Triforce! - YoGPoD 3: Toaster Bags and Tina Barrett

Episode Date: March 1, 2009

As usual, Simon and Lewis discuss a wide variety of drivel. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

pickaxe FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do who wants this last parachute? I do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Spring is a great time to start a new workout routine. With the weather warming up, it feels easier to get into the rhythm of things. Whether you have 20 minutes or an hour for a Pilates class or an outdoor guided walk, Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to Yogscast. That's like a Russian Hello and welcome to the Yorkshire Cast You are currently listening to Honeydew Talk about Toast of Ass

Let's listen You're cooking a delicious romantic meal for two And you get the toaster out of the cupboard, put it on the kitchen counter and put salmon fillets into a shitty brown paper bag type thing and put that in the toaster and that is how you cook your delicious romantic meal. I mean that's a bit weird isn't it? I mean it's great for cheese toasties quickly but cooking salmon can you hear me turn the pages? A little leaflet that comes with you only get like four toaster bags and you get like a leaflet with all these recipes.

What the fuck is a toaster bag? A toaster bag is like a small brown paper bag-esque thing into which you pop a sandwich which you then put inside of your toaster and cook so that it becomes a delicious toasted sandwich. But it doesn't actually get toasted. Is that right? Well, the outside gets toasted. So it just sort of warms it up? No, it toasts properly. I mean, the... How does it do that?

Magic. I mean, it's a weird thing, these bags. It's like some weird mesh. It's not actually paper, and it's not really plastic. It's something that conducts heat very well, but doesn't allow any spillages out of... So what, you pop, like, anything you want in there? So you can just pop anything in the bag, can you? Like a banana? Or, um... Yeah. You can put, like, pizza. A slice of pizza into it. You can put some frozen french fries

or chips into it and cook them on the toaster. You can put fish fingers in there. Burgers. Fish. Fish fingers. Fish fingers. fish sticks, fish cakes, fish fillets. I mean, doesn't this largely depend on how... Sushi, you can cook sushi in it.

But I mean, does all this stuff get toasted? Yeah, everything is toasted. But then it's kind of just like grilling and pizza is a very thin kind of thing so toasting pizza is pretty you know it's fine and toasting fish fingers is fine because they're you know they're thin they're thin food stuff how did you get how did you get... How did you find out about this? I mean, you can't really put bits of chicken into it. You know, you can't... You can't put half of a raw chicken into your

toaster and expect it to cook nicely. Oh, well, I guess it is limited by the size of your toaster. You can't really, like, stuff the whole chicken down into the toaster slit, can you? I mean, it also doesn't heat through. All it does is toast it. So the outside is, you know, heated up and made crispy.

But also, I mean, you mentioned... One of the first examples you mentioned was a sandwich, right? Now, I don't know how big your toaster is, but mine certainly isn't big enough to hold a whole sandwich. Well, I mean, I have to squish the bread down a bit. So, especially if you have thick sliced bread,

you have to, you know, you have to fist it a little bit. You know, you pump your fist down, you knead it, you knead it down so it's a bit thinner. You sit on it. You slam it in a car door a few times. A bacon and chicken sandwich, okay. You get your sandwich, you lie it in the middle of

a road and then you drive a steam roller over it a couple of times. Right, and then you put it in one of these bags, pop it in the toaster. Yes. How much do these bags cost? Um, I can't remember. I think it's two or three quid or something. Oh, you've already bought it, have you? Yeah. I've bought it, I've used it, I had cheese on toast this morning, cooked in a toaster bag but I mean can you imagine cooking a salmon fillet in one of these toaster bags with a little sprig of tarragon cooks in about five minutes I mean yeah you could make lasagna

Well, I mean, yeah, a few minutes ago... Do you think you could cook lasagna? You'd get, like, a bird's eye lasagna for one from the freezer section. You, like, open it up, remove the packaging, you have this massive frozen lump of pasta and mince, and you just kind of, like, wedge it into this bag and throw it in the toaster. You'd probably start a fire actually, the house would burn down. Why would it start a fire? Lasagna's very flammable. Oh.

We didn't start the fire. Hello! What's your favourite band from the 1980s? We can't actually... if we're going to broadcast this shit... Which, I mean, heaven fucking forgive us for committing such an awful sin against humanity for doing so. But if we were to, we can't really sing proper music too much... Due to copyright reasons. What do you mean?

So, I mean, if we were to sing Happy Birthday, I mean, that's still covered by copyright, so we wouldn't actually be able to, you know, completely sing the whole song. But Are you allowed No but I mean By singing like One Line of a song Out of tune

I don't think we're like Going to actually get in trouble Well I mean there's not much chance Of us actually singing Anything in tune So You're listening to The Yolk Pod

yeah alright so let's record some Yolk Pod what are we actually going to say, what are we going to do it's just going to be like a conversation about toaster bags

hello and welcome to the old pod i don't think people will get the reference unless you say the second line because you're so out of tune with that hello that i think people just think you say hello i have to be though they won't get the line otherwise reference lionel richie will sue me if I sing it in tune. So I have to sing it out of tune. Hello! Hello!

Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm just protecting us. I'm protecting the Yoggpod. That's what I'm doing. I have to sing out of tune. In many ways, I've been practising my entire life Singing out of tune Just for this Yogpod

I thought you said we had something to talk about You had something to like talk about It was the toaster bags Oh shit we've already used it So that's it That's it we're done Anyway thanks for listening to the Yogpod

I hope you've enjoyed this fucking shambles oh god this is awful I mean in many ways I'm actually quite reassured by the fact that anything that we do from now on can't possibly

be as bad as the Sipsgate episode. Sipsgate, oh, Jesus. I was a little bit drunk though, when we recorded that. Okay, pick a number between 1 and 256. Preferably not one or 256. But somewhere, you know, somewhere in the middle. You have to tell me what it is. This isn't a fucking,

I'm not a magician. I'm not David Blaine. You're not going to guess. No, I'm not going to guess what it is. 87. Oh! 113. That was good. I was thinking of... 113. Okay. Let me consult my tone. Okay, what have we got? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 eleven twelve okay a number between one and twelve

uh do i have to tell you hello yes why are you doing that why are you saying hello i'm just gonna keep singing hello in the style of lionel richie don't do that it's really annoying i am just gonna keep doing it. I feel like I should warn you now. So, a number between... Hello! Stop doing that! Number between 1 and 12.

2. 2. Okay. I am reading from Ripley's Believe It or Not book. Canadian singer-songwriter Kevin Bath recorded an entire... an album... Oh, shit, I've already fucked up. Canadian singer-songwriter Kevin Bath recorded an album a week

for an entire year with eight tracks per album that totaled to 416 songs in 365 days. What are you talking about? This is like an interesting fact or feat or freak of nature type thing. What is? So this guy, this guy wrote... What are you doing? 416... What are you doing? 416. What about the numbers?

This has helped me pick, at random, an interesting fact from this book. Oh, right, so you have a book. Which is kind of appropriate, because we were talking about music, and this is about music. appropriate because we were talking about music and this is about music a very creative hard working guy who produced a massive body of work within a year 416 songs in a year well they can't have been any good i've never heard of any of them i could do that let's make one up now actually well we need this is a good fucking lead. We need... Is that part of it? The clicking of fingers? Is that the beat? We can have that.

You've already got that sorted out. We can have that. That's part of it. We need to make a theme tune to the Yog Pod. So it's like an intro theme. We've already got the Star Wars theme. We just have the Star Wars disco theme with us singing, you know, Yorg Pod, this is the Yorg Pod. Like that. Well, wouldn't there be copyright issues with that? Yes.

But we have to sing it out of tune and we can't use any music. So it would just be me singing like that With you clicking your fingers over it Okay let's try again Ready? You have to sing it out of tune Ready? York pod This is the York pod

This is the York pod How long is this going to go on for? This is the York Pod This is the York Pod Alright, okay. That's it, that's it, that's it, that's enough. That's beautiful. That's going to be beautiful. When you listen back to that, you're going to be amazed.

Really? Anyway, I've missed the most interesting fact about this guy from Canada who wrote 216 songs in a year, right? He worked so hard and put so many hours into this that he couldn't take the time out to shave. So he grew a massive beard over the course of the year. What? so he grew a massive beard over the course of the year what? yeah he didn't want to take the time off of you know his

songwriting and recording was he like Forrest Gump running across America? yeah apart from you know the fact that he wasn't running he was just you know in his studio and he wasn't some stupid American he was a stupid

Canadian and he's not fictional he's a real person what's his name? apart from that it's exactly the same as Forrest Gump

what kind of music was it as well because if it was like R&B everything sounds the fucking same so

he probably could have got away with like repeating himself he's a Canadian called Kevin he's bound to be the fucking same. So he probably could have got away with repeating himself. He's a Canadian called Kevin. It's bound to be country and western music. Hey, maybe we could use one of his songs.

He might let us use one of his songs. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Oh yeah. That's a good idea. What's his name? Kevin Bath. I'm sure they're really good idea. What's his name? Kevin Bath. I'm sure they're really good songs. You know, given that he... Kevin Bath.

I've found his website, kevinbath.com. I'm a bit unnerved. Wow! How on earth did you find that? Holy shit! There's links on the front page. You're quite the internet detective, aren't you, Lewis? And the links are... Wow.

Music, skip tracer, the history of my hair. The history... The history of my hair? Yeah, it immediately clicks on that, right? And it's like a video. It's like a movie. About his hair. Oh my god, this is really weird. He wrote a song about his hair. Basically it's just a slideshow of pictures from his life. Of

him. The history of my hair. Windows media video. Is that the Rolling Stones? What music's that? It's obviously something he wrote. Duh. Why would he use the Rolling fucking Stones? This guy wrote 400 songs over the course of a year. Do you really think he would have ripped off the

Rolling Stones to make a video about his hair? Yes. I think he has. You're listening to Ya Pa. Each week starting October 1st 2006 and ending September 23rd 2007, I set a world record by releasing a CD a week for a year Wow I must say the the album cover art is quite spectacularly shit really yeah one of them appears to be a picture of a piece of meat. This is very odd.

Wow, one of them looks like it's done in Microsoft WordArt. 2007, it says. One of the album covers is him. He's written on his hand. I've taken a picture of it. The last time someone posted on his MySpace was the 21st of May 2008. Right, now I think we should start trying to change this stuff. We should get people to post on his MySpace.

What? Instead of Tina Barrett's? As well as Tina Barrett's. But people didn't know they were supposed to post on Tina Barrett's MySpace because we never released that. You never... Oh, man. It's on the table. I was just checking it for messages. Oh, God, there's music playing

by Tina Barrett on her Myspace. She's actually done some new music. It's a bit like the Tetris remix. Oh, my God. There's some posts on Tina Barrett's Myspace. None of them are from Yogspod fans,

though. But one of these posts, Hello, honey. Hope you're fine. Wow, on February 21st, 2008, I got my first mail from you. This day, I knew I was blessed by love and happiness, and heaven could exist. You're one of the best thing which could happen to me since 2004. Love from Francois. Yeah, that's a bit fucking weird.

Do you reckon she'd, like, contact us if we added her as a friend and stuff? Um, I think we'd probably have a restraining order put out against us. I'd love to get some mail from Tina Barrett. Oh, fuck. This is going to be great. Right, guys, seriously, get on it.

All of our loyal listeners, get on to Tina Barrett. And we want to hear from her. We want to hear her. Hopefully she'll email you or contact you in some way. And we want to hear back. Or Kevin Bath. Kevin Bath will do as well. To be honest, I'm probably going to forget who Kevin Bath is tomorrow.

He's got such a good name, though. It's just gone. Kevin Bath. Kevin Bath is tomorrow. He's got such a good name, though. It's just gone. Kevin Bath. Kevin Bath. That's the best name I've ever heard. Jesus Nails. That's the best name I've ever heard. Jesus Nails?

Jesus Nails. Did Jesus Nails ever fight with Chuck Norris? I'm not even... And we're not even going to go there. Jesus Nails. God, that sounds like a band name, doesn't it? Or something. Maybe we should rename the Yoggpod

Jesus Nails. The Yoggpod is rebranded. Rereleased. Under the new name. It was formerly Norwich Union and now it's Jesus Nails. Yeah, Norwich Union, and now it's Jesus Nails. Yeah, Norwich Union was just lacking something.

So where were we? This music on Tina Barrett's Myspace is shocking. How bad is it? I honestly believe that we could do better. Really? I'm looking at it. It says plays today, five. Five people

have listened to this music on MySpace today. Oh dear. Five people. Do you think we're weird for, like, following Tina Barrett? I don't think that's the only reason we're weird.

I mean, Ace is a fan of Hannah Montana, and I think that's much weirder. Oh, Hannah Spirit is Tina Barrett's friend on Myspace. See, Hannah Spirit, at least she did Primeval, the ITV supernatural supernatural-ish, bizarre, like, drama thing. Bleh. With dinosaurs in the modern world coming back. Oh, it was terrible. It was terrible. It was shit. I think I managed to watch about half an episode and then I felt sick and had to shoot myself. If we actually...

I mean, God help us, if this makes it into the podcast, we know something's gone horribly wrong. What, talk about Primeval? Yeah. If Hannes Spirit actually is listening to this, I thought you were very good in Primeval. I thought you were very good. You were a very good actor. Especially when he very good in Primeval. I thought you were very good, you were a very

good actress. Especially when he walks around in your pants. Ever listen to this. She's probably very fond of podcasting. She's probably quite an avid follower of, you know, like, Nobody Likes Onions or something like that. I don't know who any of that is. Podcasters. Podcasters? Do you know what? I think Hannah Spirit's probably my favourite member of S Club 7 now.

You've changed your mind over the last six months. I don't think it's Tina... Well, I've listened to Tina Barrett's music and that's just put me off. Is it really that terrible? Yeah, it's really bad. Has she actually released that album yet? Nobody would fucking know. Nobody would know if she released it. It's like number 187 on the billboard chart.

Look at Tina Brandt's influences. Alcohol. It starts off and it's like... Who are these people? Tell me if you know who these people are. Sly and the Family Stone. Yeah, yeah. Who's that? 70s disco band. Timberland. Tell me if you know who these people are. Sly and the Family Stone. Yeah. Yeah.

Who's there? 1970s disco band. Timberland. Yeah. It's quite a step up. Music producer and artist. Leah James. Nikki Costa.

Air. Jimi Hendrix. Khalees. Yeah. Billie Holiday. Khalees. Fergie. George Clinton Clinton Nina Simone

Queens of the Stone Age Nirvana Dr. Dre Rage Against the Machine 50 Cent Nass Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five Marilyn Manson

Boys Two Men Marl Parkley I mean it just bounces between Manson, Boyz II Men, Marilyn Manson. Marl Farquhary. I mean, it just bounces between like, everything. I mean, who isn't an influence on Tina Barrett? Well, I mean, maybe that's her problem. She has too many influences.

I mean, if she was just a fan of disco, then her songs would probably, you know, not be so shit. But because she likes such a wide range of disco, then her songs would probably not be so shit. But because she likes such a wide range of music, she just doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. Maybe that's shit. I mean, she's got Korn right

next to Boyz II Men, right next to Outkast. Well, I like Outkast and Korn. I don't like Boyz II Men. Really? Yeah. I love it. I've got loads of corn songs on my iTunes and I've also got Hey Ya. No, I was saying really that you don't like Boyz One is listening to the awkward. of shame. What's your most listened to? I've forgotten how you fucking show it now.

There's either a tab on the left where you can press it or there's a play count tab. You can have a tab at the top. Artist, album, genre, rating, play count. Top 25 most played.

Hysteria by Muse is top Well that is a very good tune It's not too bad Happiness is a Warm Gun is number two The Breeders Cover of the Beatles song Good God It's a very good song I've got some really awful ones Come on, come on I've got

I've got I've got some really awful ones. Come on, come on. I've got Coldplay with 44 plays, Life in Technicolor. Is that top? 44 plays? Yeah. Well, you've got a lot more music than I have. I mean mean I've got 81 plays Of Hysteria by Muse But then I used to Well the thing is I used to put it on when we'd have Like a timed boss encounter In WoW when we were playing

On the internet games So when because it's a really short You know fast Aggressive song I thought it was you know it was banging And it really fit. Oh, God, this is so sad. Is this why you're so bad

at playing a prop paladin? Because you were listening to, like, banging metal music. I'm not bad at all. Come on, Max. I hadn't played for, like, three weeks or something properly. And then I, like,

tank everything in Max. Easy. Yeah. You were saying, oh, you're so good, honey. So second, I've got Amaranth by Nightwish. That's a good song. That's a good song. Then I've got Katy Perry.

Waking up in Vegas. Oh, my God. Oh, that is bad That is bad Sometimes numbers get artificially Inflated though Because if the song is like If the song is the first one on the album

And you put the album on That gets played If not the shuffle Or if It just comes up a hundred times a day shut up shuffle it's just random it's just a coincidence i can't use shuffle because um it starts like i'm listening to shuffle i'm like playing counter-strike or something and suddenly it starts playing track 17 of like stephen king's dark Tower 4 or whatever.

Why don't you remove it from your library or create a playlist with every song apart from the audio? Because that takes effort. Number four on my playlist is Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who. So you're pretty cool. See, number five, I've also got The Who with Barbara O'Reilly. See, these are both CSI themed songs.

Yeah, what the hell? That's weird. Well, the thing is I liked The Who before CSI because my dad was a big fan of them and we had a member of The Who who lived nearby as well. Who do you think didn't like The Who before CSI? Who do you think has discovered the Who through watching CSI? People in their twenties, probably. People in their teens. People who weren't 30 years old like me. Oh man. And again, that's not a bad theme tune to have, is it? Like, using the Who. They did well.

I'm surprised they didn't use the Seeker, because that just, that perfectly fits. Like a cop show. It's just bizarre. And then I've got Easy by Faith No More. The cover that they did. the cover that they did which the video has like a huge blank huge oh god a huge blank the video for easy has a huge group of um... transvestites going about their day it's very odd

what are you talking about? the video to easy by faith no more how we move on to some band who I... How do we suddenly... Sorry, I turned off for like a second and suddenly you're talking about something completely ridiculous. I almost listen to songs on iTunes. Never easy like Sunday morning. I have to sing it out of tune. Just remember this.

Hello! I'm easy like Sunday morning Morning Out of tune Out of tune That was out of tune I mean I can't sing in tune Well that's probably the problem Because you can only sing out of tune

When you tried to deliberately sing it out of tune You slipped to being in tune. Thanks man, I appreciate the compliment. It's alright, it's alright, you're welcome. Right, let's do that numbers thing again. Do I have to choose the number? What was the first number? Oh god. Between 1 and 256.

It's a very large book. Could you hear that? Could you hear me opening it? It's like this massive, you know... Big fucking book. Can you hear this book? It's a big fucking book. The Madioc, choose a number. What? Hi, Hannah. What are you wearing? Clothes. You have to pick a number... Clothes! Holy shit. It's a coincidence. I am too. It's a number between 1 and 256.

Although if you pick 256 that will be the Acknowledgements page, which probably won't be very interesting. Writers, China photos. 142. Okay, a number between 1 and 10. 3. Okay. Oh, it's about library books. Isn't that interesting? Wow.

What are you trying to say? In 1650, the Bishop of Winchester, England, just in case you thought it was, you know, Winchester, South Australia, or Winchester, Taiwan. In 1650, the Bishop of Winchester borrowed a book from Somerset County Records Office, but it was not returned to the Somerset County Records Office, but it was not returned to the Somerset County Library

until 1985. 335 years late. God. And then there's a joke about the fine, isn't there? Oh, you bastard. Okay. It had accrued

$6,000 in unpaid fees, because this is an American book, it's in dollars. $6,000 in unpaid fees, and the title of the book, are you ready for this? The title of the book was The Book of Fines. Fines, and it was $ 6,000 in fines for the late book and it's the book of fines what do you mean it was the book of fines was fines spelt differently

it's the book of fines no fines so it's not a pun then we're feeling fines oh god you're listening To the Yolk Pod Tune in for part two

Next week Tune in next week For the second half Of this Yolk Pod Thank you Thank you!