10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub HATES Portland! | 10 Minutes of Brendan Schaub #3

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Third Episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

We want to do 10 minutes of Shab right off the bat, right? So play that. Let me get my timer out. Yeah. What's made us famous. Before you started, you said you had the timer out. Oh yeah, I was lying to you. That was a lie. We love a timer, don't we folks?

Miguel Gonzalez is here with us. Miguel, I don't know much about him, but he's a nice guy. You know, he's got a hat. We love a hat. Guys with us. Miguel. I don't know much about him, but he's a nice guy. You know, he's got a hat. We love a hat. Guys with hats. We can trust him. I don't know. He seems like a good guy.

All right, I'm starting it now. All righty. Ready for the first clip? Are you known? No, not really. I've met him a few times. Oh, well, me and my girl went to this doctor yesterday, the IVF, you know, because we want to have a girl, so we're trying to make sure it's a girl.

And this doctor, we sit down, and I haven't eaten either, so I'm starving. And he's talking like, he's getting real detailed. What's wrong with his hat? No, I understand that. So as far as the... Why is there a big bite on his hat? Is that the camera? No, it's a bite. Yeah yeah that's a bite of the hat

he's like dude craziest thing happened dude i was like eight i tried to like be funny on stage so i took a bite out of my hat but i actually bit through it dude dicey dicey bro i need to know why the hat is like that yeah well also he's talking about how hungry he is too so i think interesting it complements the story shav is not smart enough to do a layered bit like that Yeah. Well, also, he's talking about how hungry he is, too. Interesting. It complements the story. Shav is not smart enough to do a layered bit like that, where he's like, I'm hungry. Dude, look at my hat.

I'm so hungry, I bit my hat. Okay. That's like an Adam Ray thing. I want to see if he addresses. Yeah, Adam Ray walks out. What am I doing here? How did I get this jacket on? Can you believe a guy like me?

It's so hot outside. I'm sweating, everybody. Hilarious, Adam. Just so we can jump to the next thing. My girl hits me like this. I'm like, okay. And then he's like, so with the embryo, and you're going to take a thing. I go, no, I know that.

And the sperm goes in. So here's the thing. What are the, just give me the percentages, then the price, and then we'll get this thing rolling, right? And he's like, I just want a girl. He keeps powering through. He's like, right. So so the thing and I was like oh my god halfway through it well I'm gonna leave now my girl yeah you're so rude on it I gotta go right cuz I got this and I know how embryos and babies work and I got this so let me know the price and I'm gonna

get the fuck out of it dude she was like you're the rudest person around I'm not though I'm efficient so just tell me the price we'll take care of it right and we get out of here but also why isn't brian brian and jeff are looking at him especially brian like he's the dumbest dude on the earth i gotta say him saying i'm not rude i'm efficient that's a thousand percent a gerardo saying what the fuck oh really yes he's he said that i'm sure i've said that before yeah gerardo you think you have a little bit of chauvinism, do you? I think you do. I mean, when it comes to subscribers, yeah.

Subscribers, yeah. Gerardo's not a fucking idiot, you know? Papa. Okay. All right, so are we ready for the next one? Is that it? That's that one. Damn, they're just laughing at him like he's five years old.

I imagine the doctor thinks he's just one of those dumb meatheads. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah, because, I mean, is he going to tell the doctor, I'm hungry, I'm going to leave? I'm too hungry for this, his child's being born. The doctor, he's like that dude that you guys know that thought he got COVID from, or got diabetes from COVID.

Oh, he got diabetes from COVID. This guy that they know. Who is the guy? A random fan of Gerardo's. Audience member? Yeah, audience member. He came to see me in Redlands. Okay, and he told you during the show or after the show?

After the show, me and Miguel were talking with him, and he said he got diabetes from COVID. And the way he said it is that he thought he had COVID, and he went to the hospital, and they were like, you have COVID, but you also have diabetes. So in his mind, that means that COVID gave him diabetes. He didn't actually just have diabetes. COVID's actually a good thing.

Brendan is probably on the same level of intelligence as that guy for sure. He has half-eaten hats. All right, here we go. What are we doing here all right you guys ready so many fucking hats me and eric griffin there uh because i went solo my girl didn't go i went solo so i was the you know the lonely wolf he uh his wife so uh you get to take pictures all right nobody take picture with. Eric goes, we should take pictures.

His wife didn't want to go. Like we're holding Brian and Theo, but they're not there. And then we're going to Photoshop their bodies in. We wanted to, but then we just did that one. It's so funny because the lone wolf has like a cool connotation. Like you're just on your own. But he made it really sad. He's like a lonely wolf.

Is that a lone wolf. Yeah, he ruined the phrase for sure. I mean, he's not cool like a lone wolf would be cool. Shab as a lone wolf is a dangerous thing because he's so stupid that he could hurt himself.

He needs somebody walking around with him to make sure he doesn't fall over. There's no shame in needing a pack, I think. Damn right. That's why there's the three of us. We couldn in needing a pack i think damn right that's why there's three of us we couldn't do two anymore yeah no if one if it was just one of us we'd be lost just like shop wasn't that wedding i wonder why his wife didn't go with him to the wedding you think she's busy selling stuff on instagram what's that about i don't know she just has an ig and i've

heard she like sells stuff on sells things on ig or whatever okay so she's like an ig model oh is she so she doesn't make products and like she doesn't have a business i don't know i haven't i haven't really looked into it too much um she's like like attractive woman on like a butt model maybe but the last time i looked at just her and her kids so i don't know if she's selling her kids now or what. Yeah. They're trying to get rid of Tiger and Boston dude. Tiger and Boston are their names? Dicey Dicey. I don't want to talk about the kids though. I mean that's how Shaw

is threatening people left and right. I don't know. Whatever. Let's play the clip. Alright. Here we go. On Saturday morning it was just me and Mark strolling the streets of Portland. Like, we had food and coffee. We walked around, and it was dicey, man. I was like, man, I'm scared out here, right?

You're mad because you guys have homes. Yeah, and shoes. Yeah, they're like, oh. Hot shots. And full bellies. Yeah, look at these. Look who it is. They can afford a coffee.

Oh, wow. They got beanies on. But I was telling Mark, I'm like, there's a part of me that wants somebody to do. I was like, I struggle with this. There's a part of me that hopes, like, some gang or something stumbles upon us. Because between you and me, I feel like we could handle ourselves. There's a part of me that would love to test that theory out. See what you're made of. That's part of it. That'd be fun. I'll be fun yeah it's all my I hope

somebody fucks with us like these Portland like it is us is it be there be somewhere we could just like no I'm not gonna play with you wrong shop and I just be like sorry I just gonna do my headphones I'm being wrong here. We're at our coffee shop. And I'd just, it'd be like. Sorry, I disconnected my headphones. I'm pretty sure that's their producers. Oh, okay. Yeah. Shab. That's Ching and what's his name?

Oh, that's Chin? Yeah. Oh, shit. I haven't watched it ever. So I've never actually seen Chin. Do you know Chin? I've never seen him before either. They always talk about him.

You know the phrase, what else you got, Chin? Yeah, I've heard it before. It's like with Shab and Ace though. So like when you're bored or when you want to talk about them. You know the phrase, what else you got, Chin? Yeah, I've heard it before. It's like with Chabonese, though. So when you're bored or you want to talk about something else or you just want to make a joke, you go, what else you got, Chin? So if I call you Chin, it's not like I'm not making fun of you. That's just how me and Gerardo communicate now in Chabonese. Chabonese.

Chabonese is what we speak fluently, Miguel. I like the idea that that hat is actually edible and every week there's less of the hat that's a good bit uh i ran out of one of my hats man hey chin what other hats you got chin dude he's like uh um he's he still wants to fight oh is he about to get a tattoo is he gonna go back what is this this is an old old clip from shop so let me go to the beginning i don't know why the video's always just he just beats the shit out of this guy here you go i don't know i get

the feeling i could win the fight there's haters out there whatever on twitter or wherever they're at or they don't like raccoon tweet for me i just feel like if i could literally just sit down and have a conversation with them i guarantee you they'd be a fan. At least they'd understand where I'm coming from. Yes, come on, Raccoon Tweeties. We've been talking about this nonstop. Miguel said he could kick your ass. What?

Miguel? No. I'm kidding, obviously. I said Miguel said he could kick his ass. Miguel, what are your thoughts on Shob? I haven't heard you say one word about Shob. I mean, I don't know much about him. I mean, he's probably not the best comic, but...

He's probably not the best comic. I don't want to... You're on 10 minutes of Schaub, Miguel. Now's the time to be honest. You have a minute and 30 seconds, because right now you sound like a big fan. I've never... You're like, Schaub?

I mean, he might not be the greatest, but he's pretty good. The thing is... You heard his Mexican salsa bit? Or whatever, Mexican good. The thing is, I'm Mexican salsa bit. Or whatever, Mexican cookie. The thing is, I have sat down and talked with them, so I did become a fan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had five minutes with Shaw.

Or how many minutes did he give you? Two minutes. Two minutes? Yeah. What did you guys talk about? That's all it took, dude. That's all it took, yeah. I guarantee you, dude, if you like stood down with me and then they show a clip of you and him together.

Yeah, exactly. I wonder what, Gerardo, what would they talk about, Miguel and Sean? What do we have in common? I don't know anything about them. Traveling. I do like traveling. What do Miguel and Brennan have in common? Well, they threaten to kill people.

I don't believe that at all. But have you been to Portland? Because he talks about Portland a lot. I actually do plan to go with my friend in a couple months. But until I go to Portland, I don't have too much in common with Schaub. Even after Schaub and Jeff Dye and Brian Callen saying there's too many homeless people there. What do they say? They don't have jobs or something like that? They don't have shoes.

Another stereotype. No shoes. These guys are very stereotype heavy they're like a wing of like the government or something like that they're like oh these antifa guys you go out there they don't have jobs they're gonna bother you un bote de agua okay come on idiots i mean i don't want to trash Jeff. He's nice to me, but I hope I never become one of those people that just sees things like that. They're like, oh, you know those fucking people in Alhambra. All they do is tacos al pollo. Alright, that's our segment. That's 10 minutes of Shab. So Miguel, great job. Thank you. Thank you for taking part in it. you've now chosen

us over Brendan Schaub that's 10 minutes more of Schaub than I've had I've never I've had zero of Schaub in my life