Triforce! - Triforce! #142: Peasants Had It Better

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Triforce! Episode 142! Has Elon Musk lost his mind? Did medieval peasants live better lives? Is PFlax any good at golf? These are the important questions... Support your favourite podcast on Patreon: https://bit.ly/2SMnzk6 Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello! Have you had a good week? It's gotten a bit drab here. I've done a few things this week. I rode in a Tesla. I saw some tiny dogs. Some very cute tiny dogs. I went out and had some food out and it was a bit weird because of coronavirus attitudes. Some people were like, don't give a shit. Other people are like, don't sit on this chair for five minutes because I've sprayed it and it takes five minutes to settle in. It's so wildly different out there.

And the rain is working to keep me inside now anyway. The weather's turned all boring and grey. I haven't seen the sun in a long time. I feel like it's just grey. It's a bit crushing now to realize that winter is here. I welcome it because we had a hot spell over here. It was, for once, very humid. It was muggy, which is unheard of over here.

And for like a week, maybe a week and a half, it was unbearable. It was the worst. Yeah. So, you know what? I'd say we definitely had two weeks in London where maybe slightly more where it was unbearable it was the worst yeah so you know what i'd say we definitely had two weeks in london where maybe maybe slightly more where it was and there was that one week when it was like 38 degrees or something well i'm glad that i'm glad that the autumn has arrived i i quite like uh this time of year i like it a bit cooler um i don't like the days uh running shorter though i hate when the clocks um switch yeah

they should stop that shit stupid but i i do like the the cooler breeze the cooler air and stuff it's it's much better it's much more comfortable right i sleep a lot better like i don't know just everything it does make things better i do like the heat i don't i prefer to be warm than cold but uh honestly this the the heat wave we had this summer made me pray for death. It was ridiculous at some point. Just walking around the house, just like lying down on the floor and just dying. It was bad. And my dog, poor old doggo, she was suffering.

Oh, yeah. How is your dad? How is my dad? We don't get many dog updates you're not a typical dog owner most dog owners like never shut the fuck up about their stupid dog but you're you're different flax you barely ever mention your dog yeah she's chill i posted a tweet a picture the other day of her sleeping in the dirty laundry basket that i brought downstairs to go in the washing machine nice um because i don't know about guys. I'm not a very organized person when it comes to doing laundry and neither is Mrs. F. So we have like a laundry basket in

our bedroom and it just piles up until it's like a mountain of clothes. And then we're like, shit, we better do some washing. And then we'll spend a whole day doing washing, washing, washing and, you know, it's like then the tumble drying and everything. So I brought down like two full washing baskets of clothes to go in and the dog just climbed and everything so i brought down like two full washing baskets of clothes to go in and the dog just climbed in because she loves the smell of like old socks that have been worn pants so she slept with her face buried oh my god she's like one of those guys she is like we aboo guys yeah but they they just they love the smell of being around you like there's no smell you can make that's going to offend a dog

like very occasionally I suppose a really bad fart she might give you a look like Christ but more often than not I don't know I feel like dogs love farts they love

they love the smell they eat their own shit often so it's they gotta love the smell and the taste I mean there's no smell that bothers her

that we make which is quite funny I mean sometimes cooking smells it's more interesting right to them it's almost like colour it's like a different color yeah that's how we were always sort of told that dogs like smelled things they saw like colors in the air yeah it's like that i think right but uh but sometimes if we're cooking a particularly spicy

curry or something she's walking around sneezing because it's like up her nose the curry smell chili the chili in the air yeah i can i could understand that because she's more sensitive do you think the colors that they can see in the air representing smells um are the same colors that we would um sort of like you know associate associate with with certain things like what like i would i would imagine that if you could see a fart in the air it would either be kind of like a gross brownish green color or just straight up brown right well here's the problem though like think about other really nice smells like coffee what would coffee be coffee would be like a kind of like um i think it'd be black like a black mist. I would say more like a sort of brownish gray, you know,

like a clay sort of color, you know. What about freshly baked bread? Freshly baked bread would definitely be beige. I think that would be a very, very light tan color that has sparkles in it, very slight sparkles. Okay. What about like smoke, like nicotine like uh cigarette smoke it'd be like cloud color like i think it would be the the green that cartoons used to

indicate poison gas ah okay oh see i would i would save that one for either actual poison gas or farts i wouldn't use green for cigarette smoke i would just have that as like a sort of whitish gray but i think it's it's the sense of a bad thing has to be consistent. Right. Like I don't think we've got enough colors. There's what, like seven colors? Right. No, I know.

But you can get in there. You can either use the color picker or you can use the paint brush with the paint palette thing to choose your own color as well and that opens up billions of yeah that opens up billions of other that's true what kind of fidelity are we talking about how many bits of how many color bits in nature however the whatever the maximum is i mean there's a lot of colors out there really like more than an xbox way more than an xbox yeah and well they can tell people apart by their smell. If we put our color palette on an SSD as well, then we're laughing all the way to the bank. I reckon most people smell either of their laundry detergent, mostly, or the deodorant that they're wearing, right?

Like, to us, okay? But a dog can see through all that and smell the person. He recognizes people by their individual smell which i don't think i could do well apart from that one kid in school who had that weird smell you know apart from him you're you're actually announcing that you lewis brindley of the yorks cast does not have the same fidelity of smell that a dog does well no that's an impressive admission well done well no but so I don't think even with training, I don't think humans have the ability.

No, of course we don't. They have billions of more nose receptors than us. No, I know, but we could still, I think we could still smell better if we were forced to, right? If we were trained. We have the other senses that we use. Like those wine people. That's why they're called sommeliers.

They're called sommeliers because they have really good sense of smell. They can smell it, but it's like smelling and tasting. I guess it's all linked up though, right? The taste and the smell. Sommeliers. We should get dogs to be sommeliers

because they'd be able to really tell whether a wine was good or not, wouldn't they? They would be able to tell, but they wouldn't be able to recommend it, what it to go with. Like if you said, what would this go with? Anything, anything. Honestly, my dog will eat anything.

What goes with a KFC or like a fast food? What wine do you pair with a shit fast food? I would say white. I think you're probably not drinking much wine, but maybe smoking a lot of doobies. What about just a big bowl of Rice Krispies? What do you have with that? I don't know if I would.

Blue Nun. Bucks Fizz. Bucks Fizz actually works for breakfast. A glass of port. Yeah, orange and champagne. That actually totally works. Yeah, Bucks Fizz would actually totally works, Sips. Yeah, it works physically.

Cold 45 in a plastic bag and you pour it on your cereal. Now, here's a question, right? You get plastic bags of wine. Can you get plastic bags of beer? No. Why is that? I think the reason why is because it's carbonated, right? It fizzes. Why can't you carbonate stuff in a bag, though? it's got the it's carbonated right? It's got like fizzes. Why can't you carbonate stuff

in a bag though? You can't put that in a bag. Can you not put it in a bag? Wine is flat right? Why can't you put it in a bag? Well I think it just goes against all the laws of physics and nature. I don't know what law of physics? You get a build up of carbonation in there and then all of a sudden you've got a burst bag.

But then wouldn't cans similarly deform isn't it the contact with oxygen that makes it you would just need a special valve that doesn't let any air in but i guess the problem there is how do you let like when you i buy wine bags with a little tap on the front where you squeeze it and the wine comes out and i guess some air gets in to displace yeah you know when you as you're letting wine out air has to come in to displace it otherwise you're looking at a vacuum this feels like one of those things that you don't need to analyze because i think there's smarter people out there that would have found a way to make it work by now you know what i mean just saying it must wine in bags has been around for a long time and i think i also it might be at some point somebody thought wow beer in a bag would be, and then went through all these same motions and decided it's not a good idea.

It's the tap thing. I don't think fizzy stuff comes out of a tap very well. I think it loses its fizz, question mark. Is there any scientists who are experts in carbonation chemistry that can get in touch? Yeah, I am actually. It's my specialty. So I rode a tesla this week right what like with an aim to buy one are you buying a tesla no my my my my friend has one

or someone i know has right and he took me to bath is this is this person uh in the ogs cast because i'm trying to think of who in the ogs cast could ever in their wildest dreams get a Tesla. Well, Tesla is, we're in this weird world right now where Tesla is, Elon Musk's added like, I don't know, some sort of huge amount, a hundred billion dollars to his fortune over the last, he just became richer than Mark Zuckerberg I read yesterday, which is huge. And also, Apple went from a trillion-dollar valuation in April to $2.1 trillion valuation now. So these companies, you would have thought in April, all the investors would have been like, yeah, I think Apple's going to... Who's bit it against it anyway?

By the by, Tesla's the future. Tesla's the future of automobile manufacturing. And it's worth... The company's worth like the top 18 other car manufacturers are worth like the same as Tesla. You don't really see many Teslas outside of the US, though. They haven't really... Who's buying them? They haven't broken Europe from what buying them to give them broken europe from

what i can tell i mean i've never i don't think i've ever seen one on the road making any money but i think it's just worth people believe in elon right yeah but that's the problem is it's it's the value is based on their belief that he's going to invent something amazing rather than revenue right i can't believe that they make that much from fucking like i don't know anyone that owns a tesla he's very they're very innovative but anyway i went i went and wrote it to this tesla and it was basic basically tes tes tesla tesla basically it was like it was it had no dashboard for a start at all it was just a big screen there okay um and on the right hand side there's like a little kind of it looks like an iphone game where you've got your car in the

middle and it sort of as you drive up the road it sort of tracks cars driving past you on the other side of the road and cars like coming up and on your left and traffic lights and stuff and so you could actually just sit there and drive on that phone screen you wouldn't have to look out the window right um at all uh which is so weird does the phone screen pick up like kids and dogs and stuff too would you be able to see those or i don't think it does well i didn't see any though kids or dogs because we kind of drove for fairly straight right styled road i mean a lot of a lot of a lot of american travel is very different to uk travel we have a lot thinner roads and a lot sort of weirder setup so i think it would be i didn't i didn't notice any kids or dogs on there

but i wasn't paying that much attention to it maybe it does track them i guess that's i know i watched a youtube video where a guy tries to drive between two towns with his tesla without touching the steering wheel he was like let's see if it can do it and i'll just be here to correct it if it looks like it's going wrong. And the problem is that, like you said, roads in the UK are very different from the roads in the States in that we will quite often have a very narrow road, two-way traffic with very faded lines that suddenly dips into what looks like a tunnel of like trees. You know what I mean? It's like when you're in the country, the roads are going up and down and hither and yon.

Yeah, especially out in the country for sure. Older country roads. Yeah, I would not trust a computer on those at this point. By the way, their net income was minus $862 million last year. I know. I don't understand how this works. There's something weird going on in the world. I just don't understand. i thought companies had to make money to be worth something um but i mean they've been around for a while right i don't think that's

that i don't think that's the case with economics though economics is is simple but also stupidly well i think it's the stock market that's that's crazy it was didn't youtube itself didn't really ever make much money right wasn't it when youtube was bought by google it wasn't making much money and they bought it and everybody thought wow this is gonna make a lot of money and it still has never really made any money for them no i think it makes a lot now i read i read it made a billion or something a year for the longest time it didn't do a lot like it that's because it didn't have ads though it didn't have its good integration i mean google are the providers of ads and that partnership with youtube made a lot of sense youtube's revenue was

15 billion dollars last year so i'm guessing they bought a platform to sell ads on they didn't want the youtube itself and still don't really they just understand that they can sell a huge amount of their their their stuff through there it's it's really interesting anyway a tesla's i i thought it was fine it was it was fine i i think like um it's quite nice inside like quite comfy i feel like i feel like the hype for them is is is a bit crazy yeah because there's there are other electric cars that will be fine as well right like it's not so yeah they're not the be all end all really right like other companies are also yeah they're not the be-all end-all really right like other companies are also going to be making them like you're telling me that

bmw and volkswagen well lots of companies are yeah there's there's i mean you know not not only that there's you know there's there's hybrids as well i mean most people i think now probably would just go for full electric over hybrid because i think eventually the plan is to phase those out you know i mean there's there's there's fucking tons of cars out there it's a huge fucking industry i would be worried about elon musk's um mental health and stability because when you look at some of the shit he said recently did you see he did the brain chip the brain chip yeah he wants a brain chip he called his kid with like a phone

number or a formula for he didn't do that it was just a twitter meme but yeah i mean that was just like a little joke it's just weird but yeah his he put this brain chip in a pig didn't he that was just so weird and what he's getting a little bit like the crazy scientist who at the start of the film you think he's it would be like christopher lloyd's character doc brown in in back to the future by the third back to the future film he's sending children back in time just to fuck with them you know what i mean like he's yeah he's not sending children back in time to to stop their parents uh breaking up or whatever uh he did with marty mcfly he's definitely sending marty mcfly's back to assassinate their parents just to fuck with the continuum. He's definitely a type as well, right? I mean, I don't know much.

I don't know much about his personal life. I know like enough to sort of make a very general opinion about him or whatever. But like, I feel like he's a bit sort of like maybe Steve Jobs and other people like that where they're dreamers, right? They have these big ideas. where they're dreamers, right? They have these big ideas. They get stuck down these sort of vision corridors where things work out well for them.

But in reality, in real life, they leave like a trail of destruction behind them, right? There's a lot of people that have these awful run-ins with them. Their personal life isn't great. There's divorces and kids all over the place and there's you know what i mean like it's it seems like it seems like like this is a type right and this type seems to lend itself well to making billions and inventing things or whatever but it's i don't know it's i don't think it's like the like the i'm sure a lot of people oh fuck i wish i was elon musk oh my god like the money and everything but like i don't know i

don't know if i'd want to be elon musk necessarily he seems like a character yeah definitely seems i mean he was obviously he's just weird isn't he like well we could talk about him forever but he's just too weird anyway i thought like i said tes, I think it's a fine car. I mean, sitting in it, it had ordinary seatbelts and ordinary glass windows that went up and down. Ordinary, like, you know how in a car you have those, like, I don't know what they're called, but the bits of the car that, when you're just sat on the inside and you look around the windows, there's like that, like, panelling, I guess, like plastic panelling. One of those bits was like falling off and didn't and didn't stick on it's still a car and i was like i mean i was like that's what you get in the back of a car isn't it like one of those bits of paneling

it's like a little bit loose do you mean like it's it's it's that and so it's like what what am i well i don't i get like i don't think a lot of people like me and you guys obviously have never been in them and so they do feel a bit foreign and a bit out of... I have been in them. Yeah, I've been in one as well. Yeah, several times. I thought I was telling you something new. No.

I've never ridden in one. I'm sure I've told you about the time I went in a Tesla before on this very podcast. I think that's why we're so underwhelmed because we've been in them. We've been in one before and it's just whatever. It's just a car. It was it's not even a really great car it's just like to me like you're driving like um a some sort of little remote control thing though because it's got the little battery sort of marker it's got that sort of like it's it's like it's an actual phone feels like a computer game or like a mobile game it's got like that iphone hype sort of thing around it right where you think it's like the best in its class or

whatever and then but really when when it comes to it it's just another car and the iphone's just another phone like you're like it you know what i mean there's not really much difference like like there's little differences but it's not enough to really like blow your mind or anything it's not like i don't know yeah i mean i just bought a renault scenic and i i honestly think that it's the best fucking car i've ever driven i love this i would take one of those over tesla any day um bit biased because i uh it's definitely the the trendy new car to have you know it used to be the business pen would drive yeah i remember remember when blackberries came out oh man oh my blackberry they were the biggest fucking thing yeah such a long

time yeah and now if you read about the decline of blackberry it's a really interesting story nobody wants nobody wants to use one now yeah blackberry apparently are making quite a lot of good tech now um and although no one's buying the phones the company is still going based on the tech they're selling and stuff this is what i hear i don't know whether it's actually like true but it's right i'd reckon i don't know the story well enough like of the decline of blackberry like other than people like the fact i had a keyboard whereas in the old days you used to have to just type the numbers on your phone so if you wanted to get to an f you'd have to press let me think the keyboard was so small it was like having one of those fucking watch caps at

the time i mean yeah like at their time in their in their sort at the height of blackberry popularity they were they were ideal like business phones right like well you you had to have one didn't you because they had their own blackberry messaging which is the kind of email prior to what you could get email so it's like that's it't okay guys we're gonna go play golfing i'll message you on my blackberry messaging it's like oh you don't have a blackberry we used to get them you can't play golf with this asshole when i worked at the bank they used to give them out to like people that were on call and like you know like the big the big shot the big money makers and stuff walking around with your blackberry but like i don't know like we are we just we we just treated them like phones but then like the higher up guys had like the fucking blackberry holster like on

their belt and stuff you know with their with their power suit and everything fucking hilarious oh speaking of golf um i'm learning to play golf nice i'm getting lessons i have my first is this because you played pga tour yeah whatever last Yeah. And I thought this actually seems kind of fun. I guess you sort of have to socially distance though for that, right? So you don't golf. Your instructor can't come up behind you and hold both of your arms and pelvis right up against your ass and teach you how to drive. That's the main reason I booked lessons during this pandemic.

Yeah. To avoid awkwardness. But yeah, so i'm having lessons uh on sunday for a month we'll see how it goes nice i'm very i'm very bad with anything that requires me to twist like i'm not a flexible i'm i'm inflexible physically as i am mentally right i'm very rigid so is charles charles bark, and he doesn't seem to have any problems. Never a truer word. He seems fine.

I've seen his beautiful golf swing. His technique is unparalleled. I will be the Barkley golfer of the Yogscast. I'm aiming for that. I imagine you are one of those wind-up golfing toys or whatever. It's very rigid. Just like you charge it up and

it spanks the ball yeah yeah i just i just thought i'd give it a try we went golfing with hat films that one time remember we went to the driving range and we it was a mini putting but the driving range is pretty fun oh yeah that's the thing there's so many like i was driving back from hampton hill i was impressed with everyone at the driving range when we went. I was like, wow, everyone can, it felt like, it feels like something, sorry. Oh no, please. But like, it feels like something that's actually fairly tricky to do. Yeah. To like hit a tiny ball with a small head on a stick, you know, even like playing tennis,

I miss the fucking ball a lot. And I've got a gigantic thing and I'm using my hand, you know, not my sort of arms and back. I dunno. I just I'm always sort of I always think obviously it's technique I always just worry that when I play this when I play I worry that one day I just my technique will be off and I just won't be able to hit the ball ever again I think that I'll just slice balls and just spend my entire day searching the reeds you know for my ball like that's my night I didn't go to a very nice school like my the school i went to was like a you know a really sort of run-of-the-mill like school for everyone there wasn't like fees or anything like that and we learned how to play golf at school like during

our our phys ed class for like two weeks we had like a our our teacher taught us how to like you know play golf which is kind of weird, but actually pretty useful. It was pretty fun. We got to like learn how to learn how to drive and learn, learn how all the different clubs worked and stuff like that. So like, I don't know, somehow I feel like I've had like a little bit of practice in golf, although it wouldn't help me in a real game of golf. I don't think I've ever played a full game of golf before. I don't think I have. I mean, I used to go putting like, well, like crazy golf, you know, with my nans, you know,

and clacked it on the pier and stuff. And I've done a pitch and putt once or twice when I was at school. But I mean, yeah, I mean, I feel like I can, I'm not incapable, but I certainly like, I'm just very daunted by the idea of actually going on a big golf course. I don't know.

I've just had the weirdest flashback this is a memory i haven't thought of in a very long time all right it concerns a kid i was at school with called dean right dean liked to play golf we would have been about 13 let me get my popcorn 30 this is this is a this is a long and it's about 13 or 14 and dean was into golf i'm ready now now our pe lessons at school were really shabbily organized and there was no real attempt to improve those of us who weren't already good at sport. What it really teaches anything. It was just running about on a field for an hour. And when it came to football, they stuck all the good players on one team and all the shit players on the other team,

or they would just say, Forsyth, you're in goal. And I'd be like, fine. And I would just stand there and me and my friend friend William hated playing sport. We just wanted to be inside and play Dungeons & Dragons. And when the kids that were good would run towards us, we had a system of just charging at them and shouting and hoping that would put them off. That was it. So we didn't really care for sport.

Sounds like a good tactic, actually. And one lesson, Dean comes along with his golf clubs. And our PE teacher... For football? No, just for PE. He just turned up and he said to the teacher, I brought my golf clubs and um our PE teacher for football no just just for PE he just turned up and he said to the teacher I brought my golf clubs he was like all right we'll come and watch you hit the ball put you in goal yeah but we weren't playing any sport we just went down to the field and just watched Dean hit balls and I was like what a lesson this is bizarre and the teacher was just like goading him going go Dean let's see if you can hit this one and

Dean would shank it he'd be like wait and we were also god this is bizarre. And the teacher was just like goading him, he was going, go Dean, let's see if you can hit this one. And Dean would shank it. He'd be like, whey. And we were all so, God, this is the worst lesson ever. Subsequently, we go on the canal boat cruise, which was a trip that these two teachers would organize every year, where a bunch of kids would sign up. There's about 15 or 20 of us, I guess,

on a canal boat for like a week. And we would go up and go along all the canals. There's this one area, someone will know what it's called. It's a series of locks, canal locks, in a row up a hill. There's like 20 of them or something stupid like that. It takes a whole day to get up there. Very hard work. Anyway, we're going along in all these fields

and we pull over at one point, probably because the teachers were drunk. They were drinking the whole time. And we stopped for a bit and Dean gets out and he's like, let's- Cane Hill Locks, they go. Okay. And he was like hitting golf

ball he had a he brought his golf clubs with him on this school trip which is just bizarre and he would hit the balls and we would go and get them i don't know why i mean you know when you're a young kid you do whatever so and one of them landed in a cow pat and dean dean bet adam uh that he wouldn't eat some of the cow pat. And Adam said, how much? And Dean said, five pounds, which obviously when you're 13, and it was the 80s, is a ridiculous amount of money. It's like a small mortgage. So Adam takes a piece of the cow pat back onto the canal boat,

puts it, it's like an inch cube, puts it in a glass of water, dissolves it with a stick. So it's basically in a solution and downs it. And Dean's like, bullshit, that's not eating it. of water dissolves it with a stick so it's basically in a solution and downs it and dean's like bullshit that's not eating it and we were like he consumed the chunk of cow pat like you have to give him the fiver and dean wouldn't we went to the teachers now we put this to them and at no point did they say for fuck's sake lads i just want to try to put yourself in the mind of a teacher it's like like a bunch of boys turn up and we're like, Sir, Dean had a bet with Adam.

Because we're little, so our voices haven't broken. Dean, Dean and Adam had a bet. And, you know, we explain the situation and the teachers sort of looked at each other and they didn't go, you boys are in big trouble. You mustn't eat cat,

but they were like, no, I think that's, yeah, I think he has done it. You'll have to pay him. And they were like, as if it was a bet that they were, they were really considering it. And they were like, well if it was a bet that they were really considering it. And they were like, well, did he?

Because is eating it the same as just drinking it? And they were like, I think you could say he's eaten it. They were like, yeah, Dean, pay him. So Dean had to pay Adam the five pounds because the teachers had heard the case and case dismissed. I'm so glad the teachers found in favor of him they saw sense god because because i feel like any time you hear these stories the teachers just aren't interested they're like our school the teachers were shocked and that poor guy never

gets his five pounds but no he did he got his five pounds i'm sure he spent it wisely as well probably on like fucking you know some medicine i remember we tried to go to the pub one evening we were literally like i think we were about 14 and richard marrow one of the kids um who was like the bully of our year insisted that he'd been served in pubs before so we like about five of us got off the boat and snuck into town and um went into this pub and we're all standing behind richard as he goes up to the bar and the barman just as he goes up to the bar. And the barman just put both his hands on the bar and sort of leaned over like waiting. And Mara goes, he puts his money, he goes,

pint please, mate. And he just looks at us and we're all obviously children. He's just like, just get out of here, boys. And we sort of left. And Richard was like, if you guys haven't been there, 100% getting served, 100%. And he was like five foot tall or something because he was just a little kid. It was so funny. Those were the days, man.

Those were the days. It was a different age. So there's this. So I constantly am shocked by history, right? You're talking about my childhood and history comes to mind. Yeah. These locks that you went to, I think it was these locks. There's like 28 of them.

Yeah, yeah. Which have a rise of 237 feet. And it's obviously a time when... What's the area called again? It's the Cane Hill. It's on the Avon Canal between Rowd and Devizes in Wiltshire. So it's part of this sort of Bristol... I think that's it.

...to kind of London canal system, I guess. I think that's it. Between Bristol and Reading, actually. Yeah. And so obviously they were shipping stuff back in the early 1800s. They were shipping all sorts of stuff along canals. That was the main, you know, thing that people used to ship stuff. And so they built this ludicrous series of locks. that people use to ship stuff. And so they built this ludicrous series of locks. There's a picture here of 16 of them going up a single hill.

You can see the 16 locks. Locks, I don't know if you've ever been through a lock on a river. It takes fucking ages. It does, yeah. You go through 16 of them. Fuck. I mean, we had to set a day aside for that. And it's not like a two-way system either. You can only go one way up it.

Yeah, you've got to go up. Do you know what I mean? How do they do that? Do they have a day where people go down and a day where people go up? I'm not sure. Well, maybe it's only one way. Maybe mostly people just take stuff

from one end of the locks to the other. But they've got to get their boats back. I don't even understand how locks work. But I don't really understand how a lot of stuff in history worked either. We've been playing Crusader Kings this week, and I really enjoy Crusader Kings 3. It's a really cool game, by the played crusader gigs 2 didn't like it well

i spent i spent a long time learning it and i was frustrated by both the controls and everything about it it was kind of like just really fiddly anyway i played i don't understand initially didn't like it but i got into it and i really like it now right um but it made me realize how little i understand stood was about how complicated everything was back then with just people in charge of certain people and counties and barons and duchies and and passing inheritance all that complicated crap and partitioning the land between people like all their rules that they had for just just how everything worked and also just how you how you recruited people to fight for you and all of these weird just just it was so complicated i don't know i think i feel it's like the same i feel like ck3

just sort of like streamlined it a bit more but it's it's it's more or less the same sorry i don't mean the game the game's great i mean I mean the time. The actual history. Because it's obviously modelled on what things were actually like at the time. Oh, right, yeah. And I'm just so sort of surprised by the level of complexity around everything and all the rules around everything. Even like, you know, begging indulgences off the Pope and stuff. Stuff that just seems so bizarre that you can sort of commit a crime and then just pay the pope and he'll be like yeah i know you're

a fornicator and you murdered your brother but that's all right yeah i mean what amazes me is that this was the way things were for a for a very long time was that you inherited power that the rich stayed rich and the poor absolutely stayed poor. Like, there was no social mobility for a serf, other than, I guess, they might become a squire? I don't know if that was a thing you could do. Most people's life was just one of grind, and if you were summoned to war, you had to go,

even if it was a bullshit war, and, you know, that was it. And people were just like tools that the uh the landed nobility used first of all like that's still relatively the same you know we got elon musk who is the the king has all the money in the world he's never gonna have to work a day in his life and we have people every day grinding doing shitty jobs just to make a living and if we go to a war they could just summon us to war no they can't all right first of all you have the you have the rule of law which means that if the prime minister killed someone he can't just go to the pope and say i'm sorry and the

pope says no problem thanks for the money you know that doesn't happen anymore the prime minister i'd love it if it did you don't inherit as much and we've still got inherited titles it would just be this queue of politicians all the way around

the Vatican I'm sorry I mean Berlusconi would just have a shoot going from his office to the Pope's office and he just puts money down there every day

just sliding down sorry sorry recorded himself I didn't believe that sorry you've got to make it a bit more sincere sorry sliding down the street. Sorry. Sorry. He recorded himself. I didn't believe that, Smari. You've got to make it a bit more sincere.

Sorry. Okay. Like, it's not quite, I mean, obviously, we've got problems and corruption and everything,

but geez, it's not like it used to be, you know? I love that, I love that, that thing with apologies as well. That was always the thing which I learned.

It was that, it was that, you know, you just had to make it sound sincere. didn't have to mean it no one ever says like you know no one ever says say it and mean it they say say it like you like you say it like it's not like it's not strictly the same as it used to be but i think the um i i think like the spirit of how it used to be is still alive right like i think you still have like you said corruption and stuff like that and it it seems to be like a different there's a there's definitely a different

set of rules for people that have like a lot of money and power right like they can yeah they can get away with more and do things that your average joe couldn't do or get away with without back of course back up and whatnot i mean i'm I'm not saying we have a perfect system, but I think if you look at the average person's life now, as opposed to the life of a medieval peasant, and I'm not just talking in terms of healthcare and phones and buses and TV, I'm just saying your rights are far, far greater than the rights of a peasant. I mean, you know, they fucking killed you for all sorts back then. And loads of people had power regardless. You know, there was no way

to hold them to account. There weren't independent bodies. I mean, you know, you'd never hauled the king before a bunch of other nobles to publicly answer questions about, you know, what he'd been up to

the way you do now. I mean, if, you know, geez, we have investigations into things and committees and everything. So, there's oversight that there just wasn't. I mean, essentially, the king was chosen by God to be in charge. So, therefore, whatever he says goes, you know? It was pretty nuts. uh they could do whatever they wanted i went on a um relating to this somehow i went on a um on the weekend i went i took my kids and my wife well we all went together i didn't take them or force them um for the record you put them in chains we uh we went on this uh this boat trip around the island it's like a scenic tour and it's it's it's for people who like aren't from here or whatever but we went on it because we thought it'd be a bit of fun you know it's like two hours

you go in this boat um and it just sort of goes around the island you just see like the island from like a different perspective yeah there's like the lighthouse there's lots of really nice like houses on the coast there's lots of history and stuff so yeah so sip sent me um the calendar of jersey for christmas he always said to be every year and so over the course of the year i feel like i've done a round trip because it's basically coastal shots of jersey um so i feel like i've taken the tour over the course of the year but carry on um so we're so we're going around and looking at all these places and you get you get to to certain like bays around the island and um you know

they're built up there's like there's other hotels or or or nice big houses you know like multi-million pound houses owned by uh by rich people or whatever and uh and there's this one particular house that used to be owned by uh uh nigel mansell you know they um yeah the the race the race driver saying nigel betzel is like saying my british childhood yeah like so anyway he so he used to live over here and his mustache he moved uh he moved he moved away a couple of years ago and he sold his house for like 15 million or something like that it's this beautiful like old house uh and it's just like right on the coast it's got its own like slipway on the beach

and everything it's it's really really nice right and um so somebody somebody obviously bought it and um and and added like it's not like an extension but it looks like it's a whole new building but it's on the grounds of the house um but it's like not at all like the original house right like the original house looks like it like a kind of like a really nice old like like victorian house or something you know like that like these old like estate houses that you get like across england or whatever it's kind of like that and then the new building like right next to it is this just like it's it's all black and it just looks like something out of the future or whatever. But it really doesn't match with what's there already.

And it looks like a little bit garish, like on the coastline or whatever. So the guy doing the tour was like, you know, oh, it's a shame. It looks nice enough, but it's not really with keeping with the theme of the coast and stuff like that. And I just sort of, my wife and I looked at each other. And it was one of those where it's just like, yeah, well, I guess you just can do whatever you like when you have like, you know, 20 million. Nobody's going to say shit to you, right? Like, if you want to like paint your house pink, you have to fucking sign a million forms and get it through planning and bylaws and this and that and the other. forms and get it through planning and bylaws and this and that and the other um but when you have like fucking 50 million and you own a house on the coast whatever do what you like you could

build some of those grand designs you can just big black fucking go for it yeah i i i honestly think like they probably were like this kind of modern cool design but i prefer the ones that blend in like you see a lot in um scandinavia they're very much like we want to build something that's hidden you know so it doesn't spoil that view of the landscape i like i like stuff like that and i like old stuff as well you know like i i like that sort of like you know like the traditional romanesque pillars no not so not so much that it's more like you know like if you go out into into like the like the english countryside or whatever like i i don't know i feel like i feel like those sort of like

traditional country looking houses uh like fit fit perfectly in that setting right like you don't you don't you don't tend to go out there and just see like uh in the middle of a field like uh like a five story high rise flats that look like they were built in the 80s exactly yeah you know what i mean like i i feel like i don't know i feel like i prefer that no i agree you're expecting a country house and if you see one sure yeah it's like it's like if you're building a house in um in bath you have to sort of make sure it fits in with their bar stone kind of style which is which is fair enough right like they want they you know they want to keep like a certain aesthetic to the area and stuff like there's a lot of laws about that um but i assume

around the back of this sort of place maybe because it could only really be seen from the sea it's maybe a problem but i don't know i just i feel like it i feel like probably somebody turned up and said and we're not really sure you could do this and they just said well i've got here's 70 million and they're like yeah okay go for it you know like it's just i don't think there was like really much convincing there like even though i don't know if you go on uh those property websites like i like to browse around them sometimes and think man let me see some some houses oh my god it's it's it's not just you this is a thing which millions of people are addicted to of course like houses it's because of these property shows and stuff like people are obsessed

with like property porn or whatever it is it's just interesting but the ones i like to look at are the the ones that are really dilapidated and would obviously cost millions to put right but which are huge pads with massive tracks of lands but it's kind of like the house in the money pit you know what i mean it's like falling apart you know that if you step on oh no don't use those stairs it's like you know it's like that um it's just like falling into this repair those are always very cheap but i think you'd have to be minted to turn those out. And then you see these houses that are obviously incredibly wealthy people live there, but it doesn't look like they live indoors because everything is just so, and I know they've done it for the pictures, but at the same time, there's

no element of humanity in the building. All these rooms are perfectly beautifully furnished, but you don't get the impression anybody actually lives there, which is kind of sad. But my other favorite thing is, and there are a bunch of Twitter accounts that do this and Instagram posts, terrible properties, mainly in London, that are very high priced. And one that was doing around a couple of days ago was a flat in London somewhere and it's like £800 a month and it's all one room and you've got the bed is raised up as sort of raised bed over the toilet, which is just a little tiny, like so narrow you would just be like your shoulders would have to be in to sit on the toilet, which is under your bed.

Right. And then you've got the sofa opposite that, looking at the bed. And then to the side of the bed, there's the kitchenette, which looks like it's so narrow you couldn't really open the oven door. Everything would have to be at an angle that you did in the kitchen. And there's a shower in there. This is like claustrophobia porn, though. It just makes you uncomfortable.

It's like a horror movie. Some people probably really like that. Well, some people are like, I'm very lazy, so this would be perfect for me. But there's a shower next to the sofa. So you're on the sofa and there's the shower cubicle to your right. That's the shower. And then there's one window. And I just thought, £800.

People must be renting these properties. If you are living in a box room, please do tell us. I'd love to know more. It's fascinating to me, the situations that people find themselves in but obviously you must have been to visit it and thought yeah this will do in which case what were the other ones you'd look like what was so much worse about them I would hope this box room is in a fabulous area because at least that might make it reasonable but for instance you couldn't bring anyone back to your house there's nowhere to turn around the bed didn't really look like I would trust it to support two people.

So I don't know if you're going to get lucky at all, but it just shocks me that people are living this way. I think people are often forced to. Yeah, no, of course. Because they don't have time. They've run out of time. Or maybe they've not moved a long way and not had a chance to look at it. No, these are always young people and nowadays instead of like my dad bought his first house in london when his first job he got a mortgage and it was like three thousand pounds or something for this house and at the time that was like three thousand pounds and it was like he bought it because you just turned up at the bank and put down a very small deposit and they were like yeah you earn this much a year here's a mortgage and there were loads of properties yeah this much a year here's a mortgage

and there were loads of properties yeah whereas now it's like there's fuck all places to buy uh that are cheap you see all these new developments going up in london um and i mean you see them they build these huge tower blocks and there's always pictures a new place to live in the sky seems like something yeah most of them are sold to people who don't even yeah it's all companies buy them foreigners foreigners buy them. So where the fuck do people live? Now they have to live in a box room and they have to sleep above a toilet. Like that's what we've been reduced to.

So maybe when I was saying that the lives of modern people are better than that of medieval serfs, maybe we haven't changed at all. But maybe we will because maybe people are going to flee the cities in this in this post-coronavirus world where people could work from home i don't know maybe it's an opportunity for people to to kind of you know apparently i've i've read all these articles saying that that would be dreadful and that we how dare we because what about the sandwich makers and i'm thinking you know what i think people would love to be able to actually fucking buy a house you fuckers should have seen this coming maybe if you hadn't just allowed uh chinese companies to build tower blocks everywhere and sell it to

russian lads uh people would have someone i mean property no matter where if if you're anywhere near a city um it's expensive and then the further out you go um property is expensive because there's more land involved in and stuff like that so it's really not like uh and it's the commuting cost dude there's no there's no there's no real way around it you know what i mean so i think a lot of people opt for well i'm just going to live in the city because it's closer to everything and whatever and um and then the compromise they have to make is that they have to live in a small place because they have to live in a box this isn't a small place fucking this is not just a small place all right this is this is a cell for £800 a month.

Yeah. No, but it's like that everywhere now. It's just the way things are going. And people who are growing up now and thinking of leaving home for the first time, and that's a thing, right? The first place I ever moved into is a bed sit and even my bed sit that i lived in i rented at the time is bigger than most modern flats and it's like it's crazy to think like when you go into you you ever been into like one of those new build houses like they those estates yeah they're not building for for the modern human

i think no no of course not i think evil human yeah it's very very minimalist but it i i'm always amazed like we like you walk through if you walk through like um if you walk through an estate or if you walk through like um you know like uh like a building development or whatever and uh on a hot day when people's windows are all open and stuff and you can kind of see inside their houses i'm always fucking amazed by how much shit people have like up to the fucking rafters you know they've got like because there's not as much space they've just got all these shelves everywhere with crap all over them and it's just like all right i looked at this really nice expensive flat over in new development in bristol when i was looking for places.

And I'm sure I've told this before, but it looked quite nice, really nice. And I just thought the rooms are a bit small and it's a little bit small. And then I realized that the way they decorated it, you see, almost like furnished it. But they hadn't put certain things in. There were no wardrobes in the bedroom. And I just thought, like, it looks roomy. It it looks like a nice bedroom but then i just realized where where would i put my stuff yeah they don't build wardrobes anymore like like old houses used to factor them in right like they were part of the room they were built in and that and that was fine you have to

like a fold out bed and every time you want to get some clothes out you have to yeah or like go to sleep on a futon or something like here's the future lads we don't have clothes what we have is a paper suit that is printed for you by a 3d printer that prints with recycled materials every morning so at the end of the day you take you rip off your paper suit put it in the recycling thing and the next morning it prints your your clothes for the day your new one and then you go off to work at the uh as sips love to say at the box factory or whatever they have stapler factory or the uh so yeah you go off there that's the future people won't have room for clothes and possessions yeah yes robo boss i'll work harder get back to work stop shirking tina you've been

on break for five minutes too long get back to work work. Robo Boss, I had a bet with Tina that I was going to eat a cow pat. And so I dissolved a cow pat up in my vitamin paste juice that's supplied by the company and I drank it. And she won't pay me the five pounds, Robo Boss. Well, Robo Boss will confer with the super AI that runs the world. This is taking some time. Quite the debate. Yes, you must pay her the five chromons. That's the currency then.

Okay, RoboBoss. I like the idea of minimalist living and the aesthetic of it and everything as well, but I just don't know. I feel like it's difficult, right? I feel like we're difficult right i feel like i feel like we're definitely of a generation where you had stuff um and i feel like up and coming generations will still have stuff but there's a lot more sort of focus on on services right yeah well you got people like mary condo telling you to chuck everything out yeah well and that's because like you don't need that much stuff anymore you know like i remember to tell me who's she to tell me what i can't have

when i i've got my comics and my books and my even my fucking dvds yeah when i moved out i had books and i had dvds and stuff that i wanted to have i wanted to bring with me but like you don't really need any of that shit anymore right i tell I tell you what, I want it. Most stuff is streamed. Most stuff, books and shit like that, you can just read it on a device or something like that. There's a lot of stuff that's been digitized, right? I went to a place that was full of tat, right? So it was a hotel and you went in the entrance and it had a glass cabinet of those paperweights,

you know, those glass or paperweights that have like a little flower in them or a little space design or something like that. And those things I consider to be expensive tat right that people have around their house you might they might have a couple but they were like 20 in this case and i feel like the person who owned the hotel or something had had a collection of these right the other thing that was up so you went up a level and then on the next floor there was another load of tat all over the walls and it was like um those ledoc um sort of i think they're called ledoc like like sculptures

of a sort of a blue dressed woman kind of holding a candle or something like that you know like that that kind of cheap they all like all those paperweights are about 40 or 50 quid you know and those they're kind of tat and you pick them up. But they're not collectible in a sense that you need a lot of space for them. But they are collectible in a sense that you can build up a collection of them if you feel like it. And there's that Le Doc sort of sculptures. And I'm sure I know people who have one or two. My nan, I think, had a couple in her cupboards or cabinets.

You know, it's almost like you get a cabinet and you think, well, what should I put in here or this this thing i bought when i was on holiday at hun stanton or whatever and i went to the front and they had a glass shop and they sold me a dolphin shaped bit of glass or some dumb shit you know like it was the whole hotel was full of tat that was cost between in in the restaurant they had all the walls were these old um apothecary bottles you know they looked like they picked them up in a box at a car boot sale you know because and one of the walls next to where we were eating was all full of toxic ones it was like poison you know it was like warning you know dangerous like stuff like this i was just like this is kind of like shit i just hated it i just didn't think it was

nice and i can see why it's all been dumped in this sort of hotel because it's sort of that's the kind of place that you want to decorate with this sort of stuff i don't know if you do though i mean i i feel like i don't know get get that shit ordinarily like it's crap it's like but it's not worthless crap it's not like bin crap It's like crap that's kind of worth a little bit. It's almost like too much hassle to sell on eBay. Because each of those Lidox or whatever pottery sculptures, maybe you'll get like 20 quid for, but you'll have to spend 20 quid to ship the damn thing to someone.

And so they're all like that. I feel like it's like stuff that's just too valuable to throw away. So you keep it. And it's sort of, you always end up with loads of that, you know, like old phones or old consoles. It's like stuff that you paid decent money for

and you can't bring yourself to throw it away. But no sort of charity shop will accept it. And it's too much faff to like sell it. I don't know. Sometimes you can take it to much faff to like sell it i don't know sometimes you can take up the cash covers or whatever but i don't know like do you know i mean like you they're the stuff that people build up i think and just end up holding on to i suppose one of the reasons i i have things i'm just interestingly enough i just got an email from google giving me my google timeline for the last you know it's just updating me hey you can check out where you've been oh uh in the middle of july six months in the middle of july there was a week where i i didn't leave the house for four out of five days i just stayed home

nice i didn't move uh and then i'll randomly yeah i know and then they'll randomly be me going into twickenham or pop into richmond going into town. But then for the most part, not really leaving the house. Like at all. Yeah. It's pretty cool. It makes me very happy to see. Oh, there was when I went out in London. I remember that.

Yeah, I went to the club. Back in 1923. Back in July. I don't have a lot of shit. Most of my shit, I have a computer. I have a desk with a computer, screens and stuff like that, which I use for streaming and whatever. It's also my hobby.

Your kids have a lot of shit. My kids, yeah. My house, I'd say 95% of the stuff in my house is my kids' stuff. Oh, yeah, for real. They have a lot of shit. They have so much crap. It's crazy, yeah. the stuff in my house is my kids stuff oh yeah a lot of shit so much crap crazy yeah but uh but me and my wife aren't aren't very uh we're not really like we don't have stuff you know what

i mean we don't we don't collect anything there's nowhere to put it well i mean we could find even if you wanted to put it but it's just we just never have been like that we've never really collected anything you said that your garage was full of stuff it's full of stuff but it's just like outside stuff you know like kids it's like the air fryer and stuff that you think you might use there's a couple bits and pieces no longer in regular use no no the the air fryer is in a lot we we use it i'd say like two three times a week it's great oh shit we are air frying like crazy well i was i was gonna one, but I thought that you never used yours. No, no, they're good. They're really good.

We got this juicer recently as well, but it's like, it's not a smoothie maker. It's like a full on juicer. So like, for example, you put an apple in to this thing and it will juice it and just get rid of all the stuff. But you don't need to like prepare it in any way literally just drop the apple in with the stem everything and this this thing will just get rid of all the crap it will just molt you'll get like a brown and you'll get some juice out of it um but it's nice because it retains like a lot of like the the good shit that you'd you'd want from the apple as well but just makes it into a juice form but it's quite

nice because so you can make like mixes and stuff so you can put it's good for the kids you put an orange in there but the nice thing about it is that it's really easy to clean and it's really easy to take apart and put back together again so it's like uh and we have an apple tree so this year we want to um not waste a ton of apples So we want to actually like, like normally we eat them, but there's so many that we can't eat all of them and inevitably they go bad. Make some cider. Well, I want to make some cider. Yeah.

But in the meantime, because I'm not really ready to make cider just yet, we're going to, we're going to juice them up. What's holding you back from your cider making dream? Laziness. Just sheer 100% laziness. Also, how much, you've got one? How much? I know where you live,

and I didn't even know you had an apple, could fit an apple tree in there. And how many apples are you getting off of it? Like, also, you don't get that much juice off of an apple when you go through the juice. You get like a quarter of a glass, maybe? There's so many apples. You wouldn't believe it. Like, yeah, the value you get from one apple tree is immense.

Just one tree can produce so much fruit. I might have to get myself one of them as well. Speaking of oven appliances, my oven, my kitchen appliances, my oven broke last week. Is it electric? No, we won it in a competition. Just when we were having the kitchen redone, Mrs. F used to enter a lot of online competitions.

Right. And a lot of them don't have a huge number of entrants. And if you enter enough of them, you have a huge number of entrants and if you enter enough of them most people are scared right so there is like this subreddit of people who do this sort of stuff yeah there's a bunch of people who who yeah just subscribe so she won an oven and the oven was delivered to your house and at no point you thought hang on these people are here to kill me or this is a scam or this is i know but i know but like i mean the day and age we live in now i mean we we had we we we had a

thing we had a warning the other day that somebody was pretending to be from the electric company and he was like you know forcing his way into houses and stuff anyone comes to your house yeah and you think they're there to kill you yeah what are you in witness protection no no but i just don't i i'm just you've been living on the island for too long you've got island mentality if if i don't know them they might be an assassin my lord no look i'm not saying that i'm like losing my shit every time but there would be some small part of me at the back of my mind saying i wonder how legit this is is that you i wonder i wonder if these people are who they say they are you know what i mean

like look here's the thing if it's a if it's a if it's a competition run by smeg the oven makers right and you enter it through their website yeah and then they deliver you a seven burner smeg oven that would cost thousands of pounds yeah i think I think it's pretty much legit. Right. And this was four years ago. It was as we were getting the kitchen redone. She won this competition. They were like, where do you want the oven? She was like, holy shit, like, can you wait, like a couple of weeks? So I guess so they held on to it, we had to redesign things to fit this thing in. It's huge. Like there's no way we would have ever bought an oven this big. If we literally want it. We got super lucky. And it broke for the first time.

So four years of everyday use. Finally, the element, the filament at the back gave up. And it's basically, it looks like, you know, inside an electric kettle, you've got that big ring. Yeah. It just gets really hot. It's literally one of those. And then a fan blows that air. Yeah. Well, you could just get that replaced easy.

Right. So the guy turns up, Anton. Well, you could just get that replaced easy, right? Right. So the guy turns up, Anton. He says, this oven, sometimes you have to get behind them to fix them. If so, the big oven is going to be tricky. I was like, well, let's hope. And he's fiddling around with the screwdriver.

And he turns to me and goes, we are in luck, my friend. We can do it from this side. I was like, great. And he pulls out the element. And he holds it up. He goes, he tests it with a little electrical thing. And he goes, your element is broken. And I went, oh, that's a shame. And he pulls out the element and he holds it up. He goes, he tests it with a little electrical thing. And he goes, your element is broken. And I went, oh, that's a shame.

And he goes, why? And I thought, well, it's apparent. It's a shame because now I have to buy a new element. Like, I think he thought when I said that's a shame. Is that when he pulled the gun out and he said, where do you keep the jewelry in your house? This is the real shame, Mr. Forsythe. Where is your safe safe this smeg company

you know too much i have come from the russian spy house i just did it was weird when i said i asked a shame he went his question was why i was like well because it's broken i was like no but it's you've said that's a shame is in a just a generic response manner though you're you weren't you didn't mean anything by it. You knew it was broken. I didn't mean that I had some kind of attachment to the element at the back of the oven that was like, you know, it has sentimental value or something like that.

I just, it was just thrown out. That's a shame. Yours was, it was just a platitude or whatever. You were just like saying, you just had a generic response because... But he, obviously, English not being his first language, and I guess he was bulgarian he was like why is that shame and i was like i don't really have the time to explain that it is

an animal object we don't cry about it we don't have funeral for it and bury it in garden just of an elder why are you so sad about heating filament yeah i think i guess it was like i'd said in his mind i'd said oh well looks like the world's over then the life has lost all meaning man how great would it have been though if you were like that's a shame head bowed low and then all of a sudden my heart will go on by celine dion just starts playing like in the background like on the radio yeah as you're remembering the the element that burst inside your your oven and this bulgarian guy is just 30 days left to retire what the fuck i was wondering i love that yeah that's that's so that's the story is it that's it now it's not it's not exciting you replaced it that's that's great so wait this so this oven your smeg

has seven burners on it yeah yeah seven fuck and two ovens and then it's got a grill and it's got a a bit where you keep we just got the standard four but honestly uh the place i used to live before we bought our house um we lived in an apartment that was hooked up to uh we had a gas combi boiler and then uh because we had the gas line we also had a gas oven and uh holy shit man gas ovens are the fucking best like you get so much like heat control and the food just tastes better and like i i wish i could get gas like hooked up to my house we could get a gas oven again what are you talking about you're the guy who doesn't want to have a microwave because you think it's going to irradiate you don't want fucking gas piping running through your fucking house that's like that's like number one like

like thing that i'd get rid of yeah that's like that's exactly what i'd expect a filthy microwave lover to say about gas just another another big scam by big microwave oh i live out of that microwave baby i don't need yeah i bet you do i bet you know what one time we we won a holiday while we were on holiday. Like we were on holiday. How are you winning all this stuff? Dude, I'm telling you. Mrs. F's old job used to involve a lot less actual sort of like,

like now her job is much more involved. Yeah, no, literally. It was a lot of progress buzz. Right. So she would just enter competitions all day long? Yeah. Yeah. She just entered.

And we won loads of stuff. If she ever gets a job where she's not doing much can you enter me and lewis into these competitions alongside you as well because like yeah we could stand to win big all three of us because it's a lot of fucking work though it's actually a lot of fucking work entering all these competitions you have to enter like you have to enter like hundreds of competitions in order to win one weird thing right and you'll end up winning like a year's supply of toilet paper or something

well we won a meal at a Michelin starred restaurant right I would not trust that one either that would be why I don't know

what are you talking about I just wouldn't trust it what is there not to trust this is what I don't understand I don't know what is there not to trust these guys don't belong here. They got a free meal of the competition.

Was it just like a voucher or something? No, it was like arranged with the restaurant. So they made a booking. What, like a certain time and everything? Yes, they said, when do you want to make a booking? We told them. It was for four people. They booked it.

They said, this is the budget. So basically what you're saying to me is the hitman knows exactly where you're going to be at the exact time that you're going to be there and stuff. You're crazy, Flax. You're going to get yourself killed one of these days. Do you think we live in some dystopian nightmare hell where people are just like corporate assassins waiting around behind, hiding behind the veil of competitions? Yeah, you better watch out. Why wouldn't they just kill me?

You know, they're going to bring you the pepper pot and say more pepper sir and then it's gonna be fucking Novigrad gas or whatever the fuck sprayed on you you're gonna get oh sorry sir I grounded it

into your eyes yeah oh oh I'm strangling you sorry because I knew exactly that you were gonna be here at this exact time

because of our scam free meal that we used to lure in but they also presumably would know where i live because you have to put those details into the website when you enter the competition oh my god you enter your personal information into these as well you have to oh my god but i mean all she did was she used a hotmail account that was her competition account and invented all these all right that

that's a game changer then no she, because it's- She had a burner account for entering competitions? Yes, purely because that's the- Here's the thing. Fuck. They don't- It's not a promotional thing. What you need is a PO box as well so that you don't have to put in your actual address

and you have the perfect setup for entering competitions. You are so paranoid. Where has this come from? You don't live in downtown El Salvador or somewhere. You're not surrounded by murderers and kidnapers. You live in Jersey. It's like super low crime, super safe. know but this is this is change on a dime yeah you got to be ready I feel like I feel like I'm like uh like a modern day prepper

I'm preparing for preparing for what some dystopian someone to turn up with something you've won in a competition it's happening honey get the bags and the gun oh man oh god no i'm just i don't know i just think it's important to stay safe online you know what i mean like you never know who's out there trying to scam you're worried about everyone stealing your data but you know if you'll give sign up to every single competition you've already given it away once how many times can you give it away i think that's literally it's literally these companies do this I thought there would be someone when we won the Peroni. It was sponsored by Peroni. That was this meal at this Italian restaurant.

I think it was Marco Pier White's restaurant. And I thought the Peroni people would be there to like shake our hand and take our picture and be like, I don't know why I had that vision. But they don't give a shit. They just want your emails. So is it one of those situations where you won a like a basically a meal ticket at a very fancy restaurant you turn up and people who normally go to those restaurant and pay a lot of money to like be there and they're high class high high

falutin tootin um you know high you know bank types or whatever did you guys feel like really out of place when you turned up did you feel like because i'm not cletus from the simpsons you know it's like that like that it's like that we go we will today ma look they've got you are you're a medieval it's like that episode of keeping up appearances where hyacinth and um her husband go on that luxury cruise but then onslow and his wife uh daisy win uh a competition and they they're in the same class and the whole time she's like she can't fucking believe it because onslow's just like strolling around and his wife beat her and he's making best friends with the captain and stuff oh fuck i've never watched that show you never watch it it's hilarious it's so good it's like a it's like a total boomer show but it's hilarious though that really is that's that and the golden real

real boomer stuff right there that's keeping up appearances it's it's just funny because it's about this like uh middle class suburban woman who thinks she's like elite upper class um and then but it's hyacinth bucket but she says bouquet yeah yeah and she looks down on her on her brother-in-law uh onslow who is just like uh you know like a straight up northern working class man you know he's got like a fucking in a string vest junked out car in his front yard he lives on a like on an estate and stuff but things always just like uh go their way somehow you know like this episode in particular where they win like this five-star luxury cruise that like you know her whole calendar year has been leading up to her and her and richard are going on this uh you know

high luxury cruise or whatever and then you know this guy just fucking lucks out yeah wins a ticket well that's it you gotta if you can't win it if you ain't in it. That's my motto. It's a funny situation, but it just like it's... Yeah, that's our 90s TV recommendation. Yeah, there you go. If you're ever looking for stuff. If you're scraping the barrel of Netflix and whatever.

That's a barrel. Yeah, let's see. I'm sure Netflix will carry keeping up. It's kind of the same era as... One Foot in the Grave. That fucking Victor Meldrum show. One Foot in the Grave. That fucking Victor Meldrum show. One Foot in the Grave is a great show, man. One Foot in the Grave.

I won't hear a word against it. That is a classic. That is a classic. The episode where he goes to answer the phone and he picks up the Dachshund. Hello? Oh, my goodness. Well, I love that.

I do believe it. Like, constantly. I do believe it. Oh constantly. Do you believe it? Oh my God. We sound like the biggest boomers right now. That's a great show. This is a great conversation. This is something you could share with the older generation.

Do you remember that episode of Father Ted where they see Victor Mildrew at the caves or whatever? Hey, Dougal, it's your man. What if I went up to him and said, I don't believe it. You should totally do that, Ted. I bet he'd love it. Yeah, I love that. And then he has a fight in the car park with Victor Meljoo. Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, man, that's so funny. See, if you don't know that show, I don't know the character of Victor Meljoo. Like, he seems like such a nice guy, the actor. Like, he seems like a nice guy. He always reminds me of Junior Soprano. Like, just like that crusty old like fucking grumpy man you know like it's hey i don't believe it don't he that kid's got some moxie considering his size what's that other fucking terrible 90s show with those three

old men who would sort of have these sort of boyish adventures out in english that was uh last of the summer last of the summer of wine yes i can't handle that what a terrible like old 90s sitcom you know what got me about those those 90s sitcoms is the the audience was always much much older like you could hear the audience was like old people and they would always howl with laughter at every situation like oh he's going down the road it was inevitably i'm pretty sure every episode ended with someone in something that was on a runaway thing down a hill yeah right like it was like they're in a shopping trolley yeah or a go-kart or something and they're like out of control and they're going oh buy it josh

looks like we're gonna hit that cart full of dung you know and the audience is going they just can't believe it i'm like you saw this last week you fucking idiots yeah i reckon the laughter was canned it's like um it's like that it's like extras like um you know the show with his catchphrase and stuff like that yeah he makes a lot of fun of that sort of uh style of tv doesn't he yeah and that i think last of the summer wine is like uh is like a perfect example of that right i don't know if it was was it was it uh catch phrases it seemed to be just like a bunch of old farts yeah i think that i think there was like some catch phrases but i think you had to be i think you had to watch them to know them yeah well it was it sort of had these old boys in it and i think they sort of gradually died one by one and they kept replacing them like dr who yeah yeah it wasn't

wasn't uh what's his face from fucking um fools and horses in it at one point or did he have a spin-off series boyce was in it i think or either that or boyce got a spin-off series off the back of fools and horses there's such a lot of this old it's kind of like warm it's kind of like a warm blanket david jason sitcom tv frost do you mean david jason was in a show called frost that's why i got confused right oh yeah that was that was the detective show that yeah you know we always watched on a it was always it was always i think it was it was on at a time when my parents watched it and i was just a bit too young. Wait, he wasn't in a show called Frost.

Man, there's this one scene. A touch of Frost. Fools and Horses is one of those shows where it doesn't translate outside of the UK, right? Like it would never get. I would assume not. You'd never get it. You'd never see it in North America or anything.

Like I certainly never remembered it being on TV or seeing it before i moved over here when i moved over here um it used to be on like uk tv gold and shit all the time so like i i've pretty much i think seen like almost every episode of that show just from it being on at various times like during lunch hours or whatever but man there's the always this one scene that every time i see it in that show uh makes me laugh and it's fucking it's that episode where like um you know um you know rodney's like driving down a road really fast and um i think is it is it trigger is it is it trig trigger was that guy he's the he's the stupid one. The guy that always calls him Dave.

Yeah, yeah. He's outside like, I don't know, sweeping a driveway or something and the car runs over his broom and he turns around and goes, easy there, Dave. It's just like the whole fucking thing. It's so fucking stupid.

It kills me every fucking time. You're going to be a wonderful old man. It kills me every time. I don't know what it is about the scene, but it's just perfect. I don't know why, but it's just so fucking funny. Go watch some 90s TV, guys,

if you haven't watched it. Because some of it is garbage. But I'm sure there's probably like an IMDB ratings graph. And some of the episodes are probably amazing. Father Ted, keeping up appearances and some of the episodes are probably amazing but Father Ted keeping up appearances

last of the summer wine Frasier Frasier's still top of my recommendations that's a great show you can't go wrong with Frasier for sure

alright thanks everyone thank you we love you see you next week we love you bye goodbye