Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 15 - LBJ's "Jumbo" Johnson

Episode Date: December 26, 2016

It was a crazy time in America in the 1960s.  JFK was assassinated in Dallas, we were entrenched in Vietnam - a war that deeply divided the nation, the civil rights movement was in full swing, and, from 1963 - 1969, our 36th president, Lyndon Baines Johnson, was apparently showing his big, "Jumbo" dick to just about everyone who set foot in the White House. Get ready for a rock hard, fully erect edition, of Timesuck.

60s were a crazy time in America. JFK was assassinated in Dallas. We were entrenched in Vietnam, a war that deeply divided the nation. The civil rights movement was in full swing. And from 1963 to 1969, our 36th president, Lyndon Baines Johnson, was apparently showing his dick to just about everyone who set foot in the Oval office. You heard that right. Get ready for a rock hard, fully erect edition of Time Suck. Alright, I couldn't be more excited about this episode. Today's topic was suggested by Time Sucker and my cousin, Matt Cummins, Adam Wyoming,

which makes it that much funnier to me. He was the guy who turned me on to this. I had no idea about LBJ and his general fascination. So we're going to learn a little about LBJ overall in this episode and a lot about an entity known is jumbo. So let's pun intended get right into the meat of today's episode. This is easily the most ridiculous episode of Time Suck so far. That's ridiculous with the K snuck in there pun again. Tend it. Not a big pun guy. Yeah, it's dick jokes. Dick jokes today, a little bit. Okay, so we're just gonna do a start off with a variety of tales about LBJ and his

generals, his comfort level with nudity at the Oval Office and White House and just in general. And these are all things that I researched pretty thoroughly. There was a few things that were showing up, you know, just like bullshitty, like Reddit threads and things that I completely discounted. All of these things that I found were things that showed up in numerous articles and were written by, you know, like professional journalists or biographers

who had like New York Times book reviews and things. It wasn't just like Frank Fuckstick on Facebook who's like, LBJ put a big and a big ol' butt. It's like, oh, that's not news, that's not true. So these are pretty, they're so outrageous at a hard time believing in some of them were too. But let's start off with this first one. I remember this is the president,

this is the 60s, which were a crazy time in America for sure with the big counter-culture revolution. But we're not talking about hippies and stuff. We're talking about a middle-aged man from Texas in the White House. First story. from Texas in the White House. First story, apparently he just liked to kind of piss,

you know, wherever he felt like it. You know, and so like if he was outside around like, let's say the house office building in DC if the urge, you know, struck him, you know, secret service guys are around, he would just, you know just pee in the parking lot, and he would refer to his dick as jumbo. And there's one account of him shaking it off in front of a Secret Service member and asking him,

have you ever seen anything as big as this? And he would also oblige age to take dictation, take some notes, standing at the door of his office bathroom, while the door was open while he was just taken a shit. Like some weird alpha male ritual assertion of his, of his, you know, being leader of the pack or something, just so primal.

And this is actually, there's a movie with Brian Cranston and HBO movie That I'll I'll come up with a title later this episode. I have it I have it in the in all my notes and I'm just blanking on it right now The Brian there's a scene when you know they do this we're Brian Cranston as LBJ Sits down and just takes a shit with the door open just as people are you know senior staff around him and you can tell like they're just like god damn it this happens all the time. Okay so that's so that's something

he was doing. He he got naked during an Air Force one interview apparently leader of the free world LBJ board Air Force one standing in front of reporters naked as Jay. Bird. I guess to be fair, it was a hot sunny day. And it wasn't a shy guy. And this was, he invited White House reporter Frank Kormier and two colleagues to an impromptu news conference in the presidential quarters, according to Kormier's book, LBJ, the way he was.

And Kormier described Johnson's just shucking off his underwear. It's if nothing unusual was going on. And he continued to talk to reporters while standing buck naked and waving his towel for emphasis. So I guess you know, he had a shower just, uh, it's like, hey, let's, let's talk. I'm not ready to put my clothes on yet. Robert Carro, the two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning author who's written four parts of a five-part biography series on LBJ called The Years of Lyndon Johnson, shared this in a 2000 interview with Stephen Colbert, quote, he had a great respect for his penis. Carol laughed when he was president. He liked to urinate off the back porch of his ranch. One night a secret service man says, Mr. President, you ought to look out for rattlesnakes. He says, rattlesnakes and then refers to his penis Man says, Mr. President, you ought to look out for rattlesnakes.

He says, rattlesnakes, and then refers to his penis and says, it is part rattlesnake. Now here's the most outrageous one to me. And this, again, there's another LBJ biography called, Flawed Giant, written by Robert Dalek. He's ran up to the New York Times, you know, legitimate book, and this is from that. This is fucking blows me away,

and let a lot of web articles reference this. Quote, during a private conversation with some reporters who pressed him to explain why we, excuse me, were in Vietnam, Johnson lost his patience. According to Arthur Goldberg, briefly a Supreme Court justice, he was an ambassador to the United Nations under LBJ LBJ quote unzipped his fly drew out his substantial organ and declared this is why

Do you hear what I'm saying the president of the United States talking about You know the most important thing going on in the United States at that time is is like, well, why are we in Vietnam? Fuckin' my dick is why we're in a bin. Can you imagine if Obama did that? If Obama, he would be fucking impeached. He would have been impeached if he would have done that. Maybe Trump can get away with it, you know? Which I think shows that there definitely is still some racism in the country.

If it's a black president would have whipped out his dick and be like, this is why we're in fucking Afghanistan, motherfucker, my fucking dick is why we're over there Are you kidding me? That would be oh Fox News People Fox News pundits what their fucking heads would literally explode. They'd be so goddamn excited to talk about that And just so enraged. Okay, so that's something Apparently he would go skinny dipping with ambassadors

and a recent biography of Linda B. Johnson, again, Robert Dalek and flawed giant, he said that ambassadors calling to present their credential sometimes had a closer acquaintance than they were expecting. It was Mr. Johnson's occasional practice to invite new envoys for a swim in the small indoor pool built for FDR, skinny dipping with a long established tradition, which allowed the president

to establish general dominance at the start of a diplomatic relationship. So, you know, it wasn't unheard of for presidents, you know, in previous years to skinny dip in there, but it was like, I guess like, you know, this was like his first impression. It's like, yeah, you want to talk about some politics? All right, well, you're going to stare at Jumbo. Jumbo is going to keep an eye on you while we discuss. And then again, yeah, the shitting, oh, oh, oh, the movie is goddamn all the way.

It's a movie that I was talking about earlier with Brian Cranston, where he plays LBJ. He won a Tony for the Broadway version of all the way. And yeah, yeah, I just had that pop in my head. Okay, so this guy wasn't just fixated on his genitals for show either. Apparently he had a voracious sexual appetite and like a lot of dudes in power, a desire for sexual conquest, which I knew about like JFK. I mean, think everybody with

Marilyn Monroe and happy birthday, Mr. President and all this stuff. Everybody knew he was a womanizing kind of dude, but you see LBJ and sorry with JFK, you know, he was a very good-looking dude, very charismatic, he looked like a ladies man. LBJ looked like your country uncle who asked you to pull his finger. There was not, he did not look like a sexual dude at all, but apparently according to Bill Morier, who was a special assistant to Johnson from 63 to 67, he said that Johnson had an unfilmable whole

in his ego feelings of emptiness spurred him to eat drink smoke to access uh... sexual conquest also help fill the void he was a competitive woman isre uh... and that in this next thing uh... is referenced all over the web in numerous articles uh... when people would mention canadies many affairs uh... he'd like fucking bang on the table, do shit like that. And I guess he loved to say that he had more women by accident than Kennedy ever had on purpose. So he's a competitive fucking guy.

And he just, by all accounts, he just seemed earthy would be the nice way to sit, but he just, yeah, a very primal guy, you know, and again, I guess for some, in my mind, didn't look like it, but yeah, a very primal guy, you know, and again, he didn't, I guess for some, in my mind, didn't look like it, but yeah, a guy who, yeah, just like kind of in an old school way, a man's man almost in a way where he liked to drink a lot of fucking whiskey, like to smoke, he liked to fucking pee off the

back porch, took a shit whenever he wanted. He liked to, you know, he liked the ladies, you know, and like talk, like locker room talk, but it just, it's just crazy. It did not match, I guess, and like talk, like locker room talk, but it's just crazy. It did not match, I guess, I don't know who, I don't know who I thought he was, but when I'd hear LBJ, I would, you know, kind of think of NOM and think of, you know,

JFK assassination, but I wasn't thinking of this fucking hard-drinking porch piss and swing and dick guy. He was a big dude, you know, for his president too. He's like six, two, six, three, you know, two, two, ten, two, 30 in there, broad shoulder guy. And I guess he was also known for kind of like close talking people, Brian Cranston does that in the movie too. But he did a lot of these things just to kind of

fucking rattle people. I guess he was a really good student of human nature and intimidate him. He does sound like no wonder Cranston after playing Walter White and Breaking Bad chose LBJ to fixate on. He does seem fascinating where he was this big fucking Texan hard drinkin' Texan who'd gotten your fucking face

who wasn't afraid to show you his dick, talk about how big it was, wasn't afraid to take a shit right in front of you. That is like a guerrilla type thing to me. You know? I mean, can you imagine if you're boss at your work pulled you into the office, you know, talk about like you wanted to talk about a raise. And he's like, yeah, we can talk about it.

And then he just fucking drops trow all the way, kind of wags his dick around and he's got a big dick. Takes, you know, sits down and takes a shit. It's just like openly taking a shit and looking you with the eye at the same time. And then be like, yeah, let's start. So what do you want to talk about? What do you think? Why do you think I should give you some more money?

That would be unnerving as hell. Oh my God. But I don't want to pay in a picture that he was just like some fucking maniac either. He was a good guy in a lot of ways. He did struggle over, you know, US's involvement of Vietnam, apparently that weighed very heavily on his conscience. Lady Bird Johnson, his, you know, the first lady, his wife, remembers the president's pain over the war.

Quote, he had no stomach for it. She said, quote, no heart for it. It wasn't the war. He wanted, you know, it was something that we were involved in before he got into the, into the oval office, by the way. The one he wanted was on poverty and ignorance and disease. And that was worth putting your life into. She added it was just a hell of a thorn stuck in his throat. It wouldn't come up. It wouldn't go down. It was just pure hell. And he did not have that reassuring strong feeling that this is right. That he had when he was in a crunch with civil rights or poverty or education.

It didn't have that. We'll make it through this one. Win or lose is the right thing have that. We'll make it through this one when it loses the right thing to do feeling so much uncertainty. We had a rich dose of that. True, you can bear any burden, pay any price. If you're sure you're doing right, but if you do not know what is right, her voice trails off.

The opposition provoked the United States by the expanding war spoke to Johnson's hesitations and from voting, but criticism made him more rather than less reluctant to consult his doubts. So he was, and we'll find out here in just a bit, he did a lot of stuff, especially with civil rights and especially with like education and poverty. You know, he wasn't just all about Dick, but he did. He was a lot about his dick as well.

So before we get into more just kind of weird shit about Johnson, let's, let's, let's paint a fuller picture of him. Let's, uh, I think let's do a little time-sector timeline. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time-sug timeline. All right, August 27th, 1908, Lyndon Bain Johnson's is born in a small farmhouse in Stonewall, Texas, a tiny town of roughly like 500 people, mostly known for having the best peaches in Texas, which, you know, who the fuck thinks about peaches in Texas? So you know, not a lot going on. His father Samuel E. Lee Johnson Jr. was a cotton farmer, also served as the member of the Texas House representatives at the time, LBJ's birth, he was a populous Democrat known for

taking on big business and essentially standing up for the little guy so you know that type of politics in his blood. I know nothing about the size of his dad's dick so we don't know where that comes from. 1913 after the price of cotton plummeted from 40 cents to six cents per pound the family loses the farm Moves and nearby Johnson city a town of little over a thousand people known for not quite being as much of a shithole as Stonewall Yep 1924 he graduates from Johnson High School at the age of 15 while he is the youngest kid he graduated. It's not like he's some prodigy

This is a school that had six kids in his class. None of them probably learned a lot. And I say that because LBJ was like the top of that little class of six and he still wasn't able to get into Southwest Texas State Teachers College, which isn't exactly Harvard, after graduating. So, you know, he and five friends, they pitched in, bought a car, drove to California, and fucked around for a while as a teenager. I love that. You know, it's like 15, that's good. Think about how different the times were too. 15 years old, you know, you try and do that. Some 15 year old does that now. You know, that people are gonna report a missing.

It's gonna be fucking amber alert going off on all of our phones. Nah man, back then in the 20s, it's like, well good luck son. Yeah, you and your friends have fun but I can try and live out in California where we can only speak to you via telegraph or some shit.

He goes around and he just fucks around for a while, working out jobs, chasing tail, I'm sure. God knows how many people saw his dick during this time out west. I'm guessing Jumbo was living the California dream. 1925, the very next year, LBJ returns to Johnson City, Texas. I mean, Brian misses his family, maybe maybe his broke, I don't know. Nothing's, nothing's, no specifics there. But he returns to work on a row construction crew.

And while there's no record, undoubtedly, constantly exposes his dept to both co-workers and pastor by-like. I'm speculating. 1927, LBJ refocuses his life, gets into the illustrious Southwest Texas State Teachers College, now known as Texas State University San Marcos. He helps to pay his way through school

by working as a janitor, as an office assistant. I think that's pretty fucking cool, man. From janitor to the White House, bad ass. That is the American dream right there. He drops out for a year to teach fifth through seventh graders while he's going to school there in the Mexican-American town of Coutula, Texas. The town that has recently experienced

an oil and natural gas boom in our time. But in the late 20s was just another dusty backwater Texas town with enough humidity to keep jumbo semi-permanently stuck to LBJ's hefty sack and or thigh. And I'm guessing it was a town kind of hard up for teachers just to take a guy who doesn't even have his degree yet. Maybe that was enormous at the time. 1930 LBJ gets his bachelor's in teaching, still teaches in Catella where he is. just to take a guy who doesn't even have his degree yet. Maybe that was in the norm for the time. 1930, LBJ gets his bachelor's in teaching,

still teaches in Catella, where he is by all accounts of phenomenal teacher, who must have kept his cock and balls in his pants, at least on school grounds during classroom hours. 1931, through his dad's political connections, locally there in Texas, he lands a job in DC as an aide to US congerman, Richard Cleaver of Corpus Christi, where he does an exemplary job, not one word about his private from this time.

1934, LBJ returns to Texas, meets the well-to-do Claudia Lady Bird Taylor, nicknamed because as a baby her nanny thought she looked as pretty as a Lady Bird, marries her three months later, and immediately, one can only imagine begins relentlessly and tirelessly pounding her with jumbo. Just fucking jumbo is just working lady bird. You can be assured of that in the Texas heat.

Just Texas heat and dick and lady bird in 1934. 1937, he uses his wife's inheritance to help win a seat in Congress from his home district and is able to bring electricity. Sorry, I hate to be that guy, but I do crack myself up sometimes. Just thinking about all that dick and laden. I'm like a permanent eighth grader in some ways. Okay, anyway, in 1937, he uses his wife's inheritance to help win a seat in Congress from

his home district and is able to bring electricity to his hometown And achievement I guess this is kind of you know speaks to our sensitive he wasn't some ways that that was his proudest achievement He would say in later years was you know bringing electricity to little old tiny stonewall, Texas So that is that is pretty cool and just kind of shows you how different the times were I mean God this guy he grew up you, without even electricity as a kid. Again, cool American dream there, no electricity to the White House. And it's not like there's an age when there was no electricity.

It isn't having that shit hold down. 1941, he's still a member of Congress, and he's appointed as the congressional inspector of the war's progress, World War II, that would be in the Pacific. He even goes on a bombing run. 1944, first of two daughters is born, and in 1947, the second of his two daughters is born. There's no mention of anything I can find about him exposing his dick and or balls to either daughter, ever in an appropriate manner. So that's good.

So his job, jumbo does have some limits. That's nice to know. 1948, he wins a seat in the Senate, beating a popular Texas governor for the party nomination and the process serves in the Senate, becoming a majority whip in 1951, an apt title, as you can be damn sure he was whipping out jumbo on a semi-regular basis by this point. He was known as a womanizer, and you can, you know, is a fair amount of interns receive some of that South Texas sausage, some of that spastic sausage.

He's a Democratic Senity, a Senity. I think I was trying to combine Kennedy and Senate. He's a Democratic Senate minority leader from 53 to 55, the Democratic Senate, Goddamn it, majority leader from 55 to 61, even surviving a heart attack in 55 to do so. Thankfully, he recovered and he and jumbo were as healthy and active as ever after that. And then 1960, LBJ tries to win the Democratic nomination for president, but loses to an even more

impressive nickname JFK John fucking Kennedy Not sure I have his middle name right here, but I'm positive about the initial and even though JFK beats him the young Catholic taps the younger Or taps the older Protestant LBJ. It says running mate to balance out the ticket and they defeat VP Richard tricky dick Nixon to win the presidency think about that for a second The vice presidency goes from tricky dick Nixon to win the presidency. Think about that for a second. The vice presidency goes from tricky dick to jumbo. And JFK is banging any woman under the age of 30

to walk onto the White House grounds. Wild fucking times at the White House in the 60s. We all get a, maybe people got all fucking crazy about Clinton in the 90s, he was not doing shit compared to what was going on in the 60s. JFK, what a fucking laugh. Oh, his ass off about really?

Well, what? You put one, one, one unlit cigar in an intern's vagina and the Congress is trying to impeach you. Are you kidding me? I fuck members of Congress now as president. I don't know. I don't know if he did that, but maybe. Okay, 1963, Kennedy is killed in Dallas by who gives his shit.

I'm so tired of that conspiracy theory. Once again, Texas is kind of LBJ. Gives him the throne. Thanks, Texas. Does also give him the Vietnam War in the Civil Rights Movement, which we're fairly stressful to deal with. 1964 to 1973, LBJ does run for President 64, receives the largest share of the popular vote in history to that point, just over 61%.

Then after dealing with all the turmoil of Vietnam during his first actual full term, which he escalated with the Tonkin resolution that gave from the power to use full military might against North Vietnamese, without ever officially declaring war, not a popular decision with everyone. He chose not to run for re-election in 68, then died back in Texas just five years later in 73, at the young age of 64. And his incredibly well-preserved,

and some say breathtaking, magnificent cock is on display right now at the Smithsonian. It'll be there through June. That is not true. I read that on an article that exists only in my imagination. How fucking great would that be though? That would be a museum piece I'd be interested.

Someone was like, we got Kennedys, we got JFK's, the bloody shirt he wore and he was assassinated by, oh, that's pretty intense, maybe, I don't know, I might go to that. And they're like, oh, also, LBJ's cock, we have LBJ's taxidermic cock on display. I'm like, no, no, I'm curious, I'll check out jumbo, yeah.

I've never seen me a taxidermic cock before. Let alone a president, let alone, Let alone some Texas sausage presidency cock. So while president, he did pass a lot of very important legislation, such as Medicare, Medicaid, the voting rights, which, you know, balanced tactics, or banned tactics used by Southern states to block African Americans from voting the elementary and secondary education act provided grade schools and high schools with federal funding for the first time.

Passed the Civil Rights Act in 1964, which outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, national origin, ended unequal application of voter registration requirements and racial segregation in schools, the workplace and facilities that serve the general public. All right, so there you go. There's a timeline for you.

Good job, soldier. You've made it back, barely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, so now we have a fuller picture of LBJ. All right, now we know a little bit about what he did during his presidency, where he came from, you know, and povers Texas roots. You know, he went to war while he was in Congress. That's pretty goddamn impressive. He's a sentimental guy, you know, still thinking of his little Texas town took care of it. I mean, I think that's really cool. You know, he's got some loyalty.

But that's not what you're listening for. That's not what I set up in the beginning. This isn't about all that, you know, shiny half stuff. This is about dick. This is about weird shit. And so I think we need to get into some weird facts. We're the facts. We're the facts. We're the facts. We're the facts.

All right, weird facts number one today. This has nothing to do with winners. This is a thing that got him in a lot of trouble that just showed up on a lot of articles that I found. Is LBJ, apparently I like to lift up his beagles by their ears. He got a lot of trouble when in 1964, on April 27th, he was walking his beagles outside the White House

along various members of the press and to the shock of those presidents, just bent down, grabbed one of his dogs, this pair of dogs they were named him and her and he grabbed him, picked him up by the ears and the photo was published in Life Magazine and caused a fair amount of uproar amongst animal activists around the country.

And just kind of people in general were like, dude, what the fuck? Dogs don't like that. Like, you know, like, I have a dog now. I'm very excited about a little dog Penny. Who's asleep right now? So I should not say her name again during this podcast because she's right behind me, little son of a bitch. She's cute as hell.

I get frustrated with her. Would never even think to pick her up by the years. And I don't know a lot about dogs to be totally honest. So yeah, but there's also articles about that. He loved his dogs. There's even, if you go on YouTube, there was a vinyl record press a couple years after he died called Dogs Have Always Been My Friends.

From LBJ like a spoken word record where he just talks about dogs. How fucking boring. Where the time is back then compared to now when people were willing to buy a vinyl record of a president, a dead president talking about dogs. Who the fuck was buying that? Like, what?

How? I don't even, I can't even begin to understand that, but that's a real thing. Okay. We're in fact number two. He was nearly killed in World War II, which I do think that's odd for a guy who was in Congress, you know, that apparently he went on like one bombing run and he boarded a plane called the Wabash Cannonball for his mission. But then a last second trip off of that plane

to use the bathroom saved his life. On his return from the facilities, he boarded another plane that survived the mission. The Wabash Cannonball crashed with a total loss of life. So the plane he was supposed to get on at first. Cracked, everyone dies. That's crazy. History would have been fairly different. Jumbo would have died early.

And kind of funny, after all, we've learned about him in his bathroom policies that he had to go take a shit or wave his dick around at the urinal and ask people if they've seen anything as big as this. So Jumbo, I'm going to go with the, this isn't the fact, but in my mind, Jumbo saved his life. Jumbo wasn't ready to go. Jumbo sense something, a primal Jumbo sense that there was something wrong with that plane. Jumbo was like, hey, come on, hey, hey, hey, Lyndon, hey, come on, hey, buddy, hey, hey,

let's not get on that. Let's go, hey, let's go show your dick around. Show me around. I don't know why he, Jumbo refers to himself as a different entity. Jumbo was like, hey, just come on, there's some service your dick around. Show me around. I don't know why he jumped over first to himself as a different entity. Jump was like, hey, just come on. There's some service guys over there. They probably have some hot secret hairs they know and you show me and then they'll talk about me to them and then we're in there, buddy. Come on.

I don't know. Here's much weirder one. A weird fact number three. There's a lot of references to this on various articles about him. He had a shower nozzle, a very expensive shower nozzle installed for his balls. He actually had several shower nozzles put into the White House premiere bathroom. According to former Bloomberg, White House correspondent Kate Broward in her new book,

The Residence Inside the Private World of the White House, Johnson wanted to talk specifically about the shower. Mr. West, if you can't get that shower of mine fixed, he said, I'm going to go, and this is talking to some guy who's in charge of fixing shit, I'm going to have to go back to move to the Elms, which is where his private residence was in DC. His preferred shower in the Elms mansion had several nozzles that shot out water with needle-like intensity and had water pressure to the equivalent of a fire hose. One nozzle was positioned to shoot up, this is a quote, from her book, one nozzle was positioned to shoot up the president's rear while another aim directly at his penis. He nicknamed that shower head sprayer, jumbo.

Of course he did. Jumbo for jumbo. Along with aggressive shower heads, jumbo requested the installation of a light switch that could flip for either hot or cold water. He did not want to have warm water in the shower. You fucking, you have it hot or you have it cold. You have it cold if you need to cool jumbo down or if jumbo needs to get fucking rippin'

and roaring, you put on the heat, you put a little heat on jumbo. Or maybe up to butt, I don't know. I don't know what that does. I've never heard of anybody wanting a shower nozzle that shoots up their ass. I don't know, maybe he had a good experience with the bidet. And I guess he got real pissed there, they were having trouble getting this installed the way he wanted it. And he said, if I can move 10,000 troops in a day, you can certainly fix the bath in

many way I want it. Holy shit. Number four, he didn't give a shit who he pissed in front of. We've kind of already touched about this, but representative Wingate Lucas, Democratic Texas, said on one occasion, the parking lot of the White House building, I remember once we were walking across the lot and some female secretaries were behind us, and LBJ just stopped and began to piss right in front of them. That was not an accident. Oh man, he's like, hey, check this out.

Check out this dick, check out my cock, the president is doing this. Number five, he once had a candid call with his tailor called the Bunghole phone call. This is on YouTube if you wanna listen to it. I don't think it's that great. It's the most commonly known weird thing about LBJ from his presidency, but basically all this he has a talk with his tailor.

And at one point he says he needs a little more room around his Bunghole. And Bunghole is his word by the way. It's funny, but I think the dick stuff's more fascinating. I just included, because I know if I don't mention it, I feel like people will be like, hey man, you should've talked about the Bunghole, call. Well, okay, there I was talking about it.

Last one, number six is dick balls and buttle, where apparently always itchy. He frequently used semi-private or public displays, or frequently had semi-private or public displays of affection with jumbo, including one on the floor of the house and senate. As a historian, Marshall Freide says, Emmy-winning documentary filmmaker, journalist and author, he quote,

extravagantly would rummage away at his growing, sometimes reaching his hand through a pocket and leaning with half-lifted leg from more thorough axis. Elsewhere, LBJ showed some love to his backside as well. He was continually openly and at length scratching his rear end quite deeply into his rear end sometimes. Jesus Christ, that was a fucking animal. Ah, it's hilarious to me. And again, can you imagine if some camera would have caught

like Obama, just fucking digging in his butthole. On the floor of the Senate or Congress, no less. Just like fucking like leg up on the desk, just rooting in there. Just really, or just like a deep pocket pool dig, just really rooting around on his dick. In the social media age we live. He would be done.

He would be done. Fucking Howard Dean, when he was running for presents here to go, his race ended with a scream. Microphone amplified his scream in a weird way. And he was mocked on Facebook and YouTube and everything. And if fucking killed him. Ah, LBJ got to fucking stroke himself off practically with a finger up his ass on the floor of the Senate.

OK, oh my god. So there's you. That's some weird facts. Weird facts. So crazy stuff, you know, fast, yeah. I think a lot of people myself for guilty kind of putting our leaders up on pedestals, you know, it's comforting to think

that just because we don't have our shit figured out, somebody else surely does. But the more I dig into history and tales of, you know, the most important humans to ever kind of guide our species, I realize that we're all very flawed, you know, so fucked up in some and tales of, you know, the most important humans to ever kind of guide our species, I realized that we're all very flawed, you know, so fucked up in some way or another. You know, it's comforting to know it's normal to be abnormal, though. You know, like, like, I used to do it my deck out a lot in college.

And then again, for a few years, my early 30s, when I drank too much to be totally honest. And, you know, some people, close to me, people like my manager and some girls I dated, frowned upon that. They thought I was being preposterously in a church, just whip my dick out at parties or the bar, just to get a shock reaction from people. And here, the whole time, I was being presidential. Yeah, that's kind of nice.

I was acting like an idiot, and it was fun, but I wouldn't do it again. But I can't imagine doing it in my 50s or 60s. I mean, think about how truly odd that behavior was. The guy was born in 1908, President from 63 to 69. That means he was doing all this shit I just talked about between the ages of 55 and 61. Like my grandpa was born in 32, was only 45 when I was born.

I can't imagine him, you know, from the time I was 10, when I was 16, you know, just thinking about him, just whipping his dick out to people, talking about jumbo. And this was the guy, you know, calling shots and numb, I'm fucking real. I don't think anyone will ever get away with acting like this again though, like I talked about,

not in the social media agent, maybe Trump, Trump, if anyone could do it, Trump could, cause I feel like some of his supporters would find it funny. He's like, yeah, yeah, it's great. Good for him. Which I could live my dick out when I want to. Yeah, that's inspiring. You can be present.

You can live with your dick out whenever you want. I don't know. Fucking Obama, though, would have been peach. But anyway, enough dick. Enough dick. As far as, you know, stories, I think that pretty much sums it up. But let's recap. Let's recap what we learned in some top five takeaways.

Time suck, top five takeaways. Number one, LBJ had a butthole shower nozzle installed in the White House. And a separate cock and ball shower nozzle. Thousands of thousands of dollars were spent on this. Like an American man, fuck yeah. Number two, LBJ also brought an end to legal racial discrimination.

So talk about a complicated, you know, multifaceted dude. No wonder Ryan Cranston dug into him. Number three, LBJ whip just dick out to explain to a reporter why we're a nom. God I hope that's true. If it is, it's my favorite presidential story ever. How great would that be just to reach a point in your life where that's how you can answer questions.

Why don't I take out the truth and get away with it. Why don't I take out the trash? Bucking this is why. Show my wife my dick. I kinda wanna do that now. She would not be amused. Not be amused. I would not, I would not,

people would not ignore it like they apparently ignored it with him. Number four, he was a phenomenal teacher, gave schools federal funding for the first time in our nation's history, not bad for a guy who's shitting in front of staffers. And number five, we know that his dick is called jumbo. Just think about that alone. We know the nickname of one of our president's dicks. And we're a first world country.

Oh man, what does that say about guys? Even the best of us, just obsessed with our cocks. Uh-huh, uh-huh. So there you go, we're just a bunch of apes who figured out how to shave and put clothes on. Time, suck, tough, five, take away. Well, thanks for listening to another time, so everybody, I hope you're still enjoying

this as much as I am. You seem like you are. From all the nice reviews, I read on iTunes, comments left on time, so I've got podcasts. A lot of those lately, 98 reviews on iTunes now, so I know I have a busy two-show week and my very near future is that hits 100. I'm definitely hearing your feedback and I know a lot of you have written me asking me to make the episodes longer, and I just may do that eventually. I would like to get a place where I can do two a week.

If I can get my enough listeners to actually kind of make a little money on this thing, then I can justify the extra research it would take to do longer episodes, and to do maybe like a Monday, shorter one. And then later in the week, a subject is just gonna take as long as it fucking takes to get through it. So that is the goal. That is, I'm with you. I'm with you. And again, I appreciate the listing. And I do want to take a moment to actually,

if you're into looking for some other podcasts, my two favorites are Crime and Sports. And I am biased. I know one of the hosts, but there are these two hosts, James and Jimmy, and they're fantastic. And I just love it. Every week, they take up some professional athlete who has completely fucking thrown their lives away. And it's just fascinating. And they do a great job of really putting out a lot of facts,

really presenting a great timeline. And just this narrative of somebody who had it all and then just epically shit it all away. It is fascinating every week. And then there is another one called a mediocre time with Tom and Dan and that's one that's my favorite kind of like guys sitting around talking to comics bullshitting one. That's out of Orlando. Love those guys, love mediocre time. And I love you time suckers. And from now on, when you think about LBJ's big swinging dick,

which you will, I hope you think about me too. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC you