Triforce! - Triforce! #70: Best Day Ever

Episode Date: June 27, 2018

Triforce! Episode 70! Pyrion loves the World Cup and Sips uses his childhood friends to get what he wants!   Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello everybody and welcome back to the Triforce podcast with me, Lewis, Sips, and Perian Flags. Hey. How are you guys doing today? Doing all right. I'm loving the World Cup. I've been watching it every game pretty much. I've seen your Twitter just nonstop. I just love it.

I haven't seen your Twitter, but I'm in a pool. I'm in a World Cup pool with some friends. Did you get? It's like one of those ones where you have to guess the outcome of all the matches. Oh, geez. You had to go through all of the group stage games and predict all of the scores. Have you been accurate so far? Not once, no.

So you get points if you win, if your team, the team that you had set to win, wins the game. And then you get bonus points if you get the team that you had set to win wins the game right then you get bonus points if you get the score spot on right so like say it was portugal and spain you know spain won three to two or something like that uh and i and i guess that i get six points but otherwise if if spain just wins like two to one because i put spain down to win i get two points so i'm currently at 24 points okay and two of my other friends are at 36 points my other friends at 28 points so i'm dead last okay there's not much in it though like like most of what we predicted is like kind of the same there's like one one or two points either way but some of them just got lucky and got like six

points and stuff so it's like so fuck this world cup basically because i hate being in last place okay i've got a lot of questions like three goals yesterday in three games there were three goals yesterday fuck one nail is the most common result it's been pretty bad a lot of the games like there's been a couple of really good games but there's been some stinkers like i've watched a lot of the stinky games i watched the iran game last night it was a diabolical game of football it was really really negative and boring and they're like quintessential World Cup experience no no it doesn't need to be like this because here's the problem right no no it does I'll tell you why here's the problem if when you have two relatively

even match teams Spain and Portugal they went for it it was 3-3 it was one of the best World Cup games I've seen in a long time. It was phenomenal. Beautiful goals, wonderful football, excitement, end-to-end stuff. It was really, really, really good. It was a great game. Exactly what football should be. The problem is that it's too easy to be negative, right? It's too easy to stick loads of guys behind the ball

and just kick the opponent, pull tug grappling like in the england game for example oh um that was frustrating to watch harry kane got wrestled to the ground in the box twice by people that weren't even looking at the ball so they got rewarded because it doesn't get spotted and you know they just get away with it so it's easy like when people see that if you're a team that doesn't fancy their chances or just wants to play for one nil or even a draw, you can just play that way. So think about that in many other games. If in tennis, all you had to do

was just play negative, boring tennis. That's all that people did, was just play negative, boring tennis. It's not possible, is it? Because at some point you have to win a point. So you've got to at least try and do something. There's no nil-nil in tennis. And, you know, that's the problem.

That's the problem I've got with football is too easy to reward teams. So my mate came up with an idea. No draws. Yeah, that'd be great. No draws. Yeah, that'd be great. So if you have two teams going up against each other, I'm not saying you keep playing.

At the end of the game, the team that's had the most shots on target gets a point. The other team gets nothing. And obviously, some people say, well, what determines a shot that we already have stats for that everybody knows what a shot is there's the opta and all these guys that gather stats they should have shit like that so that you reward a team for actually attempting to play football instead of just going we'll just sit back and take the point and that that's that's a big problem football has to overcome i think i think they need to do a thing where they they at the end of like full full time of the game um there's like a little break period and

all the analysts go back through all the footage and they pick out all the time somebody's been wrestled to the ground and for every time somebody got wrestled to the ground the like the team gets a penalty shot so like every game ends with like 50 penalty shots like that'd be so fucking great wouldn't it holy shit that'd be so exciting um so then and then imagine trying to predict like the the goals of the game it's like yeah it looks like uh portugal won 30 to 30 to 50 it's a really exciting game nothing happened for 90 minutes but the penalties wow they were crazy the entire game is just about accruing shots yeah yeah it was just a 90 minute wrestling match and then all of a sudden penalty shots what a game i think um multi-ball would be a good idea what was multi-ball just

chuck more balls on yeah yeah about that every time somebody gets wrestled to the ground chuck another ball into play yeah i've also thought if it, if you haven't scored after half an hour, they take a player of yours off the pitch. And they keep taking a player off every 10 minutes until you score a goal. So you better fucking

go for it, son. Yeah. And they take them off and they execute them. Like, that's it. You are done. You better score or someone's going to die

by lottery. What about multi-goal as well? Like, have more goals, bigger goals? The goal just keeps getting bigger and bigger until someone's good. Until someone's good and it shrinks back to these sides again.

Oh there's the fucking door. Carry on Jackson. Wow that was very regal. I know it's like he lives in a castle or something. Did you live in a palace? Yeah. JEEEVS! JEEEVS! SOMEBODY'S RINGING THE DOOR! I think period is Jeeves though. That's the problem.

He has to be the one to get it he's the butler he's not the man of the house he needs a Jeeves for his Jeeves like a sub Jeeves you need to get like a hierarchy in there more Jeeves like underneath the Jeeves yeah

I think that's how I would do it I would save up all of my money all of my salary and I would hire help so that I had an easier time I'd never be able to provide for my family but help so that I had an easier time. I'd never be able to provide for my family, but at least I'd have an easier time at work.

I was a postman. Oh, my God. Every time you needed to get an Amazon parcel, you know, I had a man to do it for you. I need that. And you know what the worst thing is? Because the postman and the delivery drivers around here, I guess they all have like an area, right? I know the postman do.

But I see the same Hermes driver, DPD driver, UPS driver. All these guys obviously have an area. And I get all the parcels for the neighbors because the guys know I work from home. Like once they've knocked on your door once at fucking 10 o'clock on a Thursday. They know you're in. They know. You're their guy. You're the hookup.

Give it to that unemployed guy. So I've got normally at the end of the day like three or four parcels in my house and my neighbours come in the evening. Oh, you've got a parcel for me. Oh, thanks so much. Yeah. You should just open all of them. Yeah, I opened it. Look, it was in my house. I opened

it. I wanted to see what was inside. Yeah, I should just say no. There's no parcel here. I don't know what you're talking about. It was free shit. Just keep all the good stuff. Yeah. But that was for me. That parcel was for me. It's a big plastic tub.

Right. A big plastic tub. And the reason we're getting it is on Sunday. Like a baby tub? No, no, no. This is a beer tub. A beer tub. Oh, okay.

So you fill it up with cold water and ice and you can keep a shitload of beer in there because it's not going to fit in the fridge. Fucking hell. Because I'm having a big barbecue on Sunday, boy. It's going to be like 18 people. Yeah, it's going to be exciting on Sunday. I'm looking forward to it. I don't think we're having 18 people over,

but we're going to buy some potato chips. What's happening? I'm the only person I know who's who... You guys are the only people I know who are into football. This is madness. By the time this goes out, three days will have passed.land are playing on sunday it's a big game we've got to win it if we win it we're out of the group right bingo so you're having like how many people come around p flex yours in total is going to be 18 of us eight are they all men uh no some of the

men have wives no they're all women actually yeah they're all mid-20s, bathing suit theme. The tub is for the women to wrestle in. It's a wrestling tub. It's a wrestling tub, yeah. We're going to fill it with mud. Yeah, it's my mud wrestling tub. We're going to get dirty

while we watch some football. It's going to be nice. Oh, shit. I haven't told Mrs. F about this either, so probably don't mention it. Okay. Edit this bit out

about the mud wrestling tub and me getting 18, 18 under 20s. It's coming in. Coeds. They're all coming over, yeah. Nice. So are these all people you know from where? getting 18 18 under under 20s it's coming in coeds they're all coming over yeah so are these all people

you know from where how do you know how did you manage to get is it just is it just like oh there's a party at Ted's house oh we're all going around there

is it like friend of a friend stuff or is it no no no these are like all my my buddies you've specifically invited all 18 got a big ring of buds

no way so it's my friends their wives their kids like there's a shitload of us these way so it's my friends their wives their kids like uh there's there's a shitload of us these are all my and these are people you know through school your kids mostly from school then other dads and other moms no no no no neighbors no no work acquaintances none of that shit this is like the friends i've known like my best mate is coming over i've known him for like 30 over 30 years so like my proper og mates you know oh those

are the best friends as well aren't they because you just have so much history with them you don't and you don't have to talk about boring stuff you never really talk about work or anything like you you you sort of like have similar views because you grew up together and you you come from the same place and everything and it's nice to it's nice to catch up with friends like that I mean the world cup kind of it's really an interesting thing to talk about with football because for me like that's almost again in the same bracket of things that I don't do like kind of anymore I've kind of grown beyond it and I kind of look on it with a little bit of disdain now I guess like I I see people doing it I don't like the kind of people who do it man um my son got a panini sticker book for the world cup he's okay he doesn't watch any football ever he doesn't know any of the players

nothing but he wanted to get like a sticker well i don't think i know a single player and there's there's lots of stickers like i i mean the number goes up to like 650 or something it's a pretty big sticker book okay and uh so he opens his pack of stickers and he looks at all these people and he doesn't recognize any of them he put like three stickers and he's like i'm exhausted i'm gonna have to do more tomorrow all right you know what dad i'm just gonna do three a day okay that's fine oh my god he's like oh what the hell he's like he's like a really lazy stamp collector. Like, he wants to buy all the stuff, but he can't be bothered putting it all into the sheets.

But these things are all very intrinsically linked to, like, I mean, as a kid growing up in England, I had one of those, you know, sticker books. I had, like, a Premier League sticker book. You know, you collect the stickers when you were a kid. It was a thing. You know, my dad took me to to to football games training and stuff i i had a season ticket for ipswich for a year and went went up on the train and watched that and i was in france in 1998 when the world cup final was on and france won and i was in the middle of

lyon and we were all danced around and it was it was crazy and i fucking traitor i i watched um i what else did i watch i i it was a thing that i used to we used to have this big old crt tv vcr combo in the the the spare room and i would sometimes at the summer i'd sit in there and watch you know some fucking completely like tunisia versus iran or some some game that was just the smallest you know it was just garbage football because i don't know i i over time i've come to sort of sort of it's part of osmosis you just sort of pick it up it's just the news it's what people are talking about it's it's a very well england always get very vested in the world cup you can't avoid it you hear about harry kane and oh he's leading england now and oh good we got a chance

to you know on all this bollocks and it's like you can't get away from it and I don't mind it but I guess like I always feel slightly threatened by football in the same way when I walk home from the office after a stream

at like 11pm and there's like all the lads out and they're all drunk and one of them might yell something at you you know or whatever

I don't know do you know what I mean I feel like the whole thing is slightly not in my comfort zone and it's always felt like it's not for me i felt like like not allowed it's like um i'm not cool enough outsider yeah look at him he doesn't know the offside rule get him yeah i mean i do i i do know it's too late i don't care if you know i don't care if you know the offside what if you what if you left the office at 11 o'clock at night After a stream and there was a

Big group of hoodlums Sort of not even close to the office Just like a couple blocks down And you were a little bit intimidated by them You didn't want to walk by them in case they yelled something And then just somebody just Randomly yelled you fucking suck at streaming Fuck you

That would make you feel really bad wouldn't it it's interesting i i think it is definitely like an interesting because because a little bit like i guess in canada you kind of you just had hockey knowledge osmosed into you six yeah of course i grew up with it then everybody everybody it was a big thing when you know every morning at school everybody would talk about the games that were played at the night before and stuff. And everybody was into it. We played a lot of hockey, like a recess and stuff.

So, yeah, everybody was like super, super into hockey. We had like sticker books and cards. Hey, you know those sticker books, by the way? Mrs. F was telling me she read something that said that the average cost to get all the stickers for those things, you'd have to spend about 500 quid yeah yeah yeah 500 quid it's like hearthstone but you know you didn't you get packs of stickers and you get doubles and right yeah but at least you could trade them with people right that's that's one thing but some some stickers are obviously rarer than others yeah so i realized you know the whole whale thing that they have in free to play games and any of that stuff where there's like transactions yeah obviously the sticker book people have been doing

that for a lot longer it's been going on for ages because there will be people out there who have to complete it and they'll spend whatever it takes to get all the stickers i know you can like there's always that number where you can send a it used to be a postage or a postal order for a certain amount and you could have you could write the number of the 20 stickers that you need to complete your collection and you'd send a certain amount and they'd send you those stickers back like you could go and get them specifically the whole concept of a like a whale isn't isn't new though like i know exactly when i was a kid with the with those sticker books and stick there was always one kid that had almost the whole thing completed

and got way more stickers than everybody else and you know everybody thought he was some sort of genius because his parents bought him a lot of stickers and and stuff and yeah you know it was just like there was that one kid you like do you remember you probably won't remember garbage pail kids do you remember garbage pail yeah i remember garbage for anyone that doesn't know listening to this they were trading cards um that you'd get in a pack, and they were like card. They were card. They weren't stickers.

And what you would do is you'd go and buy a pack of these, and there'd be a bunch of different gross characters based on the Cabbage Patch Kids, which were, I think they're still around, actually, Cabbage Patch Kids. It's just a doll. But when they came out in the 80s... I don't think Cabbage Patch Kids are around anymore. 100%. 100%. Really? They're still around, yeah they're still around yeah those are so creepy jesus yeah they're super

creepy but when they came out in the 80s everybody had one everybody that i knew and boglins remember boglins and yeah all that kind of shit big in the 80s right so they are out now they're owned by the company wicked cool toys the guy who created them, Art Spiegelman. Right. Do you remember him? He did Mouse, which is that really famous, one of the most critically acclaimed comics of all time. He was like, oh, such a weird guy.

The Garbage Pail Kids were like a parody of the Cabbage Patch Kids, obviously. And they were real gross. I've still got them somewhere anyway. So there was one kid in my class who always seemed to have money. I don't know where he got it. Like I never had a 10 pound note when I was fucking nine or 10 years old. Never. That was a lot of money back then, you know? And so we would go down to the newsagent near us after school and he would always be like, bam, and slap a tenner down and buy the whole box. And none of the rest of us could buy any,

because the guy only got one box at a time. So he bought the whole box and none of the rest of us could buy any because the guy only got one box at a time so he bought the whole fucking box of cards and with them take them home and open them so we wouldn't even get to see him open them and he his trade so he was that guy would always be like whatever you offered him it wasn't good enough he'd be like nope nope don't want that nope no need more no it needs to be more he only wanted the ultra ultra rare cards you had to give him everything to get one card he was a real piece of shit so you know but fuck that kid he did nothing with his life he's coming around on sunday no i know we had a similar kid is i think it was like his his his uncle owned a convenience store

nearby so it's every fucking time something came out like new trading cards new stickers or whatever Every fucking time something came out, like new trading cards, new stickers or whatever, all you'd hear about is this fucking guy's uncle in this fucking convenience store. And he'd go and his uncle would give him a whole box of stickers. Because they come in those boxes that are perforated. They can take the front off of it. And then they just leave them sort of like at the cash. Yeah, yeah. When you go up and then it makes you buy more stickers or whatever i don't know what the psychology is but like

so he'd get like a whole box and he wouldn't open it at night at home he'd bring the whole box to school and at recess he'd be opening it but he would only let some people watch him open stuff and other people couldn't and oh fuck me, it was just the worst. He was such an asshole. Again, probably amounted to nothing. But hey, he had a really fucking awesome sticker collection, I guess. But fuck me. Some parts of being a kid. Kids are brutal with each other, aren't they?

They are so nuts. It's crazy. But I was thinking about the people that that never grow out of that you know there are some people like that all the time i know i worked with many of them yeah they're kind of i think it's it's like they have to kind of figure out how far they can push it they're like that with their parents too though you were with your teachers and parents so kind of it's the process of kind of just seeing how far you can go because they don't really necessarily have kind of moral compass yeah i wonder if it's

also to do with like some some instinct within us to to vie for position in the in a group yeah because if you think about it like when kids thousands of years ago would have probably been spending a lot of time being raised by themselves like they would have been looking out for themselves because if you're old enough to to be a dick you know not a baby if you're old enough to walk around being a bit of a shit to people you're old enough to go catch some fucking berries and rodents for dinner so get out there and work so the kids would probably be off working together and stuff and of course you don't want to be the one that the other kids are beaten up on so you better you better try and find your position in the pack and kids always do that there's always that one kid who's like the biggest mouthiest

bulliest kid he's always got his little fucking toadies oh yeah and then's always that one kid who's like the biggest mouthiest bulliest kid he's always got his little fucking toadies oh yeah and then there'll be the kid who's off on his own that doesn't need anybody and doesn't want anything to do with anybody they can try to pick on him but it probably won't work then there's the kid that desperately wants to be with the bully and his friends and they think this is the guy because he's gonna hang around with us and we'll bully him and we'll keep him at the bottom of the pecking order but he'll still want to hang around it's like that's the it all fucking falls into line like that we had we had a friend we had this this guy he uh like we were we were kind of friends with him but not not like super close

friends with him and he was the first person at our school who got a super nintendo when they came out okay oh yeah and he had super mar Super Mario World. And it was winter. It was super depressing outside. There was tons of snow and everything. And we somehow managed to convince this guy to invite us over to his house because we wanted to play Super Nintendo. This was new.

It was just out. Nobody else had one. Nobody played Super Mario World. It was brand new. Everybody was super excited and stuff And so he'd bring the instruction manual For the game to school Okay

We were like nine at the time And people would Gather around him at recess To look at the instruction manual For Super Mario World And everybody was super excited So this one weekend his mom was like yeah sure come over

you guys can come over and hang out and stuff and we're like great me and my really good friend and then this guy with the Super Nintendo so we go to his house and we're so fucking excited we couldn't wait to play Super Nintendo couldn't wait to play Super Mario World

and he was just like delaying and delaying and delaying he's like oh guys let's go play outside for a bit first and then we'll play Super Nintendo we're like what we're not fucking playing outside we want to play fucking Super Nintendo so he's like getting all into it making this like big snow fort and we were just so

fucking dejected like we did not want to be outside we did not want to make a snow fort we weren't having any fun we were like constantly looking at each other and sighing and rolling our eyes and stuff and like this guy he just fucking knew it he knew that we were only there to play super nintendo so he's just doing everything he could to like delay us like playing super nintendo and like i guess that i guess that's a lesson don't use people yeah that guy is that that guy is so desperate to play with you guys so he's like if the moment of a Nintendo they're not gonna want anything to do with me

I'm gonna get as much value out of them so tragic so that we finally get to play it and and of course it was only him who could play we had to sit there and watch it we were so fucking pissed of course oh god it was pretty funny though like looking back now it's pretty funny but god the time holy crap i i've never been angrier like when i was a kid i think that was the angriest i ever was i was i was furious oh god i was just the audacity of the whole thing. Oh, man. There was a kid in my school that no one liked him for no reason, right? He was generally unliked. And the best reason that we could come up with for it later to justify it, I think, was

that he lived across the road from the school. That was it. For no reason. Yeah, he just lived too close to the school so i think in our mind we associated him with school and and i wonder if part of us thought he was a sleeper agent for the school you never know so but but it was weird because i remember one time i don't know why i i kind of i've always tried to be friends with people that were a bit unlike unlovable i think because I'm inherently an unlikable character. Does this stem from your hatred for bus drivers?

Because I'll like already you've ostracized a gigantic portion of the public. That's a big podcast audience. They got fuck all to do all day. They probably just got a podcast going in one ear. Fuck you. I remain a bus driver hater. I hate him. Yeah.

Anyway, so this guy one time I hate him. Yeah. Anyway. So this guy, one time I invited him over to play at my house and cause he was into the same kind of things. We were into games, workshop board games and stuff like that. And, uh, he came around and we played a couple of board games and we watched a

movie and I think, uh, he had lunch and then his mom came to get a weird date. Yeah. No, it's play dates. Kids do that, you know?

So anyway, I mean, you wouldn't call it a playdate when you're at an all-boys school because you'd get the shit kicked out of you. But essentially, that's what it was. He was, you want to come over to my house? Yeah, all right. So he came around, we hung out, we played. And then his mum came to get him and he said thanks to my mum. And he said to her, and I swear to God he said this, he said, this was the best day

of my life. That's what he said. Because he actually got invited to another child's house and was treated like a human being and had fun of course i never had him over again because that was such a creepy thing to say i was like it's weird though like i feel like in the 80s and still the best day of his life still the best until you invited him to come around on sunday you know i feel like when were kids, going around to somebody's house or having somebody over, that happened a lot. There was constantly

somebody at my house or I was at a friend's house or whatever. Man, I don't want to send my kid to anyone's house nowadays. I don't know what's changed. I just don't fucking trust anyone. I just don't know what's going to happen. I want to keep an eye on them. My kids get around the houses all the time. kids were at a friend's house yesterday i know but

when did they go to like a somebody's house and like the dad is a drug dealer or something i don't want my kid to like because i know the drug deal at this age aren't all these people in your your facebook fucking world cup pool thing no these are like these are these are like uh kids kids kids that your kid goes to school with parents these are people these are these are like uh kids kids kids that your kid goes to school with parents these are people you don't know like i don't know any of these people i don't know what they do i don't know their background like what do you want to do like a fucking background check before your kid goes around to play at their house yeah kinda yeah yeah i would like to have that that peace of mind knowing that i haven't sent my son to some piece of shit's house

for the whole day about it from the other way around though you're the dad who is like sit at home with a shed all day i mean you're the weirdest dad of all i'm not though i mean how are they gonna be weirder than that like what what oh yeah i work out of my basement a steel reinforced bunker. I don't care what they're doing in there. Number one, you're a foreigner, so they trust you less. Number two, you fucking sit in your garage all day. You're shouting and they're playing video games.

You vape. You're yelling. They can hear you from the school. You're the winner. I don't know why I'm being judged here, okay? Yeah, but you're judging them. You're saying, oh, they could be some fucking piece of shit. I'm not judging them. I'm just saying I don't trust them. Yeah, but that's judging. You're like the fucking overlord of the snails.

You come out of the fucking shed covered in snails. You're like, I am the lord of the snails. Right, well. Fucking snail bro. Be that as it may, fellas. Be that as, I don't trust these other parents. I don't want my, I don't want to send my kid over to their house. I don't know them. Well, guess what? Your kids are going to go around to their house. And they don't have to send their kids here either. I'm perfectly happy not having any other fucking kids in my house

How's your kid feel about that your kids aren't gonna like that? No, he's fine When he gets older he'll want to have friends around you want to go there's two of them they hang out all the time They're fine dude come on Tim who is without sin time they're fine dude come on let him who is without sin friends that come over it's easier for them to come over because then you know we can keep an eye on them and like you don't have to worry about their weird creepy parents and stuff like that but we we never let them go to like other people's houses unless we really know them and trust them and stuff like we don't just say how old is he six yeah exactly it's a little different at six but geez i wouldn't worry about saying he can't go like when he's when he's like

21 i don't care but not when you're six for christ's sake that's that's too young they're too small like no what's going on my kids around other people's houses i i remember when i was going to other people's houses it's it's important because it's taking them out of their comfort zone and making them deal with situations. So I went around to a friend's house. This is a girl I was kind of keen on at school. And I went around to her house. I guess I would have been about eight years old.

Her house was unbelievably clean, like spotlessly clean, had nothing in it. Girls' houses always are. And their bedrooms are always really weird and clean and stuff too. Super tidy and shit. So when I met Mrs. F, her bedroom was a tip, and I thought, this is the woman for me. Like she... Like it was a disgrace. But anyway, so this girl went around, and the after-school snack for, uh, when we got to this girl's house was like spring rolls, like, you know, like from a Chinese takeaway. I'd never had them before at that point, i was like damn what is this and she was like loving it i could barely eat one because it was so weird and foreign foodish and i was like kind of freaked out we

just sort of sat in the living room that was it that was the whole thing we just sort of sat there and i think she just wanted to talk and we kind of watched tv a bit and i was like damn this place smells kind of weird and it's very different from my. And it's just kind of her parents are a bit strange and seem to kind of old. And then I went home and I never went around to her house again. I was just kind of it was a strange experience. But the thing is, as a kid, you kind of have to have those weird experiences, I think. Yeah, it was important. I remember going to a girl's house.

It wasn't like I was I was at the age where i had crushes on girls right but it wasn't like i was i was still young i wasn't going to like a girl's house at that age to like yeah you're not gonna make out try to make out with them or anything okay so you're like what 10 or 11 or something yeah like like my parents drove me there and stuff like this this was like it was a very like innocent i went to a girl's house yeah it's the only time i've ever been to one by the way that's the only time i went to a girl's house in my whole life um so i but i went there you remember it well it was the best day of your life i was a piece of shit kid okay because i feel like all these stories are me using people

like big time kids i went to i went to this girl's house because she had a vast micro machines collection. Like it was insane. She had an aircraft carrier. She had like this city that folded up into a briefcase and you could unfold it into a city that all the cars could drive on. And holy shit, it was insane. It was like, you know those guys that have like collections of Star Wars figures like in a room all on the walls and ceiling and they're all in the plastic and stuff? Her basement was like that. It was fucking micromachines everywhere. It's like the only toy she ever got for like 10 or 11 years of her life was micromachines from a very small age as well.

That's crazy. I think she had every micromachine. It was nuts. I mean nowadays you couldn't because they branched out. There's Star Wars micro machines and Star Trek micro machines. Hey, I bet if you went around to her house now for a quote unquote play date, she'd still have fucking micro machines. Oh, can you imagine?

That'd be really creepy. I guess smoke shoes were quite a boy's toy, right? They were a lot of cars and stuff, right? That's not a conventional girly thing to have They were quite, they were a lot of cars and stuff, right? And that's not a conventional girl you think to have, is it? It's a big collection. Yeah. But I don't think it's not like,

not cool. It was impressive. Wow. You know, so one time, do you remember that, the guy I was telling you about, the guy who said it was the best day of his life, right?

We used to go around to his house quite often because he had an Amiga. Okay. So after school, sometimes we'd go around his house. This is the best day of my life. That guy. So we used to go around to his house sometimes after school because he had an Amiga and we'd play like

whatever the game, what is it Legend of the Samurai, all kinds of shit that Amiga game ARG you know the one where the more angry the creatures got the more pronounced ARG would be in the speech bubble that was a good

one that was great. It came from the desert we used to play that quite a bit there were a lot of um they look they were like a 1950s movie but as a game and it was like a series again anyway we used to play all kinds of games on his Amiga and one time I went around just just just me and uh we're playing games and his sister was he had an older sister she was like 15 and so naturally you know she was like attractive even though she wasn't attractive she was an older girl and i was in the same room as her so i was i was seriously hot for her but one of the things she used to do she was kind of weird her parents would be out all the time so he'd come home from school his parents would both be at work or whatever yeah so she used to read she had like these i guess they were like teen fiction but

they were meant to you give them to girls assume. This is certainly how she sold it. And they're very sexy books. They're basically pornographic books. But they're for girls, I guess, to get used to the idea of having sex or something. Right. That was how she sold it. Very, very descriptive books about sex written as fiction. And she would read this. I didn't know anyone like that.

Jeez. She would read this book to us while we're playing on the Amiga. So I'm like 12 years old and she's sitting there playing Amiga. Literally with a raging boner. And she's reading this pornographic literature to me and her fucking brother, who I think was also probably getting a boner from this book, which is so fucking weird. It's his sister reading the book.

But I was like, this is probably the hottest thing that's ever fucking happened to me yeah i get to play on the amiga which is amazing it was at that point the best day of my life for the payback oh god but i still think about that i still think about that quite often hilarious people's older sisters were always like um i don't know like i i feel like you've got it coming up, Flex. You're going to have teenage girls. I'm going to have a teenage girl to cope with.

It feels like they're like a lot of work. Even being a kid and going to my friend's house who had an older teenage sister and stuff like that, they just seem very dramatic. Yeah, but they're just weird they seem so weird when you're a boy of that age you have no idea about girls and then there's this older girl who's immediately fucking with you because she's like these boys are idiots and these are younger boys so they're complete idiots i'm just gonna fuck with them so like my i went to stay with my friend joe one time and he had an older sister she was really hot and she her boyfriend came over and it was a sleepover I was sleeping over at my friend's house we what we love the

Simpsons right this was like series one of the Simpsons just come out they had Sky he recorded all of them we watched all the episodes and then we we were playing on his Amiga again and we're we trying to get to sleep and his sister is having sex in the next room right just across the hall we can hear it's quite loud and we're both lying there trying to get to sleep. And I know that I can hear his sister getting railed in the next room. And I know that he can hear his sister having sex.

And I'm thinking, God, how fucking awkward is that? Like, I had a younger sister. I was gone by the time that shit happened in my house. I was way gone. Having an older sister? You've got to fucking live with that shit.

So that was fucked up. But that was also super hot at the time. Yeah. Yeah, man man it's the stuff you remember go to my friend's house in the summer and he's he had an older sister who was hot too and everybody wanted to go to his house uh because he had a swimming pool but because she loved using people for the swimming as well so he would come around everybody would just be like ogling the whole time it was really funny god

but you couldn't say anything because he was like one of those guys who was kind of like super protective of his like sister like you couldn't tell him like fuck your sister's so hot or anything like no you can't he would just be i mean i like the way yeah at first we'd go around to people's houses because they got micro machines and amigas and then'd go around to people's houses because they've got micro machines and Amigas. And then we'd go around because they've got a hot older sister that likes to swim. Yeah, yeah. And it's pools and sisters. We knew a guy who had a trampoline as well. That was great.

Man, we'd go around and jump on the trampoline. And then they had – so he had a trampoline and his neighbor had a pool. So we'd go on the trampoline and get all fucking hot and sweaty and stuff and then go swimming in the neighbor's pool It was great. Fuck summers summers in Ottawa were fantastic because it was so fucking hot like four months of the year just solid Stifling humidity and mr. Zeph wants to go to Canada next year, right? Which I've got I've got a shitload of family there like a huge family there

So I really want to go back and see him right and i haven't seen them in probably 20 years uh maybe more and um she said let's go in october and i said october's probably when it's starting to get a little cold yeah it's not like quite it's not quite snowy like it's nice it'll be fall it depends what part of the country you go to though it would be around ottawa it would be okay yeah ottawa it'll be starting to get cold usually like end of october like i remember halloween's trick-or-treating and it was like snowing a lot right so like usually end of october sort of like mid-november like that's why i said we should go in the summer or like early summer or late summer but i don't think we should go in yeah again summer's like super muggy like it's like it it's like it's

new york weather right like really muggy summers and then really bitter like super muggy like it's like it it's like it's new york weather right like really muggy summers and then really bitter cold winters so like it's hard to to pick a like an ideal time to go i guess summer would probably be the best i think early summer would be pretty good yeah june like june july is probably pretty good i think that'd be good but more expensive fuck fuck um airlines and. I hate how they do that. Fucking seasonal stuff. And I hate like on half terms for school, especially in England, because they're all at the same fucking time. It's like a supply and demand, Chris.

It's just simply not economic. Supply and demand. Oh, God. It's just the worst, though. Fuck me. This guy that my son goes to school school with he's on vacation right now and we we sort of put two and two together and figured he's at the world cup with his dad because right fuck else are you gonna go at this time of year right and he's always like anytime there's there's

a non-uniform day at school or whatever he's got like a football uniform on so i guess he's mad into football. Right. And I think his dad is too. So his dad is a fucking hero because he just took this kid out of school against all of the rules to take him to the World Cup. And then everybody else has to fucking take their kids on a vacation during like these predefined stretches of dates, weeks, or whatever, where all the prices are like 500% more than they normally are. So this guy's a champion. I think you've got it backwards, right? Like the dad is a football fan, therefore the kid is a football fan.

There's no – it's completely like that, right? It's got to be. It's like your son's a big star wars fan because you're a big star wars fan you know it's it's it's always going to be like that i'm a huge star wars fan i like it but if you're interested in it and you want to watch football with your kid and he makes you excited and you go to these things and you bond and it's kind of this thing that brings you closer together it it's this positive aspect in both of your lives pokemon and i don't so there's there are some exceptions to the rule here lewis like but you do like gaming and you've always been very much like yeah but that's one thing

i haven't really pushed him into gaming he's just naturally been really interested in games and want wanting to play games and stuff and i think a lot of it just comes from friends at school you know like he hears people talking about games. Like kids who have older brothers and sisters tend to have a lot of access to like games. Like some kids that he goes to school with play Fortnite like on the regular. Oh, God, yeah. I think it's, you know, fair enough. But fuck me.

Like I don't want my son playing Fortnite with like a bunch of screaming 11 year olds on the same team as him calling him a retard for not getting a kill and stuff like that you know yeah you get enough of that in your day-to-day life yeah that's it i know what it's like like i get it all the time so i don't want to subject him to that it's gonna happen i mean he's like you know he likes pokemon he likes minecraft a lot and stuff and like i think that's mostly just come from his friends at school talking about it so well one of my friends at school um she has she has a daughter in my youngest class and she has two older kids like quite a bit older and one of them is about 16 and he wants to be a streamer right like all these kids want to be streamers and youtubers

and stuff like that these days understandably it's a cool job right so he's always asking me about it and asking me like what's it like and stuff like that and i'm telling trying to tell him it's really fucking hard uh to break into unless you've got like a unique angle like dr disrespect or if you're insanely good like shroud or something like that and you know i i'm i'm not going to tell him don't do it but i'm also not going to tell him 100 you should pack school in and do this like i would never tell him that yeah so we went to the mom had a birthday party recently went to the pub and his granddad was there and he's obviously told his granddad that he wants to do streaming and stuff like that and the granddad is like classic granddad dead against

it dead against it so he finds out what i can't make money from your Xbox. Exactly. You piece of shit. He says to me, so I understand you do all these internet games, streaming, what do they call it? Streaming. Streaming, is that right? Yes. And you have a YouTube and you put the videos on the YouTube and you make some money from that, I guess.

And I was like, well, yeah, not so much these days, but sure. He says, well, it sounds very difficult. And when he's saying anything negative, he's looking at the kid. It's very hard, isn't it? It's impossible. You definitely shouldn't change this as a career. Am I right? And I was like, well, yeah, it's very competitive.

He's like, competitive, very competitive and hard and impossible and not an option. Am I right? This guy's obviously having this conversation with the grandson he's like don't be ridiculous that's not a real job you're not gonna make it be be something else i just thought it was funny the way the granddad was using me and the conversation like i very quickly realized that i was just meant to nod and say yes sir you are right and that's pretty much what i did because you know you're gonna fuck with an older dude come on no they're

grumpy as hell man like you can't you can't reason with them either they're dead set in their ways yeah here's here's my my feeling on that though like honestly it's not like it's an astronaut it's not like you're saying oh i really want to be an astronaut but how am i ever going to get the opportunity it's not like you can go into your garage and build a space suit and build put your own spaceship together and go into space if If you want to be a streamer... Don't you tell me what I can't do! I can quickly hide all of my spacecraft components under the desk.

That's what he's building in there! That's why they're great. There's no streaming, it's all pre-recorded. It's my life's work! All of that smoke that fills it up isn't anything to do with vaping. It's actually all the... It's the rocket fuel! all of that smoke that fills it up isn't anything to do with vaping it's actually all the like it's all the it's the rocket fuel

oh god no but like if you could if you want to be a streamer what's fucking stopping you holy shit do it in the fucking evenings like you come home from work

you know as a regular job at what five in the evening right right get off at five get home at fucking half five or six

yeah have a go it's free you've got you've got five fucking hours every night like what are you doing what are you doing all weekend I think you've got to really want to do it because if you want to do it yeah do it and then if it doesn't work out don't fucking yeah you know don't be one of those guys that's

got six followers after three years and is still this is what i do for a living thanks to the ten donation i eat today you know don't be one of those guys that's like quit everything like you see these guys they're in their 30s they clearly hated their job they thought fuck it i'm gonna go pro streaming they've got the camera they've got the light they've got the studio and they've got like four viewers and they've been doing this forever and they you know you just think that that is that has to be there has to be a limit at some point yeah and do you know what though if they if they enjoy it great like if you if you enjoy sharing that if you've got this outlet for it if you've got

this creative thing if you've got this show wait so you're saying it doesn't matter if you're going down the road to economic ruin if you're enjoying yourself keep going no no no no no no no no like you've got plenty of hours no no no doing it as a hobby a lot of people do it as a hobby a hobby is different but these are people i see people who have quit their job to do it. Doing it as a hobby. A lot of people do it as a hobby. A hobby is different, but these are people I see people who have quit their job to do this. And they make a big announcement about it. Quit my job. I'm going to go pro streaming. And I'm like, please

God, don't do that. But that's an easy choice if your hobby is making more than your job. But if it isn't, then come on. Yeah, don't do that. You'll know when it's right to quit. It's right to quit when you're losing more money going to work than you would make from streaming.

That's it. It's going to cause you more hardship than it's worth. And also, it's not going to work. Honestly, when you're streaming, if you're stressed, if you're unhappy, if you're feeling desperate, that's going to come through. It's going to stress out your life. It's going to make you miserable.

It's going to impact your ability to be an entertaining personality that people want to watch. It's going to be this vicious circle that eats itself. You have to be in the right headspace to do this. Or have big old titties. That's how I've done so well. I've worked on my massive male titties. And I think that's what what keeps coming back day after day after day i squeeze them together when i get a donation same here i always make sure i angle

my camera perfectly so that you can sort of see them too i've got an extra light it's just my tit light it's just like a spotlight on my tits so they and then i shine them up with some oil so they gleam just right that's what i do too too. Yeah. That's what I spend a lot of. It takes me a long time to get my stream set up because I have to do all of that extra setup. The soft lighting, the makeup. All of that extra setup. You have to scatter stuff around the floor of your room so you can bend over and pick it up with your, you know, title. Oh, God.

And then I fucking have to make like 100 instagram posts before i go live as well i gotta angle all those here's me in the pool here's me oh my god the light has just hit the side of my face so perfectly today and oh i look so attractive and then the stream goes live there's 10 minutes of music and then i go live and there's 10 minutes of me talking about my day and look at these new yoga pants i bought accurate summary of my stream flax this is all the stuff i do as well i gotta do all my sponsors and stuff as well big big shout out to um frank's dildos fun and minty fresh frank's dildos and fucking the vape store. Lucky Luke's Lube.

That's my character. Lucky Luke's. You can get lucky with Lucky Luke's Lube. Lucky Luke's Lube Emporium. You'll lube it. I'm actually found a new vape juice. Well, what is it? It's called Jimmy the Juice Man.

Right. Okay. This is not a sponsored bit. Is it fruity? It's very fruity. I'm smoking one called Raspberry French, but I've also got peachy strawberry. Let me tell you something, Sips.

Not only, and again, this is not a sponsored bit. I'm just a big fan. This stuff comes in a vape bottle I can finally get on board with because it's soft. It's a squeezy bottle, so you can get all the juice out real easy. I am sick to death of these fucking rock hard vape juice bottles that you have to like

like one of the um the like the 60 mil ones it's tall no no no it's just like the little 10 mil but it's really good squishy plastic and i'm like i'm just like why the fuck aren't they all like that why are you making them my god so that i have to bust a gut just to squeeze the juice out? These balls are the exact same as the ones that I'm using at the moment to paint my little miniatures with. I've got these little paints that I've got to rip off of because the Gaze Workshop ones are really expensive. I like about the 60 mil ones. They fit perfectly into my ass as well. Why don't we skip over the fact that Lewis is doing,

like I'm talking about cool shit, like Vader's, and he's like, I use them to paint my goblin army. Well, this is what I've been doing when you guys have been watching the World Cup and doing dad stuff and being all cool

and hanging out in the pool and doing the pools in the football. I've been watching like RuPaul's Drag Race on Netflix I've been watching I've been watching that series that's really good really good

I've really enjoyed that I've been watching I've been watching a load of murder stuff on Netflix that's been alright I've watched Stairwell

Staircase I'm about episode 4 it's ok it's a little slow I preferred Making a Murderer so far but it's been

oh Making a Murderer is really good wait is this the new one by the people that did no no this is also making the murderer came out years ago right the staircase came out years ago oh yeah but it's had new episodes come out and also this is the first time you can see all of them in one place apparently it's a thing that's been on at various places they're like here's a new episode of the staircase because obviously they're following the case over a long period of time yeah it comes down now and again rather than the old boom 12 episodes not not really a spoiler uh it's a woman falls down stairs or does she get pushed you know that's the question and so fuck okay it's it's either it's either like did the husband kill his wife or did she fall down

the stairs and it's kind of this case where it's had years and years and millions and millions on both sides trying to figure it out and it's just amazing it's kind of an amazing look at the US justice system police system like a whole system on a case that kind of

doesn't you know there's only this couple involved and it could have just been an accident but you're just not It kind of doesn't, you know, there's only this couple involved. And it could have just been an accident, but you're just not sure. It's right on that borderline, and it's really interesting. It sounds like a storyline for Fargo or something. Yeah. You never, even right at the sort of, you can kind of,

you have to make your own decision a little bit like all these real crime podcasts. You just don't know. It could have just been really clever. I also watched Evil Genius on Netflix. Is that any good? Which was quite fun. It was okay. I watched the confession tapes.

I watched all of those. Man, I do like this crime stuff. I've got through a lot of it lately. Yeah, it's good shit. That's why you're so worried about walking home from the fucking offices. You're thinking you're going to get pushed down a staircase or something.

Yeah. And in Bristol of all places, to this house. The Bristol Pusher. Yeah, that's it. I'm not really. You're thinking you're going to get pushed down a staircase or something. Yeah. And in Bristol, of all places, too, there's cows. The Bristol pushers. Yeah, that's it. I'm not, really. Some people I've been speaking to are a bit uncomfortable. But I'm actually, I quite like it. I'm kind of quite used to that sort of noisy, bantery, drunk people.

It's kind of what I'm used to. So I'm not scared about it, really. You've known me for a few years now. I'll give it back to people if they give it to me when I'm walking back, but you'll give it back to them You'll give it back right? What so they'll say oh fuck you you can't you Billy? Hey? you Six or seven friends with you. I'm all by myself. I don't fucking care. Go fuck yourself. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. That's you. Okay. I see what you're saying. Classic Lulu. It's never that bad. The hard man of Bristol. It's never that bad.

All right. Fucking P-Flex. Jesus Christ. Hey, I've been watching Parks and Recreation still. I'm done season two now. Oh, man. Great show. Yeah, I love it.

It's a really good show. It's so fucking funny.'ve had i've had to break up like um watching all these murder things like i look i can watch like one or two episodes then i go and watch arrest development for a couple of episodes something like that or sunny or something and then i go back because i can't you can't binge watch these fucking murder things for two it makes you go fucking mad yeah i know too much that shit so many bits in parks and rec that that me and mrs f still quote like do you know the water fountains in in what is it what's the name of the town they live in pawnee pawn in pawnee the people in pawnee when they use the water fountains in public they put their whole mouth over yes i haven't seen that one yet we have a hygiene problem water fountains

because for some reason that's how they do it in Pawnee. And I like little Sebastian, the sort of Shetland pony that everyone in town is fucking in love with. Even Ron is like, oh, my God, it's little Sebastian. It's so fucking funny, those bits. We saw the episode recently, and I don't – it was – the scene itself wasn't that funny. I guess it just caught us by surprise, but we had to pause the show and laugh for like 10 minutes it was that we were like just like cry laughing i think we were just tired or something but it was the one where jerry jerry dislocates his arm uh and says that he was mugged in the park but he wasn't mugged in the park he dropped like his breakfast burrito in the stream and he fell into the stream right um and then but he

comes back to work and and everyone's like is there anything we could do for you jared he's like you know what just pretend that everything is fine i just need a normal day and then ron's like well i think you had a presentation you were gonna do today so he gets the presentation all set up and everything and he's he's you know he's still like traumatized from what happened. He's injured and everything. He fucking bends over. The computer wasn't on. He bends over, his pants split open.

And there's just like a little delay and a fart. And oh my God, we just fucking lost it. It was so fucking funny. It's like the dumbest scene. It was so funny. Fuck. Oh shit. It was good good i love that show it's

very funny i mean rod and andy's might want to or chris pratt in fucking yeah he's very funny really good there's so many good it's just a great show i like the whole like i'm only at the end of season two but i like the little stories like i like like ann and mark and now mark is like quit and they broke up but like andy and and april have like this really awkward sort of like thing like this like romance brewing or whatever i hope that like these storylines sort of persist because they're kind of funny like yeah it doesn't go down the road of sort of ruining it like i felt like it like i know we talk about frazier pretty much every other fucking podcast but they they had that great thread yes the one continual thread was him and daphne it was so great there

was so much tension and stuff and it was really awesome and so funny and then they got married and it ruined it because they had one thread and i think now the way these shows do is there's like a million fucking threads yeah so you're not tied up on one i mean jim and pam from the office that was a big one but it wasn't like the whole show hinged off that yeah that wasn't like the source of a huge amount of humor it was more like something you hoped would come to something whereas so many jokes hinged off daphne and and niles that they killed like half their fucking jokes like it had a stroke just boom changed the character completely and everything so the parks and rec definitely doesn't do that it doesn't go down that road at all it's a it's a good you have to have a lot of um you have to have enough

characters that it it's a narrative trick to create to keep people interested in a sense because you you're often i found this like it's when i watch such shows or when i watch when i was reading game of thrones you know i would be like oh i can't wait for the next tyrian chapter or whatever you know but i have to sit through this Caitlyn one or whatever but some people love those chapters and hate the other ones I thought the flow for all of the Game of Thrones books was great

I love that it didn't just give you what you wanted all the time you had to sort of get through other characters and they were interesting and stuff too I thought the pacing was fucking phenomenal actually it was really good yeah and sometimes it's rewarding to to hear these other sort of stories that you wouldn't necessarily normally be interested so you you haven't got the cones of dunshire episode yet in parks and rec which is great so i can't

remember the character's name he's he's just i can't remember his name but the one of the the guy that leslie ends up with um or one of the guys he comes up with this board game called the cones of dunshire and it's like it's making a mockery of all those fucking board games out of like insanely complicated right and he comes up with it he's he quits his job and he comes up with this game she comes home from work and he's got all these cones these little cones and this huge board and it's this immensely elaborate game called the cones of dunshire so anytime i'm telling mrs f about a board game that i played she's like is it like the cones of dunshire like that's like her understanding of board games begins and ends at cones of dunshire

it's such a good bit no fuck when when uh you know like ron's the the running joke about ron loving a breakfast and like eggs bacon and eggs and stuff and they go to the strip club and he's like hello beautiful and you'd think that he's seen a woman but it was a breakfast but an all-day breakfast buffet and then when the glitter bomb goes off and the glitter is coming down there's just that one there's that one scene you see ron with his coat over the like holding his coat over the breakfast there his coat over the breakfast fuck me there's so many good parts in that

in that show I will have all your eggs and she brings him like some eggs like I said all the eggs oh yeah

Ron's great yeah it's really good anyway there you go that's our top tips for you guys if you don't want to watch the football maybe you can

check out watch the football for fuck's sake but you shouldn't be watching the football. It's once every four years. You're watching England versus Panama. Who cares? It's like watching a little, it's like watching a teenager kick a toddler.

It's ridiculous. What's the point? Have you seen us play? We're actually in with a chance this year because everyone's been pretty shit. Yeah, everybody's been playing really bad. We're actually in with a chance. Everyone is shit.

The World Cup Cup fucking hell isn't it like oh we're not going to talk about it anymore so far there's not like a team that is clearly looking poised to win is there

exactly everybody's just playing like not that great and a lot of the games have been really boring as a result that's why we can win we can do that

boring football haven't the footballers played the entire season of football and leagues and stuff and now they have to like do this what's that all about lazy bastards everybody else manages why a footballer's held up as like their fucking job that's all they have to do they got nothing else to do i would quit my job

play football all day happily fuck i don't know what goes into it, but I feel like I can weigh in on this. Fuck, that's all they need to do. Literally, they've played a game of football at least once a week their entire fucking lives, and now they're too tired for the World Cup? Suck my dick. You guys get paid a shitload of money. Get out there and play some fucking football, you cunts. Yeah, you bastards.

Anyway, on that bright note, see you later. See you next week. Thanks for listening to this mess of a podcast. We'll see you next time. Bye. Goodbye.