Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Faithfulness of Sisterhood w/ Brelyn Bowman and Brittney Borders

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Be it praying hands or throwing hands, the Delegation gone step! 'Cause like the homies Mary & Elizabeth, W.E. are our sister's keeper. Kick it with SJR, Brelyn Bowman, and Brittney Borders this week for homegirl-time in the sanctuary! After cuttin' up & kee-keein’, an intimate conversation unfolds. Brelyn & Brittney explained how trusting & protecting one another’s faith REVOLUTIONIZED their sibling relationship. Plus, this episode DID what needed to be done for “the strong one”! Chile, if those “hey big head” texts from somebody’s son gotchu in a stronghold…you can find freedom in the advice segment! Yaaasss Sis, W.E. outsiiideee—all NEXT week with WomanEvolveTour.com! As a loyal listener you can enjoy 10% OFF the first month of online therapy at BetterHelp.com/Evolve + get up to 16 FREE meals & 3 FREE gifts with HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve16.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a two-unit boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. It's the sisterhood for we. Let me tell you, there is something I just keep hearing the sister, sister song, the sister sister theme song. Am I a sister? Sister, you never know how much I miss you. Let me tell you, you don't even know how much you missed a sister You never even had until you find the sister you always wish you had or you begin to really embrace this sister

That got us already put into your life sisterhood is complicated and messy and beautiful and hilarious and beautiful and hilarious and delicate and all of this these just incredible dynamics create a journey that women every woman has an opportunity to take whether you have a biological sister or you're just a woman in the world you have an opportunity to really create sisterhood because every woman needs another woman. I believe that from the core of my being, and sometimes we have those women for seasons,

sometimes we have them for a lifetime, but there's nothing like being supported by another woman. We're talking about sisterhood all month long, and I get to have co-hosts that are sisters or have a special relationship under the sisterhood umbrella. Today you're going to meet Breeline and Brittany. They are six years apart. Breeline says she's conservative and Brittany is a free spirit. So I have to investigate

this because like what does that even mean and how has that shown up in their dynamic. One thing I know for sure is that this episode is really going to break your heart open in ways that you did not even know that you needed. And you're gonna laugh, like out loud. So be careful watching this at work. I'm so interested in learning how they've navigated their differences and commonalities

to strengthen their system bond. Let's learn girls. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. I just want you both to know that I could hear Breel and Colin you mother and it blessed my soul. It brought me.

Sarah, why tell you she treats me like this? How long? How long has this been happening? Let's talk about it. Okay, so honestly, she would meet when I was pregnant. let's talk about it. Okay, so honestly she would meet when I Let's get into it. Let's get into it. What happened? Yes She had extension cords like that she would keep her on the house to beat me Wait, is it not true or did it just happen one time?

Is it not true or did it just happen one time? Thank you, thank you. So I didn't keep it around that. No, but I would say stop, you're not my mother. I am your mother, I'm just a sweet. And she convinced me that I was adopted. Nice. Britney, my parents adopted me, but she had me. Oh.

She had me and my parents adopted me. So I had to listen to her. I had her own mother. But I only beat her one. Well, that's great. That's great. That speaks to your love for her as a mother. What is wrong?

Thank you. And what is wrong? Brittany, do you want to defend yourself or are we just going to let this slide? You know what? Honestly, I'm just going to let her tell her side of the story. I've wronged me. Um, no, no, no, no, I only beat her one time. I was not keeping the extra cause of run-up. Actually, I didn't even beat you. I just chased you. No, you don't remember you did. I chased you because you was on the steps and you say, stop. I want mommy.

Yes, I can. We want mommy. OK. Clearly, I should have been in the house for first. Clearly, clearly. What is your age difference? Six years. OK, so Brittany really did feel like she

was in charge of you. Yes. Breeland, at what moment did you realize, have you ever had a moment where you really realized that you were not the boss of me, like, honestly? I think about maybe this year. Yeah. Okay.

I can't, Matt. Yeah, I'll probably say last year was the first year I said, you know, my second first world. She got some more on me. Yeah, I'll probably say last year was the first year. I said, hey, you know, my side first will. She got smart with me. I said, oh, I want the details. Can we have the details? When did she get grown? We came on the first day.

We came on the first day. I've only been married for seven years. You know, I've got three kids under my belt. You know, just all these bills. Yeah, all the things. You know, but it's okay. She still treats me like, it's okay. I like it, you know, I'm like, okay, take care of me, you know.

That's amazing. My real baby. Brittany, what has it been like for you though to see her actually stepping to like adulthood and womanhood? Like was it hard for you to see her do that transition? You know, honestly, it wasn't hard. It was, it was definitely interesting because I always felt like she was my baby. I think I, I don't know, I haven't had a really good time at your wedding.

I don't think I had a really good time at her wedding. Okay, this is the first time I'm hearing this. So if you see some slowest food, I'm here to talk about your things. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her husband.

Don't get me wrong. He is one of my greatest friends these days. But I just was devastated. I don't know. Oh my gosh. He was actually getting married like Somebody else is gonna be telling her what to do But when I realized that he was good for her and you know, they were good together. I was kind of like, okay

I'm mature. I'm a relaxed and I saw her coming into her own and I'm like oh, she's a girl Like cuz I will always say her teach when she was a teenager teaching for me like saying her teach the word wasn't like oh you all grown because she did that when she was like said that wasn't really like her coming into um women who I think when she had her baby when she had Sophie I was there with her her real mother She was my little mother was not there Stop saying that your real mother wasn't there No, but when she the strength that she like endure bringing my niece into the world and just watching how

graceful she was. Girl, that might be emotional style. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it this year. I can't. But it was just watching her handle that. I'm like, oh, this baby is like married and about to be a mom and she is grown. Like, she is grown, grown. Like she was grown grown.

You did that huh? Yeah I did. I did a good job. Yes, you were so. I did. I did. She's so serious too, that's what I was. She's so serious.

No but it wasn't hard. I think I was excited because I think that was the shift when we became friends. Mm-hmm. Because before I didn't really see her like one of my friends. It was like, you know, that's my little sister. Yeah, I would agree. I agree.

After I had Sophie, that's when our relationship really sheds. Really? She could be my friend. Yeah, because we're six years apart. So we went through life at different times. So we always had fun together, but being able to relate to certain things and communicate on the same level, we didn't always have that. But once I had Sophie, I probably would say, oh, that does make me a little emotional. I don't think I've ever thought about it. But that was

really like the moment where we had a shift where I would call her and I have a picture where she's like holding me in the delivery room and this is where my water first broke. And when I tell you, I was like, oh my, I put him on the epidural. What? I am good. Gucci, baby. That first contraction after that water broke, I was it out, I can't do this.

And Britney was like, yes you can. Yes you can, you can do this. And Britney was like, yes, you can. Yes, you can. You can do this. And she's holding me. And she realized once we connected, I started breathing her same pattern. So she was holding me. And I started breathing the same way.

She blew to the wound. But it took me out of a moment that I was in, that I felt like I couldn't make it. And she was there. I definitely can say a relationship. Yeah, I'm off to it from there. So it's so interesting to hear that because I think a lot of sisters who have an age difference don't think that they can have like that best friend thing.

But you guys just came into it into adulthood. What was it like before then where you just guys in the same house or was Brittany literally just kind of like your second mom? And I can relate to that because I'm Dexter calls me to this day. That's he's my little brother who's like six foot three's in that little. But he calls me like I'm his step mom.

He calls me as God mom. So I understand that dynamic. We're like, I raised you. Like you are my baby. And I've had to like, I think I'm just now coming to a place where like, I guess you're grown you were my baby. And I've had to, like, I think I'm just now coming to a place where, like, I guess you're grown. I introduced him to his wife,

but I didn't mean for them to get married, like, when they got married, like, I need you to slow down. And now I'm like having to, like, let them be grown. Yeah. It's definitely something you have to figure out and navigate through. I think before it was like

a mother-daughter relationship because I was always inspired by Brittany. Just her love for people. She has like one of the biggest hearts. Like huge hearts for people. So always inspired by those things, but you know she's your sister. So she would irritate me and I remember one time, I made her so mad. I can't even remember why, but I made her so mad and she was like, I don't wanna be your sister or something. So I wrote, you don't remember, I wrote you a letter, oh, Mary, you don't remember.

I wrote her a letter. Okay, now I was being funny at first, but I really don't remember that. What happened? I wrote you a letter, it's slanted under your door? Was that in this house remember that. I wrote you a letter and slid it under your door. Was that in this house? Yes. I wrote her letter.

I said, slid it under her door. And she said, she said, it's not that I don't want to be your sister, but sometimes you have to learn how to deal with me or something. And I don't remember the same thing. You did. I remember.

It hurt. I feel it's really bad. That's why I don't be right. thing. You did. I remember. It hurt. Why feel it's really bad? That's why I don't even write rap. It might be stronger. What? Breathe, breathe. You know what? Breathe it.

This is not real rap. That's what's about views. I'm so sick. It is. For sure. For sure. You're a survivor. You're a survivor, breathe. a survivor, Brieley.

I was a Baptist of Israel. True. Somebody. Yes. I did that because I'm sorry to sit here. But I wrote it a letter and from those moments you learn, you know, just we have differences. We're sisters in the same house, but we were different. Brieley is more of a free spirit. Very conservative, you know, laid back. So we had different.

Wait, what does it mean? What does it mean for Brittany to be a free spirit and for you to be conservative? Yes, please do too. I would say, because I'm not gonna say, because the first time I heard Breeline speak, she walks into the room and she's like,

if you're horny and you know, clap your hands and starts clapping. So like, I don't know, say more about conservative. Cause what are we talking about? Yeah. That part. That part, I think when I speak,

I'm definitely a different person. That's the annoying thing I'll say. But normally on the day to day, I'm like very low key. But one story, she was in college and she went to a very well-known Christian college and they said um I let her home because she got fine because she was dancing on the tables. I was dancing on the campus

What were you saying? I was dancing on campus. Oh she was dancing on campus. You weren't supposed to dance on campus apparently supposed to dance on campus apparently. Yeah. Yeah. So some of my friends asked me to do the seat because I thought I was here when I was conscious. So they asked me to do her dance. And I would do the dancing to her videos. And I didn't want time for open house, didn't parking lot.

And I was there was finding me $50. Every time. For dancing, but you was like, like, spread, like you really thought she was here. It was, well, I really thought I was here, but you know, Sierra was really like, she wasn't wild, like, you know, in the like the goodies and all the rest of it.

It was real clean dancing. And so that's all I was doing and they find me free spirit free spirit. I like the dance. And Breelin, you being conservative means that you would just you just stay to your stuff. Are you introverted and she's extroverted or is it really okay? It's the other way. Yeah, I'm an introverted extrovert. How did I say it? I'm an introvert. I'm an introvert. Yeah, someone else. I have those moments. But in a day, I'm defeated. She has those moments, but she likes being around people

right now. Yeah, I would say. I'm nicer. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. A few years ago, I had several speaking engagements back to back and it all became too much. I felt overwhelmed and I could tell that I was mentally fatigued. Your girl was burned out. One of the things I did to get myself re-centered again was speak to a therapist.

It feels good to express my emotions and thoughts. I could feel the weight of burnout slowly lifting from my shoulders. I'm a huge advocate for therapy, and I believe BetterHelp is a wonderful resource to get matched with a therapist that can meet your needs. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions

with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy and you can be met with a therapist in hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHealth.com slash Evolve. That's BetterHELP.com slash Evolve. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash evolve. How do you think that you on BNPK's help to bond you or to make you stick together? Oh, I would say Brittany is a writer-doctor family. If you touch me, I would say Brittany is a writer-dialogue from family. Like, if you touch me or look at me the wrong way or think you about to say something,

no Brittany is right here on your, about to be on your neck. So I think that really helped us bond because we stuck together. Like, people were going to break us break us they weren't gonna talk about us Or do anything to us so it built us to believe me Right, I don't know what that I have grumb but It was gonna see me they was gonna catch these hands These days God These days, you know, guys. God is the original body working you.

I know, I have been. She has been. I got a response to people when I asked the girl. Yeah, she's definitely that one. Like if people trope my page, I mean, Brittany goes back and trope them back. No, I don't trope them back. But you know, our man is just kind of like,

because people don't realize it's almost like our life there in the entertainment, time deal. And because a lot of things that I went through growing up with different people, having so much to say, people lying about different things about me and then attacking me on so many different levels

by the time, breathing, breathing was like a teenager and all of that. I'm like, oh no, you're not going to do this to my sister. Like she should have the ability to grow up like I don't know person needs to grow up like she should be able to feel out certain things and to really learn how to love God and really just be able to flourish in the safe environment with all of these like people just coming at her saying all this kind of stuff and then what was on her life it was like I don't know I got to protect this baby like you know my brother he is a little more like he got us you you know, he can handle his own, but I just always thought

she was just so precious. And I'm like, mm-hmm, because people could just be so ruthless sometimes and treat us like we should never have any false or never make any mistakes. We should be perfect as PK's and then we were the first ones to be used as an example, like, or to try to attack my dad. Like, we were big on trying to protect. I was being on trying to protect my dad and when people would be like, oh, that's the best of all, you know, this is the third.

So I just will protect all of us, like I'm like, and we just kind of stuck together. Yeah. She's the good kind of stuck together. Yeah. It's the glue that keeps us together. Really? Sweet. I was thinking, you know, maybe we can. Do you ever feel the pressure of that?

Because it's so funny. I'm watching your life on Instagram too, and I can tell even within your family that you've created with your husband, how important family is to you. So I can imagine that's the same spirit that exists it with your nuclear family. And I wonder like, one, Brittany,

do you ever feel pressured to be the glue or is it just kind of organic to who you are? And then, Breeline, how do you think Brittany receives her own sense of protection and support from other people? This is about to be deep. You know, it is organic to who I am, but at one point, it was a lot of pressure.

And like my aunt tried to say, you know, look at it like a privilege of post-suppressure, but then it became, I couldn't show my own insecurities and my own fears and my own shortcomings because I felt like, no, I have to keep everybody else together, everybody else in line. And it began to lay on me like physically and I started to get really sick physically until probably about 2019 was when I realized okay I gotta make some changes and I have to really just

I can still be strong while letting them into you know and letting them be the glue when I just need, you know, when I need a break. Yeah, I'll say just recently, you started to let other people be the glue for you and come in and protect her, you know, especially of course our age gap. There were a lot of things that she didn't share just because it was like maybe I don't understand or it's not even worth sharing but now we talk so much more. I probably call me what so odd it is. I mean it was every day.

And that is like every other day. I just got a picture and she's still alive. But because you know, she would be like, all right. You can tell what's up, buddy. Thank you calling too much. So I give her her space, she's a little bit. But I noticed that, you know, strong people need people. And you think, oh, she's okay, she's fine,

she can handle it. But literally, we know she was sick, going through so much stuff. And now, I wish I could have handled it better or sort from a different perspective, but of course, been in a season that I mean now, I can see a lot better just what I'm going through. So you can have more compassion and grace for other people. So we talk so much now.

I give her the best that I can give her. And she responds very well, surprisingly. But she's so, to herself, and she keeps everything internally. So you have to say, like, hey, what's going on? I wonder something really like. I don't know what a face. How did seeing this more vulnerable version of Britney like changed the way that you define Britney?

Because as sisters, I feel like we lock into one version of who our sister is. And that is the one version that we know and that we understand. And then when we're introduced to another version, whether it's her becoming a woman or her saying that I'm not as tough as everyone thinks that I am, sometimes we can kind of force them to be who we knew or we can make space for them to allow this reintroduction. And so I'm wondering like how did your definition of Britney change from maybe let's start with what it was and now how do you see her and then I would love if you did the same thing Britney answered that question. Yeah I will I'll say from the beginning I always saw her strong

very strong in a opinion and in ways and strong will that would say she's very strong all around. That's to say that in the nicest way possible. But I never really thought she went through anything. And this is probably the first time I've ever say anything about it. Because she was so like, oh, I got it. I can hand it over. If you heard, you know, like they told her to abort her babies. And it was like, oh, I just believe God. It was like, so you didn't cry.

So you didn't feel it. Like, what does that mean? You know, like you just, oh, I just believe guys, not the wrong. My babies are here now. And it worked to do. And we're here. We go. So you never could really kind of tap into that vulnerable side of her to see like,

okay, did you struggle through that? Did it hurt? Did you want to cry? Did you, you know, any of those things? But now since we talk so much, I'm seeing this whole other side of her. And I love it. I love it so much because,

dang, Sarah, that's the first time we've ever really This is baby she'll share her debut. I don't know On the on the woman evolved podcast that she hasn't shared to the world yet but in this season she's just open you know you can tell she's open to a new life she's open to what guy has called her to be um yeah I think she's yeah this is this is gonna be hard but she's she's This is, this is gonna be hard, but she's, she's just really walking in who she's supposed to be and not allowing anything to stop her or what people may say or even what I may think

or what my family may think. She's really accepting all that she's called to be and to see that it's just so beautiful. I can say I've never seen my sister more happy um, in the last, I mean year or two that she's ever been in her life um, this is just her time and I'm excited to see this because she's so open to the possibilities of life and um And not just caring about everybody else, but caring about Brittany.

She's taking care of her body. She dropped the kids off like, hey, I'm going out all those things. Because she don't, nobody watched her kids. You don't, she won't ask you to watch her. You literally have to say, hey, let me have your kids for like a day. And she'd be like, okay, all right, I think about it.

But that's just who she is. But to see this new side of her is just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, Alright. Answer the question. Okay, so I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video, to be a co-host to podcast at womanevolved.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about, why it's important to you that you be on

the podcast. Maybe you like girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast, I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign, overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question, podcast at womanevolved.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I can ask you a different question. podcast at warmand evolve.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. I can ask you a different question. I'd like to know what broke you open.

Yeah. Oh Lord. Yeah, that's so funny because I was, I was talking to God this morning praying and bow. Everything that we was going to talk about, who was going to share. And I was like, oh, I might as well. And then when you said just, and I said, okay, okay,

I'll talk about it. But for a long time, I, because I want to protect my parents, because I want to protect my family, because I want to protect my family. I even got into the headbid trying to protect God, because I felt like, in Christians as a whole, because I just felt like, people, people don't see, like, real Christians. And even if I like to have fun, I like to be a free spirit. Like I am serious

about the way that I love God, like in how hard I go for him. And I want it people to know, like no, like they're actually real people who are living a certain lifestyle, you know, to please God. Like it is possible. But it got to the point where I don't know, I guess I tried to be God, that you know, it just wasn't even, it wasn't even healthy. Um, and I wasn't allowing anybody to come in. And people didn't know that I had been going through a lot of my own personal things for a really long time because it wasn't that I was putting on or that I was faking or any of that it was just I've always wanted to be happy within myself you know even in really bad situations like I have story after story after story as far as them telling me to abort my child, as far as having miscarriages

and late term miscarriages, as far as being molested. I have story after story after story, but people would never know because I decided when I was young that I would never be a victim. Like regardless of what happened to me, I would always, I will always make the best of whatever I could so that I could just kind of stay lighthearted. But what I didn't realize is I was compartmentalizing all of those things instead of really allowing Jesus God, to really just heal me and allow people, you know, my connection and my relationship to help with that healing.

And last year. a shift, a big push into me having to be just open and real with myself and my husband and I have actually been separated for the past year. And that was something that was like the scariest thing for me because I kind of knew what it was going to mean mentally and physically. I knew all of those things. He's not a bad guy at all. But it just, you know, it just is a lot going on. But I didn't care.

I was just going, because I'm like, no, my parents' marriage made easy. And I'm gonna do everything I gotta do. We gonna make this work. We gonna figure it out. We got these kids. If you think I'm about to be single, with five kids is not happening.

Like, and then I'm like, what would people think? If, you know, they know like, okay, adopting or fostering kids, and then I'm gonna reintroduce them to trauma of divorce. So, you know, and all of those kind of things. And, Breelin, I, had called me on the phone. It was crazy because I kept all of everything in. Yeah, I started to hear talks about things in the family.

You know how whisper started happening at the end. For sure. Wait a minute. It's like, I have everything in my heart now, go. But she called me like before anybody even knew. She called me and she said, because I only people I had told was my mom, my dad, and one of my aunts, and two of my aunts.

And she was the first person who asked me how I was. She didn't go into face-to-face mode. She didn't go in. I was scared to tell her. I didn't go home, I was scared to tell her. I'm like, no way. She thinks the world the word metal not me heard so like fire and brimstone me right now like Jesus I can't like I don't really do all that I have to be doing as a Christian woman like please don't fire and brimstone me right now brimler but um oh she caught and she said, okay, stop. How are you? And nobody had asked me that. I just was like, and I bust out of crying and she was like,

you the reason I've been feeling this way. She was like, I've been feeling so low. I've been feeling suicidal. She just started ripping off all of these different things that I've been feeling, she just started ripping off all of these different things that I had been feeling and she was like you're not a failure, you know, and she did all she did all the stuff and at the end she was like you would never go another day feeling I'm protected. And I just was like oh my god and I bust out behind and I just sit on the bed because I'm like, okay, God. And in that moment, I knew I was going to be okay, like regardless, because it was just

kind of another reminder of God's faithfulness. Like, I got you. Like, you write about all these different things because I'm thinking, I know how I hear from God, but the people closest to me, I'm going through this tough, I'm like, what are you not hearing? How are they not seeing? Like, I know I can put on a smile

and really kind of like breeze through certain things, but it's like how are they, you know, missing certain things? And then I had to remind myself like why my dad was like in the hospital and when he was pretty much getting ready, the doctors were like, he wasn't gonna make it. They had sent me to church because it was like she, you know, we're in faith for this

and she's gonna be the only one who will be able to hold it together. While they tell everybody and what nobody knew is I was miscarrying that day, actually, my baby done a toilet that night. And it's just been like situation, I have a situation like that. And it's like this is why they don't know

because you've gotten so good at being okay. They even sometimes second-guess God telling them, hey, she need some help because you don't learn how to do this so you don't get so good at being here and holding everything together. And because I really feel like, no, I'm trusted God, I'm gonna be okay. But I'm not using my sister, I'm not using my, the people who God put in my life for me to lean on too. And so in that moment last year was probably the closest that I would say I had ever been what her and I knew from then on it was it was

gonna shift and she called me every day she was saying that food to the house you know she's like how you doing wake up did you start your day today and I'm like girl girl, girl, my phone. But, and she would pray and then she would, not many people really want to keep my guess alive to them and I get it. And the thing is, I enjoy them being with me. So it's rare that I have a babysitter, but they all just kind of bands together. like, well, you know, bring food,

help, came, help clean the house, keep the kids, you know, have somebody help teach them with homeschool, you know, and all of that. So it, it really shifted for me with Breeland when she was so sensitive to God to, you know, just be there for me like that in that moment and then to actually stick through it. Because you know, people who will call you who are pray with you in that moment, you know, and will kind of, kind of physical way eventually but she did. Like she stayed on it, like she kept calling, she kept praying and she kept reminding me like, I don't know, we got this, God got this like regardless of what happens, we're gonna, you're gonna be okay.

The kid's gonna be okay. She's like, oh yeah, I gotta move in with me. I said, great, you know what that is, right? You do now that you're just talking out of your emotion right now. I can't drive in that. I'm so glad. But it really shifted for me because it was like,

get to a point where I started to see her as untouchable because of how she was like with her being conservative, I wouldn't say like, I don't really know, I'm trying to figure out the best way to put it. Because with her being conservative and me being like a free spirit, our family, they joke about that a lot and be like, you know, bringing really the safer. And I'm like, but I'm safe to. I really am. I like that too. And here's something to dance. I'm public. You know, but I really love God with my whole heart. Like I'm trying to tell y'all, it's real.

Like, but it kind of put us, it kind of almost pitted us against each other. Like even people in the church would be like, your sister speaks, you know, teachers and you don't. And I'm like, they actually teach all the time, but I don't want to, if I don't feel like, I don't know. I'm like, if I don't feel like I should be talking about it, I'm not just gonna be talking, just to be talking. I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna do that.

Like if I feel like that is like, this is what you need to be talking about, this is what you need to be saying. There is a group of people who are gonna be blessed, from this, then I'm for it. But just to be getting up teaching all the time, I just wasn't, I wasn't interested. And she was, but people used that,

like when your sister do this and your sister do that and your sister all over. So I'm like, yeah, my sister's amazing. Like, go away. But it put us in like this weird place, where it was almost like people tried to have us competing. And then with her husband, you know, and he is over the top and amazing everybody's like her husband do all this He is here. He is there and I'm like and it's another level of this

That they don't to me, but And I'm just as proud as I could be, but it put me, I almost allowed it to put me in a position where I couldn't even get what I needed from out of our relationship because of what I felt she may feel with it all. And so in that moment when she talked to me, she just kind of said everything that she said and she actually showed up for me, it reminded me like,

this is my sister, like this is my friend, like this is my prayer partner. This is somebody who I don't have to pretend. I don't have to put on for my sister. I can call her until her, I'm sad. Today is a rough day. And she, that was me yesterday. Last break about this, that, the third.

It's so, it is now like, I'm sharp at, I'm so real. Because it's kind of like, falls and all, just exposed things. This is what God is sharing with me. This is what I'm not feeling today. This is what I need you to pray for. I need you to come get these kids.

Oh, let's go out. Like, it is so balanced now. And it really, I will say in the past year, it's just like, oh, yes, it's a master's third. Like, we are just a third. Yeah. I would have written, yeah. So.

It really sounds like vulnerability and empathy allowed you all to really create intimacy within your sisterhood. And I feel like it took both of you coming to a place where you didn't mind not playing a role or a character anymore, but just like really being authentic and daring to share that authenticity. And I wonder if that's what keeps sisters from experiencing the beauty of sisterhood, not the competition of it, not the failure of it or the disrespect of it, but to really experience the beauty of sisterhood, it takes two people, right? It can't just be one side. It two people willing to be vulnerable, respectful, authentic, and empathetic towards the other

woman and to let go of this expectation of like how the other person should be so that you can receive them for who they are. And it sounds like that's what you all have learned in your adulthood version of sisterhood. Is that true? Absolutely. Perfectly said. Yeah. Perfectly said because it's something I always wanted, but didn't know how to attack it.

You know, it's like I've always wanted to be like, Oh, it's my best friend. That's my sister and to see other relationships like that flourish. I just always say, oh well, we're six years apart, we'll probably never be that close. And now, because I felt like we both got to a place where we wanted something different and wanted to just like level up to be like,

oh no, we can actually show other people that we can be sisters, because people will always say, oh you guys are so close, and we would be like, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but taking it to that next level where we're actually friends because you could be a sister, but we have a friend is totally different. And we were sisters, we loved each other. You weren't going to come on my turf and talk about her.

Like even though people try to put us together and even growing up, our parents will say stuff like, like they always say, oh, Breelin can't dance, but Breel is the dancer. And one that I realized, I love to dance. I can't dance a little bit, but I love to dance. So I can't dance. And I was like, can you teach me a TikTok dance?

And she was screaming. But we're now learning different things about our relationship that we love to do. And communication is key. If you want something to go after it, I knew she wasn't going to reject me in a way of like, girl, I knew she wasn't. So just knowing that we were connected

and protected together, it's made our relationship so much more enjoyable. And even when we're coming around, it's like, hi. And my parents like, well, you don't do that for me because I don't like you. I don't like you like that. That's what my parents say. They don't see core until I come into town.

They're like, I don't see her, and so you hear. That's how it is, because you know, we've grown up together. We're going to be together. I mean, right or die or live or whatever it may be. But it took absolutely two people making a decision that we weren't going to care about what she thought in the end. But to know you have somebody to cover you and to protect you and to go beyond this, you know, pretend person on this outlook.

It's like I go through things too. As great as Tim is, I need somebody to talk to about him like, girl, can you believe this boy, you know, and who was still respect Tim and not talk about him after or be mad later because we were mad at each other I'm like I'm over there. She's still mad. I love him. Yeah, it's like girl That's my man And I was tripping he was tripping the best pie Yeah, and that's what, and that's my business, okay? So we gonna be together, okay? Even if he goes, take for me,

or he goes, take for me. So, but she'll tell me, you know, somebody will tell you that, hey, you're wrong, it's not him, it's not me, it's you. And I'm not easily moved by people. Like, you're not gonna just tell me what to do. Aery, heart, head, but the Lord is working on me. So it takes a special

individual to know how to navigate, to communicate to me, to help me. So I allow her to be, you know, one of those nice people. I'm just gonna have to go to the next piece. Ah! I'm gonna go to the next piece. Everybody who knows me knows that I love to cook, but in the summer time, I'm on summer break like everyone else in this house. I prefer to spend less time in the kitchen and more time relaxing. Thanks to HelloFresh America's number one meal kit, I get to do just that.

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Okay, we have to answer an advice question before we go, but Brittany, I want to thank you just for sharing your story and for sharing your truth with us. I know it's going to help a lot of people. I know what it costs to really share your soul like that. So I think you, I feel like I relate to you because core was the safe one in our family and I was share your soul like that. So I think you, I feel like I relate to you because core was the safe one in our family and I was the one who was me. So. That was me.

That was the one who was me. That was me. That was me. That's a blood guy. OK. That's a blood guy. Yes. OK, so here's our question.

It says, hey, big sis, how are you? So this might be long. I don't know how, but I'll type it out and see how it goes. So I recently turned 20 and I was really excited about it. My relationship with God was doing all the right things. I felt like I had grown so much in that, but right now I'm scared to even say hi to him. So last year I got into a situation. It didn't last long though. He got back with his ex. What's funny is he didn't tell me he had gotten back with her and he kept talking to us both. When I found out I kind of tapped out but this guy has a hold on me. So anyway long story short,

I moved on and started working on my relationship with God and it was flourishing. And all his heat text me and told me he was attacked and that he really needed to talk to me and me like a fool when running to see what was going on. I ended up losing my virginity that day. We kept contact for a good two to three weeks than quiet on each other. I blocked him on the socials but my heart was still right in his hands. Anyway, he takes me again in November and told me he was trying to reach me on my socials and I I found myself at his place again and, well, we are sex again. I felt my relationship with God, everything I had worked to build up just slipped out of my hands.

I recently moved to school and I have quick access to him. I'm so scared of losing God. I know the advice might be, sis move on and all that. And I know that what I want to know is how. I've tried to for so long and I keep finding myself back here. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but there you have it. I feel like there's more to this story

because I didn't even go to talk about the childhood trauma. I would like to get therapy, but this is Zambia, they don't do that here, LOL. Please help me big sis, Auntie Sarah, please. So I'm gonna let the sisters kick it off. big sis, Auntie Sarah, please. I'm gonna let the sisters kick it off. Yeah, the first thing is you can never be too far from God. God is going to always be there for you. The Bible says he's even married to the backslider, so he's there for you. He already knew that he were going to have all these back back and forth, some needs one nights and hope they were good, but, you know.

What? I don't know if I can say that. I don't know if I can say that. We really know. Wait. Oh, dude, but it's good. I don't know if I can say that. No, but, you know, because that could be,

it's okay, I'm gonna go into that. No, it could, it could have a hold on you that it shouldn't. Right, yeah, so, right. Wait, isn't, wait, what? Sorry, that was when I, I was like a sister there. No, it is more, yeah. Okay, so, she's my mother. She came back to my mother.

Anyway, I'll start from the beginning. So she's my mother. She came back to my mother. Hey, yes. Anyway, I'll start from the beginning. I would say that, again, you're never too far from God. And he's always there for you, regardless of what you do, what decisions you make, what's going on in your life. But with this, it may be connected to some childhood trauma, like she mentioned,

and what she finds in this particular guy, she's getting something that she didn't get maybe when she was a child. So she's looking for this connection, you know, as a child to get from him. So she's probably connecting those two together, but it's really finding what that is. So you can attack it because when you find out

what you're looking or what you're getting and how it makes you feel, you can be able to say like, okay, this is how it makes me feel, but this is where I want to go. So it's being able to identify that portion and being able to move forward, but it is something that you have to walk through. It's not something like a genie where I could just tell you, boom, the soul tie is gone, and we pray it's something that you're going to have to walk through day by day to say a daily decision like, okay, I'm not going to direct them. I'm not going to respond. I'm not going to go to his house. But where

there's no vision in the people pairs. So if you don't have any vision for your life of not wanting to be with him, you'll go back every single time. But if that doesn't line up with your vision, you'll make decisions that ultimately glorify God and connect you to your vision. Yeah, no, that's really good. And take it day by day, like sometimes I realize when I feel like really, really big goals on me, like I'm not going to do this ever again. Those are usually the ones that I'm right back in. But when I say, okay, today I'm not gonna do that. And I just focus on today.

And I wake up, I have my time with God, do my work. When my kids find something fun that I left, something practical that I can do the next day. I'm not gonna do it again. He takes me because when I realize the minute that I'm doing good, it's you showing. It's friends.

When they cut, like that's what, and baby, you really gonna have to realize that it's going to have to be, ooh, I must be doing real good because he just hit me up. Say no that time. You don't have to just focus on no that time. Oh no, I'm busy. The next time, say no that time too,

and your nose gets stronger and stronger and stronger. But you really gonna have to kick the regret and you really gonna have to know that it's no condemnation for them. Right, so you take that conviction and you help, you let it help you to grow and just take a day by day, just every morning and say, I'm going to do something that makes me smile, make God proud today.

And if he takes you, say no, because he is going to take you. Yeah. He's going to call you. He's going to find you. Just know that it's not even honestly him digging you. It's the devil coming after your peace of mind, your grace, your strength, your glory, where you're going, where he knows he just doesn't want to see you get there. So if you see it like the guy has not even really into you, it's just a devil attacking

where he knows you trying to be. Perch, it'll help you. It'll help you. I love that so much. I feel like that's something that we don't hear a lot when people are trying to move on from a relationship. It's like you can just take it day by day, because we're trying to fit like a lifetime worth of I will

never into something that we just had yesterday. So taking it day by day feels like such wisdom. I agree with everything you all said. I don't think I can add anything to it, except for you said that they don't do that therapy thing where you are from. And I feel like that's true in a lot of places, like in our culture and our community,

we don't do the therapy thing. And I just want you and anyone else listening to understand that just because you don't have therapists doesn't mean that you can't begin to unwind your childhood trauma. There are so many books, I'm thinking about homecoming by John Bradshaw about healing your inner child. So many different podcasts,

so many different YouTube videos that you can unveil yourself to. So don't let the fact that you don't have access to therapy make you feel like you have to stay wounded. There are so many things that you can unveil yourself too. So don't let the fact that you don't have access to therapy make you feel like you have to stay wounded. There are so many things that we can do without the support of another person that God will bless so that we can continue to see ourselves evolve and grow into the best version

of ourselves. So that's my two cents. This was great. So good. How y'all feel about it? How y'all feel about it? Thank you for having us. This was awesome. I I mean, it was a therapy session for us, you know. I don't know who we're going to share everything but, praise God, we made it through.

I was so proud of you. Good day, girl. It was great. Thank you both. Thank you so much. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And you look beautiful too.

I love, thank you, child. I, it's a struggle today, but we're here. Okay. You're here. Which of pink lips? Yes. Okay, I love y'all. See you on Instagram.

All right. Love to meet you. Bye. Breel and Embrytny. Yo, we want in. We want to come to the cookouts. We want to come to the family reunions. We want to braid hair together. We want to babysit the children.

We want in. We want all of the things adopted. Please adopt us as your sisters. If not, just know that we'll continue praying and loving on you from afar. It was honestly an absolute pleasure to kick back and hang with you both today. Thanks for sharing your sisterly vibes over the delegation.

All right, now listen, we are halfway through the year and you still haven't set time inside to co-host with me. It's given when I best see ease and I don't like that. Okay, I'm kind of kidding but I'm kind of not. I want your advice questions. I want you to host the podcast with me and you can do both of those things by emailing podcast at warmlybuff.com. Create a fake email address.

You don't want us in your business. That ain't no problem. Just find a fake account and send us your advice question or tell us you don't want us to name your name, change some of the details, but still put it in there. But get our advice on what's happening in your world because we want to know how we can serve you and it usually helps someone else put words to their own questions. I'm waiting for you. Co-hosts, advice question, podcast at warmlybop.com. Your week is going to be great. I love you. See you soon. you