10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub GETS TRIGGERED EASILY! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #67

Episode Date: October 1, 2023

JOIN OUR PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/raccoontweeties Join the discord! https://discord.gg/z7eSGTE6hG Follow Raccoon Tweeties on Social Media! https://linktr.ee/RaccoonTweeties

Saturday night on the stick town, working for the chief of the king Sitting there on the desk to Wish he'd bought his pad high Choke on a nuva on the right side Full of people who are worse than her Just about to post a P.H.S. When a starless woman comes to her alert A pair of bullies asked me, hey, that night My energy started to rise

She was a funny blonde Banned in a black dress Just a five-night Beautiful blonde With just one look I said, and he asked Cause that blonde Banned he had it all

Oh One take Stop at my favorite Time of the week Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shop. Thanks for tuning in. As always, join the Patreon. You get early access to the T-Most episodes, and we've also started reviewing stand-up specials. The last one we did was

Bill Burr. Your favorite special. You people are all the same. You people are all the same, which was Netflix. Great. Oh, yeah. Great special. We got into it. Went deep. Yeah. We also exposed our new tack board. Do your best, Annie Letterman, while you're over there. Fuck you.

Yes. Special rankings. Yeah, we're ranking all the specials. We have two categories. I'm sure you guessed it. Netflix and BlogBus. I ever heard of them. And there's been votes in the patreon for a third tier.

I said patreon. Yeah, for to be to be. Yeah, for the ones that we don't finish because they're so bad. Jim Brewer special. Somebody had to say it is the only one on that one yet.

We didn't finish it, but it was three hours long. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a lot. Oh, really? The special itself. No, we recorded that for three hours. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a lot. Oh, really? The special itself? No, we recorded for three hours. Yeah, no. Already redacted. But speaking of being already redacted, dude,

we're sitting in these fresh ass chairs. Yeah. I hope you like the new chairs. We here's to you. We did a nice little T fat K chair review on the raccoon tweeties episode for this week. So go ahead and check that out. Also, that's not where they're here, dude. No, that is not why you're here. You are here to watch 10 minutes of Shab. Play the chin clip. Start the timer now. Alrighty, so don't forget, we don't matter. Even though these chairs say otherwise, you know what I'm saying?

I know we don't count, and I'm resisting the urge to matter with these chairs or making me feel like it, but in the end, nobody knows who we are. Yeah, this one's posted by 12 bore. It's called. Is that a reference to something? No, I have maybe, you know, we're I haven't looked at every menu item, but for some reason that made me laugh. It's called Tony Hinchcliffe gets accused of ass kissing Joe Rogan and

becomes defensive about their relationship. Is that Ty Rivera? Yeah. Nice. I know. I tripped out. Yeah, I tripped out when I saw him on here. Who would have he shot it?

He sent me a message about Temos once. I think. Oh, shit. Shout out. Ty. Yeah. Almost. He's my North Star.

What I understand. I got right into my trap. You thought you were just going to come up here and sing about Joe Rogan and he was going to carry you off fucking piggyback style. Come on. We're going to go. You're coming to my castle. I want to have you on the show tomorrow, dude. Yeah.

You do realize that was the plan, right? That didn't happen. Of course. There's only enough room for me on that piggyback ride. You do get up in there, man. I've noticed that. What? You do get up in there. Absolutely, it's getting glad. I'm glad to have a best friend like that. I know man, no doubt about it. Is it bad that I admire your ass kissing skills? I really do not ask

it to a owner alert. I can never tell when you're about to do the yeah. I'm quick on the draw when it comes to this thing at all. He doesn't like people that kisses as I actually challenge him sometimes where most people around him are just yes men. That's why he finds me endearing. That's good man. Unnecessary. I think yeah

it is defensive. Yeah he's he doesn't need to defend himself to this random open mic and a very tight shirt. Tony, out of all people, should know only a thousand can do it. Only a thousand comics can be friends with Joe Rogan. He's one of the lucky few. That guy is a black belt in podcasting.

Yeah, podcasting. Ever heard of it? You fucking faggot. I thought you were supposed to roast do like a clever roast, but then he just says that yeah, he's just upset. Yeah, I think he got under his skin a little bit. Yeah. Also, too, I've been watching a lot of kill Tony, you know, don't get yourself on your waves, dude, but I've been watching a lot of kill Tony recently and they just be saying the f word for gay people like a sport. Really?

It's not even like funny. Dang, that's crazy. I'll be the first one to laugh at a good effort for gay people joke. All right, you know, okay, but like it's just not clever. It's just like they just know that's not say it to say it. That was blah. I used to have one. Oh yeah, yeah, I would say

I'm a changed man. I used to go around saying the n word all the time just like this, and then I would say the effort for gay people really loud. Yeah, I'm glad you stopped that one, and then I said that, and then I would go, but the n word that's the best part of the joke. Okay, here we go. Okay, I trying to test the fucking

waters. I nightmare your ass kissing, but I wasn't trying to come the fucking waters. Hey, nightmare, your ass kissing. But I wasn't trying to come at you. I actually think it's amazing what you've done, man. It's okay. It's okay. I know. I know it's unbelievable. It's absolutely amazing. I used to come by the store years ago when I first got into comedy and I watched your rise and it was really impressive, man.

Absolutely. I don't remember seeing you in the audience. Of course. Dang. That's one where everyone got caduced. Yeah, dude, the only person, the only person not getting a douche in that clip is a tie ties. He's out of it. I'm pretty sure tie didn't talk the whole episode. Every clip I've seen from this is he's just like he was like sent his redact

meter was going off. He was like I'm not no that one is okay without my take sentient read act approaching the stage. Well, in connection with that last clip, dude, this is rowdy hippo posted human centipedes challenge Rogan for 60 seconds. So

this is what Tony means by challenging Rogan. Okay, here we go. Yeah, I need a hundred percent, but man, you were right, dude, and Connecticut is weird. It, here we go. We need 100%. But man, you were right, dude. Connecticut is weird. It's a weird place. It is tough to deal with, but if anybody... It's the toughest to deal with. You've got a dicey past in terms of the law. Some would say the diciest.

Was I right? You were right, dude. A rough reason for why... The roughest. Who knows? It's fun. It's the funnest. So funny. And then Trump turns around all creepy, looks at his butt. Oh, I don't think that's what he's doing. No, I know.

He's looking at him like he's a little boy. Right. You feel like this is a dream business. Pause it for a second. Well, first of all, it's not fair to Tony because he looks like he's about 12 years old in this clip. So he doesn't have the confidence yet why it's i know why but comedians have the feeling of they're at a bank like i'll get it trying to get a loan from a banker exactly they're talking with rogan yeah yeah oh great office oh that's that's you know you're you're

a real capable guy i like i like everything you got going can i have a hundred thousand dollars yeah it's like but i understand though i mean ro mean, Rogan is a kingmaker. If he can make shop and Andrew Schultz famous, what can he do for someone with even a small amount of talent? Yeah, you know, also to, you know, I work with Jesus Sepulveda, you know, and yeah, I kiss his ass, dude, but that's where I'm at right now. And you know, I fully accept people that make fun of me for kissing his ass. You know what I mean? Do I kiss his ass to you, but that's where I'm at right now and you know, I fully accept people that make fun of me for kissing his ass. You know what I mean? Do you kiss like what's an example of that? If you saw

me like talking to him and then you come up to me later and you're like really Gerardo, he looks great today. You know kind of thing. You don't do that dude. You look great on me. I'm doing that those pants in that shirt. You couldn't have made a better decision it would be funny if i saw you with him let's say we're at some show and jesus is like man the audience is great tonight and

you're like some would say the greatest yeah and you were serious that would be that's i would probably do that that's going full redact now someone said the fullest dude see you're my you're my headliner b you can agree with him. If you can agree with him, if he's right, we have no idea. He meant whatever the clip Connecticut is weird, you know, weirdest. So it's pretty easy actually when you just let yourself

just like not think imagine being high on Kratom and trying to impress Joe. You're going to be saying this the most of Estes. Yeah, well, we'll never know because we've made from a shop and also no one knows who we are. I'm going to meet Joe one day and be like, you're the bestest, dude.

Can I get on your show? Just wait for it to get awkward, then ask, right? Would you ever go on Joe Rogan's show? Sure. Of course. It's like asking me if I'm thirsty, would I drink water? I don't want to be a part of your dirty business. It's the dirtiest business.

Which one do you think it is? Yeah. You got me there. God, this is a disaster. It's such a, it's the biggest disaster. People would just shame you so hard. Right. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. You'd never get a chance. Yeah. I told you. You were right. It's a place so hard. Right. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. You'd never get a chance. Yeah. I told you. You were right. It's a place of despair. Yeah. Yeah.

This is, you know, that's a compilation of mostly Brendan challenging Joe Rogan. But it'd be funny if we showed like clips of guests that we've had just disagreeing with me and disrespecting me. Like, no, you're wrong. Oh, man. All right. Well, let's go to the next one dude i thought that would be a little fun bit to start with nice um this one's called the greatest joke of our generation us pedestrians just wouldn't understand posted by pred alien 33 that's a dicey ass name if i ever seen one dude let's see dolphins fuck people that's the real thing that i didn't make up dolphins fuck people i didn't make up dolphins fuck people dolphins fuck people

hey are you listening to me dolphins fuck people now dolphins fuck people now the government knows i'm googling do dolphins fuck people he Is Googling do dolphins fuck people? That's what the government sounds like. Dolphins fuck us, dude. People say, are you hungry? I'm like, I don't know. Dolphins fuck us. It's like, is somebody in the audience that has been fucked by a dolphin? Dolphins fuck some of us.

Fucked by a dolphin. We get fucked by a dolphin. It's like a redacted TED talk where it's like he comes out and he has the headset. Thank you for coming out to my Ted talk. I want to talk about the threat of dolphins and being fucked by them. Slider alert.

Slide one. This is like D'Elia. Okay, so D'Elia's like when I get back to Hollywood, dude, I'm going to let I am going to talk

about how dolphins fuck people, bro. I love that clip. Now. That's like one of my favorite clips. You don't even know dolphins in the water. Yeah, you do it.

Do your Dalia. My Dalia. I can't do you can't. I can't do it. Yeah, I'm sorry that I put you on the spot. I just wanted you to. I've never had a problem being put on the spot before until Brian

Callen and Dalia entered the chat. Do you? Your Brian is very good. Yeah, I forget what your Dalia sounds like. That's kind of the goodest. You're agreeing with me to now. Yeah. Why don't you treat me like

Rogan? Someone treated to the treatise dude. Let's see in the ocean by a dolphin. I didn't realize how many times he said dolphins fuck people in this special. I thought it was three times, but it's apparently 37. Really? So they counted it out and it says that in the comments?

No, no, no. I'm just saying like, well, this is edited, right? But it's all the times he said it. I don't think it's like multiple times. You know what I mean? Oh my God. Yeah. You know. you know that's smart

this is great that is his last step before I think I can do that 10 more times you can see it from the beginning you can do it back listen to me I can't see you from the beginning. You couldn't do that. Ahhh! That's an A! I can't believe he picked up a word

and couldn't do that to me! Ahhh! Oh my God! Ahhh! Your muscles actually- Shut up. Thanks, Chris. Shut up, dude. That's boring as fucking all get out.

Dude, come on. Let me speak. Let me be. So what's the big fucking deal? What the fuck are we doing out here? I asked you. What in the fuck are we doing here? Hell, I don't know. It's like a water clip at the end.

Oh, what are we doing here? Hell, I don't know. It's like a water clip at the end. Oh, what are we doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There might be another one of those coming up, right? Oh, yeah. A chef cooks something up in the kitchen. A chef you might be familiar with. What are we doing here? I don't know what to say after that.

What did you think of that, dude? Dolphins fuck people, dude. That was hilarious. Good work. I might cut some of the F-words out of that, dude. That's a lot of f words all at once right oh right yeah yeah YouTube don't like that dude we're gonna hate you

like a shadow band gets shot a shadow band dude yeah all right so here we go this one's posted by I want to know where it's called fancy bees certified homeless let's see this one I feel like a nickname it has to be

kind of in the moment when something happens. That is true. It can happen anytime. P.F. Chan, for example. Fancy. P.F. Chang. How did you say it? How did you say it?

Do you think they know about what it is? The football guys? Probably They're busting boys, right? Busting with the boys, I believe Not one of our guys I like that on these shows if there's a famous person

or a guy or a girl they're going to be on all of them Busting with the boys, we saw them on T-Fat K, they're going to be on Bobby Lee they're going to be on all of them. You know, like Bustin' with the Boys. We saw them on T-Fat K. They're going to be on Bobby Lee. They're going to be on all of them. So you get clips. You get to see their reaction.

And then Shop gets brought up in all the things. It's an interesting thing. With the Busted Boys or whatever, they were talking shit about Shop, weren't they? Remember? Is that the same fucking... They have a bunch of neon signs in a Busted Boys bus or something like that i have no idea dude right remember the the the two

guys in a bus i don't know if those were the same guys or not that's like this is why i'm like it could be because bussing yeah is that about a bus bust i just don't i don't watch their pod i'm not gonna that's something i'm not gonna i. I'm trying to have the work ethnic to find that. Yeah, I'm trying to purposefully fuck their name because shop kept doing it that one clip. Oh, he did. Yeah, I don't even remember that they were like you say bros, but it's busting with the boys and then bro in with the

boys a couple of minutes later. He was like, you know, busting with the bros is fucking that's hilarious. There are two football players that have had like probably similar to the amount of head trauma that he has and they're fine and shop is still like I don't know the other one wants to say he's just like let him go to. Yeah, he just goes all right. So this one's posted by all I do is lie to you dude. He's been he's

been cooking up some hardcore dishes this last week. I was watching all these clips earlier. This one's almost three minutes is called rinks says Bapa's seat clamps are short and won't let it go. Let's see. You didn't play quarterback because your hands weren't big enough, right? No, my palms are big

so I can grip a football. You know, I don't know if you can. You have small fingers though. Tell me these chairs are not identical to those chairs, dude. They might be. Oh, my God. That looks almost exactly like this. Dude. We did it.

We did it, dude. Who's virtually identical? Who's who? Who's who? I don't know. Shab, Callan. Shab, Callan. Shab, Callan. Which one? Cooney.

Where? I just can't tell the difference. Oh my God, bro. I'm so proud of us. I know this is wild that we did this. Amazing, dude. I can't believe. I'm very happy. Also very comfortable. Yeah, these chairs are amazing. Thank you to the Patreon subscribers. For the soundproofing. The chairs we bought ourselves. Yeah.

The soundproofing put us in the red. Yeah, dude.. For the soundproofing. Yeah, the soundproofing. The chairs we bought ourselves. Yeah. The soundproofing put us in the red. Yeah, dude. Every one of them. I mean, there's one behind Gerardo's head right now. We're literally in the red seats. Okay. Okay. I'll stop.

I'll stop. That was redacted. Do it again. Redacted. Be a dick. No, I don't. No. You don't have good fingers for basketball or for throwing football.

That's true. I can palm a ball because I have big palms. Yeah, but you have short fingers. I don't know if they're short. It's almost a defect. No. Not to be a dick. Compared to you, I'm Brock Lesnar.

No, it's not true because, look, your fingers are, look at that. Look at how short, this is why you're a dick. No, look. Hey, take it easy. Don't palm the ball. I'm going to. Do you mind? I'm going to.

I'm showing you how long my fingers are. My fingers are as long as yours. No, you're trying to, you keep going up. But look, look, look. No, take it easy. Go palm to palm. I'm going to. Do you mind? I'm going to. I'm showing you how long my fingers are. My fingers are as long as yours. You keep going up. Look, look, look. No, do this. Do this. Don't. Here.

Do this. Palm to palm. Palm to palm. You don't have to be that much longer. And hey, can you let go? I can rip over your fingers. No, you can't. Come here.

No, I'm sorry. That's what it is. You're not going to do it again? That's what it is. No, I don't need to. Dude, my fingers are as long as yours. And that's... This is like the kind of stuff that's important to them.

We told them to stop talking about... Numbers. Numbers and all that stuff. So now they're talking about, you know, whose hand is bigger. Yeah. And like, who's faster and all that. Yeah. The amount of respect i gained for them

due to their chair choice because of how comfortable this chair is i just lost right now in terms of content yeah yeah because these chairs are fucking comfortable dude i could do this show like for three hours yeah we might make it 12 minutes a job dude could we do you think we could have a minute long argument about hands this is a three minute long argument oh yeah you're right we just strapped the fuck in we just started this argument about hands all right let's see that's not even close you know but that's the truth you wish you wish anything on your body okay mine get it yeah get up get a fucking measuring tape right now damn it we've had one before right get a measuring tape and this is a problem do it measure the tape right now. We had one before, right? Get a measuring tape and this is a problem.

Measure the Rain Energy drinks. Yeah, dude. Shout out Rain Energy. Not our sponsor, but Bapa's, dude. No, I will never drink this. I will. Yeah, Gerardo will. $250, not bad, dude. Oh, yeah. They put the price on the thing at the little corner store.

Let's see. Short, and that's fine. My legs are not short. My legs are long. You have long legs. You have long legs. You have long legs, pretty long arms, short fingers. All I'm trying to say is that you're not a throne. Small brain.

Small brain. Let's measure the brain. Yeah. Is that fair? No. When we did the throne in college, this is why the common folk doesn't get this. No, you didn't do any throwing in college. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did? Yeah, yeah. Well, we all did. Yeah. So they do the longest throw. I finished second. Okay, Mr. Whole Foods. He threw it the longest.

Yeah. Dipping his nacho in the nacho cheese. Oh, okay. You finished second? Finished second, bud. In throwing? Yes, Joe Klatt beat me. Are you making this up right now?

No, no. We always do it. Do you mind we do a little measurement? It's all good? Sure, if you want. George, come on over here. You can measure us. Get in there, Georgie.

So we'll do it from... I don't trust you. From wrist to palm. No, we'll do our fingers, Baba. Well, no. No, no. We're doing the entire hand. Okay, we can do the hand first.

That's what I'm saying. It's bigger. Let's do the hand first. We don't want the pockets to come to a screeching halt. Someone on the Discord was telling me, he's like, oh, I think he's watching live or watching it

when it just came out and he was like, right now on TFK, they're measuring their hands. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I sort of had like a vision of it

and this is exactly what that was. Yeah. I'm comparing hand size. I like how he said, we don't want the podcast to come to a screeching halt when it's been at a screeching halt yeah when did it start yeah the screeching halt started

back when the special time ended dude already dude oh yeah dude just do it fast oh but let's do the fingers i know So just go to whatever the 10 it is. Duh. Duh. Duh. You want me to measure my hands? Hey. Oh. If I measure my hands, don't. Dun, dun, dun. George, I need you to, because he cheats.

Look at it. From the wrist to there. Eight on the dot, it looks like. Eight on the dot. Let's get George in there for Brian's too, though. Also, they mentioned on the Discord, eight inches. Oh, shit. That went over my head.

Eight on the dot, dude. Eight inches, B. So we know he's not lying. Shout out to Bapa's undercarriage. Why isn't it starting? Okay. George, what am I? I'm right there about few centimeters under eight. Yeah, so I got the same size hands. No, I'm

bigger. Baba, you got dude. They're teaching George how to take the mantle of T F after them. First thing he said now penises, you know, maybe afterwards when they're watching film and they're trying to get better for the next show, they're like George, we're proud of you dude. We were talking about hands and you they start crying and you fucking said now penises. Does that what he said? Yeah, I said and now you want to hear it. Yeah, rewind. Let's see here at the same size hands. No, I'm going to see that. And now penises. George's improv skills off the Richter scales.

I was trying to think of a shop. Is it? What do you think about that? Do you want to see their penis? I mean, I don't. We're talking about measure. No, I don't. Okay, we're talking about measurements and not like whether the hands are big

and penis size, but it's like, is that your takeaway, dude? You know what I mean? It's like, how do they even fit in those chairs? How do we fit in these chairs? Measuring tape. Yeah, we got measuring tape, dude. Yeah. Oh, you do.

Oh, shit. You have it right there. I have it right here. Oh, we didn't even plan this. Oh, you need a George. Oh, let me see that. Give me that. Give me that.

What are you going to measure your hand? Let's see here. Eight inches. No, no. I have small hands. Mine's seven and a half. Okay. All right.

Oh, let me measure it. Okay, go for it. I'll talk to the people here. All right. I'm at seven and a half B. So you measure like this, right? Dude. Okay.

Eleven. No, do it. I did it. You made me look redacted as fuck. I'm redacted, dude. Mine is going to be but small. Let's see. But small.

Is that a unit of measurement? Oh my God. You're seven inches. So it's not that small. You're tiny. I have small hands. Dude. I tried to do.

I tried to trick you. Put it on the table. I don't know why I handed it to you. Seven inches, dude. Seven and a half over here. I got the guitar playing hands be. Yeah, I mean, we've talked to. Oh, we cut it out of the thing, right?

Because it was a bunch of cursing at the beginning. Remember when we talked about our hands? Yeah. On one of the episodes, I just started laughing because your hands are so much bigger than mine. Yes. Now we're doing exactly the Jolene song. There's no argument though. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Be join the Patreon. Yeah. Bobo, you got me by a couple

centimeters. Is that bigger or no? It's a tiny bit bigger. I don't need you to be. Bro, we're in chairs with rain energy, diet cokes, measuring our hands. Yeah, we've become what like that guy. We become what we hate, but I swear to God we didn't plan out the measuring tape being there. We've been measuring for like stuff we put up. Yeah, so it's just here for the chairs. We play. You guys can tell we've been

measuring out the mats. So also I didn't even see this clip. Gerardo pulled it. Yeah, dude, that's crazy. But yeah, we've been measuring out the mats so also i didn't even see this clip gerardo pulled it yeah dude that's crazy but yeah we've been measuring a lot in here as you could tell the fucking chairs fit barely also when we got the chairs even if you watch the raccoon tweedies episode you already know this but we uh yesterday but when we got the chairs i was like oh man i didn't get diet coke so i went to get diet coke from the corner store, and when I was in there, they had these. And I was like, oh, yeah, daddy. Daddy. That rain energy drink's not touching this temple, daddy.

Oh, look at you guys. If we go live later, you got to say that. Rain is different. Let's see. Why isn't it playing? I don't know why. Here. I don't need you to be such a stickler for detail.

I know. I know. Talk about the bigger. A tiny bit. You know what's a shame, though? What? Bro, I want to start sitting Indian style, whatever you call that. Oh, yeah. One of us does that, and the other one does the other thing.

Crisscross applesauce. You got to do the leg over the leg. Someday. Rub it. We have to build up to that. Yeah, dude. I want to put my favorite shoe up. Oh, yeah. Oh, we got the favorite shoe already in here. This was a planned bed, but we have to build up to that. Yeah, dude. I want to put my favorite shoe up. Oh, yeah.

Oh, we got the favorite shoe already in here. Oh, this was a planned bit, but we have a shoe here. Yeah. Eventually, we're going to put the shoe on a shelf somewhere up there. Yeah, daddy. Might put some soundproofing over the shoe. Yeah. And if we get 10 patrons, I'll drink out of the shoe.

I'll do a shoeie. You'll drink rain energy drink out of the shoe. I will not drink it out of the shoe. I'll do a shoe. You'll drink rain energy drink out of the shoe. I will not drink it out of anything. I wouldn't drink it out of like a golden cup that gave me 10 more years of life. These hands have done compared to yours. Oh, yeah. He's out. Oh, come on.

Be cool, dude. That might be dicey dicey. I don't want to know what Brian's hands have done. Yeah, that's a lot of choking. I'm assuming what we're going to say. Be cool, Gerardo. You got anything else to say about the hands? I mean, we did basically everything.

We measured our own hands. That was fun. I enjoyed doing that. I am very fearful of our future, though. Oh, and we get a good douche by them for the hands bits. No, no, no, no, no, no. you're thinking too short term here, dude. What the more and more we be like them, we're going to become them. I don't think so. You're right. All right. So this one's posted by ad narrow seven one for one. It's called. Oh, you can feel the end coming. Never ignore

Bapa or you'll get asked the same question three times. Do you want to make a prediction or not? Are you gay? Oh, so questioning homosexuality three times. Let's see. Fine girl. He's dating. What's her name? Khalees.

Khalees. Oof. So many curves. Weird. Too much. So many curves. Dude. Bapa's on one in this episode.

He's horny. Somebody took the dig juice. I think. Yeah, dude. So many curves dude bop is on one in this episode dude he's horny somebody took the dig juice i think yeah dude so many curbs that's so lit dude i want to see it again there's some messages being sent to a handler right now mark dig juice what's her name police police oof so many curves jenna great ass. He's in Pacino. I was thinking you were doing more Daniel Plainview right there. Oh.

We got an ocean of curves under our feet. Ocean of curves under our feet. Let's see here. Too much. If I said I was an ass man, you'd agree. We know what you like. We've seen your teenage. Oh, slime her, am I right? Oh, gosh.

Slime? That's a weird thing, huh? That is weird. That's a weird thing. Talliaz wants no part of that. He's like, duh. I can't talk about slime. What are you, a freaking dolphin over here, though? When Hollywood gets them.

No. If you ask me about Khalees, though. That's so funny to me. I don't know if it'll be funny to anyone else, but I love doing it. I like when you put your head down. It's so funny. Duh, duh. Dolphins?

No, talk about Khalees. Do it with a Khalees. Duh, duh. Bill Murray got Khalees, dude. So many curves. You're Khalees. It sounds like Joey Diaz. Today it sounds like this.

Duh, Khalees, you're going to suck my dick for five minutes in the belly. Oh, man. Lizzy. Oh, I'd love to watch right i'd pay for that only fans all right here you want to see bill murray fucker is that what he's saying or is he saying he just wants to see her only fans like he wants to see her naked i'm pretty sure he alluded to some sexual intercourse right here right let me see here ready that is that's a weird thing oh i love to watch i love to watch oh so he is saying that that's what i'm saying oh my god why i'm that flabbergasted by that i'm a little curious but i don't need to see it i don't need to watch i'm not curious and i don't want to see it. I don't need to watch it. I'm not curious, and I don't want to see it. Unspenance to me, that's the weird.

Why? Why? Well, I'm curious in the way that I want to hear Bill Murray talk about it. You know what I mean? I don't want to see it. You know what I mean? I mean, I find it. It's interesting that Bill Murray is dating Khalees.

That is interesting, but I have no interest in watching them. No. Well, you know what I'm saying? If Bill Murray came up to you was like, you know, and he just told you a little fucktail, you wouldn't say yes. I'll listen to Bill Murray talk about anything. Yeah, dude. Yeah,

but that's where my curiosity lies. That's it. I don't want to see it. I'll see the tape though, too. You're like Bill, who you fucking are you fucking this guy's fucking. You got to be honest. I'd love to watch it. I'd pay for that, OnlyFans.

Am I right? No. It must be quick. Right? Then he goes to sleep. Hey. You pay for that, OnlyFans? Hey, man, stop, huh?

Hey, man, stop. Oh, shit. Look how happy Shab is, dude. Yeah. That's the face Shab made when he found out we got chairs. He's like, oh, dude. Yeah, it'd be great if he's happy about this. Yeah.

He's like, there are these guys. I think they're my fans. I don't really know. They could douche my friends, so I don't like that, but. They make songs. I wasn't. I wasn't. You know how much I love donuts.

He doesn't like us because we're... I'm vaccinated, but they got more than one vaccine. I was him. I don't think so, okay? Khalees is doing it, man. All right, yeah. He does a role play. He has like the Ghostbusters album.

Yeah, he's like Slimerimer she has the machine so i'm gonna get you she plays the song who you gonna call hot riffs from griff dude montez montez he'll keep you busy yeah anything else about that dude you don't want to see or you you already said no no i'm a vote no on that one papa but you would see her do it with somebody else brad pitt maybe or i mean she's attractive what which one of the ghostbusters would you want to see fuck if you had to see one i don't have a preference over like the dude fucking i'm more into the chick are you talking about are you asking me like who would i bang on the girls ghostbusters no it's you gotta be like're going to see a hot chick no matter what be

we got to choose one of the guy Ghostbusters. That's fucking I have no criteria to pick. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't I wouldn't have a preference. I wouldn't be like die. I see Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, that guy I'm more of a Harold Remus. I mean that Harold Remus. I

mean Harold Remus folks people dog when I go, Harold Ramis, folks, people. Dog, what'd I give up? All right. Rick Moranis. Now, that guy, he's keep you busy. I wouldn't mind watching that fucking Michelin Man fuck. That Michelin Man.

Does he even have a penis? Probably. You can measure that. Ghosts have as big a dick as they want. You know what I'm saying? It is weird that he's a ghost, but he's not really like a ghost, right? Yeah, right. He's just like a possessed.

Well, I guess his demon. Who cares? I never seen the movie. All right, so name the movie. This one's posted by all I do is lie to you. It's dude. That would be perfect. You could go like what's the then and then and then and what are the words that go?

Who are you going to call? Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters. Who are you going to call? Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters. Name the movie. There you go. Yeah, that's a good one. Next, Raccoon Tweety. That's how we start, B. Yeah.

All right. This one's All I Do is Lie to You. It's called Add Jennifer Lopez to Barn Door's Menagerie of Star Encounters. Lopez. Oh, yeah. We're listening to this. We're live, and we're here to talk about Brendan Schaub's shoes. This is an intervention.

Those fucking shoes that you wore to the Mayweather McGregor fight. What in the fuck? You bought them? The only caveat. The only caveat. He could have been saying what he was going to say. Damn, those shoes suck, B. You wouldn't wear them? No, they have like a lock on them.

It looks like he like stole part of William Wallace's kilt and then put a lock on it. Yeah. What do you think? I wouldn't wear him. I was testing you.

You passed. Yeah. I couldn't know. I don't. I never know what you're going to do. Are you? Are you like a handmade? Yeah.

From from Britain. Yes. Eighteen hundreds are delicious, sir. I like how he agrees even to that are you a handmade from the thirteen hundreds yes oh there's a some would say the most handmade us there's a butter is that a butter yeah it looks like a butterfly yeah is that that could be a different insect too right yeah it might not be at a bar it could be like is that a bed bug is that a bearded dragon?

Gucci, when he grew up, he had a lot of bed bugs. Let's see. Oh, it's a Gucci shoe? Yeah. What's the buckle? What the fuck is that? Some Game of Thrones shit, some Khaleesi buckle that I just can't get enough of. What's the B in the back?

Is that a B? Yeah, it's a gold B, son. Oh, gold B. It's a B. If you ain't Mary Poppins, you can't wear them shoes, man. But yeah, it's a B. Okay. See, Jim?

If you ain't Mary Poppins, you can't wear them shoes, man. And then there's somebody kind of said what I said. For those special bagpipe pirate nights, I ain't mad at it. So they're doing shop. Because I ain't mad at it. So they're doing shop because I ain't mad at it. That's a shabbism. Yeah. Could be I accident by accident. I ain't mad at it.

It might be just like non ironic fucking somebody being for reals. Yeah. Complimenting shop. Why would a baby on a shoe? And you say Brian Cowan is he CDD? I don't know. Maybe they're saying CTE. Yeah. They just think it're saying CTE. Yeah.

They just think it's DD after C. Okay, let's see. Yeah. Is this like one of that black or blue dress thing where it just looks weird in the picture? I get more compliments on these shoes than any shoe I've ever had. And hold on, Mr. Rune. Mind you, you're a six foot four gorilla. No.

They're scared of you. No. J-Lo. I saw J-Lo. She loves your shoes. She goes, I love your shoes she goes i love your shoes of course she does she's a chick validation you got an ass like that it's cosine you sit on a throne of lies you got an ass like that cosine what does that mean i think he's saying

she's hot she's hot then that it's a good since she thinks it's a hot woman, thinks the shoes are good. You got an ass like that. Cosign. It's a weird thing to say when you're married for sure. Have you ever said that? No. Have you ever said cosign? Only like when I was really young, kind of ironically.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Like back early twenties. Cosign was popular then. Listen, I'm not fucking, I'm not. Like back early 20s. Co-sign was popular then. Listen, I'm not fucking... I'm not breaking news here, all right? I'm not really into fashion. I'm used to

people laughing after I say that. Right? No, yeah, you aren't. Yeah, I could say that you aren't. I never wanted to be into fashion, dude. Okay. What about you? You're... Me and you got the same vibe, dude. You're a bald guy, but a hat guy. So that's like... I'm not really a hat guy.

I mean, most of the time I'm not a hat. I wear a hat because of the sun. Yeah. The sun is going to gadoosh me at any moment, you know? Skin cancer beat. Ever heard of it? Oh, yeah. But no, I mean like as far as fashion goes, I don't understand it. I'd like someone to help me. I look at Brennan. I'm like, like, as far as fashion goes, I don't understand it.

I'd like someone to help me. I look at Brennan. I'm like, well, that's not the route. You know, diet starts Monday and Gucci shoes. Yeah. Although Gucci is like supposed to be, it's a really expensive, nice shit, right? Yeah. Why are they?

They should, when Brennan goes in the store, they should be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Dolphins, they should be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, dolphins that fuck people. What if you owned your own fucking planet? What would be the most expensive thing? Because Gucci is not the most expensive thing on my planet. My plan is like a Chipotle burrito is very expensive because everyone wants it, you know, a sonic figurine. Let me understand the rules on your hypothetical planet. You're saying that the stuff that you like would be more expensive, right? Yeah. Because a lot of

people are into fashion. A lot of people like Gucci. You say, you know. Okay. Well, then I guess coffee would be very expensive. Commodity. Having hair. This is a trick one. If you have hair, that's extremely expensive. I will

price you out of having hair if you're a man. Yeah. So that everyone is bald and we're on a level playing field because bald guys, I don't know if you've heard about it, but we have a problem slinging dick. There's only a few of us. There's about three bald. There's only three bald men that have ever had sex. Did you know that

Dana White Joe Rogan no, I was going to wait for Brendan Goon, Brendan or fire and all firing and all cinders, but I think it's a good question. You know what? What would you do if you had this planet to yourself right and they're like listen listen Brendan, we know you have a tough year because you're one of a kind you know very bald man, very ginger also

right. They're like we're going to give you your whole other planet. So you have a lot more people that you feel like are part like are who you are right sure and then turns out everyone on that planet has hair except for you. You're the only Brendan Cooney that doesn't have here buying red chairs be starting a podcast item up. He lights up be if I am on planet. Oh, okay. If I am on planet

warehouse on a ball guy, though, you don't know. I don't remember what he says in the clip. I love it though. Hollywood Hollywood. I don't know. Okay, here's one of our guys be. guys be Mr. Haphazard posted a couple times this week. It's called only soy boys are triggered this easily. We heard a little bit of this one. His shirt says dragons. He is a soy boy.

Never be a duck. Always be a dragon. I came back and I took a nap. Well, I took a three-hour nap i was you're getting older getting older but it was like i it took all my energy out of the naps they trigger you a little bit you don't like that i'm now that hat is like if pharrell's hat was in like middle school or like preschool before i grew up yeah like pharrell's hat is in college and that this is a baby photo

of that hat. It's graduating college and it's like a slideshow of all the times, but I'll say this and I am redacted for having this opinion. Wacky hats like that. I'm interested. I kind of I mean, I won't wear them because I'm too concerned and I feel like I'll get good douched. Yeah, but maybe not that hat, but I look at wacky hats like and I'm like I'll get gadooshed. Yeah, but maybe not that hat, but I look at wacky hats like and I'm like, but I'm just a guy that gets gadooshed all the time.

I mean, I wear I had to stop. I don't know if you notice, but I stopped wearing the thick boy hat. All right, well, I was wearing it everywhere and then and then people will take videos of me doing stand up or like pictures

of me on stage and I'm wearing the thick boy hat. Oh, we'll just take it off before you get on stage. But it's just like I it's like a comfort thing. I think I feel right like I here's a thing when I say this hat like I meant for I would wear these hats for like purpose like I have to keep out of the sun, but I also think they look cool. I'm taking it off if I'm doing stand up or if I'm going to dinner or whatever.

If anybody can on the discord DM me a link to this hat, we should buy two of these bad boys. Dude is I don't know how much money we got to get more people subscribing. I mean these chairs. Yeah, there are a lot. Yeah, so I mean they're you know, they're not at one guy. Shut out a number that was not. Oh, I was more than we paid.

I'll say that, but it wasn't far off. And I remember looking at that and be like, damn, I'm really stupid. So that hat, God knows what that costs. He's so rich, man. Oh, but you can get a fucking party city hat like that. Party city hats blow. Yeah, they do. Whenever I get some something like like and we've gotten stuff

from them for the pod before but they're always like such cheap material yeah i hate party city yeah yeah we'll try dude if anyone has a good suggestion yeah yeah i do do that yes yeah it's a sign of weakness oh he's saying that naps trigger him do naps trigger you or no sign of weakness. That's fine. I had a bit that never worked where I was like the successful guys. They always talk about how they don't sleep. They'll say like Michael Jordan only slept like five hours a night.

Tiger Woods, Donald Trump only sleeps like four hours a night or something like that, but they never talk about how much they nap. They go into like how many time they nap or whatever. So no, I don't think naps are bad. I like a good nap every now and again. I had a big show yesterday. Took a two hour nap before dude murdered. Murder will grow dude.

Let me ask you a question. Go for it. So you take a nap. You don't feel like kind of fucked up when you wake up. No, really. I mean, I do feel fucked up if I drooled all over my face, which did happen yesterday. Yikes. Yeah. And then I was like, okay, I do feel fucked up if I drooled all over my face, which did happen yesterday. Yikes.

Yeah. And then I was like, okay, I cleaned it up finally because, you know, dudes with most, you don't know what I'm talking about. Right. It's like, is that your only takeaway? But yeah, like how did all that water get in there? You know? And then I cleaned it all up, right?

We came back to the bed and then the fucking pillow had even more. I was like, oh my God, what happened? Go to the doctor, B. So I'm against the drooling of naps but not really the nap itself. Just like I don't know. I've heard other people talk about this when you get not that we're old or anything. We get older

naps when you wake up. You're like where the fuck am I? Oh, I look all crazy. I used to say that like how I look when I wake up. I look like Bernie Sanders when I wake up from a nap, you know like what's left of my hair when I had it. It was all crazy and then my beard's all nut well not that he has a beard up. I look like Bernie Sanders when I wake up from a nap. What's left of my hair when I had it? It was all crazy and then my beard's all nut. Well, not that he has a beard, but I look like

you look 70. Yeah, I look old. Let's see here. Hold on. My dad hasn't seen his grandkids in six months. He takes three naps when he's there. You can shut it down for 20 minutes. Usually it's a 20-minute. Trigger.

You live longer. You're going to leave the group and go, I'm just going to go take a nap for about 10 minutes. You're a sheep. You don't like that people nap and brush their teeth at night. Nope. What? Yeah. The brush the teeth thing, is it?

What is that? That's super normal to do. Yeah. I think you should brush your teeth at night. I'm trying to transition into a nighttime uh a bather or shower my name is gerardo um what's it called i'm trying to take showers at night as opposed to the the morning because of the amount of times i've told somebody i shower in the morning which is a question they ask and then they tell me how gross i am for showering in the morning. Yeah, why apparently you're supposed to shower at night. Well, you know, you can do both both. Yeah, I'm that white boy that works too much dude. So it's not really a feasible. I don't

know if there's a feasible. So they're saying you got to shower before you get into bed because you're going to get the bed dirty. Well, that's something stand off in the comments. Do you think that Gerardo should shower at night? Yeah. But brushing the teeth, that's a necessary. Brush your teeth at night, Brendan. Oh, thank God I brush my teeth at night. You don't brush your teeth at night, do you?

Oh, bro. Signs of weakness. Okay, okay. I like it. I like it. I respect it. I'm going to die early. I get it. I get it with these, but I do understand. I came back. Don't die. That's it. Yeah, we need you, Brendan. Don't get there's our show.

We can't do ten minutes of Callan. That's yeah, I'm bearable. Watch that. There's no redeeming. I don't want that. Yeah, anything else to say about that one? No. Well, good, because we got another haphazard clip coming up. This one's haphazard. It's called he's triggered by not being able to keep up with the conversation. A lot of triggered clips from a haphazard today. Papa's getting triggered over here. Let's see what Montez got to say.

It's like that's where Jay-Z's at. You know, like I love Jay-Z. You listen to Jay-Z, but I think people got to a point where it's like that's where jay-z's at you know like i love jay-z you listen to jay-z but i think people got to a point where it's like i don't want to hear that anymore and they want the next thing i'm gonna be honest dude jay-z went through about a decade of just actually horrible garbage garbage he's overrated i mean he's a original jay-z that's shit you're talking about blueprint uh uh no dead presidents and then and then a few after dead presidents there was a couple were were was just the one he did with kanye was fired too no i see yes it was in a sense some of them but but after that i mean that whole

fucking what was that one the red on the cover on the album oh yeah dude that was and people said they liked it bro that shit was trash he's like the two guys yeah trash this motherfucking trash watch he's like the two guys that watch brendan shop special are you talking about jay-z or brendan shop either way. Do you see his shirt says ass coalition or am I wrong? The Leah shirt. I believe it says ass coalition. Was it that one? Oh

my God. Why is it such a quick edit? That says ask that's ass coalition for sure, dude. Out of all coalitions to join right now, dude. Yeah, you're a sex addict you better not join the ass coalition dog don't wear an ass coalition shirt when you're a sex addict you're gonna trigger yourself you should be the one triggered in this clip yeah that shirt is

triggering me dude yeah i'm gonna fuck somebody that's a thick trigger right there. Oh, fuck. That one. Horny now. In this red chair. Dude. dude. He's going to these chairs. Someone said there's going to be a lot of mini coonies made in

this chair. They're not wrong. Cool guy. Be cool. Fuck it in this chair. Let's see. He retired at

Black Album and then he came back with King. Trash. In the any woman that would fuck me in this chair is trash. Let's see. He retired at Black Album, and then he came back with King. What a black album. Trash, dude. Any woman that would fuck me in this chair is trash. Trash. Do not do that.

Bro, I pray to God you fuck in my chair. I'll fuck you up, dude. I'm not going to fuck. Oh, this chair? Oh, right. Yeah, no, I will not fuck in your chair. Fuck in my chair. I swear to God. I make this promise.

We'll shake it. All right. No fucking in your chair. Yeah, because I I will not fuck in my chair. I make it a promise. We'll shake. All right. No, no fucking in your chair. Yeah, because I can't even fucking my chair. Definitely not. That would be lit, though. If we talk to these. I mean, honestly, I'll be honest with you, like because you're going to be here while

I'm gone. I don't care if you fuck in the chair. Oh, if you fuck in there, just tell me so I can clean the sheets. Well, that's kind of rude of you because, you know, I can't fuck right now, dude. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Do you enjoy the picture? I'm not one of these people like I'm not. I don't care if now, dude. Oh, that's right. Yeah, dude. Enjoy the picture. I'm not one of these people.

Like, I don't care if you do or you don't. But I don't like those people that are like, you can't use my bathroom. Oh. Or like they don't want you to. If I sense at all that someone doesn't want me to use their bathroom, I'm like, well, we were friends, you know? Yeah. So I also don't care about, you know, we're all people.

I don't mind people using my bathroom, but let's not do these jokes like we all know what that bathroom is like. Come on, dude. Be cool. You know what I mean? i don't mind people using my bathroom but let's not do these jokes like we all know what that bathroom is like come on dude be cool you know what i mean oh people shitting on your bathroom yeah i like because i clean my bathroom before a guest comes over okay and then they come out and it's like it's made me five to ten minutes later in the conversation like oh yeah i was in his bathroom i know all about gerardo oh that's yeah well then you lose your privileges to use my bathroom. That's different. My bathroom does go. It fluctuates.

I found that. Yeah, yeah. I'll talk about it later. All right. Black Al was incredible. Here's the deal about the black album, though. It was so poppy that he had no keep saying poppy is triggering for me. Why the way he says that, dude? Yeah, he's doing a bit. It's triggering for me.

He's doing that stupid, like he's continuing to do the trigger. You know how people put out the online and the social media, all the specials that had the word triggered in it and all that? He's just like continuing that on. He has no awareness as usual. I don't know. I don't like when you say

poppy. I don't like when you say poppy. Can I tell you? I don't like when you say poppy. I don't like it when you say poppy. Without gringo. Gringo poppy. Big poppy. I pray to God you say poppy one more time. Just going back to Drake for twice.

That's it, I think. All right, let's see here. All right. What do you think of that, dude? You think it's triggering to call Jay-Z's music poppy? You know what I think? What? Don't talk about men on earwigs. What do you think of that, dude? You think it's triggering to call Jay-Z's music poppy? You know what I think? What? Don't talk about men on earwaves.

Oh, you're right. We do this podcast. That's triggering. Yeah. We never talk about men on this podcast, dude. Definitely not. Oh, dude, we're on a haphazard fucking. Oh, snap.

Rumble, dude. Haphazard. Ever subscribed to him? Ever heard of him? This one's called, He Crumbles Under the Slightest of Scrutiny. What do you think that scrutiny is? Did you meet some famous person, maybe?

Oh. Ass coalition. Let's see. I care. Do we know who shot Biggie yet? Oh, God. Dude. Do we know who shot Biggie? Oh, my God.

How do you not? I totally understand that face. Haven't burst out laughing after. Have we found Hitler yet? And then do we know who shot Biggie yet? I feel bad for shop. Can't even ask any questions. Look at that shirt.

Asus. Asus. Oh, we're down, dude. Out of still don't join the one coalition that looks like ass. Or ISIS. Yeah. Delia would join ISIS, dude. Child brides.

I fucking hate saying stuff like that. Boy. Makes me a little gross. I love the soundboard, dude. The soundboard's lit, dude. Yeah, it's good. He's funny on these things. I'll die on that hill or whatever the phrase is. I'll fucking die on it.

Well, given all the circumstances, he's funny. He's forced to do this. So it's like, that's what's funny about it, right? Yeah, that is an added thing. But like, he says funny things that we both laugh, right? Yeah. I don't know. He wears funny shirts, you know.

Why though? Yeah. Let's hear why. Stop the beef. What beef? The beef. He was dead already. East coast, west coast.

Why would the CIA stop rap beef? I don't know. I'm not a... Why would the CIA stop rap beef? I don't know. I'm not a... Why would the CIA stop rap beef? I think it's funny. I mean, I guess it's Brendan Schaub, you know, making him funny. Yeah. Because he's saying really stupid things and just being like, what?

Why? It's hilarious. He's doing what we do. Yeah. D'Elia's watching us like, oh, duh. He's not looking. Don't I watch Jolaire's team also? Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.. What? The voice where you're just like that, dude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's a good voice. Oh, Joe Rogan, there's turkeys over there? You got the turkeys?

And then he starts kicking the turkeys, dude. Stop with your narrative. It's hilarious. Of your painted narrative. You go too far. You go too far. Sir. Sir. It go too far. Sir. It's like politics.

No, I promise. I literally don't know that one. Now you want to talk JFK? We'll go down that hole. He knows JFK, dude. I'm like literally, it's so funny. I'm like having real Schultz-ish. I'm like literally, it's so funny. I'm like having real like Schultz-ish. Oh, yeah. I'm telling you that that's so funny.

If we go, Chob being like, I could talk about JFK. Dallas? Ever heard of it? Yeah, talk about your thoughts on the JFK conspiracy. I'm all ears. I love it. I don't want to talk JFK.

No, you don't. Let me see you. Yeah, I care. His face. But I was going to say something much like, you know, I feel like we're what? Open micers, right? Absolutely. Absolutely.

Starting out stand up comedy. Me and you starting. Yeah, this starting out. Yes, this fucking room is our training wheels, right? The couches are so close to the walls we can't slap the side of them you know we're training ourselves right to you know be well douched you're right we're building up to that we're one of the 8,000 we're not we're not there yet we got to be funny first before we fucking i can't even get to a studio i'll slap

the shit out of this chair you know this chair can it. This is a the perfect chair to slap dude, right? Oh, I mean we haven't even opened this yet. The rain. Yeah, once we open this shit, we'll be a little slap. Dude, we fucking open the brain. I will not drink this at gunpoint. This fuck this fuck this shit. I had no chance. I had to put the chairs together, right? Yes, you did. It tripped me out, dude. The last step on the instructions was slap here. I believed it the whole time be motor. Oh my God, we got to we got to figure out how to do this soundboard better,

but I think it's hilarious. I think it's working. All righty, so we're on to the next clip. It's okay. I haven't seen this one yet, but I am anxiously waiting. Your stand-up is good. That's what it says. Yeah, but this is what I'm reading, dude.

The fucking title has been compared to that. Of course I missed it. It's posted by NervousAd6071. 6071. Nobody knows who you are. Here we go. Let's see here. Stand up is good.

Yes. And you've been working at it. Very hard, yeah. Adam Carolla. Carolla, come on. Come on, bro. Come on, Carolla. Fucking liar, dude.

That's a goddamn shame. But if you compare me to Bill Burr, which I've had that happen. What? He thinks, what if, okay, there's no way, but we just watched. Don't say it, dude. Don't say it. No, we just watched Bill Burr's standup. Right.

Right. So he thinks, because our our show or one of our shows timos which we're watching now ever heard of it team we did the bill burr special on the patreon so he thinks he's being compared to and he's also on the netflix oh no he's on the blockbuster but and then there's the height of the bring a poppy, which is mean you've been going around saying blog boss. And it's a yeah, it's very fun accurately portrays what we thought of. You'd be surprised. It's like the that sigh thing that that Andrew Huberman guy talks about the

physiological sigh, the feeling that you get from that, for me, I get the same when I go, blog, boss. I feel good. Yeah. All right, let's see, which I've had that happen. Let's see.

Like, man, if you're going to watch a special, don't watch Brendan's, watch Bill Burr's. I'm like, yeah, no shit, dude. Oh, okay. So that's... At least there's some self-awareness there. It's a little bit of a bit. Yeah, I mean, yeah,

no comment. But look at these numbers guys. Seventy likes bro tick tock fucking sucks. That's Instagram. Instagram fucking sucks all the way to do okay. This one made me laugh very hard earlier. I was laughing. You didn't see it yet and

you were like oh it's gonna be a good episode huh you said something like that yeah posted by organic possession. Fifty three it's called a oof with a dicey dicey tag here. Let's see here so it's the skank fest lineup any letter Letterman. Shout out. She's our North Star. Funny person. Blake Hammond. Nobody knows he are not one of our guys. Be great guy, right? Then we're going to go to Chris

O'Connor, right? Coming comic. Great guy. Never met him. They're going to zoom in right here. Boom. Brendan shop, right? Spelled it right. They spelled it correctly. It's not needed, dude, because everybody knows who we are. Yeah, especially I mean, fest.

Yeah, skank fest is waiting for old shabby. Yes, gang fest don't matter, but Brendan does be. It's like if you were like going to a basketball convention and Michael Jordan didn't have a bio. It's like, yeah, dude, you know what I mean? Right. Is that your only takeaway? No bio. How do they even fit him on that? You know, guy of that size. And then this is a reheated dish. It's posted by what is it? Pityed pity to kink a Jew. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I've read that before. Yeah. Way back when this one's reheated

this the funny just doubled up chip. I don't remember. Oh, I love this. You said that you remembered. I love what Brian says. It's so it's cringe, but it's it's so cringe that it's not cringe. It's awesome. Okay, that's good. Let's see Brian right now with Brent shop

giving us my coach paper boy. Yikes. They talked. You're really goingan into a fucking skit. That's what it is. A skit. This night, it's such a big deal for me. I asked Joe Rogan and Brian Callen if they would open up for me. The funny just doubled up. Boom.

The funny just doubled up. Be boner alert. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard it's so bad the funny just doubled up a tro hitrocious and then jay in the back he asked jay what to say and jay was like that's how jay sounds That's the worst thing ever. Can you imagine if your friend said that? I mean, this could literally happen to us. Some comic could come in, and he sees me and you,

and he comes in, and he's like, the funny just doubled up. We'd be like, you're off the show. You're off the show. You're off the lineup, sir. You've been gadooshed. Look at this fucking guy. So you'll do 20. I'm going to get out there and fucking fat show up a little bit.

Oh, God. It's like watching the inters. Come on, do your 20, and then I'll fucking close your up. I'll button it. The two men who are most responsible for getting me to this point. I like how you use the words responsible. I like how he wasn't just like you know guys. I look up to he was like these guys are responsible. That's the right word as comedy. That's the right

that's the way a judge would subscribe, subscribe, describe it. The judge would be like Joe Rogan and Brian Callen in the courtroom. The judge is like you are the two men that are responsible for this. They're the gringo poppies on some screen and you will be punished for your crimes. This is atrocious. In my years as a judge in LA County, I've never seen anything like this. You two are beyond the pale.

There's no excuse and I'll let the evidence speaks for itself. Okay, Chile Ray on. I rest my case. The judge says he rests his case. There's I have now become the prosecutor. Well, way,

boss, I was a judge on trial for making run a shop. Yo, these chairs make this show different. Yeah, look at you guys in your chairs. It's so much easier to be redacted in these chairs. I know. Yeah, I definitely feel like yeah, I feel more redacted, but in a good way. Let's see what

else we got encouraging me and just kind of my most important teammates Brenna Schaaf off Adderall. You see comedy in a little club. You hear punchline after punchline after punchline, and everybody's laughing, but the laughter doesn't drown out the voice of the performer. Dude, how fucking bad do you have to be at comedy to get advice from some of our North Stars?

And still suck this bad? And suck worse than any other comic has ever sucked. Yeah. I wonder if he listens to any of the advice Rogan gives him. Oh, yeah. He's probably thinking about Dick Juice right now or something. I feel like he doesn't listen because he probably has ADD. He has the brain damage, and he's just not.

I'm sure he thinks he listens. Yeah. But he doesn't. It's a damn shame, B. If you're in the middle of the crowd and there's a thousand people around you, a thousand that could do it. Joe Rogan loves that number,

dude. He's a real numbers guy. The number a thousand is, is like his favorite number for sure. Well, if you think about a thousand of anything, it's a lot, dude.

It's very astute, astute. He looks like he owns like a owns like a pizza shop or something or like an old little man. This get up here. Yeah. It's very like small business owner. Yeah, or like second level in a crime family, you know?

Like he's not really towards the top at all. He's like the lower level. Yeah, I could see that. Like a middle manager of a mafia family. Yeah. It makes it super hard to hear anything so scared who have been on the journey with me are back there and they usually have a job you know so we're all we all have one goal to make sure this special turns out

there's no pressure you just gotta just gotta be yourself and have fun what special time be but again i defend his use of the hat. Oh, the ridiculous one? Yeah. Okay, so anything else about that clip, sir? Got nothing. I just love the funny just doubled up. The funny just doubled up. I'm going to get in there and I'm going to fatten it up a bit.

I can't even. You do it. It's so crazy how your Brian Callen turns into Donald Trump. I can't. Yeah, I can't help it. The funny double it up. I walked in here. I said wow the funny just double that I Shane hi Shane. This one is posted by all I do is lie to you. It's called props to the intern who peaced out on these redax the fastest now. I wasn't going to play this at first, but it's fucking hilarious. I think,

but a good and good thing. BGL is blocked out. Remember back in the day when I used to have to block his face out, dude, that took forever. Special time, special time. Let's see.

It's place for Syracuse. Orange men. Oh, you guys went how far in the, in the tournament? Well, we lost first round. Sadly. Why is there an eggplant?

Well, I don't know. I don't know. Brian is a oh, maybe because they're commenting on what Brian because of the intern. Another thing they went over my head. She made it, but she went over my head because I was asking seriously. Oh, yeah.

Well, we figured out. Yeah, dude. Teamwork bro. Best brains. Why just be one brain? You know what I mean? Yeah, and hitting home runs and catching balls yeah i was on sports center top 10 okay so i don't know who shrimp is i know feet

woman or foot money oh shrimp you don't know shrimp no i remember talking about him back in the day like in the early clips i think i don't know bringing up shrimp is he just another intern i can't remember okay yeah um for diving catch i made everyone's college so i'll be honest not the stereotypical softball player image i have in my head i get that a lot but to be fair stereotypes exist for a reason a lot of lesbians on the team or no yeah two of my teammates are dating in a very serious relationship like gonna get married the whole shebang and are they are like, the butch lesbians? Yeah, one.

Brandon will just go. He will say anything. That's kind of what's entertaining. It's like, just saying, like, the dumbest thing ever out loud. There's no filter. Yeah, but you know how he feels, B. You know? He's just out there saying it.

It is funny that he says something really dumb like that. Like they're like probably a lot of lesbians on the team. Right. And then, cause that in and of itself is pretty just dumb to say, but then he goes, hell yeah. That's the icing on the cake right there. Yeah. That's what I, that's great.

One's the butch. One actually, she turned her. So she was straight. She was with a lot of the football team first. Hell yeah. Did I work for T5K for a while? You? Yeah, look at that guy with the red beard and the hat.

The one to the left? Yeah. Oh. And then. Nobody would trust you with a camera. That's true. Yeah. The dudes. and nobody would trust you with the camera. That's true. Yeah, walk right into that one.

Let's see and decided she wasn't about that football team anymore. It wasn't about those linemen and just turned gay and then there you go and now they're doing it. Why does anyone listen to this? He's so horny dude. He's so horny, dude. He's so horny. He had big juice back then, too. Probably. That's probably why the intern left.

She was like, oh my God, the seal team thick is crazy. I just joined the ass coalition without even bone ruler. All right, so this one's posted by Technical Eskimo. It's called Brandon's Advice When Your Wife is Pregnant. Book nine-month tours. Never be at home. Let's see this, dude.

I'll tell you what. Here's the other thing. Girls will blame it on the pregnancy. A girl might just be an asshole. Really? Wow. Yeah, Mike, listen. Your girl might be spicy.

Spicy. That's what made me laugh. You know what spicy means, right? Not worth it. No, but it was funny. Yeah. I don't. The only advice after I just booked fucking city tours.

I just booked tours. I was on the road every fucking week for nine months. Nine months tour. Soon as she got pregnant, went, see ya. Because she was mean, man. Really? Oh, yeah, mean. What would she do?

Maybe because you booked a nine month tour. Yeah. That might have something to do with it. What came first, the chicken or the gadoosh, you know?

And then he comes home and she's like, I thought you were on a tour. He's like, I canceled it because of T-Ball. I haven't had the baby yet. She's like, please leave. Eat plain hot

Cheetos and rubber fingers in my eyes and shit. Yeah, dude. Yeah, they're fucking bitch. Theo knew it was coming, dude. Theo knew. Yeah, this is the beginning, dude. He was working on that great material. We got to see clips when it was being thought up. This must

have been the day he wrote all the material for Mingle Pop. He just kept doing the same stuff over and over. Good luck, bro. Dude, that ain't that bad. Dude, pick up a hobby like mountain biking and just be gone for hours. Yeah. Is that like a honeycomb thing in the back? The bee is spraying honey all over everything.

Yes. That's crazy. So this is does Brendan still want a girl? Yeah, not happening. She's almost as fuck. We try to stay away from Joanna stuff. Yeah, I'm not gonna let you guys. My girl has damn near the same body. I'm not gonna don't mean to

all the videos I post. I send his mom first so she can show Tiger. Or when I get home, I show him. What? I don't know. I don't even know. Anyways, that was a clip. That was one of the clips we've ever watched, right?

This one's posted by King Demo. It's called Brain Worms. It's a short clip. Let's see what this is about. My brother would be terrified. Think something and then whatever. Nuts to butts all night long. I like being scared.

I don't like these people that go to scary movies. Oh my God, bro. Back to the classics. Struggling with drinking. I don't like these people that go to scary movies. Petrocious. I like people that go to scary movies. Damn, dude.

It's like a dog when they to go to scary movies. Damn, dude. It's like a dog when they all go to the mom. Honestly, I think Theo would have ate a hot chip if Brendan wasn't there because imagine them lips hot. You know what I mean? Oh, he just didn't want to see Brendan anyone? I don't want that. He might be right.

He wasn't talking about the chips. He was talking about I don't want that. He was putting up the lips. I don't want that. He might be right. He wasn't talking about the chips. He's talking about. I don't want that. He was putting his lips. I don't want Brandon H. I'm down. All right, here we go. All I do is lie to you. Brenda, Brenda gauging the height of celebrities while in elevators with them.

Remember when I was fighting Roy Nelson, ultimate fighter. This is how you know I wasn't going to win. I was just on folks. I was like staring at the crowd. I see Tito. I'm like, I love Tito. Something about that fucking hat, dude. It's crazy.

It's very comical. The chair. Amazing, dude. Like the hat doesn't fit. No, it's like sitting right here. You're right on his head. Yeah, it's just too high up. They should measure his head.

Yeah. You know, measuring hands on earwaves. Measure fucking measure the head off the cameras dude. Yeah, they measure the hat too to make sure it fits next time yeah and it looks like this little bite right here. See that yeah, so in the tor he has bites in his hand. Yeah, he bit out of the fish. He bit out the hat looks like a squirrel nibble. You know it's like he thought that he thought the hat was a sandwich for a minute It looks like a squirrel nibble. You know it's like he thought that he thought the hat was a sandwich for a minute.

Could someone give me a banana? Yeah, whole code. I'm like, oh shit, I bit my hat again. Mom, wait till I get some food. Yeah, if I see that hat again, I'm gonna fucking eat that fucking hat. All right, I'm sorry. Let's start over because we weren't paying attention. We'll see here. I remember when I was fighting Roy Nelson, Ultimate Fighter. This is how you know I wasn't going to win.

I was just on folks. I was staring at the crowd. I see Tito. I'm like, oh, I love Tito. I see Hulk Hogan. I'm like, holy shit, Hulk Hogan's here? And then after I lose, and I'm in the elevator. I'm standing next to him. I remember thinking, oh, he's not that tall.

I might be a little taller than him. And he had heels on, I remember thinking, oh, he's not that tall. I might be a little taller than him. And he had heels on, like platforms. Like, oh, he's not that tall at all. He's more the same size than his heels on. I'm taller than him. How tall is The Rock? 6'2". He's 6'2".

I'm in the elevator room. Is he a big dude? Compared to you, how big is he? You guys are like. It was just. No, it was just two of us. Did you say anything? Just what's up?

Oh, you know who we saw in my hotel? Mr. Baltimore, Carmelo Anthony. Really? He's from there, yeah. Really? Born and raised. And he was just hanging? He was at the hotel doing something.

I don't know. I don't know what he was doing there. Massive man. But he's from like the hood of Baltimore. How tall? Shit. Jay thought he was shorter, but I'm like, no. I saw him on the elevator.

He's fucking huge. Yeah, yeah. Jay thought it was shorter, but I'm like, no. I saw him on the elevator. He's fucking huge. Yeah. Yeah. Jay thought it was me because I always wear that pink hat. Jay thought it was me. He thought Carmel Anthony was. Oh, we watched this clip before. I forgot about this classic.

So he thought Carmel Anthony was his brother. I don't know. We need to ask Jay about that. Make sure Jay is okay. That doesn't make sense. Jay don't know. We need to ask Jay about that. Make sure Jay is okay. That doesn't make sense. Jay don't look okay. Yeah. Jay's a bit redacted. We mean that with love, brother.

What I have taken my takeaway from this clip so far is just the beginning where he's like giving an excuse. He's like that. You could tell I was going to lose to Roy Nelson. Now I'm not a UFC guy. I like it. I watch it sometimes, going to lose to Roy Nelson. Now, I'm not a UFC guy. I like it. I watch it sometimes, but I remember Roy Nelson had this

huge career before the Ultimate Fighter. He was one of the top guys in whatever league he was in heavyweight. Of course, he beats Shaw. I don't know. Different. That's my different take. I don't talk about men on earwaves. You're right. I don't know anything about the UFC

pre... Fair enough. What's his name? about men's on earwaves. You're right. I don't know anything about the UFC pre. Fair enough. What's his name? St. Pierre? George St. Pierre. Johnny Hendricks joined St. Pierre. First fight I ever watched. I don't even know Johnny Hendricks.

Virtually identical. And have these shorts. He was wearing the exact same shit I was. He's like, Brent, Brent. I'm like, you thought I was Carmelo Anthony? Well, to be fair to Brendan,

I think that's more telling of Jay and not telling of Brendan's looks, right? Yeah, I might have more to do with Jay. You're right. This is very accurate of Brendan to be like, you thought I'm,

you know what I mean? You thought I'm Carmelo Anthony? And then Jay's like jay's like there's nobody here brendan he's just making it up i'm just getting like are you out of your mind he's damn near some foot tall seven yeah six yeah that's what but jay said he's like six seven because i thought he was more like six ten but yeah six seven top top paul you need a happy hippo i line the line of coke, dude. And everything like that. Darius is right up there.

Look at him, man. That's messed up. Okay. So you stay with the shots purposely. That's messed up, too. Oh, my God. Why did Paulie end up in that clip, dude? I don't know.

Wow. Is there anything? Nothing. I was going to say this for the end, but I think it's kind of redacted not to have a Brendan clip at the end. I made a fucking post in change this week, dude. Nice. You know what I'm saying? Good game. game? Yeah, got two hundred and fifteen up votes. You know, I'm saying posted by your majesty. You know, one and only it's called

Aaron Rogers in business with Papa confirmed. You saw this, right? Yeah, it's great. Let's see. I gave him a line. It's on come back with a bowl. I said, I don't even know who you are. He said, I don't know who you are. I said, well, hell yeah, dude. Best buds, Aaron Rodgers and Brendan. Uncome back with a bowl, dude. Yeah, nobody knows who you are, too. That's unbelievable that he would say uncome back with a bowl. But then again, I swear to God, I was driving thinking about this.

I'm like, what would you say if you're trying to say what Aaron Rogers is trying to say you use this is a line that nobody comes back from is something you would say right with him. You can't come back. Maybe you can't come back from this line. I come back. Nobody knows who you are be you know right good. All right. Let's see here. This one's minimum sky two, three, zero five.

So some hand C clamps incoming. I'm assuming it's called thick boy productions. B let's see. You got an Uber all the way from Newport, California. He is fighting for the Bantamweight championship of the world in the UFC against sugar. Sean, this week's food truck dyer is my boy, Chido Vera. I'm feeding him tacos el don.

Let's go. This comes out. They might be out. Do they drop this week or next week? I believe the 31st. That's what I saw in complex. The T for stand here. Oh, they mark the spot. Ellie, it's hard to make me jealous,

but the Supreme Dunks are some of my faves. Bro. You're crushing it, dog. I'm liking it, bro. I see you on Instagram. Why are we still doing it next to the hedges, dude? I don't know. Maybe it's Brandon.

He just really likes the hedges. We got to do the hedges. They're like, can we? No, no, no. It has to be. People are used to the hedges, dude. Yeah. I like plants.

Yeah. We just got to live with the hedges, all right? I think that's 100% what's going on, probably. It's just like the lighting's not even that great. It is soft lighting. I'll give him that, whoever's doing this. But the hedges look so fucking disgusting. Yeah.

I mean, he has a whole thing with plants. Remember when Mark hands him the thing through the bush? Oh, yeah. You're right. And he drinks the whiskey. They should have kept that bit. Mark should have handed him something. I know. He's gone, so. Their bromance was, it's so special. And he drinks the whiskey. They should have kept that bit. Mark should have handed him something. I know.

He's gone, so. Their bromance was, it's so special. It's a special time. It's a special time. So you never know. They might rekindle, right? It's possible. You were Zach Bryan?

I performed it. You got up there and sang? I've been on stage and sang. What? Officially, I'm a member. You're a member of the band? I'm a Zach Bryan band. Dang, dude.

I might switch careers, man. Dude, the white people. Look how overexposed that shot is, dude. He blends into the white behind him. Yeah. This is terrible. Yeah, not the best brains. But then again, he probably gets rid of all his interns, doesn't pay them.

Right. I mean, this is what you get from just not paying people, probably. Let's see. Just embraced after that the white people like yes he's one of them aljo versus sugar sean before i get your thoughts on that i i thought it was a matter of time before sugar became champ down the road i didn't think it'd be against al jermaine i thought aljo just stylistically was gonna be a nightmare of a matchup for him i just i didn't see it going like that i thought again i thought sugar was just not doing it the way he did so for you to get that yeah he's next i was like oh what i like

that the boy i type on a group time like there we go our boys in like it went when the champ wants something they're gonna do and the backstory there you have a way bro cheeto hasn't said anything yet he doesn't let him talk but, imagine you find out that you're being talked about on the seal team thick text chat. Yeah. That'd be pretty big. Neg flicks. Oh, dude, if I was. Yeah.

Well, that's what he's talking about. He's like on the text. I don't talk about Cheeto. It's pretty cool for Cheeto. Seal team thick, bro. Yeah, that's that's where we want to be. It's like having your name on the wall. Fuck Netflix.

Fuck blockbuster. Fuck Amazon Prime. I won't try to be in seal team thick absolutely be and over him i know he doesn't you know admit to but you do have a win over him you guys have this beef so there's a good narrative to the build-up to you didn't get to say anything right when he was about to talk dude yeah i Yeah, dude. I don't know. Food truck diaries, bro. Not only being in SEAL Team Thick's text chain. Right. Being on food truck diaries. Yeah.

That'd be pretty freaking cool. That'd be awesome. Yeah. Because, you know, we'll take him to Tacos El Pollo. Oh, I mean, he gets to pick, bro. Oh, really? Yeah. If he knows anything about us, he'll take us to Tacos El'll boil and then he would he would ask for a bottle of agua.

This one's posted by all I do is lie to you. It's called Papa's professional color commentaries. Why his show ranks up there with the top dogs. Look at that Oklahoma Dodgers jersey. Oh my God. Why does he look so sad? Dude, always man. He just gets, so sad, dude? Always, man. He just gets, you know, he podcasts too much. That white boy that works too much gets tired. The repercussions for Rose is a tough one.

Rose, she's been gone a hot second. She's going up a weight class. It's not like she was big for the other weight class. She's come off a split loss decision to Carla Esparza. But remember, this is the same Rose that beat Zhang Weilei, who everybody wants to suck on her titties right now.

Jesus fucking Christ. Everyone's so high on Zhang is all I'm saying, dude. Everyone wants to suck them tits. It's so funny, dude. He says a crazy thing, and it makes Chen laugh because it's crazy. But he thinks, oh, I just landed a silly one. A good bit there.

Better tap it again. Everyone wants a suck on her tits, but but chin's laughing like right in the time stamp. We're cutting that out, dude, and then he doesn't and then he's like, oh, here's the time stamps. He's like, you know, keep all that. Yeah, those are all the things I prepared. I wrote that. We paid for those jokes.

All right. This one's called careful what you wish for toe. It's posted by all I do is lie to you. Let's see here, dude. Probably something about Papa shit on any given Tuesday. Dave Chappelle might stop it. Correct. And then Chris Ross rock.

You know, maybe Louie will make his comeback there. I hope he does Come on come on you like people watching you beat off. I mean this is worse shit. Come on Someone has to do something much more horrible. You are in luck. Four women have accused the Goldberg star, Brian Callen, of sexual assault and misconduct. Mad TV alum, Catherine Tigerman, claimed in an explosive report from the Los Angeles Times published Friday that Callen raped her more than...

Yikes. Oh, my God. He is banned. Is there anything else other than this? Oh, Crystal. Oh, my God. I can't talk. Yeah, watch the classic. I can't talk.

I can't watch. Oh, man. He should have stuck to that hat. I don't know why he went with the fucking smoky the bear hat yeah all right well we hope you love the chairs

we got them for you guys also they're very comfortable we had a great time it was a special time extra large edition of 10 minutes of show have a great week bye