Triforce! - Triforce! #68: Sips' Steady Growth

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

Triforce! Episode 68! Dangerous dogs, Fallout 76, exciting new games, terrible old board games and mmm, steady growth!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Triforce podcast. Coming at you with Piranflax's holiday hotel room, I guess. Where are you, Piranflax? Yeah hotel room i guess where are you well yeah we're on the road again everybody well one of us is anyway on the road one one of us is on the road yeah you're piped in you're you're in you're not in the road you're in you're in a bedroom where whereabouts whereabouts are you are you on holiday i am in mersey island oh you're the essex coastline god you're so so close you missed me just by like a couple of letters. You could have come to Jersey Island instead of Mersey Island for your vacation. That would have been fun.

It would have been way better. It would have been way better, yeah. I don't know why we chose Mersey Island, but it's actually really nice. And we've never been here before. We've done a lot of holidays in Kent because we can just drive there. Yeah. It's easier with the can just drive there. Yeah. It's easier with the kids and all that. Sure.

And we take my mum away because she's on her own. She doesn't get away much. So I can pick her up in Bournemouth. You've taken her away? To where? Well, on holiday with us. Oh, I see. They haven't taken her away, sadly.

Sadly. But she's also, she's got this dog now. This dog has given me more stress than any animal has any right to over the last couple of weeks. This fucking dog is the worst dog I've ever met. I swear to God. Did you recommend to me Friday night dinner? Yes.

Because I watched all of that on Netflix the other day. It's great. Horrible grandma and her dog. Man, so I'm getting the vibe of that from your mom. She wanted a dog to keep her company, which is fine. So she got this animal. It's a rescue dog, but it's not rescue as in it was being beaten by evil people. It's just that it didn't have a home, right?

It was a rescuer, and now it can't stop rescuing people, even when they don't need to be rescued. It can't help itself. It's throwing itself into the sea to rescue swimmers. But anyway, so this dog, his name is Chewbacca, right? even when they don't need to be rescued. It just can't help itself. It's throwing itself into the sea to rescue swimmers. Yeah. But anyway, so this dog, his name is Chewbacca, right? So we have to call him Chewy.

Right. Because that's what the previous owners named him. So he's called Chewy, which is kind of ridiculous. Yes. And he's like a tiny ball of fluff because he's half Pomeranian and he's half Jack Russell. Right. And he's all nightmare, would be the tagline on a movie. So he's very stupid.

He is very stupid. He's completely disobedient. He has bitten me multiple times. He lunges at you, barking and snout, growling. And it's not even predictable. So you'll be walking along and he'll look at you, no problem. Another time you'll walk in the exact same way. this time he'll go run at your feet um he lunges at the children but then at other times he like loves them and follows them around the house like a pet so

he's extremely unpredictable and that's what i don't like like normally i i know so-and-so dog doesn't like it when you touch them okay then we don't touch the dog and we're fine or you know and you just think that's not to me that's not a pet like if you have to say oh don't touch the pet i'm like what what is this thing you're just sharing a house with an asshole at this point but anyway it's like an it technician's worst problem it's a thing that you say yeah this thing is happening and then when you show it to them they're like oh it's not happening anymore it's like it's like an intermittent yes you just summed up my entire relationship with cats. That's how I feel about cats.

I didn't know what you were going to say there. I thought you said with my wife. Yeah, that sounds like me and my wife. No, cats I find are the same. They're super unpredictable. You never know what they're thinking or what they're going to do. And then, you know, randomly they just turn up with like a fresh kill they just start like chewing on like in the middle of the living room and stuff and i don't know how anyone has time for cats honestly yeah i think it's because they

they play hard to get right so you're constantly trying to trying to get their attention because once you get it it's quite rewarding yeah they also they're so low effort pets like you don't really need to do anything yeah so it's it suits people who don't really want responsibilities or have enough responsibilities and just want a nice looking thing as an ornament around the house i mean i don't understand people's tweeting about their cats and posting facebook pictures of their cats all all that. Yeah. Come on, man. The worst is people who already have kids and then they have pets at the same time. You just think, wow, why give yourself more work on top of already a lot of work? Well, yeah, but cats are zero work.

Like you just put food out for them now and again, and that's pretty much it. And that's all it takes. It's very, very low effort. But this dog is awful. We brought it on holiday with us. It's here now. So my mom is fucked up. Is it looking at you right now? It's looking, very low effort. But this dog is awful. We brought it on holiday with us. It's here now. Uh-oh. So my mum has popped out.

Is it looking at you right now? It's looking at me. It's forcing you to say things. What do I do, Ray? Yeah, he's going to... It's just terrifying. He's going to lunge at you. He's got a gun to your head.

Well, I mean, it's so tiny, though. So is it a Jack-Iranian? Is that what it's called? God knows. It's a fucking idiot, is what it is. Or a Pomerussel. It's a fucking idiot is what it is. Or a Palmer Russell. It's a new breed. New breed.

Fucking idiot. Iranian. We got a brand new breed in stock today, boys and girls. This one's called a fucking idiot. Won't shit on your carpet that much. It is at least toilet trained. Oh, that's good. But we brought it.

My mum, I went to Birmingham for the Dota Major, right? Oh, yeah. how was that? It was good. It was very good. There were some issues, but they were not related to the fact that this was in Birmingham. The issues were the tournament structure was poorly designed at the last minute to squeeze a bunch of games and teams into a very short tournament. It was very strange. A lot of the best teams got knocked out very early on so teams that people really wanted to see were out before the main stage even happened wow wow so that was kind of fucked up and then it was only there were only

two best of threes a day on the main stage which was also very strange because normally you'd have like a much longer day with more games so we didn't start till like 2 p.m was when this yeah so we got up at like i got up whenever call time was like nearly midday we'd roll in you have lunch and then you're basically waiting around till 2 p.m it was crazy and we'd be done by six or seven so i mean from a purely lazy bastard point of view best event ever right then there's hardly any work but uh it was it was weird so the arena birmingham where they had it was actually a decent venue but it was incredibly hot and the screens that they had were incredibly small so if you're sat in the arena it's huge arena the screens were so small that you would actually barely be able to see what was going on right but somehow the uk

crowd was incredibly hyped very funny like their banners were very funny they got like football style chants going yeah it was really funny and they all loved to drink and when you were wandering around the arena everyone was really really polite and nice and cool so it was it was uh it was very very good and i'm very happy and birmingham was a great place to go out in if you don't mind it a bit rough and ready yeah um it's it's great crack so we went out like after the event they beat you out of the arena and you're straight in the middle of town and you're just going out for dinner with your mates and a drink and stuff so that was fun

nice yeah so how did this relate to your dog good question oh yeah no i remember so while i was away my mom was up looking after the kids so basically the dog's been up living with us for a week. And the moment it got in the house, like I went and got her and drove her up. And I was like, all right, we're gonna let the dog in. I don't know what the cat's response to the dog is going to be, but it's probably going to be negative. So the dog comes in, he's looking around, he sees the cat, he pauses for like a fraction of a second, and then just makes a beeline straight out of barking and growling. and she like defends herself as best she can she's like smacking him with a paw he doesn't care like he he doesn't he's not like most dogs when they when they get swiped from the cat they're like oh and they sort

of freak out and they're terrified of the cat yeah not so with this dog this dog was just like following and chasing a snap of the heels like he was not going to quit so she was like fuck this and she left and then she crept back in and he saw her again, freezes for like a picosecond and then bolt like a bullet. He's at her. She's like swiping and swiping and swiping, doing her best. And she's like an old cat, but she was putting up a hell of a fight. But I thought he's going to kill her.

So she was like, fuck this. And she left again. And we've probably seen that she basically moved out. And in the evening she creeps back in. And if he's not downstairs, she'll sleep sleep downstairs but i'm thinking this is her house and this motherfucking mutt has turned up and he's ruining it and no it doesn't matter if we're screaming at him shouting i'm throwing stuff at him spraying water on him he doesn't give a shit so you're trying to keep this dog off the cat right well no i'm trying to get him used to the fact that there is a cat here and

she lives here and he should not fucking chase her right right like eventually he'll get there like he has a cat in his house so my mom's had this dog for a few months now and he still goes for this cat like even now this is weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks no matter how much he's screaming him he he just it doesn't matter he still goes for it so he's like zero respect for the human voice so i've been shouting at this fucking dog trying to get him to actually listen and he's maybe getting there now or if you shout at him loud enough he's like oh you're angry about that oh okay i'll maybe consider that you know it's like there's no obedience at all because he's had four owners in like two years so he's got no respect for authority if you like um and i think

he thinks he's in charge uh so it's going to take months to break this animal but but he will be broken they can all be broken he will break he will bend the knee he will bend the knee john snow so what i love the how you're just watching this this sort of weird relationship happen so what does the cat do does it just go out into the neighborhood and like go to the pub she lives in the back i mean she's not a wandering cat she's not so we've got a shed that our neighbors shed out the back and she basically lives on top of there and you know creeps in occasionally i mean i'm sure she's found some other house where they'll feed her but she's a very sweet cat and she really is and i don't even like cats but i don't like her but she's a nice enough cat you know and i guess she's but I don't like her. But she's a nice enough cat, you know.

And I guess she's getting by. I don't like her, but I respect her as a cat. I do. Exactly. I do respect her. I don't like cats, but as cats go, she's okay. She's respect worthy, yeah. She doesn't scratch the kid's eyes.

No, well, the dog, like we had one of my daughters had a sleepover. And her friend came over, her best friend, very sweet girl, nervous around dogs nervous around dogs moment she comes in what do you think the dog does he's like you guys have played darkest dungeon right yeah yeah so you know the way some of the guys have a move where it's an attack move where they move forward to and sort of stun someone right yeah or put put a bleed effect on them that's what this dog is like like the moment i saw this move it's so consistent it's like a move forward two he like bounces forward two paces and bites like like that it's and i thought this is like a darkest dungeon move because it's so consistent right and he just he just spams it he's just spamming that on on my

daughter's friend no cool down whatsoever yeah just no she's she's screaming her head off and she's terrified wow like she's terrified we're all screaming at this dog to stop and he's just chasing after and i'm like this animal is out of control like i lost my shit with that dog and i you go put him in his cage he's got this stupid gormless cute little face he's like and i'm like how can you not understand that i'm furious with you so i spent the last couple of days anytime he does anything like any minor infraction i'm like the wrath of god on this dog. I'm shouting in his face. I'm like commanding him to get back in his basket and everything. And now he kind of grudgingly respects me.

And I think he understands that I will kick this thing into the middle of next week if it bites one of my kids. I've made that very clear to him. But I've yet to actually strike the dog, which I think that's the worst thing you can do. But I think shouting at him is definitely a worthy cause. Yeah. Oh, God. A verbal laceration. That's all you need.

Yeah. I've seen a proper dog trainer trained the previous dogs we've had never hit a dog. There's absolutely no excuse for it. You can always get by with your voice and your posture and shouting. They respect shouting. I'm sorry, but they do. They're stupid animals. Yeah, you've got to use your deep voice like kids. Kids respond to respect shouting. I'm sorry, but they do. They're stupid animals. Yeah, you got to use your deep voice like kids.

Kids respond to the deep voice as well, right? They do. They can just sense that like, uh-oh, I've crossed the line here. I'm going to have to sort myself out and I have to dust myself off, pick myself up, put my helmet back on and get back in the game.

Oh my God. Tighten the bolts as well while I'm at it too from my point of view like at being allergic to pets i've never really experienced pets right i've never because my mom was always allergic and like asthmatic and stuff when i was two when i was a kid so it was our household was like you know we had we looked after guinea pigs for a bit and some hamsters and some stick and sex escapes in the house and we had some fish, you know, and we, you know, but we never had like cats and dogs kind of sharing. Stick insects in the house, nice. You know, you know how it is, guys.

The normal stuff. We were finding stick insects on the ceiling. You know, the usual. The normal stuff. Yeah. Guinea pigs are good. Guinea pigs are nice pets. Yeah.

Yeah. They don't do much. They just, they just chill. They're scared of everything. They're not like too demanding or anything. They like to eat like all of your extra. All of the healthy stuff that you've got left over. When you're making a lot of veg and you have like scraps and stuff left over,

they love eating it. So it's like works out. They're like little like little recyclers. Yeah, little garbage compactors. I think that's what they used to call them yeah back in uh south america wherever yeah el garbagio compactorino that's uh yeah spanish for guinea pig yeah mini mini compactorino so did you did you guys like how do you guys feel about the other pets right like birds because it's like a bird i don't't like birds. Certainly a bigger bird.

So like a permanent toddler that lives for like 40 or 50 years. Well, like parrots and stuff, I find creepy. Yeah, like a copper toad. I find them really creepy, actually. They creep me right out. They're a bit creepy, I know. But I think that also they look so derpy as well. Spiders?

Yes. No, parrots. Parrots, yeah. Parrots. Mrs. F said the other other day do you want to get a parrot like she was like wouldn't you like one of those big gray birds the ones that are really smart oh i don't know which ones they she means the cockatiel maybe holy crap the thing about those is that birds like they live for a very long time and they can be incredibly annoying

they get super excited too like when when you want them to say something you're like hello and they just look at you yeah and then when you're trying to sleep at night all you hear downstairs hello hello bang bang bang bang hello fuck birds welcome to the triforce podcast we could teach one to just take your place pf-Flax. That would be brilliant. Then when you go away on holiday all the time. My mom's over! My mom's over! I just say the same shit over and over again anyway. Have you noticed that in the comments, people often say that? I'm sure they already talked about this on a previous Triforce podcast.

We do that all the time. It's impossible. I think it's because we just have the same conversation. Don't forget, none of us realize it. Guys, guys, guys, wait. I have something that we've never talked about before on the triforce podcast okay go for it your thoughts and feelings on the new fallout game that's been announced fallout 76 did you guys see the live stream and stuff yes wow it was pretty exciting for those who don't

know bethesda put up a little stand this standby you know that fallout standby on their twitch it was an irl one though it wasn't the same as the fallout 4 one right fallout 4 one was not not on a tv screen in a room somewhere it was just like yeah you know on on your video feed after 16 hours they played a trailer that was a bit cryptic. And I read on Kotaku this morning that apparently a source at Bethesda said that it's going to be not a single-player RPG in the Fallout style. So it's not Fallout 5. No.

It's going to be more like Rust or DayZ, kind of more of an open-world survival open world survival multiplayer type game but with quests and storyline yeah and things to do and and base building um which i can categorically say i am interested in but also worried about apprehensive yeah i'm kind of skeptical about that whole take on it as well i don't know. I guess some people have some info and have leaked some info, possibly. But I don't know. I don't know if it's going to be what people think. It'll have probably some sort of base building elements and stuff,

but I think it's going to have some sort of overview management stuff as well. I get the feeling. I think they said that what would we do if we wanted to make multiplayer fallout and they looked at the terrible failure of um well not necessarily terrible failure but elder scrolls online elder scrolls online is a thing which i have a soft spot for because when we went to gdc um we were like it was pouring with rain we had a meeting with the guys and they had a nice airbnb with really nice food computers and me and turps just sat there dried off and had a beer and it was we played able to squirrels online the new expansion which is coming out next tuesday i think um turps and simon have been doing these

sponsored streams promoting it i think they're doing one next tuesday actually it'll be last tuesday anyway actually technically it'll be out now when this podcast comes out but i was thinking of having a look at it again we jumped around a lot there just in case you're wondering what timeline we're on think back to the future too um it's two days ago so sorry i didn't want to bad mouth elder scrolls online but i don't think elder scrolls online did as well as they hoped or was very good in many ways i don't think it was the product they expected i don't think it was what anyone expected from a multiplayer, you know, Elder Scrolls game.

And certainly, you know, it's not what we wanted, I think, really. Skyrim has been re-released everywhere, and you know, you just played another 20 days of it, didn't you, Sips? It really holds up. So that's why I'm apprehensive, I guess, about this. But I think Bethesda will

probably share the same apprehension, that they don't want to just end up with another crap. When these companies take a game that's why I'm apprehensive, I guess, about this. But I think Bethesda will probably share the same apprehension. They don't want to just end up with another crap. When these companies take a game that's been done one way and then suddenly do it a different way, like taking Fallout 4 or taking Fallout that's always been a single-player game and then making it this, it always makes me think of Game Dev Tycoon when you've unlocked day-night cycles, cycles open world yes and mmo and you

can now combine several genres so they're doing that and uh it's like yeah i know what star games is going to give this a six out of ten it's it's a strange one because these are these like elder scrolls fallout are very very much loved ips aren't they and yeah the people who do love them don't want them to change much they just want them to get better but they want the same experience yeah you'll see a lot of people that say i hope the fallout game is single player i don't want to play with people i'll level with you i i haven't really i didn't enjoy the fallout games i i find them depressing and very samey yeah i love them i know know you do. They're right up your street. I love the setting.

I love the stories. There's a lot about it that I really, really like. I have met a few people like you, P-Flex, who are exactly the same. They just find the setting and the whole thing just too distressing or depressing. They just can't get into it. It's certainly a thing you'll find a few people so sorry go on if it if it was a single player and

i'm sure there will be other you know fallout 5 i guess which will be the the next proper sequel uh will be i'm guessing a single player rpg that everybody will love or or hate or whatever but it's always tricky because at the same time, I feel like these studios need to, and Fallout's tried to do before, like the previous owners of Fallout and stuff, they did like Fallout Tactics, they tried to sort of like move out of a genre into like another genre with it, or at least sort of, well, hedge their bets sort of thing in case, you know, that the single rpg thing started to wind down a bit then maybe they would have yeah you know their ip in into some other genre that that

was more current and that worked better or whatever and i i feel like they're probably just trying to do something like that now because who knows you know what like we don't know what's going to be what you know what the industry is going to be like in five years you know like we who would have known that battle royale game modes were going to be so popular now you know what i mean and like that's that's there's tons of them coming out now so it's like i don't know i guess it makes sense but it's going to leave a lot of people salty about it too because like i said you will just have people who are like fallout is a single player rpg and nothing else i won't play anything else like unless it's that well i think that's because that's what they want and there's other single player rpgs where the games industry is so

busy and full there's games coming out literally every fucking day me and tom do this stream on when we look at games on stevespy and every time there's like five or six games every week which have come out and i'm interested in and it's like wow we are saturated and i think there's something for everyone who wants are you for real you're looking at you're looking at games that are coming out and you're like yeah there's loads good stuff coming out really i'm excited about two games that are coming out and once they do come out and i played them then i'm just like stuck again i don't know like what i'm going to look forward to so hopefully i look at the steam store and all it is is weeb shit and fucking anime rpg yeah school and stuff i'm like jesus stop recommending me this

stuff like i'm looking at my features and recommended and there's not one thing that i want to play i don't think steam does good well for recommending you stuff, by the way, either. Yeah, it's based on the games that you play, right? So if you play a lot of Dota and Counter-Strike and stuff. You play a lot of anime schoolgirl stuff. They're going to give you more anime schoolgirl stuff. I've never played one. I've never even installed one.

But you look at them. I don't. Pillars of Eternity, Deadfire 2. Have you seen this? That's meant to be really good. It's supposed to be really, really it's supposed to be really really good it's like piratey kind of

it's like I think it's what Assassin's Creed that pirate one Black Flag is to Assassin's Creed it's good it's good

I played Slay the Spire which is excellent oh that's good I really enjoyed that they've got a new hero out in that oh nice I've got to try that out

I really like Slay the Spire but I played that so much that I streamed it a lot and then I was like I wanna play something kinda the same but different and everyone was like

why don't you play Darkest Dungeon again I was like and I was like okay but I realised they've released all this DLC

so I've been playing that for the last couple of weeks oh my fucking god how hard is that game it's hard that is so fucking hard it's so rough Jesus

yeah it can get really rough yeah yeah it's supposed to be it's supposed to be like yeah but i got some lads up to level five and i was like i've got a full party level five as i got a whole bunch of other level five guys ready to go got loads of good gear we've got all the sort of the you know some pretty good stuff go into this dungeon first guy we bump into is the fanatic, right? And the fanatic is probably the hardest boss I've ever played against in this game. This guy can fuck right off. And he wiped out my entire party.

We had to run away. We lost two guys. I was like, Christ alive. Like, this is rough, man. Yeah, it is a tough game. It made me salty a couple of times too. Oh, yeah. Which is not something I'm used to.

I'm a very placid gamer. So going very briefly back a step, of times too oh yeah which is not something not something i'm used to i'm i'm very placid gamer so going very briefly back a step um we we met up last week we were doing some stuff together you mentioned fallout shelter that had some patch right as well so like mobile wise and you're still playing all these mobile games aren't you i play some of them yeah yeah fallout shelter i've come back to a couple of times like i like the idea again i like the idea of fallout shelter i've come back to a couple of times i like the idea again i like the idea of fallout shelter but i'm it's not updated i think but yeah it's one of those games that you can just like sort of tinker around with like a couple of minutes every day sort of thing and it's it's fine and the other thing i'd recommend to you both of you is battle tech oh yeah i heard

that's really good because obviously that's what i would consider a really fun xcommy type and there's a patch coming out soon which addresses a lot of the fans' things about speed and responsiveness. So for example, one of the things that's quite slow is all the animations. So when I play, I turn off all the animations and stuff and zooms and things.

But Battletech, I recommend you guys get into it because actually I think you'll find that you might really enjoy it. Well, listen, there's Two Point Hospital coming out out which is like theme hospital for 2018 okay and that looks pretty fun and then jurassic world evolution looks great too it uh you build a dinosaur park you build your own jurassic park and you have to build pins for your dinosaurs and look after them and and shit like that and it's by the it's by the guys who do planet coast they're exactly the kind of games that you love though oh i know these are both like kind of like

just just just very kind of sandbox creative you kind of have this this this steady growth something and you build it quite uniquely from everyone else when he says steady growth there's a groan of satisfaction oh i'll tell you what satisfaction i'll tell you what else what else is steadily growing at the yeah those so those are the two for me those are what i'm looking forward to but like i said once they're out hopefully there's like other stuff to look forward to because you kind of need like a constant it's like a cycle right you binge on something but then you're you want something on on the back burner that you can go to as well sort of i want um that new a new game from the guys that made the witcher yes code red studios is that what they're called cd something like that cd project

the one set in the future yeah cd cd sorry cd project red i want that game to be good like i'm really putting on because witcher 3 was a game that i absolutely fucking adored yeah one of the best games i rarely finish games i love that game and i really hope that the new uh cyberpunk one is is good that would be that would be super hype i'm sure it'll be pretty good yeah like again i think it's one of those things where technically it'll probably be really good but if you don't like the setting you might struggle a little bit sort of thing like cyberpunk cyberpunk is a setting for me that i can take or leave like i'm not super excited about it but i'm sure it'll still be a good game worth playing there's there's

definitely themes for me that will that will get me like i like like survival type things i like sort of post-apocalypse things you you know, like whether that's on Earth or like, you know, if you're in like a derelict space colony or space station. I like stuff that puts you back, you know, it puts you, it sets you so far back

that you're just hanging by a thread and you have to build something up that works and, you know, that can grow and become better sort of thing i love that progression in a game sort of thing so like those themes are always super steady growth steady growth baby growth those are the those are the kind of things that'll hook me into a game and it doesn't matter if it's like you know ascii based like dwarf fortress or it's got the best graphics ever whatever like it's all about

the setting and the storytelling and stuff for me i love love all that yeah that's what i like about rimworld is you can play a fairly standard game of rimworld yeah but i i like steady steady growth but i also like random stuff that kind of doesn't it's not devastating but it changes the story like random explosive growth is always yeah but like a dude's leg like guy loses a leg you know what i mean in rim worlds and now there's you've got a mission to replace that leg so i was playing yesterday i was playing it yesterday and i got the hat trick we we had a guy i had a prisoner who had was a 99 chance to resist conversion right. And so I decided to start operating on him. So I took his right kidney and it was a success. Got it.

And I followed up with taking his left lung, which was a success. And then I thought, this guy's going to go critical if I take another kidney or another lung. So I took his heart and that was him gone. And I got all of those things. Oh God, it's so dark when you talk about what you've been doing in that game to other people. If someone just tunes in on that kind of, when you're halfway through a discussion

with someone about RimWorld. So obviously it was quite cold yesterday, so I went out and I just foraged around outside and I found this dead raider that had died. His body was frozen. So I dragged him back and we chopped him up and, you know, we ate him. Yeah, it was bad. I harvested some organs and had a meal.

Yeah. I love the randomness in that game. A guy joined the colony and we had a lot of human flesh because we were – anytime we got raided, we'd kill a guy or guys and we'd butcher their bodies for the human meat to make it into kibble for the animals. Oh my God. Yes. So in the freezer was just a bunch of human meat.

And then some guy, a wanderer joined our colony, but he was a cannibal. Oh no. So he just started going ham on all the meat in the freezer. It was pretty funny. Just eating raw human meat. It was good. I had a colony we had we had a few people join at once and for some reason they were all pyrotechnic and we only had

one guy who was willing to put out fires one this one guy's entire job was running around putting out the fires all these pyromaniacs were starting it was it was the worst it was fucking oh god yeah there's always shit like that that happens in that game and it it sets you back but it's it's always like somewhat manageable it's funny everyone has their stories yeah like of good bits that happen and this comes from that dwarf fortress era of you building more into these characters than you necessarily are graphically shown right so like because the graphic is quite simple in rim world and obviously dwarf fortress more into these characters than you necessarily are graphically shown, right? So because the graphics are quite simple in RimWorld,

and obviously Dwarf Fortress is taking that to an extreme, you know, you're looking at a little D or whatever walk around. Actually, I think that might be a dragon or a drake. Anyway, you're looking at your little fellas wandering around in Dwarf Fortress. You know, you come up with all these, you just build this world. A little bit like how Minecraft feels like the graphics are so simple and the advertisers are so simple that it lets you kind of envisage some grander thing in your in your mind of what you're seeing um i think it's it's a good thing and and it's it's a it's it's a little

bit but then again everyone has their stories like dnd style you know everyone has their stories of what happened in their dnd campaigns they remember them very fondly. And that, again, is a very audio experience doing D&D. You know, there's a few things that, you know, you can have a little model of your character, but it doesn't really matter. You know, it's kind of, you know, most of it happens kind of in description. It's kind of like an audio experience.

It's funny. So anyway, I just mentioned this. I really do recommend Steam Spy as a way to find games if you guys are interested so me and Tom

played this game called Judgment Apocalypse Survival Simulation oh yeah yeah which is in alpha yeah I've got it I haven't played it is it any good

no that's full release now that's been released is it full release holy shit well my bad but it's basically it's very it feels very rimworld-y. You know, it looks pretty stupid,

but, you know, I think that, you know, you could chuck an afternoon into it easy and have a good laugh, and it's, you know, not overly expensive. You know, so there's tons of games, like, I think just dig around out there and get involved, because, you know, you'll find stuff. I'm disappointed.

Did you guys ever play a game called Jagged Alliance? Yes, so it's like RTS right? It's a turn based, sort of vaguely isometric top down kind of, this is Jagged Alliance 2 which was the one that was actually really really good Oh, okay

It's set on an island, you have to sort of defeat the evil queen who, it's modern day, who has taken over the island. So you basically fight a series of turn-based tactical sort of battles. So you're moving your guy around, you know, you find new ammo and armor and guns and stuff like that. So it's like a turn-based squad shooter, a bit like XCOM. Is it more like Into the Breach? No, it's not puzzly. It's just, you know, it's quite a big map.

You know, it's like modern style combat. So you've got like shotguns and pistols and sniper rifles and things. And your guys get their skills leveled up by fighting and stuff like that. I haven't played a game that isn't just set in modern day with pretty basic guns. Like your guys might just start with like a 38 revolver and they're kind of crap. And you have to hire these mercenaries and sometimes they die and all the rest of it.

It's really good. Like, I don't know why no one's made a game like that. They're always- It's one of those older games that everybody sort of holds in a really high regard. No one's made a replacement. Yeah, I feel like this is one of those things for when we do me and ben do our xcom streams on thursdays we play these old games and it's almost

every day someone says have you guys ever played jagged alliance yeah it just it just missed me and ben by and i think it must have been because i was at university playing world of warcraft right and i didn't play anything else for five years it was well before that like it's pretty old i'm sure it's on Steam. Let me have a look if it's on Steam, actually. It is. Jagged Alliance 2 Gold. Yes.

15 bucks. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it was... I played it so, so much. I'll pick it up. It is. I'll look it up. It's very finicky.

This sounds like the exact kind of game we should play on our streams. So thank you for that top tip. That is a really good tip. Man. Your tips were great. I mean, Friday Night Dinner was one of the funniest comedies I've seen in fucking ages. Yeah, it's great. play on our streams so thank you for that top tip that is a really good tip man your tips were great Friday Night Dinner

was one of the funniest comedies I've seen in fucking ages only the first two

series are on Netflix but there's two more and then there's one more which is

airing at the moment so I've downloaded series 3 and 4 from a legal

source to watch them. Because it's frustrating. I feel like my TV in my lounge obviously has Netflix built in it. It has a Netflix button. And that's literally all I do. I press the Netflix button.

I've never used it for anything else. It's not got an aerial plugged in. I did have a Switch plugged in, but I haven't picked up my Switch since I finished Zelda, which feels like about a year ago now um and i guess like i haven't had a reason to pick up my switch but the new pokemon game has been announced as well i know everybody's going crazy about this new pokemon now you did you i think we i think i was a little bit too old for pokemon as well because pokemon was really this big craze that happened this conversation we've definitely had a million times over yeah we're all too old what's

your favorite pokemon sips oh it's gotta be geo dude oh it's such dads oh man i feel i feel i feel the dad favorite pokemon yeah what a question which is the I like the one that's called coughing and he's just like a cloud of gas with poison on him I like coughing and ghastly

I think there's one called ghastly that's ghost sort of one yeah yeah my eldest absolutely fucking loves Pokemon she's got a huge collection of Pokemon cards

Duncan often says does your daughter still collect Pokemon cards and I say yes and he gives me like 200 whenever I'm up there because he's got loads um but she she she bought like a folder you know

those folders with the card protectors like four to a row yeah when you turn the page over she's put all her pokemon cards in there in order and she also she's she's kind of like an entrepreneur when it comes to this kind of stuff and the funniest thing i'm sure i mentioned this before she started collecting match attacks cards not because she cares about football because she doesn't but she knows that the kids at school the boys will trade pokemon cards for match attacks cards so she buys the match attacks cards she gets me in as an external consultant to tell her which are the good players and which are the high value players and then she'll trade those for pokemon cards with with the other guys that's pretty smart that's really smart like she's like i don't really care about it but i know people at school do so when she goes in with her trading book which is

they do on a friday there's like they all meet up in a playground there's like it's this there's one area where all these nerdy traders like my daughter and these other boys are coming in sort of oh you want to trade a coffin for a ghastly you know all that you turn up and lewis is there what are you doing here lewis uh he's trading he's trading dave i'm allowed to bring this in oh my god i think there is a certain like kind of nice wholesomeness around that so for example one of the things i've got uh we've played in the office relatively recently is star wars destiny right and we used to go to like these events at the local game store and if you went and played in these sort of tournaments you'd get a little promo card that was a unique version you could get by going to these things you could add that to your collection and also you know you'd end up having

too many of one thing and not enough of another thing and so i would always trade for and i met this guy about five or six years ago who was a i think a magic the gathering thing and he had like a folder filled with slivers or whatever like kind of these weird cards that you don't normally a bit dumb right and he had he had for example he just collected this i don't know mimi mimi crappy card he said like folders filled with it like 500 of them you know and i was like why do you carry around this book of 500 of the same shitty card and he was just like i think it's funny and i'm like actually it is pretty fucking funny uh and so you know he turns up and he's like you want to look through my collection you you pan you pan through the book and it's like just the same like fucking you know it's like it's i don't

know it was called like a it had a stupid name as well like i don't know like for example um he had a bunch of those the notches magic the gathering card that notch designed or whatever called like strip mining or whatever or like aggressive mining or something like that and it was like a a joke card. I don't know. So these kind of things are just, they're fun. And so for example, I did the same thing with raised staff, which is like a kind of a crappy card that everyone was like, oh, I've got loads of raised staff.

So they were kind of joking about it and having way too many of them. So I was like, oh, I'll trade you for them. So I ended up collecting about 150 fucking raised staff cards. Because they come with a dice as well. But it's just a dumb thing to do. And it's kind of social to hang out with other people and talk about this game that you enjoy playing.

Other people. Gets you a new perspective. Everyone you meet has something interesting to say. Is that true? When we were in Seattle, Flax, went to like like a board game restaurant oh yeah yeah these are popular now it was really cool so we just like we'd sit down we'd pick a game we'd start playing the game order drinks keep playing the game and then you know the guy would come by and be like hey you guys hungry you're ready for food then order some food play the game

a bit more the food would come push the game onto the floor and lose our place and then and then resume it was really honestly like some of these games though you need a big table yeah it was so good really we were really struggling to get all of these massive plates of cheese sandwiches and stuff yeah we played katan and we played um what was the train to ride ticket to ride that's a good game secret secret hitler we played as well yeah that's good there is a game it's like a world war ii or i said there might be a modern day i can't remember what it's called it's one of the most complicated board games ever made right it's a huge maxis and allies millions of counters it's not access that allies twilight imperium it might be twilight imperium gloom

haven oh uh two of the most set in the modern day really complicated twilight imperium the one set in on the world no what's that one with the submarine that looked fun but we didn't have enough people so captain sonar captain sonar that's a tough one that's that's a crazy mess of a board game everyone's like yelling at each other you do need like a specific number of people though so it's quite tricky to do yeah it's like you need twilight struggle is it twilight struggle i think it might be twilight struggle it's a cold war card driven strategy game well anyway there's a whole bunch of these i was thinking you know a lot of these games that that nowadays they're kind of designed to be board games and bear with me here they're designed to be

board games you could play in a reasonable amount of time with a reasonable number of players yes but before we had these large multiplayer strategy games that you could play on the computer you had to make do with board games so you'd have to get your mates around and you'd have to spend the weekend like risk well no i'm talking i'm talking like risk times a thousand, some of these games. Yeah. Huge. And it was the same level of detail you'd see in something like Civ or Hearts of Iron, but you had to do it with paper. Oh, well, this is exactly where Europa Universalis came from. So Europa Universalis was a board game, an incredibly complicated, incredibly thick board game.

And they were like, fuck this, let's put it into a fucking PC, because then we can actually play it. And as a result, fuck this, let's put it into a fucking PC because then we can actually play it. And as a result, that was the first Europa. And then obviously it's evolved now to the extent where, actually we went to ParadoxCon and they're making a board game

for each of their things. So they're making a Hearts of Iron game, a Crusader Kings game, a Cities Skylines game, and a Europa Universalis game. A Cities Skylines game? And they're all going to be different they're all being made

we played that one actually I'll tell you about it we all they're all being made by different people so they've got a different personal group to make each game

so they're going to be quite different which also means the quality might be wildly varied but the Europa Universalis has kind of come full circle because people aren't looking

for the same experience in a board game as they used to a lot of the time nowadays we have video games to complexify and make things different so battle tech used to be this incredibly complicated board game i'm gonna look that up it's not probably a word um it's a word but battle tech used to be this this not board game but but miniatures game that ben used to play when he was a kid. And it had all these complicated sheets, and you'd have to roll on the sheet and find out where you got hit on the Mac.

And it became tedious, right? And so when they put certain things into video games, they are much less tedious as a result. But because the computer does so much of the stuff automatically, they found that when they just did a simple translation of Battletech onto a computer, that it wasn't complicated enough.

They had to add all this extra stuff. They could add terrain. They could add lots of different abilities. And as a result, the game became way more complicated because it went to the pc right and so when when they're coming back they have to simplify it massively right and take out a lot of stuff to make it something that you guys can can learn in 20 30 minutes and then enjoy teaching to others

as well because with board games you're always bringing in someone who's never played it right yeah very rarely do i play with exactly the same play group And so there's always someone who's learning for the first time and you want them to have a good time. So the Cities Skylines game was designed by this game who's done a bunch of them actually, of board games before. And basically it's kind of this game where you roll two dice and then you can pick from this series of buildings and you literally just build a building.

And you're like, okay, I'm going to build, I'm going to pick a hotel and you build a hotel hotel and you've got these cards in your hand which say you you get a victory point if there's a hotel next to a mountain so you start the board the board is kind of this this this this this map and if you build a hotel next to mountain you could then claim that but if someone else has a thing which says oh yeah i also have a hotel next to mountain they can get a victory point as well. So it's kind of quite open. So you're trying to build the city, but you can move other people's buildings around.

You can kind of do small buildings. There's certain things that let you rezone stuff as well. It's interesting, but different from what you'd expect. And obviously multiplayer, you know, City Skylines, how would you ever do that multiplayer? It's kind of weird to think about that. SimCity, when we played that, remember. Feels like it would just become Monopoly.

And also, at what point, if you're making a multiplayer board game of City Skylines, are you essentially just making a game that's vaguely a city builder and just has a City Skylines name? Like, it's not going to be anything like City Skylines, are you essentially just making a game that's vaguely a city builder and just has a City Skylines name? Like it's not going to be anything like City Skylines, just because you stick the name City Skylines on it and completely change it. But I understand it

because it's like free promotion for the IP of City Skylines. It's like saying, hey, this is City Skylines the board game, and people go, but it's not really anything like City Skylines. I think that that's the case with everything though, like the XCOM board game, the Fallout board game, the Doom board game, all of these games are very different, but they're set in the same universe,

and there's also, it resonates with the setting. That's what it's more like. It's more like you're feeling like you're playing something in the setting, which is an independent thing, and in order for it not to be crap, it kind of has to diverge quite far away from what you're expecting, or what you know of the way the game plays. I mean, Monopoly, for example,

is the worst game of all time. Monopoly was originally designed by this woman who wanted to show the perils of a Monopoly and how bad it was. But it's evolved over the years and changed. And the big problem with Mon now is that it knocks people out, right?

It's not a very good modern board game because people get knocked out. And then what do you do? If you're sat around at a board game, you know, in a restaurant with people, do you just sit there and watch and knowing that you've lost and stewing in that sadness? I say you think about what you've done and come back stronger. Next time, yeah. Survival of the fittest. Well, exactly.

You know, I remember Monopoly being this thing where people would, you know, have to be forced to leave the table, you know, and kind of be going to sit in the lounge or whatever and watch TV. Yeah, it's not a social experience. It was kind of anti-social. It was an anti-social board game, Monopoly.

It was not a good positive thing to play at christmas and and scrabble is is also aids um just putting that out there it's boring and wow torture and i hate anagrams i was never very good at them those are strong statements scrabbles it sucks these are beloved board games i know pass. But people need to know that you don't have to play them. You can play. There's so many excellent board games. Like Board Game Geek is a great place to go, but you have to be careful.

I mean, pick a board game that doesn't say three to six hours, right? Pick one that says, what, half an hour to an hour, because then, you know, you'll play it with your family and it'll be great. Like Codenames is great. We played a bit of that, didn't we? And all the other ones we've played. Tickets of Ride is good. Stuff like this.

Monopoly, Risk. Easy. Not Monopoly. Jenga. One of the worst board games. Hungry Hippo. That's a good one. It's Hungry Hungry Hippo.

I mean, that is not a board game. That's a kid's toy. That's how hungry they are. They're double hungry. Yeah, they're super hungry. Hungry kid's toy that's how hungry they are they're double hungry yeah they're super hungry hungry hungry hippo man they are so hungry

and like buckaroo buckaroo and um and fucking what's the other one kerplunk kerplunk holy shit

connect four oh god connect four it's like the mental home fucking game it's every so

it's so associated with people in mental homes playing connect for well checkers i think is the one is is the mental home game my my someone messaged me on twitter there's a kickstarter to remake that game we were talking about one time with the volcano and the lava and it's on like a island there's like a dinosaur and stuff fireball island yeah so they're remaking no way there's a Kickstarter for it, yeah. And I was like, it wasn't very good. Like, we were just talking about it.

It was just a thing we played. It was one of those games where the board and the pieces were really cool. The most interesting part. Yeah, yeah. So you got the board game, and then you just made up your own games and, like, made the marble roll down the thing.

It was okay. What was that one? Do you remember Mousetrap? Yeah, Mousetrap was cool, yeah. Mousetrap was fun. Oh, fuck. It's rubbish, though. It's not.

It's a toy. It's not a board game. It's a kid's toy. Yeah, but it was cool back then. I liked it. Yeah, I remember being a kid and playing Mousetrap. Remember The Incredible Machine, the game? I don't remember that.

The Incredible Machine? Oh, my God. It's like Mousetrap but it's a it's a pc game and you have to like oh yeah you have to put like in pulleys and levers and and you have to like you know you have to hit the chicken at the end of the map but you have to put in like a whole series of doodads and gadgets and shit and the marble has to like drop into a bucket you know they still make operations yeah like my kids yeah my kids uh bought operation for someone's birthday party but the things that you pull out of them have been modernized

so i guess that's the like it's the same game it was in the 50s what do you mean i mean so now you have to pull like his iphone out of his yeah his ass instead of like a bone or whatever it was so like the things you take out are slightly different it's more it's more anatomically correct yeah no no no right you can do um boob jobs and stuff in there too yeah you could do lipo suction is the thing you're able to do now can you do like a scrotal lift yeah yeah yeah you can do a um you can you can provide your patient with a designer vagina now too in operation can you give them a vajazz yeah yeah so if you have any bits if your patient has like any weird bits like dangling down from their vagina you can just sort of like cut them off i think it's always men though right the operation yeah there's no woman there's no woman and there's always some some old dude

some old white dude hey i was just was just going to say, from Birmingham, an awful lot of people came up to me and said, Birian, I have a small penis. I was telling Lewis before we started recording. I'm so glad that that started to happen to you because Sips never goes to these events anymore, right? And so, no, he doesn't have these big long signing sessions like I do. And it's just constantly people telling me they have a small penis.

Yes. Oh, God. it's such a guy a guy approached me on the street one time he said sips and I was like oh hey yeah he's like man I've got a small penis all right good you high-fived him yeah I told you about the time a guy did that on a busy train I was coming back from York down to London, and I was chatting to a couple of my friends. They usually look to the side, right? And then they whisper it to you. But he didn't whisper it.

I like that. He did not whisper it. He walked into the carriage. We sat there. It's like the first-class carriage, because someone else paid for the ticket. First-class on the train. On the train.

He walks up to me and he goes, uh, Pyrrion, just wanted to say I have a very small penis. And I was like, okay. He was like 65 years old. And he just, and that was it. He went, okay, thank you. And you look left at your wife

and she just nods knowingly. She's like, oh. Luckily she wasn't there. But the people around us were looking at me like, oh. Luckily she wasn't there, but the people around us were looking at me like, what the fuck is this guy? Is he like a dick doctor or something? And he's like, and I wanted your number so I could have a huge

penis. Yes, we can book you in next week for the re-biggining operation. A re-biggining? Yeah. It used to be big, but I'm getting older and it's shrinking. I need it to be re-bigged. It used to be big, but I'm getting older and it's shrinking. You need it to be re-bigged. I need it to be re-bigged.

I feel like for you guys, you've already had your kids, you're married, you're settled down. You're going to say it doesn't matter. Do you need a bigger penis at this point? I don't even need a dick at all at this point. I'm done just chop it off it gets in the way all the time god damn yeah oh man it's just just chat calling to you play with me play with me i certainly don't need my balls anymore so like

yeah we can start we can get rid of those and then i mean they're getting lower and lower anyway i feel like they're just gonna get caught on a fence or something oh i know be gone one day like an udder down there it's tied up in my shoelaces yeah god damn yeah oh shit that's that's life it's the circle of life yeah at one point in your life all you can think about is your dick and your balls and then at another certain point in your life you're like god damn this dick in these balls get them out of here so do you do they do they still make that fucking game where they've got the hoop and the electrical wire oh yeah they do of course of course i mean i remember that game being terrifying you can usually buy those like at the counter at a toy store because they're just, you know, they're still trying to, hey, last minute purchase. Go through the snaking queue of like a million toys that you never thought still existed.

And the electric hoop is in there every time. I mean, like Slinky. They still make Slinkys. Yeah, they still make Slinkys. They never fucking work, those things. No, never. I think you had to have a very specifically set up set of stairs that was exactly the right one.

I don't think I ever found one as a kid. And it needs to be also the right surface. They never went straight either. If you did find the right stairs, they would just sort of curve off and hit the wall. The holy grail was to find a set of stairs that the slinky would go from the top to the bottom, and it was never happening.

It always stopped in an awkward place, and you had to lean painfully from the top to the bottom. Yeah. And it was never happening. It always stopped in an awkward place. And you had to like lean up painfully in the middle of the stairs. They've made Jenga bigger. Yeah. Like the blocks are huge now. They still do Twister. It's because all the...

Twister is still going. It's because all the kids these days, kids these days have such fat hands. The tiny blocks are no good. And they probably could mistake them for food. So I think they make the giant Jenga so they can't eat it. I don't think that is it at all. It's 100%.

First of all, they have outdoor Jenga, which is obviously bigger. Yeah, they're like plastic blocks that a slight bit of breeze hits it, and the whole thing falls over, so it's kind of bullshit. Yeah, those things are just incredibly unstable. It's tough making these towers, man. I think the board game Twister was designed to oust perverts as well. Oh, no, it's just foreplay at a party. It's just if you want to have a gangbang.

It's like an adult sex game. Yeah, it is. It's just like a gateway sex game. It is like a swingers fucking swingers game. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I always thought. But if you go to a kid's party and somebody's like all right we got twister you're like yep all right my kids never come to your house well see

see you see you next time yeah who is honestly like this it is just perverse it is very perverted yeah i don't know there's other similar games like twister though i think like i think if you're on a date with somebody though your first date with somebody and she's like really hot and you get back to your place, and you're having coffee and stuff, and you bust out the Twister, I think that could be a good lead-in. I think you have to have it on the shelf, and then she says, oh, she's got Twister. Oh, wow, you like Twister, too? Like, hell yeah, I do.

And then you start playing Twister together. That's so hot. Now, the first rule of Twister is that you have to take all of your pants off. Oh, God. I don't know if I'd want to play nude Twister. Oh, especially with those dangly balls. My dick would be all, like, in the way and stuff. Oh, man.

Place your dangly balls on the blue circle. Also, I'm a bit older now. Like, it doesn't take much for me to involuntarily fart these days so like i think you're gonna say do your back in put your back out no like something like it like i was in the garden the other day and um i squatted down to pick something up and then i was just like just like the biggest part just like escaped from my ass i don't think that's i don't i't think that's... I'm a complete fart master. My God, I'm farting all the fucking time.

That's because you're an old man in a young man's body. Yeah, that's true. I don't know if that is related to age or maybe just diet. I've tried to eat healthily again lately. Of course, yeah. And it's tough. It's tough. Do you find that you're farting more or less?

More, definitely, when I'm eating. Because I'm mainly eating only vegetables. And as a result, that's it. I'm eating cabbage and lentils, and I seem to be farting all the time. I just can't stop farting. What is that? What is wrong with my ass? I eat beans and pulses, cabbage and lentils and my ass won't shut up.

Anyway. It keeps my wife up all night. She was complaining about my bad back but that was because I was playing Twister all day. Anyway, let's fucking leave it here, guys. Thanks for listening to this podcast everyone thanks for joining us on your holiday pflax i hope you have a lovely time on the essex coast thanks for having me i i want to apologize for the audio quality not being don't worry about it

mine don't worry all right cheers. Bye. Bye you all.