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Sasha Answers: An MIA Friend, To Knife or Not to Knife, and a Reformed Side-Chick

May 10, 20160 comments♥ 0
00:00 Hi, this is Lainey, and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good. You just got back from L.A., like one hour ago. I just got back from L.A., so this is what happened to me on the flight there. I had a seat. It was 25C.
00:26 It was a window seat. No, no. Sorry. It was 25C. was an aisle seat and it's one of those um configurations where it's three and three yes i hate that so i'm on the aisle and there are two empty seats next to me and i get on pretty early um so i'm sitting there playing on my phone and then i look up and it's a woman with two kids and they're young yes this is what's happening you know and the look on her face is apologetic
00:53 which I like you know she's like poor you right and her son is three and she has a baby and the baby's probably six months and they sit down what does your face look like are you polite because you're I have no poker face as everybody knows so I'm not pissed I'm just like oh fuck me for the next five hours but fine that's life and I you know however bad it's gonna be for me it's probably worse for her. Like I try, like I, I understand that it's worse for the person who can't take a nap, who can't, you know, you know, can't escape them when the plane lands. Right. So, um, they sit down and the boy takes the window seat and then she has the baby on her lap. And the boy starts saying in my direction, why are you sitting there? And she's like, don't say that, whatever
01:48 the kid's name is. And he keeps like pointing at me saying, why is she sitting there? Why is she sitting there? And I'm like, okay. See, kids can embarrass me more than any other adult can. That would embarrass, that would make me feel uncomfortable. Like I would feel like I was, I would have to get out. I was uncomfortable. Yeah. Then, um, the mother, you know, she sets them up and you know, the movie's on and, and we haven't lifted off yet. Right. People are still boarding the plane but i just i just feel like this is i've done something wrong what did i do wrong this week where like god is fucking me yes um and then she asks the flight attendant to bring her vomit bags oh gosh oh so the flight attendant brings her some vomit bags and i'm like okay and
02:35 i had forgotten about this details like whatever precautions and then i look back and i notice that there are a lot of empty seats. So I asked the flight attendant, the flight attendant comes to me and I was like, can I, and even before it was out of my mouth, the flight attendant was like, yes, we are looking to move you. And I looked over at the mother and she was like, I, you know, I didn't want to subject anyone to this either. And I was like, oh no, no, I think you'll just be more comfortable with an empty seat next to you. Like everybody wins, right? I got moved. it was amazing the flight attendants on air canada were so kind to me and moved me because they knew that it was not gonna be ideal for anybody yeah and the whole flight these babies were screaming
03:21 and crying and vomiting like if i had stayed in that seat i would have arrived in los angeles wearing barf yeah um oh so you were a good good karma so i feel it's something yes so thank you to the higher power for you know making that happen for me i will say one more thing so on both of my flights to la and then from la back to toronto i saw people talking on the phone on speakerphone don't is this a thing like have i not gone out enough that this is becoming more you're on an air fucking plane and you know you don't i don't know why you need to be fucking And talking on the phone on speakerphone. But like while there's one girl.
04:07 It's also not conducive on an airplane because it's so loud. How can you hear anything coming from that speaker? I have no idea. But one girl was like boarding. So she's walking down the aisle and she's holding her phone up to her mouth. And I can hear who she's talking to and I can hear her. And I don't know why she couldn't just like put the phone on her ear. I don't know.
04:22 But I feel like, is this a thing? It's sort of the same thing I notice whenever I take public transit. that there's teens who um listen to their music on speakerphone like there is a like you can put an adapter and fucking put some headphones in but instead they like they just blast their music on the speakers of their phone were these millennials that you saw speaking on on the speaker confirmed okay well then i don't know i have no i don't know i you know when i talk on the phone in a public place i'm like talking really because you also don't want to have anyone hear your conversation my mother's always like why are you talking so low and i'm like
05:00 because my mother is the kind of person who not talk she wouldn't talk on speakerphone but she yells into the phone so i are millennials like the chinese squawking chicken like are they just chinese no they were like non-chinese millennials but i want to know if this is a thing where people just fucking walk around talking on the phone on speakerphone now it's embarrassing you're a dick It's lazy. When you do that, I immediately look at you and I'm like, you're a fucking asshole. Take your fucking phone off speaker. Yes.
05:28 Anyway. Sorry. That's a great start to our session today. Yeah. And also quite a turnaround seeing as you hate the teen on the speakerphone as opposed to the barfing kid. So you are just... Oh, I had more anger for the speakerphone person than...
05:42 The kid is not a person yet. It's unformed. It has to puke. It'll puke. I have sympathy. I have sympathy for the mother and for the kid. Maybe not so much for the other kid who was like, who are you? Why are you sitting here?
05:54 But, you know, I can forgive that one either because unformed. But the people who are walking around. Formed people. Formed people who are walking around talking on speakerphone, no patience for it. I hate you. I hate you. They're rude, rude fucks. Anyway, shall we?
06:08 We shall. Okay. Yasik has a headache and I think that we are hurting his soul right now by yelling into his ears. Here is our first question. Hi, Sasha. I'm doing the reading today because of your hay fever. Yes. Or allergies.
06:21 sorry my parents call every allergy hay fever so this is hay fever okay hi sasha i'm having a little situation with one of my closest friends and need your take on this my friend s and i have been friends for five years or so we're tight but just like any long friendship there are qualities that get on my nerves she started dating this new guy and she is very happy i've noticed this thing though that has creeped into our friendship lately that is when i text her to do something i don't hear back from her right away. And then I'll see her on Instagram posting pictures of her and her boyfriend within moments of my text to her. She's too busy to respond back, but not too busy to show off some picture with her and her boyfriend. It just doesn't seem right. And I'm not typically
07:03 sensitive, but this rubs me the wrong way. What can I say to her? Or do I just ignore it? Even though I find it very rude. LK. Classic. Well, I'm sniffing some jealousy. Yeah, no, I mean, that's, I don't know. I think if you were pissed that your friend wasn't getting back to you, that's one thing. But I think it's interesting that our reader LK, you know, is maybe throwing a little shade at this new relationship that her friend has embarked on. there's some hurt feelings. Yeah. It's,
07:38 I think we've, we've addressed this before and I think that it is going to be an ongoing thing that happens when any of our friends hook up and are like in the bloom of new love and horniness and all of that. I feel like it's a friend expectation that you got to give them some room. Yes. Yeah. And yeah,
08:04 Give them some room because they're going to shit on you for a little bit and it's not going to feel amazing, but. Or not even bother with you to shit on you. Like shitting on you would be almost good, but like. Because that means they're still paying attention. They're a ghost. Yeah. Yeah.
08:16 No, it's true. I think that I, God, we've been there. Well, A, I've been there so many times where my friends have ditched my ass because they've found love. And we've been that person too. And yeah, I've been that person too. And also I've been that friend where, yeah, I'll text my friend and then they, I don't want to hear back from them but yeah they're like posting a bunch of pictures they're on twitter
08:36 um but like far who cares i don't know this doesn't and this is even semi a social media question and i'm not even fired up about it like i'm like whatever i you know sash is not fired up about a social media question it's not a big deal well i mean lk lk says it just doesn't seem right And I'm not typically sensitive, but this rubs me the wrong way. I feel like, yeah, I, in this case, it might be over sensitivity, but I hear you. Cause I think that the first time this happened to us or the first friend who, yeah, we all get a little bit cheesed, um, that bitch can't believe she's like, and you're allowed to do that.
09:20 You can stomp your feet, boys before girls and whatnot. It's okay for you to feel like it's normal. but you I don't think you have a move here okay I don't either I think your move is yeah as I said just stomp your little feet you know then pull that little wedgie out of your bum to your other friends to your other friends you can stomp right yeah take Lainey's advice where you just fucking roll your eyes yeah talk talk smack about your friend behind their back yeah and then just get over it it'll like she'll come back she'll come back around they always do yeah at this point though you don't have a play like it is just suck it up yeah that's what you have to do when you're
09:57 a good friend you just suck that shit especially when your friend is sucking up her own shit yeah like sucking some new dick and enjoying it and whatever i mean it's i don't know but i i also don't think that like um it's limited to women i think it happens to guys too you know yeah they just don't talk about it no and i think that although controversial controversial suggestion do does it like slide off the guy friends easier I don't know I've always said that I think guys are like the bitchiest gossipy sex of them all so are like if I feel like they get I feel like they get hurt they just they just don't talk about it yeah I just don't think they talk about it I don't know what they
10:44 do with those feelings I don't know how they bro it out but we had Jacek and I had a friend um guy friend and like he when he fell in love he was gone you know and he was like super close to us and then i was like the one who was like oh my god he's like not calling and he used to be over every single day and yasik was the one who was like shrug whatever yeah okay but at the same time yasik's a super chill guy and i'm not a super chill person right but i i don't know i feel like i wonder you're actually no you're right and then then that's where pussy whipped comes into like that's how that got defined right he's not hanging out with us he's not going to the game with us because he's with his girl whatever okay all those then this is not i can't turn this into
11:31 a sexist conversation which i try to do with every conversation nice attempt yeah so lk i think that Right now, you just have to kind of deal and be happy for her and be patient. Once the, you know, the high of the new intensity of this relationship wears off, you'll get your friend back. And also find comfort that we've all been there. That this isn't a new thing. This happens and it's kind of a rite of passage to be a friend. It's like you get ditched.
12:04 You get ditched a couple of times. You get ignored a couple of times, but you'll be back in the loop soon. So don't worry about it. Okay. Next. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. It's so great to have you back, Sasha. You were missed and I hope you are feeling healthy. I've really been struggling with something and I thought I'd figure it out on my own, but now I seem to be becoming more and more conflicted about it. I recently had my third daughter and even though I haven't lost all the weight from my pregnancy, I can see I have a lot of loose skin. I have a petite frame, but big babies and I was put on
12:37 steroids for a year starting early in my last pregnancy, which resulted in even more weight gain, thus more stretched skin. My stomach looks disgusting to me and it is uncomfortable to wear pants that aren't high-waisted, which was actually already the case after my second daughter was born and anything tied around the middle is out of the question. I'm 32 years old. I exercise regularly and eat clean, mostly. I know I should just embrace my body and be proud that I've carried three healthy children, which of course I am, but I know it's very unlikely that I will be one of these women who is just comfortable in her skin no matter what. It's not me. So my trouble is this. I want to get a tummy tuck. I want my body back so I can wear whatever clothes I want and be
13:24 comfortable. And I want to feel sexy again, but I have three daughters and I worry that the message I'm sending is a really, really shitty one. As you well know, they face a lifetime of overt, invasive, and insidious pressure to live up to and obtain a very specific version of beauty. I feel it's my responsibility as their mother to, at the very least, be a safe place away from that or represent an alternative version of beauty, a more realistic one. I worry that by having a tummy tuck, I'm reinforcing and perpetuating the narrow and patriarchal bullshit standards put on girls and women. It feels very reckless to me. It also feels like I'm promoting vain and superficial values, which isn't really the goal, obviously. There's also a part of me that feels like I'm
14:14 being really ungrateful, like I have health, so why jeopardize it for the sake of a smoother tummy? But the thought of living with a tummy that I just don't want to see and prevents me from wearing 90% of the clothes I want to wear makes me feel kind of depressed. On the flip side, if I decide that my role as mother trumps all, am I just succumbing to the other bullshit patriarchal ideal of being a mother above all else, putting aside my womanhood in service to motherhood? And what message does it send to put others, even your children, before you? That feels messed up too. It feels like a lose-lose on the feminist mother front. Am I a bad feminist and mother if I go through with a tummy tuck? Am I telling my daughters they are only as good as they look?
15:00 Or am I telling them that it's okay to want to look and feel your best, that it's okay to put yourself first sometimes? I'm just all over the place on this, as you can see. I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thank you. Lucy, Lucy, Mother Goosey. Well, I don't want to call you Lucy, Lucy, Mother Goosey. So I'm just going to call you Mother. And it is Mother's Day. We're taping this on Mother's Day. And to be quite honest, this sounds like a righteous mother. Yeah. I love that there's like 360 degrees of thought that's already been put into this. And no, you don't have the answer. We might not have the answer, but you have really spent time and a lot of investment into this. So yeah, I appreciate this. Mother.
15:47 mom. Um, I, I, I don't know if I necessarily want to get into whether or not she should or shouldn't get the tummy tuck. Cause that is a decision that she's going to have to come to herself. 100%. But I will say that, uh, whatever she goes through with, um, as you said, Lainey, she's had this totally bird's eye, 360 degree view on the situation. And I think that she doesn't have to worry about what kind of message she's going to pass on to her children because she seems to have a very strong feminist standpoint as it is. So there's no way that her children aren't going to pick up that through osmosis of just being around her, you know? I agree. Like mom is a really thoughtful person who puts a lot of consideration into these kinds
16:43 of decisions. So I'm really excited about the children she's going to raise because she's going to raise them to be critical, sometimes self-critical, and to really exercise and assert their own choices. Yeah. Or at least, you know, make their choices. This is very much a choice that she is trying to make. And this isn't like, mom isn't trying to be Catwoman slash Pamela anderson slash fucking i don't know whoever the fuck rips their face up and rips their tits up and all that kind of shit she's like she's just improving on something that she already has do you know what i mean she's not she's not trying to recreate a new plague boy model you know she's just trying to be like oh fuck i've got some fucking saggy skin i'm gonna fucking lift that
17:33 shit out dump it in the garbage and we're good to go like it's not it's not like some crazy transformation where she's going to become this new this you know but the plastic surgery question is really complicated in the way that we as women are talking about it and judging it and and i think i do i do judge it i think sometimes eeks sorry but i do yeah i mean that's part of the i think that's part of the conundrum here the part of the swing she's like on the one hand what message is it to prioritize looking a certain way or following a code of what beauty should be and then going outside your, you know, going outside your natural state to get there. And then on the flip side is, but I have agency.
18:21 I have all these options. The reason it's so great to live in 2016 is because I look at what we can do in 2016. So I get it. But part of that pressure comes from us. Yeah, I get it. From other women. and the way we talk about people who have plastic surgery. And I think for me, it's like, I mean, at the end of the day,
18:40 it's every woman, every man, you can make your own choice. You do whatever makes you happy at the end of the day. But, you know, it is when I do pass judgment on people who have plastic surgery, it's like those Heidi Montags. It's those people that are just, you know, are doing it for all the wrong reasons and don't have the brain capacity to understand why they're making those decisions. so from our reader mom it's like she's the complete opposite of heidi montag you know she knows what's up she knows why she would be doing it and it wouldn't be um you know to
19:13 get the gaze of another man or you know what i mean she's doing it solely for herself you're saying that like heidi montag didn't seem grounded in herself like figuring out fuck no right whereas mom here and like you know someone like god rest her soul joan rivers like who had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers but like I don't know I never it never bothered me that Joan Rivers had so much plastic surgery because she was like the first to be like I've had this done this done this I'm gonna get more of this done I'm gonna get more of that done like you know what haven't I had done yeah and it was like part of it was like an owning of it right it was a you know what I know I'm funny I know I'm smart I just didn't really like my ears nose mouth
19:56 whatever and i went and fixed it so what fuck you you know i'm the first person to tell you that it happened yeah um do you see heidi montag and joan rivers in a different light yes yeah uh but then at the same time i think you know i don't i don't know either of them but there probably is the same thread of insecurity in both of them um they just played it differently Right. So, I mean, and that's the thing, like, do we, is it fair to say that anybody who gets plastic surgery is insecure? I mean, baseline. But I think baseline, you are insecure about that. Baseline, everybody is partly insecure, right? Baseline, like, I mean, I'd love to meet the person who is totally like, fuck yeah, I'm the best. So baseline, we're all insecure.
20:46 Yes. So when is it okay to, and when isn't it? without being called out for like being insecure or, you know. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I just feel like there's a sense of, and again, I'm not, I shouldn't be that gauge, right? Like it's unfair of me to pass judgment on these people, like the Heidi Montags of the world
21:09 or the Pamela Andersons of the world. Like I feel like there's some people who do it for the wrong, I guess I'm just like, I think, yes, baseline we're all insecure but i think some people do it for the wrong reasons right you know what i mean but is there a right like what is like what is the right reason uh because it's just gonna it's gonna make you feel better but it makes all of everybody feel better no it doesn't make heini montag feel better she was miserable yeah like i said this is one of those hollywood i'm miserable why did i do this to my face i mean for me i the times where it's really bugged me in the celebrity world is when people don't admit it right i fucking nicole kidman like nicole kidman
21:51 i fucking hate that like i think that she got to the point where she was like no no no i've never and then i think a couple years ago she was like yeah i've done it once i tried it and then i stopped bullshit fucking shit out of my ass like no um so i think that's when it really cheeses me because i feel like the hey and i might get it one day you know i'm trying not to and like getting you know i have face treatments i have new products that i use all the time but at 42 almost 43 i certainly am not going to rule out never doing it but then i would never lie i never would be like oh no it's just because i fucking started eating this new strained and strand of arugula you know i i would never lie about it so i feel like when it bugs me it's when people aren't honest about
22:39 go and do whatever you want. Like, as you said, everybody can do, but just don't, don't come to me and insult me by telling me that like, suddenly you went on holiday to Hawaii and you got new eyes. Exactly. Well, and then there's the other thing. And another thing that bothers me, and I think basically the running theme for me is when people get plastic surgery when they're young. Cause then I think about like Kylie Jenner, who her whole face, she's like not the same human she was when she came out of the womb. That stuff bothers me because again, that's someone who hasn't, who is insecure and hasn't given herself a chance to learn what being a secure woman is. Yeah. I, I, I totally see what you're saying. I just don't know that we are ever going to be
23:22 able to go back. You know, I think that we just live at a time when not only can we filter our way beautiful or light our way on social media with whatever app so that we look a certain way, But we are at a point where, yeah, a 16-year-old can go and change herself physically if her parents agree to it and if she's got the money. And that's going to just be a reality. So we might as well be like, well, like that reality. But we're not going backwards. So I think the question is, you know, making sure at this point that, as you said, Sasha, people are informed about it and empowered about it. Like, is it that, do you think that people used to say the same thing about makeup?
24:11 No. I don't know. Like, you know, I think plastic surgery is becoming the new makeup. Like makeup used to be able to make your eyes bigger and define your eyebrow. Or like putting, you know, like. And you can take it off. Yeah. And you can take off.
24:28 It's not permanent. But I feel like we are so casual these days about plastic surgery, or many people have become so casual about plastic surgery that it's almost as, you know, casual as putting a swipe of mascara on. Yeah. I don't argue about that. It is becoming, I think, a bit too casual, but let's help mom. Okay. I will say though, for mom's purposes, My cousin Kat, hi Kat, she has two kids. She's always been small-breasted. And after breastfeeding her two boys, and they're like big boys,
25:08 her second boy, Marcel, is like a tank. Anyway, and she runs, and she's super fit, like really lean. She's training for a 100K right now. But she has told me, she's like, I hate my fucking tits. they've fed my children um and i will be grateful for them but they're shriveled they're pruney um they're disgusting and i would like a small breast enhancement and she's kind of like you know the taylor swift size like the gwyneth paltrow the nicole ritchie you know those like a to b cup yeah she just needs a lift right and how can i argue with that i'm like you know
25:45 what? You're, you know, 40 year old woman. You've had two children. You're super fit. You don't want to look at your tits and think that they're pruned. So fucking let's go. I'm going to make her appointment with, you know, plastic surgeon and just go get a tit job. So it's not like altering her, her whole body. It's just like enhancing something she already had. And kind of also like to your kids, fuck you for fucking some shit up. Mama's got to go fix it now because you fucked shit up that might be the way you explain it to your kids mom like you get your tummy tuck and then when your kids are old enough and they're like oh you have a nice stomach you'd be like well i didn't because you three assholes had to like mutilate my body so it's your fault
26:29 so it's your fault that but you know what i waited until you were like safe and like i fed you and i took care of you and then i had to take care of me there if you want to come for more mothering advice email us at but you know what mom thanks for allowing us to have this discussion as we said we probably couldn't come to any real answers because this is such a complicated issue but at least we're talking about it we're going to keep talking about it and good luck with your decision and I have no doubt that you will come to the right decision for you because you are of sound uh rad mind but let us know what ultimately you decide okay next dear Sasha and Lainey I I enjoy your podcast very much as it feels like I'm listening to girlfriends giving each other
27:14 honest opinions. I've kept a secret for a very long time and I feel like sharing it with you two will make me feel better. Several years ago, I was coming out of a bad relationship where I'd been hurt, used, and cheated on. I confided in a work friend who I knew was involved with someone else. Over the course of several months, we started an affair which carried on for more than a year. Initially, it felt to me like a physical relationship where we both got what we obviously missed in our lives, but it turned into more for me. And I admitted first to myself, but then to him as well, that I wanted us to be together. He literally said that he would be exchanging one relationship where he couldn't commit to a girl for another and would instead like to go
28:00 on with our current setup and at least be honest with me. The whole conversation was incredibly hurtful, but it gave me the motivation to examine myself and my actions and my part in how my life had ended up. I realized that I, once again, let a man use me and I also turned into a person I felt no respect for. I made a decision to extricate myself from that relationship and I managed to break off all contact with him, even though we worked for the same company. It took some time for me to come to terms with what I had done and try to rebuild my self-respect. I spent quite a bit of time alone and only started dating once I was in a good place, but I never did manage to rid myself of the shame of having been part of a situation where someone was cheated on. Cut to two
28:46 years later, and as a result of some shakeups within the company, we are now forced to interact on a daily basis. Since this has happened, he made several attempts to reestablish a more personal relationship by creating situations where we end up being alone, evoking our old dynamic, texting me with non-work related stuff, organizing group hangouts where we were both present, etc. Initially, I thought I was imagining the whole thing, but it has now gotten to the point where he makes innuendos and inappropriate remarks even in work meetings. It's uncomfortable for me, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he gets to me, and I also don't want to give him a chance to talk to me about personal stuff. Since no one is aware of our history,
29:28 I try to be totally nonchalant while at work, but I ignore all his texts and advances outside of work and I avoid being alone with him. I thought I was doing the best I could in a difficult situation and I was proud of myself for keeping this resolve. This week, I found out that his girlfriend had broken up with him and after several weeks, he made a grand gesture and got her back by proposing to her. They are now set to get married this summer. When I heard this piece of gossip, I felt a huge wave of anger and resentment towards this person. He is literally trying to pursue me while panic proposing to a girl he has cheated on before. I feel like if he makes another advance, I'll have the urge to tell him to go to hell. But at this point, it would look
30:14 like I'm jealous and hurt, which I probably am to some level. So I feel like my only choice is to keep ignoring his innuendos, and listen to the office gossip about his wedding with a poker face. It's incredibly frustrating. Is there any way to resolve this? Can I get him to leave me alone without making it seem like I'm hurt? Do I just have to suck it up and do a better job at not caring and getting over this whole deal? Is this karma for what I've done to that girl? Thanks for your advice. Bit by karma. Oh, karma. This is a really good question. Oh, karma. Can we – you do this really well, Lainey, which is like you like to sum up shit before we answer stuff.
30:54 So can you just paint – Okay. Karma was with a guy for a long time, seven years ago. And he was a dick to her and she didn't honor him. And then that ended and she told all of this to a work friend, a guy, and they started hooking up. But he had a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. So she was like, I feel for you.
31:16 And he was like, no, I don't want to get serious with you because I'm already cheating with one girl, which means I can't commit to her. So cut to let's just do what we're doing. But she broke it off with him. And then she worked on herself and really like, you know, clearly felt a lot of shame. Still does. And then he's like, hey, how are you? And wanting to like pick up where they left off.
31:38 She's been like, no, thank you. Super chill about it. And now she finds out that he's getting engaged to that same girl. And she's pissed. Yeah. And she's like, fuck you. And you were just, you know, texting me to like, whatever. But why does that make her any more angry?
31:57 But why does that make her any more angry? Like she was able to deal with it before she found out the news that he was getting engaged. And now that's just tipped her off. Like if she was holding, you know, her shit tight, then why can't she continue to hold it? tight now? Well, I mean, I think that, you know, as she acknowledges, like, you know, she is hurt and jealous. She says here, it would look like I'm jealous and hurt, which I probably am to some level. Like she's acknowledged, she's owning that. So there is a bit of jealousy and, you know, why, you know, why wasn't it me? You know, and obviously there's also
32:40 perhaps a little bit of like you know everybody seems to be making out okay you know like he's like realized that he finally wants to commit to her and he's proposing to her well you know well i mean he's no prize but like it sucks to feel like you're the only one after you've done made mistakes and feel like you've worked on yourself to still be like that girl who hey you know what I feel fucking horny in the middle of this meeting I'm just gonna send you a text like it's there's a lot here I get it for me though I would be like thank god I'm never went through with that piece of shit and I feel so bad for his fucking fiance who's signing up for a lifetime of a shit smear I you know what and I think that that's our job here is to get karma
33:32 to that point yeah because that's the stance right like you know you've done all this work you have come to terms with, you know, your mistakes and, and what you think you, you know, what you hope to deserve and how you want to treat people in the future. That's great. Those are all great things to come of, you know, what could have been a really dicey situation. So now, you know, you're left with two options here. You either fucking call HR on him if the harassment is actually truly, you know, you know, crossing a line and making her uncomfortable, which I don't think is the case. Or you just, you get on your fucking knees and are like, hallelujah. Again, I'm not with such a turd of a turd. And that's easy to brush off. If you keep on reminding
34:18 yourself, like I find that we always fall into that pattern of the guy who treated us like shit. We forget that he treated us like shit. And you remember all the good things or like the hot, little steamy shit that happened but like keep reminding yourself that he's just a pile of crap right that's what gets you that's what gets you through those those days of feeling jealous or feeling insecure or being like you know whatever the emotions that she's feeling right now it's like who gives a fuck he's a fucking loser yeah I mean I 100% agree with you that you have been given like an escape card here. Like it's a golden ticket. It's a golden ticket. But I also understand that it's hard to come to the place where you aren't resentful, when you aren't
35:08 jealous, when you aren't hurt. I'm a bitter, petty person, Karma. So I get it. I get stewing in that and needing a while to be able to see, as Sasha says, this light and getting on my knees and be like, oh, thank God it's not me. But we want to be here for you to make you see that. And hopefully us saying this, like that we're saying this right now is, you know, at least illuminating for you that, hey, the other side of this is you are in really nice, clear territory. You're not marrying a guy who is doing this. That said, what does she do now when he keeps, you know, dropping buck hints during meetings and texting? How does she navigate that without seeming like she is jealous and petty, me in other words, and without going to HR? What is the solution for her? First
36:09 of all, it would be ideal if he would stop, right? Yeah. So if he continues, how should she behave? Because that's the other part of it, right? Like, you know, it is annoying for her. Yeah. And I think i i think what has to happen is um our reader listen to us and come to terms with the fact that yeah like she has dodged a bullet here and this guy shouldn't have any effect on her anymore so like work through those feelings work through those past feelings that you had to go through before and then when you're feeling good when you're feeling confident and he sends you a text or he says something like inappropriate or whatever the fuck at work then you say hey buddy can you fuck off with the texts like it doesn't have to be like oh you're
36:54 getting married you shouldn't be texting me you shouldn't be calling me you shouldn't be like trying to like get me in a room by myself just be like hey dude uh i don't want you to text me anymore and i also don't want you to talk to me anymore cool yeah like and it doesn't and that that doesn't i i don't know like that's pretty like why not just be straightforward word i feel like i feel like maybe part of this what we missed here is that she ignored him right um and then he went and fucking proposed to his girlfriend so clearly he was picking up on her hints like to me if she was he was doing all this fuck shit and she if she had reciprocated i'm not sure then he would have had gone he would be able to go back to his best of both worlds
37:41 situation right but the fact that like he was not getting anywhere with our girl karma yeah then he goes and panic proposes as she says panic proposes and got her back great oh no no sorry the girlfriend broke up with him and then he panic proposed so she the girlfriend breaks up with him he's not getting any play from our girl karma yeah then he panic proposes to the girlfriend I feel like karma, what you were doing was already working. So you know what? You don't need to do anything different. This is what I'm saying.
38:16 Like all you've been doing all along, avoiding him, not responding, not reciprocating, not giving him any life caused him to like be in this place where he's like, I can't fucking get karma. Now my girl broke up with me. I need to like do something. I need to, like, grab any sort of fucking life jacket that I can. Clearly, he was realizing that you're not down. You weren't into it.
38:42 But since proposing to this girl, he's… Hasn't done… There's no indication here that he's done anything. Oh, okay. I thought since proposing, he was still knocking at her door. Oh, God. I don't know. This guy's a douchebag.
38:56 It's not clear. It's not clear. Okay. So if, if in fact he's just proposed to her and now he's not bothering her, then there's no big deal and he's not bothering her. Right. So like, what's the issue here? Um, yeah, I don't know.
39:13 Okay. So then there you go. Karma, if he's like fucking falling off the wagon here and isn't, isn't doing anything, then problem solved. Then he isn't bothering you anymore. You won't get any more texts. He's going to move on with his life. Yeah.
39:27 Okay. What I'm worried about is that if he does, you know, do his dirtbag shit to her, and her, like, as if she opens up the conversation by being like, fuck off, I don't want anything to do with you, it opens up a conversation. No, it doesn't. Do you mean, I think that that's a door that, like, you know, allows him to be like, but why not? And then she's going to have to deflect and defend and whatever, and engage.
39:52 It's about engagement. And right now, the way she's been playing it has been, do not engage. ignore ignore ignore so the minute it's negative attention seeking right this loser here yeah so any kind of attention even fuck off i don't want to have anything to do with you is the attention that he wants and what she's been successful in doing is not playing into that at all so i just want to you know you know how these fuck yeah like fucking idiots act yeah it makes them hungrier Yeah. Um, I don't know. I mean, yes, it would be engaging. And yes, I guess it would be opening a door to like a minute of conversation, but I'm pretty sure like, just say something to me. Say
40:35 something to me. Like say something like, Hey baby. Okay. And then I would say to you, if you were trying to hit on me, if you were said douchebag and you're Hey babying me, come on, you like to tap into this acting shit. I know, but like that, I don't Hey baby. I don't, I don't tap into hey baby okay give me something but he probably would drop a hey baby yeah so give me something okay so all right so i'm i'm i'm the asshole yes okay hey baby what are you doing after work do you want to hey hey you know what bucko i fucking don't want to talk to you anymore please don't text me see that's but i don't you think that's still really emotional emotional Who cares?
41:15 There's emotion to it. But people like him breed into like, oh, but she was so mad. But that's his problemo. That's his problemo. It's her problem when he goes home
41:24 and is like, but she was just so emotional when she reacted to me so I should keep trying. So that he can do... But he's still gonna come back the next day. Right.
41:33 Then find a new job. You know what? I feel like if this was a rom-com, let's... If this was a rom-com, then... Like, I'm trying to think outside the box.
41:44 Okay. If this was a rom-com, what she might want to do is fake a boyfriend. Oh, God. Are you sure you want to go down the road with this advice? Look, this seems a little… Karma, you have two options. You know what? Sasha's like…
41:59 You have three options, really. In real life, because this is real life, Sasha's like, you should be like, anytime he texts you, respond with disgust and tell him to, like, eat his dick. No, don't respond to any texts. Okay, no text. But if he comes up to her and was like, hey, you need to stop, buddy. Yeah. Like, I have no interest in this.
42:18 I need you to stop texting me. I'm finding it really annoying. Be upfront about it. Yeah. And make it in. Use the words annoying, disgusting. Like, you're like, you're just not. I'm not.
42:30 I don't want you in my life in text form. You're vile. In physical form. Yeah. Please go away. Yeah. Like, act like you. It's not about you being hurt.
42:40 It's about you being, like, disgusted. Yeah. Like, okay, that's one option. The other option, that's Sasha's option. She thinks it's great. The other option would be to not give it any, not continue to not engage. Just like you don't notice and you live your life and you're just like so blase and you're like, hey, hair flip, whatever, you know, delete.
42:59 That's option number two. Option number three, rom-com option, if we were making a movie, would be fake a boyfriend. Oh my God, you've got this hunk, like I can't wait. Where are you, like, you know, a colleague asks you, hey, what are you doing tonight? My boyfriend and I are going out. It's going to be so great. You know, that's your rom-com option. I am in Stefan here.
43:22 We are not giving her a rom-com option. That is so much more effort. And the whole point of this is to not exert any effort. But it might be fun. Oh, God. Like, I'm giving, no, we are basing our advice on reality. We had two reality options. And then we had a fantasy option, which I think is like, you know, listen, it's I, Catherine
43:44 Heigl it up, Karma. No, why did you have to do that? Why the fuck did you have to do a Catherine Heigl there? I wanted to ruin it. I wanted to ruin it and put death to it. Anyway, if you would like the rom-com option, I do have other ideas and, you know, I could play this out for you. So hit us back if you're willing to take the rom-com option, which admittedly is fantastical
44:07 and ridiculous, but we've given you two reality-based options too. And then we should – let's just bring in a Beyonce quote here because I think, Karma, what you've learned and what we all can take away from this is dust to side chicks, right? Ashes to ashes. Yes, dust to side chicks. Yes, I'm glad that you are no longer a side chick. Thank you for listening to our rambling and my rom-com writing.
44:33 um and continue to check us out on itunes uh leave comments keep your comments coming the address is sasha at leanygossip.com see you next time bye Thank you.