Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E38 Bristol Bangers - Part One

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

A pile of hundreds, possibly thousands, of raw pork sausages appeared overnight in the middle of a park in Bristol, UK. And nobody seems to know how they got there.Was it a crime against British sausage loving culture? A crime against vegans? Or a sausage heist gone horribly wrong? In this episode, we speak to two key witnesses in an attempt to answer two burning questions:Who the hell planted up to 60kg of raw sausages there, and WHY?Part Two drops 8th October.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingCheck out Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and BTSSound design by @avaud.ioSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

911, what's your emergency? Hi, it's like bad as happened on a street now where I live. A thousand raw sausages have appeared overnight. Oh, you've got the wrong department, ma'am. This is the police. We deal with real crimes. Hang on, I'll transfer you to someone who can help. Karen.

Okay, I've got it. Get the phone. Karen, pick up the fun. Now. Give me one second. I'm just finishing my biscuit. Honestly, Karen. Hi there, it's assistant to the detective.

of Karen Whitehouse here. How can I help? Hi, so I was walking to work early this morning, and I found thousands of raw sausages in a pile, just dumped on the side of the pavement, and I'm just wondering if someone can figure out what's happened. Oh, okay. I'm going to have to patch you through to the lead detective for this kind of case. Hold the line. All right, here we go.

This is Detective Lauren Kilby speaking. How may I help you? This story begins. Bristol, a city in southwest England. Bristol is an amazing city. It's full of art and culture. There's always something going on, something exciting or fun or weird. Bristol's like a beautifully diverse place. It's really accepting, and I've lived quite around the UK,

and it's one of the safest places I've kind of felt. Vibrant, good food. It's not the greenest. A city thriving, a music art and culture. A city with nothing to lose. Until the end of 2025, when hundreds of Bristolians would be confronted with an inexplicable mystery. Today we'll be hearing from three of them.

Joe. Hi, I'm Joe. I live in Bristol and I work in one of the hospitals in Bristol. Callum. Hi, I'm a Calum. I'm a DJ who lives in Bristol and I own the best punk around who's actually really keen to become a detective. So here we are.

What's the name of your pug? Oh, he's called pugless. And pugless, a local pug. Can you tell us what happened? Well, I mean, it just started out as a normal day where I was getting pugless ready. We hit our first of two parks. It was fantastic.

We saw all of his dog friends. And as I was walking across the second one, we saw the amazing graffiti. There's a big wall which is kind of used for like repeatable graffiti. Like it's kind of a legal wall, so to speak. So you'll go past there. And every couple of days, we different people. upgrade in the art. It's a really beautiful place. There's a river and a bridge going over it.

And as I was walking across the bridge, he just started pulling me. And he's not really a pulling dog. He's quite a relaxed, chill kind of guy. So he started dragging me. I was like, oh, let's see where this goes. Could be an adventure. And bam. There was just about a thousand sausages all piled up. Hundreds, possibly thousands of raw sausages. Damped, abandoned in the middle of a park in Bristol. It was probably about a meter high. and a metre and a half in diameter all piled up, some covered in flies, some looking fresh.

And the more you think about it, the stranger it gets. Who's got this many sausages? Just why? Karen, I just don't think you were listening to me when I said the weight of the sausages. That's like over the size of a body. You want to know how they got those bangers to that location.

We're going to work out why. And this happened in Britain, a nation of sausage lovers. Toad in the hole. Pigs and blankets. sausage baps. Sausages mean a lot to British people. Who put these sausages here and why?

This is Bristol Bangers part one. Let's do this. Let's do it. I think it was just someone who was not right in the mind at the moment, stole it and just split the packet trying to climb over a fence because it was kind of a fence made by and it was sharp. So that's what I think actually happened. Okay, so the case is correct then.

Yeah. Okay, well let's wrap this up. in a publisher one minute episode. Perfect. Could you describe what the sausages look like? It looked like poor quality pork sausages. They were kind of like a bit pale, but not like a chicken pale. It was just kind of undercooked pork pail. They weren't quite a frank and furter.

They didn't have any sort of length girth or like spottedness or texture to them. They were just kind of pale as if they've just been extra processed and just left there. Not quite a string. It was all individual sausages. That's actually interesting because most of the same. sausages, the shit ones don't come in a string, don't they? No, that's definitely an indication of quality, I think, when it comes in a string. Yeah.

Isn't it? Although those weird little savalloys you get, they come in a string, don't they? The what? Savloys. I don't know what that is. Oh, God. We asked Callum to tell us what kind of buildings or businesses are close to the park where these sausages were found. It's right next to a really good venue that does a lot of community stuff as well.

between two venues that do lots of the community stuff. So it's right next to a big community hub, basically. What are those two places called? The boxing gym and document. So the boxing gym at nighttime kind of runs raves and nighttime events, and during the day it runs kind of like a, well, it used to run like boxing stuff for like children from underprivileged backgrounds. So it'd be significantly discounted and document just does a lot of like charity events.

Is there like a nearby hot dog vendor or something? Oh, not like to think of. There's a fantastic falafel place. but I don't think anything about hot dogs. But we'll get onto this later because I've got a theory, Lauren. Oh. I've done a bit of research. Oh.

Hold that thought. Callum, are you good at, you know, those games that you play when you have to guess the number of like jelly beans in a jar? And it's usually like 7,563,102 or whatever. Are you good at those games? Oh, yeah, definitely. You just figure out the arrow and divide it by the perimeter, right? Because a thousand sausages feels like a lot.

A thousand sausages. Are you sure it was? a thousand. Yeah. Was there anything in the immediate surroundings that is interesting for us in terms of evidence? Well, within the immediate surrounding, there was a gold star, just like a sticker of a gold star. And there was some packaging nearby, but I didn't pay much attention to that. Sorry, the gold star.

Where was the gold star in relation to the pile? It was on the grass and it just felt incriminating to me. Okay, we finally have a child suspect. This is what I've been waiting for this entire season. Or an adult that is in serious need of validation, which it could be me. Yeah, that would be something you would do carry around gold stars for yourself. I love a gold star. Yeah.

I love gold stars. You said a bag. What bag? Oh, there was just some kind of bag that looked like it contained something big and oily at something nearby. I don't know. It just kind of was like blowing away in the wind, kind of clear. Kind of like, two meters big, quite big. Oh.

It was a see-through bag, like a bin bag. Yeah, kind of like a bin bag. More heavy-duty, like, thicker, maybe. Like, it would have, like, contained something heavy at one point. So that's what the sausages could have been in to transport them to this area. 1,000 sausages weigh between 45 to 113 kilograms. I just don't understand how one bag is going to carry potentially up to 113 kilos of sausages. That's going to have to be the most heavy-duty bag of all time,

and they certainly can't put it over their shoulder unless it's a bodybuilder, our suspect. I think we're going to have to do a test. But that's like over at the size of a body. You can't just like sling that over your shoulder and march down to the park and then they can't have been in that bag, all of them. Well, I mean, people carry bodies in a carpet and I feel like a bag is a much better container than a carpet. So it could be feasible. Do you want to see some evidence, Lauren, of what the sausages look like?

Yes. Okay, so this is one of the earlier photos. Oh my God. Karen flashes a harrowing image. Taken at nighttime, a patch of grass beside a graffiti. brick wall and some kind of metal fence, rotting leaves, and just sitting there. A huge, monstrous pile of floppy light pink sausages lit up by the harsh sinister flash of the camera. This is not good.

And you can find this evidence on our Instagram page at Hooshat on the floor at my wedding. And actually, I've just seen there's a black bag next to it. Like a proper bin liner. was that there when you saw it, Callum? No, this looks like it was later on in the day because it was quite early in the morning, probably about 10 a.m. when I saw it. What day was it when you discovered them?

Do you know the day of the week? I don't know the day of the week, but I know it would have been midweek. I'd imagine Tuesday or Wednesday. Because you were in some newspaper articles and it said that you found them on Saturday the 6th of December. Could that be right? Possibly. I'm not very good at days of the week.

But yes, I know the paper got hold of me and reported everything. pretty quickly, so that would have been more accurate. Do you think we can take that newspaper as being correct? Everything in the article was correct, apart from they misgendered and named Puglas wrong. Other than that, it's all quite correct. We need to get that corrected. That's outrageous.

What is Paglis's gender? I think his sex is male, but is the gender, I don't think he's really that bothered because he's a dog. And what did the newspaper say? Called him a she. Oh, God. I said her. Yeah, let's try and get that updated in that article. That'd be another.

Good use of my time. Callum, we're about to play a game, which is a really important, very serious game. Everyone say your favourite type of sausage on the count of three. One, two, three. Cheppelotta. Breakfast. Gay. Gay.

I love a gay sausage. What's a gay sausage? It's a penis, Lauren. Oh, oh. Oh my God. You're not with it today. Okay, I understand. I didn't realize we were going that direction.

Yeah, I feel like I should take over as lead detective on this case because you're just not shop. You're not sharp today. I feel like we need to demote you. Are we going to go to Bristol and reenact this crime? We're definitely going to go to Bristol. Amazing. Road trip.

If you had to put a brand on it, what brand of sausage was this? Maybe little. Little, okay. Little home brand, if not it would be like as the basics, I think. Oh no, we're going to go back to the supermarket. The English supermarket where we had to go on rural rectal rampage. And we need to flash an image of a... sausage?

Oh God, we're not flashing another dick pick. Oh my, no. We're not flashing another phallic object of random strangers in Bristol in a supermarket. Why does it always come back to the flashing the phallic object? How long were the sausages? Below average, I'd say probably like three and a half, four inches. I don't know what that means. And what was the girth?

Oh, they were quite, quite girthy. I'd probably say the inches aren't good, so maybe six centimetre. Jesus, that's a massive sausage. That's a tiny. Six centimetres is tiny. Oh, the girth was six centimetres. Yeah, yeah. No, Callum, no. That's huge.

I'm sorry, I'm looking at that photo. That is not right. Absolutely not, Callum. Yeah, they're about the size of like a normal uncooked sausage. I think we need to move on from the girth of a sausage, don't you? Yeah, I'd say so, yep, quickly. I'm a lesbian for a reason. Who wrote this, Lauren?

Your question, is this the only thing you added to the list? I'm going to ask it for you. No, I want to ask my question. If I wrote one question, I'm allowed to ask it. Kellam, what does sausages mean to you? Sausages are the world to me. I love being around them. I love holding them.

If heaven was real, it would be a sausage to me. Say, Karen, sound bites galore. No, I'm just really glad that's why you get paid the big bucks when you come up with questions like that. I think it might be time, guys, for me to share my theory of what happened. Are you ready? Yeah, I want to know. Document, as you said, is an amazing community space that has lots of, like, very late-night gigs.

And there was a music festival, a kind of quite heavy sort of electro-techno festival on Friday the 5th of December, the night before you discovered the sausages. Now, Document, they have lots of local market stands to feed people, so it changes all the time. I don't know who was there that night, that's one of the things we need to find. But I think there's a very high chance that at that kind of, let's say it's a rave, they had lots of individual food trucks and suppliers that came there, and they would have had a stash of food. That maybe someone got a little bit drunk, maybe on some other substances,

I don't know, and thought it was either funny or they saw it. an opportunity at like two in the morning, three in the morning when everyone was like raving to basically steal a load of sausages and try and get away with it and run away with it because there's no one else in this area that sells sausages. So that would be the nearest source and there was a big event on where people would be drunk and on potential substances to do mad things. Possibly think why don't we just jump a fence to steal 1,000 sausages? That's my theory.

What do you think? Go. I think it sounds like that. It would be likely if everyone in Bristol wasn't a vegetarian. Oh. Do vegetarians know the difference in terms of looks between vegetarian sausages and pork? I'm a vegetarian my whole life and I can wholeheartedly say no.

Yeah, because actually our sausage expert I was trying to get, he went on national TV and they stitched him up. He calls himself the sausage king of the UK and they took him on TV and they said, identify which one is the vegetarian sausage and which one is the real sausage. and he got it wrong and he was like 100% I can tell. And I think he did a taste test as well.

And that's why I can't get hold of him because he's been shamed in the world of sausages. Like he doesn't want to do any public appearances anymore about sausages. He doesn't want to comment on sausages on any kind of media platform. So that I think says that you really can't tell the difference. Kellam, that venue, what was it called? Document. You've obviously been there, being a DJ and being into music. do they sell food late at night?

I've never seen it, but I also would never trust food at a venue late at night, so I've not really looked, if I'm honest. Because that would make sense if it was like a sports stadium and they'd have like little booths with food. Because I like your theory, Karen, but do we know that that's the kind of place

that would have a thousand sausages? No, I don't know about sausages, but it's on their website that they work with lots of different food trucks and small, like, food stand type things. They've got a poster of who, was playing that night and I found it. And I think we need to, our next steps are to speak to one of the DJs that actually performed to be like, what, not interested in your music?

Just what, was there a sausage stand at that gig that you played in December 2025? And can you remember the name of it? We need access to all of the food vendors that sell sausages in Bristol. Yeah, well, why don't you pull up a list? Why don't you pull up a list and contact it? It's not my job, Karen. I would, I would. I definitely would if it was my job.

But sadly, it's not. I can't get a fucking sausage expert. What is going on? Like, I've reached out to you will. I will, I will. They're really elusive. What are they hiding? What are all these people hiding?

Imagine if we uncover something really sinister within the whole like sausage community? Well, the last sausage guy literally was cancelled and he's gone underground from mixing up vegetarian sausages. There's high stakes. There's like sausages mean a lot to you, British people. I can't wait to do a whooshack cooking show

about sausages. It's completely unrelated to the case. We just want to have snacks and have a barbecue. Hi, Joe. Hi. I'm going to just be honest with you. You know this. You're not our only witness here for this case.

I can't believe this. Do you want to just explain to Lauren what's up with that? What's going on? Come on. Tell me, tell me, Joe. What's wrong? I found the pile of hundreds of sausages. And I took a picture. And then it was a couple of weeks before I put up. on Reddit.

And it blew up and it went viral and it was funny. And I sent you a message saying that we had a crime that needed solving. And then Saturday, Karen messages me to say, we found the real witness. Karen?

But we're happy to talk to other locals who might have heard about it on Reddit. Karen. This is not a way to treat one of our listeners. Hang on. Joe, you're really throwing me under the bus. It's not quite how it went. I am so sorry, Joe.

That is so disrespectful. Joe, we're very grateful for you to bring this crime to her attention. You were the first person that reported this incident into us. However, you're not the most important, Karen thinks. However, I didn't know you actually saw the sausages with your own eyes. I thought you were just sharing the... I wasn't clear. No, no, no. Karen made an assumption.

She made an ass out of you and me, Well, unlike some other witnesses, I wouldn't report the sausages of someone else. Wouldn't report someone else's sausages and try and take credit. Callum tried to steal your sausage thunder. What did he have to say about it? We can't reveal the details of an ongoing investigation. The only thing is, we just have spoken to. You've just got to be the better witness, not to dangle a competitive witness carrot,

but you have the floor is yours now, Joe, to dazzle with all of the facts and just give us all the leads we need to crack this case within 24 hours ideally. That would be great. Thank you so much. So, Jo, you called into our detective hotline this afternoon to tell us about a sausage mystery. Can you tell us what happened? So I was walking to work one morning early in the morning. It was still pretty dark. My usual route to work.

Yeah, I might see an odd thing here and there. But I turned down this little sort of cut through. I go from the road down little footpaths and you cross over a little stream on a bridge. That sounds really picturesque, but it's not the most picturesque place. It's right next to a garage where there's often some tires lingering around. But to my surprise, I looked down and there was this pile of hundreds of pink, sweaty-looking raw sausages. Right next to the footpath.

one great big pile and then a couple of little ones next to it. I genuinely think that there were hundreds of them, like so many out of their packets, no sign of any packaging anywhere. I couldn't possibly count them, but they looked freshly dumped because no sign of any nibbling by any local wildlife. They were just staring back at me and I thought this was pretty funny. snapped a quick picture, sent it to a few group chats. Some of my friends laughing about what a ridiculous situation this was.

Where could all these sausages come from? It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I told a friend that I hadn't seen for a while, and she said, you've got to put this on the Bristol subreddit. And I don't use Reddit a whole lot. I was aware that that's the sort of thing that might go up there. So I posted it there without thinking, just a silly little caption. Sausage mystery.

Many, many sausages spotted in St. Jude's, where did they come from? Where will they go? It's a meaty mystery. And before too long, people were messaging me about the sausages saying that they'd seen them on the Bristol subreddit and then hundreds and hundreds of comments and likes

and jokes about the sausages. And it all sort of blew up from there. They got wet, so they're dividing by Gremlins. Even Bristol's feral foxes know they're shit sausages. It's a sausage orgy. Maybe it's a bansy. What did they come from? What did they want?

Are we sure that this isn't an art installation? Ah, this is dangerous. Indiana hit the news. Sausage Bandit dumps massive pile of wieners on Bristol footpath. Hundreds of raw sausages have been found dumped in Bristol City's centre after being flytipped overnight. And they stayed. No one cleaned up the sausages for a long time. So every morning I'd walk past and I'd just...

check in on them, see how many were left. They didn't seem to be getting eaten much. And it got a bit further on the internet. People would post updates. What was the first thought that came into head when you clapped eyes on that pile of saucies? I think I just thought, I don't know why I found that hilarious.

It's disgusting and wasteful and stupid, but like, where have they come from? Who's got this many sausages? And who's throwing them away? and why not put them in a bin bag and just shove them in the rubbish? I was confused, maybe, mostly. It's so true because this is the nation of sausages, of bangers. I know Germany have a good claim on sausages.

I know New Zealand, I can see your face does a really good sausage. But in terms of, like, toad in the hole, sausage baps, sausages mean a lot to British people. And so this is an extra, the stakes are quite high with this one, to have a pile of abandoned sausages. And you're right, Joe. Like, just why? There's so many other normal ways of just getting rid of.

It's not, they weren't that big to be an issue to just throw away in a bin, right? It was also just confusing because they weren't like good butcher's sausages that you get in links that they package up for you in a bag. They look like shit, cheap sausages that would come in an eight back in the supermarket that you would have had to have unwrapped packet by packet by packet before, throwing them away. That's so true. Yeah, they didn't look like butcher quality sausages. So who's got that many sausages? And also, it's so easy to freeze them. Like, if you know they're going to expire, just whack them in the freezer at least. But no one has a fraser that can fit hundreds of sausages.

Speak for yourself. I will speak for myself. Thank you. Also, I just noticed that you just responded to the question, what does sausages mean to you? Cairing got really angry at me earlier because my only input to the question list, Joe, was what do sausages mean to you? And you just explained, you just went straight in and answered what sausages mean to you, Karen? Me? You literally said that they mean that much to us, the English people. Oh my God, you've got in my head again. You're like taking over my mind.

This is like mind control. But it has to be some sort of catering or like bulk sausage thing for some sort of food. I don't know, because you're right. The process of taking apart packets of eight of sausages to equal with a hundred would take hours or hundreds. You're so right. This has just triggered something in me. We need to speak to how wholesalers deliver sausages in bulk

because I don't know how, like we are only used to the consumer ones that you get in the supermarket, but when you're operating on a mass sausage level is a different delivery process, I imagine. Oh, and also we need to go buy a pack of sausages and time how long it takes to unpack all eight. out of the plastic. And it will be a competition and I'll win.

No, I'm so good at opening things. No. It's not your skill set. It's my skill set. My dad can't open anything and I'm always the lead open anything that's difficult. I'm the lead opener in my house and anyone that I'm around. I will win. Sorry, Joe, you don't need to be here for this.

Bring it on, Lauren. Do you know what? You know, like old DVDs? Do you remember when they came in that really annoying, like tight plastic wrapping? and that's really difficult on the edges. I can do that in like 30 seconds flat. Karen, I'm like 0.001 of a second. But you're not allowed to use your teeth.

You can't use your teeth. No, no, I don't. I use my teeth. I scratch along the bit that we're at bunches. And then I rip it. I am so fast at that. You can't use a pen or something. We just found a skill that we both have.

We should be bonding over this. This has got to be rawed like digits. Not like you can't use tools. Yeah, yeah, you rub it. You rub it. If you can only use this bit, you rub it. I don't want to watch you rubbing sausage packages. Sorry.

It's not something. Well, you will be later. I also think that you can rule out butchers. Do you think butchers won't sell sausages that shit looking? I think butchers wouldn't sell sausages that shit looking. And also, butchers know how many sausages they need. They know how quickly they sell. They wouldn't have that much waste.

And all of the butchers nearby, almost all of them, would be halal butchers. And these are pork sausages for sure. Are you 100% certain those were pork sausages? I mean, I didn't try them. To me, they look like, and I love a Richmond sausage, but they looked like fatter Richmond sausages, that sort of pink, contiguous, cheap sausage. There was questions thrown about whether they might be vegan

because they didn't deteriorate that quickly. I'm not sure a Richmond sausage would deteriorate that quickly either. I don't think so. I know, you know, I've waited half an hour to drop it in, but I'm vegan and I would spot a vegan sausage from a mile away. Oh, Joe, I'm not sure if that is true. I spend my life hunting in the supermarket for vegan sausages.

But Karen's got a story about someone who is a professional sausage professional and they couldn't pick out a vegetarian sausage. They got shamed online and they are nowhere to be seen. And that is a sausage expert who was saying with 100% certainty this is the vegetarian sausage and it wasn't. So I'm so sorry, Joe, I just, I want to believe you, but it's hard. What exact time would you say it was in the morning when you discovered the sausages for the first time? Callum's going to lie about this, I know for sure.

Oh yeah, Callum. This is why I'm trying to catch you out. As he got a time stamped photo. No, but he does ever time. He does ever time that he saw them. A time window. A time window. On what date is he saying?

Because, right, let me find it. He couldn't say that he's in the papers, so the papers say. Did you not make it to the papers, Joe? Did you not get interviewed by the press? I got asked to be interviewed and I declined. I wasn't in it for the thing. But you said yes to us? No, I am now.

Oh, but Callum was. Yeah, Callum was. Yeah, Callum was laughing it up. I can tell you it was about six in the morning. That's before Callum. Officially, congratulations, Joe. You are the prime, the only the first, of this pile of sausages.

Callum's not getting off at six in the morning. Nah, he was 10.30 to 11, I think. No, he was 9.30. Actually, he was neither. Probably about 10 a.m. when I saw it. Oh, my God. So many people had seen the sausages before then. But how do you know that they were dumped fresh? First of all, you said they didn't deteriorate over the weeks that you saw them every morning.

Was it weeks? Yeah, weeks. So... How did you know they were dumped fresh then? I don't know that, true. But they got grosser and grosser. They sort of got these little spots on them, which I don't want to know what that is. What is a spot that goes on a sausage? We need to look that up.

They didn't start smelling, which is weird. No animals ate them. That's a low-quality sausage for you. I would have walked the same route the day before and didn't see them. But yeah, I couldn't tell you that they were fresh, fresh, and they're probably not going to be that fresh because someone's chucking them. So they're probably already a few weeks old. How long did you say them for in the weeks after you witnessed a sausage pile? Because whose job is that to clean that up? At the council.

So, admittedly, right, I saw them, I sent them to some friends. And about two weeks later, I put them on Reddit. Then someone along the way commented about, why is the council not dealt with this? And then I told my friends, I put it on Reddit. I didn't report it as fly tipping. So I really like panic then put in a report to the council saying that loads of sausages had been dumped. And they got cleaned up maybe within a week after. that. So this was all done within three weeks. Three weeks to a month. Three weeks to a month,

the sausages were there. They slowly started, like, dissipating. And some animals, I think, were tempted to move them, but then they didn't seem to have a great uptake. Like, looking at, you can see the photos, they slowly get thinner and, like, moved about a little bit over time. Really importantly, Joe, this is make or break for our case and the leads that we're going to get for it. Can you tell us the exact date when you first saw these sausages? On Friday the 5th of December, document held their event where they may have been serving sausages.

So for Karen's theory to be correct, Joe needs to have seen the sausages on or after Saturday the 6th of December. So it was November. Oh, November? Yeah. Was it? Yeah.

Oh, that rules up my whole theory. What? Not a Christmas sausage dump. Oh yeah, because it was the... It was based on a specific. specific event, yeah. Yeah, 27th of November. Joe confirms the date she first saw the sausages

was the 27th of November, 12 days before Callum laid eyes on them. This completely blows Karen's rave theory out of the water, so now we're back to square one. When do you think they were dumped? Do you think they were dumped that night before you saw them? Yeah, I walk the same route every morning, and they weren't there the day before.

I would come home from work, five was six, and then by six in the morning, they'd appeared. So between the 6pm on the 26th of November and 6 a.m. on the 27th of November, that's when they were dumped. There are a 12-hour window. That's okay. We've worked with worse? Wednesday to Thursday. Hang on. Describe how light it was when you saw it both at around 6pm and 6am. Did you see it in daylight or nighttime? So when I saw them in the morning, about 6 in the morning, it was dark. Yeah, it's pitch black, right?

Yeah, this photo, it makes it all the more horrifying because it's got like flash on it, so they really, they really pop. So could you not have easily missed it at 6pm? Because it would have also been completely dark at that time. It'd be hard to miss. It's literally at your feet. Okay, Joe, you're a funny vegan, but some vegans might be offended by this.

Do you think there's any chance this could be a crime against vegans or vegetarians? Maybe. Maybe it was a, yeah, sticking it to the vegans, but make it more personal, wouldn't you? You'd put it on a vegan's doorstep rather than on the dodgy footpath. So can you just describe this type of sausage again? Because we've got Chipillatus, Frankfurters, Savalois, Cumberland. Not Savaloi, for sure. They're big fat.

I'd say fat, you know, thick a bit of finger. Bigger than a finger? Yeah. I'll see if I can bring the photo up. And we need length and girth. GERTH. What is the girth of the sausage? I'd say they were at least three centimetres thick.

No, maybe two to three centimetres thick. I agree. Pretty long. You know, they're not little mini things, not a Frankfurter. Maybe a good 10 to 12 centimetres long. Wow, that is quite long. These are sizable, sizable sausages. Yeah.

It's like a normal sausage size, though, 10 to 12. And do you know anything around here that serves sausages? Not that close. I think you'd have to walk a few minutes to get a sausage bat. Where do you think would be the closest place you could get a sausage bat? I don't even think you could get one within this map. I'm kind of like want a sausage for dinner, but I don't hear any. I know where you can find some.

Yeah. Yum. Joe, what's your theory about what happened here? It's got to be, I think, some sort of catering business or events company that has overbought for some event they'd put on and they've got all these sausages left over and nowhere to put them. That's my only guess. How did you transport them all there? If they were in a bag, why didn't you leave the bag? Well, there was a big discovered at the crime scene as well. Did you see that? Do you remember that? Don't need the witness, Lauren.

I don't remember a bag, but I was really focused on. on the sausages. I think let's lead the witness because we want her to have remembered the bag. Clap your eyes on that photo and describe what you saw. Yeah. And what bag you may or may not have seen.

Yeah. Oh, this is how it works. No, it's not. She doesn't. No, we shouldn't do that. Cut that from the edit. Oh my God, there is a bag? Explain the bag.

Oh, it's a big... How did I not notice the bag? It's a big black bin bag looking thing. But it looks more substantial than your average household waist bag. It looks thicker. Does it look intact or was it ripped? Oh yeah, there's a rip. There's a rip.

Was someone transporting the sausages when there was an accident? Someone was potentially stealing the sausages, tried to get it over the fence maybe, and it ripped. Oh my God. Oh, you're good at this? The only thing is that stealing a bag of sausages in a black bag is harder because you can't see what they are

before you steal them What do you mean you can't see what they are? Because they're in the bag Yeah no but you would have You would have stolen them And put them in a bag And then stolen them You wouldn't have

Oh is that just definite Well I don't know Don't rule it out Don't you roll it out Right next to where the sausages Are you round There are those like Silver post defences

Like how would I describe that, I mean, you could probably see it in the picture. Those just silver posts with a sharp top to stop you climbing over. Yeah, the stabby bits. Think on the wall behind. There might even be barbed wire at the top of that. I think those sausages were flung over.

They tried to chuck them over the fence to get away. Absolutely not. Oh, my God. You can't throw a bag. This is another test we need to do. How high can you throw a bag of sausages? You can absolutely throw a bag of sausages. You can absolutely throw, you've just got to lob it a bit.

You've got to get a bit of momentum and then like swing it. Karen, I'll show you. I just don't think you were listening to me when I said the weight of the sausages. But first, actually, Joe, how many sausages have you had to guess, if your life was on the line? You were going to get murdered if you didn't guess right. How many sausages were in the pile? Like all of the piles, the big pile and the mini piles you were talking about?

I'd say like 300. Swingable. That could be swingable. That could actually be swingable then. 300. That's more realistic. 300 sausages can be slung. Let's still do the test.

Yeah, we'll wait up some bags. Let's see if we can swing them over a fence in our local town. We're not buying 300 sausages on the business though. The accountant's going to be like... No, we just have to get... We're not buying sausages, Lauren. We're just going to get the equivalent weight, put them in a bag, and see if we can fling it over a fence.

That's the obvious thing to do. Okay, just in case, I'm going to email our accountant and ask if 300 sausages are tax deductible. Do you know what we're doing, Joe? Do you know the expert we've lined up? up for this. She's called a penetration test and threat replication police officer. So she basically replicates crimes. And what we're going to do is we're going to meet this woman in Bristol with three weighted bags, the correct weight of 300 to 400 slightly chunky sausages. And we're going to see if we can

fling them from the fence outside that weird garage and see if it would easily rip and deliver that crime scene that you came across. That's what we're going to do. That's amazing. She doesn't know that yet. Yeah, she hasn't agreed to it yet, but she will, I'm sure. Gotta give it a go. We're doing a sausage flinging competition with a proper police officer. I think I've just solved a crime. Please? Yeah, literally.

I think I've just cracked sausage, the sausage case. The sausage one? Yeah, I think I've just got it. Can you get on a recording right now? Yeah? Speak to him one second. Bye. Bye.

Okay, what has gone on? What is happening? I think I've just cracked the sausage mystery case. It was lucky and a bit of a stroke of luck. But I was a bit deflated. So when we found out that the date change drastically, now I went to document and I was like there were no events on the Wednesday night beforehand.

So I was like, well, there's just nothing there. And I was like, oh, God, that's like how are we going to solve this case? And I just stumbled across. There's this roaming street food kind of brand that happened to have a pop-up very close. to where the sausages were found and they do breakfasts, and I found a picture of the sausages they serve at those breakfasts, Lauren, and they fit the description of the sausages that were discovered

in a mound on the 27th of November. I've got actual tears in my eyes. Look, tears. Okay, are you ready for me to show you that? Okay, so there's still a few... Show me the menu. So where do I start? There's a few gaps still to fill.

This isn't 100% perfect, but I have got a very good feeling, and this all links up, and I'm going to show you why. So it's not correct. No, no, no. Let me show you. I mean, it's as cracked as we possibly can,

sat on our asses. It's more at least correct. Okay, so introducing, I'm not sure we can say their names because they'll sue us, the m-mm, boys. This is their event schedule. They were roaming around different cities

and locations in November and December, starting with Saturday the 22nd November from 2pm to 9pm they were at the Wiper and True tap room Unit 11 City Business Park St Jude's Bristol oh my do you know how close that was no how close here is the Wiper and True Office warehouse here's document and here is where the sausage was found this is the closest location that was serving sausages around the time of the crime okay what am I looking at, oh, oh. Right? They're so close. And let me go back to their food schedule. I'm like, okay, they were at that venue, stones throw away from the scene of the crime on Saturday 22nd. I was like,

well, that's quite a long time to have waited because they were only discovered five days later on the 27th. But what is interesting is they had different events around the country. Their next location and event was on Tuesday the 25th of November. So I'm bedding bottom dollar, that whole team were staying in Bristol still before they then moved to the next venue which was in Hereford. I think they were then looking at what their stock was before they had to leave and I reckon they had to say a little bye-bye to some of their outdated expired sausages that they actually the next breakfast time I think because I was on Saturday the 29th of November at 11.30 a.m. So that's four days after so they could have expired in that time. They wouldn't

have been able to last it long. They realised that on Tuesday, the 25th of November, I reckon very early or the night before, because I promise you, I said this as soon as Jo said, it was completely dark when she passed those sausages. I think very likely she was walking past those sausages for maybe a day or two before she realised and noticed them because it was completely pitch black and she wasn't looking for them. These people were potentially the ones who dumped it. That's not it.

So let me show you the final bit of evidence. Do you want to see the sausages? Yes. Can you see that? Yeah, it's kind of hard to say. They definitely could be the sausages. That plate is cropped, so it's kind of hard to get a good sense of the actual length. Right, this is an old photo.

Yeah, okay. This is a breakfast that these guys put on. So it includes sausages, bacon, mushrooms and potatoes. They're also mainly known for beef. You can see on this breakfast menu, they've got basically steak with fried eggs and stuff. They're not known for their sausages. if there's something that wouldn't sell because they're called something to do with beef, they really market themselves as we're the beef people.

Sausages are the one thing that's not going to fly off the shelves. People are like, oh, these guys are in town. I can't wait to have one of their beef, whatever. Sausages are not going to be the hottest ticket in town. Yeah, steak. They prioritize steak. Yeah. So there you go, Lauren.

I would say that's like 95% cracked. We just need to get. We just need to get proof in a confession. I think we need to go undercover to go and sample some of the breakfast from these people and be like, I love these sausages. What's your supplier? We're doing that. Yeah, I think we have to. Lauren?

Yes, Karen. I thought we were done for the day. When eight minutes later, Karen calls me again. Time to put it to the test. What? You know what? You quite boldly, and I would say in quite an arrogant way, claimed that you're a better opener than I am, that you are the opener. the opener of your family. Well, let me tell you, I have been the opener of my family for my entire life

and I hereby challenge you right here right now to an opening competition. What are we opening though? I want you to go online and I want you to order a DVD of your choice. I'm not ordering a DVD. What am I going to do with it? You're going to order DVD because DVDs are the hardest thing to open. Fine. Sorry, why is this, is this an urgent call? I think it is urgent It doesn't feel So 11 a.m. on Sunday Bring it on.

Motherfucker. Yeah. Whoa. Karen. Sorry. Yeah, that is the actual day of my mum's 70th birthday But yes, I guess I could spend that with you

Opening DVDs. That's fine. I'll be like, oh, sorry, Mum. Yeah, I've just got to go open a DVD. Well, it's not going to take much time because I'm going to win in record time so don't worry about it. Yeah, true.

It's going to be a one-minute call. Okay, yep, that sounds fine. Okay, so 11am. I'll see you on Sunday. Yeah, okay, I'll see you on Sunday. Stop saying motherfucker and be itch. That's really upsetting. Okay, great, see you there.

Okay, cool. Yeah, cheers. Bye. Bye. I'm actually nervous. I haven't really had time to get nervous, but I think I am a little bit. You actually started this,

so let's just get this over and done with it. Just casually saying this morning, oh, I'm going to need an aerial view of the opening. Oh, I'll just set up my rig that I've got at home. I didn't bring that to my mum's house on her. 70th. So now you've requested that I pull another member of my family out of this birthday celebrations to hold

a camera above me. It does make the dynamic even stranger. But it is doable. N.A., you're needed. So I've requested my sister. I am holding a Zootropolis 2 DVD, fresh at its packaging. What have you got? I could only

find, very similar to yours, actually, the Polar Express. I would like to first of all, check that this is a fair test. So I think nails, as I message you at 8.30 this morning, our nails need to be of a similar length because we don't want to have one of us having the advantage over the other. Yeah, but I also just didn't bring nail clover's with me

to my mum's birthday celebration. I think you've got a slight advantage on the nails. They're a bit over the top. Not over the top, like in that way, but... Over the limit. Over the top. I told you to cut your nails short, like mine. I have got short nails, but yours are slightly longer.

And then can you please show me your DVD? I want to make sure it's not been tampered with. I want to make sure you haven't loosened it. Have you loosened it, Lauren? I haven't loosened it. Annie! Hands where I can see him. Hands where I can see him, Lauren.

Why do you look like a squirrel? And then Annie gets to count us down from three. Annie gets to count us down, she said... And we go on go. Three, two, one, go. And on the go, we go. Okay, you ready? Yeah.

Three, two, one. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop. I'm stopped. Because I prematurely went It was a false start It was a false start Oh my God, okay She was a false start

We need to go again Three, two One Go Oh no Oh no I've choked I've choked

I've choked Told you was the best opener in town Best fucking opener in town Oh no that was a blowout I didn't even get mine Mine was done Mine was done Up next

If they suddenly are like Oh we're tracking these two women going through this park, carrying a massive bag looks like a dead body. Will we get flagged and arrested? Absolutely. Oh. You kind of got to keep your wits about you, Lauren. Sorry, can we just take a step back a second? That's all happening too fast.

So the chances are whoever did this, they knew the area really, really well or they researched the area really, really well. So they knew what they were doing. Okay, we need to track down a drug dealer in Bristol to get some local shrooms. It confronts them with the evidence that you know it was very possible for them

to have done this crime. This case is so, It's also just not professional in any way. We're gonna work out why. We're gonna solve something I just don't know what it is yet. We need to absolutely up our standards at some point, not yet. We've gone from hand perves to sausage perves. Why is everything we do so sick?

How much worse is it gonna get? Lauren, I just stumbled across a massive lead. This is the final dagger to piss the heart of the perpetrator with. I'm handing you the tool to deal the final blow to this perpetrator. to this perpetrator.