me, and I'm like I've not dude
I'm in
Don't fuck with me with these free tickets
And I'm like, I'm not, dude, I'm in. I know, he's like, don't fuck with me
with these free tickets.
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Secure your seats today at NASCAR.com. How do you spell that? R N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N City has the best skyline that's not New York City Philly has a great one. It's not Chicago. I think Chicago is probably too
San Francisco's got a straight great skyline is it may be incorporate the bridges it depends on your angle, but if you get Alcatraz
What's Scott is Alcatraz skyline?
Well if you're driving on the Bay Bridge, and you see downtown you see the whole skyline with Twin Peaks behind it Golden Gate Bridge
Alcatraz in there you get a lot but isn't the Golden Gate Bridge the number one skyline element to San Francisco you got the transamerica yeah but if I was
playing Pictionary and my clue is San Francisco what am I drawing you got it
the bridge is the first thing you draw does it like piss in here a little bit. Yeah The tickets are at my sister's house
Down I was like is this in April Fool's well, I'm excited
Probably get your number. Yeah, I think that's a great idea
One of you is gonna betray the other and I don't know which way
I don't think so. This is the fastest anybody's ever gone from
acquaintance to Masters tickets, I think. I think that's true.
You guys, every word you have is recorded.
That's right.
You can document our friendship.
We might as well live stream the masters.
And there's a good chance if you don't, if you never come back on the Yak after, I'm sure you will,
but after the masters, if you never come back, I never ever speak to you again. That's probably what would happen
Best case scenario. So where's your show on Saturday? It's in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. So I just fly back to New York
Oh, that'd be easy. It's not a problem. Done. Easy. Well damn
All right, looks like
Looks like Joey's going to the Masters Well, damn. All right, looks like... Yeah, I didn't show up for the master.
Looks like Joey's going to the master's.
That's unreal.
You excited?
Yeah, I've wanted to do this for years.
Yeah.
It does feel like a safe...
I feel like you're a vibes guy.
I feel like he's a safe guy to bring.
I'm a very high vibes guy.
Can I also say one thing?
One of my big concerns was carrying somebody,
I would have to be around the whole time.
I get to a place like that, I might just go off
and sit by a tree for a couple hours.
I have no problem leaving Joey and sitting by a tree.
I'll sit by my own tree.
Right, right.
We'll hang out as much as we want to
and when we don't I won't be offended at all.
And we'll just shake hands and be like, all right.
Yeah, cause like, he's your third best friend.
You have two more to fall back on if it doesn't work out.
The sad part is he probably is top five. After Masters weekend that might be. So Matt Warren, Bradley
Barton, I guess you're probably next. Yeah. I think you're my two. Where are you staying? There's not a
four I don't know yet. There's not a four probably have to get a hotel like in
Charleston or something. Yeah. Because my sister was supposed to hook it up she's
going on Saturday and Sunday
because we're splitting the tickets.
And she got a nice place to stay
for Friday through Sunday.
Well, God damn it, I'm getting there Wednesday.
Yeah.
But whatever.
So I gotta find out.
Let me know where you stay and then we can Uber together.
It'll be a nice time for us.
Oh, okay, well, that's crazy.
What are you guys gonna talk about in private?
P, probably piss. Probably piss, okay. That's crazy. What are you guys gonna talk about in private? Uh? He probably pissed
Yeah, I guess so we still have to have the finals of this euro club thing we sure do against Danny What uh what do you wear to the Masters?
I
Can you wear shorts you should believe you can nice nice tasteful shorts by polos a polo shirt and yeah shorts
That's probably what I'm gonna do.
Some khaki shorts.
No phones, right?
No phones.
Yeah, I love that.
Which I, do you love that?
Well, it's, I mean, being of this generation,
it sucks to go somewhere and not get to have photos
and whatever, which you'd like to have.
But you're excited about the feeling
of maybe not having your phone for a while?
I am excited about that.
I don't know that I, it's been a long time since I had it.
I think I'm going to love it.
Yeah, I think so too.
I'm probably going to get a migraine.
So you've always said that if you, when you quit this job, you'll never hear from you
again.
That's right.
I think you're too plugged in.
No.
You wouldn't be able to help a blind rank athlete.
Nobody knew who the fuck I was before this job.
So I don't see a problem.
I don't know who I am after the job.
That's not how things work.
Yeah, you're addicted now.
Things, I'll be.
Also, you're just known now.
Once I leave this place and I go back down south
and I get my 200 acres and I get my four wheeler
and I get my garden set up,
I don't give a fuck about any of y'all.
You and I will still text.
Me and you, yes. I don't consider a fuck about any of y'all you and I will still text me and you yes
I don't consider you once we have each other's numbers. You're not a you're not a friend through this show. You're just turning out
Doug Doug looking cool. Oh Doug and your dog shoes
You'll be churning out you're addicted to the game of blind ranking now. I'm not really addicted to it's not like I blind ranked
My favorite Pixar movies
yesterday and my favorite fucking goats
of sports this morning.
Guess you did, right?
I was like, you did.
I very much did, yeah.
Are you a Pixar guy?
No, I don't like them at all very.
I like a couple of them.
Then why'd you blind rank?
Because of attention.
That's what blind ranking wanted me to do yesterday.
I'm addicted to it.
So wait, you need to start blind blind ranking,
not even knowing what it is. But here's what you don't know. And so it just appears on your forehead. Here wait, you need to start blind-blind ranking, not even knowing what it is.
But here's what you don't know.
And so it just appears on your forehead.
Here's what you don't know.
I was ranking things before I had a platform.
I was ranking things to nobody.
You love lists.
I'm just a ranker.
I'm a lister.
I like doing it.
I'd be riding down the road.
What are my five favorite WrestleMania matches of all time?
I love online lists.
And I would just do that to myself.
And I still do it.
Do you feel like tears are pussy lists
Tears no cuz I like tears too
But tears are an out tears are an out and tears are because you can put multiple things on the same top tier
It's the nature of the tier. It's the nature of the tier
So it's kind of a pussy fight list, but I still do enjoy any list is good any list
You would have loved my space you got to rank your friends openly
Any list is good. I had my shindler's that was a good one. That's a great list
Thing that saved the Jews
Didn't know I
I'm pro be on Hitler's side. I didn't know I I'm pro. What have they called Hitler's list?
That's a bad list. Don't want that bad list
Hitler but what a bold claim for not seeing Schindler's list. Yeah, I'm assuming it was bad
I do that a lot because I know vaguely what movies are but I haven't seen a lot of them
So I'll just throw shit out and the comments are always like you haven't seen a lot of them, so I'll just throw shit out. And the comments are always like, you haven't seen it, and I'm like, that's fair.
I'll get myself into many a pickle when people are like, have you seen this movie?
And I'll just say yeah, even though I haven't.
Easier to say yeah.
No, it's not.
No? Oh, because then they ask follow-ups?
They're just like, what did you think about this one?
And I'll just say something about the framing or the cinematography.
It's either follow-ups or shame for not having seen that movie.
Yeah.
I'll do the follow-up. Well, the worst is when you have seen it, like I probably did see Schindler's List, but when
I was like 11.
So I like don't remember.
I think you would remember Schindler's List.
Was in black and white, generally.
Except for the dress.
Sure.
Oh, you've never seen Schindler's List.
The movie was in black and white.
There's no-
Well, everybody knows that.
Right.
Oh, but the girl in the red dress.
Fine, but he would remember, and what I'm saying is it was a very distinct movie
He would remember watching. There's a ton of black and white movies
named 33
I'm gonna go pee it's wonderful. I have sablanca. I
Don't know I haven't seen it. It's a wonderful life. I couldn't name 30. I'm Pleasantville for half of it
Toad McGuire was a relapse for a little bit
Well the premises are in this black and white town they go into the the TV series and then Toby McGuire
I remember and Reese Witherspoon try bringing everything to light and they bring color to it Wow what's Brandon doing?
He's bringing a sandwich to the bathroom. Yeah
Steamboat Willie oh yeah, that's a classic go
That's one of my favorite Disney
What a pompous answer that yeah, so but kind of like their older stuff pre live-action
Steamboat Willie that being somebody's favorite movie yeah, I want letterbox to walk up to me. I'm addicted to that
You're really into it. Well, there's like the tick-tock account of them asking celebrities their top four favorite movies
And they'll name the most pompous shit ever you have they don't mean it. They don't mean it
They had their manager prep them before they run in yeah have to say seven samurai
You have to say this that also enough with the content where we're pretending we ran up to people on the street
But you know they prepped for it
What do you do for a living? Yeah, you're not bumping into Brad
Yeah, what is that's what I asked people on stage?
Yeah, ask guys your apartment and they're like I guess I know you clean the fuck out any human would say no to this stranger
Has there ever been one where it's just like a very underwhelming apartment do they still know no
Because they're not like famous people every time the one here in Chicago is just normal people apartment
right and but they're all amazing yeah yeah and would you say yes right now if
somebody was like let me can I see your got a lot of doom piles what are doom
piles when you have extreme ADHD and two kids and you just you're like oh put it
in a pile and I'll deal with it later But then you don't yeah, and then they start piling up. Those are doom piles. Yeah, do you have a stuffed chair? Yep
Yeah, certainly do any surface becomes I have a stuffed bed. Yeah, that's because I try to be fancy
We got our Christmas bonuses and I bought a bunch of velvet hangers. Oh, and it is the hardest
It's like one of those Chinese puzzles you buy in Cracker Barrel Trying to put clothes on that it fights back. Yeah, it's not they're not good. They're whole
I love a nice shitty plastic. Hey, please yeah slide it because I don't want to go up through the shirt
I want to stretch out the neck of the shirt. Yeah, yeah, but they just grab oh my god. Yeah
Yeah, extra beds ping-pongong tables those are perfect surfaces for a good
I'd imagine most pool tables are more shelves than played for pool
That's sad if you have mine. Well, you should play
You play pool on yours all the time. I thought you had antiques all over yours. Oh, yeah, that's right
Yeah, no I got home the other day and my wife had had she only cleans my area every now and then and I got home the other day and my wife had had she only cleans my area every now and then
and I got home.
Yeah that sounds awesome.
The pool table.
That's one of the perks of being married.
The pool table was completely empty and the balls were racked in the middle looked perfect
and my only thought was where are all my bobble heads?
Where's all my stuff I bought?
Where's my autographed baseballs?
And they were piled up on the floor?
Then it's a full pile, but sure but is that is that her way of saying put this somewhere?
Oh probably I think it's her way of saying we had guests and I wanted the pool table look like a pool table
Yeah, and she likes to be presentable you had guests she did
Forget his name. Yeah
How long was he there Miguel ah long enough to do whatever they did yeah I think he was a professional pool player okay yeah
that's what he was yeah I was gonna I was the joke was gonna be I was gonna
name the most famous professional pool player and I would not have one that
wouldn't have hit in the room either right I don't don't have one. Sounds more like a pool boy.
I was gonna say Pete Weber, but he's a polar.
Yeah, but that's kind of the same.
Yeah, the pool playing Pete Weber.
Is, what sport is the best at it, not a millionaire?
I think the best pool player probably is a millionaire.
I think the best bowler's a millionaire.
Ultimate frisbee? I don't think they're a millionaire. Yeah, the best bowler's a millionaire. Ultimate frisbee?
I don't think they're a millionaire.
Yeah, but that might be too low.
Yeah, there might be one better.
Do you think pickle ballers have reached millionaire?
The best mini golfer's definitely not a millionaire.
No.
The best pickle baller's not a millionaire.
I guess in China, but is the best American ping pong player
a millionaire?
I don't think so.
Cornhole? Cornhole, not a millionaire. No't think so corn how corn hold not a
millionaire no but that's a good one yeah that's a really good circuits are
they take it yeah there's really they're sponsored by the best cornhole
player yeah makes $20,000 at his job outside of corn so obviously you got
baseball baseball basketball football hockey then you got golf, tennis. What is seventh?
Soccer, soccer. So then what's eighth?
Soccer's above that.
Yeah.
The eighth?
Highest paying sport.
Cheyenne Bubenhaar.
Bubenhaar.
Bubenhaar.
A most successful cornhole player female
and how much did she make?
The best cornhole is a lady. Interesting. She's the
best female cornhole player. She might be the best cornhole. I feel like that's a sport
that gender doesn't matter. It's a whole different game. But I think the people who are watching
cornhole identify with the men more. Yeah. Get this woman out of my cornhole. But she
does have some boobin-imes, so she has yes definitely
So she makes it over a hundred K thousand annually. That's not and she's probably hustling backyard barbecues Yeah, she probably has to travel all over the big cornhole spots
Like Omaha Boise. Yeah, yeah, Omaha. Yeah, Kenosha. Yeah, yeah huge spot big ones flagstaff
So that's well below a million so there has to be somebody that's like 700,000
Cricket player best American cricket player, but they would just go over to where they play NASCAR makes it
Oh NASCAR NASCAR makes a lot darts how much starts over under rugby if darts is over
under under
internationally under
Internationally you have to go under yeah, cuz have to go under. Yeah, because rugby is huge in...
Like the e-sport in a lot of countries.
Yeah, New Zealand, South Africa.
I saw the Springboks play.
But do the pros there make that much?
But the best darts player definitely is a millionaire.
I think.
With sponsorships and stuff.
The World 2026 World Darts Champion will receive one million upside down threes.
Have you seen the darts guy with the great intro he comes out to titanium by Alesso
I almost cried watching great. Yeah, like in the field. Were you on molly?
Rocking chair at night. I was like he's chasing his dream. He gave me like a molly flashback cuz I've you know
You're the yeah
Yeah, I wish we could
You're the yeah, I am this guy rocks. Yeah, I wish we could teach you live Yeah, but this is what happened he comes out to this song and everyone's going crazy
And then he nails his fucking shot, and he it's like yeah, he's a beast
Yeah, it was cool as hell signing shit on the way in yeah, look at the lights going. What a venue I?
Must go that's I thought he was just kissing boys
Superstar you can do whatever your boy. I know what he wants like Socrates back in the day. Oh
I was not picturing him even though I should have no
Yeah
The ears people are going ape shit
Yeah The ears people are going ape shit
It's the best a nine daughters got to be great feeling in sports, and then he fucking nails it
Yeah, and you just have to yeah, he's getting the people fucking going
Yeah, I felt feelings watching this yes, this guy's age
Hmm. I'm gonna say he is 42. I'm gonna say like 27
I was gonna say 30 36 arts age living hard starts ages. Yeah, 48
48 is there any other practice like
other than playing darts
Like other sports are like alright. Let's train the sport is the practice
I think so like the three men
His birthday is coming up happy early birthday, maybe beer helps. It'd be a similar motion to darts
Yeah, that's the only thing you can yeah, but you don't you don't have to go to the gym for that. I got darts practice
I'm sure they got drills or something. I think practice is just darts
They probably put like little little things over the dartboard saying all right hit this bucket hit this bucket
There's like a gym, but I guess that's just darts. He probably has a dartboard. That's just a bullseye
He probably has a dart board that's just a bullseye
That'll be so sick they put his child on the other side of it he has
Boy dies a just bullseye dartboard is something. I would purchase at like the checkout of Spencer Yeah, I just having to kill your kid kill your boy with darts
Terrible punishment God tell you it happens if you violate the tear would take forever Abraham's like I get a
Good friend. You throw the dart as hard as you could or
No, oh, I hate this if your favorite so middle killing with darts I
You'd have to throw hard I want to bail out. I'm gonna bail out. I've been thinking about another thing I
Kind of want big Trent to be on the yak from now on. Yeah, like what else can big Trent do?
There's a hell of a debut
Or do we have him in the urinals where we can like pull him back and right? Yeah, see like your little safe space
I'd like because there's something comforting about Trent. I
Very comforting and safe and you can just piss at them. We haven't we ever do get to poop
Put an actual toilet in here and just surround it by Trent. I'm shocked you should have a
Hasn't been like a log off before and we have to have the biggest turd go challenge white socks Dave to a log off
He would be all about it
Anything off he will do yeah rat off drop a rat oh yeah he calls
him dropping rats what is big trend I
haven't seen it I've only seen it from
the back a big Trent is our the video
game render from PGA of our co-worker
Trent is it I believe so oh that's nice
yeah oh and there's a Frankie up there
but somebody's that's a big rig that's really nice somebody stole, you're right it is. And there's a Frankie up there, but somebody stole the big rigs.
That's really nice.
Somebody stole the big rigs?
Yeah.
Who could that have been?
How long has it been missing?
Uh, who's to say?
Ever since Nick moved to his new apartment.
That's weird.
I wonder why that person didn't steal the Trent
and the Frankie.
I know.
And why did he cut a hole out of Riggs's mouth?
Mm-hmm.
That's weird.
That is weird.
Let me do another one.
I'll do...
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limit amounts fees limitations and exclusions do you have any felony
conviction convictions I don't know I have I got arrested one time as a youth
for stealing a shopping cart but it got expunged why did you steal a shopping
cart was you into jackass at the time you stole the shopping cart? Were you into Jackass at the time? You stole the thing that you used to steal other things.
Yeah, it was just like there was nothing to...
You know, it's like you're in that age where you're like...
I was probably 14.
You know, like you have a friend who can drive,
but you just want to cause some form of mayhem.
I'd already gotten in trouble for drugs,
so I was cleaning my act up at that age.
At 14? Had to clean it up there for a
Little bit got back into it later, but in a more fun way
But we just kind of went around trying to like grab shit
We wanted to like take street signs and just go on a scavenger hunt very stupid then we went on the roof
We stole a shopping cart from Trader Joe's and then went on the roof of Safeway and then they caught us
We caught that's a West Coast store to store. Yeah, it was. Yeah. Yeah, they caught us on the roof
I've never been in a safe way
Danny we spun the wheel you have won the Euro Club. So no whatever
Whatever you want to do with the Euro Club. It is yours for the weekend. You got to make one cocktail out of it
Go ahead and grab it.
Um, Biz and Donnie have a new show out, Peeking.
And it's a hiking but like kind of,
it's like rediscovering-esque of like they're going to weird places.
They go to a real weird strip mall and this one,
recommend it to everybody.
Yes.
So check that out.
Why is it bent like that?
Swishing around.
Well try to
Hit the ball It's all plastic. Can I can I plug another thing?
Right before the show we released it, but mostly sports interviewed Cody Rhodes
I know PMT did as well, but mostly sports interview Cody Rhodes
It's on the mostly sports YouTube channel like for you to go watch it
It's weird that you don't have another platform to interview wrestlers
That came up that came up during the because he had he was one of the last guests of the original wrestling
That's right. And then we discussed it about how people canceled the show trying to squash my career, but they didn't succeed
So striking man in person. Oh beautiful. It looks like an I'll take him here. He looks like not real. It looks photoshopped
Yeah, he's a and cool as hell. Just a cool ass dude.
Beavs going tonight. To smackdown. He made a dad friend. He's going on a dad date.
It's no master. I wish you had some pool. I, my normal smackdown, my normal ticketing
guy. That's the only reason I'm mentioning it Nick.
Yeah, Pat's got seats way up at the top. The normal ticketing guy just never hit me
back.
Well, you know what I'm doing tonight now?
What?
Hot pot with mincey.
All right, let me hit him back one more time.
No, no, no, I'm going home.
Has wrestling gotten more popular recently?
Oh, yeah.
I was never into it and I'm still not,
but it's like come back,
like I feel like I hadn't seen it since like the late 90s
and now it's like everywhere.
We're kind of in a boom period right now.
Yeah.
It's pretty huge right now.
It's on Netflix, where all it is.
They made that whole documentary about Vince McMahon
being like a horrible person.
And then it just got so popular.
I was going to say it also made me understand wrestling
for the first time ever.
I'm like, well he might be raping, but interesting sport.
That documentary was weird.
It didn't uncover anything.
It said nothing new.
It said, and the early episodes
kind of made him seem awesome.
Well they had made it and then the allegations came out
and it's like, well we already did all the work.
Right, they didn't amend it.
They like put out the one that made him look like
kind of cool in certain spots and then at the end
they're like, oh yeah, one more thing.
But that is a great way to do a documentary
because you don't really want to see
horrible shit the whole time.
You kind of want to see the hype.
And then at the end, you're like, but we
did need to learn about that.
Like, I watched one this week about Mario Batali.
And the last episode, or the last minutes of it,
are not so fun.
But at first, you're like, man, the New York scene back
in the day looked fun.
That's why the documentary I'm working on about Bill Cosby
is going to be huge.
The Rise is fun.
And it's like, that guy was great at comedy. Then it's comedy then it's like but yeah, that's not good one more thing
Yeah, it's gonna like speed through it at the end like the end of like a drug commercial
It'll be it'll be also gonna be a post-credit scene
Avengers it's Bill Covert Downey Jr.
Jr. Eating shawarma and then a Spanish fly into his drink yeah dark stuff there
But I did rewatch the dentist bit the bill with the famous bill kai watched that the other day
I was like to hold up that boy was good at comedy
He was damn good. Yeah, but we don't you know we don't condone. This is not a pro pro cause
We don't condone the comedy no we condone the comedy. We don't condone the is he an inspiration to you
uh... not anymore not knowing everything that i know but when i've before we
uh... knew all that and i watched his stuff i was like this man is very
talented is he an inspiration to you uh... pass
mario battali yes what did he do i thought it was the
i thought you're talking about a soccer player. Right, what did he, he's a chef?
He was a little harass-y, wasn't he?
He was a little, uh.
So, I thought he was just a bit harass-y, and it turns out, according to this documentary,
very harass-y.
Yeah.
Like, he, I mean, he owned, he was like a celebrity chef, he owned a bunch of restaurants
in New York and invested in a bunch of restaurants in New York.
He was a business partner at like, Eataly. He was like building a billion
dollar kind of cooking business. But apparently he would go to the restaurants and like, just
grab waitresses' tits. He would try to, there were some allegations of him trying to do
stuff with a lady who was passed out. There's a lady in there who does claim that he may
have R-worded her, so it gets to pretty
deep shit there.
Yeah, not the best guy.
And a lot of people can make pasta, you know, so you don't have to.
You don't have to use pasta.
So yeah, not a great guy, but first part of the doc, you're like, boy, that restaurant
scene was humming there, and then...
Yeah.
And they pull the rug out from right under you.
Yeah, I go, damn, I would have loved to go to the spotted pig and then you go well, maybe not
What what's the origin of the Vince McMahon crying meme? I know it came from that, but why was he crying in the dock?
Of a crying I actually think he's talking about Owen Hart. I don't know I don't know
I didn't actually watch the entire doc what is it so much I know
What an excuse?
Such an asshole. I don't know. I just I just never I don't know I didn't really care to watch it
I was kind of soured on Vincent man at the time
Once Vince McMahon left and then and everything got better. I'm like I'm kind of dumb investment man
That's the truth
He was he's been bowling up. He was at court side at an NBA game. I saw that yeah got better I'm like I'm kind of dumb investment man that's the truth he was
he's been bowling up he was at courts
out at an NBA game I saw that yeah he's
kind of he's kind of soft launching
himself he looked very near death and
now he's better better got rid of the
mustache I think the mustache was bad
yeah he had a bad evil super under
what yeah he's been doing that Linda's
in the Linda's in the cabinet yeah she
got rid of the Department of Education but how old is he uh he's been doing that. Linda's in the cabinet. Yeah, she got rid of the Department of Education.
How old is he?
I'm gonna say he's 81 or 82. He might not be that old.
That's decent for 80s.
He's been rocking the testosterone of a 22-year-old.
I mean, he's been on the gas for 30 years, maybe 40 years.
So his expiration date's gotta be coming up soon. Would you ever tee up?
I would yeah, but if especially if it were replaced actual effort, I think it does does it
I I don't know my problem. Joey is I want to do it and I I would have done steroids 30 years ago
I don't have been bad. I don't know where to go
I don't know who to call this you kind of putting up a bat signal even doctors that would do would prescribe me for
to go. I don't know who to call. Is this you kind of putting up a bat signal?
Even doctors that would prescribe me for testosterone, I don't know who to call and say, hey, let's
hook that up.
We can find you somebody.
Are you afraid of that?
I would love to tee up.
But like, are you afraid about becoming aggressive and an asshole?
Not really. No, I think it would be fine. I'm not docile.
Brandon, nothing would change.
I'm kind of a docile, nice guy. I'm known as the teddy bear of the office.
That's true.
By all these fucking morons around us.
So I just want to do it to try to skip the line.
Yeah.
Because I have, for the last eight months, I was working out, I was running, I was doing
two miles a day, I was lifting.
Were you feeling good?
And then I just stopped.
And stopping felt great.
I can't tell you how great stopping felt. Now I feel like shit because I stopped. And stopping felt great. I can't tell you how great stopping felt. Now I feel
like shit because I stopped. But for about a week stopping was amazing.
Because you're like I got all this time back. I don't have to stress about doing the hardest
part of the day. The long term is tough.
But it was that and then it was like I was so committed to a routine. An early morning
routine that the first couple days I didn't do it,
I'm like, oh my god, this frees up everything.
This is amazing.
And I said, but next Monday I'll start back,
and then it was next Monday,
and now we're like six Mondays past.
You could start this Monday.
Has your trainer tried to stop reaching out to you?
He has stopped reaching out to me, yes.
He has stopped, which is good,
because he actually- You just ghost which is good cuz he just ghost him
I didn't ghost him. I said hey, I'm gonna take a break. Yeah, and and he he said okay
Well, let me know when you're ready to get back your break longer than your initial run is at a train
No, the brakes about six weeks now and the initial run was about three months
Did you want him to fight for you a little bit?
Oh like a breakup where like he just let you and you're like, wow, I guess I don't have to live
I mean if he if he wanted to you know, I go
That I paid up front I paid like a thousand dollars up front when I didn't have it
And then I ghosted after like the third workout when I had trouble shampooing
I was probably very excited about I was like fuck and they never heard you already paid them and I yeah and I
But I want I was like she'll
fight for me she'll want she'll motivate me to come back or whatever mmm they
can't be the they can't be the motivator no like I have a guy who makes my
workouts for me but he's not my trainer so it has to just be me and but I hate
myself enough when I don't do it then I feel like I have to do it yeah I don't
hate myself I high-five myself when I don't do it Yeah, you get fired up. You're like dude. You're free and you're awesome. I'm just like this is fun as fuck
But like let's play some PlayStation. You're the perfect bill like imagine if you were fucking Jack
I know I've always you're a hulking figure. You're like they probably see you as like a perfect marble rectangle
Yeah, yeah, they really would I'd be I'd be statuesque
Have you guys tried the different track like I keep every now and then I'll dip my toe in a trend hoping that one finally clicks and none has ever. I tried the Zumba. I tried the wise like boot camp body. I tried cross fit. I went through a little cross fit phase. Hated it. I've tried yoga. I've tried hot yoga. I've tried and nothing. I think it's just not meant to be. I think I'm just not supposed to be strong. I don't know. No yoga even?
I tried it.
I just can't.
I always feel like I don't belong there.
I feel like I can't get in with the, like I feel like they can tell I'm not that one
of them.
Yeah.
And so I'm self-conscious the whole time.
You?
Are you kidding?
Yeah.
No.
Should we get you one of those shirts that says like spiritual gangster or whatever?
Yeah.
I don't have the right clothes.
I don't have the right gear.
I never, I like feel like every trend I try try I just like feel like I look like an idiot
I know yoga at home. You can just get a mat. There's like great videos on YouTube. You can just get a mat
I'm not the kind of person who has
confidence confidence or
Initiative that's why I need I need somebody to be like
Yeah, yoga is one. I've never gotten past downloading the
app like at boot camp for real I got fucking ripped like I legit got like you
feel good I felt incredible I was a size zero I was like a fucking Greyhound I
had the Madonna arms I had the little size zero now what do you view yourself
your body just fell as I'm an eight well that's fine okay but I'm just saying I
was like ripped
But it was because I had it was like I was forced to work out at least twice a day
You know what I mean? Yeah, give me that again
Where I get where I go back to have it?
Give me give me where I get in trouble by the court of law if I don't work out rule
Oh, you actually had boot camp. I thought it was
trendy like
Boot camp like they all like berries Kate didn't pay attention I failed out
of college and I thought that's badass but like it felt great and I felt like
my clothes were cool I felt like I was wearing those like douchebag little
sunglasses and I felt awesome you should drop and give us 10 right now I
couldn't I guess breaking hands joining the military just to get abs is an awesome move
It worked the constant threat of death has to be a great motivator. You want to look good in the cow
You said nope
Just want to look hot so you couldn't do ten push-ups when I was in I could yeah right now
I couldn't know I could pull I could do pull. Right now I couldn't. What about Pilates?
I could do pull-ups when I was in.
Isn't that the machines?
I feel like there's certain people that go to that that fit into that and I don't fit into that.
Haven't you always been somebody that like you go from social group to social group and you fit in with them?
You go with the rugby girls, you fit in with them, you go with somebody else, you fit in with them?
Rugby girls is pretty much it. But I feel like you've told us multiple groups you've fit in with them and you fit you go with the rugby girls you fit in with them you go somebody else you Fit in with them Girls is pretty much it, but I feel like you've you've told us multiple groups you've fit in with you got the rugby girls
You got the mom's the moms, but they're cooler than me. I know to stay on the edge
You live by a lesbian speakeasy. Yes, it's so cool
Do you ever have you ever had the guts to go in there?
I follow them on Instagram, and I see all their events and all their cool stuff It's awesome. They just all have my haircut
I'll go for the welcome with open arms. I would yeah a lesbian speakeasy. What's the password side shave?
Anyway, sorry that was a long ramble, but the gays and lesbians have such, like gay men and lesbians, they have such different
party aesthetics.
They do.
Yeah.
The lesbians, like Speakeasy is right, it's like very low key, you know, gay dudes go
a lot bigger I feel like.
Every day of the week too, it seems like, from what I heard.
Party every day?
Gay dudes love meth.
Really?
Love meth.
My dad was gay?
Yeah.
That would piss you off more than him being gay.
I thought when I walked in
he was sucking that dude's dick.
Yeah, that was probably it.
Yeah.
It's just for meth.
That's all gay dudes are just trying to get more meth.
They'll do anything.
Meth, ketamine, I feel like is a gayer drug.
What's the lesbian drug?
Ketamine's gotten very popular, I feel like. Now you're gettingbians gotten very popular? I feel like now they now you're getting a prescription ketamine, right?
Yeah, Elon's on it. Oh, yeah, he loves it. Yeah, I mean was a good thing
Your first fine and doses item. I don't know what when y'all talk about drugs
I don't I have no idea what you're saying
Like therapists now will give you ketamine and like talk you through
It's like becoming like a therapy drug you can get yeah
There's one that you like they and you put like the tubes in your nose, and you can inhale it
We should give that what is the lesbian drug?
Kate can you go undercover?
like pride is
Marlboro reds
Grizzly wintergreen
Yeah, this bar is cool. So I'm working up the guts to go LSD XD cocaine meth okay. Those are just the classics
Yeah, the big for lesbians have the lowest STD rate it says
Makes sense that would make sense yeah, cuz guys are the ones guys don't have the symptoms, so they go around spread it
And not that I would know could you contract also I mean there's being a lesbian if you're probably you're smushing them together yeah got a
really probably have to do a lot of pit stops through the mouth I would imagine
I don't know how popular scissoring is yeah I thought it was more you use the
accessories that makes sense so if you were if you're washing the dildo, you know... I got it from washing a dildo.
I was washing a dildo.
We gave an STI to our Bosch dishwasher.
It infected all of our plates.
Dishwasher is just like a big vagina, of right you just stick things in it it gets all wet
It's self-cleaning
You should bring things out and they're clean
Did you know that over time so you have dark underwear over time it will start to get lighter
Yeah tell Liam
I'm getting all this
What?
It's like a bleach.
Why did you turn to Liam?
Yeah, tell Liam about how
Tell Liam about the
Tell Liam about the ever bleaching pussy.
The pussy should just be
bleaching him.
It will bleach
underwear over time.
Look at Kate, Liam.
Your underwear, not everybody I guess, but I heard it can happen.
Over time the pussy will bleach underwear?
Yes!
TJ, I trust you Kate, but I don't believe it.
I swear I saw that somewhere.
How long does it take to like, turn a black pear navy?
Hahahaha! How long does it take to like turn a black pear Navy?
I swear that something look at that
Yes, it's acidic in there man. Oh crazy shit happens down there each. Yeah that it's all about the pH Oh
Something tells me you guys didn't actually spin we did we spun it now we didn't Nick
Sorry, I'm gonna hot pot tonight instead of smack down. How'd you get into that? I invited him Oh, that's very nice. Don't act like you're it's it's I like mint. Yeah
Hey, do you think he's ever been to a hot pot?
I kind of, it's a chopstick only with a boiling broth in the center.
You get raw, I'm, I think he's going to be frazzled.
No, I bet he's great at chopsticks.
I'm going for, yeah, I'm going to try to get some clips.
Yeah.
Let me see, I'm going to make one more run at the...
No, no, no, I'm locked into a hot pot.
You take mincey to smack down. You take mincey run at the... No, no, no, I'm locked into a hot pot. You take Mincy to SmackDown.
You take Mincy to SmackDown.
No, no, no.
Don't you worry about it.
You tried.
I already did NASCAR.
Did you? Well I gotta finish it up with...
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There we go.
Alright, spin it.
And we're just taking it home?
Yeah.
Who put it on the wheel?
I feel like...
I don't remember.
We don't have any clear objective with this.
I really think it was put on the wheel to pee in it, but then Dan just did it.
So it kind of negated the whole...
Yeah, let's take it off.
What else could a Euro club mean?
Could we give it a new... Like a European club take it to the club? Yeah, you got to go over to
Berlin yeah club you have to go to Berlin. That's the one club
Chester Club
All right, you are all all right. Yeah, let's change it
No, I don't know. I just maybe I should ask big cat self-funded solo euro trip is you can land on the wheel. You
have to use your vacation days.
Euro club.
It doesn't answer that would be embarrassing.
doesn't answer that would be embarrassing
we're great friends he and I damn tats where's he rank uh your call has been I think you might be flying it no he said he texted me he says he's doing
something my friend picked up from a funeral. Yeah, and he was ready to piss I gave you a mess friend. That's true
I take it back. No, you already said it
What's up? You already said it you took it back. I'm taking back the mean thing. I said, okay
I'm not taking back our beautiful weekend in Augusta. Okay, that's happening. You're going
Well, I'm threatening him You're going I know. You're going to the Masters.
I'm so excited. Thank you. You can't get out of this. I don't want to.
Should ask my wife if she wants to go. Did that not cross your mind once?
Well, who's going to do, who's going to, I still want her at home cooking dinner every night.
I don't want her to get out of practice. Yeah, you gotta stay dialed in.
Right.
So, no, there's too much, we can't both go.
Yeah, that would make sense.
Yeah, maybe one year we will be able to go,
but she can't go.
I hate Colton's shirt.
Did you see Colton's shirt?
It's the biggest shirt.
I didn't know we had technology like that.
He just walked off camera.
Yeah, I didn't know we were that far in the future.
We could make shirts that big.
That's way too big of a shirt.
Look at that shirt. That is unreal. We can make shirts that that's way too big
It's unreal imagine the super genius that invented that I will say that looks like a 90s maternity shirt Yeah, that was a bad shirt called. I saved the hospital. No fabric is touching his body
Why is that shirt so big?
Nothing is touching him. He's very cool. He's a cool guy
It's just a big shirt cool guy in a big shirt. He's wearing him you're right
He's wearing a maternity shirt. Well you're talking about the feeling of air coming up your shorts on your balls
You probably feeling that yeah, it's an air shirt. It's an air shirt. Yeah, that's a good a good invention yeah the air shirt it's just you could also be shirtless I guess yeah
but for the guy who wants to be shirtless but can't for the shirted man who wants
to be yeah all right it's been a goddamn thing we'll figure it out is this uh
what mini golf course has taken a long long time it's a lot of work yeah what's
the big stool in the middle what big? Big stool in the middle.
What's the big stool in the middle?
Is that a hole?
It looks like a hole.
I don't know, but it seems like it's hard
to fit all those holes in there.
And that one's just a dick, by the way.
Yeah.
That was here last.
There's multiple dicks.
But that stool is just too big.
That's the big what?
It's taking up way too much space.
But like, are three people going to have to shoot at once?
I think you choose the route you want to take. But no, you go off. much space but like are three people gonna have to shoot at once I know I
think you choose the route you want to take but no you go off they'll be
flighted they'll probably all start on a different hole there they are that's it
looks choose your own adventure because it's easier to get it around the side
whereas if you go up the middle yeah a lot of them a lot of that's an actual hole yes Brandon I
thought that was just a fucking stool
incredible looking thing on this mini
what I was saying I thought it was all
the other holes are green Kate I thought
this was just a fucking design thing in
the middle that's a hole okay that makes
a whole lot more sense I think that's
the last hole to make sense yeah okay, okay. It is choose your own adventure
You go through the big holes on the left, but you're not gonna get a hole in one
You want a hole in one you try to go through that little tiny hole in the mat
No, nobody has ever done that nobody will do that. I
Do want to try it you're at you're gonna be too busy Augusta with Joey. Yeah. Yeah, that's right slightly better course
Slight slightly. Yes. I like having these guys here. They listen to crunchy music.
Yeah.
Good tunes.
Yeah, they're cool guys.
They're meddling about.
They're cool.
Yes, they're very cool guys.
They get big sandwiches.
They all, they're all intimidating in a different way.
But it's always the same group of guys that built the Survivor set, that built this.
They always come, they come in about once every two months.
They pretty much work here.
They don't work here, but they pretty much do what I wonder what they're doing when they're not here
Yeah, what other installations could they be built? I think they built Augusta. I think they built golf course these guys yeah
Yeah, I bet they have cool store. I bet they've seen some shit in the biz in the mini golf construction biz
Right TV sets their set builders what TV like they do TV shows, right? Oh, they do TV sets?
They're set builders?
Yeah.
What TV shows film here?
They're shooting a Steve Carell movie by me.
Really?
Yeah.
They probably do a lot of Chicago Fire.
The Bear.
The Bear.
Got to take my kids to a real fire the other day.
What?
I felt like a boss.
A real fire?
There was a real fire down the street.
You took your kids to somebody's home and that memory's burning? there was a real fire down the street, and I took your kids to stop the children Oh, man, that's a raise burning. It was our
What your shoes on was a trash pile?
It was actively in flames, and I said you guys want to see some cool now look
Do you guys have a lot of fires because when I flew in there was a fire we've had a fire from the windows
My soccer team yeah
We've had three major ones in my neighborhood in the last year
So yeah, I think so Kids love it kids. Yeah, it is true. Holy Chicago Fire. We've had three major ones in my neighborhood in the last year. So yeah, I think so.
Kids love it.
Kids do love fire.
Boys love fire.
Girls don't.
Girls don't love fire?
Not like boys do.
Don't label.
I'm saying girls love fire.
I really love good fire.
Boys love fire.
Fire and trucks.
Girls don't love eating.
My oldest actively tantrumed when we had to leave the fire.
Are any of your kids garbage truck kids?
Oh, just any big truck, yeah.
I was a garbage truck kid. I would wave to the man every day.
There was a phenomenal YouTube series back in the day just of big trucks.
Mighty Machines?
A YouTube series?
It was. Mighty Machines?
It's narrated by David Attenborough.
Brandon, no spoilers. I'm not to 18 Wheeler yet.
Well, anyway, Mighty Machines was great.
Have you done it yet for your kids?
Done what?
It's, have you been to the thing?
Made them watch Mighty Machines?
Yeah.
No.
It's just YouTube videos.
Maybe it's just right.
Well, that's Blippi has a song.
He has a, he's brilliant.
He has a song about every different kind of truck.
And then he just shows stock free images of those trucks
with the song in the background
and they have like 50 million views of me.
Can I hear a Blippi truck song?
Garbage trucks.
Oh, from you.
Garbage trucks.
Driving up and down. What about fire trucks?
Picking trash up off the ground.
Garbage trucks.
Do do do do do do.
Is there a fire truck one?
I wrote a song for Jersey Jerry Show about tools.
Yeah? And then they just put b-roll of tools
tools tools tools
No, there's oh funny no no, but like you do the theme of girls girls girls. Yeah, that's funny
Why do you think we get over trucks like I kind of wish I still got that excited when I saw the trash man come through.
I don't know.
I kind of still get a little thrilled when I see a fire truck though.
Fire trucks, they kind of stand the test of time.
They're very cool.
Yeah.
But I like seeing them.
I always want to hold on the back.
I like when you drive past a station and it's just kind of sticking out just sitting there.
That's when I think it looks the coolest.
Yeah, and the guys are just chilling.
Yeah, they're guys are just chilling.
Yeah, they're just chilling and hanging around.
Smoking cigars.
Professional.
Firemen love to smoke.
Firemen are so much more badass than we are.
Yeah, they're cool as hell.
They just play poker and do curls.
Firemen are awesome.
They make awesome casseroles.
Yeah?
Also too, if you move to a new neighborhood,
see where the fire truck stops to pick up lunch.
That's where the best hoagies are in your neighborhood Kate you ever woke up in a firehouse
subs
Firehouse subs yes
No
Is firefighter the hottest profession for a woman to see a guy do no once again. It's the oil rig guy. Oh, yeah
Really?
Sounds that sounds a little specific you come across these men much. They're heavy on my algo Again, it's the oil rig guy. Oh yeah. Really?
That sounds a little specific.
Do you come across these men much?
They're heavy on my algo.
Are they really?
Is that the number one profession you're attracted to?
I think most women would agree.
I know how when guys' algos are just like whores in Miami,
and hers are just like men working in Edmonton.
Right. Especially the illegal ones where they're not wearing the proper gear and they're like smoking while they're doing it.
Oh I thought you meant like Hispanic men.
How do you get to Saskatchewan?
A double border, double border crossing!
Oh my god.
Oh that's just spiking the football if you cross two borders. That's awesome. What's the hottest?
You know it's funny. We never asked. What's the hottest job a woman can have?
Naked
There's not one like there's no there is there is uh
There is I mean is. There is.
I mean, the problem is that there are girls whose job is to be hot. Hold on, real quick.
Which makes it...
Hey, Dan.
Yeah. Hey, what's up?
We had a question. You're live on the Yak right now.
I'm live to tape?
No, you're live on the Yak.
He's live to tape. He's live to tape.
Sure, live to tape.
We hit Euro Club on the wheel.
You put it on the wheel, we think think and we don't know what it is.
You gotta empty the piss and someone's gotta piss in it.
Okay.
We empty the piss and then it gets pissed, repissed in.
Yeah, it's easy.
Alright, very good. That's all. We didn't know if we...
That's super easy, right?
Well yeah, it's easy but we thought maybe take it home or something.
Or someone has to drink my piss?
I don't think drinking your piss is on the table. I was just saying, I don't know. You're cutting out. It's kind of up
to interpretation. All right, we'll get through it. Okay, all right. I'll see. Danny, try
to turn it in at Play It Against Sports. I'm confused. You wanted to play it again. I guess spin that wheel and let's figure it out.
Danny, yeah, and if it lands on you,
you can choose whether to repiss it or take it home.
I'm probably taking it home because I've pissed twice on the show.
Have you?
Yeah.
I average 1.85 pisses on each act.
Some days it's two, some days it's one.
It's two.
So are you at?
It's never zero.
How many are you at a day?
Probably, all right, so I do one in the morning
when I get here.
I do one when I wake up from my nap.
I do one right before the Yak.
I do one during the Yak, maybe two,
and then one right after the Yak.
So I'm probably about six a day
Well, what about when you get home from work? Yeah, what? Oh, I meant I just meant here
I was doing a workday. You're probably up to ten. I'm at least ten
Yeah, and then if I when I leave here after I pissed when I leave here and I go to the card shop
I usually stop at the card shop and piss
So that's eight and then I would say three to four pisses. The card shop?
Yeah, I go collect baseball cards.
Every day after work?
Not every day, but I'm going today.
Really?
How much money has sunk into your collection?
I spent 4,500 last month at the card shop.
Yeah.
You've never shown any of them?
I do the man-taking videos. Oh, I understand. That's where I show, I do the man-ticking videos.
That's where I get my, he's not just a card shop.
Okay, you get, yeah, you get a lot of framed stuff.
That's where I get my Hank Aaron framed stuff.
I just got a, he just got a damn Merino piece in today I'm gonna go pick up.
Is he buying shit specifically for you now?
He is seeing stuff specifically for me.
But then how much is he up, where is he getting it from?
Um, he just has a huge warehouse of shit that he... For the Merino thing, he had the print
and he had the signed print, but he didn't have it framed, so for me he got it framed
and now I'll go pick it up. What's the Merino piece?
I'll show it to you. He just texted me he just texted me this morning and said it's ready
It's pretty sick actually it's a merino piece. I'm kidding. Yeah, it's Dan Marino from the Dolphins. Oh
Yeah, look at this motherfucker right here
Oh, it's like an actual painting of Dan Marino. Yeah, it's a painting. Oh
My him uh signed by Dan Marino. Yeah, I think I
Think this is a painting from his national Italian American Sports Hall of Fame induction.
That's right.
There's a National Italian American Hall of Fame?
He's just holding a plate of spaghetti.
Dan Marino and Joe DiMaggio.
It's the whole...
Yeah, it's a giant building of two pictures.
Two guys.
Look at that.
Tommy DeVito.
It's in Chicago.
Yeah, we can go to it. That's why it has it.
Tommy DeVito's agent, remember that guy? Yeah.
John Stilado. I'm pretty sure he was here because he was getting inducted into it recently.
Yeah, can we see the people that are in it? That guy had a hot week. Come on.
That is nice. Sick, right?
That's a nice piece. I love that you have a memorabilia dealer that texts you.
Oh, that's my drug, yes.
Yeah.
Speaking of, one of our coworkers
is having a Jersey Shore themed birthday party tonight.
Oh yeah. Who is it?
I picked up a pinion bike tonight.
Who's, wait, go back up top.
Who's Philomena Gianfransisco?
Well, she just has to be based on her name.
Baseball?
What is she, from a league of their own?
She might be.
See, it's gotta be.
The All American Girls Professional Baseball League? Where the be. It's gotta be. The All-American Girls Professional Baseball League?
Where the members of...
South Palisade.
The All-American League.
We come from cities.
Both boxing referees are...
We got Canadians.
We're bleaching our underwear with our...
Caroline...
Coleanne.
They really should, instead of going alphabetical,
they should do it by hype.
Yeah.
Just kind of stack rank these... By boxing referee. I feel like... Is that Captain Lou Albano? They really should, instead of going alphabetical, they should do it by hype. Yeah.
Kind of stack rank these boxing referee.
By how Italian they are.
I feel it.
Is that Captain Lou Albano?
That's awesome.
I think some of these names are just kind of made up.
Chris Gorgiani, NC State.
NBA player, I'll believe it when I see it.
Okay.
Celtics.
Yeah, had to be.
Oh, it's by, I see.
You think there's women who could be in it, but they married guys without Italian last names?
Oh, good point.
So if her name's Sullivan, she's out?
Yeah, that's not fair at all.
Sean Stiletto.
Look how Italian he's trying to look in that picture.
He's going hard.
Who else does he represent besides
Danucci? That doesn't... Who else does he represent besides?
D'Nucci That doesn't I don't care
Trying to fill up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, is that guy still playing the veto that was a Cowboys guy back in the day, right?
He's still on the Jones Roster. Yeah, he's on the roster, but he's there a lot of quarterbacks on that roster
Yeah, and yet and yet very few quarterbacks on yes a
Yeah. And yet, and yet very few quarterbacks on that roster. Yes. A lot of interesting personalities. Russell Wilson and Jameis Winston going back and forth is going to be insane.
Barry Zito's Italian? Why did I not ever put that together? Zito? Ah. Teddy Bruski? Who's
the guy, who's after Molly Ann there? This is a pretty jam-packed Hall of Fame. What happened in 2018? Only four people?
Slow year for Italians
Vidal what?
What do you think is the most common sport on here I'm gonna say boxing. Yeah, that's that's the correct answer
I'm gonna say your wife
they're all doing that undefeated every guy's in for boxing undefeated record
All right, TJ spin this goddamn wheel. Tom is a.
For the meaningless piss club.
Danny.
All right.
Home opener for the Cubs today.
Yep.
What time is that one?
120. Are you missing it while we talk about
Are you going? No.
I'm going to wait till it's warmer.
Danny.
What do we do if it's a sweep?
Vase. That's not a sweep.
Never mind. Don't worry about it.
What did you say? Taste?
Vase was... Oh, vase.
Taste was gonna stop.
Yeah, that would not be good.
At a certain point, this will turn into Jenkum.
Right?
Yeah.
What is that? It's the drug the Amish do when they
ferment their piss in turds.
Nobody knew that.
They inhale it? Listen, you're doing that thing where you
ask it like a question the beautiful creativity you get when you're not on
your phone all day yeah right come up with you guys are gonna do that Augusta
yeah I see the Jacob with the boys game seven all right Brandon if you if you
end up with this I want this to sneak into your manteeking
when you're showing all your stuff.
Well, it's not, it's, yeah, I got it, okay.
Oh, yeah.
So.
I want you to go through this, my Dan Marino,
this is a club with big cats piss.
That would be funnier than peeing in it, right?
Yeah.
There would be some dudes out there
who would adore to have a Big Cat Piss Club.
What do you think the high water mark of pay on eBay for that is?
It is so full of piss, man.
I think it would get over $2,000.
No.
A club of Big Cat's Piss?
There's no way you can't.
No.
It's fake to the brim.
You don't think Demartino would drop two thousand dollars on this
No
He dropped 1500
No de martino
Give me your high few give me your high bid right now de martino cuz I know you're watching
Joe sauce, I know you got some money in the game, too. I
Genuinely think it would go for it would do numbees. I
Just got a text I thought it was de martino that would been the family. Yeah
He's not even watching on delay
He's in the ductwork is there anything memorabilia is there anything creepy that you'd buy like a Dan Marino toenail
Um I saw by Sam Elliott's mustache. I saw yeah, I saw a fucking
Yankees ticket from a game that got canceled because of 9-eleven's mustache. I saw, yeah, I saw a fucking Yankees ticket
from a game that got canceled because of 9-11.
Fuck off, I won that bid yesterday.
I saw a fucking, it was a Yankees game
that was gonna get played but got canceled because of 9-11.
I won that off eBay, PSA 4.
That's a good.
That's pretty sick, right?
I don't know that I'd wanna spend money on that.
Yeah.
It'd be kinda, I mean, it's a,
Brandon, you're airing out my eBay purchases.
What'd you spend, what'd you which been hundreds of dollars I would do that I
would do some creepy shit do you see the thing someone I think it was like
history photograph posted it but all the photos of people like taking photos and
not realizing that 9-elevens happening behind them or not there's there's no
way you're not knowing well maybe they're taking the photo
because they don't know what's,
maybe they're like, Hollywood's here today or whatever,
but there's all these people like,
smiling in front of it.
Yeah, I have seen those.
Huh.
Are you gonna pee in it, or are you taking it home?
I'm gonna take it home.
You're not just gonna leave it in your car all weekend,
right?
I'll take it home, if I don't think of something
to do with it, I'll pee in it Monday.
I'll start the show by peeing in it Monday. We agree on that? If y'all think of
something I can do with it at home that's funny for the yack I'll do it.
I'm gonna put it on. What if you have to play an entire round on the golf simulator and hope it
doesn't break? You're part of a country club now. You'll play around with it?
I can't tell anyone you're golfing anyone. I can't do the P club. I'm taking home. If
we don't come up with something suitable, I'll I think peeing at your country club is
as suitable as it gets. I'm not paying in my country club. That's crazy. That's what
it's for. My guy that my guy that won to play golf with me that I met a couple weeks ago and uh you gave him
a name immediately.
He hit me up last night wanting to play golf so I'm gonna go play golf soon.
What name did I give him?
You called him Assfuck AJ.
Yeah.
Are you excited?
Oh he's handsome.
He texted me and said hey this is Assfuck AJ.
No he didn't.
No he didn't.
No he didn't. Hey, this is a fuck. No. He did it. No. He did it. No. He did it
But like what's more embarrassing you were calling him so handsome before we gave him that name yeah, no He's yeah, he said what's up. It's ass fuck AJ
Is it cuz he's an ass fucker is that like what he likes to do he lets you do it
Oh, he lets you do it. That's less cool. Oh
Not to Brandon
He said just don't call me ass fuck
It's those other idiots on the yak I would never yeah, I would never call you ass fuck AJ
We're going golfing with your handsome friend. Yeah. Yeah soon well not next week
I got to go to a Gus with the ghost with Joey your other hands my handsome friend
Maybe I'm just using golf to get closer to handsome
Am I gay your sugar daddy? Yeah, okay if you need anything you need me to take care of ticket you good sure
Okay, I thought you'd say no. What do you say? You know you just threw it out there, but I have an idea for the club
What if she's gonna suck took it to the country club no and just left it?
Picking it up, then you have to go to the you have to go to the pro shop after me like I left my
Kind of a thick grip
Leave it in the bathroom stall there that is Steve okay
that's a good idea fucking funny because people would be curious enough to open
it and it would be funny to be them oh is this big cat's piss mom is guy behind you oh my god it's the mother load
bless me be thy father
it's like when kilos wash up on the beach
those guys walk into portapies
they're like oh my god we're rich
alright well I'll take the club home
we'll think of an idea for the club. I like K's idea.
The only problem is I'm not playing for a couple of weeks.
And also you don't want to get banned from your country club.
Correct.
I'm not playing for a couple of weeks so we'll have to figure it out.
Alright well Joey, Rosemont Tonight?
Yeah Rosemont Tonight, Chicago, downtown on Sunday and I'm going all over the place, joeyavery.com
slash live. I post stand up everywhere
I have a podcast called the Joey show check it out Augusta, Georgia next Thursday
Yeah, Augusta, Georgia next Thursday Friday bring that pencil. Yeah
Yeah, the pencils
Will have a wall of pencil and if you get
There you go. You can go buy the pencil right now. It's a pre-sale
So it's gonna take a couple weeks to ship, but be patient.
Well, there it is. It's live.
So go check it out and go support us with the big game pencil.
Otherwise, we'll see you guys Monday.
I'll see you at.
Thank you. It's the Yak!
Get your straws yak style and stay for a while It's the Yak!
It's the Yak!
It's the Yak!
Yes, time to talk shopper do a Yankee swap
It's the Yak!
It's the Yak! Have a good weekend everybody!
Stay safe!
If you're in San Antonio, go to the Borstal Live shows today tonight and tomorrow during the day and say
hi alright see you tomorrow love you bye see you Monday whatever what bye