Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Sex Talk Got Me Fired (w/ Rachel Bilson)

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

Actress Rachel Bilson (The O.C., Broad Ideas) once lost a job over something she said on a podcast. She tells Nicole what that was like, current cancel culture, and why “free speech” doesn’t always apply to everyone. Rachel shares some of her wildest dating stories, from terrible first dates, rejected kisses, and men who love bomb too fast. Also, is it good to call before a first date, or is it unhinged? Rachel discusses what it's like to date in the spotlight, the time she got into a fight with a pig, and teaches Nicole all about Labubus.Watch this episode on our YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/@WhyWontYouDateMePodcastSupport this podcast and get discounts by checking out our sponsors:» Squarespace: Head to squarespace.com/DATEME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code DATEME.» Persona Nutrition: Go to PersonaNutrition.com/Dateme today to take the free assessment and get your personalized daily vitamin packs for an exclusive offer — get 40% off your first order.» Jones Road Beauty: Use code DATEME at jonesroadbeauty.com to get a Free Cool Gloss with your first purchase! #JonesRoadBeauty #ad» Nuuly: Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code DATEME at Nuuly.com» OSEA: Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code DATEME at OSEAMalibu.com» Mint Mobile: Quit stalling and start saving when you make the switch. Shop plans at mintmobile.com/dateme.» Wayfair. Every Style, Every Home.View all of our sponsors and discounts codes at wwydm.notion.site/sponsors.Follow:Tour Dates: linktr.ee/nicolebyerwastakenYouTube: @WhyWontYouDateMePodcastTikTok: @whywontyoudatemepod Instagram: @nicolebyerX: @nicolebyerNicole's book, #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746This is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Why Won't You Date Me? via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Take the free assessment now. So you were once fired for talking about your sex life. Yeah. So many words. Yeah. When you're talking like basically with girlfriends and you're joking around, you know, and I said something like, I like to be manhandled, right? It didn't sound great.

I guess. Sure. But I definitely felt myself, like, filtering a little bit after that. Mm-hmm. So I was like, oh, my God, if I say this, like, am I going to lose this job? Am I going to be, you know, judged, shamed? I don't like that life. Because it's weird that in some facets, like, you don't get censored. Like, I guess they're talking about, like, right-winged influencers. I've just started looking at them. I wonder why. And they seem to be able to say anything under the guise of, like, freedom of speech that's, like, misogynistic and racist or whatever. But anything, like, kind of sex positive and, like, liberal kind of gets, like, a little... Yeah. A little punished, which feels insane. I know.

We're living in truly the wildest times. I hate it. Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Employees. Tell me why. Welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me? A podcast where Meena Call Byer was trying to figure out why I was so single. Even though you could come in a line, wind it up and say, hey, that's thread. My guest today.

My guest today. I tickle myself. My guest. I tickle myself. My guest. Today is an actress who starred on the hit TV series, The O.C. She's the co-host of the podcast, Broad Ideas, where she talks about sex, mental health, and everything in between. And you can listen to it right here on HeadGum. I'm so excited. It's Rachel Bilsen. Thank you.

That's the best intro I've ever had. I get that a lot. And I think it's just because I come in hot. I come in. I'm like a little Caesar's pizza. Hot and ready? Fresh, hot, fresh and ready? Hot fresh and ready?

I don't know. Rachel, how are you today? I am good. I'm so happy to be here with you. I'm excited that you're here. So can I ask, are you single? Are you dating? Do you not care to say?

Because that's an option. You know what? I would care to say. Okay. I really enjoy not dating. Okay. I've definitely dated. I've definitely been in long-term relations.

But I enjoy going to bed at 9 o'clock with my daughter. I enjoy not wearing normal clothes outside of my house. And I enjoy not dating. Fair. Fair. That's a good era to be in. I have several friends who are like, yeah, I have not met anybody who's going to add value to my life. So I'd rather just be single.

I'm kind of happy, you know. Like I could be in a relationship. with someone I didn't have to see. Okay. Very often. Okay. Or not at all. So you're like, an ideal relationship is like...

Not one. Not one. Yeah, you're really, really describing that, like, you just simply don't want to be in one. I mean, it does sound that way. No, I, you know, I am a very, like, dedicated relationship-e. Okay. You know? I get that.

Yeah. It becomes, like, your top priority and then you don't have room for other. things maybe? Yeah, but like I have a kid, so no one's going to take that spot. Fair. How old is your kid? 10, almost 11. Oh. What's that like having a real person? Yeah, it's a real person. Yeah, it's a real person. And she's getting into, you know, the tween age era. We're just using era. Yeah. Why not? Twin age era? Twin age era. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. So you were once fired for talking.

talking about your sex life. Yeah. So many words, yes. Yeah. What was that like? Were you, did you want to fight it? Yes. Did I want to fight it?

Absolutely. Because, look, I can see both sides, right? And when you take something out of context and you just read something as a standalone comment, thought, whatever, it can come off a certain way. Sure. When you're talking like basically with girlfriends and you're joking around, You know, and I said something like, I like to be manhandled, right?

Because, you know, most women... That's nice. Throw me around. Yeah, who co-hosts broad ideas with me. Her mom's 83, I want to say. She was like, I like to be manhandled, you know? Like, everyone could relate to whatever. But because I used that word in, you know, whatever context and they just took that out of the conversation,

it didn't sound great, I guess. Sure. But I think it was a very conservative company, so they weren't comfortable, maybe just talking about sex at all in general. I think that's so strange because that's how we got here. Like, correct. Why do we care? Why, yeah, why does what you do over here matter for what you do over here unless it's

like super egregious and like awful and like over the line? Right. Right. Or something like completely inappropriate or not okay. That's truly wild. And it was just like we were joking around, right? But, and yes, in my, like, where I have to be responsible, sure. I'm saying things that's being recorded, like, people can hear it, maybe don't get so comfortable like you are with your girlfriends, or maybe do, and then talk about that in itself, right?

Yes. So it's like, but I definitely felt myself, like, filtering a little bit after that. So I was like, oh, my God, if I say this, like, am I going to lose this job? Am I going to be, you know, judged, shamed? whatever it may be. That's tough. I don't like that life because I simply don't think

people should be it's weird that in some facets like you don't get censored. Like I guess they're talking about like right winged influencers. I've just started looking at them. I wonder why. And they seem to be able to say anything

under the guise of like freedom of speech that's like misogynistic and racist or whatever, but anything like kind of sex positive and, like, liberal kind of gets like a little, a little punished, which feels insane. I know. Well, there was a debate, and I don't know any details about this, but there was, like, maybe a Fox News reporter, an MSNBC reporter, and one got fired and one didn't. I don't know what it was said, but that was, like, kind of the same narrative, I guess. Is that right? Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.

This is so fun to be like, I know. We don't know all the facts. We don't know any of the facts, but I think this might have happened. But I think I know what happened. And the Fox News reporter said something super egregious and nothing happened. And then like the MSN person said something like slightly like off, but not even that off. And yeah, the MSN got fired and the Fox News guy, I guess, to just say whatever you want. We're living in truly the wildest times.

I hate it. I know. It's just really sad. Yes. It's really, really sad. And especially. having a kid, like, and it's just so confusing, you know? It's like, why can't people just respect each other's, whatever their beliefs are, you know? Yeah. I don't know. It's so touchy

to talk about. I don't even know how to talk about it. It is hard to talk about, and I feel like everybody right now is just very much like, I'm right. Yeah. I will not bend. I'm right. And you're like, well, no, there is room to be wrong. I'm wrong. All right. all the fucking time. I'm wrong all the time. And I'm fine. Maybe at first I'll be like, well, you know, if you, but like eventually I'm like, okay, fine, I was wrong. Who fucking cares? Right. Move on. Right. It's so wild to me that people are just like, nope, whatever I believe, that's right, and that's it. Yeah, I think there's room for just a little open-mindedness, no matter what your beliefs are. Do you think that might be a reason why you're not interested in

dating or just like, I don't feel like hearing about people's philosophies and what they believe in and then being like, I won't bend on this. Right. I mean, you know, it's so interesting. I've had really good experiences, I would say, with, like, you know, romantic partners or whatever and being able to talk and agree, disagree, whatever. It's funny that you say that because I don't ever even think about that. Oh.

Like, oh, are they going to disagree? You know, obviously, you know, on a. first date if you're aligned. Yes. Right? You know almost instantly. Almost instantly. Like those first few text messages.

Like if you're not funny or getting the joke, we're not aligned in all areas, right? So I think you learn that very early on. But yeah, I have been fortunate that I haven't run into that where it's like, you know, hard stop. You're like, uh-oh, we don't have the same ideologies. Oh, I mean, I've been on first date. Sure. Like where you're like, no, this is not. What's your worst first date?

There's one where like this guy drove me through like Skid Row downtown and I didn't really understand why our first date was that. I would. That is, that's pretty wild. I was young. Like I feel like me, I want to say around 20. I don't even remember. It was like younger. And it was a little like, huh, okay.

First date. So that stands out. Yes. I'm not saying anything about. other than I remember. Odd choice. A little bit of an odd choice. Did you grow up here?

Yes. Oh, okay. Yes. I grew up in L.A. So that was definitely an odd choice. The other thing that I strongly dislike. I was going to say hate.

I'm going to say hate. Is like love bombing. Like the first date. You're like, what? Interesting. I've only been love bombed one time. Okay. And the extent of it was,

this person bought me flowers on our second date, and I said, oh my God, this person loves me. And then I think he vaguely was like, I've never met anyone like you. And I was like, oh my God, I'm unique. It doesn't take very much to love bombing. Like, that's not love bombing. And that's like the extent. Okay. Well, still, though.

How have you been love bombed? Oh, you know. there were there's been a couple instances where when someone goes so hard like the first time it happens you're like oh my god like i got that flower and almost lost my mind right like so you're like holy shit wow and then the second time you're like it's a little weird like the first date you're already jealous of the guy i dated before you and you know like weird things like that i've never had that happen weird and then this guy on the first date like went to kiss me and I was like I turned my cheek he was like not okay and I think that was a that was a big red flag right there that's

happened to me before yeah right like ego you're like wait what like why am I supposed to I don't know if I like you yeah we just we're actual strangers and I don't owe you a thing literally so that was another one where I was like you're gonna be like that about it like mad. That's awful. Yeah. I went on a date with someone who then on the date was like getting annoyed with me because I wouldn't let him sleep at my house. And I was like, you just have to go. And then like we just exchanged so many words. And then the next day he was like, hey, I'm really sorry about last night. I don't really remember anything. And I was like, well, if you have to apologize, you do remember that you were behaving badly. A hundred percent. You know that

we were not having a nice time because you're apologizing. Exactly. Yeah, I just, first dates sometimes are scary because you're like, I don't fucking know this person. At all. I don't know if they're going to be chill. I don't know if they're going to be cool. Yeah, I hate it. Like I said, I really like staying in my sweatsuits in my bed.

So like to get me out there. And then with, you know, it's the red flags, though, I will say, like, the older I've gotten or whatever, you're like, okay. What are your like three major red flags? Well, like, coming on too strong, too fast is like the love bomb, right? Like, you learn that and you're just like, something... Something's a foot. Something's a foot. I don't love...

Now, this is going to sound super old-fashioned, okay? Even if I don't let or like I want to go in on paying for our first date, I like the guy to offer. Yes. And, you know, if that's people want to debate... I just am old-fashioned in that way. Like, if you're going to take me out, I would like... You asked me out, so... Right.

You can pay for it. So I would like that. Mm-hmm. I hate a phone call. Oh. If we haven't met... Me too. You call me?

That's unhinged. Unhinged. I don't want that. I do not want that. Because then you're in my space before I've even fucking met you? 100%. And we're talking about what? 100%.

What are we talking about? I can't talk to you before I have to talk to you. I don't know you. Right. Text? Great. Yes. No problem.

And not too much texting. Not too much. Debating. on who, let's say who it is, like I said, if they're funny and they're texting, you can engage me that way. But I feel like I have gone out with people who are super funny over text and then, and then I meet them and I'm like, oh, shit, you are not witty in, like, you have to think, sit with it and then come up with something. Here's the thing. You need the constant immediate back and forth on text for its account. If it is like time in between,

And then they come back, you're like, you had to sit and think about that. You had to think about it. You're either quick and you come with it right then and like the bubbles are just constantly there or then it's like, forget it. I, the nice man in my life, we didn't really text very much before going out. And he was like, oh, I was like worried we would have nothing to talk about. I was like, really? And he was like, yes. And I was like, I could talk to a wall.

I wasn't worried at all. He said, well, you talk for a living. Of course you weren't worried. He was like, I don't talk for a living, so I was worried. And I was like, well, we figured it out. Right. It was a nice time. Yeah.

But that's why I don't like texting too much beforehand because I'm like, I really want to see what you're like in person. Right. No, I respect that. And I can do that. But I like those red flags. Yeah. Don't call me.

Do you like that's a red flag? I love that that's a red flag. But there are some people like that. And I'm like, no. Some people love a phone call. Some people like a FaceTime beforehand. Are you kidding? No.

No. That's like someone coming to your door and knocking before they met you. Without warning. And it's like, ah. That is a blind face-time. Blind show up on your doorstep. I've gotten face-times that were unexpected from people. And I've like looked at it and like moved away from my phone. I'm like, I don't know. Can you see me? I know full well you cannot see me. But I'm moving away. I don't want it. I don't want it. That's too scary. I am with you on that. I had a Zoom date over COVID. And it was funny because I was like running late. And then logged on to the Zoom. And we talked for like four minutes before he was like, all right, got to go. All my friends are here.

And I was like, during COVID. What? And I was like, I'm glad we did this because we don't align. We do not align. This is like in the beginning where it was like, hey, everyone, stay inside and don't talk to a single soul. And he was like, yeah, my friends, they're all here. And I was like, inside. Nope.

No, thank you. Rachel, real quick. We have to take a break. You know that feeling when you've got a bunch of events coming up and you open up your closet and somehow there's nothing in there that's working for you. Maybe you have a birthday, a dinner, a wedding, or you're like, maybe I just need to buy three new outfits this month? Well, no, you don't. You could just rent them all from Newly. Newly is a subscription clothing rental service where just for $98 a month, you get to pick any six styles, anything you want from party dresses to designer jeans to vintage pieces. They have amazing pieces.

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Wayfarer, every style, every home. And we're back. Okay, Rachel. Yes. You've been in, like, kind of public relationships. What, is that awful? What if I was like, it's the best? I loved it.

I love it. People in my business. No, it's a funny thing, you know? Like, I don't know. I was in a very, like, long term. It was 11 years. And so that's just, like, kind of what it is. and there's not really news during the time, for the most part,

you're just kind of there. Yes. And before that, like, I dated someone I worked with, and it was, you know, there was attention. But I feel like the breakups get the most attention. Yeah, I think you're right. When people are happy, who gives a shit? They're like, okay, there they are again.

It's like reality shows when there's like people in love, you're like, okay, whatever. Right. But like when they're fighting and backstabbing, you're like, there we go. This is entertainment. Exactly. What was it like dating a co-star?

Was that hard? I will say that it was actually really nice. We, you know, worked together. There wasn't a ton of time to be social. So we really got to see each other. And we were on a show that was like both of our first shows that was, you know, popular. And we got to go through that together too where our work was getting attention. so we had each other.

That's nice. It was nice. It's nice to be able to, like, to be very close to somebody who's going through the exact, like, thing you're going through. Right. I mean, we're not dating, but my best friend Sashir, we have kind of just gone through our careers together. And it's been so nice to have someone be like, hey, what was this like? Or like, how much did you get paid on that? Or like, what do I do after this happen?

It was like, it's been so wonderful. So I can imagine. How old were you when you got the OC? It's 21. Yeah, that's so young. Yeah, that was young. And a network show, network money. Yeah.

But it is wild to like be thrown into that. That was your, that wasn't your first show. It was my first show. That's why. My first like series regular, whatever, or I started the show as a guest star, which was great. That's nice. I just like split on in there. What a nice compliment to be like, hey, we love you so.

much. You gotta stick around. It was, it was great. Like, everything about that whole experience I look back and I'm like, that was awesome. How many years was that? Four. It's a solid amount of time. It was solid. How do you introduce a new partner to your child? Is that like a hard thing? Yeah, you don't really unless. Oh, okay. I mean, I don't know. Everyone's different. People do things differently. But I personally wouldn't, unless it was like something really serious, you know. Or someone that was going to stick around for sure, because. Yeah, because it would be weird, right? It would be weird.

It would just be like, here's this person, here's this person, here's this person. They're like, there's a lot of people. Just like a revolving door. No. You know, we have a very close relationship, like her dad and everything. So there's not really a lot of space to just, unless it's someone that's really going to be there. Mm-hmm. And has co-parenting been easy?

Was it like something that you had to like figure out? Or was it like from the jump? You're like, oh, this is how that works and that's great. No, I wouldn't say it was like, I don't know. I don't have a kid. This is how that works. But no, there's definitely some navigating, like for sure.

And our daughter was really young when we separated as a couple. She was a little less than three years old. A little less than three. A little less than three. A little less than three. I don't know. I liked it. A little less than three.

Three. That was really weird way to put it. A little less than three. A little less than three. She was about to be three. And so she was little. So she doesn't really know it any different. But she still has like, you know, a sense of her parents and like together and all of that. So that's been good. But yeah, it's, it was navigating it in the beginning was tough. A three-year-old. And then you're like, oh, I have to bring this child to see their other parent. It would make me really annoyed. Well, certain instances, I'm sure people don't love that. And I know people have someone else do the transporting and things like that, depending on if things are bad between the couple. What a good company. I'll transport your child for you.

Just have an app. If you don't want to see your ex. There's an app. I would do that. That sounds like a good idea. Okay. My lovely assistant did research on you. Uh-oh.

So the day after you lost your virginity, your mother sat you down to have the sex talk and asked if he pleasureed her. Oh my God. That's really funny. Okay. Did she say those words? I don't know. My mom is very open. I probably said that.

And it was like being funny because my mom is incredibly open. She's a sex therapist. Not technically that title. She's a counselor and she loves that. topic. Like, you know, she talks about it in very real ways. And there's like tantric posters in her house. You know what I mean? Like very open. Um, so, but that was great for like a young girl because there was never any shame or anything else. Like, we could talk about everything. I love that. Yeah. Like birth control when it was appropriate. Like everything was just

handled. But she just knew. That was the weirdest part. Oh, wait. You didn't tell her. She was just like something's different about you. you? She literally, like, the next day, she had that intuition. We all kind of have this crazy, like, intuitive thing in my family. And she definitely had that and talked to me about it, which was so interesting. But my friends all love to talk to my mom about this stuff. And I'm the one like, mom. I think it's because it's like, she's your mom. And then to your friends, it's like, oh, that's my friend's cool mom. Right. And to me, I'm just like, I can't do this with you. I still, to this day, I'm like, mom. But like, I will. I'll be like, oh my God,

You don't even know, like, what I met last night. You said that your family has, like, an intuitive thing going on. Are you intuitive? And how so? God, I'd have to think of examples. I have a really strong intuition about things. Like, I've been right about things. Like, I'll just get a feeling.

Mm-hmm. And then it'll be absolutely... Do you have any feelings about me? Correct. You are the best. I think every... you want to know is that. I love that I'm asking you like you just said you're a psychic. I know. You're like, what do you see in my future? I wish. That would be cool. My daughter started to do it though, like where she'd be like, Mom, this really weird thing happened where I thought this before I went to

this ice cream store that the thing wasn't going to be working and it was going to be out. And then I walked in to use it and it wasn't working and it was out. And I was like, wow, you have that thing. Wait, that's a little example. I know. It's cool. I wish I had intuition like that. Have you ever seen? Oh, God, I wish her, I think her name is Sylvia. I wish I could remember it. But she was this, like, white lady who was a psychic, and she would be on, like, Montel or whatever. And, like, people in the audience would be like, so my dad died. And she'd be like, you don't want to know about your dad.

He was a bad man. Oh, my God. I don't like that. And she had a very deep voice, but she was. I don't like anything negative. She was allegedly wrong about a lot of things. Like, she would tell families. I won't even find her.

Missing children. she would tell she'd be like they're dead and then they'd find the missing children later Mars can you is it Sylvia Brown maybe what does she look like she's like blonde hair old white lady I think so I think it's Sylvia Brad yeah just like wrong about things I went to a psychic once in New Orleans and I was wearing big red sunglasses my hair was braided down past my butt I was wearing like a gold skirt and a dinosaur shirt I looked walking you I love dinosaurs. I love dinosaurs.

I love animals. I have a nice time. And the lady looked at me and she was like, hmm, you don't like attention, do you? And I was like. And she was being dead ass. Like she wasn't like being funny or like tongue in cheek. She was just like, you like being. And then she like followed up with like, you're a quiet person.

You love solace. And I was like, I was just screaming with my friend Mateo down the street. What do you mean? You're like, you? I think. you're wrong. Have you ever had anyone that was so right, though? Yes. I go to the, or I, yeah, I do a session with this lovely man every year and he has been right about so many things. Wow. And he has said things to me that, like, didn't make sense. And then a year later, fully make sense. And then I'll bring it up to him. And he's like, oh, yeah, sometimes I can see the future. And I'm like, you're so cavalier about this. It's like that thing. I have like a little bit of intuition, but it's very specific.

It's only like about my friends. And I'm pretty good at reading people. Yes. Like I know if someone's good or bad almost immediately. Right, right. That's bad is intuition. I'm usually never wrong. Yeah.

It's because people will show you themselves on like the second or third time you're meeting them. Everyone's always on their best behavior like the first time. But like the second or third, like, If someone does something a little off, I'm like, huh. Right. I think you might be bad. Yeah. I think you're bad.

Yep. And usually I'm right. You're right. I know. I have a good read on people. I think a lot of women have a strong intuition. I think so too. That is a pretty, you know, common statement.

But I do believe it. It's a whole thing. A woman's intuition. There's even a razor named after. My intuition. You're right. I think I use that razor. I use that razor.

That's right. I used it today. As if I'm doing ads for it. It's just seamlessly integrating the intuition. Galette. Galette? Gillette. I know.

I don't know. I think it is Gillette. Isn't it? That was humiliating for me. The Galette Razor. Oh, my God. What's one of the best dates you've ever been on? The best dates I've ever been on.

I like doing like really spontaneous random things. Why do I feel like I mean like if someone took me bowling or like To Dave and Busters I would be like this is amazing That's wild but you said that One of my favorite dates was a bowling date And then me and the nice man who's in my life We've been to Dave and Busters

I think three times together So fun You just like ended up at Dave and Buster so many times I love it See that's fun I like doing things I like activities like I don't want to go to a movie No movies

No I don't love going to the movies. I know. Why? I have to like have a lot of motivation to sit there and like watch something. Oh. And well also if it's a date, you're trying to get to know someone and then you're just sitting awkwardly and quiet for two hours. I do think it's like, okay, a little bit of time spent together and then you have something to talk about after. Oh, that's a good point. It's like a built in like, oh, we have points, something to come back to. Do you ever do that thing where before you think of things that you're going to say or topics that you can talk about?

All the time. Yeah. Maybe it's a little bit of social anxiety. That's what I wonder, because I feel like I have that pretty massively. And I had a therapist be like, just ask questions, lots of questions. And I was like, okay, if I have that, like, in my, you know, wheelhouse, then I have that just like on deck. But I do wonder, but you do the same thing. I do do the same thing.

I also practice conversations in my head. And I would say 100% it's wrong. The way I've rehearsed something is never the way it comes out. It's never the way that the conversation goes because you can't anticipate what the other person's going to say. Right. Oh, shit, I didn't prepare for that. Right. Because you can't prepare.

No. That's like I hate pre-interviews before you do a talk show. Yes. Right? even though it's like kind of going against what I'm saying where like I'll have to think of topics to talk about but going on a talk show if you have the conversation first you're you know

You already had the conversation So then you're in your head and you're like Oh like fuck how did I say this Or am I gonna like land this or like is this The story I told or like whatever And then it gets me in my head and then I'm more anxious Uh huh I The first time I did Conan was the first talk show I did

I had no idea that the pre-interview was for the interview. And I remember sitting there and he had asked a question and I didn't say what I said in the pre-interview. And he kind of like reframed it. And I was like, what is he angling at? And then like by like the second question, I don't know, like some like halfway through the interview,

I was like, I think I'm supposed to be saying the stuff that I said earlier. Oh my God. That's amazing. I felt so dumb. Oh my God. But that's why it's so weird. But it's really just to set them up so they have their jokes or they know what to talk about or like whatever it is, right? I thought it was just a conversation.

Right. And I don't know what I thought the pre-interview was for. You're like, they just want to get to know me. Yeah, I was like, I guess this producer wants to be my friend. It rocked my world. I was like, whoa, I feel dumb. But it was my first time. And I feel like they should have said

this is a pre-interview for the interview. So he'll ask you the questions in just a different way. Right. I don't know. But maybe I could have just inferred that. No, but they should have told you for sure. Yes.

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That's amazing. It is hard. I bet. It is so hard because you're like, if people don't talk, that's hard. If they talk too much, that's... Actually, that's not hard. That's easy. If you keep talking, that's fine.

Who did you in it or who was like the standout? Terry Cruz was so wonderful. I will say all of my guests were really great, but Terry Cruz was great. Tracy Ellis Ross was really incredible. this woman named Rachel Hilsen was really great. I had so many good guests. Oh, God, Taraji P. Henson was really incredible. Like, they were all Tony Hill.

I just had a bunch of really great guests. That's so cool. And it was so nice. And you were doing the monologues and everything. I did the monologues. I did the interviews. I did pre-tapes. It was scary.

It's very scary. That's amazing that you did that. But it's very, it was fun. It's a fun job. And I see why he, takes a vacation every year. Because it is a lot. It's a true 9 to 5 and people are talking to you from 9 to 5.

Right. Like from the time you get there until the time you go home, people are like, what about this? We rewrote this lobooboo joke. And you're like, okay. Do you have any libububos? I have one Labu. Which one do you have?

She's over there. She's purple. She's like a purply, like a lavendery top. I'm going to stand up a light eye. Oh, yeah. That's love. My daughter's obsessed, so I'm very well-heard. Mine is called Love?

Luck. Oh, sorry. Luck. Love is the pinkish-reddish one. Oh, I didn't know that they had different things. Oh, there's different series, different blind boxes, different names. Blindbox. Oh, that's you just buy a box and you don't know what's in it.

You don't know which one you're getting. That's Luck. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well, you're welcome. Thank you. And Luck is wearing a shirt, a little Mayhem shirt.

A little lady got a Mayhem shirt that my friend got for me. That's so cute. I was like, sure, I'll dress my lo-bo-bo-bo. Does your daughter wear the Labibu like on her belt loop? She does. Why? I don't know. She has collected quite a few where they just go around her belt with.

That's very, very funny to me. It is funny. The kids love, they have many Labibu's now. Oh. They're like this big. They're really cute. See, and you get them from Pop Mart? Yeah, but it's so hard.

And then you'd like stand on the line? Well, you could just order them online and have them shipped with some of sometimes it takes a long time. I know way too much about Lubu's. But stores sell them for like twice as much. Yeah, that one was $100. Exactly. And then how much are they normally? They're like $20.30? $28. That's nuts. That's so wild. I know. I know. It's crazy. I want another one. Yeah. It's addicting, right? I like them. Well, it's fun. You don't know what you're going to get. I get so excited every time she has a box and she gets to open it. Wait, they're all blind boxes? What if you get the same Lubu? Then you get the same.

Labibu. Oh, my God. I know. That's so funny. I had no idea that they were all blind boxes. They're all, I mean, they have some specialty ones that are in like a clear box, but that's not part of the Blind Box series. The Blind Box series. I know, you guys, this has become my life. I want a dark purple Laboooo. Do they have one that looks like Tinky Winky? My God, like the Teletubby. Like that kind of purple? I think in the mini ones they do, the little ones. Well, how small is a mini one? They're like this big. They're cute. It's called the PIN for Love boxes. one who wants to know. It feels like you're working for LaBoo.

I feel like I work for Pop Mart. It's very funny. I know. They have this purple one? That's a specialty one. Okay. Is it in a leopard print dress? Yeah.

Right? It doesn't look like a leopard print. It looks like a gold dress. A gold dress. That's a specialty one. So like if you, that one would be in a clear box. Not a one. You guys, this is kind of sad. It's not sad.

You have a daughter and you're interested in the things that she's interested in. If anything, this is proving that you're, a good mother. Okay, thanks. It's $55 for that Lubu-Boo. Fifty-five. That's actually a good deal for a specialty one. What website is it on? Look at potmark.com. Oh, is it available? Oh, is it available? Oh, no, it's not available. Notify me when available. Yeah, exactly. God, that's so funny. Oh, my God. Yeah, you've got to get it when it drops and you have to get it within the first five seconds. First five seconds? Yeah. They send you like email blast. Do you like get online at 1022? Well, they'll say when the drop is going to be. Mm-hmm. You guys.

How many loboos does your daughter have? I don't know, but her dad kind of has a lobooboo problem, too, where he just loves, like, getting them for her. And we all get excited. You know, she goes, which one's we going to get? We're all invested in the loboobo world. I love that for you. All of us.

I think that's great. What advice would you give your daughter for when she starts dating? I know it's a while away. Probably 10 years away? I don't know. 20. 30? And never.

When she's an old? woman. What advice do you have when she's in her 60s? You know what's so messed up? You want to be like, make sure they're kind, right? And they treat you well, which is so true. But then like when you're first getting out there, the ones that get your attention, doesn't only go that way. The bad ones. So you really have to enforce that. Funny is so important. I think funny is important. Or at least having the same sense of humor. Or at least like if you're the funny one and if you laugh at my jokes, That works too. That's great.

Sense of humor, funny. Like, you know, you just want to have a good time with someone. Yes. Right? Because ultimately, that's all you're doing. It's just like you're hanging out and doing life with them. All the time. And it's got to be a nice time.

If you're having a bad time, you got to get out. They need to treat you right. Yes. And that was a hard thing to realize growing up that it was like, okay, this person might be attractive and might check some boxes. but, like, are they nice to me? Are they nice to me? Do they actually like me? And honestly, I've dated very few people who actually liked me.

What? Yeah, I've dated a lot of men who did not like me. Like, I'm a very late person, and I've dated people who've had a lot to say about that. Oh, gosh. Like months in where I'm like, you know I'm late. Right. You just know it. You don't have to be mean about it.

See, but you put everything out there from the. jump, right? Like, you're like... Oh, yeah, I have no idea how to turn this off. Yeah, but you're like, this is what you see is what you get. So three months down the line, like, that's like, that's on them. It is on them. But then I'm also like, why didn't you break up with me? Why? But also I'm like, why didn't I break up with these people?

Because I clearly knew that they didn't like me. But, you know, you just want to be in love. That's all you want. You know, because growing up watching all those movies and everything else, you think it's like movie love. And you're like, yeah, I want someone showing up with the boomboxes or the book with the phone number. Or a magic carpet. Or a map.

You loved Aladdin? I loved Aladdin. I loved Aladdin so much. Oh, my God. A little street rat catfish in me. Riff, raff. Pulling up with a carpet and taking me away from my life. Yes.

That sounds great. I've talked about this many times, but seven brides for seven brothers was a musical about a bunch of mountain brothers who kidnapped women. What? Bring them up to the farm, and then they wind up falling in love with the kidnappers, and they all don't want to go home once the snow has thawed. Wait, what is this? It's an old musical called Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and it was my favorite, and so I think that shaped me. Is that a movie? And that explains so much.

It's a movie. It's a musical, yes. Is it a cartoon? No. It's called Seven Brides, Seven Brothers? Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. And it's about seven brothers who steal seven women? Basically.

Bring them up to the mountain? Yes. And then hold them captive? Pretty much. And then when the snow thaws, they're like, eh, we're good. Yep. We love you. So they had a little bit of Stockholm syndrome.

Completely. Interesting. Very. I mean, if you think about it, that's what Bell had in Beauty and the Beast. I've never thought about that. He kidnapped her, bought her books and dresses. She's like, I love this library. She started talking to the furniture.

That was like a hallucination. She was unwell locked in this castle. The cups were not talking to her. Oh, my God. And then she was like, I love him. I know. Do you? She's like, there's something sweet.

Do you? Or is that all you know right now? Because you were held captive. We're held captive in a very beautiful castle. Yeah. If anything, Disney movies are, they're not, they don't have happily ever afters. It's women in bad situations. They just have to deal with it.

They deal with it and then they fall in love. Yeah. Snow White. She had a poisoned apple, fell asleep, and then a man kissed her without consent. Have you seen that the theory, right? That she actually is dead and they ride off into like, but the castle's like in the clouds? In Snow White? Yeah, there's like an Instagram handle that like breaks down all the Disney movies and they're like, we think this is what really happened or like this is tied to this one in this way. Very interesting. Interesting. I wonder if they are on the same train with me thinking Bell has psychosis and the furniture was not actually talking to her. I really do think she was like, oh, no. She was like hallucinating. I'm not doing well.

Rachel, I have a question. What advice would you give single people? I've never done the apps. But I hear it's a good way just to get out there. Even if you don't necessarily want to date the people, it gets you out there, gets you comfortable maybe going out. I'm talking from a place of like I'm in my bed. So, but like, you know, supposedly they can be good. Uh-huh.

This is my advice. I love that your advice is like, monologue. I've never done it. Yeah, this is what people say. I've done heard this. And maybe if you do this. thing that I don't actually know. I don't know. But if you do it, it's going to be good. It's good. You know, if you have like a really easy conversation, I think that's a good sign.

Mm-hmm. Make sure. Well, have you only dated like, you've never been on the app. So you've only met people in person. So what is your advice about meeting someone in person? I don't know if I've really met a lot of people. I'm not the right person for dating advice because it's not. not traditional. Like, I'm out at whatever, meeting people. I meet people through people or work or whatever. Okay. I think that might be good advice, keeping your options open to, like, if a friend wants to set you up, like, be open to that. Listen, I think saying yes is a really good thing to stand by. See, that's good advice. Thank you. Has a friend set you up and has it ever gone well? I have been set up. Mm-hmm. Did not go. That one did not go well. Fair. I've never been set up and I don't think I ever no no I've never had a friend be like oh my god this person would be so good for you or whatever yeah but I also don't trust any friend to set me up with somebody who would actually vibe with me got it because I feel like they'd be like this weird dude this weird lady where I'm like you know I don't know if I need a weirdo I think I'm weird enough for both of us because the

The nice man in my life, he's, I wouldn't say he's weird. I would say he's weird things, but like, when you first meet him, he'd be like, oh, what a nice, grounded human. And I'm like, gung, gung, gung. Well, I think that's what's good, right? When you have someone like a balance. Yes. Yeah.

Like a ying to your yang. Yes. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And say yes, everybody. I think that's good advice to say, just say yes. Just say yes.

Well, Rachel, we've reached the end. Do you have anything you want to promote? Just our podcast, broad ideas. We're branching out into a book club coming up, which the name isn't official yet, so I won't plug that. Okay. Have a lookout for that. That's fun. It's fun.

Are you going to read a book a week? How do you do a book club? A week? I feel like it's like a monthly thing. Fair. Yeah. Don't you think? Yes.

The last book I read, it took me about a month, and it was a book I'd already read. And I've been reading this one book for, I think, four months. It's a good book. It's called The Shards by Brett Easton Ellis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like it. I just, for whatever reason, can only read a little bit of time. And then it's also a really big book.

So I'm like, in my arms, I'm like, this is cumbersome. You'll get there eventually. I hope so. Well, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. If you like this episode of, Why Won't You Date Me? Wait, you had a pet pig?

Yeah, Petunia. She was an absolute bitch. Oh. Yeah. Was she a big pig or a little pig? She was supposed to be a little pig. But it wasn't little, right? Because that's like a lie.

It wasn't little. And I didn't eat pork. And then she attacked me. And then I was like, fuck it. What do you mean she attacked you? She literally, like, we had a standoff in a field, and she took me down multiple times. Is this in L.A.? No, this was at a farm

in Canada and I was with my ex and she was in love with him. It's a whole story. It's a real saga. That's wild. Sorry you didn't bring this up earlier. That's very funny. Wait, so your pig

liked your partner more and then we just constantly attack you? Hated me. Hated. Couldn't go near her. She would attack me. And how big was she? She was like, yay.

She was like, like the size of, like, trying to think how to describe this. She was like a medium, large pig. Okay. Were there other animals on the farm? She was like the, what's the footstool and Bell and the Beast, if you will. Oh, I don't know the footstool's name. Me either, but, you know, yeah.

Were there other animals there? Did they all hate you? No, just Petunia. Is Petunia still with us? No. She was delicious. I'm just kidding. I'm just getting her down.

That would be so wild to eat your enemy. Savage. No, I did not eat her. Oh, I love that. Anyway, if you like this episode of Why Want You Date Me and give me five stars. You can rate it. You can like it. You can subscribe.

If you write me something nasty hitting on me to Why Won't You Date Me podcast at gmail.com, I will read it. Please keep your messages just a little shorter. Okay, this person said, I heard you like sucking dick. Unfortunately, now I don't have one. But you could totally go down. my strap on. And while you're sucking on that silicone, I'll be inviting Steve Harvey to watch. How do you have his contact info?

We can have a threesome, not use protection, and then get pregnant with Steve Harvey's mini clones? You'll cry to be saying, you're stressed about being a single mom, but don't worry, Nicole, I know how to make you relax, winky face. Then I'll take you to the bedroom and eat out your pussy. Once again, with much love, with much love, your friend with benefits. Well, that one was wild. Goodbye.

Oh, my God. Oh, you've been listening to Why Won't You Date Me with me, Nicole Beyer. This show is produced and edited by Mars with executive producer Anya Kennef Skiya. It's engineered by Casey Donahue. With guest research by Lindsay Kempth. Our VP of Content at Headgum is Katie Moose. And our Thieve music is arranged by Mike Comete. Ah, thanks for listening.

We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. See you then. Okay, bye, bye. That was a hate gum podcast. I'm Tignotaro. I'm Mae Martin. And I'm Fortune Feemster. And together we're handsome.

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