10 Minutes of Schaub - Brendan Schaub is a DAY DRINKER! | 10 Minutes of Schaub #23

Episode Date: January 16, 2023

Twenty-third episode of 10 Minutes of Schaub

Took some kratom and I took it down Half a brain and a whiskey of sour And I saw my reflection in the merch cover table Till my drunkness brought me down oh mirror in the sky will kalilah fuck will annie walk me to my fucking truck can i message all the chicks on trash tuesdays is it true that little Esther goes both ways? Papa. Papa.

Papa. Well, I've been afraid of Rogan Cause I've built my life around Joe and time makes you homeless even Theo got homeless

and I'm getting homeless too yeah I'm getting homeless too now one take crazy I'm getting homeless too now One take. That was crazy. It's time for my favorite time of the week

When you get near Bob, let her try to speak Release surprises today You better act gay Or watch 10 Minutes of Shob Welcome back to 10 Minutes of Shob. I was dressed as BGL briefly. Redacted and covered

up and all that. Being dressed as him kind of threw me off a little bit. I'm not used to you with hair, dude. I need hair seven times a week. I'm bald as fuck, as the call men say. Yeah, man,

we dressed up as a, I dressed up as a BGL for this episode. I know we said it would be 20,000 views, but I don't think we'll ever get there. Join the discord. Shout out to Sierra guitar for the amazing theme song as always. Also shout out to haphazard. I know you don't matter,

but thanks for shutting us out on Chang's and your clips are great. I think, I don't know, but you don't matter. So whatever, but you're not here for that. So let's start the timer now. All right. So for this first clip, it's called, it's from Wizards Coat. A day ago, haters wouldn't get it be next level comedy. I think everyone's seen this clip already. You saw this, right? I don't know. That's a hard one to remember. Can you imagine if I just remembered that?

That would mean I was homeless as fuck. Seven times a week. Brendan, I've been looking for you everywhere. What are you doing drinking in the library? Oh, what are we doing? Oh, is this shocking to you, Mark? That. Oh, what are we doing? What are we doing? Oh, is this shocking to you, Mark? That this quote-unquote meathead likes to get a mental workout as well?

It's not even about that. It's noon and you're drinking Tiger Thick whiskey. Yeah, dude. It is noon. It's noon. It's early for people like you. Oh, you're an alcoholic. No, I'm not, dude.

It's 9 p.m. in Calcutta, India. I don't even think that's true. Okay. Well, it turns out that Shakespeare and Tiger Thick go hand in hand. Don't be preposterous. I don't even think that's Shakespeare, Brendan. Pause. The fact that he called it a mental workout to read a book.

Just reading a book is a mental workout. And then he said papa he didn't say preposterous correctly there's no chance preposterous that might have been on purpose i don't know yeah but that was and then it doesn't look like shakespeare so i'm glad that bgl is pointing out even though we're kind of used to his voice being blurted out and blanked out but uh also uh whose idea do you think the sketch was bgl's or brendan's they're both so dumb that i don't know it could have been either one of them could have been from the brain of either one i have no idea oh shit okay that's it was basically the end already okay so i predicted that it's not actually shakespeare that was the punchline of this sketch that he's reading a different book than he thinks he's reading.

Shout out to wizard coat, dude. This one's from thick boy with three C's. Oh, that's pretty cool. Big boy squad. Thick boy nation. This one's called a Bapa kicking off a tie 23 with some topical fire,

fire, fire emojis. Here goes. Oh, he's got Kanye playing, dude. Is that a statement? What's up, San Antonio? Different. You fucked me with the Kanye, huh?

Did you fuck me with the Kanye? Well, Dicey, I'm a fan. Dicey? He said Dicey! Dude, return of the Dice, dude. We've been waiting for that. Dicey is back. Yeah.

Oh, really, dude? Yeah, I'm glad it's back. And he also clearly had the guy play Kanye on purpose. Yeah. So he could be like, well, look at that. He did the Kanye on me. The DJ really fucked me right now, dude. I'm a fan, but you know, well, let's see what he says. It was a plant and a gay

joke, dude. He said something about being gay? He said the DJ fucked me. Okay. He's so dumb. I'm a fan. Jesus, not that we want to kick off a show. I'll get sat down. Here he goes. A fan? Jesus, not that we want to kick off a show. Here we go. Did you just offend everybody in the front?

Did you not offend everybody? Is this George Floyd and abortion jokes? I apologize. He's also the next Louis C.K., so you'll remember. Oh, no, not like he's going to cancel. No, no, no. You're breaking up. You're doing it the wrong way. Jesus Christ. oh no not like it's gonna cancel no no touchy tonight san antonio i see dicey san antonio oh my san antonio is a little different san antonio is uh is uh north korea without a beach or with a beach. I mean, I need Brendan to say dicey seven times a week.

All right. So this one is from the perfect machine four days ago. It's called how quickly Bapa forgets and what happened to the 300 pages of evidence against Bobby Lee. Also Bapa wasn't happy when surveillance footage caught him slipping a number. You sure you want camera footage leaked? Wow.

Well, before you play it though, like that, that is a good question I've seen brought up on Chang's quite a bit. It's like, he brought up this thing

with Bobby Lee. He had all this evidence and servers and all this, but it hasn't been talked about at all for the last month. We've been doing, like, no episodes that brought Lee back up.

Yeah. It's kind of like in the news when they're like, Ukraine, and then you don't hear anything about it for a week. Yeah. You know, COVID, let's go. Before I, where am I going? it's kind of like in the news when they're like Ukraine and then you don't hear anything about it for a week you know COVID

let's go before I where am I going question it's all on camera the police have looked at all the footage show me the footage there's an ongoing investigation

you're not allowed to see the footage you will see it. Oh, okay. That works for me. Oh, then I believe them. Brandon, the San Francisco Police Department are not going to cover for Paul Pelosi. They would never. They would never. It's a lot of cops.

They don't have a crime issue at all. Everything there is all good. But he's. The DA didn't get recalled because crime is so bad at all. Cold. Oh, my God. I wanted to say Pelosi so bad to see how he'd say it. But no,

I'm surprised no gay joke in there. No, but he was rubbing his knees intensely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Schaub thinks that there is a deep conspiracy until there's a video of an old man being beaten with a hammer. Schaub's like, he's like, show me the tape.

Show me the tape of him getting beat up. Schaub wants to really see an old man beaten. How many chicks he fuck? Yeah, exactly. How many chicks does Paul Pelosi fuck? You know? Oh, really, dude? That's what Schaub is saying.

Alright, so this one's from RoganIsShortyPie. Six days ago, it's called Now Barn Door Ranks Himself With Machine Gun Kelly and Drake. So this one's from Rogan is shorty pie six days ago. It's called now barn door ranks himself with machine gun, Kelly and Drake. So machine gun Kelly gets so much hate, right? So if you,

if you're just live, you know, you're addicted to your cell phone. You're like, God, people hate machine gun Kelly. But if you open up your eyes and you look at how many downloads he has on Spotify,

if you look at his arena, you have to see how much, how many tickets. That you look at his arena. You ever see how much, how many tickets he sells? That's what I'm saying. Arena sold out tour or Drake for that matter. Whoever, whoever it is. They said,

we're doing okay. Yeah. Okay. Oh, or even me. Oh, his economy's not. Even me.

Sold out two shows in Calgary. What do you want me to do? I heard Calgary, you had standing room only. Yeah. So it's like, but I heard, I heard they,

they wanted to add another show, like a third show. Two shows. Yeah. No, but I heard they wanted to add, I heard they were standing room only show, like a third show. Two shows. Yeah. No, but I heard they wanted to add, I heard they were standing room only. Where did they hear this from?

Why are they hearing things about Machine Gun Kelly? Yeah. And fucking Schaub's gigantic hands. You see what I mean? Because like this is like almost half, like a third of the screen is taken up. But why would they know this much about Machine Gun? Do you hear about how many tickets Machine Gun Kelly sells? It's just like me. Yeah, seven times a week.

Randy Felface and Machine Gun Kelly sell the most tickets, clearly. So strange. All right, so this one's from Glow Year. Boppa Gets Called Out is what it's called. Let's see what this is about. Pickle Rick! There's a lot of fat dads though that's weird that um that you they wouldn't make an extra size but a fat dad's i didn't play rick because he's really skinny bro i wish you had a close-up of his face. How cock-sure he was that a fat dad wouldn't play Rick because he's skinny, he says.

Like, to my face, like it's a fact. Look up fat Rick! You can't do it! It doesn't make sense! Guy, like we adhere to. Delia's got a point. I mean, I don't even really know what Delia was saying there, but I assume he has a point because it's just like,

I'm sure Shob said something stupid. Yeah. And it was so stupid that Delia was like, he's doing that. Oh, really, dude? Oh, really, dude. Yeah, he should have just said that. Yeah.

I get it listen i understand where you're coming from delia even then pickle rick somebody had pointed out that that's like the worst oh yeah that's where uh the show started getting bad i agree i only like the first two seasons of that show it kind of went downhill so of course that job's favorite 10 minutes of rick and morty tim yeah coming soon all right this one is from krc365 it's called uh this man is 40 years old warning bgl alert what the fuck is going on what is that i gotta you said you could walk around with a cape yeah just like a jedi you're what what did you say what did you just say you. No, you're not, dude.

No, you're fucking not. You're Robin. What is going on there? No, I'm not, dude. You're my Robin. Take it back. You're my Robin. Cut that excess cloth off right now.

No. Oh, man. That is the most ridiculous thing. Oh, God damn it. It makes me so mad. Yeah, you got to block that. I was having a good day, and you're walking around with a fucking poncho. I do the Marilyn Monroe.

Man, I got to say, that made me feel a little self-conscious about being dressed up like BGL. That clip. But no, I mean, like, he really acts like a kid. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. Well, he's doing the Chris D'Elia bit. Is that a Chris D'Elia bit? Acting like,

looking behind the camera and shit. Chris D'Elia does that shit all the time. I don't even know that, but... I mean, he's just taking his... He's a chameleon, dude. He becomes other people. He does bad impersonations of anyone around him.

And then also, like, the humming before saying something. Batman. Like, that's Chris D'Elia shit. Brian Callen shit. Shoot. I didn't even know that. Good catch, Chen. I'm homeless as fuck, dude. You are pretty homeless. I think this is probably the most homeless I've been to.

Yeah. I think we're progressively as some of the comments have been saying. Alright, so this one's another one from Rogan is Shorty Pie, dude. You don't matter. You don't matter. This one's called Sklob on domestic violence. Alright, this guy promised. You know what's even worse?

Gay domestic violence is two dudes. Oh. The way he said that, the way he did the two dudes is two dudes. Yeah, he has to define what gay domestic violence is.

Two dudes. He was like, when it was a domestic violence of two gay dudes, because they don't fight like men and women. They're dudes, man. And they love each other and they love each women. They're dudes, man. And they love

each other and they love each other. They love their blood sex, right? And they try to... Because you got two dudes. Very graphic. You know what I'm saying? Two dudes. I understand the dudes. They're not like this dude. They're like this. And not all the dudes are like, hey bro,

you want to fuck tonight? And everyone's like, yeah bro, give it to me. It's not you and Mark. You know what I mean? Well, sometimes it is. I'm just saying, if it was you and Mark, then I'd be like. It's him and Mark. You know what?

It's me and Mark. Beat the shit out of that cop. These cops would be like, oh, OK, you guys want to settle this yourselves? Yeah, but see, that's the assumption. It's not always a big dude and a twink. That's easy work. When it's two hairy bears, and they're covered in cum, right? Golden hour.

Thank you for watching. And they're covered in cum, you know? And they're fighting. I don't know what they do, man. Any of the wrestling and fighting? I feel like you might, secretly. Oh, man. Why would they be covered in cum and fighting?

Because it's funny, Brendan. And at night, we fuck each other. And that is the, yeah, that's like classic Schaub, like stupid gay riffs that make no sense about nothing. And then Delia kind of pointing out that he's a moron and Griffin sort of trying to do the same thing. It's like a sitcom. Their show is like a sitcom.

Brendan just makes a fool of himself. Shout out to the Golden Hour, dude. It's a a sitcom. Their show is like a sitcom. Brennan just makes a fool of himself. Shout out to the Golden Hour, dude. It's a brand new podcast. Oh, yeah. That's what the Golden Hour is, is this? Yeah. Man, they have so many podcasts. Why would they need another podcast for the same people? Well, they got rid of the King and the Sting and the Wing. Oh, is that the D'Elia one?

King and the Sting and the Wing. Why? Because Theo left. But Theo wasn't even on the pod with them. Yeah, he was. Oh, he was with Eric Griffin and D'Elia too? Man, I didn't even know that. Are you even fucking homeless? I know, yeah. Am I even homeless, man? Alright, so this one's

from Rogan and Shorty Pie again. It's called the Boppa's Hands. So for instance, the fact that I'll be in Boston, Massachusetts on the right coming up in two weeks, that would be good to drop that. Are you doing a small club there? You know what? I'm not doing a small club.

I'm doing the Wang Theater. So it's 3,500 tickets. And I'm doing two shows there. So that's 7,000 tickets. Wang in your face. Lakeland, Florida, and also... Man, that would be annoying. A lot of people wash their hands after they piss.

So a UFC official talked to an MMA junkie. Touching the bottom of his shoe and smelling it. They actually gave him a three-fight bonus ban. Hold up. This is on AlphaBrain, too. So he's supposed to be smarter. He thought they were doing it, but it wasn't very official. But someone told him that there was a ban?

Yeah. And why was there a ban? Because he talked shit before? Apparently there were three strikes at one time he was in the hotel room. See how your body is getting so much bigger now. Yeah, like mine.

Hey! Sorry, I'm so sorry. Oh, there you go. I'm so sorry. I don't know where your hands went. Oh. Like insanely stupid football player humor to put your finger in someone else's mouth.

Yeah. Have you ever put your finger in somebody else's mouth yeah have you ever put your finger in somebody else's mouth i don't know maybe i don't know oh but i don't have any clear memory of it it's just funny these are the guys that gave everybody covid during the tour and then they're talking about like like being proud that they don't wash their hands they're a danger to society all right so this one's another one from rogan is shorty pie long title do you want me to read you got to do it all right it's titled this is how you lay groundwork for walking away from a project like thick boy youtube plant seeds that they are trying

to stifle you but say you do what they say not to anyway because you're a wild and crazy comedian then one day they gone too far i'm done there you go i love that they do these ridiculous titles they're so long and hilarious it's become part of the thing for me like god can gerardo read the whole thing i try hard very good dude how about the pelosi thing and then it's it's off to the races. And I know exactly where he's going to go. So I'm doing it on purpose. I know we're going to demonetize. And I could see Mike, who's the head of Thick Boy Productions, he's behind the camera.

And I'm like, how about the Polish thing? I see his eyes go. Because he knows we're going to demonetize. And I know it's going to cost me financially when I do that stuff. But I have to do it. I have to do financially when I do that stuff, but I, I have to do it. I have to do it. I have to do it. I can't.

And listen, I've had conversations with YouTube and they're like, make sure you don't say this. Make sure you don't do this. Make sure you don't cuss in the first, whatever. I, and at some point I'm like,

if I start being a disingenuine and unauthentic, dude, we did a whole hour long episode on our podcast about Pelosi. We didn't get demonetized. We didn't get demonetized. We did, like, Flappers attacks the Pelosi's. Yeah. And we'd make jokes about Paul Pelosi.

Well, respectfully, I guess. Respectfully. But, yeah, what's he even talking about? That's more bullshit. Yeah. Does YouTube talk to Shab? No. It's probably his homie that told him,

don't cuss in the first two minutes. Right, right, right. Or Mike, who's the head of Thick Boy Productions, apparently. Yeah. I didn't know they were that. Official. Yeah, yeah. We should get a head of Raccoon Tweety's production.

I guess that's you. Don't fucking forget it, dude. Yeah. All right, here it goes. Fucked. Even because I have, I just, Don't fucking forget it. Yeah. All right. Here goes. Fucked. I have even because my half, I just, this is what I believe.

I know it's not maybe the popular opinion online right now, or the facts aren't out, but from the sources and what I see, like this is what I think is fun to talk about. I know it's going to be monetized. I can't change. I can't, I know it's going to affect the show.

I know the shows can get suppressed, which it't. I know it's going to affect the show. I know the show's going to get suppressed, which it is. I think it's okay. Can you say redundant redact? Yeah, he's pretty boring right now. But also, he talks like it's almost like a Creole type of fast. The words are super connected. It sounds like he has an accent, but he doesn't have an accent. It's just like CTE or something.

I don't know what it is, man. He's got some weird, but it's become this like demonetized. And then it's very fast. It's going to be his president. It's going to be demonetized. It's going to be his president. This is what I'm thinking about talking about. How fast it goes.

Okay. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't talk. I can't talk. I can't talk. 100K, which I thought I'd do about 20k after we talk about newsom and paul why does anybody do impersonations of him i haven't seen anybody do like even that there's

a video that some guy did where he plays him and it's pretty funny i thought it was a good job i don't remember who it was that did it but he doesn't really do an impersonation of shop i've never heard somebody nail like Schaub impersonation. Yeah. She had James Austin Johnson should stop doing Trump and do Brennan Schaub. And all this stuff. And I think he even called Obama freaking like Obama was born a female or some crazy shit. I don't know.

But that's so much fun to me. Oh, you did? Remember, I'm from the Wild West days with Rogan, Eddie, Brian, and myself where it was on, dude. Yeah, you know, six years ago, dude. The Wild, Wild West, six years ago. The fuck, I sucked my dick in the ballet room, bitch. Back then, you got suppressed or demonetized and you're allowed to say whatever you want. I'm in this weird world now and trust me, I fight it every single day where my

shows are getting suppressed and demonetized and flagged and taken down and all this shit. Every day. Every day. Now it's just normal to me. It's part of my gig now being the owner of a business. It's insane. It's absolutely insane. I don't agree with all the stuff

Elon does and stuff like that, but he bought Twitter. I was like, God, if he could only buy Instagram and YouTube, that'd be fantastic. Hey, Elon, keep the train going, dude. Get some investors. It's going to be tough to buy YouTube and Instagram because Facebook owns Instagram, but get some investors, man. Buy that stuff and quit having them suppress our stuff.

This is like if you gave a monkey Adderall, like a monkey that could speak. It's like if you gave Shaw Adderall and then it's just stream of conscious nonsense. It makes no sense. He brought up Elon investing, his videos getting demonetized. He's like trying

to make him sound like he's a hero. Also, buy YouTube so that I cannot get demonetized. Why is Elon looking out for Shaw? I elon was supposed to be the smartest guy ever or whatever is a hundred dollar question dude is elon homeless yeah hopefully we'll find out someday probably but like it would nicola tesla by or thomas edison by youtube for whatever the comedian as it was of the day then? Probably not. No. For Mark Twain. I can't change. I know it costs him money.

I can't. I don't know what to do. I literally don't. I just can't. Sorry. And I apologize to everyone on the show. Even Sam, I'm like, hey man, I set you up for that stuff. It's going to get the show demonetized. Sam's watching. He's like, we never had that conversation. Who is he speaking to? who is he apologizing to fans of thick boy nation maybe people that have like they get uh commissioned off of like the percentage of his

employees you mean yeah i maybe that's who he's apologizing to but i just meant like who is watching this and understanding it no you know like are the is there a fan out there that's a really dumb thick boy squad guy who's like man he's right dude everything he said i 100 agree 100 it's what's crazy to me is this clip is three minutes yeah and he says demonetized or suppressed like nine times dude yeah why is he really getting demonetized and suppressed like this well that's what the title is saying is that he's planting the seed that he's going because all the hate about whatever podcast he has, he can take it down and say that it got deleted by YouTube.

Right, right, right, right. And every time he tweets, like he gets, unless wig is making my neck itch. Every time he tweets like it is a standup, it gets destroyed. And isn't it not just a standup? He posted like, hey, what do you guys think about Terrifier 2? And he had to turn off the comments because people were just shitting on what he says about the movie.

Brain dumbass about movie gets destroyed. Yeah, he asked about it and had no comments. So you couldn't even tell him what you thought about it. That's funny. I didn't even think about that. Shab is turning me into Shab as always. Surprised, but that's why i didn't even think about that yeah yeah it's your job is turning me into shop as always suppressed but that's why you're here it's literally why i mean this is what's fun for me and if it wasn't if i have to change and you know bow down to to their um you know criteria and what they think is misinformation or what they think i can't talk about i i'll just quit i'd rather

retire i'd rather make less money and just do my thing. It's so much fun. I have so much fun doing those things. I hate I can't do a fight campaign next Saturday for the big UFC. You know who else is a hero that stood up when other people wouldn't? Mark Twain. No. Mr. Rogers.

Vietnam. This one is from Rogan and Shorty Pie. Again, Rogan and Shorty Pie is all pies all over the T fat case subreddit. Dude. This one's called scuba grits. He wasn't there to help. Yay. Take on security guards at a children's soccer game.

Rinks and Bapa have a Facebook mom's group moment together. All right. I'll say this about what is his name? Rogan is shorty pie. Rogan is shorty pie is doing some good work on the titles. Yes, sir. He's putting Gerardo to the test. What they did to Kanye at that soccer game,

I know exactly how it went down. I didn't see it. And what they post and what the dragon, him talking shit to mom, Kanye's on hands, Kanye's going through an episode. I was going to say Dragon Ball Z. Kanye was there to see his son he hasn't seen in a long time, and the one person he loves more than anybody on this planet,

security stops him from seeing his son at a soccer game. And he starts freaking out, dude. I would too. Starts freaking out. I would too. You know what I would do if that happened to me? I would put Saul Gurity into a Guadalata hard scarf. They try to stop me from seeing my kids.

You're like, keep going. Get out of your fucking mind. These guys are like insane loose cannons. If you take their word for what they, if you take their word for it, they're like, they are always doing clips where they're like, oh, you know what I would have done in that situation?

I mean, I would have gotten up in their face. Mark Wahlberg on 9-11, dude. Yeah, they're Mark Wahlberg, but without any sort of reason for being Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg on 9-11 dude. Yeah they're Mark Wahlberg but without any sort of reason for being Mark Wahlberg. Yeah. Mark Wahlberg is saying that he would if I was on those planes. But these guys are like if I was at that soccer match

With Ye? With Ye and I wanted my son to be better at soccer I would help him what? Beat up the ref? Talk to him? Yell at his son in front of everybody? You'd help him do that. Yeah. They'd be like, now we got Shab and Ye.

We have like the two stupidest celebrities. And now Callan is here. Like no one is safe. All right. So this is the last clip for the day. It's from Mitchie Stick LBC. Bopa. Bopa.

Bopa. Oh my God. Bopa. Bopa. Bopa having a strogue live on ear oh all righty credit builder visa credit cards issued to stride bank and a pursuant of a license with vsa ushm checking account and 200 qualified direct positive card applied to the secured crime credit builder visa credit card regular on-time payment history can have a positive impact on your credit score impact the score may vary and some use of scores may not improve network atm withdrawal fees may apply

except at money pass atms uh is that a side effect of tiger thick whiskey uh kratom alpha brain adderall or one of the many energy drinks that they shell. Yeah. Who knows? Only time will tell. I'm worried about Bapa from that clip, although I want to know. I can't see myself, so for all I know, I'm doing the same thing. Yeah. But all right, that's it.

See you next week.