Wednesdays - I read my boyfriend’s journal… should I tell him? | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week Melissa and Ruby are helping out a sweet Tiny who has read her boyfriend’s journal and did NOT like what she read. The receipts are giving red flag…Another Tiny wants to know how to navigate her friendship group drama after her bestie is oversharing with a girl she doesn’t like. PLUS, one tiny is in the trenches after she has a threesome with her best friend. But that’s not even her biggest problem because now she has the friendship ick!Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Faye LawrenceAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Emma Gill Senior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, Tynies, it's Dilemma Day, and coming up. I read my boyfriend's journal, and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend's slept with my best friend, and somehow that is not my dilemma. Oh, God, oh God, oh God, oh God. I feel sick. Guys, welcome back to Dilemma Day. I'm so excited. We're some really juicy ones.

I'm really excited to go through them. I'm ready. He's the best we've had in a while. Oh, my God. Okay. I know. Okay, so we've had a dilemma from obviously an anonymous tiny. Hey, girls.

I've been with my boyfriend for a thing. for seven months now, but began dating in September of last year. Should that seven months? Yeah, I guess it's. Okay, so they've been together a year, but officially they've won't three months of dating and then boyfriend got off from for seven. Yes. We met at work and I can honestly say I've never been in a relationship this special ever.

About two weeks ago, we had our first slight wobble. I was feeling low. It just turned out to be that I was due in my period long. and it was resolved with me telling him that he needs to talk more about his emotions, but also that I need reassurance when I'm feeling down. Everything was back to being really, really good after. Backstory, I was chased on in my last six-year relationship and had two situations with men that's born from the depths of hell.

And so now being in a relationship, I found it truly healing. However, I've noted myself wanting to check his phone and snoop, But I've never found anything on it. You shouldn't be checking your boyfriend's phone. You shouldn't be wanting to check the phone in Snoop. Then I found his journal when I was cleaning his room as a surprise for when he got home from work. I couldn't help myself. You are a nosy parker, Mrs. Okay, right.

My heart was in my arse hell when I read it. Oh my God, no. Here's some of the quotes and I'll let you decide what you make of them. Oh my God. What are the quotes? I don't know if I want to. I need to keep an eye. on our relationship in tandem with how I feel about myself.

Everything she does is good for me, but my heart and body can't be sure. Oh my God, what a deep soul. Oh no, the idea of losing her makes me sad, so that must count for something. Oh, God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. Oh, God, I feel sick. I've never known such kind, stable love, for fuck's sake.

Why do I feel like I need more? What should I do? Tell him I read his journal and own art Twitter Or wait and see if he writes... Wait and see if he writes more. What's wrong with us? And then go from there. Or I literally don't even know.

As always, love the pod. And super happy to see Ruby on the team now too. Here are some picks of us. And then she sent some photos. Oh my God. Absolutely stunning, stunning girl. Oh my God, you're so gorgeous. Imagine you read that in Gavin's.

Sorry, it's that last one. I've never known such kind, stable, love, fuck's sake, why do I feel like I need more? It's like he writes these bad things, but he counteracts them with something good, so there's something positive with something negative, something positive, almost trying to make himself feel better.

But he has said he's questioning her and the relationship, thinking that he may need more. For me, that's your partner of almost a year. Like, you... I couldn't just sit on that and pretend that everything was hunky dory and life was just, you know, all as well. But then the other thing is, it's not like he's done anything wrong. He's writing down his, like, thoughts. So it's a really difficult one to tackle, and it's such an invasion of privacy.

Like, if that was the other way around, you'd be like, look, like, sometimes I have down days, and I have weird intrusive thoughts, and I write them down to help me process them, and I know they're not true, but, like, I need them on pain and pain. I don't know what his process is. Yeah, yeah, no, that is so valid and makes. sense and I think that people journal and that some people's like outlet on like their thoughts and how to manage them and process them and feelings and we all definitely have different feelings and waves of emotion like we're only human nothing's perfect in this world no relationship and no situation

but you can't help but in that moment take it all so personally I'm assuming by reading that it's also it's everything she does is good for me but my heart and body can't be sure But she's also obviously reading that because she got hurt in the past, her ex-boyfriend cheated on her. So she's not that this is her fault, but like she's bringing in some trauma. She's like, I want to go through his phone. I want to go through his diary. Like you shouldn't want.

If you're going, if you're looking actively, phones, diaries, or you're going to see something you don't like. I'm not excusing that he's obviously wrote something that's upsetting. But I think that you're going to find something that's annoyed you or upset you. And I just think that, like, I would never want to go through Gavin's phone. I know, no, neither. But then I, now I'm like, okay, so she's done it. So that's, it's happened now.

She's done it. She's done it, yeah, yeah. The idea of losing her makes me sad. So that must count for something. Like, he is, like, thinking about leaving you. That's the scary thing that, like, is, it's. But he also is saying that he loves you. So it's strange.

But then he's doubting himself. So he's like, the idea of losing her makes me sad. So that must count for something. Like what? what? But it's almost like you're trying to reassure himself by being like, surely. I know. I must do. She's a good person. I must want to be in this and want this. But he also sounds so doubtful. You don't want to be with someone that's like so doubtful. Not like not 100% sure. Like you're a fucking catch. Let me tell you. Like she's stunning. She's stunning. This girl. There is not. And obviously you're a very wonderful stable person. And he's actually said like this is a really stable, wonderful relationship. But he's having these weird thoughts. You know what you could do? Don't. bring up that you've seen it, but you can be like, look, babe, I think we need to talk, like, I am sensing something's not right. Like, I feel like I am sensing energy within you that is like holding back and I don't know why, but I can feel it and just pretend that you've got

like some amazing intuition. And hopefully he's then forthcoming and you have like a really open, raw conversation which might end in quite a sad way. Or it could be. Or it could be resolved and then you understand and piece that together. I think that's a really good way to go about things. I'm in agreement with that. I think you could go and just almost try and get it out of him without saying like I went through your diary or your journal and try and go through a softer approach where he's not then on the back foot and defensive because he then becomes a whole argument of why

are you going through my things, which it probably would rather than about actually what he's written down. Exactly. I don't think you should say you've read the journal. I would also There's also like you don't want to get into habit of that Because like once you've opened that door You then will keep opening it

Being like has you written more I want to see more And then every day or suddenly reading this journal Like almost hoping he's writing about you Because you were intrigued to read it Which is such an unhealthy habit to then get in Yeah It's like the minute you start going through their phone

You just want to keep going and going But like you're looking for something I've never either actually Maybe I should That'll be my afternoon activity a little scroll on the WhatsApp. Nice little scroll. But I don't really know.

It sounds like people are writing things in their notes and in their journals, so maybe I should do that. And you know what? Like, he has a right to feel like this, obviously, because if you were having dance in the relationship, you might write them down, or you might chat your girlfriends about it. But then you might not make the decision.

You might be like, actually know those thoughts were crazy. Like, I don't know why I ever thought like that. Like, I love this person so much. Like, that was just me, self-fews. sabotaging or whatever. But like, it's too late now because you've seen it. So you can't get away with retracting those thoughts. If I was you, I would just be like, look, I really want to talk to you because I really am sensing and feeling like you're not connecting and being open with me and just like slightly bullshit and just see if you can get it out of him and then have a really honest conversation.

But you might end up breaking up from it because ultimately he's obviously thought about not being with you, which is. scary and a really horrible, horrible. I know what you mean, like your stomach goes straight into your asshole. Like that is a horrible thing to find and read about yourself, especially when you don't feel like that. Yeah. And you're all in and you just want him to be all in. He might not be your guy. And I think you kind of have to go off intuition a bit as well. And like, do you feel like this is a blip? Or do you think that this is like a bigger thing and Like maybe you're going through his phone and his diary because you're second-guessing the whole thing anyway. That's true.

Like is your gut telling you that something's off? So you're trying to find what your gut's telling you. Yeah. You really do deserve to have someone that's like 100% sure of you. And this sounds like there's doubts. Although I will say we can't be angry with him because he's not doing anything wrong. Well, keep us posting. I really need to know.

Like I need to know. I can feel exactly what you're feeling. Like, that is horrendous, especially when you feel like you're in, like, a really wonderful place. Well, please send us an update. I need to follow off on this. I feel like too many people can relate to this whole, this whole situation. But sending you so much love and you will be fine no matter what, promise. Yes, you will.

Okay, so the next dilemma. Hi, Melissa and Ruby. My dilemma is about my best friend. Let's call her Megan, who has become friends with a girl this year, let's call her Ellie, who I like, but I'm not very close with. It has come back to me through my other friends that Megan has been telling Ellie my secrets that I only wanted her to know. I also found out Megan has been showing Ellie and her boyfriend pictures of me in a bikini that I didn't like, when they were never meant to be seen by anyone other than her. Megan denied that she's done it,

but I showed her proof. She apologized, but changed the topic and said how she was annoyed Ellie had been telling people my secrets and that she no longer wants to be friends with her. However, they're all still close friends and I feel like I can't tell Megan anything now. Please help because I have no clue what to do and how to get around this situation. Love you both. Obviously, like, the bikini one almost feels a bit mean. She's obviously just like not comfortable. Yeah.

Maybe. And like has shown her best friend a photo of her that she just didn't want to be circulated or seen by anyone else. Respectfully so. Like I get that. Like that shouldn't be something that you're then going on to share with other friends. It seems like what would be the need to discuss that and have a photo going around? Like, it seems like a bit mean. It does seem mean.

Like, why? Like, they're obviously, like, what are they discussing? What's been said in that photo that needs to be shared? I'm trying to rationalise. Same. I'm like hoping that it's not coming from a malicious place, which I'm sure it's not. But, like, I really hope it's not. It's wrong.

It's just wrong. This feels a bit invasive and then you like, you want to be able to trust your friends and kind of, like, like talk about things that are personal and important and you there should be a level of respect with one another that that's not then circulated or like repeated to anyone else and I think that that's not unjustified or unfair especially as you don't know this girl like if she was another person in your friendship group that you were also best friends but you'd probably be like whatever like I was going to tell you anyway like we would tell each other everything yeah this feels strange she's like a new person in the fold who suddenly just fucking knows who also sounds like

she barely knows Megan, like your friend. So why are they, do you know what I mean? Like, that seems really strange to me. I think that like maybe you do, like, obviously you've mentioned to Megan that you're not comfortable with her relaying things to Ellie. But maybe you have a separate conversation with Megan and you say like, hey, like, you seem to be annoyed for the wrong reasons. You should be annoyed that Ellie is repeating.

You're missing the point here. You're missing the point. Maybe make it really clear and be like, you are one of my closest friends. I tell you things that I don't expect to be repeated. please don't repeat things to anyone. Otherwise, I'm just not going to be able to tell you things. And I don't know where that leaves us having a friendship. And I think you always, like, you want her in your life.

You obviously love her. But just be really clear and be like, when I tell you things, and you, like, put the shoe on the other foot. Like, how would you feel if... I made a new friend and then told them everything about you? Yeah, because I bet she wouldn't like it. Maybe it's like an excited new friendship. She's oversharing.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. probably about herself too and doesn't quite know if she can trust this girl or not, which is silly, because clearly she can't trust her. I'm sure lots of things have been shared. Like, you know, when you think it's like just you that's been spoken about, it's like they have spoken about so many other things.

Oh, God, yeah. And she's probably offloaded about herself too and told her own secrets, which, you know, is a choice because they're her own secrets. But she clearly really trust this person and just thinks perfect that they can know everything about me, know everything about my bestie. And like, we're all like in this together

and it's a safe place. clearly not because she's telling everyone that you've told people, which is not the vibe. So you need to nip that in the bud now and be like, we can't trust this girl. I'm sure it wasn't from a malicious place. I don't know why you were showing her photos of me in a bikini. Like, that's pretty fucking weird. Can you tell me the context of that conversation, please? Yeah, I think you're well in your rights photo of you to be like, what was discussed.

That's like me sending you a really ugly photo of like me in an outfit and being like, I feel like shit in this, like, I'm really upset. set with like, I don't know, whatever. And you make a new friend in Australia and then like sending that on. And then it gets me that you sent on that photo is really quite weird, actually. It's so weird. Especially when it's somebody who doesn't know you. Like, you don't really know her.

I think she's way too overexcited about this friendship and she's oversharing and she's, it's very immature. It's very immature. That's what it is. It's very immature. I don't think there's malicious. I don't think that it's malicious. No, I'm sure there isn't. But she's, she's, she's.

She's fucked up and she needs to learn a lesson from this because just tell her that you won't tolerate it. Yeah. But then you also kind of don't want to make it awkward, but then you want to have like your own back and be like you are missing the point. Yeah. And I think you can stand your, you can have a real honest conversation without it getting like nasty or like confrontational. But you also don't want it to happen again and you want him in your life. So I think you need to say something. It's like when people cheat, right? It's literally like this. It's like when you go through someone's phone, found out they've cheated, and then they go, why are you going through my phone?

Yeah, besides the point. I found out that you've cheated. And it's like, you've betrayed our trust by going through my phone. Yeah. All right, well, good luck. I feel like this is a good lesson as well. Cheryl Cole once said she never tells anyone anything secret apart from her dog and her mom.

Really? Maybe we should take away something from that. Yeah, I know. Well, keep us posted because I want to know what happens and I'm in trees and I hope that you work it all out. I'm sure you will. Me too. Me too.

Sending you lots of love. Lots of love. Right, I've got another one. I'm ready. Oh, this is a friendship dilemma. Hi Wednesday's Girls. We've never been called that before. I quite like that.

Oh, I like that title. I'm 22 and my boyfriend's 23. We've been together six years, and he's genuinely my other half. Oh. Two years ago, I got really close with a girl through uni. Let's Call Her Gee. Told each other everything and became basically inseparable. dramatic fallouts included, but we always come back.

Just like sisters. Naturally, she got close to my boyfriend too, and I had zero issue with it, and I have never been a jealous person. I'm worried about why this is going. However, the capitals. A few times extremely drunk, the three of us ended up sleeping together. It happened two to three times. You are going into very dangerous territory.

Just territory. Oh, God. And weirdly, that's not actually my problem. Both of them were respectful throughout. Sorry, how does that happen respectfully? Like, you're sucking my boyfriend's dick. How is that respectful? I just don't get these things.

There's like boundaries but not boundaries. Like, I find it so hard to wrap my brain around. And really, that's not actually the problem. Both are respectful throughout. I never felt anything going on beyond that situation and I trust them completely. It's been a year and everything's been totally normal since until now. Since uni ended, the friendship's basically done.

She doesn't make the effort anymore, and I'm having to accept we're drifting apart. Sometimes that just happens. Yeah, it does. But I didn't expect this bit. I can feel myself starting to hate her. I don't know if it's genuine grief over losing a best friend, or that added layer of my ex-best friend has also slept with my boyfriend. I've started comparing myself to her.

Was she... Oh, God. Was she prettier? Did he find her more attractive than me? and inventing insecurities I had never had before. How do I let go of the friendship? Without turning her into someone I resent, especially with that extra layer of sitting there.

How do I stop competing with someone when realistically neither of them did anything wrong? I love my boyfriend. I trust him. I don't regret it. I just need my brain to understand that losing a friend isn't the same as losing a competition I didn't know I had entered into.

Okay. Wow. I think at any point when you bring someone else into relationship, it always starts with the same. But it was like, it was a drunken thing or like it was fun. Regardless of anyone then going on to like have feelings or feel differently about that person, like you're making a situation 10 times more complicated than anything ever needed to be. And like that was always going to change some form of dynamic. And maybe she feels as in the friend, so awkward that she's like distancing has she can't bring herself to like hang with you guys because she's like I quite not that like she's got she's got she's got she's got the it because she's like got the friendship it and she's like they're together they're happy they love each other then I've come along and like it was all really fun and now I find the whole situation really strange and I don't want to hang around them so I'm going to distance myself and you've and you've struggled with that more than you thought you would.

And now you're like, how have you just disappeared and you've kind of turned that into like hatred? And like competition as anyone would. Like if anyone was to watch that. Sorry, if someone had slept with my boyfriend, I would definitely be like comparing myself to them. Oh, my God, same. Especially like whilst we were together.

Yeah, but you would have been in the room, Tim. Yeah. You'd watch the whole thing. I would have been there too. Yeah, I'd definitely been comparing myself. Like if someone had said. Same. Like, people have different mindsets.

So I'm trying to, like, put myself into your mindset of when this all took place and it was all fun and, like, not a big deal. But to me, that is, like, earth shatteringly. Like, I would have an acute breakdown. Like, like, I can't wrap my brain around it. Like, I'm just not that way. Like, I'm not that open with stuff. So, like, I don't even know how you're still with your boyfriend after this. Like, that's how I'm so.

I mean, that's not a point in my dilemma. Didn't he cheat on you? But, like, I know you said yes, but, like, he should have refused. I don't know, like, that's how I would have looked at it. Yeah. But I know why, like, it was my idea, but that you should have refused. Like, why did you even want to do that? Like, am I not?

That's how I'm looking at it, which is maybe not correct. The comparing is not good because, like, everyone says comparison is, like, the thief of joy, right? And, like, we really shouldn't compare. But it's really hard when you know, that white friend. And she used to be your best friends. You know her quite well. It's funny how she's almost. a stranger to you now, like from a psychology point of view. Like, she's just this girl that you

used to know that's that with your boyfriend. She's not actually like someone that was your best friend. Yeah. And you're looking at her differently. You're like looking at photos of her on Instagram going, oh my God, is she prettier than me? Whereas before she was just your best friend that you loved so much. Hopefully you never have to see her again. I think that the friendship was beautiful when it lasted. Yeah. You can still look back at some form of happy memories, hopefully like before all of that. And like everyone, you know, certain people in your life for seasons. What do they say?

It's like not everyone's a lifelong friend. Like you would have learned something from that surely, hopefully. And like, you know, also maybe night, there was no big fallout. No one had a big nasty argument. Like it just, you went in different directions and things happened. And you'll meet other great people in life that aren't going to shag your boyfriend. Sorry. I don't think we should make this mistake again, though.

I think like let's just reflect. Let's learn. And learn from this. Let's not have a threesome with a best friend. If it's something you feel like you want to do that with, fantastic. But maybe let's make sure it's not someone that we know. Yeah, I agree. It just gets messy.

It gets messy. You've now found out. You'll get over it. Like, you will. Time, you'll get over this. You're mourning the friendship and it's turned into like a bit of a weird thing because, you know, we're women and I think that people we do just compare ourselves in those situations, which I totally.

Yeah. But the way she has like waves of hate towards the friend because she slept with her boyfriend. Like I'm intrigued like, do the waves of hate come towards him too? Does she like have moments where she hates him? Yeah, that's interesting. For sleeping with her or someone else and having to watch it. Like like is it just all the blame on her like I hate her. She sat with my boyfriend.

Like, but like do you hate him at times as well? Because I just think that I think I would. Me too. I would. I would also hate myself for allowing it to. Yeah. For making it happen. But I think you almost, she knows, like, the friendship's done. And let's not make the mistake again.

It's just a grieving process. It's a grieving process. Yeah. Have your moment grieve. Also, like, I'm sure if you saw her again, it would go straight back to being, like, how it was. And a lot of people aren't close to people that they were friends with at uni or school. Like, life moves on. Yeah, it has.

And, like, it will just be a fun, silly thing that you did in the past. And she was a great friend at uni. And, like, you're just just. drifting apart. To her, the friendship might just be drifting because your lives are going in different directions or she's really icked out from the whole situation. She's like, why the fuck, have you ever slept with someone and gone, oh, why have I fucking done that? Or had a fling with someone and dated someone and looked back and gone, oh my God, why have I done that? It's the same thing that she might be having. And that, I think, makes things easier for you that she's not

reaching out. Like, and that's not that's what I meant with, yeah, I totally agree. That's what I meant by the whole, like, there's been no, like, big fallout, which is a good thing. Yeah. She's not tried to make it really deep or, like, like, argue with you over anything or make you feel bad. Like, she's just distanced. And, like, that might just be easier. Yeah. I do think that if you do want to, like, seek reassurance from your boyfriend, you should, because if you're worried that he likes her more and, like, indoor-shacking her more and stuff. But then I always wouldn't even want to bring it up because I'd be like, that makes me feel so sick. And almost like you're admitting defeat slightly.

Yeah, and you're admitting that like they potentially could be better than you and he might fancy her more. Like you're putting it out into the ether. Maybe just feel like three things you love about me. Just keep doing stuff like that rather than bring up the whole. And he'd be built back up. Saga, just to get a little bit of reassurance about why he loves you. I'm such bad advice for it.

Because you can't go. Did you prefer shagging her? because what if the answer is yes I know I'd ask that I just would have to or you'd have a few glasses of wine one night and you'd be like I know what I'm not

I'd be like something would come out I do think you're directing the anger at the wrong person here it really should be within the relationship because you know she's not done anything wrong and if you're getting angry with her you're right I think Ruby's hit the nail on the head

why are you not angry with him yeah well I feel like you know I thought our best with that one. I wish you all the luck in the world. I wish all the luck in the world, my friend. Learn from this. Let's not do this again.

Guys, that's the end of the episode. Please get in touch at Wednesday's podcast, or you can email us at Wednesdays at jamportproductions.com.uk. If you have a dilemma that you'd like to send them to us. And if I can ask you guys to do one favor, please subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wednesday's podcast. Okay, bye, guys. We'll see you on Wednesday. Love you so much.

Love you, bye guys. Bye!