Triforce! - YoGPoD 52: Halloween Spaktacu-11-ar

Episode Date: October 30, 2019

YoGPoD returns for a Halloween Spaktacu-11-ar! Simon's prepared some spooky two sentence horror stories which spirals into Penisboné, dino dongers and cursed Mario Maker levels. Music courtesy of Epidemic Sound. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Please play responsibly. Hello and welcome to TTT. Hello, everybody. Hello everybody to this spooky time of year. It's getting dark. The months, the days are setting in. The months are growing shorter. Yes, and it's getting colder and spookier by the day. It's chilly and your willy may be frozen off On this hallowsween Night Your tiny Halloween

May be shrinking Welcome back to a Halloween Now listen up First of all we don't normally release The Halloween Spectacular at Halloween I think we did last year No we didn't, we did it for the 10 year anniversary Oh so this is going to be the Spectacular at Halloween. I think we did last year. No, we didn't. We did it for the 10-year anniversary last year. Oh, so this is going to be the Spectacular 11-er.

Yes. The L is a double one. Oh, yeah, we can get rid of that. Yes. That way it's very hard to Google up these. The SEO is terrible. It's hidden. Spooky.

No, actually, it's really good. The Lost Podcast. It's actually really good because if you search for it with the two ones, nothing else is going to come up. That's true, but you don't know how to spell spectacular, do you? Because has it got a C in it, a K in it? Has it got a double R? Has it got hyphens?

It's not double L, is it? It's just one L. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, exactly. We've already... Look, we're not doing that for those reasons. We're doing this because it's nice to talk to each other for a bit.

Simon, how are you doing? I'm doing all right. I'm in a spooky mood. Yeah, definitely. Are you feeling Halloween's good? It's like a little time to be spooked, to be scared, but also to feel a bit of comfort. Because everyone's a bit sad that summer's gone you know autumn yeah autumn's sort of passed a little bit and now we're oh you know celebrate something before christmas we want to be wrapped up warm in our beds but not with santa pooping on our heads but lewis what if there's a monster under the bed well maybe you should give it some lead from your christmas gift an auto vat kalashnikov fresh from the wars i did get you your father was part of i think because we're

recording this on lewis's birthday and i did buy him a bunch of knives yeah you bought me like a knife a little knife pack like i I was Gabe Newell or something. Yeah. Or John Locke from Lost. So you can give them some steel. These are my references. Sometimes I say to people, I've noticed it more and more. Okay, I say to someone a reference, which I assume they would know.

Oh, that means you're getting old. And they are like, what? Like I was talking to someone about Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen. I was like, oh, you know that song, Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen? And they were like, no, no, I don't. A song about sunscreen? And I was like, yeah, it's like a spoken word thing. They're like, no, no, it's a meme.

I was like, not really, no, it's just old. It was kind of a meme. It was a meme. It was like back in the day, Crazy Frog and those other things. Oh, God. You know, everyone knows that. All the old memes were shit. Yeah. Oh, shit. meme it was it was like like back in the day crazy frog and all those other things oh god you know they've everyone knows that all the old memes were shit yeah shit my mum sent me a card birthday card with a meme on the front it was like it was that meme with the rock you know you can google it up it's basically like john's weather detecting rock oh god it's like rock not moving, calm. Rock moving, windy. Rock visible, sunny.

Rock invisible, dark. I don't know, I can't remember. Foggy. Foggy, very foggy. I can't remember. Rock wet. Rainy, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

That makes sense. Rock frozen. Snow. Probably. How would you tell if a rock was frozen? It's got ice on it. Big icicle. Big icicle.

Or hanging off it. But that doesn't mean that it's frozen. That just means that it's cold enough that ice is... Do you mean... Also, can a rock be... What's this got to do with ice? What? They're coming back.

We need to stop them. Rock has joined ice. What's the weather? Oh, God. I'll be like, oh, terrible. That would be a terrible forecast. Oh, my God. Anyway, welcome back, everyone.

Simon. Yeah. We, unlike normal podcasts that we do prep for, well, not that much, you have done a little bit of prep for this. Yeah. Thank God. So I've got some stories that we can read

okay excellent including some of the the uh there's a subreddit two sentence horror oh which has got really short snappy horror fiction uh which is it's known as like flash fiction is that they get in they get out is that enough to like get you spooked uh well it's like a little shiver down your spine right um it's like a little shiver down your spine. Right. It's like a little quiver in your balls when you see a hot animated gif of a hentai. How do you see a hot anime?

Oh, God. Yeah, hot gifs in your area. Oh, Jesus Christ. Do you know what I mean? It's like a not-safe-for-work gif. It's a little titillation, but it's not, because, you know, you can't, you know, like a not safe for work gif. It's just, it's a little titillation, but it's not enough to make you, you know, really spooked. Yeah, all right, all right, all right.

Right, let's get going. Just forget that. We've got to move on from whatever the fuck you're talking about. No. And I make titsies. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I need to slap myself awake.

Oh, Senpai Lewis. Oh, no. When am I coming back to Japan? When are you visiting me again, Lewis? Lewis Chan, I miss you. Your children are here. That's your holographic anime wife that lives in Japan. You have been sending me the child support.

Oh, no. Oh, no. See, that's the two-sentence horror right that's a see that's the uh two sentence horror right there oh that's wonderful yeah it just suddenly goes into a nightmare and you didn't realize because you were thinking it was it's gonna be sexy but no i subverted the narrative yeah just like in real life yeah okay yeah so go on here's here's a good one right so this is one of the Here's a good one Start with a good one

This is one of the most upvoted of all time Okay I'm in I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little Did you get it? Yeah, I feel like it's not so much a two-sense horror as a bad sort of joke, like a Milton Jones one-liner.

Yeah, I mean, it's kind of the format, isn't it? You have the set-up and then you have the payoff. Yeah, I feel like that's a kind of a good joke. I would have seen that on a panel show. Do you know what I mean? It would be on like 8 out of 10 cats or whatever. Next. I'm hungry for more.

The problem is a lot of the top ones, they're more funny than scary. Right. But that's okay. The most upvoted one is, I forgot to grab something. I'll be right back, said mom mom as she rounded the corner out of sight the cashier began ringing up our groceries oh that's great that is a great little one yeah

the dread the the existential like fear how am i gonna pay for this mom because because you because you sort of you you don't sort of when you're a kid you don't really see a ways out of that situation you know you think you're gonna be made to pay for all the groceries yeah do you ever get like these funny like nightmarish like dreams sometimes about similar stuff like that like um i posted something or someone else posted something inappropriate on my twitter or whatever do you mean like or something kind of like that's not a nightmare that's every day that was you doing it yeah i suppose oh no it's it's like a one of the modern existential dreads of like you know you'll accidentally like a saucy tweet and then it'll appear on people's feeds because likes appear on feeds now and again that's right

you don't know who might see it or you accidentally like upvote something on reddit that you should that you shouldn't like that you didn't agree with or whatever can people see what you upvote i don't know i don't think'd be scary though, right? It's like you always get that fear that everyone sees and knows everything. Because I was playing like, well, it does it in games as well. Like, you know, you can't. Okay, can you format this anecdote in two sentences?

Oh, God. I mean, imagine all the shit that you've said in WoW over 10 years. Or like Discord. Like a bunch of people with Discord. You know, imagine all the shit that you've said in WoW over 10 years. Or like Discord. Like a bunch of people with Discord. You can search through the Discord messages and see what people have said. You can search for words and get people's sentences out of context and all sorts of stuff. I mean, the early to mid-2000s, it was a wild time on the internet, I think you could say. Yeah, I think so. I think people said a lot of things in casual conversation

or as a joke that would probably not fly. So, like, this would be like, I finally got the job of my dreams and then my boss asked for my Twitter handle. Ah, yes. That would be it okay yeah exactly that's you've just made your own one yeah that's that's perfect existential dread yeah like that people will find out all the skeletons that they're not even in your closet they're just out on the front lawn for anyone to look at you know you just got a load of skeletons dangling off like

pole racks oh god look at my skeletons balls oh wait skeletons can't have balls because balls aren't bones i know but i was i was i was in germany the other day and i was looking at tristram tristram who's like the biggest not biggest the biggest bald skeleton in Germany He's got the Massivest balls He's the Only intact T-Rex in Europe Or some shit Or the most complete T-Rex Well and you met him

I met him Yeah he's a skeleton Okay He's at a natural history museum Tristam Are fossils actually even skeletons though? Ah I know

I see because they get replaced by by rock don't they because he's he's like entirely i don't know what kind of rocket is but it's like really black um and it's kind of obsidian looking it makes him look kind of very otherworldly and scary because some of them are like different shades aren't they according to where they were found anyway he had a huge like cock bone or something and i was like what the fuck is this and so i went on my phone i was like dinosaur dick bone dinosaur cock bone i was like trying to google it up i couldn't fucking find any anything i don't know i don't even know find a lot of like scaly stuff

i was i got safe search don't worry maybe that was my problem maybe if anyone knows what that weird dick cock bone is let me know because it's probably something fairly normal but maybe they had like a bone in their dick

is that a thing that dinosaurs had or some animals have are you sure it wasn't they put the tail on wrong maybe the tail has like slipped

round the wrong way yeah maybe and it was supposed to be sticking up and it was actually no they have a fucking massive tail don't they it wasn't it was supposed to be sticking up and it was actually um no they have a fucking massive tail don't they it wasn't it was quite a small not small it was a normal size

average you know three and a half inches yeah perfectly normal right that's absolutely normal size yeah absolutely perfectly fine so. So that was the thing. If anyone does have the answer, I am interested. So what's next? What have you got? There's another, like, funny one, right? Yeah. Again, this is, like, one of the most upvoted.

Knowing the game would take several hours to download, I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I saw a pop-up window asking me to confirm the download oh yeah a little shiver just ran down my spine oh god that's something you could you could you could have a nightmare you could see that being a nightmare totally um it's pretty bad i do not like that world's biggest penis bone, Secrets of Earth. Sorry, I've Googled.

Oh, God. I've Googled BBC Earth for the world's biggest penis bone. Of course you did. Did that penis museum come up? It's just a fucking British guy who looks like he's holding a fucking massive piece of bamboo or something. I'm John Penis Bone, the director of the Penis Museum. That's normative determinism, isn't it? Right there.

Maybe it's just luck. Maybe he changed his name by deed poll. You think it's a coincidence that someone by the name of Penisbone would end up directing the Penis Museum? It's probably not pronounced like that. It's more like Pen-ee-bo-nay. Yes, they always fucking do that, don't they?

Pen-ee-bo-nay. it's like anyone like like cock someone's whose name is spelled cock or it's it's kosh or coke you know it's always like i mean there's a cockburn is is uh pronounced coburn quite often because obviously cockburn i mean that's pretty bad i feel like i feel like all they're doing is keeping that name around. They should just change the name to spell it right, you know? Just fucking change your name, dude. All you're doing is keeping that problem for... Do you know what it's like? Oh, God.

It's like, put it off until tomorrow. All you're doing is you're procrastinating with your name. You're giving yourself a lifetime of people calling you Cockburn, right? Just fucking change your name rip that band-aid off do you mean all of your jet all the future generations are all gonna have to deal with that being called cockburn as well if you've got a name that's like shitty just get rid of it do you mean like oh fuck i always i feel like it sucks to to get your name picked for you right by your parents right so i mean how long should you wait and what should you be called

until you get to decide right well because what should you be called until you get to decide right well because what when you're like four or five you're probably going to want to be called like superman 5000 yeah you know but before then before you get that awesome name what's the placeholder name gonna be uh just i don't know it's it's not you're not a pet you're a human being you know you should be called you should be just a random string you should be given like you should be signed a random code name yeah okay that's just that's non non-detrimental to you it's like those um the twitch clips links which are like you know blue rhinoceros Toaster Orgasm House.

Yeah, that's what you should be called. Like that. And then obviously your parents can call you whatever. I guess it doesn't matter when you're like four. But you should basically be able to decide, I reckon. Because otherwise, you know, people end up with really shitty names. It's very common. I read a thing on Reddit the other day,

and it was a woman being like, oh you know i want to i want to name our kid um i don't know what to name her because my boyfriend wants to name him a sort of a traditionally african-american kind of um black name like trayvon or something yeah but i read that this was her saying it but i read that you know that all my it's not racist because lewis isn't the one saying this well i don't know the mother of the child she said this and she said i don't want to like hurt his job prospects and stuff in future because she'd heard that like calling him something like deshawn or whatever might be considered a bit kind of i mean she doesn't know what the you know what it's going to be like in 25 years no she doesn't but equally i think they ended up

agreeing on calling him something like miles which seems much more of a middle ground. Yeah. Oh, I don't like that. You don't like the name Miles? Isn't that Tails' name? Miles Prower, I think. What, from Sonic? Yeah. Sonic's, sorry, what's Sonic's name then? Sonic's name is Sonic.

What, it's not like Bruce fucking Jensen or whatever? Why has Miles got a name? It's Bruce Penispone. Penispone. fucking jensen or whatever why is miles got a name pen ispone yeah so the tales has got a real name and it's miles prower because it's like miles per hour oh i see i'm sorry i didn't really get that joke at all yeah but that's his actual name miles prower yeah oh my fuck is that what do the other characters from sonic also have stupid pun names Joke at all. Yeah, but that's his actual name. Miles Prower. Yeah. Oh, my fuck. Do the other characters from Sonic also have stupid pun names? I don't know.

Sonic full name. Let's see. Miles Prower. Oh, my God. What? Go on. Ogilvy Maurice Hedgehog. What the fuck?

Ogilvy. That can't be real. That can't be real. Well, does Mario have a real name? Morris. Oh, yeah, it's Mario Mario, isn't it? Sonic the Hedgehog's real name is Ogilvy Maurice the Hedgehog. Oh, the fuck? What the fuck?

Why? Why do people feel like they need to do this? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's to show that he's a fully realized character with a lot of depth. Maybe it's just a joke, though. Someone did it for a game, and then it stuck around. Is Mario's name Super Mario?

Super Mario Mario? No, it's just Marioio mario and luigi mario is his brother oh that was from the movie though yeah but that's canon no i don't think it is well it does happen because you see people being called like that sort of stuff like smith smith or dash did you see that do you see many people with the same first name and surname it's not typical is it like a thing in other languages though uh oh god i think we're going down a dodgy road here but muhammad muhammad probably i mean i'm pretty sure i've wasn't that ali so isn't that muhammad ali's real name or did someone change their name to it so it's reduplicated names is the term for it it was cassius clay

wasn't he muhammad eric jem Jemba, the Cameroonian footballer. I've heard of him. Yeah, Boutros Boutros Ghali. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, he was a famous guy. See, he's someone who I would be worried that if I were to say him, everyone would be like, who? And I'd be like, you've heard of him?

And they'd be like, no, I've never heard of him. Because, like, I don't know, I'm old. Do you know what I mean? The Chinese actress Fan Binging bing oh yeah she's quite famous yeah um liu ting ting well no hang on i mean these are just double-barreled surnames it's like being called uh one with a double you know it's like kind of having the same name repeated in your surname. It's not the same. There is a professional wrestler called Dudley Dudley. Okay, that's great.

That doesn't sound like a wrestler's name either, does it? Dudley sounds like a slow-witted man from near Birmingham. Maybe that's his character that he's playing. Dudley. Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav. How can we forget about that legend? I mean, that was never his real name, though.

What? What are you talking about? Oh, Jojo. Jojo? She's called Jojo. Who are you thinking of there? That's her name. Who, though?

She's a singer. Jojo? Jojo. I mean, what, just that one word? Yeah, she's called Jojo is she modern she's fairly modern okay i've never heard of her i mean i've heard of the anime uh jojo's bizarre adventure marky mark mark what again i mean doggy dog Snoop Doggy Dog. Where are you getting these from? Google.

Zaza Gabor. Oh, yeah, Zaza. Okay, sure. I mean, it happens. There was an actor called Maurice Morris. See, that's what I'm looking for. Okay. Maurice Morris.

Oh, yeah, what did he do? He was an actor. He acted. I don't know if this was his real name, though. Oh, it wasn't his real name. I think you've got to be pretty cocky as a parent To name your kid something weird And then them to actually be independently successful

On their own Held back by that weird fucking name Do you know what I mean? Once you're famous Or like once you've already sort of Almost broken through You can kind of have a weird quirky name Certainly in some industries

But I feel like if you were trying to be a banker And your name was Dudley dudley or maurice maurice i think i think you'd actually probably be right as a banker but certainly i reckon it would hold you back in some some fields right come on i'm just saying maybe you should consider what you name your kid because you know pen pen penish penis bonnet is available, but it doesn't mean you should use it, you know? Because most people pronounce it penis bone, and they're going to have to be correcting that for their whole life.

So just spell it differently. Penis bonnet. Like, just add an A on the end of it and a Y. Do you know what I mean? I've got one more. Go on. Jar Jar Binks. Wow, a legendary character. Jar Jar Binks. I'm glad we we um we're supposed to be doing scary stories how did we get onto this that's scary enough for some people how

did we get onto this Jar Jar Binks Jesus oh my god all right keep going with your go on let's let's we've what we like three sentences worth of scary story in, are we? It's okay. Let's keep going. Okay. I watched in horror from my hiding place as the aliens slaughtered my people. Someday I will find this earth place they come from and destroy them all. Amazing. A little twist in the tale there. That feels like the kind of like crisp packet or backside of a penguin, spooky kind of Tales of the Unexpected-y kind of thing.

Yeah. I like it, though. I like that stuff. It's kind of good because I don't have to watch the movie now. Do you know what I mean? I feel like the Hollywood made that into a bad movie. Wow. And they stretch it out for two two and a half hours yeah it's like like that was like a short story by stephen king or

whatever and they slap it on the front and the trailer would be like fucking four minutes that would just completely give it away i love watching a trailer and then turning to like whoever i'm sat next to in the cinema and being like well i guess I guess I don't have to watch that film now. You know, like that's the best. You know, I could just tick it off the list. I was reading this article yesterday by this guy who watches loads of movies and he watches them at 1.4 speed. That's his optimal version. And I was like...

I think that's what the makers of the movie, that's what they intended. Yeah. I feel like at that point, just read a book. Jeremy, you're not really watching a movie, are you? There's people that listen to audiobooks at like you know 1.5 speed as well yeah i listen to podcasts uh like 1.1 with like the the brakes cut out oh god anyway next hit me with the next one oh this is terrible this is like a meta one okay so just remember it's two sentence horror right right an old woman cursed me with an inability to count but oh fucking hell that's it you see there's always see what they did there

someone how you can't break the meta of this too many times though to be fair once you've got that one out of your system you know try and think of another one i mean i guess you could do one that's three senses long but this is a good one this is a good one okay i told her there was no monster in her closet as i picked her up and told her she could sleep with us tonight i figured that was the safest way of getting her out the house without him realizing i saw him oh that's that's that's that's that's all right oh fuck i like that oh i like that yeah that's good that reminds me of a couple of movies i've watched lately what's that remind me of man have you watched any good horror movies lately have you watched anything good is there what's your what's do you do do you do a podcast about movies and horror stuff

uh we do an infrequent show an infrequent show. An infrequent show. The movie Dungeon Jail. Yes. Or something. Something like that. We did Midsommar when that came out. And obviously that was in the summer. So that was ages ago.

That was in July or something? Do you have any recommendations for people to watch? Like horror things or spooky things for Halloween? What should people be watching? Because I watch... At Christmas, I really like, at Christmas, I really like watching certain movies. Like I've enjoyed watching Lord of the Rings the last couple of years,

just sort of slobbing out. It's not a Christmas movie. It's not a Christmas movie, but I've really enjoyed watching it lately for some reason. It's just a great series to watch. It's quite chill,

good tone. Yeah. You know, it doesn't feel like a stress. What should I watch on Halloween Eve? Halloween Eve? Halloween Eve? Halloween.

So the 30th of October? No. Halloween night. Okay. I turn off the lights. I get my Vaseline done. It's tricky because there's so many horror movies. I guess it's finding the right one.

So there's like some cheesy older ones, some like 80s ones. But there's also the classic ones. there's ones with like ropey effects but they're actually quite cool i don't know there's some that have got like real downer endings there's ones where you know you know people get away and they defeat the thing in the end yeah so it's tricky finding the right sort of movie there should be like a website where you're like, oh, I want to watch a scary movie, but it's got to have a good ending. It's got to be upbeat. I don't want it to be ghosts.

I don't like ghosts. That must exist somewhere. I mean, I like John Carpenter movies. So like Prince of Darkness is really good. Yeah. With the combination of like religion and science trying to figure out this weird thing they've got in a basement of an abandoned church yeah and a potential sort of

apocalypse bearing down on them um what's that one i always think of um thing no the with um what's his name um with chains the check oh it goes evil in time Evil Dead, thank you Are you talking about Army of Darkness? Army of Darkness, that's what I was thinking of when you said Prince of Darkness I was like Army of Darkness? But no, I don't think I've ever seen Prince of Darkness So Army of Darkness is quite fun

Prince of Darkness, not so much fun really It's like a siege movie What does that mean? It means that their characters are stuck in one location and they're like under attack oh right okay no that's that sounds good like a classic like killer clowns from outer space which has got like weird practical effects these horrible disgusting clown monsters yeah have you seen the new it? No, I haven't. Let's do it.

It's okay. I quite like it, actually. It did very, very well. It made a shit ton of money. That's how you want to do it, yeah. So we're looking forward to It Chapter 3, which is going to be middle-aged losers. Even older.

The Losers Club. They're already middle-aged, aren't they? How old? is it every 27 i can't even remember how long they're gonna be old yeah they're gonna be old killer clouds from outer space looks fucking stupid it is amazing it's absolutely amazing yeah is that is that a solid recommendation it's funny it's very funny but it is genuinely creepy because they look horrible and it's like a lot of like gory horrible shit that happens in it oh i kind of want to go and watch these now but no i'll save

them all right what's next um oh this is an interesting one i've always wondered what's the scythe for anyway i asked as death escorted me to the underworld protection he answered nervously that's quite good i like that yeah i like stuff like that it's like it leaves a lot of quite what would death be scared of it feels like it's do you know what that feels like that feels like uh a writing prompt you know for like the reddit where people come up with these really cool little concepts and some people write terrible garbage fiction on them. Most of the prompts are like, what if real life was computer game?

They're pretty much all like that. It's like, oh, everyone that's born has got stats. It's like they're all like versions of that. Or, you know, everyone's got a power level tattooed on their arm and like the lower is the more powerful you are and you were born and your tattoo says one or something like that yeah it's all just oh there was that movie there's a movie coming out a little bit like that actually as well where you had your life tattooed on you people could trade it couldn't

they do have just in time like in it yeah it's a good film it's okay yeah but there's another one similar i think coming out soon i saw a trailer for it and i was like don't need to see that one is it in time two electric boogaloo just in time just in because of justin timberlake he's in it oh my god do you reckon people if i mentioned justin timberlake because he's in it oh my god do you reckon people if I mentioned Justin Timberlake do you reckon people would know who he is

I don't know I'm not hanging out with people who aren't overly young or anything it's just normal people in the office you know

yeah it's like Paul Paul in the office Paul Choi I was thinking more like Joe you know Joe he's a young lad

he is and you're like talking about Justin Timberlake to him, and he's just nodding politely, not saying anything. I was talking about, what was I talking about? I watched the R. Kelly documentary on Netflix, right? Oh, God. That's pretty spooky.

Yikes. That's a bit of a Halloween watch. And he bloody well, I was coming in, and I was sort of just chatting about him. And just, I don't know. You know what you, do you know what I mean? And then I was also watching a thing about Amanda Knox. Do you remember?

Oh, my God. But anyway, like I said. You never, you're not sure enough about Amanda Knox. I was telling you about it earlier. Every time you come in the office, you talk to someone about Amanda Knox. No, well, not really. I talk to people about things I've seen and been interested in. And I was like, you know,

and I was wondering if anyone else had watched the documentary or was like interested in it or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I thought it was just interesting. And sometimes I realized they didn't actually know. They were just being polite. Oh, no. And so I was having this sort of one-sided conversation where they had no idea who R. Kelly was.

After I watched that R. Kelly documentary, I'll tell you, here's my two-sentence horror. After I watched the R. Kelly documentary, I was humming his songs for a week. Oh, no. Did they have the soundtrack of his songs? Yeah, they did. They had loads of them in there. So they had to pay him money in order to play those songs? I assume so.

That's a bit fucked up, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, at the start of each episode, it was kind of weird TV. Because at the start of each episode, it was like, R. Kelly has never been arrested or charged with the crime of any of these things that we're talking about in this documentary. Then they have like six hours of people talking about how awful it was. It's like kind of crazy.

I've been watching a lot of crime stuff i love i love a i love a crime and a and a punishment or a kind of a false conviction or something like that you know where people behave in weird ways you know and or get sort of the the press really gets them um and it all messes up the whole verdict or some of the jury would just end up being completely complete assholes the true horror is is real life the other yeah other people oh spicy a spicy horror go on where you get where else you got uh oh god i sobbed as my daughter begged me not to pull the trigger it gets harder and harder to kill her each time she returns oh my god oh fuck okay so yeah i mean that again like it spirals out like ideas in your head doesn't it is she a zombie is this a good

thing or is it like is it a bad thing it doesn't sound like it's good? Is he, like, frankensteining her? Terrifying. I'm spooked. Oh, God. How do you feel about, like, supernatural bollocks? Like, Satanic... I think I know how you feel about it. Like, Satanic rites and stuff. Oh, yeah, they're cool. Or, like, I don't know, just like kind of symbols on the ground

and summoning Satan or stuff or demons. Yeah. How do you feel about all that stuff? How do I feel about summoning demons? Yeah. Like in your horror movies. I think everything in moderation, Lewis. Right, okay.

As long as you don't do it every day. Right. You know, a few times a week is fine. You know, if you had a long day at work you get home you need to relax you summon a demon you know that's good but maybe skip it the next night see how you feel yeah and then the day after that you know knock yourself out i see it's like you like pizza but you don't want it every day exactly yeah exactly it doesn't make it special right and it's gotta be special summoning a demon yeah well it depends what kind of demon i guess just someone if it's just like a little shitty imp or whatever to do the washing up you know

i feel like you shouldn't use it frivolously though summoning a demon you should really only use it to make a guy fall in love with you or like bring back a dead child. There's like reasons to summon a demon, right? Yeah, I guess. At least in movies. If your soul is at stake, if the stakes are high... Or if you want a stake. Oh yeah, you really want a stake.

A really good stake. That's probably worth somebody. Somebody would summon a demon. You know, this great power comes at a great price and a great responsibility, I guess, as well. I'm just interested in what's your feeling. Do you prefer a horror where... I like demons in horror movies.

Sick of zombies, mostly, unless there's a twist to it in some way. I'm frustrated by zombies because of the variance in speed, aggression, infection. Like, I never know where I am with zombies. Do you know what I mean? And I also, I'm sure I've said this before, but I hate when someone says,

oh, well, I'm this kind of vampire. Garlic? Oh, it doesn't do anything. Oh, but obviously silver bullets, they kill me, and sunlight. Black cross does not work on me I am a Jewish vampire

that one now classic oh amazing the count there coming in slipped into the accent as a special guest

from Sesame Street when I started saying saying it I didn't intend to do an accent it just happened no it was automatic. No, that frustrates me.

But I get it. I just like to have my rules established. And I guess if I'm in the real world, my rules are fairly concrete. But if I'm in magic world, I'm like, what the fuck? With the Christopher Lee, Hammer, Dracula movies, it had a shitload of rules, and they took advantage of pretty much all of them to, like, kill him off differently each time.

So that was quite interesting. Yeah. So they took advantage of, like, vampires not being able to, like, cross running water. Okay. It was like a frozen moat outside the castle or something. Right. And I think it was like a woman had a shotgun,

and she was, like, blowing away the ice around something. Right. And I think it was like a woman had a shotgun and she was like blowing away the ice around him. And every time she blew a hole, he couldn't cross over where the water was. Right. Even though presumably the water was running underneath the frozen surface. Yeah. A little bit weird.

It sort of works though. I can believe it. But that's the weird thing with vampires that you can, if a vampire is chasing you and you happen to have like a bag of rice, you just chuck the rice and the vampire has to stop, kneel down and count every single grain of rice. Right. Okay.

It's a weird thing. That is. So if vampires can't cross running water. Yeah. Can they not get a plane anywhere? And also, surely, how do they get across any rivers and like or yeah i mean what bram stoker bram stoker's dracula it kind of starts with um dracula crossing over to the new world so he's he's like he's like traveling over by um you know

by boat right um maybe the ocean doesn't count as running water. Do you know what I mean? It's weird. Because it's not really going anywhere, the ocean. It doesn't make a lot of sense. The whole having to sleep in a coffin with dirt from your grave. Grave dirt, yeah. Otherwise, question mark.

Well, sometimes... Otherwise you get really upset. Sometimes these traditions, you're not sure why we still do them, like having Brussels sprouts on Christmas. Who fucking likes those? They're delicious, Brussels sprouts. But we still have them, just for tradition. They're lovely.

All right, for example, turkey. Turkey is just worse chicken. Let's just have chicken. It's like a richer, tastier chicken. It's like a drier, worse, cheaper. It's like eating an old, like you wouldn't have. If it's dry, it's been maybe overcooked a bit. And if so, you just put loads of gravy on it.

If you were summoning a demon to get a nice steak or a chicken fillet, you would not say, Oh, do you know what I feel like today? Fuck it. Let's get something drier. Dry as fuck. Let's get it. Let's get something which we have to cover in cranberry sugar sauce in order to enjoy.

Cranberry sugar sauce. We'll get some turkey, please. Cranberry jam. And the demon will be like, okay, what the fuck, you know. This guy's real fucked up. And I thought it was weird as hell. That would explain it. Yeah.

Yeah, that would explain it. What next? We got any more? Oh, sure. They say you eat seven spiders a year in your sleep. Right. They never say anything about the thing that feeds them to you. Oh, see, that's great.

That is really good. But I did hear that that was bollocks, the whole eating spiders thing. I hope so. Yeah, it turns out it's like an urban myth. I don't think you eat anywhere near that many spiders in your sleep. I thought you were going to say it's seven a day. Oh, God. There must be loads of these urban myths.

I mean, I know quite a few urban myths. Go on. I just wanted to just tell one. I'm sure we've gone through them in past podcasts. Sure. We did. We did the tanning bed one, didn't we? gone through them in past uh podcasts sure we did we did the tanning bed one didn't we oh you're right we did and she was cooked on the inside yeah it feels like shitty

myth busters do you know what i mean yeah this like going through it's kind of a worse i mean it is shitty myth busters isn't it can you imagine if like if they come out and they'd be like so we've heard about this thing where you can get cooked in a tanning bed didn't happen that would be it then the credits would roll i like the one where um there's like a woman in a car by herself and it's like night she's driving along and then a car is like comes up behind her like the traffic lights and you know she looks up in the mirror and she's you know a little bit nervous because it's pretty quiet it's like no other traffic and she drives off and the car's like sort of right behind her and it like starts beeping its horn right and she you know she drives a bit faster and then

you know the car behind you know keeps up the speed with her and she you know takes quick turns down you know roads and it's following her every step of the way and she eventually like you know gets to like a service station and she jumps out of the car and she like runs into the service station and she's like oh my god there's a guy following me and then it like turns out that the guy was following her because he saw someone was in her back seat hiding there oh well it's all right love don't worry i'm not sharing you i just i just saw someone in your back seat oh my god i yeah that was my husband he was taking a nap oh sorry misunderstanding i thought he was a serial killer so i heard this story on this podcast but there is like that that i mean there was a serial killer. So I heard this story on this podcast.

But there is like that. I mean, there was a guy I read this morning. There was a guy riding over a bridge. And then like loads of people started like, like five people started shouting at him to stop and stuff. So he just like was like, no, no, no, I'm not stopping. And he just like drove around them and got away. It turned out that he was like the millionth person to cross that bridge and they wanted to congratulate him and give him a bottle of champagne or something.

Here's a model bridge! What would they have given him? A cheque for a million dollars? I don't know. He just posted and it was like, I thought they were like, one of them looked homeless. Oh my God. It's just a hipster. It was just a hipster. posted and it was like i thought they were like they one of them looked homeless oh my god it's just a hipster it's just it was just a hipster because they installed this counter on the bridge like tracked bicycles going over it or whatever yeah so it was like it was like slowly counting up and these guys were obviously keen just i don't know america god people are weird aren't they you

know i wouldn't stop for a bunch of weird guys trying to flag me down god i feel like i feel like i am like more paranoid i think if i was driving along you know if i was driving along the street like in a back in a back country you know yeah put you on edge i wouldn't stop for anything you know even if like it was like a guy like on the side of the road was like waving for help or something no you hear stories it could be an ambush driving around pop out and you know they got guns yeah oh could be could be an ambush. Driving around in. As mates pop out. And, you know, they've got guns. Yeah. Oh. Could be anything.

You know, I'm scooting. That's what I'm saying. Maybe that makes me a bad person. Maybe I've watched too many spooky movies. I think you're just careful. Maybe. I think I probably would stop, actually. I'm fairly... Well, you're going to die.

I'm fairly garbled. You're going to die. Because you always do shout at people in movies, right? You always shout... what are you doing? Don't go upstairs. Just go out the back door. Like a normal person. But I think that sometimes you can rationalise it because you think,

well, there's probably nothing there, right? Unless you've seen like a murderous clown. You're usually shown something that the protagonist doesn't know. Doesn't know. So you're on edge and you're waiting for them to discover the horrible thing that's in the basement. And they're fucking around. Their torch keeps going out.

And you're like, for fuck's sake, there's a horrible monster down there. But, of course, in real life, you know, you've got to find... That torch is really shit. You've got to find the Christmas decorations. Really should have got that. You save them in, you know, they're in the basement somewhere. Yeah, they're definitely down there. You're just going about your business.

I don't know why he bloody puts them down there in that basement. Why don't we just get new ones? Like, they're always knackered. They weren't even nice last year, but I'm sure they're in one of these boxes. Oh, my God. Fuck. One time Daff is going to go down into the basement where we keep all the stuff, and we won't see him again. Oh, let's just cross shall we i'm just going down the basement i'll be right back

and that'll be it i won't see him again tom jones hello that's tom jones here i didn't know you worked here oh oh oh listen that's how he speaks we've got some we need to get the christmas decorations out, Tom. We only hire people called Tom conveniently. We do. That actually does work. We actually do. It's real.

And, yeah, they're right at the back of the dark bit of the basement. Here's a torch. Oh, thank you very much. I really like your torch. He would definitely be back. Do you know what I mean, Tom Jones? Is Tom Jones still alive? Oh, yeah.

He's still going, isn't he? He's still alive. He's still with us. Hooray. He's 79 years old. He's been presenting and stuff. He was on TV shows and stuff. Keeps himself busy.

He does. Good lad, old Tom Jones. Well, far as I know. Jesus Christ. What are you doing? Well, I don't know. You know what I'm saying. Well, far as I know. Jesus Christ. What are you doing? Well, I don't know. You know what I'm saying. Oh, my God.

What are you implying about Tom Jones? Of 2019. His fucking lawyer is going to hit you hard. We think he's fine. I think he's fine, as far as I know. He seems like a good man. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

You know, we don't want to... I'm just being paranoid. You know, this is about spooky tales, you know. You know, maybe Tom Jones, you know, likes to hide in the backseat of women's cars. I don't know. I'm not saying he does that, but I don't know that he does it.

It's just Dad having a lie down. You know, he's tired after a day of singing. Work. He works hard, Tom. You know, his wife, Mrs. Jones, driving him home. Yeah. Gladys. That's not her real name.

Gladys Jones. She was born Gladys Penis Bonnet. Gladys Gladys Penis Bonnet. But she managed to, she got rid of that name as soon as she could. Good work, Gladys, because honestly, just get rid of those names. We don't need them. It just holds you back, you know? Like Ed Balls, you know?

Ed Balls. Come on. The only thing I remember about Ed Balls is that he once tweeted Ed Balls. Yeah, Ed Balls Day, it's known as. It's a legendary day. It's been memorialised. 28th of April is Ed Ball's day. Ed Ball's day.

Yeah. Oh, so, so spicy that. I love when people do that. On Ed Ball's Wikipedia, it has like a special thing that says Ed Ball's day. That was eight years ago. See, that is something that I could have a nightmare about, you know. I bet you Ed Ball's sometimes wakes up with a cold sweat and it's like, oh, God, I thought I tweeted Ed Balls again.

And then he sees his Twitter and he actually tweeted Ed Balls Balls. No! And it's like a thousand times as well. It's just over and over. Every night he's tweeting it as well. He doesn't even realise. It's that sleep tweeting. God, well, people could do quite...

I read this. I've read the new Malcolm Gladwell book. And he was sort of talking about how if you drink to excess, you can sort of completely forget what you're doing, obviously. Alcohol? Yeah. Yes. You drink too much.

Did you know that, listeners? If you drink too much alcohol, you sometimes just sort of black out. But if you drink a lot of spirits very quickly, it will go straight to your hypothalamus, which is the sort of memory centre, and you'll just completely forget everything you've done. But while you're in that level of drunkenness,

where you're still pretty capable of doing stuff, and a lot of people order things on on amazon and like just just to do some not set no i suppose that's not that complicated but you know benzos right so like you know drugs that people order over the internet these like um and you take like micro doses of them like you have to okay so like a dose is like one milligram and you get a canister of it and it's like a few grams worth. Right. And so people just, they eyeball it, which is they just test from just sight alone the right dose. And they take some and there's not much of an effect within like half an hour.

So they take a bit more and they've taken like 30 doses and they black out for like three days. And there's a guy on the internet. This was on something awful. He bought like a piano off the internet. Right. He managed to cancel it before it arrived. There was a guy that like crashed his car. He was walking home.

He got picked up by the police. His girlfriend's dad or his fiance's dad messaged him saying, don't ever speak to my daughter again. Because he'd just been like texting her like weird shit and just ringing her over and over again and just completely off of his face. Oh, and he can't remember any of it. No, he couldn't remember any of it for like three days.

This guy woke up in Las Vegas and he couldn't remember like where he'd been for like the last six days. And it turned out he'd like booked himself into a hotel and he'd like done i've just been drinking and he met loads of people he'd done loads of things he just couldn't fucking remember any of it he was completely drunk the whole time recorded a podcast had no memory of it yeah god it's spooky that's that's that's a spooky thing that you don't want to you know that's that's a spooky thing that you don't want to, you know. Losing your mind. Yeah, you don't want to doubt your own sanity, do you?

That's real spookums. There's many spooky things. Be careful out there, everyone. And hold each other tight. Hold your loved ones tight on this spooky Halloween eve. And never let them go. Yeah, don't take benzos. Don't eyeball benzos out of a canister.

Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. I mean, they're take benzos. Don't eyeball benzos out of a canister. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. I mean, they're mostly illegal anyway. Yeah, I'm just wondering where you're buying these. I guess... The dark web. I see, that's what you need the old internet condom for. Yeah, go to the dark web, buy some things that can ruin your life.

Yeah, or make you forget about all the stuff. Really condone drugs. You've done for the last few days. Or demon summoning. Don't summon any demons unless there is good reason to. Yeah, you've got to have a very good reason. Like it's Christmas Day and there's no turkey. It's Christmas Day.

You forgot to get everyone presents. Right, yes. You've been given your presents and they're all really good. Oh, fuck. But you forgot all the shops are closed because it's Christmas. Yeah, or you forgot a key person, like your significant other. Yeah, and you're like, fuck. Because you had it planned and then it didn't arrive

and then you forgot about it. Or maybe, and this is like a real horror story, you bought them some sexy lingerie or a vibrating dildo right you packaged it up and then you like package your like auntie's present but you packaged it in like the same wrapping paper oh my god and you mix the presents up yeah and your auntie's like oh my dear sweet nephew, Lewis. I wonder what he's gotten me for Christmas. He's such a sweet boy. Oh, my God. It's just what I wanted.

A back massager. My back's been giving me terrible chip. And also my vagina's really sore. Oh. All right. Well, that's enough. I've got a couple more. There's more? We had enough. that's enough I've got a couple more there's more

we had enough that's enough same for next time it's been an hour yeah we're going to keep going alright this is the encore we're going to keep going

we've walked off the stage alright bye bye bye and everyone's like Simon and Lewis that was a great outro Simon and Lewis guys

that was a great podcast we don't need any more hey we're back but we're back oh with the sort of extra bit is that because yeah all right fine i found a couple of good ones all right now whilst you've been rabbiting i've been looking up the stories sure we didn't even do the weird thing that i also had i had a whole other thing i didn't realize you had more stuff you gotta fit it look you got a timer as well. Okay, so right. Here's another one.

I've got things to do on my birthday. You don't know. All right. Go on. Here's one. I thought the landlord was joking when she told us there were rumours this house was haunted until the real one walked in apologising for being late. Oh!

That real house walked in? I'm confused. No, the real landlord and lady. Sorry, bad use of object. The real haunted house walked in. Badly written. Okay, all right, here's a better one Okay

The astronauts returned from Mars to a confusing, distressing reception Nobody on Earth remembered sending them Oh, yeah, see See, that ties into forgetting Maybe they'd all just been taking a load of benzos Yeah, all of NASA They were just off their faces Well, you know, maybe they had a big

booze up after they were like everyone got it like whoa the rocket's off we did it and then they're like just they just get absolutely fucking blitzed they blacked out and then you know somehow the astronauts just made it back home after like years yeah on their own wow surely they would have been in contact maybe it was like you know new phone who did a situation maybe maybe they were just in the wrong space center maybe they'd gone to russia instead of something you know but maybe though it's like a time thing you know maybe they've gone through like a wormhole all right i wanted to give this a go okay go for it now have we got like a good have we got 15 minutes or so oh yeah spare yeah go for it all right it's gonna take us like an hour so why didn't we start with this so there's loads of

creepy padding the whole fucking time there's loads of creepy creepy pastors on the internet you know we've all read them you know the the famous ones uh creepyepy Jeff, the murderer. Right, no, what's that one? Jeff the Killer is a famous one. It's like a kid that goes mad and just kills his family and it's like brutal and it's ridiculous. Oh, yes, I remember, yes. There's all these famous creepy bastards out there and a lot of them follow like a similar kind of structure

and have like different, well, the same sort of cliches in them. And I was figuring we could create our own little story right a short one maybe not two sentences maybe a few more based on these cliches okay let's do it so we we have an option we can we can either do like a like a haunted video game do you want to do like a haunted video game like a secret level to one of your favorite okay sure yeah mario maker it's like there's like a haunted block in mario maker okay and if if you if you jump on it you so bad happens you'd have a heart attack oh that's good okay right so haunted mario maker block if you jump on it, you die.

You have a heart attack, yeah. You have a heart attack. That's good. Maybe it's delayed. Maybe it's like an hour later you have a heart attack. Oh. Yeah, or maybe like you feel sick when you jump on it. It makes you puke or something like that.

Maybe it all makes you fart maybe. Or like something spooky. You die of a fart attack. Yeah. Okay. All right. So can you, I mean, so this is just a level that's out there that no one's discovered yet, but it's out there on the internet,

and you need the right code. You enter this code. Yeah. It downloads the map, and then you play the level. Yeah. Is there, like, just one block on the level that you need to find like a secret block yeah okay yeah it's like it's like one of those dad blocks you know how a dad block you know how mario maker you can like put invisible blocks in

okay that let you like skip the level by like jumping over around the back and stuff that other people you only know about it if you code sorry sips calls it a dad block because he made like levels for his kid to do but then he put in his own like cheat route through the really hard level oh so he could because you have to be able to complete the map to submit it to the workshop you see okay so you can make it impossibly hard and have a secret block that you also complete yeah so there's like a secret so someone has uploaded so so somebody like a like there's like somebody uploading secret levels like to mario maker okay so their username it's gotta have like 666 or 666 or the number 13 or like the skull emoji or something like that so

like 13 skull emoji yeah 666 yeah and then that's the username. Then, like, the scream face emoji, you know? Like that horrible poison emoji thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Screaming face. Yeah. Okay. So 13 skull emoji 666 screaming face.

Yeah. He uploads the level, and you go in, and you just think it's going to be a normal Mario Maker level. Yeah. But, like, every time you, like, as you jump through it, maybe you feel more and more sick or like the blocks start getting really corrupted and like little skulls come out oh that's good and then mario like the actual character mario looks at you out of the screen and blood comes

out of his blood hyper realistic eyes just stare at you and then he like goes down on his knees and he like vomits and then like like gets back up and like groggily like and you and then he like goes down on his knees and he like vomits and then like like gets back up and like groggily like and you can then he's like all swaying like drunkenly and then by the but but then by the end of the level he actually dies at the end if you get the end level he dies and then like a coffin like comes out of the ground he like goes in it and just, like, descends. What? Like, he descends into a pipe. He goes, do-do-do. He goes down into the coffee.

Yeah, like the pipe sound effect, yeah. Okay. Okay. No, we're in. I think that works as a concept. What does the pipe sound like? Yeah, like, you're googling the Mario pipe sound effect. But it's like do-do-do or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like do-do-do. Okay. Let's see. We've actually, the hyper-realistic bloody eyes, that's a good sort of cliche to have. Yeah, I feel like this is already pretty cliched. But sure.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure what you can add to it. It seems almost perfect as it is. Yeah, okay. What's the next sort of bit of the story? Do we actually have to write the story of what the characters are, how they find out about it? Like who this actual guy that made it is. You know, who 13 Scullemochi 666 Screaming Face is.

Oh, right. Well, he died many years ago, you see. And he always loved Mario. He never finished his level oh my god okay he was working on the mario level when but his but he used to go there because his dad would like beat him okay and so he had to escape to his room beat him at mario I'm done! You're so much better at this game than I am! I hate you! His dad made these levels. And he could never beat his dad's level. It sips.

It sips. Oh my God. He could never beat his dad's Mario level. So his dad beat him? So he... Obviously. So he went to his room and then he would make his own level.

But as he pressed the share button, he... Did his dad kill him? Had a fart attack. He exploded. He was eating some stuff. He was maybe allergic to it. He didn't realise because his dad had locked him in the room. And he was like, let me out.

I have an allergic reaction. Oh, my God. It's like... He was farting. Oh, what's the fucking... Like loads because of the allergy. What's that game with the house with all the different fucking weird rooms?

What? Board game or video game? Video game. House with weird rooms. What Remains of Edith Finch. Oh, yeah. Okay, sure. Okay, so What Remains of Edith Finch.

Yeah. Fantastic game. So there's a level where a kid is locked in a room because she didn't want a dinner or something. And she eats a fish or something. Right. Because she's hungry. Yeah, but she's allergic to...

She eats a prawn. Yeah, and she's allergic to the prawn. We can rip off that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she hallucinates being a fish monster or something. Yeah. So 13 Skelemoji 666 Screaming Face. His real name is...

He had a pet hamster. Penis Bonnet, Penis Bonnet. He had a pet hamster. Right. And it was the only thing... And he ate the hamster. But the hamster had been eating nuts and the nuts were all in its cheeks. Right.

And he was allergic to nuts and he died of anaphylactic shock just as he was pressing the share button yeah okay that makes yeah that makes sense question mark yeah and then it got out on the but did it get out on the web you know it's like a it's like a glitched level yeah because like because he put his heart and soul into it you know literally yeah oh this is his soul went into it yeah his soul is in the game like it got sucked out oh my god but all you need is the right code to enter yeah but sometimes you can just get it on when you choose random level you know it's like a ghost in the machine so like this story would it be written from the point of view of um someone's just played this game and knows they're gonna die

it would be from like okay it would be from the guys at nintendo right it's like the japanese nintendo hq okay okay they've they've set up a press release people are stuck people are dying people are starting to die oh jesus they're And they're like, what's going on? And they're trying to figure out what's happening. But they can't stop people playing it because it's so popular. Everyone's playing it. They can't delete it for some reason because it's haunted. They can't remove the level from the servers.

And so they're trapped. So they're trying to find out. They're trying you know, so they're trying to find out, like, they're trying to find it. They're trying to find the level to delete it. But every time they think they found it, the person who's looking for it dies.

You know, the staff are all, like, dying. What's killing them? They're not even finding it. They're not playing it. No, it's the kid. The kid comes out and starts... Oh, fuck!

He's loose in the building. He comes out of the game because he doesn't want his level to be deleted. And any time they try and delete it, he, like building he comes out of the game because he doesn't want his level to be deleted and any time they try and delete it he like legacy he like appears behind them and farts in their face and they they die of like a fart attack yeah they have a fart attack yeah oh my god well that's fantastic that's a great story if someone could just write that up uh you could have all the rights we don't need them well no i mean the whole thing about these uh creepypastas is they're like creative commons yeah yeah that's have all the rights. We don't need them. Well, no, I mean, the whole thing about these creepypastas

is they're like creative commons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Don't worry about any of that stuff. If anyone wants to turn this into the movie, we hand over all rights. Go for it.

We don't want the money from it. It's yours. We don't want anything to do with this. We don't want our names on this. Do not. I want to be nowhere near this. We don't want any acknowledgements or thanks or anything.

No. But if the main character could look exactly like Lewis, that would be really funny. That would be great. And you could call him Simon Simon. Simon Simon. Penis Bonnet. Yes.

A true masterful name. Oh, my God. All right, we're done. Thank you, everyone. That is our podcast. That's the Yolk Pop. We might be back. I'd like to do one at Christmas, but no promises.

No promises. All right, until then, everyone then everyone love you thanks for listening goodbye