10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan knows EVERYTHING about Koreans! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #12

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Twelfth episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's Shob. I hope you walk me to my truck. Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shob. You know, you don't come here for the songs, but that's something that we just like to do at the beginning. Eventually we'll hire someone from Fiverr to come up with a tune. Welcome to Shob Rock. Out in the streets, they call him Papa.

But you didn't come here for that. You came here for 10 minutes of shop. And I'm going to start the timer now. Right? Ready? Yes. Start it. Okay.

So this first video is three and a half minutes long. So stop it whenever you want to. All right. The biggest band in the world, daddy. Really? Yeah, by far, dude. Rumors. Now, are they seven transgender women maybe i don't know but i

love their music all right but they don't care and a lot of asian cultures don't even care about their crotches as much as we do in america no they treat it like uh like a barbie doll you know there's just nothing there like ken doesn't have a big dick pause it yeah it's the difference between the two like okay i don't know why he's saying they're transgender i don't know why that's like but that's a punchline to him and then and then shop says that they don't have dicks like the ken doll or whatever but theo what he says is they don't care about their crotch as much in that culture which is funny funny because it's an absurd, kind of like goofy Theo joke. The skill and then just the

Shab with like a racist hammer just slamming it down. There's no stereotypes that they don't have dicks in Asia. Yeah, that one with the pink hair is struggling with his pronouns and he is in the third round. He's down 10-8. He's got nice lips though. Yes, they've all had major surgery. Someone will even have

the surgery to make their eyes round instead of omen. Today's youth aim to be just like their K-pop idols. So they undergo various procedures from head to toe. He's talking about them like they're the Orca whales he was talking about earlier. To Shab, Koreans are no different than Blackfish, the documentary.

Oh, dude, I was watching this documentary on Korean and it's just like some martial arts film he saw he's so stupid or I can't you can start recognizing you can start recognizing no no no more

no more of his Asian eye talk yeah whatever it is I don't want to know the end of it alright and the next one add like two more minutes to the clock

because I might cut some of that out the next one is his stand up back to the old tried and true dude yeah dude I'm sized alright you're sized

I'm so butt sized when I think of Baltimore I can't help but think about Ray Lewis. Ray Lewis, dude. Yeah, he can't help but think of something from like 20 years ago. Of course, not surprising. And Blackfish. Ray Lewis killed a guy, huh? Wait, sorry, rewind it. I don't want to deal with people being like, you talk over the clips.

Oh, he said that he killed the guy. Ray Lewis killed the guy. Of course, he killed him. That's Baltimore. Allegedly, crime was so bad in Baltimore, Ray Lewis decided to murder somebody in Atlanta just so he didn't contribute to your crime. You cannot tell me what happened

during the Ray Lewis murder case. It was so fucking confusing. If you went to trial, they're like, who was that Ray? It was actually his friends, daughters, sisters, gay aunts, brother. Gay aunt, of course. Why is that guy on UPS walking through? I don't know.

Is that like a Baltimore? Here's something that does bother me, though, about Schaub also, is that the style is really bad. Like the tight pants and the big shirt it looks like he's like uh like a shakespeare guy like you know he's in that shakes like theater in the round or something like that but it for some reason he's wearing a sports jersey he looks like an idiot he says uh that the guy works for ups like he said the gayon's brother that works for PUPS. Oh, yeah. I wonder why he said UPS. It kind of reminds me of P.F. Chang's in the kitchen and all that stuff.

Sharp really has a thing against people that work at these hourly jobs. He was thinking of the second the judge was. What I'd like to know is what did those two gentlemen who got stabbed, what did they do to piss off my Ray Ray? Did the judge say that? I don't know. There's no way the judge said that. I don't know.

My Ray Ray? Yeah, I don't think he said that. What happens in Schaub's mind? Yeah. His head is like the Homer Simpson thing where he's like, people are just like walking around. It makes his own way out.

The Schaub over here. My favorite part of the Schaub over here. All this whole Ray List murder case. So he gets acquitted, right? You guys pretend it didn't happen. He takes you guys to the Super Bowl. Wins the Super Bowl. Wins the Super Bowl MVP.

It's a tradition. Whoever wins the Super Bowl MVP gets to go to Disneyland. Joe Montana. Everybody gets on the mic and goes, I'm going to Disneyland. But when you're accused of murder, Mickey Mouse doesn't want you surrounded by him. So he just thought it was a good idea. I'm going to Disneyland. And somebody from BBC went, nah.

They said the whitest, most safest guy possible, Trent Delfer. What's the joke? Why would anyone laugh at that? Yeah, I don't know. Is it like a laugh track thing? Shaw telling stories like this that didn't happen. I mean, Trent Delfer is the guy that went to Disneyland or whatever, but all the rest of the stuff, the judge saying Ray Ray

and crime in Atlanta or whatever, it's like drunk history, but instead of drunk history, it's like CTE history. That's the show you should make. Yeah, it's like CTE history where somebody who clearly has had been hit too many times in the head tells you a story from history. Shob goes over this, like the JFK shooting. Dude. And then like fucking, it wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald.

It was this guy from Cuba who was gay aunt, was like working for UPS or whatever. And then shot him. And then, you know, oh, really dude? Oh, really? You're an idiot lee harvey oswald was busy walking to his drug i waited too long to oh really dude i always forget that i can pull that out of my pocket at any time and he's fucking moron all right let's listen to the rest oh god that's open mic shit. That's such an open mic joke, dude.

That set up, that punchline. Like, how has he not grown out of that? He always talks about how many sets he's done. He's still doing the most basically stupid shit. Okay, this one's called Always Been Into Superheroes. Yeah, this one's funny. Okay, fucking shit. called always been into superheroes. Yeah, that's funny. Okay fucking shit all the clips they suck Yeah, so if we're Captain America

He suspended for six months for Two years for having Nazi steer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but anyways, let's get back to you know, let's get back your lack of I'm just saying if I'm flying somewhere, there's a mission and it's just me and Captain America, I'm like, where's the rest though? Where's Storm at? Where's Jean Grey at? Where's Jean Grey at? Oh my god.

Oh my god. Storm is with the X-Men. Okay, you know what? Let's just go back to this. Let's go back to what you know. There's just nothing. Hold on. Hold on. This is a whole different podcast right now.

Because you are driving me bananas. You educate me on Marvel and DC. That's exactly the next one we do. All right. Hold on. Is Captain America DC? Where's Jean Grey? Captain America's DC?

He's Marvel? Marvel. So he can fuck with them, right? They never get together. Storm is with the X-Men. They don't necessarily work with. They've never worked together? It's like the UFC versus like.

Bellator? Yeah, whatever that is in Europe. And they just don't work together? They don't necessarily work together. Well, that's a shame. Well, that's a shame. Yeah, but Captain America is an outrage. I'm outraged for Captain America right now.

Captain America works with the Avengers. But no X-Men. No X-Men. Alright, say less. I think it's a shame. I think they should call out. And it was full of Gen Z slang too. I love how mad Eric... I didn't know that he's like into freaking

positive things. I didn't know that Eric Griffin was really into comic books or whatever yeah it's just so funny he's like oh with the jean gray and he's like no you moron you don't know anything even i know that i'm not super into comic books and this guy he has that famous clip where he's talking to the other comedian rick where he says that he used to sell comic books out of his house yeah another huge lie but he doesn't even know know that Captain America is not part of the X-Men. Yeah. How does he not know that?

Yeah. He's our age. He should know that. Everybody's always like, da-na-na-na-na, da-na-na-na-na, da-na-na-na-na. If you sang that to Shob, Shob would be like, dude, I love The Simpsons. Like, you fucking moron, dude.

All right, we have to finish it. It's almost over. Yeah. You create a Reddit profile? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on that Reddit now. Captain America juice head 777 or some shit. Learn your facts before you.

Oh, my God. You realize, Brennan, why Captain Herc is not with the X-Men? Yes. That's exactly what I just said. He predicted exactly what I was going to say. What is this one called? Brian has straight teeth. Let me start this with saying

if you were in the zombie apocalypse and you have three weapons, what are they? Okay. Wow. Yeah. Great segue. Good start.

If there was a zombie apocalypse, would you leave your invisalign in? Well, we already went through that. And my teeth, I gave it to him. You talked over what? He said apocalypse. I want to hear it again. Apocalypse, would you leave your invisalign in? If there was a zombie apocalypse, would you leave your invisalign in?

Well, we already went through that. And my teeth. You gave it to him? Ten more days, Baba. Ten more fucking days. I got some straight teeth. I can't really see it. I got some straight teeth.

That's just funny because the elevator is doing the fucking change. Let me start this with saying. Here we go. So the next one is when it comes to automobiles, Bapa's lack of self-awareness knows no bounds. Nothing triggers me more than guys in cars repping. I hate repping.

I tell myself when we go to the car show, I go, that's for guys who don't have... You know... Oh, really, dude? Keep going. Check out when you do ride. Yes, please. Oh, really, dude? Keep going. Check out when you do ride, or you modify the restaurant. Yes, please.

And he has a car. He has like a fucking ridiculous blue Ferrari or whatever it is. I mean, amazing. It keeps going. Meanwhile. Like, you guys are small dicks. The loud ass. I thought it was yours. No. I saw the porch. I was like, okay, Gary. I ain't living life. No.

The disdain. Yeah. That's Gary Olin, right? Yeah, it's Gary Olin. He's pretty good at roasting people. Yeah. I wish he would just go off on job. Yeah.

It's so comfortable. We're just talking right through this small dick car the loud ass the cars like when when you're in the idle and i'm like what are you doing there's so many clips of him doing it. The loud ass. Also, you didn't build the car. Why are you... You like my Ferrari? It's like, you didn't build it.

Get him, Brendan. Get yourself. Why are you acting like this? That cage is so sick, too. You mean guys with small dicks? The loud ass. So then I just uh when i went to get my ferrari i was just talking to him ferrari's 100 douchebag like well i'm like dude you're fucking all black sf9 you'd freak the fuck out

ferrari's 100 douchebag i think he's closed allocation i go it's fucking Roman, though. You know, man, I bet he would do it. Because you think, I bet, man. Ferrari's a 100% douchebag. Everybody is like, he goes, he always says that. He's like, and then they go. We go.

Schaub needs to go fucking fuck himself. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, really, dude? Oh, really, dude? fuck himself exactly exactly oh really dude oh really dude like the last allocation for all black sf90s fighter

like he could have bought it and like but at a crazy price sure there you go dude the dumbest guy from your football team it has like a million kajillion dollars yeah and people watch like we're watching 10 minutes of shop. It should be zero minutes of never.

Instead, what is this? This is Joe Rogan's uncle. I have no clue. Sounds very serious. It's really hard to not be a douchebag in a Ferrari. Oh, I didn't put that on.

Oh, geez. Oh, that's just sad. Yeah, that was fucked up. Yeah, that's fucked up. All right, we have a couple more left here. Oh, this didn't put that on. Oh, jeez. Oh, that's just sad. Yeah, that was fucked up. Yeah, that's fucked up. All right, we have a couple more left here.

Oh, this one's good. Jesus is in this one. I think I've seen this. How about this? Chili. Okay. Every time it's good, dude. He looks at me like,

How about this? Chili. Okay. Oh, no. That's what people do to Brandon when he does his stupid bits. Like when he's like doing fucking the Ukrainians are dying and whatever. And everyone's just like, okay, keep going. Then we should have those Asians with their eyes, right? And you're like, all right, here we go. Gangster. It's not, it's not. It's not the day of.

How do you do it? Hung himself in his closet. In a closet at a hotel. Gangster. The worst time to say gangster. Okay, and the last one we have here is called You're So Redacted. Oops.

Here it goes. Nuts. Yeah, what's it called? Obey Your Husband or something? Obey, something like that. Obey. Obey your master! Master! Master! Dude, greatest scene in Stranger Things last season. Season, what is it? Four or whatever? Dude, I quit watching it. Master, pray my baby.

You're so gay, dude! You're like season eight or Stranger Things. You know why? Because I go, oh, wow, this reminds me of season three. oh, wow, this reminds me of season three. Oh, wow, that reminds me of- I just love that he's obsessed with Stranger Things. Yeah. He wants everybody to like it, and it's not good. Yeah.

The first season was good, but almost everyone agrees after that it sucks ass. And he's just, no, dude, you're gay. It's okay. Thanks for tuning in to 10 Minutes to Shab. Did we watch all of them? Yes. Damn.

Okay. World record podcast shout out. I'm wearing the shirt. Check out World Record Podcast. Tune in next week for more 10 Minutes to Shab.