Yannis Pappas Hour - Yanni’s Vaca to Somalia Therapy

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

Yanni back forever with the original format and is cooking. Yanni gives us an inside look at the high class lawyer bringing down Lizzo, how. Trip to Somalia can really help people and more.  See Yanni do stand up All tickets: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Paramount theater, Long Island Aug 17 Dallas Aug 24-26 Springfield l, MO sept 7-9 Calgary Sept 22–23 FORt Wayne, Indiana Sept 29-30 Red Bank, NJ Oct 14 San Fran Oct 27-28 New York City Nov 4 Providence Nov 10-11 Phoenix Nov 16-18 Spokane Dec 1-2 Tulsa Dec 8-9 Louisville Dec 15-16 Toronto March 23 Watch Yanni’s stand up special: https://youtu.be/ArlCFemEDvQ Join our highlights page for highlight clips from the episodes: https://youtube.com/channel/UCfMy34qIYYy7XiRaHKO1ykw New episodes every Sunday and new bonus episodes every Wednesday at https://www.patreon.com/yannispappashour?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator

What's up, everybody? Coming up, Long Island, Huntington, Long Island, the Paramount Theater, August 17th. There's only literally a handful of tickets left. They may be gone by now when this episode comes out, but go get them. I'll see you there in Huntington, Long Island, August 17th at the Paramount Theater.

Dallas, Texas, for my birthday, August 24th, 26th. Tickets, janispapascomedy.com. Springfield, Missouri, September 7th and 9th. Calgary, Alberta, September 22nd, 26th. Tickets, janispapacomedy.com. Springfield, Missouri, September 7th and 9th. Calgary, Alberta, September 22nd, 23rd. Fort Wayne, Indiana, September 29th, 30th. Red Bank, New Jersey, The Vogel, October 14th. Cobbs in San Francisco, October 27th, 28th. Sony Hall, New York, November 4th.

Providence, Rhode Island, November 10th, 11th. Phoenix, Arizona, November 16th and 17th. Spokane, Washington, December 1st and 2nd. Tulsa, December 8th and 9th. Louisville, December 15th and 16th, and the Royal Theater, March 23rd. More dates coming. Patreon.com slash Giannis Pappas Hour for our weekly, our delicious weekly bonus episode. Now enjoy one of the wildest episodes we've ever done.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Yanis Pappas Hour. Most importantly, I will be prescribing my new prescription solution for the United States. It is called

the Tryptosomalia Therapy. I will tell you all about it coming up. We got a lot to cover. Biden and Trump are in a dead heat race. The two fastest swimmers, the two fastest runners, the two smartest guys, the two most capable candidates.

Everyone loves these two guys. They're our best and our brightest. Biden and Trump, it seems like they're in a dead heat done by a poll by the media who wants that to be very interesting. It's interesting. If I was the media, I would report dead heat too.

Did I call it a heap or a heat or a heat? Dead heat and heat, but not dead heat. Lizzo's a monster. Lizzo's a monster. Only the devil plays the flute She's Mephistopheles Get smarter Africa

Another coup happened in Africa Another cuckoo That's just kind of what they do there You know what I'm saying It's kind of like taking your shoes off At a Japanese guy's house Another coup happened in Africa And sushi will be served in socks.

A Long Island guy survived in the ocean for five hours. Somehow he traded water. I don't know why he swam out two miles and he found a fishing rod somehow and he used it to wave down some people. I don't buy this story. I just think the Obamas are trying to drown people in the ocean. Why are people going out in the ocean

alone? Why? What are you doing? Everyone needs something pumped into the vents of their water and air right now. We need to get our endorphins back up. We're still in a COVID haze. The New York Times just released an

article saying, what to do if you test positive for COVID. And I responded, what you do is you time travel back to 2020 and you panic. If you test positive for COVID and you have half a lung and it's 2023, guess what? If it wasn't the COVID it was going to get you, it was air or life or toothpaste or something that was going to get you. So if you test positive for COVID in 2023, I say go kiss a stranger on the mouth in public because it's time to fight back against the fear mongers in the liberal media.

This is Giannis Pappas, and let's get our news mixed with a little lemon on top, with lemon, Greek style, and that lemon is deliriousness. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Giannis Pappas. Yeah. When you all talked up and the day been long, and the news online going on and on, what's lying wrong, and there's something up. Now here comes a great kid you know you can trust, from the true who's who. I don't know.

Am I going to make that into a catchphrase? Who knows? Your news with deliriousnessness? Who knows? Who cares? I already into a catchphrase? Who knows? Your news with deliriousness-ness? Who knows? Who cares? I already have a catchphrase. You're only allowed one catchphrase per career. That's it.

I have a catchphrase, and there's someone else getting paid for it. But I'm not going to do the news mixed with deliriousness. It's not going to become my new catchphrase. My new catchphrase is going to be, woo, woo, woo new catchphrase is going to be my new phrase is gonna be like i'm in trump trump don't get a trump trump the new york times says here's what you need to know if you test positive for covet according to physicians and infectious disease experts. How do you post this one hour ago in 2023 on August 1st? The Omicron variant has fueled a rise in COVID-19 cases

across the United States. Yeah, that's good. That's good. It's good that it's Omicron. It's good it hasn't changed much. It's good it's not deadly. I mean, why are you still making articles for people with half a lung who were 98? I mean, just ignore it, dog. Okay. That's how you know some of these

papers are so left wing because the problem with the left wing is they are trying to include every single person. The left wing, if they were a tribe in hunter-gatherer times, would get killed real quick by a pack of wolves or aliens visiting us at the time that we didn't know about because we didn't have cell phone cameras to record it. They would die from the elements or whatever because they're going, hey, wait for this person. They have half a lung, they're 86. They got an immune compromise.

I mean, what do you want to do? There's going to be sadness. What about the rest of the 99.99999996 people? How about those people who don't want to be attacked psychologically anymore? You know, all you're doing is giving people with anxiety something to worry about. And believe me, there's plenty of people with anxiety because we've only been civilized for like what a couple hundred years then before that it was uncivilized then it was civilized for a bit if you want to call that civilized you know you want to call the incas a civilization

that's great they had an occasional purge where they would break in your home and take your housekeeper or daughter and pull her heart out and throw her down this throw her down fucking a temple stairs while the king takes a bite out of it. Like it's a hot dog. I like it, man. If you want to call that civilized, fine. So we get anxiety because we still have all this evolutionary kind of bag ass, good word, evolutionary instincts left over.

Like, oh my God, am I being attacked? Am I being attacked? And that's just, the wires get crossed. You're like, I need my bills. Or you read an article that goes, COVID's out there. And you just go, and you hyperventilate. You have no reason why. And it's three hours after you read the article

and you have no reason why. It's just because your fucking synapses are firing in the wrong direction. So can you leave everyone alone? Stop molesting us with your need for there to be a pandemic so people can cling to your every word on every subsequent article that you write about it. Subsequent article.

That's what they do. Because everything is so niche now, they just, they're going with, wait, there's still a market out there for people who want to click on COVID shit. Like just whatever's left, bottom of the barrel, just, you know, let's get them. You know, because we got quotas.

We got to hit a certain amount of clicks. We're doing the, we got the Ukraine-Russia. Okay, people are starting, that's starting to wane. Those stories, you know, there's a capitalist motive behind our media, and that I don't like. I have to say I don't like that. I don't like what's going on at NPR either. They've gotten to like, hey, I'm a woman who has the tote bag.

Hey, I got long toenails. When nobody's around, I pick my nose and sit and sit in an old arm chair with lots of books on my bookshelf and my cat, who's my friend, and that's my family. And I live on the 16th

floor of a rent tenement, rent controlled apartment in the Lower East Side. We've had enough of that. We just need to fund it. There needs, the taxpayers somehow have to go, we're going to do a susu, an office susu, which is basically socialism for poor people who work in social services.

They do an office susu. What, what has been, people who get paid $30,000, $40,000 a year, they throw $10 in a pot, everyone throws it in, and at the end of the month, someone wins it. So they feel like they've made money, right? But they don't know that they've been a part of 20 susus, so they're just breaking even. But it makes you feel good.

It gives you a chemical rush, and at the end of the day, that's all we really need. If we can just get tons of SSRI pills into McDonald's burgers, crush them up, you know. Mark Cuban, you're creating some sort of generic drug industry. Throw them into burgers in the food in Dallas. Everyone do it. Calm everyone down. Make them happy.

At the end of the day, it's all about the chemical rush. The reason why you want a Ferrari is for the chemical rush, not the Ferrari. It's the way it makes you feel. The reason why I just bought some old school Avia sneakers off of Amazon, right, which I'm not going to wear probably at all, maybe once, is because I got a chemical rush thinking about how cool they might look. They're not going to, you know, I didn't buy them for the deal. They were 80 something bucks.

I didn't buy them because I love, love, love them and needed to have them. I love love love them and needed to have them I have enough sneakers I bought them for a chemical rush that's what we're doing so you know and that works for fear chemicals too you can scare people with chem oh I'm scared I gotta follow up and see what the next article is that I can protect myself from COVID because it's still out there. Yeah. If the liberal, yeah, they're just, they're, they, we'd be dead. We would just be dead if the liberal media was our, our tribe leader. They'd be like, wait, let's keep, we can't move because our 150 year old wise elder, um, can't move at this pace. So we're all going to have to sit here in this snowstorm and take terms carrying him.

But what if we die? Can't leave nobody behind. Sometimes you just got to, you hear the screams and you just ignore it. You know, you just get stoic. Someone's going, help, help. You just go, can I take your order, please? Help, help, help.

I'm in the back. You just turn around and you walk. You walk away. And you just wait for the cries to just get muffled. Oh, the cries. And then it's quiet and then focus, camera goes, focuses back on you. It focuses on the room that the dying old person's in. And then it focuses back on you.

A little tear rolls down, and then you walk on. Walk on into the future, America. COVID is not a thing. Now, there will be another one. If there's another one like in a year or two, like another different one, we're going, oh, boy, we do have a bio, this is bio warfare. That's going to be depressing. See, what's happened is people had it so good for so long, the country was coasting.

Of course, if you lived in cities and shit. I mean, the Tea Party people were upset about shit, right? The Wall Street people were upset about shit. But who were those people really? I mean, yeah, the banks were ripping us off, but they've always been ripping us off. You could still get meat burgers. Who were those people?

They were a bunch of failed comics who were doing open mics, who were like, down with Wall Street. Remember the Wall Street protests and the tea parties? Who were they? People who work at Cracker Barrel. You still get eggs. You're still living in a fucking three-bedroom house. Granted, it's in the middle of Idaho or someplace

where the real estate market is not relevant. living in a fucking three bedroom house. Granted, it's in the middle of Idaho or someplace where nobody, where the real estate market is not relevant. But, you know, who are they really? And what were they mad about? NAFTA, jobs going overseas. Yeah, it's complicated, baby. You know, if you're in a tea party protest and you have an iPhone, it's complicated because you're protesting against the thing

that got you the fucking affordable iPhone. I only want to talk to Machiavellian adults from now on. I'm done with extremists and people who do things on principle. I only want to talk to people who are playing angles for the numbers. I'm a marketer. Subway, let's talk about your new marketing plan. I like it. Now, this is someone who gets it.

Enough with morality. Enough with fake outrage. Enough with, like, nationalism. Enough with all the isms. Enough with, like, pretending like, hey, we're trying to be inclusive. Enough with diversity. And just let's go real. Subway offers a contest winner free sandwiches for life

if they legally change their name to Subway. Let me tell you something. I plan on taking a sweet little trip to Brownsville, New York, and I have a good chance i'm gonna meet a kid named subway black people are very liberal with what their names are gonna be there's gonna be a black kid named subway johnson and that family is gonna have infinity subways dog there's gonna be a D in front of it.

Yeah, they're going to put a D. The Subway. D Subway. Yo, that's my boy, The Subway, yo. That's my boy, The Subway Johnson. Yo, The Subway, you know we going for lunch, dog, aren't you? Yo, come on, dog. Put our way.

So when you go there and order two sandwiches, they know, they think it's for you, but you hooking up science and wise as well. Your boy's science, wise, and philosophy. I mean, black parents, they just open up a dictionary and go like this, and then they look and they go, your name is computer screen.

Your name is Ladybug Delante. I'm going to call you Megatron Johnson. It's my boy Megatron, science wise and tablespoon. This is what I'm talking. This is the type of marketing I'm talking about. Just like tattoo on your face, shameless, you know, pretend you're someone else, pretend you're gay know pretend you're someone else pretend you're gay pretend you're black pretend you're white call yourself a baby i don't know like i was saying

the stab yourself fashion show idea i had now you see you can't add comedy to comedy i was doing that stab yourself fashion show bit to you and you had a look of horror in your face we're not that far from it my man they're asking someone to change their name legally to subway next you're gonna go whoever tattoos subway on your eyeballs we will give you free sandwiches that by the way have nitrates in them that will kill you but it's good for our bottom line. The thing about capitalism is there's just no morality in it. And without morality, you're an animal. Man can't live by bread alone is in the Bible. It's actually a very cogent philosophical notion.

If you look at the subtext, the underpinnings of what that means, it means like man can't live like the animals, just like what's best for me, me versus you. It needs philosophy. A man needs morality. A man needs laws. That's what man can't live by bread alone means. Man can't live just going, I need food, I need fucking, I need fighting.

He can't. We're too smart. We can't survive that way. We need a pack. And when you have a pack, then you need a social contract. And then that's when law is developed. We're trying to undo all this stuff. Because people with community college and high school degrees

have become our thought leaders. Some of them have become presidents. Neither one of those guys are fucking Harvard guys anymore. I miss those guys. Even thoughvard guys anymore i miss those guys you know even though george bush was a total legacy where did he go harvard he was a legacy fucking admission probably right at least he was around smart people and in skull and bones and shit i used to hate those people now i want them to close the gates of hell and i want them to take the reins back

yeah he went to harvard right way to harvard business school anyone could go to harvard and I want them to take the reins back. Yeah, he went to Harvard. He went to Harvard Business School. Anyone could go to Harvard Business School. Where did he go to undergrad? That's usually... He went to Texas School of Law. So he's smart. He's smart-esque.

I mean, where did these guys go? Where did Trump go? He went to Trump University or Tate Hustler University? Or he went to... Wharton. Wharton, which is pretty good, right? It's supposed to be good-ish. Probably his dad helped him get in there as well.

God, his dad was one of the most powerful people in New York for a little while. And where did the fucking... Where did the dead guy... Where did Weekend at Bernie's go? Fucking... You know Delaware is one of the most crooked states? Corporations love Delaware because they can get away with shit

They got all types of sketchy laws It's no doubt that the Biden crime family Is from there Study at the University of Delaware Get the fuck out of here University of Delaware You can go there to finger pop and drink brews And pass out on the boardwalk down at Dewey Beach.

In 1953. Yeah, Dewey Beach is trash. You got to go to Rehoboth, I think. The gays love it, too. There's always one of these beaches. There's always one of those beaches. Then there's always, like, one of, like, these beaches, tattoos and sandals and fat guys with like a tattoo and like a fat baby.

And then there's that beach. There's the gay beach. There's that beach. And then there's the kind of girls got to eat beach where it's like those girls are like drinking champagne. They're posing. Yeah, they're holding pizza that they don't eat just for the photo.

They're fucking in white linen. They're in the Hamptons one weekend. They're in Rehoboth Beach the next weekend. You know, those are the three beaches and that's how we really can sum up America. You got the gay beach. They're doing drag shows at night. Crystal heels, throwing dollars,

a lot of blowies come on the walls. You know, grumpy lesbians who just because they're women, they want to go home in a sensible hour and play board games. There's lesbians playing board games. There's guys throwing cum at walls. And there's drag queens performing karaoke. But it's not even karaoke.

They're lip syncing and dancing. That is one beach. That's one side of Fire Island the other side of Fire Island is is you know girls drinking champagne posing you know going to the restaurant for brunch

where the wings are and they're taking a picture where they put those wings the Instagram wings they're taking a picture hashtagging it look at my food I'm rich

I'm white white and rich and those are the three beaches that make up America. And you're either on one of those three beaches. And the other beaches, there's a boardwalk. You know, there's a pistol game you can throw in there. You get yourself a sausage hero with peppers. You know what I'm talking about, right? There's guys walking with sleeveless shirts on. There's a tattoo. There's an overweight kid. There's a woman who also looks like, you know,

she works at a cafeteria walking with him. They all got on shoes that they bought at Rite Aid. And that's how it goes. Those are your three beaches, essentially. Those are the three classes in America. That would be lower, middle. I don't know what I'm talking about. But I do know that Jesse wore a bike helmet here.

Nobody used to wear bike helmets. You know, the thing is, I really do believe that a trip to Somalia will change a lot of things. Like when I read about like murders and stuff and you look at the crime rate uh you look at like guys being in gangs like ms-13 and um you go to chicago and the gang fights here's the thing it's like what's the point of being in America? What's the point? You know? What's the point? If you're going to, you're kind of living like a third world existence in a first world country.

Go get a burger. Play some video games. They're very affordable. Get an iPhone. Research something. Have some food. What's the point of being here? Might as well go to Somalia and pick up a rocket launcher. I don't understand. I guess

certain ethnicities, when they got here, they all get into crime a little bit to make a little money, right? But you gotta be doing it for the money. Why are kids killing each other for no reason? Teenagers for no reason. Dude, if you're not doing crime for money, you're going to kill someone

over the way they looked at you or something? Or like, there's no money involved? And then anyone who's doing crime for money is only doing it for that generation because then they want their kids to go legitimate. Nobody wants to stay in that shit. What's the point? Might as well take a trip to Somalia.

And also, I think it'll straighten out my wife, too. Just a trip to Somalia. When she complains about anything, I'll be like, you know what? Here's a round-trip ticket for one day to Somalia. But you have to tour. You have to walk around. You can't stay in, like, the one hotel where there's a 70% chance you won't get killed or kidnapped. And only 70.

That's probably as good as it gets in Somalia. There's like one hotel where like Americans who got have to go there or Westerners have to go there, stay, and they can only guarantee you with around a 70% accuracy that you won't get killed or kidnapped. There's a 30% chance you will that's as good as it gets it's my i think a trip to samaya will straighten a lot of fucking people out it'll straighten poor people who think they're poor out it'll straighten fucking women who fucking run

their goddamn mouth out it'll fucking straighten out a lot of people like lizzo is the devil anyway chicago at least 40 i just want to see that because at least 47 people shot, five fatally. Can you imagine living in a city where 47 people were shot during the weekend in the first world? Five of them died in one city. And that's just in a weekend. Yeah. I mean, dog, you could go to European countries and there won't be 47 people shot in a month. You might be able

to go to Somalia and not have 47 people shot. 47, you're putting up Somalia-type numbers, dog. In Chicago, you can go to a Bulls game. You can't go to a Bulls game

in Somalia. People, I'm telling you, it's because they don't have perspective. They think, because they're looking at like Drake.

And so they look at Drake and they go, I have so little. So I'm angry you, it's because they don't have perspective. They think, because they're looking at like Drake. And so they look at Drake and they go, I have so little. So I'm angry, right? But if we took them to Somalia and like a lot of other places in the rest of the world, and you go, dude, you have an air conditioner unit in your fucking window? You got one pair of Nikes? Dude, you got six pairs of draws to change into? Like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

That's really why people get obsessed, because they look at their dumb TV, you know? And rich people rub it in their face. Yeah, God mentions that. Yeah, party in Miami. I'm in Miami. I'm in Miami. I'm in Miami.

And some guy's going like, I can't afford to go to Miami. Now I'm angry. I can't afford to get a black market gun in Chicago that was bought in bulk at a gun show in Indiana right across state lines and then illegally brought across state lines and sold in the inner city in Chicago where there's a high demand for it

because of a high crime rate and fear and poverty. And I can buy one of those and project my anger to someone to someone else here's the thing you have to heal your wounds or else you will bleed all over people who did not harm you it's a good one heal your wounds or else you will bleed on other people who did not cause them. Who's this character? I don't know who the character is. This character is called Acceptance.

This character is called Trauma Healer. This is Trauma Healer Pappas. I'm here to heal you of your trauma. I feel like if everyone did that, if everyone healed their trauma and looked at what the real motivation for what they did is, it would be a better world. And, you know, I'm about to do EDMR therapy.

You know, I've been shot. I've had some traumas. They've made so many advances now because they can look at brain scans and stuff and they know about the vagal nerve and how it's connected to the brain and how the flight or fight mechanism causes panic attacks and they know all this stuff like and also now therapy can be done like uh remote like on your phone so it's so convenient like you know we we got to get putin on fucking better help and they're like what

and then you next thing you know, Putin's crying because his dad used to beat him or his dad drank and hit his mom. And then the Ukraine war is over, dog. Because we're all operating on higher chakras. Ne, ne, ne, ne, ne, ne. And you know, the truth is, that is what it is.

You don't see a fucking hundred million Buddhist soldiers. They're all operating on higher chakras. Their life is suffering. They understand their suffering. They have a calm energy about them. They're operating on higher levels of chakra. I don't even know if that means anything.

I am only operating on higher levels of chakra at this point. Brought to you by... Brought to you by... I can't remember the name of the whiskey. I thought it would be funny if I said, I want to make an announcement. I'm only operating on higher levels of chakra now. Brought to you by Proper 12 Whiskey.

Because that's America, right? America is like, I'm here to heal you. Buy my book. I'm here to heal you. Here's my thing. But really, it's like, get healed, man. The mental health field has made a lot of strides

what kind of therapy is this now? it's trauma therapy so they do it for first responders people who are victims of crimes police officers

you know war veterans and it works it's like proven to work it's a rapid eye movement dual something and so they give you buzzers and whatever,

and they kind of induce, like, they simulate, like, REM sleep or something like that. They stimulate your brain in a way that takes you back there, you know, and you get the good cry out or whatever to your trauma. And then as a result, the trauma becomes like a memory without emotion attached to it. Like, you heal yourself, your brain.

Because, you know, what happens is The trauma happens and your brain just forms. And what reality is is different from every person. Your reality, what you think is true or what is, is based on your environment, what you grew up and how you've developed, right? So if like your parents did something fucked up, you went and then you blocked it out. You went, I'm going to go this way.

And then that becomes your reality. But that doesn't mean that that's the truth and it doesn't mean that it's the best thing for you it could be an avoidance avoidance mechanism i don't know if that's official words but it could be an avoidance something you know you could so you got to get back to that and then but that gets to a point where people get a little i think hitler could never do that when he got to that point if someone was like if a therapist walked in the room was like you're ready to do some work he'd be like i can't because then i'll realize that this was all because i had one ball or because i'm gay or because my mom had a mustache or because my dad said my mom's smelt in front of me and that caused some trauma you, or my brother dingled my dicky, you know,

or my uncle took, you know, did a kissy on my pee-pee, or whatever it is, you don't want to know that the whole Holocaust happened because of something that happened in your family, but that is always what is the case, barring a few select psychopaths who were born broken. And I bet you could do good things with them. I don't know, I'm no expert,

but I do know you can't do nothing with Lizzo. Because it goes like this to me. It goes, Ted Bundy, Hitler, Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton, Hunter Biden. Ellen DeGeneres, and then Lizzo are my top five. And then we put Stalin after that I'll plug in Stalin I'll Pol Pot

Genghis Khan all the fucking first ballot hall of famers get in there some African dude who slaughtered a lot of people

some Danish guy who slaughtered Africans all of them throw them in there Vasco da Gama get in there but only behind fucking Lizzo

Mephistopheles this bitch how dare you finally we have some whistleblowers in the lizzo camp i'm tired of hearing about ufo whistleblowers i'm tired of hearing about defense department whistleblowers i'm tired of hearing about internet sleuths and whistleblowers camped out in Russian airports or foreign embassies for protection so they can avoid extradition. I'm tired of hearing about the Julian Assange's of the world. I'm tired of hearing about the guy who lives in Japan or whatever his fucking name is. Snowdens.

I'm tired of the Snowdens. I want wheel, wheel, whiskily, w wabbit whistleblowers. Finally, a worthy whistleblower that has some import. You know, that has something to do with everyone's day to day life. Someone who can help you in your life. Because now you can go, Lizzo, you bitch. We were looking to catch. She's annoying.

Is there anything annoying more than that goddamn overweight girl flaunting it, walking around? I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful. And you have to pretend. We've all had to pretend like she's beautiful. Big is beautiful. It's the same thing when there's just a guy in a wig going and you have to go, hey, hey,

ma'am, can I help you? And you just you're like you're you have to use cognitive dissonance. You don't want to get yelled at. And you're all just pretending. I will call Carmen Carrera, ma'am. I will not call Eddie Izzard, ma'am. My rule is if you can pull it off or even halfway pull it off, I will call you ma'am. Right?

But if you look like Leah Thomas, I'm saying sup, brah. You get a sup, brah. I'm sorry, dog. If you were a male at 25 and then you became a woman at 26, let me at least wean off the sup, bras. Sup, brah. Give me a little time. I'll play the game, I cause I don't wanna get screamed at

or I don't want you to hurt yourself it's like everyone's got a fucking gun to everyone's head right now play it my way they got a gun to your head and they got a gun to their own heads and they go if you don't play it my way I'll shoot me and you you can't just bend everyone to everyone's will it's like the whole point of freedom is like hey you do you you do you we're not gonna like each other but you can't like fucking come and beat

me up or you can't come shut down my gay bar like not everyone's gonna love it's just never gonna happen and some people are gonna believe in fucking Jesus. Cause listen, maybe Jesus isn't fucking real, but you know what? Belief isn't about truth. It's about making you feel good. It's the, it's about the endorphins, whatever you believe. I have a different view of that. Now I'm going like, God, if we can just tell those people like, Hey, you can believe what you can believe, but these are the laws of the fucking land. And that's it because people need that shit, right? It's the same reason why you need to buy Ferraris. It's not for the fucking Ferrari.

You know, it's not for the Bentley or the house. It's for something that you, the chemical release that you think is gonna make you happy that is probably the same chemical release as getting a good blowy from a hot Norwegian 27-year-old. Did I say that out loud?

But it's the same, we're not chasing the things. We're chasing how they make us feel. And with religion, it's not whether like it was true. It's not what, that's why these people are such firm believers. Now I get it. And I kind of respect it.

It's like, it doesn't matter if Muhammad was the fucking guy or if Jesus was the guy. It's like, they make it true because, and it gives them a, it's like a drug. It gives them a certain, it makes, the chemicals make it true because and it's it gives them a it's like a drug it gives them a certain it it makes the chemicals make it real and that's all that really matters anyway because you can't tell me what objective reality is kind of really anyway because it's based on your perception in a lot of ways the way we perceive the world is we can only see a certain

limited of things you know i can't see five miles away. I can't smell 20 miles away, but a bear can. So we're limited in our perception of what objective reality is anyway. So you can't really overly judge someone who believes something that may not be objectively true because it being objectively true is not really the point. It's that they have a belief in something that gives them faith. And then that gives them a perspective on everything else. They have a positive outspin. They want to try new things. They believe that it's going to work out. They just are optimistic. And that opens them up into a different way of thinking. And you just have to

let those people live. And if you want to be an atheist and a cynic and fucking sit in your living room, you got to let those people be them too. That's what fucking America should be. Not this like, you know, yelling at everybody. And then people like Lizzo who are criminals should go to jail. So those people can continue to live their separate, you know, equal fun lives that they like for each other. I tried to avoid separate but equal there.

I was about to say separate but equal, and I was like, that's a loaded statement in this country. In the context of where I'm recording this, saying separate but equal fun, that's a loaded question. That is a loaded statement, but it is a prom in Tennessee. You know, Nate told me they had different proms, and it wasn't. And the funny thing is, it's like barbershops, right? It's like they're separate but equal, and people are okay with that.

It's the same thing with proms in the South sometimes. They just want to hear different music. Like, black people just don't want to hear a Kenny Chestnut. Guess which prom I'm going to be at. I swear to God. All right? I'm going to the black fucking prom for sure i ain't going to the white prom to listen to kenny chestnut or fucking kenny cranberry or kenny apple seed or johnny johnny johnny maple tree sing their country songs yeah nate told me like in tennessee they had two different proms they had a black prom and a white white prom, and here's the thing, and they liked it, they wanted it separate, you know,

that's the thing, that's the best, that's why I knew you, growing up in New York is kind of better, because we, like, we didn't want the white prom, we didn't want to go, like, yeah, And away there's a beer, beer, beer, beer. There's a beer. There's a beer. There's a truck and there's grass and a truck in my way of life in a small town. In a small town. We wanted that like.

Get off the. We wanted that like Get off the EPMD Prior to the 1954 Do you think I have 14 year old eyes? You already see I got I got these fucking corrective windows on them Prior to the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court Brown versus the Board of Education You already see I got these fucking corrective windows on them.

Prior to the 1954 decision of the Supreme Court, Brown v. Board of Education, the famous Supreme Court case, Brown v. Board of Education, most schools in the South were racially segregated. The process of integration of schools was slow, and many schools did not become integrated until the 1960s and 70s. In order to avoid having to hold an integrated prom, many high schools stopped sponsoring any prom and private segregated proms were organized as a replacement oh maybe i'm wrong okay so maybe

maybe i had to check my source nate bargazzi because he does have a limited understanding about things he doesn't go and check the history of stuff that might have been your first problem yeah here's the thing when you're that funny naturally funny you don't gotta and he just goes like my cat was on a refrigerator and then you go like oh you don't got to do any more work i don't have to like think about anything else besides like hey man there was two different proms everyone seemed cool with it i guess it was just everyone's choice and i didn't know it because i don't really care about anything that happens below the Mason-Dixon line, including fucking Austin, Texas.

I don't care. I'm really just not into anything that happens. Unless you're on an ocean down there in the south and there's Hispanics, I'm not really interested in what's going on below the Mason-Dixon line. Unless you're listening to this podcast and I love your town and I love what you got to offer, take me to breakfast at the Cracker Barrel. It's my favorite place to eat. I love it.

I love getting waited on by a 400-pound white woman with a mustache who's got a stain on her shirt, greasy hair, and it's gray. It's gray and she's 41 because it's her third waitressing job and she's got ankle fat.

She's got a belly on her ankle. It's my favorite. Take me to Indiana. I love it. Oh, it's a hot spot. I'm going to Salt Lake City this weekend. I had to cancel the late shows because Mormons don't like me, maybe because the last time I was there I said,

how fucking stupid are you people that you're the descendants of someone who followed a guy named Joe? What I'm going to do is I'm going to go Salt Lake City, and I'm going to fucking, I'm going to float in a check. I'm going to soak in a check. Now, here's what they do. Just much like how the Amish go on Rumspringa and just go wild and bang and do drugs

and then go back to the religion to get it out of their system, which I think is hilarious. Then they just ask for forgiveness. Again, beliefs, I'm for it. It gives you something. What the Mormons do is they soak. So what they'll do,

you're not allowed to have penetrative sex until you're, I think, on your third marriage or fourth marriage at the same time. I don't mean like divorce. I'm talking about, hey, I'm on my fourth wedding. You're my fourth wife. Now we can bone. I'm joking. But yeah, they don't believe in premarital sex. So you can't stroke. So the loophole that they found, much like the Orthodox Jews find loopholes by they, you know, they'll tie like a piece of cardboard to their finger and they'll turn the light switch on and off these loopholes

because you're not allowed to use electricity on certain days. And Mormons will do the same. What the Orthodox Jews will do the same. What the Mormons did, the Morgans, Morgan and Morgan, who doesn't sponsor anymore. What the Morgans did, the Mormons will just soak the penis in the vagina without a stroke. Am I correct?

So soaking basically means penetrative sex without the movement in the hip thrusting. So you just plug it in there. You plug it in and you sit and you wait for the toaster to heat up. So you sit and you don't thrust. So you just soak in there. You just soak it, baby. You just hang out. Yeah, you drop the you don't thrust. So you just soak in there. You just soak it, baby. Just hang out. Yeah, you drop the lobster in the water.

How do you boss, though? How do you boss? Oh, I guess probably what they do is reach for things. So when you're soaking, right? And hey, look, I'm going to go to fucking Salt Lake City. I'm going to soak on a chick and just tell my wife I didn't cheat because i was soaking it's not cheating if you didn't move i just put it in and soak but what they probably do is they'll go like let's set up a bunch of stuff around like i have to check my phone so i'm in you my phone will be over there there'll be a straw and then

i'll have to come back and they'll be like oh i gotta check the newspaper i stroke this way so you set up a thing that you can pick up and put down right so you're not necessarily and they'll be like, oh, I got to check the newspaper. I stroke this way. So you set up a thing that you can pick up and put down, so you're not necessarily, as a byproduct, are you picking up the iPhone or whatever it is, flowers or cocaine, you stroke. So everything is accidental. That's very funny. How funny is that?

Imagine being there. You put it in, and then you're like just don't move don't move you treat it like you treat it like there's a bear looking for you and like don't move you treat it like someone broke in your house and you're in your hiding spot just don't move don't breathe don't move and then you're moving oh my god i think we just sinned oh my god i think i just said oh my god oh my god oh my god sitting sitting sitting sitting ah sorry joseph smith how dumb do you got to be to follow a guy named joseph smith might as well have Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sitting, sitting, sitting, sitting. Sorry, Joseph Smith. How dumb do you got to be to follow a guy named Joseph Smith?

Might as well have followed a guy named Dennis or Larry fucking on a 400-mile march who told me that fucking Moses left 10 more commandments underneath Troy, New York. Guess what? They were in Schenectady. Jesus came down. There was also, God also left a part two, a sequel to Moses' tablets, and he left them in Schaumburg, Illinois. And they were underneath a deep dish pizza hut. And we got them.

And now we're going to take them. We're going to march west so we can fucking bang a bunch of broads and start our own religion called Mormonism with American Jesus fucking Joe Smith. I don't think they like that opening joke. I could hear all those tickets being refunded right now. Yeah. Cause they're Mormons out there. Oh yeah. But here's the deal. I respect what you believe because now I look at it differently. I don't go like, it doesn't have to be true. You

believe in something and it makes it true. And it's not about being true. It's about the chemicals it releases. Now I'm looking at everything like people are looking for chemical releases, you know? So it's like, all you got to do is exercise, eat vitamin D. You know,

there's all these natural cures to all these viruses that just take care of it. You know, like the problem, the reason why the Spanish flu and the plague

and HPV and any SARS virus or monkeypox or anything you wanted, bird flu, the only reason why they got people is because they were not taking AlphaBrain. You know, there's this movement now of like people look at pharmaceuticals and stuff since that tom cruise thing when he was yelling at brooke shields because she has postpartum depression she's taking some fucking pills remember he's like mental illness doesn't exist matt meanwhile he's talking to matt lauer who's fucking got a rape room you know and tom cruise is the head of a cult i mean nothing is what it seems the who people are behind the curtain, it's the Wizard of Oz of horror.

The Wizard of Oz, you live in the Wizard of Oz of horror because there's a projection on the wall like Plato's Allegory of the Clave. It's a shadow, but the real person controlling the controllers and the strings behind the scenes is a monster. Hence Lizzo. I'm a fat, happy girl.

I am here for equality and for people with disabilities to be respected and fat people to be looked at sex symbols. I'm for representing disenfranchised people. Wokeness. And then she's like, just like the Swedes with their fucking H&M slave labor. Just like Bill Cosby with his don't curse, but I'll fall asleep so I can fuck you. And there's no witnesses to the crime of rape

because you're asleep. Just like Ted Bundy. Oh, I got a broken arm. Could you help me? Tid is bitten off. You're in a Volkswagen Beetle, and it's over. We live in the Wizard of Oz of horrors. Most of these people who become popular, they become popular because they have a big fucking need to be famous because they're fucking egomaniacs. And so they project this marketed, one-dimensional version of themselves, and what they hide is the fact that they're a monster.

Ellen DeGeneres drinks blood, not of babies, not of babies, of comedy writers. She bites them. And she doesn't drink. She just probably bites them. And that's part of the contract. You're going to work here. You're going to get paid a lot of money.

But you will randomly get bitten by Ellen. You will randomly get bitten. No rhyme or reason. It's just once in a while she goes on a biting purge. And she walks around and she just bites writers at the desk. That's what once in a while she goes on a biting purge and she walks around and she just bites writers at the desk. That's what it is. These are who these people really are. I've met a few and I'm astounded. I always go, it's just, you have to hide who you really are. It takes a monster to prop up a dictator. Dictators are always like, people are

cheering for them because they're showing one dimension. It's a marketed version Dictators are always like, people are cheering for them because they're showing one dimension. It's a marketed version of who they are and it's for them. It's for their need to control and be in power and to have a harem and endless puss puss and to feel not like the small, little, insecure, non-strong person that their daddy or mommy or bully made them feel like. But that is not what they show you. They may not even be fully aware of it. What they show you is I'm going to make America this again. I'm going to make Italy for people.

We're going to make Germany for Germany. I say so. I say so. And nobody's going like, I think he's yelling because he's gay. And it's upsetting him. He's angry at himself. And he's going to bleed all over. He's unhealed.

And he didn't heal his trauma. So he's going to bleed all over Jews, gypsies, foreigners, and gays. And people who are disabled. And Greeks and Romanians and Rami people and some people in the Balkans, Hungarians, freedom fighters, communists. They're all going to get it. And it's all because Hitler finds dicks delicious.

And he's going to be like this every night. And plus you can't do the dicks. You can't eat them. Can you imagine if do the dicks. You can't eat them. Can you imagine if you love dicks and you can't eat them? I don't know what kind of horror that would be. Can you imagine? We're guys who like nectar. I enjoy a nice honeydew nectar.

Can you imagine you lived your life and you liked honeydew nectar, but if people found out you liked honeydew nectar, you'd feel like your safety was, you were going to be unsafe. It's like, what's the point of living, man? And here we are, we've achieved this place where most of the people agree with that. And now this whole fucking movement goes like

there's 57 genders and you're going, you're just ruining it. You're not going to convince me. I don't care how many genders there are. It's more comedy for me. But for these fucking people who are committed to a male female jesus christ marriage who were who were just about to look the other way and go ah fuck it it's not worth the republican cardi was like full gay marriage

and now you fucked it up now you got them all riled up and they're banning books and they're fucking chasing people with chasing men in heels with fucking bucks. They're chasing them. Get out of here. Get away from my children. It's sad. It's sad for everybody because the activist is also self-interested and that becomes their identity and they don't know how to shut it off. The old saying from Marcus Aurelius in meditations,

you have to know when to put down the sword and pick up the plow. That's the challenge. War's over. put down the sword and pick up the plow. That's the challenge. War's over. Put down the sword, pick up the plow. Nobody can do that because it becomes their identity. And we got to put Lizzo in prison.

This is what I love about wokeness because it opens you up. They go, hey, you're playing by these rules. That means you're vulnerable to these rules as well. Nobody's going to try to sue Kid Rock for pressuring them into touching a stripper. You know what I mean? Because he doesn't

have any image to uphold or be ruined by an accusation. So Liz was being sued for allegedly pressuring and way shaming her former dancers. Dance, you fatty boom baddies. Hey, circle bitch, dance.

Hey, you fucking bowling ball behind me. Can you move a little bit? Don't make me get my fucking defibrillator out, you fat fucking circle bitch. Don't forget who the star here is. All right? If you you don't dance there's no fucking second pizza for you bitch i got 10 pizzas backstage guess what they're going to fatty on the left and not fatty on the right if you don't fucking get this routine down you circle you blotch you cloudy day of weight, you heavy, heavy backup bitch, you Google Maps face, blurry ass, replaceable circle Pac-Man looking bitch.

Hey, Miss Pac-Man. Hey, Roundy. Hey, Fatty. Hey, Ballhead. Hey, Garbage Bag Hey, garbage bag body. I'm Lizzo. Get the steps right. She weight shamed.

Ron Zambrano. This is a guy who gets in on a bullshit claim. Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Ron and Ron, Ronnie and Vinny Zambrano, attorneys at law. Do you got some fucking bullshit allegations that you want to levy against a celebrity who might be vulnerable to those allegations

because it could really expose hypocrisy? Call up Ronnie Zambrano, attorneys. We'll fucking get you a bag. Ron Zambrano will get you a fucking bag. Guaranteed. Guaranteed fucking bag. You kidding me, dog? Did you just fucking see that kid

from Boston's bag? I'll get you a fucking bag twice the size of that fucking kid's bag. By the way, how crazy was that kid that got the biggest contract in NBA history? He's like, he's got no left hand and he can't shoot. Jalen Brown is ridiculous. Jalen Brown. I mean, what the fuck, how crazy was that kid who got the biggest contract in NBA history? He's like, he's got no left hand and he can't shoot. Oh, Jalen Brown is ridiculous. Jalen Brown. I mean, what the fuck, dog?

Silly. It's crazy, man. It's like giving Kendall Gill $305 million. I'm dating myself, but if you know who Kendall Gill is, it's like, yeah, he's athletic. He's good. I guess he gets you 25. I guess. I think that's a sign of things to come, though.

The contracts are going to go way up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yesterday's prices are not today's prices. Fat Joe, I guess. I think that's a sign of things to come, though. The contracts are going to go way up. Oh, yeah. Yesterday's prices are not today's prices. Fat Joe, shout out. Actually, I came up with an expression. The expression is yesterday's prices are not today's prices. How brilliant is that? I came up with that.

It happened to me. It happened to a friend of my mother came up with that expression. A friend of my mother came up with that expression. Lizzo and her management team treated their performers, seems to go, this is the best. I think this is, oh, here we go. This is a statement from Ronnie Zambrano himself.

Excuse, how you guys doing? How you doing? My name is Ronnie Zambrano. I'm from Suffolk County. Suffolk County. Yeah. I just got moved off of that serial killer case down there, down there in Suffolk,

on Huntington. They put me over here on this fucking Lizzo case. I'd never heard this fat fuck until they told me it was a bag to get. So I came over here. How you doing? My name is Ronnie Zambrano. Operating out of Garden City, Queens. You got me down

there in Garden City. Zambrano and Zambrano. It's me and my brother, Ron and Joey Zambrano. Attorneys at law. We sue people. We get you a bag. We get you a bigger bag than a fucking kid. Lost it.

Bleep it. I think I was blocking. But you know that's what he would say. Okay, he goes, this is his statement, word for word. You can hear him.

How Lizzo and her management team treated their performers seems to go against everything Lizzo stands for publicly. You know when they were writing this, they were cracking up

him and his brother? They were fucking cracking up. They were sitting there. You know they're fucking cracking up. Like I really believe marky mark and donnie crack up right before marky meg does a prayed up video i think they crack up and go you're gonna say prayed up again it's like yeah dog this catholic thing really this catholic thing is really making people forget that i used to beat people up on the street and the honest girlfriend in high school i'm not great guy, but if you stay prayed up, I'm very religious, you know?

You know they crack up. Donnie's right there with his receding hairline. Yeah, monkey. Yeah, boys. Are we selling more Wahlburgers, boys? Yeah, I'll flip the burgers, boys. And then there's a third Wahlburger. You ever notice him?

The Fredo? Oh, no. There's a third Fredo. There's a Fredo in the Wahlburger. And it's funny that he was like, my brothers, I got gotta this fucking guy he's still touring with the Backstreet Boys what were they Backstreet Boys or New Kids on the Block right which is one of my favorite stories of appropriation it's funny that is cultural appropriation right but you know who did it was the manager of New Edition so it was a black guy who said hey let's cash in on these white

dollars let me make a white band that looks like this actual talented black band. They don't got to be talented. I just got to get one of each of these fucking crackers and put them together and cash in. Cha-ching. And it worked. Oh, it worked big. Donnie and Joey and Zoe and Pauly. Hanging tough.

Was that them? Hanging tough. I think them? Hanging tough. Yeah, I think so. Oh, God. Makes me want to throw up in my deck. Hanging tough. How funny you doing a song called Hanging Tough to a bunch of 14-year-old screaming suburban white girls. There ain't nothing tough in that arena, my friends.

You're getting back on a tour bus. Hanging tough. Yeah, so there's a third brother and he's the one I think who holds down the wall burgers so I you gotta give a credit to Mark

he took care of his he took care of his lesser brothers find a little job for you you find a little job for you dog I find a little job for you you know what I mean I got you a job yeah boss I can do things too, boss.

I'm smart. Hey, Marky, I'm smart. You flip that fucking burger. Flip that fucking burger. I'm from Boston. My name's Marky Mark, okay? All right? You flip that fucking burger, man.

Flip that fucking burger. You're my little fucking brother. You're my older brother, okay? But I was the one born with all the muscles. I was the one born with the big-ass cock, okay? It's my cock, Jack. We're going to film when I want to film. Okay?

I know you're, what's your name, Donnie? Fucking, you got a receding hairline. We're going to make burgers. You know, they never had a passion for burgers. It was some fucking barker who came along and said, Wahlberg, it sounds like burgers. Let's open a burger joint. Let's put the Wahlberg in burgers.

But he stays paid up, and he's a good Christian. He's selling. What are you doing to all the cows? Jesus is mad at you. It's not my fault, all right? I'm trying to do something good for my brothers, man. Fucking crazy, all right? My name's Mark Wahlberg, dude.

So, back to Ronnie Zambrano. He says, while privately the wage shaming, while privately she wage shames the dances. So did I finish reading this yet or not? No. I stopped because I got into the Mark Wahlberg thing, which was worth it. I haven't even listened to the episode yet,

but I'm in the ears of the people listening right now. And they're going, damn, that was worth it. They're also going, damn, the show's good now. Sorry, Jared. No, it has nothing to do with that. Here's the deal. Yanni just needs to Yanni, you know? Because when you have the gift of chemical imbalance,

you can't balance it out. You got to unleash it and just let it go. Again, Jared Harvin will be back on this show. I discovered Jared Harvin. He will be back in the show. Okay, I'll have him on one of these. I'll just be like, hey, Jared, come down. You know, we'll sit down.

We'll do it. We'll do it. He'll be sitting right there, and he'll give us his zingers. He gives a lot of good zingers. He's also going to be on the road with me, I believe, in Utah this weekend. My agent responds and say that they didn't cut the feature pay because they had to cancel the late shows. But Paramount's almost sold out Long Island

So get the rest of the tickets So Ronnie Zambrano goes How Lizzo and her management team Treated their performers Seems to go against everything Lizzo stands for publicly Okay This reminds me of only

My last case against the Catholics At Diocese in Syracuse Okay They were touching kids These people were touching The insecure spots of my clients, the dancers' hearts. While privately, she waits, shames the dancers.

She stands for it publicly, while privately stands for it publicly. What he could have said, like, stands heavily. She just said, how Lizzo and her management team treated their performance seems to go, it's everything Lizzo stands heavily for in public.

Pun intended. While privately, she weight shames her dancers and demeans them in a way that are not only illegal, but absolutely demoralizing. How is it illegal to call someone a fatty boom baddie? What does that mean? How is that illegal? Is that the world we live in now well you can't be mean ron's in brown has anyone nice ever got anything

done if you if it was illegal imagine they had lawsuits against us like steve jobs when he was calling someone dirt or a snail and he's going work and he was just whipping them to come up with ideas like that's how things get done it It's ugly, but, you know, why does everyone insist on knowing how the fucking sausage is made? Don't meet your heroes. They'll disappoint you, okay? They got daddy issues. They're not who you see on stage.

I don't know how many ways to slice this for you. Lizzo has yet to publicly respond. You know who's really happy about this probably is Adele going I knew it. I fucking knew it. They tried to say that I did something wrong by being healthy for me. I went and lost weight okay. Finally there was white guys who were hitting on me. I opened up my pool of people who want to fuck me it used to just be jamaican guys in east london but now i'm getting romanian guys greek guys british guys everybody's into into uh adele what i say did i say though um yeah because they gave her shit for losing weight and like then lizzo became the fat hero because you know adele used to be one of the fat heroes and then lizzo was the only one

and now it turns out lizzo's a big old fat shamer she hates fatties lizzo born melissa vivian jefferson there's a zero percent zero percent chance a girl named Melissa Vivian Jefferson is going to be a white girl. Lizzo, a.k.a. Big Girl Big Touring Inc. Big Girl Big Touring Inc., along with Charlene Quigley, who is Lizzo's dance team captain in John Hunter Amazon series, Lizzo's watch out for these big girls, are named as defendants, though not all the allegation pertains to each of them. Now, look, I'm making comedy, right? Because I can...

You're guilty until proven innocent on my show for comedy. For comedy, you have to be guilty until proven innocent. This could all be bullshit for a payday. She could be real nice to them and bring them George Foreman grills and chicken pot pies. She could be like, how many of y'all girls need a thousand wings? I'll eat them with you. Who knows? They could be having

a Viking-style Roman battle-winning celebratory type of meal after they dance and she's involved and they're putting wings in each other's mouths and they're eating ice cream and they're rubbing it on their tits and eating it all. Who knows? And they're just

going, hey, let's just try to make a bag here and get a quick buck because i don't think i look i'm joking but i think lizzo's uh doesn't like to eat alone if i know if i know a girl who doesn't she's she's out and you know then there's the other girls who are fat they're going i don't know i have a thyroid problem you're going i think you like're going, I think you like to eat alone. I think you like to eat alone. I think you hide snicker bars under those floorboards. I think you got candy hidden. I think you have hiding spots. I think you try to hide them from yourself.

So at least when you want them, you make it a treasure hunt. But guess the problem is you remember the route every single time. You memorize it. Even if you get blackout drunk and you're like i'm just gonna put the fucking candies here so when i'm sober i can't find them and i'll have the urge and i won't be able to do it but the problem is you have a fat heart and the heart remembers what the brain won't and you and here's the thing fat people can smell better that's something people don't know fat Fat people, they've done studies.

Yeah, it was this study by the same group that RFK quotes. There was a study, and I learned this from RFK, there was one study that said fat people actually have a better sense of smell. So if you try to hide the candy from them, they will find it. So, you know, it is what it is. So the lawsuit details a night in Amsterdam in February when Lizzo peed on the street. The details of a night in Amsterdam

where Lizzo decided to go to a rooftop party and drink during the day, and the neighbors started calling and saying they thought that a ufo had landed on a rooftop it was blocking the sun they want to know if a solar eclipse was happening there's a lot of people who call who tweeted at uh neil degrasse tyson and said is there supposed to be a solar eclipse over amsterdam today why can't i make these jokes? She's the one doing the mean stuff. I am fighting the bully.

Look, here's the thing. I struggle with weight as well. I'm technically obese, so I get it. I understand what emotional eating is all about. The lawsuit is the night the dancers and Lizzo's visited a club in the Red Light District. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They interact with nude performers at this place.

The suit alleges Davis, one of the dancers, was pressured into interacting with a performer after repeatedly insinuating she didn't want to. Lizzo also coerced a security guard to take off his pants on stage. This is such a bullshit suit. Yeah. You mean you guys were out having fun? Yeah. And you decided to try to get a bag?

Because there's a guy out there, Roddy Zambrano, that's willing to give it a shot? Here's another commercial. Hey, this is Roddy Zambrano, me and my brother Joey Zambrano. Our motto is, hey, we're willing to give it a shot. All right. We'll talk to you next time. Small business.

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It's not depressed. It doesn't have seasonal affective disorder. It's got fucking bad shoes. 864-200-9007 or sporthorseferry.com to have Sam Goubert come out and fucking fix your horse's feet. Manly Girly Studios. They have a studio in North Carolina.

They will rent it to you. They also have podcasts you can listen to. Manlygirlystudios.com. You get 40% off your first studio recording by referencing my name or this ad or whatever. Go check out their shows. Arturo Lorenzo and whoever else the gang is. They got tons of podcasts.

They got tons of podcasts. Here's the deal. If you start a podcast, I recommend to start with eight of them. You want to start by cannibalizing your own audience. Confuse them. Like, I'm over here. I'm over here now.

I'm over here. I'm over here. Don't just start with one. Start with a fucking, before you can build one little, start with a conglomerate. DisplayPros.net. And I get it. You guys all would rather be fucking advertising on Tim Dillon's podcast.

Guess what? Tim Dillon don't need your stinky hundred bucks. I do. What's the deal is for 10% off at DisplayPros.net? Jesse, these guys build booths and shit. Trade show booths, retail displays, promo items. You need something printed, they're your guys. Yeah, whether you're getting ready for a trade show,

setting up a retail space, or just some killer promotional items, check out DisplayPros.net. What's the deal is, all one word, with what's spelled the right way, for 10% off your first purchase, or tell them Giannis sent you. Easy peasy, DisplayPros.net. What can we get from there? Matthew Albani,

St. Petersburg, Florida, where business goes to become crooked. Nobody's running a fucking. Petersburg, Florida, where business goes to become crooked. Nobody's running a fucking straight business in Florida, especially in the St. Petersburg area. I'll tell you that right now. St. Petersburg, Florida, we got Ma Insurance Services. Again, much like Chris Minetti, he is the business.

Now, I'm sure for tax purposes, he puts Mrs. Albani on the payroll as personal chef and housekeeper and laundry attendant for taxes at my insurance services. So listen, Fediverse, you want fucking umbrella insurance you want you want insurance policies that cover workers compensation commercial property auto professional liability general liability and umbrella fucking umbrella packages you want insurance don't go with the ones on television go with one you never heard of until now on a podcast give them a call 813-260-0338. And if you don't think we're going to call Matthew Albani soon, you got another thing coming. If you don't think I'm going to fucking put my call on private and do a voice and call Matthew Albani and put it on here,

you got another thing coming. So call him up. 813-260-0338 or mainsuranceservices.com. Ma! Ma!