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You Should Know Podcast - MEETING MY BEST FRIENDS KID! -You Should Know Podcast
Episode Date: February 10, 2025PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/YouShouldKnowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyt...on’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 00:00 BABY MALACHI IS HERE 1:37 MANSCAPED 3:12 CAM JOINS 5:06 TALKING ABOUT FATHERHOOD 8:08 THE BIG DAY 18:06 BABYS ARE CREEPY 20:20 ZOCDOC 21:34 MALACHI OR CAM? 30:34 HE WAS HOW MUCH? 33:38 NEPHEW AS LOCKSCREEN ? 40:54 FACTOR 41:57 DAVE THE LEADER STORY 47:20 WORST MASSAGE EVER STORY 1:02:36 SKIMS 1:04:15 BIRDS STILL AREN’T REAL 1:08:33 BETTER AT SCIENCE OR DRINKING GAME? 1:33:04 ROCKET MONEY 1:34:31 EXTRA EXTRA CRISPY WINGS 1:38:59 CANES SECRET MENU FAIL 1:44:30 SOAP & LOLLIPOP GAME 1:55:05 ANNOUNCEMETS Todays Sponsors: Manscaped - https://manscaped.com (Use code: PSH for 20% off plus free shipping) ZocDoc - https://zocdoc.com/psh Factor - https://factormeals.com/ysk50off Skims - http://skims.com/ysk Rocket Money - https://rocketmoney.com/ysk YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast,
episode 151.
Round of applause, please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast,
episode 151.
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This is the first episode in two weeks that is not pre-recorded.
We got co-host Cam back from his paternity leave.
That means Malachi is on earth with us.
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We're going to talk all things
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Back in the studio!
Woo!
That's a dad right there.
You see that?
That's a pop-up.
That's a dad gut.
A built-in boppy now.
What's a boppy?
It's a thing you put around your waist when you feed them, but I don't need because i already got it let's let's okay let's make rules immediately before we start like
let's not the boppies playing tigers whatever you and live concocted at the crib we're not starting
it here we're not doing that today all right i love playing tigers with live explain to them
what playing tigers is playing tigers you go for level one and you just play tigers you get in
that jungle you do what you need to do and then you you're done yeah we're gonna get into you
being the dad real quick okay but i don't understand that the first thing your kid is
what 14 days old yeah very very fresh like very new to the world he has no idea oh what's going
on anything yeah he probably was like is that my dad
he doesn't know he's like this guy looks a little funny but he feed me so he just opens his mouth
through the faces he makes it's so cute oh my god why why are y'all already using lingo for your
oh no i said hey live i want i said i want and then she's like I said, hey Liv, I want s***. I said, I want s***.
And then she's like, there's sensitive ears.
I said, sensitive?
I said, f*** me.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
But I was like, Olivia, he doesn't know anything.
He doesn't know a single word.
He can't see past eight inches.
He barely even opens his eyes.
He eats like this.
He doesn't know anything,
so s*** me.
I need it.
She's still not cleared.
I'm sorry.
This episode's starting raunchy,
but man, I've been waiting.
Yeah, okay.
You're officially a dad.
Congratulations, buddy.
Congratulations.
Shout out to you, Malachi.
My God, he's going to see this. Yeah, he's going to see this. That's what playing tires is. When he's like seven. Congratulations. Shout out to you, Malachi. My God, he's going to see this.
Yeah, he's going to see this.
That's what playing Tigers is.
When he's like seven?
No.
That's way too young.
Way too young to show on the podcast.
To understand, oh, not to show the podcast, but to understand sexual intercourse.
Oh, hopefully both.
To understand coitus.
Hopefully both.
He's watching the podcast when he's like three.
I already showed him some clips.
Exactly.
You showed him on his second day of life.
He was like, you were like, this is uncle and dad he's like like doing that shit no it's it is it has been
wild yeah and boy are they not lying when they talk about your sleep yeah you look horrible
you look like you need three baths dog like this is not a good look stink you asshole but you look
like my eyes are heavy.
I know I probably have bags.
Haven't had a haircut in about a month.
I look like a big-ass seventh grader.
It's just not it.
But it is it in the same accord
because it is such a blessing
and it's fantastic.
How has it been?
14 days of being a dad.
Around, right?
Am I making that number up?
No, that's about right.
Yeah, that's about right.
Happy two weeks.
He was... Oh, wait. today's two weeks on the dot.
Happy birthday, Malachi.
Hey, happy two week anniversary, buddy.
It's wild.
It is wild, bro.
It is.
The ups are extremely up.
I've said this.
I said this on one of Liv's little TikToks.
I've said it to you.
Like anything can be going on.
As soon as you look at your kid, it's like all gone. And experienced that dude you're like dude just holding him it's like you don't
even think about anything else it's like like the world is innocent like every like worry a little
like magic eight ball that no matter what your question or worry is it says like everything's
good yeah everything's fine everything's perfect your chair is so squeaky god dang i don't i want to snap it off
but then the lows right yeah tell me about some of the lows of being a dad the lows um my son
likes to poop and fart and has a lot of gas so at that age they can't control their own sphincter
yeah so i barely can at my age i'm working on it still. Mine's just like a loose cannon. But his is like a clogged cannon.
Big difference.
I have to put him through physio and like ab exercises every day for him to let out a shit.
I have to grab his little legs and go crunch him down.
He goes.
He like grunts because it's like getting tight.
And then he'll go.
And all of a sudden.
And you just hear a fart.
Yeah.
The gassiness.
And obviously the sleep.
Because we have to feed him every two to three hours.
Yeah.
So those are the lows.
But it's all worth it.
And it'll be worth it.
It's just.
I mean it's called the trenches for a reason.
Yeah.
So.
Dude.
We are fully muddied up in the trench.
Trench warfare.
World war.
We haven't talked about anything publicly.
Like we haven't talked about the first day
anything nothing dude let's take it today your first time meeting him was something wild we'll
get into me well let's talk about you you were in you were in there you were guerrilla warfare
you were in there you were seeing things on ground i was i was on the front line yeah okay the day
your son was born two weeks ago tell me about about that day. So two weeks ago today, Liv's pregnancy plan did not go as planned.
She had to end up having a C-section kind of last minute.
It wasn't like emergency C-section where she was giving labor and they had to like do it right then and there.
But she had a C-section.
So, of course, that's the first thing.
No one wants to see a C-section.
Don't let any macho guy tell you, oh, you'll look right at it.
No, you don't.
Did you?
It's like your wife fell off of a building it is like it is it is a rough site
so let's just let's call a spade a spade like the the visuals if you had to make a sound effect with
what you're seeing it'd be this just like a splat okay so the way they do it now they don't even
give the husbands the chance to stand anymore, at least in our hospital.
Really?
They go, too many husbands have passed out.
Oh, shit.
So they put you on a stool, and they put you right next to the mother.
Yeah.
So I'm right next to Liv.
I'm looking at her.
She's numb as can be.
Right.
She is off the world's finest modern medicine.
And she's just like this.
How's it going?
I'm like, it's all right.
But there's a big curtain.
And now it's like a car wreck, too.
God bless anyone that's been in a car wreck.
God bless you.
Or if you're going to be in a car wreck soon.
Now, that's strange, but.
You're not going to win, huh?
Hey, someone's going to.
But let's hope you do.
What's happening?
I'm tired.
I'm not even making sense.
But I had to peek.
I didn't want to peek, but I had to look once to say I could do it and say that I made it through.
So I'm sitting there holding their hand like, oh, I love you, babe.
It's going great.
And one time I just went, and I literally was like, it's going good, babe.
Everything is great.
And I was like, it's all good.
But because it was a C-section, she's on heavy medicine.
I was the first one to hold our kid.
Oh, my God.
So they brought him out, cleaned him up.
First off, let's talk about the scene. Imagine you bought a quart of cottage cheese. was the first one to hold our kid oh my god so they brought him out cleaned him up first off
let's talk about the scene imagine you bought a quart of cottage cheese cameron and you grabbed
your baby and you went bath time and you just went and then a little bit of red hue right cameron
oh it's rough their hair it's like it's like slimed to their head and you had a hairy ass
oh my god so much hair he had a hairy ass kid. Oh my God, yeah.
So much hair.
He had a full head of hair.
So after they cleaned off the cheese,
and they got rid of the blood,
he was then semi-presentable.
Yeah.
Swollen as shit.
Yeah, very.
His poor little face was hella swollen.
Big hair.
Just mitts on the kid.
He came out like this.
He was like this.
And he was a little lighter than we expected.
He was seven pounds, six ounces, but he was over 21 inches long.
And the woman was like, this is the longest baby of the day.
And I was like, that's my son.
But holding him for the first time, and when they come out C-section,
they're not really crying because I found that out afterwards.
A vaginal birth is like squeezing them.
That's what makes them get their first cry.
So he was pretty calm.
Just holding him, bro. And i'm not gonna lie it's not like the movies say
and it's like the second i looked into his eyes i was like you know like this magical like yeah
like a pop for me but it wasn't a very intense amount of love yeah but it wasn't like you know
it's not like i felt like a tingle in my balls or something. Yeah, no, I got you.
I feel you.
But, I mean, every second that went on, it was just stronger and stronger.
And it just grew to the point where an hour in, I was like, dude, I would do pretty much anything for him right now.
He hasn't said a word.
He doesn't even know who I am.
His eyes are barely even open.
Yeah.
And I would, like, die for this kid right now.
So it was very intense.
All my emotions hit after we got back
to the room and the nurses came in they were doing measurements and live she was just asleep
because all the medicine and i just started crying and it was just a lot ugly crier i'm a nasty
crier eyes get bloodshot it looks like i'm yeah no it's never like oh he's crying with his son's
like oh yeah it's like oh my god get him a kleenex like that that's the type of cry i am cried held
him live finally came back handed him off to his mama that was a beautiful moment and she was so
loopy yeah that she was trying to cry and just nothing came out i said are you faking this i
said are you are you putting on a show she was like oh he's so cute i was like what the i was
like oh like do you even love him yeah But no, she was super loopy.
But it was great, bro.
It was crazy.
And we had about an hour before, like, y'all and the family that was there got to come in and see him and stuff like that.
And it was fantastic.
It was crazy.
Bro, yeah.
It's honestly so insane.
Because people have seen my reaction.
Like, my genuine first time seeing your son or my nephew.
And it was emotional, right?
It was.
I was breaking down.
You came in, you were fidgety, you were sweating.
I was tripping.
You had the damn toenail slides on.
In all moments, you come to a hospital in a matching thermos sweatsuit and toenail slides.
Okay, because I wasn't ready.
Okay, so I knew the whole day like malachi is going to be
born today and so i was already super anxious like i was like oh shit like i gotta do something
yes and so then as the day went on like you weren't texting me and so my you know my anxiety
i was freaking out bro i was like like when is he here like is everything going good and then you
would text me like once every like four hours dude and you give me like the smallest of updates and then go ghost and i'd be like i get it but damn like i need to
know what's going on and so i was like cj we got to go take pictures do something go to the mall
yeah so we took these pictures from my instagram and then we went to the mall and i couldn't eat
bro i was like i was like because i knew like any hour like malachi was going to be here so i was
just tripping like i was standing alone by myself.
Stimming out.
And then you FaceTimed me.
And you're like, he's here, bro.
I lost my mind.
Oh!
Oh!
And your fucking pat didn't scream.
You said, oh, live!
And you said, we got to go!
I was like, god.
That did not sound like that when I'm excited.
When you get super excited, it's a vulnerable moment.
You go, oh, oh.
That's your, like, that's, like, your real voice.
It's like you've been code switching your whole life.
I'm like, no, that's, what is that?
What's my other voice sound like?
Like that.
Like that right there, you.
That's that.
But when you get happy, you go, oh.
It's like a higher pitch yeah so we
immediately like left the mall i threw away my food i swear to god cj didn't i yeah why i was
excited i can't eat when i'm excited and so i threw away my food we got in the car went straight to
the hospital now y'all pulled up quick pulled up quick and i was like nervous i had to pee i peed
a couple dribbles came out like I couldn't
get a full stream going it was like I was pinching it was like it was like a leaky faucet your penis
your penis is a face it's like a mind of his own it's like
then right when it goes back onto that big comforter which is the underwear it's like
that tries to get snug and so we went up to the to the floor right with the hospital what's it
called the hospital but the floor where the baby's labor and delivery labor and delivery floor lnd
smelled like labor oh yeah it smelled like late. It was like an overwhelming scent of gloves. Yeah, I was like, there's a bunch of placenta running around here.
It's so...
They told us what room you're in.
You go to the room. I hear Lolly.
I hear her automatically.
You can hear her from a mile away.
And then you come around the corner. I saw you.
You automatically look 30 years older.
I was tired.
I was like, this guy has been through some shit oh i'm like i'm like hey he's here i go for a hug genuinely oh and so i hugged you i was that's
what got me going i was like uh-oh the waterworks are starting to physical touch cj went into the
room first right he went to record my reaction i hand sanitized 30 times i was like i've never
used so much hand sanitizer in my life since your son has yeah oh yeah cj's hands are fucking right he went to record my reaction i hand sanitized 30 times i was like i've never used
so much hand sanitizer in my life since your son has yeah oh yeah cj's hands are fucking sandpaper
at this point cj could light a match with his knuckles
he goes
that's how he steams shirts on tour
with his hand he's like i got you bro i remember i walk into the room i see live she's like this oh yeah zombie zombie i look
at the end of the room and i just i don't even see his face i don't even see malachi's face yet
i just see his body and his head with the little cap on it. And I was just like, dude, that is the most, like, precious thing that's on this earth.
And so I was like, oh, damn.
You said it.
Oh.
You did a voice again.
And then everybody I love is in there.
Your mom's in there.
Your dad's there.
Liv's mom is there.
And I was like, Kinsey was there.
I was like, oh, shit, this is bad.
And they're all looking at me like, oh, look who's here.
I was like, don't look at me. You're like, oh, shit, this is bad. And they're all looking at me like, oh, look who's here. I was like, don't look at me.
You're like, stop.
And yeah, and then I just remember I just peeked over to look at him.
And dude, it was the probably, that's probably top two moments of my life.
Top one is probably like 100,000 subscribers.
Rightfully so.
Yeah. Rightfully so. so big milestone 100th episode as soon as we hit a million
you go my guys have dropped a third yeah but he's definitely in a fluid position up there but it's
good i just remember seeing him and i was like dude this is like the craziest it was like outer
body like it really is crazy and i've never held a baby before yeah and you made you yeah i'm so
glad you did i'm so glad you did. I'm so glad you did.
Yeah, and so I went through this whole training process.
I sat down.
Kinsey was folding my arms.
I was like, I don't know where to.
Sure as you said, all right, how do I hold it?
I said, well, not like that.
I said, that's a big gap.
I go.
Kinsey was like, yeah, I tuck that.
Do that there, there, there.
And I set him on you and you were so afraid to even move.
Yeah.
I was like, brother, you can get comfortable.
You're like this, like a hitch in your back. You just like hey buddy i was like lean back yeah just hold the
kid and the crazy part is is that you hand them to me which is the best part it's like damn that
that little transfer passing of the torch yeah this is your father now and i genuinely looked
at him and i was like dude like i love this kid and i i hate babies we're being honest here they
all look like little alien yolk to me.
Like, it's like they're not cute.
And if you see me in public, don't ask me to hold your baby.
I won't do it.
It's probably gross.
That's Malachi, so it's different.
That's my nephew.
And I was holding him, and I was like, dude, this is like the greatest thing on earth.
Yolk?
Like, they look a little eggy, don't they?
They look a little scrambled.
Like, they're pushing scrambled egg.
They're just sitting there.
And then he was just like, and he would peek at me every like one or two seconds.
And he would make little mouth noises.
And I was just talking to him, bro.
His little noises were so cute at the hospital.
Now they're like terror screams.
At the hospital, it's like a cat.
I'm like.
But dude, it's, there's, but dude,
it's,
there's,
it's man.
It is,
uh,
it is highly important to keep your cool when you have a kid.
Yeah.
Cause it's just,
it can very quickly become,
especially for the mothers.
Yeah.
It is like an actual thing.
When a baby cries,
it literally sends like signals and hormones that flush through their body.
Like when it cries for, I mean, I, I would almost say maybe it does the same for a dad,
nowhere near to the extent, but I'm not a doctor, I don't know.
But like I definitely feel some type of way.
But sometimes just the screaming, bro, it becomes, it's like imagine the worst song you've ever heard
and you hate it and then someone like puts you in a car with the best system ever and blares it as loud as they can and right when it ends it restarts it's like you can't
get away from it but it's it's it's so weird because you just want to you almost don't mind
it because you know they're crying for a reason right so it's like you hear it you're really it's
really loud it's really sad but then you're just like okay what do we got to do because it's it's
dude that's probably the hardest part is the fact that it's obvious when you just think about a concept of a baby but when
you think about your own they cannot communicate they literally can't the only thing you do is
scream you don't know what they're crying for is it a dirty diaper do they have a burp that they
didn't get out are they poopy do they want to eat are they so overstimulated are they tired
is there not inflection? There's not. There's not. You can't. It's like, shit.
Yeah, he's like.
Like, none of that.
It is all just screaming cries, bro.
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So one thing I can say about your son, right?
Me and him have spent some time together.
We've had some quality conversations, right?
Oh, my God.
When he came back from your house the other day, his head smelled like Louis Vuitton Meteor.
And I was like, damn, that's good.
I said, shit.
I gave him a kiss and I went.
I was like, Peyton?
I said, how the hell?
I said, is he here?
I looked around.
It was your cologne.
Yeah, so I love your son.
I love him.
I'll love him until the day I die.
He loves you.
But let me be honest about Malachi, right?
Okay.
What are we about to say?
I love him, right?
I hold him, and I just stare at him.
Be careful.
I hold him, and I stare at him. I'm like, dude, he is so cute.
If I stare too long, I'm like, that's Cam.
I'm like, I'm holding.
It's my thing.
You go, oh.
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
No.
Malik, Cam, get the fuck.
Dude, no, genuinely, I'll be like so enamored by how cute this thing is.
If I look too long, I'm staring at you, bro.
And I'm like, why do I find this thing so cute?
I'm like, is this weird that I'm finding my best friend so cute right now?
Like, it's a little bald kid.
I'm going to start looking at you like.
Doing all the faces.
No, it's so.
It is strange, bro.
Liv, in the middle of the day, she'll just be holding him.
We'll set him down, whatever, feed him.
And she'll just look at me and be like.
And I'm like, I don't.
Like, are we playing tigers or what?
Why are you staring so direct at me?
But no, it's. And you can attest to this.
When he came out, because he came out with swelling,
I'm not saying Liv's swollen,
but his face was a lot different,
and he looked a lot more like Liv.
A little more ethnic in him.
Yeah, and he had more of a hue.
He's more melanin.
A little more melanin.
Now he looks like an accountant.
Yeah, that's a white boy.
Named Alan.
He looks like he already owns a pair of baby overalls yeah and
a baby clipboard yeah but bro when he came it was so weird because when he came out everyone that
whole night was like oh my god live he's got your nose your lips your fat like he's he's so lived
yeah three days is all it took for him to literally look like i gave birth i was like
or i like pulled him off my rib. I was like, yeah,
just a direct like extension of me.
He's my twin,
but it's literally like to the point where he's,
he looks like he is going to have a comb over and wear like a Luca Donchik
Jersey for Delta Alpha Psi.
Like that's your son.
You know what I mean?
Like that's not an NBA prospect right there.
That is an accountant.
That's my son. That's a D2 at best. That's a, that's not an nba prospect right there that is an accountant that's my son that's
a d2 at best that's a that's a hey sit in the corner and really work on your jump shot and have
fun with some video games and make some friends yeah that's my son yeah no but he he's gonna get
he's gonna get a couple traits from live he still has lives lips yes lord knows i don't have any
lip i mean i have decent lips cj has better lips for no lip
i have bet i have decent you have no lips i feel like when you kiss you kiss with a lot of teeth
i feel like you're a lot of grill first you know i mean a lot of bite come here babe
she's like she's forcing it has to deal with it
no i i would i would like to say i'm a decent kisser, but you'll never find that out directly.
Maybe a drunken night.
I go, I love you, bro.
I'm like, there's so much chin.
Make sure you get home safe.
What if I would do...
You would do it?
No, I'm tired.
I'm pretty exhausted.
Give me a pass.
No, he still has her nose and her lips.
Thank God.
His hair.
His hair is – a lot of it.
It's straight, but once we wet it, it curls.
So I think it'll curl.
So we still – the jury's still out on that.
The jury's still out on the hair.
Eye color.
Where are we at?
Dude, so newborns have a grayish, like, kind of just like dust.
A little wolfy.
Like, you know when you vacuum and then you look at the filter and it's just kind of dust?
It's a strange thing to compare your son's eyes to, but yeah.
It's pretty accurate, though.
Go look at your vacuum.
Go look at the little thing with all that shit's in there.
It's like a dusty, just hasn't developed.
But in certain shades of the light, when you move a skull like that, they're very blue.
Yeah.
So, I'm like, they like, he might have blue eyes.
Imagine.
Now let's just think about this.
Let's think about it.
He's copy and pasting me, right?
Of course.
I'm a decent looking guy.
I'm not a 10, right?
No, you're a solid 7.2.
Damn, she a 8.
Damn, she a 9.
She ain't no 11, but damn, she a dime.
So I'm like a 6, though, okay? You know, I'll give you 7.2 with the haircut. I'll take a 7.2. I don't have a haircut she a dime So I'm like a 6 though Okay
You know I'll give you
7.2 with the haircut
I'll take a 7.2
I don't have a haircut
So right now I'm 6
Well I'll lower that one
But if he's
If he's copy and paste
Of me
Throw in a little bit of melon
Like an under the table deal
Still give him the blue eyes
Yeah
But he has dark curly hair as well
Maybe that skin hits
A little olive tone
By his 3
Yeah
He might be a He might his three yeah he might be
a he might be a problem he might be he might cause some hell yeah he might cause some havoc
and your daughter's hearts are gonna hurt i'm kidding i want him to be a great man just like me
i want him to be a one woman man and just when he's in a relationship he loves her or likes her
hell y'all don't know what love is at 16 and 15.
Not at all.
No,
not a shot.
Dude,
one thing about him
that I have learned
is I think he's gonna have your,
like,
how you use your hands
all the time.
Like,
how you're always like this.
Dude,
your son,
bro,
Malachi,
is always using his hands.
And that motherfucker
has a gorilla grip.
He does.
He's like,
dude,
he grabbed his own hair
the other day.
He was so uncomfortable, he was like, he grabbed his own hair the other day. He was so uncomfortable.
He was like, ah!
He went.
He just grabbed that chunk, and he was like, ah!
Yeah.
Okay, I have to tell you one thing.
Tell me a story.
I have to tell you one thing about his faces, bro.
Yeah.
Okay, so we have these.
It happens daily, and it's so funny.
We have these intimate moments, because we're like, okay, parents can attest to this.
They say when your baby's going to go to sleep, don't change anything about your lifestyle.
Be just as loud.
If you bang a pot, bang a pot.
If you have your TV on 60, have your TV on 60.
That's loud.
The quicker you can get them adjusted to that, the less time in your life you'll have to spend tiptoeing.
Yeah, 100%.
So that's hard to do, though.
When you have a little baby and you just really want him to go to sleep, you naturally are just want to put him down yeah so we feed him this is daily we feed him and we're
sitting there rocking him right and we go to burp him and when he's up here to burp every single
time eventually he will get like super tired he's basically asleep and then i'll take him down here
to go back to rock do the last like five ten minutes and really put him out and he will open his eyes and he will give you the craziest face ever yeah and it is so hard not to laugh out loud it is
unbelievable who's he do just yesterday take him off and i'm looking at him right here right and
i'm just rocking like this and he opens his eyes real quick he goes and then he goes. Dog.
You look just like him.
And that's literally what he does. You look just like him, bro.
That's literally what he does.
He'll go cross-eyed.
He'll, like, do that with his lips.
Liv calls him a little monkey boy.
Now, I don't say it.
Now, that kid, you can't say that.
You can't say that.
No, I don't say it.
No, you can't say it.
In a court of law, I don't say it.
Liv calls him a little monkey.
A little monkey boy.
You've been waiting to get that off. You've been waiting. You're like, yeah, Liv, a little monkey. A little monkey boy. You've been waiting to get that off.
You've been waiting.
You're like, yeah, Liv, call me a little monkey.
It's sounding harsh, and it's not supposed to be.
He's my son.
If he looks like a monkey, damn it, he does.
But, again, Liv calls him.
We'll have to look at that one and review.
We'll review the play.
Liv calls him a little monkey.
But because he, like, not even.
He does make little, like, little.
It's like, he literally does that.
And it's so, bro, it's so cute.
When you do that, you look just like him, bro.
I know.
I was, cause I was explaining it to Liv too.
I was like, isn't it?
He just does the craziest of faces.
She was like, Cameron, you need to stop.
Like you're creeping me out.
Yeah.
But it is so hard.
Cause if you laugh, you'll be like, and you move him.
And then he's like, he wakes up.
Dude, that is one of the that's one of
the funnest things so far i have a thing that we're probably gonna debate right but before we
get into that man i gotta be honest i'm ready to wax that ass first time i saw your son he looked
at me cross-eyed and i i was like cam what the dude i was like i thought that was part i didn't
know put it back put it back i sort of got in the car right back from the hospital i googled is it
normal for babies to be cross ieyed? I didn't know either.
I thought his foot was broken when he got here.
His foot, this part of his foot was touching his shin.
And I literally said, I walked up to the doctor and I went,
hey, doc, is that broken?
I said, is he going to wear a cast?
And then they said, no, we're checking for broken clavicles right now too.
Brother came out with his arm like this and he was like,
and I said, this man just couldn't make it easy on us.
He just couldn't make it easy.
First time I held him he looked at me cross-eyed
and I was like uh-uh. I said you gotta close that
brother. And it's
random. I looked up why they do it.
It's just completely random. They don't know shit.
They can't control anything.
It's like a little bobblehead. It'll just sit there.
Can I tell you something?
That's gonna make you throw up?
Probably not.
Oh, it probably will.
Maybe, maybe not.
Okay.
You wanna know how much money it costs to have him?
To have him?
Do you wanna know how much money it costs to have Malachi Anthony Kennedy?
It costs money to have a kid?
Does it cost money to have a kid?
I'm gonna tell, I'm not gonna to disclose what we paid because there's insurance.
And hopefully if you ever plan on having a kid, anybody in the world,
please get insurance first.
Because it's bad?
Please get insurance first.
Worse than my toll roads?
Please get insurance.
Please get insurance first.
That kid, before deductions, before, like,
this is nowhere near what we paid.
And I'm not going to disclose that.
But the actual bill
before insurance
jumps in,
deductibles,
all that shit.
64 grand.
$64,000.
Liv might get mad.
He's not cute enough
for $64,000.
That's not,
that's not a $64,000.
Oh no!
I go,
hey,
a 64,000 kid
shouldn't have a broken foot and cross eye. I said, hey, a 64,000 kid shouldn't have a broken f***ing foot and cross
eye. I said, if he's 64
grand, he needs to come out in Prada glasses,
a cute little sweatsuit,
and he needs to be speaking by week one.
He'd be able to dab me up. He better not keep me
up at night if he's 64 grand.
Are you nuts? $64,000?
64 grand.
One more token for you, right?
Oh my god. the first couple nights when
we got home very rough and we just it wasn't even like flirting with the idea i just looked it up
because i didn't really even know it was a thing night nurses yeah okay yeah yeah
night nurses 12 hour shifts the average for a night nurse is 25 to 60 dollars an hour 12 hour shifts if you were to employ a
medium level night nurse every day of the week that is eight thousand dollars a month
holy shit and i said nope looks like we're thugging through it i said pass him to me i'm like
dead asleep cam 64 grand to have that kid what okay but you said levels of night nurses what's
like a low level night nurse like one that can barely she's just like like just she's like
she's eating my snacks she's like, she's eating my snacks. She's like this.
I go, hey, keep it down.
And then like the top levels, they're like, they're doing the perfect shit.
They're like rubbing his little belly, grabbing his butt.
And he's like, I wake up, he's like this.
It's like wide awake and fine.
No, I'm just like, like different rates.
Like I just said, like a medium level, terms of not the 25 but not the 60.
Yeah.
Bro, lick.
Yeah.
I've been coming to night nurse. If you want to make some brieche,
get good with babies.
Dude, that's a great sign.
Get good with babies.
Go get your little nurse degree,
whatever the hell they have to do.
A dupa.
What is it?
A duna?
Brother, I have no idea about babies.
What is it?
A doula.
A doula.
Doula.
I'm trying to do more
of her doula feature.
But yeah. Something we might debate about. All right. Talk doula. Doula. I'm trying to do more hurt and do a feature. But yeah.
Something we might debate about.
All right.
Talk to me.
Okay.
Smoking that ass.
I'm going to roll that ass.
I'm going to roll that ass in the backwoods.
It might just upset you a little bit.
Okay.
Okay.
Now.
Fart in my joint.
Smoke that ass.
Okay.
So whenever you're.
Before Malachi was born. i always had this thing happiness
no i
we're back to comedy podcast so before you had him i was like hey i don't know if i'm gonna like him
like i don't i don't know if we're gonna have that bond because i owe i owe nothing to him like you know what i mean like i owe no loyalty like i didn't
choose no loyalty i don't right like we don't know shit to pierce either but we like pierce
imagine how hairy he was as a baby oh his shoulder he probably came out
yeah he did get his donuts but it's good man so before you had your kid i was like ah Oh, his shoulder. He probably came out.
Yeah, he did get his donuts.
You did get his donuts.
Good man.
So before you had your kid, I was like, ah, like I'll be happy.
Like, damn, that's sick.
But look, it's documented.
I've said that on the podcast.
Yeah, but that's still.
But I was completely wrong.
There you go.
You loved him the second you saw him. Once he was on this earth and I laid eyes on him, I love him.
Now I have to break something to you.
Okay.
I might love him more than I love you.
See, now that's bullshit.
Now that's bullshit.
I might love your son more than I love you.
That's not okay.
I think that's what's happening.
That's not okay.
Why?
No me, no nephew.
Me gone, Malachi gone.
I think I can say the same thing on your end.
You love your son more than you love me, right?
You gone, Malachi still here. Not true. son more than you love me, right? You gone.
Malachi is still here.
Not true.
Very true.
No, I put you and Liv together.
Oh my God.
Yes, I did.
Without me, you and Liv would have never made coitus.
No, you were like a Steve Harvey.
You were a great host and a good combiner of it. Yeah.
No, but no, we would have made coitus without you.
We would have made coitus.
You would have played Tiger.
I would have played the hell out of some Tiger.
No, honestly, I think I love your son more than you.
There's no way you love him more than me.
Because he doesn't give me the headaches you do.
Like, he looks just like you.
It's miniature, and it's like a fresh slate.
Like, I don't know all the bullshit that comes with it.
Like, you, I know, like, a lot of yapping,
all my food's gone.
He's going to need food in an hour.
He's going to talk my ear off.
Yeah.
Okay, from that perspective, I understand it.
I would challenge you.
You know what would make you immediately love me more again? What? Spend 24 hours straight with him. Okay. From that perspective, I understand it. I would challenge you. You know what would make you immediately love me more again?
What?
Spend 24 hours straight with him.
Nope.
I want to see you in those trenches.
Yeah.
I want to see you at the brink of tears, but not even because of sadness.
Just because you're fucking soft.
Dude, no.
Honestly, when he came to my house, right?
And that's the first time I saw him be fed and burped.
When he did that little spit up and it looked like yogurt coming out,
I was like, don't want him anymore.
Get him out.
I was like, get him off my couch.
He was like, yeah, it's very expensive.
My couch is more expensive than him.
I go, $64,000.
You go, oh, my God.
Bro.
Yeah.
There's no, okay.
From that standpoint, I can give it to you.
Yes.
From overall realistic life, there's no shot you love him more.
100%.
And I think it would even get worse.
If it was me or him, you had to save one.
Who?
Malachi.
You've had your run.
I've had 26 years.
Let him have some.
Stinky 26 years.
Yeah.
He needs to grow up.
I appreciate that.
And he's got fresh hips.
Now, if it was you or him, though.
Me or him?
Yeah, if I had to save one.
Oh, you'd definitely pick Malachi.
Really?
You would?
Oh, no.
I'd go, get out of here. I'd uh one thing that I argued with Pearson CJ about right oh god when we left
the hospital right after Malachi was born I was so like on a high an adrenaline rush you were
I've already had 15 pictures of him in my camera roll The first hour he was alive
Of his life
I said dude you know how on iPhones
You can make multiple screensavers
Lock screens
I said I want to make Malachi your son
One of my lock screens
CJ and Pierce said that's the weirdest shit in the world
Is that weird?
That's not that weird
So you wouldn't mind
I'm unlocking my phone, right?
And just your son is on my phone.
Now, is it just my little squish?
Like no one else, it's not even you holding him?
No, just him.
It's just like him sitting on the cookery.
Just him, like that.
Just like this.
Just him.
Yeah.
I don't think it's weird.
Okay, good.
I don't think it's weird.
Like it's just a different level of love, let's be honest.
I see a little bit.
You don't even have yourself right now.
You have like a quote.
Yeah.
So to go from a quote to my kid and you're not even holding him, it's like, I mean.
I don't like their hesitation.
I appreciate it and I respect it and I love it.
Yeah.
But I guess I can see what they're saying is weird, but they're little boys.
They're little boys.
They don't know that love yet.
Yeah.
They don't know that right there. So you wouldn't mind? No, I think you should do it. Okay. I think, I mean, that they're saying is weird, but they're little boys. They're little boys. They don't know that love yet. Yeah. They don't know that right there.
So you wouldn't mind?
No, I think you should do it.
Okay.
I think, I mean, that'd be sick.
Thank God.
Okay, but is it the one where it changes every time you lock it?
I was thinking about it because I have so many and I don't know which one.
You should do that.
You should get a funny picture with him and you and then that could be it.
Yeah, but I'm not in the position yet.
I don't feel safe around him.
His neck isn't strong enough to where I feel like I can move him too much.
So I just hold him and I sit still. You just hold the neck. Yeah, I don't feel safe around him. His neck isn't strong enough to where I feel like I can move him too much. So I just hold him
and I sit still.
You just hold the neck.
Yeah, I don't like
when y'all do that.
Isn't it crazy that you can
hold the neck like with this?
Yeah, it's like y'all poached him
when y'all do that.
I don't like it.
Like when y'all hold him like that,
like it's like a geese
y'all just shot out of the sky.
Here we go.
I don't like when y'all do that.
He's in there.
Yeah, I genuinely don't like
when y'all hold him like that.
Bro, but you have to.
They can't control their neck at all.
Okay.
First off, bring it in.
You're an amazing uncle already.
You've only been on this earth for two weeks.
You're an amazing uncle.
Y'all are amazing uncles.
I almost got into some of Miri's shoes.
Dude, Liv was hype.
You sent that picture, and I was like, this motherfucker.
He's already looking at stuff.
And she goes, what is he looking at? And I go, oh, these shoes. She goes was like, I was like, this motherfucker. I was like, he's already looking at stuff. And she goes,
what is he looking at?
I go,
oh,
these shoes.
She goes,
oh my God,
those are cute.
If he doesn't get them,
I'll tell him to buy them
and I'll send him the money for them.
And I was like,
I was like,
dude,
his big toe is like still crooked and broken.
He's not even wearing shoes for a while.
Relax.
She was obsessed with those.
But,
whenever you see this Bubby,
know that we all love you
and this is like right when you were fresh
and gooey still,
but enough of you. I'm not going to lie, big lie big dog i love you and your hands were weird when you were
born and i just want to put that out there nails were brown your hands were white like a little
witch like a chicken foot like on his hands were like chicken feet just nasty
no you did not you lie i was disgusted
it was so nasty his feet were his hands were nasty purple and brown nails dead his nails were brown
his hands were white as snow and he was like this like throwing up sets and massive mitts he was
like yeah you're like look how look at his hands i said oh wow and then they came in they go we got
some eye drops for him and i go okay they're like it just really. It clears out any bacteria that might have went through during the birth process.
I was like, okay, go for it.
I turn my back to shoot a part for Liv's vlog.
I come back around.
It looks like he was like shot with like toaster strudel dressing on the top.
It's just glazed and like all over.
So I'm like, what the hell happened to the drops?
He's like, oh, it's more of a paste.
It melts in.
He had that shit on his eyes for like three hours.
And every person that grabbed him, I was like, hey, he's got to.
Those aren't his eyes.
That's not natural.
That is aftermarket stuff on his eyes.
On baby number two, I'm going to wait about a week and a half for her to meet him.
Why?
Don't want to see that part.
You already saw it on one.
It's gross.
You're good.
The You Should Know Podcast.
In my hiatus, which I'm so glad it's over,
so glad to be back with the You Should Know family and with y'all.
In my hiatus, a lot of shit happened.
I bet.
A lot of shit happened.
We haven't talked in so long.
The first one I absolutely have to bring up is our dear, beloved friend, Ryan.
He started firefighter school.
Congratulations, Ryan.
He started firefighter school.
It's going good.
He's grinding through it. But boy,
there is a story that
he told me that I have to relay
on his behalf, and it is
so, so funny.
Second day of firefighter school.
There's 30 people, and his class is all men.
There's a couple girls in the other classes, but his happened to be
all men. 30 guys. That's lame.
What are you supposed to look at?
30 guys, okay?
The instructor is like a 60, 65-year-old retired firefighter for years.
He just teaches the classes now.
He's like a hard ass.
He goes, someone's got to be a leader, and I'm not picking him.
Okay, this guy Dave stands up.
He goes, I'll be the leader, all right?
So this guy Dave appoints himself as the class leader.
This is 30 grown men.
Think about it.
Another guy said, I'll be it.
That is a bold, bold, bold statement.
That was the first day of class.
Second day of class, they show up early in the morning, right?
And Dave gets everybody there and goes, everybody line up.
Oh, shit.
Hell no.
He lines them up, okay?
Dave lines them up like a drill sergeant line.
And he's starting to walk.
This is another random, like, dad, okay?
And he's talking to all these guys.
He goes, you need to find your why.
We are firefighters.
You need to find your why, okay?
So you got to find out why you're here and what
you're really fighting for. Our job is seriously meaningful. We save souls. Given this speech,
the instructor, the instructor comes in and he goes, who told you to get in this? And he's like,
his hands right here. Dude, dude, hands over his mouth. He goes, who told you to get in this? And he's like, his hands right here. Dude, dude.
Hands over his mouth.
He goes, who told you to get in this line?
They go, Dave.
And then he looks at Dave.
Dave's giving his speech.
And he walks up to him.
Like, think about how intimidating this is.
He has his hand over his mouth. And he goes, you know, we're never going to be in this formation, right?
He goes, oh, okay, sir.
I was just trying.
He goes, so did anybody give you instructions? He goes, oh, okay, sir. I was just trying. He goes, so did anybody give you instructions?
He goes, oh, well, no.
Took his hand off his mouth and goes, well, then shut the fuck up!
And screamed, screamed right at his face.
Spit.
Spit flew and got on his face.
The other guys in the line were like, oh.
And like jumped back. It went, spit got in his face. The other guys in the line were like, oh, oh. And like, jumped back.
And went, spit got in his face.
And then, he goes, he literally,
so apparently Dave has a,
he's wearing a cord that represents he's the leader.
The instructor rips the cord off his jacket,
throws it into the back,
says, get the f*** out of here.
And says, I need a new leader.
Oh, shit.
In front of 29 other grown men.
That's so rough.
Ryan said when the cord was thrown, Ryan was like, he had to like dodge it.
He had to like miss it in the corner right there.
Oh, my God.
Dude, that's so funny.
That happens.
They do their little field practice thing, whatever it is.
They go inside to the class.
There's another guy in the class.
Yeah.
Ryan says he's bald.
He's got teeth, right? Jagged teeth. Like a Rottweiler. Yeah. There's another guy in the class. Yeah. Ryan says he's bald. He's got teeth, right?
Jagged teeth.
Like a Rottweiler.
Yeah.
And he talks very strange.
Like slow and stuff like that.
Like a little Forrest Gump.
Yeah.
A little Gumpy.
A little Bubba Shrimp.
Bubba Gump.
Bubba Gump Shrimp.
A little Forrest Gump with a little wick teeth.
It's all right a little assistance
on the teeth a little cheese and milk to the front door it's all right we get it oh so they
were in the class and the instructor was still hype and that guy raises his hand to ask a question
so completely bald like completely bald teeth talking, completely bald. Teeth talking weird.
He goes,
I just wanted to know
and ask a question.
And the instructor goes,
what'd you say?
Ghost story?
He called him
ghost story.
That guy's a
f***ing asshole.
That's a,
that's just an asshole.
That's crazy.
It's not over.
The next day, the Dave guy.
It's a fake name, of course, but the Dave guy comes up to the class.
He comes in like a crew neck.
It's like blue, and they're supposed to wear certain things.
And the instructor grabs him by the neck.
He goes, what the fuck did I tell you about wearing this crew neck?
They just got to quit. They just got to quit.
They just got to leave.
Oh, my God, bro.
He told me that.
He actually told me that when we were still in the hospital.
And I had been sitting on that.
I was crying.
I was absolutely crying when he told me that.
And Ryan said it was the single-handedly most embarrassing thing he's ever been a part of.
And he was just like this.
Like standing at attention while all this is happening.
He had to dodge the cord.
I'm trying.
Imagine.
Like that story is funny on its own.
Imagine just looking at Ryan the whole time.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
If you and Ryan were in the same room when that happened.
Oh no.
You ought to get kicked out.
There's no chance.
I wouldn't have been a firefighter.
Bro, there's so much that has happened since this two weeks off.
I have a story as well.
Oh, my God.
Let's hear it.
You know, I've only gotten one massage in my life.
Like a real massage went to a masseuse one time.
You enjoyed it?
I loved it.
It was at a normal chain like Massage Envy.
It was like a regular, like the McDonald's of massages.
It's easy.
You go in there. They just rub you down a little oil. They get you in, get you out. So smooth like a regular, like the McDonald's of massages. It's easy. You go in there.
They just rub you down, a little oil.
They get you in, get you out.
So smooth, so easy, right?
Me and CJ have been lifting a lot like this last week.
I know.
You finally went back.
We've been going.
You know what I mean?
We're healthy.
CJ's calves are in hell.
Oh, yeah.
He's been limping all over the place.
So we were so sore this one day, right?
And then we had somebody doing work at the house,
so we couldn't be in the house.
So we had a whole day to just f*** off, just do whatever, right?
Cool.
So the first thing we did, we went and got some patties, right?
My toes are nice.
Now.
Yeah, they were a little jagged, a little wicked.
No, they were talking s***.
They were doing your feet, 100%.
So then we got our toes done, right?
We're sitting in the car like what else
because they're still working on the house we're like damn we're sore let's go get a massage
elbow to that spinal yeah let's go get a massage right we were looking at all these different
massage places right we're looking at massage envy booked up we're looking at all these like
big chain massage places but they're they were all up. We couldn't. Oh, God.
Then we found this one little massage place.
It was like a Thai massage place, right?
Oh.
Right.
Ducked off somewhere.
I never heard of it.
Never been to this side of the town, right?
Oh, this side of the town.
No.
No.
Here we go.
Here we go strapping.
I've just never been over there, right?
Yeah.
Why would you?
No.
I like that. strapping i've just never been over there right yeah why would you no but it wasn't one of those let me make it clear it wasn't like a like a shit massage place there we go like where you give a hundred dollars and you you get a little relief it wasn't one of those
it was it was an establishment right good good thank you so we walk into this
massage they have openings right for me and cj nice right did you get a couples no no no no
individuals i don't want to be next to him when i'm getting rubbed down right i wouldn't mind it
i bet you would i think he'd put off some good aura well okay and so i was thinking it was good
to be a normal massage like how I experience at Massage
Enemy.
Just rub me down, get me out of there, right?
We walk into this massage place.
They hand me a paper, and it's a waiver.
They hand me a waiver.
And I go, well, that's semi-normal.
Okay.
I didn't know if this was for my protection or yours.
Like, so whatever.
I signed it, right?
She goes, okay, follow me to the back, right?
Oh, man.
I'm so nervous. She takes me to the room at the back of this massage place i'm on my phone right walking following her of course y'all out of nowhere i
hear a loud thud right she falls she falls down hits the ground hard as shit cam like it wasn't
like a graceful fall like there might have been a broken bone.
And she gets up so
quick. Like, she was doing a basketball
drill, dog.
Like, she was timed on the get-up.
And she was like,
over-apologetic to me to the point it got
awkward, dog. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'m sorry i'm sorry and i was like
you're fine yeah are you okay she gets me into this room right she gets me into this room she
goes take your clothes off leave your drawers on and i said well that was gonna happen regardless
i'm taking my clothes off right and i start to examine the room so dark in there like so dark yeah i look up at the ceiling there's two bars on the ceiling
parallel to the bed and i'm like i'm gonna get like this is like this isn't right
like i don't know what these bars are for there's wrist hooks and stuff yeah it was a little wicked a candle going on very sexual music and i said i'm i'm not comfortable i take off my clothes i leave
my drawers on oh thank god i get i get into the bed i put my face down in the thing right
four seconds later door swings open she, it was a different lady.
What?
Different lady.
The first lady was just a receptionist.
Different lady comes in, right?
But she comes into this room with so much aggression, right?
Like aggressive.
Like she was ready.
Swings the door open, slams it.
Hello.
I look back.
I'm like, hello. Now now i don't care about this right
it doesn't matter but it is important to the story right Well, the best way to describe it...
Say it.
Well, I don't care.
I really don't care about this,
but the only reason I'm saying this is because it's important to the story, right?
I'm a faint.
What's the best way to describe it?
She was big.
No, okay, yeah.
No, no, yeah.
She was a little larger, which is fine.
No, I'm not laughing.
No, it's not because he's trying to be super polite. I'm trying to because it doesn't matter.
I'm going to fake it.
Throw up, bro.
Okay, right?
She was larger.
I didn't think anything of it, but I just have to say that for what's about to happen in this story, right?
Right?
So she, I look at her and I'm like, okay, that's fine because she's just going to rub me down.
We're all going there.
But y'all are making it bigger than what it is.
It's just contact.
Right? but y'all are making it bigger than what it is right so so she she begins to like rub me down on my back normal no it felt great no because there's no oil she was what she was dry rubbing
my back i was giving you a burn yeah and i said oh yeah but then she starts to like examine my body like she's grabbing shit like legs yeah she's
getting in me and i'm like when does the massage start and she goes now i'm not gonna do the
accent because that's not important like i'm not but i'm gonna tell you there was an accent with
it yeah i'm just saying for the story don't do that i'm not okay okay all right all right so she's like
do you play sports and i go uh kinda and she was a lie that's a bold face well already you know me
i don't like to talk during appointments don't talk to me you weren't scrolling on your phone
like under the thing no my phone was right beside my ear you're kidding okay i was creeped out by that i don't
know what's above me i don't have voice recording you said yeah and she goes uh do you work out and
i go yeah i do and she goes your muscles are really tight yeah and i go yeah i know that's
why i'm here and then she goes that kind of makes sense right and she goes how old are you and i say
25 she goes oh this is no good first of all you're
making me feel bad already i'm not here for this you're giving me back burns yeah and then
she's like okay she gets up off the bed my face is down oh no oh time out like she's like
kind of on the bed like where i can feel her like her knees like on the side of me right
like she's up right she's up like she's like mounted on the bed already oh wait for this oh wait for this she gets up off i feel
i feel her get off the bed right and so i'm face down eyes wide open confused at what's about to
happen my back's exposed i don't i don't know what the f**k on. Dog, if there was a POV camera, you're like, dead ass. I swear to God, she jumps.
Y'all think I'm kidding.
She jumps on me.
Her knees are in my thighs, brother.
She's mounting me like she's about to hump.
Her pelvis is on my ass dog and she's going to
town on me brother like she she's in my shit bro i'm i'm not comfortable i'm literally like this
i'm getting my shit ran through right now dog i'm like
yeah so right after that she's doing that for a minute bro like a while
she puts her face right by my ear dog and she she has the goal i swear to god she has the goal to ask me do you want feet
i said i'm looking at her mouth right here she goes do you want feet and i say what does that
mean she goes do you want me to stand on your back i say not to be partial here man but you would kill me like dog like i said
i said you want to stand on my back and she goes yeah that's what these are for she's gonna hold
those rails and step on me and i said i said my ass is sore, man. You've been in me. I said, no, I'm okay.
She goes, it will feel really good.
And I was like, no, I'm okay.
Maybe next time.
She goes, no, though, right?
She goes, okay.
She goes back to mounting position.
She's on me, right?
She goes, put your hands behind your back.
I said, fuck you.
Talk.
She puts my hands behind my back and cuffs them with her hands.
She doesn't have, like, the fuzzy cuffs.
But she's cuffing them with her hands.
I'm like this, head down.
I'm like, what the f***, dude?
I'm like this.
And she goes, one, two, three.
She's holding me back by my hands. My f in the sky bro and she's like you're just like
like a naked bird
and she goes more more more i can't i can't she goes your muscles are tight i said i can't
she drops me down i like just drops me
not a grace i'm like boom right back to it i'm literally like this huh huh huh then she pulls
out the oil oh that was pre-oil are you kidding me no lube she's straight dry on me dog she pulls
out the oil right and she's starting to work on my back.
Now it's starting to feel okay.
Dog, she pulls the sheet past my ass, right?
Oh, no.
I got drawers on.
I got drawers on still, right?
Okay.
I feel one index finger.
No.
I swear to God, bro.
I feel one index finger go into my underwear like that, right above the crack, right above that little knot.
You are lying.
And she pulls it down like half an inch, just to where the top of my crack is showing.
I said, why the fuck is my ass out right now, man?
Like, what's going on?
Cam, I kid you not.
She dribbles the fucking oil.
No, she doesn't.
I swear to God, it's leaking down my dog
i'm like dog and it's a little like it's she called it something like fire bomb like tiger
bomb some shit and it's burning my crack brother and she's starting to work on my back right i'm
gonna throw up i'm gonna she's she's maneuvering my arms she's pulling my arms dude she's taking
me through stretches the the base of my foot was. Dude, she's taking me through stretches.
The base of my foot was by my ear.
She's bending me all kinds of positions, Cam.
All while your ass is on fire.
Yeah.
And then, I kid you not.
I don't feel good.
Ten minutes into that, she goes two hands on my drawers, pulls my flaccid penis.
It's on the goddamn mattress, bro.
She doesn't even touch my ass my ass didn't get rubbed my ass is just out now i'm so uncomfortable bro dude she she liked me
she was on some freak time and she's like on top of me pulls your ass out to work on your delts
yeah she's just like dude there's one point my ass is fully out and she's laying on top of me. She pulls your ass out to work on your delts. Yeah. She's just like, dude, there's one point my ass is fully out,
and she's laying on top of me like this, bro, like rubbing my shoulders.
Peyton, you need to read that little thing you signed.
You need to read the shit out of that.
Send it to some lawyers, and you might come up off a bag.
Yeah, the last thing.
I think she was playing Tigers.
She was trying to play some Tigers.
She flips me back over.
I'm out, but I'm still covered by the sheet some tigers. She flips me back over. I'm out.
But I'm still covered by the sheet.
I'm covered by the sheet, but I'm out.
I literally would have been like this if she took me over and pulled my shit up.
And she's bending my arm like this, bro.
She's bending me.
She's f***ing with my ears.
I'm like, dude, I want this.
And she's f***ing hitting me with one of these.
She's going.
She's like, don't worry.
You're like she goes she goes i'll be in the
hallway dude and she just sit there and cry i kid you not she we end when i'm on my back she taps me
twice she goes all done walks out i didn't see her i didn't see after that i've that's what i've
been dealing with since you were gone it It was the worst massage of my life.
That?
Yeah.
Peyton, I think that's the greatest story you've ever told.
Dude.
And I loved every single second of that.
And I was crying.
CJ, am I bullshitting, bro?
I just sent me to meet you.
Yes.
What?
What?
No, but he let the girl stand on his back.
Yeah.
They did the same thing?
Yeah, but she was standing on her back.
You had oil in your ass crack, too?
Oh, no.
My girl was polite.
She pulled it down a little bit.
Why, though?
If they're not touching ass, they just want to see some crack.
Did they rub your ass, at least?
She was putting her foot in it, yeah.
At least his ass got touched.
Think about it. At least his ass got touched. Think about it. Your gummy worm penis was on a table,
and she never touched below your L8.
Ever.
What if she would have said,
all right, bring in Jimmy.
Oh, that place would have been burned down.
Holy Peyton.
I think you can come off a bag.
I should.
I don't know what I signed up for.
I don't know what you signed up for. I don't know what you signed.
What if that shit was filmed?
Oh, my God.
Oh, if that's on the internet, Kim, the part where I'm like this, bro,
that was the most degrading part of being a man I've ever gone through.
I think one of my favorite parts, you said when you were down in the hole,
in the little breathing hole, and she got her mouth right here,
and I was just envisioning it. She said, you couldn't hear, so you turned down in the hole, in the little breathing hole, and she got her mouth right here, and I was just envisioning it.
She said, you couldn't hear, so you turned to look at it,
and what if all you saw was just like this?
I said, did you want the feet?
It was just a big mouth.
I'm like, that's all you can see.
Oh, my God.
I got to take a break, bro.
I'm about to pass out.
The You Should Know Podcast.
Dear God.
Told you, bro.
That is my new favorite story you have ever told.
Yeah.
Ever.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I had to live through it.
Yeah, that was scary.
Like being there in person, physical body, you.
Yeah.
As soon as she jumped on me, I would have said, get out.
Yeah.
I would have said, get out.
I'm putting my clothes on.
I need my money back.
As soon as she started mounting me and handcuffing me.
Oh, I should have called. When you turned your face and all you saw was i said did
you want to feel it's just a big mouth no no shot bro okay i was thinking about this do you think
like animals know like do you think they know no wood like do you think ducks know when duck season
starts like do you duck season like hunting season like oh they know they're about to get like huddle
up with their family and they're like all right we got they know they're about to get like huddle up
with their family and they're like all right we got to go west like we gotta get like we gotta
get out of here is that when they migrate you tell me dude all that doesn't make sense to me
at all like i don't understand how but that's the thing i'm always weird with animals i think they
got some on us i think they do too you know what i mean they have like a like an extra thumb like a
another just yeah source so you're asking me when they know they're going to get hunted or when they know they're going to
migrate no do they know yeah do they know when they're going to get hunted or do they just start
getting shot at they're like holy shit yeah i think they're like it's that time again or they're
like do they plan no i think they're dumb quarterly duck meetings and they plan they're like okay this
year we're going to arizona no i'm out of ship we can make it i think with hunting i think they're
dumb i think they're just they're out there for the slaughter, especially deer.
Deer, I think, are the bottom of the totem pole of animals.
God, they're so cute.
It's just so dumb.
Deer.
Deer are bottom of the totem pole.
Dumbest.
You've seen a deer get caught in a fence.
It just looks at the lights.
Yeah.
Wham!
You've seen a deer get caught in a fence and then taken out of the fence,
go right back into the fence.
That's very true.
I would argue sheeps.
Sheeps get lost quick.
Sheep without a shepherd, just a little pillow.
I've never hung with too many sheep.
I've never seen a sheep in person.
Have you seen a sheep in real life?
Yes.
Cooper used to shave them.
What?
My high school friend used to shave sheep.
Your high school friend used to shave sheep on Saturdays.
He had a shave sheep Saturday.
That was his day.
That was his chore.
I was out there washing dishes. He was a shave sheep Saturday. That was his day. That was his chore. I was out there washing
dishes. He was shaving sheep.
Okay. Now for being
partial. White. Yeah, he was.
Did y'all ever get to switch roles? Was he ever washing
dishes? Did you ever get to shave sheep? Oh, I wasn't doing chores
at his house. I'm just saying the dichotomy.
I thought he was shaving sheep
and you were like busting down plates in the background.
If I had responsibility at his house,
we'd have to have a different conversation.
I'd be like, Kathy, what's going on?
That's his mom.
Shout out, Miss Kathy.
But you know with birds,
you bring something up with birds and migration.
You ever been in a Target parking lot?
You look up, you see 158 of them son of a bitches.
All at once.
And they're doing a trick up there.
Dude, I think they race each other.
Or they have fight pins.
They definitely do.
You ever been to high school and you see the marching band at 4 a.m. out there? Dude, I think they like race each other or they have like fight pins. They definitely do. You ever been to high school and you see the marching band
at 4 a.m. out there? They definitely have
marching band time. There's no way
y'all do that without practice.
Dude, it's like a pay-per-view.
It's like a bookie. There's like one little fat bird
that ate real good. He claimed himself
as the self-proclaimed bookie.
He takes bets and then he fights
two of his top birds
and everyone just comes around
and they watch
and they get in that tree
and they're like,
what the hell birds make?
I've always had a thing
about birds
and I've said this
since we were young.
Before it was like a big thing.
90% of birds can't be real.
Surveillance tactics.
That's dumb.
It's not.
That's dumb.
You remember COVID-19?
I've said this before.
You went outside during COVID?
No, but... Tried to take a walk? Damning evidence. Not a goddamn bird in the sky. But maybe they were like, COVID-19? I've said this before. You went outside during COVID? No, but...
Tried to take a walk?
Damning evidence.
Not a goddamn bird in the sky.
But maybe they were like,
hey, we don't want that shit either.
Let's get out of here.
But birds are worried about the bird flu.
That's going around right now.
Heard that.
Is a bird flu actually...
Is it derived from birds
or does it affect birds greater?
It's like leukemia for birds.
Like, is that what it is?
It's like a very... Just like a strong flu for birds? No, I think itmia for birds. Is that what it is? It's like a very...
Just like a strong flu for birds?
No, I think it came from birds.
I think it's a derived from...
How do we do that, though?
How do we do that, though?
How do we get bird flu?
Yeah.
How do we get bird...
That's bullshit.
You seen that guy in New York?
I told you about it.
Remember that guy in New York was tongue-tied to pigeons in front of everybody.
He was grabbing them hoes and licking them.
People were taking pictures and giving them panties.
For licking fouls.
What a life.
Yeah.
He's sitting there making out with a street pigeon.
Yeah.
And people are like, flicking him quarters.
New York is a sick place.
New York's terrifying.
The You Should Know Podcast.
All right, buddy.
Yeah, so it's been a minute.
We've been out here for some weeks.
Yes.
Because baby boy was born. But in my hiatus, in my absence. Oh, buddy. Yes. So it's been a minute. We've been out of here for some weeks. Yes. Because baby boy was born.
But in my hiatus, in my absence.
Oh, God.
I saw some on TikTok.
And it's a fun little game for you.
And I want to play it with you.
Because I think you're going to do really good on one part.
And once you hear that, you're not going to be too proud of yourself.
Well, I'm glad because half the games you make me play, I'm not good at any part of it.
This is simply, do you think you're better at
science or drinking? Drinking.
Easy. I win.
Yeah, that's it. Game over.
So I have four questions. Four
science questions that are aged
from the fourth to the sixth
grade. And then four drinking questions.
Yeah, I miss Eisenhower in the fourth grade.
That's a hell of a name. I used to go to Eisenhower State Park.
Yeah, that's where you had the Klan meetings.
That's exactly where it was. Get your first robe.
We don't need a DIY.
DIY.
DIY Klan hood.
Here we go.
That's why you pitched that for the new merch drop.
That's too much.
Stop it. So your science questions are first so you
have an opportunity to get four out of four points okay then you're going drinking four out of four
whichever one you do better at you win okay are you a regular human being and you're going to be
good at basic science yeah or are you an alcoholic well well okay well what do i do more science or drink drink okay let's dive right
in what tissue connects muscles to bones i thought it was just called tissue brother
there's a specific kind like it's called kleenex what do i what i didn't know there's
what tissue connects muscles to bones tendons tendons one out of of one CJ's a f***ing hater okay one out of one yeah here we go
what is the standard unit of measurement for energy standard unit of minute of minergy
what is the matter units the standard unit of measurement for energy is blank
now I'm not gonna this isn't the answer, but like...
Inches and feet are not right.
Are you...
I'm showing my work. Let me get six inches of power
over here. Are you having a fun night?
Are you...
I say I got two inches of power. Here we go.
Google me. Here we go.
Okay.
Standard unit of measurement for energy is...
Kinetic.
No. The standard unit of measurement for energy is Kinetic No The standard unit of measurement for energy is
Kilometers
That is distance
Miles per hour
No
Horsepower
Horsepower
That's good
That's a good guess
Oh that's close
That's awfully close
You want to know the answer
Ford Mustang
No give me a guess
I sure you don't
Okay you want to guess
Yes what Or do you want a clue Yeah give me a clue Um I sure don't. Okay. You want a guess? Yes. What?
Do you want a clue?
Yeah.
Give me a clue.
It's a single word.
Yes.
Single word.
That's your first clue.
That doesn't help.
Just one word.
You said horsepower and miles per hour.
It's not a damn.
It's not a formula.
Okay.
One word.
One word answer.
The standard unit of measurement for energy is?
Motion.
Okay. is motion it okay it uh it's spelled in a different way but it's also about um things
you wear on your neck chains your bracelet yeah diamonds yeah really yeah oh i was like that's
strange i got 200 diamonds of power over here no so. So, it's spelled different,
but it's the same word that you'd call that.
What are those?
Stuff you put in a chain.
Stuff you put in a little watch.
Bust down.
What are those?
What are diamonds?
Stems.
Stones.
What are we playing?
Clash of Clans?
What is it?
I don't know.
A jewel.
That's not right.
A jewel.
In America?
Jewel.
That's a thing in America?
It's a jewel.
Yes. Oh. You thought it was watch? That's light. No A jewel. In America? Jewel. That's a thing in America? It's a jewel, yes.
Oh.
You thought it was watts?
That's light.
No.
What?
Yes, that is light.
No, because it's like, light is like, it's got a thousand watts of light in it.
No, no, no.
Yes, bitch.
I went to Home Depot and it's sectioned off by the watts.
You didn't go to fourth grade, apparently.
You're good at Home Depot and sucking down liquor.
You're one for two.
Next one.
What are animals that eat both plants and other animals?
Herbivores.
No.
What are animals which eat both plants and other animals
called they eat other animals yes cannibal we eat other animals i'm not an animal why is it yes you are
you are a beast no i'm not peyton you are a animal yes you are you are an animal i'm a human
which is a mammal which is an so you're meaning to say we are animals So fish aren't animals. Fish are animals. What?
Did I say that?
You said they aren't.
Right.
They are.
And so are we.
How am I?
Animals.
And then there's reptilians.
Time out.
Mammals.
Humans are not animals.
Dude.
Are we part of the animal kingdom?
We are the top.
Yes.
We're so far ahead of it because we have souls we were gifted from god
that we are above all other animals i'm being so for real right now we are animals we are a mammal
mammals dude it's ptsd animals i don't want to have to go to this game because i don't want to
go down the street every day and hear this the charlotte hornets right what the listen the charlotte hornets lamello ball yeah okay lamello ball is a part of the charlotte hornets it's a
basketball team okay for this sake the charlotte hornets is mammals but they are inside of the nba
which is animals and why are we called humans you son of a bitch that's right why are frogs called
frogs no we're people jackrabbits jackrabbits frogs
are called beluga whales beluga whales because they're thick that's a name no yes and our name
is human beings homo sapiens careful no what is the name people come from it's just people
exactly like that's a frog that's an animal animal. We're humans. We're people.
We're humans.
We are mammals.
Are we getting into the pronouns now?
No, no, no, no, no.
Because I don't want to offend nobody.
We are human beings.
We are them.
We are humans.
Deadass.
But we are a mammal, and mammals are animals.
Is this a religion thing?
Dude, why is this so hard to...
Deadass.
Okay, we're going to do this.
I never thought I was an animal.
All living creatures on Earth.
I'm a beast.
I'm a big dog.
All living creatures on Earth.
Are animals.
Animals.
Deadass.
Crickets and all.
Crickets.
Those are insects.
Part of the insect.
Is there anything that's living that's not an animal?
I mean, like, trees and stuff.
They're alive, but they're not animals.
And those are plants.
Those are plants.
And they've got their own kingdom.
There you go.
Big old kingdom.
Ran by the spruce.
It's like a roly-poly.
A roly-poly is an insect.
An animal.
An ant.
Is it an animal?
It's the same as you and me, different kingdoms.
I am not the same as an ant.
Now, ants work a lot harder.
They work, dude.
Ants are workers.
But we have way more significance.
Back to the question.
Animals that eat plants and other animals are called what?
Herbivores.
You already guessed that.
You can't change from herb to herb and think it's a different guess.
Omnivores.
They eat both. Omni. Omnivores. They eat both. Omni.
Omnivores. Never heard of those.
New drop.
Never heard of those.
That's sexual. Here we go.
The thought
that you had, that you just
realized that we eat other
animals and we're animals. You don't understand.
So we are cannibals. Dude, cannibals
when you eat your own species. We don't eat other humans. You don animals like you understand so we are cannibals we're dude cannibals when you eat your own species we don't eat other humans you don't go to a tgi friday's and say hey
let me get a back that's how you get a human back you don't do that so you get documentaries about
you exactly that's how you're dommer we say can i get a steak that is a cow yeah let me get chicken
so we're eating our own kind technically no we're not you just said bitch that that we're animals so
if they were the same kind we're eating our own kind no we're all animals we're not you just said bitch that that we're animals so if they were the same kind
we're eating our own kind no we're all animals we're all different kinds that's why there's
different kingdoms animals are just the the top you suck scientists are bored bro you suck you
said they're bored yeah they're just making shit at this point what is the temperature
that water boils in celsius that's what the Brits use. Yeah.
Never been there.
That's like what everyone uses.
Like, but us.
They mean like different states.
Like, you go to Boston,
I'm fucking with you saying Celsius.
What's the question?
I love how you said states,
then you said Boston.
My God, dude.
You need a nap.
What is the temperature at which water boils in Celsius?
Now, tell me what is in Fahrenheit, and I'll convert.
Oh, I don't know.
100 degrees Fahrenheit.
100 degrees Fahrenheit.
And Celsius is less.
That's because you're weird.
I'm just going to say this because I love you.
I wouldn't listen to Pierce.
I'm just going to throw that out.
Celsius is less, right, CJ?
No clue. Okay. You're on a stranded out. Celsius is less, right, CJ? No clue.
Okay. You're on a stranded island.
This is for all the marbles.
100 degrees Fahrenheit,
boil in water. Hot. Don't put your toe in there.
It's 212, sorry.
212 degrees. I told you not to listen.
So 212 degrees Fahrenheit. So now guess your Celsius. 212
degrees Fahrenheit, too hot. Tip your toe and burn
off no toe. Yeah, no toe.
We don't want no toe.
64?
What?
That was so confident.
No.
Close.
I'll give you answer choices.
Yes.
Thank you.
25 degrees?
Too low.
50 degrees?
God.
75 degrees?
100 degrees?
I think it's a trick question.
No, the answer's there.
The answer's certainly there.
No, but I think you want me to go high, so I'm going to go low, 25 degrees.
25 degrees.
This isn't a game show.
You're like, I think you're trying to swap me.
I made me lose my prize money.
I'm going with A.
No, 25's wrong.
50.
Wrong.
100?
Yes.
100 degrees Celsius, pinky toe, gone forever.
Third degree burns.
You need snake skin and salmon.
And you're going to get a skin graft.
Okay, so you, my friend, are dog shit at science.
You went one for four.
Now give me what I'm good at.
Here we go.
Talk to daddy.
Straight to drinking.
Yeah, here we go.
What organ is responsible for metabolizing alcohol?
What the f-
I thought we were just off of science.
It's about drinking. I thought you were going to we were just off of science. This is- It's about drinking.
I thought you were going to say
what liquor is top shelf.
This is-
This is about drinking.
Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
You know.
No, because I went to the doctor
and they said I need to work on his kidneys.
No.
Liver.
There you go.
There you go.
I know both of our-
So is that right or wrong?
I know something back here
is not quite right.
You know, I wake up with pains
and I haven't been lifted lower back.
It's the liver.
Liver. Okay. Yeah, clap me. Clap me up. I don't with pains and I haven't been lifted lower back. The liver. Liver.
Yeah, clap me. Clap me up.
I don't know. Should we clap or should we be like, hey, you need help? Clap me up!
What is the best-selling beer
in the United States? Bud Light.
It changed this recent year.
This recent year due to the big hiatus.
It was Bud Light,
but there's a new sitter on the throne.
New king. A new LeBron James, if you would.
What is the best-selling beer in the United States, and it changed this past year?
CJ, you're from Arkansas.
What are the whites like?
Because I know they're ahead of that demographic.
It's got to be the wiser, huh?
It's not the wiser.
Oh, God bless.
It's not the wiser.
Is it domestic, or is it Mexican beer?
I will not.
You will have to choose yourself.
Click, clack.
What is happening?
Click, click.
I would go Michelob, but that's a...
No.
Yellow water.
Yeah.
No.
My God, at least it's not as much an alcoholic as we thought.
Yeah, not beer.
That's good.
Well, I got it right technically, but they hit the switcheroo on me.
Actually, yeah, you did get it right.
Is it Corona? No. they hit the switcheroo on me. Actually, yeah, you did get it right. Is it Corona?
No.
Is it the Dose?
No.
I said Budweiser.
Coors?
No.
Go back to where you were.
Go back to the Mexican beer?
Mm-hmm.
There's another Mexican beer?
Uh-huh.
Very pretty.
Very good.
Throw that line right in there.
You're having a great night.
Corona, Dos Equis.
Zavito?
Excuse me?
Zavito?
That sounds like a medicine.
What is Zavito?
That sounds like something you put on rash.
I don't know.
Mom, where's the Zavito?
Okay, wait.
What?
Modelo!
Oh, that's a good guy.
Modelo!
Let me get a Modelo with a lime.
Yeah, I didn't...
And your baby back ribs, bitch. Okay. But I think I get a half a point for that. a good guy. Modelo. Let me get a Modelo with a lime. Yeah, I didn't. And your baby back ribs, bitch.
Okay.
But I think I get a half a point for that.
Half a point.
Okay, two claps.
Okay.
You're sitting at one total point through two questions.
God damn, I'm just not smart.
Here we go.
Here we go.
What is the main alcohol in a daiquiri?
What is the main alcohol in a daiquiri?
You don't drink daiquiris too much.
Don't drink daiquiris.
You go with that strong, put some hair on your chest couple drinks. It took me about a year ago to realize it wasn't daiquiri. You don't drink daiquiris too much. Don't drink daiquiris. You go with that strong put some hair on your chest couple drinks. It took me about a year
ago to realize it wasn't daiquiri.
God bless. I would
go past those and be like, what's
a daiquiri?
You know what I mean?
So I learned that. What's your finest daiquiri?
Daiquiri
is here. Let's do this. It'll be good.
It'll be good for your brain. Do process of elimination.
It's not anything dark.
There you go.
That's a big one.
That just eliminated like a lot of things.
Yeah.
It's not tequila.
Brilliant.
So I think it's a vodka.
Absolutely wrong.
God damn.
You need to think.
Is it a liqueur?
It's liquor.
Yes.
What is the primary alcohol in a daiquiri?
Think. They add the little sprinkles.
They put those little feathers in them sometimes.
Got the ice cubes. They got the garnish.
Rumpel. What?
Rumpel shots.
Take away
shots. Take away pull.
And just say the beginning. Rump?
Take away the pee.
Rump, you idiot. Rump. Take away the P. Rump, you fucking idiot.
Rump ass.
Ass is the main ingredient.
Dude.
These are ass questions.
You're not a grade A alcoholic, though.
That's good.
Shit, give me about 12 double crowned cokes.
I'll turn into a goddamn scientist.
A Jaeger bomb is comprised of what two ingredients?
Jaeger.
Correct. You knoweger. Correct.
You know this.
Coffee.
Dude.
I don't even know what a Jaeger bomb is.
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
If you're pissing me off.
Jaeger.
I don't know if you're doing this or if you're not a much a drinker.
Genesis.
Genesis.
Genesis?
A car?
Get it. Get it. Get it Genesis. Genesis? A car? Yeah, you're in a car.
Get it.
Get it.
Yes and no.
A Jager Bomb.
First, is Jager Bomb a drink, a mixed drink, or a shot?
It's a mixed drink.
It's a shot, you f***er.
You did it at the restaurant.
That means I was gone.
It's a Jager Bomb.
I'll give you one.
This is the one you smack the bitch and the chopsticks go down.
No, that's a little Soho thing.
What is it called?
Saki.
Saki.
Here you go. Yagi Bombs. Yu-ho thing. What is it called? Saki. Saki. Here you go.
Yagi bombs.
Yu-Gi-Ohs.
Careful.
Saki bomb is that.
You go,
and now...
Now we're trading.
Rewind.
Here we go.
Saki bomb is where
you hit it,
it drops in,
you slam.
Hit it, quit it,
so you never.
Yeah.
But a Jaeger bomb...
Uber's outside.
Yeah, Jaeger's out.
Your food's still warm.
Uber's outside.
Taco Bell's in the car. Uber's outside. Yeah, Jaeger's out. Your food's still warm. Uber's outside. Taco Bell's in the car.
See you later.
See ya.
But Jaeger and a pick-me-up.
That's all you're getting.
Didn't I just say coffee?
Dude, and I said that's wrong.
So you want to guess again?
That's coffee.
No.
You can get coffee without espresso. You can get coffee without espresso.
You can get espresso without coffee. I'm getting ready
to punch. And you can get a
five knuckle sandwich with or without the thumb.
You let me know. You want to talk about you can get
one without the other. Well, you ask bad questions.
What is it? Tequila.
Dude. What is it? What is something
that's very important in your life? You drink it every
day. Water. Now you f***ing
think of Jager bombs, Jager and water. You think they're selling that behind the bars. Here's water and Jager. You think that. You think that's very important in your life. You drink it every day. Water. Now you think of Jager bombs, Jager and water.
You think they're selling that
behind the bars.
Here's water and Jager.
You think that?
You think that's bomb material?
Well, Jager bomb.
It's called a Jager piss.
There's water and Jager.
Coke?
I don't know, bro.
Like that ass,
you're confusing me.
I'm getting angry, dude.
I'm getting really mad.
You're confusing me with your coke.
I'm getting mad.
You drink it every day in its own.
Hey, does water pick you up?
Red Bull?
Does water get...
Thank you!
Yeager and Red Bull.
Shit!
I said it's a pick-me-up.
You go, water.
You don't even drink water.
Your skin's itchy and dry.
You don't drink enough water.
You don't drink any water.
You don't own water bottles.
CJ has to buy them and put them in the fridge.
Your go-to beverage is a flat diet Coke.
And then when you get a little tired because you're sleeping shit,
you drink a Red Bull on the daily.
Okay?
Now, I'm sorry for going off on you, but damn it, I had hopes.
I had hopes this was going to be a fantastic game.
You were going to crush the drinking, and you suck.
Yeah, well, I thought you were going to ask better questions.
Those were tough questions.
What do you want me to ask?
What do you want me to ask?
I'll say something off the top of my head.
What's the main liquor in old-fashioned?
Whiskey.
Ding, ding, ding.
See?
I get the same shit with a different drink.
No, but I don't drink that.
I don't drink the queries.
I gave you slightly different so you didn't just ace it.
It looked like you needed help on the internet.
Well, then ask a different one.
Here we go.
Quick.
What beer comes in a green can?
Dos Equis.
Correct.
Yeah.
What, um, when do you, if someone says, can I make that a double, what does it mean?
Two shots.
How many ounces is in one shot?
One ounce.
That's correct.
Typically, how many ounces of a liquor do you put in a mixed drink when you're adding
it, if it's a regular, not a double or a triple?
One ounce.
That's wrong.
One and a half.
Oh, I asked for doubles.
I don't know.
It's all good.
What are garnishes?
What are those?
That's the sprinkle shit they put in that muffin.
It's more of leaves and flowers and lemons.
You don't sprinkle lemon.
You don't sprinkle lemon.
It's all wedge.
You put it on the side of the glass.
You know something?
Where's a Long Island iced tea?
L-I-T.
Get you lit.
Sweet tea and vodka and lemonade.
It's like an Arnold Palmer with a little bit of sex in it.
A Long Island is dangerous.
You need to, dude, next time you go out, Long Islands have like everything.
Really?
It's like rum.
There's liqueurs in there.
There's like-
Isn't that a f*** shot or something?
I think it's called s***.
No, yeah. I think it's called or no yeah i think it's
i think it's called that really yeah oh yeah what is a what is a jungle master shot why are you
asking me why are you asking me huh huh huh a little bit of emphasis behind that one okay you
know i know we're gonna do friend group based ones okay here we go if mama live were to order
a shot and she asked you to get it what would would it be? She hasn't drank since 1932.
I don't know.
You don't love her.
You don't love my wife the way I want you to love her.
Now that...
There you go, Cam.
Now that was a bit much.
If Liv told you, P, I really want a shot, can you go get it for me?
What would it be?
Tequila.
There you go.
If CJ said, A, I need a mixed drink, what would it be?
Double Crown of Coke.
There you go.
Good morning to you.
Twelve of them.
How many is he allowed to drink?
More than four.
Yeah. If I said, give me a beer, and 12 of them. How many is he allowed to drink? More than four. Yeah.
If I said, give me a beer, and they don't have Miller Lite, what would I drink?
Michelob Ultra.
Well, I mean, in a backyard, I'll take a Michelob.
In a restaurant.
Now, if I order chips and queso, but I have to go to the bathroom,
the waiter comes for drink orders while I'm pissing,
what would you advise her to get me?
A water and a Modelo.
A Miller.
And a Miller.
Water and a Miller.
Okay, they're out of beer.
It's straight liquors.
Crown.
And Coke.
Beautiful.
Last thing, we go to a steak dinner.
We want old fashions.
Don't have whiskey.
What do we drink with it?
Ranch water?
Is Ashlyn there? Yeah, that's a defense see all he
needed was personalized questions yeah any personalized see but see but you got to have
the whole knowledge of the drinking world well since you know everything about everything i
don't i did not claim that i so the weekend put out an album oh this week right he put out an
album right and i downloaded it i streamed it on twitch twitch.com such paid harden right and then and then
i saw on tiktok right that he released vinyls that are available at target not not not an ad
by the way he released oh shit vinyls and target that's sick right and on the vinyl there's bonus
songs that you can't get on streaming platforms what great marketing that's so smart fantastic
i got one right that's
lit and you have a record player and i have a record player right but then i got to thinking
i set the thing i set this like thin ass disc down that i can see through right and i put a needle on
it oh yeah and i heard the weekend's voice yeah no i'm right there with how the does that work i
you know for the longest time i thought it was witchcraft it has to be there with how the f**k does that work i've you know for the longest time
i thought it was witchcraft it has to be there's how is a black little tar disc thing that they
mold put it in what like are they syringing music into it that dead ass how does it work and how did
that come out before like streaming platforms that seems like more advanced technology than like
seriously that came out before like the cloud of internet where things can stream to devices.
People,
like our grandparents
were popping these black discs
that you can look through.
Stop saying black.
They're a black disc.
It's a disc that's black.
Mine is red.
The weakest is red.
Well, that's the weakest.
That's Abel.
But a black disc,
they throw it on it,
drop a needle on it,
and then...
At last, my love is coming home.
But isn't that so crazy?
He needs a nap in a bath.
No, I am.
That is, that, I swear to God, you're going to laugh at me,
and I know we talked about it once, but that and photography,
it makes me scared.
The craziest shit in the world.
You touch a butt.
Like, think about that.
And the image is captured forever.
That is terrifying.
It doesn't make any sense.
But think about it before smartphones, again.
Smartphones still don't even make too much sense to me.
Because it's a, it's just a lens.
They don't have eyes.
It's just a see-through hole.
It's a man-made part.
It's a hole that's seeing something.
And then you click a button.
And how does it keep it?
Forever.
How does it keep it?
A memory drive.
No.
How?
Okay, here's a lens, right?
Old-timey cameras.
When they would take the picture, it would go...
Yeah.
Kind of like your butt.
Yeah.
Okay?
It would close.
Yeah.
Once it closes, like, just think about it.
That image.
This is outside of the thing.
Yeah.
It closes.
I think I know what it is.
This is now kept in here forever.
It burned it.
Exactly, but how?
So, like, when that thing...
You're holding on this thing, right?
And that's why you don't move.
You don't move in pictures.
So, whenever that thing closes, it's burning that thing that it saw,
the reflection of that glass and the light and whatever,
manganism, whatever manganism is in there,
it's smacking that bitch together.
And it's burning that image, right?
Bro, but that's, I don't like that.
See, that makes more sense than a goddamn needle on some plastic.
And I can hear The Weeknd's voice and Mike Dean's synth in my ear.
In my kitchen.
That does not make sense.
I don't like that.
It scares me.
It honestly, I don't like it.
And you just look at the disc.
There's not little, there's like little rings, right?
Bro, that's what I'm saying.
It's like Saturn's ring.
How can I hear sabrina carpenter how can how does it how does it make noise at all like if i went and grabbed
think about this if i went and grabbed the same material that's made out of and i went and got a
needle and went like this all you're hearing is that's it i don't that what is going into that
disc dude that is making Abel Tessafe
come to my ears
do you know what I said
one time
I said we're gonna get
to the point
like the dawn of man
like we're gonna get
to the point
where they put weed
in music
excuse me
it's gonna get to the point
where you're listening
and it's so advanced
you're listening
and like
weed or CBD
is like released
into your ears
somehow
not a bad idea
that would be like
Snoop Dogg's album.
Oh yeah.
That would be fire.
The inaugural album for weed listening would be from Snoop D-O-double G.
It would be kind of like how Scratch and Sneef movies were.
Exactly.
But then once you listen to the album, the weed is gone.
So now you can just listen to it for sentimental play.
Yeah.
But you have to go buy it again or you have to go buy cartridges and plug it in on the
backside.
Or just get your own weed.
Or just hit up your guy in the neighborhood.
But I'm saying I don't understand vinyls.
I'm right there with you.
I hate it.
It's crazy.
It's creepy, and I don't like it.
The You Should Know Podcast.
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Another thing I don't like?
Quick story.
I don't like when your son crosses his eyes.
I don't like that either.
I made him go...
Yeah.
No, I literally closed his eyes the other day
because he wouldn't stop.
And I went...
He was like...
He has a milky vomit.
That's only when he spit up.
We switched the formula.
He's on a sensitive now.
His mom's got bad guts.
He's got bad guts. Got his mama's gut. He's got his mama's gut daddy's hips dad's dad's hips
dad's head mom's nose mom's lips poor kid his head is growing quick it is isn't it yeah it's
getting a little it's getting a little indiana jones action skin the same hook i'm gonna get
him a helmet but i don't like i went to wing stop yeah to get dinner for Liv, and her mom when she was down here.
When I tell you, this was when it was still cold.
It was 28 degrees outside.
I go.
I'm in a coat.
I'm in sweats, everything.
I walk in.
There's three women ordering wings.
They're all wearing shorts.
Two of them are wearing sandals with no socks.
One of them is in a short-sleeved t-shirt, and they are outside in 28 degrees.
Your kind?
Absolutely not.
Wow.
Very interesting. Right. Yes. Wow. Very interesting. Very strange. Okay. sleeve t-shirt and they are outside in 28 degrees your kind absolutely not wow very interesting right yes wow very interesting strange okay next thing she asks how long do you how long do you fry
your wings she asked the worker that asked the guy how long you fry your wings he goes oh i don't
know she goes well how long would a extra, extra crispy wing take?
Two extras.
Don't you, ooh, that is unnecessary as hell.
That is great.
No, no, no.
Extra crispy, I'm all on board.
Extra, extra crispy?
Yeah.
She said this in all seriousness.
Yeah.
He goes, ma'am, I don't know.
And this guy's like 20, and these are grown women.
Yeah.
She goes, can you go ask your chef?
Yeah.
I said, first off, this is wing stop. There's not a chef.
There's a guy that cuts open the bags and drops them in the grease.
He's a cook at best.
There's no sous chef here.
He turns around and goes, so apparently for regular wings,
they're in the fryer for 20 minutes.
So you want extra?
She goes, no, no, no.
I want extra, extra extra i'm not making this
up i was writing this down yeah so i didn't forget as it was happening he goes okay um she goes but
i need to know how long that would be i need to make sure they're going to be crispy enough right
she goes can you go ask he comes back he said they'll be in there for 35 minutes if you want
them extra extra crispy yeah she said all of that he goes okay is that what you want them extra, extra crispy.
She said all of that.
He goes, okay, is that what you want?
She goes, yeah.
What are the sides like?
Ask all these questions.
She finally goes, okay, I'll take three lemon peppers, all flats.
Three wings?
Three wings?
Three lemon pepper steppers, bricks, extra 35 minutes frying, three wings.
She ordered fries and a water cup, but then her friend goes,
I'll take 20 garlic parms, add the sauce afterwards, extra, extra crispy with some veggie sticks.
Now, I just examined this group, right?
I don't know what they're doing.
They have 23 rings amongst three people
with a lot of vegetables and a little bit of fries.
And they're all drinking water.
And I look at them.
And after, I swear to God,
after they pay, they turn around,
I'm picking up my order,
and I hear them go,
you know what, I'm not really feeling it.
So I go, what?
They walk out the door, get in the car, drive off.
I swear to God, bro.
The people are just so, I don't get it.
She has to survey.
Extra, extra, extra crispy, 35 minutes, how this, all this shit.
Give me three wings.
Friend orders a 20 ball.
They get in the car, peel off.
That is so strange.
Dodge Durango.
I'm not going to read the plates, but
it was a Dodge Durango, and they
drove right off. Did you talk to the worker about it after?
No, we just laughed. We literally laughed.
It wasn't even like they waited.
They just went, never mind. They had to say it out
loud for them to realize. Maybe they were just driving off.
Maybe they were doing a social experiment. Maybe they were
part of the census or something. A part of the
census? Yeah, like Jehovah's Witness.
They were knocking on doors. No, they were knocking on doors no they were knocking on wings getting them that's like chewing a like like sheetrock extra i'm not gonna lie i kind of like the extra extra crispy i might try that
you need to try that and let me know if it's even edible because that sounds like ash to me yeah
it just bleeds into your mouth i kind of did the same thing i went to well you did not
accident though i went to canes you know canes chicken i love canes chicken a lot of people
don't have canes in their state oh yeah i think it's a southern thing yeah that's where we're
not going on tour um so i was at canes right and i was at the drive-thru first of all canes
why the fuck is the music so loud in the drive-thru this isn't a disco i want to eat chicken i want
to go home i'm like shit like i have to roll up my window in the drive-thru. This isn't a disco. I want to eat chicken. I want to go home. I'm like, shit. Like, I have to roll up my window in the drive-thru because they're blaring it, right?
I don't know.
I think, like, some of your dad tiredness is rubbing off on me.
Like, I'm like, literally, it was like one of those where I'm just like, you're not paying
attention to life as you're living it.
Oh, my God.
So, you did that for a while now.
Yeah.
You oftentimes find yourself just, like, daydreaming while you're going 80.
And I'm like, hey, hey! You hey hey you go you come back to life we're on a highway just like this you're not even looking
up you're looking down going 80 i'm like peyton peyton you go like your exit for no reason you
need to sleep dude oh me and me we need to take naps together
big spoon little spoon who'd get it i get little all right so i was at the canes they're hitting
me with a flashbang of music right i they asked me did you get the whatever whatever box combo
whatever i say yes i hand them the card They take the card. They take the payment.
They take the payment, right?
They hand me the card back.
I drive off.
Cam, I literally went all the way home without canes.
I sat down at my counter about to eat some shit I didn't even grab, bro.
I just had to take that L.
I didn't even go back.
Oh, no.
I swear to God. You're too prideful. Oh, 100%. Oh, my God, you sick son of a bitch. You pulled out that L. I didn't even go back. Oh, no. I swear to God.
You're too prideful.
Oh, 100%.
Oh, my God.
You sick son of a bitch.
You pulled out DoorDash, didn't you?
100%.
DoorDash and Mickey D's after that.
No, no.
You're so prideful.
I know I am.
I would have went back, got my food, and then lied that said something happened and tried
to get more out of him.
I'm like, dude, my grandma just tumbled down the stairs and she can't see, so she didn't
know where she was.
You mind if I get her some chicken, though?
I already paid, though.
You got to put it on the house.
That's what I would've done.
I'm like,
come on,
give me a three piece.
And CJ,
we'll talk about this
on the extended.
You gotta remind me.
CJ embarrassed me at Cane's.
We're going through
the Cane's, right?
And I'm ordering
what I normally order.
Like,
nothing changes.
There's not many options
at Cane's.
That's the one thing
I have with them.
How do you not have
a single dessert?
Yeah,
it's so strange.
You don't have a cookie?
You don't have a brownie?
Nothing. Big bag activity. Sweet tooth. I think I have with them. How do you not have a single dessert? Yeah, it's so strange. You don't have a cookie? You don't have a brownie? Nothing.
Big bag activity.
Sweet tooth.
I think I have a worm.
So we're going through the canes, right?
Another example why he's a bad friend.
He goes and says, hey, when you go up there, ask for, what was it called?
Butter on both sides.
He says, like literally he just goes, say, butter on both sides.
That's all he says.
And I'm like, what?
And he goes, and you know his little ego.
He goes, ask for it.
Like not even trying to explain what's going on.
Ask for it.
Ask for it.
Butter on both sides.
Just say it.
I'm ordering.
I'm like, can I get the box combo?
I look at him and he goes, butter on both sides.
And I go, sorry, y'all got butter on both sides?
The guy literally goes, I've never
heard of that. I literally
look at CJ and he's like,
I'm like, are you
kidding me?
And he goes, I swear to God, it's a thing I saw on
TikTok. Are you kidding me?
So I got to
drive up to the guy and he's like,
butter on both sides. There goes's like butter above right here hey John
come look at this piece of shit hey here's your credit card on both sides
you're just like oh my god bro I could totally see him do that though as soon
as the guy goes I've never heard that you, he goes, look at me like I'm the dumbass.
He said, that's why you don't secret menu with CJ.
Oh, okay.
Oh my God.
I know we're going.
I got to get one more off.
Yeah.
I go to the gym.
This was right.
So right after we recorded, right before the stint.
Okay.
So it's like my last time going to the gym.
It's been like three weeks.
Yeah.
I go to the gym.
I can too. That's the sad part. I swear to this is like my last time going to the gym. It's been like three weeks. Yeah, I can tell. I can too.
That's the sad part.
I swear to God I can. You look good. I go to the gym.
Thanks, babe. I go
to the gym and I'm in there. I'm on a
chest press machine, a little hammer strength. I look up.
There's a guy, maybe 30 years
old. His shirt reads, hardest worker
in the room. Hate you. Size 145.
Hardest worker in
the room. Hate him. I hate you already. But hardest worker in the room okay i hate you already but
the best part of this this guy's got a four out of ten sweat going he's got some little jbl headphones
in the ears he's vibing right wearing a headband first off you are not who you think you are is he
bald you are lifting in a at a commercial gym like no he's not bald full head of hair that's
strange like this isn't dodgeball practice. Just lift.
But the best part about it was
the literal guy next to him.
Like, I'm talking two feet away.
Better headphones.
More sweat.
Lifting more weight.
No headband.
Looks better.
Looks cooler.
All of it.
And it was right next to him.
And I literally looked up
and I was like,
part is working. And I was like, yeah. and i waited and hit the guy with the shirt like did one of
these who's sitting there he was like and he kind of like got sad and i was like that's what you
yeah bro do not wear that shirt hardest worker in the room spare me dude but that's what i kind
of told you i wanted you to stop stop wearing those cut gloves at the gym.
I did not wear
gloves at the gym. He wears the bicycle.
No, I could see Pierce wearing the gloves at the gym.
I could see Pierce wearing gloves
at the gym. He's like, it hurts my fingers.
I could see that. Pierce is doing
good though. Pierce is doing good. We'll talk about that
in the extended. He's in the gym religiously.
Cam, before we get out of here, I want to play a game with you.
Okay.
Oh, God.
It's called the Soap and Lollipop Game.
Oh, no.
Go ahead and unwrap both of those.
You're absolutely kidding me.
We're going to play the Soap and Lollipop Game.
I'm not licking soap.
I haven't licked soap since Miss Jenny's house when I was like five. Yeah, the fact
you had a foreign woman tell you to, like, not
foreign, like, or nationality, but foreign
to your home. Yeah. It was disciplining
you with soap in the mouth. My mom would
have killed her. Like, let's put that, no one
was disciplining me. Let's just say Lisa had
a lot of trust. Yeah, too much.
A lot of trust. So go ahead and unbox that
soap. My God, it smells good. So good.
Ow. Yeah. Oh. yeah oh i dude i'm not
licking this i am this is disgusting well the goal is to not lick it unwrap that lolly uh-huh
and people that call lollipop suckers are going to hell can we put that out there people that
call lollipop suckers there's a difference there's a difference the suckers are the other
wait is there a difference no people call lollipop suckers but i The suckers are the... Wait. Is there a difference? No. People call lollipops suckers.
But I think suckers are a thing.
What do you mean?
I think there's a distinctive difference.
I'm going to eat that one over here too.
See if you can bring that.
Oh my God, dude.
And grape.
Really?
Grape?
No.
No.
No.
No.
Be careful.
Now I'm not...
I'm saying grape's the worst...
Whoa!
Grape is the best flavor.
No, that's strange.
Sour apple is the best.
Shut up, werewolf.
Yeah.
Sour apple watermelon.
Okay, so what you're going to do, you got the lollipop.
You got the soap in your hands, right?
Hold them up right in front of your mouth.
That's what we're going to do right here.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just going to give you clear clear instructions and you do as i say
okay the two instructions are easy i'm gonna say they're lick the lollipop smell the soap
all you gotta do is follow my instructions now the instructions might come quick
this is a popular trend on tiktok right oh my god we're gonna start slow right bring that mic a
little out.
Yeah, there you go.
Why am I... My heart is racing.
I do not want to lick
this dumbass bar of soap.
Well, don't.
Just listen to my instructions.
You won't.
All right.
This is...
Are my eyes closed?
No, you can open them.
See where you're going.
Okay.
However you like to lick.
I don't know how you like
to suck eyes open.
I prefer eye contact.
Here we go.
So...
All right.
Lick the Lime Pop.
Smell the soap game. Ready? Oh. Oh, my God. No, he's cooked. He's cooked. Oh, the lollipop. Smell the soap game.
Ready?
Oh, I know.
He's good.
He's good.
Oh, no.
No.
No.
No.
Lick the lollipop.
No.
Smell the soap.
Lick the lollipop.
Lick the lollipop.
Lick the lollipop.
Smell the soap.
Smell the soap.
Lick the lollipop.
Smell the soap.
Smell the soap.
Lick the lollipop.
Smell the soap. Lick the lollipop. This guy's soap. Smell the soap. Lick the lollipop. Smell the soap.
Lick the lollipop.
This guy's good.
Good job.
Good job so far.
Okay.
Now, I'm just going to say lollipop soap.
Oh, God.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay.
Lick the lollipop.
Lollipop.
This side.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Soap.
No. It's because I messed up. Oh. How does that taste? Lollipop. Lollipop. Soap. Soap. Lollipop. Soap.
No.
It's because I messed up.
Oh.
How does that taste?
It wasn't bad.
Okay.
Actually, not that bad.
That's strange.
I might go.
He starts nibbling on his shit.
Oh, no.
There's a.
There's a. There's a.
It creeps.
All right.
Back to it.
You ready?
Oh, it's because I messed up.
You said.
You said lollipop.
And I sniffed.
So then I felt I had to.
And I got thrown off. Ready? Shit. Lollipop. Lollipop. Lllipop, and I sniffed, so then I felt I had to, and I got thrown off.
Ready?
Shit.
Lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, soap, soap, lollipop, soap, lollipop, lollipop.
Oh, God.
I didn't tell you to lick the lollipop, you big bag.
I know. It's good. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Okay.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Soap.
See, I feel like I'm cheating.
Soap.
Bro, it's so
Genuine
It's so like
And I thought I was really gonna cheat it
And be like
I only lick in my right hand
Yeah
But it goes so fast
Oh
Actually switch them real quick
Switch hands
That's not fair
Switch hands
No, that's not fair
Lollipop
Lollipop
Soap
Soap
Lollipop
Lollipop
Lollipop
Lollipop Soap Soap Lollipop, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, soap.
Soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop,
soap, soap, lollipop, soap.
Bro, it needs to be like
Where I can't
I cannot take my hand back
Oh my god dude
I genuinely think
I might be better than you at this
Oh my god
It starts to get bad
Yeah
You wanna go one more
Yes
Or you wanna switch
Okay
I'm going
Until I mess up
Soap
Soap
Lollipop
Lollipop
Soap
Soap
Lollipop
Lollipop
Soap Lollipop Lollipop Soap Soap Soap Lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap, lollipop, soap, lollipop, soap.
Your noise, you sound like a f***ing hog.
Soap, soap, lollipop, lollipop, soap, soap.
I didn't even try not to.
All right, you've got to close your eyes.
Closing your eyes makes it so much...
See, and you get a good flavor.
Bro.
It's watermelon.
Pierce, what is with this flavor choice?
You've got to...
Grape and watermelon, Pierce?
All right.
All right.
You told me the game.
You know what to do.
Wait, Mark.
So, you told me the game. You know what to do. Wait, hold on. So, you sniff the soap, smell the soap, lick the lolly.
You're licking lollies and smelling soaps.
You're a lolly licker and a soap sniffer.
Here we go.
Ready, one, two, three.
Lick the lollipop.
Smell the soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lick the lollipop.
Lick the lollipop.
Lick the lollipop. Smell the soap. Lick the lollipop. Smell the soap. Smell the soap. Lick, lollipop, lick the lollipop, lick the lollipop, lick the lollipop,
smell the soap, lick the lollipop, smell the soap, smell the soap, lick the lollipop,
lick the lollipop, smell the soap, smell the soap, smell the soap, lick the lollipop,
smell the soap, smell the soap, lick the lollipop, lick the lollipop.
Good job.
All right. Now we're going to your round two that you did.
It's like melting in my hand.
So I'm only saying lollipop or soap.
Okay.
And you got to close your eyes.
Let's do it. Here my hand. So I'm only saying lollipop or soap. And you gotta close your eyes. Let's do it.
Here we go. Soap.
Soap. Lollipop.
Close your eyes. Lollipop.
Soap. Lollipop.
Lollipop. Soap. Soap.
Lollipop. Soap. Lollipop.
Lollipop. Lollipop. Soap.
Lollipop. Soap. Soap.
Slow down, bitch.
Good morning to you.
How are you guys?
Here we go.
Lick the soap.
C.E., don't you wish your own hands could cheat your body?
I'm killing it, low key.
You are.
You're going crazy.
Don't switch hands yet.
Here we go.
Lollipop, lollipop. Soap. Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
It's bitter as shit.
You like that?
No, the first one wasn't that bad.
Now, the first one wasn't half bad, but then once it hits the... Okay.
All right, switch hands.
My brain can't process so fast. Switch hands. Bro, if your one wasn't half bad, but then once it hits the... Okay. All right, switch hands. My brain can't process so fast.
Switch hands.
Bro, if your hands
couldn't cheat your body,
like if it was in a machine
and if you f***ed up
even a little bit,
you had to,
we'd be out of there.
Huh?
What?
You said hold it for you?
I go...
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
Soap.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Hold on.
Soap. Soap. Lollipop. Lollipop. Soap. Soap. Lollipop. Hold on. Soap.
That deserves a lick. You suck.
Lick the soap. Lollipop. Lollipop. Soap. Soap. Lollipop. Lollipop. Soap.
Your hands switched.
Oh my god, I couldn't even get you with it.
I hit him. I'm smelling his nip.
One more. here we go.
Here we go.
Oh f***.
Dude, when it dissolves-
I swallowed it.
It is bad.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lollipop.
Lollipop.
Soap.
Soap.
Lick the soap.
It's so bad!
You're gonna do it the same time?
It's so bad.
Oh f***, I thought we were done!
With what?
Close your eyes.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Close your eyes.
Soap.
Soap.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Yeah!
Here we go. Soap. Lolly. Lolly. Soap. You got it. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Here we go.
Dude, when I mess up, my body tries to, like, fix my wrongs.
Here we go.
Soap.
Lolly.
Soap.
Soap.
Soap.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Peyton.
What was he doing?
He licked the lollipop three different times.
Alright.
You're cheating, Cam.
No, I was getting that real good flavor.
Switch hands.
I knew you were going to do that.
Lolly, lolly, soap, lolly, soap, soap, soap, lo Lolly. Soap. Lolly. Lolly. Lolly. Lolly. Soap. Lolly. Soap. Soap. Soap.
Okay, that's what's gonna, oh my god, that's what's gonna get us. You can switch up that cadence.
Dude, mine's, oh my god. Switch hands? No, no, like, be like L lolly. Lolly soap, soap, lolly soap. Yeah.
Oh, man.
I'm getting, like, high.
You're on a float.
Yeah.
Okay.
Soap.
Lolly.
I almost licked that bitch off the first one.
I literally went.
Soap.
Soap.
Lolly.
Soap.
Lolly.
Lolly soap.
Lolly.
Lolly soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Soap soap. Soap. Lolly. Soap. Lolly. Soap. Lolly. Soap. Lolly. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Soap. Lolly. Lolly. Soap. Soap soap.
Soap lol.
Soap lol. Soap lol.
Soap lol.
Soap lol.
No.
Lolly.
Lolly soap.
Lolly soap.
Soap lol.
Lolly soap.
Soap lol.
Lolly lol.
Soap soap.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Lolly.
Soap.
Soap.
Lolly soap. Soap lol. Soap lol. Soap. Soap lol. Soap lol. lolly lolly soap soap lolly soap soap lolly soap lolly soap soap lope
that shit is disgusting i'm done there bro i literally think my tongue is on fire
that was absolutely disgusting cam you gotta get us out of here bro yeah that's no i'm not gonna
lie so now that now i understand the punishment that shit sucks all right that going in there That was absolutely disgusting, Kim. You got to get us out of here, bro. Yeah, that's... No, I'm not going to lie.
Now I understand the punishment.
That shit sucks.
And that going in there from cussing, yeah, you're not going to cuss again.
Get us out of here.
All right, everybody.
Thank you so, so much.
Coming back to episode 151.
We are so happy to be back.
The baby boy is happy, healthy, and safe.
He is delivered to the house.
Little cross-eyed. Now, little cross-eyed little cross-eyed
sometimes they'll just hit you with one of these and go did you just like yeah i know it's kind of
he's literally copy and paste but he's good which means we're good and we are back here every single
week no more pre-recorded and we are so happy that you came back to this episode we absolutely
love you and the patreon is the first link in the description the reason i'm saying that's because
there's so many things coming to it the koala royalty had their first ever exclusive episode
an entire episode of the podcast only went to that tier not never gonna be on youtube never
gonna be on any other tiers there's so many other things on patreon check it out cam did it from the
toilet he joined from the toilet i joined from i joined from the loo the porcelain throne but
check that out.
There's so many other things on Patreon.
The Facebook, Twitch, Instagrams, everything is linked right below.
Y'all already know that.
Tour tickets coming.
Tour announcement.
Tour tickets coming soon.
Tour announcement and tickets coming very, very soon.
We cannot wait to see you all this summer.
Koala Club gets it first.
Sorry.
Koala Club always gets it first.
So go ahead and join that Patreon.
But until next week, Confuse the Casuals, get your good karma with this week's secret code.
I think fittingly, it has to be WBM.
We bought Malachi.
Welcome, baby Malachi.
Welcome, baby Malachi.
Y'all will see him soon on Patreon as well.
He will also make an appearance here eventually.
Oh, as soon as he can say words, I'm milking him for everything he's got.
Putting this mic right here.
I'll be like, speak to him, Malachi.
He'll be like, wah.
But we absolutely love y'all.
Until next week.
Remember, one out of ten wild bears don't make it over Christmas.
And we'll see you next time.
No.
We've got to fix his eyes.
He's still awake.
We've got to fix his eyes.
No, shut his eyes.