TigerBelly - Ali Siddiq and The John Wick of Comedy

Episode Date: July 1, 2026

Comedy powerhouse Ali Siddiq joins TigerBelly in the studio and gives Bobby the vibrations. We chat car crash confessions, Bobby in prison, Houston comedy clubs, onstage antics, taxes, fatherhood, second chances, and Bobby somehow admitting to way too much.Join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com/BELLY Download the Klarna app today or visit www.Klarna.com to learn moreThere’s a reason BlueChew is the #1 brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at www.bluechew.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Fuck a cat you can't Go to the fucking rat. I am not a rat. Fucking sicken rat. He's a rat in the house. Man, what a rat you are. I am not a fucking rat, bro. How do you define a rat?

Somebody that gives names up. Interesting. Which I did not do to you. Yeah, so you didn't rat me out, but you ride at other people. out. Look, I won't to edit it out. I know.

I know we're going to edit it out. But you rated other people out. I was fucking losing my shit on the phone. You're pressing me. You're hard pressing me. And I say, I'm not going to give it up.

I'm not going to give it up. And you're like, if you know what's good for you, you will tell me now. Yeah. Threatening. But it was actually a test, though. I said it was a test.

I said that. I said, if I tell you right now. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. I said, if I tell you right now. then it's going to seem like I give people's names of, which I don't do. And you were like, you were like, you work for me and you will tell me.

And I was like, okay. I was very... And you gave me a list of names. Did you not? No, not a list. Two. Two. You can't really...

A list of three. A list of two. A list of two. Yeah. And I regretted it so much and instantly called you back and said, is this going to be a bigger problem? And you were like, yeah. Yeah, it could be.

Yeah, I'm going to make this amazing. I want to make it a very big problem for you. Which? I'll tell you what happened. We won't include this, but what? Yeah. So Friday night, Friday night, right? I'm at the comedy store and I take my car and I thought it was in Ford.

It was in reverse. Which I just want to say. And Luke's the lock guy. Nowhere to be found. Oh, this is a Hyundai. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the Hyundai, right?

So I speed up and I hear a crash. Oh, no. So then I get out of the, I can't get out. get out of the driver's seat because the reason why the passenger the passengers of sit I mean yeah I'm letting you know you're piling on brother you're piling on brother brother brother please please and so no the reason why I put it in reverse is because I lost my phone okay so I lied just now I already caught myself in a lie but there's so little space that I can't get out of the driver's side.

So I had to crawl over and go to the other side. I know exactly where it is. It's in the office. Okay. Grab it, get in the car, and I just drive away. Yeah. Right, which is the normal thing to do. I agree. You agree, right?

And then late at night, the problem started. Okay, well. So it's not your fault. Okay, I know. But my perspective of this story is like a lot shift from hell. I just, I was standing up on the ramp for one second. I'd come down. and there's a car totally smashed.

And it's like, what? I wasn't even here. Everyone's like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I heard you made that sound. Scooby-d-do-do-do-o-do-ro. I'm like, what happened? I can't figure out what happened, and they're like, well, there's only so many people who could be.

It's either Ali Wong, Jimmy O. Yang, Bobby Lee. Oh, because of Asian drivers. That's good. That's a really good joke, Luke. Oh, boy, that burned. Yeah, yeah, it could only be the three of us. People just take a look at the lineup and they go, this is the first question that we should check up on.

So anyway, that's not what happened, though. What happened was the person I hit goes, well, apparently I had people there are trying to undent it before the guy finds out. Which is me. Which is you. Which is very noble and very, I like it. It made it.

Intention, you're like a familiar? They were so mad at me. doing that. Who was they? Management. Okay. And don't put this in. Try to undone. No, no, no. It's fine. Everything's fine.

No, but I... I will never play at the comedy store again if they fire you. Oh, my God. Damn, that's bold. Is this going in? Yeah, it is. 100% going in. All right. So then I asked him. So then Joe calls me, the manager of the Combiners and he goes, he goes, I saw it. I go, what did you see?

What? Huh? What do you mean? And he goes, the tape. Oh, God. The person that I hit saw his car and said, I need to see the tape. I didn't know. I didn't know there was tape. Yes.

Your plan was so crazy. My plan was crazy. Can I know who the person is? I will let you know. I'll let you know. Also, because your car, before your car, you were notorious for like your bumper was always hanging off. and you seem like you're a pretty rambunctious driver to begin with.

I don't know if rambunctious. You have a history, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a history. So I think it would have, you maybe bought yourself 15 minutes of innocence. Right, right. So then I'll tell you who the rats aren't. Okay. Steph Tollive.

Correct. Okay, she was in the car, saw me do it. She was in the car? Not my car, but in her car watching me do it. Yeah. Right. And her, her and her fiance

looked at me and they gave me a wink. Like, yeah, like, just move on. Yeah. Which is like,

you know, respectful. Yeah. Right? So I go home and they saw the tape and then, um,

but then Joe, the manager said, there's a couple of guys that said that you hit him. And I go, who are the names? Right. And he goes,

I can't tell you that as the manager. and I go Okay Oh God And then I call Luke Dude what the fuck You're like the godfather

And I call Luke And I go Who ratted me out Luke Right And Luke would not say Correct And then I'm not gonna say Who the names are

Okay Honorable I'm very honorable Yeah except for Except for hitting someone's car driving away You're immediately

You're immediately Like There's a red flag About like How could I'm playing, no, I'm the honorable one. I'm the honorable one. Because if there was no tape, right?

There were no witnesses. There's a mystery. Okay, I guess. And I live in mystery. But no tape. That's the realm I live in. It's a mystery realm. It's fourth dimensional.

No tape is one thing of like, oh, the camera angle we couldn't see. You say no witnesses or do you execute people? People saw. Yeah. Exactly. I don't execute in the, way of the old times, like the 16th century where there's a guillotine. Yeah, yeah.

Right? And the townspeople show up and they witness. No, no, no, no. I execute in different ways. Okay. I don't like rats. Right. Right. So a couple of people ratted me out that I hit a... Who's such a nice guy? He's such a nice guy. He's a very funny comic, right? So I call

a... Doctor, I've been read it out and, you know what I mean? There's a tape. And I go, what is it going to cost me? And he goes, nothing. Oh, wow. He said nothing. Do you know why? He also lives in the mystery realm.

That's good. Yeah, yeah. What's that mean? If you don't know what it means, you don't know what it means. But there is a mystery realm out there. Okay. Alex knows. I know, man.

Yeah, Lincoln Park, dude. That's a mystery band. That's a mystery. Yeah. If that's your favorite band, you live in the mystery world. So it's your favorite band? No. Because I go in and out to reality.

Yeah. I go to a miscreate a reality real quick. Yeah. So, um, you read the two names out. I have it on a list. I'm not going to do anything. I did not do that. Can I go upstairs and show you the list?

Oh my God. You were pressing me! You were pressing you so hard. I was like, oh my God, what the fuck am I going to do? You know, it's such a, it's such, I'm like, I could not fathom the disaster that this has called, this has caused. It has nothing to do with me. shouldn't be involved in this mess at all.

You had nothing to do with anything. I guess. What are you scared about? I guess. What are you scared about? I'm scared of you. Why are you scared of me? Because you're a mystery realm, dude.

Yeah. Yeah. Your leader of the mystery realm. I'm not, that was the worst lot shift of my life. Why? After that happened, I was so stressed because I was like, this is a disaster and I don't know how to play it. Was a little bit upset, honestly.

No, I heard he snapped. He was a little bothered. Yeah, yeah. He was like, he's like, so. So everyone just watched Bobby hit my car and leave? And I guess the consensus was yes. So he was pretty, he was pretty, I think hurt. I think his feelings were hurt.

Yeah, I mean, I'm going to give him some time here on. Let him promote something, too. What? Let him promote something. Yeah, you will. It was not me. Just hold on. Just hold on.

If he doesn't pick up, he doesn't pick up. And that's the Lord's real will. Mystery realm. I don't know. a voice now. Oh, fuck. The person you're trying to read. Okay.

Okay. You will call. But later in the night, and I don't like talking about this on such a public forum because it makes me look really bad at my job and stupid, but I'm not. I'm good at my job and smart. It doesn't seem so. I read it. The facts, facts would suggest that you're not good at your job.

Is that nothing to do with me? You're a freaking hidden car. You're the bumper cars in there with you. I got to like keep an eye on you 24th sentence. I remember I left your car in a place where I was like he could easily get out. There's no issue. He's never going to hit a car. Little did I know you drive out and throw it in reverse.

I've kicked Sam Tribilli's car, which cost me $5,000. I'm known to do it. Yeah, you are known to do it. And let me tell you this right now. I've hit many cars there. I know. And never admitted to it. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And other. Okay. What are you going to do about it? Mystery realm. Mystery realm. The other comedians will get mad at the door guys who parked the car. Like, you guys are all fucking idiots.

All you do is hit the cars, blah, blah, blah. Well, it's a small parking lot. Let's say that. It's the tightest parking lot, imaginable. You've been there, right? Yeah. When it's a pack, when there's a lot of comics on, you have to do a lot of maneuvering.

Yes, yes. And it's tough. People want to leave and rush to another spot. People are late for their spot. So people are flooring it in, people are flooring it out. It was one of the worst lodget shifts of my life because later in the night,

I was getting ready to go home and long story short another comic's car keys were ran over by car oh my god wait wait wait

that night yeah another person's what car keys got ran over ran over by car who's car keys

were they uh can this be bleeped out yeah it can be bleeped out yeah okay bleep it out he was very nice about it he gave me the name

okay and this was on June team and yeah it was It was on June 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Yes.

And unlike Juneteen's, I told him right away. Instantly, the news dropped. I told him immediately. Okay. Is that him? I'll go get him. Wait, we got to switch topics before he gets here. I don't want this topic.

What? I'm like sweating. I'm sweating through my shirt. I know. So. I know. We're going to, why would, why would that be a factor? I just feel bad.

Like, how, so you're the lock guy. Yes. You're supposed to with a key. right in the dashboard or something like that yeah so what you did was what threw it on the ground no it like happy june teeth motherfucker what is going on here no it it was i don't know how it happened i don't know how it happened but we give people we give people let me know when he comes because i want to greet him we give people hill rides at the end of the night all the other staff we give them a ride to where You park your car.

I've done hill rides. Don't talk to me like that. Who cares? I'm going to get fired. It doesn't even matter. You're not getting fired. Thank you. Energy focus.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm on a strict diet right now. There's no nicotine. It's just NED. Yeah, I cannot do it. But thank you so much. I'm interested, but what is? I'll take it now.

I'll take it now. Is it caffeine? Look it up. It's blip. It's for energy and focus. Neutropic. Is this a free ad? No.

It's not a free ad. Okay. And it's a pill? Oh, it's a dip. It's a pouch. It's a pouch. I already have a pot. I'll do two pouches.

No, no, no. Oh, my God. I'll double pops. Oh, no. So, do you care if I try one? Or do you want to, you want to? No, give it to it. That's yours.

Give it to it. I'm a human person. So anyway, I mean, Klai has no idea what's going on. There's a rat. There's a rat. There's a rat. He's a rat.

You're a rat? I'm not a fucking rat. I'm not. I was so... First of all, I'm not a rat, but also I've so much respect for him, and I felt my heart broke for him that... Ten people are standing there looking at him, and he's like, everyone just lit. Just tell him really quickly. Real quickly, all right.

I backed into a car at the car. Really dented the fuck out of it, and I drove away. And I drove away and left. Didn't say anything. Yeah. At night, at night, I got a call. We have the tape. Yeah.

Why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? I'll get them. And I was working. So I'm in the middle of this. huge mess. It's like, hello, what the fuck? How did this happen?

Why did Bobby leave? Everyone's so scared of Bobby so that they just let him leave? And it was kind of like, I guess, yeah, I wasn't there. I was not in the lot at the time. So I'm just being told all this information from like all these different random people. Like, oh, yeah, this, that, I don't know. By the way, I later find out Bobby says, oh, oh, I thought I hit the dumpster. The dumpster, which is like 20 feet away.

Obviously you hit a car. Obviously, there's not a dumpster park next to you. She can tell you stories when they used to live or he's ran his pre-issue. He's ran me over. Of course. Oh, he hit her. He's also like, oh, people are ratting on me. Who's going to find out?

You have a reputation for hitting cars in the lot. You would have been the first call. No matter what. Tadigas here, everybody. Hi. Hi, Andre, guys. Hi, Andre. Hi.

I'm Colila. Hi, I'm co-host. Nice to meet you. I'm Luke. Nice to meet you. All you sit here, whenever you have a chance. Blue-chew gold is better sex in a tablet. I'll tell you that right now, because I'm 55 years old almost.

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No, nobody. OLLI. Welcome to the podcast. I honestly, this is the truth. You're one of my favorite comedians to watch. Thank you very. Can I tell you why? Damn me. Your voice.

It makes stuff in my body vibrate. Oh. No, not in sexual. No, not in that way, not in that. Andre? Well, what exactly? Andre, hiding behind the body?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. It just has like a very whitey, you know what I mean? Like a dark, he could, just a really good voice. A dark good voice. Anyway, let's. It came out.

Why are you shaking your head, Luke? Oh, no, no. Keep me. Why does this guy here? What? No, just keep me out of it. I don't want to be in. Anyway, the reason why.

The reason why is because your style of comedy is something that I've always wanted to do, but I can't do it. Your patience and the way you can control a room, right? Because I need to get a laugh every, like, like, eight seconds or do something stupid. you're telling a story. You have the room locked in and mesmerized. It's a type of talent that you're born with. I'm so needy, I can't fucking do it. So it's like, you know, you're just such a good storyteller.

You're such a great comic. Give him a round of applause. Let me ask you a question. Yes. If I may. You may. Okay. It's a podcast, for sure.

What did you say? It's your podcast. You may. I can ask whatever I want. Why is Andre not even? focusing? Why? Because this is not Shay-Shay?

If we were on Shays-Shay, he'd be focusing. No, didn't focus at all. He was even, like, I looked over when we was doing club shesha-shay-shed. I looked at, he was eating fries. Oh, he didn't eat fries at Club Shades. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

So, I know that you went to prison. Yeah. You've been, you know, you're talking like you just met me. I've heard you've been Do you want to go back to one first man? No, no, no, we will go to our origin story. Okay. I'd love to know that.

Yeah, but I honestly never knew that you went to prison. Yeah. Yeah. What was it for? Even I know that. Have you watched nothing? Well, you explained it to me in Filipino terms. In Filipino terms.

I don't want to explain it now. Because you don't know. Yes, I do. It was cocaine. Oh, I love cocaine. I do my super. I do it. I love it. I used to do it all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a Filipino term for that? Shabu? It's mad. No. Shabu? No. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I have to ask my son. My son was raised by a Filipino lady. Oh, really?

He may know. He may know. Yeah, yeah. He may know. Oh, this is your son? 15. Wow. Okay, he'll know. He'll know. He'll know. So, how long were you in it? Six years.

Now, was it, because I don't know much about it, okay, prison and life. Can I tell you something? Why is it uncomfortable? Wait, wait, wait, Ali, I don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you have to reset?

No. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I think I'm being a good journalist. Can you say turtlest? Suralist. I think I'm being a very good, mindful, fucking interviewer. Yes, okay. And there's a vibe in here.

I don't know what the fuck is going on. It might be Andre. It might be Andre. When I said like his voice makes me you vibrate. It was weird. It wasn't sexual. It wasn't anything.

It was just through my body. You know what I mean? Everything I got weird. So what I'm saying to you right now is let's regroup. Right? Or story. And everything will be fine.

What the fuck is going on here? You said the thing too. I don't think. It was the only reference that I could come up with it in terms of that kind of storytelling. I only ask because, see, I'm back, now I'm back.

I'm back in the fucking mode, dude. I'm back in the mode, dude. Back to Larry King, dude, yeah. Would I survive in prison? That's a good question. That's a good question. What was the question? Would I survive Bobby Lee in prison?

For six years. Yes, you would survive. Yeah, in what way? Because I have no muscle mass? No, I think that you would survive because they would think that you were nuts. Oh. And you were like, yo, you would make it.

Yeah. Because, you know, Bobby, you're talking about now or then. You know, that was in the early 90s. Oh, when you went? Yeah, 91. Yeah. And it was like, cool then? No, it was dangerous then.

It's very dangerous then. But, you know, they're doing TikToks now. Oh, I see. They have cats. You know, they have cats, TikTok. You know, they're shooting videos. I don't know how dangerous is, you know, when you're on the phone in prison. Yeah.

Oh, so they're able to scroll and see the news. I think they give them laptops. Oh, really? I don't know what they got going on. It seems like they are very well aware of what's going on in the world. Ah, I see. Do you think they watch pornography on there? Or they probably have that blocked.

No, no, I don't know what they watch because I don't know what's going on. But, you know, when I was in prison, I was a pimp. Oh, okay. For like six months. I was a pimp for six months. How does a Pimp in prison operate? You get a picture of a girl sent to you from the world as a free world girl. And then you just loaned out for soups.

Oh, nice. You know, you have to tape her. You got to make sure that you tape both sides of the picture, you know, because they take it in the shower. I'm like, yo, take my home girl, Kim, do what you do, bring the picture back. Who brings the pictures in and who are the pictures of? Oh, no, the people get sent. You know, pictures get sent to.

Oh, those, yeah. You tell your boys, hey, man, this is what I need. There are no Latino ladies in here. They need Latinos, you know, we need black, we need some hot white chick. And then you had, then you just come and you show a picture. And then it was like, oh, I don't take that. that one. Yeah.

And they borrow it. It's on loan. Yeah, it's on loan. Yeah. And what would you receive for the photo? Soups, chips, envelope.

Oh, God, the soups. Yeah. You got to get the soups, yeah. Bone broth, maybe. Then, no. Okay.

Then they started abusing my women, so I had to stop, man. What? Oh, there'd be, like, stuff on it. Came back, a head ripped off. What's a violent character of you? Ripping off.

All them. Heads of my friend. The crime that they committed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see. It's resurfacing, yeah. Wow. So that's good, that's good, Pimps. Yeah, good Pimper.

Nobody gets hurt. No one gets hurt. You know, I would have laminate mine. No, we don't have no laminate. You got tape. You got to tape it, and you got to really stretch that tape where it's clear. It's a clear picture. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. But it's, you know, photos was good back then. Back then, yeah. It was pre-internet. If I went in, I always thought that I would get like tossed around. Oh, I see. No, I'm little.

Five three from behind. It seems like you want it. Like you're pitching yourself. Why are you selling yourself? Can I be in your pitcher pack? You got a Bobby Lee? As an option? As an option.

Yeah, I got a special one. And then they're like, I already fuck that guy. I can't be in the pack? No. No. No, I only got one gender. Oh, oh. Okay, 2001.

You'd have to go down to the other end of the prison where they got PC and all of them. You guys, you know, different. All right, let me ask you this. If I offered services. What kind, Bobby. You can't say soft services. Yeah, yeah, soft serve ice cream. Would you?

No, like I give handies. Just listen to me. I'm not done with my... You put it on a menu? I have a menu. Bro, I have a fucking menu, dude. Right? So, handies...

You've thought about this way... I have to way too much. Literally every episode he talks about prison. He fantasizes about it. Yo, why is there so much glue over there? I just saw all this glue. I'm obsessed with glue. I'm Alamo's glue.

Oh, wow. Yeah. It's like my ditty thing, you know? There's a lot of ditty thing. He likes oil. I like glue on and then slowly peeling it off. Like what you got going on? Yeah, stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that you would survive. I think you would survive. But so a menu... Just the fact that you would be talking about, the fact that you'd be talking about, yo, I'm giving out handies. They were like, what the fuck is wrong with him?

Oh, so I could get nothing from them. I can't get soup. I think you're a little too thirsty. What? You can't just be like, handies. You know? They would be weird I'm like,

I'm like, yo, what's up with all? What's up with all? Yeah, yeah. No, Chow Lynn. My name would be Chowland.

They would call you Bruce. Oh, they would? Oh, yeah, they would. Oh, yeah, they would. Oh, yeah, they would call you Bruce Lee. Man, look a little Bruce Lee. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know,

it was another Asian guy and nobody messed with him. I didn't. But Asian guys look a little tougher in prison than you think. It's like, it's not a large population. And all of them small. Vietnamese guys.

Yeah, yeah. You know, little Filipino guys. These ain't the people that you want to mess with. Because they don't look friendly. They don't look like, yo, I'm like, you like, like, you're going there to comb your hair right or something. Like, I don't know what you had going on, but them guys look tough in there. Oh, okay.

I shave my head. Oh, you shave. As soon as you shave your head and put a dragon. Yeah, I'll put a drag on my head. Yeah, yeah. Or a tattoo on your head. Oh, shit. A lotus flower.

No, I don't put the flower. Why? Why? No, you look Hawaiian. Like No, put some dangerous on your head. Oh, yeah.

Oh, how about like a photo of Pete Hegsef. Okay. Secretary of War. Right? And go America first above it. Oh, they beat. Oh, that would be scary.

Oh, that would be, okay. I'm just testing it out. No Lotus Flower, no Pete Dex-Seth. Okay, good. America first. Beat the shit out of you. I'm going to with your own people. Like, you just be just sitting on getting kicked in the face.

What the fuck going on? Yeah, yeah, but no, Bobby Dick. By the way, I am a liberal, and John Ossoff and James Tillerica are people that I'm really rooting for. Let's move on. What's our origin story? We met in Houston at the Houston Improv. Love it. What year is this?

Shit, 2001. Holy fuck, dude. That's a long way back. This is when you were moon. the audience. I still do it. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I still do. That's my closure. That's crazy. He was just working at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget the lady that you had featuring for you, but I was hosting, because I was coming up to the club that I was hosting.

And after the first show, because you did a weekend, and after the first show... Wait, wait. Hold on. Just give me a second. Is he thinking, he's trying to think of the lady. No, no, no.

You already remember it. I remember it. Really? Yeah, and I didn't know it was you. Let's go continue. So. What a great interview. What a great interview.

Handing up and taking a lap. Am I being backed into a corner? No. Is this a good origin story? No. It's a good story. Oh, it's a good story. Okay, good.

So, after the first show, you come down to the green room. Yeah. And you put everybody out besides me. And you said, hey, I'm not going to put you off the show. I just want to ask, are you an opening act? Are you a headliner? I said, I'm a headliner. I'm a headliner.

I fucking knew it. The improv's put all the strong people in front of me while I performed. Because I was destroying this. I was literally destroying. I remember. And I would ease up after your feature because you was coming up because I was really, because I'm home and I'm destroying it. With no local shit, I remember.

Really destroying. And he was like, yo, they fucking always do this to me. Yeah. And then I didn't see your closer the first show because I was down there. Then the second show. I was staying on the side and I was like Is he taking off his clothes?

There's no way he's taking off his clothes And I don't know why I thought it was no way Because you had just got this dude's phone In the front And put it down your underwear I was like Classic

What the fucking The classic joke Well-Reton Taught me about him I was like And after that after the rest of the after that show, when people was handing their phones, I was trying to look at people like,

no, don't give them your phone. Your phone is going down. Here's what I do. It's a joke. And I'm not going to ever do it again now. This is the end of whatever. But this is why I did that. When I'm on stage and someone in the audience is texting somebody, it infuriates me.

So, hey, you want a photo? You know what I mean? And they'll give me the phone. Right? So then, right? So then I'll stick it down my pants, take a photo, give it back to them, and go, tag me. Okay. Right? And it gets a laugh, right?

It does. It does. It does, right? It did. Yeah, yeah. So my point is, it's not some random thing. It's always like, you know, as a comic, as you know, you have different, there's a thousand things that can go on in the room. And you have reactions and different things that you can do.

to react to those things that occur. Hackling. You know what I mean? People being rowdy. Why do you look at my fingers? Because you're doing a justice. It's like you're doing Obama. You got you?

You got you. Whatever. Whatever's name is Trump. All right. Sorry, my bad. Also, nice manicure. Okay, thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. I'm going to a little event tonight. Prison? Yeah. No, no. Yeah. With my menus. You also told me that same week

you told me the story that you and Spanky Hayes was supposed to do something together. Yeah. Like little cops or something. No, no, no, no. It was called War Babies. War babies. Yeah, yeah.

So Spanky Hayes is a little black man. Yes. Is he not? Yeah, he is a little black man. And he's smaller than me. Is he shorter than you? Is he? Yeah.

Oh, he's shorter? Bobby or a spanky? I don't know, y'all. Look like y'all about the same. Okay. Okay. All right. I'll take that. I'll take that. But I'm taller than Kevin Hart. You are?

Oh, yeah. I did a movie with him. I stood by him. Yeah, I believe you. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. And I just saw him at the lunch. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, yeah. We're good. You got invited to the Netflix lunch? Yeah.

Why? I just asked. Okay. Have you been invited? No. And I'm going to tell you something right now. Okay. That was the first time I was ever invited. And I was mad for years.

That was never invited. And then it comes and then you can do it. And then you go, okay. Check. You know, but what's so funny? I mean, you say you just go, oh, yeah, check. But you're like, yeah, me and Kev at lunch. We were hanging out at the Netflix lunch.

You seem to be bringing it up. Okay. You're right. Talk a lot about it. It's not just check. You talk about it every day. It's a double check. It's a double check for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, so Spanking Hayes and I had a movie that called War Babies, and it's basically, you know, we have the same. He's half Asian, right? Could he pass for half Asian? What? Could he pass for half Asian? I don't think so.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think so. For the purpose of this movie. Okay, continue. They're Spanky. I think he could. Oh yeah, I think he could. I think he could. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, we're step brothers or something. But we were both born during a war. And we're called war babies. That's the only premise we know. You know, Spanke and I, back then, we weren't rioters. I think we pitched it once. I was like, that's all you have?

Honestly, but like visually, you guys probably looked really cute together. We did. So. Yeah, yeah. And it's a good idea. There's something there, but, you know what I mean? I don't know. You know what I mean?

But yeah, I love Spanky. Who's, is that areas in back of him? Or like Pete. Yeah, Pete, yeah. Wow. Okay. Did you, so you started with in Houston, then you knew Ralphie then. Yeah, I knew Ralphie, man.

Yeah. Well? Yeah. He was another one. See, let me tell you something about you fuckers in Texas. Sleepers. Sleepers. Sleepers sales.

Exactly. So another. thing happened. There used to be a comedy club in Houston called the Laugh Stop. Yep. Laugh Stop. Yeah. And this guy named, do you know the guy that ran it? Pete? Yeah, but there was a meth head that

once ran it and he became a meth head. Anyway, God bless you and take care. So I played the Laft Stop and I was featuring there in the 90s and Ralphie opened. He was the MC. And I drowned

every show. I mean, it's like these fuckers, right? They're so good, but, you know, locally, they become hosts, they host a show. But they want to show I mean, this is what Texas is all about.

You live or you drown. And then, you know, you see a guy like Ali and Ralphie Mae and it's like, it's fucking crazy. Like Hicks is from there, Kinnisans from there, Carl LeBos from there. I mean, there's so many legends from Texas. You guys, there's a Mexican guy that's still working from, what's his name?

Juan Valarillo. Yeah. Yeah, Juan. He's a beast. Yeah, Juan. These guys, dude, when you go on the road one day, dude, right? I'm scared. And you're featuring, dude, be scared.

Because there are dudes out there that have been doing it that are animals. They're animals, dude. Yeah, we got a nice little lineage of people. I know. And when people, you know, especially when somebody come home out of town and they think that we just, I'm running them, because we hosting, because we just like the work. So it's not a, the hosting position is not a bad position for us. And then what I was doing at that time was still in audiences. That was a laugh stop.

Yeah. Oh, my God, the memories. Yeah. Laft stop. It was a laugh spot. Yeah. Just choking. You know, before the improv, it was spellbinders.

I remember spellbinders, yeah. And then they moved to the improv space and couldn't hold the lease. And then improv bought it, came in and got it. Now they moved the improv down. You know, they redid it and moved it down. Yeah. It sees more people. But, yeah, Houston has a long lineage of great comics.

Yeah, I know. I completely, you don't have to preach. No, I'm just saying for us. I'm telling you right now. I get it. I lived it. And you know what I do now, dude? I call the clubs or whatever, because I bring all my own features, I go, get me the worst comic

in time. I literally do. Like somebody that just isn't good. And they go, are you sure? I go, yeah, because I want my future to struggle. Because if you have a bad host, right, he doesn't truly get him. Right? So then your feature has to do 10 minutes of like getting them going.

Right? So that I have the feature spot. Yeah. Right. It's genius. It's psychological because the fuckers like you, dude. You, Ralphie, all those guys that would just, I mean, destroy. Right.

And my feature is also like kind of an open micer. Always. I don't know who was opening for me that weekend. It was like this, um, It's a white lady with Sandy brown hair. I just remember that. Oh, I know what it was. I just remember that.

I know what it was. I don't want to name. And you know who else is from Houston? Who was the mom's, Shane Wayne. Oh, yeah, dude. Shane's from Houston. Yeah, he's from Houston. Yeah.

Cristella is from Texas to Alonzo. Yeah. Thea Vidal. Yeah, Thea of Adela. Yeah. We have a... I remember where Christella was the fucking waitress at the Addison Improv. Yeah.

And then she started doing... emceeing spots for me and I was like, what the fuck? And then like, I would use her as a feature. I mean, she's, there's people out there that you gotta work harder. Yeah, now I'm a little embarrassed that I've hosted for you, honestly.

Get me the worst guy ever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, I've hosted for Bobby Lee, no big deal. This is in the stage where I'm gonna get the worst guy in there. Yes, yes. But you talked about, you said you went up there and you wanted to, like, steal audiences. Oh, yeah, for sure.

you got to come still to somebody else. So that was that, that was like a, maybe six weeks of me going, opening for whoever because they would call me like, hey, you want to open for Bobby Lee? I'm like, cool, new audience. And right before you was Angela Johnson. Yeah. And saying right before Angela Johnson was Marge Gibrani. And so then, you know, I was like, these are not people who would normally see me.

Right. Wow. Wow. So then I would get new fans in my own city that didn't know me. So I could literally stay in Houston and I don't have to really travel. I can go to the improv and do 13, 14 shows in the weekend. Wow. Make a bunch of money to stay at home and do that every three months. Wow.

You can get another hour in three months? You can get another hour in three months. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No. Klarna let you split purchases into different payment options.

Clara, guys, you know what? We had to redrobe, redrobe. Rewardrobe, Alex. Why? He looked fine, right? He looked like a bulldog. Oh. In a pound. And I didn't like it.

And, you know, he's genetically handsome, stretched out, but still very. very handsome. You stretched out, you know, but um, he to, to me, I can see the handsome. So we had to basically buy this whole new wardrobe for Alex. Because we know you're, we go to dinners and lunch and we go out together. You know, he's trying to look max. He's trying to look the best. Well, according to you, he just really just needs to change his overall aesthetic. And that's not a bad thing. It's like, I'm not forcing it. It was a suggestion he agreed. And so you know, with that, we had to make a ton of purchases. We did. And thankfully,

we don't have to come out of pocket almost immediately because we have Klarna. You know with Klarna what I love about Klarna for people like Luke and I is that it offers value, transparency, control and no surprises. You can pay now or later or over time whatever fits your life or whatever budget that you have Klarna works for you. Yeah, yeah, guys vote in the comments which look is better. Please we would like to see a poll. Yeah, I think I think he got upgraded pretty hard. Yeah. It's fit. And it's so you know Well, Clark is great because you earn interest, unlock per expense. It's spent smarter.

Turn everyday purchases into cash bag and long-term value. Flexibility that fits real life. Adjust payments when plans change without stress. And I think that's a key word in this economy right now, stress. Honestly, it's like it's so hard to part. It's so hard to want something or like need something and have to part with that like huge amount right out the gate. Yeah. So it's nice to think about it and just like, you know, I can break this up in multiple payments because I don't want to pay.

I don't want to lose out on all that much today, you know? Guys, download the Clarna app today or visit clarna.com to learn more. CA resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license in MLS number 13533190 Clarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points, limitations, terms, and conditions. It doesn't take me three months to get an hour. Ooh. I just. I just, when did we shoot?

Two months ago? Yeah. We shot four specials. I saw that. And two days. All right, Bobby, give him your numbers, Bobby. I've been shooting, I've been shooting for the last six years. I shoot two specials at a time.

And then when I went to Dallas. Two different hours. Two different hours. So in Dallas, I shot three. And then when we got to D.C., I decided to shoot four. So I, after this special just came out, my father, I shot that in Detroit in 2024.

So we have one, two, three, four, five. We have six specials in the can. I'm working on four new specials now, all different hours, different things. So three, I wish I did that three months. Like three months, I do like seven. Bobby's face. I'm just

You have I'm just saying When I was in the clubs I was doing And people would tell people If I did six shows I did nine shows I would do a different hour

Every show I don't feel the same At 730 I feel at 930 Yeah I'm flabbergasted It's got a list And do you run it a lot?

No right You don't run the hour Often isn't that another Part of your process I do a lot of shows So just look So we just, and we just look at that. Okay, okay, those are all your special.

Oh my gosh. Those are all your specials. Yeah, so we shot Domino Effect by itself, then we shot two by itself, then we shot three and four together. We shot the in between that, we shot Don't Judge a Book Byers cover in between that. My two sons and Rugget were shot together.

Mondays and my father and the dog were all shot, and the dog is not up there. yet because we release that one on my father just like that's the wrong date for release. I mean, but that's when we shot it. Yeah.

So I've been doing comedy for 30 years. I've been 29. Yeah, and I just shot my first special three months ago. Boom, take those numbers. It takes that in your face.

It takes a wow. It takes... Once you get in your face, friend. Once it gets going... Motherfucker. You're a motherfucker. Coming in this place. Acting like that.

You're activating the prison Asian now. Yeah, yeah. You're mean... I'll shank you, dude. You... What? I mean, I... Flabbergats, I don't have that kind of work ethic.

You're not. It's almost as like, yeah, I don't have that. But I feel as though, like you have so much to mind from. Like, I feel like you've lived so many different lives that you are kind of an endless well of just story, story, story, stories. Yeah. And I think that's the benefit of not being with a network. Yeah.

Because it's no way that I would have put out more than one in five years with a network. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think I was waiting for, what I was waiting for was, well, none of these streamers want me yet, you know? Yeah, but you're a really good example, too, of, like, being really successful in putting out your own special in YouTube, because those, you have a ton of people just waiting for your next one to drop. And I feel like people do put out stuff on YouTube, but I feel like that is still a struggle for a lot of comics, but I feel like you crack the code with that. Yeah, and I look at it sometimes to, um, See, because, you know, people don't realize this, what, 30 specials a month come out?

That's just the ones that they post on the, it's like 300 to 400 specials come out a year. Comics put them out all the time and then I look at the list and then I just go down on YouTube of what everybody's special is doing. And I feel very grateful because there's some people 10,000 views. You know, 1,500 views. Some people get to 200 and then it'll just stale out. 200 views?

200,000. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sure there's 200 views there. It's some people that don't have a lot of views. But are they famous people? Yeah, it's people. But yours are like, you know, 20 million.

Exactly. Oh, my God. You're so rich. Oh, you're killing it! Oh, my God. The craziest thing is when you look at, we just look at Domino Effect 1, right? Yeah.

So. There's parts to it? Yeah, one, two, three, and four. It's like John Wick? He's the John Wick of Comedy Specials, dude. So we look at this. My two sons, one, an N-A-C-P, Image, awards for Outstanding Special.

Only independently produced special ever win an award. Part 4 is an hour and 56 minutes long. Yeah. How long is yours? 38 minutes! Take that! 30 years, 38 minutes.

An hour and 56 minutes long? Yeah. So Rugget won three Webby awards. Wow. These numbers are crazy. They're crazy numbers, dude. So this is the thing. So now when you on a network,

over four years, 20 million views, people keep watching it. Yeah. So when you on a network, it's over. It's like you do it and it's done. Like my first special was on Comedy Central.

Yeah. And I probably, man, I'll say maybe if you look at the one that I put out on Comedy Central now. So when I first, initially put it out, go to it now, go to what they did. So when we tried to buy it back

from the success of one, they put it out on YouTube. Ah. So this is not having it. Bigger than these bars. Look what it is now. How many views is that now? Yeah, four point it. Yeah. It did not have that when it was on Comedy Central.

Right. Wow. It got that on YouTube. Yeah. And they did that after we dropped Domino Effect 1. Wow. So on YouTube, we probably got 200,000 views. I mean, on Comedy Central, 200,000 views. Yeah.

They showed it one time, then we forced them to show it again. Yeah. Because of Comedy Central having programming and whatnot. Yeah. So, and they played it like 11, 159 at night on the East Coast time for it to be played at 8 o'clock on West. It was just crazy, but I would never recoup that special from them as what they spent. You know, when you learn. fine yeah so did you know right away like oh this there's much more to be had on

YouTube you like how did you learn that that was the way to go we um we shot it independent we just gonna put on our website at first oh okay and then we just said oh let's drop it on YouTube and then we started it like this is the crazy this is the craziest thing because I have all of those when people go to YouTube I also have a a 24-7 have been live. So people, the specials just rerun all the time. So why? Oh my God. Right now, right now is

people calling it. Is 1,600 people watching. Wow. Wow. Yeah, you definitely crack the code. You cracked the code. You cracked the code. I feel like YouTube really is like a great place for this, but also could be the pits of hell for some other people. But I think this is the future. I don't know, but I think it's a future.

Why wouldn't be the future? It's the largest streaming situation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like nobody, I, nobody, that's what my bullshit complaint about Disclosure Day was. What? How did you? How did you link this to Disclosure Day, dude?

Okay. You see Disclosure Day, dude? No. You don't like aliens, dog? Transition. No, I'm, I will fucking. connect disclosure day to Ali's

D'S Dicke, okay? Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I'm waiting. It's been out for a while, so fuck it. I'm going to make the connection and here's what's bullshit about Disclosure Day and what you're doing. Okay.

I have to get it right in my mind real quick. And us Asians, when we calculate, we use an apicus in our mind. All right, so. Because literally I'm waiting on him to say, what the fuck is Andre doing? He's falling asleep, dude. Yeah, yeah.

You know, Andre, you know, Andre, you know, Andre, this might not be the kind of podcast that you're used to, you know what I mean? You know, I mean, you know, other people, I get it. You know what I mean? If Gary Owens is here, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, or whatever. But the thing is, is that I'm popular as well. And there are people out there that like me as well, Andre.

He even goat. when I did Gary Jones, he didn't even go. Yeah, yeah, oh, really? No, he didn't even go. Like, this is him at every podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can be fucking Michael Jackson. He'll be on his own, like...

Yeah, Michael would have talking boo. Talk about thriller. Okay, so, in Disclosure Day, okay? It's a Steven Spielberg movie. My rating, do you see it? Anybody in the room see it? I haven't. I'm watching this week.

Yeah? This week, I will. Why? I haven't seen it yet. Don't. Please don't. I thought you were just going to go. No, please do not watch it.

Why? I don't want to go against the Hollywood elites right now. Okay. That chip is still. You've gone against them every episode. Steven Spielberg is about to be mad. You're never getting war babies done. What?

Somebody. Somebody. Or, baby. They're like, I think I think it's it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Here we go. Right. For people that are Jan X and boomers, love this movie. Okay. That's me. Right? Because this is like an old school like Spielberg, 1980s type of legacy alien movie. Okay.

But it gets a couple of, it's kind of like, you don't really understand how the world works nowadays. So they have this information just really quickly, right? They're like, we have to get to this news station to expose this alien information

to go around the world, right? But who watches CNN just on their couch watching CNN? You get everything here. Yeah. Right? Social media it. Put it on TikTok.

What year was the movie set in? Now! Oh. Right? So they're all racing to get to this Kansas city. You know what I mean? Local news. Yeah. All you have to do is look, yo. Go online. I'm with elf. I'm about elf. You know what I mean? And I'm twink, you know what I'm going to? You know what I mean? Yeah. So it took you out of it then completely because you're like this doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense that why would everyone race? And then government agencies trying to block this group of people to get to the fucking news station to reveal the situation so it goes around the world. But what I'm saying. saying is just put it on YouTube. Instagram, yeah.

So this is kind of how you feel about this movie. It was a great movie. You know, I'll give it 8 out of 10. What? Yeah, I'll give it 8 out. It just said, don't go see it. It's the exact way that I felt about

Get Out. Oh, well, we've had Jordan on the podcast. Let's just keep it easy here. I was so mad and Get Out. Like, I didn't finish watching it because of the opening scene. Oh, what was opening?

The opening scene, Black guy in this fucking random ass neighborhood. Lakeith's character, yeah. He's, okay, I keep sitting there thinking, how did he get here? Yeah.

Because this is a neighborhood that you really can't ride a bus to. Yeah, that's right. If somebody dropped you out, why would they drop you off an address that you don't, like, they can't find, and why would they leave you there? And you just randomly walking down the street

in this dark-ass street, and somebody come by in a Porsche with a helmet on, a motorcycle helmet and you're not fucking running. Man, get the fucking. Like, this is the stupid. Like, we're, okay, how you don't know

what this girl stay at? You just randomly walking down the street. That's a good point. Who dropped you? Lyft, Uber, who did you drop you out of here? There's no bus stops over here. You didn't take a cab.

This is fucking bullshit. Like, I couldn't take, like, my mind is still on. It took you out. How did you get here? It took you out, yeah. Somebody had to. to take, you were looking for this person out, and then this shit happens.

Somebody in a car with a motorcycle helmet, and you just like, okay, whatever, you know, out. Yeah, that took you out. You never finished it. I never, I never, I never, I never recovered. I was like, yeah. Like, this right, he's, where's he going? Yeah.

Yeah. You can't, and you get off the phone with the person that you're looking for, and somebody's in a, again, this, this, okay. Okay. As soon as I see this fucking motorcycle helmet. Okay. You're done. You're out.

Okay. Tell me, this is you. This is you. Where are you? What are you doing right now? First of all, first of all, I'm not there in the dark. Okay. But let's just suppose you were.

You're lost. Back this way. Okay. Full speed. I'm not what. First of all, you're running. You're running. Full speed.

He got a motorcycle helmet on inside of a Porsche. Okay. He's fucking nuts. But also, you're right. At that point, it's like, call somebody. And that door. They're going. You look.

I'd be running. I'd be running. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right, you're right, you're right. You didn't hear him get out this car. You know what? And you got choked out.

You fucking Eikling. All right. Asians would behave the same way you would. Yo, I'd be on a tree. It's no way. Look how stiff his legs is for to get tossed in a porch by a fucking dude. Yeah, yeah. Fucking, yeah.

I was done. I was done. So if that was you, you'd be gone. Because I would not. I'm not, bro. Okay, tell me. It's a random place I've never been before. Okay, I understand.

How am I getting there, you know what I'm saying? And I'm not being dropped off at the address that was given to me. Right. And once I get there and nobody's at that particular address, yo, I'm back in the Uber. Like, I'm not even hitting the app. I'm calling the contact. Yo, I love my wallet. I'll pay the $5 and I just get back in the car.

I thought you left your wallet, man. Take me the fuck away from him. I'm not doing none of this goofy shit. Yeah. Yeah, it's suspension of disbelief, though. You just have to end in your mind go, okay, this is what's going on? Hey, man. Yeah.

I'm going to be honest. And it's not even racist. That was some white guy in that movie. I probably would watch the whole thing. The fact that I'm black, that shit does not register in my mind. Okay. Then somebody in a porch ride up in a fucking motorist. Don't watch obsession then

Because it's like there's a lot of things in there Or I was like, what? Because I wouldn't watch that movie Soon as I would have been watching that movie You're talking about And I'm like a news station Yeah With all this streaming shit going on?

Yeah Right now. Right now. Yeah. I'm cooked. Yeah. It's also that here's what another thing is And I'm already out.

You're right. You're right. I'm already out. I'm out. Even though I am going to a Larry David event after this fucking. So you're in. So I'm kind of angry.

you in. Yeah, I'm kind of still in. Yeah. And he called me the other day. So. So maybe I'm in. What you're saying is I'm out. But maybe I'm in! So this is how I know I can't stand and listen to watch a story that's not true.

Bill Bellamy, friend of mine. Been here. Telling the story about Buster Robes and Culeo in concert. And I'm sitting there like this. I'm listening to this story. Yeah. And it is set in 1997. Yeah.

And he's talking about how Coolio got this big hit and Buster Rhyr got these bigger hits. And I'm sitting there and listen to the story. I'm like, Gainesist's Perrinos, this is 95. Why the fuck would Cooleo be doing his concert in 97? And then he's naming Buster Rhym songs. I'm like, Pascovae, that didn't come out to like 2000. And I was like, and I called him like,

don't nobody believe this bullshit-ass story you're telling? And then he got me like, I got too excited I was telling the wrong song. So you call and confront. I called him. Like, yo, this story is not accurate. Write down that for you. Call and confront. Yeah, yeah.

Like what I did, you missed a story before you got here, right? I want you to see if you, I was at the comedy store parking lot. Oh, my fucking God. Okay. He was a lot guy at the comedy store. A parking car. Right? Okay.

I backed into a comics car, dented it. Allegedly. Allegedly. He allegedly thought it was a dumpster he hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just drove off into the night. Okay. Okay.

I get a call later, right? He's the lock guy, right? The manager of the club is, we have the tape. Okay? And he goes, and also a couple of people told me they saw it and they ratted you out. And I had to find the rats. Okay. But he wouldn't tell me the rats.

But he was the lot guy. So he knew who the rats were. So I called him. And he's my boy. He opens for me. So I go, tell me who rattled me out. And I got the names on the list. But it was for me.

It was what I'm not a rat, Ali. Let me tell you. I stand. I keep it. But also, I'm loyal. I'm not a rat, but I'm loyal. I don't know what's a better. But the whole thing is, why didn't Bobby,

for the person's car. Why did he drive away? That's already. Trying to get away with a crime. Yeah. That's not a crime? It's not a crime. It's something.

It's not, it's not good. It's not bad either. You're the worst. If you come out in your car, then it, okay, ask her. Ask her. He's ran me over. What did you want to ask?

Yeah, he's going to ask, right? If I came out to me, my car and it was dented, what would I do? So he always keeps a big water cash for exactly this scenario. He's like, I don't want to do paperwork. I don't want to deal with insurance. Here's money, money, money. No, but what I'm saying is that if my car was crashed in.

Oh, he'd be like, no problem. Bye. No problem. I'll tell you a story. Your car that you got. No problem. Let me tell you. No problem.

Because you keep a big water cash. Yes. And you got your car for free. from Hyundai. That's true. But also one time, so he, his car broke down.

It's the other pieces. You got your car for free. I wouldn't give a shit if I came out of a home car with free. It's for free. Yes. I wouldn't give it that what kind of car it was. So my G-wagon, somebody came out.

They busts the, like with spark plugs, trying to break into the glass. Oh. You know. Wait, wait, explain it again? My G-wagon. What's a G-wagon?

It's a Mercedes. That's good. It's a good car. I drive a blueie. A blueie. A blueie. I have a blueie. My daughter would love your car.

I have a blueie. I have a blueie Hyundai free car. Anyway, so I don't know what a G-wagon is. You got it for free? Yeah. Who gave it to you? Hyundai. Hyundai.

He didn't give me a car? No. You're not Korean. You're not? Oh, that's a lot. You don't know if I'm Korean down the line. That's what I drive. It's the parking lot.

Oh, yeah. If somebody bumped it. You got a G-Wax. Oh, that's a G-Wagon. Beautiful car. All right, so tell me the story now. Somebody bust the windows. And...

Trying to get into it. But when you do this, you're throwing darts? Spark plugs. They're doing the spark plug shit trying to get into it. And these windows are like bulletproof type shit. And they bust, cracked them. and I wasn't even mad but I just got that windshield

fixed but now it's the windshield and it's the passenger the driver's side and the the back driver's side and I was like I got insurance but if I came out and somebody bumped it and just drove off I would be a little tight

see I know they motive was to break in okay okay the motive was you just backed into my shit yeah okay okay and just left but so picture this. You come out. You come to the comedy store. You do a set. You're having a good night. You park your G-wagon there. You come out. It's

bumped and dented. And then someone goes up to you and goes yeah, it was Bobby Lee. He left. What is your reaction? I'm going to be up here. Wait, be up here and what? Because you got to be up here with Andre? What is Andre we're going to do?

You got to water cash. You know, you got to get that out of you. You got to pick you. I don't think so. I don't think so. You don't get nothing. What? Are you fucking crazy? I'll tell you why you get nothing.

Why? Right? Because you're doing well. I came to your house? Oh, because I'm doing well. Hey, Holly, you're doing well. You're doing well. 20 million views on YouTube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw your YouTube numbers. I know what that is. So what I'm saying is that it's, it's, look at me right now, dude. Okay, we have origin story. Oh, okay? I think I will walk off, Bobby, if you told me, hey, you're doing well. You're the fuck out of my driveway.

I bumped your car. You're doing well. And I would just walk out. I'm like, Dre, come on, because this shit don't even make no fucking shit. Bobby is actually fucking crazy. I'm not crazy. That's what I believe. He just told me I was doing well, so this shouldn't matter.

It doesn't matter because it's nothing to you. I see, okay, so you're saying if you make, what's the minimum someone has to make a year for you to be like? I'm not going to pay for the bill. Okay. The minimum amount. Yeah. Like, let's say someone makes half a million a year. You're like, you know, I don't know.

No pay, no pay, no pay, no pay, no pay, no pay. Oh, no pay, no pay, no pay. No pay, no pay. 100,000. No pay, no pay. Ah, okay. No average American, like, double income, 150. Yeah, 150 is like barely making it still in L.A.

But 200 than 200. Let's make a price. 250. I'll go as far as that. If you're doing less than 250, I will do insurance. I'll pay you. I'll pay you back.

It's a nightmare. If you're doing, you doing that. That's fucking crazy. It's not crazy. Like, yo, no. Yeah. But how would you even determine this?

He's typing it on the calculator. He looks like you're making $300,000. No, here's what happened. I was on Ventura, right? And a man literally goes into my lane, bounce me, right? We pulled it to the side. I'm like, I mean, you obviously, he goes, I didn't see you, man.

And I go. Okay. And I go, I know, but you know what I mean? You were at fault because I was in my land. And he's like, yeah, but we need to, we need to call the cops, man. Right? And I had shit to do. So I gave him money.

What? To get out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, here's 400 bucks, right? I don't want to, I don't care. Let's just move on. That's exactly what he does. How did this not happen on the night that you were there?

Why not pull out the wad of cash and go, look, whatever. Here's the money. Because I didn't think there was cameras and rats. Dude, it's not even a cameras thing. You're the worst criminal ever. There's a huge dent in the car. So obviously someone's going to come out and be like, hey, so someone dented my car? Was there a dent in your car?

People are immediately going to. I don't even look. That's why you're the number one suspect also, I think. Anytime. Yeah. I think they would have never read it. you out of somebody if you would have put cash like $400

and tape the neck to the bump Oh I see Yeah I see Maybe I should have done that Because one time I didn't have any tape though You tried to get You try to get away with the crime

Yeah It's not a crime dude Is it a fucking crime dude? I'm trying to get you to prison I haven't mentioned One time I remember Enterprise put out I think you were almost going to get caught for, like, theft because you didn't return the rental car for a year.

And then it was my phone number that he listed. So I was getting the call. I remember that. And I was like, you know, guys, I don't know how to explain this, but just charge him and he'll pay for it. But he definitely, but yeah, you have to come back. And we have to know that the car is still in his possession. I was like, he's not coming back. So just.

I eventually did. I remember you paid Maybe he came I don't remember It took a long time And then the other time His car broke down Off the side of Coenga

And he was just like I was like hey I have AAA He called me He's like oh my car broke down I was like it's okay I have AAA It's on its way to you Like no I'm just gonna leave it there

Oh my God And then he just left his car there Yeah No pain no pain no pain Nothing They never got it back I don't know You know something

I see what this is He wasn't even rich at that time I did this behavior I did this behavior but had no money This has been instilled to my parents' fault

You have affluenza What's affluencea? What is affluence? I like that. What does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? It's an affluent. No, no, no. That's not true.

That's not true. Okay? Like, you're rich in your life. No, that's not true. Not monetarily rich. You're rich in your life where you don't have to you don't give a shit about.

I'll go to prison. I see. Bobby, do you understand they would have sent a SWAT team to get that goddamn car from me? If I would have had that car three days over, it sounds I was going to have that car. It would be a fucking SWAT team at my house. You had a car for a year.

Okay, okay. You didn't paint it. You started taking care of this car. Yeah, yeah. I mad at it. You were getting all changes shit. You were taking a car that didn't belong to you to get oil changes.

You're like, yo, I didn't. But affluenza is not the right... It's honestly, like, extreme ADHD. He just doesn't want to deal with... I don't want to deal with it. Yeah. So what I used to do is, you know, I've said this before, even as a young kid, I would get parking tickets.

And I would just not take them out. I would have just in a row on my... You know what I mean, the wiper. Right? And I would do a contest where I would speed up to see if one of them would fly into the air on the freeway. It was like a game I played with myself, right?

And then all of a sudden, like, you know what I mean? My parents would call. Game fat. Yeah. What are you? You know what I mean? And I go, what did you say? They call police.

You're paying money. And I go, pay it. You got to pay it. I have no money. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like this is affluenza because even though it's not your money,

he's like, yo, do you know, I can imagine in my mind getting a ticket and they call my mom and I'm telling my mom, we'll pay it. I'll tell you, in 2000, what did you say? That's your dad. What? What? What?

What? What? What are? What going on? What going on? What? I don't know what, you know what, you know, poor day, everybody, you know. And then you're like, you just got to have to pay it, dad.

Here's another thing I did. In 2009, none of my shit worked, like my car hearts or anything. And I never pay taxes my whole life. Oh, yeah. I didn't know you had to. Yeah, that's correct. You know, like people go, it's taxier, right? And I'd be like, I don't know how to do that.

Right? I just never did it. Last year, everything caught up. And my tax bill was crazy. I know. Just know that you would tell me, no pay. I know. And I had to get a guy to help me because it was like I owed so much money.

I want to be able to pick where my tax money goes. Ballistic missile, nah. You know what I mean? Infrastructure. in our country. I can dig that. What? I can dig that.

I think we should pick like parks. Oh yeah, I like swings. Yeah, you mean? Bridges. Yeah, okay. But our money is being spent in aiding things that I don't want it going to.

UFC at the White House. I know, that's what I'm saying. But, you know, so you have your special that you're a My father, daddy? My father, daddy. No, it's called my father. It came out Sunday.

It came out Sunday. Why do you have a keyboard in front of you? Because for ads, I play a little music. Oh, okay. I just wondered why nobody else had a keyboard. I was like, this is a band podcast? No, no, no. Sometimes I broke it in the song, but I didn't feel like that today.

What was your relationship with your father? Oh, it's an all-in-the-special. It was up and down. You know, like I say, he, you know, he was an ideal, but he was mine. Yeah. So that's the key thing. You know, I did as much as I could with him, as much as I could form. And, you know, I am the way I am because of him.

Because that's the first person that told me I'd never say, the energy that you put in for someone else, you can put that energy in for yourself. So I was always independent through everything. I don't really have, I didn't have that many jobs, you know, unless I was getting a job to learn something. Yeah. And then I was out. You know, my daughter, she's a chef

and she only worked certain places to learn how to do that part of the business. You know, then she was back on to her own thing. Yeah. Did your relationship with your dad, like how did that inform, how would like you parent your kids? Oh, I'm

a great dad because of how absent my pops was. You know, I didn't want them to feel that. So I'm at everything with my kids. Yeah. See, that's the same reason I never had any. Because of my relationship with my dad and my mom, I was just like, I ain't doing this. I'm not going to put my kid through the same kind of trauma.

You mean, that I went through. But you don't have to. I know that. I mean, there's two ways to do it, right? The way you did it was you change, you know, and I decided I decided not to do it. Because I feel like I would accidentally traumatize them. I would never do that to my kid. I would never even, you know, I would go,

how do you feel today? Yeah. Express to me, what? People say what they wouldn't do when they don't have them. Good for it. Get the FCS children. The next thing, you know, you're throwing a flip-flop. It's like, yo, man, you can say what you're going to do,

but he can say what it's not, you know, I am, I've been, you know, I have older kids and then I have young kids. So my 32-year-old and my 27-year-old, they'll say, well, he has calmed down a lot. You know, but that's from experience of parents. And then the things that was done, like it warranted me to be crazy at certain points. Because then it never happened again. If I was like, oh, you know, whatever, whatever, then it probably would have happened again.

But after I zoned out, because they never seen me zone out. You know what I'm saying? They would hear about, oh, how your father was in the streets, but they never saw it. And then you would do something. And I'm like, what you just do? Yeah.

No, I know. That's not what you did. And then you can't act non-shan, like you don't give it down about what I'm saying. Oh, okay. I bet we're not going to go down this road again. And then they would see me zone out. They were like, okay.

I see that he is not wrapped as tight as he appears. And so now I have my youngest daughter. Holy shit. Five. Wow. And she literally gets away with murder. It's like this is me talking to her. Like she in trouble.

Then I got to talk to him. I'm like, hey. and talk to you a quick man why you do that don't be doing that and now I'm tickling us you right

and it goes from my sad face to a very mischievous laugh like like and it's the thing that I would see

on YouTube no it would be on Instagram or YouTube whatever it's on that mothers will be fussing

at their daughters and then it was his father, his mother, he's got into a fight. The girl got into fight at school and the mother's going off and he's like, yo, you better handle it, you better handle it. So he went in the room, he closed the door

and he took off his belt when he was whipping the bed and the daughter was like ah! What you do after that? Yeah, I punched her right in the nose. And it's like, yo man I'm like, dude, this is so me. because I don't have the same

one I don't have the same energy and two it's not as life threat it's like how you feel about taking a runner car back I'm like hey man it's whatever just don't do that no more because I don't want to have to

I don't just don't get me in trouble shit yeah and that's the thing I got one question how long you've been a lot Alive?

No. A lot person. A lot person. Oh, I mean, ever since I started, I probably worked there almost two years now, a year and a half. Did you see my name on the wall? Why are you in the parking lot?

Because it's right, like, right? Yeah, yeah. You see this name on the wall? Yeah, yeah. Are you mad about the name placement there or no? No, it didn't matter. It didn't matter, okay. Some people complain.

Why do I got to be, you know? Can you choose? No. No. No. No. So there's no need to complain. If you can't choose.

You can't choose. Yeah. But because they chose you to get on the wall and they did a little barbecue for you out there. They did all that stuff and they painted you what they painted you. What year was that? 22? No, 23. 23.

Yeah, wow. Did Eget passed you or Emily? Who? Whoever made you a paid regular. Who was it? I forget. I think it was. was it a lady or a man

man it was probably Adam you get yeah yeah you get past you wow I've never seen your name on the wall yeah because you you because when you in the parking

like you're bumping people yeah not very aware of what's going on and scurrying out the parking lot yeah all right check um Ali's Adides my father on YouTube let me say something man

this shit's the future you know I you know I you know I you know I you know I have a only fan Is that the only fans thing? No, that's TikTok. Oh, that's TikTok? Oh, I'm like,

What's that the only fan? God damn only fan? What would you show on Only fans? Nothing. I wouldn't be on there. I'd be on that showing pictures of my ladies.

Like, y'all want to... Tour date, San Antonio, Majestic Theater. We got Corpus Christi. I haven't played Corpus in 20 years, man. Oh, man. Let me tell you something. Tell me about Corpus.

I struggle. in Corpus. Like, this is the only place on this. Like, we, most of these shows before this, we added shows, added theater shows, just doubling up, added arena shows. Fucking Corpus, I probably got 400 tickets sold in Corpus is a big ass. It's like, Corpus don't fuck with me. It's not a personal thing. I know. It's like, it's a fishing town. It's like, yo, is he so in bass. I mean, Corpus is brus. I have friends that are sellout headliners that are struggling to sell tickets because of the economy we're in?

No, I'm only struggling in Corpus. No. Just Corpus. I know, but what if Corpus has things going on in their economy? In Corpus? God damn. Okay, you're selling out everywhere. Yeah, but Corpus is like, Corpus is fucking lowering my self-esteem.

Yeah, but don't, dude, I'm telling you right now, I played Atlantic City. He's got Atlantic City, too. I played Atlantic City, not there, somewhere else, and I, for the first time of my life, was shell-shocked. You wanted to die. I literally was going to kill myself that night. Come on. No, I... How many people?

Yeah, what? I had maybe, I sold maybe a thousand tickets. A lot of people. It was so massive. They even blocked off the entire. You know how they put the drapes and different walls? With me, it's a thousand people. And that's whether it's what you normally do, you know what it's still a thousand people.

It's a lot of people. You know, Corpus Christi is 2,600 people. It's a 2,600 thing. It's going to be 400 people. Okay, okay. Mine was a 3,000 seat venue. And you got a thousand. Yeah, you have 400.

How many? 2,500? $2,500. Yeah. That's way... Sprint it out. What is it? What is it?

What's the date? Just think. I just did in Baltimore, I was at an arena that we sold out twice. Memphis, we sold out the Ophium three nights in a row. That's what I do, cancel. I can't. I got to crack the code on Corpus. There's no code in Corpus.

There's no code. That's what I do. I call my people two weeks in. I go, what are the percentage? And they go, it's this? I go, I'm out. I'm like, yo, I'm bringing mullet to Corpus Christos. I'm handing our fishing tackles.

I'm like, yo, something going to have to happen. All right. Give all the round of applause, everybody. Hey, I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee. And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities. We put them in my mom's basement.

We throw trivia at them. We hit them with absurd challenges. and then just when they think they know what's happening, we blow to ho-ting a pot. Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules. It's chaos. It's comedy.

It's the bad game show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the bad friends' YouTube channel. Or on the bad game show feed on Spotify video. Follow, subscribe, watch. Share, play along. Have fun.