six-timers club (probably) w/ Will Angus | Ep. 255
00:00We make Chevrolet vehicles, but what you do with them makes them so much more.You make them mobile offices, your kids' personal taxi, a concert shuttle, your hockey equipment locker, your recording studio.We make a Chevrolet, but you make it a Chevy.Discover yours at Chevrolet.ca.How long do you guys record usually?Three hours?Hour and a half.Okay.
00:31Good.Is that cool?Yes.That clock doesn't start until jacket's here.Well, if he's not here in 15 minutes.second leave. That's like a class.Yeah. I'm just having me.Put that at the top of the episode. Want to just start?
00:47Yeah, who gives a fuck? Yeah, we get. I'm white. I'm a white guy.The one, I'm always late and the one time he's late. We just start with him.You're always late? For the pod. That kind of surprises me. Really? Yeah. I'm not very punctual at all.All right, play date. Episode. I thought of a great idea for you guys. Hit me. When you have a guest come on,Yeah. Like now, for a good sense.Like now. Well, you would do it moving forward.Got it.You should have to have the guest call their mom and be like, oh, you've already done this.
01:18No.I was going to say, hey, Willie and Rusty want me to come over for a play date.Is it okay if I go?And you get their mom to be like, what, what?That's awesome.But they have to cold call them.Will you do it right now?Sure.
01:32Yeah.My mom's going to be mad, though, if I don't tell her, I'm on a pod, though.You can do it at the end.Got it?Yeah.And you'll cut me saying that.I don't know about that part.This episode is brought to you by Bearbells.
01:50Rusty, show me your Bearbells.What if we'd be guests with no mom?They can't come on.No.Cut that!They know that they get one.They get one.They get one number.
02:12Sorry.That's okay.I do like that idea.It's a fun idea, though.It's a play date.It's on brand.It's on theme.Or we do it for our moms every single episode.
02:22Like, all right.Hey, we want to have Willie Simon on.Is that okay?Can you call his mom?No, you have to make the moms call each other.Yeah, that's funny.How are you, man?Good, how are you?
02:35I'm good, man.You guys have been recording a lot.We record so many episodes.Twice a week?Yeah.It's not that bad.We record once a week, and every time I feel like I'm coming up for air.Yeah.
02:46Well, we've got a lot more to say, though.You do?We trudge it through, man.Cheers.Can I, I want to give a special shout out real quick.Yeah.I was at the gym the other day.Okay, Jim.
02:59I can't say where.Well, I, it's...Well, like, yeah.But I saw Andrew...And you can't say what day or time.No, no, no, I wasn't.I wasn't.So I'm early in the morning.
03:11Yeah.And he was benching...Like before work early in the morning.Yeah.Sure.It's okay.He was benching.I think 2.45
03:20alone. No spotter.265.Insane. What do you bench? Not that.Really? Actually, I haven't binched in forever becauseapparently it's not good for you.She doesn't want to sit next to me. I'm fucking chopped liver, dude.It's going to be the worst fucking day of her life.So only sit on something blue.
03:38It's a big problem when they go to the beach.Angus will lie down on the groundwhen he sees her and she like is not having.Sorry, I'm late.I am so sorryIt's okayWe alreadyWe almost wrapped up
03:52The podcast?YeahYeahWe did a speed runIt's the fastest pod everRecordedYeahGuinness is here
03:58We talked at a hundred milesAn hourHuhWhat were the highlightsWhat were theWar stuffYeahWe talked about if there was a
04:04A war tomorrowWhich one of usWould be the captainAnd which one would be theMedicYeahI'm curiousWhat you think
04:11YeahYou tell usBecause we alreadysaid itSo now youSay what youI meanObviously you'd be
04:16The medicAnd we'llThat's whatDude, that's what we were thinking but not.Thinksing, but not.Yes, and.Do you guys mind if I address the elephant in the room real quick?Yeah.
04:26Actually, that's a bug costume.I like your costume, Andrew.Oh, I honestly didn't even notice.I'm not even kidding.Did not even notice.Hey, Andrew, where's your trunk?He said to dress the elephant.I'm around.
04:36He's on a costume.Okay.What are you dressed as like a bug?It's not obvious.A bug because of their podcast?I'm mosquito, which is a type of bug, right?Yeah.because malaria
04:48I'm sure you know this alreadybut this is your sixth timeon the Playdate podcastIs it really? Sixth? Six timesI would have guessed like thirdThat feels high. No, are you sure?Oh, is that counting likebig episodes where we've had like five people?
05:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, like an appearance like we did like rememberlike the hundredth episode or yeahEnsembles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh and mosquitoes have sixlegs. Lives.Well, so first of all, nobodyHas ever...Wait, do they have six?
05:18I always pictured them with four.Lives or legs?When's the most recent time you've seen one?Because they changed them.In Florida.That's what...Well, it's a regional thing.Yeah, it's a West Coast.
05:31Oh, they're different now.Yeah.Okay.And Andrew, of course, you're dressed as a mosquito because...Because, so this is your sixth time, which no one has ever done before.I also want to know for the audio listeners.Yeah.I want to get a jacket.
05:45He has a cup of blood in front of them.That's pretty awesome.It's the funny you say that.Oh!No.Oh, wait, what?What did you say?You have a cup of blood.
05:53He said, oh, and he said no.Oh.That would have been good.That's cranberry juice for my UTI.No, it is.It's blood.You have a U.S.You have a UTI also?
06:02It's blood.I got laid this weekend.Oh.So you have a UTI?I have a UTI now.So that's cranberry juice for that.But it kind of works with the costume.Wait, what is the costume?
06:13What is what?Wait, wait, wait, wait.Time out.It's Halloween.time out. I'm happy you got laid. We couldyou can never do the UTI dance again. You could never dothat. Did you not pee? Huh? Am I supposed to? I thoughtboy, I thought only girls could get UTIs. No guys can get them. Thinking of periods.
06:32I thought you couldn't pee in her. I thought it was impossible. You could, wait, soyou got laid and now your crotch was on fire? Where'smy jacket for coming out six times? Give it to me now.No, for you six times.We got youA sixDid you know that?No
06:51What?I was ripping off your S&L thingYeah, I know, that's crazy.That's itWait, I, oh, the six timers clubYou're on the six timers club?You're on the six timers club?You are, did you get taller?
07:07He got taller.How'd you know his jacket size?Oh, it fits like a glove.Perfect.Wait, that's fucking sick.Wow.You gotta go on like in a gut.That's very funny that we brought up.
07:22Because that SNL does, right,they have the five timers club.Yeah,yeah, yeah.Yeah.Wait,that's so sick.That's great.
07:30You got to take it on a tour like the guys dowhen they win the Masters.Like,I want to see you at Wimbledon in that.Drinking out of it like the Stanley Cup.Can you wear that to like a wedding or something?Can that become one of,can that become a wedding?
07:41No,because on our weddings.Our weddings.Our weddings.I'm going to say unworn.but you should use a different picture thoughI'm listing it right nowand it couldn't be unworn could it
07:50well it's you can okayactually I was having a debate about this with someonerecentlyreally weme and my friends have a t-shirtme and my friends have a t-shirt companysingular and someone was likehey he tried on the shirt
08:04it didn't fitor no no I got in the shirt as a giftand it didn't fit him can we return itit's unworn it's cleanmy friend's like it's unwornhow'd you know it didn't fit thenAnd I'm like, well, you can try, like, when I go to, like, the store and I buy clothes,people have tried them on before, but they're unworn.
08:21Agreed.So I think trying something on, it was a big debate.We don't speak anymore.Can I say something?No.Now that I don't care for.Now that you made me feel like.You like that.
08:33I cared for a lot.Now that you make me feel like a big joke.You make me feel like I'm the butt of the joke, which I don't like, which I don't care for.Oh, my.God.Now I feel like the butt of the joke is there.fucking stinks over it.Birdie.
08:46Yeah.She farted this morning and it was...It was gnarly.So I agree with your take.Because you would never be able to try anything on by that lot.They'd have to throw the clothes out if they don't fit.But sometimes I wonder that about like if you're returning like, let's say...For argument's sake, let's say...
09:07A mosquito costume.A cake.Right.How would you know if you don't like it?That's a good point.check mate or checkI think you can get out of usI'm trying
09:22I think it might be mate and threeno matter whatso what do you have like a pun that you're going to dolike I miss yeah yeah so nobody has ever been on this showsix times ever in the history showexcept for one person butwhen mosquitoes lay their eggssometimes they lay six eggs
09:42I think he'sI think he's, I think you forgot what wordplay.Sometimes.I think you forgot how to do wordplay.How many do they normally?He forgot how to do word play.How many did they normally lay?Like they could do like anywhere from like four to like ten or something.
09:58So it's sort of a sweet spot.Sometimes.Yeah.Yeah.But sometimes sometimes they lay six eggs.Wait,but that would be like, I feel like you could,there could have been another link to six.
10:08That would be like if you were dressed as like a basketball player and you said like sometimes they score six points.Yeah.I mean sometimes they do that.That's a good point.Yeah, but it'd be like if he was dressed as like, I don't know, maybe like,Jamal Murray.A train conductor and he's like, sometimes there's six stops.I'm trying to think of who sometimes who would score six points specifically, you know,
10:26someone who's like a bench.Williams.Bingo.Birdie's kind of coming around.Samaday Kristen.Okay.Can we talk about?Evan Mobley.
10:36Okay.Yeah.Can we talk about you getting laid?Yeah.Yeah.Do you want to?Please.She said I could call it sex.
10:43Nice.Yeah.It was.On the podcast?Yeah, yeah, I asked.What else?What were you going to call it if she didn't?Vince Carter in his later years.
10:54What were you going to call it if she said you couldn't call it?I was going to call it what it was, which it wasn't sex.It was trying to have sex, but Whiskey Dick claimed another victim.Oh, God.Unfortunately, so.Not petting her like that.But she said, I could say.She likes it.
11:10Okay.It was sex.You don't know she doesn't like it.You got whiskey dick?Mm-hmm.Look at that.She loves it.So how did you get...
11:18Is this real?You got a UTI.You got a UTI with...You might be the first guy ever got a UTI soft.Wait, so did you just like cram it in there?All right, we got to move on.I can't do this right now.Why would we move on? It's one in the morning.
11:32Oh, yeah.For anyone at home, we're recording this at one in the morning.Yeah.The only time the studio is open.No, we're recording at six.So...Because that's how many eggs in the mosquito has.Musquitoes sometimes.
11:44I do not want to hear more about...Okay.It's a medical miracle.He's a man.You got a UTI.I don't think that.I think I knew a game in high school.You think you know.
11:55I think.We think we knew a guy in high school who had one.Have you ever had one?We think.And cranberry juice is like the kryptonite, the antidote.It's supposed to like purge it out, I guess.got a lot of probiotics.It's supposed to what? Purge it out. I think like yogurt is good too.
12:23Have you guys all gotten sad drunk together yet for being all single now?Jesus, man.What? No. I actually, I will say I haven't gotten drunk with you yet. I have gotten drunk with you yet.I think we kind of got sad drunk.That's the only good part about breaking up is you get to cry in front of your best friends.This was like months ago. Oh my God. Okay. Sorry. Sorry you haven't checked in with me in months.So I don't know anything about your life.Willie and I got really happy drunk together in Florida. Yeah. I heard it was
12:48Like over and over and over.He did have a good time, yeah.Took it out of me.I've been so tired all week, but...Do you want us?Do you want to join?Did you want us to get sad?No.
12:59Do you want to get sad drunk together?I can do it.I want to get sad drunk with you,not related to that, but just in general.In general.Okay.Yeah, I'm down.I feel like I have some poignant stuff, I want to say.
13:08Okay.Like what?I don't, well, I don't have point of a couple beers.I went to the dentist this morning.How many cavities?Zero, but she...She's...She's...
13:18you. Uh, no, uh, she said, so you know last year I was in running, I was in the running formouth of the year. Mm-hmm. I'm in the running. Does this admit? No, I'm in the running formouth of the year. What does that mean? I told you she said this last year. She said I had like agoaded mouth. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant, I got it. Well, it's more like six months ago.The girl dated in high school. It was six months. Said about her. She had a goaded mouth.I, well, all the guys in the locker. Yeah. You gave me mouth of the year, but I didn't know you werenominated. How did that make you feel when they said that about her? I didn't know what it meant,but they seemed excited for me. So I'm glad to learn it's she had a really clear, she flossed a lot
14:01and I was bleeding a lot when she was, when the dental, like, assistant was flossing and outlatchsaid you're bleeding a lot. Did you? So how would you get mouth of the ears? Please do not tell thedentist. They definitely tell that to everyone, bro. No, no, no, no. I had this Dr. Vu. I had thisDr. Rue, growing up, would always tell me I was her favorite patient, and I just realized, like, two years ago, she was lying.What gave it away?The fact that my mom was like, yeah, you had, like, eight cavities every time we went.Yeah, because she, like, she made the most money off of me.You were a cash cash, like, you were 80% of her income.
14:35I was so bad.I would, I would sneak away and eat, because my mom, like, didn't let us have any, like, sweet stuff, and I, like, found a stash, and I would, like,yeah, I would get so many cavities.I felt like such an idiot. I forgot I had a dentist. Not that this would have changed anything, but I was...You forgot you had a dentist. I forgot I had a dentist appointment this morning, and so last night I was kind of like candy maxing. And I had so many of these like sour, hard ones that I, there, I like burned my tongue in the roof of my mouth. Did they notice that?I have some questions? I think she could probably tell you. Yeah. You were doing that this morning? No, last night. How late are you eating candy?Like at night? Yeah.Pretty late, man
15:13I mean, I'm notI'm definitelyNot eating like a lot of candy at nightDefinitely not when the sun's upNot like all the timeBut if I have itYeah it's gonna go to do itOkay so this was like
15:21Just an out of the blue thingWhere you're like I'm gonna eat a ton of candySo two nights agoTook an ediblePost made some candyWas so upset with myselfThe following morningThat I put it all back in the 7-11 bag
15:33And put it in my bathroom trash canTook another edible last nightI know there's still candy in therewent in to my bathroom truckand took the candy out.What kind of cane?One was thedo you know the like half and half
15:49Recy's Oreo that I was obsessed with?Yeah.There was one left of those.He said it was hard and sour.I had the sour ones that come in the tin.I had the water.Like the altoid?Retro sour.
16:01It's just, yeah, retro showers.The watermelon.I had Joyride watermelon.What's Joyride Watermelon?They don't even want to know.Google Joyride.I'm into candy that you're into candy.I'm so deep into the candy game that I'm doing.
16:16What's your top four of all time?Yeah, candy.Chocolate or chewy?You can't even.Up to you.Wait, top four?I'd say like.Were you asking you a question where you're saying your top four is chocolate?
16:33Do you want my chocolate top four or my chewy top four?Wait, why are chocolate and chewy the option?Like where would they-Chocolate and like other flavor?Those are two different metrics.Yeah.Give my back here, Andrew, you're a fellow candy guy, right?Chocolate and chewy.
16:46Kind of the two categories?No.I mean...Like, what's a smarty then?Yeah, what's a nerd for me?What's a nerd rope?Chewy, obviously.I feel like that's like saying, what's your favorite sports team and you're like,
17:03teams that wear red uniforms or basketball teams?Or basketball teams?Yeah.It's like, what?on the Postmates appLike what would a Snickers be?Chocolate or chewy?Chocolate, obviously.
17:16No, it's like,it's like a square rectangle thing.We're like, if it has chocolate in it,it's in the chocolate category,no matter how chewy it is.But if it's like fruity and hard,it's still considered chewy in my head.So if it's hard and fruity,
17:32it's chewy, obviously.Do you like it when it's hard and fruity?I'm probably notI don't know if I can haveHard and Fruity again after last nightI mean I literally like burned a holemy tongue all rightAll right
17:51Top five ChewyTop four ChewetFuck itBut that doesn't include chocolateFuck it what is itOkayWell you know I'll do bothI like the half Recy's half Oreo
18:03peanut butter cupsOkayI like the nerds clustersYepI likewe call him clostiesis half rhesi's halfhalf Oreo not a chocolate
18:13that's chewyyeah waitfuck youboth of those have chocolateI saidfuck it I'm gonna do boththat's obviously what I was askingfrom the beginning
18:29yeah sohe's opening postmateshe's checking his stattaking his door dashrapyeahOh my God.These aren't candy, but I had the peanut butter banana true fru-frews the other day.
18:47Was it true?I think we're different guys.Scorebar.Scorebar is up there.I've never heard of that.Oh, these are gas.Zappos.I haven't heard of one thing you say.
19:01Zappos are good.Zappos are good.Truefrews, score bar, Zappo, Crinkle.Yeah, hearing like, your friend's favorite movies are like all international.it is it's as a result of i've gone it's like you graduate it's like when you moved like aharder drug yeah the dutch hona candy uh i've eaten all the i've eaten all the like a list one somany times that like i need to feel the same rush i need to have ones that are you look down onpeople that are like eating like i look like i look like i look back through it at you guys like
19:40happily and that I wish I could be back on thatside of the fence. Like I know whatyou're too far. I like broke out of the candymatrix and now I literally sounds like some of beinglike I wish I could enjoy Marvel movies.Yeah yeah yeah.We're like I wish I wish weed likegot me high enough. Yeah.
19:57God I used to be able to get drunk quick. It takes like 20 beersnow. Yeah. I wish I could get drunk offjust beer still. No, it's a newfull bottles of buck.You growled at me. Yeah, because you've been likegrabbing her teeth.No, watch.You're petting like the...
20:13Wait, listen.Wait, mic her up.Is this on?It is?You can turn it on it?Yeah.You make her Spanish.You got the birdie, Mike.
20:30I left her alone this morningwhile I went to the dentistand I have Bluey on.She hates Bluey.Apparently she fucking hates it.Z was like she's like losing her mind in your room.You guys continue.doing a thing over here for six.
20:45Mo Williams on the Cavs.Okay. Yeah.Average about six.Anderson Verjeal.Ooh, that's a good one too.Yes.I think he was kind of like more a 10 point guy.Hey, you guys are both from Dallas.
20:57Kind of.What do you mean kind of?We're kind of both from Dallas.Did I tell you what happened to me at a party last weekend?This girl was like, I'm from Dallas.I said, no way, I'm also from Dallas.Oh, this is the girl that I, like, screenshoted?Yes.
21:12And I go, I'm from Keller.She goes, that's not Dallas.And the whole party laughed at me.The whole party went quiet and then started laughing at me.They're kind of right, though.What?Wait, but I don't know. Are you from, like, D-town straight up?I'm from Dallas.
21:26You're from D-Town proper?D-Town proper.So, but that-Teller-Call- How did everyone at the party know, like, have, like, knowledge of Dallas?That's what I want to know.I don't think they did.I think they were just looking for someone to put down.To put down in the heart, you know.
21:39Google Keller?Let's see how close it is?It's pretty close.What am I supposed to say, Fort Worth?Probably.People don't know where Fort Worth is.Say DFW.People go, oh, shit.
21:48He's from the airport.What are you from the airport?What part of the house are you from?Dallas.Wait, go back to the, like, just main page.Look at your number one photo.Yeah.It's just like someone's color.
22:01That's what our grass looks like over there.It's good grass.What are you guys rocking with?Bengas Grove, like, on the grassy knoll.Look, look.You're in Fort Worth.I'm in there.Yeah, you're from Fort Worth.
22:13I'm in the Metroplex.Yeah, but you're from Fort Worth.Yeah, but I'm not going to take you before.They don't know where that is.Yeah, but just because you can educate them.Can I tell you a secret?Yesterday, I snuck in here and I stole one of these and I ate it right before my softball game.And guess what happened at softball?
22:37Home run.Home run.You actually?And a triple.And I would have hit for the cycle, but the game got called because we mercy rolled them.But I was pretty excited to try to hit for the cycle.But I didn't get to.But I would have if you had Bearbells.
22:50If I had a second Bearbells, maybe.Yeah.Because I did eat one right before the game, and it kind of worked.Guys, it's the number one protein bar in the United States.Bear Bells makes protein bars with 20 grams of protein and no added sugar that taste as good as a candy bar.Their bars strike the perfect balance between flavor, texture, and function.Do you have anyone?You can buy them at retailers like Target, Walmart, Vitamin Shop, and GnC.
23:15They have flavors like cookies and cream, chocolate dough, cookies and caramel, peanut butter, and many more.If you haven't tried Bearbells yet, go to bearbells.com to shop the full lineup and use code playdate for 15% off your order.Guys, this episode is brought to you by Pinnacle Willie.Can I ask you a question?Yes.What is your guilty pleasure drink?Pinkle vodka.What is your favorite drink at a bar?
23:38Oh, when I go to a bar, I like a little pinnacle and soda.And if you were on a date, what kind of drink?drink would you get? That's a good question. I haven't, well, I haven't been on one lately,but if I was on one, I would get a pinnacle vodka on the rocks. Guys, pinnacle vodka is greatvodka at a great price. They were born to be the pinnacle of value vodka from the beginning.They have sought to do two things, make high quality vodka and offer that award-winning vodkaat a reasonable price is to still five times for a crisp, smooth finish. I think you went to highschool with a guy named crisp smooth finish.
24:16It's 100% distilled from caneand cane sugar has a simplermolecular structurethan sugar is derived from grain.The simpler sugar structurebypasses the sacrification processthat grain starches must undergo.Which of course
24:32means fewer congeners,byproducts, and fuseloils, resulting in acleaner, naturally smooth endproduct. But more importantly... Oh, she lovedfusal oils.More importantly, they are proudly produced in America, baby, supporting American jobs.Next time, your stock in the bar, grab pinnacle vodka, great vodka at a great price.
24:56Please drink responsibly must be 21 plus.Let's get back into the episode.Well, I was going to say I saw a henway for the first time on my bike ride in today.Hemway?Henway.What that is?What?Just do it.
25:10It'll be over quicker.No, what is Henway?About three pounds.It's probably more than that, right?That's good.I actually didn't see that going on.He tried to do it with, he said, what's a forkworth?We could have been like, 50s.
25:28That is good.You're from Fort Worth?I hate to break it to you.I don't want to tell people Fort Worth, though.No one does.Is Fort Worth worse?No.They're just going to go, they're just going to go, where's that?
25:41And I'm going to be like next to Dallas.And they're going to be like, why didn't you just.say Dallas. I feel like everyone knows whereFort Worth is. I do. I do.Yeah. I've been to the stockyards where I cut myteeth on that shit. Yeah, you guys have been there.I cut my teeth there. It was likeincredibly painful. You would think
25:56there's actually nerves in your... Oh, I thoughtyou meant you cut your teeth there like that's where youlike made your money. No, I gotthem trimmed.Yeah, I got a little touch upin the stockyards.Great.Yeah. Yeah,
26:12I actually took like a half inch off.of your teetheachbut topI took like a half inchoff the top and the bottomwhat the hell's going onwhich was an inch
26:28in totalniceokayvery cooland how do you feel about thatI feel like there's an awesome jokethat went over my headand like everyone's going to be like
26:39how are they not getting ityeahprobablyyeahhmmShe's going on a bird making her nestShe's a birdieShe's making nest
26:53What do you've been up toAngus?Yeah Angus, you haven't talkedLikeJust thisJust this?Just that?Yeah, just this usually
26:58Is that you've beenYou areI cannotI cannot like get overWhat she's doing right nowI'mYeah, I'm kind of enjoying thisOh
27:12Oh shitGod she is really strugglingto find a yeahKind of hilarious.All right.Would any funny,the ideas or thoughts you've had,I guess?
27:27Here,I might have something like that's up.Really?Yeah.What's one?Oh,I don't have them on me.Got it.
27:34I've got a couple.Sorry,I was really into this.Yeah,no way.Now she's like,it feels like she's embarrassedshe wasn't able to find a spot.
27:40She should be.That was,that was humiliating.I wouldn't even bring her home.A t-shirt that says,I killed the Grinchand the governmentmade me give them all the presents.
27:50Fight back.A t-shirt?How big is this t-shirt?Um, XL.Wait, what is it?I killed the Grinch and the government made me give them all the presents.Fight back.It's like anti-government.
28:09Like they take all the fucking everything we work for they take.But you killed the Grinch.It's so good.You killed the Grinch.I'm picturing like a photo where they lay the drugs out like on a pallet.Yeah.The police show like the drug seizure is just all wrapped.presence. Like I killed the Grinch
28:24for like all the presence and then the government tookthem all. Got it. Okay. I likeit. It's like a, you like find a shipwreck.Yes. The government's entitled to it.Which doesn't make any sense. You do have the best shirtsat the company. Thank you. I got to say it.Thank you. I wish this was pants.All time hit. All time hit.
28:44Yeah. It's beenwho is it? Someone was at theRenan someone at Epco.No, someone is atthe sushi restaurantwas that you? No, Billy, I think,was at the sushi restaurantand he saw another guy also wearing
28:59it. Oh, he was wearing it in the moment? They were both wearingI wish his pants. That's the best shirt ever.And he said he couldn't get his attention.So I was like,they never addressed it. You couldn't get his attention?He said he went like twice like, oh, hey!And like the guy just didn't react. And so he justgave up.
29:15Yeah, it's the best thing we've ever come up with.This is pretty good, too. We're not going to.What is that one?Rice pilaf too.Yeah, it's really good.Have you seen that video before?I'm pretty sure.If you posted it, I probably saw it.
29:32Because I've been like such a fan of your stuff.Thank you, bro.Thank you, bro.I love your shit too.I love that waiter sketch you have.Yeah, I'm a big fan of your stuff, bro.What's the waiter sketch?I do like goofy characters.
29:43Yeah, he does like...I do characters that are like wacky, I guess.Yeah.Okay.Or they're kind of like off-kill, like it's...Have you seen them? Have you been on Twitter lately?It's like, it's like something's wrong with this guy.You know, like, you watch this one and you're kind of like, I see this guy's angle.
30:02But part of me thinks that there's something sick and twisted about this guy.There might be something wrong with him, but I like the way he looks at the earth.I saw a screenshot of one of your videos.It was about, uh, something about like your weird uncle.And then Liam Gallagher's son had liked it.And they were like,Does this mean something?Being like, does he think...
30:27I don't know.No one is weird.Oh, like me and Liam are in cahoots.Liam Gallagher.No, they were saying, does his son...His son...We're trying to get a conservatorship for his sonfor me to have his money.
30:39You would have his son's money,but you wouldn't have his songs.That's the conspiracy?Fine with me.All right.If that has to be the conspiracy, it comes out of it,okay.Wait, who's Liam Gallagher?
30:50He's in Oasis.I said maybe.It was like a video.You're going to be the one that saves me.It was something along the lines of like your your uncle brings his new girlfriend around or something.And it was liked by the son.Oh yeah.Here's an idea I had one.
31:12That's from 2022.What do you think?I think he's got legs.Hot rod cereals.Okay.I think they're like like more for top.guys all cereals are branded like for babies right this is for this is for hot rods yeah hot rodcereals well do you know how do remember in sponge bob there's a guy who gets into uh
31:37fuck what is it called oh no the really popular bar the only manly fish can get into oh the it'ssomething something how tough are you yeah what is that how tough am i salty spatoon saltyAnd he goes, I had a bowl of nails for breakfast.And the guy goes, so?And he goes, without any milk.That's all.That's good.Oh, man.
32:04That's awesome.I've never.And then SpongeBob has to go with freaking Weenie Hut Jr.I've never seen it, you know.I think he ends up at super Weenie Hut juniors, too.He ends up at Weenie Hut general, the hospital.All good?You couldn't have known.
32:19Wait, the hospital is called Weenie Hut General?Weehound General.Because he got big boo-boos, so he had to go Weenhead General.Right.Right.They wouldn't take them to the big guys.Have you ever been to the hospital?Yeah, I know.
32:31I have.For what?And how did that go for you?I have my appendix exploded.Really?And I walked, well, it didn't explode.I'm exaggerating.I walked into my dad's bedroom, and I said, hey, dad.
32:43It was the night before the first day of school.What year?2012.School.Oh, so you were like...I was in...25?Yeah.
32:55I was in...Ninth grade.I was starting high school.I don't watch my dad's room and I was like, hey, I feel my...I think my appendix is exploding.And he woke up and he's a doctor, so he was asking me all this, like, medical question.He took it out?Yeah.
33:10You go back to bed.I'm not kidding.He was like, it's probably fine, and he went back to bed.And I came back into the room like an hour later.And he was like, oh.All right, let's go.And I got there and they were like, yeah, your appendix was about to explode.Oh, my gosh.
33:26You can, you can't die, right?I can't.I can't be killed.I think you're okay, right?Most of it.I can't be killed.I think if it explodes, you're in like, you have like 30 minutes.Oh, didn't that happen to Madeline?
33:39You're thinking of Coraline.She goes through the door and it's a different.And her eyes are buttons.Yeah.That's what I'm thinking of.You're going to.That's one of my favorite bits you do.What?
33:50That.You're like, no, you're thinking of this.Unrelated.No.I was thinking of.No, I know.You were doing my bit.I'm just saying that I feel like we do that bit alone.
33:59Yes, I agree.And I feel like it's a bit I want to share with the world.Yeah, yeah.I like that one.It's fun.It's fun.What is this?What are you doing?
34:05You're like blowing your bait out.Why are you vaping again?I...Come on.Let's cut this out.So I started again because it's right next to the golf simulator that I go to.And I was going to be there 30 minutes early.And so I stopped at Smokeworld.
34:26And I got a Milky Loops vape.And the way that guy, what are you nodding at him about?That's true.His hands were tied.He had to go to.The guy that runs, actually bleep that, the guy that runs X vape shop treats it likeselling flavored vapes.He could go to jail for the rest of his life.
34:45He could.He said they get raided like all the time.But it doesn't, there's no like password.I just like ask for a flavored.He's like they will come in and like make sure we'll just dig through everything.No, I think like if it's not like out and about then they can't get in trouble.But I'll just come in and ask for a flavored babe and he says yes.So what would be preventing a cop from doing that?
35:07Have you ever seen the cops trying to try to get flavored vapes and the employees filming them?They're like the two most clearly undercover cops of all time.Yeah, but those are all like sketches.Oh, yeah, those bummed me out.It's like, when you see, like, those ring doorbell camera footage, it's clearly, like, staged.Yeah, I know what you're talking about.Because there's no way he has, like, a hundred of those videos.He's posted so many of those.
35:35Oh, you know what video I'm talking about.Yeah.It's from behind the counter.You only see the back of the clerk, right?And then you see the two cops come in?Yeah.Fuck, really?Uh
35:49stop vapingWhyBecause it's bad for youSwitch to likeLucyOh okayDo you know you knowA vape anymore
35:58NoDid you everAll the timeReally?YeahWhen did it stopCollege I was inNew Orleans
36:04And I wasI don't know why I was just hammeringI was like thisIs like so fucking bad for meAnd I threwThis like $80Vap I had into the sewerYou had like a boxed mod
36:13NoIt was it was calledA Sworin dropLook it upOh I rememberI rememberIt was awesome.Yeah.
36:20There were $80?It was like 60 or 80, something like that.Jacob still uses that.These were not $80.No way.His was.Mine was like 60 bucks for sure at least.Really?
36:33But to be fair, there was one vape shop in Fort Worthbecause there's fucking nothing there, as you know.And the guy would overcharge everyone because it was only college kids.Yeah.And so I'm sure it's not at, yeah.Well, okay.this is, I'm talking like 10 years ago.I'm old.
36:53I'm old.Everyone knows prices have gone down since that.Yeah, inflation was bad.Did I ever tell you I got like paid for something in high school?It was like the first time I had more than like $100 and we went to the vape shop and I got like the most, I got like the nicest box mod they had.And it had like crazy.How much?It was like hundreds of dollars.
37:17and it had like a screen on itand it had like all the different like knobsand like you could adjust the coil temperature or whateverand lost it in like a weekendyeahI just want to say we picked up somegnarlygrowls from Bertie
37:35during that storyshe was growling at you she was more like ayeahyeah play that backyeahyeah when she when she's done being touchedShe's kind of done.Y'all ever play backyard skateboarding?
37:55No.I love that game growing up.You ever play it?No.What was it on?PC.PC, yeah.Was it like a floppy disc?
38:03Yeah.Or was a CD?Personal computer.A DVD or CD.Oh, my God, I remember this.With Andy McDonald on the cover, dude.Andy McDonald?Yes.
38:15Who's that?Skateborder.Ah.Yeah.Could have guessed that.You're joking, right?You know Andy McDonald?they were like all these different worlds
38:23all these different coins and likethere were different coinsyeah there was like Pete Wheeleryou could like race him by the boardwalk oneWould he have the same coins as othersWell there was the same amount of coins in every worldNo but the types of coins were alsoYeah the types of coins are the same
38:38So some of the coins collected togetherBy different guys could be the same coins currencyYes it was all same currencyYeahAnd there was a castleLook at Google the castleBackyards gave running castleIt was sick you could joust
38:51Is it, are you cool with a spoiler, Jack?Yes.Yeah, look at that castle.Yeah, it's pretty cool.And you could like go all around it and, um, the castle was definitely probably my favorite world.There was also, um, the boardwalk.Look at the boardwalk.There was like a roller coaster called the Cracken.
39:13Okay.It was just the Crackin.Yeah.On the way to work today, I was biking and I saw.saw a very large homeless person with their pants off sitting in the middle of the bike pathlike the blue guy in Resident Evil, I swear to God.I've never seen it.The movie or the game?
39:32Look up Resident Evil Blue Guy.It was a larger guy, larger homeless man?She just farted.I don't know why I lied.It was a homeless woman.I think it just made the story worse.On the right.Oh, no.
39:46I promise it wasn't funny at all.Did you run her over?No, I went around.her. I felt bad for her.It legit ruined my day.She was, like, bare ass on the concrete.It was really upsetting.Oh, that's a problem.
39:59Could you see her private?I didn't look.Okay, good.Good. Smart.A lot of guys make that mistake.A lot of guys look.Say what you will.More guys look than you'd think.
40:12You'd be shocked with how many guys look.Yeah.That's really sad.Some of the homeless people at the park that Bertie and I,I play fetch withare notyou're throwing the ball fora birdie or
40:27it's kind of like a free for alllike they can get it but they all havedogs that like aren'tnot very well trainedand so when I throw it for birdiethey all kind of but none of the guysare running together none of the guys are runningafter it
40:43okay the guys are runningyou have one of those things like sling I have a chucketI do have a chucketand it isit requires some skill at this parkbecause there are so many tentslike laid downthat you have to like
40:57those park sounds intensethread the needleI just feelI would feel really badif I hita guyif I hit a guyI think if I hit a homeless guy
41:07when Bertie and airplanefetch it up a call the dayyeahyeahshe took a poop on our way in hereand another dog ownerlike stopped and watchedto I think to make sure
41:18I pickit up, which didn't make me feel very good.What the hell, really?Does it look to you?Did you pick it up?Yeah, of course.I will say...Peyton Pritchard.
41:31Probably scores like six points a game.It might be more than that now.Yeah.It's a start of the score, actually.It is117-110.Oh, how many points is Peyton Pritchard of?Payton Pritchard.
41:46Jason Tatum has 11 assists.Peyton Pritchard.hasI can't believethey're playing at 1 a.m.I actually can't believethey started playing at noon.That feels bizarre.
41:57It's not noon.They started playing.You're thinking of noon.Well, they're on the East Coastso they started it.Baden Pritchard had14 points.Oh, fuck.
42:08Sometimes six.Yeah, I still can't get overthe sometimes six things.Well, sometimes I have six eggs.Yeah, I think they did.That's true.And this is his sixth time.Can I ask you a question?
42:18Did you hear thatDid you hear the amount of eggs that they laidLike and then decided to do this?Well, I knew it was his sixth time on the show.Oh, and mosquitoes sometimes lay six eggs.And mosquitoes sometimes lay six eggs.So I was like, wait, that would be like perfectfor like a costume thing.
42:37Yeah.Okay.That makes a costume.How did you get this jacket made?I didn't make, Andrew made it.We probably didn't make it.He probably bought it.Or he probably bought it
42:48had it embroidered and then it was given me.I had nothing.I had nothing to do.Would you go to jacket.com or some shit?Yeah, actually.Do not go to jacket.com.It is, it is.Oh, it is not where you think.
43:01You got some air on that.I know, I've got to popped up.I'm trying to go on those kinds of websites less.I feel like, porn?Yeah.Embroiterary?Jacket.No, porn.
43:16I'm on embroidering things more.often than you'd think.Butlike your towels?I'm trying tocornography.Like my towels, yeah.I'm trying to watch
43:25cornography less, yeah.I'm trying to watch it more.I'm trying to,I don't know,I couldn't think of like a funny third thing.It just feels likedefinitely not good.It's the same amount.
43:39It feels,it feels like for the first time everit is hurting my brain.Really?No, that's, you have to push through.Everyone hits that wall.to push through trust me99% of gooners give up right before their big
43:55busts like the memeabout to hit the diamondsyeah yeah I uhthe diamonds is like a 10 minuteejaculationwhat's the longest you can come for10 minuteslike is there a guy that can do it for
44:11you would get boring well remember thathave you seen the video of the guy who can't help himselffrom cominghave you actually comes likehundred times a day of course no look it up look it up we watch it's on the pot right yeahlike multiple times dude every guy's seen this he goes i was laying over my dad's casketcoming yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah this oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i yeahyeah it's seen it's yeah yeah this is my favorite this is the funniest yeah yeah yeah
44:44yeah they happen at all timesin any situation.They happen when I'm awake.They happen when I'm asleep.They happen in the shower.Since he slipped a diss.Persistent genital arousals.There's nothing pleasurable about it.
45:07Yeah, it looks so fucking painful.Even though it might physically feel good,the whole time inside your mind,you're completely disgusted by what's going on.I mean, it can make a person break real fast.This is a bit, right?What kind of underwear do you think he wears to keep it under control?When you're on your knees at your father's funeral at his casket,
45:36and you're saying goodbye to him,and then you have nine orgasms right there,while your whole family is standing behind you.It makes you never want to have another orgasm as long as you live.I just try to take one day at a time, hopefully someday, someday, somebody will come up with something.It's worth it I remember.It is significantly...Why would you guys ever show me this?
45:59It just ruined my day.You've actually never seen that?That bummed me out so bad.Oh, it's the greatest video of all that.I mean...Some of us can't even have one.It's also...I think it's important that we do stuff like that
46:07because there's playmates out there that...You're using your platform for good.There's playmates out there that come with 100 times a dayand have never realized that there are other people dealing with this.Do you think that's why they watch is because it...It makes them so unhorny to watch you guys...Yes.Well?
46:24Yeah.You should see our page on the large penis support group.Oh, my God.There's a website about our cock.Forum where they like screenshot our pod and post like crotch shots.Are you serious?Yeah.I think that they need, I mean, what's the solution for this guy?
46:41He slipped a disc and it started happening.So logically, he needs to slip another one or.If they made his blood bigger.I think he should be a sperm donor.He'd be like a millionaire.Oh, you, yeah, wow.Right.Well, at somebody's got to be like, fire in blanks, right?
47:02No, there's not a come in your balls to come 100 times a day, right?Yeah.Not at your age.How fast do you make new come?I'll wait take this one.I think, Andrew, you got it?Andrew, that's...I feel like this is like...
47:18Perfect.Yoos.There you go.Something like that.It's got to be that amount or...Can you Google how much cum does your balls produce in one day?No.Do your balls.
47:28You guys are doing a smut podcast, and I'm not, I don't stand for it.Trust me.You show off your fucking dicks.You talk about farting and calming the whole time.Saran wrapping your cocks with your short shorts.What should we do?So that the playmates fawn over you.Oh, sorry.
47:42Instead, we'll say we're going to do characters and then not have any.Exactly.And guess what?It's a pretty good formula.300 million sperm cells a day?Okay.That's probably only like,a handful of cum.
48:00It's got to make a ball.Yeah.Like a couple dribs of come.Oh.Y'all got anyHalloween costume plans?I haven't fair.I think I gotta do my new Harry Potter robes.
48:13Yeah, I'm doing my new...We got the old school ones.We got the ones that they wore in like the 20s, the Navy ones.She shed on you?What is that?She shed on you.Shad or shinded it?Shinded.
48:26Right.So I'm gonna be that, I thinkI'm gonna, I'm doing,I'm going to an October festPartyI think I'm gonna wear LiederhosenOn Halloween? NoThis weekend. Is that at worst
48:39Cucci? No. Also, Icould never believe that that's how it's pronounced.No, I literally went there and everybodyknew you. I, like,I get it? Like, I get the worst.No, like you have it. Yeah.I get it or I have it.Like, it's, when you walk into a room, it's,
49:04It stinks.Like there's green stink lines.It's fun, bro.Shit.Do you know, so I know in the past you've been a Jedi Knight.I'm going to be a Jedi Knight this year.Are you going to be a Jedi Knight?Are you asking me to do it with you?
49:18Maybe.Well, are we hanging out?Maybe.Well, I'm going to be one on Friday.What's Friday?Is that the 30th or the 31st?Yeah, but I'm going to Phoebe Bridgers.You know, Phoebe Bridgers?
49:30But then afterwards, I was going to go to Brett's.Yeah.I don't want to do anything.Okay, that's a point.Just in general, sort of, right?No, no, I want to do stuff.Okay.What did you eat this afternoon?
49:42I had a pastrami sandwich.Okay, that explains everything.It was Brian Coldcuts at Trader Joe's,and I'd never seen it before.They had this pastrami that looked just delicious.Okay, never get it again.Not allowed to eat that again.Cool.
49:56I usually never smell them, but today I can smell it.Do you guys know any funny holidays that are made up?We don't do that yet.That's later.How is that later?How long have we been going?We've been going an hour.Have we?
50:0951 minutes.Oh, because you were late.But we started without you.That's the last thing we do.The episode ends on our drafts.I was going to see, have any of you guys seen the new Elizabeth Holmes documentary?No.No.
50:20Yeah.I've seen it.Is it good?You saw it?Yeah.Oh, what did you have seen it?Yeah.I actually thought it was like one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life.
50:28I can't wait to watch.Really?Did she just completely make it up that they could do that?Or it was...What, like, Pharynx?Yeah.I don't even know.I don't even know the...
50:38The movie is not...The movie is not really...About that in a way.You didn't spoil it for me.No, please don't...Don't see it.It's the best movie I've ever seen.She goes to jail.
50:48Don't spoil it.It's the best documentary ever made.It could...It could win an Oscar for Best Movie Year.And the documentary never.It's called One.Best Picture.Wait.
51:00But wouldn't it be up against head-to-head?Artificial?Um...I just hope both movies do well, manYou think it'll be DiggerA lot of people think Digger is going to get the best pictureIt should beat DiggerAlthough Digger was awesome
51:19What's about?Wait, don't spoil itI've also heard that's a don't spoilerDiggyYeah, yeah, you have to go blind with that oneIt's about a guy whoThis is no spoilerThis is what the setup of the movie
51:30They go to a summer campYeahForThey dig for dinosaur bonesI'm gonna go to the bathroom while you tell themI'm kiddingThey don't do thatgo to the bathroom.
51:38So you need to go to the bathroom.All right.Oh my God.I'm so excited.I'm going to Phoebe Bridgers next weekend.And I am freaking out about it.Honestly, I cannot wait.I've been listening nonstop.
51:55I've been playing Phoebe Bridger songs on my guitar every day.I'm getting the full body chills.And I got my tickets on seat geek.Because here's, you know, I want to shout out why seat geek is so special.All right.They've got more than 70,000 events listed there.They've got concerts, sports, festivals, you name it.You know, people are on tour right now like Bruno Mars, Zara Larson, Lady Gaga, Cardi B,
52:16Chris Stapleton, Zach Bryan, Luke Combs, BTSS, Ariana Grande, you name it.They're probably on it.Phoebe Bridgers is now on it as well.I like that they rate each ticket on a scale of 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal.So you can look for the green dots.Green means good.And guess what red means?Bad.
52:34You are so smart.But yeah, seriously, look, they got all this.I bought so many things on Seatgeek.It's the best.And all their tickets are backed by their buyer guarantee, too.Guys, concert season is right around the corner to make it even better.You can use code PlayDate 10 for 10% off your Seatgeek tickets.That's 10% off tickets with promo code Play Date 10.
52:56Make sure you click the link in the description and download the appand have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later.Thank you, Seatgeek.This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner BetterHelp,insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session.Guys, your mental health does not know that it's Mental World Health Day.Stress does not politely wait until October 10th.
53:26Burnout does not RSVP and your brain definitely does not check the calendar for deciding to spiral at 1147 p.m.Mental health is part of regular life.Guys, therapy is not just for, you know, massive life events or something.It can just be somewhere to talk through the little things going on in your life, you know, a work situation that's got you off, a relationship dynamic, or just something else that feels off in your life, okay?So maybe try BetterHelp, guys.If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks.Eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance.don't have insurance or don't live in the United States,
54:07you can still get 10% off your first month.Visit betterhelp.com slash PD to explore your payment options.That's betterh-E-L-P-L-P-D.Let's get back into the episode.All right, I have news.I have good news for you too.Oh.You know how you guys are always wanting new shirts?
54:28Yeah.That girl Reagan, Elizabeth, who made that role model shirt,descending you guys a couple.Really?So you guys can wear them around.Do you know my shirt size?X-L.Nice.
54:41Nice.When do we get them?I'm sure there will be...Pro's like, when do we get them?I'm sure they will...I'm sure there will be extras.Have you seen this shirt?Bro.
54:53I was trying to figure out when he got me.To a role model concert and wore a shirt that said I heart guys who went toCapell's with high school and it's me in role model.When do we get them?I'm sure it'll be here soon.I'll save one for you.Thanks.You sounded like that kid that,
55:13you know the special needs kidwho his mom is trying.Isn't that deer,you ever seen that deer that looks like Angus?I have,I have seen the deer.That's awesome.I get said that a lot, actually.
55:24You haven't seen the deer that looks like,Google Will Angus deer,I bet you can find it.There's a deer that looks like you.It's awesome.And it does.It actually looks like me.Yeah.
55:34We're not going to be able to find it, though.There's no way.You don't think so?Videos.It's a video.Somewhere.But it's the kid who he won't listen to his mom.And then she says that they're going to barbecue out.
55:49And he just starts repeating like the last word that she says.Any special needs?Yeah.Thanks.This isn't like a new observation.It's not new observation of special needs?It's news to me.All right, should we do
56:06Should we do the roadmap?What is roadmap?You've done this six timesYou've been on the show six timesI don't think that's rightThat is rightI askedI asked a big fan
56:20You askedChad GBT how many times I've been onI asked a big fanAnd they saidBut it was AIAnd whether they were realYou asked AISo you don't even know
56:31I don't think he's been on six timesI feel like you probably have.I really, really don't think so.Why didn't you just command F. Will Angus?In what?Or just scroll through the episode names.There's only 300.Yeah, but like in episode 200, your name isn't in the title.
56:48Yeah.Well, you know what?No one's ever going to count.Well, my lawyer fought for title credit on this.So it should, my name should be in the episode name on this, right?Yes.Oh my God.Is your lawyer?
57:02Epsody.Taut Macalyn?Tot?Oh, great, we're getting sued by Taught McEllan.I'll be getting emails from them all week and I haven't responded.I didn't know that.Who's Taught McElin?I think that's his lawyer.
57:18But he didn't expect me to stonewall you.Did you know that we have like flock cameras in the office now?Yeah, we do.Byter, put them up for like merch or something?Now she has a video of me changing behind there.Everyone has a fucking video of you changing.yeah it's not like they could um not like they it's only a 720p not like they can see anythinganyway is it actually 720p they can see 720 pixels of my
57:45of your shlong but yours only takes up one you only shows up in HD so we're finereally all right we got 4k we got a 4k we got a you need a 4k camera to see that I thinkI have like a small shalong I don't know let go to the um what are we doing is yoursI keep trying to do the roadmap.Oh, yeah, do the roadmap.All right.We're going to hear your pitches, our pitches.Then we're going to do this guy rocks.
58:11Teach me something.Nope.And sayings that don't exist and holidays that don't exist.That's right.Let's do it, Andrew.Hello, Nick O and teen.Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen. Teen.teen.
58:28Nick O.Okay, I'll be teen.What is the worst part about nicotinepouches?Oh, man.Sometimes they aren't lucies?They're always loosies for me.Nowhere to put them sometimes.
58:42I was on the airplane and started panickingbecause I couldn't find a place to put it.Poop bag.That's right.People spitting them out and littering all over the place,introducing the biodegradable nicotine pouch.These pouches deliver the sameflavor and buzz as any traditional nicotine pouch, however they hide a secret. Each pouch is made
59:02completely out of biodegradable materials, meaning they can be spit wherever and do no harm to theenvironment. Coming Q2, assuming sales numbers are good, we will release the wildflower line whereeach pouch contains a pod, which houses a native wildflower seed that will be released as the pouchbiodegrades, beautifying your city and reinvigorating native flora populations. Never before has nicotineaddiction been so good for the environment. I hope this idea doesn't conflict with any sponsorshipsand much love from Minnesota, Mark. I think we skip straight to the second one. That would be cool.That is a good idea. I like that. If it had seeds in it? Yeah, it might be like an issue though.Like if you buy like one tin, you're going to have like a hundred tomatoes now. Yes, that would be good.
59:47I actually like that. And I do not like tomatoes. What about mushrooms?I had mushrooms last night for dinner.You just had mushrooms?No, I had chicken and mashed potatoes, too.Is that okay?Yeah, of course.All right, what's the worst part about football?Probably when they cut away from the cheerleaders.
01:00:09Come on, then.Willie thought?Right, Willie?No, I would probably say the Jets.Oh, yeah, sorry.That was tough.Was that the answer?No.
01:00:18That was it?No.We still don't figure out.Are you saying about that game?Yeah.I mean, we fucking blew that, dude.Oh.It was so mad.
01:00:27It was.At least the Cowboys are good.Put in Levis.Put in Levis.Put in Levis.I mean, Gino barely, yeah.The first downs.Why is it still two fucking old guys holding it?
01:00:38And then the virtual thing doesn't really make sense.The virtual thing makes no fucking sense.The virtual thing doesn't make any sense.That was pissing me off so much.That was ridiculous.They have no virtual.But it's like still based on where the ref arbitrarily spots it.So it'd be quicker to just bring the chains out.
01:00:52Here's, here's, listen, here's how we're going to do it.the twothe two like pylonson either sidethey use for the first down thingthis is your ideayeah they should just shoot a laserbetween them so you can physically see it
01:01:05on the fieldand if the ball ever breaks the planethen we know it's first downno but that's the problem is it's not aboutit's about when their knee is down or whateversomehow it knows when their knees thoughthat's the part you have to figure outyeah
01:01:17okay yeahI'm good with that thenfuck all rightwait I got fucking I have a pitch too ohshitSorry, I didn't.I shouldn't.Do I pitch whether I invest or not?
01:01:28Yeah.No.Fuck you.No, I mean, I hope it does well.Okay.I'm into fitness.Fitness deer in my freezer.I'm going to hold Bertie's hand.
01:01:44You texted me that.What?I texted you that?Yeah.That's an awesome text.Andrew, punch in on me holding Bertie's hand.Wait, listen to that.That's a great.
01:01:55great that's a great text to will in 2022 i texted him i'm into fitness fitness deer in myfreezer that's good yeah what were we talking about i don't know i have no idea okaypitch me brother birdie and i said dude i can spot you money for an uber just let me knowafter the freezer thing yeah you were like i'm i i don't want to take any money moremoney out of my account.What's going on that year?I don't know.Wait, what?
01:02:31I don't know, man.Okay, pitch us. Stop scrolling through there.Sorry, sorry. No, it was just pulled up.Where is it? Oh.Pulled up.Oh, what's the worst part about when you're on the go with a nice hot food or lunch orsomething?Hot, too hot. Cold by the time you get home?
01:02:47Cold by the time. So, like, I went to this geese concert on Saturday.I went to geese, and I forgot to invite you. I'm sorry.but we picked we got food at davy jones and then ubered there and it took like an hourby the time we got there it was you could like picnic there it was very lovely and um it was coldso this is the hot pocket but it's like for your pants it's a literal it's a pocket that it'stemperature controlled it's thermal pocket it's a thermal and it's hot or cold you could do like alollipar or a popsicle all day and still be cold like if you're going to the beach you can put yourdrinks in it and it'd be cold.
01:03:24And if you're going to the geese concert, you could put your Mediterranean platter in it and it wouldstill be warm, you know, by the time.Could you put like a chick-fil-a, like 100 nugget platter?Yeah.Well, how big is the pocket?It depends on the size.You can get any size.Any size?
01:03:40Well, it's like you take it to the hot pocket place and they just tailor your pocket.So you have to get the food first and then go to the place and be like, this is how big the food is.No, you get the thing installed in the pants you already have.It would be good for like, look, that pocket would be good for it.You put like a chick-fil-a sandwich in there?You can't put 100 chicken nuggets in there?No, you get a chick-flay sandwich or something.You can't put 100 nuggets in there unless they're loose.
01:03:59But I didn't order a chick-fil-a-s sandwich.Okay, then put them in loose.Between each pocket, you probably could.Where do you put the sauce?The sauce is in your ass.Okay.All right.Yeah, I'm good with the sauce and ass.
01:04:11Invest.That's how you do it, Rookiee.Okay.All right.All right, do you guys want to see some guys that rock?Yeah.Sure.Do you have any guys that rock?
01:04:22No, I forgot.It's like you're-I only brought like sayings and, uh, the draft.Okay, these are, you might have one.I'm sorry.These are three guys.I truly forgot you guys have all these.It's okay.
01:04:38Pause is immediately, that immediately.Yeah, I've seen them.Oh, I haven't seen them.These are, you guys say it.Homie brother.Let's all say it.Holy brother.Wait, what do they scream?
01:04:56Homie brothers for life.That's so...That's actually awesome.They seem happy.This guy's my favorite.Oh, he's got the Aqua Sox on.I have those.Isn't that awesome?
01:05:17Jump on here, Lyle.You could do it, Lyle.I didn't get my goggles.I just like the idea of...Well, he really made a meal out of that.Yeah, but I like that he was like,you can do it a lot.We believe it.
01:05:35No, but he forgot his goggles.Yeah.Kind of a cop out.Yeah.Yeah.But does he get in?It doesn't seem so.Okay.
01:05:43All right, I respect it.He'll get in next time.Homey brothers for life.All right, I sent it to you.He did the mash.How about this guy?Yeah, this guy rocks.Is that a banana?
01:06:07Yeah.That's how he cuts his banana.The like shing noise of it.Kind of mashed the last one.Here's what people sleep onYou got the Apple cabinetYou ever seen that before?You know, no, I remember
01:06:26When they just made computersNo, I remember when I came onAnd this was like a celebrationOf guys that rockedAnd now I realize it's just cracker of the weekYeahIt's just slowlyIt always does
01:06:38It's devolved, I knowI don't get guys that rockanymore, this is all I getThis is the best guy I gotThat's the best guyAll weekWillie like a couple weeks agoscrolled. I asked him
01:06:51how oftenhe's getting guys like this and he openedup his phone and live scrolled and it wasliterally like 3030 to 40 of these guysin a row. It was no break.It was no break.All right.
01:07:07Do you guys want to do Teach me something?Yeah. Do you ever hear aboutthe KKK'srunning with Notre Dame?There was apparentlylike a big... Like the hunchback?uh like their college oh big like really call it a college uh big rally happening in south bendand apparently the k kk was not very fond of catholics either and so the dean of
01:07:38notary name was like everyone just stay like inside we don't know if they're gonna like come hereand like mess with you guys or whatever and these Notre Dame students went down there andapparently just like beat the shit out of the KKK and like ran them out of town.Oh, awesome.Pretty cool, right?One of them was Rudy.And one of them was Rudy.From the movie.
01:08:00From the movie.From the movie.You know, the Dung Beetles can carry the weight equivalent of a human carrying sick school buses.Really?Yeah.It's like ants.Yeah, Google like Dung Bigotel carrying.Spell it?
01:08:17Dung beetle carry.A-G-T-L-D-L.Imagine a dunk beetle?Did you guys...Look at that.Oh, sorry, we're still on your poop one.It looks like a rhino.It's, they're just baby rhino.
01:08:33Why do they roll their poo up?Is all their stuff in their poop?I don't know.Oh, like their belongings?I'm serious.All their valuables are in there?Yeah, what could be in their poop that they need?That's actually their poop.
01:08:44It's their poop.Yeah, they're called dung beetles.I thought they carried just like others.Am I wrong?No, it's probably not their poop.You're right.I'm dumb.Dung beetle carrying poop, why?
01:08:54Why?Dung beetles carry and roll poop to feed themselves,protect their food from competitors,and create a safe nursery.It's cow or elephant manure.So every,Wow.Inside their ball of poop is their...
01:09:07It's not their food.Inside of their ball of poop.Oh, that they have.Yeah, yeah.There's their baby.Their food.Why would their baby be?That's an invention.
01:09:17Oh, my God.I didn't see that.So they just put their babies in a ball of,I just assumed it was their poop and their whole life was like one.Snowballing all their poop.Yeah.Truly.No,
01:09:29I feel kind of,I kind of wish it was that way.You said that's your pitch now?A ball of poop that you can keep your babies in and feeds you.And you can live in it.And you can carry it even though it's the size of eight school buses.Yeah,you just have to push it around.
01:09:42You're working on the tech.Kind of annoying.But is it like syphilis that like has to like push the rock.Sisyphous.Cephalis is what you got last weekend.Tiffelis.That's why I'm thinking of.syphilis. Yeah. He like has to push the rock up the mountain. Yes. Yes. For eternity. Yes.
01:09:57He's like, quick, I have to get back down to do Jumagi 5. Ah. Can I do my fact? Yeah.Did you know that pigeons, female pigeons, or sorry, male pigeons die after they have sex?Really? How would that? Well, the one I fucked it. It's pretty good. Did you come over that?No.that's awesomeyeah it's a greatI cared for thatI liked that
01:10:31all rightshould we dodo dosayings that don't existyeahyeah I'd love toI only have one thoughI thought it would be better
01:10:40to come up with a good onerather than come upwith a few junk onesyeah I got three junk onessoperfectI think I got three good onescan I start then
01:10:48yeahokaywaitthese are moresayings that don't existnow you gonow I goyeah
01:10:58just looklook right in the camera here?Yeah, right in that camera.Yeah.Okay.Okay.Um,maybe one of you guys should start.
01:11:20Go.I'm nervous.Okay.Um, sayings, I flooded the engine.So it's like if you drink or eat too fast and you know when you get like real bad heartburnor something, you flooded the engine.Or it's when you edge for too long and your testicles hurt like they have a migraine.You flooded the engine.
01:11:37That's good.It's good. That's really good. It's kind of it can be either or, sort of, yeah.It's pretty good. It's an either or situation. It's an either or you ate too much or you jacked off too hard without coming.Yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's right. All right.Unshuffled snow turns to ice. If you leave some feelings buried deep down and you don't address them eventually, they're going to turn into something more dangerous.That's very good. That is really awesome. Deep.looking at a spring and seeing a slinkyyou didn't do your due diligence
01:12:13in this something and so now you're going to misuse itI thought it was like an optimism thingI didn't know what it wasI didn't have any expectationsthat I was blown away greatfantastic I like people's in like slinkies are wayoh it's like more fun yes and are they different colorsthroughout the slinky
01:12:32some of them because some of them rangesome of them change colors should it be your oneIt's like a woman's hairWhat'd you say about it?I like yoursI'm gonna change myOh that would beI've been shedding lately
01:12:43That would be one of my pubsLooking out of springAnd seeing a slinkyIt's taking something mundaneAnd making a fun situation out of itI like thatI changed it to his thingYeah
01:12:54All right you're gonna like this oneOkayThe driver of the carDoesn't stare at the viewErwinThe driver of the carDoesn't get to stare at the viewIf you're working really hard on something
01:13:06and you're focused on that.The people in your life might be able to enjoy the benefits of it,but while you're working on it, you're not able to do.You're on fire.Thank you.It was really good.Cracking the counter with the egg.Oh.
01:13:21Wow.Whoa!Yeah.I guess you're doing it backwards?Yeah, I think it's like one of those that's just like Nuff said.I think it's like a mic drop.Nuff said.playing fetch with a blind dog
01:13:40it's like when you're having a conversation with a guyand you're throwing a bunch of stuff his waybut he's not reciprocating and it's kind of a one wayhe's blind as wellfreezing coldI just don't know the rulesI don't know the rules in this gamebut look over you dead of them
01:13:58freezing cold and praying for apopsicleyou're justdoing yourselfno favor. You're just a fucking idiot.Pray for like a stove.Or to be somewhere warmer.Or a bee somewhere warmer.
01:14:18Like a bee in the south.Right. All right.We had a bee in our Uber last week.What?Is I in it?Yeah. We talked about this in the last episode.Remember the driver was like, be in the Uber.Be in the Uber.
01:14:32Oh my God.What was the story?story again, you tell them.We just had an Uber driver that was trying to yell at my dad.He said, get in the Uber, get an Uber.But he didn't speak English.Oh, it's a be in the Uber.Be in the Uber.
01:14:47That's great. That's great. That's great.All right, do you guys want to do holidays that don't exist?Yes.Yes.Okay, this is Cobbler's Eve.We have to tee it up.These are holidays that don't exist.There you go.
01:15:10You have.You got it.Sorry.Cobbler's Eve.You take old shoes that you don't really wear anymore.And you put them on your doorstep.And the whole neighborhood, they have like tents set up at festivals.And you go around and you swap shoes.
01:15:24And that way you can start walking a mile in your neighbor's shoes.That's very nice.Yeah, I like that.All right.I got.Like the saying.Deserters Day.We've already got Veterans Day, Memorial Day.
01:15:36What about a day to honor people who left the service because they were cowards?And you can get like super,fucked up and it's never like questionable.That's awesome.I like that.Wipesmith celebrates the first guyto ever have a clean wipe.So your whole family goes into different
01:15:54bathrooms. You guys all poop at the same time.If you have a clean wipe, it means you're going to havegood luck that year. Oh, I like that. That's really nice.Yeah. Sort of like Brownhogged.This is aJoe P. With the coming out of the hole part.Right. Brown coming out of the hole.This is a Joe P. special.
01:16:11Got it.National Green Lightday. There are no red lights.And everyone,it's just kind of like a game of chicken.Everyone gets to work on timeif they'reif they're like
01:16:22sharp enough. I like that's really funny.Night day.Everyone sleepseveryone sleeps all dayand stays up all night just for one day.It's fun. And you go to workfrom like the opposite hours.You go to work from like 8 p.m. to 5 a.m.
01:16:38I'd be so mad.I'd be so mad. I was like,byto do that. Well, the worst day is the day after night day.When you're back to regular day.Because you have to finish work and then right away it's 8 a.m.You have to go back to work.Old years day.
01:16:58Randomly, a year is chosen and everyone dresses up like that year and does new years for the old year.Oh, I like that.I like that a lot.Am I up now or you?No, it's me.Okay, yeah.All right.Mousetrapped Day.
01:17:12Every town's mayor has a big cartoonish-sized wheel of cheese.The wheel of cheese is placed on someone's doorstep, and you ding-dong judge them.And once you've been cheesed, you've got to cheese someone else.If the last person with the cheese at sunset, if you're the last person with the cheese at sunset, your whole house hold has to get slapped by a big human-sized mouse trap from the town square.That's really fun.I can't believe they don't do that already.That's another Joe P. special.Nice.
01:17:39Did he have these?I was talking about them, and he sent me three, and I'm a bit of them.about to read his third one got it gargalloon let's just say you don't want to get caught that dayperfect it's great another mic drop two mic drops in one episode that's so goodhappy gargalloon dog poop day everyone has a chance to collect as much dog poop in each cityafter the allotted time they weigh your bag like a pro fishing competition yeah most poopdecides the next breed of the next breed of dog they make.Are they still making new ones?
01:18:16Yeah.I like the detail of everyone gets a chance to do it.Yeah.No, it could, yeah.It's fair.Right.Okay.Thank you, Will, for coming on to them.
01:18:28Can I do another one?Yes.Concreation.Okay.They repave all the concrete and everyone gets to write something in it with a stick.Oh, that's fun.Like everyone gets to go out or their finger.if they can wash off the wet concrete right after
01:18:42so it doesn't get dry and stuck to their fingerbut a stick works too.Is that how it works if you just wash it off quick enough?Yes, but if you can't, then a stick works fine.Like a branch.That's great.That's awesome, yeah.All right.
01:19:07I really enjoyed that.Thanks for having me on.I had such a blast.Congratulations on being our first six-timer.almost certain that's not right, but I'm going to happily don the jacket.Yeah.And, um, guys, someone would go look.Yeah, one of the, one of the playmates will definitely look.
01:19:23They're got a fact check it regardless.They're sickos.They're the playmates.They're the best audience in the world.Yes.And who would you like to be our legendary buster of the week?Oh my God.I forgot about the legendary buster of the week.
01:19:33Is that like, uh, it's like our,wait, can I ask a question?Do I have to figure out what that is right now on my own?No, you have to just scroll through.You can just pick a name out of like a list.No, no, you do the pod.commenters so it's notoh true true
01:19:46who doesn't actually listen to thePlaymates thethe second best fan basein the worldWho's number one?Gotta give it to my bugsBut hey you guysYou guys are a pretty
01:19:58damn close secondHell it's almost tiedPick a random name out of thesecomments and there are legendary busterof the weekAlexWampler7-850
01:20:12Alex WamplerYou're the legendary Busterthe week.That's it?That's it, yeah.And yeah, if you guys have,where should people find you on Instagram?The Almost Ready podcast?
01:20:29Yeah.Go listen to it if you liked.If you enjoyed having me join their pod,I certainly had fun.Thank you.We're wrapping it up.Or is he playing the music?Do you guys have one of those big, like,
01:20:42canes where they pull my,it reaches out and pulls me off?No, we did.The music's already blocking you.They won't be...Like, try talking.I'm making a fool of myself.They didn't hear any.
01:20:50Every time you talk to the music,yeah, you gotta go.Yeah.Great.You guys are still staying on?Yep.Great.All right, thanks.
01:20:57I was the warm-up guest.Yeah.Yeah, we've been all coming.Oh, this was just like rehearsal,like blocking rehearsal.Figure out, like, where he does all his lines.Where you guys are going to do yours?Thank you, Angus.
01:21:10We're going to cut all the problem of stuff too at the end.Yeah, yeah, good.Obviously, obviously, watching.artificial
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.