Toni and Ryan - NEVER Fire Someone On Halloween

Episode Date: October 27, 2026

Best online series of all time - Caught in dress up - Ultimate coincidence chat- love ya!!!!!Drive-through post office you've heard it here first Best Internet Series - https://www.instagram.com/p/Der--70p9_d/Don't Forget To Join Patreon As a Champion TARPer By Nov 1 to Get The Calendar!!patreon.com/ToniandRyanTell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My bald boss had to tell me I was fired on Halloween. On that day, I was dressed up as my boss, bald cap and all. Hello, Madalans. I'm Chrissy from Sheffield in the UK. Hi, I'm Tony from Dallas, Texas, USA. Hi, this is Simone from Oak Flats, Australia. I approve this podcast. Welcome.

Imagine I just took my top up. Do it. Now I'm wearing a dress so you'll say everything. What did I just say? Yeah. Do it. Do it. Is that a dress?

It's a dress. Where's the... Show me, like, draw a line on your person where it would... Where a shirt becomes a dress. Well, I guess when it covers the puss. Yeah, okay. So see your puss, it's a shirt. Can't see your puss, it's a dress.

And haven't we all learned something today? Have a great day. See tomorrow. Yeah. I've got some amazing... Do you like it? Yeah, it's great. I wear this a lot.

Yeah, I'd wear it. You know, it's a good one to wear it. to the pool. I was going to say it's flowy. You can throw that on over a wet bather. Wet babes. Yeah, you can wear it to a cafe after and be fine.

It's got that. It's a hybrid. Thank you for saying that. Wet and dry. And dry is something that Tony has been once. Back to business. Got a huge news. What is it?

Is that your cock is news? I've got a countdown. Oh. It's the top five best online series is of all time. So what do you mean by what are we considering a series? Well, I think the first few will kind of explain what it is. Mm-hmm.

For instance, number five, please. Is Vogue's 73 questions? Absolutely. What a great online series that was. I like watching the old ones. I don't know if they still make it. I'm not sure. But I've watched the old, like there's a Taylor Swift one.

Yeah. Yeah, I really like them. Um. And 73 is so random, but so good. So random, it's so good. Number four, best online series of all time. Vanity Fair's same interview with Billy Eilish every year. You love that.

It's so clever and fun and she loves it. Yeah. And she was like... And it suits her. Yeah, because some of it couldn't do that with everybody, but it really suits it. Because she's like, some people are like, oh, you're going to do that again. She's like, yeah, I'm going to do it every fucking year I can because I fucking love it. And didn't you start doing that with Mabel?

Like every year. Planning to. Oh, because I tried to do it when she was real little and she didn't... Well, she couldn't really chat. yet and stuff. Yeah. But I think maybe her next birthday. I might do it on her birthday. I should think she'd be ready now.

Yeah. That's number four. Number three. Wides, auto correct. Google. Auto complete. Auto complete. Google.

So true. Like they Google like is Tony Lodge. Yeah. And then they answer the things. Yeah. Such a funny idea. It is funny. Number two.

Humans of New York. Do you know, I had a blast from the past the other day thinking about humans of New York. Because I follow them on Instagram. Instagram and Facebook, but it never pops up for me. And randomly the other day I got served one and I was like, where is this? It's just so good. I love it.

The original and the best. Never goes out of style. It doesn't. We should buy the book. There's a book about it. Let's get it. So true. Sorry.

And the number one greatest online series of all time. Yeah. It's going to be good. Here's this guy. Hello and welcome to another edition of Visitor. visiting businesses named after a euthomism for a lady's front bottoms. Today we're at the Badger's Suitcase. Join me next time for more.

Okay, well, I need to make an edit very quickly if you don't mind. When a shirt becomes a dress is if you can see the Badger's suitcase, it's a shirt. And if you can't see the Badger's suitcase, it is a dress. So thank you to everybody that was part of that journey. Yep. Can you play that again, please, Charles? Hello and welcome to another edition of visiting businesses named after a euphemism for a lady's front bottom. Today, we're at the Badger's Suitcase.

Join me next time for more. That is excellent. So he just does that? That's great. Just slides. Charles, I'm so sorry. Can you just, you don't have to play it. Can you just open the video?

Isn't that traffic light low? no that's a hat nah the traffic light behind him maybe play charles we don't need the audio necessarily but like is that a traffic light as it pans across it's a traffic light it's way too low

that's low I think it's for sale is it guiding traffic into the front of the store into the badger's suitcase oh Charles says it's for sale I think it's for sale like it's a knick-knack store well I don't have any traffic lights in my badger's suitcase

and if I do it'll always be green that can we what's his handle can we all follow him um great question no sorry no that's on me i'm so sorry it was funny that when you pulled the thing off don't say pulled it off but that the arrow was pointing to you i was like what's your new series well that's why i put it over here but at first it was pointing to you which i really liked i've got a new series yeah it's like what is it it's a series about our money online series you're There's this one guy that does like rank you know how there's like the S tier A tier B tier and he goes all right today I'm ranking parts of this video

that last sentence I said probably A that bit where I said probably A was actually fucking baller that's an S and he just like it's got so funny and like his account that started from just ranking stuff to just fully deranged that is awesome when we dressed up to make the Tony and Ryan calendars Mm-hmm. You drove home dressed as Marge Simpson. Was that correct?

So what was going on there? Well, so we got fully like covered in yellow body paint. Yep. Like feet, hands, face, literally every single thing. And the beautiful girl who was doing my makeup, who did the body paint, she said like, it's actually, it's water activated. She's like, so it really, I can start taking this. off you, but you're probably better off just getting in the shower.

Just jump in the hot shower. She started taking it off my face and it started just really like, it was just taking so long. It was the last thing of the day and I was like, you know what? I might just go home. So I put my dressing gown on. Like I'd taken my robe to set. It's like while I was getting my makeup on, I could put something over my costume.

And I drove home full yellow paint with a dressing gown. Yep, that's it. So Charles was in the car with me. So you can see all my chest and, like around my hair is still yellow. and that was me driving home. Now, despite the fact that 99.99% of the time, we just drive to where we're going and we get there. Yeah, it's fine.

There is some weird, like, but what if I get pulled over? What if there's a car crash? What if something happens? And I just thought, how am I going to explain that my whole body, except for my hands, are yellow?

Yeah. So we asked the Tappas, where did you get caught in dress-up? what happened when you were dressed up. Yeah. Because these fears were going through Tony's mind. I'm not as much, but I did have a few days later, like, a friend came around and they go, sorry, is there a big patch of like green in your hair?

And I'm like, yeah. Yes, for work. Yeah. Is there something, are you like strangely beautifully tanned? And I'm like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I had to get bronze to Barbie. Yeah. Yeah.

I did enjoy myself with that fake tan on. Yeah, you slide. I felt like I could take on the world. Yeah, you might go out into the nightclub. Yeah, I love nights clubbing. Madeline wire, or is it made lime wire? Depends? She made lime wire.

Cool. Well, it's either made lime wire or Madeline wire because it's just one word in her user handle. Oh, yeah. So it could, you know what I mean? Yeah. My bald boss had to tell me I was fired on Halloween. On that day, I was dressed up as my boss, bald cap and all. I think if you've got to fire someone

horrible thing to have to do but it happens if you've got to fire someone do it on the first or the 30th don't do it you can't do it while people are dressed up first or the 30th well because Halloween's the 31st so that's the day that you're dressed like

put it the day before or the day after like just reschedule that and then she had to walk out of the store looking like a fucking pit bull and you would just be Mr. Worldwide. Sorry, I went to the dog in my mind. Oh, no.

I was like that. Actually not bald anywhere. No, and good for them. Yeah. I could never. Sophie, Creech. Hi, Sophie. On my way home, I was stopped at a random breath test.

I'd been working at Bunnings Hardware dressed as a giant red Lego brick, including a red bob wig. Sorry, mate, can you just get out here? goes, yeah. Oh, I just. And do you think that they care? I don't care.

You just feel like a fucking idiot. Yeah, but do you reckon? Or are they just like, no, it's just. It's random breath test. You know, like it's fine. And if you start, is it a bit like medical comedy, though, that if you had, if you start going, I was dressed up for Halloween or book week or whatever, are they just like, it's fine. I don't care.

Yeah. Um, this is from Claire. Hi, Claire. Okay, before I get to Claire's story, let me just put you in a situation. So I would like to know what you would do. In the afternoon, you've got a dress-up party. Great. Like, yep, come around at...

Who, what's it for? Two or three o'clock? What's a, like a Halloween or something? Oh, who's is it? I shut the fuck up, I don't know. Is it a child's having a party? No, I don't know. I don't know.

And my whole brain is just like, really just shut down. What's wrong? Because I'm stressed because I don't know the answers. No, it's just fun. Yeah, but I don't know the answer. It's just your said. But I actually don't know. We're just making it up.

I don't know the answer to the question because all I know is what Claire's told me. Well, you told me to stop me about Claire. Yeah, and now I can't shut the fuck up about her. That's really funny. Do you need the horse photo? Like, something's really shifted. I need a Monte Carlo. Do we have any?

And a rollo. A roll of rollo. I think there is some rollo left from the other day. We'll have that in the break. Okay. And knowing that's coming has brought me back. Great. You've got an afternoon, fun dress-up party.

And it's not important who's it is. where it is. Yep. Or why. Ask no questions. Then you've got a party at a friend's house that night. So do you... Sorry, but in what world would you have a dress-up party in the after?

I know it's not important, but do you know what I mean? I do, but like in this world, actually. Yeah, okay. In this made-up world. Well, no, there did happen in this world. Oh, slight. Do you... Yeah.

go home and get changed or do you just go fucking slay and just roll it or do you go all two parties in a day I'm not young anymore that's not going to happen I think that I would

wear the dress up to that party after if it was people I knew because it feels just like an easy conversation starter as well like it feels like something that you but if it was people I didn't really know and I like

was like oh they might not really get it or, you know, then I'd probably get changed. Or, third option, actually. I would do a costume that is like just taking a hut off, but it's a normal outfit under me. I'm probably not doing face paint if I've got to be somewhere later. Mum and dad went to a dress-up party,

then had another party that night. Uh-huh. Thought it was easier and funny to turn up to the second party, still dressed as Marge and Homer. Full body paint. Great conversations. huge blue bucket on her head that represented the hair. Amazing.

Just rocking it, Slay. Turns out that second party was a surprise wedding. That's amazing. I would have loved if people came dressed up to our wedding. That's fucking awesome. If people or like... One per.

Yeah, either. Everyone's dressed up. Jeans, nice shirt, nice top, nice little skirt. Oh, and Margin Homer Simpson. I love that. And there's just a group... And she's like, it's been immortalised because all of the wedding photos. Have them in it?

And then they're like, oh, let's get a big group shot. You know, surprise. They're like, oh, guys, thanks for coming today, blah, blah. Um, crazy. Today's our wedding day. We're getting married right now. I'm the celebrant comes out. Where are we at with a surprise wedding for those logistics purposes?

Because, yeah, if I had known this was a wedding, I would have put a shoe on. Yeah, or I probably would just go, oh, we won't go to the party before or we'll figure out a low key. I think if. Oh, there's a stress as summer in March. That's fun. I was Isaac Clay's parents If you do a surprise wedding on people You have to fucking live with the consequences of surprise wedding

You're like oh well if it was my wedding You probably end up nah You should have said Yeah You didn't say and you get what you get And what you got was Homer and Marge Simpson And also like Because I've seen people talking about the surprise wedding thing

And saying like Oh but I maybe wouldn't go to a surprise Like if I just thought it was a party I'd maybe wouldn't make the effort But there are times when you wouldn't ever cancel on going to a wedding. I'm like, yeah, but then you probably aren't like good friend. Like, if you're willing to cancel on a party, then you probably wouldn't, you know?

Oh, no, I'd cancel on a party. No, no, no, but like. I'd hate for my friendship to be put on the line for not turning up because then I wouldn't have any friends left. But no, but that is kind of what it's about, though. Like to be part of the village, you have to be a villager and like if you didn't go. So true. I'm pro surprise wedding.

I've never been invited to one, but I think it'd be thrilling. What are you doing this weekend? Oh my God. Go on a camera. Oh yeah. With you? Cancel the wedding. What wedding?

Jacinta. Hi, Jacinta. A girl collapsed and I had to jump in and give her CPR. Oh my God. That is horrifying. She was dressed as Dora the Explorer. Jacinta was. Imagine seeing someone unconscious and then Dora the Explorer.

Yeah. Backpack, backpack. Yeah. Crazy. Our son needed to go to the ER, says Jill. Hi, Jill. Terrifying. Oh my God.

So us, his parents took him immediately dressed as Wolverine and Rogue. The hospital isn't, like, can you imagine the emergency room out of hospital during Halloween? Live stream, live stream, live stream. That is crazy. Luke, uh, I worked at a school and had to step in because there was two like aggressive students, like pushing each other. So you had to like get in like break it up. Jesus. Uh, whilst dressed as the Grinch.

It's hard to take the grinch seriously. Yeah, and they're like, what? Yeah, because I had a hens party Grinch. Do you remember that? You weren't here when it happened, but we had a hens party Grinch. She's getting it. And it was very scary,

but I think that if a hens party grinch told me like, o'y, pull your fucking head in. I don't think I'd take that seriously. Yeah, you like, oh, I loved you in. I'd love to take you seriously, Jim Carrey, but actually I'm a big fan of liar liar. this is fucked oh

it's so chance for showing it's a picture of it's funny good Ryan it was so I can't believe you missed it it was so it was so I had a good time

he was a bit of a jerk though no he was a really scary mask yeah I looked scared I took that outfit to my Christmas

and July party that's right yeah and no one liked that they're either the mask is really scary too scary

too scary um Elise, I was dressed up as a robber and had to pop into the service station for gas. I walked in and no shit, the attendant goes, oh, and put her hands up and she was terrified. Great costume. TLC. The band? Don't know, but that was their username, maybe.

I'd be. I'm a CFA firefighter. Probably not, eh? Probably might not be, yeah. I'm a CFA firefighter Halloween night. The pager goes off. I fought a fireman. a fire dressed as a zombie bride.

What? I was scared about the fire, but maybe the fire was scared about me. What do you call a really fast zombie? What? A zombie. And shout out to our girl, Ginda Vandersnatch.

Oh, Gingia Vandersnatch. Yeah. They just bought a house. Really? Yeah. In America. In America? Yeah, they're American.

Don't live here in Melbourne? They lived in Melbourne. Melbourne because their partner worked in government. Sure. So they were doing like a stint here. Like, I don't know what it's called, but like a work swap kind of, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're back in Amarika now. They're on Victoria Parade in Melbourne at midnight and the Uber crashes.

Bad. Was she in drag? Bleeding from the head. Still in full drag from a drag show just performed. And so there's a car crash There's multiple cars The police turn up The Fire Brigade Ambulance

And there's Ginger Fully in drag Bleeding from the head Stumbling around the road Not gonna What happened? Where am I And people just driving past going

What the fuck Is this a play? Yeah Like would you see it and be like Is this like an art installation? You know Melbourne's quite arty Maybe they thought that someone's gone up Yeah

Oh ginger Oh Hope your head's okay Never had any of them why And finally, Natty. Hi, Natty. My sister was dressed as a sexy nurse. Aren't they all?

And she busted her knee whilst doing a slutty dance. Hot. And then had to be taken away by actual paramedics and then tended to by actual nurses. Did you have to apologize and be like, I'm so sorry for making a joke out of your profession. Thank you for helping me. Or them just been like, mm-hmm.

Need us now. Yeah. Yeah. How interesting. Yeah. How's the fake stethoscope going forward. You dress up as my culture once a year. I do this every day.

Every day. I'm in this. Sluddy nurses. Yeah, we don't call it slutty nurse. We just call it nurses. Yeah. Uh-huh. Does that like that.

No, well, that's what got it there in first place, I think. Hi, I'm Tony from Dallas, Texas, USA. Hi, I'm Chrissy from Sheffield. Hi, this is my 5, France, Australia. I'm a Yolly thing to Tony and Ryan. A big thank you. you and a huge shout out to a few of our champion Tarpers over at our Patreon. Thank you very much for being part of it.

Haley Paslow, good on your H-L-E-E-E. H-A-L-E-E-E-E-V-E-E-V-E-E-A-L-E. Two H-L-E-L-E-E, and both felt the same way. Which way? Which way? And in the correct way. Yeah, I think so. What are you doing like, like Haley Steinfeld?

Get over it. H-A-I-L-E. Double E's a no from me. I feel like Ali's gone wrong. Oh, terrible. Like really wrong. Yeah. Aaron, good on you.

Andreya Jenkins. Thank you, Andrea Jenkins. Nick Parker. Oh my God. Like the dad from Parent Trap. This is amazing. Oh, I thought you're going to say Spider-Man's brother. Peter and Nick.

Just like the most boring two names you've ever heard. Vote drive by Peter and Nick. Sorry, Peter and Nick. Brock Messinger. Good on you, Brock. Hannah Fletcher. Oh, do you know his brother? Brock, WhatsApp. Same direction. Very, very good.

Hannah Fletcher. Harley Noah. Dustin Stipe, good on you, Dustin. Okay, what's crazy? There's a really famous footballer called Dustin Fletcher, and we've just driven past his name. Well, Hannah Fletcher, Dustin Stipe. So it wasn't the same name.

Coincidence chat. Oh, say that I've got some in a minute. Ethan Cortez, good on you, Ethan, and Danielle Costa. My heart's cost a heaps. How much was that? Heaps. So aside from the coincidence chat that you just brought to the table, I have a coincidence chat story so coincidency that it is just, it's going to blow your mind.

And do you remember when we officially became best friends and you said, like, if you know where I'm going with this, we will officially be best friends? Yep. For me, if you aren't coincidences by this, like there must be some stake that we can set. I don't know what it is, but it's just... If I'm impressed by this coincidence, we... We'll kiss on the mouth.

We'll kiss on the mouth. If I'm not impressed? No, if you're not impressed, we'll kiss on the mouth. And if I am impressed, we will get wedges. for lunch. Because we are in our wedge window. Thank you, Southern Hemisphere. I forgot to get the rollo.

Oh, do you want to get it? No, it's okay. Okay. Well, we'll just keep doing our job and then we can get some rollo. If you think eating rolloes isn't part of our job, then you've actually misread the job description. And I'm sorry. And I'm sorry.

I go and pick up a bunch of, sorry. It's a fly on Ryan's face. I'm like, I got to give this coincidence. Yeah. The respect it deserves. And I locked in. And I really appreciate that.

And then a fly was on my face. I was like, no, I'm committed to this. Can I say before? I threw you for a loop asking the questions about the party, and I'm really sorry, but just then you're really locked in and I appreciate those. Yeah, because you deserve to be locked in on. No, and thank you. You're worthy of being locked in on.

And you know what? Thank you for saying that. And so are you because I love you and you're my best friend. So true. Right back at you. Okay. Same. That's from both of us.

Ditto. Like, it's just like such a . . . . . . ditto. If people say ditto, I'm like, never talk to me again. So true. Ditto is cancelled. Hot take, hot take. Imagine doing your vows and they do this whole lot.

And for the rest of my life, I believe this. And he goes, Dido, babe. Torbs and I, when we were, because we wrote our own vows and we said,

no jokes. Like, let's commit to no gags. As if you're like, and like, no jokes. And no joke. We said this.

I was like, what did you say? We like, we were like, let's not, because both of us aren't very good at being funny. Super vulnerable.

Oh. Oh, yeah, sorry, that's what I thought. Not going to be super vulnerable. I'm gay. You've locked too far in. Yeah. Oh, no, no, you're not good of being vulnerable. Be vulnerable with me now.

Tell me something honest. I think that you're a really good friend. And I really cherish the time that we spend together. Is that vulnerable or just like facts because I'm a fucking legend? Okay. We'll see. Then I'm vulnerable and then you're a dick. Oh, sorry.

Oh, now there's, that's your old. That's the honesty. Not going to be vulnerable because I feel really exposed. So Torbs and I, but we were like, no, let's not do jokes. In our vows. We do them in our life. But, okay, anyway. So what did you say?

I would not share them. But like vibes. They were just really genuine, really earnest and very honest. Rather than like turning it into a gag, which is, you know, where I play my best, because it's really safe for me to make a joke. Did you mention the 10-inch slayer? Like, because that would be not a joke, but I guess... It's true.

It's not a joke if it's facts. Yeah, so true. Okay. Anyway, the other day, I'm at the post office. Sure. And this is actually... Hang on. Coincidences, making out wedges,

coincidences, hat blown off. Yeah, here we go. All right. Fly's gone. Okay. So, I'm at the post office. This is actually a chat for a lot of times. write this down for later Charles but the post office needs to fucking figure out the parking situation

because there were many many boxes for me to pick up and the park the post office is just on the street there's like you can't park so like all these packages and shit I got all these stuff and it was actually because we just restocked my book on our store tony ryan.com.com. I've signed them all if you would like to get one but I had to go and pick them up from the post office. I didn't realize that's what it was and it was four boxes of my book and that was so fucking heavy. And the guy looks. looks at me and he goes, do you have a car? And I was like, yeah, but I'm parked down the street. Business idea.

Yep, love it. I mean. Drive through post office. That is an excellent fucking idea. Oh, I've got to pick up a package. I just drive in and push the button and the boot goes, and click and collect. They scan your QR code.

And they just put it in the boot. That is actually a fucking. And send you the fuck on your way. That's a fucking phenomenal idea. Or you have to send. stuff. Cool, I drive in and I just go, here's a package. Drive through post office. What the even Charles is coming over that? You're in for us, aren't you? I are. Yeah. That's a great fucking idea. Thank you. Oh, thank you very. This is not going to impress you. Let's do that

tomorrow. I don't, I don't know. We're fucking fixed. Yeah, that's amazing. Drive through post office. That's fucking unreal. If there's anywhere in the world, I'll tell you what America's got right. Drive through banks. Chemist. Oh, say yours. Banks. Banks. Like back in the day when you need to get cash out, for a night out, you're driving to the clubs. I'll be honest, when I need cash out,

I shouldn't be driving. Yeah, so true. So true. If I'm at the point in the night where I need cash. No, you're driving out. You're not driving back in.

But you go to a drive-thru and you like swipe and look, look, and like you don't have to go into the ATM or even go to an ATM. Tony, get it together. Get it together.

Lock in, bitch. Lock in. I'm so sorry. Are you about to piss? Is that way? No. No. I need to apologise.

What? Because you just call me bitch? I don't mind. When I, because I have a daughter who is four, if you ask the people at the Fiji Kids Club, whenever she like holds near her legs, I'm like, you need to go to the toilet.

You need to do a wee-weets, yeah. And you, an adult who can control her own functions. No, but thanks for asking. Kind of just adjust and it's like, do you need to wait? No, I did go like this because I was like, I need to lock you in there. But I was like, that's so a muscle. memory now. I see someone there and go, hang on, we'll pause it because that's what we have to do at home because you get scared. She's going to miss out. She gets phomo.

Yeah. I don't know. I'll miss the thing. Oh, we're all having fun. We'll pause it. Even if all we're doing is having a conversation, I go, we'll pause it. Yeah. That's very sweet. Then you come back. Yeah. Logistic chat. You go come back. Would you? I'm okay. We'll pause it. We'll pause it. We'll pause it. I don't want to miss out. No, I'm okay. Thank you. Drive through banks. Check. Check. Bank checks. Bank checks. Bank. Drive-through post office? Fuck, that's a good idea. That's a great idea. Send it. Is it... Post it!

Talk about it! Yeah. I love that idea. That's fucking good. And now... You love to say it. We do my thing tomorrow, do you reckon? Do you do it tomorrow?

I just... How are we looking for time? Oh, geez, mate. What do you reckon, Charles? I reckon go for it. You reckon? Yeah. Okay.

So, Matt, the Post Office. I'm out of the Post Office. All these boxes, right? I got all this shit. And this... just, like, loads it up. And he goes, do you have a car? And I was like, oh, do you mind if I leave half of it here and do two trips?

He's like, absolutely. Yep. So I take a bunch of the boxes up to my car. Yep. Trottle back. Get the other half. Luckily, I've been going to boxing. I'm fucking jacked because they were so fucking heavy.

Also, did you have to get to the back of the line and they go, who are you? No, he just popped on the side for me, which is really sweet. But do you ever get paranoid that you're going to go. Why, you're here? You can't just put these boxes. You can't just pop push in. Yeah. Those boxes are actually for Tony Lodge.

I'm like, no, I'm so sorry that's me. For a published author. Yeah. You're a sister, not going on anything. Yeah. Remember when that guy, I told him I was going to a photo shoot and he was like, you're a photographer. Yeah.

You're a caterer. Anyway, eating the fucking catering. Anyway, so I go back, do my second trip and I get them in the car. And then the next day, I bring them into work. Sorry. You're working on catering at a photo shoot. Yeah, I know. But I'm going to have to ask you to lock in because it's really good.

All right. Oh, do you set the food out or do you fucking eat it? both girls got to eat oh my god you're hearing Ryan lock in I'm watching it happen like actively right now

here we go namaslay namaslai sorry anyway rollo yo rollo is our new word for Gold Coast rollo

okay tea anyway you go back in I bring no no no I've gone in I've got the boxes all good the next day

I bring the boxes to work so true Charles and I unload them all from a boo to my car. We take them downstairs where we pack all the parcels and stuff. And we take them down there and there's like seven boxes of stuff, like six or seven boxes of stuff. And we go down there and there's this little one on the top.

And Charles goes, who's Eleanor Miller? Who is Eleanor Miller? I was like, oh, I don't know. And he goes, oh, I think they've given you a parcel like that's meant for somebody else. So when you went back in, you did grab someone else. Because they just gave me so much stuff that I was like, it's all mine and I just didn't check it and whatever. And he just grabbed it. Well, if it was drive-thru, I wouldn't have gotten the wrong one.

They would put it in proper. Because it were, you know. And I was like, fuck, they must have given me the wrong parcel. And then Charles, like, looks at the thing. And he goes, no, it's for our PO box. And I was like, I know what's happened. It must be the old owner. Because you just, like, rent the PO box.

And the same when you move house, you get like, mail for the old person. And anyway, he goes, oh, should I see if I can, like, find them on Instagram. And I was like, it's a pretty common name. Like, if you can't just message someone called Eleanor Miller and, like, hope for the best. I was like, I'll just take it back to the post office. And Charles goes, oh. Foreshadowing. Charles goes, oh, you've just got no fucking idea where this is going.

And I love it. Charles goes, oh, actually, there's a phone number here. I'll just ring them. And I was like, great. Where's the phone? Like, on the parcel sticker. Because it was like an e-commerce sticker, not just like someone had written it. It was like a proper, like when they call you out the front or whatever.

Can I make a guess? Yes. You can. All right. When you call me, what kind of silly phase am I in when answering the phone? Hello, Ryan John, Preston City Morg. You kill them, we chill them. Yeah, I love it.

You call this number on the box and it's actually the reservoir. The reservoir morgue. And she goes, Reservoir Morg, we kill them, you chill them. And I go, it must be Ryan.

Fake name. Yeah. She goes, oh no, this is actually the reservoir, what's it called when they, you burn them? The crematorium.

Hello, reservoir crematorium. You kill them, we grill them. Fuck off. No, I wasn't. Okay.

So Charles goes, I'll ring the number. He rings the number and goes, B do do do, like area code invalid. And I was like, oh, they must have entered the number wrong and he goes

plus four four that's weird like it's too many numbers for an Australian number like they couldn't have even just fucked it up he goes I think that's the area code for the Isle of Man do you know where the Isle of Man is well I can show you if you don't

it's near where they film Mano Man the game show Man overboard the Goldie Horn isn't it Isle of Man off the fucking the UK somewhere? Yeah, so it's smack bang. I was going to show you on the globe, but it's too small.

Charles, if we can get a Zoom, so it's smack bang pretty much between Northern Ireland and the UK, and it's fucking tiny. Yeah, right. And Charles goes,

that looks like very a code for the Isle of Man. How did you know that, Charles? Okay. And he goes, oh, last year with the calendars, we had a Tapper that was from the Isle of Man. And like, I had to call it.

her for something. I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the area code. And he Googles the area code. And it is. Plus four, four is the area code. He goes, actually, come to think of it. Her name was Eleanor Miller as well. And I was like, what? Charles calls the number in WhatsApp. Yeah. And it is Tapa Eleanor Miller. And what is she saying in her Isle of Man accent? Oh, bloody hell, is it? But she, we don't know how this happened. Her post got sent to our PO box and she lives in the, like,

she's just moved to the Gold Coast. Yeah. But she's just moved. That's the craziest part of it. Yeah, yeah. I think the Isle of Man and the Gold Coast are like sister cities. Yeah. Yeah, the own exchange program.

And her staff got sent to our PO box. So when you called last year, Charles, what happened? Well, last year, it was the one place that like the print that we used last year, that was the one place they could not deliver to. And it's like we had to like set it up. And I was just like confirming like details with her. But the fact that we couldn't deliver, does that mean we put in our own post thing as like the default? And then, but so she goes, but I, we did that on our.

friend, she never saw that. Yeah. No, but like she never had that address. Right. So there was never a time when she had, because we don't give out our, because we don't accept gifts and, you know. So she never had the information for the PO box.

And then when she marked the parcel as missing, because it was quite an expensive order that she had done for, like, contact lenses. Right. And she was like, when I marked it as missing, she asked them for the address that they'd put, And they go, there isn't really an address.

Like, it had like gone real like haywire in the system. She hadn't put out here. Just like somehow, we, she'd gotten post from us. And that's like our return address. Yeah. But she'd never send anything to us. And we set it up in the back. So I don't know whether it was because her number was linked to it.

It's like remembered. Yeah, like an auto save your address and your number. when you feel out of it. But she never had it. Because it had a, like, the label had a sticker over, like the address. Yeah. So it was like, maybe there was like a return to send to something. And yeah, like the deep, like something's got stuck in the system, whatever.

But somehow. I've actually been talking to Detective Dunn about this. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, we didn't tell him. So he's been listening to Charles and last conversation or maybe talking to Eleanor. Hey, he doesn't reveal his methods. Tony.

Yeah. How do you feel and where are you at in your journey? Thank you for asking. With wearing glasses. I hate them. Oh my God. The Lord sent me the contact lenses. Sorry, you keep going.

I'll let you finish. No, how about I let you finish? I'm so sorry. So you want to get rid of the glasses? Hayden, yep. And then what you're saying is someone who we know their address. Mm-hmm. No, she knows our address somehow.

No, we know hers because we sent her the fucking calendar last year. It's cheap. But she doesn't live there anymore. She lives in the Gold Coast now. But I see what you're saying. You who is on first name basis with the people at the post office. Yes. Me and Minaj, we get along really well.

And I call him Tony Monodge. It's so funny. He loves it. Does he? I don't know. I don't think he gets it. I was like, oh, what you know? He goes to Monodge.

I was like, I'm Tony. It's like, now every time you go, oh, Tony Minodge. Ah! Matt. Does he say it or do you say it? I say it. Has he ever said it? No.

I say it though. I don't think he gets it. Okay. I'll ask him. So you're on a, I was going to say not at first name basis, but it feels like it's beyond that. Beyond that. Quite close friends.

You're really tight with the guy at the post office. That's clue number one. Number one. Clue number two is you're looking at getting rid of glasses. Yeah. Clue number three is someone who's address details you know, orders, contacts, lenses. and then they accidentally get sent to your place. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, sure. A rat is smelled. I think you're trying to steal contact lenses from Alanorma Letty. Miller. So true. Yes, hardly know. I hardly know her. Yeah.

I do hardly know. I think this whole coincidence chat is a ruse to stop the truth coming out that you're trying to steal Alinorma Lettie's fucking contact lenses. These don't have any lenses in them. How many fingers am I holding up? Okay, so What a coincidence. Now, hang on, did you say if I weren't surprised

you have to suck my dick because I'm ready to be sucked off? Because you planned this whole thing. I thought that was such a coincidence chat. You planned this whole thing. How did the parcel come to our PO box? And how was it the second label that had been stuck on it? Isn't that crazy? That's crazy.

That is actually fucking genuine coincidence, chat. This isn't, I thought maybe I met my brother, but it wasn't him. Like, get fucked. This isn't you making up that two of the names were similar during the champion type of fucking shoutouts. This is someone from the other side of the world who is not in their wedge window is currently. That is crazy. Here's where I'm Natalie. Okay.

What is it, Natalie? It is crazy. However, is it crazy that Australia Post fuck something up? And you know what? Are you shocked and surprised and are about to blow your fucking hat off? No, actually. That's not worth a kiss. Now you're right.

Actually, no. Yeah. I'm not. Do not color me shocked. Don't not. Oh, cinnamon. Oh, jammy girl. Ooh.

So whatever they're not impressed thing is is let's make out. No, that. Oh, yeah. said if you weren't impressed with kiss on the mouth. Well, we're not going to do that because you seem like you are impressed. A little bit at least. Charles and I were standing downstairs like screaming. We could not believe it.

Anyway, so many FaceTimed Eleanor Miller. Yep. She was at work. We face-tuner. She was amazed. Well, we've got them. And she goes, I know, I can see clearly now. Well, she goes, I've been in a dispute with...

Because she goes, I've told them that they never came to me. And they go, no, they've been safely delivered. Because they had been delivered to our PO box. And I had picked them up. And signed off. And been like, yep, they're mine. Like, all good. So, like, they're delivered.

They're signed for. Fuck you. Well, not that I should say this because I've ducks to her full name and where she lives. But they gave her a refund. because she didn't get the parcel. And she goes, can you tell me the address that they got sent to and they go legally,

no, we can't tell you that. It's my address in theory. Well, yeah, ideally, it normally would be, yes. So what you're saying is, do we send her the contact?

Yeah, so we have gotten her new address forwarded them to her. And she got a refund. And she got a refund. So double win. So is she scared to order stuff now for fear it'll turn up at your place?

Well, I don't know. Because what if her, you know, next sex toy turns up at our doorstep? Well, then I'll send it to her. That's fine. Opened? Sorry, do you need to go to the bathroom?

No, I don't. I'm okay. That's a federal offense and I would never open someone's mouth. We had already opened it before we called her. All right. Because Charles goes, I reckon that's a tarpa. Like, what, how the fuck is that up? And I was like, let's open it.

Can someone please comment how many laws Tony's broken in one story? You've opened someone else's mail. Yeah, it was a friend. You've committed fraud to try and steal lenses. No, no. You've name shamed a post office worker. I didn't name and shame him. He's my friend.

He gave me parcel, gave me post that was for my PO box. You left someone else's mail Willie-nilly on the counter when you went back to the car. No, no. That was a controlled environment. Anyway, I would love to see it, which is really, really beautiful. We're doing a podcast, yeah. Yep.

I mean, we can. We don't have to. No, do you want to hear something? really beautiful. Of course. Yesterday while I was driving home. Because, I mean, this is actually maybe a two-pronged you love to see it because it does involve Jalat Tadis.

Yesterday when I was driving home, because it's still beautiful and bright outside because of the beautiful extended sound that we're experiencing currently in Melbourne. Thank you. I watched a little kid ride her bike for the first time. So we're right out the front of their house. And the dad like pushed the little girl off. like not off her bike like launched her

like launched her put her off onto the tram tracks you know like when your mum and dad like push the back of you and you kind of get like a pedaling like a rolling star she started pedaling the mom was standing so the dad is standing there proud as punch like can't believe it

the mum is standing behind him with a newborn like with a little little baba and she's smiling and the baby's asleep and it was like picture perfect family time. It was so beautiful.

And I was driving past and I was like, that is my love to see it for tomorrow. That is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Isn't that gore giant here? That is gore giant here. Isn't pushing them off on their bike for the first time? Just a metaphor for parenting as a whole. That fly flew straight into my mouth.

It's still in there. Have some spooky drink. Also, there's a chat called Spook Arty in Canada that wants to do a live shop. Spokane. Spokane like a true asshole. Say what you said again because it was really nice. Isn't it like a metaphor for parenting? You're just preparing them and you push them off and they pedal out to life.

It's really beautiful. And that is what it felt like I was seeing. I felt for a moment like I was a tourist in their life. Yeah. Like I felt like I shouldn't have been part of such. an intimate family moment. But thank you for letting me appreciate it and enjoy it. I just,

I felt really connected to them in that moment. It was just so beautiful. I reckon in how it was a kid, maybe four, five years. Yeah, like a little toddy. Let's say in 17 years,

it's there 21st. Yep. And the dad goes, oh, you know, it was just like yesterday when you were four years old. And your little brother was a newborn.

Yeah. And, you know. God, he's not good at, public speaking. He's nervous. He got some gash out earlier.

We were trying to get you to... Should have gone to that bloody drive-through bank. They've just over the most. And, you know, this was just about a year before I opened Melbourne's first drive-thru post office, which really set the family's fortunes off. And I just couldn't get you to ride your bike. You were just so nervous. And you wanted to stay close to dad.

But then you looked over your shoulder and you saw Tony Lodge. You know howdy. driving down the road and then you went fuck I think that bitch is going to hit me with her Audi and then you just took off cycling

and I was like I always think if it wasn't for that scary lady in that beautiful car you've ruined this beautiful memory for the family and for me and I'm basically family at this stage so I'm going to have to ask you to respect

our privacy it was really so beautiful what was the little brother's name Josh it's a family name it's important to us but I won't get into it My love to see it

But you think that's so sweet It is sweet It is sweet I saw this lady at the park last night Who I Dialet savings Bipipip Actually though

After dinner Down to the park It's there's nothing better I've been taking Charles down to the park After dinner Because he just runs around Yeah

Gotta get the energy up Yeah Get his wiggles out Yeah And well that's literally What I was doing with Mamu And then this lady's doing it as well With her kid

And then she goes With Charles Yeah I was at the park last night as well Were you? Did you go to my park? No,

didn't go park near me, but there was also kids there. I felt like they were doing the beep test, but I was like, oh, I hate that. Ooh. Wow. Extracurricular beep test.

Get a fucking life nerds. Yeah. Fucking out. Anyway. The lady goes, I've spoken to probably five or six times over the last five years since we moved in.

Yeah. She goes, oh, who's this? And I go, oh, there's Mabel. And she goes, get the fuck out. Oh, well, we're just here to enjoy the park like everyone else. Because she was like, I was just like a niece or a friend or you know what's going.

I was like, this is Mabel. And she was like, she goes, Oh, she's a typer. No, no, no. She's like, it was as if it was yesterday you were here with a newborn. And she just could not believe because Mabel's like holding the dog lead and jumping around and chatting and she's really like she's turned into a real person. Yeah. Yeah.

And it wasn't like, oh, she grows up so quick. She just goes, fuck off. Listen, maybe she goes, fuck off. That's so beautiful. And then she kind of, oh, so I'm, I just, oh, I just, I can't believe it. She's just grown up so quick. And I was like, why is that lady yelling at us? Yeah, why is she screaming?

Yeah, I'm an adult. I thought she's just being friendly. Yeah, she's frank. Fuck off. Fuck off. She's like, is that on, Toddy? Yeah, who that foul. I only have a few foul mouth ladies in my life and Tony's most of them.

Speaking of Tony, my love to see it is everyone gassing up Tony Lodge in all the calendar pictures. Imogen says Tony is Mortisha in that wig. Black Nails, oh my God, most stunning creature. I want to see it in the wild. That's so nice. Thank you. Tracy Jane said, Dr. Author and Professional Dancer.

I'll take it. And this is Alan. I think I mentioned this one the other day. Hi, Alan. When Torbs is a bit, you know, things are quiet at work. Because I'm just going out for lunch. I'm going to drive the car down,

running the road a little bit. Go through the drive-thru. car wash, Joshi Kala Yeah, no one can see me for a few minutes Yeah That's really nice She reckons many people have jerked it to that video I don't know how I feel about that

I mean, I think that I've come a long way From the internet considering me a challenging wank though Maybe those days are over You can't be offended by being a challenging wank And then be like oh but please don't wank No, no that's what I'm saying We've got to get our story straight No, no, no, come a long way, it's great

Thank you Charles for letting us watch this again Oh there's Bonnie Hi Bonnie in the comments. Not she's not, oh yeah, I was like, where the fuck is she?

Oh, did you like my comment? I pissed and I liked it. Thank you. Like physically liked it. Yeah, not actually liked it. I just pressed to like that.

I physically liked it. Yeah. No, that was really, really fun. People have just been so excited. I think seeing all the effort that went into the costumes

and the sets and the props and everything like, yeah, it's just been so fucking cool having people like, I can't wait till they've got it physically. Same. Like, it's just, oh.

They're going to shit. And Charles has made the grids bigger this year. So it'll be easier for you to write in things that are actually happening in your life. The details, guys. Yeah, like all of those things. Like, I think we would just get a little bit better every year. But from last year to this year, this one's unreal. Now, tomorrow we're in a normal or nah.

Fuck, it's Wednesday. Okay. There's chat about like, fuck, that's a throwback. That seems like vintage. Oh. But the thing kind of feels new. Oh. Is it wedgies?

The other day we talked about wedgies being vintage. Yeah, but it's like, there would have been a time when CDs were like the most amazing technology. Totally. And then two years later, we're all like, oh, remember those? Sure. There's a new thing added to the like, oh, if that's vintage, then how old are we? You know what I'm saying?

Oh, no. What is it? Tomorrow in normal or no. Oh, can we throw... Also, there's a dim sim related normal, no, doesn't that just fire you right up? Oh my gosh, so much is that a dim sim, fucking call me Susie and smack me on my ass. Don't call Susie, she's a bitch. All right, love you, bye!