10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub CAN NOT Speak Correctly! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #13

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Thirtheenth Episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

T-Fat K God, give me some Shobb, cause I'm trying to get my Brandon down T-Fat K Chincliffe, Chincliffe, Chincliffe You know what the comedy store is? Wog and truck list Eddie Letterman Might need a truck walk

Yeah, absolutely How long can we go in this song? I don't know, I gave up We gave the people what we want Yeah, exactly but anyways welcome back to 10 minutes of shab that's what you came here for yes to watch us do 10 minutes of watching shab make a fool of himself i'll start the timer now all righty here we are this one what is this one called i don't remember let me see uh. Brandon admits to pissing his pants and touches his invisible piss stain,

proceeds to rub the piss on his mouth. Okay. Wow. We're starting off hot, dude. You got a little pee-pee on my pants. I know. You're peeping on your pants a little bit. And you said that.

You went, oops. Oops. You know when you put it back in? Yep. Put the snake back in the trousers. You're not done yet. The drip. It was more than drip.

That's what happens. I'll put it back in. trousers. You're not done yet. The drip. It was more than drip. That's what happens. I'll put it back in. And he's like. My immediate thought is, should we be worried about Shab? Like anybody else who's like, okay, for sure. They're doing a bit. Not a good bit. They're talking about peeing.

But like his CTE, he's like, I'll pee pee my pants. Like, oh no. Piss in his pants. Piss in his pants. Shab does pee pee stains. He. Like, yeah. Oh no. Piss in his pants. Piss in his pants. Shop does pee pee stains. He rubs his mouth. Oh, by the way,

the clips today are brought to you by Oathman Boucher. Yes. Who lives in Western Virginia. So if anybody is angry about what we do, you can visit him there. Yeah. Here goes. Wasn't done.

He's going. You know, like, Ooh, if I was in a really cold area, I might die I would freeze to death my dick would fall off

yeah it's uncomfortable yeah can't tell yeah but there is a little bit of a stain isn't there I mean you can't really tell I can oh yeah

you can definitely tell that's a lot of pee it's like some men go probably over here with as masculine as they can get beards

tattoos rubbing his face guns independence freedom other men are actually going the opposite direction With as masculine as they can get. Beards, tattoos, guns, independence, freedom. Other men are actually going the opposite direction. He's smelling his beard. Cutting their dicks off. Cutting their dicks off.

He can totally ignore what Callan is saying. He's saying nonsense. Why is Shub's hat so tight? Do you notice that? At all times, yeah. It's like this super tight hat. When he takes it off, it's going to have a big indentation over it. All right, so this next clip is called, Is That Racism?

Is That Racist? Oh, good. Here we go. Have you ever seen a bear? I go, on TV? Dude, those cubs? The mama's around her somewhere. He's like, right.

And you don't have a gun, beer spray, nothing? I go, I'm with my son, dude. Get the fuck out of here man what are you gonna do what are you gonna do right when these fucking goat carts yeah don't go that fast

this beer is gonna look it's like a fucking buffet yeah and his brother black bears they're all okay they run okay I feel better no let's listen they run from you until

they don't that's what I was like no no we don't have anything have nothing. I was like looking around like I guess I'd take my helmet off and whack them. Have you ever heard the expression? Black, fight back. Brown, lie down. White, good night. White?

Is that a racism? Is that racist? It's just about the bears. Is that a racism? It's just about the bears. Is that a racism? It's surprising to me because even somebody as dumb as Shaw, you'd think he's an animal guy. Yeah. But the bear thing goes right over his head.

He doesn't realize that he's talking about polar bears versus black bears and brown bears. And he's like, it's got to be about race, right? Are they gay? Are the bears gay? Are bears gay? I love that he said goat carts yeah i guess we need more context to really understand how dumb it is yeah but that was pretty good it was good

just for the go-karts part all right this one's called that famous conor mcgregor quote oh really wait start me on a conor mcgregor accent real quick uh wait he quick. I'm not here to take over. I'm here to take part. Okie dokie. He got it the wrong way. Yeah, I'm here to take over, not here to take part. It's obvious,

but that's like Schaub reading off an ad read, you know? Yeah. He's like, welcome back to man's my pillow. My name is S-H-A-B Schaub. Welcome back to man station brought to you by stamps.org

this one's called Scoob oh we learned that Scoob is Schaub oh that's right yeah we found that out in one of the episodes Scoob has a very distinct kind of morning breath I'm with my son dude alright here we go Scoob has a distinct

kind of morning breath morning sex I'll be married I can't anymore when I was younger it was my favorite I'm with my son, dude. All right, here we go. Scuba's a distinct kind of morning breath. Morning sex, I'll be married. I can't anymore. When I was younger, it was my favorite, dude. My favorite. The problem is you got that dick breath. I wake up, my breath's fucking- Dick breath?

Why? Your breath? It's your breath, you idiot. I know, but my girl has this. I'm trying to kiss her, and I got fucking dick breath. Are y'all doing morning sex? No, dude. Why would you have dick breath?

That is like, oh man, his like gaffes are so crazy. But it's like the 10 year rule, dude. He's been doing this for 10 years. So he's an expert at gaffes, dude. I know he's been on stage so much. He's like, you know, he only got, he only started staying up very little, but then he got on stage six, what is it? 6,000 times in a year or something like that?

Yeah. Some crazy number. And that's why he knows to throw in dick breath every once in a while. Okay, so this one's called A Couple More Shabbisms. Enjoy the tradition and beg the differ. He actually gets called out for once too. I don't know. That sounded like shop.

Yeah. He's posting in his own subreddit now. Run the ads for you guys. Listen, college football is back fam. It's my favorite time of the year. It's time to enjoy the tradition. All right.

It's fun. And listen, you want to have some real fun, not taking a real shower. Well, your Navy hat would beg to differ. Beg to differ. He just said, beg the different. Beg to differ. He just said beg the differ.

I just, come on. It's beg to differ. Captain America has superpowers. No. So the new things were turdition with a turd. Yeah. And beg the differ. Yeah.

Man, shop sucks. But it's like, is it on purpose though? I doubt it's on purpose, dude. Because it feeds into every one of these,

like anybody that does what we're doing right now, it's never ending. He botches things like Tony Soprano does on The Sopranos. But that's scripted TV. You know,

they did that to make us laugh. Schaub is like an idiot savant when it comes to saying really dumb stuff. Alright, this one's called New Merch Authentic NBA Jerseys and Dope-Ass Hats. That seems like a reasonable... We got new merch dropping on thickboy.com I think

next Friday. We have legit NBA quality authentic thickboy jerseys, shorts, and dope-ass hats. And I'm running the Tough Mudder next Saturday in Chicago on the 27th. Sign up. Use the code TEAMBREAD and 10% off. Come run with the Thigs. Chicago, 10% off.

Sam, where are you going to be at? I'm going to be at Deanna, Diana, Danny. Oh, man. Run with the Thigs. That's a new thing I haven't heard that but he definitely 100% said thigs oh he said yeah there was two g's well you gotta

I mean NBA NBA thig merchandise I wonder what that means like it's not you know you don't play in the NBA thick boy squad doesn't have a team in the NBA maybe we can get raccoon tweety's fucking NBA merch, dude. Maybe. Maybe we should get Walsh to get us, Brendan Walsh

from the World Record Podcast to buy some NBA quality t-shirts and jerseys and dope hats. Dope ass hats. What's Brendan's idea of a dope hat though? Fucking backwards yellow hat. What's that one designer hat that has a bite

out of it? Oh yeah, the hat with a missing thing on designer hat that has a bite out of it? Oh, yeah, the hat with, like, a missing thing on it. He has, like, Yeezys of hats. Yeah. Strange. Like, you know, we should give him credit for going out there with style. Should we do a shoeie in honor of Ty getting it done? Yeah, go for it. All right, let's try it.

Good luck, Ty. This is for you, buddy. Listen, I'm not great at chugging and stuff like that. Not great at what? I actually have a small throat, despite the rumors. What? He has a small throat. This is for Ty against Cyril Ghosn.

It's another dick-sucking joke, dude. It's a dick-sucking joke. Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry. How can I blog Busser? Oh, he's chugging. Oh, shit. What is that?

Joe Rogan's come. Joe Rogan's come. Kimbo's slicing the background. Looks like he's embarrassed to be here. And that little buzz. Look at his face. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

The damage. That looks like what he looks like after a UFC fight. Oh, my God. This is the saddest still image of Shabba I've ever seen. You know what? I think he'd be surprised. Everything's fucked up. All right, let's see if this one's a short one.

We'll end with this one. Give us some better clips, Papa Chin. Okay, so this one might be a good one. I can already hear the gaffe. I just love Kimbo. It's like, please. Yeah, Kimbo's like, please stop fucking up words, dude. Take me off.

Yeah, get me off this wall. No more racist stuff, man, please. Here it goes. Age and algebra restrictions apply. See show notes for details. See next page for directions of disclaimer. Download Graft King Sports. Damn, dude.

What language is that? Age and LGBT descriptions of supply. LGBT descriptions of FedEx. Amazon Prime Delivery coming in. Chipotle in the land. Chipotle in the ability. With rice and brown rice and guacamole. That was the best clip.

Yeah, I mean, we might cut some of the clips. So if this is less than 10 minutes, I'm sorry. Apologies. It's so funny. The more we do this, the worse they get. Isn't that? It's wild. Yeah, it's true and it's going down

the rabbit hole yeah of shop like if you go down there and just look through eventually you'll find something amazing sometimes there's a stand-up clip of shop where it's just the worst stand-up you've ever heard yeah other times he's botching words other times he's talking about sucking dick i mean then the ray lewis thing He's so hacked too, man. God. It's like, the Notre Dame, obviously, there's probably something

about Monte Tio there. We never watched the Notre Dame one? I don't think so. All right, here we go, dude. I get it.

I get it. America's team. The alumni out of Notre Dame, Jesus Christ. Jerome Bettis, Rocket Ishmael, Mike Golick, Tim Brown. Oh my God. I Jesus Christ. Jerome Bettis, Rocket Ishmael, Mike Golick, Tim Brown. Oh my God. I was wrong.

But none bigger, none bigger than Daniel Rudiker, a.k.a. Rudy. I'm going to break your heart right now for a week. Joe Montana can't stand Daniel Rudiker. He's a piece of s***.

Any chance he gets, you put a mic in front of Joe Montana's face, he's s*** all over the movie Rudy. He's like, that movie's bulls***. That kid barely worked. He was off sides. We're up by 21 points, got a second, the third straight.

Who gives a s***? The reason they carried him off the field was to make fun of him. They gotta be putting in laughs. 15 years in the NFL. You really think so? Yeah.

Why are they laughing? Regular season MVP. Where are the jokes? Multiple times Super Bowl MVP. One of the top five ever touches a s**t.

Big skin. This guy has nothing. There's no feature film on him. And then this fourth string s**t. Five, five seven white kid gets a sack

and hollywood's like montana oh my god all that for that dude that was a trans joke that reminds me of that joke that is like a hack open mic where it's like yeah I was dating a girl

named Ruth she broke up with me now I'm ruthless like that's shop level content that's probably goingub-level content. That's probably going to be in Schaub's next clip. The Ruthless Joe. Oh, my God. I don't understand any of that.

What I don't understand... He has to have watched stand-up, right? He should know that there's punchlines. George Carlton. Yeah, he's a big fan of George Carlton. Man, how does he not... Because none of that had a joke in it, right? I hesitate to say that he adds laughs.

I don't think they add laughs. You've gone to comedy shows. Yeah, it's seen bad. People laugh at shit that's not... They just know they're supposed to laugh. Yeah. Or they're just having a good time. It's a rhythm or whatever, and I doubt they add laughs.

I think it's even more funny if there's no laughs added. These people are actually laughing. I think he makes people think stand-up is worse than it is. If it's done well, it can be good. I start crying. I'm so hurt by him. You know,

but I'm sure he's a nice guy. He's not. He's also a bad guy. He'll walk you to your truck, though. He will offer to walk you to your truck. But that's it for this week, right? Yeah, that's it for this week. Tune in next week. We'll have more 10 Minutes of Shab.

All right, later guys. 10 Minutes of Shab Discord just happened recently. Join us. The link is in the description. Join me, Dallas Llama, Protein Farts, Wadsworth, Oathman, and Gerardo, and other people that don't say anything. Hell yeah.